Original subtitles

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

You seem, I don't know, tense.

No, no. No. I'm not tense.

Here you are, hons.

Tuna salad for the lady, and eggs for the mister,

fresh from the chicken's tush.

Dolly, what the hell is this?

You know I don't like my eggs like this.

I mean, look at them. They're runny, they're wet.

They're like Venice! Venice?

Italy. It's a wet city in Italy!

Martin... I know where Venice is!

Wasn't that a little unnecessary?

Dolly, I'm... I'm sorry.

Martin, you are out of control. What... what's been going on?

Nothing.

These things happen. Please, don't worry about it.

I'm not worried.

This doesn't usually... You don't have to explain.

The failure was somewhere

in miles of wire or hundreds of instruments.

It's just that... It's really, really okay. Really.

If he does come, would it make any difference?

It might make all the difference.

Maybe we'll just hold each other till you're ready.

Be fixed by Monday.

Martin, what is it?

Jude.

Do you remember what happened that time in Nantucket?

You got a fishhook caught in your foot.

Are you okay? Did you get a tetanus shot?

No, no! D...

Do you remember the other thing that happened?

Oh.

Oh!

Oh.

Yeah.

Martin, I know it must be difficult,

but it happens to all men.

Has it ever happened to Richard?

Well, most men. But that's not the point.

The point is, it happens once, then you get back on the horse.

It happened more than once.

What? It happened more than once!

Wow.

I've never been with a guy where this has actually happened.

You must be mortified.

Well, it's not really... Oh, now, come on.

This is like every guy's worst nightmare, right?

No, no. No.

For worst, this would have happened

in front of a studio audience.

I'm so glad I'm a woman.

They all miss now and then.

Yeah, but with this guy, it's always now.

Hit 'em again! Hit 'em again! Harder! Harder!

Anything?

No.

We've got spirit! Yes, we do!

We've got spirit! How about you?

Nothing?

Not yet.

I think you should talk to someone.

You mean, like... A therapist.

Forget it!

Believe me, this problem is not in my head.

Oh, well, then where is it?

In the pants.

Obviously, something has...

Caused injury to an organ

that medical science cannot comprehend.

Something has gone wrong somewhere, somehow.

But it's my problem, and I should be able to fix it.

Martin, there's a new guy at the center.

He's supposed to be terrific.

Look, it can't hurt to talk to him.

Thank you. I'll be fine.

Really.

I will! Okay, okay.

Well, I gotta get going. Richard's coming home for lunch.

But you just had lunch.

Oh, yeah. Well, I gotta go.

Bye.

Doc, I'd like to set up an appointment in your office.

Okay. The sooner the better. Why don't you come in tomorrow morning at 10:00?

Doc, there's... there's really nothing wrong with me.

You know, one, two sessions, that's it.

I'm out of here. Yeah. Martin, why don't we start

by you're telling me why you're here.

It's none of your business.

It's kind of embarrassing.

But, uh, recently...

Uh, you mind if I smoke?

Well.

Actually, yeah.

Yeah, I do.

I see. That's interesting.

What do we think that's about?

I don't know. I just, uh...

don't like the smoke.

Yeah.

Would it bother you if I had just one,

over there, with the window open?

Yeah. Yeah, I think it would.

Really?

Did either of your parents smoke?

I don't know. I don't know.

I just don't like the smell of it on my clothes,

and... and sometimes it makes me cough.

Listen, can we talk about what I came here to talk about?

Absolutely.

Next session. We have to stop now.

What?

Has any of this been...

useful?

Martin, everything is useful.

This is therapy.

How does it work, this psychotherapy business?

Is there a discount if I do all the talking?

Hey, this babe ain't a bad-looker.

She reminds me of a tomato I used to know over in Queens.

Thanks.

You...

You okay?

You sure?

You're not okay?

Ca... Can you breathe?

Oh, my God. You... You can't breathe.

You're choking.

She's choking! She's... she's choking!

Does anyone here know the Heimlich maneuver? Huh?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Now are you gonna do something about it?

I've never done this before. I mean, uh...

Where's that fucking poster when you need it?

What? Wh... Oh. Sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay. Okay, here we go.

Look, make like a fist. Fist. Tight.

That's it. Now you give him the old one...

two, three!

It's okay. You're okay.

You can let go of me now.

Right, right. Sorry.

I am so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed.

I don't know why I'm so embarrassed. I mean, I was choking.

It's not like something I chose to do and later regretted.

I'm gonna go now. You did a nice thing.

Well, I was sort of responsible.

You know, I mean giving you the sour ball.

That's true.

Uh...

What are you waiting for?

If you'd like to join me,

I was gonna grab a bite of dinner, I mean...

Well, I... I don't know. I...

we'll stick to soft foods.

You know, pudding, mashed potatoes,

maybe a little creamed corn.

Something intravenous?

Okay.

Martin, when did you first begin

to experience this performance problem?

I guess it started about two months ago.

And can you think of anything of significance

that happened two months ago?

I don't know. I got a really bad haircut.

My ex-wife got remarried.

And that was very traumatic?

No, no, no. It grew back.

No, no. I meant... Oh, oh, the marriage.

How... how did that make you feel?

Uh...

I guess it was a little unsettling.

Mm-hmm.

Well, perhaps you're afraid of getting hurt again,

and this recent dysfunction

is your mind's way of protecting you.

I don't think so.

I see.

Why does that possibility bother you so match?

What do you mean? What do you mean, what do I mean?

You said "match." Why does it bother me so "match."

No, I said "much." It sounded like "match."

No, that's silly.

Why would I say "match"?

Maybe you had a need not to hear me.

Hey, why are we fixating on that?

Tell me about this woman you met.

Well, I met her last week, and, I don't know.

It feels different.

It feels really different.

We've gone out three times since we've met.

Well, this is a breakthrough.

I know. I know.

I don't know. Maybe I'm setting myself up.

What do you think? What do you think?

I don't know.

Why don't you tell me about him, Elaine.

Well...

he's just not like other guys.

He seems so gentle, so sensitive.

I wanted to rip her clothes off with my teeth.

But obviously, because of my recent, uh,

situation, I'm taking things very slowly.

Three dates, and all he's done is kiss me.

It's so romantic.

She probably thinks I'm gay.

Where did you meet him?

Right here in therapy. In the waiting room.

You know, the first thing I thought was,

"Oh, God. What's wrong with her?"

But then I thought, "Hey, I'm in therapy,

and there's really nothing wrong with me."

It's always been the same pattern. I meet a guy.

I think he's really nice, we start to go out,

then the minute I have sex with him,

I'm filled with this uncontrollable rage.

Well, couldn't it possibly be different this time?

It could be. I hope so. But that's what I said about Larry.

And then I stabbed him 17 times with my comb.

She probably just has a fear of heights or something.

He needed 112 stitches.

Elaine, sometimes it seems

as though things will never change.

But we've done a lot of work since Larry.

Now, maybe it's time you give yourself another chance.

Maybe.

'Cause it sure feels right with Martin.

Martin?

He's funny, he's a wonderful father.

Martin? He's really cute.

He's a little short, but...

What does he do?

He's a book editor.

What's his last name? Tupper.

Wait a minute. That's your last name.

Huh. Isn't that interesting?

Did I know that? What do you think that's about?

I don't know. What do you think it's about?

We were really cooking today, huh?

Thanks again.

Judith!

Martin. How's it going?

Great. Great.

You know, we figured out I'm afraid

someone's gonna hurt me as much as you did.

Oh! Good. Listen.

Uh, can you take Jeremy tonight?

I've... I've got kind of a big date.

Sure. I met somebody.

Really? Well, I got a staff meeting.

You know, if you wait just a minute, she'll be out of the bathroom.

You can meet her too. Oh, no!

Well, all right.

I'm sorry. I just, uh...

Have a good time.

You said "big date." Like, how big?

Big, big, big.

I'm hoping.

What about your, uh, problem?

Well...

I think it's gonna be different with her, you know.

She's not like the other women I've gone out with.

Maybe you should consider not doing this.

Why? Why?

Uh, maybe it's too soon for you.

But you were the one who said I should get back on the horse.

I did. Right.

But, you know, you have to pick your horse very carefully.

Oh.

You're not jealous, are you?

I think I know what's going on here.

You do? You're jealous.

I am not jealous. Oh, really?

Then... Then what's this all about?

Hmm?

Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude.

I understand what you're going through.

Mm. I know how you feel about me.

But the day you got married, that part of our relationship ended.

You've got to let go.

Thank you.

You know me so well.

What was I supposed to tell him?

Do I tell his that he's about to go to bed

with a borderline schizophrenic who's put seven people in the hospital?

Or do I protect my patient's confidentiality

and just wait and see what happens?

I mean, who knows? Maybe she's worked through it.

Maybe... Maybe it won't happen again.

On the other hand, maybe they'll find him in the morning

with a mascara brush through his heart.

Oh, and you should have seen him.

He was so excited.

How could I tell him that if he gets it up, she could do him in?

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

What should I do?

I don't know, Judith. What do you think you should do?

Oh, shut up, Herb!

Oh. Oh, yes.

Oh. Oh.

That's it. Oh!

Oh. Oh. Oh! Oh, God.

Yes!

That was really great for me too.

Oh, God.

Can I get you a towel or something?

Come here.

I'm really glad you didn't choke to death on that sour ball.

Really?

What?

I'm a little scared.

Oh, yeah. Me too.

You are? That is so sexy.

Yeah?

But if you don't want to...

I've gotta do it...

for you, for all the boys like my son.

I want to.

Big, big, big.

Just a little bit harder.

What are you thinking?

How great your hair smells.

Hello? Martin, hi. It's Judith.

What. What?

Do you remember the name of the woman in Florida

who made those seashell tissue boxes?

I... No. Why?

Well, Christmas is coming.

In six months!

So, how's it going?

You really can't stand it, can you?

Look, I know this is hard for you,

but you've got to let me get on with my life.

Now, I'll talk to you in the morning.

Good night.

My ex-wife.

I hate her already.

Where were we?

Just, uh...

Sorry.

Yes? Martin, I've gotta tell you something.

No. Please, don't do this. Have some pride!

But... Good night, Judith.

Better?

Better.

Big, big, big.

What a frightful boner.

It's in my pocket. It's there and loaded.

Only I don't know whether I have the courage to use it.

What?

I shall be your courage.

Come.

Martin? Yes?

Whatever happens, I want you to know, this has been wonderful.

Okay. Let's do it.

Oh, yes!

Uh...

Whoa.

Maybe I could help you with that.

Get out of my way! Ow! Ow! Oh!

Hi, this is Martin.

You know what to do.

Oh, God! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

He's coming, just like he said he would.

Yes!

He did it!

Well...

that was worth the wait.

You feel like some pistachios?

Maybe a little fruit?

Sweetie? Honey?

What are you doing with that nail file?

Huh? You gonna file my nails?

Run!

Elaine! Elaine!

Elaine, drop it! Drop it now!

Huh? Oh, my God!

Oh, God! It happened again.

Dr. Tupper, what are you doing here?

Just one of many questions.

I know, I know. It's wrong for me to be here.

But you are here! It's as if you knew.

You're like, Super therapist.

Well... Let's call some psychiatric board and tell them.

Maybe they'll give you an award.

Elaine, I think you should go home,

and we'll discuss this in the morning.

Okay. Okay.

Oh! Martin, I am so sorry.

I guess I wasn't ready.

I guess not.

Up until the last part,

I had a really good time tonight.

Right. Okay.

Well, you take care of yourself.

I just had sex with Sybil! She tried to kill me!

Why? Why did she try to kill me?

She has a lot of issues.

I'll say! And you knew, didn't you?

You see?

The things you never know about women.

The little secrets they hold out on you.

I'm sorry! God, I am so sorry.

Are you okay? Yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm okay.

It's...

I'm just glad it's over.

For you, maybe.

I'm gonna be hearing about this every Wednesday

for the next three years.

Really? Good.

I guess the good thing about this whole incident is that

it puts everything in perspective.

All this time, I was worried about

getting hurt in a relationship.

It never occurred to me I could have been killed.

And how do you feel about that? I feel good.

A little shaken, but, uh, good.

Go on.

Well, I guess the most important thing is

I'm over my, uh, problem.

That's right. Completely cured.

And I think that means you and I are done here.

Well, if that's how you feel about it.

But I want you to know, I've learned a lot.

You have to learn to take chances.

Each night when you close your eyes,

you take a chance on never opening them again.

Think about that and it gives you courage to take other chances.

Each day is too good to waste being afraid.

And I've gained a whole new respect for therapy.

Dr. Klein?

Dr. Klein?