All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S14E14.Dave.Picks.A.Pie.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WADU_track3_[eng]

This is an ABC
color presentation.

"The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

Also starring in
tonight's episode.

Here's June.

Good morning.

Hi.

Oh, careful.
Those muffins are hot.

They just came out of the oven.

Oh, yeah.

You look very nice.

You're all dressed
up this morning.

Thank you.

I think a wife ought to make
a special effort to look nice

at the breakfast table.

Makes for a happier
marriage, don't you think?

I sure do.

Besides, I'm driving
you to work this morning.

I need the car.

I figured there must
be some good reason.

You mean I don't
always looking

real nice in the morning?

Oh, yeah, sure.

I meant the muffins,
they're great.

Well, they're not
really that good.

Oh, don't be so modest.

Believe me, nobody makes
homemade muffins like you.

And these are just about
the best you've ever made.

They are the best.

I bought those at the market.

Really?

Yes, really.

Well, they must have
stolen your recipe then.

If you want to sue them,
I'll be your lawyer.

Never mind.

I thought you liked my muffins,
I mean, the ones I really make.

Well, I do.

You just like muffins.

You can't tell mine from
the ones I buy at the store.

Oh, wait a second.

No, these are definitely not
as good as the ones you make.

It was the butter
that had me fooled.

And don't tell me you bought
this butter at the store.

I didn't?

No, you didn't.

You can't fool me,
you sly little minx.

- I can't?
- No, you can't.

You got up at 4
o'clock this morning

and went out to the barn
and milked old Nelly.

Who?

Old Nelly, our cow.

And with your own little
hands and arms and muscles

you churned and churned and
made this delicious butter

and then even put this little
paper on it just to fool me.

Oh, you're just too smart.

Well, what are you gonna do?

You really don't
like these muffins?

I hate 'em.

Now give me another one and
I'll put a lot of butter on it.

Hi, can I help you?

I'm afraid so.

I've got a flat and I just
don't know the first thing

about fixing it.

I thought maybe you could call
the fire department or the Red

Cross or whoever it is you call.

That's OK.

I can change it for you.

Oh, I couldn't
let you do that.

You'll get your
clothes all dirty.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I'll be careful.

Well, I'd certainly
appreciate it.

I was afraid I was going
to be late for work.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

You're Monica
Londonberry, aren't you?

Well, yes, I am.

I thought so.

I never miss your
television show.

I'm one of your biggest fans.

Well, thank you.

That's always nice to hear.

Oh, Dave, this is
Monica Londonberry.

Oh.

Well, I guess he's not
one of my biggest fans.

She has a morning
television show.

Oh, yes, it seems to
me I've heard about it.

It's one of those
conversation shows.

I give advice to housewives
and discuss domestic problems.

Sometimes we get a
little controversial.

Oh, sure.

I've heard June speak about it.
Oh, that's me.

I'm June Nelson.

And this is my husband Dave.

Well, it's nice to know you.

Nice to know you.

I just can't tell you
how much I enjoy your show.

Thank you.

June Nelson, didn't you
send me a letter once?

No, but I'm liable
to any day now.

What do you think of a
husband who can't even

tell his own wife's cooking?

Did you have any special
husband in mind or can

I answer that?
No, I mean it.

You'd think after
four years of marriage

he'd be able to
tell the difference,

even if he didn't like it.

Careful how you answer that.

Remember I'm changing your tire.

He's got a good point there.

And he's doing a beautiful job.

I wouldn't even
know where to begin.

You certainly know how
to change the subject.

Oh, I'm just trying
to be diplomatic.

But you know,
actually, I don't think

it makes too much difference
who cooks the food.

I think the important thing
is if the husband likes it.

I told you those
muffins were good.

You mean the
ones I didn't bake?

That's right, but not quite
as good as the ones you made.

You didn't even
notice the difference.

Uh, ladies, this is a jack.

It fits very neatly
right under the bumper.

Hey, wait a second.

I bet that would be a
good idea for your show.

Oh, what's that?

You try to have
a little contest

and find out how
many men actually do

recognize their wives' cooking.

You can have a housewife
and a couple other people

and have them bake,
oh, say, muffins.

Then you get her
husband on the show

and let him taste
all the muffins

and try and pick out
the ones his wife baked.

And you have a car outside
with the motor running just

in case he picks the wrong one.
Cut it out now.

I think it's a pretty good idea.

So do I. I think it'd
be very interesting.

There, you see?

So how are you
coming along there?

Anything I can do to help?

No, not a thing.

Thanks.

Say, I have a wonderful idea.

Do you suppose your husband
would like to be on the show?

You mean your television show?

Sure.

Oh, of course.

Oh, well, thanks
for asking me,

but I really don't
think I'd be much

good at that sort of thing.

Oh, I'm sure you would.

We have husbands on
the show all the time.

Sometimes they
demonstrate things

and sometimes we just
put them on the spot, all

in fun of course.

Oh, honey, please.

Well--

Oh, he'll do it, OK?

OK.

Yeah, I knew he would.

He just wanted to
be coaxed a little.

Now, let me finish
this, will you?

I'll just be a minute.

Well, I must say this has
been a lucky day for me.

I don't know what I would have
done if you hadn't come along.

Yeah, I've got a better
idea, for the show, I mean.

Oh, what's that?

Instead of muffins make it
something like banana cream

pie.

Then in case he
doesn't get it, he

can get it right in the face.

Monica Londonberry?

You're kidding.

I wish I was.

Anyhow, now I've gotta
sample three pies

and pick out the one June made.

Well, that sounds like fun.

Yeah, right up until the time
he picks out the wrong pie.

I hope it's not coconut custard.

It's banana cream.

Oh, that's even worse.

Don't you think that's
a little undignified?

I mean, what are
your clients going

to think when they see their
favorite attorney get a banana

cream pie right in the kisser?

You're assuming, of course,
that first of all, I won't

recognize my wife's cooking.

And in the event I
don't recognize it

that she'll get mad.

And they're both
reasonable assumptions,

don't you think so?

Don't get me involved in this.

Well, let's get back
to work, shall we?

Hey, what's this?

What?

Well, I hate to complain,
but I can't read your writing.

Oh, I wrote that.

It's a note to myself.

How long you been
working here now?

Oh, about five years.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

How do you figure to
recognize your wife's cooking

when you can't recognize
your secretary's handwriting?

And she's been
working here longer

than you've been married.

She didn't write it, you did.

Well, that's even worse.

How do you figure to
recognize your wife's cooking

when you can't even recognize
your own brother's handwriting?

It's the most illogical
conclusion I've ever heard of.

Well, maybe so.

That's the kind of stuff
that convinces juries.

Oh, get lost, will you?

Besides, I may not even
be able to go on the show.

I probably have appointments
Monday morning, don't I?

Nope, not a thing.

How do you like that?

If I'd wanted to
play golf, I probably

would have had a full schedule.

Look, why don't you
go skiing this weekend.

Maybe you'll get
lucky and break a leg.

Actually, I
wouldn't be surprised

if the whole thing
was called off anyway,

when she gets back to
the studio and realizes

what a silly idea it is.

By the way, she's on right
now if you want to catch a show.

Oh, no thanks.

I've got a little
too much work to do.

And girls, you'll
all be happy to know

that while chivalry has
been dying for years,

it got a sizable shot
in the arm this morning.

The nicest young man stopped to
helped me change a flat tire.

His name is David
and June Nelson.

Well, that is June
is his wife's name.

She's a charming girl
and very bright, too.

In fact, she gave me a
wonderful idea for a show.

Now just imagine, if you will,
if you baked a banana cream pie

and we have and your
husband on the program.

Now first of all,
we have him taste

your pie and then one that's
been baked by a local bakery

and then one baked
by one of the mess

cooks from the local army base.

Now doesn't that sound like fun?

Anyway, girls, do you
think your husband could

tell which pie was yours?

Well, we'll see next week.

Yeah, I can hardly wait.

I just found out where the
other pies are coming from.

Oh, where's that?

A local bakery and
an army mess cook.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Can you imagine what's going
to happen if I pick the army

cook's pie instead of June's?

Well, if you like it, you
can always join the army.

If I like it, I may have to.

Oh, hi, Dave.

Oh, hi, Pop.

You finished playing so soon?

Yeah, if you can call it that.

You didn't play so well, huh?

Well, I couldn't keep
my mind on the game.

Oh, you're a little worried
about the television show

Monday morning?

Where'd you hear about that?

Oh, June told your mother.

Oh, by the way, we're having
dinner at your house tonight,

in case you hadn't
heard about it.

Oh, OK, Pop, I'll
see you tonight then.

Dave, don't stop to change
any tires on the way home.

Hi, honey.

Can I help you?

That's all right.

Get out of there.

Oh, you got some special
ingredients for the pie there,

huh?
Afraid I might get a clue?

That's right.

Cut that out!

Oh, shampoo.

That's right,
banana shampoo pie.

Now, go on and get out of
here and leave me alone.

You know, we've been talking
about banana cream pie so much

lately, I'd kind of like to
have some for dessert tonight.

How about you?

Oh, no, you don't,
no free samples.

You can go down to the malt
shop and pick up some ice cream.

Ice cream?

When I've got the best pie
baker in town right here?

Oh, well, thank you, dear.

Now go on down and
get the ice cream.

Hi, Rick.

Oh, hi, Dave.

What are you doing down here?

Oh, I'm ordering some
ice cream, thanks to you.

What do you mean by that?

Well, I made the
mistake of mentioning

this little contest
or whatever it is

that you and June have going.

And the next thing
I knew, Kristin

decided that she won't bake
any pies or cakes or cookies

or even iron any of my shirts
until you go on television

and prove that a husband really
can tell his wife's cooking.

Won't iron your shirts?

What's that got to
do with anything?

Who knows?

You know how those
discussions are,

one thing just led to another.

I'm getting the
feeling that this is just

too much responsibility
for one man.

- Here you are, Rick.
- Oh, thanks, Jack.

- Hi, Dave.
- Hi, Jack.

I understand you've gotten
yourself into a little mess.

Boy, word sure gets around.

In the first place, this
whole thing is ridiculous.

Well, what difference
does it make

if you pick out
somebody else's cooking,

just as long as it tastes OK?

Well, now just a
minute, after all, a cook

likes to get a
little appreciation

the same as anybody else.

Oh, I'm not kidding you guys.

Cooking is an art the
same as anything else.

You're absolutely right, Jack.

You make the best
hamburgers in town.

And with the most
onions in 'em, too.

He slices them that thick.

Oh, you've noticed
that too, huh?

Well, not exactly,
but a couple of my

friends have mentioned it.

OK, you guys, a guy
stands here and slaves

over a hot grill all day.

Yes, dear.

I thought I left you at home.

Well, I can see I'm not going
to get any sympathy around

here.
What are you gonna have, Dave?

Well, I'll take a couple
of quarts of ice cream, one

chocolate and one vanilla.

OK.

There are 22 ingredients
in my banana splits.

Just see how many you can name.

I hope June isn't as
sensitive about her cooking

as Jack is about his.

Well, I wish it was something
a little easier to identify.

After all, one banana
cream pie tastes just

about the same as another.

Unless one of
'em is really bad.

Hey, yeah.

If one of 'em was really bad--

Hey, that's it.

Sure.

If the terrible pie was June's,
then I'd know right away.

- Are her pies really that bad?
- Are you kidding?

They're great.

But this calls for a
slight case of sabotage.

Well, do you
think that's fair?

Well, of course, it's fair.

Everything's fair
in love and war--

and this is both.

Come on.

I didn't see any pie.

She hasn't baked it yet.

Well, what are we going to do?

Well, we gotta fix it so
that when she does bake it,

it has an unusual
taste of some sort.

Well, I'm sure
you can handle it.

I better get going.

Wait a second,
where are you going?

I thought you were
going to help me.

Oh, we better do something.

She's liable to come
out here any minute.

Well, the first
thing we gotta do

is figure out how to
sabotage a banana cream pie.

I've got one idea.

What's that?

I remember one time I put salt
on my cereal instead of sugar.

It sure tasted funny.

You mean put the salt
in the sugar container

and the sugar in
the salt container?

Yeah.

Only thing though,
what if I want

to put some sugar in my coffee?

Well, suppose you don't guess
the right banana cream pie?

Get the salt.

We'll switch 'em back
after she's baked the pie.

Oh, that certainly was
a good dinner, Juney.

Thanks, mom.

It sure was.

I don't what you're
complaining about here, Dave.

Oh, thanks a lot, Pop.

But I'm not worried.

Oh, he is too.

How about some dessert?

Oh, not for me, thank you.

I'm trying to be good.

The cleaner's been
shrinking my dresses lately.

I know what you mean, me too.

I got a surprise for dad.

Dave, too, if he
behaves himself.

Oh, what's that?

My banana cream pie.

We can't have that.

That's for the show tomorrow.

But I baked two of them.

Well, what'd you do a
crazy thing like that for?

Oh, I just thought I'd give
you a little sample tonight.

Give you more of a
chance tomorrow morning.

Well, it'd be kind
of like cheating.

What's the matter?

Don't you have any
confidence in me?

Well, of course I do.

Well, maybe you're right.

Well, at least dad
can have a piece.

Oh, no, he can't
have one either.

Well, why not?

Yeah, why not?

Well, because
you're my father.

He's my father.

And families stick together.

Besides, he's liable to taste
and then tell me about It.

Oh, no, I wouldn't do that.

What's the matter
with you, David?

What is the matter
with you, David?

There you are.

Oh, thank you.

Aren't you on a diet, Pop?

Well, not when there's
banana cream pie around.

Homemade banana cream pie.

That's what I said, not when
there's homemade banana cream

pie around.

Oh, well.

What are you doing?

Well, I might as well be
the first one to taste it.

I've gotta do it on
television tomorrow.

Big deal.

Mm.

Great

Well, what do you
say now, Mr. Nelson,

was that pie from the
bakery or was that baked

by some army cook or by your
lovely and talented wife?

It was definitely baked by
my lovely and talented wife,

no doubt about it.

All right.
Here you are, dad.

It's your turn.

I was beginning to wonder.

Why are you so determined to
keep me from eating this pie?

Say something, Pop.

Keep smiling, Pop.

How do you like it, dad?

Say something.

He loves it, honey.

He loves it, honey.

Oh, it's great.

What happened to it?

It's got salt in it.

Oh, you noticed it too?

I put it in there
so I could tell

which one was June's tomorrow.

Oh.

Boy, you sure did a good job.

So--

You really like the pie, dad?

Oh, it's just great.

But you're not eating it.

Well, I'm eating it slowly,
that way it lasts longer.

Don't you want any, Dave?

Oh, I'll have
some later, honey.

Yeah, he's-- the
dinner was so good.

There's something very
funny going on around here.

Well, better luck tomorrow.

Aren't you coming
to bed, honey?

Well, I may be able
to get a little sleep,

as soon as I finish baking
this other pie with sugar

and just a touch of arsenic.

Arsenic?

Just enough to
give you a hint.

You mean I'm still
in the doghouse?

Oh, you may be out by
tomorrow, if you're lucky.

Look, honey, it's silly
for you to bake another pie.

I won't have you cheating.

No, I mean this
whole thing is silly.

I've got an idea that'll be
a lot better for the show.

Instead of three
pies, why don't we

have three beautiful
girls, you and two others.

Then I'll be blindfolded
and kiss each one

and try to guess
which one is you.

Well, the way I figured,
if I didn't guess right,

it wouldn't be a total loss.

Sorry, honey, did my
sneezing wake you up?

No.

What's the matter?

Were you sneezing?

Yeah.

I might be getting
a little cold.

Gee.

I think I've got a fever.

You don't feel warm to me.

Gee, I hope you're right.

Hate to wake up in the
morning with a cold.

You know what a cold does
to your sense of taste.

Can't taste the darn thing.

Don't worry, honey.

You'll be fine.

No, I think I'm coming
down with something.

My head's hot and
I've got cold hands.

I don't think so,
dear, just cold feet.

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

Now don't go away.

We have a wonderful
surprise for you

right after this brief message.

I think we'd better wait here.

A little nervous, Dave?

Not any more than necessary.

Oh, you'll be fine, dear.

I hope so.

Oh, I hope so
too, for your sake.

Well, I wouldn't
worry about it.

The car's right outside
with the motor running

and your old room
is still available.

Good morning.

It's so nice to see you again.

Oh, thank you.

This is my mother and
father, Monica Londonberry.

- Well, how do you do?
- How do you do?

How do you do?

I hope it's OK we just
came down to watch.

Of course.

Are you all ready, Dave?

Well, ready as I'll ever be.

You've got nothing
to worry about.

We have everything
all prepared for you.

There are a few instructions, if
you don't mind coming with me.

Oh, sure.

- Would you excuse us a minute?
- Ms. Londonberry?

Yes.

Where shall I put the pie?

Pie?

Oh, isn't that lovely.

Is that for me?

It's for the show,
for Dave to taste.

Taste?

Oh, yeah, don't you remember?

I'm supposed to taste the three
banana cream pies and then tell

you which one is June's.

Oh, dear.

Oh.
What's the matter?

Oh, I'm afraid there's been
a little misunderstanding here.

What do you mean?

Well, we're not doing
the thing with the pies

until tomorrow.

You mean I'm not on today?

Oh, you're on,
but the pies aren't.

I don't get it.

Well, what's he gonna do?

He's gonna demonstrate
how to change a tire.

I am?

Well, yes.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I thought you understood that.

I thought it would be
interesting for the women

in our audience.

You know, you'd be amazed
at how many women don't

know how to change a tire.

Oh, you will do it, won't you?

Oh, sure.

Oh, he'd rather
change a tire than eat.

Oh, good for you.

Only thing though, I'm
not exactly dressed for it

Well, that's even better.

I'll make a special
point of it--

how to change a tire without
messing up your clothes.

Come on, Dave, we
don't have much time.

See you later.

Good luck.

Well, how about that?

Looks like you baked that
beautiful pie all for nothing.

Oh, that's OK.

I wonder if this is all a
plot of David's to get out

of tasting those pies.

Oh, I wasn't
worried anyway, mom.

He would have guessed
the right one.

You sound pretty confident.

After all, banana cream
pies do taste alike.

Not when one of them has
salt in it instead of sugar.

You didn't?

You don't think I'd let him
guess the wrong pie in front

of a couple of million
people, do you?

Give me the pie.

The producer thought
it might be kind

of a cute idea of Ms.
Londonberry passed it out

among the audience.
David.

Don't worry, she'll
tell 'em you baked it.

Oh, what am I gonna do?

And now here he is, the
handsome young attorney who's

going to demonstrate to us how
to change an automobile tire

and still stay neat and
tidy, Mr. David Nelson.

Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by Vectra,
the revolutionary fiber used

in Ozite Town'N'Terrace carpet.

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