Original subtitles

Do you believe they're 18?

I can't believe it. It feels like that.

I mean, I know we didn't see, like, their first birthday. You know, all

like, early stuff.

But I feel as if they're grown men now. It's crazy.

I mean, even for their stepmoms, we're still their moms. Absolutely. And we

watched them grow up. Absolutely.

And it's crazy. They just grew up like that.

I am just so excited for the birthday party, though. We've got decorations.

We've got presents.

Yeah, you are, right?

I guessed you about the presents.

I guessed you that I could find them.

You don't have to. Do you not have presents?

Uh, shit. I guess you don't have any presents.

Okay, well, maybe they won't notice.

Well, their friends will be here.

Yeah, it's going to be a full house. Yeah. It's going to be so much fun. Yep.

Okay, so you got the friends, the balloons.

We have a cake. You did get that cake. I did get the cake. Oh, my God. Okay.

I kind of did get that one. Oh, I see it over there. Yeah, it does. Oh, that's

cute. Yeah. What kind of cake is it?

Huh? Did it say, like, happy birthday on it?

I don't know.

Usually a cake.

It was great. It was great.

Yeah, it's got blue and orange and... Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

I love it. I'm excited.

We have a mystery group over there.

Yeah. You want to start?

They're so cute.

It's easier to go that way.

But then you're going to undo those ones. Oh,

so we can go like this? Yeah.

Did you have some?

Maybe they're in my car.

Hold on, let me go.

Okay.

I wonder if I can do two at a time.

That doesn't look bad, I guess.

I don't know. You've got to get it.

It

worked.

This is it?

Yeah.

I found a room.

Cool. But there was a bag in my backseat.

Okay.

With an invitation to me.

Wait, wait, wait. Excuse me.

Did you say that the invitations are in your backseat?

I'm going to tell mom that the book's about this.

Don't know what happened.

So we don't have the presents and we don't have the guests?

I forgot to tell you.

Um,

but I found... Okay, well we have Twitter boys.

And so I have... What are you doing for my birthday?

The boys are going to be down in a minute.

what we can do.

So, why don't we just keep decorating and maybe one of us can come up

with a really good idea in the meantime.

Okay, yeah. We'll just keep decorating and do a little brain work with that.

Yeah.

Dude.

Yeah. 18, man.

Let's go.

Can you believe it, dude?

I've only been waiting for 18 years.

I can't wait till this party though, man.

I'm fucking excited. We got presents, guests, girl become girls coming over.

I hope they got, oh my God.

Dude, mom invited everybody.

Everybody is going to come.

Like literally, I'm trying to get a low drop from 50 on the call.

You think I can get it in that?

Yeah. I mean, fuck it.

I don't know.

Yeah, dude, that's awesome. It's like fucking gross poor hoes, you know what I

mean? Oh my God. And I know like, In fact, people have said if you don't use

you lose it.

Yeah, you gotta fucking use it. I'm trying to use mine.

If you're not going to use it, why have it sit there? You know what I mean?

Dude, honestly, we're 18.

I can't stop thinking about pumping everything, smoking everything, in

I'm ready to rock and go, but... It's a triple crown.

Dude, let's go downstairs and get some fucking cake.

Yeah.

What are we waiting for?

I saw this.

This smells like a dick.

Why does it smell like that? I don't know. It smells exactly like a dick.

I've never smelled a balloon that smells so much like a penis.

Is that what it smells like? No.

Did you, you don't want to wake your mom?

You should do it now. No, we should just have a cake. Yeah, let's have a cake

now.

I mean, do you really want a bunch of random people from the gas station

around? I heard that nobody is gas neighbors.

That would take so much time.

All the random people are, I don't know.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Maybe a cake fight.

A cake fight?

I don't know.

This looks amazing.

Yeah. Honestly, I'm surprised that there's even a curriculum on it.

I wonder what kind it is.

Okay, we'll find out.

I don't think we can get it.

Look at this!

Oh my god!

Okay, there we go. So good.

Okay, there we go. Thank you. I mean, I could spend the next 25 minutes in your

camera.

Can I help you? Please, because otherwise... What, I throw you 18?

Or is this many in there? Oh, yeah, I don't know. I was pregnant.

Just throw them in there.

Mom, that'll be fine.

Do we open these soon?

Yeah, I want to open these.

Soon. Soon. Really soon.

Let's just enjoy the day's festivities. Yes.

We're going to have so much fun. Don't even think about the plastic bag.

Oh, I forgot forks.

What kind of cake is it?

It says surprise.

Oh, my gosh. Brooklyn.

Yeah, there's no one here yet.

No. Listen, it's just your room sitting out there.

Yeah. What did you invite them?

Let's do the cake first, and then we'll discuss that later.

Yeah. And I feel like eating cake was your thing anyway, so.

I mean, I guess that's true, yeah. You wanted to eat it first, right?

Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, but like no one.

Do you want to do that?

That's really good.

Mom, thank you so much.

Yeah, thank you, Mom.

You're welcome.

That's super sweet.

So, uh, what time did you guys invite the guests?

Yeah, where's everybody?

Yeah, I figured, like, Gumby would be here by now.

That's what I was expecting, yeah, for our birthday. Shoot, I thought they were

going to be here for the cake. Maybe it's going to be, like, a big after

or something.

I think they're hiding. Is everyone hiding? Oh, it's a fucking surprise

It is a surprise party, yeah.

That's why no one's here with us, with all of our friends.

Well, maybe after the speech we could go out on the pool, but it might be a pool

party.

Yeah.

So, how do we fun this thing?

We decided there would be more fun if it was just us.

Yes. We did. We did that on purpose.

Internet family.

No birthday.

Yeah! Yay, birthday!

What if we could play board games, maybe?

Or... Well, what about our friends?

Yeah, well... Board games?

Is danger... Is danger coming?

There's so much more to do. Look, maybe the other side is where we play. Should

we check?

You guys know we only turn 18 once, right? Like, you don't invite anybody?

Is this birthday room or what?

I mean we're not even really related like it's easier

and cheaper I put a lot of money on the gift whatever right so what if we

gave a little money and we were the strippers you give me like a cool 18th

birthday you know we're not related just

I think I'm really related.

Okay, what have I got for your son that you got for my son?

I mean, I guess that makes things less awkward.

Maybe he's super into it.

I know. Ever 18 now, so.

Your son is, I called third group like four times today, alone.

Dance is dancing.

Well,

you first do the dancing and then you dance.

So what are we talking about?

Well, let's just see where it takes us.

You know, it's their 18th birthday. If you don't want to go all out and you

might want to make this a shitty birthday party, that's up to you. Are

kidding me? It's already a shitty birthday?

Exactly. You never would. So, obviously, we're just going to kind of play it

out. Oh, that's a challenge. Okay, fine. Okay, fine.

They're going to love it. They're going to freak. It's going to be like one for

the book, you know?

Let's see if that way I have it.

Pardon me.

Worst birthday ever.

I can't believe it.

Hi, guys.

So, we decided that in order to make

your birthday any better and more fun for you, and we'll birth.

We're really sorry.

Yes, at least about the presents.

So sorry.

It's our 18th birthday.

You forgot our presents, too?

We have a present.

There's a present.

So,

we had an idea.

Really? You guys are?

Yes. So, last thing I want you to do is have a bad birthday party.

So, yes, we are the strippers.

So, do you want a lap dance?

From my mom?

Of course not.

Request, request, request.

Yeah. Request from your sexy...

So I would be getting a striptease from Brooklyn.

Yeah. And maybe getting a striptease from you. And Alaska.

Maybe more. But we haven't started that yet.

Unless you want it.

Yeah. I think that would be a good present.

That could maybe suffice for a little while.

Yeah. Probably fits.

Maybe it'll work a little bit. That would be a good present.

Oh. We would be the height of sexiness.

We would be flaming hot.

This will get me ready for stand -up, right?

okay and then you okay what okay i like i'm sure yeah okay yeah or at least

i don't know

My God, you got the fuck on these?

Well, I'm fucking on these right now.

I didn't brush them. They're probably real fun.

That's true.

I mean,

I get to them.

Yeah,

that's what my mom is talking about.

That's why your tits keep in my mom. What are you talking about?

I'm thinking this. It's actually going to, sometimes it's tough to get somebody

on a call.

Look at that Brooklyn you're offering that to me. That's... What's that? That

was... Do you want a higher level?

No, I'm good.

We are best friends, though.

So then, you know, I didn't even take the dress off.

Yeah, okay. She's little.

Alright,

so then here's what I usually do next.

I could watch this butterfly all day.

Fly everywhere.

That butterfly was as old as you are today.

Is this what birthdays are always like when you're an adult?

Yeah. It can be.

I'm afraid to say that I'm in more expectations than life.

I'm not saying I'm going to do this every birthday unless you decide we

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

Look at your mom. She does the same thing.

Isn't this a good birthday so far?

Yeah. Yeah, well, yeah, from a weekly point of view, it could be better.

Oh,

you're like, you know, close your eyes first. Can you fuck him a little bit?

I'm in.

Oh, please, I'm back.

I think your first is serious.

Better be your first is serious.

Seriously, you better be your first. Yeah.

Yeah. Very, very serious.

Should I take you somewhere where you wouldn't?

Huh?

You're not good in the under.

Take them off.

There it is.

You ain't done.

Maybe it's because you're my best friend.

You're not good at this.

You're not great at this.

Oh my god.

This is the best birthday ever.

Yes, that's right.

Oh my goodness.

Oh my

goodness.

Happy birthday.

Dang. Oh my gosh.

Dude, your mom knows exactly what she's doing.

Oh, wow.

Is it better than the party?

oh my god oh yeah

Yeah, let's see.

Why don't you sit on my socks?

Come on, it's his birthday.

What, are you gonna tell that face no?

Look at that face.

Shred it off.

Come on.

I'm not gonna take care of your shoes, you're gonna take care of mine.

So,

fine. I will take care of your son.

Okay.

Happy birthday.

I'm going here.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh yeah, just like that mom.

Oh my god, yeah.

Make it go back.

Oh my

god.

Oh my god.

And then we'll go all the way down.

Yes.

Well, maybe we'll keep it, you know, missionary.

I'm going to wear a pair or something. I don't know. Come here. Okay,

missionary? Mm -hmm.

Okay. Yes.

Okay. Oh.

Come on.

Mm -hmm.

Relax.

Relax. Oh, shit.

Yes. Oh, and then I'm in the back.

Oh, oh, wow.

Brooklyn would be laying on the couch.

Okay, we'll open it. It's your birthday, so go ahead and place it.

You're on top.

Yeah, just reverse.

I think that's it.

Go ahead, you can keep going.

Ready?

Oh!

your cupcake.

Brooklyn pull my balls down for me, you can help me.

Oh my gosh.

I just came on your mom's face.

A lot. I'm going to come on yours.

I can't believe you just came.

Damn, you just came on my mom.

It's payback, bro.

I look good.

Yeah, I mean.

Well, I guess the only thing that we can say is happy birthday, guys. Happy

birthday.