Original subtitles

(sighs) Oh, Dad. You've left me in a pretty awful position.

There are some people in town who think Hughie didn't do it.

The real killer is out there, and I know who they are.

By deadline, I wanna see a story I can't say no to,

or your resignation letter.

I hate living in a world where you're dead

and they're alive, cracking jokes about ya.

I heard the man died happy. Went out with a face full of pussy!

They'll pay.

I'm about to become the chief suspect in a murder case.

And I didn't even do this one!

You look tired.

(sarcastic) You with the compliments.

Same thing happened me,

no shut eye after Mam passed, felt like I had

a brain full of razor blades.

Just worried I'll forget him.

How much sleep are you getting? Uhm...

An hour and a bit last night.

Then there's a good chance you saw them. Saw who?

(innocently) Oh, my car? Where were you last night?

It's about my stolen car, isn't it? Home alone?

Emerson's. Yeah I was awake but no, I didn't see them.

I just noticed it missing around ten.

No doubt you called here? This morning, no answer.

Why would you want...

(incredulous) Wait, is my car mixed up in Ruby's murder?

It's in lock up.

I can't disclose where we found it. So the killer used it?

Wow!

'Okay. I need someone who knows what they're doing.'

(slight panic) "Where are you? Oisín?"

"Oisín? Oisín, I need you to listen to me carefully."

"My car is in..." Hello?!

Now?! Make the car look stolen?

How much?

Fuck off. Still fuck off.

Fine. What does the Prim Reaper want?

A ride.

Just be careful, yeah?

Of her? Big paranoid head on ya.

What are you doing? I need to borrow these.

Look stolen. Mad bitch!

This town hasn't seen action like this since the Riedle murder.

It's like these yokels are killing people on purpose.

They're calling it the nation's new murder capital.

What was it known for before? Inbreeding.

Yeah. Guards are stumped, think it's a one off.

I wouldn't bank on it.

Folks, it's buzzing out there. Okay?

I can't believe I could get done for the one murder I didn't commit.

All because this killer decided to come to my patch.

I've got to find them before anyone else does.

Bluntly put, Ruby's death, although tragic,

is a big, fat, big-titted hit for this paper.

We are in the eye of the hurricane,

so much so that by year's end,

I fully intend to present to my mother

projected profits for the first time in five years.

Let's keep those juicy stories coming down the slop shoot.

Emerson?

Yeah, so I wanna start with Ruby's past, her background,

her school friends, old boyfriends-- Woah there jockstrap, no!

You're the only one here who's actually killing it.

Stay in politics. But hold on!

I solved the last murder this town had, and now you're what,

you're suggesting we run the paper without a crime correspondent?

Fine, during your absence you'll be replaced by...

Well, if anyone should do it, it should be Elvira.

Me? Her?

The gulf between crime and obituaries isn't that big.

Emerson's right! Elvira, you're it.

Thanks. Start the minute we wrap.

Now... an announcement!

Nowadays there's this pressure to overshare.

Dealing with your problems in private is somehow deemed inauthentic.

Well bollocks to that, people who don't talk about their struggles

may still struggle, that doesn't mean that they're fruit loops.

I don't have to tell anyone my shit.

I smell a but coming. But...

There it is. That doesn't mean stewing in silence either.

See eh...

Folks, I was breastfed until the age of six.

And then my mother decides to go and get a boob job.

Suddenly... tap goes dry.

Can't even look at a cow now.

Hence, this fab therapist I'm seeing,

and we're practising something called mammary reversion therapy.

And as I talked to her this morning,

she said Ruby's death could be triggering.

To you? To ye!

So you're all going to grief counselling.

Yay!

With your therapist? What? At 600 an hour? Fuck no!

Find out the cheapest one in town. There's only one in town.

Please don't say-- Christine Churchyard.

Uh... sorry, but what if therapy isn't for us?

That's something that crazy people who desperately need therapy say.

Suck it up sweet cheeks, company policy.

"Leave a message, and I might get back to ya. Good luck."

Oisín, you're a tough man to reach.

I just wanted to thank you for last night and see how it went.

I'm heading to the Garda station soon so,

no pressure but maybe give me a call before then, yeah?

"An investigation team at Kilraven Garda Station

is actively pursuing the circumstances

surrounding the tragic murder of Ruby Conroy.

The state pathologist has examined the scene,

and the remains have been taken for further investigation.

Miss Conroy's family is being kept informed of our progress

and we have appointed a family liaison officer.

I urge anyone

with information about Ruby's murder, no matter how small...

to come forward."

There's talk of rain, lads, I'll take questions inside.

Starting with the local press.

Okay, time to see who's smarter, me or her.

I'm betting on me.

Wait, is my car mixed up in Ruby's murder?

It's in lock up, I can't disclose where we found it.

So the killer used it?

Wow.

So how was she killed--? Hand me your phone, please.

Do I have a choice?

Slippery of you that, the way you played it.

People who hand over their phones real easy

have something they want you to see.

When they put up a fight they're usually hiding something, but you...

(impressed chuckle) You were right down the middle.

Guess she's smarter than I thought.

I see the call to us but then...

.. these other calls, last night and today, to Oisín Markum?

No crossing of arms, stay receptive. She has nothing.

Oisín is-- A scrote.

A person with a chequered past.

I called him hoping to get some info on my stolen car but nothing.

Look, I'm flat broke.

It's pathetic, but I need that car for work.

Yeah, everyone loves a sob story!

Was there... blood in the car?

Only piss. Piss?

Window was tampered with, car hotwired

and then this... 'thief', took a pretty disrespectful pitstop

in your driver's seat. No way I'm getting it back soon.

'Fraid not. And what about my phone?

That all depends.

Mick? "Hullo?"

Yeah, swing by Oisín Markum's,

his whereabouts last night, take a statement.

As much detail as you can, we're after lies here.

"Right, Siobhán."

You, me and your phone will stay put 'til Mick's back.

If Oisín backs up your story, then all's well that ends well.

(rueful) Mm..

Shit.

Oisín Markum? Garda!

Oisín, open up.

Control, we need an ambulance down at the caravan park, ASAP.

Hold on there now! Hold on! I got a few words to say.

(clears throat) Man.

If you give me a moment!

As a potential local representative,

I have a duty of care to express...

.. express people's frustrations.

We want this killer dead!

And if the Guards won't do it, we'll do it ourselves!

What's the plan? And what are you gonna do about it?

Um

The matter is still very raw.

So any more I say on it, I'll say at the debate.

Now regarding this debate...

The man likes to talk. Yep.

Some say it'll be his downfall.

And what do you say?

I say if we're gonna work together you're gonna have to do

everything I tell ya. Do you have a plan?

To win the election? To win the debate.

You don't need to win the debate.

I don't? No.

You just need to not lose it.

'Fight for the soul of this town.'

Nice touch peeing on the car seat.

Talk about above and beyond.

Listen,

when you wake up, and you will wake up,

they're going to question you alone.

My advice?

Probably best you have a touch of amnesia.

Induced coma. Took a beating.

So you're saying he'll live?

Sounds like you wanted him to die.

Two murders, technically we can call it a serial killer!

And I want a serial killer, Elvira.

You don't know who attacked him.

Well, if he died no one would know either.

Fear sells. Our readers want to get fucked, not fingered,

which means you...

.. hammering home that this killer

is hiding in plain sight and could strike at any time!

It makes no sense. From what I saw,

Ruby's killer is like me, never there to hurt,

only there to kill.

Oisín's attacker didn't kill Ruby.

Hablar Ingles. This person, he or she,

they leave bodies behind, not people.

They're proud of what they do.

And unlike me... They don't hide their work.

They're brave.

They're saying, this is who I am

and a couple of kicks to some kid's head is not who they are.

Sounds like you've given this some thought, kiddo.

A little. Smashing.

Only for now, let's keep those little thoughts

a million miles away from our readers, yeah?

'The killer is still out there. Without a breakthrough

it'll only get worse.'

'And I didn't even do this one!'

'Where were you last night?'

'Right now, I feel nothing.'

I need to get back on track.

And this time, whoever my victim is,

is mine and mine only.

Woah. Well Oisín said you know your stuff.

I learned a lot from him. There's nothing he can't crack.

Folks!

We'll start with a minute's silence for Ruby Conroy

and then straight into how our streets aren't safe for anyone anymore.

Hi. The polls are in.

There's lots to work with there.

But mothers do find you repulsive.

Well, I'm no fan of mothers either

but you don't see me running off to pollsters complaining about it.

Hold on, even with Chalky out, it has me at 0%?!

The margin of error is 3 percent, right?

So maybe, you know, you're at 3 percent.

Well aren't you a confidence booster! The last thing you need

is confidence, alright? Now get in there

and stick to the plan. Right?

Go on. Fuck's sake!

That's all I have to say about that. I'd like to jump in here.

Patsy, we haven't heard from you all evening,

would you like to respond?

Patsy?

No.

This is a debate. Which I won't be speaking at.

You... don't want to say anything?

Not... a word.

Not a word? That's what I said.

Let the silent be silent!

Look it, we have a soil problem in this area

that no amount of grants will fix that! And yet,

you keep taking them. Come again?

A court of auditors in Europe

found that one Kilraven farmer received a big ball of money--

Most of which I returned.

To purchase heifers, heifers he bought from his cousin,

who kept his own herd in the same shed.

Now it wouldn't take Willy Wonka to figure out

what the two of them were up to! Farmer fraud.

This town is not putting forward our best people for office.

Well, you can say that again. Excuse me?

Now, like many here, the only crime I committed

was placing my trust in an accountant

with a severe cocaine problem.

But one thing I'm not, and they're not,

is a bigot. And you're saying I am?

Oh as bigots go,

you're the biggest! What?

You're on the book face spewing bile.

Bile? Now you went online and said, quote,

"Open borders are ruining our way of life."

"Six months ag, I rented a lovely semi-D

to a bunch of foreign nationals.

They left the place like a pigsty!"

"Not only was the cooker never cleaned,

I'm 100 percent certain

they were using the box room to make bombs".

Now hold on a minute Are you denying it?!

Are you denying it?!

Shh! Shh! Well, Joyce?

I could deny it,

but why deny the truth?

Don't act all innocent!

Come on, hands up who agrees.

Tonight has been a joke!

A crucible of lies!

We are being invaded by aliens!

Who are tearing down all our trees and, and building boats!

(laughter) Oh boo yourself!

Ha-ha! Well done, Joyce!

Good stuff! We just want to continue, please.

John, settle down! Everyone...

That was a riot.

You were born for this. Ah, I got lucky.

What's up?

Oh, don't tell me you think

I'm besmirching the good name of journalism? No.

It just hit me how much Dad would've loved it in there,

seeing an uppity wanker being taken down.

Also, I kind of felt jealous.

Jealous? Of what you did,

and of what I want to do.

Everyone at work thinks that you pushed me for crime

so that you could pull the strings behind the scenes.

I just want them to know that I can do it. Then do it!

Get out there, show them you were born for it. I believe it.

Eventually they will too.

And it's all yours, you have my word.

I will be strictly hands off.

Shit. What?

Oh I have to go see that therapist.

How did you find her?

Uh... enlightening.

Now what does that mean?

It was right here! my car has been stolen!

She's over here, Joyce!

In the disabled spot.

I didn't leave it there! You're finished now, Joyce!

I didn't! Go on outta here!

There isn't an actual clock in this room,

that's just the noise I'm making in my head.

Anything is better than hearing boilerplate about the profound effect

the death of a co-worker can have on someone.'

Are you listening to me, Elvira?

Of course. Then what was I talking about?

How I'm now grieving for two people, not only my father, but Ruby.

In a nutshell. Have you ever treated anyone like me before?

Insomniacs? Mass murderers.

Call it what you want. I had a similar patient.

They had done something very bad and had gotten away with it.

Go on. It uhm...

.. gnawed at them. Not the guilt.

I was fear of being judged.

Ad only by opening up, by confessing-- To you.

Did they find the relief and comfort

of a good night's sleep. Well, that's not happening.

Mm.

Elvira, everything in here is confidential.

Well... no,

not if you thought I might harm myself or others,

then you'd have to tell someone.

I looked it up.

George Slammon got seven years for killing both my husband

and my child.

Seven years because he played minor for the county.

They gave the drunk driver that killed him 10.

You really think I'd trust the guards with anything?

This place... is sacred.

Nothing ever leaves these four walls.

Your phone's ringing.

I don't usually leave it on, it's just uhm...

I have a patient who... Please.

One moment.

Hello? Where?

No, no, don't do anything, please. That person's jumping off a bridge.

No no, just tell me...

Hmm. Are Emerson's secrets in that cabinet?

We'll continue later. Hmmm!

Are you ok? Uhh... I had lunch in the burrito place.

On Main Street? In the industrial estate.

Oh God. Oh I, I won't make the stairs.

Bathroom's over there. Pull the door behind you.

'During the session he expressed feelings that his partner

kept him in the dark about certain aspects of her life.'

'It was stressed to Emerson that his partner must open up

otherwise the relationship will fail.'

Bitch.

'Delusional, self-absorbed, garden variety depressive.'

Let's see who else she has in here.

This is like a Filofax of awful people.

Handy!

Good turnout for Ruby, anyway.

And you think they might be here?

Killers gloat. What better way to gloat

than sympathising with your victim's parents?

What about him?

He's here doing what we're doing.

The man did beat us to the punch before. He has a nose for this.

I think it's time we put that nose to good use.

What about his other half there?

Oh, I am very interested in what she's up to.

My God!

Some of these people!

The things they've done, and thought are worse

than anything I could dream of.

And this dude right here, urgh!

The worst of the worst.

Perfect.

Time to get some sleep.

Look, I told Elvira crime is hers. Crime?

No, this'll be more of a specialist errand.

Look it, on Ruby's murder,

we don't have the manpower to follow up on every lead.

(chuckling) And that's where I come in Something tells me

this one's important, I just...

I don't know what it is yet.

Sorry Rose, I made a promise. Hear me out.

Your new boss... Vivienne Birch.

According to Ruby's notes, Birch assigned her a story,

to uncover the identity of that James Doe,

the old man who died in the nursing home.

No one knows who he is-- No, Ruby stole that story from Elvira.

Mm.

Remember, Emerson, whoever helps me with this,

I'd be forever in their debt.

Go on. Every move we've made has turned up a blank.

The airlines? Manifests are a bust. Embassies, Interpol?

They have his details but... And by his details you mean...?

We examined him before he died.

He'd a tattoo on each foot, a dog on one and a chicken on the other.

What, and you think this has something to do with Ruby's murder?

It could do. Who knows? Sure you may end up cracking some big mystery.

Or just end up writing his obituary. (she giggles)

Yeah, taking Elvira's job, like she took yours.

That tattoo parlour in town? Owned by Jody Freeman?

Yeah, what's he like?

Good old fashioned pervert.

What the fuck?!

Hello Jody.

Reading your files, I knew.

All lies. (muffled groans)

Same lies I tell. That's the thing!

We say we won't do these bad things again,

but we know we can't help ourselves.

It's our true nature, I suppose.

It's who we are. But Jesus!

Taking dirty pictures of women when they're not looking.

Up under their skirts?

And of course the Guards took pity when they caught ya.

No court as long as you went to therapy, right?

Right?! (muffled assent)

And then there's our favourite therapist!

Believes your bullshit, convinced she cured you

but... I dunno.

I don't believe ya.

Still...

.. let's be sure, yeah?

Password.

Password! Password!

Do you want the cattle prod again?!

Thanks. (muffled sobs)

Oh, as I thought.

Still at it.

Oh, Jody.

Want me to take a picture of that?

God, I've missed this.

Did he or did he not lock the door?

First kill in months and not a wink.

At least I have the crime desk.

And he's been so supportive.

Maybe he deserves a little thank you.

This way Finnery, we have a half an hour. I've to get the cattle in

so work away there.

Another 50 for fuck's sake.

I knew when I saw that I'd use it someday.

Take your time there bud.

How's this for a political bombshell?

Hey Kate? What?

A tattoo of a dog and a chicken, is that a farming thing?

Why don't you ask the tattoo artist?

Oh wait, he's dead.

Death by chicken wing. What a way to go.

Oh!

It's morally reprehensible. Music to my ears.

For a fee, Tom Quigley...

.. allows local lonely bachelors to us his milking machines to...

To... ? Yeah, exactly.

But it gets worse. Impossible!

He also uses his cattle prod on the men to help them...

.. you know. I do know!

But tell me anyway. To finish, Vivienne!

To finish. Please tell me he uses it on the inside,

not the outside.

And they say the Fourth Estate is dying. Mm.

Ok, yeah you'll write it together.

Me and her?

Yeah, from what you've described, this is also a farming matter.

Fills the eye, doesn't she?

Guess what Katie Daly,

I've got something sexy and dirty for ya.

Goodie. Now tell me petals, do you know what a prostate is?

Holy-- Shit.

"Surrounded by a growing media presence,

Gardai escorted the suspect into Kilraven Garda Station

just before noon. The arrest comes in the wake

of the brutal murder of local resident Ruby Con--"

'Leon Tully, 24, local.'

'Prints have been found all over Ruby Conroy's house.'

'When asked if he killed Ruby his response was,

"You bet I did".'

Ruby did mention that he threatened to, and I quote,

"Smash her fucking face in".

Don't you two have a story to write?

False confessions happen all the time. He could be lying.

Emerson's just brought me a banger, maybe I'll consider him for editor.

Over my dead body. I told you, fear sells!

It can't end now. Well they haven't even charged him yet.

It doesn't mean he's guilty. Then do something!

I said I didn't know whether to fire you, or fuck you.

Two guesses which way I'm leaning. Okay!

What do you want from me?

If there's any chance that he is innocent, prove it.

A few days ago you were in my office talking like you could understand

the killer's mindset. So, tell me,

what would they do next?

Go into hiding while carefully selecting their next victim.

No, no they'd...

I dunno, what's that um, what's that cliché between...

.. criminals and crime scenes? Oh!

You mean they'd return to the scene of the crime?

Exactly, that one!

Do that.

This must be what it's like to visit the Sistine Chapel.

Why would the wine be out?

Someone's here!

Hiding in the house of a dead woman.

You're right,

no one would think to look for you here.

Sneaking in here was easy.

Sneaking out of the hospital, now, that was hard.

Are you wearing Ruby's clothes?

It's not like she needs them. Oisín.

What? They fit me.

Although the g-string's a little uncomfortable.

Why are you hiding? And who are you hiding from?

(sigh) Before Mallory skedaddled,

she sort of stole a bunch of money from this drug dealer.

Albert...

Ex-MMA fighter, roided off his tits!

Not a lad you wanna mess with. So he's the one who beat you up?

(sigh) He wants the cuz and the cash home,

cash she's blown.

He wants me to make it happen, tell her a yarn, draw her out.

For every day Mallory's not here, he's gonna chop off one of my fingers.

I've only got 10 fingers, Elvira, you know what he's gonna do

when he's finished them? Cut off your penis. What?!

Do you think?

Oh, he said he'd do the toes, but now that you say it-- Look...

It's all well and good hiding here but do you have a plan?

Only that I wanna hold onto my cock.

You're smart.

You could help me. Wait, me?

Yeah, like I helped you, remember?

With your car, parked down the road there.

Fine. (sigh) Thank you.

Only before all that...

I need to figure out a way to save my job.

In trouble, yeah? Yeah.

Just do what I do when I see trouble.

Throw yourself right in the middle of it.

Fancy finishing the wine?

"Kilraven killer stole my motor."

"It's rare that a killer steals your car,

uses it to attend a murder and urinates in the front seat,

but that is exactly what happened to me."

Crime correspondent?

Not for long she's not.

"I'm joined now by Elvira Clancy. A local journalist

for whom this story has taken a personal turn.

Elvira, can you provide any insight...

.. into why the killer may have chosen...

".. to urinate on your car seat?"

"I'm no psychologist. But I believe

the Kilraven killer was a childhood bedwetter."

Ha! Sounds like you! Shut your hole, Mammy!

"And you worked with Ruby?"

"In Ruby, I saw someone who could've been my sister."

She is impressive, and saying such nice things about Ruby.

Mm yeah! (interview continues)

Especially considering all the not nice things Ruby said about her.

"But really...

.. we must stop focusing on the why, and focus on the who."

Ruby's killer? Are you saying the Guards have the wrong man?

"I just think it's very convenient.

"Of course his prints are all over her house, he washed her windows."

"And then there's my car.

I'm willing to bet my career that the man in custody's urine

is not a match for the urine on my car seat."

Cheek of her! "If you ask me, the killer is still out there..."

".. and could strike at any time."

See what a little pressure does?

"When the Guards find sense,

they'll admit they have the wrong man."

How does she know it's not his piss?

Still no sign of Oisín Markum.

Is that good or bad for her?

TBD.

Tread... carefully.

Oh, handy with a knife!

Well, I'm glad to see they let you out.

Everyone got you wrong, Leon.

The Guards included.

Not everyone. (he snorts)

You didn't.

We'll see. (he snorts)

Does this mean you trust me?

Bitch!

I'll take that as a yes. (she giggles)

Have you been out here all day fishing?

More... thinking than fishing.

Me too.

What you been thinking about?

Ruby's killer.

Like you said, you can trust me. Fuck.

It's just Ruby did treat you like shit,

like she treated me like shit.

Part of me thought about killing her too.

So if you did do it, I wouldn't blame you.

In fact... I'd admire ya.

Smash your fuckin' face in.

Also your prints were all over her house.

And being her window cleaner, you could've left a window open for yourse

Fuck! Just tell me why you did it.

You... are...

A bitch!

That you talking or the Tourette's? Both!

Now fuck off.

You people!

All of ye, you're so stupid.

How the hell could I sneak up on someone, never mind kill them

when I can't keep my trap shut for five seconds?

So, our killer is still out there.

What are they doing now?

Are they planning their next murder?

Or are they thinking about me?

Maybe even watching me?

'How does she know it's not his piss?'

'Is my car mixed up in Ruby's murder?'

'Ruby stole that story from Elvira.'

Well... if they are watching me,

no matter how smart you think you are,

you can be caught!