Original subtitles

Previously on "Southern Charm."

There you go.

I do wanna spend some more time up there.

While Shep and Taylor

had moved on from each other,

Pat decided to play matchmaker.

Hey, Molly.

How coincidental.

♪ She'll swing this game, don't you know ♪

Oh my.

But when we all sat down for Easter dinner,

Whitney's big mouth killed that plan.

That's the last thing you need.

Whitney.

♪ Now everyone's whispering, whispering ♪

- Did you just miss? - Careful.

Meanwhile, just when it seemed

that JT was back in the fold.

Miss Patricia just was like not taking this cane.

Brett asked me if Madison and I hooked up in Jamaica.

Leva said Austen had a relationship with another girl.

And I'm like, "Yo, don't cheat on your girlfriend."

This is bananas.

His antics turned Craig into the town scold.

He called you a bitch.

Honestly, I didn't hear it.

And he thinks, Brett thinks that you and JT

slept together in Jamaica.

He will be the bitch when I'm done with him.

- Let's tag team him. - Yeah.

♪ You mess around with the Queen Bee believe me ♪

♪ Mm-Hm

Look at these, Charles. They're so wrinkled.

Oh, maybe not.

Oh, much better.

- Do you have a leaf blower? - I do, believe it or not.

- Well, we're gonna leaf blow. - A real man does yard work.

It's kind of hot. - Not really, baby.

I sound like a dying pig.

Damn, 205.

Take a little insulina.

Ow.

Live another day.

See.

Hey, I am sorry for being an ignorant male.

No.

Let's start with all caps.

So, no, is that offensive?

Don't overthink it.

Dear Miss Patricia.

God, that handwriting's awful.

I think that my mom is pretty much always right.

You should never hand any lady a cane.

You can always write apology letters.

So if Bunny says, "You up, write the letter."

I write a letter.

Please accept this apology

for my lack of respect

at the Carolina Cup.

That's a big deal to pen a letter.

Like to put it in an envelope, write it.

My intent

was meant...

My intent, my intent was meant.

My intent was meant.

It doesn't make sense.

Oh gosh, I can't cross it out now.

I can't start over.

Cursive, like this is 20 years.

It's like this now or like this.

You know?

My intent was meant as a sign of inclusion.

Oh, god, this is...

And solidarity.

I don't even think she can read that word.

I'm struggling to remember how to write,

which tells me, listen to your mom.

But admittedly, admittedly, is that two...

Hey Siri, how do I spell admittedly?

Admit, two Ts.

Good thing I checked.

But admittedly I most certainly

missed the mark.

I apologize for that.

With warm regards.

JT.

Hello, baby.

Okay, what are we doing today?

Ice water.

I'm waiting on my friend, but chips and salsa

with a little cheese, and can he get chicken?

Okay. Gotcha.

Chicken's on the way, bud. Don't gimme that Look.

You wanna give him the chicken?

- Thank you so much. Craig. - Well, you're welcome.

Hey. No biting the hand that feeds you, buddy.

Oh. - What's up?

Hey, Craig.

Hey, bud? - What's up?

How we doing? What's up, man?

Good to see ya.

- Thank you. - Here we go.

You're welcome.

I'm gonna get the Baja Bowl.

Just gonna do three tacos.

- All right. - Yeah.

- What's your name? - Y'all need anything else?

Madison. - Madison.

- Okay. - Hi, Madison.

There's a history with a Madison in it.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - They're fine now.

- It's fine. It's fine. - It's okay.

They almost killed each other,

but this is fine. - We almost killed each other.

No, man, there used to be a time

when that name like triggered me.

Yeah.

- Madison. - Bull [beep].

Madison.

That is no way to live.

Yeah. I gotcha.

Sometimes I just like think about the joy

and the peace that Audrey brings me,

which I've never had before.

You have big brown eyes, like a little baby deer.

A deer?

Searching for the nearest thing,

like espresso martini.

What's going on with you, you know, with you and Sienna?

I mean, I really like her.

She's got this amazing, you know, aura about her.

- Alrighty. - Thank you.

- Baja Bowl. - Oh, perfect.

But I do think about a future with her, 100%.

- Well that's awesome. - I mean, look,

we've been lucky enough to have many wonderful girls

come through our lives. - Yeah.

And it's just not as exciting anymore I'll say that.

Just like a new conquest or whatever.

It just isn't.

And especially if you have like a string of them.

You like wake up feeling emptier than [beep] ever.

Yeah, that's what we were missing

in our friendship before.

We're too scared to be vulnerable.

A lot of people think vulnerability isn't manly.

that.

I mean, Craig, like has he ever confided with you

to about Paige for example?

Like, hey- - Not recently. No.

I don't know who he talks to, you know?

I know, he's extremely wrapped up

in Craig. - Reclusive.

He's like Howard Hughes. - You're right.

Craig used to be like a first [beep] call,

like on my call list.

And now he doesn't, you know, answer the phone

and I miss it.

I just feel like he's trying to curate an image.

He's starring in his own commercial,

you know what I mean?

Kind of like a big old man PR move,

like if he's seen with like a beer in his hand,

he thinks that like his whole business is going down.

I mean remember when he was like on Adderall

to the gills all day?

He lied about almost everything basically like.

I know.

The thing about Craig is he's worn so many hats.

He used to run around King Street

and drink many Jagerbombs and vodka Red Bulls.

And then like he wanted to be a lawyer.

I'm more passionate about becoming a successful lawyer

right now than anything else.

Like I have to be in the office

at eight o'clock ready to roll.

And now he's trying to be like a Martha Stewart.

Our bedding is so soft, handpicked by me.

Cheeseboards, big batch, beverage dispensers.

But like Martha Stewart is best friends with Snoop Dogg.

Martha Stewart's been to [beep] jail.

Martha Stewart's cool as [beep].

Craig just wants to sell [beep] spatulas

with like a nutcracker on them.

I just miss my buddy, dude. That's all I'm saying.

Why don't you invite him to watch golf with us?

Dude, it's to the point where like,

I know it's like a fruitless, you know, phone call.

So, but call, but call. - Really? Okay.

We'll see if I can get through to him.

Your call has been forwarded to voicemail.

The person you're trying to reach is not available.

At the tone, please record your message.

Lemme see our pretty backyard.

These dang trees, Chicken.

- What are you saying to me? - These dang trees.

I just skimmed this like an hour ago.

I want it to be clean for Madison.

Do you need any help in the kitchen?

No.

All right.

Looking good, baby. - Okay.

For Paige and I, time spent in the backyard is,

you know, that's our quality time.

I need to blow this corner of the [beep] green.

It's so freaking hot out.

When we first started dating,

we were out and about all the time.

We've just, I guess, grown with each other

where like we'd rather spend the time at home

relaxing than out partying.

There's a corner of the green that's a little dirty.

Should I blow it off or no?

No.

You know, I built this sanctuary

for us to be away from the world

and be able to relax and connect.

So look, Chicken. This is our new grill.

Oh, look who it is. - Madison.

Hey.

Paige.

- No way. - Are you kidding?

Oh my God, wait, I'm so obsessed with us.

Oh.

We

Is it the exact same outfit?

- Yes. - That's amazing.

And we're so freaking cute.

It kind of feels like we're offering Craig a threesome.

It looks like we're pulling out

the pink towels today. - Oh my God, come and sit.

Yeah. I'm actually getting hot.

I'm gonna take my jacket off- - This is so funny.

If you wanna take your jacket off.

Yeah, sure.

Are you guys kind of hungry?

Bring out the pasta salad

and the other salad. - - Pasta salad. Okay.

- So what's going on? - Gimme the goss.

Well, I told Paige about Patricia's.

Ugh, girl.

It's like I'm just saying

like JT is saying some crazy [beep].

The only sentence like Craig said to me was like,

"Oh, JT said that people think

that like JT and Madison hooked up."

And I go, "No one thinks that."

- No. - I can genuinely say

that's insane.

I mean, he's a troll for God's sake.

Like you're someone's mom.

Yeah. And wife.

JT's a friend of mine or was.

I was his ally. I had his back.

So the fact that he's talking about my marriage

feels like a slap in the face.

Like who gave him the audacity

to say anything about anyone?

Well and wrong person, my friend.

Haven't you been around this group to know?

Like don't come knocking at my door.

But anyway, we'll have to have you and Brett

and Hudson come over and swim.

- Mm-hm. - How are things

going with y'all?

They're great, but I had a lot go on.

Like at the very end of last year,

Brett was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

- Oh my God. - I know.

- It's been like- - Remember, Chicken?

He had cancer.

Did you not know that? - No.

Oh, wow.

Keeping something like that private was necessary.

How's your swallowing?

I have to go see a specialist for it.

- It's still bad? - Yeah.

It's just having the outside noise be involved in that.

It's like you don't wanna hear it.

And is he okay now?

He's okay now.

He's obviously gonna be, you know,

taking medication for the rest of his life, but-

- But he's in remission? - Yeah.

You've had a couple months.

Yeah, that's why with JT

after hearing what he was saying about us was like

I don't wanna associate myself with this guy.

The last thing I need is some weasel

in the middle of like all this real life [beep].

How dare he?

You don't play around with something like that.

Like I am going to wring his neck.

Coming up.

Has it been confirmed

that he actually did call you a bitch?

I'm assuming it's true, but I don't know.

- Thank you. - Yes, sir.

- Ooh. - Hi.

- Hi there. How are you? - How are you?

- Good, thank you. - It smells delicious in here.

Thank you. It's a secret, wet dog hair.

No, I'm just kidding.

- Well- - We're hosting

a 13th birthday party for our dog, Bella.

So we wanted some treats. - Okay.

We could serve. Do you guys have cakes?

Yeah, we sure do.

Let me show you over here.

These are basically oat and peanut butter

and we also have some cookies and donuts.

Tyler and I have been together nine years.

We've been asked about a million times

if we're gonna have children.

And then we have of course the bandanas and the hats.

- Nice, we're doing a- - Well, look at this.

- Country. - Yeah, this is-

Part of the inspiration.

Doggy Parton. - How cute.

Doggy Parton. Okay.

But Tyler and I, I think we're really happy

with just adopting a senior dog.

That's where we shine.

They require not as much attention as children.

So I mean, we're good.

You just holler when you're ready for me.

- Okay. - Thank you so much.

This is unreal.

This is like her, blow out her candles out.

Oh, okay. We're doing this.

Feels great.

How many dogs are gonna be here?

Well, let's just say about at least 12 dogs.

What about humans? Is everyone coming?

Or what did you decide with that?

Well, you know, after talking to Austen,

I just felt like it was better to kind of, you know,

pump the brakes on having JT there.

The little twit JT

is running his mouth about everybody.

- Oh God. - Spoutin' off about me,

of course!

He called Patricia a bitch.

He insinuated Brett accused him of hooking up with Madison.

Shut the [beep] up.

So he's in the doghouse is what you're saying?

Yeah.

Hey, Whitney.

Hey honey, you look nice.

Thank you. How's Peaches?

Perfect.

That's the mail slot.

I'll go see what's up.

It is a navy blue envelope with black pen.

So you gotta kind of look at it like hieroglyphics

but it says, "To Miss Patricia from JT."

How does he expect anybody to see this?

Yeah, I don't know.

I think I'm gonna need these.

"Dear Mrs. Patricia, please accept this apology

for my lack of respect at the Carolina Cup.

My intent was meant as a sign of inclusion and solidarity."

An inclusion?

What does that mean?

I didn't realize he was giving everybody a cane,

but I mean, I could still do handstands and cartwheels.

So the last thing I want is somebody treating me

like an invalid, like an old lady, worse than that.

"But admittedly, I most certainly missed the mark.

I apologize for that. With warm regards, JT."

How did he miss the mark?

I don't know, but look at the handwriting.

Looks like it's written by a 10-year-old.

JT. He's just kind of like an annoying gnat.

I mean, I don't know anything that he could say

or write that would interest me at this point,

but I think letter writing is a lost art form.

And so in that respect, yeah, it's a nice gesture.

I mean, at least he apologized.

Has it been confirmed

that he actually did call you a bitch?

I'm assuming it's true, but I don't know.

I don't think JT is the kind of person

who would call a woman a bitch.

And throughout the years,

Craig has had a tenuous relationship

with reality and the truth.

I can convince a lot of people

of anything I want to convince them of.

I'm a great liar.

But this letter is clearly heartfelt,

so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

I mean, I don't know.

It's fine. Look, wish him the best.

We move on.

I know you hate when I speak French,

but the aim now is just an entente cordiale.

- Entente. - Entente.

Just to be cordial, but not to have any close interactions.

Onwards and upwards, as Michael would say.

Coming up.

And I was like, "Shep, I'm sorry.

You're just like not the kind of guy

that I see myself with."

But then he wouldn't leave. - Oh my God.

Sienna.

Hello.

- Hi. - Good morning.

- Good morning. - How are you?

Good.

I got us some skinny vanilla lattes.

Perfect.

- And croissants. - I'm excited.

You should be.

Would you like to talk about your sleep or lack thereof?

Craig was farting in my face all night.

Bad!

But it's okay 'cause he was cuddling with me too.

So like, it made up. - Is his snoring any,

is it pretty distracting?

- It's okay. - Okay.

- It's getting better. - Okay.

It's getting better.

Well, I'm so glad you're here.

Me too.

I've never dated anybody quite like Sienna.

She walks into a room, you're like, "Whoa, who's this?"

And not just because she's gorgeous,

but it's like she just has an energy and a spirit and a joy

which I'm super drawn to.

Are you hungry?

Oh, he's always hungry.

She lives in The Bahamas,

but every time we have a weekend together,

I'm just like wow.

Like I just don't feel this way very often.

So this summer I wanna go down to Nassau.

Yes.

I wanna do the proper island hop tour.

Yeah, let's do it.

I mean we can go to Eleuthera, the pink sands beach.

We can go to Abaco.

I'll chalk out like three weeks at least a month.

- Okay. - In September.

I have this fantasy basically, you know,

in my mind where I live in The Bahamas with Sienna

for the rest of my life, you know, and just like surf

and fish and we'll have kids or something

and they'll run around the island.

But I mean this doesn't make a ton of sense on the surface,

but nothing I ever do makes any sense.

Well, enough about us.

Let's talk about Rod and Tyler's dog birthday party

and you'll just meet everybody else including, ah,

my ex Taylor.

- Yeah. - And it's fine.

I think, I don't know if she'll have her boyfriend with her,

but if she does, even better.

It is what it is.

Ooh, profound.

- C'est la vie. - C'est la vie.

That's life.

How good is your French?

Ooh.

Got goosebumps.

Geez. It's windy.

This is gonna be a nightmare with my hair.

Hey, girl. - Hi.

- You's stretching it out. - Yes.

Stretch my old muscles out.

How are you? - How are you?

It's good to see you. - Yeah, good to see you.

- I've never walked this. - Really?

Yeah, it's really pretty out here.

I almost lived at the Jasper, but-

Yeah, it's cute. It's a good location.

So expensive.

I met Salley working at Republic.

We both were doing like front door VIP,

which she always got to leave early

'cause she's got this pretty legitimate job

teaching surgeons how to use surgical robots,

which is pretty cool.

- How you been been? - Been all right.

Tricia invited me to her house for a little dinner thing.

I was sat in between Shep and Whitney.

We all had cupcakes for dessert and Whitney's like-

That's the last thing you need.

- Yeah. - Did you snack him?

No.

I would've eaten three in front of him.

Honestly, well, I feel like I stopped eating it

after he said that. - Give me another one.

I was like, "Nah, I don't wanna eat my cupcake."

Oh just don't take it to heart.

That was stupid.

Whitney can be an insensitive asshole,

but I can kind of like talk my way around it in my head.

Maybe he's just flirting by calling me fat.

I love that for me.

Great. That's so great.

I love it.

Oh my god.

Shep talked about you a little bit.

- Oh God. - I was like, so-

What did you have to say about me?

Mustang Salley.

She used me and I liked it.

It was like two o'clock in the morning

and then he wouldn't leave. - Oh my God.

I was like, "But I wanna stay here."

She's like, "No, you're not staying here."

And I was like, "Shep, I'm getting you an Uber."

I get in the Uber, the Uber's like, "What's up?"

I'm like, "Something just happened. I'm not sure what."

Shep, like I'm sorry.

You're just like not the kind of guy that I see myself with.

Yeah.

We've had decent experiences.

Taylor kinda said that, you know,

maybe he doesn't care the most about pleasing the woman.

I'm not saying like I regret it or anything,

but I definitely was not bragging about it.

So the dog party, I assume Taylor's there.

I don't know if she's bringing Gaston.

Oh God.

I obviously don't have anything good to say about him.

- Yeah. - But that's my story.

That might not be Taylor's story.

Yeah.

Me and Gaston, we dated for three months.

Like he was my person and I thought I was his,

but like he was cheating the whole time.

- You and the Taylor- - And I don't-

You know, you obviously

have similar taste in men I guess.

I think that we could bond over a lot of stuff.

I just, you know, do I wanna see her boyfriend? No.

Coming up.

- Hot damn. - Have you met that girl?

- I haven't. - Is that his girlfriend?

I think it's the number one on the roster.

Oh.

You ready for the party?

Look how cute you're gonna look.

All the honeys. Have your ears sticking up.

Penelope. You look cute.

We'll take it off for now.

Call Gaston.

- What's up, baby? - What are you doing?

Driving home. What are you doin'?

I'm trying to figure out what to wear to this shindig.

It's supposed to be Dolly Parton.

Gaston is in medical sales so he is on the road a lot.

You know there's some people that are like, "Oh yeah,

I love when my husband travels or when my boyfriend travels

'cause then I get my time alone."

I'm like, "Oh, I miss him."

I was gonna wear this perhaps.

So a leather black jacket with the fringes, the jean shorts.

I think it's funny. - Raise hell, praise Dale.

Raise hell, praise Dale.

And then this is Pene's little hat.

You gotta get her a bandana to match you.

I know. I gotta get that.

I wish you could come.

I've been gone all week so if we can stay

and do nothing, I'm all for it.

- Yeah. - Bu if you have to go,

you do that.

Gaston's a little cutthroat of a human being.

He doesn't understand my forgiving spirit.

He's like, "Why would I wanna be hanging out with Shep?

All right, well, I have some calls

and stuff to do.

Then I'll be home.

Okay, baby.

These are his boundaries.

But like I want to be there

because these are some of my good friends.

So yeah, you're free tonight.

- All right, baby? - All right, love you.

- All right, love you too. - Bye.

Bye.

Cool.

- So. - Oh my gosh.

Alright, we gotta get Bella dressed.

Yeah.

We got like two minutes.

Ah, come on. Oh my God.

Hello, little girl.

Tyler and I adopted Bella and Bo a couple years ago

from an elderly woman

who couldn't take care of her dogs anymore.

Ellie. Oh my gosh, she's perfect.

I would do it again.

I would adopt more if I could.

I love dogs more than I love humans.

Come on, baby.

Come on, little cowgirl.

Lordy.

Hi.

Happy birthday.

- Oh my. - Hi.

How are you? - How are you?

Bella boo.

Her wig's not on yet.

Her wig's not on.

Well, Penelope's hat is about to fall right off.

Hi. - What's up?

You little sexy cowboy.

This is a cool spot.

Y'all did such a good job.

Y'all killed it.

How does this look? Does this look good?

It looks amazing.

- Can you put that on her? - Yeah, honey.

Oh, you look so...

Oh, you're such a good girl.

Oh, there we go. - All right, well-

There goes the wig.

No, before everyone,

then all the dogs start peeing on her wig.

Who all else is gonna be here?

- I invited Molly. - Okay.

And she just asked to bring Salley along.

Okay.

Have you met her before?

- No. - Okay.

But you know, I've heard about her.

I've met her once and it was awkward.

All I know is that this girl hooked up with Shep

and then after that she hooked up with Gaston

in hopes that he would keep her around and he didn't.

Trash. Hi, Trash girl.

Get yourself something to eat,

server's floating around somewhere.

Also have martinis and beer for the dogs over there.

Those are all dog treats.

Finally, someone takes you out into the wild, Chauncey.

Everyone just loves Peaches, man, so much

and I just think that Chauncey deserves more love.

Look.

There are people.

Oh my gosh.

Look at those two chicken nuggets.

Look at this little chunky dog.

- Where's our present? - It's in my pocket.

That is, look at that. A doggy IPA.

Taylor. - I'm Audrey.

This is my

girlfriend Audrey. - I have heard

so much about you. - Audrey, this is Taylor.

So good to meet you.

So you're in Charlotte, right? - Yeah.

- Okay. - I feel like I'm gonna trip

over one of these dogs but-

Good boy.

Come on. Damn, Charles ,don't knock me down.

Charles, slow down. You're gonna make me fall.

You gonna play with doggies.

Okay.

Hi. - Oh my God.

Damn.

- Look at my butt. - That's hot.

- Hey. - Hey.

- How are you? - How are you?

Good, I wasn't gonna miss the baby's birthday.

- Oh my God. - Hey, Leva.

Happy birthday.

Aw. - Hey, baby girl.

Look at the haircut.

This is her dog, but I'm just using it as a prop.

- Peaches. - My booby's gonna

pop out now.

I'll say hey to Madison.

- Hi, - How are you?

- Look the baby. - Yeah.

Why don't you bring J or no, sorry.

Why didn't you bring-

Did you say JT?

What's your boyfriend?

- Gaston. - Gaston.

He's been outta town for work all week

so he's like playing catch up.

I do think it's a bad sign that Gaston, is that his name?

Isn't here. Gaston.

I don't even know if this dude even exists.

I really don't.

Ugh, just chill, baby.

Ah.

Come here, Zoey.

Are you good?

As long as my hoo-ha isn't showing.

You ready, boo?

Cheers to little bella boo. - Cheers.

Oh, this is cute.

Look.

- Hello. - Hi.

Hello. Damn, girl.

Hi. - Hi, I'm Salley.

Tyler. Nice to meet you.

- Is this Salley? - Yes.

- Okay. - Maybe I should go say hello.

- Hi. How are you? - Lemme take stuff from you.

- Oh my God. - Lemme take this

stuff from you.

I got a little cookie cake with a Dolly Parton quote.

Costs a lot to look this cheap.

- Babe. - Hi, I'm Salley.

Oh my God. This is Salley.

Yes. - Hi.

- Oh my gosh. How are you? - Hi. How are you?

You look so Britney Spears. I love it.

- Good to see you. - Hi cutie.

- Zoey. - You're so tiny.

- This is Boots. - Boots.

It costs a lot to make these decorations look so cheap.

Adorable.

Yeah, it's an awkward conversation.

You don't have to point out that it's awkward.

Okay. I [beep] Shep.

Okay. Cool.

That was your ex.

You [beep] Gaston.

Cool. That was my ex.

We're even, we're even.

- I love it. - How are you?

You do look sort of like Brett Michael.

Yeah. "Rock of Love", baby.

Yeah, buddy.

I'm gonna find some water. - I mean, I don't think

he's going anywhere.

Look how fat he looks.

Not Austen, the dog.

I didn't realize you had rhinestones on here.

Yeah, we spent all night last night

like putting those on- - Bedazzling it.

- Yeah. - No, you didn't.

It came like that. Right?

Of course it did.

My arts and crafts days are for the camps.

Are done. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

For summer camp.

Oh my gosh. The little doggy's so cute.

Little Craig when he gets here,

he's probably gonna be-

Oh, I forgot. Is Shep coming?

He's supposed to be.

Craig's not coming because he said he is in Napa.

What happened? You didn't invite JT?

Well, I just feel like he'd come in with a certain level

of bombass that wasn't necessary here.

Which again was- - Yeah, 'cause I hate

like anyone feeling like excluded.

In our friend group we were gonna be like,

we're not gonna be friends with someone

'cause they did something wrong,

then none of us would be friends.

This is a gentleman in the group calling

Miss Pat, calling her a bitch.

I'm like that's wild.

I can't even imagine.

I've never even heard him say the word.

Like when he would talk about Madison,

he always talked about Brett and Madison

and like their lovely family.

He was always respectful about her.

So like this to like that was like wild.

- Like I never seen- - So do you think Madison,

Austen, Shep, and Craig are making it up?

- No. - I don't think so.

No. I don't think that they would make it up obviously.

I'm just playing devil's advocate,

like maybe there's something lost there.

It's just not JT.

What's going on over there?

I honestly just wanna shut this down.

I mean, anytime I hear someone that's talking bad about me

and my family, the first thing I'm gonna do

is address it head on.

Like I'm going straight to the person.

We're cutting the head off the snake.

Look at you eating up.

Wait, they have little hats.

I can put a hat on Zoey.

I don't know if it'll fit.

Hi, Zoey.

- This is not like fitting. - This is pretty cool.

Little entrance here.

Hey. Hello, everybody.

Well hot damn. Do you remember Sienna?

- Howdy. - Well, howdy.

- How are you? - Oh my God.

You look amazing.

- Thank you. - Where's Tyler? Tyler!

- Hi. - Hi.

I think this dog goes with you

more than any one. - I know!

- Have you met that girl? - I haven't.

Oh.

Is that his girlfriend? Do you know?

I think it's the number one on the roster.

Oh.

Sienna. Hey darling, how are you?

- Hey, good to see you. - Do you remember Audrey?

Of course I do.

Is that even a question?

Oh my. Craigy.

Hi, buddy. - Aw.

Hi, bud. Oh my goodness.

Hello. - Hi, I'm Molly.

- Hi. - Nice meet you.

Nice to meet you. Sienna.

- You look beautiful. - Thank you.

- Hello. - Oh.

Hi, bubbas.

- Hey, Shep. - Hey.

- How are you? - What's up, Madison?

- Good to see you. - Good seeing you.

This is Sienna.

- I love your dress. - Thank you.

- Yeah, that dress is cool. - Thanks.

It looks like it's custom.

No, God, it's a little too tight.

- It fits you so well. - Well.

- Looks good. - So did you just travel here?

Is that what they said?

- Mm-hm. - That's nice.

I just got in last night at 12.

Oh.

Not what I expected.

She's way too pretty for Shep.

Here's Taylor dressed like Brett Michaels

and then you have a supermodel walk in and you're like.

Look at her over there. - Like okay.

Oh.

He is so cute. - Oh my gosh.

I didn't see the ears. - The little ears.

You're so handsome.

- Hello. - Hey.

- How are you? - Good, how are you?

- Good to see you. - You look good.

Thank you. You look nice.

Hey, Tay. - Cowboy.

- How are you? - How are you?

- Good. - Salley, come here.

Pene, stop.

Hey, I'm glad.

I'm happy to see that you're friendly

with Taylor and my guy.

- Oh, yeah. - Friendly.

I mean, yeah, but I hate her boyfriend so.

I know, you're not alone.

He's the worst.

That was my experience. It might not be hers.

If he were a stock, all the analysts are saying sell.

I haven't met one analyst who said buy.

I'll leave it at that.

Anyways, I just hope she's okay.

That's all I want.

- Me too. - Everybody to be happy.

You have no idea.

- Have you met Sienna yet? - No, I haven't.

And I feel like I should,

but I don't wanna like go up to her, you know,

just like, hi, nice to meet you.

Yeah. Have you talked to Shep at all?

- Yeah. I said hey. - You said hi to him?

But I would feel more comfortable if he was like,

"Oh, I want to introduce you to someone."

Yeah, well she's super nice.

Of course he's like being awkward about it,

so I'm like, "Don't be awkward about it.

Just tell me that you wanna introduce me to someone."

- Yeah, well honestly- - Like I don't care.

I'm gonna be a lot more civil

and kind to the person that you're seeing

than you are to anyone I'm seeing.

Yeah.

- Where's Tyler? Where my- - Tyler.

Come on. - Hello.

I'm Taylor by the way. - Nice to meet you.

I've heard so much about you.

Oh, thank you.

Well hopefully good things.

- I wanna party, where's my- - Mostly.

Mostly hopefully.

I mean, do you know the guy who you're dating?

I don't know what story you heard,

but he was the one that was cheating on me.

- Y'all. Hello. - Hey.

Everybody happy?

- Yes. - Yes.

Oh boy. Okay.

This is a lot of [beep] going on.

We'll see how this turns out.

You guys have the same scarf on.

- Oh my God. - Yeah.

This was not coordinated.

I guess.

Super awkward, but I'll gladly watch.

- You want another one? - Mm-hm.

- Okay. - Okay. Penelope, come on.

And you guys' dogs are matching too.

- I didn't realize that. - It's kind of cute.

- Okay. - It's kind of funny.

- Hello. Are you okay? - Yeah.

I just met Shep's girlfriend, question mark?

I asked Whitney how long they had been seeing each other.

He said about six months or so.

And Salley said- - Just the two of them?

No matter how over you are a guy,

seeing that walk in is,

I can see how that would be triggering or upsetting

or just bringing up old wounds.

I wouldn't like that at all.

Coming up.

Are you [beep] blind? Have you seen my husband?

Do you really think for one second

I would have an affair with you?

This would be a fun device or something cool.

A book.

Oh no.

Dustbuster.

It's not fun.

All right.

Hey Madison, what's going on?

Hey, I wanna have a talk with you if you're able

to meet me at the coffee shop.

- Sure. - Okay,

- I'll be down here. - Okay.

- All right. Bye. - Bye.

I don't know where I stand with Madison.

I really liked our relationship,

but at the Carolina Cup I felt some coldness.

How long are you gonna milk this cane thing?

You happy I didn't die?

So I know that if she's calling,

Craig definitely said something.

I know this.

I can feel it in my bone marrow.

- Hi, how are you? - Hi.

Is this one only iced?

- I can do hot. - Let's try that.

Thank you. - You're very welcome.

Enjoy.

Hey, I'll be right there. Good to see you.

- Good to see you. - Let's see.

Hey, how are you? - Hi. How are you?

- Good. - Coffee and tea.

- Just a water. - Water. Do you want ice?

Actually, you know what? A tea would be welcome.

Yeah.

- Thank you. - Perfect.

- Hey. - How you doing?

- I've been better. - What's up?

You made an accusation that my husband thought

that you and I were having an affair.

He basically thinks that Brett

thinks that you and JT are having an affair

and slept together in Jamaica.

- What? - And we were like,

"Nobody thinks that."

Well, I think that may have gotten a little bit twisted.

I didn't say that we had an affair.

Do you remember in Jamaica when she put on my blue stripes?

I think it made Brett get a little weird.

I don't think he's worried about you though.

But then why FaceTime you with your wife

to ask me if we would hook up in Jamaica?

Did he actually say the words "did you hook up"?

Oh, it was like you left the beach and went where?

I feel blindsided at the fact

that I thought we were friends.

I did too.

It has never been anything more than that.

- I agree. - And I'm sorry, JT,

but are you [beep] blind?

Have you seen my husband?

Do you really think for one second

I would have an affair with you?

But when you FaceTimed me, I was confused.

JT, the one time that we called you,

it was because he said, "Well wait,

who was in your room late night?"

And I said, well, "A bunch of people came back to my room.

It was never just me and you."

My husband is not a jealous person.

I mean, being married, obviously I'm gonna call my husband

every single night and check in with him.

But one night in Jamaica, I didn't end up calling him.

And so I think that maybe Brett was just trying to confirm

that it wasn't me and Austen hanging out, drinking red wine,

eating McDonald's in the bed.

When I care about somebody

and they call me with their husband on the phone

and they're asking questions deposing me,

I felt uncomfortable.

And then everything changed with you.

What did I do wrong?

You mean girled me.

And I'm like, "Why is my friend mean girling me?"

You know what?

I think Austen might have been right about you

this whole entire time.

You are not a gentleman.

You called Patricia a bitch. You're the bitch.

What?

What are you talking about?

I don't believe that I ever called that woman that word.

Well, that's what I heard.

No, I didn't because I know I would never,

because when I was a little boy,

you know, little boys challenge their moms.

And I remember one day and I said, "Can we go to 711?

I want a Slurpee."

And she said, "No."

And I said, "Mom, you're a b."

Whew.

Last time I ever used that word.

I'm sorry that I said what I've said to the boys about

how I received the FaceTime call

and I didn't know how to handle it.

And I wish I had come to you.

I would like to leave it there.

It doesn't need to go further.

You're unbelievable.

I really don't- - I'm just being

real with you.

I mean, I don't even know why I'm even wasting

my time speaking to you.

Okay. It's good to see you again.

Okay.

I'll be mad at JT until the day I die.

And I think it's starting to hit him

that he made a huge mistake.

I think he's just realizing he lost a good friend.

Next time

on "Southern Charm."

They did a scan on the spot on my kidney.

- Cancer? - I mean, they don't know.

Everyone else talking, meet Gaston.

- Right? - For your opinion

by meeting Gaston.

Nobody else knows him.

He has a short fuse.

What happened to the goofball

self-deprecating Craig?

Like that guy's gone.

Did Patricia say why I wasn't invited?

Yeah, you don't make the effort.

This is my life. You can either swim or leave.