All language subtitles for Southern.Charm.S10E04.Sew.Not.Invited.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Previously
on "Southern Charm."

Dear Miss Patricia,

I'm sorry for my
lack of respect.

While JT
was on damage control,

Shep and Austin were
missing quality time

with their buddy Craig.

If Craig's seen with
like a beer in his hand,

he thinks his whole
business is going down.

Cutting himself off from
everybody is not a solution.

♪ Ooh, ooh, the
flashing lights ♪

And as all
the bitches got decked out

for Rodrigo's
Doggy Parton party,

Taylor was tied up in knots
over seeing her boyfriend's ex.

Hi, cutie!

This is Boots.

Boots, adorable.

And her
ex's new girlfriend.

I think it's the
number one on the roster.

Oh.

♪ And she'll stir the tea

And even though
JT was still in the dog house-

You didn't invite JT?

I hate anyone feeling excluded.

I couldn't rest easy

till I gave mini-man
a piece of my mind.

Do you really think I would
have an affair with you?

♪ She's a hurricane

♪ And baby it's not so easy

♪ Mm-hmm

Come here, Boots. We're
gonna go downstairs.

Go pee pee.

That's a long pee.

My day starts at 4:30.

I let my dog out. Good boy!

I do yoga.

Five.

Quick shower, put my scrubs on.

And then 6:45 head
to the hospital.

I'm in surgery until about one.

I feel like I'm living in
"Grey's Anatomy."

It's a weird life that
I live.

Morning. Morning.

What are you doing?

I'm looking
at our schedule.

Regular scoli. Nothing crazy.

People are always shocked

when I tell them I control
a robot in spine surgery.

And I'm like, "Excuse
me,

do I not look like somebody
that would do that?"

I really do think I have to
take Dr. Shaffrey's case,

cover his T10 to pelvis, 'cause
they're worried about it.

When's the case,

Thursday morning?
- No, it's tomorrow.

When I was 15 years old,

I thought that I would have
probably three kids by now.

Because I grew up in
Greenville, South Carolina,

my family was very,
very southern.

I did the whole cotillion
thing, went to debutante balls,

but it wasn't for me.

I just wanted to be a boss.

I make close to $400,000
like all said and done.

Okay, well, I'll be
there in like,

I don't know, give
or take, 10 minutes.

Alright, sounds good.

Bye.
- Bye. Bye.

I feel like I've finally
become a very strong,

independent southern woman.

I don't need a guy to have a
house, and I don't need a guy,

I don't even need
a guy to have kids.

I can do it all on
my own.

Hey Pooky. Pooky is
looking good today.

Penny, get him.

Rod, come in.

I know no one who has
ever used the door knob.

Oh!

You know how proper I am.

Your hairdo looks so good.

So, this is my place.

- I've never been.
- You've never been here.

My little beach bungalow.

I bought this place
when I was 24 years old.

- Dang girl.
- I know, right?

Moving to the beach, I was
like, "Lean to your aesthetic."

You leaned into it?

So if I go in the bathroom
to go take a piss,

I'm gonna find like a
basket of shells in there?

You're gonna see
a naked mermaid.

If I see one more
rope decor situation,

I'm going to use
that rope on myself.

Gaston wants me
to move in with him.

And I was like,

that finger looks
a little empty.

Pump the breaks. You're
already getting all the milk.

Hold on.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I would rather be engaged

knowing that we're planning a
wedding and planning a future,

rather than just
living together,

and then every three
months, I'm like,

"So, do you think it's
gonna work out okay?"

Okay, can I get you
something to drink?

What do you have?

I don't know if you want
a little glass of Viv,

is that okay?

Why not?

Well, Penelope still
is clearly pooped
out from the party.

I mean,
did you have fun?

I did, but then Shep called.

Oh, what did he say?

He goes,

I know it's a couple
days for your birthday,

and I thought that
maybe you'd wanna get

like a cup of coffee
or some ice cream.

Your new girlfriend
doesn't care about that?

Um, I don't know.

I haven't really
run that by anybody.

Did you talk to her at all?

Yeah, and she was great.

- That's very sweet.
- The one thing that was weird

that she said, I was like,
"I'm Taylor, by the way."

Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.
- I heard so much about you.

Hopefully, good things.

Mostly.

I mean, do you think

like having Gaston there
would've been helpful,

like in this situation, for you?

No, not really.

Well, Salley and Shep,

they were just being very
negative about Gaston.

I [beeps] hate her boyfriend.

You're not alone.

Nobody else knows him.

Nobody else has gotten
the time to be like,

"I'm gonna get to know
this human being."

You know, having said that,

how do these people in
this group get to know him?

I really think that
maybe moving forward,

I think he needs to come around.

At least to be like,
"Listen, meet Gaston.

Form your opinion
by meeting Gaston."

I feel like that's kind
of an important thing

that Taylor and Gaston
aren't doing right now.

I think they need to, you
know, own their relationship,

and you know, walk
forward in that.

That way everyone else talking,
the chit chat on the side

that have never met him,
they can shut the [beeps] up.

They've got ice peach tea.

And then they got
smoothies and matcha.

I think matcha is supposed
to be good for you.

You know
where matcha is huge,

is Australia.
- Asia.

Everyone's
like match tea,

matcha tea, matcha tea.
- Everyone's attractive there,

yeah.

I don't think it's
'cause of matcha tea.

Okay, so let's do the
matcha with coconut milk.

I'd like a
strawberry mango cream.

A latte with oat milk.

Hot or ice?

Hot please.

We'll have those out

for you guys.
- We'll have a seat.

Thank you.

Oh, is this mine?

The one on the left.

Yeah, can you grab
that for me? Thank you.

I was surprised you guys
didn't come over yesterday.

It was like 86 degrees.
Who weather's here?

I can't wait. Yeah, but we
better get in better shape.

Lift more.

Lock and squeeze.

Just off the route.

Ooh, that's smooth.
Smoother than me.

Craig, I'm sorry
you missed Sienna.

She was here last week.

I know.

I was flying back from
California, and I was like,

"Oh, I wonder if Sienna
went to the birthday party?"

She did.

Oh, well, hot damn!

Oh my God.

- Howdy!
- Well, howdy!

Is she still here?

No, but she wants me to
come down to the Bahamas.

I wanna spend more time down
there and take things further.

Would you have
kids with Sienna?

I would. She wants to.

Sienna talks a lot about it.

So she's got my head
thinking in interesting ways.

Do you want kids,

or do you not care?
- No.

Well, wait, "Do I want kids?"

I've always thought that
that answer was yes,

but who in the hell is to say?

Well, me and Paige have
decided to freeze my sperm.

Sign
that and confirm.

Okay, how secure is
the collection room?

Like do people ever break
in and steal this stuff?

You'll be very safe.

Oh, sorry, not collect.

I meant is where you

store the samples.

Hey, how are you?

Good. How are you?

Good. You'll be going in here.

Okay.

So you'll just wash your
hands before and afterwards.

And then there are
cups over here.

Make sure to get
it all in the cups.

Okay.

There's lubrication
over there.

We have a TV set up

if you need to use it.
- Yeah, that's okay.

Okay, awesome.

Thank you very
much. Appreciate it.

Okay.

I read about this person
got in a car accident,

and they were like,
yeah, they survived,

but they like can't
produce anymore.

And like I would be
remiss to not say

that becoming a dad
is like probably,

like whatever it's called
when it has to happen

in my future.

Like, that's not like-
- Certainty?

Yeah, like that's,
for me, like-

Like, prerequisite?

Is that the word?
- Yeah.

You know, now it's probably
gonna be three or four years.

You're gonna be 40.

I know. I was thinking
about freezing my sperm.

What the

If my testicles
get chopped off...

It's like the craziest
thing in the world.

The version of life

that I saw myself living
isn't what I'm living,

which is like this stable
home that I grew up in.

Every night at dinner,

my mom and dad were
there and my brother,

and I just loved that.

But I think if you
find the right person

and they happen to be a
feisty Italian from New York,

things aren't always gonna
go have you have it planned.

Did you decide
or did Paige decide

that you wanna wait
three or four years?

Or did you both decide?
- She did,

and then it made sense to me.

Right.

It's like he's too, he
doth protest too much,

except it's not
protesting, it's agreeing.

Thou agree too much.

Without any
influence from Paige,

yes, I'd be like, "All right,
you date for a little while,

then you get married,
then you have kids."

Yeah, we're gonna
do that one day,

but why don't we
just try and make

as much money as possible now.

I'm just making sure
that like my buddy's doing

what he wants to be
doing, that's it.

I want kids one day.

Have I ever told you that
I want kids right now?

Or did that come
from someone else?

Because I've never said
I want kids right now.

Wait, what?

Ever since I've known Craig,

he's just like wanted to get
married, wanted to have kids.

- The first tooth-
- Tooth pillow-

- that's so cute.
- Yeah, with a little pocket.

- Oh my God.
- And they put

their little little
tooth in there.

Who's Penelope?

It was the girl that
Naomi and I'll never have.

I'm not entirely sold

that Craig wants exactly
what Paige wants.

I mean, look, plans change,

and that's okay.

There you go.

Coming up...

This whole like game of
telephone, it's been so twisted.

This screams Craig.

I think you should call Craig.

Whitney.

Mother.

Hey, honey.

Hello.

So tell me what's going on.

So I believe
your birthday is this week.

Yes, I'm now 83.

When people remind
me of how old I am,

I have to think for a minute,
"That can't be possibly right

because I feel like
I'm 40 years old."

I wanna go over
this list with you.

Yeah.

Since you now own all of this,

I have things for you
to be responsible for,

Which I have been
responsible for.

Yes, you have.

But I mean, it hasn't been as
organized as it could be, so.

Okay.

Several years ago, we had
a meeting with our lawyers

and estate planners
and money manager,

and they said when
I kick the bucket,

Whitney is gonna have
to pay, I don't know,

46% in death duty,
something extraordinary.

And the house is now
worth, I don't know,

15 million or something.

So we decided that Whitney
should buy the house for me

and put it in his own trust.

There are things
that are seasonal.

For example, the gardeners.

I've paying the gardeners
and the landscapers.

- And the landscapers, okay.
- They're two separate sets.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, there are a million
things to keep up an old home.

For example, in the spring,

you have to buy new lilies at
a certain place for the pond.

And so I took Whitney
to the nursery,

and we went through that.

So next year, that's
something that he can do.

Then there's the
electrician, the pool guy,

exterior painters, interior
painters, tromploy painters,

rug cleaners, the
elevator, the generators,

furniture restorers, chimney
and air conditioning guy.

Then there's the man
that repairs the clocks.

Clock man, clock
man, clock man. So.

It's like curating a
museum that's like, you know,

without public funding.

Listen, when I kick the
bucket, just have a big auction,

you'll make a lot of money.

Definitely selling those
knickknacks on the table there.

I would never do that,

you know, just out
of reverence to her.

Hopefully she'll be around,
you know, until she's 120.

Because I can't imagine
a world without mom.

It'd be like world
without Dom Perignon.

Did you ever anticipate
when we got this house,

what a money pit it would be,

or it was just,

that completely evaded any
kind of logistical reasoning?

Well, you can
afford it.

Great.

- Hi.
- Hiya.

Do I just sit wherever I want?
- Yeah, wherever you want.

Yeah, of course.

What's up?

- Hey friend, how are you?
- How are we doing?

Good to see you.
- You look good.

- Thank you.
- No cane?

No, just limping around.

- Oh, good to see you.
- How are you?

How are you?

I'm okay.

I am not so well.

I'm sick. I'm on
antibiotics, but I'm fine.

Allergies?

No, just having
a child.

Hi, how are you?

Did you guys want any chips
in salsa or queso to start?

That's up to him.

No, I'll do the fish taco.

Can I get the crispy pork
belly like on a lettuce wrap?

Yeah, sounds good.

Yeah. I'll get that
right out for you guys.

Thank you. So, what's
going on, friend?

You missed the dog birthday.

I know, and I love small dogs.

I know. I hate that
you were not invited.

Well, [sighs] it seems

like I'm kind of like
persona non grata right now.

After that party, Madison
called me and she sat me down,

and she lit me up pretty good.

She lit me up good.

I think Austen might
have been right about you

this whole entire time.

You are not a gentleman.

You called Patricia a
bitch? You're the bitch.

I don't believe that I ever
called that woman that word.

Thank you.

Both Taylor and I were like,

"I've never even heard
JT use that word."

I wasn't raised to use
three words, B, P, and C.

That's why I wanted to talk
to you, 'cause I was like,

it didn't-
- Yeah. No.

No.

I know you were upset

that Patricia didn't
accept the cane right.

Like that-

I really wasn't
even that upset.

Miss Patricia just was
like, not taking this cane.

Isn't that weird?

This whole like
game of telephone,

it's been so twisted.
- Yeah.

This screams Craig.
This screams Craig.

She knows Shep never
wants to get involved

with that kind of drama.

It's definitely Craig, yeah.

I need Craig to walk
all of his [beeps] words

in rhetoric back.

And if that's too incendiary,
I'll die on that sword too.

Craig does have a
tendency to exaggerate.

I'll have security
sort you out or you can go.

It's time. It's time.
- Yeah, I'm leaving.

Go. Just go home.

Go home.
- What are you doing?

Go home.

You want me to run?

I'm mad at Craig.

I'm like,

because now I've lost Madison-
- I get that you're-

as a friend.

You guys were friends.

I have no beef with her. I
just sat there and took it.

I was like, with my
cane, I'm like, "Um."

I think you should call Craig.

Just be like, "Hey,
like it just seems

like the version of what I
said isn't totally accurate."

What a jacked up situation.

Coming up...

Like I think it's
crazy that you and Austen

like live in the same place

and you don't record
your podcast in person.

He's usually
too hungover to do it.

Hi chicken.

Hey baby.

up?

Chicken, I think
I'm gonna tackle

the last room of the house.

Which is the, what? The FROG.

Are you laughing at yourself?

Yeah, I just think
gets up on your word.

Do you know what
it stands for?

Like a frickin'...

What
does it stand for?

Front room over the garage.

Yes, I wanted
to get your goals.

Don't worry about me.

You do what you
want in that room.

For me, I don't want it
to be just a podcast room.

You know, me and Austen,
we've been podcasting now

for a couple of years.

It started the
tail end of Covid,

and we were drinking a lot.

There was nothing else to do.

Yo, you had to back roll
out a fart.

And now we go on
tour twice a year.

We've done like 25 live shows,

and it's turned into a business.

I was also thinking

like I want it to be
a multifunctional room

where I can craft.

We're crafting now.

I want a crafting corner.

Well, you got...,

What do you wanna craft, honey?

I wanna be able to use
my embroidery machine,

and I want to be able
to use my Cricut and do-

I know what, you'd
be able to hem things for me.

Right.

And like-
- It's been three years.

You haven't hemmed a single
frickin' pair of pants for me.

Okay, well, look,
here's the goal.

If I have an area to work from

where I don't have to clear
off all my podcasting stuff,

my sewing machine
will just be set up.

Why don't you do one wall

where you have like two chairs
set up and your microphones.

And that's like pushed
against the wall,

so it's not really taking
up that much space.

Well, that's, and I
think I'm gonna change

from like these things to floor,

like I have the floor stands.

Like, don't
you think it's crazy

that you and Austen like
live in the same place

and you don't record
your podcast in person?

So, like, if you set
up a couch right there

and two microphones, like,

why would he not come over
once a week, every week

and just record it there.

And then you can do video.

Well, and it's so
much better in person.

And I can set up.

Yeah, like the video

is what we're missing.
- It's so much better

in person.

The chemistry is so much better.

He should be
coming to my house,

but he's usually too
hungover to do it.

His priority is his social
life, which is fine.

Mine is work. Do you
have any requests?

Like, do you want a designated
corner for anything?

What would
I put in my corner?

What about a
wrapping paper wall?

What the

No.

You know how people have
like wrapping paper rooms?

Yeah, and I think those
people are [beeps] weird.

We'll go check in,

and then we'll come
back and do the clubs.

Hey guys, checking
in for a tee time today?

- Yeah, we had three.
- Yep.

Good to go.

And you can grab any golf cart
outside you guys would like.

Perfect.

You don't have an age limit

on the golf carts, right?

I tried, Hudson.

Don't say I didn't try to
get you your own golf cart.

One day.

Yeah.

You're almost my size, so.

This one looks good.

Oh, these seats are comfy.

Woo!

All right, let's go.

Whoa, whiplash.

Is this
gonna be the first time

using your new clubs, Hudson?

Yep.

Okay, so what are we
planning for? Who's got money?

Allowance.

- I'll see what cash I got.
- Oh, I'm outta this.

No, Hudson.

Nah.

Okay,

you gotta clean your room-
- No, not that much.

if I win.

No.

But I kind of thought

that Hudson was never
going to be a little punk.

And he is. And I'm like,
"What is wrong with you?"

All right, I gotta
get a warmup in.

Kaboom!

Shh.

Ooga Booga!

Hudson!

- You can't do.
- Oh, mom's right with me.

Hudson's becoming a pre-teen,

and I think I have
like seconds left

before he doesn't wanna
hang out with me.

I'm so sad.

There you go.

Dang it!

- This one's what?
- That's close.

Shorter swing?

Yeah.

- Oh, that was far.
- Not that hard.

That's the short swing.

So if I have to pretend
to know how to play golf,

that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.

Hudson, you wanna do
some practice shots?

Yeah.
Where's the bucket?

She's got it for you.

That was good.

Put your feet closer together.

Bummer.

How are you feeling?

You haven't really
told me anything.

Doing all right.

Is it still hurt
when you swallow?

No, it doesn't
necessarily hurt.

I just have to think
about it to swallow.

How's your swallowing?

I have to go see
a specialist for it.

It's still bad?

Yeah, it's just like a marble.

It's like stuck there.

And they have to
adjust the medication.

I'll try that for a couple
months and then get tested

and see if that's
where it should be.

And they did a scan. I
have a spot on my kidney.

So-

What do you mean?

They have to do a biopsy
on that and see what it is.

Are they thinking
that it's cancerous or?

I mean, they don't know.

Like, if I hear the
word cancer one more time,

I'm gonna lose my mind.

I just kind of thought
we were in the clear.

They said it, you know, a
good chance it could be nothing.

But my last three
blood tests were off

so that's why they were
concerned about it.

It's fine.

Mm.

Ooh!

Well, why didn't you tell me?

Well, 'cause I just
didn't wanna worry you.

If it comes back as nothing,
then there's nothing to tell.

Well, I need you to
be able to tell me this.

I know, I just, you know,
I don't talk about things.

That's just how I've
kind of always been.

I mean, even in my
family or whatever,

I just don't say much.

And I don't wanna
burden other people.

Brett has such a huge family.

So when you're one of eight,

I think you just kind of deal
with things at your own pace.

Alright?
- well, I love you.

- I love you too.
- Just make sure you

you tell me.

- I will.
- From now on,

no more secrets.

I wasn't keeping it a secret.

Yeah, you probably
would've went

and had the surgery
and not told me.

Was that your plan?

No, but I mean-

You thought about it.

I wasn't gonna tell you
until I had to tell you.

I think what
frustrates me is the fact

that now Brett is wrapping
his head around like,

okay, he has a wife,

so anything that happens
to him happens to us.

Is this our first sign that
we need to go to a therapist?

No.

Yeah, that's it.

No, I just don't...

Yeah, it's just kind of
how I've always done it.

Well, can you try to
make more of an effort

to tell me as you find out?

Yes.

- Okay?
- Yes.

You promise?

Yes, I promise.

Okay.

- But you know-
- Do you have-

- what I should tell you?
- like a sister-wife,

or something that I
need to know about?

I swear to God.

Coming up...

Thank you, Mom. I love you.

It's been 77 amazing years.

How much is that
gonna cost me?

Is Renvy downstairs?

Yes, mother.

Hey, darling.

Hi, sweetie.

Where's Whitney?

Whitney's right there.

There's some champagne here.

Oh, how nice.

Yeah. Renvy.

Thank you.

Here you go.

Thank you, darling.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's hard for me to
gush about my birthday

because birthday seems
so silly for adults.

Birthdays are for children,

but it's an excuse to get
together with friends.

Go to a good
restaurant. Have fun.

Perfect.

Yes.

How much time do
we have before we go?

We should leave now.

- Good evening.
- Welcome and happy birthday.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Follow me. I have your
table ready upstairs.

Thank you.

Oh wow, fabulous.

Patricia, you
good in the middle?

Yeah.

And y'all are gonna
get this room right here.

Okay, thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Enjoy.
- Hello.

I am first to arrive.

- Wow, well done.
- Hey.

Hey, man. Bud.

Hello birthday girl.
- Hey, darling.

Hey, bud.

Hey, what's up?

How are you?

You looking
strong as always.

- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, happy birthday.

Thank you so much.

Look how handsome-

Eddie wrapped that himself.

- Did he?
- Yeah.

- He did a beautiful job.
- He does it all.

Hello.

There he is. Hi, darling.

Hi, I'm here for Patricia.

Yeah, you can go
ahead and follow me.

- Girl, good to see you.
- Hi, birthday girl.

Hey darling, come
over here and gimme a kiss.

How did I still end up
looking like the slutty one?

No, you look beautiful.

Thank you.

Oh my gosh, I'll get
emotional talking about

the impact Patricia has on me.

She's like a second mother.
Do you remember Renvy?

Five years ago?
- Yeah. Yes.

Renvy?

Hi.

She has tried to groom me
into the most ladylike woman

that I could ever
dream of being.

We're gonna have some cocktails.

Yeah.

And she makes it feel
like it is possible.

Loving
the Mezcal Negroni.

Thank you.

Can I have
a glass of champagne?

- Absolutely.
- Oh my gosh.

Thank you very much.

Is this yours?

It is now.

Good. It's an Mezcal Negroni.

Cheers.

Well, happy birthday.

Thank you.

I'll make a confession.

I'll lied about my age
all these years. I'm 108.

I think your dermatologist
is your best friend,

and also the dentist.

I go every three months

because if you don't
take care of your teeth,

I think that makes you look old.

Whatever you're doing,
continue to do it.

Continue doing that and-

Martinis.

I knew it, Martinis
were the key.

Martinis are the key.

Guys, excuse me real quick.

I just wanted to say, lovely
to have everyone here.

Great honor. Thank you, Mom.

I love you. It's been 77
amazing years for your birthday.

How much
is that gonna cost me?

But anyway, love
you. Happy birthday.

And may you have-
- Thank you, darling.

77 more years.

- You're the best son-
- Chin chin.

a mother could have.

Thank you.
- Thank you, Mom.

Cheers.
- Aw,

I'm getting emotional-
- Cheers.

- with that one.
- Cheers.

Cheers y'all.

- Cheers.
- Cheers, guys.

What was said?

Just 77 more years.

77.

A great story about mom.

They sent me to a very
progressive high school

in Washington DC.

Me and my friends
were kind of like

the hooligans of the
school, more or less.

I don't think I'm
gonna like this story.

And so they called
all our parents in.

And according to my father,

mom showed up an hour
late in her fur coat.

She's late to some fundraiser.

She sits down-
- I don't remember this.

listens for
about five minutes.

She goes, "Well,

boys will be boys.

Bye, everyone,"

and leaves.

And that was it.

Yeah, I mean, how
can you not love her?

She's very kind of
ostentatious, glamorous,

doesn't suffer fools lightly.

You just gotta have an
attitude towards life,

which I think you've
instilled in me.

You just gotta go forward
and don't give a

- Thank you, darling.
- Happy birthday.

That was good.

Coming up...

Where's Craig?

I thought he was in Sonoma,

but apparently, he
came back today.

I don't think it's a big
deal that Craig's not here.

If Craig thinks it's a big deal

then he should make
more of an effort.

Happy birthday, Patricia.

Thank you.

So we are gonna go ahead and
start sending the food out.

We don't have to
choose one course?

You don't have
to choose a thing.

We have done it all for you.

Oh, nice.

Yeah. Cheers, everyone.

Oh wow, look at that.

Cheryl Day biscuits and
white shrimp.

Look, a roast chicken-
- Wow.

A little salsa marinade
and a squeeze of lemon.

Austen,
you look quite sharp.

Thank you very much.

Of course, you're good
looking. So, of course.

Go on.

This
is the best thing.

No,

this is a professional job.
- Well, you know,

it's interesting, the
last time we were here,

there was you, and what's
your girlfriend's name?

Audrey.

We had fun.

I think she's charming,
she's attractive.

And quite frankly,

I think you need somebody
who is not a drama queen.

Am I wrong?

You are not.

I used to think I needed someone

that held my feet to the fire,

but I think it's the opposite.

Are you insinuating
that she's a drama queen?

Well, more so than
Audrey, that's for sure.

Yeah.

I feel like that's
what Brett does for you.

correct me if I'm wrong,

and I see that in Audrey,
is all that I'm saying.

You know, she's very like...

So you found yourself a Brett.

I guess you could say that.

Where's Brett? Is he at home?

Yeah, he's having
so much fun there

not being here with all of us.

Honestly, I just
still need a minute

to process what's
happening with his health.

Brett's private.

I wanna keep this under wraps

until we figure out
what's going on.

Is is there more
soft-shell crab left?

No,
Shep ate it all.

He used his fingers too.

That's how you're
supposed to eat it.

Where's Craig?

I thought he was in Sonoma.

I thought
he was out of town too.

But apparently
he came back today.

Craig is at
Kroger.

Well, I talked to Craig,

and he was like, "Well, what
are you doing later," right?

And I was like, oh,
this is so awkward.

This is so awkward.

I was like, "I'm going
to dinner," you know?

And he was like, "With who?"
I was like, "A bunch of us."

And he was like, "For what?
Why are you being so coy?"

And I was like, "It's,
you know, Pat's birthday."

And he was like, "Oh. Oh!"

I don't think it's a big
deal that Craig's not here.

If Craig thinks it's a big deal,

then he should make
more of an effort.

Whitney and I were
talking about that.

When was the last
time we saw Craig?

Well, he came
over pretty Easter.

Prior to Easter, I
haven't seen him in, what?

Six, seven months maybe.

We don't really talk or
we don't text anymore.

We miss him.
How often do you see him?

We see each other
when we podcast,

which is basically,
maybe twice a week.

And it's turned into
business, you know,

more than like a friendship
like it used to be.

Well, he's trying
to be Martha Stewart.

This isn't a knock on Craig

'cause it's very smart of
Craig, but he is a figurehead.

He is not at the warehouse
with a hard hat on.

Jerry literally does
everything for him.

We need to hire two
marketing managers

and a junior designer.

Mm.

It's just, "Craig
show up here,

throw a pillow up in the
sky and write a caption."

Actually, he doesn't even
write his own caption.

Why do you think he's
trying to insulate himself

or curate this
kind of new image?

It just, thinks it's
better for business?

I don't know. It's not hard.

I mean, what's the
point in getting success

if you don't enjoy it with
people that you're friends with?

Prefer the old Craig,
let's just put it that way.

He's far more interesting
when he is drinking bourbon.

I mean, come on.

You know, he is
improving himself.

It's not like he's like
doing anything bad.

I mean-
- No.

Well, you can
improve yourself,

but it doesn't mean
you have to be boring-

- Well, maybe-
- in the process.

he just can't be himself

or who he is right
now around y'all.

But what happened
to the goofball,

the funny sort of
self-deprecating Craig?

Like, that guy's gone.

I think the reason people
like sewing down south,

like Craig, is his
old fallible self.

Why is he so good at things
that are so embarrassing?

Woo!

But the current
Craig is always hawking
product, you know?

Oh, here's our photo shoot

for a really exciting Kroger
launch that we're doing.

And I think Paige is a
pretty shrewd businesswoman.

And they said to themselves,
we have to be professionals

and do this the right way.

And that's fine.

But I just think it's important
to be honest and human.

As long as you're those things,

then your image should
take care of itself.

It's just kind of interesting

that other people feel this way.

I didn't realize, I suppose,

that this absence has been
noticeable to other people.

Coming up...

Our friendship will
never look like it used to.

I knew that's how
you were gonna take it.

You can either swim or leave.

Okay, my side.

Zoe's side.

I keep throwing pillows
for you to sit down,

and you're not sitting.

Sit.

Lord have mercy.

It's hotter than the damn
devil's toenail out here.

Hello.

Hey bud, thanks
for calling me back.

Couple things, I
was just at the gym,

and Craig walks in and is sort
of grumpy, and I was like,

"So what are you doing today?"

And he's like, you know,
"Austin is coming over,

and he's gonna tell me
about all the

that everybody's been
talking about me."

I'm [beeps] going
into like a hornet's nest then.

You didn't say anything
to him about last night

other than we had dinner.

So I'm almost positive
that Madison is his,

it got him all agitated today.

It's certainly not
my intention to go in there,

"And then he said this,
and she said this."

It's like, you know, man, my
own things that I want to say.

Well, stick to that,
and good luck.

- Yeah, man.
- And call me

and let me know how
it goes, all right?

- Okay.
- All right, buddy.

- All right.
- Speak to you later. Bye.

Where all
these weeds come from?

Never ending
battle against this stuff.

Yo.

What's up?

What's up?

How's it going?

When'd you plant all these?

Three
weeks, a month ago?

Yeah, I mean, I guess since
the last time I was here.

I've got soda, waters,
sodas, beers, anything.

Just a Waterloo or
something like that.

All right.

Well, I basically just
like wanted to come by

'cause [beeps] last
night, it's like,

felt weird without you there.

I mean, it felt weird
not being invited.

I don't get my feelings
hurt too often.

I know, man.

Did Patricia say
why I wasn't invited?

Yeah, it was
like a combination

of like thinking that you were
outta town and being like,

"I haven't, you know, really
talked to Craig much."

Then the conversation
switched to your absence.

So you talked about my absence

at a birthday party
I wasn't invited to.

Do you see that
that's crazy, right?

If you wanna see me more,

you have to invite me
to your birthday dinner.

No, your absence
when you are in town

is like what the conversation
kind of switched to, you know?

This is where I'm at.

I mean, am I missing
something or like?

Yeah, I mean just a little
bit. I miss my buddy, okay?

And that's like where
I'm coming to you from.

It's like, you know,
we talk and do this,

but like if I'm going to lunch,

like you're not on
my phone call list.

Like, if I'm going
to get like a beer,

you're not on my
phone call list,

because your answer
is normally, like,

"I'm gardening or"-

When's the last time
you asked me to lunch?

That's what I'm saying,
Craig, because it's always-

But that's a you thing.

Okay. Okay.

I'm not a [beeps] mind reader.

I didn't know this
is going on.

I thought we were good.

Like, why don't we set
up a weekly tee time.

I told you that.
I meant Sundays.

I was like, "Dude, let's
do it like on Sunday."

Sundays don't work for me.

No

I was like, "Let's
go play golf."

And you were like, "Yeah."

I was like, "Okay, cool.

We're gonna play
golf like on Sunday."

And then you texted me like
on Saturday night being like,

"I can't play golf, like,
I'm just gonna garden."

Yeah, because I don't wanna
waste five hours playing golf

when they have stuff to do.

I use a nasal aspirator,

as you saw in the
video, to water them.

They need a gentle
amount of water

and just a little
whisper of encouragement.

You doing the gardening,
bailing on golf,

and then putting it onto
Instagram was just like a move.

It was like you bailed
like on friendship to like-

It was work. We have a
gardening line coming out.

Okay.

That's what
makes me happy now,

is working and making money.

So then this is just
like what you wanna do.

Like, you just
like wanna hide out

and not make the effort anymore-

- Not make effort?
- then like what we do.

Like, what?

We record twice a week-
- I know, I know.

and we see each
other at the gym.

But primarily,

that's business and shit.
- My whole life

is business now.

Okay.

That's the fun
stuff for me now.

Making money, getting healthy

and [beeps] my girlfriend.

Like, that's what I wanna do.

If you're a real friend,

you would be happy
for someone for that.

And I built a [beeps] huge pool

and said you guys can come
over whenever you want.

You know that like my fun
isn't at the bar anymore.

That's okay.

Like, you don't have to be

my drinking buddy.
- It doesn't sound

like that's okay.

Austen misses his
drinking buddy, that's it.

No, I also like want
to meet up with my buddy

and like grab barbecue and
like talk about,

or like watch the match,

whatever
match that may be.

I don't wanna go to the
bar and watch a game anymore.

I wanna watch it at
my house or his house.

But you won't.

You've set foot in my house
like three times in your life.

Like, what is that about?
It's [beeps] weird.

Our friendship will
never look like it used to.

And that's fine, man.

I understand.
- I just could never tell you

how to live your life.

Like, that's crazy to me.
- I'm not telling you

to like, it just-

So, what would
you like from me?

I dunno why you're
making that face at me.

I didn't come to your
house and do this.

Craig.

I understand that
times change, right?

You got a girlfriend,
both growing up,

we have different
priorities, we're busier,

but I just feel like
you keep those friends

that you were here with.

As you begin to flourish,

like those are the friends
that you want to keep closest.

I was so worried that that's
how you were gonna take it.

Okay, well, then if
you've said what you had,

you can either swim or leave.

Okay.

Like, this is my life.

Next time
on "Southern Charm."

What do you most
want for your birthday?

To be left alone.

Just me and Gaston.

Craig gets agitated quick.

Is he so thin skinned now

that it's like not even
worth bringing anything up?

Craig invited us to a party.

Oh, I did not hear
about this party.

Me and Gaston, we had
a conversation yesterday.

Mm-mm

He told me to keep his
name outta my [beeps] mouth.