Original subtitles

This is an ABC color presentation.

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And here's Kris.

And also starring in tonight's episode, here's June.

Tonight's "Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you by Bayer Aspirin.

Bayer is pure aspirin, not just part aspirin.

Bayer Aspirin-- Bayer Works Wonders.

Hi, honey.

Well, hi.

Did you have a good day at the office?

Oh, yeah. Thanks.

That's nice.

Aren't you overplaying it a little?

Overplaying what?

Well, the loving housewife, greeting her husband

as he comes home from the office.

That's a fine thing to say.

Oh, thanks.

I thought you'd like it.

What did you buy that we can't afford?

Oh, it's nothing like that.

But it is something.

Well, it's nothing to get excited about.

Not really.

Try me.

Well, promise you won't get mad.

I don't know yet.

I don't know what it is.

We're having guests for dinner Saturday night.

Is that all?

Yeah.

See, I told you it wasn't anything to get excited about.

May I ask who's coming over?

See if you can guess.

Bet you a dollar you can't.

Oh come on, honey.

I've been working at the office all day.

Well, you're sure a bum sport.

You're just no fun at all anymore.

OK, give me a hint.

Well, it's somebody you don't know.

If I don't know him, how can I guess who it is?

What kind of a bet is that?

Well, that's what's known as a sure thing.

You know how I hate to lose.

Come on, take a wild guess.

Prince Rainier and Princess Grace of Monaco.

Hey, that's not bad.

That's who it is?

No, but you're getting warm.

I give up.

Who's coming to dinner Saturday night?

The Sheik of Araby.

"The Sheik of Araby" is a song that

was written when my father was in high school.

He used to play it on his banjo. Not this one.

This is a real life sheik, and he's

coming to our house for dinner Saturday night

with one of his wives.

Are you sure you're feeling all right?

Of course I'm feeling all right.

Aren't you going to ask me how all this happened?

OK, how did all this happen?

Well, about six months ago at one of our Women's Club

meetings, we had a very interesting speaker

from the State Department.

The State Department?

Well, maybe it was the Chamber of Commerce.

Anyway, he mentioned that people who visit the United

States never get a chance to visit a typical, American home.

So when the committee asked for volunteers, I signed up.

Well, I think that was very nice.

You do?

Well, sure.

How come we got an Arabian?

The chairman of the committee just phoned me today

and told me.

Oh.

Well, it should be very interesting.

I mean, how often do you get a chance

to talk to a real life sheik and one of his wives?

Now, how about some dinner?

Hey, wait a second, not so fast.

You owe me a dollar.

I won the bet, you know.

I'll tell you what.

If the service is good tonight, I'll leave a large tip.

Hey, here's an idea.

Why don't you bring them over here to the law office

and let them see a typical underpaid American law

clerk in action?

Yeah, and they could see a typical underpaid

American secretary in action, too.

Do you think I should wear a veil?

Gee, I think you're supposed to wear seven of them,

aren't you?

That is, if you figure on doing your dance.

Yeah, that's an idea.

Look, we're not supposed to be entertaining them for a week.

They're just coming over to the house for dinner, for one

night.

Gee, that sounds kind of dull to me.

I think you ought at least take them to a basketball game.

Or the roller derby.

I bet that's something he hasn't seen before.

Or how about a rodeo?

Yeah, OK. Come on, you guys.

Let's get back to work, shall we?

I'm just trying to help.

Just imagine, a real, live sheik.

Do you suppose June and David would

mind we dropped over for a little while

and just took a peek at him? Oh, I'm sure they wouldn't.

Of course, I don't know what their plans are.

Oh, we wouldn't be any trouble.

We'd just stay a couple of minutes.

In fact, I can leave Joe at home.

It does sound exciting.

I could make him a nice, big, chocolate cake.

Oh, no, not a cake.

A pie would be better.

An apple pie.

You know the old expression, as American as apple pie.

Yeah, I think you're right.

I'll make it an apple pie.

I won't stay, of course.

I'll just drop by.

Oh, I could make some Boston baked beans.

I have a wonderful recipe.

Well, I think June should serve

something typically American, like barbecued hamburgers.

Well, yeah, that's an idea.

We have a brand new hibachi she could borrow.

Hibachi?

Well, we could call it something else.

Hey, a poker game.

I bet that's what he'd love to see-- a genuine, American poker

game. Gee, I don't know.

Yeah, we could get up a poker game real easy.

Yeah, if the sheik doesn't mind playing a little penny

ante.

That's right, a real, live, Arabian sheik

and one of his wives.

Hey, have they decided what they're

going to have for dessert yet?

Why, I really don't know. Why?

Well, I thought maybe they'd like

me to run over with one of my red, white, and blue 4th

of July specials.

Oh, well it's--

it's possible.

It's got strawberry, vanilla--

not French vanilla-- and, blueberry.

Oh, yeah. The red, white, and blue.

Yeah.

And we make them up in molds, of course.

Or here's a better idea-- maybe we could find out

what the colors of the Arabian flag are,

and we can make them up in the shape of Arabian horses.

Oh.

Yeah, well, why don't I speak to David about it?

In other words, don't call us, we'll call you.

No, no.

No, no.

It's possible.

I, uh-- you, uh--

I'll speak to David.

OK.

Judge Willoughby, this is a pleasant surprise

- Thank you, Dave. - Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Well what can I do for you?

Well, I know you're busy, so I'll get right to the point.

I understand you're going to have a distinguished

visitor at your house.

Oh, yes sir.

For dinner, Saturday night.

Yes.

Well, I'm sure you'll realize that this

is quite a responsibility.

And I'm sure you'll handle the situation

with your usual efficiency and diplomacy.

Oh, well thank you.

I'll do my best.

I really don't think there's anything

political about the visit, however.

It's just a case of a couple of people from Arabia

taking a little trip to America.

Yes.

But on the other hand, we never know.

Now, I hate to impose, David, but do

you suppose I might drop by and have

a little talk with the sheik?

Oh, well, sure.

I guess so.

I'll tell you what I had in mind.

As you probably know, I'm on the board

of directors of the County Zoo.

And I thought the sheik might possibly

be of some assistance to us in obtaining another camel.

- Hi, Jan. - Hi.

Mrs. Wilkins sent over some saltwater taffy.

She thought the sheik and his wife

might like to taste some real, American candy.

Thanks, mom.

And thanks, Mrs. Wilkins.

That was very thoughtful of her.

Oh, you might get a chance to thank her yourself.

She said something about dropping over tomorrow evening.

Oh, that figures.

This has been going on all day long.

Gee, I know they all mean well,

but I hope too many people don't drop by.

I won't know where to put them all.

Hey, wait a second.

Here's an idea.

Why don't you shift the party over to our house?

We have plenty of room.

Hey, that's a great idea.

Why don't you?

- Oh, we couldn't do that. - Why not?

Well that's too much trouble for you.

Oh, no. It wouldn't be any trouble.

It'd be fun. Well, look.

Why don't we leave it this way.

Let's figure on having the party at our house.

Then in case you guys change your mind, just give us a ring

and call it off.

They're all good friends of ours.

I'm sure they'd understand.

Come on, how about it?

Well, OK.

Gee, that's awfully nice of you.

OK, then it's all settled.

Come on, I want to get downtown before the music store closes.

What for?

Well, I want to buy some new strings for my banjo.

Well, you want the sheik to hear some authentic, American music,

don't you?

Plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk.

I'll try and hold him down to two choruses.

- Hi, Clara. - Hi.

I brought some hot dogs. Oh, honey.

You shouldn't have done that.

No, I didn't want you to run out of food.

Are you kidding?

Look, Mrs. Van Schuyler's cornbread, Sally's Betsy Ross

pudding, Boston baked beans, chop suey.

Chop suey?

Well, Chinese-American, of course.

Well the sheik and his wife will certainly

know what American food tastes like,

if they can live through it.

Oh, Ozzie.

That's something else that she will have to survive.

Here, listen to this.

I'm the Sheik of Araby.

Your love belongs to me.

Oh, he's playing our song.

Where's Joe?

I want to give a little sneak preview.

He's out in the back.

He wants to show you something, too.

I think it's a surprise.

Oh, OK.

- Hey, who brought the turkey? - Janet.

Isn't that wonderful?

Isn't that nice?

Joe?

I got you, partner.

The heck do you think you're doing?

What am I doing?

I'm the spirit of the Old West, the American cowboy.

You look like the loser of the masquerade party.

Well, that shows how much you know.

This happens to be a genuine William S. Hart ten-gallon hat.

Well, that I can believe.

I've gotta get going.

I gotta brush up on my rope tricks for the sheik.

No, wait a second.

I demand equal time.

Listen to this.

I've been working on a little number.

I'm the Sheik of Araby.

Your love belongs to me.

Parade halt!

At ease.

Cub Scouts of America reporting, Mr. Nelson.

Well, hi fellas.

Hi!

What can we do for you?

We want to make the sheik an honorary member.

Is that the sheik?

Are you kidding?

That's Mr. Randolph.

Where's the sheik?

Well, I'm sorry, but the Sheik won't be here until tonight.

We're not allowed out after dinner.

I shouldn't be out now.

I got the measles.

Well, I'll tell you.

When I see the sheik, I'll extend your kind felicitations

to him, and I know he'll be very happy to learn

of the great honor you've bestowed upon him.

Thanks, Mr. Nelson.

- Yeah, thanks. - That's OK, boys.

So long.

So long.

About face.

Forward march.

Well, I'd better be running along too, Oz.

I haven't finished my number yet.

Oh, well go ahead.

At night when you're asleep, into your tent

I'll creep.

- Ozzie? - Yeah.

Dave just called.

He and June are on their way over to the hotel to pick up

the sheik and his wife.

Oh, how about that?

Yeah, they got in from the airport about an hour ago.

Oh, are they coming right over here?

Well, they're going to stop off at Dave

and June's apartment first

Oh, good.

That'll give us a chance to get rid of Wild Bill.

Go on. I want to get dressed.

I'll see you later. OK.

OK.

Oh, what a charming apartment.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, I have a feeling we're putting you

through an awful lot of trouble.

Oh, not at all.

It's our pleasure.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

May I get you some coffee?

Oh, no thank you.

Maybe a little later, thank you.

Right now, I'm very happy to just relax for a few minutes.

Have you been away from home very long?

Oh, just two weeks.

But we've been on the go so much,

we really haven't had a chance to see a great deal

of your fascinating country.

We've seen a lot of museums and a lot of airports,

but this is the first time we've been to somebody's home.

We would like to extend our most sincere thanks

for your generous hospitality.

Oh, it's our pleasure.

We're so happy to have you.

So far, everybody has been very nice,

but they keep rushing us around from place to place,

meeting many people.

Yes it will be a great pleasure for us

to have a nice, quiet dinner here

in your lovely home, with just and your charming wife.

Oh, thank you.

Looks beautiful, doesn't it?

Yes, it does, thanks to all our friends.

Say, what time are they going to arrive?

Well, I don't know.

I expect to hear from Dave any minute now.

If you need me for anything, I'll be in the living room.

All right.

Oh.

OK, what have you got?

Two pair-- aces and 10's.

Oh, sorry Mrs. Randolph, I've got three of a kind.

Oh.

Harriet.

When's the sheik going to get here?

I don't know.

Well, he better get here soon.

Wally's winning all the hot dogs.

- Hors d'eouvre, dear? - No thanks.

- Wally? - Oh, no thank you.

Oh, goodness, what am I saying?

Say, Mrs. Nelson, how would you like to play a hand of 21

for the whole tray?

Sorry.

I wish the sheik would get here.

I'd like to win a couple of oil wells or a couple of wives.

I think you better stick to hot dogs.

All right, Miss Randolph, pick a card, any card.

What is it? King of clubs.

- Right. - Oh, right.

Deal.

My fellow citizens--

Hors d'oeuvre, Judge?

No, I don't think so right now, Mrs. Nelson.

Want to keep my throat clear.

My fellow citizens, distinguished guests--

well, now maybe one won't hurt.

I want a girl just like the girl that

married dear old dad.

That's great, fellas.

She was a pearl and--

And so was he first and Burrows did the same,

a sickly silence fell upon.

the patrons

I'll get it.

Joe, what the heck do you think you're doing?

Save that stuff for the sheik, will you?

I'll get this upstairs, Harriet.

Where is the sheik, anyway?

Mrs. Randolph's starting to win back some of the hot dogs.

Well, they should be here any minute.

Hello?

Oh, hi Dave.

Did you pick up the sheik and his wife?

Oh, good.

How's everything? Well, fine.

In fact, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

What do you mean?

Well, I was thinking maybe we'd take you up on that offer.

Oh, sure.

We're waiting for you.

Oh, well-- no, I mean the offer to call it off if we

decided to.

Oh, you mean you're not coming over?

See the thing is, I think they'd just as soon stay here.

They've been traveling a lot and they're kind of tired.

I hope you didn't go to any trouble.

Oh.

Oh, no.

That's OK.

- Was that David? - Yes, it was.

Oh, good.

I was afraid they weren't coming.

Well, that's just it.

What's just it?

- They aren't coming. - They aren't?

Why not?

Well, you remember, we said if they changed their mind,

just to give us a ring.

And they gave us a ring.

Now, the thing is now, how are we going to tell everybody?

How we're going to tell everybody?

How are you going to tell everybody?

Me? Why me?

Well, it was your idea.

It was your idea, too.

Hi.

- Oh, hi Connie. - Hi.

Honey, you remember Miss Edwards, David's secretary.

Oh, well yes. Hi.

I brought over a Yankee pot roast.

Oh, well thank you.

Are they here yet.

Yes, ev-- well almost--

everybody except David and the guests of honor.

Yeah, I'm afraid Mr. Nelson has a little announcement

to make about that.

Yeah, I have a little announcement to--

well, what are you going to do?

May I have your attention please?

Now, folks, may I--

Quiet, everybody.

Here they come.

Hey, somebody's standing on my rope.

Make a path, folks.

That's it.

Ready?

No, no Scouts, the sheik is--

the-- he isn't here--

goodnight, fellas.

Oh god, Harriet.

I just got a wonderful idea, a perfect way

to get us out of this little predicament.

It's dishonest.

No, not exactly.

You've heard the old expression a rose is a rose is a rose.

Well, a sheik is a sheik is a sheik.

OK, take a card, any card.

Come on, Oz, hurry up.

Get the door.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Now, quiet folks.

These are visitors from a foreign land

and we want to make a good impression,

so try not to be yourselves.

Greetings.

Welcome to our humble abode.

This is a great pleasure.

Folks I'd like you to meet Sheik Habi bin

Ashraf and his very charming wife, all the way from Arabia.

I love you, baby.

There's a minister handy and it sure

would be dandy, if we let--

I hope you don't mind, we asked a few of our friends

in to meet you.

It's our pleasure.

You look great, Rick.

Thanks, Bob.

- You too, Kris. - Oh, Kris couldn't make it.

This is the paper boy.

I am not.

The-- oh, this is Mr. And Mrs. Randolph.

How do you do?

And Judge Willoughby.

Would you like some more coffee?

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

Would you do me a favor?

I know my mother and father would love to see you

in your native costumes.

Would you mind if I took your picture?

No, not at all.

- It would be a pleasure. - Wait a minute.

I have a better idea.

Why don't we drive over and see mom and dad.

That is, if you folks don't mind.

They only live a few blocks from here.

Oh, we'd be delighted.

Oh, yes. We'd love to meet them.

Oh, that'll be fine.

I'll call them.

I know they were going to have some friends over,

but they called it off.

Well, why don't we just drive over and surprise them?

OK, if that's all right with you.

Of course.

And somewhere children shout.

But there is no joy in Mudville--

mighty Casey has struck out.

Have you played baseball?

Oh, we do not play baseball in Arabia.

We play cricket.

Oh, that's right.

In other words, it's not considered cricket

to play baseball in Arabia.

Yes, I guess you might say that.

And by the same token, it is not considered baseball

to play cricket.

Oh, another point there.

There's a girl I'm wild about.

Every time I take her out, I hug her, squeeze her.

I tease her so.

And we always can be found where there's no one else around.

In my official capacity, so to speak,

I have been authorized to make inquiry

about the purchase of a camel.

I see.

If you have any extras kicking around the palace,

maybe we can make a deal.

Well I'll check with my commissioner of camels

as soon as I arrive home.

Appreciate it.

You see, I-- well, I'm coming up for re-election

in a couple of months and frankly, I

could use the publicity.

Well, I'll talk to you further about it later.

On the back porch, I loved her best of all.

I loved her best of all.

We can get you out of here right away.

Boy, just in time.

Yeah, this beard's driving me crazy.

May I have your attention, folks?

May I have your attention for just a moment, please?

The sheik and his wife are going to have to leave us now.

I know we've enjoyed their company.

I think the Sheik would like to say a few words.

I'd like to thank you for making this

a memorable evening.

It seems as though I've known you folks all my life.

Dave and June are outside with the sheik

- The sheik! - The sheik?

I thought he was the sheik.

Ah, folks, this really isn't the sheik this.

Is Rick and his wife Kris.

But the real sheik and his wife are coming up

to walk right now. They'll be right here.

Just relax, everybody.

We gotta get outta here.

Rick, in the closet.

Yes.

Oh, hi June.

Oh, hi.

This is Sheik Habi bin Ashraf and his wife, Samira.

Well, how do you do?

It's nice to know you.

Some of our friends have come over to meet you.

I hope you don't mind.

It would be our pleasure.

Folks, this is Sheikh Habi bin Ashraf

and his charming wife, Samira.

We've had a most enjoyable evening

with your son and his wife.

Oh, isn't that nice.

Hi, June.

It's me, Rick. Rick?

Come on, we gotta get out of here.

Rick?

Rick? Come on, Samira.

Let's meet these nice people.

I'm not Samira.

Pardon me.

I think this one's yours and this one's mine.

Rick, Kris, you might as well stay and join the party.

This is my brother Rick and his wife Kris.

This is Ben and his wife Sam.

Come on, folks.

Don't you want to see the rope tricks?

We might as well.

Sure.

I'm the Sheik of Araby.

Oh, looks like everything worked out OK.

Yeah.

Hey, they're singing my song.

Well, go get your banjo.

At night when you're asleep

-into your tent I'll creep.

I'll creep.

The stars that shine above.

Your kind

of lovin' is my kind of lovin'.

My kind of lovin' is your kind of lovin'.

Your kisses, they're so thrilling.

And when you hold me, you know I'm willing.

Give your love to me now.

I don't have to tell you what's on my mind.

Cause baby, you know we're two of a kind.

You got something I want and I want it so bad.

Come on, come on, give me all the lovin' you have.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Your kind of lovin' is my kind of lovin'.

My kind of lovin' is your kind of lovin'.

Your kisses, they're so thrilling.

And when you hold me, you know I'm willing.

Give your love to me now.

Girl, it's time that you stop shying away, yeah.

Stop listening to what the others all say, yeah.

Girl, you're out of sight, Girl, you're out of sight.

We'll do it up right.

We'll do it up right.

Let me hold you tight.

Let me hold tight.

Tonight's the night.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Your kind of lovin' is my kind of lovin'.

My kind of lovin' is your kind of lovin'.

I need your lovin' baby, so bad.