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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,068 --> 00:00:03,385 Greetings from the Hammersmiths. 2 00:00:05,207 --> 00:00:06,895 I hope all is well, 3 00:00:06,928 --> 00:00:09,080 and you are in good spirits. 4 00:00:09,113 --> 00:00:11,861 As Christmas approaches, 5 00:00:11,894 --> 00:00:13,252 I like to take time 6 00:00:13,285 --> 00:00:16,099 to reflect on all the wonderful times my family 7 00:00:16,132 --> 00:00:17,588 and I have had this past year. 8 00:00:19,344 --> 00:00:23,316 Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. 9 00:00:23,349 --> 00:00:24,740 Love, Clive H. 10 00:01:23,571 --> 00:01:25,856 Dad, mail's here. 11 00:01:25,888 --> 00:01:26,981 - Bring it up. 12 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,119 - Here's your mail. - Thanks. 13 00:01:38,171 --> 00:01:40,489 Your mother's gonna make me bankrupt. 14 00:01:40,522 --> 00:01:41,615 - What's bankrupt? 15 00:01:43,005 --> 00:01:45,852 - It's like when somebody eats all your Cocoa Puffs. 16 00:01:45,886 --> 00:01:47,011 - Cocoa Puffs. 17 00:01:54,890 --> 00:01:56,546 - Right on schedule. 18 00:02:14,424 --> 00:02:17,139 Greetings from the Hammersmiths. 19 00:02:17,172 --> 00:02:21,575 I hope all is well and you are in good spirits. 20 00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:24,654 As Christmas approaches I like to take time 21 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:27,170 to reflect on all the wonderful times 22 00:02:27,203 --> 00:02:29,355 my family and I have had this past year. 23 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:36,573 P.S. You're invited to my big birthday bash in England. 24 00:02:36,606 --> 00:02:40,777 Bono is my special musical guest. Details to come. 25 00:03:02,396 --> 00:03:05,442 - Deb, how come we never do anything? 26 00:03:05,475 --> 00:03:08,058 - Hmm? What are you talking about? 27 00:03:08,091 --> 00:03:09,249 - I mean, we're alive, 28 00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:12,163 but I don't really live, 29 00:03:13,354 --> 00:03:14,845 I never do anything interesting. 30 00:03:14,878 --> 00:03:17,427 - We went to the Scouts dinner Monday. 31 00:03:19,149 --> 00:03:20,804 Well, I enjoyed it. 32 00:03:20,837 --> 00:03:23,717 I like socializing with people in the community. 33 00:03:23,751 --> 00:03:25,174 It helps me feel connected. 34 00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:26,631 You like hanging out 35 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:28,451 with grown men in shorts in the winter? 36 00:03:28,485 --> 00:03:29,511 I mean, come on. 37 00:03:33,384 --> 00:03:36,066 Oh, I mean, we never travel 38 00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:39,509 or go anywhere or skydive. 39 00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:40,966 We never go skydiving. 40 00:03:40,999 --> 00:03:43,085 We used to talk about going skydiving. 41 00:03:43,118 --> 00:03:46,429 - I never talked about skydiving. That's your death wish. 42 00:03:46,462 --> 00:03:48,978 - Oh. Oh yeah. 43 00:04:07,088 --> 00:04:10,399 - Wait. We got it, didn't we? 44 00:04:11,855 --> 00:04:13,378 - What do you mean? 45 00:04:13,412 --> 00:04:16,258 - This annual envy fest is getting old. 46 00:04:16,292 --> 00:04:17,152 - Mm. 47 00:04:17,186 --> 00:04:18,377 - Do you think Mary bragged 48 00:04:18,411 --> 00:04:20,265 about all the gold, frankincense, 49 00:04:20,297 --> 00:04:22,085 and myrrh that baby Jesus got? 50 00:04:22,119 --> 00:04:25,164 - Well, she should have. It was quite the haul. 51 00:04:28,475 --> 00:04:29,535 Ah, I'll get it. I'll get it. 52 00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,388 - Ah! If it's a package, no peeking. 53 00:04:31,421 --> 00:04:34,103 - If. - If it's a package. 54 00:04:36,917 --> 00:04:37,844 Oh, hey. 55 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,764 - Hey, Joe. - Yeah. Hi Rich. 56 00:04:39,798 --> 00:04:42,578 - I got one for you today. - Okay. Thank you. 57 00:04:42,612 --> 00:04:43,803 - Yeah. 58 00:04:43,837 --> 00:04:45,360 - Do all your packages end up like this? 59 00:04:45,392 --> 00:04:48,240 It's a little beaten up. - Oh, no worries. 60 00:04:48,273 --> 00:04:50,293 Whatever's in there is pretty strong. 61 00:04:50,325 --> 00:04:51,882 Mm. - Okay. 62 00:04:51,915 --> 00:04:54,166 - I, I know 'cause I, I used it to step on it 63 00:04:54,199 --> 00:04:56,285 to reach the top shelf in my truck, so. 64 00:04:56,318 --> 00:04:57,577 - Oh. - You're good to go. 65 00:04:57,609 --> 00:04:59,099 - Okay, great. 66 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:02,079 - Hi, Rich. - Hi, Rich. 67 00:05:02,111 --> 00:05:03,734 - Oh, hey, kids. 68 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,555 - Did you bring us any presents? 69 00:05:05,588 --> 00:05:07,045 - Yeah, did you bring us anything? 70 00:05:07,078 --> 00:05:10,190 - That's Santa's job. I'm just an honorary elf. 71 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:16,480 Yeah, see, my job is to pack in all the things 72 00:05:16,513 --> 00:05:18,401 that Santa can't fit into a sleigh. 73 00:05:18,433 --> 00:05:21,744 And I bring those, see? Okay? 74 00:05:21,778 --> 00:05:23,301 - Yes! - Yes! 75 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:27,571 - Well, I'm gonna be, be going. 76 00:05:27,605 --> 00:05:28,796 - Okay. - Gotta get there. 77 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,286 - That's a good one, Rich. 78 00:05:30,319 --> 00:05:31,445 - So I'll be seeing you real soon. 79 00:05:31,478 --> 00:05:32,239 - All right. - Okay. 80 00:05:32,273 --> 00:05:33,431 - I'll see you around. 81 00:05:33,464 --> 00:05:36,841 - And uh, uh, tell Debbie Merry Christmas! 82 00:05:38,298 --> 00:05:39,291 - Okay. - Yeah. 83 00:05:39,324 --> 00:05:40,251 - Merry Christmas. 84 00:05:51,607 --> 00:05:53,726 Rotating tree stand. 85 00:05:55,051 --> 00:05:56,971 - I told you not to peek. 86 00:05:57,003 --> 00:05:58,891 - What am I supposed to do with this? 87 00:05:58,924 --> 00:06:01,175 - It's to stringing up the lights on the tree. 88 00:06:01,208 --> 00:06:02,466 - Oh. - Isn't that neat? 89 00:06:03,526 --> 00:06:04,618 - Yeah. Neat. 90 00:06:10,545 --> 00:06:14,187 ♪ O tannenbaum, o tannenbaum ♪ 91 00:06:16,438 --> 00:06:17,729 - Who does this? 92 00:06:17,761 --> 00:06:19,715 - Someone with controlling stock in Waterford. 93 00:06:20,940 --> 00:06:24,119 Wonder what his doorknob looks like. 94 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,608 - You know, for someone who supposedly 95 00:06:25,641 --> 00:06:27,727 has been friends with this guy for years, 96 00:06:27,761 --> 00:06:29,713 you sure don't act like it sometimes. 97 00:06:30,972 --> 00:06:34,746 - Yeah, he means well. He's just a bit tone deaf. 98 00:06:34,779 --> 00:06:38,420 He lives in the world of rich and famous 99 00:06:38,454 --> 00:06:40,275 and I live in this one. 100 00:06:41,202 --> 00:06:42,427 And he likes to remind me of it 101 00:06:42,459 --> 00:06:44,612 every single year without fail. 102 00:06:44,644 --> 00:06:48,055 - You know, his letters are always over the top. 103 00:06:48,088 --> 00:06:51,068 So why do you stay in touch? 104 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:55,073 - I dunno. I guess this goes back to my childhood. 105 00:06:55,107 --> 00:06:56,596 - I am pleased to announce, 106 00:06:56,630 --> 00:06:59,808 today I have your pen pal assignments. 107 00:06:59,841 --> 00:07:01,331 Yes! 108 00:07:01,364 --> 00:07:04,311 - Ooh, I hope I get to write to a cute Italian boy. 109 00:07:05,304 --> 00:07:06,628 - Save yourself a stamp. 110 00:07:08,681 --> 00:07:10,336 Getting to know someone from a foreign land 111 00:07:10,369 --> 00:07:12,058 is a wonderful thing. 112 00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:14,640 Many pen pals become lifelong friends. 113 00:07:14,673 --> 00:07:15,832 - Texas? 114 00:07:17,057 --> 00:07:18,381 Even in spite of cultural differences, 115 00:07:18,414 --> 00:07:20,930 you'll discover that you and your new pen pal 116 00:07:20,964 --> 00:07:23,215 have a lot more in common than you think. 117 00:07:29,406 --> 00:07:30,829 I play tennis too. 118 00:07:30,862 --> 00:07:33,478 In fact, I'll be playing Junior Wimbledon this year. 119 00:07:33,511 --> 00:07:35,796 What tennis club do you belong to? 120 00:07:35,828 --> 00:07:37,848 Cheers, Clive H. 121 00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:40,033 - Bloody hell. 122 00:07:40,066 --> 00:07:41,556 - I could really tell we are worlds apart 123 00:07:41,589 --> 00:07:44,834 when I got my gold badge in Scouts 124 00:07:44,867 --> 00:07:47,118 and he said, "Oh, gold, 125 00:07:47,151 --> 00:07:48,873 that's a good investment opportunity. 126 00:07:48,905 --> 00:07:50,528 It'd be great for your portfolio." 127 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:56,421 Bloody hell. 128 00:07:57,546 --> 00:07:58,540 I must have been a glutton for punishment 129 00:07:58,573 --> 00:08:00,559 because I visited a few times 130 00:08:00,593 --> 00:08:03,904 and was eventually asked to be an usher at his wedding. 131 00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:13,902 - Oh, there you are, old dog. 132 00:08:13,934 --> 00:08:15,756 Look at you, mate. 133 00:08:15,789 --> 00:08:16,947 You could almost be mistaken 134 00:08:16,981 --> 00:08:18,735 for an accomplished businessman, huh? 135 00:08:18,769 --> 00:08:19,861 - Uh... - Hey, hey, 136 00:08:19,894 --> 00:08:21,517 I want you to introduce you to someone, 137 00:08:21,549 --> 00:08:23,304 has a big thing for Americans. 138 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,748 Joe, meet Fiona. 139 00:08:28,039 --> 00:08:28,867 - Hi. - Hey. 140 00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:31,978 - Okay. Got to dash. 141 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,964 Wedding and all, uh... 142 00:08:35,752 --> 00:08:36,812 - What's this for? 143 00:08:36,845 --> 00:08:38,235 - An usherly favor. 144 00:08:38,269 --> 00:08:39,857 See, my horse steed will be pulling 145 00:08:39,891 --> 00:08:42,242 our carriage away from the church. 146 00:08:42,274 --> 00:08:43,996 He had a little molasses this morning 147 00:08:44,030 --> 00:08:45,817 and he's not feeling that great. 148 00:08:45,850 --> 00:08:46,976 Would you mind? 149 00:08:47,009 --> 00:08:48,234 - Uh... - Thanks. 150 00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:51,313 And keep the spade, the shovel, as a gift. 151 00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:54,094 You kids have fun. 152 00:08:58,828 --> 00:09:00,418 - So, Fiona, right? 153 00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:02,437 - Fiona. 154 00:09:12,336 --> 00:09:14,786 - And that's when the Christmas letters began. 155 00:09:16,474 --> 00:09:19,652 Year after year reminding me of how great his life is 156 00:09:19,686 --> 00:09:23,328 and how, how mine wasn't. 157 00:09:24,950 --> 00:09:29,717 I just wish I could just experience that life just for once. 158 00:09:33,226 --> 00:09:34,882 What did Thoreau say? 159 00:09:34,915 --> 00:09:37,596 "Most men live lives of quiet desperation." 160 00:09:39,881 --> 00:09:41,934 I don't wanna be most men. 161 00:09:41,967 --> 00:09:44,847 - Well, at least you're not quiet about your desperation. 162 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,562 - One year, we're gonna live that life. 163 00:09:47,595 --> 00:09:49,416 We're gonna do all those crazy wild things 164 00:09:49,449 --> 00:09:51,568 that, that he does. 165 00:09:51,601 --> 00:09:52,495 We're gonna do it. 166 00:09:54,118 --> 00:09:55,342 And people are gonna read about it 167 00:09:55,375 --> 00:09:58,123 and they're gonna wish they we're us 168 00:09:58,157 --> 00:10:01,533 as opposed to us was wishing we were them. 169 00:10:14,545 --> 00:10:15,637 Yeah. 170 00:10:15,670 --> 00:10:18,186 - Stop comparing yourself to others. 171 00:10:18,219 --> 00:10:19,974 You've got it pretty good right here. 172 00:10:21,199 --> 00:10:23,417 I'll get it. 173 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,118 - What is going on with this thing? 174 00:10:28,151 --> 00:10:29,079 Is that smoke? 175 00:10:31,396 --> 00:10:32,422 - Hello. 176 00:10:32,456 --> 00:10:34,176 - Deb Michaels. Is that you? 177 00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:36,362 Clyde Hammersmith. 178 00:10:36,395 --> 00:10:38,977 Wow, we were just talking about you. 179 00:10:39,011 --> 00:10:43,282 - Sorry. Signals here in the Med are just atrocious. 180 00:10:43,314 --> 00:10:45,864 And the Greeks wonder why things are so bad. 181 00:10:45,897 --> 00:10:47,684 No decent 5G anyway. 182 00:10:47,718 --> 00:10:48,778 - Oh, what a shame. 183 00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:53,942 - We've been trying all day 184 00:10:53,975 --> 00:10:56,359 to get dinner reservations at Oroscopo and no luck. 185 00:10:56,391 --> 00:10:57,650 - I know what you mean. 186 00:10:59,205 --> 00:11:01,126 - So have you received our letter yet? 187 00:11:01,159 --> 00:11:04,206 - Yes. Joe, can't stop talking about it. 188 00:11:04,238 --> 00:11:05,827 I can't wait to read it. 189 00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:07,582 - Yes. Brilliant. 190 00:11:07,615 --> 00:11:09,999 Full of great pics, including some of me 191 00:11:10,032 --> 00:11:13,078 and my new tennis Daniel Craig. 192 00:11:21,057 --> 00:11:24,168 Oh. And there's a special surprise in there for you and Joe. 193 00:11:24,202 --> 00:11:26,022 Hasn't he told you about it yet? 194 00:11:26,056 --> 00:11:28,969 - Uh, not yet. - I won't spoil the surprise. 195 00:11:29,002 --> 00:11:30,261 But how is old Joe? 196 00:11:30,293 --> 00:11:33,009 Still chasing the big money in advertising? 197 00:11:33,041 --> 00:11:35,359 - Yep. Always chasing. 198 00:11:35,392 --> 00:11:36,849 - Put that old dog on the line. 199 00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:38,603 I want to have a chat with him. 200 00:11:38,636 --> 00:11:39,762 - Hold on a second. 201 00:11:44,033 --> 00:11:47,509 Clive, He'll call you back. 202 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:49,661 - Dad. 203 00:11:50,787 --> 00:11:52,707 - Oh! - Is Dad okay? 204 00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:54,793 - He'll be fine. 205 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,501 Once I find the receipt for that rotating tree stand. 206 00:12:00,652 --> 00:12:02,408 ♪ Jingle bells ♪ 207 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,228 ♪ Jingle bells ♪ 208 00:12:04,262 --> 00:12:07,208 ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ 209 00:12:07,241 --> 00:12:09,956 ♪ Oh, a fun it is to ride ♪ 210 00:12:09,989 --> 00:12:13,432 ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh, hey ♪ 211 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,823 - Don't you get sick of playing that song? 212 00:12:14,855 --> 00:12:17,108 - Don't you ever get sick of listening to Journey? 213 00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:19,127 - Hey, they got me through a lot of tough times. 214 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,444 - What? Puberty? - Uh-huh. 215 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,119 - What you working on? 216 00:12:25,152 --> 00:12:26,609 - Oh, it's a itinerary 217 00:12:26,641 --> 00:12:29,886 for a whole year of family activities and, and vacations. 218 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,171 I'm, I'm gonna present it to them at Christmas. 219 00:12:32,204 --> 00:12:33,330 Don't get caught 220 00:12:33,362 --> 00:12:34,819 doing that on company time. 221 00:12:34,853 --> 00:12:37,535 I, I hear they're looking to make cuts before Christmas. 222 00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:39,123 - Yeah. I think I'm gonna be okay. 223 00:12:39,156 --> 00:12:41,143 I'm not the one walking around playing a ukulele. 224 00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:44,156 - But I'm hip and quirky and companies love that. 225 00:12:44,189 --> 00:12:45,911 It's like the new MBA. 226 00:12:45,943 --> 00:12:48,890 - The what? - You're old school, man. 227 00:12:48,923 --> 00:12:50,810 Nobody cares about good punctuation 228 00:12:50,844 --> 00:12:52,002 and grammar and spelling. 229 00:12:52,035 --> 00:12:54,552 It, it's all about reaching your audience. 230 00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:58,028 And your audience is young and hip and quirky. 231 00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,816 - You're 45 years old. 232 00:12:59,848 --> 00:13:01,371 - Yeah, but I don't act like it. 233 00:13:02,762 --> 00:13:04,947 So let's hear these big plans. 234 00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:06,834 - Really? - Hmm. 235 00:13:06,867 --> 00:13:09,980 - All right, so this is gonna really blow my wife's mind. 236 00:13:10,012 --> 00:13:11,800 I'm gonna take it to the Chez Monet 237 00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:13,456 in Times Square for New Year's Eve. 238 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:15,475 - The Chez Monet? - Yeah. 239 00:13:15,508 --> 00:13:17,263 - One meal there is like a car payment. 240 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,952 I know. It's gonna be great. 241 00:13:18,984 --> 00:13:20,375 - What's that one? 242 00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:23,222 - This one? It's a golf clinic with a golfing legend. 243 00:13:23,255 --> 00:13:25,109 Yeah. - Hmm. A legend. 244 00:13:25,142 --> 00:13:26,202 Like who? 245 00:13:26,235 --> 00:13:27,659 - Well, it's subject to availability, 246 00:13:27,691 --> 00:13:31,002 but they do mention there could be a one Tiger Woods. 247 00:13:31,036 --> 00:13:32,923 - This says Tigger Woods. 248 00:13:32,956 --> 00:13:34,379 - Yeah, it's a typo. 249 00:13:34,412 --> 00:13:36,300 But anyway, I got this guy who sends me these letters. 250 00:13:36,332 --> 00:13:37,690 Anyway, it's a long story, 251 00:13:37,723 --> 00:13:40,008 but when he sees me playing golf with Tiger Woods- 252 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,490 - Tigger. - he's gonna freak out. 253 00:13:42,524 --> 00:13:44,775 Oh, maybe Tiger's gonna let me wear 254 00:13:44,808 --> 00:13:46,166 his green PGA jacket. 255 00:13:46,198 --> 00:13:47,721 That's gonna be so cool. 256 00:13:47,755 --> 00:13:49,509 - Yeah, you'll be wearing a jacket, 257 00:13:49,543 --> 00:13:51,264 but it ain't gonna be green. 258 00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:53,383 Oh, well- 259 00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:54,574 Hello. This is Joe. 260 00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,488 Sure. I, I, I'll be there in a sec. 261 00:13:58,481 --> 00:13:59,706 That was HR. 262 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,361 Just gonna go down there for a quick meeting. 263 00:14:01,395 --> 00:14:04,043 - Ooh, HR? Want me to pack some boxes for you? 264 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,400 - No, it's not gonna be anything like that. 265 00:14:05,434 --> 00:14:06,460 It's probably they wanna talk 266 00:14:06,493 --> 00:14:08,248 to me about that community project. 267 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,433 And besides if anyone's gonna be packing boxes, 268 00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,949 it's gonna be you, walking around playing that stupid thing. 269 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:14,174 - Did you not hear anything I said 270 00:14:14,207 --> 00:14:15,564 about being hip and quirky? 271 00:14:16,591 --> 00:14:18,048 - Anyway. Forget about it. 272 00:14:18,081 --> 00:14:19,008 I'll be back soon. 273 00:14:20,365 --> 00:14:22,319 ♪ Jingle bells ♪ 274 00:14:22,351 --> 00:14:24,173 ♪ Jingle bells ♪ 275 00:14:27,119 --> 00:14:28,709 - I can see you're in shock. 276 00:14:30,032 --> 00:14:32,283 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 277 00:14:32,317 --> 00:14:35,230 - You see, Joe, corporate says we're failing 278 00:14:35,263 --> 00:14:37,051 to reach the younger internet crowd. 279 00:14:38,475 --> 00:14:40,726 We need people who can relate to them. 280 00:14:40,759 --> 00:14:41,984 People who could reach them 281 00:14:42,017 --> 00:14:45,626 in a hip and quirky kinda way. 282 00:14:45,659 --> 00:14:47,777 And for less money, of course. 283 00:14:47,811 --> 00:14:49,599 - I- I- I can play the jug. 284 00:14:49,631 --> 00:14:52,413 I mean, is that hip and quirky enough? 285 00:14:52,446 --> 00:14:55,359 ♪ See the blazing yule before us ♪ 286 00:14:55,392 --> 00:14:58,438 - So do you wanna go out the front door or the back door? 287 00:14:58,472 --> 00:14:59,631 - What are you talking about? 288 00:14:59,663 --> 00:15:01,551 - We like to give newly-separated assets, 289 00:15:01,583 --> 00:15:02,776 in this case, you, 290 00:15:02,808 --> 00:15:04,596 a choice as to whether he or she wants 291 00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:07,146 to avoid being seen by former coworkers. 292 00:15:08,205 --> 00:15:09,960 - Hey, Linda. - Hi, Drew. 293 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:13,138 - You're looking great. - So are you. 294 00:15:13,171 --> 00:15:14,363 - Oh, I get it. 295 00:15:14,396 --> 00:15:16,614 You don't want me to make a scene, freak out? 296 00:15:16,648 --> 00:15:18,402 That's why you want me to go out the back door? 297 00:15:18,435 --> 00:15:19,793 - The company would prefer it. 298 00:15:19,825 --> 00:15:21,779 - Well, since the company's already backdoored me, 299 00:15:21,812 --> 00:15:23,898 I would like to go out the front door, if that's okay. 300 00:15:23,931 --> 00:15:25,983 ♪ Don we now, our gay apparel ♪ 301 00:15:26,017 --> 00:15:28,334 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ 302 00:15:28,368 --> 00:15:30,553 ♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪ 303 00:15:30,585 --> 00:15:34,823 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪ 304 00:15:34,856 --> 00:15:37,009 ♪ Fast away, the old year passes ♪ 305 00:15:37,041 --> 00:15:39,458 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ 306 00:15:39,491 --> 00:15:41,643 ♪ Hail the new, ye lads and lasses ♪ 307 00:15:41,677 --> 00:15:43,894 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ 308 00:15:43,928 --> 00:15:46,344 ♪ Sing we joyous all together ♪ 309 00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:48,761 ♪ Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪ 310 00:15:57,899 --> 00:16:01,011 - Oh, man. Really? - Yep. I'm afraid so. 311 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,017 - Sorry man. We'll miss you around here. 312 00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,474 - Yeah. Yeah. 313 00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:07,997 Look, don't worry about that. 314 00:16:09,023 --> 00:16:10,910 How's your, uh, house situation going? 315 00:16:10,943 --> 00:16:14,187 - Fell through again. We just don't qualify for a mortgage. 316 00:16:14,221 --> 00:16:16,638 - Man, that ain't right. Sorry. 317 00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:19,783 - It all works out. Just keep the faith. 318 00:16:19,815 --> 00:16:20,908 - Ahem. 319 00:16:20,941 --> 00:16:23,855 ♪ Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪ 320 00:16:23,888 --> 00:16:26,602 - Let us know if you have any questions. 321 00:16:26,636 --> 00:16:28,788 We'll be in touch with severance papers. 322 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,569 Merry Christmas! 323 00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:03,882 - I can't believe they did this 324 00:17:03,914 --> 00:17:05,636 to you right before Christmas. 325 00:17:06,431 --> 00:17:07,391 - Yeah. 326 00:17:07,424 --> 00:17:09,941 Human resources love Christmas. 327 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:14,475 Especially love their Christmas firing carols like 328 00:17:14,509 --> 00:17:17,257 ♪ I'll be homeless for Christmas ♪ 329 00:17:17,290 --> 00:17:18,250 Or their other one. 330 00:17:18,283 --> 00:17:20,336 ♪ Santa isn't coming to town ♪ 331 00:17:20,368 --> 00:17:22,653 ♪ San- ♪ - Santa isn't coming to town? 332 00:17:22,687 --> 00:17:24,143 - Uh- no. 333 00:17:24,176 --> 00:17:26,295 - Oh, sweetie. He is. - Yeah. 334 00:17:26,329 --> 00:17:28,480 - It's just, daddy got the name of that song wrong. 335 00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:30,169 That's all. - Yeah. 336 00:17:30,202 --> 00:17:31,824 - Yeah. Go ahead, go back to bed. 337 00:17:35,996 --> 00:17:38,280 Look, I know this is tough, 338 00:17:38,313 --> 00:17:40,664 but please don't ruin the holiday for the kids. 339 00:17:42,749 --> 00:17:43,577 - Okay. 340 00:17:45,862 --> 00:17:47,682 - Get some sleep. 341 00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:51,986 Tomorrow's a new day. 342 00:18:11,254 --> 00:18:13,970 - Ooh, tough break, buddy. 343 00:18:14,002 --> 00:18:18,836 But just remember, don't stop believing. 344 00:18:23,074 --> 00:18:26,848 Joe! This is Dylan, your replacement. 345 00:18:26,882 --> 00:18:28,007 He's a millennial. 346 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,390 Half your age, half your salary. 347 00:18:30,424 --> 00:18:34,629 People love his blog and he is a master with emojis. 348 00:18:46,646 --> 00:18:50,123 - Oh, well, tough luck, Michaels. Onward steed. 349 00:19:17,171 --> 00:19:18,528 - You'll be fine. 350 00:19:22,137 --> 00:19:26,441 - I, um, I cashed in my 401k. 351 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:28,329 - Excuse me? 352 00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,308 - That's the only way we can finance 353 00:19:31,341 --> 00:19:32,731 the year of the Michaels. 354 00:19:35,248 --> 00:19:36,903 - What are you talking about? 355 00:19:36,936 --> 00:19:40,247 - A whole year of family fun and excitement and adventure 356 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,464 so we can write the ultimate Christmas letter. 357 00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:43,723 - Wait a minute. 358 00:19:43,756 --> 00:19:47,066 You lost your job and just cashed in on 359 00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:50,510 the one thing standing between us and a homeless shelter? 360 00:19:50,543 --> 00:19:53,258 All so you could write your own narcissistic newsletter? 361 00:19:53,291 --> 00:19:55,079 - Our narcissistic letter. - Oh, f... 362 00:19:55,112 --> 00:19:57,198 - And it's only gonna work if we give it 110%. 363 00:19:57,231 --> 00:19:58,952 - Why didn't you talk to me about this? 364 00:19:58,986 --> 00:20:01,700 How we spend our money should be a mutual decision. 365 00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:04,117 - We never had a discussion about all the shoes you buy. 366 00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:06,667 I mean, how many did you buy last year? 45 pairs. 367 00:20:06,699 --> 00:20:08,852 - That's for when we do something special someday. 368 00:20:08,884 --> 00:20:10,275 - Exactly. 369 00:20:10,308 --> 00:20:12,328 I was gonna wait till Christmas to give you this. 370 00:20:17,525 --> 00:20:18,387 - Joe. 371 00:20:25,703 --> 00:20:27,192 We don't ski. 372 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,550 - Y- I mean... 373 00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:29,808 - Squirrels on YouTube do it better than you. 374 00:20:29,842 --> 00:20:31,364 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but we'll learn. 375 00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,590 I mean, that's the whole point 376 00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:34,376 of doing these fun family things, you know? 377 00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:36,132 Chez Monet? 378 00:20:36,164 --> 00:20:37,687 Yeah. Right? 379 00:20:37,721 --> 00:20:38,515 - Bahamas? 380 00:20:38,549 --> 00:20:39,806 Yes. - Oh! 381 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,157 - It'll be awesome. - Wait, Tigger Woods. 382 00:20:42,191 --> 00:20:43,548 - Eh, that's a typo. 383 00:20:45,402 --> 00:20:47,355 - Tiger Woods? - Yes. 384 00:20:47,388 --> 00:20:48,249 The one and only. 385 00:20:49,838 --> 00:20:51,030 - We can't afford this. 386 00:20:51,063 --> 00:20:52,818 - The, the 401k will finance the whole thing. 387 00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:54,274 - Joe, our savings. 388 00:20:54,308 --> 00:20:56,194 - Ah, it's gonna be fine. Trust me. 389 00:20:58,181 --> 00:21:01,227 Oh, I don't know. 390 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,472 - Oh, it's gonna be great, I'll be there. 391 00:21:04,504 --> 00:21:05,663 It's good. 392 00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:09,900 What are doing, Rich? 393 00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,457 - Merry Christmas! 394 00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:16,688 - What better way to start the year of the Michaels 395 00:21:16,721 --> 00:21:19,204 than a Norman Rockwell-esque sleigh ride 396 00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:20,395 on Christmas morning. 397 00:21:21,522 --> 00:21:25,561 - But Dad, I wanna play with my toys. 398 00:21:25,594 --> 00:21:27,845 - Yeah, Dad. It's Christmas morning. 399 00:21:27,878 --> 00:21:29,567 I didn't even get to open my Legos. 400 00:21:30,891 --> 00:21:32,215 - Joe. This is nice. 401 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,599 But if you wanted to be like Norman Rockwell, 402 00:21:34,632 --> 00:21:36,851 I could have just gotten you some paints. 403 00:21:36,883 --> 00:21:38,075 Why look at a painting 404 00:21:38,108 --> 00:21:39,830 when you could experience the real thing. 405 00:21:39,863 --> 00:21:41,319 Well, here it is. 406 00:21:41,353 --> 00:21:44,929 ♪ It is to ride on a one-horse open sleigh, hey ♪ 407 00:21:44,961 --> 00:21:49,795 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪ 408 00:21:53,039 --> 00:21:54,165 - Where are the horses? 409 00:21:54,993 --> 00:21:56,085 Where's all the snow? 410 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,436 - Uh, I don't know. 411 00:21:58,469 --> 00:22:00,191 Oh, It'll be fine. 412 00:22:00,224 --> 00:22:01,515 It'll be fun. Come on. 413 00:22:01,548 --> 00:22:04,230 Let's, uh, let's go have a sleigh ride, meet Santa. 414 00:22:06,415 --> 00:22:07,342 Be great. 415 00:22:08,269 --> 00:22:09,659 Yeah. 416 00:22:09,693 --> 00:22:10,521 - Santa! 417 00:22:15,586 --> 00:22:16,910 - Merry Christmas. 418 00:22:18,102 --> 00:22:21,048 Name's Frederick Santa. 419 00:22:21,082 --> 00:22:23,531 You must be my 10:00 am special appointment. 420 00:22:23,564 --> 00:22:25,055 Mighty adventurous of you, man. 421 00:22:25,087 --> 00:22:27,504 Coming out on Christmas for a big holiday hunt. 422 00:22:28,266 --> 00:22:29,689 Let's get it on. 423 00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:30,550 - Hunt? 424 00:22:31,874 --> 00:22:34,953 - Yeah, it'll be like the Easter egg hunt, candy cane hunt. 425 00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:36,708 Anyway, l- l- let's go. Let's get going. 426 00:22:41,475 --> 00:22:42,337 - Uh, Mom? 427 00:22:45,713 --> 00:22:46,574 - Joe. 428 00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:49,222 - Is this supposed to be a sleigh ride? 429 00:22:49,256 --> 00:22:51,473 - Yep. Slay Rides Incorporated. 430 00:22:52,269 --> 00:22:53,626 We kill 'em, you grill 'em. 431 00:22:54,486 --> 00:22:55,745 Now let's go find Rudolph 432 00:22:55,778 --> 00:22:57,897 and get us some fresh Christmas venison, huh? 433 00:22:57,929 --> 00:23:00,512 - Daddy, what's venison? 434 00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:03,624 - Oh, it's, a, it's a little town in Italy. 435 00:23:03,657 --> 00:23:04,915 We'll go there one day. 436 00:23:04,949 --> 00:23:07,432 It's, they make pizzas and stuff. 437 00:23:08,424 --> 00:23:09,418 - Ho-ho-hold on. 438 00:23:10,808 --> 00:23:12,199 - This'll be fun. 439 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:21,104 Poor Rudolph. 440 00:23:23,423 --> 00:23:25,475 Guys, go wash your hands. 441 00:23:25,508 --> 00:23:26,733 Yes, mommy. 442 00:23:26,766 --> 00:23:31,501 - So, uh, I'll just, uh, 443 00:23:31,533 --> 00:23:32,957 put this under the tree then? 444 00:23:52,589 --> 00:23:54,973 - Yes, Dad. We're fine. 445 00:23:56,861 --> 00:23:57,721 What? 446 00:23:59,211 --> 00:24:00,502 Yeah, he's right here. 447 00:24:02,455 --> 00:24:03,680 He wants to talk to you. 448 00:24:08,382 --> 00:24:09,673 - Hi, Tony. 449 00:24:09,706 --> 00:24:13,381 - Heard you bagged Rudolph on Christmas day. Nice. 450 00:24:13,414 --> 00:24:16,725 Thanks for traumatizing my daughter and grandkids. 451 00:24:16,758 --> 00:24:18,314 Wanna mount my head on the wall? 452 00:24:18,347 --> 00:24:19,837 - Oh, actually, yeah, 453 00:24:19,870 --> 00:24:21,657 but I think you have to be dead first, but- 454 00:24:21,691 --> 00:24:23,511 - Oh, Joe. Gimme that. 455 00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:25,929 Dad? Yeah, I'm sorry. 456 00:24:25,962 --> 00:24:29,272 I know, I know. Okay. 457 00:24:30,630 --> 00:24:33,443 I love you too. Merry Christmas. 458 00:24:35,993 --> 00:24:37,682 - Well, it was, uh, nice of Frederick 459 00:24:37,715 --> 00:24:39,536 to process all that venison for us. 460 00:24:39,569 --> 00:24:43,376 And he even gave us a box of reindeer jerky. 461 00:24:43,409 --> 00:24:45,064 - What the hell were you thinking? 462 00:24:46,058 --> 00:24:47,482 - Well, you don't wanna let 463 00:24:47,514 --> 00:24:50,064 a little mishap spoil our Christmas fun. 464 00:24:50,097 --> 00:24:51,553 - Fun? 465 00:24:51,587 --> 00:24:54,964 That head was eating berries no less than 24 hours ago. 466 00:24:56,818 --> 00:25:00,592 - Um, look, can I make it up to you 467 00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:03,307 with a another Christmas surprise? 468 00:25:03,340 --> 00:25:07,147 - Oh, what's next, a taxidermy elf? 469 00:25:07,181 --> 00:25:08,835 No. 470 00:25:10,358 --> 00:25:14,265 We're going to England next summer. 471 00:25:14,298 --> 00:25:15,986 - What are you talking about? 472 00:25:16,020 --> 00:25:17,542 - Didn't you read Clive's letter? 473 00:25:17,576 --> 00:25:18,801 - I couldn't get past the part 474 00:25:18,834 --> 00:25:20,887 about having tea with Sir Paul McCartney. 475 00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:22,641 - Oh no, there was, there was a P.S. 476 00:25:22,675 --> 00:25:25,820 and he was inviting us all to his big birthday bash 477 00:25:25,852 --> 00:25:27,608 next summer in the UK. 478 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:31,282 And it's gonna be like bow ties and black ties 479 00:25:31,316 --> 00:25:34,559 and champagne and caviar and dignitaries 480 00:25:34,593 --> 00:25:36,249 and all that kind of stuff. 481 00:25:36,281 --> 00:25:38,003 So I thought, "Hey, why not?" 482 00:25:38,036 --> 00:25:40,983 So I booked a ticket and RSVP'd and away we go. 483 00:25:41,015 --> 00:25:42,274 Wh- what do you think? 484 00:25:42,307 --> 00:25:46,114 - You want to go to a party for the very man 485 00:25:46,147 --> 00:25:49,458 whose Christmas letter drives you crazy each year? 486 00:25:49,491 --> 00:25:52,471 A party for the man who will likely put this event 487 00:25:52,504 --> 00:25:54,093 in next year's letter. 488 00:25:54,126 --> 00:25:55,318 - Yeah, absolutely. 489 00:25:55,351 --> 00:25:58,231 'Cause then We can write about it in our letter. 490 00:25:58,265 --> 00:26:01,178 What a way to steal his thunder. 491 00:26:01,211 --> 00:26:02,734 It's gonna be brilliant, hey? 492 00:26:02,767 --> 00:26:03,860 Oh yes. 493 00:26:07,369 --> 00:26:09,454 - I see you truly value his friendship. 494 00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:16,937 - I think it's gonna be good. 495 00:26:21,803 --> 00:26:22,665 - Hey, everyone. 496 00:26:22,697 --> 00:26:24,154 Bryan Deacrest here with you 497 00:26:24,188 --> 00:26:26,770 to celebrate another New Year's Rompin' Eve in Times Square. 498 00:26:26,803 --> 00:26:27,995 Tonight, we're outside 499 00:26:28,028 --> 00:26:30,213 the inimitable Chez Monet French restaurant, 500 00:26:30,246 --> 00:26:31,901 under new management, by the way. 501 00:26:31,935 --> 00:26:33,689 Where everyone who's anyone 502 00:26:33,723 --> 00:26:35,609 will be enjoying sumptuous dining, 503 00:26:35,643 --> 00:26:38,325 fine music, and a Rompin' Eve tradition: 504 00:26:38,357 --> 00:26:40,708 the midnight pressing of the ceremonial button 505 00:26:40,741 --> 00:26:42,727 that lowers the famous ball. 506 00:26:51,071 --> 00:26:52,229 - But this is my best suit. 507 00:26:52,262 --> 00:26:54,248 - I'm sorry, sir. Those are the rules. 508 00:26:54,282 --> 00:26:56,500 - I mean, we had a reservation for 6:30. 509 00:26:56,533 --> 00:26:58,056 I wanna speak to the manager. 510 00:26:58,089 --> 00:26:59,877 - You mean the general manager? 511 00:26:59,910 --> 00:27:00,870 Yeah, that'd be moi. 512 00:27:00,903 --> 00:27:03,452 - Oh, bonjour. - Bonsoir. 513 00:27:03,486 --> 00:27:05,539 I'm Norm de Plume, the general manager. 514 00:27:05,571 --> 00:27:07,128 This is Chez Monet. 515 00:27:07,161 --> 00:27:09,710 Where everything is fine and beautiful 516 00:27:09,743 --> 00:27:12,490 and the music's good and the food is sumptuous. 517 00:27:12,524 --> 00:27:14,180 But you're not dressed right. 518 00:27:14,212 --> 00:27:17,589 And I can't let people dressed like you in here. 519 00:27:17,622 --> 00:27:19,179 I'm sorry. I hope you understand. 520 00:27:19,211 --> 00:27:21,596 - Uh, is this even a French restaurant? 521 00:27:21,628 --> 00:27:23,151 I mean, are you even French? 522 00:27:23,184 --> 00:27:26,032 - No. Thanks for asking. 523 00:27:26,064 --> 00:27:27,786 - W- what about my reservation? 524 00:27:27,820 --> 00:27:29,375 - Didn't she tell you about the dress code? 525 00:27:29,409 --> 00:27:30,865 - Yeah, yeah. She did, she did. 526 00:27:30,898 --> 00:27:31,792 - Okay, good. 527 00:27:31,825 --> 00:27:32,984 Well, know you look just great 528 00:27:33,017 --> 00:27:35,765 for a high school reunion, let's say, 529 00:27:35,798 --> 00:27:37,355 Moose Club in Paramus. 530 00:27:38,612 --> 00:27:39,970 Did you show him the rules? - Yes. I, uh, okay. 531 00:27:40,003 --> 00:27:41,294 Again. - Yes. 532 00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:44,340 - Section three, paragraph four specifically states 533 00:27:44,373 --> 00:27:47,287 that we will not serve any man, woman, or child 534 00:27:47,319 --> 00:27:50,365 who's not wearing attire befitting the establishment. 535 00:27:50,399 --> 00:27:53,809 I- - Excuse me, sir. 536 00:27:53,841 --> 00:27:54,636 - Sir? - What? 537 00:27:54,669 --> 00:27:55,894 - Is there a problem? 538 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,006 There must be some misunderstanding. 539 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:03,707 Ah, oh, see Deb and Joe Michaels 6:30. 540 00:28:03,741 --> 00:28:05,198 - Oh. 541 00:28:05,230 --> 00:28:07,747 But, you know, we can't just, 542 00:28:07,780 --> 00:28:12,614 you are just very pr- p- pretty. 543 00:28:14,434 --> 00:28:15,891 You're a lucky devil. 544 00:28:16,719 --> 00:28:18,176 As lovely as you are, 545 00:28:18,209 --> 00:28:20,327 I can't let your husband dine here tonight. 546 00:28:21,850 --> 00:28:22,877 - Why not? 547 00:28:22,909 --> 00:28:24,830 - At Chez Monet we have rules like, 548 00:28:24,863 --> 00:28:26,750 you need a proper dinner suit. 549 00:28:26,783 --> 00:28:29,597 - What? Like a tuxedo? - Not like a tuxedo. 550 00:28:29,630 --> 00:28:31,352 A real tuxedo. 551 00:28:31,385 --> 00:28:34,199 Like a one-button mohair by Brioni. 552 00:28:34,232 --> 00:28:35,590 - Oh yeah. Brioni would be a good one. 553 00:28:35,623 --> 00:28:36,715 - The rules are the rules. 554 00:28:36,749 --> 00:28:38,238 If I made an exception, 555 00:28:38,271 --> 00:28:40,325 I'd have the let in the whole hoi polloi. 556 00:28:41,483 --> 00:28:42,674 - We had a reservation here 557 00:28:42,708 --> 00:28:44,430 and we're not gonna leave until we're seated 558 00:28:44,462 --> 00:28:46,912 buying some, something expensive 559 00:28:46,946 --> 00:28:48,104 and celebrating the New Year's. 560 00:28:48,138 --> 00:28:51,945 - Well if I may, we may have an option 561 00:28:51,978 --> 00:28:53,600 if you'd be amenable to it. 562 00:28:53,633 --> 00:28:54,461 - Sure, if I must. - You know what? 563 00:28:54,494 --> 00:28:57,176 We can rent you a tuxedo. 564 00:28:57,208 --> 00:29:01,281 Our selection is quite limited, but we have some. 565 00:29:01,314 --> 00:29:02,704 - All right. How much is it? 566 00:29:03,863 --> 00:29:05,121 - 300. - $300. 567 00:29:05,154 --> 00:29:07,671 - 300? That's our whole budget for the evening. 568 00:29:07,703 --> 00:29:10,022 - What were they gonna order? Bread and water. 569 00:29:10,054 --> 00:29:13,199 A crouton? 570 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,967 More? 571 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,755 - Yeah, uh, uh, garcon? 572 00:29:19,788 --> 00:29:21,808 Garconesse, or whatever. 573 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:22,602 - Sir? 574 00:29:23,662 --> 00:29:25,450 - Another round of your finest bread. 575 00:29:26,641 --> 00:29:28,098 - Can I get you anything else? 576 00:29:28,130 --> 00:29:32,931 Uh, some dessert, some bread pudding perhaps? 577 00:29:34,091 --> 00:29:35,480 - No, just the bread's fine. 578 00:29:46,208 --> 00:29:47,035 - Sir. 579 00:29:49,419 --> 00:29:51,074 They've requested more bread. 580 00:29:52,829 --> 00:29:54,153 - How about the day-old? 581 00:30:00,146 --> 00:30:00,974 Perfect. 582 00:30:05,873 --> 00:30:06,668 - Do you see that? 583 00:30:07,528 --> 00:30:09,713 Is that a Rolex? - Ooh. 584 00:30:09,747 --> 00:30:10,773 Do we get one too? 585 00:30:10,806 --> 00:30:11,932 - Yeah, I think we do. 586 00:30:12,826 --> 00:30:14,249 I think they're giving them out. 587 00:30:16,997 --> 00:30:19,116 - What is this, your 10th bread basket? 588 00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:21,533 - Can we get one of those goody bags? 589 00:30:21,566 --> 00:30:25,141 - Oh, I'm afraid you don't get one now. 590 00:30:25,175 --> 00:30:26,830 - Why not? We're patrons. 591 00:30:26,863 --> 00:30:28,817 - You ate free bread all night. 592 00:30:28,849 --> 00:30:30,671 I'm sorry. Now if you'll excuse me. 593 00:30:32,657 --> 00:30:34,908 - What's a French word for a guy like that? 594 00:30:34,941 --> 00:30:37,755 - Douche. - Yeah. Le douche. 595 00:31:23,675 --> 00:31:26,622 - Oh Joe, I'm sorry. 596 00:31:27,847 --> 00:31:29,204 - You know what? 597 00:31:29,237 --> 00:31:32,614 I'm not gonna let anybody ruin this night. Okay? 598 00:31:34,931 --> 00:31:36,719 Have I told you that I love you? 599 00:31:36,752 --> 00:31:37,977 - Mm-hmm. 600 00:31:38,011 --> 00:31:40,460 Last week when I took in the garbage cans. 601 00:31:40,493 --> 00:31:41,818 - Oh yeah. - Mm-hmm. Joe! 602 00:31:46,287 --> 00:31:49,962 Ten, nine, eight, seven 603 00:31:49,995 --> 00:31:53,041 six, five, four, 604 00:31:53,074 --> 00:31:55,491 three, two, one. 605 00:32:10,124 --> 00:32:11,846 - Happy New Year! Go! 606 00:32:13,203 --> 00:32:15,819 - Stop them! Stop those people! 607 00:32:15,852 --> 00:32:18,169 Idiots. It's only 9:45. 608 00:32:23,168 --> 00:32:25,155 - Hi Mr. Clark. Oh my Gosh. 609 00:32:25,188 --> 00:32:26,082 Where you been? 610 00:32:26,115 --> 00:32:27,572 Happy New Year. Muah! 611 00:32:27,605 --> 00:32:28,830 Happy New Year. 612 00:32:31,214 --> 00:32:33,100 - I cannot find my phone. 613 00:32:33,134 --> 00:32:34,325 Deb, Deb, I need your phone. 614 00:32:34,359 --> 00:32:35,617 Quick, quickly. - What? What are you doing? 615 00:32:35,650 --> 00:32:37,338 You gonna tear us apart. - No. It's gonna be great. 616 00:32:37,372 --> 00:32:39,159 Excuse me. Can we get a selfie with you? 617 00:32:39,192 --> 00:32:40,086 - Sure. - Oh, thank you. 618 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:41,344 - Why not? - All right. 619 00:32:41,378 --> 00:32:42,834 - It's not like I don't have any time to kill. 620 00:32:42,867 --> 00:32:45,152 Cheese. 621 00:32:45,185 --> 00:32:46,873 Huge fan. I love of you on "American Band Stand." 622 00:32:46,906 --> 00:32:48,859 You are great. All right. 623 00:32:49,887 --> 00:32:51,508 - I bet this never happened to Dick. 624 00:33:02,202 --> 00:33:05,447 - Hello? - Joe? 625 00:33:05,479 --> 00:33:06,903 - No. - Oh, I, oh. 626 00:33:09,518 --> 00:33:11,372 I'm looking for Joe Michaels. 627 00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:12,796 - Oh yeah. Right. 628 00:33:12,829 --> 00:33:13,988 I'm afraid the Michaels 629 00:33:14,022 --> 00:33:15,908 are thankfully no longer in this building. 630 00:33:16,770 --> 00:33:17,796 - Oh. - So. 631 00:33:17,828 --> 00:33:20,510 - Well, I, I heard he was coming in 632 00:33:20,543 --> 00:33:22,298 to the big city tonight. 633 00:33:23,258 --> 00:33:25,245 I guess I missed a hell of a party. 634 00:33:25,277 --> 00:33:26,999 - Ah, you could say that, yeah. 635 00:33:28,257 --> 00:33:30,575 Now I'm afraid I don't wish to help you anymore. 636 00:33:30,608 --> 00:33:33,124 I hope you have a very happy New Year. 637 00:33:33,158 --> 00:33:34,415 - Wait, wait, wait, 638 00:33:34,449 --> 00:33:35,938 wait, wait, wait. - What, what, what, what? 639 00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:40,440 - Could you tell him about the package? My package for Joe. 640 00:33:41,236 --> 00:33:42,394 See, I missed it on my route 641 00:33:42,427 --> 00:33:46,367 and well now it's, it's leaking and... 642 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:47,426 - I'm sure it is. 643 00:33:47,459 --> 00:33:50,174 I'll be sure not to let them know. 644 00:33:51,598 --> 00:33:53,551 - He'll, uh, he'll find it tomorrow. 645 00:33:56,067 --> 00:33:59,411 Looks like you've got a pretty nice place there. 646 00:34:00,636 --> 00:34:01,729 - Bloody hell. 647 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:09,608 - Dining and dashing. I feel so dirty. 648 00:34:09,642 --> 00:34:11,429 We turned Times Square into a ghost town 649 00:34:11,462 --> 00:34:12,456 on New Year's Eve. 650 00:34:12,488 --> 00:34:13,548 Who does that? 651 00:34:13,581 --> 00:34:15,998 - Well, Times Square is so overrated. 652 00:34:16,031 --> 00:34:17,421 Besides, there's nowhere to pee. 653 00:34:17,455 --> 00:34:18,712 Sorry. Correction. 654 00:34:19,805 --> 00:34:22,123 I did see someone peeing in a mailbox. 655 00:34:22,156 --> 00:34:24,672 In fact, I saw a lot of people peeing. 656 00:34:25,798 --> 00:34:27,287 And we didn't even dine we just had some bread. 657 00:34:27,321 --> 00:34:29,141 It was fine. - Then why did we dash? 658 00:34:30,432 --> 00:34:31,558 - Uh... 659 00:34:31,591 --> 00:34:32,883 - Wouldn't have anything 660 00:34:32,915 --> 00:34:35,896 to do with that Rolex on your wrist now, would it? 661 00:34:35,928 --> 00:34:38,080 - Well, I mean, you have one as well. 662 00:34:38,113 --> 00:34:39,371 - I'm not wearing it. 663 00:34:40,166 --> 00:34:41,358 - Well, look, besides, 664 00:34:41,391 --> 00:34:42,815 I mean all those people at that restaurant, 665 00:34:42,847 --> 00:34:44,206 that this means nothing to them. 666 00:34:44,238 --> 00:34:45,794 It's like a pair of socks to them. 667 00:34:45,828 --> 00:34:48,476 - A very expensive pair of socks. 668 00:34:53,342 --> 00:34:54,998 - Your phone's ringing. 669 00:34:56,488 --> 00:34:57,349 Ah. 670 00:35:00,494 --> 00:35:01,520 Hello? 671 00:35:01,554 --> 00:35:02,448 - Oh, it's you. 672 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:03,540 Heard you got yourself a pair 673 00:35:03,573 --> 00:35:05,328 of hot watches the other night. 674 00:35:05,361 --> 00:35:08,307 Thanks for making my daughter a felon. 675 00:35:08,341 --> 00:35:10,360 What are planning next? A homicide. 676 00:35:13,671 --> 00:35:15,061 Joe, you there? 677 00:35:15,094 --> 00:35:16,517 - Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 678 00:35:16,551 --> 00:35:18,934 Yeah, I'm here. I was just trying to do something else. 679 00:35:18,968 --> 00:35:21,384 - Get my daughter on the phone. 680 00:35:21,418 --> 00:35:22,544 - Who is it? - Grampus. 681 00:35:23,867 --> 00:35:25,457 No, I mean Grandpa. 682 00:35:26,814 --> 00:35:27,973 Is your mom around? 683 00:35:28,006 --> 00:35:29,099 Deb? Deb? - Momma! 684 00:35:31,118 --> 00:35:33,601 - Little thing is on the phone. 685 00:35:34,793 --> 00:35:36,216 Crazy ol' Grampa. 686 00:35:37,872 --> 00:35:38,732 Grampa. 687 00:35:48,864 --> 00:35:51,049 - Oh, hey Rich. - Hi, Joe. 688 00:35:51,081 --> 00:35:52,604 - Oh. - Whatcha got there? 689 00:35:52,638 --> 00:35:53,498 Thank you. 690 00:35:54,326 --> 00:35:55,651 Why do your packages look like 691 00:35:55,683 --> 00:35:57,836 they're being used as a ThighMaster? 692 00:35:57,868 --> 00:36:00,285 - Oh, well, sorry. I'm sure it's fine. 693 00:36:00,319 --> 00:36:01,676 Yeah? Here. - Okay. 694 00:36:01,709 --> 00:36:03,398 - I just need your signature. 695 00:36:03,430 --> 00:36:05,715 - All right. - There you go. Right there. 696 00:36:05,749 --> 00:36:07,138 - So, uh, how's life? 697 00:36:08,231 --> 00:36:11,277 - Well, I'm getting the vasectomy. 698 00:36:12,105 --> 00:36:13,528 - Oh, okay. 699 00:36:13,562 --> 00:36:17,468 - Yeah, my wife's been bugging me for years. 700 00:36:17,501 --> 00:36:19,521 At first she wanted to be like that family on TV. 701 00:36:19,554 --> 00:36:20,977 You know the one with the 10 kids? 702 00:36:21,011 --> 00:36:21,871 - Oh yeah. 703 00:36:21,905 --> 00:36:23,129 - But after four C-sections, 704 00:36:23,163 --> 00:36:26,407 a couple of sets of breach twins 705 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,751 and giving once birth on a roller coaster, 706 00:36:29,784 --> 00:36:31,936 she got tired of trying to keep up, so. 707 00:36:31,969 --> 00:36:35,214 - Yeah. - Nine's the magic number. 708 00:36:35,246 --> 00:36:39,253 So next week I, I'm seeing my urologist and Dr. Stoppe. 709 00:36:40,411 --> 00:36:42,332 - Dr. Stop. Is that like stop? 710 00:36:42,365 --> 00:36:44,847 S-T-O-P? - No, no. 711 00:36:44,881 --> 00:36:48,291 S-O it's two P's and an E. - Oh. 712 00:36:48,324 --> 00:36:51,205 - Like, like shoppe, you know, like ye olde shoppe. 713 00:36:51,237 --> 00:36:52,926 - Right. Yeah. 714 00:36:52,959 --> 00:36:54,350 Yeah. 715 00:36:54,382 --> 00:36:56,369 So he's kinda like a boutique back vasectomy doctor 716 00:36:56,402 --> 00:36:57,826 kind of thing? - It's a regular office, 717 00:36:57,859 --> 00:36:59,647 but he says a couple of snips 718 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:02,660 and my baby making days are over. 719 00:37:02,692 --> 00:37:05,937 - Wow, well thanks for your public service there, Rich. 720 00:37:07,824 --> 00:37:10,341 - Hi, Rich. - Mrs. Michaels. 721 00:37:11,466 --> 00:37:15,837 Well, uh, well, nice talking to you, Joe. 722 00:37:15,869 --> 00:37:19,246 Mrs. Michaels. Deb. 723 00:37:21,431 --> 00:37:23,881 - Uh, did he just wink at you? 724 00:37:25,536 --> 00:37:26,827 - I think it was a twitch. 725 00:37:27,854 --> 00:37:29,741 Probably nervous about that vasectomy. 726 00:37:31,662 --> 00:37:34,211 Hmm. 727 00:37:36,098 --> 00:37:37,290 There's nothing like 728 00:37:37,322 --> 00:37:39,706 the crisp winter snow in the mountains. 729 00:37:39,739 --> 00:37:40,600 Right, kids? 730 00:37:41,726 --> 00:37:43,315 Come on. We're headed to Goliath Mountain. 731 00:37:43,348 --> 00:37:46,096 The Goliath Mountain. 732 00:37:46,129 --> 00:37:47,851 Who's ready to rip some poo. 733 00:37:49,108 --> 00:37:51,161 Think you mean rip some pow. 734 00:37:52,419 --> 00:37:53,710 - Where's daddy? 735 00:37:53,744 --> 00:37:56,492 - He went to register us for the tennis lessons. 736 00:37:56,525 --> 00:37:57,551 If he doesn't show up soon, 737 00:37:57,584 --> 00:37:59,074 he's gonna miss the ski lessons. 738 00:37:59,108 --> 00:38:01,391 - Oh, sorry. Sorry I'm late. 739 00:38:02,815 --> 00:38:04,802 Oh, there was a long line. 740 00:38:04,835 --> 00:38:06,821 Look, I just found out that John McEnroe 741 00:38:06,855 --> 00:38:08,973 is gonna be one of the instructors at the tennis camp. 742 00:38:09,006 --> 00:38:10,397 - Get out! - Yeah. Isn't that cool? 743 00:38:10,429 --> 00:38:11,655 - And with that, 744 00:38:11,688 --> 00:38:13,708 I wish you all the best of luck on the slopes. 745 00:38:13,740 --> 00:38:16,390 - Oh, but wait, my husband just got here. 746 00:38:16,422 --> 00:38:19,799 - Oh, uh, he could join my next lesson 747 00:38:19,832 --> 00:38:21,389 and catch up with you later. 748 00:38:21,421 --> 00:38:23,077 How's that? - Yeah, that sounds fine. 749 00:38:23,110 --> 00:38:25,295 You go ahead. I'll catch up with you later. 750 00:38:25,328 --> 00:38:27,877 Go rip some poo. 751 00:38:30,030 --> 00:38:33,009 Pow. 752 00:38:37,478 --> 00:38:38,406 - All right. 753 00:38:39,531 --> 00:38:40,855 - Here's our other participant. 754 00:38:40,888 --> 00:38:42,808 Big Joe, meet Little Joe. 755 00:38:42,842 --> 00:38:44,696 Oh, like in the "Bonanza"? 756 00:38:44,729 --> 00:38:49,463 - No, no. This little guy is a Joe too. 757 00:38:50,224 --> 00:38:51,317 - Hey, hey, Little Joe. 758 00:38:51,351 --> 00:38:53,436 - Who you calling little? - Ow. 759 00:38:53,469 --> 00:38:54,860 - Big Joe and Little Joe, 760 00:38:54,893 --> 00:38:57,144 the first thing we're gonna cover is the snowplow. 761 00:38:57,177 --> 00:38:58,667 - Mm-hmm. - Just watch me. 762 00:38:58,700 --> 00:39:00,753 It's very simple, okay? - Okay. 763 00:39:01,878 --> 00:39:03,369 - That's it. Okay? 764 00:39:04,329 --> 00:39:06,249 Go forward and you're gonna bend. 765 00:39:12,274 --> 00:39:13,730 Come on. 766 00:39:13,764 --> 00:39:16,081 - I think I'm doing it. - Mm-hmm. Yep. 767 00:39:16,115 --> 00:39:18,399 Uh-huh. You're really doing it. 768 00:39:18,432 --> 00:39:20,352 There you go. 769 00:39:20,385 --> 00:39:24,358 Wow. Good job. 770 00:39:28,596 --> 00:39:30,284 That was amazing. 771 00:39:38,396 --> 00:39:39,719 Yeah! 772 00:39:46,308 --> 00:39:47,963 - This is so fun. 773 00:39:47,997 --> 00:39:50,016 - It is, isn't it? 774 00:39:50,049 --> 00:39:52,764 I just wish I knew where your father was. 775 00:39:52,797 --> 00:39:54,321 - Dip it in the sauce. Dip it in the sauce. 776 00:39:54,353 --> 00:39:56,307 Yeah. Okay. 777 00:39:56,340 --> 00:39:57,763 Good job, Little Joe. 778 00:39:57,797 --> 00:39:59,352 Side of mayo. Side of mayo. 779 00:39:59,386 --> 00:40:00,511 Hit it. Hit it. 780 00:40:00,544 --> 00:40:01,769 Okay. 781 00:40:03,788 --> 00:40:05,477 Okay, Big Joe. Come on. 782 00:40:06,404 --> 00:40:07,596 You gotta want it. Come on, bud. 783 00:40:07,629 --> 00:40:09,881 Come on Joe. Come on, Joe. 784 00:40:12,363 --> 00:40:13,323 - Dad? Dad? 785 00:40:16,039 --> 00:40:18,952 - we are out here skiing kind of. 786 00:40:18,985 --> 00:40:20,872 You're, you're doing really good. 787 00:40:20,905 --> 00:40:22,296 You're doing really good, Big Joe. 788 00:40:22,329 --> 00:40:23,620 Super, super proud of you. 789 00:40:27,825 --> 00:40:29,778 Big Joe, my dude. 790 00:40:31,069 --> 00:40:33,122 Little Joe, you did great. 791 00:40:34,247 --> 00:40:37,029 Big Joe, how's your insurance? 792 00:40:37,061 --> 00:40:38,187 I'm just, I'm just funnin' with you. 793 00:40:38,220 --> 00:40:40,140 Just, just take it easy up there. 794 00:40:40,174 --> 00:40:41,697 Remember what I showed you. 795 00:40:41,729 --> 00:40:46,497 And you'll be king of the bunny hill in, in no time. 796 00:40:46,530 --> 00:40:49,874 Big baby on the bunny hill. 797 00:40:51,595 --> 00:40:53,946 - How we doing, sir? - Oh, good. 798 00:40:53,980 --> 00:40:56,263 All right. Step right on up. 799 00:41:01,031 --> 00:41:01,991 - Here we go, sir. 800 00:41:02,024 --> 00:41:03,680 - Okay. - Enjoy the ride. 801 00:41:07,652 --> 00:41:09,341 - Yeah. Where is Dad? 802 00:41:09,374 --> 00:41:11,493 Dad? 803 00:41:21,690 --> 00:41:23,246 - That was more like a bunny hill. 804 00:41:25,630 --> 00:41:27,716 - Where the hell have you been? 805 00:41:27,748 --> 00:41:29,371 We were worried sick. 806 00:41:29,404 --> 00:41:32,615 We thought you slammed into a tree or flew over a cliff. 807 00:41:32,649 --> 00:41:34,138 - That'd be more dignified. 808 00:41:35,165 --> 00:41:36,621 You know the Goliath Mountain gives 809 00:41:36,654 --> 00:41:39,468 every first-timer who skis down the bunny trail 810 00:41:39,502 --> 00:41:42,051 a little bunny rabbit's foot thing. 811 00:41:42,084 --> 00:41:42,978 - Oh. Yeah. 812 00:41:44,369 --> 00:41:46,454 - Yeah. One of those. 813 00:41:46,487 --> 00:41:48,474 - Where's yours? 814 00:41:48,507 --> 00:41:51,056 - It's, uh, hopping down some trail 815 00:41:51,089 --> 00:41:52,480 in the forest somewhere. 816 00:41:55,890 --> 00:41:57,214 - Let's go get dinner, huh? - Yeah. 817 00:41:58,836 --> 00:42:00,161 - We need all our strength 818 00:42:00,194 --> 00:42:02,544 for tomorrow's tennis lesson with McEnroe, remember? 819 00:42:05,259 --> 00:42:06,484 Come on, kids. 820 00:42:07,642 --> 00:42:10,887 - Uh, I just, I just need to do something. 821 00:42:10,921 --> 00:42:12,443 Just, uh, just... 822 00:42:12,476 --> 00:42:13,701 - Whoa, whoa, where you going? 823 00:42:13,735 --> 00:42:15,489 - Oh, I'll be back in a sec. 824 00:42:15,523 --> 00:42:17,972 I, I, I'll, I'll see you soon. 825 00:42:19,528 --> 00:42:20,422 - Hi. - Hi. 826 00:42:20,456 --> 00:42:21,514 - I'd like, like a photo please. 827 00:42:21,548 --> 00:42:22,839 - Can I see your Black Diamond badge? 828 00:42:22,872 --> 00:42:24,858 - My what? - Your Black Diamond badge. 829 00:42:24,892 --> 00:42:26,481 You got one when you completed the run, right? 830 00:42:26,514 --> 00:42:28,004 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had one. 831 00:42:28,037 --> 00:42:29,725 I think it flew off when I was skiing down the ninth thing. 832 00:42:29,758 --> 00:42:32,473 - Yes. Sorry, I can't take your photo without the badge. 833 00:42:32,506 --> 00:42:35,553 - Oh. Uh, mm, let's, uh. 834 00:42:35,585 --> 00:42:37,473 - Hey, night skiing just opened up. You wanna go ride? 835 00:42:37,505 --> 00:42:39,095 - I am working. - Oh yeah, that's great idea. 836 00:42:39,127 --> 00:42:40,485 Oh, look, I, I, I, I can take care of this. 837 00:42:40,518 --> 00:42:41,446 You, you can go. - Are you sure? 838 00:42:41,478 --> 00:42:43,597 - Yeah. You guys go have some fun 839 00:42:43,631 --> 00:42:45,418 that's really dumb- - All right, let's go. 840 00:42:45,451 --> 00:42:46,511 Let's go. - and stupid. 841 00:42:46,543 --> 00:42:48,397 All right, here we go. Oh, uh. 842 00:42:50,715 --> 00:42:51,576 Okay. Oh! 843 00:42:52,470 --> 00:42:54,224 That's good. 844 00:42:54,258 --> 00:42:55,648 I can't believe it. 845 00:42:55,681 --> 00:42:56,972 Finally gonna get a tennis lesson 846 00:42:57,006 --> 00:42:58,329 by the number-one tennis champion 847 00:42:58,363 --> 00:43:00,250 of the world, John McEnroe. 848 00:43:00,283 --> 00:43:03,064 - I hate to admit it, but this is exciting. 849 00:43:04,256 --> 00:43:06,143 - Is he that toe fungus guy? 850 00:43:06,176 --> 00:43:08,361 - "For toes that play tennis." 851 00:43:08,395 --> 00:43:09,983 - W- what are they talking about? 852 00:43:10,017 --> 00:43:12,169 - He did a commercial for toe fungus. 853 00:43:13,294 --> 00:43:15,446 It had a cartoon of two toes playing tennis. 854 00:43:15,479 --> 00:43:16,737 The kids laughed. 855 00:43:16,770 --> 00:43:18,161 - Okay, well let's not bring that up. 856 00:43:18,194 --> 00:43:20,478 It might not have been McEnroe's finest moment. 857 00:43:22,630 --> 00:43:25,312 - You're a bunch of losers! 858 00:43:25,345 --> 00:43:27,000 - Especially you grandma. 859 00:43:27,034 --> 00:43:29,583 - That's right. You never once charged the net. 860 00:43:29,616 --> 00:43:31,172 You know, you sat back on the baseline, 861 00:43:31,205 --> 00:43:33,192 you blamed everything on your double hip replacement. 862 00:43:33,225 --> 00:43:34,318 Unbelievable. 863 00:43:36,370 --> 00:43:37,164 - What is that? 864 00:43:38,952 --> 00:43:41,402 - I dunno. I'll be right back. 865 00:43:46,038 --> 00:43:47,130 Hi. 866 00:43:47,163 --> 00:43:48,355 I, I'm, I'm just here with my family 867 00:43:48,387 --> 00:43:49,812 for the tennis lesson. 868 00:43:51,135 --> 00:43:53,851 I was just wondering, what was that jungle gym thing? 869 00:43:53,883 --> 00:43:54,777 What's the deal with that? 870 00:43:54,811 --> 00:43:56,896 - Oh, the extreme ninja course. 871 00:43:56,930 --> 00:43:58,188 - Yeah. 872 00:43:58,221 --> 00:43:59,347 - Tennis isn't as popular as it used to be, 873 00:43:59,379 --> 00:44:01,399 so we had to roll with the times 874 00:44:01,432 --> 00:44:05,471 and, and people love anything extreme anyways, right? 875 00:44:05,504 --> 00:44:09,179 - Uh, I heard that John McEnroe was gonna be here. 876 00:44:09,213 --> 00:44:11,662 I see a lot of people who look and sound like McEnroe, 877 00:44:11,696 --> 00:44:13,715 but I don't actually see- 878 00:44:13,748 --> 00:44:14,907 - Yeah. - John McEnroe. 879 00:44:14,940 --> 00:44:15,900 - You heard right, 880 00:44:15,933 --> 00:44:18,317 but you didn't. - Uh, excuse me. 881 00:44:18,350 --> 00:44:22,654 - It's John, Mac, and Ro Dablonski. 882 00:44:22,687 --> 00:44:24,640 They're our onsite tennis pros 883 00:44:24,673 --> 00:44:26,395 And they're actually fraternal triplets. 884 00:44:26,428 --> 00:44:28,481 Their parents are big fans of Johnny Mac 885 00:44:28,513 --> 00:44:31,195 so, you know, named them accordingly. 886 00:44:31,229 --> 00:44:33,546 It does confuse people sometimes. 887 00:44:33,579 --> 00:44:35,698 Sir, sir, the clock is ticking 888 00:44:35,731 --> 00:44:37,950 and I do not want them mad with me. 889 00:44:37,982 --> 00:44:40,565 Last time they made me climb the extreme rope. 890 00:44:46,756 --> 00:44:49,968 - You came here to play, right? 891 00:44:51,358 --> 00:44:54,304 - Mac asked you if you came here to play, did ya? 892 00:44:55,099 --> 00:44:56,589 Yeah! 893 00:44:58,377 --> 00:45:00,164 - We started this facility in honor of one of 894 00:45:00,197 --> 00:45:03,409 the world's all-time tennis grades, Johnny Mac. 895 00:45:08,970 --> 00:45:10,792 Again, if you've never been here before, 896 00:45:10,824 --> 00:45:14,632 please pay a visit to our Johnny Mac tribute wall 897 00:45:14,665 --> 00:45:15,891 where you'll find a wide array 898 00:45:15,923 --> 00:45:19,399 of his original passion rackets. 899 00:45:19,433 --> 00:45:21,121 - Uh, what's a passion racket? 900 00:45:23,538 --> 00:45:24,730 - What's a passion? 901 00:45:24,763 --> 00:45:27,312 It's a racket that Johnny Mac sacrificed 902 00:45:27,345 --> 00:45:28,868 for his passion for the game. 903 00:45:28,902 --> 00:45:31,881 - Oh, you mean like when he lost his shit? 904 00:45:34,959 --> 00:45:35,821 - Ninja. 905 00:45:36,615 --> 00:45:38,172 - Ninja? Why? 906 00:45:38,204 --> 00:45:40,654 - Ninja course! 907 00:45:43,468 --> 00:45:44,694 - For the rest of you, 908 00:45:44,727 --> 00:45:46,680 let's line up and do a return-and-serve drill. 909 00:45:49,096 --> 00:45:51,447 - Let's go! - Move! 910 00:45:56,645 --> 00:45:58,532 - All right, let's start with forehand. 911 00:46:04,161 --> 00:46:05,584 - Crying out loud. 912 00:46:05,617 --> 00:46:09,028 Next! 913 00:46:14,490 --> 00:46:15,350 - Come on. 914 00:46:18,496 --> 00:46:19,324 - Next! 915 00:46:37,202 --> 00:46:40,446 - Ow! - Yeah! Yeah! 916 00:46:41,505 --> 00:46:43,658 You've got to be kidding! - Come on. 917 00:46:43,690 --> 00:46:45,213 - No, it's the, the grip. 918 00:46:45,247 --> 00:46:46,273 I can't get a good... 919 00:46:46,306 --> 00:46:47,564 You realize if Johnny Mac 920 00:46:47,597 --> 00:46:49,617 made an excuse for every time he missed a shot, 921 00:46:49,649 --> 00:46:51,008 he would never have gone toe to toe 922 00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,523 with some of the greatest of all time. 923 00:46:53,556 --> 00:46:54,484 - Toe to toe, huh? 924 00:46:54,516 --> 00:46:56,967 Yeah. He knows a lot about toes. 925 00:46:56,999 --> 00:47:00,244 - Excuse me? - Joe, don't. 926 00:47:02,065 --> 00:47:05,674 - Oh, your hero Johnny Mac, 927 00:47:05,707 --> 00:47:08,090 he knows a lot about toes. 928 00:47:08,124 --> 00:47:09,878 - What's that supposed to mean? 929 00:47:09,911 --> 00:47:12,692 - I mean, toe fungus. I mean, come on. 930 00:47:12,726 --> 00:47:15,143 Who in their right mind does a toe fungus commercial 931 00:47:15,175 --> 00:47:17,294 with animated toes playing tennis? 932 00:47:18,254 --> 00:47:20,638 - Toejemina is a great product. 933 00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,359 - Oh yeah. What's next? 934 00:47:22,393 --> 00:47:24,445 You know, hemorrhoid cream commercial 935 00:47:24,478 --> 00:47:27,292 with like hemorrhoids running around with tennis rackets? 936 00:47:27,326 --> 00:47:30,272 Well, I'd love to see that. 937 00:47:30,306 --> 00:47:31,497 - All right. That's it, funny man. 938 00:47:31,531 --> 00:47:33,649 You wanna endorse a funeral home? Let's go. 939 00:47:38,483 --> 00:47:39,278 - Oh gosh, don't look. 940 00:47:39,310 --> 00:47:40,204 Don't look. Don't look. 941 00:47:44,774 --> 00:47:47,289 - Oh, that had to hurt. Come on! 942 00:47:48,548 --> 00:47:49,971 - Say it! Say it! 943 00:47:53,050 --> 00:47:57,685 Hey, morons, meet my little friend. 944 00:48:03,016 --> 00:48:05,696 - Don't do that. Don't. - Not the children! 945 00:48:05,730 --> 00:48:07,949 You're disrespecting the game. 946 00:48:07,981 --> 00:48:10,200 - How dare you disrespect Johnny Mac? 947 00:48:10,232 --> 00:48:11,160 - Yeah? - Oh-ho-ho-ho. 948 00:48:11,192 --> 00:48:12,551 He won seven Grand Slams. 949 00:48:12,583 --> 00:48:16,291 He beat Borg and Connors and Lendl and Gerulaitis! 950 00:48:16,324 --> 00:48:18,178 - Is that another form of toe fungus? 951 00:48:18,211 --> 00:48:21,124 - I'm gonna get ya! I'm gonna get ya! 952 00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:25,297 Me win! 953 00:48:25,329 --> 00:48:26,753 Remember, toe fungus is nobody's fault. 954 00:48:26,786 --> 00:48:29,336 Ask your doctor if Toejemina is right for you. 955 00:48:30,925 --> 00:48:32,084 - Mom, Dad. 956 00:48:32,116 --> 00:48:34,335 - The crazy tennis people are on TV. 957 00:48:34,367 --> 00:48:36,288 - Area triplets, tennis trainers, 958 00:48:36,321 --> 00:48:38,308 and John McEnroe's biggest fans, 959 00:48:38,340 --> 00:48:40,526 John, Mac, and Ro Dablonski 960 00:48:40,559 --> 00:48:42,380 were placed under observation today 961 00:48:42,413 --> 00:48:45,293 after something in the three offspring sprung 962 00:48:45,327 --> 00:48:46,551 while giving lessons 963 00:48:46,584 --> 00:48:49,167 at Goliath Mountain Ski and Tennis Resort. 964 00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,583 Video clearly shows the Dablonskis 965 00:48:51,617 --> 00:48:53,835 firing tennis balls at attendees 966 00:48:53,868 --> 00:48:56,550 with high-velocity ball machines. 967 00:48:56,582 --> 00:48:59,695 While no fault has yet been assigned to the Dablonskis, 968 00:48:59,728 --> 00:49:01,979 it appears there is no love lost 969 00:49:02,012 --> 00:49:04,098 between them and their students. 970 00:49:04,131 --> 00:49:07,309 Now, let's see what Susie's serving up in the weather. 971 00:49:12,871 --> 00:49:16,447 - So are we finished yet? 972 00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:17,241 - Finished? 973 00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,486 - With that stupid Christmas letter. 974 00:49:21,777 --> 00:49:25,319 So far, the kids have seen Santa gut a deer. 975 00:49:25,353 --> 00:49:28,630 We ruined New Year's Eve for untold millions of people. 976 00:49:28,664 --> 00:49:31,643 And today they witnessed a family of nut-job tennis pros 977 00:49:31,677 --> 00:49:33,894 with an unhealthy obsession for John McEnroe 978 00:49:33,928 --> 00:49:36,477 have a major psychotic breakdown, in unison, 979 00:49:36,510 --> 00:49:39,258 over his role in a toe fungus commercial. 980 00:49:39,291 --> 00:49:40,847 - Yeah, but I, I, I, couldn't control that. 981 00:49:40,881 --> 00:49:43,396 I mean- - No, you can't. 982 00:49:43,429 --> 00:49:46,475 So then why are you trying to control our lives? 983 00:49:46,508 --> 00:49:47,667 - What do you mean? 984 00:49:47,700 --> 00:49:49,289 - Is any of this real? 985 00:49:50,249 --> 00:49:52,236 Where's your Black Diamond badge? 986 00:49:52,268 --> 00:49:53,593 Are you gonna put photos 987 00:49:53,627 --> 00:49:55,547 of the attack of the ball machine in the letter? 988 00:49:55,579 --> 00:49:57,235 - No. - No, exactly. 989 00:49:57,269 --> 00:50:00,943 Because reality isn't as pleasing as fantasy. 990 00:50:00,976 --> 00:50:04,154 - But I mean, isn't it the whole point is to show people, 991 00:50:04,188 --> 00:50:06,273 I mean, how much fun we've been having. 992 00:50:06,307 --> 00:50:07,498 - We're not having fun. 993 00:50:09,087 --> 00:50:10,941 - It hasn't been all that bad, has it? 994 00:50:12,928 --> 00:50:14,484 I mean, you've, you've had some fun. 995 00:50:14,517 --> 00:50:18,953 I mean, skiing and hanging out with all the kids, I mean, 996 00:50:21,735 --> 00:50:23,522 isn't that what it's all about? 997 00:50:30,872 --> 00:50:33,123 I organized a, a special day 998 00:50:33,156 --> 00:50:35,407 just for the two of us at a spa. 999 00:50:37,858 --> 00:50:39,181 - Really? - Yeah. 1000 00:50:40,142 --> 00:50:41,963 We're gonna get carp pedicures. 1001 00:50:42,857 --> 00:50:43,817 - What? - Yeah. 1002 00:50:43,850 --> 00:50:45,605 - Carp like as, fish carp? 1003 00:50:45,637 --> 00:50:47,128 Yeah. 1004 00:50:47,161 --> 00:50:49,776 Yeah. So what you do is you have a glass of wine 1005 00:50:49,809 --> 00:50:51,266 and you put your feet in this little tub 1006 00:50:51,299 --> 00:50:52,458 and, and the carp come 1007 00:50:52,491 --> 00:50:55,437 and they eat all your dead skin cells. 1008 00:50:55,471 --> 00:50:56,729 I mean, sounds kind of gross, 1009 00:50:56,762 --> 00:50:58,947 but you know, it's doesn't hurt or anything. 1010 00:50:58,980 --> 00:51:02,622 It feels kind of tingly and it's very therapeutic. 1011 00:51:02,655 --> 00:51:05,535 And you always complaining about your heel thing. 1012 00:51:05,569 --> 00:51:09,143 So what do you think? It's gonna be great, I think. 1013 00:51:26,359 --> 00:51:28,247 Who knew the carp would be so hungry, huh? 1014 00:51:52,614 --> 00:51:54,501 - This is my kind of weather. 1015 00:51:54,534 --> 00:51:56,256 Yeah. Ope. 1016 00:51:56,288 --> 00:51:58,507 All right. Better get this. 1017 00:51:59,732 --> 00:52:02,546 - Michaels. - Hello, Clive. 1018 00:52:04,532 --> 00:52:05,625 - Can you hear me, Joe? 1019 00:52:05,657 --> 00:52:08,207 - Yeah, I'm here. - Yeah, sorry. 1020 00:52:08,240 --> 00:52:10,955 On the heli on the way to Majorca for a boys' trip. 1021 00:52:10,988 --> 00:52:13,272 Sometimes I can't hear over these damn rotors. 1022 00:52:16,451 --> 00:52:19,000 - Yeah, I have the same problem with the rotor brakes. 1023 00:52:19,033 --> 00:52:20,423 - Well, we're excited for you 1024 00:52:20,457 --> 00:52:22,542 to join us for my birthday bash. 1025 00:52:22,576 --> 00:52:23,801 Still set to make the journey? 1026 00:52:23,833 --> 00:52:26,218 - Yeah, yeah, sure. 1027 00:52:26,250 --> 00:52:27,443 - Ah, fantastic. 1028 00:52:27,475 --> 00:52:29,495 Well, Bono's confirmed 1029 00:52:29,528 --> 00:52:30,753 and we might even get a visit 1030 00:52:30,786 --> 00:52:33,103 from our family friend Charles. 1031 00:52:34,031 --> 00:52:36,050 - Like King Charles? 1032 00:52:36,083 --> 00:52:37,308 - The last time I saw him, 1033 00:52:37,341 --> 00:52:39,063 he was up the other end of my tennis court 1034 00:52:39,096 --> 00:52:42,870 doubled over after I'd beat his royal ass. 1035 00:52:42,903 --> 00:52:44,757 So how's the job going? 1036 00:52:44,791 --> 00:52:47,936 Seen any profit shares or stock options yet? 1037 00:52:50,319 --> 00:52:54,590 - Yeah, well I was laid off just before Christmas, so. 1038 00:52:54,623 --> 00:52:57,802 - Oh. Bad luck, Michaels. 1039 00:52:57,835 --> 00:53:00,053 I hope that won't stop you from visiting us 1040 00:53:00,086 --> 00:53:02,867 and I trust you've got a generous severance package there. 1041 00:53:03,761 --> 00:53:05,482 - Yeah, yeah. I, I did. 1042 00:53:05,516 --> 00:53:09,257 In fact, I'm just here at the Port of Miami with the family. 1043 00:53:09,290 --> 00:53:11,343 We're just about to get on a luxury cruise. 1044 00:53:11,375 --> 00:53:14,190 - Yeah, well anyway, Michaels, we're about to take off, 1045 00:53:14,223 --> 00:53:16,342 so I better be on my way. 1046 00:53:16,374 --> 00:53:19,453 You enjoy that and avoid those tourist traps. 1047 00:53:19,487 --> 00:53:20,712 - Yeah, will do. 1048 00:53:20,745 --> 00:53:22,169 And, and look out for those helicopter blades 1049 00:53:22,201 --> 00:53:24,452 so they don't, you know, cut off your head. 1050 00:53:29,850 --> 00:53:31,604 Yeah, guess the rest of you folks 1051 00:53:31,637 --> 00:53:33,987 are cruising with us down here. 1052 00:53:34,021 --> 00:53:36,206 All aboard for Bahama Mama. 1053 00:53:37,629 --> 00:53:39,417 You just have to climb down here to the maintenance pier. 1054 00:53:39,451 --> 00:53:40,477 Bloody hell. 1055 00:53:40,510 --> 00:53:42,165 It's gonna be an adventure. 1056 00:53:47,695 --> 00:53:51,203 - Hey, John. John, wake up. 1057 00:53:52,461 --> 00:53:53,753 You know what day it is? 1058 00:53:54,812 --> 00:53:56,997 - It's day? - Well, yeah, it's day. 1059 00:53:57,030 --> 00:53:58,653 But this is, we might get out 1060 00:53:58,685 --> 00:54:01,698 and be able to play with Tiger Woods day. 1061 00:54:04,281 --> 00:54:06,797 Do I have to go? 1062 00:54:06,831 --> 00:54:08,188 - "Do I have to go?" 1063 00:54:08,220 --> 00:54:09,711 You're gonna miss out on the opportunity 1064 00:54:09,743 --> 00:54:12,160 to play with golf's living legend, 1065 00:54:12,193 --> 00:54:13,518 the one and only Tiger Woods. 1066 00:54:13,551 --> 00:54:15,869 You wanna sleep through that? Come on. 1067 00:54:15,901 --> 00:54:18,947 - Isn't he that guy who crashed his car into a fire hydrant? 1068 00:54:18,980 --> 00:54:20,868 - Yeah, that was, I don't know. 1069 00:54:20,900 --> 00:54:22,986 - Didn't his wife smash all of his windows 1070 00:54:23,019 --> 00:54:23,880 with one of his golf clubs? 1071 00:54:23,913 --> 00:54:25,436 - No, no, I think she was trying 1072 00:54:25,470 --> 00:54:27,489 to get him outta the car or something like that. 1073 00:54:27,522 --> 00:54:30,138 - He was only going five miles an hour. 1074 00:54:30,170 --> 00:54:31,395 - What is this, CSI? 1075 00:54:31,429 --> 00:54:33,415 Come on, get out of bed. This will be fun. 1076 00:54:33,448 --> 00:54:36,362 We'll play golf, we'll Have a good time. Come on. 1077 00:54:36,394 --> 00:54:37,951 - I hope she's not there. 1078 00:54:37,984 --> 00:54:39,474 Don't worry about it. 1079 00:54:51,988 --> 00:54:54,107 This is supposed to be the 100 Acre Wood Country Club. 1080 00:54:54,141 --> 00:54:55,001 Where, where am I? 1081 00:54:56,921 --> 00:54:57,749 Oh. 1082 00:55:00,597 --> 00:55:04,171 Oh! my God, man, that stinks. 1083 00:55:04,205 --> 00:55:08,641 Um, excuse me, miss, miss. 1084 00:55:08,675 --> 00:55:11,024 Excuse me. I, I think I'm, I'm a little lost. 1085 00:55:11,058 --> 00:55:14,666 I'm, I'm, I'm looking for the 100 Acre Woods Golf Club. 1086 00:55:14,700 --> 00:55:16,785 - This is it. Or was it. 1087 00:55:16,819 --> 00:55:18,242 Now it's 10 Acre Woods. 1088 00:55:18,276 --> 00:55:19,931 - Oh, okay. 1089 00:55:19,964 --> 00:55:21,255 W- what? I don't understand. 1090 00:55:21,288 --> 00:55:22,513 What do you, what do you mean? 1091 00:55:22,546 --> 00:55:25,393 - A couple of years ago, the owners discovered 1092 00:55:25,426 --> 00:55:27,049 there was natural gas under the course 1093 00:55:27,082 --> 00:55:28,240 and sold it to Gas Co. 1094 00:55:29,266 --> 00:55:31,088 Now, they're fracking the back nine. 1095 00:55:31,121 --> 00:55:33,339 Hey, hey, hey, and because of the gas revenue, 1096 00:55:34,133 --> 00:55:35,656 get this, Gas Co. is kind enough 1097 00:55:35,690 --> 00:55:38,504 to give back to the community and make it a public course. 1098 00:55:40,027 --> 00:55:41,914 - So this is it? 1099 00:55:41,947 --> 00:55:44,762 - It is now one of the most challenging courses around. 1100 00:55:44,794 --> 00:55:45,820 - Oh my God. 1101 00:55:45,854 --> 00:55:47,045 - See that big tank over there? 1102 00:55:47,079 --> 00:55:48,668 - Mm-hmm. - Filled with fracking fluid. 1103 00:55:48,701 --> 00:55:50,952 - What? - Oh! And the ponds! 1104 00:55:53,004 --> 00:55:53,800 - They're on fire. 1105 00:55:53,832 --> 00:55:54,991 Why, why are they- 1106 00:55:55,024 --> 00:55:57,640 - Great use of wastewater, right? 1107 00:55:57,673 --> 00:55:59,593 We have more water hazards here 1108 00:55:59,626 --> 00:56:01,811 than any other course in the state. 1109 00:56:13,498 --> 00:56:16,445 Course, uh, if your ball drops in one, 1110 00:56:16,478 --> 00:56:17,272 it's best to ask for drop. 1111 00:56:17,305 --> 00:56:18,166 - Uh-huh. 1112 00:56:20,914 --> 00:56:22,305 - Did we get in a car accident? 1113 00:56:22,338 --> 00:56:23,397 - Uh, no, no, it's fine. 1114 00:56:23,431 --> 00:56:27,139 Shh. We're on a golf course, I think. 1115 00:56:27,171 --> 00:56:28,330 Um, yeah, look. 1116 00:56:28,364 --> 00:56:30,250 My son, my son and I, we, we booked in 1117 00:56:30,284 --> 00:56:32,700 a, a private lesson with a golfing professional. 1118 00:56:32,733 --> 00:56:34,852 I hear he is a bit of a golfing legend. 1119 00:56:34,886 --> 00:56:36,209 - Tigger Woods. 1120 00:56:36,243 --> 00:56:39,090 - Don't you mean Tiger Woods, right? Tiger Woods. 1121 00:56:39,123 --> 00:56:41,606 Golfing legend, wears the green jacket, 1122 00:56:41,639 --> 00:56:43,559 drives into fire hydrants. 1123 00:56:43,593 --> 00:56:45,943 Yeah, it is a typo in the thing here, 1124 00:56:45,976 --> 00:56:48,526 but I know you mean Tiger Woods, right? 1125 00:56:48,558 --> 00:56:49,651 - No, it's Tigger. 1126 00:56:50,711 --> 00:56:52,101 I get why you thought it was a typo. 1127 00:56:52,134 --> 00:56:54,088 I mean, what are the odds of a guy who plays golf 1128 00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:55,676 being called Tigger Woods? 1129 00:56:55,710 --> 00:56:57,199 - Yeah. What are the odds. 1130 00:56:57,233 --> 00:56:59,219 Right. - Anyway, uh. 1131 00:56:59,252 --> 00:57:00,444 - Ow! - People aren't usually 1132 00:57:00,477 --> 00:57:01,703 too happy when they find out about that. 1133 00:57:01,735 --> 00:57:02,596 - No. - But, uh, 1134 00:57:02,629 --> 00:57:04,285 Tigger enjoys all the attention. 1135 00:57:04,317 --> 00:57:05,543 He's a happy guy anyway. 1136 00:57:05,576 --> 00:57:07,694 - Okay, great. 1137 00:57:07,728 --> 00:57:08,887 - Yeah. Speak of the devil. 1138 00:57:08,919 --> 00:57:10,078 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1139 00:57:12,462 --> 00:57:14,383 - Hey, I'm Tigger. 1140 00:57:14,415 --> 00:57:16,038 - Oh, hi. - Hey. 1141 00:57:17,263 --> 00:57:19,646 - So you must be what, Christopher Robin? 1142 00:57:19,679 --> 00:57:20,871 - Robinson, actually. 1143 00:57:21,964 --> 00:57:25,838 Oh, and, um, you got a little poo. 1144 00:57:25,870 --> 00:57:27,095 - Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1145 00:57:27,129 --> 00:57:30,572 Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Christopher Robin-son. 1146 00:57:30,605 --> 00:57:32,790 You guys are hilarious. 1147 00:57:32,823 --> 00:57:34,048 - I'm not really sure what you're getting at, 1148 00:57:34,081 --> 00:57:36,431 but you're literally standing in dog shit. 1149 00:57:36,465 --> 00:57:37,656 Aw, crap. 1150 00:57:37,690 --> 00:57:39,378 Why is there so much dog shit everywhere? 1151 00:57:39,412 --> 00:57:40,272 Dammit! 1152 00:57:41,133 --> 00:57:42,457 Oh man. - All right, so, 1153 00:57:42,490 --> 00:57:43,781 should we begin? 1154 00:57:43,815 --> 00:57:45,735 - Begin what? - You mind being a? 1155 00:57:45,768 --> 00:57:47,092 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1156 00:57:47,125 --> 00:57:49,542 - Thank you. He's gonna go get him something. 1157 00:57:49,576 --> 00:57:50,336 - Sure. - Chop chop. 1158 00:57:50,370 --> 00:57:53,515 - Woo-hoo! That was fun. 1159 00:57:53,548 --> 00:57:54,773 - Gimme this. Yeah. 1160 00:57:54,806 --> 00:57:56,031 You wanna make sure you have one of these babies 1161 00:57:56,064 --> 00:57:57,355 when you're playing 10 Acre Woods. 1162 00:57:57,389 --> 00:57:59,606 If not, you'll be gasping like a perch on the pier 1163 00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:00,732 by the third tee. 1164 00:58:05,268 --> 00:58:06,228 Dad? 1165 00:58:07,486 --> 00:58:08,281 Yes, son. 1166 00:58:10,135 --> 00:58:14,538 - Is this what hell is like? - Yeah, pretty much. 1167 00:58:20,795 --> 00:58:21,656 Ah, yes. 1168 00:58:22,550 --> 00:58:24,470 Joe! 1169 00:58:24,503 --> 00:58:26,192 Whoa, whoa. - Rich. 1170 00:58:26,225 --> 00:58:28,873 What are you doing delivering packages this way? 1171 00:58:28,906 --> 00:58:30,727 - Running behind. Hope you don't mind. 1172 00:58:30,761 --> 00:58:32,713 - No, why would I mind? That's, that's fine. 1173 00:58:32,747 --> 00:58:34,965 Look, let me get that for you. 1174 00:58:34,998 --> 00:58:38,706 So how did the little procedure go with your, you know? 1175 00:58:38,740 --> 00:58:40,196 - That snip snip thing? - Yeah. 1176 00:58:40,229 --> 00:58:43,705 - Oh, well it was fine for a while. 1177 00:58:43,739 --> 00:58:44,798 - For a while? What do you mean? 1178 00:58:44,831 --> 00:58:47,016 - Yeah, my wife got pregnant again. 1179 00:58:47,049 --> 00:58:49,069 - Oh. - I mean, 1180 00:58:49,102 --> 00:58:50,062 I guess it didn't take. 1181 00:58:50,095 --> 00:58:51,386 You know, go figure. 1182 00:58:51,420 --> 00:58:53,505 And it, it stinks too 1183 00:58:53,538 --> 00:58:56,783 because now I gotta bring the handyman back 1184 00:58:56,816 --> 00:58:59,498 to put an addition on the house, you know, 1185 00:58:59,530 --> 00:59:01,352 to accommodate the kid. 1186 00:59:01,384 --> 00:59:03,570 And the guy's costing me an arm and a leg. 1187 00:59:03,603 --> 00:59:04,828 - Mm. Wow. 1188 00:59:04,861 --> 00:59:06,914 - He spent 12 weeks on our bedroom redo. 1189 00:59:06,946 --> 00:59:08,900 - Whoa. - It's, it's just ridiculous. 1190 00:59:08,933 --> 00:59:10,953 But, you know, I can't complain. 1191 00:59:10,985 --> 00:59:13,038 The guy's a, he's a craftsman. 1192 00:59:13,071 --> 00:59:14,958 - Hmm. Okay. - No, my wife can't say 1193 00:59:14,992 --> 00:59:17,574 enough about his skills with wood. 1194 00:59:17,607 --> 00:59:18,666 - Oh, okay. 1195 00:59:19,892 --> 00:59:22,739 Well look, I hate to take the packages and run, 1196 00:59:22,772 --> 00:59:26,645 but I think I left something on. 1197 00:59:26,679 --> 00:59:27,838 Maybe it's the oven. 1198 00:59:27,870 --> 00:59:29,658 - Well, thank you for keeping me busy. 1199 00:59:29,692 --> 00:59:31,314 - Yeah, yeah. No thanks. 1200 00:59:31,347 --> 00:59:32,869 Thanks, Rich. - And thank you too, Deb. 1201 00:59:32,903 --> 00:59:34,426 - Yeah. Okay, okay. 1202 00:59:34,459 --> 00:59:35,485 Thanks, Rich. - Yeah. 1203 00:59:35,518 --> 00:59:36,214 - All right. All right. - See ya. 1204 00:59:36,246 --> 00:59:37,108 - See ya. 1205 01:00:08,956 --> 01:00:10,712 Oh, what do you think? 1206 01:00:11,770 --> 01:00:14,286 This is our year. This is our time. 1207 01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,240 We're gonna go to Clive Hammersmith's party 1208 01:00:16,273 --> 01:00:18,160 and we're gonna live it up on his dime. 1209 01:00:19,253 --> 01:00:20,974 - I'm just having second thoughts, it's- 1210 01:00:21,007 --> 01:00:22,530 - No, it's fine. 1211 01:00:22,564 --> 01:00:24,682 People go across the Atlantic on private jets all the time. 1212 01:00:24,715 --> 01:00:26,735 Besides, it's gonna look great in the Christmas letter. 1213 01:00:26,768 --> 01:00:29,020 Woo-hoo. Yeah, here we go. 1214 01:00:29,052 --> 01:00:31,403 - This is exactly what I'm talking about. 1215 01:00:32,462 --> 01:00:33,224 - Is this all? 1216 01:00:33,257 --> 01:00:34,051 - Yeah. Yeah. 1217 01:00:34,085 --> 01:00:35,508 Do you need my ticket? 1218 01:00:35,541 --> 01:00:37,561 'Cause I bought it online with the, the discount site. 1219 01:00:37,595 --> 01:00:38,852 It was a two-for-one deal with a payment plan. 1220 01:00:38,886 --> 01:00:40,772 - Oh no, that's just fine. I can, I can take that. 1221 01:00:40,806 --> 01:00:41,567 - Cool. Great. 1222 01:00:41,600 --> 01:00:42,626 Oh. Oh, ah. 1223 01:00:42,660 --> 01:00:45,540 Can I get a selfie with everybody? 1224 01:00:46,798 --> 01:00:47,924 Yeah you can be in this. Yeah. 1225 01:00:47,956 --> 01:00:49,347 There we go. 1226 01:00:49,381 --> 01:00:50,341 Look at that jet. Look at that. 1227 01:00:50,373 --> 01:00:52,327 Awesome. 1228 01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:54,081 All right, let's do it. Here we go. 1229 01:00:56,134 --> 01:00:57,757 - Have a nice trip. - Thank you. 1230 01:01:09,675 --> 01:01:11,893 - This is nicer than our bedroom. 1231 01:01:11,926 --> 01:01:13,151 - Oh, I wouldn't go as far as that. 1232 01:01:13,185 --> 01:01:14,807 But it, it's pretty nice. 1233 01:01:22,752 --> 01:01:24,838 - This is molten hot! 1234 01:01:24,871 --> 01:01:26,825 Where do they heat those, in the engines? 1235 01:01:26,857 --> 01:01:28,148 Get me another towel 1236 01:01:28,182 --> 01:01:30,731 that won't require plastic surgery after I use it. 1237 01:01:40,862 --> 01:01:42,650 - Here you are, sir. - About time. 1238 01:01:46,159 --> 01:01:48,874 I want to open my pores. 1239 01:01:48,907 --> 01:01:50,794 Open. Get it? 1240 01:01:50,828 --> 01:01:53,939 This, this tepid rag ain't going to cut it honey. 1241 01:01:53,973 --> 01:01:55,031 No thanks. 1242 01:01:58,276 --> 01:01:59,667 - Someone needs to shut this guy up. 1243 01:01:59,700 --> 01:02:01,223 He's being a real jerk. 1244 01:02:01,256 --> 01:02:02,944 - It's a long flight. 1245 01:02:02,977 --> 01:02:05,328 I don't need an international incident, okay? 1246 01:02:07,116 --> 01:02:10,261 Okay. Okay. 1247 01:02:10,294 --> 01:02:11,419 Yeah. 1248 01:02:11,453 --> 01:02:12,578 - Um, we're offering a light snack 1249 01:02:12,612 --> 01:02:15,326 of either chicken or avocado sandwich. 1250 01:02:15,360 --> 01:02:17,644 - Oh, I will have the chicken. 1251 01:02:17,677 --> 01:02:19,366 - Yeah, make it two, thanks. 1252 01:02:19,399 --> 01:02:22,610 Very good. 1253 01:02:22,643 --> 01:02:24,927 - Oh, thank you so much. - Thank you. 1254 01:02:29,198 --> 01:02:30,622 - I'll have the chicken too. 1255 01:02:30,655 --> 01:02:32,046 - I'm sorry sir, 1256 01:02:32,079 --> 01:02:34,794 but for some reason those are the last two chicken. 1257 01:02:34,827 --> 01:02:36,217 - What!? 1258 01:02:36,250 --> 01:02:38,866 - Oh, you can have my chicken sandwich if you like. 1259 01:02:40,058 --> 01:02:42,706 - Well give it to me then. 1260 01:02:42,740 --> 01:02:43,600 - Sure. Here. 1261 01:03:02,371 --> 01:03:03,696 - You're kidding, right? 1262 01:03:03,730 --> 01:03:06,742 - No, I mean those Icelandic dudes were pretty cool. 1263 01:03:07,504 --> 01:03:08,596 - Well you're lucky. 1264 01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:12,768 Thank God those flight attendants vouched for you. 1265 01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:14,953 Priscilla told them you were a hero and Maggie said 1266 01:03:14,985 --> 01:03:18,065 you gave "that duffer a right, good bollocking." 1267 01:03:18,098 --> 01:03:19,687 - Uh, yeah. 1268 01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:20,945 And look where it got us. 1269 01:03:21,839 --> 01:03:22,866 The trip was gonna be the icing 1270 01:03:22,898 --> 01:03:24,586 on the Christmas letter cake. 1271 01:03:24,620 --> 01:03:26,109 Our coup de gras, 1272 01:03:26,143 --> 01:03:27,997 or coop de grass, or whatever you call it. 1273 01:03:29,156 --> 01:03:33,062 Oh, uh, do you want me- - Go ahead. 1274 01:03:33,095 --> 01:03:37,201 Okay. Hi, Tony. 1275 01:03:38,260 --> 01:03:39,220 - Oh it's you. 1276 01:03:41,537 --> 01:03:44,882 I heard you grounded a transatlantic flight. 1277 01:03:46,371 --> 01:03:47,729 Well, thanks for putting my daughter 1278 01:03:47,762 --> 01:03:50,311 on the terrorist watch list. 1279 01:03:50,344 --> 01:03:52,761 Remind me never to travel with you. 1280 01:03:52,794 --> 01:03:55,177 Probably end up getting a cavity search. 1281 01:03:56,204 --> 01:03:57,396 - Yeah, probably. 1282 01:03:57,429 --> 01:03:58,985 But they still wouldn't find your soul up there, 1283 01:03:59,018 --> 01:03:59,879 that's for sure. 1284 01:04:00,739 --> 01:04:02,296 - Put my daughter on the phone! 1285 01:04:03,455 --> 01:04:05,838 - Fine. Here's Krampus. 1286 01:04:07,097 --> 01:04:09,182 - Dad? Look, we're in the middle of something. 1287 01:04:09,215 --> 01:04:11,699 Can I call you back? Okay. 1288 01:04:15,638 --> 01:04:16,830 You ever think that 1289 01:04:16,863 --> 01:04:20,538 what actually might make your letter special, 1290 01:04:20,571 --> 01:04:22,723 the thing that will truly make it stand out, 1291 01:04:23,948 --> 01:04:27,027 might not be about what you've done for yourself, 1292 01:04:27,060 --> 01:04:30,172 but maybe about what you've done for others. 1293 01:04:32,887 --> 01:04:34,409 It's the Christmas season, Joe. 1294 01:04:35,303 --> 01:04:36,992 What about doing something 1295 01:04:37,025 --> 01:04:39,442 that's not about building up your own ego? 1296 01:04:41,661 --> 01:04:44,209 - Building. Building, yeah. 1297 01:04:45,335 --> 01:04:46,825 That's a great idea. 1298 01:04:48,049 --> 01:04:51,427 Why don't we build one of those Homes for Humans? 1299 01:04:51,460 --> 01:04:52,884 - Now, that's a great idea. 1300 01:04:52,916 --> 01:04:55,201 - Yeah. 'Cause that's what this letter needs. 1301 01:04:55,234 --> 01:04:56,724 It needs some heart. - Yeah. 1302 01:04:56,757 --> 01:04:58,677 - The Hammersmith letter has no heart at all. 1303 01:04:58,710 --> 01:05:00,564 - Well, no, but- - Yeah. No, no. 1304 01:05:00,597 --> 01:05:01,922 - It's gonna be great. 1305 01:05:01,955 --> 01:05:03,545 So not only do we do cool things for ourselves. 1306 01:05:03,577 --> 01:05:04,736 "Look at us." Yeah. 1307 01:05:04,769 --> 01:05:07,517 But we also do cool things for others. 1308 01:05:07,550 --> 01:05:10,398 Yeah, I can see it now, the before and after photos. 1309 01:05:10,430 --> 01:05:11,787 - Wait- - There's us and we're, 1310 01:05:11,821 --> 01:05:12,946 "Oh, the Michaels are coming!" 1311 01:05:12,980 --> 01:05:14,370 And we're gonna build this house 1312 01:05:14,403 --> 01:05:16,588 for these poor people and these homeless people 1313 01:05:16,622 --> 01:05:17,979 and they come in there and they're all happy 1314 01:05:18,012 --> 01:05:19,204 and everyone's gonna go "Look at this." 1315 01:05:19,237 --> 01:05:21,091 Oh my. Oh, this is brilliant. 1316 01:05:22,349 --> 01:05:24,964 Deb, you might have just saved the Christmas letter. 1317 01:05:28,838 --> 01:05:29,897 Yes. 1318 01:05:34,830 --> 01:05:36,949 Hi. We're here to help build a house. 1319 01:05:36,982 --> 01:05:39,267 - Great. Martin Kennedy. 1320 01:05:39,300 --> 01:05:40,161 Can I get your last name? 1321 01:05:40,194 --> 01:05:41,418 - Uh, we're the Michaels. 1322 01:05:43,206 --> 01:05:44,465 - I'm sorry, Mr. Michaels, 1323 01:05:44,497 --> 01:05:45,756 I don't see your names on the volunteer list. 1324 01:05:45,789 --> 01:05:47,676 - We're kind of being a little spontaneous 1325 01:05:47,710 --> 01:05:49,001 and, you know, we kind of got caught up 1326 01:05:49,033 --> 01:05:50,656 in the whole materialism of everything 1327 01:05:50,689 --> 01:05:52,543 and I thought, you know, I wanted to show the kids 1328 01:05:52,576 --> 01:05:54,695 what it's really all about, giving back, 1329 01:05:54,728 --> 01:05:58,237 and what a better thing to do and then help build a house. 1330 01:05:58,271 --> 01:06:00,787 - It's mighty nice of you, Mr. Michaels. 1331 01:06:00,819 --> 01:06:01,912 And I would sure hate to ruin 1332 01:06:01,945 --> 01:06:04,098 such a wonderful lesson for the kids. 1333 01:06:04,130 --> 01:06:05,818 - Oh, I appreciate that, Martin. 1334 01:06:05,852 --> 01:06:07,408 Can I call you Martin? - Sure thing. 1335 01:06:07,441 --> 01:06:09,394 Uh? - Joe. 1336 01:06:09,428 --> 01:06:11,712 Joe. 1337 01:06:11,745 --> 01:06:13,102 - Well is there anything we could do? 1338 01:06:13,136 --> 01:06:15,155 Can you help us out? 1339 01:06:15,188 --> 01:06:17,373 - Yeah. Mr. Michaels, you and the- 1340 01:06:17,406 --> 01:06:19,161 - Oh, call me Deb. 1341 01:06:19,194 --> 01:06:20,684 - Deb. 1342 01:06:20,717 --> 01:06:23,200 You and the kids can help out over there with landscaping. 1343 01:06:23,234 --> 01:06:24,525 And Joe, I could sure use some help 1344 01:06:24,557 --> 01:06:25,948 with some light plumbing. 1345 01:06:25,981 --> 01:06:27,702 - Great. - I'm short a plumber, 1346 01:06:27,736 --> 01:06:29,821 our deadline's only three days away. 1347 01:06:29,855 --> 01:06:31,476 You know how to sweat a copper pipe? 1348 01:06:31,510 --> 01:06:32,867 - Uh, well, I know how to sweat. 1349 01:06:32,901 --> 01:06:34,192 So that's a start, right? 1350 01:06:35,549 --> 01:06:37,138 - Okay, well let me get you set up over here and then- 1351 01:06:37,171 --> 01:06:38,528 - Wait, wait, wait. 1352 01:06:38,562 --> 01:06:40,117 Let me, uh, can I get a selfie, 1353 01:06:40,151 --> 01:06:43,164 just you and all of us in front of the house? 1354 01:06:43,196 --> 01:06:44,455 - Okay, sure. 1355 01:06:44,488 --> 01:06:45,812 - Uh, say "cheese." 1356 01:06:47,401 --> 01:06:49,421 - Okay, formalities outta the way. Now we can get to work. 1357 01:06:49,454 --> 01:06:51,474 - Great. Thanks again Martin. - So much. 1358 01:06:55,777 --> 01:06:56,770 - Very well. 1359 01:06:56,804 --> 01:06:58,293 This is gonna be the bathroom. 1360 01:06:59,518 --> 01:07:00,777 Here's your torch. 1361 01:07:00,810 --> 01:07:02,432 Just press- 1362 01:07:02,465 --> 01:07:04,186 Oh, I better check that out. - Sure. 1363 01:07:04,220 --> 01:07:06,107 Be right back. - Okay. Okay. 1364 01:07:12,530 --> 01:07:17,363 Okay. 1365 01:07:19,085 --> 01:07:22,131 Oh! 1366 01:07:27,163 --> 01:07:31,500 Martin, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 1367 01:07:31,534 --> 01:07:33,486 I was only trying to help. 1368 01:07:33,520 --> 01:07:34,745 It was an accident. 1369 01:07:34,777 --> 01:07:38,122 I, I, didn't mean to burn down the house. 1370 01:07:39,612 --> 01:07:40,373 Wait. 1371 01:07:42,458 --> 01:07:43,220 - What's up, Joe? 1372 01:07:44,147 --> 01:07:45,505 - What are you doing here? 1373 01:07:45,537 --> 01:07:48,020 - Oh, we were tweaking my house, but, but then, you know. 1374 01:07:48,054 --> 01:07:49,146 - Well this is your house? 1375 01:07:49,179 --> 01:07:50,570 I burnt down your house? 1376 01:07:50,603 --> 01:07:52,722 - No, Joe. It's all right. It's just a house. 1377 01:07:52,755 --> 01:07:53,913 It's gonna get rebuilt. 1378 01:07:54,675 --> 01:07:55,834 - I- I... 1379 01:07:55,867 --> 01:07:57,688 - Hey, everything works out. Remember? 1380 01:07:58,681 --> 01:08:00,005 It's all good, man. 1381 01:08:00,039 --> 01:08:01,396 Take care buddy. - I don't know what to say. 1382 01:08:01,429 --> 01:08:03,085 I'm, I'm, I'm sorry. 1383 01:08:05,633 --> 01:08:06,825 I'm sorry. 1384 01:08:21,592 --> 01:08:24,074 - Grandma! Grandpa! - Oh! Hello! 1385 01:08:24,107 --> 01:08:26,260 How are you doing? - Hi, pie. 1386 01:08:26,292 --> 01:08:27,683 - Oh, mom! - Oh, look at you. 1387 01:08:27,716 --> 01:08:28,808 - You didn't need to do that. Come on in. 1388 01:08:28,842 --> 01:08:30,034 Come on in. - Hi, sweetheart. 1389 01:08:30,067 --> 01:08:31,060 - Missed you guys! - Gosh. 1390 01:08:31,093 --> 01:08:32,153 - Muah! - It's good to see you. 1391 01:08:32,185 --> 01:08:35,298 How tall are you now? 1392 01:08:49,136 --> 01:08:51,090 - I know Joe's lay off has been hard on you, honey, 1393 01:08:51,123 --> 01:08:55,262 but you know, if you need anything you call us. 1394 01:08:55,294 --> 01:08:56,751 - Thanks, Mom. 1395 01:08:56,784 --> 01:09:00,293 Need anything? She's got everything. 1396 01:09:00,327 --> 01:09:01,750 No offense little baby girl. 1397 01:09:01,784 --> 01:09:05,160 But you gotta lay off those shopping channels. 1398 01:09:06,120 --> 01:09:08,074 You know what QVC really means? 1399 01:09:09,332 --> 01:09:12,510 Quickly-vanishing cash. 1400 01:09:12,543 --> 01:09:15,887 Aw. Don't oh. 1401 01:09:17,278 --> 01:09:19,000 Speaking of vanishing cash. 1402 01:09:20,389 --> 01:09:23,766 What's this crap I hear about you cashing out your 401k? 1403 01:09:24,660 --> 01:09:28,136 - I never said a word to him. 1404 01:09:28,964 --> 01:09:30,884 Mom! - I'm sorry. 1405 01:09:32,706 --> 01:09:33,931 I just couldn't hold it in. 1406 01:09:35,222 --> 01:09:36,645 It just seems so crazy. 1407 01:09:37,837 --> 01:09:39,559 - Because it is crazy. 1408 01:09:39,591 --> 01:09:43,399 Who in their right mind blows their retirement savings 1409 01:09:43,432 --> 01:09:47,669 just to live out their fantasies to try and impress others? 1410 01:09:47,703 --> 01:09:48,928 Hm? - Fantasies? 1411 01:09:48,961 --> 01:09:50,020 Tony, you're the one who wanted 1412 01:09:50,054 --> 01:09:52,073 to become a professional baseball player 1413 01:09:52,106 --> 01:09:53,397 so you dipped into your savings 1414 01:09:53,430 --> 01:09:55,781 to pay for that professional baseball camp. 1415 01:09:55,815 --> 01:09:57,271 Then you had to go back to your savings 1416 01:09:57,304 --> 01:09:58,364 to pay for that lawyer 1417 01:09:58,397 --> 01:09:59,854 to get you outta that Nolan Ryan case 1418 01:09:59,886 --> 01:10:01,475 that you were involved with. 1419 01:10:01,509 --> 01:10:03,263 - That's son of bitch brushed me back. 1420 01:10:03,297 --> 01:10:04,853 - Well, you didn't have to charge the mound, did you? 1421 01:10:04,885 --> 01:10:05,747 - Stop it. 1422 01:10:06,872 --> 01:10:08,164 Stop it. 1423 01:10:08,196 --> 01:10:11,772 I'm sorry. Honey, I just needed to talk to someone. 1424 01:10:12,931 --> 01:10:16,142 You were so hell bent on this big plan of yours 1425 01:10:16,175 --> 01:10:18,493 and I was worried about our finances. 1426 01:10:18,526 --> 01:10:20,579 I needed to vent. That's all. 1427 01:10:22,929 --> 01:10:23,790 - Excuse me. 1428 01:11:01,135 --> 01:11:04,147 Mommy! Cookies are ready! 1429 01:11:04,181 --> 01:11:05,438 Okay, hold on. 1430 01:11:05,472 --> 01:11:07,127 Hold on it's hot. Be careful. 1431 01:11:07,160 --> 01:11:09,611 Dad, mail's here. 1432 01:11:09,643 --> 01:11:11,597 Bring it on up. 1433 01:11:12,557 --> 01:11:15,305 Our first Christmas card. 1434 01:11:19,609 --> 01:11:20,933 - Thanks, buddy. 1435 01:11:44,638 --> 01:11:47,551 Greetings from the Hammersmiths. 1436 01:11:47,584 --> 01:11:50,895 I hope you're well and in good spirit. 1437 01:11:50,928 --> 01:11:52,882 As Christmas approaches, 1438 01:11:52,914 --> 01:11:54,603 you know I like to take time out 1439 01:11:54,636 --> 01:11:57,748 to reflect on all the wonderful times my family 1440 01:11:57,781 --> 01:12:00,132 and I had the past year. 1441 01:12:00,164 --> 01:12:03,475 The highlight being my big birthday bash. 1442 01:12:14,434 --> 01:12:15,295 - Joe. 1443 01:12:19,466 --> 01:12:20,426 Joe! 1444 01:12:24,333 --> 01:12:26,518 Joe, you can't do this, no. 1445 01:12:28,504 --> 01:12:31,551 Joe. 1446 01:12:31,583 --> 01:12:34,530 Joe, this is fiction and you know it! 1447 01:12:35,954 --> 01:12:36,782 Joe! 1448 01:12:39,861 --> 01:12:40,853 Joe, please. 1449 01:12:42,046 --> 01:12:44,065 You can't send this, Joe. 1450 01:12:52,507 --> 01:12:55,056 - Deb, open the door. 1451 01:12:55,090 --> 01:12:56,944 I just wanna go to bed. 1452 01:12:57,838 --> 01:13:00,917 Thank you. 1453 01:13:00,950 --> 01:13:02,208 Come on. 1454 01:13:02,241 --> 01:13:03,830 Fine. I'll sleep downstairs on the couch. 1455 01:13:03,863 --> 01:13:06,942 Then I can keep an eye out to see if any packages arrive. 1456 01:13:08,399 --> 01:13:09,359 Oh! Really? 1457 01:13:38,460 --> 01:13:43,294 ♪ Silent night ♪ 1458 01:13:43,890 --> 01:13:48,161 ♪ Holy night ♪ 1459 01:13:48,193 --> 01:13:52,829 ♪ All is calm ♪ 1460 01:13:52,862 --> 01:13:57,696 ♪ All is bright ♪ 1461 01:13:58,258 --> 01:14:00,675 ♪ Sleep in ♪ 1462 01:14:00,708 --> 01:14:03,390 ♪ Heavenly peace ♪ 1463 01:14:10,607 --> 01:14:12,593 - So? Got it out of your system? 1464 01:14:12,627 --> 01:14:15,341 Oh yeah. 1465 01:14:15,375 --> 01:14:17,063 Well, almost. 1466 01:14:17,096 --> 01:14:20,142 Just as soon as I drop the letter off at the post office. 1467 01:14:20,175 --> 01:14:22,260 - And that's it? - Look, I know you're thinking 1468 01:14:22,294 --> 01:14:24,711 I'm being obsessed with this Hammersmith letter, 1469 01:14:24,744 --> 01:14:27,161 but, I mean, what kind of an example do I set 1470 01:14:27,194 --> 01:14:29,975 for you and the kids after everything I've put you through. 1471 01:14:30,008 --> 01:14:31,663 - Uh, that you're not an idiot. 1472 01:14:31,697 --> 01:14:35,106 Look, you came up with this idea, hair-brained idea, 1473 01:14:35,140 --> 01:14:36,100 because you lost your job. 1474 01:14:36,133 --> 01:14:37,622 I got that. 1475 01:14:37,656 --> 01:14:39,642 And I wanted to support you. 1476 01:14:39,676 --> 01:14:42,721 You wanted to do things as a family and I agreed. 1477 01:14:42,755 --> 01:14:43,946 But the next thing I know, 1478 01:14:43,979 --> 01:14:46,529 we are doing things no one wants to do. 1479 01:14:46,561 --> 01:14:48,548 We are trying to shoehorn some form 1480 01:14:48,581 --> 01:14:52,587 of manufactured happiness into our lives 1481 01:14:52,620 --> 01:14:55,533 while overlooking the real happiness we already have. 1482 01:14:55,567 --> 01:14:56,560 And for what? 1483 01:14:57,355 --> 01:14:58,381 So you could prove something 1484 01:14:58,414 --> 01:14:59,738 that never needed proving? 1485 01:15:01,625 --> 01:15:04,240 Somehow this whole living well idea 1486 01:15:04,274 --> 01:15:06,062 has morphed into a living hell. 1487 01:15:06,094 --> 01:15:08,081 - Yeah. but living well- - Is the best revenge. 1488 01:15:08,114 --> 01:15:09,736 Yes. Great. 1489 01:15:09,770 --> 01:15:11,524 Revenge on everyone and everything that ever wronged you. 1490 01:15:12,749 --> 01:15:16,822 Go ahead, show them who the bigger person is, Joe. 1491 01:15:17,881 --> 01:15:20,133 Prove to them you're nothing like them. 1492 01:15:20,165 --> 01:15:22,549 Mm-hmm. G'ahead, send it. 1493 01:15:22,582 --> 01:15:26,357 - Yeah, I will. I will send it. 1494 01:15:27,449 --> 01:15:30,230 - You can't edit reality like this Joe. 1495 01:15:30,263 --> 01:15:31,455 And if you send that letter, 1496 01:15:31,488 --> 01:15:33,442 you are no better than Clive Hammersmith. 1497 01:15:34,898 --> 01:15:36,123 - Yeah. 1498 01:15:36,156 --> 01:15:38,341 You know, the one thing I learned in advertising 1499 01:15:39,169 --> 01:15:41,354 is perception is reality. 1500 01:15:42,446 --> 01:15:43,406 With this letter, 1501 01:15:44,863 --> 01:15:47,910 I will be better than Clive Hammersmith. 1502 01:15:49,299 --> 01:15:52,941 We, the Michaels, will be better than the Hammersmiths. 1503 01:15:52,975 --> 01:15:56,583 - You send that letter, there might not be a we anymore. 1504 01:17:20,808 --> 01:17:22,397 - You got it. 1505 01:17:22,430 --> 01:17:24,019 Hey, boss. How we doing tonight? 1506 01:17:24,053 --> 01:17:27,230 - Good. - What can I get you? 1507 01:17:27,264 --> 01:17:29,283 - Can I just get a, uh, craft beer? 1508 01:17:29,317 --> 01:17:31,038 - The closest thing we got is a Utica Club. 1509 01:17:31,071 --> 01:17:33,057 - Okay. Utica Club sounds good. 1510 01:17:33,091 --> 01:17:34,647 Thanks. Hey. 1511 01:17:39,348 --> 01:17:40,639 - There we are. - Thanks. 1512 01:17:41,566 --> 01:17:44,149 - Tough night? - Tough year. 1513 01:17:44,181 --> 01:17:47,691 - Tell me about it. You know, I got a story for you. 1514 01:17:50,008 --> 01:17:52,922 The past six months, I'm fighting the health department 1515 01:17:52,955 --> 01:17:55,306 because they find one rat 1516 01:17:55,338 --> 01:17:57,557 and it's like they opened up a federal case against me. 1517 01:17:57,590 --> 01:17:59,940 It's, it's... 1518 01:17:59,974 --> 01:18:02,987 You know what? Rats, they love those, beer nuts. 1519 01:18:03,019 --> 01:18:03,781 Go figure. 1520 01:18:07,886 --> 01:18:09,210 So you're not out shopping 1521 01:18:09,244 --> 01:18:11,032 with all the other morons tonight? 1522 01:18:11,064 --> 01:18:12,355 - Uh, yeah, I was thinking 1523 01:18:12,389 --> 01:18:13,514 of getting something for my wife. 1524 01:18:13,548 --> 01:18:15,997 - Wife. Yeah! - Wives. 1525 01:18:16,031 --> 01:18:17,620 What are you gonna get your wife for Christmas? 1526 01:18:17,653 --> 01:18:20,501 - Uh, I'm not sure. She's not really in a Christmas mood. 1527 01:18:24,969 --> 01:18:27,254 Do you ever get one of those Christmas letters? 1528 01:18:27,288 --> 01:18:28,645 - Like a, like a Christmas card? 1529 01:18:28,677 --> 01:18:29,870 - No, it's a, it's a Christmas letter. 1530 01:18:29,902 --> 01:18:32,088 It kind of opens up like a novel. 1531 01:18:32,121 --> 01:18:34,802 These pictures of families doing all these amazing things. 1532 01:18:34,836 --> 01:18:37,384 You know, jet skiing, yachting, travel, 1533 01:18:37,418 --> 01:18:39,637 amazing life, you know, all that kind of stuff. 1534 01:18:40,762 --> 01:18:44,073 - Every year I get this letter from this guy 1535 01:18:44,105 --> 01:18:45,297 that I went to high school with, right. 1536 01:18:45,330 --> 01:18:46,754 This jack hole. 1537 01:18:46,787 --> 01:18:49,966 The guy gets a patent for anti-skid mark underwear, right? 1538 01:18:49,998 --> 01:18:51,257 The prince of skid marks. 1539 01:18:51,290 --> 01:18:52,912 I refuse to wear 'em. 1540 01:18:52,945 --> 01:18:54,568 - They don't work. - They don't work. 1541 01:18:54,600 --> 01:18:55,991 Anyway, this guy, he writes this letter 1542 01:18:56,025 --> 01:18:57,713 and he puts in this, this, this picture 1543 01:18:57,745 --> 01:19:00,064 of his million-dollar mansion, his fancy cars, 1544 01:19:00,096 --> 01:19:01,421 where he sends his kids all over the... 1545 01:19:01,453 --> 01:19:02,976 You know where he send my kids? 1546 01:19:03,010 --> 01:19:05,095 To the end of the driveway to take out the trash. 1547 01:19:05,129 --> 01:19:05,989 You know? Yeah. 1548 01:19:09,234 --> 01:19:10,823 - Don't you wish you had his life? 1549 01:19:13,770 --> 01:19:14,531 - Nah. 1550 01:19:15,789 --> 01:19:18,404 Listen, I may not have my, my name on a building 1551 01:19:18,438 --> 01:19:20,358 and my face on a stamp. 1552 01:19:21,517 --> 01:19:23,006 Heck, I don't even know my own house. I rent. 1553 01:19:23,040 --> 01:19:26,682 But you know what? It's my life. 1554 01:19:26,714 --> 01:19:28,304 What's wrong with my life? 1555 01:19:29,429 --> 01:19:31,217 You know, what's wrong with your life? 1556 01:19:32,541 --> 01:19:33,403 - Yeah. 1557 01:19:35,057 --> 01:19:36,349 What's wrong with my life? 1558 01:19:39,328 --> 01:19:40,322 That's a good point. 1559 01:19:45,420 --> 01:19:46,480 Yeah. 1560 01:19:46,512 --> 01:19:48,499 Thanks, uh, for the conversation. 1561 01:19:48,532 --> 01:19:49,492 - Well, hey, where you going buddy? 1562 01:19:49,525 --> 01:19:50,287 You got your beer? 1563 01:19:50,320 --> 01:19:51,511 You didn't tell me 1564 01:19:51,545 --> 01:19:52,671 what you're buying your wife for Christmas. 1565 01:19:55,187 --> 01:19:56,378 - I'll send you a copy. 1566 01:19:57,869 --> 01:19:58,729 Merry Christmas. 1567 01:20:00,152 --> 01:20:04,490 Merry Christmas, pal. 1568 01:20:05,682 --> 01:20:10,515 ♪ It's a wonder land outside ♪ 1569 01:20:11,740 --> 01:20:15,249 ♪ So lets dance in the street light ♪ 1570 01:20:16,111 --> 01:20:19,951 ♪ Underneath the evergreens ♪ 1571 01:20:19,984 --> 01:20:24,155 ♪ In Central Park you look at me ♪ 1572 01:20:24,189 --> 01:20:27,863 ♪ It's a magic kind of scene ♪ 1573 01:20:29,386 --> 01:20:33,822 ♪ It's Christmas in New York ♪ ♪ It's Christmas in New York ♪ 1574 01:20:34,948 --> 01:20:38,789 ♪ The empire state goes green and red ♪ 1575 01:20:38,822 --> 01:20:42,960 ♪ Rockefeller's tree can't be compared ♪ 1576 01:20:42,994 --> 01:20:47,728 ♪ It's a beautiful sight to see ♪ 1577 01:20:47,761 --> 01:20:50,178 ♪ But what matters most ♪ 1578 01:20:50,211 --> 01:20:53,124 ♪ Is in front of me ♪ 1579 01:20:55,508 --> 01:20:57,263 ♪ My love for you ♪ ♪ My love for you ♪ 1580 01:20:57,296 --> 01:20:59,745 ♪ Will always be ♪ ♪ Will always be ♪ 1581 01:20:59,779 --> 01:21:02,394 ♪ The very greatest ♪ ♪ The very greatest ♪ 1582 01:21:02,427 --> 01:21:04,215 ♪ Gift to me ♪ ♪ Gift to me ♪ 1583 01:21:04,248 --> 01:21:06,003 ♪ There's nowhere ♪ ♪ There's nowhere ♪ 1584 01:21:06,036 --> 01:21:08,983 ♪ I'd rather be ♪ ♪ I'd rather be ♪ 1585 01:21:09,015 --> 01:21:13,485 ♪ Than here with you ♪ 1586 01:21:13,519 --> 01:21:16,432 ♪ Than here with me ♪ 1587 01:21:18,286 --> 01:21:21,994 ♪ At Christmas time ♪ ♪ At Christmas time ♪ 1588 01:21:22,027 --> 01:21:26,860 ♪ In New York ♪ ♪ In New York ♪ 1589 01:21:44,838 --> 01:21:47,684 - Are you and dad gonna talk to each other again? 1590 01:21:49,969 --> 01:21:51,161 - I don't know, honey. 1591 01:21:52,320 --> 01:21:56,790 - Can Santa fix it? - Honey. 1592 01:21:56,822 --> 01:21:58,081 - I know what. 1593 01:21:58,113 --> 01:22:01,160 I'm gonna ask Santa if I can trade my presents. 1594 01:22:01,192 --> 01:22:02,053 - What for? 1595 01:22:02,086 --> 01:22:04,206 - You and daddy to laugh again. 1596 01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:06,490 - I wanna trade my presents too. 1597 01:22:06,523 --> 01:22:08,907 Oh. 1598 01:22:12,581 --> 01:22:16,521 - Hi, Catherine. Merry Christmas to you too. 1599 01:22:18,574 --> 01:22:19,434 What? 1600 01:22:20,560 --> 01:22:22,480 Wonderful? 1601 01:22:22,514 --> 01:22:24,930 Are you sure it's our letter? 1602 01:22:28,109 --> 01:22:29,863 Okay. 1603 01:22:29,897 --> 01:22:33,671 Uh, I'll tell him. We love you too. 1604 01:22:34,565 --> 01:22:35,525 Merry Christmas. 1605 01:22:37,279 --> 01:22:38,868 - Is everything okay? 1606 01:22:38,902 --> 01:22:41,219 - She wanted to wish us a merry Christmas. 1607 01:22:42,610 --> 01:22:45,655 Hmm. 1608 01:22:45,689 --> 01:22:46,616 Hi, Uncle Harold. 1609 01:22:50,688 --> 01:22:52,807 Wait, I don't understand because... 1610 01:22:55,124 --> 01:22:57,409 Aunt Martha cried when she read it? 1611 01:22:57,441 --> 01:22:59,626 Yeah, well I cried when Joe sent it, but... 1612 01:23:03,004 --> 01:23:05,587 Okay, I'll, I'll give him a hug. 1613 01:23:07,870 --> 01:23:10,618 You bet. Merry Christmas. 1614 01:23:17,968 --> 01:23:19,558 - Mail's here. I'll get it. 1615 01:23:21,047 --> 01:23:21,875 Oh. 1616 01:23:21,908 --> 01:23:23,398 Would you get that, John? 1617 01:23:28,231 --> 01:23:31,376 Mama more Christmas cards. 1618 01:23:35,548 --> 01:23:36,641 - It's Grandpa. 1619 01:23:36,674 --> 01:23:38,263 - Oh, tell him I'll call him back. 1620 01:23:57,664 --> 01:23:59,485 - Dear family and friends, 1621 01:23:59,518 --> 01:24:02,299 this is my first ever attempt at a Christmas letter. 1622 01:24:03,159 --> 01:24:05,709 Strike that. My second. 1623 01:24:06,768 --> 01:24:09,020 My first is in a dumpster. 1624 01:24:09,052 --> 01:24:10,907 Let's just say it wasn't written 1625 01:24:10,940 --> 01:24:13,754 in the true spirit of Christmas. 1626 01:24:13,787 --> 01:24:16,601 So you can think a Utica Club 1627 01:24:17,793 --> 01:24:21,567 and a very caring bartender with a rat problem 1628 01:24:21,600 --> 01:24:25,606 from saving you from a fate worse than Black Friday shopping 1629 01:24:25,639 --> 01:24:26,930 and saving you from 1630 01:24:26,964 --> 01:24:28,950 a horrendous narcissistic Christmas letter filled 1631 01:24:28,983 --> 01:24:30,936 with nothing but overblown boasts. 1632 01:24:32,526 --> 01:24:35,108 No, the following is all too real. 1633 01:24:35,969 --> 01:24:38,750 Boring but real. 1634 01:24:38,783 --> 01:24:41,961 We didn't escape to any remote sun-drenched islands, 1635 01:24:41,994 --> 01:24:43,252 attend the posh parties 1636 01:24:43,285 --> 01:24:45,537 or rub elbows with the heads of state. 1637 01:24:46,795 --> 01:24:49,344 Our kids didn't shatter records in sports or academics, 1638 01:24:49,377 --> 01:24:51,562 but they, you know, they did us proud 1639 01:24:51,596 --> 01:24:53,681 by just doing their best. 1640 01:24:53,714 --> 01:24:55,601 None of us won any awards, 1641 01:24:55,635 --> 01:24:57,621 but Caroline did make me 1642 01:24:57,654 --> 01:25:00,137 the Greatest Dad Award on Father's Day. 1643 01:25:01,163 --> 01:25:02,123 No weight was lost. 1644 01:25:02,157 --> 01:25:04,673 We may have even gained some. 1645 01:25:04,706 --> 01:25:06,162 We didn't make a killing on stocks 1646 01:25:06,196 --> 01:25:08,314 or join any exclusive clubs, 1647 01:25:09,639 --> 01:25:11,956 but we did laugh a lot, though, 1648 01:25:11,989 --> 01:25:14,935 and talked with each other almost every day. 1649 01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:18,511 None of us were ill or injured 1650 01:25:18,545 --> 01:25:21,557 and no one in our respective families died. 1651 01:25:23,047 --> 01:25:25,166 We still have a roof over our heads 1652 01:25:25,199 --> 01:25:28,643 and, uh, boundless optimism for a better future. 1653 01:25:30,099 --> 01:25:33,111 This in spite of my job loss, which happened a year ago. 1654 01:25:34,105 --> 01:25:36,025 And you know, really was a blessing. 1655 01:25:37,284 --> 01:25:38,575 There could be nothing worse 1656 01:25:38,607 --> 01:25:41,752 than spending your entire life hating what you do. 1657 01:25:42,712 --> 01:25:45,196 And I won't lie, I, I hated my job. 1658 01:25:46,619 --> 01:25:49,401 The fact is, there's only one job I've ever really loved. 1659 01:25:50,890 --> 01:25:54,466 That of being a good husband, father, and friend. 1660 01:25:56,518 --> 01:25:57,777 Of all there is to see 1661 01:25:57,809 --> 01:26:00,425 and do in this busy world of ours, 1662 01:26:00,459 --> 01:26:03,405 there is nothing more wonderful than simply being alive 1663 01:26:03,438 --> 01:26:07,179 to share the unending, undying love 1664 01:26:07,212 --> 01:26:08,569 of family and friends. 1665 01:26:10,192 --> 01:26:13,469 As my mom and dad always used to say, 1666 01:26:13,502 --> 01:26:17,012 "We may not have much, but we have everything." 1667 01:26:18,733 --> 01:26:21,183 Thanks for being part of our everything this year. 1668 01:26:22,475 --> 01:26:25,189 Be of good cheer, and merry Christmas to you all. 1669 01:26:25,222 --> 01:26:28,070 Love Joe, Deb, John, and Caroline. 1670 01:26:31,479 --> 01:26:33,996 Looks like somebody opened her Christmas present early. 1671 01:26:35,585 --> 01:26:36,943 - What is all this? 1672 01:26:36,975 --> 01:26:40,022 - Well, you know how you like to order lots of things 1673 01:26:40,054 --> 01:26:42,074 and this is the one way I can ensure 1674 01:26:42,107 --> 01:26:43,895 you get 'em all in one piece. 1675 01:26:43,928 --> 01:26:46,742 And besides Rich wanted and some time off. 1676 01:26:46,775 --> 01:26:51,543 He's on paternity leave again. 1677 01:27:07,600 --> 01:27:08,460 - Bloody hell. 1678 01:27:11,738 --> 01:27:12,731 Well done, Michaels. 1679 01:27:31,371 --> 01:27:33,788 ♪ A one, two, a one, two, three ♪ 1680 01:27:33,820 --> 01:27:36,668 ♪ My life with you is so much better ♪ 1681 01:27:36,701 --> 01:27:41,303 ♪ Than what I could write in a Christmas letter ♪ 1682 01:27:41,336 --> 01:27:44,117 ♪ Sunny vacations by the sea ♪ 1683 01:27:44,150 --> 01:27:48,851 ♪ Powder blue waves and a pineapple breeze sound fine ♪ 1684 01:27:49,513 --> 01:27:52,559 ♪ If you like ♪ 1685 01:27:52,592 --> 01:27:55,307 ♪ Paris romance and diamond rings ♪ 1686 01:27:55,340 --> 01:28:00,174 ♪ Fancy red wine near the fire and things sound nice ♪ 1687 01:28:00,836 --> 01:28:03,782 ♪ For the price ♪ 1688 01:28:03,816 --> 01:28:08,649 ♪ You give me way more than words can say ♪ 1689 01:28:09,841 --> 01:28:14,245 ♪ More than every gift in Santa's sleigh ♪ 1690 01:28:15,271 --> 01:28:17,688 ♪ My life with you so much better ♪ 1691 01:28:17,721 --> 01:28:21,395 ♪ Than what I could write in a Christmas letter ♪ 1692 01:28:21,429 --> 01:28:24,838 ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪ 1693 01:28:24,872 --> 01:28:29,705 ♪ Whoa, oh, oh, yeah ♪ 1694 01:28:32,023 --> 01:28:34,804 ♪ Skiing down snow-white wonder lands ♪ 1695 01:28:34,837 --> 01:28:39,571 ♪ Will never compare to holding your hands in mine ♪ 1696 01:28:39,604 --> 01:28:43,776 ♪ Oh, baby, you shine ♪ ♪ Shine ♪ 1697 01:28:43,809 --> 01:28:46,557 ♪ Brighter than the Northern Lights ♪ 1698 01:28:46,590 --> 01:28:50,827 ♪ Green auroras burning inside of your eyes ♪ 1699 01:28:50,861 --> 01:28:54,304 ♪ They light my fire ♪ 1700 01:28:54,337 --> 01:28:56,886 ♪ Let's throw aside ♪ 1701 01:28:56,919 --> 01:29:00,594 ♪ That glass-half-empty life ♪ 1702 01:29:02,184 --> 01:29:05,726 ♪ I wanna hear you say ♪ ♪ I wanna hear you say ♪ 1703 01:29:05,759 --> 01:29:08,507 ♪ My life with you so much better ♪ 1704 01:29:08,540 --> 01:29:12,910 ♪ Than what I could write in a Christmas letter ♪ 1705 01:29:12,944 --> 01:29:17,612 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1706 01:29:17,644 --> 01:29:20,029 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1707 01:29:20,061 --> 01:29:22,809 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1708 01:29:22,842 --> 01:29:27,710 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1709 01:29:28,438 --> 01:29:31,318 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1710 01:29:31,351 --> 01:29:34,165 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1711 01:29:34,198 --> 01:29:36,913 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1712 01:29:36,946 --> 01:29:39,760 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1713 01:29:39,793 --> 01:29:43,071 ♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪ 1714 01:29:49,692 --> 01:29:53,996 ♪ Life with you so much better ♪ 1715 01:29:54,030 --> 01:29:58,863 ♪ Than what I could write ♪ 1716 01:30:02,041 --> 01:30:06,014 ♪ In a Christmas ♪ 1717 01:30:06,047 --> 01:30:08,729 ♪ Life with you so much better ♪ 1718 01:30:08,762 --> 01:30:11,510 ♪ Life with you so much better ♪ 1719 01:30:11,543 --> 01:30:14,092 ♪ Life with you so much better ♪ 1720 01:30:14,126 --> 01:30:17,866 ♪ Than what I could write in a Christmas letter ♪ 1721 01:30:17,900 --> 01:30:21,310 ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪ 1722 01:30:21,342 --> 01:30:24,356 ♪ Whoa, oh, oh, yeah ♪ 124054