Original subtitles

You're watching a Vivid Feature presentation.

Paul, I want you to meet my honey, Honey Pop.

Number two, I'm one.

I'm Martha Garrett, and I had a pleasure with Mr. Warner.

That would be me.

You will?

Mm -hmm.

The head of Phoenix Pictures.

I'm a private investigator, and I have a secret of my discretion.

Yeah,

I have a secret, too.

I need to have two men surveilled.

And you are Milton, right?

I see.

I'm here for my edition.

Hello.

Hmm.

No.

Yeah.

That's such a joke.

I can't believe it. I think Mama was right.

Men are no damn good.

I wonder if I'll ever meet my white knight.

Well, I really don't care for that knight. Oh,

I know. Just as long as he's home, right?

It's just so hard to meet an eligible bachelor.

Especially in this dump of a town.

Just the other day I was down at the laundromat, and oh, did I meet this fine

country boy.

Oh, it was just like this.

Girlfriend? I ain't got no girlfriend, Stephanie Potts.

Stephanie Potts? How'd you know my name?

I'll ask you. You're famous. You're in every stall at the Roadhouse.

Oh, you.

Oh.

You know how I do know Country Boy.

What's your name, Country Boy?

My name's Jimmy. I work over yonder at the filling station.

Oh, Jimmy.

I see you all the time and ask you to fill up.

That's me, ma 'am.

The Pops, the legends.

I do declare you're part of the plate full of jalapenos.

Jalapenos? Oh, I do love Mexican food.

Let me show you my chorizo.

Did the dream come true?

I do want to take

that.

Let's see your natural redhead.

you are now.

I guess you're right.

Stripping for a living and hanging out with the no -good like Bubba King

exactly make me a saint now, does it?

You finally got that Bubba King out of your craw?

You bet.

I gave him his last piece of paradise and quit my job stripping at his creepy

club for good.

Now what if he was to up and say, let's get hit, honey?

Never.

Never, never, never.

Mr. King?

I'm here for my audition.

I'll be damned.

POA, ain't it?

Well, you don't look American Indian to me.

Oh, you see, POA stands for Peace and the Best.

Willie had come highly recommended for Milton. Let me tell you something.

Milton's opinion don't mean a shit's ass to me around here, all right?

Now, um, you got, uh, any dancing experience, you know, exotic?

Not that fancy hog on a ball and stuff.

Nope, not today, but does that matter?

Well, honey, you're gonna have to take your clothes off.

Oh, I have to change my clothes. Oh, yeah.

I think that if I...

Oh, good lord. I'm going to strip for you.

And you're going to strip for me.

Well, okay.

I'm going to get the dirt off here.

Alrighty.

Done!

Uh -huh.

What?

I feel good!

Yeah!

I think

you

should dance for me.

Dance?

Dance.

Don't forget the nipple.

Alright.

There you go, there you go.

Laugh it.

What?

Wait, wait, wait. Hold that pose.

What?

Do

I

have the job?

You know, I really gotta think about it.

Yes.

Good sweet Lord King Mary Polly!

Doctor's in the house.

Doctor, do your act.

Ha ha.

Get your hands out of his pants. Don't be pulling out his pector right here.

Switch!

Open her in the ass.

Now go get cleaned up, and I'll talk to you about whatever you had to talk

about.

Don't ever walk in on one of my auditions again.

Four score, seven years ago, our great forefathers set their tired

feet on this great land.

And from then on in, there's been one heck of a ride, I'm telling you.

And it held their pain.

And held the high water we've been finding our way thick and thin.

Ain't nobody gonna keep us down.

Oh!

Okay, in three, two, one.

Good evening and welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.

Today we're discussing alien abduction among two guests.

What would that be?

He said you could just shut up.

Bitch, you can't do that to me.

I'm a king.

I got made who she is today. She's a star because of me.

She was sure a good mother to you.

Stop thinking that you're a dick.

Dummy corporation I've set up.

and feds off your back for that tax dodging. Yeah.

Now listen, I need Honey to press it. He's on paper.

Okay, I think I'm beginning to see.

Especially now since you're buying Phoenix Pictures.

I guess you're right.

If she needs you, you're fucked.

You got the job, Honey. Now scram.

Now be here bright and early, 9 a .m. I'll make a script around you yet.

I'm not much of a morning person, Mr. King, so I'll see you at noon.

No!

No!

Don't you forget about her, boss!

You gotta worry about honey!

What the fuck am I going

to do with her?

Marry her?

That's bullshit.

I ain't marrying her.

She could ruin you.

She could get you sent to jail.

Besides, if you marry her, she can't testify against the court.

That means I've got to take her out to Hollywood with me.

Yeah?

Well, Bubba King was looking forward to taking us to some of that fine Hollywood

food, man.

Good to see you, Bubba King.

Isadora Dunkin' Donuts, the free scarf with every dozen.

You won't choke on ours. How can I help you?

Well,

hello. Wouldn't this be lovely, Mrs. Potter?

Tell us it isn't, Bubba King.

I thought they'd hung you long ago.

Speaking of hung, you still shoving newspapers down the front of your jeans?

You're fine as little as a daughter, honey. Be able to speak on the

Honey!

What?

Honey Harlow Pops, turn that garbage off.

These talk shows are nothing but white trash and men dressed up like women.

disgusting.

Oh, you want it on the phone.

Listen, woman. That a -hole, Bubba King.

You've got to do it, Bubba.

What?

I don't want to talk to you.

You... Jerk. You jerk.

You... You... You... You asshole.

Honey, pack your bags. I'm taking you to Hollywood.

To Hollywood?

As what, Bubba? One of your mistresses?

One of your bimbos. Another one of your bimbos?

No.

Mrs. Bumpkin.

What did you say?

Will you, um... Will you, uh...

Will you marry me?

Say it again.

I said marry me.

With the cherry on top.

Well... Honey!

Alright Bubba, I'll marry you.

Well... Thank you.

Um... I uh... I am uh...

I don't feel so well, I think I'm gonna shit.

Okay. I don't really know, Mama.

Oh, boy. Well, I guess it's time.

Time for what?

Time for me to tell you the facts of life.

Well, let me be the first to congratulate Mr. Bubba King on his new

Thank you very much. Sit down, you numbskull.

I might get myself in.

are different than us honey they've got this

earth this

animal earth and well it's women we just

gotta put up with it thanks for me the night i married beb he's dead mama

just a snippet of a girl when i married him

We had the honeymoon suite at the Lazy Bones.

It wasn't as nice as it is now, I'll tell you that.

I was so naive.

So, so terrified of what death wanted to do to me.

He did that, said Todd.

I mean, heck, honey, I...

I've never even seen myself a mainframe before.

Good.

What position is this?

I hear it called butthole position.

Oh, it's a door.

It's a door. It's what people do their part. It's a door. Don't deny me.

It's a door.

It's a door.

Grab it, squeeze it, lick it, and touch it. Is it dark?

Yeah.

After we did it, I was so upset I hid out in the bathroom.

And that's when I discovered that Zeb had gone.

I came out of the bathroom like a whipped dog.

But he left me with something really special.

He did?

Oh, Mom, I was dead, Mike. It's my only key thing.

marriage that lasted one night.

I want to share it with you.

Oh,

mama.

Was that my daddy?

After discussion for another day.

Right now, I've got to go to the kitchen.

I've got to go to the kitchen.

Father, who is she?

That is my new personnel assistant.

Oh, let her be. Her groin pulls all better.

Firstborn, so I guess it's only fitting that you'd be the first to fly the coop.

Oh, honey, I know you gotta follow your dreams. You gotta go and be a big star.

But just promise me one thing.

You remember that you've always got a home here.

Yeah.

I just wish you wasn't going with that piece of shit bubba.

Look, if you run into any trouble out in Hollywood, you call me.

Collect. It's me, B.

Oh, it'll be all right, Mom. You wait and see.

And you take care of my wife this weekend.

I'm Tina, honey.

Hey, where is this Pepper Lee? I know she wants to see you all.

Pepper!

two babies on the same day?

No!

I'm just going off to Hollywood to make sure honey's okay.

I'll be back.

And I see you're still shoving the newspaper in the front of your pants.

What are you going to do?

Huh?

The adventures of honeypops continue.