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A MOVIE BY SWEN DE PAUW

EVERYONE'S THERAPY COUCH

My dear Diane,
thank you for your input.

I know this is a particularly

difficult time for you.

-Very difficult.
-Yes.

It's really tough because...

my sons have been going through...

what you would call a major tragedy.

As have I,

because I didn't think
it'd affect me like this.

My ex-husband passed away
suddenly last Wednesday

at the age of 49.

He got up to go to work

and he went back to bed
as he felt bad.

Then he suffered a cardiac arrest.

It's even harder for me,

because I have to stay strong
for my three boys.

I can tell they're suffering

and I can't manage to handle
anything whatsoever anymore.

I'm feeling really terrible.

I've not been able to eat anything
in days.

I can't get anything down.

Apart from...

alcohol due to my problem.

-That's...
-Yes.

You're managing to get down
some alcohol?

Alcohol, yes.

-To gain some strength.
-Yes.

Even though it disgusts me.

But that's all you can get down?

For now, yes.

I know that's not a solution.
I'm aware of that.

That's...

-a temporary solution.
-But...

No need to ruminate over it either.

Plus I went to the morgue
to say goodbye to him.

I still spent 26 years

with him.

He's the father of my children.

Yes.

So I'm still struggling with that.
I've lost two brothers-in-law

and now my ex-husband.

Is this suffering coming

from the fact
my kids are suffering in such a way?

What's reassuring me...

It's because you have

such a big heart.

That's why you're suffering so much.

It's crazy.

I feel like it's never-ending.

Well it is never-ending.

It'll end when we die.

Yes, of course.

Otherwise it never ends.

In any case, he's resting in peace.

-Really?
-Yes.

He had a handsome face

and he looked relieved
and was smiling.

That's what reassured me.
Well, when I say reassured...

He shouldn't have gone but...

Well, who should go? No one, but...

It's a part of life.

What else can we do?

That can add value to our lives,

knowing we'll all die one day.

Yes. Exactly.

Some people think we come back
as calves in another life.

Yes, in a way I believe that too.

-I'm not too sure what I believe.
-Yes.

Someone said: "Humans are good..."

Not always,
but they're generally good.

"...but calves are better."

Calves are better.

Those poor calves in the meadow,

asking nothing from no one!

Well, yeah.

I read a text yesterday
on abused women.

-Yes.
-It was a short text

where a woman shared her experience
anonymously.

She said:
"When my partner would come home,

"just from how he'd shut the door

"I'd know how he was going
to hit me."

Oh, yes.

You can sense it.

She said: "He hit me for years

"and at a certain point
I left without anything."

Yes.

She recounted that little...

-She ended up with nothing.
-...episode.

I know they can get mad if
the salt cellar's in the wrong place

or if the plate or place setting
isn't quite right...Yes.

It's not only the beatings

that are destructive.

What then?

It's the fact...

of loving that person
who hits you like that.

Morally, it breaks you.
It breaks your heart.

It's that contradiction.

We tend to try
and understand these things.

Yes, that's what I tried to do.

I tried to understand.

He was raised like that,

his dad was violent,
his brothers are too.

He was in that environment.

That violent environment.

Yes, a violent environment.

Even though he was loving too.

I'm sure he loved me.

Yes.

I was showered with gifts
and I never wanted for anything.

That just wasn't the primary focus
or the basis for our relationship.

-Yes.
-But hey,

I'd just forgive him like that
and I'd think: "OK,

"he wasn't comfortable
in his own skin."

Diane, how shall we play things then?

-How can I help you?
-I don't know.

Do we need to put you in a shelter

or is that not necessary right now?

I don't even have a clue myself,
Doctor.

Honestly.

I'm going to try and carry on
but in a way, I'm also worried

that if I do,
will I completely lose it?

That wouldn't be good
for my boys either.

If you do lose it, we'll help you.

-If you're still alive...
-Yes.

We could move you somewhere

to protect you
until all of this resurfaces.

We've got Christmas
fast approaching too.

What relevance does that have?

For me it's...

I've always tried
to keep my family unit together.

Other abused women try
to do this too.

Yes.

Perhaps some women want to protect

their family unit

and I'm really family oriented.

They would have spent the 24th
at their dad's.

OK.

So now I don't know what'll happen.

It could be good to turn Christmas
into a celebration then

to pay homage to your ex-husband.

Yes, exactly.

So if you devote yourself to that
we can see each other again after

and in the meantime, perhaps don't
drink too much before Christmas.

-Save yourself for Christmas.
-Yes.

I'll try to.

-Are you unsure if you can?
-No.

-Are you unsure you'll manage it?
-No.

I'm all out of alcohol.

Anyhow, if it doesn't go well,
I'll call you.

But anyway,

I think there is only one solution.

It's down to me to pull
myself together but that's tough.

Yes, but you have the means to do so,
Diane, you have your kind heart.

Yes.

Perhaps that's the problem.

Sometimes it's better to be selfish.
No, I'm being spiteful now.

You won't be able
to resolve all of your problems

so you must put things
into perspective in terms of things

that you can resolve

and things you can't.

-You must accept that.
-And let it go.

Yes.

OK then.

-Bye, Diane.
-Bye.

Thanks for your help.

No worries.

See you on Tuesday then.

If there is anything you need...

OK, great.

-Bye.
-Goodbye.

Hi there Gilbert, how are you doing?

I'm still the same.

I'm extremely lazy.

I no longer know
how to get out of it.

I tried to cut down on the Tercian,

but I had problems sleeping.

I then started taking a 100mg tablet.

We cut that down by half.

Perhaps I'll be able to try it again

as it was a temporary thing.

We could try and reduce it
back down to 50 again.

Otherwise,

I don't feel depressed.

It's just these issues of laziness
that I've got.

I've got a problem.
It's becoming an issue.

There's one thing that eludes me.

What are you doing?

What are you doing in life?

-Nothing.
-Nothing?

Practically nothing.

-Is that a possibility for you?
-Yes.

Don't you read the news?

I no longer even read
the paper in the mornings.

The only thing I might do is
read the news on the computer.

OK, so tell me more.

I spend two to three hours
a day on the computer

-looking at the news.
-That's quite a lot of screen time.

So it's not like I'm not doing
anything at all anymore

but besides that,
I don't do anything.

Perhaps we'll discover
some other things you can do.

Every day, I say to myself:
perhaps tomorrow

it'll be better, but hey...

I've always got an ounce of hope
that it'll improve, but anyway...

It's... Well, there you go.

Once you've logged off
the news websites,

what do you do?

Once you've logged off
the news websites,

what do you do the rest of the time?

Where do you eat?

-Sorry?
-Where do you eat?

-Where do I eat?
-Yes.

-At home.
-Do you do the cooking?

Yes, but I don't cook a lot.

What do you make?

In the mornings,
I'll eat cereal with soy milk

and fruit, lots of fruit,

but I don't cook.

How about at midday?

At midday, I eat fruit.

-And in the evening?
-In the evening too.

Honestly?

Yes, I'm too lazy to cook.

And you don't go to a restaurant
from time to time?

I do from time to time, yes.

For the daily special or...?

I occasionally go to a restaurant

and I eat a pizza

or something like that,
but otherwise, not really.

How about your social contacts,

besides your daughter and ex-wife,

is there anyone else
you hang out with?

No, no one.

If you could just switch seats,
please.

It's essential for the psychotherapy
to be effective.

That's unsettling me
because that's not my seat.

Ah, OK.

Well that seat is more effective
for you.

That's true.

It is colder.

You didn't warm it up
for me.

I didn't have time to.

How did you...?

How did you manage...

when you crossed paths

with your ex-supervisor?

What happened?

We popped by the works council.

After, she was...

She wanted to go and see a colleague
who is retiring.

She just wanted to say goodbye
to her.

Coming back from ER,
she came face to face with...

-So she dodged her.
-With...?

No, I had stayed outside.

She was just going

to quickly say goodbye and then...

Then,

at reception she bumped into her.

She managed to dodge her

by hiding in the office
of the other person.

When she was in front of the door
to the office, she was there again.

I hid...

I couldn't find the exit anymore.

I couldn't find it

and so I hid behind some curtains.

I was overcome
by a horrific panic attack.

I couldn't find the exit anymore

and I knew he was waiting
for me outside but I...

I hid away.

I hid myself away.

The nurses were asking me

what was wrong with me.

I absolutely had to avoid her,
but it was a...

Did she do something to you
when you crossed paths?

Absolutely not.

-Nothing?
-Nothing.

All she did was look at her.

She looked at me in a disdainful way

as if I was a piece of shit.

And...

Even though I felt ready.

I had always said,
the day I see her again...

we had already spoken about it

and he said I should say hi back
to her if she had to say hello to me.

Yes, in a positive manner.

-Yes.
-To make the world a better place.

That was one hell of a feat

as if she was going to say hello
to me

I was going to say:
"Go fuck yourself."

As you're nothing to her?

But it's not like me
to say that either.

Yes.

But why has that triggered
such fear within me?

I was panicked.

Do you realize?

I was hidden behind the curtains
like a child.

Why do you give her such power?

Think about that.

It's not a criticism.

Why do you give her such power?

People have said that before.

If I'm making her that important
it's just because, in a way...

It's just because of what?

I don't know.

She's not that important.

She only is to you.

She's my supervisor.

Yes, OK. And so what?

Why does she have such a hold
over me?

It's you who is giving her
that power, not her.

She's not doing anything.

She has always been a moron.

She still is and she hasn't changed.

She is no more moronic
than she was before,

nor any meaner.

I don't think it's
an ascending curve.

With your generosity,

it is you who is granting her
this power.

It's like she's got
this giant cobra head.

It's like a giant snake's head.

I've seen that in The Jungle Book,
he tries to rule the jungle.

That's not necessarily a scary thing.

Yes, but I feel like
I see her everywhere

and she scares me.

The fear is within you, it's not her.

Just by seeing her...

has made a year
of my therapy go down the drain.

-No, not at all.
-I assure you it has.

No, there is still work to be done

but it's not this woman's fault.

Leave her in peace.

I hope she dies.

Leave her in pax.
Pax, is peace in Latin.

I hope she dies.

Why do you want her to die?

Just because.

There is a place
for everyone on this planet.

Don't act silly now.

Don't let your hard work go
down the pan and start spiraling.

It's not worth it.

We don't need to do anything drastic
to find peace.

Tell me a bit more on this

as the prefecture knows you
under the name X.

Yes.

Will you give them your real name
one day or not?

I'd love to, Doctor,
then I could give you my name.

I've even been to the..

To the administrative court, Doctor.

I'd like people to know.
Do you understand, Doctor?

Then I could go down
to North Africa on vacation.

I've not been back
to my homeland in 11 years.

Right.

It's difficult.
All of my friends are there.

I want to go there in August

to see my family.

Right now, with your name as an X,

they can't give you a ten year visa,
in my opinion.

Why haven't you given
your birth name?

To be completely honest,
I had issues in Germany before.

I had three...

Five years of therapy.

Five years shut away.

After that, they deported me back
to Algeria.

Then I came back from Algeria
potentially in 2000?

No, 2004. Actually it was '94.

I was in therapy for a decade
up until 2009.

2009, March 28th.

They sent me to Algeria.
With Lufthansa to Algeria.

I went from Rome in Italy
to Algiers. I did a stopover.

Anyway, in 2009,

no 2000, I went back to Morocco.

Then I went from Morocco
to Spain by boat.

Were there many people
on the boat or were you the only one?

There were three of us.

We paid a Moroccan guy for the boat.

It was a small boat.

We each paid 1,500 francs.

It wasn't far. It's like going
from here to the tram.

The beach isn't far.

After that, I went back to Spain.

I lived there for a month
then I went back to France.

And why did you come here?
Did someone you know live here?

I don't know, I just did it.

I just automatically came here.

Had you heard of Strasbourg before?

Yes, that's how I came here.

I stayed in Strasbourg.

I slept alongside alcoholics

in the police car impound.

In Koenigshoffen, you know?

We lived over there.

Then I met my buddy
who is a Doctor like you.

She said to me:
"Give a fake Iraqi name."

She advised you to give a false name?

Yes, exactly.

She said to me: "Give a false name."

Then I gave my false name
and I was given a warrant.

-OK.
-Then five more warrants.

Did you apply for asylum in Germany?

No, I didn't.

You haven't applied for asylum
anywhere else besides France?

In France I have, yes.

Perhaps it'd be beneficial

if you told all of this
to your lawyer.

-Yes.
-OK?

Yes.

I'd like to do that,

honestly.

I'd like that for you so you can
get the wheels in motion.

-I'm taking action, Doctor.
-Contact your lawyer then.

OK?

OK, Doctor.

Tell me what you need.

Atarax too, please.

Tercian.

There is half left in the bottle.

That's all good, Doctor.

How are you doing?

Still the same.
I don't feel depressed

in the standard sense of the term.

Perhaps it's depression
but in another form.

It is in another form
because as you've mentioned yourself,

you suffer from having dark thoughts.

Yes.

Depending on how often you have them
that is still a sign

of depression when it's chronic.

-Yes.
-It's when you've got dark thoughts.

Could we not try
another antidepressant?

My dear Gilbert. He is stubborn.

Was he born like this?

It runs in the family.

They're all like this?

I'm the same.

-Really?
-Yes.

OK.

It's contagious!

We'll see each other in a week.

That allows me to take stock and...

In a week, nothing could happen...

It could just so happen...
that we lose you.

Gilbert, we could lose you.

You're not going to come in
every day.

I don't want to go into the clinic.

I understand.

We're not going to get mad
because of that.

Yes.

However,
that means there is a big risk.

At the clinic,

my colleague would see you
every day.

Plus the nurses are there
for you 24/7.

Then my colleagues can see

how you are getting on
in terms of your mood, thoughts

and suffering.

I don't want to go into the clinic.

Dad, you can't judge
your state of mind

for yourself if you're doing
this treatment at home...

I can't do it.

If I feel like I'm improving
or going downhill,

I know how to tell the difference.

Gilbert, the problem is
we could lose you.

You've already had
strange episodes...

Yes.

...where you withdrew into yourself

and you were all alone

without the instinct
to call for help.

That has already happened
once or twice.

All it takes is it happening
once more and we could lose you.

It's not worth us

taking that risk.

Shall we carry on with the Anafranil?

You should play poker, right?

I'm missing that impetus.

Yes.

To get myself back
on the right track,

to get back to making plans,

being interested in things
and keeping busy.

I have a huge vegetable garden.

I've still not done anything
for three weeks,

I should have got down to it

and I've still not done anything.

I just leave...

I think you could get
that impetus back.

It won't magically appear
by itself. You mustn't...

I don't know what you think?

I don't know if one morning
you'll cry and it'll appear.

That's what I hope.

That's possible, besides...
With treatment.

-With treatment.
-Yes.

-So now...
-Yes.

We've been in this situation
for months,

between two mental states,
which satisfied Gilbert,

as it was worse before,

but it's not at the level
of what he has experienced before

and the freedom he aspires to have.

As your daughter,

I wouldn't want you to take that risk

and for you to do this at home.

I'm already worrying enough.

Sometimes, if I've not seen him
online for two days,

I wonder if he is still alive.

You can't play

with other people's feelings.
You must realize

that we worry about you.

That annoys me too.

Yes, but you don't think
that it's bothering us either.

He must think
of how others may feel too.

We must weigh up
the pros and the cons, Gilbert.

You're making out as if
we are deporting you.

It's as if being admitted
to hospital is

like the deportation
of the Malgré-Nous...

-Yes.
-...back in '42.

I think this stay could be
very beneficial for you.

You could perhaps even be well enough

to welcome your second grandchild
into the world.

Anyway.

We won't convince him today.

Perhaps it'll be a complex task.

You can't experiment by yourself.

-No, we're doing it...
-OK.

-We're doing it with assistance.
-Yes.

So...

How can I put it?

I'm starting to get to know people
and be more...

sociable, let's say,

but I'm still not
experiencing intimacy yet.

That's another kettle of fish.

For example, I have a friend.

I support her, but I can't take it
any further.

She's the one who called me
yesterday evening.

I've pretty much already tried
to pursue something.

She just sees me as a friend
and that's it.

I must stay as just that.

I get stressed.

You can refuse the role
of being a friend, you can be...

I get the impression

that I'm her only friend
so she wants to keep me in her life.

To hold onto you dearly as...

-Indeed.
-At least as her only friend.

Exactly.

But that bugs me because I have...

-Urges?
-You could say that.

-Yes, other objectives.
-Exactly.

So there is that conflict
of interest.

Kind of, yes.

You could try to see

if you can rise to the challenge
of staying her friend, whether you're

her only friend or not

and be something else too.

I'm doing that and managing it
for the pure and simple reason

that when it comes to intimacy

for me there is a lot
of work to be done there.

-I don't understand.
-Regarding intimacy,

I have a long way to go.

If you end up getting to that point.

-Exactly.
-Yes.

That's why she's chilled about it.

Does she know about that?

More or less.
I've not told her I'm crazy,

but as she can tell
I'm not jumping her bones

she can keep

on calling me

and seeing me.

She doesn't want to jump your bones?

No, apparently not.

So you can agree
to keep things as they are

or you could bring it up again,

if you do it respectfully.

Yes, but...

You can try tackling this again
every evening.

Perhaps she'd like it
if you took her on dates.

And there truly could be something,

say an obstacle, preventing it
from going any further,

which would be surprising...

but perhaps she is really fragile

or she has a need for control.

I also...

Yes?

My ability
to be intimate is terrible.

Anyhow, that should be looked into
and you can

get past it. That belief can
go to hell, if I may say that.

How about Viagra?

I should try that
without a girlfriend?

That's an option. Or try it once
with a woman.

I don't see when or with who.

You can head towards Germany,
as we spoke about before.

Ah.

OK?

We have time.

OK.

Shall we end there for today?

Yes, boss.

Would you like to add anything?

That's fine.

Do you need Bromazepam?

Yes, I'd like some.

I'm scared of people, of no longer
being able to communicate.

It's shit.

-Shit?
-Yes.

-What's shit?
-It's shit.

-What are you referring to...?
-I'm a piece of shit.

You're a piece of shit?

-No.
-You're not.

I am.

I won't contradict you.

If you think you're a piece of shit

I won't argue the toss.

No.

Or convince you otherwise,

but your partner is
a pretty nice guy, isn't he?

Him.

I'm lucky he is here, yes.

-He's a good guy.
-Yes.

Not everyone is lucky enough

to have a partner.

-True.
-Isn't that right?

Don't you think

that helps to improve

your self-image slightly?

If a guy like him respects

and loves you.

He's not outside of my circle.

OK, so you view people outside
of your circle differently

to how you view your husband?

Yes. I know my husband loves me

and he has supported me.

If he hadn't been there,

I'd no longer be here.

But I'm afraid of people
outside of my circle.

I think he acts this way
because he loves me,

but what about the others?

Does he love pieces of shit?

He can't do.

Well, he could, but...

He's with you for other reasons.

It's because of your qualities,
your generosity and sincerity.

Even if you greatly doubt that.

-Don't you think?
-I don't know.

Why are you staying with me?

That's great, start by tearing
a strip off him.

Tear a strip off him
because he loves you.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

There's no need for him to say it,
he shows you.

You should be able to tell
why he is with you.

How are you doing?

I'm good, and you?

I'm not doing great.

I'm not great as I'm
quite preoccupied at the moment.

Oh really?

-This situation is kind of...
-I still have this here...

I'm still suffering with it.

How come?

I got hit with a hammer.

-A hammer?
-Yes.

I've not been able to sleep
up until recently.

How did that happen?

I had things put in here. With...

-Stitching?
-Yes.

Up until now it's...

It's always caused me trouble.

When were you hit with a hammer?

-It was back in '89.
-In '89?

Yes. I got hit here too. See?

I can't manage to pick things up.

-You were injured there as well?
-Yes.

You can still see it here
where I had stitches in.

What age were you in '89?

In '89, I think I was...

I was born in 1972.

-In '72.
-Yes.

-So you were 17.
-Around about, yes.

Was that when there were massacres

-against the Blacks in Mauritania?
-Yes.

In the text I skim read,
it mentions slavery.

Yes, that's right.

What is the situation in Mauritania?

Is there still slavery now?

Yes, there is still slavery
even now. I was born into it.

My dad, mom, cousin were
all subject to it.

I grew up with it.

How was it?

We'd go and do...

We'd go and do...How do you say it?

I don't know how to say it in French.

What language do you speak?

Is the language
of Mauritania is Mauritanian?

Pulaar.

-Pulaar?
-Yes.

Your whole family experienced
being slaves?

Yes, the whole family.

-Are they Arabs or Black?
-Arabs.

We're Black,

but our masters were Arabs.

-Your master was Arab?
-Yes.

An Arab.

What from all of that is still
going through your mind right now?

From that period
and your whole life story?

I'm struggling in life

because I lost my Mom and Dad.

I came here to stay.

If I don't have the means,

I will die here.

I can't go back to Mauritania.

If I go back there,
he will hit me again and kill me

because I fled.

-You did?
-Yes.

You what...?

They're still looking for me
over there.

-You are wanted.
-Yes.

Why do you think they are
still looking for you?

They're looking for me
because of my mother and father.

They passed away.

They died,
so I must carry on the work

of my mother and father.

So, I fled.

OK.

You get arrested everywhere.

The Arabs in Mauritania did you harm

and you've had issues
with the French police too.

-Yes.
-OK.

And have you
ever worked here illegally?

I've worked
but for only three months.

After that, I got arrested
so I stopped.

And if you had the chance
to work one day,

which job would you do?

I'd work in catering, cleaning

or I'd be a garbage collector.

-You'd collect garbage?
-Yes, exactly.

-Are you Fulani?
-Yes.

What qualities do
the Fulani people have?

For years,

the Fulani people have...
How can I say it in French?

We have sheep.

You are shepherds.

We are shepherds, yes.

For years,

our grandparents would
look after camels.

-So, we'd do that too.
-You're farmers.

Yes, exactly. The Fulani people are.

And in France, you don't want
to farm sheep?

If there are sheep here, I'd like to.

-Oh, yes?
-I know them inside out.

In certain regions in France,
there are still flocks being herded.

If there are, I'd love that
as I grew up doing that.

I grew up doing it
so I know all about it.

I know it all in depth. I know sheep
like the back of my hand.

What are the...?

From the age of 7 to 37,
I've worked with them.

Since you were seven, so since 1979.

Up until 2002.

I know sheep farming inside out.

And what do you need to know
to become a sheep farmer?

Over there, my grandpa gave me...

How do I say it again?

He explained it all to me.

It's all in my head.

Is that right?

Yes.

I know all about sheep farming.
If there are any in Strasbourg,

I can do it.

God willing, perhaps you will find
some sheep to herd here.

That's better than trash collecting.

Yes, because I know nothing
about garbage collecting.

However, I know sheep farming
really well.

OK, best of luck.

Thanks a lot.

We're going to do some great work.

No worries.

-Thanks a lot.
-No problem.

Thanks.

-Have a good evening.
-Bye.

Bye.

I'm annoyed because,

at the pharmacy they said they were
keeping a close eye on the meds.

I don't know where to hide them.

-At customs?
-Yes.

A Moroccan guy served me

and he told me
to keep my prescription,

as I could have issues.

Have you made the trip before?

I hid them in socks once.

-Socks you were wearing?
-Yes.

Now, I've unpackaged them all

and put them in a pill box.

-You showed me it.
-Yes.

So, I don't know

how it'll go.

He told me some people are
more jobsworths than others

when doing the checks.

I think you've already got
more experience than him

as you've already got through
with medication.

I've got through several times.

It should perhaps be you

who teaches
other people a thing or two

and gives out advice,
not the other way around.

To the customs officer?

No, the pharmacist or advisors.

Who is the advisor?

The pharmacist.

He's advising you on things

which you have more experience in.

Yes, but if I get turned away...

Yes.

You can leave the medication
at the border.

And how would I sleep?

With hashish.

There are effective products
in Morocco.

In my opinion,

it's a relative risk.

Don't bother dwelling too much on it.

Just put the medication in a pill box

and spread the pills out
in your suitcase.

I'm going to lose some
if I spread them out.

You can note down on paper

where you've put them.

Where I've put them, yes.

-You could put...
-A Post-it note?

Yes, a Post-it note.

You could put a Post-it note
in your billfold

and write: there are 16 pills

in my pantyliners,

16 more in... I don't know where.

In the diapers.

Yes, 16 more in a shirt
and 16 in some pants.

I don't think that's a good idea,

because if they find them

they will think that I'm doing drugs.

You could also perhaps not sleep
for a day or two

so you can benefit from having sleep
during your stay.

You could see a doctor over there

or a marabout who will help you
if you're ever alone.

I can't put the pillbox in my socks.

They will suspect something.

How are you doing?

Let's just say, I'm starting to...

to give it a go.

It's a lot: starting to give it a go,

plus thinking about going to Germany.

But I still haven't...

What do you call it?

I still haven't taken the plunge.

I'm just thinking about it

because I think I look bad naked.

When I'm naked at home,

I get dressed again right away.

And...

Recently,

I've had the apartment to do.

Let's just say, I had a goal.

I've not overthought it.

For once, I'm kind of happy
with myself

because I've kind of succeeded
with the objective

of tidying it up

and furnishing it.

I still need to do the décor.

But on the whole, 90% is done.

Anyhow, that could be
a promising sign.

-It is a promising sign.
-OK.

It's a promising sign
that I'm not totally useless.

No kidding, yes.

Yes.

There is still a lot
of work to be done

regarding women.

That's still...

In terms of the apartment,
I've made progress,

but when it comes to women,

zilch, nada.

I don't have...What do you call it?

I don't have any chats with them
or any topics to discuss.

I don't feel interesting.

I have that real issue.

There is always that risk

that they don't find us interesting.

You see?

I'm thinking that if I meet up
with her...

Yes.

...and if things go further...

In short, it's always bugging me.

It shouldn't. It goes right back
to when I was 15...

It's the psychological
thought process

of a 15-year-old kid.

I'm 38
and it's funny thinking like this.

Just know that lots of people
have worries like this.

At any age.

If you try your luck with dignity
you'll have nothing to regret.

-Yes.
-Right?

It comes back to the same thing.

Act like a prince.

In my opinion, if someone puts
all of the odds in their favor

and they remain dignified and noble,

they will never regret anything,
even if they are rejected.

You might even turn them down

as that is part of a relationship
and having communication.

We've discussed that.

It's not all or nothing.

Your damn lousy sayings!

Exactly.

I'll have to see you out shortly.

Would you like to address

anything else before I talk to you
about this letter?

No.

"Please allow me to refer
to Sébastien Lantet,

-"a 36-year-old uncured patient."
-38.

-Thirty-eight?
-Yes.

-Seriously?
-Yes.

I won't start over. You can
correct him when you see him.

I can't tell you why I put 36.

"...who I've been supporting
for 20 years."

Oh, yes.

What a failure!

Twenty years of
spending tons of euros.

That's true, it's not funny.

No, don't be silly,
it was francs before that!

Euros and francs then!

Yes.

Soon it'll be Hanukkah, that's good.

Not all is lost.

Not all is lost, no.

-It will be for the Lubavitch jews.
-Yes.

"...who I've supported
for 20 years

"for crippling anxiety
and phobic disorders

"at certain moments in life

"with a social phobia and a feeling
of incompleteness and incompetence

"which..."

That's so beautifully put.

How long did you study for
to write that?

It's intuitive.

Yes.

You didn't do any studying then!

"...which haven't prevented him
from getting involved socially

"and for carrying out the job
of a mailman with success.

"He can be a bit slow at times
with his job

"but he is extremely meticulous."

You deserve your 61 euros!

"Sébastien has been able
to get involved in defending

"different humanitarian causes

"and he has just bought
an apartment."

He will think:

what's the link between
the different humanitarian causes?

Doesn't matter.

"He is still single

"and a 'virgin'."

-You weren't meant to put that.
-Shit. Oh really?

I can re-do the letter.

We'll rediscuss that.

"...and regrettably a 'virgin',

"and Sébastien has limitations
when it comes

"to his emotional
and social relationships,

"or in any case, he feels
the most perplexed about and has

"the greatest qualms in those areas.

"After careful consideration,
he and I have decided

"that we could enlist a third party

"and a behaviorist's approach,
for example

"to focus ourselves

"on the objective of getting rid
of these social phobias

"which is why I am writing
to you today."

So he could help me to...

To assess if he could apply
a behaviorist's method in relation

to your phobia.

So I'd practice that

as if I was in front of a woman,
is that right?

Exactly.

If you agree to the above

and he believes

that you're not too fragile...

I'm pretty sure he might have

to check, that if you got rid
of this phobia

that nothing
more serious could crop up.

He must make sure of that.
I doubt anything would occur.

Currently, I'm living with...

a transvestite.

They live on the same floor as you?

Yes. He's from Eastern Europe.

Greece.

No, Budapest.

Hungary.

Yes, Hungary. Budapest.
Yes, he said Budapest to me.

You say he's a transvestite?

Yes. I've known him
for four months, Doctor.

I've known him for four months.

We met at the...

I don't know, he said to me:
"I'm staying with you."

What?

"I'm staying with you."

Oh he's staying with you?

Yes, he's sleeping at mine
and everything.

-He's living at yours?
-Yes.

I didn't get that. OK.

I'm housing him at mine.
I've spoken to my mentor.

OK. So you can house people
in your home?

-You're allowed to?
-When declared to the welfare office

and your mentor.

Then, he gave me his identity card.

He's called Christine.

-That's the...
-His name.

-The person's name.
-Yes.

So it's a man who lives like a woman.

Yes, he's had everything done.

All of the transformations.

No, he's had done... He said...

He did have an operation
like that done.

A boob job. Do you understand,
Doctor?

Everything.

Yes, he has long blond hair
like women too.

-Yes, he's like a woman.
-OK.

Are you in a relationship with him?

No, he just said to me:
"I'm staying with you."

And if someone wants to stay,
you agree to it?

-Yes.
-OK.

So you have a big heart then?

Yes, exactly.

Do you have a good friendship?
Do you get on well?

Yes, we get on well.

-OK.
-It's been four months.

It's great you are so generous.

Yes. Next time I'll bring him
and will introduce you to him.

-No don't worry.
-I shouldn't?

You don't need to.
I don't think it's worth it.

Oh really?

You are kind to extend the family,
though.

Yes.

However, it's not necessary.
You can keep things separate.

-Yes.
-OK.

I need some meds, Doctor.

Which ones?

It's been...

-In an ideal world.
-And otherwise?

Otherwise...

We need someone to finish off

the week.

Yes.

Yes. Normally,

it's at 14:15.

We'll scrap
the 15:00 appointment perhaps?

Yes.

There we are.

Great.

Has he disappeared?

-I've come all by myself today.
-Really?

Yes.

Will that pose a problem?

Yes, it's a change from the usual
but I must adapt.

That always poses a problem

when you are used to a certain set-up

but that's an issue we can get past.

I don't feel like I can
say everything when he is here.

OK.

If we were to ask him,
he'd always say that I'm doing well.

Your husband?

Your first question is always:
"How is she doing?"

And he will always respond:
"She's doing well."

He is often reticent, isn't he?

He is reticent, cautious
and hesitant.

No, I've spoken to him about it
and I should also take...

It's my therapy session.

If you asked me the question
of how I'm doing

I'd say: "I'm not doing great."

I'm the complete opposite
to what he says.

So at night, at three in the morning,
I'm still tossing and turning.

Then I sleep in the morning
and in the afternoon.

I can no longer manage
to regulate myself

at night and in the day.

It's always the same.
As soon as I wake up

the world of work begins

and I'm battling my own mind.

I talk to people

who either do or don't exist.

It's true that it's mainly my head
of department that's the issue.

I replay things over in my mind
though I have nothing to worry about.

Later on in hindsight, I think:

"You're at home."

However, I'm at home too much,
I no longer go out.

How can I explain it to you?

We were at the store.

I had to get out of the house
because...

I honestly felt like
I was going crazy.

I sometimes feel there are people
in front and behind me,

beside me, to the right and left,
who are there spying on me.

So, I no longer go out.

Do you have any plans,
besides being afraid?

Would you like anything
to come to fruition?

Because, in my opinion, we have

great chances
of officially protecting you.

Anyway, that's not all.

That's what I think
when I have all of these thoughts

and all of this anxiety.

I picture you in front of me

and I think:
"He's saying he's protecting me."

So you are the person
who will protect me.

Along with your medical advisor.

Yes, but I'm afraid of her.

But she's our ally, if you will.

She's the one who makes
the final decisions.

I believe she will make a decision
that will be beneficial to you.

However, aside from all of that,

I no longer know who I truly am.

If I look at myself in the mirror,

I think: "Where is that woman who

"used to get up at 6:30,

"who was often made up
and happy. She was..."

That horror that I see in the mirror
in the morning isn't me.

So, I avoid mirrors and going out.

I no longer know who I am.

What if part of your suffering was
linked to the uncertainty

of your status?

And once you've acquired
something definite...

What status?

Your social status.

It breeds insecurity.

We don't know what will happen.

Yes, exactly.

What if part of your insecurity was
linked to that?

You can be hopeful too.

Once you've obtained
a positive status,

you can hope to improve upon it,

knowing that
with what you're describing,

there is always a risk of suicide.

Yes.

Especially among people shut away
in a state of depression...

Yes.

Faced with solitude, that's the risk.

When I say I want to escape
and to be invisible,

it means I no longer feel useful.

Plus it'd be so easy

to leave this planet.

It'd be difficult

for those left behind.

However,
there is that responsibility...

It'd perhaps be easier for those
who are left behind.

I'm a burden.

No, you are capable,

even as depressed as you are,

to admit it'd be harder for them.

It's always harder for those
who are left behind.

But perhaps
I'm making him suffer now too.

Definitely. You are a burden
for yourself,

so inevitably that could be the case

for other people too.

But isn't that part
of the fate of our existence?

A depressed person can be a burden,
I agree.

Exactly.

Yes, it's not a fortunate thing.

At the same time, it's a challenge.

When you fight alongside
a depressed person,

you become less of a jerk.

It's a challenge
but it can be a fortunate thing

if you look beyond the sadness.
All testing times are opportunities.

I can't look to the future.

OK.

I just can't.

Can you look to the end
of next month?

And we'll see each other
in late November?

We will, if I'm still here.

OK.

Try to help me stay on track
with this.

-We'll see.
-OK.

You're going to finish up
by telling me off.

If you had to...

Marie-Thérèse, if you did have
to leave this world

do you think I'd be better suited
to being an assistant practitioner?

I have faith in the outcome
of our battles,

both administratively-speaking
and psychologically.

I think you will be able to start
to feel better. Then,

there is another issue.

When you start not feeling as bad,

some people cannot stand

feeling not as bad anymore.

I don't understand
what you're saying.

Some people cannot stand
to feel better.

-Oh really?
-Yes.

Yes.

Doctor.

Doctor.

Is this...?

I'll be right there.

Yes.

Wait.

I spoke to a lawyer.

She said she doesn't think
that it can be done.

That means,

your identity isn't clear.

Yes.

If you go to Algeria,
you might never be able to return.

She told me it was really problematic

and that you weren't showing up
at your meetings.

Yes, Christine was sick.

She doesn't think it's possible.
I wrote to her too.

Oh, yeah?

What can we do? Is there no solution?

Do you want me to go on your behalf?

No.

I don't know how to broach it.

I'm not a politician.

Yes, I know.

You must discuss it with her

but in any case,
I've asked her about it.

And it's not possible.

For now, no.

She thinks if you go to Algeria,
you will stay there.

-That I'd stay there?
-Yes.

-Never.
-Perhaps that'd be better.

Come on!

No, that was a joke.

She's considering

what steps you can take
in this situation.

-Yes. Thanks.
-Talk to her.

-Bye.
-Bye.

I still feel the same.
I'm still just as lazy.

I think my problem with laziness has

even got worse.

So, could we not try
another treatment?

That's risk-free, eh?

There are risks.

Yes, but as we saw with the Seroplex,
when we switched it,

there were no effects.

Gilbert, that's illogical.

-It's illogical?
-Yes.

Just because there were no effects,

you shouldn't start taking it again.

We observed that we didn't get
the outcome we hoped for.

Yes, exactly.

Even though
there were no secondary effects

it doesn't definitely work
on every count.

Yes.

Gilbert, all of this energy
you are prepared to spend

on changing your treatment

should be devoted to something else.

Yes.

You are pretty stubborn.

Yes.

Yes. Well,

what are we going to do?

Your idea is to put me in a clinic.

You know me.

Yes, but I don't want

to go into a clinic.

My idea, Gilbert,

would be...

for us to ask the opinion
of Letoit or Beate.

For you to go and see them once,

as an outpatient,
based off your own decision

because I need assistance

to be able to help you effectively.

It wouldn't necessarily be for you,
it'd be for me.

What do you think?

What do you think about that?

What do you think, Gilbert?

I think...

We could try something else.

You don't want us to try
and get support

from the guys at Brumath?

You'd be an outpatient,
not admitted to hospital.

How does that work as an outpatient?

You will see at a consultation
with one of my colleagues.

Shall we do that?

No, I'm not interested.

Even if they can guide us
on your treatment?

But what will that...?

Gilbert, despite all my best wishes
in the world, you will have noticed

that I can't seem
to find the right treatment for you.

We can go back to Anafranil then.

Gilbert, are you so discouraged

that you're prepared to try whatever?

You shouldn't just do whatever.

So let's carry on as we are then.

We saw each other a few days ago,
didn't we?

It was a while ago.

Have you taken everything?

-Yes.
-You have?

Yes.

It was a while ago.

It was a fortnight ago.

Yes.

Ah OK, it's May now.

-Yes.
-OK.

How are you sleeping at the moment?

How are you sleeping?

Even yesterday, I didn't...

I didn't manage to get much sleep.

I slept until four in the morning
then was awake until nine.

What did you do
during that whole time?

What happened?

I was thinking loads.

You still live with that affliction.

That's how it is.

What do you mean, affliction?

When you say affliction,
what are you thinking about?

I don't know, lots of things.

I don't have a family.

My father and mother are dead.

I still have all of that

inside of my head.

It makes me...

Your affliction is...

-life's tragedies.
-Yes.

I'm always thinking about it.

I don't get why

I'm so anxious in the mornings
when I wake up,

because when I go to Morocco

or I go traveling,
I don't have that anxiety.

I don't know if Didier passes
that onto me

as he is really anxious.

Yes.

He's really anxious but so loyal
and also really generous.

In my opinion,
he has alpha qualities.

He is definitely anxious

but like most of the men
you've been with, he's loyal.

-Are you not aware of that?
-But the problem is...

That he shouts in the morning.

He has to shout.

He's at the other end
of the apartment

and he shouts to me
about stupid things, like the mop

or we've run out of coffee
or I don't know what.

Is that not reassuring?

Maybe he wants to show he's alive

or he wants to wake you up.

What bothers you so much about it?

But it's his tone of voice.

I can't stand it when he shouts.

Claudine, what is making you
focus on him?

You aren't going to change this guy.

No.

Can't you appreciate him as he is?

It seems like you have been blessed

in the relationship field,

but you fail to see that
and you feel hard done by.

I am hard done by, financially.

Yes.

I went to Paris.

I went to Paris.

So, I managed to go,

However, in Paris,
I still experienced my neurosis.

It was the same in Strasbourg.

Your neurosis is a sign
of your normality.

Yes, stop philosophizing and cure me.

It's true.

That was good.

I don't know if what you suffer from
is about being cured.

So what then?

It's not an illness.

But I am mentally ill.

I hadn't realized that before.

Oh, really?

Wouldn't I be a blind
and deaf imposter then?

You don't have an illness,

it's a matter of how

you view life.

It's not a life and death situation

but it is still extreme

as I am 38 years old,

I've never made love
and I don't have a girlfriend.

Why don't you have enough confidence
in yourself

to strike up a conversation
with a woman

and build a relationship?

I can't see any obstacles.

I'm sure you will get there
at some point or another.

Would you like to add anything?

No everything is as good
as it can be in this situation.

How are you getting on
with the behavioral therapy?

We were also wondering
about trying that approach.

Yes, I should call up.

If you want to, you don't have to.

-Have you lost the sheet of paper?
-I'll have to have a look.

I know I had an envelope

but that was for someone else, right?

Yes, it was for Villeret.

What for?

For a few therapy sessions

on your phobic symptoms.

-Regarding being with a woman?
-Yes.

That's the phobia that bothers you
the most.

I don't know if it's adapted to you

but you have nothing to lose.
Also with what I confided in you...

and in relation to the time
we've spent together,

this will test us.

When you said: "Cure me,"
you're right.

You're right to say that.

Will we wait for winter to pass
or will I go there right away?

You'll go right away.

So, if I call him,
he'll take me on...

Quite quickly. Can you call him
on my behalf?

You can call him now.

See you soon, Sébastien.

It's too small.

I've lived in a room like that
for seven years

or even longer than that.

It's as small as this
and I've been in it for seven years.

It's...

Now two of us live in it.

It's not easy.

Is there still two of you?

-Yes, still two of us.
-You and Christine.

-Right?
-Yes, in one room.

Will it stay as just the two of you?

For a long time?

For two rooms we'd have to...

You'd have to look.

Has she got things set up
for her right now in France?

No, she's staying at mine.

-At the same time...
-Yes.

You've been there a while.

You know what you've got is
better than nothing.

-Yes.
-What you've got is

better than calling 115.

It's better than being housed
in social emergency housing, right?

Yes.

Lots of people call up

every day for housing

and you've got a place.

You allowed Christine to stay
to help her

so I bet it's harder now.

However, you might not get
a two-bed apartment on your own.

Yes.

So, do you want
to live with her or...?

Yes, I want to live with her.

Why don't you get
a contract of civil union with her?

I'm going to.

-We're going to.
-Really?

We will do that.

With a contract of civil union
you can hope...

He said: "You'll get an apartment
right away."

-Here you go.
-Right away.

Not right away but you'll have
a greater chance.

Yes, he is giving you the...

What's it called?

He will give you
a furnished apartment.

It'll be all dark.

I don't know about that.

It will be.

I hope it's not for your sake
but I'm not sure on that.

Good luck then, Karim.

Don't rush into things.

Don't rush into things.

Don't do too many things at once.

OK.

Hello?

Yes, Thierry. How are you?

As good as I can be.

Thierry, I'd like to talk to you
for a moment about Gilbert.

He's a patient I've been seeing
for a decade or 15 years

who was admitted to hospital
at Brumath three years ago

following
a sudden hallucinatory episode

and who has had dysthymia
for a long while.

With his GP,

we've not really managed to...

No, not to stabilize him,

but to get him back into a mood

that'd be satisfactory. We've tried
for a year, a year and a half now.

He is really reluctant
to be admitted to hospital

which could have been justified.

I've tried to get him to go
to Toussaint,

but he is reluctant.

If was wondering

if sometime soon

you could take a look at helping
to progress his situation,

in the clinic

and perhaps put forward
a proposal for therapy.

Yes, I imagine so.

Yes, that was it.

As being admitted
to hospital would be fitting

but it'd be counter-productive.

However, it's also symbolic

from a therapy point of view

so Gilbert can open up his mind
to having additional support.

Should I see Gilbert about it?

No hard feelings.

It's perhaps the key
towards him getting better.

Are you not in a rush?

No, I don't care. I have time.

I've had enough of Didier.

Yesterday evening,
he threatened me by text

saying that he had made a plan
with you

and that you should prescribe me
more medication.

Then...

Well his desires are orders!

I'm joking.

You don't know
what he put me through.

Because I'd like a little kitten

and we went to Illkirch
to go and see one

and now he's telling me:
"You don't need a cat,

"you just need to get pregnant
by Federmann."

That's what I expected!

You are joking.

No, I'm not joking.

Are you taking this
into your own hands?

He told me I take up all my time
seeing you on Sundays

because I'm too lonely.

Does he take me
for the Salvation Army?

I'd be honored by that

but are you validating
what he's saying?

No, but I swear to you,
I'm not out of my mind.

I do sometimes wonder that.

-No, I swear to you.
-OK.

Plus yesterday, I had a dizzy spell.

I couldn't go to the bakery.

Someone who was there had

to explain to me
how things work there.

Tomorrow, there's a concert
and I can't go.

I've missed a meeting.

Why won't you be able to go?

Because I didn't go yesterday.

Why's that?

What is stopping you
getting back in touch with them?

But I don't know what to say to them.

Claudine, are you under the weather
or are you being serious?

No, I'm being serious.

I don't see why
the French Jewish Union wouldn't

welcome you in when you can go.

Because I had offered
to do volunteering

and I had a meeting yesterday.

And you weren't able to go?

-No.
-That doesn't matter. So what?

You're not part of the Jewish Union

to provide services
or to work for them.

You attend for spiritual
and relationship matters.

They don't expect you
to provide services,

nor for you to...

Yes, but they suggested
I become a volunteer.

It seems it's harder than that.

It's not easy for you to be one,

if I've understood rightly,
that's not a reason to run away.

But I need to be busy
and to see people.

But Claudine,
I don't doubt that at all

and that's what you're trying to do,

but it's hard for you
to do that regularly.

I don't know if you're capable
of being a volunteer right now.

You are too fragile. You can tell.

You are not able to be
regularly in attendance

but you can attend on and off.

Plus the Jewish Union will
always accept you as you are.

Yes, but now it's all gone
down the pan.

Worum?

Now I'm speaking Yiddish. Why?

Why has it gone down the pan?

Because I didn't go yesterday.

What have the 25 years
of psychotherapy

we've done together all been for?

You're acting even sillier
than before!

Didier tells me

that you add nothing valuable
to my life.

Plus that he's going
to see his shrink more

because he has phobias.

I don't know,

I get the impression his phobias are
backfiring against me.

I think that's just your impression
and Didier is on your side.

-Yes, but...
-He's a reliable guy

with his own weaknesses.

I'm not there to spoon-feed you,

but rather to support you.

Didier was mainly worried

about your meds.

He did indeed write to me to tell me

that you wanted to manage
taking your medication yourself

and that greatly worried him.

-When was that?
-Yesterday or the day before that.

He told me that it was silly
and that he wasn't writing to you.

Claudine, don't be a pain now.

Didier is our ally
and he has always helped us.

His interventions,

which I inform you of,
are always enlightening for us.

It helps me to better understand
and protect you.

I'm scared
that you'll commit suicide.

That's always my fear.

My family is resilient.

My mom is 91 years old.

My dad drank like a fish.

You don't have
to take excessive risks.

You are resilient.
You've proven that.

It's not worth putting yourself
in more danger.

I've not heard from you.

I wasn't...

Yes, I understand. Normally.

That's why.

-Sir.
-Yes.

Do you have this at home?

Can you let me have this?

Yes.

I can keep it?

Yes, that's a photocopy.

-Thanks a lot.
-Yes.

How are you doing?

I've not managed to sleep
for three days.

I don't know why.

-Oh really?
-Yes.

I'm ruminating a lot.

I don't know.

What's going on with you?

I don't know. I slept
from ten until four in the morning

and then I couldn't get back
to sleep.

-I don't know why.
-Are you worried?

-Yes, I have worries.
-About your family?

Yes, about my family.

Can you share them with me?

I'm on my own at the moment,
I don't have any family left.

All of my family has gone.

I don't know what else to do.

It's tough for me.

I don't know
if I'll live here anymore.

I don't have any siblings.
I've got nothing.

-Even in Mauritania?
-Yes.

I don't know how
I'm going to live like this.

It's difficult for me.

Do you have some friends or people

who have helped you in the past

and who can still help you out
or are you totally alone?

No, at the moment,

I have a Mauritanian friend

who housed me to give me an address
but besides that,

I've managed to feed myself.

I went to Casas, to see
if they could give me something.

Every week, every fortnight,

they give me a small amount of food.

So every month, twice a month.

Every fortnight I go there
to get coffee and milk.

-Otherwise?
-Otherwise I don't eat.

I'm looking for a job,

but I've not found one yet.

However, with my mental illness,
even if I found a job,

I wouldn't be able to get it.

I overthink.

-You overthink?
-Yes.

What are you thinking about when...?

-Is this difficult?
-Yes, it's tough.

What are you thinking about
when you're overthinking?

I don't have a family,
I have nothing.

-Is that what is so tough for you?
-Yes.

In any case, stay strong.

Stay strong.

Thanks.

Stay strong and remain hopeful.

We've already made a bit of progress.

-Haven't we?
-Yes.

-We've already made some progress.
-Yes.

You know it's risky business.

You're the one who must decide.

If you want to tackle this,
do so with a lawyer.

-You're taking risks.
-Yes.

If you change your name,
they might not give you more papers.

-Really?
-At all.

That's why you must think about it.

It's something really important.

If you no longer had a visa,
what would you do?

No, I'm going to do it.

So,

if you're prepared to take the risk
then tell your lawyer

but it's not a given that you'd win.

-It's not certain?
-No.

It's complicated. That's why

I feel stressed and anxious.

Yes, it's not an easy thing.

That's why I'm imagining...

I want to sleep in the mornings
and I want to leave this world.

Karim.

-I want to die.
-You will die one day,

like everyone else.

I've got issues, such as cancer.

I have illnesses, cancer.
I have an issue with my cavum,

I have thyroid problems.

If you looked in my mind

I've got schizophrenia
and lots of mental illnesses.

Yes, but lots of strength too.

You're really fortunate,
you're still standing.

-But...
-You're still standing.

We simply don't have a magic wand

to be able to get you across
the borders

and to change your name.

If you try, you are taking risks.

I'm not sure you'll win.

If you're sure, go ahead do it.

I can't guarantee it'll work out.

I'm a doctor not a lawyer.

I think it's a delicate process.

How do you mean delicate?

It's not a safe bet, it's uncertain.

You told me:

"You're staying stuck for too long."

-Yes.
-Without papers.

Yes, without papers

and it's not certain you'll get any
after that.

Perhaps you'll remain
without any documents?

That's not what I want,
I want you to win

-but we're not sure you will.
-Yes.

I know you're not envious of me.

I know that. I understand, Doctor.

I don't know.

Frankly, it's complicated.

I know.

But it's down to you to decide,
no one else. Right?

-Go on then.
-OK, Doctor.

Think about it but don't ruminate.

As for dying, you will die.

Why are you saying that?

You will die,
but in the meantime, you can live.

In the meantime, you will live.

I'd love to be with my family
in North Africa.

It's cold here.

If you need them, go,
and I hope that you can return.

Eh?

-If you need them.
-Yes.

Go and see them
and I hope you can return afterwards.

I'd love to come back.
Why wouldn't I?

Yes, but you'd be coming back
illegally.

In that case, chance it.

-Yes. OK.
-Off you go.

-Until next time.
-Yes, after Christmas.

-After Christmas yes.
-Best of luck.

-Good luck.
-Goodbye.

Could I perhaps sit in your seat?

Because this isn't my good side.

-Yes, would you like to?
-Yes.

We can.

I'm feeling a little bit silly here.

I'm lower down than you.

I'm higher up.

-This is funny.
-Yes.

What kind of crappy doctor's plan
was this

putting the patients' seats
lower down?

I have no idea. You're the one
who adjusted them like that.

So what?

-It's worth it...
-I'm towering over you.

You're like a little tower there.
Don't hit me too hard, thanks.

How are you getting on?

I'm doing well.

Could you prescribe me

some sedative drops for children?

Have you had some children?

I've got the cat who is scratching me
everywhere and is on edge.

I gave him a quarter,

a little drop of Lexomil
and he's not calming down.

Is it the cat
you'd like to calm down?

Yes. He is annoying.

I don't know what's up.

Do you think

that sedative drops for children are
suited to animals?

I don't know
as they have nothing at the pharmacy.

So...

You could get some Valium drops.

-Use some Valium drops.
-Yes, the drops are...

-You can try those.
-Yes.

A few drops, yes.

Yes.

Because he won't let me sleep.

I said to Didier
that if this carries on

I'll take him to the refuge.

Because I stroke him

and he purrs, scratches
and bites me.

You're talking about your cat
how you talk about Didier

at certain moments.

You put forward your need
to get a cat.

That was almost essential
to you at one point.

And now, you're changing

your tune.

All of a sudden,
he's no longer charming in your eyes.

-The cat?
-The cat and Didier. Both of them.

However Didier filed for divorce

and he's going ahead with it

so I will have to find a replacement.

-A replacement?
-To help me mentally.

Didier is calling the shots
from a distance.

Even though he's divorcing you,
he's staying close to you.

Yes.

He's still supporting you
emotionally?

Yes, but I never see him.

He is always at the...

He practically never comes to mine.

But you consider him a support?

Has he distanced himself
in your eyes?

He has distanced himself.

But isn't totally out of your life?

No.

-Do you want me to answer that?
-No, thanks.

Are you there?

My dear Claudine, shall we see
each other at the start of next week?

Should I be worried about you?

-Well no, why?
-OK. Are you alright?

-Yes.
-You're doing pretty good.

-Yes, fine.
-OK.

Yes, you've been promoted to my seat.

Can I sit back in my seat
to do the prescriptions?

Thanks for inviting me to go
on that little journey.

I didn't think you were so low down.

Yes.

I was looking down on you.

I went to see him Tuesday,
you know Doctor Royan.

We're stopping Abilify

and he's prescribing me something new

instead of Abilify.

It's a stimulant.

However, the doctor

he thinks that...

there won't be any miracles
in terms of medication.

He wants to try again
with these meds, then after that

we won't try anything else.

OK.

He thinks it should come
from elsewhere.

Yes.

The fact that I'm alone at home...

It's maybe linked to your setting.

That's perhaps something
that should change.

Yes.

I should go back to Strasbourg

and live in an apartment.

I must change my environment.

Are you kind of indifferent?

Kind of indifferent to everything.

Do you want to leave this world?

I'd like to.

Really? Does it all get
too heavy sometimes?

Yes.

How do you mean

-leave this world?
-Die.

No.

That's not what you understood.
You mean change your lifestyle?

-Change my lifestyle, yes.
-OK.

Yes.

Are you in there?

You're in your seat.

Diane, you say you're doing better?

Yes. It's done me some good.

I regret that I've let therapy fall
by the wayside for two

and a half years.

The sun has done me good.

Châtel-Guyon has done
my digestive system

the world of good.

But now everything is weighing heavy
on my heart again.

I'm strong now

but I know I'll crack again
and that makes me anxious

because I know myself.

I'm going to...

For now, I'm positive

but I know I'll get burnt out
because I'm doing too much.

I'm doing too much again.

Can't you strike a balance?

It's tough.

You are stronger now.

But how long will I have
that strength for?

Not long.

You just need to cultivate it.

Perhaps that strength will remain
if you use it.

I will try to.

Otherwise, if you don't use it
and you give in...

-Yes.
-...you will feel like you failed.

-Always.
-You'll misjudge yourself.

But if you make good decisions...

Yes.

...you will be stronger

as you will be more confident
perhaps?

I have decisions I'm mulling over
but I must make those choices too.

OK.

That's what I'm trying to do.

Do that,
otherwise you'll lose yourself.

I mean, it's necessary.

Yes, I agree.

Sorry, I'm talking quite fast

because I want to tell you
so many things.

I was in Auvergne.

I have a friend,

Françoise, who lives in Auvergne.

Shocked by my mental state

she insisted

that I go live with her in Auvergne

and that I look for an apartment.

However, I'm unsure.
I feel as though I must

first of all finish up my work here
before I leave.

I think you should go.

You can completely start over

and you can go and see people
you like when you decide.

When I decide, exactly.

Then you can see them.

-Exactly.
-Plus,

sorting out all of your problems here
will never happen.

-Yes.
-Yes.

Your problems are an ongoing thing.

You'll be a lot better off

and I think a lot happier
by being free.

There is no reason to not give
that freedom a shot.

For sure.

If you feel strong
and you have a plan

and you feel as though
you're not running away to Auvergne

and it could help build

your life then you will feel stronger
over there

and you will be better off
having those you love there too.

Certainly.

Our time is up now.

Would you like to add anything?

No. Look,

besides my problems
which you already know about.

I've forgotten them,
we've not seen each other in so long.

No, for now it's all good.
I'll put things in perspective.

Because I'm doing the gardening
I'm moving all of the time

but I feel I'm getting burnt out.
I can sense it.

I think you look rejuvenated!

That's kind of you.

Bye, Doctor Federmann.

Should I make some coffee
for the others?

If you like, why not?
Shall I leave you to it?

Yes, that's good with me.

Hello.

Subtitling: TransPerfect Media