Original subtitles

Previously on "Southern Charm."

They found a tumor on his kidney.

As I was still processing Brett's bombshell,

Taylor decided she was no longer in the mood to celebrate.

What do you most want for your birthday?

To be left alone.

And when we all got together

in Craig's backyard,

Salley spilled some piping hot tea.

I mean, why is Gaston calling Salley?

He did?

He told me to keep his name out of my [----ing] mouth.

That makes his party cancellation seem a little more-

His idea.

But it was actually JT

who was still reeling from a game of telephone.

He called you a bitch.

I wasn't raised to use three words; B, P and C.

This screams Craig.

And as Craig decided it was time

to distance himself even further from Austen...

I honestly think the solution would be

to take a step back from the podcast.

Because then how you live your life won't annoy me.

He was finally ready to make nice

with their common enemy.

- JT wants to meet up. - Do it.

I'm interested to see what comes out of it.

I just know that Austen's gonna get really mad

if I have coffee with him.

But whatever.

♪ He'll swing this game, don't you know ♪

♪ Ba, ba, do

I need to give you your medicine.

You're not gonna like this.

You are so stubborn.

You will not open your mouth.

Oh, yucky.

- Hey, Jay. - Hello.

- You do a great job. - Thank you so much.

- Oh my goodness. - Yeah.

- Such a production. - It's not easy.

And we have a lot of light fixtures in this house.

All right, Penny.

Today's mantra is, "Long before we tune into our hubbub",

what is hubbub?

I'm fixated on that now.

Hi, how are you?

I need just two RedEyes, cold brew.

What's up?

How are you? - Nice to see you, bro?

I lived on the sixth floor of that building over there.

They have a off campus fraternity house right next door.

I can't imagine going to school here.

I wouldn't have graduated.

I loved it. I tell Paige all the time.

I would go back to college in a heartbeat.

I'm still furious.

If there was a infrared camera,

you would see heat and smoke emanating,

not just from the coffee cup in front of me,

from every part of my body and soul I'm so pissed off.

I don't know how to begin.

I've kind of got some beef, if I'm being honest with you.

Other people in our friend group

alluded that I, at the driving range,

referred to the lovely Miss Pat as the B word.

You called Patricia a bitch.

You're the bitch.

I don't believe that I ever called that woman that word.

Both Taylor and I were like,

"I've never even heard JT use that word."

No.

So you said that when she didn't take her cane,

that she was a bitch at the horse race.

Is it possible that maybe it was misheard?

He called you a bitch.

Miss Patricia just was like not taking this cane.

Look, I don't think that your intent

was to say she is in general a bitch.

I think it was in that moment she was a bitch.

I think you were frustrated at you handed her a cane

and she was probably like, "What the [----] is this?"

I'm not trying to gaslight what you think.

- No, I mean- - And I'm not sure.

But unless you see those words leave these lips-

Well, I heard it.

I stand by that he said Patricia was a bitch to me

at Carolina Cup 1000% 'cause I remember being like,

"Oh, you are [----ing] stupid."

We don't need to beef about this.

It's an agree to disagree.

We've covered enough.

Yeah. I'm happy that you texted me.

I appreciate that

'cause we were kind of like in limbo.

No, I agree man.

And I'm glad that you agreed to meet with me.

Well, it's too small of a town

to ever have unresolved stuff.

He actually is the one spreading lies,

gossip and slander about me and I know it

so it's hard to hold back and show restraint.

But I know it's the only way, it's the key to unlock time

for the truth to ultimately come out

and it is going to, I believe that firmly.

- Alright. - Alright, buddy. Cool.

Thank you.

Maybe one day we can go fishing with Shep.

We got a lot of fun to have.

Well, okay. Alright.

Yay.

Good boy, Turtle.

Hello. He's adoptable.

Oh, sorry. He's a very excitable boy.

Good boy.

Who the- - Hey there!

- Hey, what are you doing? - What's going on?

Nothing. I'm...

Oh god. He's gonna scratch your car.

I'm taking this dog from the shelter for the day.

Why I pull over? We can chat.

- Okay. Yeah. - It's been a little while.

Yeah, yeah. Come find me.

Let's go in here by the fountain.

When I was little I used to swim in these fountains.

- What a fine afternoon. - I know, right?

It's so pretty out. - Yeah. How are you?

- I'm all right. - Good to see you.

- Got this guy. - Yeah. Good to see you.

Yeah. Hey, buddy.

It's party time.

He's a little mouthy.

Glad I saw ya. I was like, who's that bait?

I was like [laughing], right. Oh, yeah.

That probably happens all the time.

Oh nah. Not as much anymore.

Oh, shut up.

You know we're getting up there.

I'm 36 in the South,

plus I gained some weight like past two years,

a year and a half.

That's the last thing you need.

Whitney.

So I have been celibate for a while.

You need to give yourself a little more credit.

But come on. Men are simple creatures.

I could be hideous and I could still get laid.

But Charleston is full of Peter Pan garbage men

who suck at life.

So it's a very daunting task

to like get back into dating.

- Well, what's going on? - Not much.

I'm in the band, Charleston Concert band.

- Yeah. - I play the miniature tuba.

So I have a concert on May 4th.

Can I come?

Yeah, you can totally come.

Okay, cool. I love music in all the forms.

Shep is undeniably a handsome man.

Yeah. - I like Tchaikovsky.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I love "The Nutcracker."

Oh, I love that too.

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪

He's extremely intelligent. He's very open-minded.

And overall I think Shep is definitely up there for me.

You met Sienna, right?

Yeah.

Hi, I'm Molly. - Hi. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

You're so beautiful. - Sienna. Thank you.

- Yeah. - She's so nice.

- Yeah, things are good. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Good.

Yeah, I mean, it's almost like it's accelerated

in the past like three weeks.

Technically Shep could be her dad,

but I think a lot of Southern men,

they just want some young girl

who's not gonna question them on things.

I'm gonna question everything.

What were you doing?

What'd you do that day?

Who are you talking to?

That's probably why I'm single.

She might come this weekend, but-

Yay.

What do you wanna be in charge of?

Oh, you know what you could do?

- Peel eggs? - Yep.

It normally works.

Cheers.

So how was your appointment?

Oh.

Just waiting.

How long do you think before we'll find out?

You'll be the first to know like I said.

- Will I? - Yeah.

You can't keep doing that.

My last three blood tests were off.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

'Cause I just didn't wanna worry you

'cause If it comes back as nothing,

then there's nothing to tell.

Well, I need you to be able to tell me this.

I know. I just, you know, I don't talk about things.

You have to go to the doctor that Patricia recommended.

That was part of the deal.

If I have to.

I just think you need to do that regardless.

Hm.

Let's just take it a day at a time first.

Until we hear anything then nothing to worry about.

Well, that's easier said than done.

I feel like I'm breathing out of a coffee straw.

Like I'm just waiting and I feel sick and nauseous.

But listen, Brett's gonna tell me when he wants me to know.

And I have to respect that even though I don't want to.

How are everyone else?

You're just like trying not to talk

about what you got going on.

So you're like, okay.

Well yeah, that's a lot more exciting.

I think that Craig and Austen are breaking up.

- That's sad. - I know.

I thought that was gonna be the one

relationship that actually survives.

Coming up.

Craig and JT went and had coffee together.

What?

It's like he's doing it just to like piss me off.

- Hello? - Hello.

Hi, guys. How are you?

Oh, I'm sorry, Beau,

I didn't mean to step on- - You're looking tan.

- Really? - Yeah.

Wow. Oh my gosh.

It smells good. - Yeah.

Chicken par, baby.

Do you want a drink?

- Yeah, baby. - Do you like mushrooms?

I love mushrooms.

Thank you. - You go.

Wait, is the Instagram live on?

This is my first cooking show.

My Barefoot Contessa.

You guys are gossiping and I'm [----ing] cooking so like-

We have our different happy places I guess.

Wow.

I love Taylor.

She's a wonderful friend to me and Tyler.

Like recently I know that she's been overwhelmed

with emotion, but she needs to be ready to like

go to town on some of these bitches.

- Do you like arugula? - Yes. Thank you, love.

Oh [sh--], dropped some of your drink.

Just tasted it a little bit.

Mm, that was good.

This is gonna be interesting.

Do you want like a different utensil to-

No, this is perfect.

So I have something.

We have a belated birthday gift for you.

Oh!

Oh my gosh, y'all.

I love her.

- So, yes. - Look at this.

- My friend Julia. - Stop.

Julia Deckman.

Oh my gosh, I love it.

Thank you. - Great. I love you.

I've never been a big celebrator of my birthday

and I felt so bad 'cause my mom had come into town.

I went out to lunch with her

and I just felt like a complete shell of a human.

What do you most want for your birthday?

To be left alone.

I was like this is a big birthday

that it feels like there's a huge hole missing.

And I just didn't want to be around people.

I mean other than Gaston.

And so I just, I was like, I don't know.

I don't really feel like doing a big thing.

Yeah, well, after the party cancellation

we ended up going to Craig's house.

He had people over there and-

Oh yeah, I wanna hear about this.

It was good.

But at one point, you know, we're eating

and Madison are talking,

and then Madison tells me that, you know,

Salley had said some stuff.

I mean, why is Gaston calling Salley?

Why'd he call her yesterday?

He did?

He told me to keep his name out of my [----ing] mouth.

- Are you serious? - Mm-hm.

Like no.

She called him.

So you can't just take this girl's word as Bible

just because she seems like, you know, Goldilocks

with her like little eyelashes

going up and down and like...

Why are you talking to people

who you just met about my boyfriend?

That's weird.

You know, there's talk that maybe,

you know, Gaston's like putting the pressure on you

to like kind of stay back

and I'm like I want to know that it's you.

Gaston is the one that's like,

"You need to stand up for yourself."

- Good. I'm glad- - And you need

to like say [sh--].

I guess Salley did reach out today to invite-

- To her house warming. - The house warming party.

- Yeah, same. - She invited you?

Mm-hm.

Hello?

Hey Taylor, it's Salley.

She goes, "This is so awkward

'cause like we've never talked on the phone."

I would like to extend an invite

to my housewarming party on Tuesday to you.

It's weird getting an invitation from someone

who doesn't have the nicest things to say about my person.

Is there some sort of hidden innuendo

as to why she's trying to lure me into her home?

- Are you gonna go? - I don't know.

I think you should. You're there.

You're on her turf. You set it straight.

How's my hair look?

Like it's not doing what it used to do.

- Yes, it is. - It is?

Yeah. Better than yesterday.

Oh, man.

Are you nervous at all about going to see the parents?

I mean, yeah, it's just nerve wracking, you know?

That's sweet.

Just let Audrey be, you know,

the perfect little pooks that she is.

A big word that I've been working on

with that therapist is intentionality

or the act of being intential.

And I have intentionally waited four months

to bring home Audrey

'cause I don't want to like do this to my parents,

introduce them to a girl

that I might not be that serious about.

And then they're like, "Oh, I liked her."

Hi.

- Hey. - Oh, look who it is.

- Hello, hello. - How you doing? Hi.

- This is Chelsea. - Hi, Chelsea.

Nice to meet you.

Are you still dating?

I'm not.

Because she's a good person. I like Chelsea.

Yeah. Then you'll meet my parents soon enough.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Yeah.

- Oh my gosh. - I know.

Every time that I come I'm like, holy [sh--].

Insane.

- Hello. - Hi, Aus.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Hey. - Hi, good to see you.

- Audrey. - Of course.

It's nice to see you. - Good to see you.

Hey, Audrey. How are you?

Good seeing you. - Same.

- I brought some wine. - Oh, thank you.

- Yeah. - Okay, let me just ask you,

what would you like?

Would you like, like an Aperol spritzer or a gin and tonic

or a vodka tonic?

The gin and tonic.

I got a little headstart.

I think that your whole life

is a headstart at the moment.

Every day's a weekend.

Well, it's good to have you here.

It's just so nice.

Isn't this nice, Dad? - This is very nice.

- Yeah? - It's so nice. Yes.

Let's just be honest.

In the past, I have been like addicted to the drama.

Like I've been like addicted to the mess.

When you have another woman sitting on your lap,

you're making me look like a [----ing] idiot.

It hasn't been sexual since we broke up.

So her sneaking across the hall isn't sexual?

- This is [----ing] [bullsh--]. - Madison. Madison.

Audrey's about as go with the flow as it gets.

I mean, I've given her no reason to not be trusting.

I really think, you know, comes from me being

like an open and transparent person to her

and shocker, that that's what it takes

to make a relationship work.

But it's been like revelatory

and it's like the greatest thing.

Audrey, how have you like come to Charleston?

I love it's, you guys know, three hours.

It's not bad at all.

It's easy peasy.

And I know that you've been coming here a lot.

Well, it seems like you guys

have a nice relationship.

Very happy.

There used to be a time when I dated

just because I was like, oh well, I'm having fun

so I'm just gonna date this person

with no thought of the future.

If I had a dollar for every person who asked me,

"Do you have any grandkids?"

- Oh my gosh. - My kids aren't married yet.

Audrey wants four.

- Oh, that's good. - What?

Just perked right up.

I just want a big family, so.

- Yeah. - I love it.

One step at a time.

But now I'm dating with purpose.

So there's that, which I guess is step one.

Madison's calling.

Hey. - What are y'all doing?

Well, we're out at Seabrook.

I mean I brought Audrey out here.

What's up?

From, you know, what we've heard-

So that's Rodrigo.

Well yeah, obviously.

Craig and JT went and had coffee together.

What?

So [----] them.

I mean, dude, that is like, you know,

once again it is like, you know,

I mean, why is Craig doing this?

It's like he's doing just to like piss me off or something.

God. Like what a little bitch Craig is.

I mean- - I'm with you.

- Yeah. - I stand with you on that.

You're lucky I'm on your side, mother [----er],

so deal with your friend.

Coming up.

- How's it going, man? - I'm good.

- Oh, have y'all met? Sorry. - Nice to see you.

Yeah, we met.

I think we've crossed paths.

Me being one of them.

Also Taylor.

Oh, it looks good.

So we were gonna set that table.

Do we have any other places it to go or no?

If not, it's okay.

I can bring another table out.

- Can you? - Yeah.

That would be so wonderful.

How's it going? - Good, how are you?

- Good. - Just getting ready

to tap your kegs.

- Cool. I'm excited. - Yeah.

- It's so cute. - Glad you like it.

- Thanks for setting up. - Yeah.

- Looks good, Mom. - Oh, outside?

Yeah.

I'm gonna get drunk tonight.

- Oh no. - We're having a potty.

Whoo-hoo!

How long have I seriously been here?

'Cause I don't wanna be wrong with everyone.

Trying to think when I came for your closing,

I woke up one morning

and my rent on my apartment went up like $300.

I was like, I'm so sick and tired of paying for something

that will never be mine.

So I texted my friend, I was like,

"Hey, I wanna buy a house."

And she was like, "I just left a house

that would be perfect for you.

Like you would love it."

It wasn't on the market yet.

I get there, it's everything I've ever wanted,

including a pool.

Never thought I'd have a pool.

And I was like, "I'll take it."

And they were like, "Okay, this isn't how it works."

I was like, "Well, I don't know how to buy a house."

Look at all this cheese.

And then this one but I like to keep this round.

So maybe just like cut like a pizza.

All right.

And now I can't even believe like this is mine.

It just feels so surreal.

Like it really does.

I just love hosting. - Yes.

You should have learned all about hosting

during your little cotillion years

that you loved so much

'Cause you wanted us to learn proper manners.

Well, every Southern girl needs their proper manners.

When I was 22 years old, I got engaged.

We had the big house and like he wanted kids

and I thought that I had everything.

And then 25 days before the wedding I got a DM

that he had been cheating on me.

So I canceled the wedding and moved to Charleston.

And then that's kind of when single Salley

came back, full force.

It's looking cute. - Yes.

But we still need to set the table outside.

- Gotcha. - And do the bar for us.

- Okay. - Because we're running

outta time.

My ex-fiance had the houses and the cars

and everything was in his name.

And now that I have my own house,

like I know no matter what happens in any relationship

that I'm in, that I'll be okay.

We need to go get our dress.

Will you help me pick out a dress?

- Yes. - Okay.

- Hi. - Hey, you look so pretty.

I'm going to Pilates.

What's up? What are you doing?

I'm getting ready for Salley's party

and I think I'm gonna have a convo with Austen.

- Yeah. - I feel like I have

to squash this podcast thing

'cause I think it's hanging over our heads.

I honestly think the solution would be

to take a step back from the podcast

because then how you live your life won't annoy me.

It's not a bad idea.

Plus that's thing's- - Instead of forcing yourself.

It has to be exhausting.

Well, especially when your chemistry isn't there.

Austen's gonna have trouble with that

because he feels entitled to it.

"Pillows and Beer" was your side hustle.

"Sewing Down South" is your thing.

- Right. - The whole point

of a podcast is to like put out good vibes

and like laugh and talk with your friend in a very real way.

And if you guys can't even do that,

then why is the podcast even a question?

I think you two need to like sit down

and legit dissolve the whole thing.

It the finality of it all. It just freaks me out.

I think that you should start over.

Like why would you not have a podcast

like "Craig and Friends"?

That's a great point.

You rebrand. You have your own new name.

It's a whole new vibe. It's not "Pillows and Beer."

And then just have confidence in myself to do it.

You never shut up. You can do a podcast on your own.

It's just like a clean slate. It's like new energy.

What are you holding onto?

I have a really hard time breaking out up people.

But with Austen, maybe I was looking for an out

and I didn't even realize it.

You have to sit and think like what you want.

You want to be his friend?

Would you like even still be friends

if you did not have this contractual obligation?

Well that's,

yeah, I think those are very real questions.

Yeah.

- Sal? - Hey, babe.

You look good.

Andrew is not my usual type.

You're just letting yourself in these days?

Yeah, I already got a key.

I am typically with like a businessman I feel like,

you know, really aggressive.

How you feeling?

Nervous, excited, stressed.

But Andrew wants to communicate everything and talk so soft.

I don't know but I love that my type's changing.

Give me a kiss.

Are you gonna protect me tonight?

- Go. Always. - From all the danger.

- Hello. - Hi.

- Hello, Bootsy boy. - Sweet.

- Thank y'all for coming. - Of course.

Cute. Landscaping is nice.

This is cute.

- Hi. - Hi, honey.

How you doing? I got you some...

The dog can't be by the flowers.

Hi. - Your house is so cute.

Ooh cool.

- So chic. - You like the pool?

- Well, happy new home. - Yes, I know.

I like the [indistinct] too,

that looks nice. - Yeah.

- Oh, I'm changing that. - Oh, you're changing it?

And I wanna rip out the liner and put in cement.

- There's a lot going on. - Yeah.

- Do y'all need a drink? - I'm gonna get a drink.

I kind of wanna drink too.

You're probably like, "Where's the bartender?"

Oh [sh--]. Bloody Mary mix?

I'll do that.

I've never made a bloody Mary before.

I'm just throwing in here.

The setup is cute but making me the bartender.

Like why am I making my own drink?

This looks like it has your name on it.

It's got some barnacles on it too.

- Hello. - Yeah.

Oh, hey, Shep. Ho are you?

- Good to see you. - Good.

Good to see. Welcome to my home.

I know. This is so nice.

- I love it. - Wow.

Hey, how's it going, man?

- Oh, have y'all met? - I think we've crossed paths.

I think we've crossed paths.

I mean y'all have crossed paths twice.

Huh?

Me being one of them.

I have history with Shep.

- Oh. - Oh.

Also Taylor.

- Really? - Yeah.

Taylor's dating decisions continued to confound me.

No offense to anybody.

- Okay. - Hey.

Hello.

Oh my God. So small I almost stepped on it.

- Did you not see him? - No, Whitney, watch out.

See, a little dog. - Oh my God.

- Hey, bud. - Hey.

Hey man. How are you?

I'm sorry to interrupt.

- Hey, how are you? - Good. How are you?

Good. Thanks for having me.

Thanks for coming.

What a beautiful home. What's up, man?

How are you? - Sup? Andrew.

I'm Craig. Good to see you.

Nice to meet you.

Hey, what's up, man? You look nice.

Thanks.

How are you?

Oh good. I just zoned out.

It's so [----ing] weird.

Craig is acting like everything is just totally normal

and that he didn't just hang out

willingly with JT.

Drinking a Trop Hop? - Yes, sir.

Who is gonna be the one

to be like an uppity little bitch about this?

That is the game that Craig's playing. Like I'm good.

Are you good?

- Coming up.

There are people in this group

that have told me not to trust you.

Did you not know this?

Mom, will you grab me koozies inside?

To the left of the sink, three doors down.

Oh boy. Barbecue.

I had that for lunch.

Mac and cheese. My doctor said no.

Green beans. I can have that.

Ah.

Whoo.

What does Audrey think of Madison?

Dude, she thinks she's really nice, to be honest.

- She thinks I'm nice. - Yeah.

I was like, "Well, she's not."

Have they met?

So did you see Craig?

I'm not gonna lie, when Craig walked in

I was kind like,

you, man. - Why?

So Craig, you know, met up with JT.

I thought he like really hated the guy.

I mean, I thought-

I thought we had an alliance here.

No, alliance is the "Game of Thrones."

Part of me wants to pull Craig over here

and ask him what he said.

- Yeah. Let's get him over. - Craig.

Gotta talk to you.

Craig.

Hey guys, how are y'all?

The turn coat here.

I was just telling Madison and Whitney

that it was a gut punch when I first heard

that you met up with JT.

Craig and JT had coffee together.

What?

So [----] them.

I mean, it's like he's doing it just to like piss me off.

Well, I went because it felt very unresolved to me

'cause when I last saw him,

I just stormed out of a place.

I can't hang out with people

that are against my friend Austen.

This isn't healthy for me.

- Craig. Hold on. - Nah.

What's going on?

Why is he so upset? - This is bananas!

I'm a business owner in this town

and he's a lot better as like getting along with you

than just a crazy guy running around-

You never know if he's gonna like throw a rock in your-

No and look-

I want you to know if someone talks about you and Paige,

I would shut that down so quick.

- I did. - And I would continue

to stand- - I did for both of you.

It felt like a direct ax aimed at me.

This is so stupid.

Listen. Okay, great story.

We're done with him.

He called my friend a bitch

and he also came from my marriage.

Bye-bye.

Yeah, I'm pissed. Craig is my friend.

He's not supposed to go anywhere with JT.

Well, why don't you go fishing with us?

Huh? You're going fishing?

I think me and Shep...

This kid doesn't deserve a [----ing] thing from me

and I can't sit here and talk about this guy anymore.

Like I just can't do it.

It's like, let's eat some oysters or do anything else.

I think that Craig is just like,

is continuously being a little asshole.

And if he doesn't actually like wanna work

on our friendship, then fine.

- Go get some oysters. - Hi, Charlotte.

I'm getting some oysters right now.

Okay, darling.

I'm wondering if Taylor's coming.

She is. She told her she is.

- Yeah, she is. - Yeah.

And she's with Rod and them?

Yeah.

I don't why I'm nervous.

Is she gonna push me in the pool?

- No. - No.

No.

You just got your hair done.

I feel like I'm gonna barf.

Positive thoughts here.

- I love the brick work. - Yeah, it's really nice.

You gotta pull it together.

- I hear Venita. - Hi, Tyler.

- What's up, baby? - My scratchy voice.

- Hi. - Hi, my angels.

- It's coming back. - How we doing? Oh, I'm sorry.

Hi. - How are you?

- Hi, baby. - How you doing?

Hi. - Hey, I'm Tyler.

- Hi, you made it. - Nice to meet you.

- You look lovely. - Thank you.

Is everyone enjoying themselves?

Are the oysters good?

The oysters are delicious.

Oh, hi. Oh, what's up?

- Hey Craig. - How are ya?

- How are you? - Good.

- Good to see you. - Did you and Austen

talk to each other? - I had coffee

with the little one so I had to explain myself.

Austen's priorities are so out of whack.

I could never even imagine caring

what one of my friends is doing.

Wait, why did you explain yourself to him?

Could have asked him for a keg.

Well, apparently your Trop Hopp wasn't good enough.

Let me see how good you look.

Yeah, you do look good. I said it again.

I was like, Shep looks good. - You look like

you're working out.

You look tan, you look really handsome.

I mean, I think you have your spark back.

It's got your-

You walk into the room different now.

Nothing feels better than someone saying you look good.

I think it's Sienna.

- Yeah, we like Sienna. - I gotta look good.

Maybe it's 'cause I'm seeing a pretty

high level awesome gal and I can't look like a slob anymore.

I gotta bring it.

- Hello Leva. - Hi.

- You look beautiful. - How are you?

- How are you? - Good.

- Good to see you. - Happy birthday,

late birthday. - Thank you. Thank you.

- Welcome to 30 hood. - I know.

- You look very nice. - Thank you.

Well, it's good to see you.

Yeah, you too.

Hey, how are you? - Good. How are you?

- Good to see you. - You too.

How you been? - Good.

Good. Welcome.

Do you need anything? - Thanks.

No, I'm good. Thank you.

Okay.

Andrew. He's very strange.

We were in a situationship.

He wanted to be exclusive,

but also he was still hooking up with multiple other girls.

It's weird that she's saying "hey."

It's my house.

Shep, come here.

Austen's mad at us for going fishing.

If fishing's involved, well then, yeah.

It was Craig's idea.

Dude, I don't tell my friends who they can

and can't [----ing] hang out wit

- Oh, good. - Well, that's what

you're doing. - Then what are you upset?

But this is, I'm just shocked is all that I'm saying.

Have a little bit of loyalty to our friend here.

I did for a long [----ing] time.

Why the change of heart?

I mean. - Things change.

Coming up.

- Hey, is she drowning? - Venita.

No.

Oh my god.

I feel like I'm playing Operation.

I can't eat this.

- Yes you can. - I can't eat

this [----ing] thing.

Yes, you can. Here, let me help you.

I only eat fresh oysters.

This is fresh, freshly steamed.

I'm just a little,

I'm upset that Taylor hasn't said hey to me.

I go outta my way to invite you.

and you're not gonna say hey to me?

That's [----ing] rude.

Well, I feel like I should say hello

to the host. - Did you see Salley?

Yeah. You should say hi. - Yeah.

I was gonna say just say hey. - You can just say hi.

She's got her boyfriend guarding her.

Do you want me to walk over

or Rodrigo can walk over as your stepping board.

Well, I'm walking that way.

So let's walk that way.

- Yeah, walk that way. - I'll walk that way

and I can walk inside and then she can...

Hey, Salley.

- Yeah. - Hi.

- Thank you for having me. - Yeah.

- I appreciate the invite. - How are you?

I'm good. Yeah.

- You look cute. - Yeah, the house looks great.

- Can I get you anything? - No, I'm good. I'm good.

I didn't know if you were gonna go or not.

Yeah, I don't need to like impose in your own home

but there's obviously some things I definitely wanna

just have a conversation about 'cause-

Yeah, that's fine with me.

Where do you want to go?

This is your home. You lead the way.

I don't know where to go.

Should we just sit on these chairs over here?

Yeah. So anyways, again, thank you for the invite.

I appreciate it.

I know I canceled my party

and y'all went over to Craig's

and I just heard some things that were being said.

I just found it very odd that you're coming into a new group

of friends and you're introducing yourself

and just automatically off the bat,

talking about a past fling from a year ago.

I mean, I touched on Gaston on a little bit,

'cause I was saying how I went from my ex-fiancee

to a horrible relationship.

It was a flame.

I mean, we were exclusive for a little bit.

- Were you? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - I don't think you know

the depths.

But were you guys serious?

You and the guy?

I mean, we said "I love you."

- Oh. - He's in my history.

I have a right to talk about

what happened to me in the past.

We do, but then Rod relayed to me

that you said that he called you.

We had a conversation yesterday.

What happened?

He told me to keep his name out of my [----ing] mouth.

Did you not know this?

But you called him.

We had a phone conversation.

- Can I ask you this? - What's up?

Only because we were talking about it.

Salley told me that Gaston called her.

Okay but-

And piece of [sh--].

It was very much him reaching out

and then Salley called me in tears and I met her

and I just like held her for like 30 seconds.

- 30 seconds. - I was like, "Listen,

that's not your life anymore."

- That's not long enough. - Hold 'em a bit longer, baby.

Hold 'em tight now.

Golly. - Maybe 45.

- Make her feel loved. - Maybe a minute.

We're all human.

Everyone's names is in everyone's mouth around here.

We're in Charleston.

I mean, I really try for it not to be.

Yeah. I would love that.

But we're in a friend group

and there are people in this group

that have told me not to trust you.

Like what?

Don't try to set me up or create drama out of nowhere

just because you want to.

I've had a longstanding history with them.

I know I [----ed] up last year. - I get that.

But you have a longstanding history with them

and they're saying that about you.

I don't have a longstanding history.

I just see right through her [sh--].

I don't trust this girl.

I don't trust anything that she says.

Let's just do our best to not-

I'm telling you, after this conversation,

if anyone ask me about him, I will not talk about him.

- I appreciate that. - If anyone asks me about you,

I'll not talk about any of it.

I appreciate that.

Yeah. Thank you.

Appreciate it.

- Okay, so no bad blood. - No bad blood.

Okay.

- Are you okay? - I don't know.

I think she's just mad

because I've had her boyfriend's name in my mouth

and he doesn't wanna be any part of this.

And you have her ex-boyfriend?

Yeah.

- Aw. - All right. I'm out.

Hey, you okay?

- Yeah. - Are you sure?

- Yes. - Okay.

I just don't really wanna be here.

Can I just sneak out this way?

- Yes. - All right.

I'll see y'all later.

- Goodbye. Be careful. - Bye, Taylor.

All right, y'all. I'm going home.

It's a school night.

- Thank you, Venita. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're welcome. Welcome.

I'll see you. I'll see you.

Okay, let's go. See you later.

Can we go this way?

Let's jump in the pool.

I think you should jump in the pool.

- Okay. - I don't know how deep it is.

I don't think it's deep.

Oh, [sh--], Venita jumped in.

- Who? - Venita.

Is she okay?

Is she drowning?

Oh my God.

I got her.

Yeah!

- Venita. - Venita.

Wait, is she drowning?

Wait, I got her.

- Oh my God. - She can't swim?

You can't swim? Is it deep?

Venita, why'd you jump in the pool?

- Wait. - I can, I can.

Wait, what just happened?

Holy [sh--], Craig just jumped in.

- Oh my god. - Craig.

I can swim so fine, but I couldn't catch my breath.

What?

You couldn't swim?

I didn't know what was happening, [sh--].

- Are you just drunk? - I couldn't breath

because I took too much water

and I was like [coughing].

Okay, I might have had one too many drinks.

I'm gonna get drunk.

It's not gonna take me long.

Mm.

Because I only have one-

Jumping into this pool is not my proudest moment.

Oh my God, you jumped in with your suede shoes

and I was like undoing my shoes.

Just need a shirt, if you have boys clothes.

Oh my God.

Were you a lifeguard growing up?

I'm trying to remember out of my childhood.

My brother was a beach lifeguard.

All my friends were beach lifeguards.

I was with them a lot.

Thank you.

But no, as a paid beach lifeguard, I don't know.

Probably not.

Could have been though.

- Is that Hawaiian shirt? - Yeah.

I love that.

That's the only shirt I have here right now.

Fireman Craig just jumped in.

- See what a man does? - God damn it.

- Look who it is. - Oh.

- Molly. - Molly.

- Hey. - Come here, Sugar Lumps.

Are you okay? - Yeah.

- Hey, Molly. - Hi, Molly.

- Hey. How are you darling? - Sorry, we're really intense.

No, you're good. I am just, oh.

- Oh, [----]. - Oh my God.

Craig, you look like my boyfriend.

Yeah. How's Andrew style me?

Sorry it took me like four hours.

- Where have you been? - I've been toot, toot,

tooting on my tuba.

- Was it fun? - Well, how'd it go?

- It was good. - A rehearsal?

- Yeah. - Are you gonna trade-

- Yeah, of course. - I have a solo in my concert

and I messed it up.

- When's the real thing? - Saturday.

- Can we go? - Yeah, if y'all wanna come.

Yeah, it'll be a fun concert.

I'll be there. Just let us know.

- Hell yeah. - Okay.

What's up?

Dude, what a [----ing] move, man

Yeah, that was wild.

Whitney, I'm impressed

you're still here, dude.

I having such a great time. It's hard to leave.

- No, we are. - More importantly

are things copacetic between you guys?

You told me at my pool like you think

I'm a little wound tight or, you know, boring or whatever.

So, but this is just like what you wanna do?

Like you just like wanna hide out

and not make the effort anymore

than like what we do? - Not make the effort?

Like we record twice a week

and we see each other at the gym.

Craig, man, that's business.

My whole life is business now.

And like I think you're a little too loose

and that's okay but that doesn't lead

to a good best friend's podcast.

What the [----] are you talking about?

Like what the [----]?

The podcast was only good because of our friendship.

Now the chemistry is just not there anymore.

- Really? - Yeah.

Like how much would I have to give you to sign papers

saying like, all right, Craig owns "Pillows and Beer" now?

Wait, we're doing this? Wow.

You are talking about taking the rights to something

that we built together

just because I call you out for something.

Look, you guys have done some fun stuff on this podcast

and threw it all away because of, you know,

some issues and vice versa.

You can work through that. This is not insurmountable.

The podcast was only good because of our friendship.

Now it's not, it feels very much like two people

are just logging on 'cause they have to.

Next time on "Southern Charm."

I dropped an L-bomb pretty early-

- With Sienna? - Yes.

I can't believe she likes me, dude.

It felt like Craig and I are separated

but haven't done the divorce.

And then he was like, "Divorce."

He was being an asshole just like this one

talking about people having affairs.

I'm not doing this.

He had a girlfriend. I found out.

Did I- - Then you kept going with it.

Because I was already hooked at that point.

- And then he chose Taylor. - No, he didn't.

♪ Whoa