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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,800
I'm not saying I definitely
don't want to go back to the salon
2
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,480
but I have been dabbling with
better-paid other employment.
3
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,960
- Dabbling?
- I have applied
for 30 jobs.
4
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,600
Surely you want to arrive
in your dad's classic car.
5
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:14,440
- It was his pride and joy.
- I can't.
6
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,840
If I drive it, it means
he's really dead, doesn't it?
7
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:20,240
Oh! I'm going to have
a baby with Gary.
8
00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:22,400
- Catkins!
- Oh!
9
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,960
Where's Cat?
10
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,520
No!
11
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,520
GASPS
12
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,280
Run, my goddess! I'll find you!
13
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:28,640
Love you, Gaz-bear.
14
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,680
- Tommy Moscrip?
- Jackie's son.
15
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,560
Dad, you've got a brother!
16
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:33,840
Me.
17
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,240
Cuddly squid?
18
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,080
Um, do one-year-olds like squid?
19
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,120
Well, Sadie's going to have to
get used to squid, mate.
20
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,920
It's not going to be long before
she's having to fight them off
21
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,440
in a post-nuclear wasteland.
22
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,560
This present needs to be perfect.
23
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,680
I read online that
your first birthday present
24
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,840
- can set the course for the rest
of your life.
- No.
25
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,040
Total bullshit.
26
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,240
Just get her some fluffy bricks
or something.
27
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,160
So, I'm still pretty livid
you didn't tell me
28
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:04,320
you had a secret brother.
29
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:06,880
Well, I didn't tell anyone, did I?
That's why it was secret.
30
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,640
Hmm. So, what's Tommy's deal?
What does he want?
31
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,440
Well, he...he just messaged me
out of the blue a few years ago,
32
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,120
you know, said he was Dad's son
and that they were living together
33
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,560
- in Spain.
- Oh, suspicious. Continue.
34
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,440
He'd found some photos of me
and Dad and was asking awkward
35
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,320
questions, but my dad told him
I was an old work colleague
36
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:24,360
and I had a brain injury,
37
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,520
so don't trust anything I said,
you know.
38
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,880
So, Tommy knew about you
and your sister,
39
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,080
and you knew about Tommy,
40
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,800
but your wife and kids
didn't know anything,
41
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,360
and your dad didn't know you knew,
or that you'd been in contact
42
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,080
with Tommy. But also, you didn't ask
your dad about Tommy, even though
43
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,000
he'd been living here for two months
before he carked it.
44
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,680
- Yeah.
- Jesus! Malcolm, do you think
this is why your family are
45
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,720
- so fucked up?
- Eh, we just don't
discuss those sort of things.
46
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:51,360
What sort of thing -
having blood relatives?!
47
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,680
Oh, my God, this is it!
48
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,160
Look at that. It's perfect.
49
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:55,720
That's Sadie's present.
50
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,440
MUFFLED GROANS
51
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,440
Oh, Malcolm! Help me!
52
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,760
It's spunking its eggs
down my throat.
53
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:05,840
FEIGNS GAGGING
54
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,960
Hiya, baby!
55
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,760
- I spoke to the police again.
- Oh, yeah?
56
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,600
- Still nothing.
- Oh, it's been over a week now.
57
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,840
I thought they had CCTV everywhere.
58
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:26,000
They do, but apparently they don't
have the manpower to look at it.
59
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,160
Cat will be fine, you know, Dad.
60
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,120
She's kind of a badass...
61
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,680
..in a lazy way.
62
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,240
Good morrow, fellow Moscrips.
Good morrow.
63
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,600
Hey, Tommy.
64
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,200
- Brother from another mother.
- Yeah.
65
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,840
Niece from another piece.
66
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,440
Uncle from another...spunkle.
67
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:43,720
- Oh.
- That's not...
68
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,400
So, how are you finding
Grandad's, then?
69
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,240
It's a bloody palace, Gemma.
70
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,960
Sure, the shower runs cold
and the oven doesn't work, but
71
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,480
I'm more of a "micro-wah-vay"
kind of guy anyway.
72
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,720
And IS there a microwave?
73
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,080
Nah.
74
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,640
- OK, got to go.
- Bye.
- Bye.
75
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:03,360
Your skin looks incredible, Malcolm.
Do you wild swim?
76
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:04,720
No.
77
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,320
I sometimes shower
with the window open.
78
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,720
A squirrel got in once.
79
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,760
- Gemma! I've got a surprise
for you. Come on.
- OK.
80
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:21,360
Ta-da! Sadie's creche,
for when you come back to work.
81
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,640
Only a week to go!
82
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:25,760
Rita, you know Dad's gone
part-time to help look after Sadie.
83
00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,560
Yeah, but he might want
a day off now and then
84
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,880
to explore romantic avenues.
85
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,200
- Why are orphans so sexy?
- I don't know.
86
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,040
So, I've put a load of bathmats
down, so she doesn't hurt herself,
87
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,160
and some toys from Crisis.
88
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,400
An uncooked bowl of rice?
89
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:43,840
Exactly. Yeah.
90
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:47,080
To attract a rat for her
to play with?
91
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,640
It's a treasure hunt!
92
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:52,040
You know, you bury things in
the bowl and Sadie digs them out.
93
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:53,960
- It's fun!
- OK.
94
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,800
Spanner and a Biro?
95
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,800
I don't know what
babies like, Gemma.
96
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,120
- I'm not Mr bloody Tumble.
- Of course.
97
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,120
This is lovely, Rita. Thank you.
98
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,040
Treasure hunt.
99
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,440
{\an8}Oh.
100
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:07,920
{\an8}Oh, my God. What is that?
101
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:09,400
{\an8}Oh, it's not anything weird.
102
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,120
{\an8}It's just one of Winnie's
semi-dried figs. Keep Sadie regular.
103
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,840
- Can I have it back now, Rita?
- Right, last one.
104
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,520
I don't want you shitting
yourself again.
105
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,120
I am not mopping you out
of this salon.
106
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,520
Oh, that was an accident.
107
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,600
That grouting has never been
the same since.
108
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:25,480
I can still smell it.
I've still got it right up here.
109
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,960
SADIE BABBLES
110
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,960
- Hi!
- Hi.
111
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,440
Um, do you have any balloons that
say "happy first birthday"
112
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,000
but also "happy 56th birthday"?
113
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,680
She's having a joint do
with her grandad.
114
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,080
Er, well, these balloons
are very popular.
115
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:38,520
They keep their tumescence
for up to six months.
116
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,000
Why?
117
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,920
- I think we'll just take
a 1, a 5 and a 6.
- Okey dokey.
118
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,560
Oh, you're so cute!
119
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:51,120
- So, I can't do that pre-party
lunch on Friday any more.
- Oh.
120
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,640
Are you getting your nails done?
121
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,080
Do NOT go to my lady.
122
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,800
They were so sharp last time,
I could have climbed a tree.
123
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,960
It's not that.
124
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,400
I actually have a job interview.
125
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,400
Oh, my God, babe!
About...time!
126
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,000
Well, go on, then. Tell me.
127
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,320
It's marketing.
128
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,520
It's well paid. It's flexible.
129
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,720
It's family friendly.
They have a creche!
130
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,960
A normal one -
not one with bathmats and rice.
131
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,880
Yeah. I mean, I probably won't
get it, but...
132
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,280
Yeah, you will. We'll manifest it!
133
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,360
Give Gemma the job!
Give Gemma the job!
134
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,560
Give Gemma the job!
135
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,360
- I actually really, really
do hope I get it.
- Aw.
136
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,040
But how am I going to tell Rita?
137
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,520
She'll understand.
138
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,880
Like you said, the only way
to get promoted at the salon
139
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,360
is by stabbing her in the neck
with a pair of barbering scissors.
140
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,320
Did I say that?!
141
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,400
I've been dealing with my rage
towards Lance by watching
142
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,000
a lot of true-crime documentaries.
143
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,880
Um, do you want curls
on your balloons?
144
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,160
- Keep those away from me.
- Keep those away from her.
145
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,880
Oh! He looks well there, doesn't he?
146
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,280
Malaga's a wonderful place, Malcolm.
147
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:57,080
You and Gem should visit.
148
00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,280
And Jess. I can't wait
to finally meet her.
149
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,600
She's got a hot tub.
150
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,840
Did you know that Malaga
is known as Europe's hot tub?
151
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,200
- No.
- Yeah.
152
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,840
So, you know, me and Dad
lived together
153
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,560
until we had a massive bust-up
a few months ago.
154
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:16,000
- Did you often fall out?
- Loads. Yeah.
155
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:20,080
- He was a difficult sausage,
wasn't he?
- Yeah.
156
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,280
Did he ever use words like...
157
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:26,240
..pathetic and disappointment? Like,
"You're a pathetic disappointment."
158
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:30,040
All the time, Malc!
Yeah, all the time.
159
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:34,880
You know, Dad got me to guarantee
some business loan.
160
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,600
And I paid the rent.
And all his medical bills.
161
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,360
Not that I mind, of course.
162
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,520
You don't when it's family,
do you, Malc?
163
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:44,000
I half hoped there'd be
something here to cover it all!
164
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,600
TOMMY LAUGHS
165
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,840
You haven't taken it out
of the boxes, have you?
166
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,600
No!
167
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,800
Seems like the only thing
to his name was...that Jag.
168
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,360
Of course, he never let me drive it.
169
00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,320
Lucky old you, eh?
170
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,760
I've not been able to sit in it
171
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,120
- since he passed, you know?
- Right.
172
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,600
- Oh.
- I don't know why I'm upset.
173
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:09,920
He was horrible.
174
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,800
Yeah, but he was our dad,
wasn't he?
175
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,680
SOBBING
176
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,120
He was.
177
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,600
- I thought he'd have something
sexy lying around!
- Hey?
178
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:21,800
Oh.
179
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,520
It's what he would've wanted.
180
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,320
There you go. All right.
181
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,840
It's...It's probably not a lot.
182
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,040
CHUCKLES SOFTLY
183
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:38,200
POURING
184
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,120
To John Richard Moscrip.
185
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,960
A complicated old tosser.
186
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,320
To Jackie.
187
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,800
MALCOLM COUGHS
188
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,080
Yummy!
189
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:56,720
- Oh, God.
- Oh. Another late one
with Tommy?
190
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,840
Yeah. We had a really nice chat,
though.
191
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,040
Good.
192
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,840
And then we watched
John Wick 4 on his phone.
193
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,760
You know, it's so good to know
that it wasn't just me
194
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,560
who had a rough time with me dad.
195
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,560
Oh, no, he was
an arsehole to Tommy, too?
196
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,600
Yeah. He was awful!
197
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:17,280
- Happy Birthday, Dad!
- Oh! Ha-ha!
198
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:18,840
This is from Sadie.
199
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,360
- You'll get mine later at the party.
- Thank you, darling!
200
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,800
She painted it herself!
201
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,200
I did the writing.
Her penmanship is abysmal.
202
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,920
Let's have a look, shall we?
What have you...?
203
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,320
Oh, God, I love it.
204
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:31,760
He loves it, Sades.
205
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,680
- Look, it's got my name on it.
- Yeah.
206
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,280
That's great. Oh, look,
and this is for you.
207
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,440
Happy birthday, little one.
208
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,760
GEMMA GASPS
209
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,760
What have we got, Sades?
210
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:44,640
Oh, my God.
211
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,400
"Sadie Martha Moscrip."
212
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,040
Oh, Dad, I love that!
213
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,600
Solid gold as well.
214
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,160
Oh, and, er, got you this.
215
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,760
DOOR BUZZES
216
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,760
- OK.
- Hang on.
217
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,360
Isn't that gorgeous, Sades?
218
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,640
What's this?
219
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,080
Tommy? Yeah, I'll buzz you in.
220
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,240
Dad?
221
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,520
Yeah, it's...it's 300 quid.
222
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:11,000
I want to open up a
saving account in Sadie's name,
223
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,240
you know, and I thought
that could be the first deposit.
224
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:16,000
Feliz cumpleanos!
225
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,080
That's Spanish for happy birthday.
226
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,120
TOMMY LAUGHS
227
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,760
Delighted to spend the day
with my best-ever brother.
228
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,680
Los dos hermanos.
229
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,280
The two Hermans.
230
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:30,120
- You look fabulous, Gemma.
Doesn't she, Malc?
- Mm.
231
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,360
Could have given us a heads-up
232
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:32,720
that the party was formal dress.
233
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,760
- Oh, no.
- No, no, no, no, Gemma's got
a job interview this afternoon.
234
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,240
Oh, yeah? What is it?
235
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,960
Well, a nice man or lady will ask me
questions and, if they like
236
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:43,840
my answers, they'll give me money
in exchange for my time and soul.
237
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,960
Could change me and Sadie's life,
if I get it.
238
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,400
- You'll get it.
- Yeah, 'course you will, babe.
239
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,320
- Do you want my advice?
- Oh, yep. Be yourself.
240
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,120
Christ, no. Lie through your teeth.
241
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,760
- They've got a problem
and you're the solution.
- Yeah.
242
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,400
And maybe rub yourself with
freshly baked bread.
243
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,440
- People love the smell.
- Isn't that a tip for selling houses?
244
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,080
Can't hurt.
245
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,600
- Right. OK.
- Good suggestion, Malcolm.
Good suggestion.
246
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,960
- I've left the bag in for you.
- Lovely cup of tea.
247
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,240
Would you like some
branded tap water?
248
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:21,560
No, thanks.
249
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,560
ALERT CHIMES
250
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,560
Oh.
251
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,080
Dustin'll see you now.
252
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,000
- Third floor, office five.
- OK.
253
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,600
It's a bit quiet, isn't it?
254
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,040
Yeah. Most people work from home
on a Friday.
255
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,080
Not me, though.
256
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,440
- Never me.
- Oh.
257
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,200
Did somebody order face paints?
258
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,720
I can do tigers or zebras,
259
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,200
but if anyone wants a unicorn,
they can F off.
260
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,320
I'm not drawing a load of knobs
on children's heads.
261
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,920
It's not right.
262
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,520
Hello, birthday boy.
263
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,400
You can come over and paint
my face later, if you like.
264
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,840
DOOR OPENS
265
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,840
Hello, Sadie, love!
266
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,080
Here we go.
267
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,640
Happy birthday, King.
268
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,640
And before you ask, yes, I have got
you a super-awesome pressie
269
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,320
and, no, it is not another fucking
novel about old ladies
270
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:14,880
- who solve crime.
- Oh, I love them!
271
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,640
No, you don't, Malcolm!
272
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:20,320
Derek, I'm thinking about giving
Tommy the Jag.
273
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,720
Are you absolutely fucking insane?
274
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,880
No, look, my dad left him
with loads of debts
275
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,000
and he always paid for everything,
so I just thought it'd be nice.
276
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,800
Malcolm, have you got any actual
proof he's even your brother?
277
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:32,520
Well, his email is
tommymoscriplovesnachos@hotmail.com.
278
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:33,720
So fucking what?
279
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,840
Oh and I've seen his
driving licence.
280
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,120
Yeah, cos those are
so impossible to fake.
281
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,080
Check this out.
282
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:46,000
Meet Randy Mondozo,
Jebediah Fountain,
283
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,760
Laertes McKenzie-Reid.
284
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,760
Is that, like, made-up names?
285
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,840
Well, do you want to say that
to Jebediah's face?
286
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,720
Cos he will
fucking slap you down, mate.
287
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,280
He's from France.
288
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,840
Look, you have to think about
these things, big dog. OK?
289
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:03,000
I bet I can internet-detective
Tommy's arse in under three seconds.
290
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,160
Aha! There you go. See?
"Tommy Moscrip,
291
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,760
"pictured with father Jackie outside
famed Malaga bar..."
292
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,120
Oh, that looks real, actually.
293
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,120
DOOR OPENS
294
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,120
There he is!
295
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,160
Blimey, Malcolm, you smell amazing.
296
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,520
I swear he's ageing backwards.
297
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,840
Have you lost weight?
298
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,360
Well, I just didn't have
any breakfast.
299
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,760
I'll take those for you.
300
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,000
OK, if he is your brother,
something is up,
301
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,880
cos there is no fucking way
he likes you that much.
302
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,440
- Where are the car keys?
- In me pocket.
303
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,240
If you give him that Jag, Malcolm,
304
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,520
I will disavow you.
305
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,560
- Don't make me disavow you
on your birthday.
- OK.
306
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:48,240
- What does disavow mean?
- Don't know.
I heard it on a film.
- Oh.
307
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,040
WHEEZING
308
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,760
Um, is this part of the interview?
309
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,360
Oh, my God. Help!
310
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,520
Help! Oh, my God.
311
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,280
I don't know how to use this!
312
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,080
"EpiPen, pull off blue safety cap,
313
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,040
"hold orange tip,
inject into thigh."
314
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,120
Trousers on or off?
315
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,200
Trousers on or off?
316
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,520
Right. Lie down.
317
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,560
I don't...want to touch him...
318
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,080
..or it.
319
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,800
Er...
320
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,800
HE CONTINUES WHEEZING
321
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,560
OK. Inject into thigh.
322
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,440
HE GASPS
323
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:44,400
Thanks.
324
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,240
I sat on a bee.
325
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,120
I'm Gemma, by the way. I'm here
for the marketing interview.
326
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,840
You didn't need to
take my trousers off.
327
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,920
Well, I didn't know
if it would work without...
328
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,000
It does say on the label.
329
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,320
It's quite small writing -
I was in a bit of a hurry.
330
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,000
- Yeah. Just for future reference.
- Trousers...
331
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,600
- Stay on.
- Yeah.
- Great.
332
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,880
- Do you want that back?
- Thank you.
333
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,320
Um...
334
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,640
..my husband's away...
335
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,840
..so the laundry's not been done...
336
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,720
- ..hence the trunks.
- Oh.
337
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,680
This the right place
for the birthday party?
338
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,120
Oh, yeah.
339
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:26,360
Jebediah Fountain booked
the superhero show for, erm...
340
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,840
..little Malcolm Moscrip?
341
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,160
Yep, yep, yep. Thank you.
Changing room's over there.
342
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,680
Thanks. Cheers, mate. Off you go.
343
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,120
- Isn't that...?
- Yeah.
344
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,840
That's my pressie to you.
Correct.
345
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,520
- What, a superhero show?
- It's much more than that, Malcolm.
346
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:38,560
Much more.
347
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,760
Go and play with Sadie. And behave!
348
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,280
Happy birthday!
349
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,320
The blue one's for you.
I know - so cliche.
350
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,640
- You'll never guess what it is.
- Um...
351
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:53,320
- It's lip balm!
- Oh.
- Yeah.
352
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:53,320
CHILDREN SHOUT
353
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,240
How much of the play equipment's
bolted to the floor?
354
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,240
- None of it, I don't think.
- Fuck.
355
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,360
Don't tip it over!
Don't tip it over!
356
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,000
Oh, Winnie!
357
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,360
Coats are over there.
358
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,240
Pressies are on the side.
359
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,120
- Ooh, squash!
- Sorry, you are?
360
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,000
I'm Dr Rush. I'm Gemma's GP.
361
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,880
Oh. Do you know anybody else here?
362
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,400
Er, no.
363
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,680
But, thankfully, I'm a hoot
once the sambuca starts flowing.
364
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,840
Nope. Nope. Go on, shoo.
365
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,480
Er, there's squash on the side.
366
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,480
Yeah, she'll find it, Malcolm.
367
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,200
So...
368
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,960
..do you have any
marketing experience, Gemma?
369
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:29,480
Just cos it says here
that your current role is...
370
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,920
..sweeping up hair.
371
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,320
Well, actually,
I'm on maternity leave.
372
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,240
But, yeah, when I'm back,
373
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,160
me and the broom, we're like this.
374
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,760
SHE CHUCKLES
375
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,520
There's been an admin error.
376
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,760
I don't know how you've
slipped through the net,
377
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,080
but this position's not for you.
378
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,440
Please.
379
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,160
Why do you even want this job?
380
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,880
Because I love marketing.
381
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,840
Nobody loves marketing.
382
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:55,920
OK.
383
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,560
I didn't really want
a proper career.
384
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,160
Yeah.
385
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,120
But then I had a baby
386
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,600
and, all of a sudden,
there's this helpless creature
387
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,120
who needs me to look after her
388
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,720
and, you know, that's all on me.
389
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,080
Ambulance, please.
390
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,360
Are you OK?
391
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,000
EpiPens wear off, unfortunately.
392
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,840
- But please do carry on.
- Right.
393
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,360
So, yeah, there's this fire
inside me now...
394
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,400
Jackson House, Stockport,
Whitfield & Hitchins Marketing.
395
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,440
- Uh-huh.
- ..and I just...
396
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,680
..I want to provide a better
life for my baby...
397
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,200
..and for me...
398
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,360
..and this job, it would be
the first step.
399
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,600
Anaphylaxis. EpiPen administered,
but the effects are starting
400
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,440
to wear off. Thank you.
401
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,560
And I really would give
everything I've got to you
402
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,600
and this company.
403
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,200
I just need someone
to take a chance on me.
404
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,000
It's a great pitch.
405
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,160
It's exactly the sort of spirit
we're looking for, actually.
406
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,120
Unfortunately, you are still
underqualified for the job.
407
00:16:56,320 --> 00:17:01,040
But, look, there is a junior
position in our Glasgow office.
408
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,360
I think you'd be perfect for it.
409
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,760
Glasgow?
410
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,280
Yeah. Do you want it?
411
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,400
Yeah, I do. I really want it.
412
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,040
Oh, well, congratulations, Gemma.
413
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,760
You've just joined the rat race.
414
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,560
I'm going to get in
the recovery position now.
415
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,280
Um, if you could just wait
in reception for the ambulance
416
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,880
and let them know I'm up here,
please.
417
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,160
So, I did get the job?
418
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,400
Affirmative.
419
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:40,840
She's like Gemma.
420
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,680
Don't you think? It's her eyes.
Yeah.
421
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,120
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Happy birthday, baby girl!
422
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:50,320
Hey. How did it go?
How was the interview?
423
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,400
Yeah. I got offered a job.
424
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,560
Oh, great! Congratulations!
425
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,000
Yeah, it's in Glasgow...
426
00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,680
Right.
427
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,440
..which is why I turned it down.
428
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,320
What do you mean, you turned it
down?!
429
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,280
Yeah, well, I accepted it
at first, but then
430
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,600
called them back on the drive here.
431
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,080
I can't leave you lot.
432
00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,440
- Gem!
- Er, excuse me!
433
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,400
A little bird told me that you were
looking for a job with
434
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,280
"career prospects".
435
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,920
You should have said!
436
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,480
Let ME train you up. I can get
a grant to send you to college.
437
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,360
You could be the next
Nicky Campbell.
438
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,840
Nicky Clarke?
439
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,400
Hmm. Even better.
440
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,000
- BOMBASTIC MUSIC
- Oh! Here you are. They're coming.
441
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,680
Here you are! Come on.
442
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,600
Come on.
443
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,360
All right, boys and girls!
444
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,120
Who likes superheroes?
445
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,560
Malcolm does!
446
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,880
- No, he doesn't.
- I do, I do.
I do, Derek! I love 'em.
447
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:49,080
OK. I am the legally distinct
American Captain.
448
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,320
Dilf Rogers.
449
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,400
But it's not just me today.
You won't like him.
450
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,800
Please welcome The Honk!
451
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,600
Rarrrrr!
452
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,200
Rarrrr! Honk punch!
453
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,920
Punch Honk. Punch Honk.
454
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,600
Little Honk, punch. Honk, punch.
455
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,200
Honk, elbow, punch.
456
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,960
That's also working for me.
457
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,000
Why? Why is it working for me?
458
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,200
Jesus, do I know you at all?!
459
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,080
Er, Gemma, can you be quiet, please?
460
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,600
Have you no respect for the arts?
461
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,200
Cherry.
462
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,800
No.
463
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,680
Our story begins...
464
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,480
..in space!
465
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,120
Once upon a time in a planet
not so far from this one...
466
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,160
CHILDREN GIGGLE
467
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,360
Wait, where's the cake?
468
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:41,880
- What?
- Well, you did get one, then?
469
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,680
I thought you were being all modern.
470
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,840
No. It was on the side
in the kitchen.
471
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,600
Is it a woke flavour?
472
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,640
Oh, my God, what would be a
woke-flavoured birthday cake?
473
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,240
Red velvet.
474
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:56,000
- Fuck sake!
- Look, I'll...I'll go and
get it. Just you enjoy the party,
475
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,120
all right?
476
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,080
Rita, stop it.
477
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,800
CLATTERING
478
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:16,360
CLATTERING CONTINUES
479
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,000
What's going on, Tommy?
480
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,480
Malc!
481
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,800
What are you doing?
482
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,520
You know I deserve that fucking
car more than you do.
483
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,760
I put up with Dad's shit for years.
484
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,480
So, you thought you'd steal from us?
485
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,080
Well, from Sadie?!
486
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,400
Where are the car keys, Malcolm?
487
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,600
I've got a flight to catch
488
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,400
and a dealer waiting to take it
off my hands.
489
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,160
Derek's got them.
490
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,480
So I-I could call him
and then he'd come round, eh?
491
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,080
So, what do you think about that?
492
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,280
Yeah.
493
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,160
You're just like our dad,
aren't you?
494
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,280
Yeah.
495
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,480
We're both cursed with that one,
Malcolm.
496
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,960
- What do you mean?
- You heard Gemma.
She turned that job down
497
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,720
because of you. Could have been
a ticket to a better life.
498
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,400
But, no, she's stuck here
with her sad old man.
499
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,760
No, that's not what's happening.
500
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,640
I spent 20 fucking years
with our dad!
501
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,240
I hated him towards the end.
502
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,280
Yeah, well, I won't let you
steal off Sadie!
503
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,560
- No, you don't.
- Argh!
504
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,160
Don't! Argh! Tommy!
505
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,200
Don't.
506
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,640
You have no idea what a gift
he gave you.
507
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,360
He got out your fucking way.
508
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,880
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
509
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,280
That's what he did.
510
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,920
# And there is nowhere
left for your head to turn
511
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,120
# Yeah, there's nowhere left
for your head to turn
512
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,360
# History repeating
513
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:42,320
# But without the learning
514
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,680
# And yet they spend their energy
515
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:51,160
# Coming for anybody who doesn't
get it right
516
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,800
# Who really gets it right?
517
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,800
# And I'm a ghost
518
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,520
# It's a machine
519
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,080
# And now they're following
where I've been
520
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,000
# What are you looking for?
521
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:08,000
# I'm just like you, but boring
522
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,000
# And in the end, I'm coming clean
523
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,080
# I've spent my whole life lying
524
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,760
# About the things I want
525
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:21,600
# About the things
I should have done... #
526
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,640
Why is birthday boy taking so long?
527
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,280
ENGINE STARTS
528
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,680
Dad...
529
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,160
..what are you doing?
530
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,680
You'd have taken that job
if it hadn't have been for me,
531
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,320
wouldn't you? I'm holding you back.
532
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,000
Don't be stupid!
533
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,080
You said it would've
changed your life.
534
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,040
Yeah, but I
don't want to change it.
535
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,000
I want to grow it, here, with you.
536
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,600
You're just saying that, aren't you?
537
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,000
Oh, God!
538
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,560
Now I wish I'd got you therapy
for your birthday instead of
539
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,360
that very lovely jumper
that's waiting for you inside.
540
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:30,680
I can't do this without you, Dad.
541
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,760
I need you.
542
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,160
You know I love you?
543
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:39,480
I know.
544
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,080
We love you.
545
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,680
And I love you too.
546
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,440
- Shall we go back into the party?
- Yeah.
547
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,560
Rita wants me to paint her face.
548
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,520
I'll bet she does.
549
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,960
GROANING
550
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,960
Oh, my God!
551
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,000
Can you lot keep the noise down?!
552
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,400
Oh, you all right, Brenda?
40100
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