Original subtitles

Everyone is here and yet we're missing some.

Goddamn Danes!

- But I love you. - I don't want to be with a med student.

Maybe I'll do something stupid.

You need to get that head back to where it belongs.

Salute, my Brethren. Salute.

I need your father's liver to conclude my research.

The doctor wants to cut Dad up, Mom.

If the liver is implanted, the tissue ownership is transferred to me.

He wants the hepatosarcoma implanted in himself.

- Close him up now! - Hell no. Not with a malignant tumor!

Coocoo, coocoo, fallerah.

These things cannot happen. You've taken her from me.

She filed a complaint.

If I'm reading this correctly, Mona's BP was too low for 20 minutes.

No wonder Mona's brain is a little off.

We need it. I'm very interested in that poison -

from Haiti that turns people into zombies.

It's important for all of us that we appear as favorable as possible -

when the Minister of Health visits. Hello, Minister.

I think something might be very wrong with that child.

I would like to meet the father.

He brought suitcases, and he wasn't alone.

- Here it is. - Stig Helmer. You rat.

This is emergency vehicle 12.

I only want what's best for him -

because he's my little brother.

And this is our examination room.

Nothing much to see here.

Morning Air! More like Morning Draft! Hopefully you won't blow out the window.

You wouldn't expect a severed head to hold any value for anyone.

Go in peace. Close up the wall!

Oh no, maybe the hole was open too long after all.

Lars von Trier presents

The ground underneath the Kingdom is an old swamp.

The bleaching ponds used to be here.

Once, the bleach men rinsed their linens in the shallow water -

to get them bleached.

The vapor enfolded the area in a permanent fog.

Later, the Kingdom was built here -

and the bleach men were replaced with doctors and scientists -

and the country's sharpest minds and impeccable technology.

And to crown the achievement the place was named the Kingdom.

Life would be defined -

and ignorance and superstition would never again challenge science.

Perhaps the arrogance has become too great -

just as the consistent denial of the spiritual -

for it appears, the chill and the damp have returned.

Small marks of fatigue are emerging -

on the otherwise sturdy and modern buildings.

So far, none among the living knows -

but the gate to the Kingdom is opening up once again.

THE KINGDOM

Part 5 Mors in Tabula

- What was that? - What was what?

I had a vision.

I thought I knew it all.

- But I know nothing. - A vision?

They watch the Kingdom, the evil eyes.

The little girl who found peace.

I thought it was good, but nothing stays the same after the scream.

The scream above the Kingdom?

Everything falls into decay, and nobody sees it.

Good God!

- I'm sorry, I'm just a little... - Nervous?

Yes, something like that.

Things are not as they should be. Not at all.

If you catch my drift.

I can't help feeling -

that you need me... here and now, more than ever before.

And that I'm making a big blunder by leaving now.

Take care of yourself, Mrs. Drusse.

Do you know what it means to be entranced?

I'm perhaps a little entranced by the Kingdom like everyone else.

Because, it is sort of an entrance, don't you think?

EMERGENCY ROOM

Drusse. The ambulance came around again last night. It shouldn't have, right?

- That's strange. - Shouldn't that be over?

Yes.

Watch out!

Watch out!

Watch out! Watch the door!

What is going on?

What's all this? What are the half-dead doing here?

This is the thoroughfare of the ward. And this, of all places, must be clear.

And what is this? It's an empty room.

If we have empty rooms, they must get occupied.

A damn guinea fowl would understand that, but not you.

- Thanks. Good morning! - But...

What the hell?

That was a short trip to Haiti. Damn, I'm tired.

- A cup of coffee? - Thanks.

Yes. Thanks.

Yes, so...

So you've been up all night -

chasing bathrobes and other stolen goods.

- Now we'll have some "hygge". - Stig?

Hi, Stig... What are you two doing?

Just half a cup of coffee.

That was a short trip to Haiti, don't you think, Rigmor?

Who's to judge that?

You leave a dog for two weeks and it thinks it was 15 minutes.

Krogshøj probably doesn't care about dogs.

He's exhausted. He needs to decompress a little.

Coffee?

No, no. Stop that. That's Krogshøj's.

No worries. I take my coffee black.

In coffee we find delight and taste, we drink, but not in haste.

When ready, say hooray, hooray, hooray.

Thanking Sweden for coffee, we may.

- Hey... are you having two cups? - Not at all...

Damn, I'm so tired. I sat with Judith for 48 hours.

No... I'll pop by her again. Sorry.

Stop! No coffee before we've heard the report from the administration.

Some things I'm still in damn charge of.

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.

Was this the report from administration?

How did it go with the Minister and Morning Air?

Morning air is fresh and clear, not bad, is it, my dear...

I'm sorry, Stig...

I need to ask you to assume my administrative duties for a while.

While I pick up the pieces...

As a matter of fact, it's more Swedish, all these formalities...

Certainly.

Thank you, Stig.

Now, let's have some coffee.

I'll be damned, not again. I'm getting very enraged!

Here I am, offering you coffee. But do you even drink it?

One takes it black, another white. One cream, one milk. It's not easy.

Dammit, you never get satisfied.

The Minister of Health had a little mishap during his visit.

He fell and hit his head.

Rumor has it that he's on his way to this department.

Dr. Helmer. You need to deal with the Blue Demand Study right away.

They've requested our reply, again. They need it to come to a conclusion.

It was due on the first.

What the hell is this? Who are you?

Mrs. Svendsen. Professor Moesgaard's assistant.

We'll see each other quite a bit, now that Moesgaard -

has transferred his duties to you.

I must admit that I look forward to strict Swedish formalities -

for a change.

Hi.

I just checked in on him. He's doing fine.

You can see him now.

I don't want to see him.

I wish he'd die.

All patients need to be moved into their rooms.

It's locked with the key of G. I moved them out here this morning.

- I know. - The count is tomorrow.

Yes, just help us anyway.

You're all going back in.

Back and forth.

Well, hello. So you're moving the patients to their rooms.

Yes.

So you're moving the patients to their rooms.

The count is on.

The count? Isn't that tomorrow?

There's no need to be strict about it. I'm here, why not do it today?

- How many beds are in use? - We're set to have 69 beds.

Three rooms are locked with the gold key according to the agreement.

So, that means... 64 occupied beds -

and an occupancy rate of 116%.

I believe you're mistaken.

No, no. If an attending finds it appropriate -

he can use the key of G, also called the gold key -

to lock one or more rooms. There's nothing wrong with that.

- That takes place in every ward. - Yes, yes, I know.

So our capacity is exceeded by 16% -

since the rooms locked with the gold key don't count as available.

116% on the day of the count, Mr. Hospital Director.

Let me address you by title.

What if I tell you the beds are in the rooms -

hence they're not locked with the gold key, then what?

Stop, for Christ's sake! You're moving the patients into empty rooms.

Attending Helmer said the beds can't be in the hallway when we have empty rooms.

How unfortunate, Moesgaard.

But if you allow this much morning air between the beds, then...

Bob...

Bob is a blobfish that floats in jelly.

In this hospital, management is addressed by title.

Mom!

Mom.

Mom...

She only just got out.

What the hell did you do, Mom?

Stop looking at me.

SONS OF THE KINGDOM

Oh, it's turning into a tradition.

Two peace intruders from the administration.

I've heard rumors about gatherings in the hospital.

But I didn't think the Lodge would meet in the broom closet.

You gentlemen are usually not the modest types.

I intend to perform a complete review of the hospital.

Every stone will be turned.

And I promise you... I'm going to clean this place up.

- Are you threatening the Lodge? - Threatening...

I'm here to tell Moesgaard about the outcome -

regarding his patient quota.

60 beds, Moesgaard. Let's see if you can scrape up some patients.

Otherwise we'll have to go even lower.

- 60? - That hurts, right?

By the way, I'm considering discontinuation of the gold key system.

I believe the attendings are using the system to lock rooms -

in order to wrongly produce unrealistic occupancy rates.

My ultimate move could be to demand ordinary standards in the hospital.

You can't be serious. We're the leading hospital in the country -

in all aspects. Our hospital beds are the country's most expensive.

Ordinary standards?

The standards of effectiveness that every local hospital has to meet.

- That would be a heavy blow. - Gentlemen.

Was it sensible to downright provoke the members of the Lodge?

- They could join forces. - Attendings? Joining forces?

You should go for a walk in the fall and see the deer rut.

One big show-off. They're not wearing lab coats, that's the only difference.

Can't you clean them?

It is like the evil eyes.

But if what you see looks evil -

what is to blame for the evil?

Is it your glasses, or is it you?

It is my glasses. I need new ones.

You can remember still the evil, even though your glasses are gone.

- Hook, I want to say something. - What the hell. Hey, Mogge.

It's been a while since you've been at work.

I just don't get it.

Why the hell is Helmer so pumped up after his trip to Haiti?

I still have a copy of the anesthesia report.

- Find out what he's got up his sleeve. - No, I won't.

You know what? From over here -

it sounds just like you said no. In a cocky way.

And you're totally right. You old pusher.

Mogge, dammit, now I'm upset. Can't we talk about it?

We have nothing to talk about. The head is gone.

Haven't you looked in the fridge?

I thought maybe our partnership was more personal.

When a Moesgaard throws off the yolk, it stays thrown. The head is gone.

And had it been there, it wouldn't incriminate me.

There's no evidence linking me to that head.

Except for a certain resemblance.

Am I to understand you won't assist me anymore?

Yes, I'd say so.

Okay, Mogge. It's okay, you know.

Mogge, dammit. I'm sorry I pushed you into something.

Will you take this splatter movie as a reconciliation gift?

BLOODY BLACKMAIL

I hate seeing people leaving here empty-handed.

It's generous of you to take it like this, Hook.

Did Helmer tell you, Rigmor?

60. Damn, it's awful. Ulrich 124.

Linnemann 98, Bennesen 102, and then Moesgaard 60.

Sounds like nothing. That's what I get for Operation Morning Air.

Maybe the project wasn't quite ready.

Can't we keep the patients a bit longer? Make them take up more space.

I'm in bad shape. After that night, you know.

What do you think makes a badger react inevitably?

Such a peaceful, little animal.

Attacking a hunter isn't a conscious act. Do you think it's rage?

Or just disappointment over not having your own spot in this world?

I don't know if I can handle all this.

You men are always yammering. I'm too busy to blow your nose.

If you need help, go see a professional.

Do you think I need psychological help?

Well, we have had issues in my family.

Let's just say a form of insanity. But to seek help...

- No Moesgaard has ever done that. - You can call it what you want.

Why don't you see if Ole can take you?

- Ole? - Ladies' Ole.

He'll see straight through you. Peel you like a banana.

Really?

I think you should see him.

Sweetheart. Hey...

He's got some deformities.

You can handle it. Yes, you can.

- Will you go with me? - Yes, of course I will.

- Hi, Pops. - Hello, son.

What are you doing here?

Down. All the way down.

If yesterday someone had used words like -

confused, conflict-averse and befuddled about your dad -

you would have laughed in their face and said:

"Not our old Moesgaard." Today...

Oh, well...

By the way...

I have arranged for Helmer to be the examiner at your final after all.

It's an added bonus of being in administration -

that you can twist and turn things in the right direction.

- Do you think that's an advantage? - Yes, don't you?

You're so close on a daily basis.

I've always been a strong adversary of nepotism, but in this case...

I give you this one. Moesgaards stick together.

Mogge? Did you hear?

Bondo turned down a new liver so his tumor can grow.

Here you go.

BLOODY BLACKMAIL

I haven't seen this one!

I apologize -

for not being able to present lectures continuously.

But now I'm fit and have returned.

I know what you're thinking:

"What an old fool."

What a load of pathetic baloney to get some tumor for the microscope.

Perhaps I am a romantic, old fool.

You're young and still have your youthful points of view...

on everything.

Goddammit, what's wrong with you?

Can't you accept an apology?

Yes?

We've discussed it in class and agreed to word it as follows:

We would like to express our deepest respect for your research -

and the sacrifice you've made by suffering in the name of science.

Is this really the opinion of the class?

Gaudeamus igitur

juvenes dum sumus

gaudeamus igitur juvenes dum sumus

post jucundam juventutem post molestam senectutem

nos ha be bit humus

nos ha be bit humus.

Bulder?

What am I hearing?

Nothing.

That's what you said at Wulff-Hansen's -

at the ear clinic in Virum in '59.

Jesus. With hot compresses on your head looking like I don't know what.

You're going to Neuro now. They're going to operate.

I told you I was sick.

You really can't hear anything?

It's the wind blowing in the hallway.

No, my boy.

It's the hospital's voice.

Yes, Mom.

Excuse me, do you know if Psych have their offices in the basement?

- No. - Thank you.

QUIET WHEN GROUP

- Get back in here! - No, I'm dying.

Don't say no at the sound of the drum. The drum is your friend, dammit!

Get back in there. You're not dying.

What do you want, lab-coat man?

Excuse me. I'm looking for a psychiatrist named Ole.

- I must be in the wrong place. - I'm no goddamn psychiatrist.

Psychiatry is a disease only surpassed by surgery.

If you asked me for a lollipop, should I give you one?

- Well. - You're not getting a goddamn lollipop!

Go to the psychiatrists and surgeons, they'll give you whatever you want.

I'm dying. I'm dying.

Hell no, you're not. Nobody dies at the sound of the drum.

The malingerer...

Well, well. It's almost convincing.

Rigmor...

Rigmor, aren't you even a little hurt -

or furious or somewhat angry?

No? It just happened so soon, and then Haiti of all places.

That was your spot. You were supposed to get your little surprise.

But Stig, there's nothing to be mad about, right?

You give liberties to the person you love.

You are who you are. And that's who I love, right?

Rigmor. We need to go on a vacation together. We both need that.

But unfortunately my Volvo is in the repair shop.

You can get a replacement car. That's common customer service in Denmark.

I'll forever be your little badger. It bites until your leg is crushed.

Back in the day, the hunters had charcoal in their boots.

This way the badger thought it had crushed the leg when it bit.

Why are you talking about animals all the time?

Be a sweetheart and stop that.

Is she going to be alone in there?

I don't want that. I want someone to be with her when she's this sick.

I understand. A family member.

Let me give you a piece of advice: Don't ever panic.

To run the gamut of emotions will not make your family more alive.

It's over and done. Imagine if I were affected by everything I see.

Sickness and misery every day. That would be something, wouldn't it?

But it's Mom.

You can get sick even though you're a doctor.

Oh, yes. Thank you.

Good morning.

You can get sick even though you're a doctor.

That goes without saying.

You can get sick even though you're a doctor.

Mom...

Mom...

Where were you?

Oh, my sweetheart...

Mom...

I heard Helmer will be our examiner.

So? That's your problem. I've studied the curriculum.

I need to figure something out.

Science!

Science!

You don't really have any skills picking up ladies, do you, Christian?

Here's some advice for you. And you can't buy that anywhere.

You only have to remember one word in regards to women. One word.

- Dishonesty. - Dishonesty?

This word is the source of love and happiness for all parties.

- Science! - Science!

Science.

Tell them what they want to hear.

What would you say to Sanne if you could get it together?

That I'm in love with her and that she's sweet.

Not even you are allowed to be this stupid.

You're in love with her. She's known that for six months.

- What's your biggest fault? - That I'm boring.

Yes, you got that right. Now, let's assume you're Sanne.

And you were sure that you were boring. Wouldn't it be smart to tell you -

that you're interesting? Wouldn't that encourage you?

If someone told me I'm interesting, I wouldn't believe it.

That's because you're not a woman. Forget credibility.

Let me demonstrate. Watch this.

You did really well, Sanne. Good job.

I could see your inner struggle and you won.

I don't know a lot of men who would be able to sit through an autopsy.

- You're a tough girl, Sanne. - You think so?

Can I call you my friend?

Yes... yes, you can.

See you later, Sanne. I'll go get some sleep.

Amazing.

Did you really fall for all that? Just like that?

Sanne, it's phony, fake flattery.

You're so stupid.

And boring.

So, Stig... I haven't even informed you -

about the Mona case being handed over to the prosecution.

Be prepared for an interrogation. But you have nothing to worry about.

And the Lodge will not allow the tiniest injustice in that regard.

I'm a little worried about Rigmor. She recommended a psychiatrist to me.

He seemed somewhat foul from a medical standpoint.

Is she in bad company? She talks about animals. Total gibberish.

Gibberish, yes.

"The patient suffers severely from gloop, pleeps and noom."

What the hell does that mean? Gloop, pleeps and noom?

We can do without that kind of secretary.

A seminar in spelling wouldn't hurt.

Look what's written underneath "Cave".

It says "Cave: Latin".

Beware. The patient understands Latin.

I don't know about Sweden -

but here the patients have access to their medical records now.

In this case we were worried the patient would understand Latin.

It could appear like a typo, but it's a code -

to make it difficult for the patient to understand the file.

To ensure the best treatment, naturally.

- Naturally. What does it mean? - The patient is hysterical.

Hypochondriacal and loathes doctors.

I see, yes.

Every once in a blue moon, this little country can still impress me.

Einar...

I would like to ask you about something.

Shoot.

Have you ever considered -

that we, the doctors, actually can get sick as well?

During your entire tenure as a doctor -

have you ever followed through that thought?

This little trick has helped me.

Always pay attention to your stools.

You know, feces, right?

Yes, there are...

There are floaters and sinkers.

If they float, there's no need for concern.

God, no.

Is it any good?

It's not much splatter. It's something about a fridge.

- But one of them looks like you. - Really.

Hi. What did you find out about Helmer?

Nothing yet.

Maybe he's bluffing.

He's a gambler. He's into high stakes and bluffing.

What do you mean?

Provoke him. Then you'll see if he's bluffing.

Didn't you play poker in med school?

You know what, Mogge? Either this is very, very smart -

or it's really, really stupid.

Is it you, Rigmor? My one and only.

What are you reading today? Is it Nietzsche or perhaps Strindberg?

Strindberg stayed in this country once. He must have been in exile.

Do you know what he called Denmark? A fecal hell.

Not so charming, but pretty precise.

It's the new pocket edition of The Book About Haiti.

They have made some changes. The zombie poison you were interested in -

is life-threatening according to the physicians.

Of course some turned into zombies, but the majority died.

That's murder, so a somewhat criminal offence.

Yes, should we begin?

Excuse me, Attending Helmer, but the stamp machine broke.

And I'm unsure which stamps to buy.

Professor Moesgaard very much enjoyed the large, colorful ones.

Hold on. I imagine we can solve a problem even of this magnitude.

We'll buy stamps of the lowest denomination so they can be combined.

- Any questions? - There's the Blue Demand Study as well.

Enough, dammit. Don't you see we're in a briefing?

We're discussing the best way forward -

to deserve the trust of our fellow human beings -

or perhaps faith is a better word. Thank you.

Well spoken.

Trust. That's it.

We should all appreciate when trust transcends water and borders.

Goddamn it, Stig. I can call you Stig, right?

You don't have to be an idiot just because you're Swedish, right?

Thanks, Stig, for being you.

Sweetie, listen. Don't be alone with him.

- It's my child. - Mom? Is that my dad?

It's the man who promised to love you like your dad.

I just don't think you're strong enough for it yet.

- Do you promise? - I promise.

I'd rather be extra careful.

An infection has fought its way into the organism.

As its saviors, white blood cells must stand together on the battlefield -

and not stumble over each other.

This infection has many names: Natural healing, exorcism.

Everything that's not science and hence just nonsense.

To keep the immediate risk at bay -

of the hospital director's sudden attack, I only have one suggestion.

Cosmetics. Cosmetics are the foundation of all medical science.

Think of all the diseases we can't treat.

Do our departments get closed down because of that? No.

Because we master cosmetics.

We make the disease look not quite as bad and shocking.

If the hospital director actually intends to visit the wards -

we'll have to turn to cosmetics.

Besides, it's an extreme exaggeration to say the Lodge can't agree on anything.

The Therapy Committee just agreed to purchase a pool table.

I believe I have something to report.

I didn't quite get the part about the white blood cells -

but it appears Psych is in danger of infection as well.

A man named Ole has moved into the basement.

Ladies' Ole. Is he romping about again?

Fine, Moesgaard. You can deal with him.

Psychiatry is a very sensitive field where innovation is extremely dangerous.

Get rid of him, Moesgaard. Have no mercy.

The royal warship Vasa's voyage was a triumph compared to this.

As long as we set sail, my heart is hale.

As long as the sun sends rays, in glit...

How could this happen? Here I lie -

gazing at all this that once was mine.

Goddamn Danes!

This is your fault.

Have a look at what Mona was able to do today.

This one?

And this one.

I'll help you turn them over because you took the right ones. Here.

LOVE MOM

That was great, Mona. Really great.

Sweetie...

You're so smart.

Mom didn't even know.

That wasn't right. Mona can't move her fingers. It's cheating.

I know that. But I think it's okay.

I feel so sorry for Mona's mom. She's all alone. She has nobody else.

If I can cheer her up by cheating a little, then that's okay.

I'd like to thank you. For everything you've done for Mona.

I'm so happy...

- 300 on red. - One on black.

I'll start the countdown. 10, 9 -

8, 7, 6 -

5, 4 -

3, 2, 1... Go!

- And now... - There he is.

I don't recognize the people.

I thought they were so smart.

The evil eyes plant evilness -

into the smart and the stupid -

for the crimes of the past -

to come alive.

It starts as foolishness, but it ends as evilness.

I would really rather not...

die now...

Mom, you're not going to die now.

I can't die now.

It's my fault -

if the hole was open too long.

I...

I need to help the Kingdom.

Philip Marco...

The greatest surgeon of our time.

- I've never heard of him. - No...

Psychic surgery -

has always been ill-regarded.

The ambulance is driving...

The ambulance...

Calm down, Mom.

- There's something... - Mom...

There is... there is...

There is something evil in the Kingdom.

The eyes... are watching... me.

The...

evil...

eyes...

- We need to get her back on the table. - Yes.

I need to help... the Kingdom.

- Weak pulse. - And ventricular fibrillation.

Shocking now.

Let's go! What are you doing?

Out! Out!

Stand clear.

So that didn't work out.

The bite remained away, and the grand expectations crashed.

The spirit vanished. As did the yet humble hope -

for a repeat of olden days' successful advance.

Or maybe, after all, the spirit didn't fully disappear. Drusse's, that is.

For below the operation room's shabby ceiling tiles, it still peeked out.

Maybe when we abandon that, we reap our greatest rewards.

Taste and habit go hand in hand, but we mustn't get carried away by them.

If only we could let go, just once, of what gives us utmost security -

and has fulfilled us so many times.

If we say goodbye properly, it may turn into a cheerful hello to the new -

which isn't like the old and doesn't taste like the old -

and maybe thus doesn't taste bad after all.

My name is Lars von Trier, I wish you a pleasant evening.

Should you be drawn to the Kingdom again and wish to spend time with us -

remember to be prepared to take the good with the evil.