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1
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Bills, bills. Nothing but bills.
2
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,416
Butcher.
3
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,318
Laundry.
4
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,222
Gardener.
5
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:11,998
My Lord, when one
of your peasants fails
6
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,868
to pay his rent or his taxes,
we confiscate his property,
7
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,103
and chain him up in the dungeon
until he rots.
8
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,872
We're going to jail.
I just know it.
9
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:19,939
We're going to jail.
10
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,007
You're hyperventilating.
11
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,175
Now, just talk to me.
12
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,310
They want everything
for that year.
13
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:27,147
Everything... business expenses,
charitable contributions.
14
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:29,282
Jude, they want our Schedule C!
15
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,583
This is a nightmare, I mean...
16
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:33,453
What the hell is a Schedule C?
17
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,721
Did you talk to Shelly?
18
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,589
I called Shelly, he said
we just have to
19
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,367
organize the receipts,
and he'll do the rest, but...
20
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:40,226
Well, that was the last year
we were married,
21
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,195
so you have all the receipts,
right?
22
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:43,363
Right.
23
00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:44,864
Then it should be a snap.
24
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:50,470
Oh, my God.
25
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:52,605
Dinner.
26
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:54,708
Gifts.
27
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:57,844
Theater tickets. Oh, God.
28
00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:00,647
That horrible
Soviet production of King Lear.
29
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,782
The fortunate suitor,
30
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,918
left master of the field,
31
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,853
when all others
have been unhorsed.
32
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,255
Mm.
33
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,490
Oh, that bed-and-breakfast
in Vermont.
34
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,592
Remember when we went up
to watch the leaves change?
35
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:15,095
Oh, yeah, and we had dinner
at that old inn.
36
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:18,331
Yeah, and then we had
that really big fight.
37
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,266
And you said maybe
you didn't want to be
married to me anymore.
38
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,378
And then you broke that really
beautiful antique pitcher.
39
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:25,505
Charged me a fortune for that.
40
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,607
$278.
41
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,175
Oh. Yeah.
42
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,844
Yeah.
43
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,313
Trees
sure were beautiful though.
44
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:35,148
Yeah. Yeah, they really were.
45
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:38,251
Makes you feel
pretty good, doesn't it?
46
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:42,555
This is weird.
What?
47
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:44,424
Did I over tip or something?
No, it's a hotel receipt.
48
00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:48,161
So?
49
00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,295
Well, it's
for the Knickerbocker.
50
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,730
The Knickerbocker
is here in town.
51
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,699
Why would we have stayed
at a hotel here in town?
52
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,568
Well, don't look
so worried, darling.
53
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,471
There's a very simple solution.
54
00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:00,006
We file it away
under "case closed."
55
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,309
It's probably a mistake.
56
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:05,912
How can it be a mistake?
It's got your signature. Look.
57
00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,948
It's a mystery.
What else have you got?
58
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,017
Why don't I remember this?
59
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,086
Unless you stayed there
without me.
60
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,624
That's silly.
61
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:21,227
Come on. Why would I do that?
62
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,096
Oh, look, look,
here's the receipt
63
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,765
for that
Chinese bracelet I bought you.
64
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,143
Martin,
in all of our years together,
65
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,935
no matter
how much we hurt each other,
66
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,770
we have always been honest.
67
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,106
Now, if there is something
you think you should tell me,
68
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:35,809
do it now.
69
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,510
It's okay, I mean,
whatever it is, I can handle it.
70
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:40,413
You won't be mad at me,
no matter what?
71
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:45,218
Of course not, darling.
No matter what.
72
00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:48,688
All right.
73
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,590
I was at the Knickerbocker
with... with another woman.
74
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:54,494
You son of a bitch!
How could you?
75
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,563
But... but we're divorced now.
76
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,531
I mean, doesn't that
sort of, like, you know,
cancel everything out?
77
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:01,110
Not on your life.
78
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,136
Besides,
look at the date on the receipt.
79
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,373
I mean, it's... it's two months
before you moved out.
80
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:08,742
Two months! Can't we just,
like, you know, postdate it?
81
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,144
Oh, you had an affair!
82
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:12,379
It wasn't an affair-affair.
83
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:13,780
It wasn't even a night.
84
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,848
It was...
it was just an afternoon.
85
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,349
Oh, were there others?
Never. No.
86
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:20,120
Just this one
regrettable afternoon.
87
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,355
And that's it. That's it.
88
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:23,890
"That's it"? What, you have
this nooner with some slut?
89
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:27,193
Who said she was a slut?
90
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,828
She was...
91
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,397
Yes?
92
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:31,464
Uh-oh. Now I've done it.
93
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,034
Who was she?
94
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,468
It's ancient history.
95
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:38,972
Please answer the question.
96
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,306
I mean, who can remember?
97
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,008
You must answer the question.
98
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,044
Who was she, Martin?
99
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,345
Don't be a fool.
Give yourself up.
100
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,147
Does it really matter who?
101
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,348
Oh, my God!
102
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:49,783
It's someone I know!
103
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:51,284
Please.
104
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,390
If our friendship
is worth anything to you,
105
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,826
you have got to tell me.
106
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,161
It's not too late
for you to make peace
107
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,966
with your god, my son.
108
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,769
Okay.
109
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:10,837
I'm sorry?
110
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:14,507
It was Nicki Rosen.
Nicki Rosen?
111
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,577
With the kabuki makeup
Nicki Rosen?
112
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:20,080
Oh, my God.
113
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,748
She didn't mean anything to me.
Come on. You remember.
114
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:24,117
I never really even liked her.
115
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,385
You know,
she was always your friend.
116
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:26,858
You haven't got a prayer.
117
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,254
What goes on
in there where you are?
118
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:33,059
Hi, guys.
119
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,461
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Tupper.
120
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,862
We're just going to...
Fine.
121
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,564
Type "X."
122
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,406
Enter.
123
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,108
Enter.
124
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,909
Type "Big ones."
125
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,111
Wow. They're amazing.
126
00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:01,021
So, what are you going to tell
your parents about the party?
127
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,790
I'm just gonna
tell them I'm going.
128
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,492
No way!
129
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:06,559
Yes way.
130
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,794
Butt-head,
we're talking about a party
131
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,362
with no grown-ups,
eighth-grade girls,
132
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,331
and a lot of chocolate.
133
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:12,899
Chocolate?
You know,
'cause it makes girls horny.
134
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,835
No way.
Totally way.
135
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,737
The caffeine cranks
their hormones or something.
136
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,273
Why do you think we give 'em
chocolate on Valentine's Day?
137
00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,485
Huh.
This party's gonna be historic.
138
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:25,812
You just gotta scam
your mom and dad.
139
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:27,814
I don't lie to my parents.
140
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,315
Everybody lies to their parents.
141
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,217
Parents lie to their parents.
142
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,719
Well, I don't. They trust me.
143
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:35,588
Don't worry. They'll let me go.
144
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,891
Two bucks.
145
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,225
Two bucks says they say no.
146
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,461
No.
No?
147
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,229
I'm sorry, Jeremy.
148
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,431
But, Dad...
149
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,932
You heard your mother.
150
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,534
But... but I thought
you guys trusted me.
151
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,270
I do trust you,
152
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,739
more than some other people
I could mention.
153
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,241
Look, how long
you gonna keep this up?
154
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,943
You're just too young
to go to a party
155
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,778
without any adult supervision.
156
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,447
Come on, Jeremy.
You're not even 13 yet.
157
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,349
That is so arbitrary.
158
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,650
Well, that's our decision.
I'm sorry.
159
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,194
You know, you guys argue
about everything else.
160
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,387
I think this is so unfair
this is the one thing
you agree on.
161
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,390
Hey. Hey!
162
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,258
Mr. and Mrs. Tupper,
I just want you to know
163
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,728
that I personally
respect your decision.
164
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,796
Have a nice day.
165
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,864
Two bucks.
166
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,700
Nice boy.
167
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,537
Nicki Rosen?
168
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,640
You think you know people.
You think they're on your team.
169
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:40,863
But they're not on your team.
170
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,489
Everybody's
got their own agenda.
171
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,124
Face it, when it comes
down to it, they're all parents.
172
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,793
Whoa, whoa.
173
00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:48,828
Run that back.
You had an affair?
174
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,797
It... it wasn't
an affair, I just...
175
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:53,166
Had sex in
a hotel room with a woman
that wasn't your wife.
176
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,202
It happened once.
It still counts.
177
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,971
Quickly.
It still counts!
178
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:59,339
No, it doesn't!
179
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,573
It took you four years
to tell Judith?
180
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:02,375
Well, yeah.
It definitely counts!
181
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,345
All right, button it up.
182
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,780
Just button it up, rube.
183
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:08,648
Let me ask you something.
184
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,583
Why does this
make you so happy? I mean...
185
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,652
I'm sorry, but, Martin,
man, whenever I used to think
186
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,622
about getting married,
I'd think, "Okay.
187
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:17,199
I'm ready for responsibility,
188
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,292
I can handle the intimacy."
189
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:21,394
But the concept of having sex
with the same woman,
190
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:25,265
day in and day out
for the rest of my life?
191
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,535
Whoo!
192
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,836
And then I'd look at you,
193
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:31,037
and I'd think,
"What's wrong with me?
194
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,572
Martin can do it."
195
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:33,773
But you couldn't do it,
could you?
196
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,643
This had nothing to do with sex.
197
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,649
Well, it had
something to do with sex,
but that's not why I did it.
198
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:47,120
Okay. Why'd you do it?
199
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,656
I did it because...
200
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,757
I did it because...
201
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,193
This is your big
$100,000 question.
202
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,896
And can we have it
just as quiet as possible,
because this is very important.
203
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:00,000
Can I get back to you on that?
204
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,968
Yeah.
205
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,303
Okay, now, we are going
to go through this item by item.
206
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:16,016
Why? Is there something wrong?
I tried to be very careful.
207
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:19,185
This was your last year
filing jointly?
208
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,121
Uh, yes, the Tuppers
separated in January
of the following year.
209
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:24,157
Although some of us left
a little sooner than others.
210
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,626
I got a notion
there's trouble brewing here.
211
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,597
What a kidder.
212
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,833
Travel, medical.
213
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:37,470
Professional gifts are, uh...
214
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,672
That would be this column here.
215
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,540
Um, the receipts
are in the envelope attached.
216
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,943
That's a lovely blouse.
217
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,012
Mm-hmm.
218
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,447
What is this item here?
Twenty-seven dollars?
219
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,750
Um, uh, that's a Christmas gift
for one of my writers.
220
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:54,688
If you can believe that.
221
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,389
So, what else you got?
222
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,894
Now, this dinner January 8th
with Roberta McMillan.
223
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:04,964
She is a business associate?
Yeah, she's an MD.
224
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,467
Who frequently
gives me referrals.
225
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,102
I see.
226
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,737
And on January 15th,
227
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,972
lunch with Len Booley?
228
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,241
He's a writer's agent.
229
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,576
January 28th, you two had dinner
with Nicki Rosen?
230
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:20,213
Look out, Joe!
231
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,948
Well, she was
a colleague of mine.
232
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:24,050
And it seems, she also was...
233
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,652
Don't say it.
Don't say what?
234
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,053
Why don't we just move on
to February?
235
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,588
Judith,
what do you want from me?
236
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,790
What... what do you
want me to say?
237
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,392
How about start with
"I'm sorry"?
238
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,327
All right, all right. I'm sorry.
239
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,895
No, you're not!
All right,
I'm sorry you found out.
240
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,198
Have you seen
their charitable contributions?
241
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,633
This wouldn't by any chance
involve your Schedule C?
242
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,545
You really don't see anything
wrong with this, do you?
243
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,480
I mean,
you violated our marriage.
244
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,439
What marriage? It was over!
245
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,907
The only time I ever saw you
was in counseling.
246
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,719
Uh, the receipts for which,
by the way, are in the file...
247
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,687
Then you spent
most of your time telling me
how you didn't love me anymore!
248
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,190
Maybe Nicki Rosen was
willing to lend a sympathetic
ear for an afternoon.
249
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,484
Maybe that was something
I needed at the time!
250
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,786
Was it?
I don't know! I don't know.
I said "maybe."
251
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:02,288
I mean, maybe
it was all so traumatic,
252
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,766
I blocked
most of that period out!
253
00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:05,291
So, now you're
saying that it was my fault?
254
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,861
Maybe. Maybe
that's what I'm saying. Yeah.
255
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:13,667
Come on, kids.
We're all friends.
256
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,201
Oh, no we're not.
257
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,436
Oh, oh, well,
if that's how you feel,
258
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:19,239
why don't you divorce me?
259
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:20,473
Did I mention your blouse?
260
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:29,949
Get me the Raphelson contracts,
I want to see the Bluestone
galleys on my desk,
261
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:38,334
and get production on the phone,
and you're out of coffee.
262
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,569
Hold it! Do you think
you're the only person
having a lousy day?
263
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,863
Since you left here
this morning,
264
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,598
I have received an obscene fax
from a guy named Luigi,
265
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:49,169
I have a puncture wound
from a paper clip,
266
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,204
and I'm still tasting
the kielbasa from lunch.
267
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:53,807
And yet, somehow,
despite all this,
268
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,142
somehow, I manage to smile,
269
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,978
and say, "Good afternoon."
270
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,181
Is it really so damn hard
for you to do the same?
271
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:05,151
Good afternoon.
272
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,319
That's better.
273
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,088
Yo, sunshine!
274
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,939
Your kid's on three.
275
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,374
Hello?
276
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,011
Hey, Dad, listen.
277
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,412
Are you and Mom,
like, talking yet?
278
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,147
Only if we have to. Why?
279
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,549
Uh, just curious.
280
00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:39,452
I was planning on staying here
at Mom's tonight, okay?
281
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,055
Oh. Okay.
282
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,690
If you change your mind...
Yeah, great, Dad.
283
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,267
Catch you later.
284
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:46,559
Hey, Mom, how'd it go?
285
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:49,629
Oh, just great. Any messages?
286
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,365
Yeah. Richard called,
and he said he discovered
some vaccine or something,
287
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:56,036
and he probably
won't be home for dinner.
288
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,371
I, uh, was planning on staying
at Dad's tonight, okay?
289
00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:01,641
Fine.
290
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:03,777
Yes!
291
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,481
Hey, you made it!
Yeah!
292
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,428
Check out the jewelry.
Too much?
293
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,431
It's a little '80s.
294
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,099
Is this outstanding?
295
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,801
Kathy Menlowe is here,
Cheryl Rubin is here, and...
296
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:30,704
Oh, my God!
Here comes Ashley McNeal.
297
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,106
Hi, Bobby. Hi, Jeremy.
298
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,442
Ashley, hey,
glad you could make it.
299
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,545
Jeremy, great earring.
300
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,480
Thanks.
301
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:41,548
Chocolate?
302
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:44,784
What?
303
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,889
It's Tanya.
304
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:50,957
Tanya?
305
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,426
You don't remember?
306
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:54,894
We have a date.
307
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:03,603
Oh, ja! Oh!
308
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,507
Now I remember.
309
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,276
I know that.
310
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,778
Are you okay?
311
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:12,979
I'm going through this thing
with my ex-wife.
312
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,282
She's...
313
00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:18,318
You know what's in here?
314
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,292
Well, if it's
more whipped cream,
315
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,328
I don't know if we should jump...
316
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:29,438
I'm into an Italian thing now.
317
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,731
Chianti. Extra virgin olive oil.
318
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:35,168
The wine is for now.
319
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,703
The oil is for later.
320
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,072
Ah.
321
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,075
if you'd just turn her out.
322
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,986
Come on in.
323
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,812
It's no big deal.
I know.
324
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,080
You spin the bottle,
you go into the closet...
325
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,885
I know.
326
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,496
Then you stick your tongue
327
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,854
down her throat
as far as it'll go.
328
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:56,056
Right. I know.
329
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,291
Anyway, I... I don't need
my ex-wife to be my friend.
330
00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:00,493
You're right.
I've got plenty of friends.
331
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:07,400
I mean, there are lots of people
I can talk to, you know?
332
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,003
I can talk to you.
333
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,505
Sure.
334
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,407
Hello?
335
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:15,475
Hello, Nicki.
This is Judith Tupper.
336
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,519
Judith. How are you?
337
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:29,756
Fuck you!
338
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,492
There's a reason
you get divorced from people.
339
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:33,760
You don't get divorced
from people so they can
stay in your life.
340
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:54,014
I mean, that's why they
call them ex-wives, you know?
341
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,916
Martin, are you gonna
keep talking about your ex-wife,
342
00:16:56,950 --> 00:17:00,220
or, uh, are we gonna
have some sex here?
343
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,892
You know
what really burns me up?
344
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,695
You're next, Jeremy.
345
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,500
Sorry.
346
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,068
Try again, Tupper.
347
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,476
Ugh!
348
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,544
I don't want
to overstate anything,
349
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,723
but I gave
my life's blood to that woman.
350
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,538
Sorry.
351
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,964
Hello?
352
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:28,708
It's me, I think we should talk.
353
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,411
You got any bread sticks?
354
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,414
Who's that?
355
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,915
Do you have a woman with you?
356
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:36,983
Yes, yes, I do.
357
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,686
I don't believe you.
358
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,390
How can you do that
with Jeremy there?
359
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:44,624
You know, every time
I start to give you
360
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,326
the benefit of the doubt,
you pull this...
361
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,737
Just wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
362
00:18:47,761 --> 00:18:49,171
Jeremy's with you.
363
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,964
No, he's...
364
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:52,032
And we fell for it.
Boy, are we dumb.
365
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:53,333
Hey, come on.
It wasn't that bad.
366
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:58,505
I made her gag.
She bit my tongue.
367
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:01,274
For my first sexual experience,
this really sucks.
368
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:04,377
Well, look at the upside.
Things can't get any worse.
369
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:07,380
Where's Jeremy?
370
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:12,752
We had no idea where you were!
371
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:15,255
We were frantic!
372
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:16,365
I mean, if you only knew
what you put us through!
373
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,624
Judith, Judith.
It's okay, calm down.
374
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,268
I'll handle this.
375
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,495
You had us worried sick!
376
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,297
What if you
weren't at Bobby's, huh?
377
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,565
We didn't know!
You could have been under a bus!
378
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:26,909
I mean, what are we
gonna do with you?
379
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:29,002
I say let's string him up now
and ask questions later.
380
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,371
Jeremy, what were you thinking?
You asked us if you could go.
381
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,349
We told you explicitly
that you could not.
And then you go anyway!
382
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:37,310
Taking advantage of the
fact that your mother and I
don't live together anymore.
383
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:40,213
Well, let me just tell you
something, your father
and I may be divorced...
384
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:43,292
But we're still a family
and all rules apply.
385
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,761
Everything would have been fine
if you hadn't found out.
386
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,721
Forget it, mister!
That doesn't make it right.
387
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:50,256
Jeremy, we have to be able
to trust you.
388
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,460
We've got nothing if we
can't trust each other, right?
389
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,096
Right.
390
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:58,565
If there's one thing
I learned as a kid,
391
00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,866
it was the value
of fair play and honesty.
392
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,135
Those are two of the most
important things in this world,
393
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,838
and don't you forget it.
394
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,874
Okay, okay, okay,
I got it, I got it.
You don't have to look so smug.
395
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,976
Now, young man, I think
you should go to your room,
396
00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:13,446
and think
about what your father said.
397
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,191
I'll come over in the morning,
and... and we'll all talk
about it some more.
398
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,083
That'll be fun.
Hey!
399
00:20:17,117 --> 00:20:20,120
Look. I'm sorry, you guys.
400
00:20:20,153 --> 00:20:22,022
Well, we really are parents,
aren't we?
401
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,861
We really are. Huh!
402
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,007
A husband and wife
have got to be able to talk
to each other to say the truth.
403
00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:43,376
Look, I'm sorry
about the Nicki Rosen thing.
404
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,754
I mean, I... I really
wanted to hurt you then.
405
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,154
Oh.
Of course, I... I never
meant to hurt you now.
406
00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:57,724
Oh.
407
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:01,628
Okay.
Okay.
408
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:02,696
So, uh...
409
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:06,533
Making a salad?
410
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,336
Well, people,
according to my calculations,
411
00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:20,580
Mr. and Mrs. Tupper
owe the American people
412
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:25,018
$3,257.
413
00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:27,487
Sorry.
414
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,957
I'm afraid I had to disallow
415
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:32,225
certain deductions.
416
00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:33,560
"Item one, the United States
government does not consider
417
00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:34,794
a pedicure a medical expense."
418
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:39,265
We tried, eh?
419
00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:41,368
"Item two,
420
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:43,670
a pet cannot
be claimed as a dependent."
421
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,271
Oh, well, we...
we really loved that rabbit.
422
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:48,375
"Item three, Mrs. Tupper's
423
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:51,644
purchase of an antique desk
as an office expense."
424
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:53,580
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What are you talking about?
425
00:21:53,613 --> 00:21:56,549
We didn't buy that desk.
426
00:21:56,583 --> 00:21:58,494
That was a gift
from... from Judith's parents.
427
00:21:58,518 --> 00:21:59,853
Uh, no, it wasn't.
428
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:01,821
Actually, I...
I bought that with money
from my personal account.
429
00:22:01,855 --> 00:22:04,391
Well, you and I were
fighting so much then,
and I just thought...
430
00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:07,160
So you lied.
431
00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:09,305
There's a saying that goes,
432
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:11,564
"The pendulum swings,
and time discovers the truth."
433
00:22:11,598 --> 00:22:13,066
That's kind of dramatic,
isn't it?
434
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:17,370
There is a big difference
between adultery and furniture.
435
00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:19,205
Oh, is there?
You lied?
436
00:22:19,239 --> 00:22:21,841
Yes, she did. She lied.
437
00:22:21,875 --> 00:22:24,044
That was an out-and-out lie?
31476
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