Original subtitles

that she was on her way to being one even i knew her name and i was never one

for keeping up with the latest trends and he's hot at the box office he's just

trying to hang on to being remembered as yesterday's news now this one's best

days are still ahead of her maybe that's because the public hadn't seen

everything she had to show yet unlike most of the two -bit flash in the pan

actresses that flocked to the tanning salons around tinseltown this one hadn't

shown her tits to the camera

So in spite of her mediocre acting, there was still a little mystique about

Men could watch her on that giant screen and wonder, was it a padded bra that

made her look so good, or were those curves permanently attached?

The house was nice inside for a place in the valley.

It was a short tour.

The maid, who introduced herself as Jeanette, led me straight through to the

backyard. It was a sunny day, and any up -and -coming starlet worth her weight

in silicone would be sunning herself by the pool.

And I had to hand it to her.

Pamela Hyler had the task of sunning herself by the pool without doing art.

Now I could see why this woman needed a bodyguard.

She had speed bumps on her that could tear the axle out of a semi -rig.

Excuse me, Miss Hyler.

Um, Mr. McNair has arrived.

Trust me, Pam.

A little bit of publicity isn't going to hurt you a bit.

Forget it, Sybil. If my fans want to get a glimpse of my new tits, then they

have to wait until my next picture opens.

But, Pammy... Don't call me Pammy. Only my best friends call me that.

Really?

I didn't know you had any.

You're my bodyguard.

Are you the one that used to work for the president?

Former Secret Service agent.

At your service, ma 'am.

Bodyguard?

What do you need a bodyguard for, Pamela?

Just because the National Inquisitor is paying $10 ,000 to anybody who's going

to get a topless picture of you, there's no reason to get paranoid.

And besides, why pay for a bodyguard?

All you have to do is keep your top on.

I like feeling the sun on my breasts, Mr. McNeil.

And in the privacy of my own backyard, I should be able to do just that. Believe

me, Pamela, nobody is going to climb that wall.

You have nothing to worry about.

I pay you to manage my career, Sybil, not my personal life.

Managers need to be put in their place, Mr. McNeil.

So do spoiled actresses with big boobs.

I'm not implying that you are one.

Are you?

I would never refer to myself in that way, Mr. McNeil.

Any more than I would refer to you as a booby guard.

Why not? That's exactly what I am.

And being that, you're paying me to do one thing. Keep people from getting

pictures of those.

Until you authorize it, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Are you sure you're up for the job?

I've handled bigger situations.

She tried to give me a look that said she hated me.

But without her acting coach present, she didn't do a very good job of it.

Then she walked off to apologize to her manager for being such a bitch.

It was a game she probably played with her half a dozen times a day.

It was a game they all played in this town.

Well, hello there.

And who might you be? I thought I knew all of Pamela's friends.

Well, apparently you missed one.

I don't know how. Pam and I are like two peas in a pod.

That close.

Really? Yeah, she wouldn't do anything without me knowing about it.

In fact, it was me who suggested that she get a boob job.

I thought that was her agent's idea.

Oh, Sybil tried to take credit for everything.

But I don't think I should be telling you any of this, considering you haven't

even told me your name.

Flint.

And I'm not a friend of Miss Hyler's.

I work for her.

And my job is to get rid of people who ask too many questions.

Well, I hope you don't think I'm one of those people.

You do ask a lot of questions.

I'm only inquisitive when I find someone interesting.

Don't be cross with me, Sybil. I couldn't have you bossing me around in

the hired help.

Well, you didn't have to be so rude about it, especially when I was only

out for your best interest.

Listen, it's not in my best interest to have my nude photos plastered all over

some tabloid. I'm not a porn actress, you know?

Now I guess I'll have to convince you.

Now what do you say?

Well, honey, if it wasn't for the dye in your hair and the nose job and the boob

job, they might have just recognized you as being that.

Well, I'm not that anymore, and I'm more discreet about who I take my clothes

off for these days.

Okay, well, have it your way, honey, as long as you continue to take your

clothes off for me.

So, how would you like to be the first to kiss my new boobs?

No.

Thank you.

Okay, I feel good.

Oh God.

See you tomorrow.

hands now?

No.

You see, Miss Harler's friends call her Pammy.

And I know a camera under a couch when I feel one.

Do you know what those pictures are worth?

Yeah, they're worth my job.

Since you undoubtedly showed yourself in, I'm sure you can show yourself out.

I watched her long enough to make sure she found the door okay.

Or maybe I watched her just because I liked the way her naked ass wiggled as

walked.

Either way, I figured she'd think twice before coming back.

So far, I had been on the job for less than 30 minutes, and I had already

laid.

Now, there's something that would never have happened when I was watching those

Republican presidents.

Here, Kim.

Ah, careful.

Oh, Arthur.

Tell me again how you love me.

Because, you know, I could get fired for what I'm doing.

Look, baby, you shouldn't even have to ask that. You know I'm crazy about you.

As soon as I win the $10 ,000 prize for getting a shot at Ms. Pamela Heiler's

new tits...

I'm gonna make you the next Mrs. Arthur Gradler.

The only house y 'all have to clean is mine.

Oh, yeah.

That's so not sweet.

Mmm. I'm gonna let it go.

Let me show you.

No.

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Like this.

Bye!

into our clothes.

These clothes?

Hey, those are our clothes, bud.

That's right.

Give me the camera.

I give you the clothes.

Here, take it.

Thank you.

Put them on on your way out.

What are you doing here?

Oh, don't play the shy act with me, Miss Hyler.

It doesn't work. You're not that good of an actress.

What makes you think you can be rude to me?

Because I'm damn good at what I do.

I just threw two photographers out of here along with that housekeeper that's

been trying to set you up.

What? I paid her a week in advance.

Well, you'll get over it.

What you need to do is listen in on a phone conversation I'm about to make. I

got a number out of your book.

My hunch is right. It ought to lead us to the ringleader.

He's been trying to get nude photos of you.

So what makes you think you know who it is?

I figure they're right about now. The photographers are regrouping with their

leader, trying to come up with a new plan.

Let's see if I'm right, shall we?

Civil Weiss speaking.

Hello, I'm sorry to bother you at home, Miss Weiss. This is the National

Inquisitor calling. Can I speak to one of our photographers, please?

Which one?

Preferably the one with the big tits.

Thank you.

Good choice. Hang on.

Hello? This is the chick with the nice tits.

I mean, Monique.

Hello?

Hello? Is there anybody there?

Hello?

There's nobody on the phone. Sybil?

Sybil?

Oh, for heaven's sake, you two.

Is there any way to plan a new strategy?

Yeah, you plan a strategy your way, and we'll plan it ours.

Yeah.

No.

Thank you.

um um

Let the plenty of money come in.

Ow!

Thank you.

um um

Thank you.

Yeah.

who are to figure out. Business managers are usually pretty good at publicity

stunts.

I don't understand why she would do something like this.

I mean, exposure like that could ruin my career in the long run.

With the way that you've been treating her?

She probably figures she's not going to be around very long. She's going to take

a lot of money from you now.

We can't expect people to be in your court if you treat them like shit.

Well, I guess you're right.

I mean, I shouldn't go around treating people like turrets just because I'm

beautiful and successful.

That's right.

Be humble.

It's okay to let people be on top now and then.

Especially when you're having sex.

Oh, Mr. McNeil. I mean, I'm glad I learned

this right now before I got any bigger.

You want to make them bigger? Don't make them bigger. I'm talking about my

career, silly.

Thank you.

I talked Pamela into hiring back Jeanette and keeping Sybil on as her

Now that she had learned to be humble, I figured it would serve her well.

As for me, I stayed on as her bodyguard.

The job of the movie guard was allocated to a vizier.

Besides...