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Previously on "Splitting Up Together"...
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- It's not a first date.
- Of course not. Why would it be?
3
00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:06,060
I'm sorry. Is this
making you feel weird?
4
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,220
It's not weird at all. Not at all.
5
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:09,780
You're still in love
with your ex-husband.
6
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I am not!
7
00:00:10,820 --> 00:00:13,040
To me, you feel off the market.
8
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Well, I'm not off the market.
I am on the market.
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What are we?
10
00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:17,920
Nothing.
11
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People are buying that?
12
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:21,930
Beg pardon?
13
00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:23,780
This has everything to do with you
14
00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:26,520
and your unresolved feelings for Martin.
15
00:00:28,690 --> 00:00:30,320
Hey, Lena.
16
00:00:30,870 --> 00:00:32,490
Martin. What's wrong?
17
00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:34,840
You cheating on me? With
that Russian contractor?
18
00:00:34,850 --> 00:00:37,380
What? We're not even together anymore.
19
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,820
You're dating another woman.
20
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,019
There is no other woman.
21
00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:44,100
There never will be another woman.
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You know that.
23
00:00:56,550 --> 00:00:57,660
It's a bodysuit.
24
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It has snaps.
25
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,320
Oh.
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
27
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Mom, where are our lunches?
28
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,110
It's turkey-and-tahini Tuesday.
29
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,780
Sorry, guys. I must've
slept through my alarm.
30
00:01:36,820 --> 00:01:38,780
Just like that, Hell hath frozen over.
31
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,980
Okay, Mom's thrown in the towel.
32
00:01:40,990 --> 00:01:42,960
We're gonna have to
fend for ourselves now.
33
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,280
I'm willing to be our ruler.
34
00:01:45,290 --> 00:01:47,730
I'd sooner move into
the garage with Dad.
35
00:01:47,750 --> 00:01:48,910
I'm your dad now.
36
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,160
You'd be a terrible dad.
37
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,490
Guys, quiet!
38
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:56,860
Here.
39
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You're buying lunch today.
40
00:01:58,740 --> 00:02:00,500
Get your stuff. Come on.
Grandpa's outside.
41
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,120
You know he only waits five
minutes before he drives off.
42
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,900
Ohh!
43
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Oh, my God!
44
00:02:21,030 --> 00:02:22,580
Oh! Hey.
45
00:02:24,490 --> 00:02:26,640
Oh, man, are you okay?
46
00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:28,100
Fine. I'm fine.
47
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,176
I'm just... I'm on hold for
an important business call,
48
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,500
- so can I get back to you?
- Mm-hmm.
49
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:32,726
- Maybe I can get back to you.
- Yeah.
50
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:34,870
Oh, uh, hey, don't forget,
51
00:02:34,890 --> 00:02:36,620
we need to get a sitter for
parent/teacher night tomorrow.
52
00:02:36,630 --> 00:02:37,830
Don't you forget.
53
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,770
You want me to call the sitter? I will.
54
00:02:41,780 --> 00:02:44,110
Martin, get out of here.
It is not your week!
55
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:45,230
Okay.
56
00:02:49,070 --> 00:02:51,640
Gene. What the heck?!
57
00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:53,180
Small world.
58
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,180
Small one block away from my job.
59
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I don't have any bread for you, okay?
60
00:02:57,860 --> 00:02:59,800
Okay.
61
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,370
So, is this your normal look?
62
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:03,010
You're... You're a corduroy man?
63
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,430
Mm, yeah. Mama likey.
64
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:06,470
This is me. Bye.
65
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,010
Oh. Wait. Um...
66
00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:11,440
We've been seeing each other
for a couple of weeks now.
67
00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:13,230
I mean, you're a repeat customer, yeah.
68
00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:17,090
I was kind of feeling like
maybe we were more than that.
69
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,550
I literally don't even know your name.
70
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:23,040
Oh!
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00:03:23,050 --> 00:03:24,180
You're gonna love it.
72
00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:26,770
It's Maya.
73
00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:27,950
I'm Maya.
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00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:31,510
Well, Maya, guess I'll see
you at your next meal,
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00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,060
if you're seated in my section.
76
00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:35,200
Oh, come on, Gene. I don't
know what's going on.
77
00:03:35,220 --> 00:03:36,720
Are we... are we friends?
78
00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:38,680
Are we enemies? Are we frenemies?
79
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:40,600
Are we frennies with
bennies? Are we cuz-bros?
80
00:03:40,610 --> 00:03:41,720
I don't know. I don't know.
81
00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:42,816
I just really want to find out.
82
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,640
Preferably before I give birth, so...
83
00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:47,650
maybe we could go out on a date.
84
00:03:48,940 --> 00:03:51,820
Fine. But we're going
to Rainforest Buffet.
85
00:03:53,110 --> 00:03:54,220
Okay.
86
00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:55,980
I recently slipped on
some of their tilapia,
87
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,000
so they gave me a voucher
for two free apps.
88
00:03:58,050 --> 00:03:59,880
Oh. I love tilapia.
89
00:04:01,260 --> 00:04:02,290
Oh...
90
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:07,370
I think he likes us.
91
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,670
- Thanks, Lori.
- Sure.
92
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:13,840
Anxious?
93
00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:16,270
Is it that obvious?
94
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,680
Well, now, I used to
have the worst anxiety
95
00:04:18,690 --> 00:04:20,180
about going to the dentist.
96
00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:21,820
My husband would have to come in
97
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,930
and hold my hand the whole time.
98
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,770
But since he's gone,
99
00:04:26,780 --> 00:04:28,700
I just take one of these.
100
00:04:28,740 --> 00:04:31,010
- You want?
- Oh! No, thank you.
101
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,380
I don't do drugs. I'm not a druggie.
102
00:04:33,410 --> 00:04:35,980
Are you sure? Because these are herbal.
103
00:04:38,460 --> 00:04:41,280
- Okay, yeah. I will take one. Thanks.
- Oh, good.
104
00:04:43,290 --> 00:04:44,290
Oh.
105
00:04:44,291 --> 00:04:45,950
Just for later.
106
00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:52,570
So, is your husband not
with us any longer?
107
00:04:52,630 --> 00:04:54,360
He's not, no.
108
00:04:54,370 --> 00:04:57,079
He's with that jezebel, Eleanor.
109
00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,820
And she's the reason for
the rising chlamydia rates
110
00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:02,860
among the elderly.
111
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:05,480
She's just got a messy
little crinkum-crankum,
112
00:05:05,530 --> 00:05:06,570
if you know what I mean.
113
00:05:07,730 --> 00:05:08,820
I think I do.
114
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:09,830
Mm.
115
00:05:09,870 --> 00:05:12,250
Lena, we're ready for you.
116
00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:15,060
How did you say this happened?
117
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Well...
118
00:05:16,270 --> 00:05:20,680
I had this erotic dream
about my ex-husband,
119
00:05:20,690 --> 00:05:23,339
wherein he reached down and
unsnapped my bodysuit.
120
00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:24,360
Ohh!
121
00:05:24,370 --> 00:05:26,400
And then when I woke
up, I ran face-first
122
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:29,110
into the fridge door just
to avoid seeing him.
123
00:05:31,070 --> 00:05:32,700
The whole thing's kind of hilarious,
124
00:05:32,710 --> 00:05:34,080
if you think about it.
125
00:05:34,130 --> 00:05:36,500
I bet he would think
it's hilarious, too.
126
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:40,440
"To: Martin.
127
00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:43,010
Subject: Hilarious."
128
00:05:43,030 --> 00:05:44,610
Are you feeling okay?
129
00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:45,780
- Who, me?
- Mm-hmm.
130
00:05:45,830 --> 00:05:47,230
- I'm legit.
- Oh, okay.
131
00:05:49,270 --> 00:05:52,630
Aw, man! No signal?
132
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,100
Message will be saved in my outbox?
133
00:05:55,170 --> 00:05:56,530
Well, bad news.
134
00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:58,980
That tooth of yours is cracked
all the way up to the root,
135
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,770
so we're gonna have to do
an emergency root canal.
136
00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:04,000
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
137
00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:07,330
The thing is, I don't do so well...
138
00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:10,860
I don't do so well.
139
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,320
Yeah. We know.
140
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,990
Everyone knows.
141
00:06:14,860 --> 00:06:16,750
Might I suggest some sedation?
142
00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:19,530
Yeah. You can suggest it. You can do it.
143
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,250
Uh...
144
00:06:21,260 --> 00:06:22,840
Take me to the moon!
145
00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:27,750
Mm. Oh!
146
00:06:27,790 --> 00:06:29,870
- Just breathe normally.
- Okay.
147
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,420
Oh! Excuse me.
148
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:34,550
I failed to disclose something.
149
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,380
I was fed a pill
150
00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:39,680
by a, um, a kind, old lady.
151
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:42,490
What if there's some
kind of interaction?
152
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,870
Or, like, combined drug toxicity?
153
00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:47,610
I'm gonna have the doctor
come and talk to you.
154
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,270
Just try to relax.
155
00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:51,660
Think about that bodysuit.
156
00:06:51,670 --> 00:06:52,929
Okay.
157
00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:58,630
I like your voice.
158
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,550
I like your voice.
159
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,090
Think about that bodysuit.
160
00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:06,680
Bodysuit. Bodysuit. Bodysuit.
161
00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:08,610
Crinkum-crankum.
162
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:21,800
Ma'am?
163
00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:27,240
I know.
164
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:28,950
I know... she's mad.
165
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,200
She's very mad, but she
can't be that mad,
166
00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:32,750
because she came, right?
167
00:07:32,770 --> 00:07:33,800
You said lunch.
168
00:07:33,810 --> 00:07:34,850
I did.
169
00:07:34,860 --> 00:07:36,320
I have lunch. Come in.
170
00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:40,770
All right, see? Look.
171
00:07:40,780 --> 00:07:41,980
Look what I did.
172
00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:44,730
I did this... all me.
173
00:07:44,740 --> 00:07:46,300
So, what the hell, dude?
174
00:07:46,410 --> 00:07:48,070
What's up with the head games?
175
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,800
You begged to stay over at my place,
176
00:07:49,810 --> 00:07:51,430
and when I finally say yes, you, like,
177
00:07:51,450 --> 00:07:53,040
make up some stupid lie and run off.
178
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,596
I know. I just got a little freaked out.
179
00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:55,630
By what?
180
00:07:55,670 --> 00:07:57,420
I mean, everything's normal at my house.
181
00:07:58,470 --> 00:08:00,540
Are you just one of those
guys who loves the chase,
182
00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:02,516
and then the second a woman's
interested, you're done?
183
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:04,160
Are you just one of those
women who likes men
184
00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:05,780
when they seem uninterested?
185
00:08:05,790 --> 00:08:07,330
Because if so...
186
00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:09,720
I am taking this call.
187
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,100
Hello?
188
00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:14,640
She what?
189
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:16,560
What?
190
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,640
Well, why didn't anyone stop her?
191
00:08:18,650 --> 00:08:19,760
Ah, geez.
192
00:08:19,770 --> 00:08:21,330
Okay, no. Yeah.
193
00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:23,170
I'll be right there.
194
00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:26,060
Okay, full disclosure here...
no phony excuses.
195
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:28,490
This is me letting you in.
196
00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:30,680
My wife is missing.
197
00:08:30,780 --> 00:08:31,789
What?
198
00:08:31,790 --> 00:08:32,800
- Mm-hmm.
- Wow.
199
00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:35,280
I know... it sounds like a
lie, but I swear it's true.
200
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:36,560
You just called her your wife.
201
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:38,590
Ohh.
202
00:08:38,610 --> 00:08:41,020
Oh, no, that's just because
that's what they called her...
203
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:43,020
the doctor's office
just now on the phone.
204
00:08:43,170 --> 00:08:44,510
And why would they do that?
205
00:08:46,570 --> 00:08:47,860
Sexism?
206
00:08:47,870 --> 00:08:51,579
God! It just pisses me off, you know?
207
00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:54,780
I mean, just the stuff that
you guys have to go through.
208
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:58,080
Also, I'm still her emergency contact,
209
00:08:58,090 --> 00:08:59,660
and she's still on my insurance.
210
00:08:59,670 --> 00:09:00,920
Okay. Nice meeting you.
211
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,120
No, look, Paige... Okay.
212
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,460
Clearly, our divorces
are not compatible,
213
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,210
but that doesn't mean that we can't be.
214
00:09:06,270 --> 00:09:07,600
Look.
215
00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:09,390
Let me go find my ex-wife
216
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,580
and then take my future
one out for drinks.
217
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,820
Did you just propose to me?
218
00:09:13,830 --> 00:09:16,940
N-No, I-I-I-I certainly didn't mean to.
219
00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:20,490
I mean, I literally was just
trying to sound... clever.
220
00:09:21,670 --> 00:09:25,030
And if I'm being honest, I
probably won't marry again.
221
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,680
Although I am open to
living with someone.
222
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:29,490
Obviously, Lena would need a room.
223
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,620
Kidding.
224
00:09:32,630 --> 00:09:34,790
So, drinks later?
225
00:09:34,930 --> 00:09:36,370
Hm?
226
00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:40,020
I have her belongings.
I just don't have her.
227
00:09:40,030 --> 00:09:41,720
I'm gassing up Gene's Yaris.
228
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:43,430
Otherwise, I'd love to help you look.
229
00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:45,950
Hey. Do you want me to check the oil?
230
00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:47,010
Who's Gene?
231
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,040
Hey, watch the pump!
232
00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:49,890
Don't let it get over 6 bucks.
233
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,330
Anything over 6, you're covering.
234
00:09:51,370 --> 00:09:52,380
Sounds like a winner.
235
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,020
Come on, Maya. Think.
236
00:09:54,070 --> 00:09:55,320
I don't have time for this right now.
237
00:09:55,330 --> 00:09:58,450
I just ran out on my date
with Paige after apologizing
238
00:09:58,470 --> 00:10:00,310
for running out on my
previous date with Paige.
239
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:02,390
Hold on.
240
00:10:03,110 --> 00:10:04,220
I got to take this.
241
00:10:04,230 --> 00:10:06,470
Okay! Bye!
242
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,730
Could you get a towel?
243
00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:10,260
- What's up?
- Hey, bro.
244
00:10:10,270 --> 00:10:12,530
I just caught Lena's set
at the farmers market.
245
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,550
- She's pretty talented.
- What?!
246
00:10:17,770 --> 00:10:20,380
♪ Buffalo Soldier ♪
247
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,760
♪ Dreadlock Rasta ♪
248
00:10:23,770 --> 00:10:24,800
Oh, no.
249
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,560
♪ There was a Buffalo Soldier! ♪
250
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:28,670
I beg you...
251
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,400
- I beg you to stop before...
- ♪ In the heart of America! ♪
252
00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:33,080
Don't say it. Don't say it!
253
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,510
♪ Stolen from Africa... ♪
254
00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:37,970
Okay, come on.
255
00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:39,120
Okay.
256
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,660
Hi.
257
00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:41,870
Hi.
258
00:10:41,871 --> 00:10:43,690
- Hey!
- Yeah, hi!
259
00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:45,020
Hey, sorry. I'm so sorry.
260
00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:46,060
I'm so sorry.
261
00:10:46,070 --> 00:10:49,320
Let her sing! Legalize it!
262
00:10:49,330 --> 00:10:50,510
It's legal, dude.
263
00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:51,900
What are you doing here?
264
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,180
Gettin' my bone broth on.
265
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,650
That's not a beverage, man.
266
00:10:54,660 --> 00:10:56,040
Hey, you going to parent/teacher night?
267
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:58,920
- Bye!
- Little darling gonna stir it up?
268
00:10:58,940 --> 00:11:00,156
Hey, mon!
269
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:01,750
Why ya harsh my vibe?
270
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,300
Um, okay, look, I'm gonna drop you off
271
00:11:03,310 --> 00:11:05,420
so you can sleep off
that offensive accent.
272
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:06,790
I will go to parent/teacher night.
273
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,770
Are you kidding me? I'm not
missing parent/teacher.
274
00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:12,040
I am a parent, Martin.
275
00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:14,430
Education is my top priority.
276
00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:15,550
Lena, but you're...
277
00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:18,180
My candidacy was founded on education.
278
00:11:18,190 --> 00:11:19,750
Oh, my gosh.
279
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,580
Okay. Whatever.
280
00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:23,930
If you're coming, we got to
get some food in your stomach
281
00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:24,950
to help sober you up.
282
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,370
I am sober.
283
00:11:26,380 --> 00:11:29,520
I say "Nope" to dope.
284
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,160
Did ya, though?
285
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,600
No.
286
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,150
I said "Yes."
287
00:11:36,770 --> 00:11:39,520
I cannot believe you're
eating from a street cart.
288
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:42,230
You must be really high.
289
00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:43,740
- Oh, wait.
- Huh?
290
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:45,860
Is this that cart? The guy?
291
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,380
Remember, we got tacos here and
then we went home and we...
292
00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:50,960
What are you talking about?
293
00:11:50,970 --> 00:11:53,720
We had sex... in the car?
294
00:11:54,210 --> 00:11:57,570
Oh, yeah. Uh... that wasn't me.
295
00:11:57,580 --> 00:11:58,820
Well, whose fault is that?
296
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,740
Hey, seriously, how come we
didn't ever have sex in a car?
297
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:07,500
What are you talking about?
298
00:12:07,730 --> 00:12:10,170
Martin, why did our love life die?
299
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,720
Um...
300
00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:18,560
Probably because of
Thursdays at 9:00 p.m.
301
00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:21,470
Hm?
302
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:25,260
You decided that that would
be our sex night. Remember?
303
00:12:25,270 --> 00:12:26,920
Yeah, I remember.
304
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:29,720
And then you decided to
join that basketball troop
305
00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:31,710
on Thursdays so that you
would never be home.
306
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,120
Basketball league.
307
00:12:34,270 --> 00:12:35,500
There are some things
308
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,610
that you shouldn't be
able to dictate, Lena.
309
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:38,800
Fine.
310
00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:41,580
How come you didn't come up
with a sex plan of your own?
311
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:43,810
Because that's not the
kind of lover I am, okay?
312
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:44,899
Well, what kind of lover are you?
313
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:46,050
I don't know.
314
00:12:46,060 --> 00:12:48,950
- I'm like... Prince.
- I love Prince.
315
00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:50,550
Yeah, well, Prince never would've had
316
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,480
regularly scheduled sex with you.
317
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:54,066
You don't know that.
Don't speak for Prince.
318
00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:55,870
Oh, Prince would never
schedule it, okay?
319
00:12:55,890 --> 00:12:57,800
He needed to feel it. He
needed to be in the moment.
320
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,720
What, did you have sex with Prince?
321
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,760
Honestly, I think I
used the no-sex thing
322
00:13:09,770 --> 00:13:11,310
as a way to get back at you...
323
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,280
for making me feel like
nothing I ever did
324
00:13:14,310 --> 00:13:15,780
was good enough.
325
00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:18,380
Well, I think I used the
scheduled-sex thing
326
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,280
because I could feel you slipping away
327
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,040
and I was desperate to hold on and...
328
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:24,700
- Lena, I-I...
- Martin, no.
329
00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:25,890
- No, I...
- No, no.
330
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,270
Martin, no!
331
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,770
Martin, no!
332
00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:30,040
Hey! Stop it!
333
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,200
Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no, no, no, no!
334
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,740
Ohhhh!
335
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,750
So, let me get this straight...
336
00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:39,750
you can park here for two hours
337
00:13:39,810 --> 00:13:41,510
between 10:00 A.M. and 6:00 P.M., right?
338
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,840
But there's no parking from
8:00 A.M. to 8:00 P.M.
339
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:47,440
Okay. And does that symbol
mean you can fish here?
340
00:13:47,450 --> 00:13:49,660
I'm gonna call the tow company.
341
00:13:49,670 --> 00:13:51,400
Oh! My phone is dead!
342
00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:53,940
Ugh. My Uber's just pinwheeling.
343
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:55,260
We're gonna miss parent/teacher night.
344
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:56,350
And Paige is gonna kill me.
345
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:57,510
It sounds more like a lie
346
00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,100
than the actual lies I've told her.
347
00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:02,700
_
348
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:07,260
_
349
00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:09,400
- _
- Oh, good news... your sister
350
00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:11,480
and the guy she's been
dating are gonna grab us.
351
00:14:12,410 --> 00:14:14,160
What guy she's been dating?
352
00:14:21,090 --> 00:14:22,870
I'm confused.
353
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,120
So am I.
354
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:25,910
When did this happen?
355
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,960
- It didn't.
- Oh, cut it out, Gene.
356
00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:30,280
He's reluctant but present.
357
00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:31,300
Like Dad.
358
00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:33,300
I thought your relationship with Gene
359
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,960
was primarily bread-based,
360
00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:36,380
in that he brings you bread.
361
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,020
But not just bread.
362
00:14:38,030 --> 00:14:39,580
He also got me these potato skins.
363
00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:40,780
I got those for me.
364
00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:43,860
Incoming PDA!
365
00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:47,400
He's, like... familiar, you know?
366
00:14:47,410 --> 00:14:49,440
- He's mean.
- "Gene."
367
00:14:49,450 --> 00:14:51,040
Look, I've been very
clear with your sister,
368
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:52,620
but she's like a dog with a bone.
369
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:53,630
A dog!
370
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,000
With a bone!
371
00:14:55,030 --> 00:14:56,640
And when is a dog happier?
372
00:14:56,670 --> 00:14:58,610
Don't finish all the potato
skins. I want some.
373
00:14:58,780 --> 00:15:01,270
I'm suddenly very exhausted.
374
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,950
Oh, here. Lie down.
375
00:15:04,310 --> 00:15:06,770
But I would also like a potato skin.
376
00:15:12,730 --> 00:15:14,730
Steady. Two step...
377
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,660
What happened to you?
378
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:20,320
None taken.
379
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:22,280
Wait. Did you say "No offense"?
380
00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:23,370
No.
381
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,530
I like sloppy and toasted Lena.
382
00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:26,880
She's like if Lena lived in a trailer
383
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:28,930
and started laundering
money in the Ozarks.
384
00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:30,560
I just binged "Ozark."
385
00:15:30,570 --> 00:15:31,760
I love Laura Linney.
386
00:15:31,820 --> 00:15:32,830
Okay, look.
387
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,400
This is our first parent/teacher night,
388
00:15:34,420 --> 00:15:35,886
and we're trying to make
a good first impression.
389
00:15:35,910 --> 00:15:38,070
Since we're not real
parents, there's strike one.
390
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:42,100
But this... this could easily
be strikes two and three,
391
00:15:42,170 --> 00:15:43,450
so bye.
392
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:44,980
Bye!
393
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,460
Dodson. Hey, nice to see you again.
394
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:49,470
Hi.
395
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:50,540
Dig the tie.
396
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:51,810
Oh! Shakespeare.
397
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:52,980
Duh. I know that.
398
00:15:54,230 --> 00:15:56,180
- Lena. Hello.
- Hey.
399
00:15:56,190 --> 00:15:59,340
I've been preparing all
semester for your visit.
400
00:15:59,390 --> 00:16:02,480
Here is a written defense
of my lesson plan,
401
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,720
a schedule of my
after-school availability.
402
00:16:04,740 --> 00:16:06,040
I'm sorry about Thursdays.
403
00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:08,080
I have physical therapy
for a torn meniscus.
404
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,899
And before you ask, I
am not currently taking
405
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,610
any pain medication.
406
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:15,160
Oh, and, uh, here is a full dossier
407
00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:17,980
of my teaching credentials,
just in case you lost the copy
408
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,990
that you subpoenaed last year.
409
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,230
Life's too short, man.
410
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,190
Seriously, I'm just stoked that
you're dedicating your life
411
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,980
to helping the children,
412
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,440
A.K.A., our future.
413
00:16:33,150 --> 00:16:34,480
Is she on something?
414
00:16:34,490 --> 00:16:35,930
- She is, yeah.
- Oh.
415
00:16:35,940 --> 00:16:37,500
Can it be permanent?
416
00:16:37,590 --> 00:16:40,310
Listen, baby, you're
doing the best you can,
417
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,320
and that's all one can ask for
418
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:44,630
in this crazy, mixed-up world.
419
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:45,720
I love you.
420
00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:50,010
I love you so much.
421
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:51,660
Okay.
422
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:53,460
Okay, let's boogie.
423
00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:55,370
Uh, yeah, we have some
other teachers to meet.
424
00:16:58,360 --> 00:16:59,570
If you need to go have sex
425
00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:00,710
- with your girlfriend...
- I don't. I don't.
426
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,810
I'm just saying I don't need
you to be my caretaker.
427
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,440
- Yes, you do.
- The universe will look after me.
428
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:07,700
No, it won't.
429
00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:10,220
Well, let's see.
430
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,930
I can take the call and
tell her that, once again,
431
00:17:12,970 --> 00:17:15,970
I am blowing off our plans
to spend time with you
432
00:17:16,170 --> 00:17:18,170
or I can let it go to voicemail
433
00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:20,720
and accept that it's pretty much over.
434
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:28,410
Well, you know what they
say... "No woman, no cry."
435
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,260
Yeah, that's actually not
the meaning of that song.
436
00:17:32,270 --> 00:17:36,130
And if you're gonna make the
rounds as a white Rasta lady,
437
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:38,180
you better get it straight.
438
00:17:41,150 --> 00:17:42,290
Ah.
439
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,500
I think I'm finally not faded.
440
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:47,870
Wow. You even picked
up on the drug lingo.
441
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,370
I WebMD'd my symptoms,
442
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:51,160
and that was literally the diagnosis.
443
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,110
There we go.
444
00:17:54,230 --> 00:17:55,940
Uh, sorry we ran late.
445
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,290
It's whatever. I literally have no life.
446
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:02,310
Okay. Well, so that...
that... that works out.
447
00:18:03,270 --> 00:18:05,090
I ate all your cookie dough.
448
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:10,600
Oh.
449
00:18:10,610 --> 00:18:13,580
Martin, I think you just got an
inappropriate e-mail from me
450
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,750
that you should probably delete.
451
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:16,880
Really?
452
00:18:16,890 --> 00:18:18,290
I wrote it under the influence.
453
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,820
Subject line: "Hilarious."
454
00:18:20,860 --> 00:18:23,050
- No, it's nau... it's naughty.
- How can I not read this right now?
455
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,610
- It's... No, please, just delete it.
- Oh, you're not helping your case!
456
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,060
Come on! Stop! Stop!
457
00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:27,450
- Stop!
- Bodysuit, huh?
458
00:18:27,470 --> 00:18:29,290
- Oh, boy.
- Oh.
459
00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:31,720
This is steamy.
460
00:18:31,780 --> 00:18:33,620
You dreamt this about us?
461
00:18:33,630 --> 00:18:36,660
I respect your relationship
with Paige. I really do.
462
00:18:36,690 --> 00:18:39,030
Oh. Well, as predicted,
463
00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:40,820
I no longer have a
relationship with Paige.
464
00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:42,170
She dumped me over voicemail.
465
00:18:42,270 --> 00:18:43,680
- She did?
- Yeah.
466
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:46,280
It's pretty hard to keep a relationship
467
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,350
when you're living with your ex.
468
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,420
I understand. I really do.
469
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,710
You know...
470
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,920
this top is a bodysuit.
471
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:03,500
Are you making a pass at me?
472
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:06,270
'Cause it's not Thursday night.
473
00:19:16,470 --> 00:19:18,530
One snap left.
474
00:19:20,050 --> 00:19:22,920
Maybe we revisit that third snap
475
00:19:23,030 --> 00:19:26,550
sometime when you're
a little less... irie.
476
00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:49,090
I don't lecture you
477
00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:50,860
about the men that you're interested in.
478
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:52,400
I'm not lecturing you, Maya.
479
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,370
Hey, Dad. I'm simply pointing out
480
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:56,100
that you broke it off with Sugar Beard,
481
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,400
who had a full-blown country-music face
482
00:19:58,420 --> 00:20:00,350
and was desperately in love with you,
483
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,210
to date... Gene?
484
00:20:02,370 --> 00:20:06,560
A cold, punishing waiter who
barely knows your name.
485
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,160
Uh, is this gonna wind
up being my fault?
486
00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:11,210
Because I stuck around
and raised you girls.
487
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,600
If you had a daughter,
would you rather she dated
488
00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:15,930
someone like Frank or someone like Gene?
489
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:17,220
Is this a trick question?
490
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,650
Because I have a daughter.
491
00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:19,900
I have two.
492
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:20,980
Right.
493
00:20:20,990 --> 00:20:23,230
And do you think that Maya sabotaged
494
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,020
a potentially great relationship
495
00:20:25,030 --> 00:20:27,360
in favor of a not-so-great one
496
00:20:27,370 --> 00:20:29,770
possibly due to her
chronic low self-esteem?
497
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,680
Fine, and do you think
that Lena is holding
498
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,610
her ex-husband emotionally hostage,
499
00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:35,520
refusing to work on their relationship
500
00:20:35,540 --> 00:20:38,430
while preventing him from
being in any others?
501
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,350
Brunch is supposed to be relaxing.
502
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:42,930
It's Sunday.
503
00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:45,060
I'm not coming to these anymore.
504
00:20:45,070 --> 00:20:46,640
Dad!
505
00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:48,720
Where are you going?!
We need your answer!
506
00:20:48,730 --> 00:20:50,100
Come on, Dander. Let's go.
507
00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:52,060
He's such a coward.
508
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:53,780
You're a coward, Dad!
509
00:20:54,990 --> 00:20:55,990
Brunch was great.
510
00:20:55,991 --> 00:20:57,779
Thank you!
511
00:20:57,780 --> 00:21:01,900
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