Original subtitles

This is an ABC color presentation.

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's episode, here's Chris.

Hi, Joel.

Hi, Mr Nelson.

What have we got here?

Hot chocolate-- only ten cents.

Oh, that sounds reasonable. How's business?

Are you kidding?

You know how many people have passed by your house

this afternoon?

None.

None of them bought any hot chocolate either.

Oh.

Well, that's a shame. How about you?

You want some?

Oh, is it hot?

It was boiling when I brought it out here.

When was that?

About an hour ago.

It's kind of cooled off a little.

Why don't we take it in the house and warm it up?

What about all my customers?

All your customers?

I'm it, and I'm going in the house with you.

Come on.

There you are.

Thanks, Mrs. Nelson.

It's all right.

No charge for warming it up.

Remember, now, that's $0.10 a cup.

I'm good for it.

Yeah, I can vouch for him.

That's OK.

Hey, that's real good.

Yeah, but it sure is a tough way to make $10.

What do you need to make $10 for?

Well, my father's birthday's coming up.

I want to get something for him.

Well, that will take quite a while if you have many more

days like today.

That's for sure.

Working sure isn't much fun, is it Mr. Nelson?

Well, that all depends.

The secret is to find something you really enjoy doing.

I really enjoy doing nothing.

Well, I'm afraid that fields a little overcrowded.

Yeah.

Besides, you got plenty of time.

I don't know, Mr. Nelson.

I'm not getting any younger, you know.

Well, you got a point there.

You just got to find something that interests you.

That's right. That's what David and Ricky did.

They cut lawns and washed windows and sold lemonade.

They even had a paper route.

I thought David was a lawyer.

Well, we're talking about when he was your age.

If I did all those things, could I get to be a lawyer?

Well, they don't necessarily lead up to being a lawyer.

For instance, Rick started out by helping out

Dave at the office.

And he became interested, and now he's studying law.

Sounds like a good idea.

Maybe I'll do something like that.

Yeah, why don't you?

Ah, it's empty.

Well, I guess I better be getting it home now.

OK, wait a second.

Let me give you $0.10.

You owe me $0.40, Mr. Nelson.

$0.40.

Yes, sir.

I filled your cup four times.

OK.

10, 20, 30, 40.

Thanks, Mr. Nelson.

You sure are a good customer.

Yeah, I sure am.

Bye, Mrs. Nelson.

Goodbye, Joel.

Oh, hi, Dave.

Oh, hi, Joel.

I imagine you're wondering why I came down here.

Oh, yeah.

Now that you mention it, why did you come down here?

Well, I want to ask you a couple of questions.

Oh, hi, Rick. Hi, Joel.

Like what?

Well, I'm thinking about being a lawyer.

Well, good for you.

What do you want to know?

Well, first of all, uh, what is a lawyer?

That's a good question.

I would say a lawyer is a man who

is trained to advise people as to their rights and obligations

according to the law.

I'm not sure I know what that means.

Well, let's put it this way.

A lawyer is kind of like your father.

He's a good person to know when you're in trouble.

He gives you advice as how to stay out of trouble.

Look, Joel.

I'm kind of busy this morning.

Why don't I turn you over to my administrative assistant here.

Good luck. OK, thanks.

Well, what would you like to know?

Uh, what's your job?

Well, I do a lot of different things.

Right now I'm getting out the mail.

Is that hard?

No, not really.

You just take a letter or bill, put it in the envelope,

seal the envelope, put a stamp on it.

How about that? The stamp's a little crooked.

Yes, Dave? Oh, OK.

I'll tell him.

Rick, Dave wants to see you.

OK, thanks.

Can I do some of these while you're gone?

Yeah, I guess so. Be careful, though.

OK.

How's that?

That's very good.

How you doing?

Fine.

Finished them all.

- Finished them all? - Yeah.

Pretty good, huh?

Yeah, that's very good.

What else do I do?

Well, why don't you help Miss Edwards?

OK.

What you doing?

Well, I'm looking up a law case.

You see, every time a case is decided

in court it becomes part of the public record,

and it's entered into one of these books.

See, here's the one Dave wanted me to look up--

"Payne versus Payne," 250 Federal Reports 125 1914.

Every case has a reference number,

same as every house has a street number.

Sounds like a good idea.

Well, it helps.

Would you mind retyping this for me?

I made a few changes on it. OK.

- Still here, huh? - Yeah, Dave.

Can I talk to you now?

It's real important.

Well, OK.

Good.

I've definitely decided I want to be a lawyer.

Well, that's great.

If there's anything I could do to help, just let me know.

- Gee, thanks. - OK.

When do I start?

Well, first you've got to go through grade school, and then

high school, and then college, and then law school.

Oh, I know that.

I mean, when do I start working here?

Well, I'm afraid you can't work here.

You have to go to school.

I mean, after school.

You used to work after school and so did Ricky.

Your mother told me.

Well, that was different.

That was mowing lawns and delivering papers and stuff

like that. Yeah.

There really wouldn't be anything you could do here.

It's all technical and specialized.

Well, heck. I just did all your work.

Rick?

Well, yeah.

Come to think of it, I guess he did.

Well, how about it, Dave--

Mr, Nelson, sir?

Well, there's a lot more to it than just mailing letters,

you know?

I mean, there's a lot of legal work

that you probably wouldn't understand.

Oh, by the way, did you look up that case for me?

Yeah, I have it right here.

It's "Payne versus Payne," 250 Federal Reports 125 1914.

Yes, it is.

How did you know that?

You just told me, remember?

How about it, Dave?

Well, look, Joel, why don't you step into my office

and we'll talk it over?

Yes, sir.

See, I just happened to mention it to him.

I didn't think he'd actually show up at your office.

Well, he sure did.

I'll say this much for him.

He's sure a bright little guy.

Oh, yeah.

What'd you tell him?

Well, I just tried to let him down as easily as I could.

I just explained to him all the complications.

He's have to get written permission

from his parents and the school authorities,

that we'd have to arrange for transportation for him

downtown every day.

And he needed a letter of recommendation, a necktie,

and a short haircut.

That should have done it.

See, he's just trying to earn $10 to buy a birthday

present for his father.

Ozzie, you have a visitor.

Hi, Mr. Nelson.

Oh, hi, Joel.

Hi, Joel.

Glad you're here Dave.

I got all the stuff you wanted.

Here's a note from my parents, written permission

from the principal of the school.

And I got a bus pass.

Didn't have time to get the hair cut and the necktie,

but I'll get those tomorrow.

Well, good.

Only thing, I don't see the letter of recommendation here.

Well, I figured Mr. Nelson would give me

a letter of recommendation.

Oh.

Well, now actually, I've never been your legal employer.

But you would be willing to state

that I'm of good character.

Ah, well, yes, I guess so.

Certainly.

When do I start work, boss?

Well, tomorrow, I guess.

Thanks.

Thanks to you too, Mr. Nelson.

- OK. - Good evening, gentlemen.

Good night.

Oh, congratulations, boss.

Thanks a lot.

Hi, Miss Edwards.

Oh, hi, Joel.

I understand you're going to be helping us out here.

- Yes, ma'am. - Oh, hi, Joel.

Good afternoon, Mr. Nelson.

Mr. Nelson?

Yes, sir.

My dad told me that a office is a very dignified place.

I guess it is at that.

What's my first job?

Uh, well--

The afternoon mail just came in.

Do you think he could handle that?

Oh, yeah.

Thanks.

Come on over here, Joel.

Yes, sir.

Now, the first thing we do when we receive our mail

is open it and stamp it with the time and date received.

Yes, sir.

Now, what I want you to do is open each letter

and then stamp it with this stamp.

Think you can do that? Oh, sure.

That's easy.

I mean, yes, sir. OK.

That ought to hold you for a while.

- Oh, hi, Connie. - Hi, Rick.

Hi, Rick.

Oh, hi, Joel.

What are you doing over here?

Mr. Nelson hired me.

Mr. David Nelson, that is.

That's right.

You have an assistant.

At least one of you two has an assistant.

Oh. Well, welcome aboard.

Thanks.

I'm stamping the mail.

Yeah, so I see.

Would you like to do some, too?

We could work together.

Oh, no.

That's OK.

You could open the letters, and I could stamp them,

unless you'd rather stamp them.

No, that's OK.

I have to go in and talk to Mr. Nelson--

Mr. David Nelson, that is.

Is he busy?

I don't think so.

A little late, aren't you?

No, it's my usual time.

Maybe just seem that way because Joel was in here early.

Hey, what's going on anyway?

He's taken over my desk.

Don't get excited.

He wanted to earn $10, and I didn't have the heart

to turn him down.

I hope he won't get in your way. Oh, no.

I don't think so. He's a nice little guy.

Yeah. Good worker, too.

Yeah, I know.

Is there anything special you want me to do today?

Uh, no, I don't think so.

What about the Emerson contracts?

No, we're not quite ready on those.

I have to have another meeting with them first.

What about the depositions for the Gaines Electronics?

Oh, Connie took care of those this morning.

Oh.

Well, there must be something I can do around here.

Come to think of it, what did you do around here yesterday?

Oh, I stamped a few letters.

Actually, Joel stamped most of them, but I mailed them.

Hiring him might be the start of a good economy move.

I can't hear you.

Just one more thing.

Yes, Mr. Nelson?

Uh, we kind of like to keep up appearances around here.

Do you suppose you could manage to wear a tie like Joel

and I do?

How about striped trousers and a cutaway coat?

That'd be even better.

Oh, thanks.

How's your new assistant doing?

Oh, he's working away like mad.

- Uh, Dave? - Yeah?

You've got a visitor out there.

- A client? - Well, not exactly.

It's Joel's father.

Joel's father?

Tell him to come in.

OK.

Mr. Nelson, this is my dad.

- How do you do, sir. - Glad to know you.

I hope we're not interrupting anything.

No, not at all.

First of all, I want you to know

how much we appreciate your letting Joel help out here.

Oh.

Well, it's a pleasure. He's a fine boy.

Well, thank you very much.

Now, I'll tell you what I had in mind.

You know, we have a picture of Joel's first birthday,

his first haircut, first day in school.

And I thought it might be a nice idea to have a picture of him

here-- you know, his first day on the job.

Oh, sure.

Wonderful.

I'll just get my equipment.

Oh, Thank you.

Thank you.

Uh, that goes over here and that over there, please.

I thought it might be a cute idea

to get a picture of him sitting behind your desk.

Is that OK? Oh, sure.

Let me just get these papers out of here.

Hold it. Hold it.

Good. Good.

How do you like that?

Now he's taken over your desk, too.

Now, let's see.

Let's try one over there.

Your feet on the desk.

And you say he's nine years old?

That's right.

The work I've been doing is so important

that a 9-year-old boy can do it.

It's lucky they have child labor laws in this country,

or I probably would have been replaced a long time ago.

You're kidding, of course.

Just the other day, I heard David

telling Judge Willoughby what a wonderful job you're doing.

Oh, what did he say I was best at?

Licking stamps?

Running for coffee?

Delivering envelopes?

Or dusting off law books?

He said you had a fine analytical legal mind

and a fantastic knack for research.

Did he say that?

You don't think I could make that up myself, do you?

Besides, what's wrong with doing menial tasks?

There's no such thing as an unimportant

job, just unimportant people.

The individual can bring dignity to any job.

You sure you're not just saying all this to make

me feel good? Don't be silly.

I'm saying it so you'll do the dishes tonight.

I'm tired.

Wonder if it's going to rain?

I don't think so.

Sun's still shining.

Weatherman said it would rain.

Well, let's hope not.

Sure glad I didn't go to the band concert.

What's this?

Our teacher's taking our class to a band concert after school.

You could have gone if you wanted to.

Oh, no.

I've got a job to do.

OK.

Uh, these go into the files. OK.

I'll have Joel do it.

Uh, maybe you better save those for Rick

so he'll have something to do when he comes in.

I'm going to tell him you said that.

As long as I'm here, would you mind taking a letter?

OK.

This goes to Charles A. Hubble, Hubble Construction

Company. Yeah, I have the address.

Dear Mr. Hubble, in reference to your letter of the 16th,

I most certainly agree that the contract should be revised.

Excuse me, Dave.

Dobson, Kelly, and Nelson.

OK, I'll tell him.

Bye.

- Was that for me? - No, for Joel.

It was his mother.

We're to be sure and tell him to button up

his coat not to walk in any puddles in case

it starts to rain.

Let's see.

Where were we?

Uh, referring to your letter of the 16th,

I most certainly agree that the contract should be revised--

Contract should be revised in anticipation of the merger.

In anticipation of the merger.

Can I help you boys?

We're looking for somebody.

He's a lawyer, and he works here.

Well, I'm a lawyer, and I work here.

At least, I've been trying to.

You're not the one.

We're looking for Joel. Oh.

Well, he's in the other office.

I'll get him for you.

We're friends of his.

He's the first lawyer I've ever known in my whole life.

Oh, that's nice.

Here they are, Joel.

Hi, you guys.

Oh, hi, Joel.

Did you look at that stuff about partnerships?

Well, that's a little out of my line.

Mr. Nelson handles all that stuff,

but he's probably busy right now.

Oh, that's OK.

What is it, fellas?

We have a partnership, him and me.

He and I.

Oh, you have one, too?

Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?

Well, I'll explain it to you.

See, these two guys are friends of mine,

and they made a partnership and bought a skateboard.

He keeps it in his garage and it got broken.

He says that he's responsible for it.

What do you think?

I didn't break it, honest.

I went out to the garage to get it and it was broken.

Well, in cases like this, the burden of proof

is often shifted.

The fact that the skateboard was in your garage

when it was broken calls for an explanation.

It's a case of res ipsa loquitur.

It's not a locomotive.

It's a skateboard.

Well, he knows that.

Well, I thought you said raise up the locomotive.

No.

Res ipsa loquitur.

It means the thing speaks for itself.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we blame it on your sister,

and then your dad will fix it? Hey, yeah.

That's a neat idea, boy.

Just a second, fellas.

Do you think that'd be fair?

Well, sure.

She's always busting things anyways.

She really is.

I bet you she did bust it.

Well, OK.

Thanks a lot for legal advice.

It's my pleasure.

Now, if you guys don't mind, we're pretty busy around here

so I'll see you tomorrow. OK.

So long.

OK, bye.

Bye.

Uh, Joel?

I think from now on it'd be a good idea if we didn't have

your friends dropping in on us.

Yes, sir.

I didn't tell him to come over here.

OK.

Let's see.

Now, where was I?

In anticipation of the merger.

You'll have to give me a little more than that.

As a matter of fact, would you mind telling me

who I'm writing to?

Mr. Hubble.

Ah, that's right.

Referring to your letter of the 16th,

I most certainly agree that the contract should be revised

in anticipation of the merger.

Referring to your letter of the 16th,

I most certainly agree that the contract should be revised

in anticipation of the merger.

Maybe we'd better start all over again

and get a whole new approach to this thing.

David Nelson.

Yes, ma'am?

You don't remember me?

Oh, yes, I think I do.

I'll give you a little hint.

I used to call you Chalky because you were the best

eraser clapper I ever had.

Mrs. Hastings.

Oh, my fourth grade teacher.

I knew you'd remember.

This is Miss Edwards, my secretary.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

Where's Joel?

Oh, he's on me the other office here.

Do you know him? Oh, yes.

He's in my class.

He's told us all about you and his job here.

Well, gee.

He's doing very well.

Anyway, I got to thinking about

after Joel said that he was working here,

and I was wondering if you could do me just a little favor.

Well, I'll try.

I was going to take the class to the band

concert in the park, but it looked a little like rain.

And they didn't want to get their instruments wet,

so they called it off.

Oh, I can understand that.

I was wondering, would it be possible for the class

to make a little tour of your office?

I'm sure it would be most interesting

and educational for them.

Oh, I imagine it could be arranged.

Oh, wonderful.

I know they'd enjoy it.

Uh, when did you have in mind?

They're right out in the hall, if it's all right.

Oh.

Thank you.

All right, children, come on in.

Act like little ladies and gentlemen.

Don't push.

All right, there you go.

Now, children, this is Ms. Everett.

She's a real legal secretary.

Oh, hi, Joel.

Oh, hi.

Is this your office?

Not exactly, but this is my desk.

It's beautiful.

Look at all the stamps.

What's this?

His fan club?

Yeah, something like that.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

You know something?

I can remember when that used to be a law.

I'm glad you said that.

Brings me right to the point of our discussion.

Somehow I don't like the tone of what you're leading up to.

Well, to put it bluntly, we're in a state of chaos.

Well, that's quite obvious.

This has been brought about by the fact

that we have two law clerks working here,

which is one too many.

You mean you're giving me the sack?

You want me to turn in my briefcase?

Don't laugh.

That's one of the possibility.

Well, who's laughing?

And what's the other one?

Well, since you and Joel are the law clerks in question,

and since one of you must go, the alternative

is that you fire Joel, in a very diplomatic way, of course.

I believe this is what's known as Hobson's choice.

Let me ask you this.

How come I have the dirty job of firing

when I didn't have anything to do with hiring him?

Well, now that you mention it.

It wasn't exactly my idea either.

Well, then why don't we turn this delicate task over

to the man who was responsible for getting us

into this in the first place?

Meaning, of course, dear old dad.

- How is it? - Great.

Oh, good.

Well, now I have another little surprise for you.

Dave tells me he's been figuring up

your working hours at the office,

and you've earned exactly $10.

You're kidding? This is all mine?

That's right.

Now, you can buy that present for your dad,

and you won't have to work anymore.

There isn't anything wrong with my work is there?

Oh, no. Not at all.

Oh, no. You've been doing a fine job.

In fact, they said the office wouldn't

be the same without you.

Well, then it wouldn't be fair for me to just quit.

Well, actually, it's not fair for us to keep you working.

I mean, you could be out playing with the rest of the guys.

And you've earned the $10 for your dad's present.

Yeah, but I've been thinking.

My Mom's birthday is coming up pretty soon too.

His mother's birthday's coming up.

Oh, well, the bonus ought to take care of that?

Bonus?

Well, yeah, the bonus.

The law office always gives its employees a little bonus

when they leave.

Oh.

Here you are.

Gee, thanks.

Now, I can start saving up for my Mom and Dad's anniversary,

and my sister's wedding.

My cat has a birthday coming up pretty soon.

And there's always Christmas.

Oh, Kathy, one more banana split, please.

Coming right up.

Boy, it sure is quiet around here.

Yeah.

Well, at least things are back to normal.

Of course, there are moments when

I kind of miss the little guy.

Now that you mention it, I kind of miss him, too.

I hope you and your dad were too rough on him.

Are you kidding?

He could hardly walk out of the malt shop.

His pockets were stuffed full of money,

and his stomach was stuffed full of banana splits.

He's a good little guy, though.

He's got a lot on the ball.

- Good afternoon, folks. - Oh, hi, Joel.

I think you know my friends Andy and Randy.

Sure. Hi, fellas.

- Hi. - Hi.

I know you're a busy man, so I won't take up

too much of your time.

Oh, that's OK.

I see you're in the shoeshine business now.

Yes, sir.

And we sell newspapers, hot chocolate, and lemonade.

And we're thinking of starting a travel bureau and a ticket

agency.

Well, it sounds like you're going to cover

quite a bit of territory.

- Sure does. - Thank you.

I thought it might be a good idea

if we formed a corporation.

Yeah, it might at that.

I don't mind telling you, I like the way you do business

around here.

In fact, we'd like to give you all our legal work.

Gentlemen, just step into my office.

Try to remember the kind of September

when life was slow and oh so mellow.

Try to remember the kind of September when grass was green

and grain was yellow.

Try to remember when life was so tender,

that love was an ember about two below.

Try to remember, and if you remember,

then follow, follow, follow.

Try to remember when life was so tender

that no one wept except the willow.

Try to remember when life was so tender That dreams were

kept beside your pillow.

Deep in December it's nice to remember the fire of September

that made us mellow.

Deep in December it's nice to remember and follow, follow.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by new Ban, the deodorant that

helps keep you dry and stops odor for 24 hours.

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