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Miss Leslie Knope,
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I present to you
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Herb Scaifer.
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Again, Andy,
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you don't need to bow.
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As you wish, ma'am.
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Okay, Herb,
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what can I do you for?
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Well, please
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prepare yourself.
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I have terrible news.
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You do?
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The world is going to
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end tomorrow at dawn.
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Oh, nuts.
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You're sure it's tomorrow?
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Afraid so. Right at dawn.
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Zorp is going to be here
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to free you from your flesh.
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For a while
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in the 1970s,
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our town was run
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by a freaky cult.
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And every few years,
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the remaining members
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predict the world
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is going to end,
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and they have an all-night
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vigil in the park.
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It's super annoying.
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Turns out, when you think
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the world is ending,
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you don't aim so carefully
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in the Porta-Potties.
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Why does the cult
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call themselves
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The Reasonableists?
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Well, they figure if
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people criticize them,
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it'll seem like
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they're attacking
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something very reasonable.
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That's weirdly brilliant.
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Look, there's
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nothing to worry about.
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They've said
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that the world is
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gonna end 15 times,
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and the only bad thing
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that's ever happened
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on any of those dates
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is Lance Armstrong
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dumping Sheryl Crow.
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That was a tragic day.
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LIVESTRONG.
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Mmm.
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At any rate, I think
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Ben and I should
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accompany you tonight.
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Oh, I don't think
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we have to do that.
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No, no, no. I insist.
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These people live
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on planet Nutbrain.
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I live on planet Nut Bran.
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Bran and nuts
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are very helpful
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for your colon.
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Well, looks like
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we're kind of forced to
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hang out with each other.
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Yeah. Listen, I mean,
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I'll come for a bit.
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But if it's okay with you,
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I'm not going to stay.
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It's just, you know,
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still kind of weird, right?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Totally get it.
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Definitely get it.
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Ben and I don't
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hang out much these days.
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Big deal. Lots of
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people don't hang out.
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Jerry and April.
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Obama and Madonna, probably.
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We're in good company.
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Hello!
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So, it looks like
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we each end up with
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about $5,000 apiece.
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Stop. We get five G's each?
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That's amazing.
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You started out
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with $450,000.
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Entertainment 720 is dead.
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It's up in company heaven.
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Along with Pets.com,
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Blockbuster,
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and Ask Jeeves.
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My company is
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no better than a company
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where you ask a fake butler
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to Google things for you.
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So what's next,
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Tommy Davidson?
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I say we invest
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our 10 large,
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and then I accidentally
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get run over by a city bus,
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and we start our
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own hip hop label.
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We have this place for
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one more night, right?
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We're outtie
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tomorrow at noon.
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What if we took
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every dime we had left,
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threw one last party?
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Made it the essence
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of everything we wanted
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the company to be.
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A party for
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the end of the world.
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You had me at
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"every dime we have left."
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Because I'm in
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like Lara Flynn Boyle
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from The Practice.
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Diddly, diddly, diddly,
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diddly, diddly, diddly, swag.
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What should we do tonight?
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I don't know.
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I just figure
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we'll just
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order some pizza.
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You watch me play Xbox.
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And then I can watch
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you make some
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prank phone calls.
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We get hammered, make out.
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We do that every night.
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That's because
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repetition is the key
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to a good marriage.
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Let's do something weird.
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Come on. It could be
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the last night on Earth.
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We could do something
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off my bucket list.
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You have a bucket list?
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Catch the winning touchdown
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at the Super Bowl.
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Make the most amazing
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grilled cheese sandwich ever.
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Win the lottery.
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Ride a unicycle.
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Invent something.
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I'd like to remake
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the movie Kazaam
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with Shaquille O'Neal
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where he plays a genie,
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and I'd like to get it right.
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Go skydiving. Outrun a hippo.
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Fly first class on a plane.
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When people are
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walking by,
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be like this.
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All right, well, this is
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what we're doing tonight.
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Wait, which one?
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This one.
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$800, $900, $1,000.
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And how much is left
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in the bank account?
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$18.04.
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Whoa! Still a lot left over.
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Okay, you wanted
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to hold $1,000 cash
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in your hands.
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That's super disappointing.
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$998, $999, $1,000.
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Yes! Now, this is
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what I imagined.
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Have you ever
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seen this much cash
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in your entire life?
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I just handed it to you.
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Nickels.
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I want nickels.
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A billion nickels!
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No. Andy.
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Evening, gentlemen.
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Oh, hey, Ron.
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Hail Zorp.
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It is a beautiful night
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for the end of the world.
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Congratulations to
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all of you for
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reaching the finish line.
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The Zorpies
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are ridiculous.
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But like
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the Founding Fathers,
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I believe in absolute
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freedom of religion.
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Also their ceremonies require
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the playing of flutes.
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I happen to make flutes
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in my wood shop.
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Flutes are $80 apiece,
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and recorders are $150.
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Hey, they're beautiful.
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Would you take a check?
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You can cash it tomorrow.
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Sure.
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Welcome to E 720's
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End of the World Celebration.
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The entire party
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is a VIP area.
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There's also
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a double VIP area.
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A triple VIP area.
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And a Centurion
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Club Elite VIP area.
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Sponsored by SoBe Lifewater.
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No one is allowed in there.
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Not even us.
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Mmm-mmm.
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We also hired
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10 huge, scary bouncers
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with ear pieces.
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What up, Keith?
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He actually once tossed me
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out of a club three years ago.
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Water under the bridge.
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D.J. Bluntz is mixing up
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some new beats.
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Ballers and baller-ettes,
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fasten your seatbelts.
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The perfect party begins...
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Now.
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Oh, thank God.
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No one shows up to
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a good party on time.
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If anyone had actually
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shown up right now,
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the whole party
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would have been ruined.
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Would have been a disaster.
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I don't want to
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go to that party.
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Does the city consider them
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a threat to public safety?
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Not at all,
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Shauna Malwae-Tweep.
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So I shouldn't
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interpret anything
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from the fact that
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there are two people
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from the City Manager's
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office here?
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Well, nothing except
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that I had
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nothing better to do,
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which probably says more
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about me than them.
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Thanks.
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Headline idea.
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It's the End of the World
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as They Know It,
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but Pawnee Feels Fine.
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It's a little long.
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Okay.
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Zorp Shmorp.
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Doomsday Prediction Falls Flat
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as Citizens Spend
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Pleasant Evening
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Enjoying One of
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Pawnee's Finest Parks.
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Somehow longer.
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Right. Okay,
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let's go with the first one.
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Great. Hey, also, he's cute.
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Is he single? Do you know?
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Chris? No, he's actually
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dating Jerry's daughter.
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I'm sorry. I meant Ben.
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What's his story?
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Who?
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Ben.
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I...
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I don't know. I'm not sure.
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He's a man,
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and he's a worker,
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and he is...
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We've never
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discussed sex, so...
300
00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:54,200
We've always just been
301
00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:54,200
very business-like,
302
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:58,240
so your guess is as good,
303
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:58,240
nay, better than mine.
304
00:06:58,310 --> 00:07:00,040
The end. By Leslie Knope.
305
00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:03,450
Okay. Cool. Thanks.
306
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,280
Happy to help.
307
00:07:05,850 --> 00:07:06,980
What's happening?
308
00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:10,290
The world is ending.
309
00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:13,260
Oh, boy.
310
00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:13,260
I know how this goes.
311
00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:14,800
I know how
312
00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:14,800
Shauna operates.
313
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,390
She smiles,
314
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,390
and then they fall in love,
315
00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,390
and then they get married,
316
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,330
and then she
317
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,330
changes her name to
318
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:20,330
Shauna Malwae-Wyatt.
319
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,530
Or he's going to be
320
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,530
really progressive
321
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,040
and change his name
322
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,040
to Ben Wyatt Malwae-Tweep.
323
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,770
God, I am so annoyed
324
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,770
that he would
325
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,770
hypothetically do that.
326
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,210
I'm going to remind you
327
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,210
that the reason
328
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,210
you're not dating him
329
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,140
is because you decided
330
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,140
to run for City Council.
331
00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:34,270
So just because
332
00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:34,270
I can't go out with him,
333
00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:34,270
someone else can?
334
00:07:34,350 --> 00:07:35,840
Oh, boy. Okay.
335
00:07:34,350 --> 00:07:35,840
Wow!
336
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,180
I'm sure this is nothing.
337
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:42,020
Okay, well, that was
338
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:42,020
definitely something.
339
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:42,020
Oh, my God.
340
00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:44,120
I know that move.
341
00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:44,120
They're going to have
342
00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:44,120
sex in five minutes.
343
00:07:44,190 --> 00:07:45,180
I've gotta stop this.
344
00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:47,590
I've gotta keep them
345
00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:47,590
away from each other
346
00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:47,590
for the rest of their lives.
347
00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:50,060
How are you
348
00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:50,060
going to do that?
349
00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:50,060
Unclear.
350
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:54,130
Oh, yeah! 10 bucks.
351
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,570
That counts as
352
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,570
winning the lottery.
353
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,040
Okay, now, is this
354
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,040
the most amazing
355
00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:00,970
grilled cheese
356
00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:00,970
sandwich ever made?
357
00:08:01,540 --> 00:08:03,240
Mmm. It's pretty awesome.
358
00:08:03,710 --> 00:08:05,110
Honey, my bucket list
359
00:08:03,710 --> 00:08:05,110
doesn't say,
360
00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:07,740
"Make a pretty awesome
361
00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:07,740
grilled cheese sandwich."
362
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:08,910
We gotta
363
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:08,910
go back to the store.
364
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,210
We're gonna get
365
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,210
a different kind of cheese.
366
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,550
No, no, no, no, no.
367
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,550
Dude, seriously.
368
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:14,420
This is the most amazing
369
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:14,420
grilled cheese
370
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:14,420
sandwich ever made, okay?
371
00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:16,190
Okay. What's next?
372
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:19,120
Hey, there you are.
373
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:19,120
Wow, you two are
374
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:19,120
still talking?
375
00:08:19,190 --> 00:08:21,360
Ben hasn't bored
376
00:08:19,190 --> 00:08:21,360
you to death by now?
377
00:08:21,430 --> 00:08:22,920
Hey.
378
00:08:21,430 --> 00:08:22,920
He's so boring.
379
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,230
Actually, we were
380
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,230
having a really great talk.
381
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,030
Keep your pants on.
382
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,030
What?
383
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:28,870
I mean,
384
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:28,870
keep your pants on, girl.
385
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:31,270
I mean,
386
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:31,270
those are really nice pants.
387
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:31,270
I really like your pants.
388
00:08:31,340 --> 00:08:33,770
Where did you get them?
389
00:08:31,340 --> 00:08:33,770
Do you want to go
390
00:08:31,340 --> 00:08:33,770
buy some more pants
391
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,570
or walk away from here?
392
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,980
I might head over to that
393
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,980
End of the World party.
394
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:40,350
That's where all
395
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:40,350
the losers are going.
396
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:40,350
Yeah, what is that?
397
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,970
Tom emailed me.
398
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,970
I could check that out.
399
00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:46,610
Or... Well, then you
400
00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:46,610
should stay here, then.
401
00:08:46,690 --> 00:08:50,130
Because you can't go.
402
00:08:46,690 --> 00:08:50,130
I mean, what if you're not
403
00:08:46,690 --> 00:08:50,130
here when Zorp shows up?
404
00:08:50,190 --> 00:08:51,660
Boy, would your face be red.
405
00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:56,860
When Zorp shows up,
406
00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:56,860
your faces will be
407
00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:56,860
melted off and used as fuel.
408
00:08:58,230 --> 00:09:01,000
You want
409
00:08:58,230 --> 00:09:01,000
to be here for that.
410
00:08:58,230 --> 00:09:01,000
I think I'll take my chances.
411
00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:03,630
Leslie, thanks as always.
412
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,680
Wow, what an unbelievably
413
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,680
unpleasant person.
414
00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:12,410
Melissa, get in there
415
00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:12,410
with your bad self.
416
00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:12,410
All right.
417
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:13,880
You ready?
418
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:13,880
I'm ready.
419
00:09:13,950 --> 00:09:16,440
Anything you grab
420
00:09:13,950 --> 00:09:16,440
is yours to keep. Hit it.
421
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,180
Yes.
422
00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:21,950
The perfect party,
423
00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:21,950
it's an elusive idea.
424
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,420
People have to be
425
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,420
completely entertained
426
00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:26,150
from the moment they walk in
427
00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:26,150
until the moment they leave.
428
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:30,390
It's a grand experiment,
429
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:30,390
and I am a party scientist.
430
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,830
Welcome to my laboratory.
431
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:52,610
That was Symphony for
432
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:52,610
the Righteous Destruction
433
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:52,610
of Humanity in E Minor
434
00:09:52,690 --> 00:09:54,550
by the late Lou Presotovich.
435
00:09:54,620 --> 00:09:58,060
Reminder. These flutes are
436
00:09:54,620 --> 00:09:58,060
available for purchase.
437
00:09:58,460 --> 00:09:59,930
You can't take it
438
00:09:58,460 --> 00:09:59,930
with you, people.
439
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:03,290
Herb, I just speed-read
440
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:03,290
both of your books.
441
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,770
And full disclosure,
442
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,770
I think
443
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,770
they're bonkersville.
444
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:07,960
But I did notice that you're
445
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:07,960
interested in reincarnation.
446
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,630
Tell me about that.
447
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,630
Well, it makes sense,
448
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,630
doesn't it?
449
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:16,040
From the universe we emerge,
450
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:16,040
and to the universe we return.
451
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:20,710
And there are infinite
452
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:20,710
forms we can take
453
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:20,710
in infinite universes.
454
00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:23,080
What a lovely thought.
455
00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:27,320
Well, this morning at dawn,
456
00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:27,320
you will take a new form.
457
00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:30,690
That of a fleshless,
458
00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:30,690
chattering skeleton
459
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,750
when Zorp the Surveyor
460
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,750
arrives and burns
461
00:10:33,830 --> 00:10:36,890
your flesh off
462
00:10:33,830 --> 00:10:36,890
with his volcano mouth.
463
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,030
That was very strange,
464
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,030
what you just said.
465
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:42,500
I don't like it as much
466
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:42,500
as that other thing you said.
467
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,570
Hey. Hey.
468
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,570
Where are you going?
469
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:47,730
Where are you
470
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:47,730
headed off to?
471
00:10:47,810 --> 00:10:49,140
Do you want to play
472
00:10:47,810 --> 00:10:49,140
a fun game with me
473
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:50,740
that I made up
474
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:50,740
called ChessRisk?
475
00:10:50,810 --> 00:10:53,680
It's half-chess, half-Risk,
476
00:10:50,810 --> 00:10:53,680
and it takes 15 hours to play.
477
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,310
Okay, yeah,
478
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,310
I think I'm going to go.
479
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:57,380
I... Okay.
480
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:57,380
All right?
481
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:00,550
Oh, my God!
482
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:00,550
What?
483
00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:03,350
I forgot I have a thing
484
00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:03,350
I need to show you.
485
00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:03,350
Oh.
486
00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:05,220
I need to bring you
487
00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:05,220
there right now.
488
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:08,560
It's so amazing.
489
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:08,560
It's going to freak you out.
490
00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:10,660
It's something
491
00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:10,660
that we need to get
492
00:11:08,630 --> 00:11:10,660
in my car and go to.
493
00:11:10,730 --> 00:11:12,130
So let's do that.
494
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,220
Okay.
495
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,220
Come on.
496
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:14,930
Leslie, where are you going?
497
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:14,930
I'm going to the thing
498
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,870
that I told you
499
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,870
about with Ben.
500
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,870
No spoilers, Ann.
501
00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:19,640
She's been there before.
502
00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:19,640
Let's go.
503
00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:19,640
Okay.
504
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,770
What's up? What's up?
505
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,770
Are you guys having
506
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,770
a good time tonight?
507
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:25,840
Yeah!
508
00:11:25,950 --> 00:11:27,780
I think we've got to take
509
00:11:25,950 --> 00:11:27,780
things to the next level.
510
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:29,650
Drumline, hit it.
511
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,950
Here we go! Here we go!
512
00:11:48,170 --> 00:11:49,730
Okay. I'm ready.
513
00:11:48,170 --> 00:11:49,730
Good.
514
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,270
Wait. I'm not ready.
515
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,270
Super scared.
516
00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:54,740
Andy, you said
517
00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:54,740
you wanted to be
518
00:11:52,340 --> 00:11:54,740
an action star.
519
00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:56,780
This is your chance.
520
00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:56,780
Okay.
521
00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:01,770
Okay. You, Natalie,
522
00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:01,770
follow the action.
523
00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:03,150
Whatever.
524
00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:03,150
What do I have to do?
525
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:04,310
Just hold up
526
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:04,310
this butter knife
527
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:04,310
to my throat
528
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,380
and pretend like
529
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,380
you're holding me hostage.
530
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,380
What?
531
00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:09,980
Ready?
532
00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:09,980
I don't know.
533
00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:09,980
This seems a little crazy.
534
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,830
Just crazy enough to work.
535
00:12:12,890 --> 00:12:14,260
Help!
536
00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:17,660
Whoa!
537
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:26,040
Oh! My face!
538
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:26,040
My face is fine,
539
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:26,040
Mikhail Petrov.
540
00:12:26,110 --> 00:12:28,440
Forget it, Macklin.
541
00:12:26,110 --> 00:12:28,440
You're too late.
542
00:12:28,510 --> 00:12:31,210
I'm sorry, guys.
543
00:12:28,510 --> 00:12:31,210
I need my cheaters.
544
00:12:28,510 --> 00:12:31,210
Jerry.
545
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,770
You're doing really good.
546
00:12:32,850 --> 00:12:34,040
Really?
547
00:12:32,850 --> 00:12:34,040
Yeah.
548
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,020
Help me, Agent Macklin.
549
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,020
Help me.
550
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,020
He's stolen my jewels.
551
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,550
And now, he's going
552
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,550
to ravish my body.
553
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:40,590
And he stinks!
554
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:40,590
He really stinks!
555
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,890
Okay. Janet Snakehole
556
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,890
belongs to mother Russia now.
557
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,320
That's what you think.
558
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,320
No.
559
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,290
I hope you like pain.
560
00:12:49,130 --> 00:12:50,190
Say the line.
561
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,570
Looks like this
562
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,570
Siberian husky is
563
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,570
going to be Russian
564
00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:56,200
off to jail.
565
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:01,230
Hey, you know what?
566
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:01,230
Can I go?
567
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:01,230
Gayle is making a roast.
568
00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:05,510
We've already been
569
00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:05,510
down this street.
570
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:08,140
Just out of curiosity,
571
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:08,140
where is your
572
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:08,140
favorite place to go?
573
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:09,580
Like, ever.
574
00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:12,250
Well, I don't know.
575
00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:12,250
Tom's party
576
00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:12,250
sounded kind of fun.
577
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,090
Here we are.
578
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,090
We're at the special place.
579
00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:17,660
Well, here we are.
580
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,460
What do you think?
581
00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:23,360
Are you going to
582
00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:23,360
murder me and bury me
583
00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:23,360
at this gas station?
584
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:25,020
No, this is
585
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:25,020
a great gas station.
586
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:28,700
This gas station was
587
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:28,700
owned by Mick Jagger.
588
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:30,490
Uh-huh.
589
00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:32,040
I came across some
590
00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:32,040
financial records
591
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,510
when I was doing
592
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,510
research for my book,
593
00:13:33,570 --> 00:13:35,870
and this gas station was
594
00:13:33,570 --> 00:13:35,870
owned by an M. Jagger.
595
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:39,110
Which, at first,
596
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:39,110
I thought was a woman.
597
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:39,110
Maybe Meg or something.
598
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:42,240
But I think the most
599
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:42,240
likely explanation
600
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,880
is that legendary
601
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,880
Rolling Stones front man
602
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:48,950
Mick Jagger owned this
603
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:48,950
gas station from 1951 to 1958.
604
00:13:49,690 --> 00:13:51,250
I know what you're doing,
605
00:13:49,690 --> 00:13:51,250
Leslie.
606
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,730
I am showing you a part of
607
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,730
rock and roll history.
608
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,530
You know,
609
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,530
you can't do this.
610
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,430
You know, we broke up.
611
00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:01,400
And I kind of feel
612
00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:01,400
like we shouldn't
613
00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:01,400
hang out together,
614
00:14:01,470 --> 00:14:03,270
just the two of us.
615
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:07,170
Because every time we do,
616
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:07,170
it just makes it harder.
617
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:07,170
You know?
618
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,540
Okay.
619
00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:12,710
Okay.
620
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:20,450
I think we've done
621
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:20,450
everything on the list
622
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:20,450
that we can actually do.
623
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,010
What about this?
624
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:24,490
Oh, my God.
625
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:24,490
That would be awesome.
626
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,490
That's impossible.
627
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,490
No, it isn't.
628
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,050
We have a $1,000
629
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,050
in our bank account,
630
00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:30,530
and we're young
631
00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:30,530
and irresponsible.
632
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,760
I mean,
633
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,760
our car would break down.
634
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,300
There's no way
635
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,300
we could even get there.
636
00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:35,340
So I'll steal my dad's car.
637
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:36,890
Look, this is a stupid idea,
638
00:14:36,970 --> 00:14:38,030
but right at this
639
00:14:36,970 --> 00:14:38,030
exact second,
640
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:40,800
we have enough momentum
641
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:40,800
to do something stupid
642
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,430
before we realize
643
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,430
how stupid it is.
644
00:14:42,510 --> 00:14:44,570
You are absolutely right.
645
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:48,080
No thinking. Just stupid.
646
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:48,080
Yes.
647
00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:51,510
Buddhists feel
648
00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:51,510
that human beings are
649
00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:54,180
unlikely to be reincarnated
650
00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:54,180
as human beings.
651
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,120
So the problem
652
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,120
with reincarnation
653
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:59,220
is that you could be
654
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:59,220
reborn as a pretzel
655
00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:00,890
or a socket wrench.
656
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,160
Ron, if you could
657
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,160
be reincarnated,
658
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,160
what would you like to be?
659
00:15:04,230 --> 00:15:06,700
Socket wrench sounds
660
00:15:04,230 --> 00:15:06,700
pretty good, actually.
661
00:15:06,770 --> 00:15:08,830
What religion am I?
662
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:12,100
Well, I'm a practicing
663
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:12,100
none of your...business.
664
00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:15,640
I think the danger
665
00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:15,640
in believing in
666
00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:15,640
reincarnation is
667
00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:17,740
that you spend so much time
668
00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:17,740
trying to figure out
669
00:15:17,810 --> 00:15:19,010
what you're going to
670
00:15:17,810 --> 00:15:19,010
be in the next lifetime
671
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:22,140
that you forget to enjoy
672
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:22,140
the one you're in now.
673
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:24,980
Ann Perkins,
674
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:24,980
that was beautiful.
675
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,780
Drumlines, personalized
676
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,780
gift bags, tigers.
677
00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:34,120
This is the best
678
00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:34,120
party I've ever been to,
679
00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:34,120
and I'm not just saying that.
680
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,320
For real, TT.
681
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,320
Think about it, man.
682
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,060
It's pretty great.
683
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,060
But it's not perfect.
684
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:43,800
Tom.
685
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:43,800
Hey. Lucy,
686
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:43,800
what are you doing here?
687
00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:45,130
Jean-Ralphio
688
00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:45,130
called me and told me
689
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,940
that this was
690
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,940
a very special occasion,
691
00:15:47,010 --> 00:15:48,910
and I should come down.
692
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,410
It's nice to see you.
693
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,410
Yeah, good to see you, too.
694
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,740
You want to go dance?
695
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,740
Yeah, yeah.
696
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,740
Give me a minute.
697
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:54,910
Okay.
698
00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:58,940
I can't believe
699
00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:58,940
you called her for me.
700
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:01,320
That's really
701
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:01,320
nice of you, man.
702
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:01,320
For real. Thanks.
703
00:16:01,390 --> 00:16:04,620
No, no, no. Thank you.
704
00:16:01,390 --> 00:16:04,620
I mean, for everything,
705
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:15,100
I actually forgot
706
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:15,100
they ever dated.
707
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:15,100
I was trying to hit that.
708
00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:21,400
Dawn is nigh.
709
00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:21,400
Zorp the Surveyor approaches,
710
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:25,500
and all earthly debts
711
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:25,500
will be repaid.
712
00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:27,140
Last call for donuts.
713
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:31,790
Can I speak with you
714
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:31,790
about a personal matter?
715
00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:33,650
Normally, no.
716
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,950
But given
717
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,950
there's only 20 minutes
718
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:38,220
until the end of
719
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:38,220
human existence,
720
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:39,660
also no.
721
00:16:39,730 --> 00:16:41,460
I lost my mind tonight.
722
00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:46,520
I tried to screw up
723
00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:46,520
even the potential of
724
00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:46,520
Ben dating someone else.
725
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,570
Did you not
726
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,570
hear me when I said no?
727
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,830
We broke up because of me.
728
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:54,070
But I have to tell you, Ron.
729
00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:59,110
If the world was
730
00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:59,110
ending tomorrow,
731
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:01,270
I'd want to be with him.
732
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,350
Well, that's significant.
733
00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:09,360
The problem is, Leslie,
734
00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:09,360
the world is
735
00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:09,360
not ending tomorrow.
736
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:12,150
The sun's going to
737
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:12,150
rise right over there.
738
00:17:12,230 --> 00:17:14,590
It will be a regular Friday,
739
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:18,120
and you'll be in
740
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:18,120
the exact same position
741
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:18,120
you were in before.
742
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,430
I know.
743
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:22,400
It's just the thought of
744
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:22,400
him with someone else
745
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:22,400
is making me miserable.
746
00:17:22,470 --> 00:17:24,560
If it makes you feel
747
00:17:22,470 --> 00:17:24,560
any better, Leslie,
748
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,040
we'll all be
749
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,040
dead in 20 minutes.
750
00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:30,470
That does
751
00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:30,470
make me feel better.
752
00:17:27,810 --> 00:17:30,470
Thank you, Herb.
753
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:43,990
We did it!
754
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:47,630
This car is nice.
755
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:47,630
How long do you think
756
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:47,630
it will take us?
757
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,820
The map says 30 hours,
758
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,820
but I drive really fast.
759
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:51,420
30 hours?
760
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:54,830
Oh, crap.
761
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:54,830
I didn't bring any music.
762
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:54,830
No.
763
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:57,900
I tell you what.
764
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:57,900
You play whatever you want.
765
00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,740
I'm just going to
766
00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,740
take a real quick
767
00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,740
snooze for, like,
768
00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:03,140
12 hours so I'm fresh.
769
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:11,950
Thank you guys
770
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:11,950
so much for coming out.
771
00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:13,580
If you're
772
00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:13,580
too drunk to drive,
773
00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:15,820
please take
774
00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:15,820
one of our shuttles home.
775
00:18:15,890 --> 00:18:18,360
Our valet service
776
00:18:15,890 --> 00:18:18,360
will drop your
777
00:18:15,890 --> 00:18:18,360
car off later today.
778
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,260
If you're one of our
779
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,260
designated drivers,
780
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:25,930
please take a thank you bag
781
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:25,930
and enjoy the giant
782
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:25,930
bows I put on your car.
783
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,530
Hey.
784
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,470
It was great seeing you.
785
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,470
You, too.
786
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:31,670
Are you sticking around
787
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:31,670
for a bit or...
788
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:34,070
No, I'm heading to
789
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:34,070
Bloomington right now.
790
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:38,170
Grad school is fun,
791
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:38,170
but I do miss this town.
792
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:38,170
Yeah.
793
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,970
What's wrong?
794
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:43,950
I don't know.
795
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:43,950
After this is done,
796
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:43,950
I'm going to be broke,
797
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:45,710
and I'm not
798
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:45,710
going to have a job.
799
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:47,450
Well, if it's
800
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:47,450
any consolation,
801
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,320
this was honestly
802
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,320
the best party
803
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,320
I've ever been to.
804
00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:52,490
It was pretty great.
805
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,360
I was really aiming
806
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,360
for something that...
807
00:18:58,030 --> 00:18:59,360
I'll see you around.
808
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,600
Ooh! Wow!
809
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:05,830
You saw that.
810
00:19:07,410 --> 00:19:08,500
You saw that, too.
811
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:16,140
Shauna Malwae-Tweep
812
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:16,140
thinks you're cute.
813
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:16,140
What?
814
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:18,150
That's why I took you
815
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:18,150
to Mick Jagger's
816
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:18,150
abandoned gas station.
817
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:19,740
Because she
818
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:19,740
thinks you're cute,
819
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:19,740
and I was afraid
820
00:19:19,820 --> 00:19:21,250
you guys were
821
00:19:19,820 --> 00:19:21,250
going to make out
822
00:19:19,820 --> 00:19:21,250
and have babies.
823
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,920
And I had no right to
824
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,920
do that to you
825
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,920
or your future children.
826
00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:28,660
And it wasn't until
827
00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:28,660
just now that I realized
828
00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:32,060
the romantic part of
829
00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:32,060
our relationship is over.
830
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,230
So I'm sorry.
831
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,790
And why don't
832
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,790
you tell Shauna
833
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,790
to make herself decent,
834
00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:39,360
and I'll apologize
835
00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:39,360
to her as well?
836
00:19:40,370 --> 00:19:42,570
Oh, well,
837
00:19:40,370 --> 00:19:42,570
Shauna is not here.
838
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:45,670
Oh.
839
00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:47,480
See what I did?
840
00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:47,480
I do.
841
00:19:47,550 --> 00:19:49,040
I'm very sneaky.
842
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,910
Okay. Okay. Well.
843
00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:27,850
It's so much more beautiful
844
00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:27,850
than I could have
845
00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:27,850
ever even imagined.
846
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,750
Yeah.
847
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:33,450
I'm trying to find
848
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:33,450
a way to be annoyed by it,
849
00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:35,160
but I'm coming up empty.
850
00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:37,560
Thank you so much.
851
00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:37,560
I never would have
852
00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:39,360
ever done this
853
00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:39,360
without you.
854
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,600
Thank you.
855
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:48,100
Where's all the faces?
856
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,970
Like the presidents.
857
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:56,950
All the scholarly work
858
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:56,950
that I did
859
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:56,950
on these texts indicated
860
00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:58,610
that the world would end.
861
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,780
Gosh, I'm as disappointed
862
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,780
as you are, Herb.
863
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:04,690
Yeah, but I went home
864
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:04,690
and began to
865
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:04,690
re-evaluate the texts.
866
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:05,750
You don't say?
867
00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:09,290
And I realized
868
00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:09,290
that I had made
869
00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:09,290
some crucial errors.
870
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:13,600
Well, math is hard.
871
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:13,600
The actual end of
872
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:13,600
the world is May 19th.
873
00:21:13,670 --> 00:21:15,900
Okay, let's see
874
00:21:13,670 --> 00:21:15,900
what we've got.
875
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:18,030
Um, oh, on the 19th,
876
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:18,030
we can't give you the park.
877
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,370
We have a Spring Spectacular
878
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,370
free ice cream giveaway.
879
00:21:22,340 --> 00:21:25,140
I misspoke.
880
00:21:22,340 --> 00:21:25,140
Yeah, it's May 20.
881
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,110
That is free. Okay.
882
00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:30,120
Thanks.
883
00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:30,120
End of world. May 20th.
47870
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