All language subtitles for The.Kingdom.1994.S03E01.DANISH.WEBRip.x264-ION10

In a few seconds, we'll have the biggest
hospital disaster in recent times.

Give me back my child!

The sun turned so red, Mom

the night turned very black.

Little Brother's dead, Mom,
and Mona may not come back.

Åge roams the world, Mom,
we lock up every door.

The wind blows on my pillow, Mom,
will the Kingdom be as before?

How can they peddle
such half-baked hooey?

That's no ending.

There's...

Little Brother.

Mrs. Drusse.

The Kingdom isn't well yet!

What are you doing?

You can easily untie those granny knots.

Little Brother is calling.

Can't you hear him?

Or couldn't you care less as always?

But I do care.

What is Little Brother saying?

He says he's drowning.

Little Brother is drowning.

I didn't order a taxi.

Don't worry.
Everything's taken care of.

Lars von Trier presents.

The ground underneath the Kingdom
is an old swamp.

The bleaching ponds used to be here.

Once, the bleach men rinsed their linens
in the shallow water -

to get them bleached.

The vapor enfolded the area
in a permanent fog.

Later, the Kingdom was built here -

and the bleach men were replaced
with doctors and scientists -

and the country's sharpest minds
and impeccable technology.

And to crown the achievement
the place was named the Kingdom.

Life would be defined -

and ignorance and superstition
would never again challenge science.

Perhaps the arrogance
has become too great -

just as the consistent denial
of the spiritual -

for it appears, the chill and the damp
have returned.

Small marks of fatigue
are emerging -

on the otherwise sturdy
and modern buildings.

So far, none among the living knows -

but the gate to the Kingdom
is opening up once again.

THE KINGDOM

Part 9 Halfmer.

I'd like to speak to Mrs. Drusse.

We haven't had anyone enquiring
about Mrs. Drusse in a long time.

Get it into your head:
Mrs. Drusse doesn't exist.

That bloody TV show has damaged
the Kingdom's reputation irreparably.

It's a figment of that blundering fool
Trier's imagination.

Mrs. Drusse is fiction.

Then I'd like to talk to Little Brother.

He's in trouble, you see.

I'm afraid he's drowning.

See yourself out.

How can you be sure
that all this is real?

Well, I can't.

You don't remember a thing anyway
when you wake up.

It varies.

Sometimes nothing at all
but usually a little bit.

Why, isn't it Hook?

Isn't it Hook?

Shut up, you ugly old hag!

THE TOADS

Sod-turning at the Kingdom
DO NOT TOUCH.

You're nervous.

Because of that idiot Trier's old show?

No, it's the little bird.

What is it?
Is it a bird of passage?

No, it's gone.

I can't see it.

I don't know if it's a bird of passage.

Forget about the bird.

It's not important.

Ogier the Dane...

"Vide et disce.
Exodus anceps ferrum est."

See and heed.

Exodus is a double-edged sword.

There's a big helicopter incoming.

Hell yes.

He hasn't identified himself.

That's against the rules.

It's a goddamn Swede.

HMS 30-82.

Any special procedure concerning
the patient? We've not received any data.

You don't have any data,
because we don't have any patient.

I don't understand.

Rejoice, Danes. We're bringing
one of Sweden's very best doctors.

Take me to your leader.

The two have finally arrived,
and Exodus has commenced.

Exodus?

Exodus is the big departure.

The evil and the good spirits will be led
out through the gate to the Kingdom -

but everything must be done right.

When?

It's happening at Christmas.

It's happening at Christmas.

Yoo-hoo.

- Yoo-hoo!
- The Elevator Goblin.

- I want to chat with my old neighbor.
- Neighbor across the street.

You always liked to party.
And we danced.

And you were a member of the
rappelling club. You had guts back then.

Look, what do you want from me?

- I'm just a wretched doctor.
- I just want to talk.

How come that no matter which
elevator I take, you're always in it?

Why must you be such a grump?

I'd really like to tell you
about my interesting operations.

You see...

Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!

- Hospital Director, sir.
- I'm so glad you came.

My computer's bust. Why do we buy
this crap? Now I need a new one again.

Have you got a problem with your foot?

I didn't ask for a diagnosis. The damned
computer needs to be diagnosed.

Helmer Jr., good morning. New attending
physician and professor at Neuro.

My credentials.

It seems we're to share the
administrative duties, Pontopidan and I.

Why the hell are you laughing?

I've been told -

that Danes and Swedes have
somewhat strained relations.

So I've decided to laugh a lot -

like the Danes themselves do wantonly
whenever and wherever.

Nobody laughs in this office.

May I?

As a man from a big country
to a man from a small country -

the basic rule of patience is that
you put black on red and vice versa.

- Well, that explains a lot.
- Indeed it does.

Today of all days -

the Ministry of Health is publishing its
quality report on Danish super hospitals.

Up to now, we've ranked first,
but I have my doubts this time.

Now that Skejby got
the damned proton accelerator.

I see that parts of the building
are exposed to direct sunlight.

To hell with the sunlight.

The new buildings look like shit!
Like something out of an amusement park!

Here comes the Swede!

Sweden! Sweden! Sweden!

Bah!

Good morning, all,
all creatures great and small.

There's the new guy.

Who the hell was that faggot?

Chief Physician Pontopidan,
your new partner.

Don't forget to be amiable.
Laugh, goddammit.

Hello. My name is Helmer,
the new professor.

The oldest son
of the late Stig G. Helmer.

I humbly request the key to my office.

I recognized the name instantly
when I saw it on the boxes.

I've been wondering like mad what
the G stands for in your father's name.

My father's name was Stig Gustav Helmer.

Gustav after King Gustav Vasa.

Christian the Tyrant and all that.

I think Danes only remember Gustav Vasa
for introducing mulled wine.

Pardon me, but as an employee
of Swedish origin...

This hateful attitude
towards my country...

I can tell by your lips -

that you only just refrained
from mentioning the ship Vasa -

which sank on her maiden voyage
due to a technical glitch.

A glitch?

The lower gun deck
was below the waterline -

and the maiden voyage
amounted to all of a few meters.

Here's the key.

- What the hell is this?
- It's a key.

- No, it isn't.
- It's a key.

A key?
I asked for the key to my office.

Oh, a door key?
We don't lock the doors around here.

It's Chief Physician Pontopidan's idea -

and we call it
"The Open Doors Extensive Policy".

By the way, this bill from IKEA
is to be paid right away. Privately.

Good grief.

I don't carry any Danish currency on me
out of principle.

Please call a staff supervision meeting
in an hour.

- Of course.
- Thank you.

Helmer Attending Physician.

IKEA!

Excellent.

A SWEDISH TIGER

- Who the hell are you?
- I'm an orderly.

Everyone calls me Bulder
for some reason.

I was born in the country,
where you have to pitch in.

Spare me the details. Come here.

Here. Take over here.

Carry on.

Good morning.

Good morning.

- Good morning. Hi.
- Hi. Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Good morning.

My name is Professor Helmer, and...

Like...

the joy...

of...

yuletide laughter...

a light...

is lit...

with...

Halfmer.

Thank you.

Very kind,
but my name isn't Halfmer.

I know, I know,
but the rhyme was tricky.

Somehow it made sense
that if your illustrious father -

was a whole Helmer,
you, his son, had to be -

Halfmer.

Whole and half.

Said affectionately.

Naver is on his way and he's had
a major row in the cafeteria.

Did he do the eye thing?
I hate when he does the eye thing.

Bah!

Let's change the subject.

I gather you're not all that keen
on the Open Doors Policy?

I accepted this position
with mixed feelings, to put it mildly.

You don't just up and leave
the Karolinska Institute.

But I felt compelled to go to the
country that drove my father crazy -

to understand
and if possible continue his work.

Complete Dad's mission
to raise the Danish standards.

Albeit not to the Swedish level.

No white man can accomplish that.

But I see an opportunity -

with minor, precise initiatives -

to help you out of the dust
so you can look to the sun.

That is my true calling.

Does anyone know
what's on the menu today?

If I were to look around at this
small group, which I'd rather not -

it's clear that the level of
ethnic diversity is beneath contempt.

Beneath contempt.

Yes... well, yes.

That's just because
everyone isn't here yet. What a mess.

Please go and get Joseph and...

Amira?

Dr. Joseph and Dr. Maria... or Amira.

Danish break?

A break? They aren't doing a thing!

And yet it is one of the most
important days in their lives.

Joseph and Amira, come with me.

Put it on.

Remember, goddammit, to smile.

There you are.
This is Dr... Anderson.

Just sit there like always.
Just like always.

And Dr... Mogensen.

I gather they are also foreigners -

and probably have another culture
around punctuality than we have -

if I'm not mistaken?

- All the way under the bed...
- And the toilet, if there's time.

I see.

Damn.

I'd like to thank you.

Thank you for gracing this meeting
with your presence.

Thank you, even if you are
from a nation without clocks.

There you have it.
What's on Naver's mind?

I will either fly into a rage
and dig my eye out with this teaspoon -

or we can do it this way:

I'll be nice and amenable
like a spring chicken.

Bah!

Are spring chickens
particularly amenable?

Nah... I don't really know anything
about chickens.

I'm a little uncertain as to
whether that was a trick statement -

but without reflection
I'll choose the spring chicken.

Since we for some strange -

and to me incomprehensible reason
co-head this department -

I'd like your approval to implement
the hirification right away.

Hirification? Now?

Hirification to prevent gender bias.

The gender-neutralisation -

of patients and staff.

Excellent... excellent.

Hand me somebody's record.

Just anyone...
Does anyone have...

Here we have Astrid Hansen,
social security no. 090256.

The procedure is simply
to erase all gender identity.

I suggest we refer to an A. Hansen -

social security no. 090256-137 -

erasing the last digit
as this represents the gender.

Distrust and hatred -

not to mention discrimination -

have soiled our world for too long.

That's great, I think.

Baby steps, I know.

But by making these
minor personal-data modifications -

we go straight to the source.

Thank you. The patient
is no longer a him or a her -

but, as I implied earlier, a hir.

- What about Hansen?
- What?

This seemingly gender-neutral surname
implies some male involvement.

Historically, Hansen is a simplification
of "his son".

Oh dear, a double masculine.

Why not emasculate it, do away with
the surname, to add to the confusion?

Have this procedure implemented
throughout the department.

As of today.

Trivia, I know.

And I know that hirification may lead
to all kinds of misunderstandings.

Bah!

MIDDLE-FINE PEAS

Speaking of trivia,
on behalf of the department -

I'd like to challenge the professor
on another type of trivia.

It's tradition in the group
to elect a Kingdom representative -

to engage in a competition
with any new professor.

Do you accept this challenge,
Professor Helmer? Hir against hir.

When in Rome, do as the Romans.

Although I'd far prefer
to actually be in Rome -

I accept.

Great!

I don't think it's fair
to challenge Professor Helmer -

without informing him
of the competition's simple nature.

I'm sure the professor is ready to take on
a century-old Kingdom tradition -

and brave enough to take
whatever we throw at him. Am I right, doc?

- Sounds fine.
- Great.

As the Kingdom is the challenger,
it's hirs right to choose weapons.

I choose... O.P. Anderson.

Great choice.

Voilà.

- Voilà.
- Are the rules understood?

The Kingdom is the challenger,
so Bulder starts.

Hans Christian Andersen.

Approved.

Then I'll say Astrid Lindgren.

- Nah. Not on par.
- No match for Hans Christian Andersen.

- So I have to drink?
- You have to drink.

Thank you.

August Strindberg.

Bulder.

- Søren Kierkegaard.
- There we go!

Kierkegaard defeats Strindberg, so
Halfmer drinks to the next level: 20 cl.

- It's the rules, Helmer.
- Do you give up?

He's gonna buy another round,
another round, another round...

- Let him have a sip of water.
- No water, sorry.

Anna, please step away from
the competition zone.

What the hell's the matter with you?

Why so serious all of a sudden?

Danes are said to be such jolly people.

Alcohol! Which I usually don't drink.

A damned potent product for abase.

Am I talking nonsense? No...

- A bit.
- Yes.

Not already.
I'm just imagining things.

I'm imagining... abase...

Abuse, is what I wanted to say.

- Bulder's turn.
- Carl T.H. Dreyer.

- Not approved.
- Come on, Bulder.

- 20 cl. For Bulder.
- Carl T.H. Dreyer.

Who's he? Incredibly boring films
that no one could be bothered with.

Well done!

Ingmar Bergman.
No barrel of laughs either, but still.

Not approved. Double punishment.

Halfmer, don't do it.

Please drink. That's the rules.

- No, it's dangerous.
- Nobody's forcing him.

You have a choice.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6...

Are you in? Raise your hand!

Time!

For he's a jolly good fellow...

They ought to be nice to him.

Yes, even Swedes are humans, too.

It's time for her to wake up.

It's far too easy for them to get to her
while she's asleep.

- Yes, wake up now, Karen.
- Wake up, Karen!

Do you want to take your coat off,
Professor Helmer?

- Oh dear!
- I've got the schnapps.

- He doesn't want help.
- Remove the door.

Halfmer.

Ire...

I see ire... ire.

- I don't quite follow...
- Are you angry? He's angry.

- Is it my turn?
- Yes, the new category is hospitals.

- Karolinska.
- Approved.

Skejby!

- Skejby.
- Yes, Skejby.

Bulder! Great sportsmanship!

The animals in Africa are hungry
until eating.

Or so it says in all the papers
Africans are reading.

Molac molac mac mac mac!

Oh no, he's falling.

Oh dear. Up you go.

Give him a hand!

What are you doing?

- Bye bye.
- Bye bye, Sweden.

What are you doing? That tickles.

It's the address.

What's that?

Skejby... Skejby was unanimously
voted the no. 1 hospital in Denmark.

Hello.

Hello. You can't lie here.

It's too cold to lie here.

The corridor is bricked up.
You won't get any further.

Hang on.

Careful... there you go.

I'm thirsty.

- Here you go, dear.
- Who are you?

I'm thirsty.

The cup...

moved across the table.

Oh well, I know.

After my worst nightmares -

my bedroom is always a mess.

I never quite understood why,
but it makes sense.

I move things around.

I've read about it.
It's telekinesis.

Most people could do it
if they put their minds to it.

Does that mean -

I could sit here and move patients
around without having to get up?

I'm an orderly, you see.

Well, that would be smart.

- My name is Karen.
- Mine's Bulder.

- But you're not Bulder.
- They named me that on my first day.

It seems I look like a guy from TV.

My real name is Balder,
but everyone calls me Bulder -

because the old Bulder died while
donating his bone marrow to Bondo.

- But it went wrong.
- Because of the power outage.

How do you know about that?
It's a secret.

I saw it on DVD.
Hook switched off the power.

I don't know anything about that.

You shouldn't meddle in things
you know nothing about.

We have to find Little Brother.

I don't know him.

Somebody seems to know something.

It's a spirit.

Please help me find the spirit.

- What are you doing, Bulder?
- Trying my hand at telekinesis.

After I've seen you do it,
it doesn't seem that hard.

Hi, Bulder.

Hi there.

How do you know there are spirits here?

I dreamt it.

The spirits will gather
in large numbers tonight.

I dreamt they flew up and down
the elevator shafts -

sounding like this.

That's a rather stereotypical depiction.

Well, I'm the one who believes in them,
so I'm right.

They landed on top of the elevators
and fell asleep in a huge pile.

Can you take me to elevator 3?

That's where Mary rang her bell
so Mrs. Drusse heard her.

You have a bell, too.

It's because I'm a sleepwalker,
so people can hear me coming -

and I don't bump into them.

- But what a great idea, Bulder.
- It is?

To use the bell like Mary.

I think this is it.

They're on top of the elevator.

This is no good, Bulder.
I need to get near the ceiling.

The acoustic panels absorb the sound.

Wasn't there a ladder out there?
Bulder.

The acoustic panels absorb the sound...

Are you awake?

Do you hear that?

It sounds like a growling stomach.

You spirit who is awake.

You whose stomach is growling.

Why can't you sleep?

The spirit put its hand
into the paint.

I...

Come on.

I am -

the last -

to fall asleep...

when I -

am s...

starving.

Starving.
Well, that goes without saying.

What is your name?

Salomon.

Let's go, Bulder.
Oh, I can walk.

Why didn't you say so before?

We are all fasting -

in the final days.

What do you mean, Salomon?

He's fallen asleep, too, now.

Neurosurgical.

I should have known.
This is where Drusse was admitted.

If anyone knows anything
about Little Brother, they'll be in here.

We can't go this way.

But I know a shortcut.

It's very hard to get admitted
to Neurosurgical.

But not hard enough.

I bet Karen will get in
although she'll put herself in danger.

Danger?
Oh no, no more danger at the Kingdom.

I can't stomach danger.

I know one of the hackers. Kalle.

All the illegal IT activities
take place down here.

- Hi, Kalle.
- What can I do for you?

My name is Karen Svensson,
and I'd like to be admitted.

Okay, but don't blame me afterwards.

Down here, we ensure that
everything bypasses the Health Platform -

an American computer program
they forced upon us. Fucking useless.

Which department do you want to go to?

My dream is to go to Neurosurgical.

I'd really like that.

Admitted by Santa Claus.

What diagnosis have you concocted?

Somnambulism and noctiphobia.

That's sleepwalking and fear of night.

- There you go.
- That's mighty Swedish of you.

- The director just won his patience.
- Great.

Don't say that. Soon he'll come running
to complain it's too easy.

We must meet immediately.

If Little Brother is drowning -

there must be water involved.

- Where might that be, Bulder?
- I don't know.

I vaguely remember shapes and smells.

And some kind of statue.

"See and heed.
Exodus is a double-edged sword."

I just can't think... It's strange.

- What's that?
- We're in Radiology.

The med students have been permitted
to use a machine.

As it just so happens,
they're from Neurosurgical.

- Is this Neurosurgical?
- Yes.

It's very hard to get admitted here.

It's very hard to get admitted here.

I know it's a repeat
but it's the right repeat, I think.

- Are you sure you want to go here?
- Oh yes.

Things are starting to take off now.

What the hell is that?

Have they managed -

to build a bridgehead?

But that must have required -

a certain degree
of education and discipline.

Obviously -

Danes want to set foot
on Swedish soil -

to escape stupidity.

Who has the capacity
for such grand thinking?

That nickname wasn't random.

I am but a half Helmer. Halfmer.

I thought I was an eagle.

But remember that the nobility
inherent in every Swede -

you'll never take that!

Danish scum!

I bet you thought you'd be spared the
director's traditional wise ass remarks.

I've retired a bit physically
so I won't really appear on screen.

Why, you might ask?
Honestly speaking, out of vanity.

The 24 years that have passed since
the old episodes have left their mark.

And I can't compete with the
unbearably cocky young Lars von Trier -

and yet vanity is the true killer.

With this bad excuse
I'll haste to segue to this episode -

before the credits are through.

Vanity seems to drive almost all
the characters of "The Kingdom".

Nothing wrong in that. The same goes
for the real world that surrounds us.

I've done my best and everyone is
bound to demand more. Much more.

That's only fair as the short came out
too short and the long too long.

I'll end by resorting to the old cliché
of encouraging everyone -

to take the good with the evil.