Original subtitles

Craig and I, we used to sext each other.

I mean, I'm not trying to steal him from Paige or anything.

As I got together with my friend Molly,

Craig and Austen headed to Shep's farm.

Hey, these city folk are here.

And sat down for a serious heart to heart.

You just don't see relationships the way I do.

Sometimes you need to take a step back from people.

I think it's just communication.

Instead of just ghosting.

- Yeah. - You're not wrong.

♪ Times have changed don't you know ♪

Meanwhile, a turned over ATV

gave JT a new lease on life.

I got a cane for Austen and I'm gonna go up to him

and say, "Hey, we're all oh-cane."

♪ He's making it feel so easy

Here they come, hey!

And just when it seemed

we were off to the races.

What's this?

JT has brought canes for everyone.

This is your cane 'cause you've turned over a new leaf.

Wow.

I brought this cane for you.

I don't need a cane.

I know, just for looks.

Pat decided to look

JT's gift horse in the mouth,

which put him right back to the starting gate.

She turned my cane down, that's savage.

I felt like saying, "Take this cane and shove it."

♪ It's easy ♪ And the birds and the bees ♪

♪ And the one, two, threes

♪ Mm-hmm

It's so windy.

What? Oh [bleep].

Oh man.

These are brand new flowers.

Sorry babies.

Okay.

You ready to make some tea, Charles?

Ooh, yummy.

You wanna go outside? Come on.

Oh, please.

Come on.

- Hey, honey. - Hello.

- Tell me what's going on. - I don't know. Not much.

Well, I'm gonna organize this Easter dinner.

Okay. Sounds fun.

What kind of bourbon is that?

A 15 year Pappy Van Winkles.

- So $2,000 about? - Well, it's my new vice.

I just, I sip.

Mm-hmm.

Craig, where are you?

Craig, I'll sit here.

Hi, buddy.

Hello.

- How are you? - I'm good.

Do I look all clean?

I just got outta the shower, I shaved.

Good.

Yeah you do. You look fresh.

I like your hair.

I like it like that.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

Washed and floofed.

- Did you cut it? - Yeah.

Yeah, I like your hair just like that.

Don't change anything.

Sienna and I met on this dating site

and I was, you know, enthralled with her basically.

And I just think she's so sexy

and there's nobody else that looks anything like her.

And I think the whole country of the Bahamas would agree

since she is Miss Bahamas.

I do wish you were here.

I do wanna spend some more time up there.

It's so beautiful here right now it's 70 degrees

with a little wind and sunny and it's just perfect.

- You ready to pickle? - Let's do it, baby.

Look both ways and hold my hand when you cross the street.

Get outta here.

- Oh man. - 30 miles.

It's gonna be hard.

30 mile an hour winds.

Oh my gosh.

This is gonna be tough, baby.

You ready to lose?

Are you ready to lose?

Alright, which way is?

I think that's downwind.

So you want downwind?

Oh, stop it.

Gaston and I have been dating for about seven months.

We were friends and then we went on an accidental date.

My friend ended up backing out very last minute

and so it was just me and Gaston

and I was a little nervous but four hours later

he asked if he could kiss me

and I said yes.

Baby, come on.

There you go. - Yeah.

Oh, back corner.

- Oh. - Yes!

Attagirl.

Super impressed, baby.

How does he compare to your last relationship?

Ah!

Wait y'alls.

It fell.

It did not break.

So?

You [bleep] idiot.

Night and day.

Is my hair just falling out

all over the place? - Everywhere.

It's good though. It's nice.

Marilyn Monroe style.

We gotta get you-

Do I have like a comb over like Trump?

Yeah, it's great.

What do you think about Taylor's boyfriend?

He kinda looks like a villain from "The Bourne Identity."

Gaston's sexually inclined.

I'll say that.

I can see him screwing on a silencer

and like, breaking into a room.

My parents have asked me if we've talked about marriage.

I know that her mom and dad

wish that she was still with me and her grandfather

and grandmother and her whole family.

I can jump on a plane

and head to Nassau at any old time, so.

Yeah, whatever you want.

I mean, God Sienna, I would love to come

and hang out there for an extended period of time

if you'll let me.

But I know you're busy so I don't want

to like, monopolize your time.

It's fine.

We just have to plan it ahead of time

so I can get things like, in order.

Sienna's very smart and driven and independent.

Flying here and there and modeling

and she got into med school.

She's a lot of things that Taylor wasn't,

even though she's younger.

As far as just having your own thing going on

and being like a big baller, a little bit.

Gaston and I, we're a similar age.

Our relationship feels more like a partnership.

Gaston really makes me feel like I am good enough

and that's different for me.

All right, point.

Here you go.

Love you, baby.

- Good game. - Good try.

You tried. - Is that a ball in your pants

or are you just excited to see me?

Excited. Excited.

This is way bigger than I envisioned it.

Mom, remember that was just a bunch of dirt back there.

- And dumpsters. - We're almost done.

I've got a month out.

But I really need your help now that we're at this point.

I've built it.

I need my Navy seals, if you will, of design and creativity.

Wallpaper, artwork.

You did all the art for all the other houses.

- I'm ready. - It's nine bedrooms.

I can't wait to see it.

That one's 10 plus nine is 19.

So this is the largest Airbnb property

in down on the peninsula, downtown Charleston.

Well that's a feat. Congratulations.

I don't identify as rich, but I feel like I am doing well.

You know I had like, eight other Airbnbs

and those are all very valuable too.

But this particular property,

it had zoning that made it a hotel.

So it's very valuable.

Yeah, it's very valuable.

You gonna do prints or original art in this monster?

I defer to the experts.

We got the pallette right here.

- I cannot. - This is the painting?

- I cannot wait for this. - Uh-uh, no.

Not yet.

Okay.

Alright. Lemme take you inside.

My mom is this amazing interior designer.

- The pillows are just fine. - You like the pillows?

For a fishing cabin.

But her passion actually is painting.

I'm looking for a wall big enough for this painting.

Well, we have nine different rooms in this house.

Follow me. - Okay.

My sister and my mom have this kind of joint venture

where they're both painting together in this little studio.

So I commissioned this painting of the marsh,

the Charleston marsh and to be the cherry on top for this,

this house that ultimately became this hotel.

Alright, let's untie this little thing.

Alright.

Don't look. Close your eyes.

I think it has presence.

Okay, you can look now.

He's gonna have a nervous breakdown.

Oh [bleep].

That's beautiful, man. Wow.

- You do like it. - Do you like it?

Would you tell us if you didn't?

That's a stupid question.

No, I wouldn't. But I do like it. It's Charleston.

It's the low country. It's the marsh.

It's what I love the most.

Thank you for not invoicing me at all for it too.

I'm gonna actually send an adjusted invoice

after seeing how much you loved it.

- Let's change subjects. - Yeah.

It's killing me that it's laying on the floor.

I need some advice actually.

I'm not sure,

but I think I disrespected Miss Patricia apparently.

I wanna get, I want to get your thoughts on this.

I brought everybody a cane

and I handed Miss Patricia a cane.

- Oh geez. - Oh my God.

I brought this cane for you.

I don't need a cane.

Why would you do that?

I didn't think, it was like a solidarity.

Like everyone.

- Oh, come on. - What?

Yeah, that was insensitive.

You would never, should never hand any lady a cane.

Even if you have one yourself and you got almost killed?

Yep. I think that's, even if.

That was inconsiderate.

Yeah, that was a dumb move.

You could always write apology letters.

Letters are so great.

- Especially- - Grandad taught us.

Should I just hand her a handwritten note?

- Granddad. - I would.

Granddad taught us to write letters.

Okay, then we're learning.

And I'll apologize to her if I'm allowed to see her again.

- Yeah. - She's a lovely lady

and I didn't mean to disrespect her at all

and I don't want to be kicked outta the group.

I handed like what, 15 canes out?

It wasn't like I targeted Ms. Patricia,

but I learned my lesson.

You should have handed her a martini.

Nothing would've been a better idea than anything.

Coming up.

How are you feeling?

I have to go see a specialist.

It's still bad?

Yeah, let's see what they say.

Zoey, stop.

Your call has been forwarded to-

Why don't you love me?

Old people.

Alright, let's do some makeup.

Being a girl is annoying.

Someone calling me.

Hi, Mom.

Hey, sweetie.

I'm sorry you couldn't catch me.

I was cleaning out my closet.

I figured you were doing something

very important to ignore me.

It was very important,

much more important than talking to you.

Ah, yes.

I'll talk to my therapist about it later.

Yeah, exactly.

I was born in Barnwell, South Carolina,

which is a couple hours away from here

and I was adopted by two attorneys.

So I moved here when I was three days old.

Everybody's biased but it's like, no, no, sorry.

My parents win. They're the best.

I definitely hit the lottery.

What's up?

I am putting on some makeup and stuff.

I have my rehearsal later so I'm just-

Yeah, I know.

All right. - I'm stressing out.

Why?

The two high notes I flubbed.

I have that little solo

so I'm just like, I don't wanna mess it up.

I play the miniature tuba, it's called the euphonium.

When I was 10 I went down the line of instruments

when they brought them to the school to try out

and I couldn't make a noise until I got to the trombone,

but I was too short.

Funnily enough, I'm gigantic now, but I was too short.

So the next one down is euphonium.

I started playing that and I got really good at it.

- Okay, sweetie. - All right.

If there's anything I need to help you

let me know because we're just chilling.

I'm lounging on my sectional sofa.

You know me. I gotta sit.

Oh, I know, me too.

I don't like to stand up.

- Need sofas and chairs. - God, I'm a lazy gal.

Well, where do you think you got that from?

You.

I chilled out a lot

but I used to be a wild child in my early twenties.

Moved around, lived in LA, Miami, New York for modeling.

But now that I gained some weight,

I haven't been modeling as much lately.

I've got these two dresses.

I'm gonna try on and see if-

- Oh, okay. - Either of them work.

I still wanna model and stuff, but my parents are here.

They're getting older

and the thought of living far away from them is upsetting

and so I'm home for foreseeable future.

Alright, well I'll see y'all later.

Alright, see you later, babe. I love you.

- Bye. - Bye.

Love that girl. Alrighty.

- I'll do the coffee. - All right.

Well, I started it for you.

Which one do you want, Hudson?

These ones, right?

- Yeah. - Pour two cups.

Hudson, are you gonna want whipped cream?

Yes ma'am.

Should we do blueberries?

- Yeah, I was gonna wash 'em. - But we need to take turns.

- Is your arm getting tired? - Yeah.

- Hmm. - Oh.

- Oh, excuse me. - How are you feeling, Brett?

- I'm pretty good. - How's your swallowing?

I have to go see a specialist for it.

It's still bad?

Yeah, it's like two stages.

I don't know.

So I gotta go see a ENT for it

and then probably have

to do like some type of therapy or something.

I don't know. See what they say.

Unfortunately Brett was diagnosed

with thyroid cancer toward the end of last year,

around our one year wedding anniversary.

I thought like, how?

Like I'm finally happy

and then it's just scary.

And it's still just that sharp feeling?

Yeah, just like a marble.

It's like stuck there.

It's all right. I'm getting used to it.

Well no, we'll get you fixed.

I'm thankful that Brett was able to go in

and they removed a three centimeter nodule.

Kiss and make it better.

Yeah, thanks.

So the cancer is gone

but now he's having complications

so I feel like we can't catch a [bleep] break.

But it's coming along.

Look at that.

A few more appointments coming up and then,

good job, did you flip it?

Mm-hmm.

- Are we doing bacon? - Yes!

Yeah, there you go.

Let me try it.

Oh, make sure it's not poisonous.

Oh, it's poisonous.

Oh, look it looks a little.

I told Hudson that Brett was sick

but I didn't go into detail about like,

what cancer can do to someone.

- That's good. - That's perfect.

And I try not to let Hudson see me emotional

'cause like, I have to be strong for my family.

What do you have going on?

So Patricia's gonna host a Easter lunch.

It's too bad you have to leave this afternoon and miss it.

Yeah.

What are we wearing?

Something like an Easter chick.

Pink?

- Purple, green. - Okay, Eastery.

I'm happy to like, dress up and see how it's done.

Yeah, that'll be exciting.

Maybe I'll learn something.

Some days I just wanna like, scream.

It could be anything that triggers me.

Whether that be someone saying like,

when are you having a child?

I mean we were just kind of starting to plan.

But that's on pause for now.

Coming up.

Whatever Leva is telling you isn't true.

I'm just saying what Rodrigo and her talked about.

If you bring it up again, you won't see me again.

Hello, how are you?

I just need to check in with some friends to-

Sure.

- Hello, good to see you. - What's up, brother?

So we'll have you guys over here

on the simulator for the night.

- I love it. - What's up?

Hey, buddy. How's it going?

- This place is sweet. - Okay, thank you.

You guys want anything to drink?

Just an ice water for me.

Let's see what course we wanna play.

Let's play Valhalla.

- I've never played Valhalla. - It's in Kentucky.

Are you gonna play?

- Yeah, we're playing a course. - I'll play one arm or I'll try.

Have you even tried

to swing a golf club since the accident?

No, but I'm not gonna quit against you guys.

- JT's a good golfer. - I know he's a good golfer.

He's taken money off of me.

Yeah.

JT and I, we've been friends for a while.

What is up with these "Legend of Bagger Vance" clubs?

You can use these today if you wanna try 'em out.

Maybe some better fortune for you.

I think that they're a little too short for me, JT.

Already with the height jokes.

We'll see what happens out there.

You guys crack me up.

But last year JT just yelled at Austen all the time,

but now that he's like handed this

olive cane branch into Austen,

we can be civil and like,

not try to tear each other's lives apart.

You'd get kicked out of most courses

for dressing like that.

You're trying to get in my head right now?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- Did you just miss? - Careful.

Nah, I'm done. You guys play.

- Okay. - You guys play.

I haven't missed the ball in a while.

Well, with two legs I beat him 18 straight holes.

Okay, Craig, your shot.

Ooh.

Alright, so what's the feedback

in the men's locker room on? - Oh!

Did my olive branch at least move the needle

a little bit with Austen or is it gonna require more?

I was a little harsh on you during the exorcism.

This is your cane 'cause you turned over a new leaf.

Wow.

I thought what you did was really nice.

You just repaired a relationship with him

so that's good.

But when I gave Ms. Patricia a cane,

I didn't realize it at the time but she took offense to it.

- Yeah. - Okay.

But one thing I wanted to talk to you guys about

was Madison invites me to her event.

I'm thinking it's gonna be kind of a friendly like event

but Madison doesn't speak to me

at the event she invites me to.

Isn't that weird?

Yeah.

And then I remembered something.

Okay.

I remember that Madison FaceTimed me

when she was in the Dominican Republic.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was like, why is she FaceTiming me?

Go ahead.

Do you remember in Jamaica

when she put on my blue stripes?

No.

Alright [bleep] down.

Stand up and yell at Austen.

You need to like, be a gentleman.

I think it made Brett get a little weird

when that all went around.

That this is a theory that you've developed?

Oh my god, this is so crazy.

I don't think he's worried about you though.

But then why FaceTime you with your wife

to ask me if we would hook up in Jamaica?

Did he actually say the words, "Did you hook up?"

He was like, "You left the beach and went where?"

And I'm like this is weird.

I'm a sucker for a good conspiracy theory.

I don't even like to use the word conspiracy theory.

I think it's derogatory

to all of those who know the truth out there.

But man, JT is, he tops me. - No, I just think it's weird

that Brett's potentially weird about me about stripes.

I don't think Brett thinks that you guys hooked up.

I receive a FaceTime call.

"Hey JT, I'm here with Brett.

"Well he wants to know what happened in Jamaica."

And I said, "Taylor was upset.

"So we went to your hotel room and we ordered room service

"and then we all went to bed."

And she said, "Thanks, JT.

"Have a good rest of the day."

And then the other strange thing,

why is she matching polka dots with Austen?

The way that the gears turn in JT's head,

I'm not sure I wanna know about.

Oh, JT.

At the Carolina Cup,

I'm looking at Austen, I'm looking at Madison.

I see matching polka dots

and my mind's going, I don't know what's going on.

Madison, who never misses a beat

matches her ex-boyfriend to the color in the polka dot.

Okay, you sound absolutely nuts right now.

The four-wheeler landed on your head.

I get it.

I've connected the pyramids to aliens, to panda bears,

but this is way crazier than anything I've ever said.

Okay, but on another note, the Austen thing,

do you know how hard it was for me to bring an olive branch?

'Cause he's still doing the same

Leva said that he had a relationship

with another girl for a few months.

Last summer he's been dating her?

Yeah.

I've met a whole bunch of girls who say they dated Austen.

- No they haven't not true. - That's just not true.

No they haven't.

I'm saying what Leva's got gossiping about.

Okay, I don't care about Leva

because Austen and Audrey are great.

You guys, I love you guys.

But like you don't hold him accountable.

JT, do you want to be friends with us?

Because that means you gotta stop

picking fights with Austen. - I'm not.

And making up lies not his girlfriend.

I'm not. I wanna be your friend.

Well then listen to when I tell you.

- Just relax. - That whatever Leva

is telling you isn't true.

Then we need to address that with Leva and say stop.

No I don't.

She ran her mouth on the whole bus.

So are you gonna take my word

or are you gonna take Leva's word?

I'm just saying what Rodrigo and her talked about.

I've just never seen a 180 done so quickly.

I thought we were passed this stuff.

Why are you not hearing me?

- I am. - When I tell you

that it is absolutely none of your business

what Austen does with his girlfriend.

Well, I'm just saying

what Leva said no the bus. - It had no effect.

And we're [bleep] telling you.

I just told you, if you bring it up again,

you won't see me again.

And Craig, I'm telling you I'm sticking

with the truth and I'm here, brother.

If you continue to say stuff like this.

What's wrong with you?

- Like, yeah. - Stop it.

Stop what?

- Everything. - This.

I think I'm gonna get outta here.

I'm telling you what Leva said on the bus.

I'm sorry, I can't hang out with people

that are against my friend Austen. Shep, I love you, buddy.

This isn't healthy for me.

- Craig, hold on. - Nah.

What's going on? Why is he so upset?

This is bananas.

Words matter. Words matter.

Words matter? So do actions.

I can't talk to my friends about what's going on

and what I'm hearing then- - You can.

That's not how you approached it.

You've gone right back into the weeds, man.

Just stop.

Whew.

- Hey, Austen. - Hey.

- How are you doing? - Good.

You know, I was just in Charlotte doing some

Trop Hop stuff and it's kind of perfect

that I can pop up there since, you know, Audrey lives there.

Now I think that's great.

How long have you guys been going out?

I guess we're going on like, four or so months.

Wow.

I can tell that you're really enjoying it.

I do. It's strange, Mom.

It's like- - I know.

Well you took your time, Austen,

because you waited and you took your-

When I leave Charlotte, I like, you know, miss her.

- That's great. - I know.

Good, so how have you been otherwise?

Good.

I am heading up to Craig's house right now.

Oh good, I'm glad that you're going out there.

I know. Oh man.

You know, nowadays it's like if I want to see Craig,

I have to show up to his house.

He would rather tend to his garden

than hang out with his friends these days.

Alright Mom, love you. - Okay, love you, hon.

Bye-bye. - Bye.

But at the same time I'm like,

I could take pointers from Craig,

like he's doing it well and then on the other hand I'm like,

you know, he's got his head so far up his own ass.

It's like he almost likes the way that it smells.

Alright, what do I want to grill?

Got sausages and hot dogs.

This is a [bleep] mess.

- Yo, dude. - What's up, man?

You know you have a hundred feet of cable

on your front porch.

Did you know that?

- You can bring it in. - Yeah.

I got a vacuum for my putting green.

- What's up, man? - What's up?

So I figured maybe we go hang in the hot tub.

Help me get rid of like my head cold.

Okay.

I don't feel bad, it's just an annoyance.

Okay, I'm gonna go start grilling hot dogs.

Alright dude, I'm gonna throw on a suit.

Okay.

That's my pool meat.

Frozen [bleep] Christ.

Damn, we're gonna have some fun out here.

Dude, so me and Shep went to go hang with JT

and like he was like,

do you think I like apologized to Austen enough?

And I said, I think it was the right thing to do.

And he is like,

"Well I just think it reflects poorly on me."

- Oh my God. - So we're like, what?

And then he's like, well how about his new girlfriend?

He's treating her like too.

Seriously?

You know, for him to say like, I treat her horribly.

Like we are so great and happy that it blows my mind.

What a [bleep] asshole.

The TV will go on that wall.

In the bedroom, bed here.

Nice view to wake up.

Oh no. They could see in.

Damn it.

Is that Venita?

Yeah.

Hi.

- Hi. - Oh my God.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hi. - You look cute.

Sorry I don't have a voice. - Where'd your voice go?

Somebody stole it.

What?

I'm sorry. So you reported it to the police?

- I didn't. - That was a mistake.

Wait, JT it's so cute.

Yeah, it's a little minimalist.

It's simple, right?

Yeah. You don't have any furniture.

Well, I said minimalist.

Yeah, so this is the little balcony view.

This is insane.

I can see eight steeples from right here.

- Jesus Christ. - Mm-hmm.

My original apartment.

It wasn't bad per se,

but it did look down over a U-Haul station

and the new apartment,

the light glistens off the steeples of the holy city.

It opens my soul.

Like what did I do to deserve this?

I have to be honest, I'm a little devastated.

Why?

Because now I can't be like, "Hey, let's get breakfast."

'Cause you can't walk five minutes.

Now you got to get in the car and drive and park.

Or you could just get up, walk and knock, knock.

I promise we can still grab some breakfast.

I will make that drive for you.

Okay.

So what's happening?

What's going in that little brain of yours?

Well I had a conversation with Craig and Shep

and it was kind of a,

it was kind of heavy.

Yeah?

Craig and Shep both got in my face

when I mentioned Austen's gray area girlfriend thing

that Leva mentioned on the bus.

They were both coming in so hot.

I'm talking like- - Yeah.

- Foaming at the mouth. - Yeah.

Like I was like, okay, I put my hands up.

God, I feel like I'm gonna be like devil's advocate here.

Like JT just got back at the friend group.

Let's play it cool for as long as you can

until you start bringing up things that don't really matter.

It sounds like you were trying to start a new,

let me try to be friends. This is what I would do

with people I wanna be friends with you ask them for help.

Yeah, but I guess that was an error.

I was like, dude, I'm not doing this [bleep] with you.

I was like, Austen's one of my best friends,

why would I sit here

and listen to you talk about him?

And he's like, "I'm not talking ..."

And I was like, "That's exactly what you're doing."

He goes, "I'm just repeating what Leva said.

"It's the truth. It's the truth.

"Austen cheats on her around town."

So when we were talking about Leva-

That's so [bleep] sad.

He's a miserable little, little rat.

It was very erratic.

He looked [bleep] crazy.

What else was he going in on?

You remember when Madison threw on my pinstripe outfit?

- Oh yeah, it was so funny. - In Jamaica. It was funny.

Yeah, yeah.

Well it was posted on social media and her husband saw it

and so I thought nothing of it.

It was kind of like funny, funny.

But I get a FaceTime call, questions were happening like,

"Hey, what happened in Jamaica?"

- Yeah. - With the two of you.

Austen, he said that Brett called him

and thinks that him and Madison [bleep] in Jamaica.

I was like, no one thinks that you banged Madison.

And he's like, "Well Brett does."

And I was like, "Did he accuse you of banging Madison?"

He goes, "No, but he said it in so many ways."

Madison's gonna freak.

And then he's like, yeah, clock this.

Madison wore polka dots at the horse race.

Guess who else wore polka dots? Austen.

- Hey. - Hello.

- Pretty woman. - Polka dot, Madison.

I know. It was on the invite.

Like at this point you're just like, dude,

what are you talking about?

But. - Wait, wait, wait.

Okay.

JT, he couldn't hold up the like I'm a changed man,

you know, facade for long.

I just thought that he was gonna fake it

for like a few more weeks at least

before he went off the deep end.

I thought I was in the twilight zone, dude.

Dude, I don't have any time for that [bleep].

But you know, coordinating polka dot outfits.

I hate to say it.

I gotta give him some creativity points.

Coming up.

We're having dessert.

Eat it like a cupcake sandwich.

- It is. - You know what?

Molly, it's the last thing you need.

Whitney.

He's calling me fat.

So I think tonight, the Chateauneuf.

We'll do this.

Then I think people are gonna want Bellinis.

We've got champagne up here. - Okay.

It's Madison, Austen, Craig.

That's fine.

My little antique bunnies.

I think it looks cute.

You want me to go check?

See what your mother would like to have?

Yeah, I'll go in.

Okay. Thank you.

Don't you look nice, very-

- Thank you, darling - Floral.

What color is that?

It's Easter egg pink.

Here's the bunny rabbit with the black jelly beans.

The turd pellets.

It's been a tradition since we started.

I do a big extravaganza for Easter

and I order candy from like 10 different places.

Steve's Candy and Maison du Chocolat and all over the place.

And jelly beans from the Teeter, our grocery store.

Austen, Craig, Ryan,

me,

Molly. Okay.

Oh, how coincidental.

I mean, Whitney never tells me anything,

so let's get that straight right off the bat.

But other people have told me

that they hooked up like, five or six years ago.

- How are you? - Hello.

I know he likes her and they remain friends.

Maybe what I'll do is invite her

and put her next to Whitney.

- Ooh. - Just see what happens.

I love that.

I mean, I would love grandchildren

before I kick the bucket.

Let's have a cocktail.

- What would you like? - Just a glass of champagne.

Madame would like a glass of champagne.

Coming right up.

As per your instructions, I decluttered.

Thank you, Randy.

You are welcome.

Whitney, you doing okay with your drink?

Yeah. Thank you.

I mean Mom, you've been fighting me on it,

but I'm going to upgrade our audio system here.

Look at that, it's something out of the dark ages.

Well, I'm out of the dark ages and I like it.

Oh my God.

- Hey. - Oh my God.

Hi, Miss Pat.

- Hey. - You sound a bit congested.

Are you sick?

- Yeah, well the pollen has- - Yeah.

Given me a slight head cold.

Here, come sit down. Come sit down.

- How you been, man? - Good.

We never see you anymore, man.

Oh, I'd rather just cook dinner

and just hang at home these days, so.

Well, sometimes when you work hard

you need to do that.

Excuse me.

Hey, Patricia.

Hey Whitney, how are you?

- It's Ryan, how are you? - You look sharp.

- Come on in. - Hey y'all.

- Come on in. - How's it going, Craig?

Oh Patricia, I love your dress.

- Hey darling. - It's so pretty.

Hey, I brought you some French chocolates.

Oh, I hate chocolates.

Especially French chocolates.

I have been friendly

with Ryan's partner, Eddie, since 2008.

I missed you. - Oh, how have you been?

Good.

And then when he married Ryan,

we became really, really close.

They're lovely in every way and fun.

Oh, thank you, Ryan.

Thank you.

I want you to try something.

- It tastes like medicine, - It's basically liquor.

More liquor and more liquor.

- Hey, Shep. - What's up?

- Good to see you, man. - Good to see you.

How are you? Good to see you.

Here, pull me up.

Oh, okay. In that case I won't.

- What's up? - Good to see you.

- Good to see you. - What's up, brother?

Very Eastery of you, Whitney.

You look like you're about to go on a safari.

Do I ring it?

Did you get those glasses at the gas station?

Yeah I did, but they're Easter.

Hello?

Would you like cranberry or a diet coke?

No, I'd like a glass of champagne.

You just walk in?

- Hello? - Hey!

- Hi, Molly. - You look all purty.

- Oh thanks. - You look so pretty.

- Thank you so much. - I love your dress.

- I love yours. - You guys kind of match.

- You look so beautiful. - Thank you. Thank you.

Why don't you go in here? You can sit there.

Yeah, come sit in here.

What would you like to drink?

Um, champagne.

Okay, excuse me.

Patricia makes me nervous.

I'm just like, is she gonna think that I'm weird

or like not classy enough?

Yeah, probably.

Oh thank you so much.

But then I remember who her son is.

My head is vibrating.

I'm like, hey, she still loves him, so.

Cheers.

- Hi. - There she is.

- Here she comes. - Horse theory.

Oh yeah.

Look what the cat dragged in.

- Hello. - Come here [bleep].

You look nice.

I brought y'all a bottle of wine.

Whitney and Whitney's gonna say something snarky about it.

I have no doubt.

No, no, no. I love all wine.

Excuse me.

You'd enjoy that more than a cane as a gift.

Oh, a cane.

Why would you give an 80-year-old woman a cane?

I think he just thought it'd be funny if we all had canes.

But he's not funny, so.

I don't know if Whitney's gonna talk to JT

after he finds out what he said about his mom.

He called you a bitch.

Wait, hold up.

What the [bleep] is wrong with this guy?

I said, oh my god, Whitney's gonna kill him.

He can go [bleep] himself.

He called you a bitch.

I said, I don't-

Hey wait, hold on.

The fact that he can impugn my mother, all bets are off.

He can go [bleep] himself, that's it.

He is crazy.

When did he say all this?

- He's little- - When me and Shep

went to indoor golf with him.

Oh.

Honestly, I don't remember hearing that.

I did not hear JT call Patricia a bitch, for the record.

JT called Miss Patricia a bitch at golf?

Yes.

Miss Patricia just was like, "I'm not taking this cane."

So maybe it's Craig bending the truth.

He's pretty good at that.

How long did you know

that you didn't graduate from law school?

Since the beginning.

Really?

Those words never came out of my mouth.

I just graduated law school.

Did you really graduate?

Yeah.

I sat there with him

and like basically co-signed the bar application.

We stuffed it in an envelope and I was like,

where the hell did that letter go to?

My fingerprints done, my jobs.

Then I had to get three character affidavits.

All right, future's in here.

So did you take the bar?

I'm not allowed to take the bar.

I hadn't received my official diploma.

That was only the tip of the iceberg.

He basically was just talking a whole bunch of

about Madison and Brett and Austen

and I was like, oh. - Back up.

- Wait, wait, wait. - Yeah.

He basically thinks that Brett thinks that you and JT

are having an affair

and slept together in Jamaica. - In Jamaica.

What?

And he was dead serious.

And we were like, nobody thinks that.

That's a joke.

You can talk about me all day long,

but you start talking about my marriage and my husband.

You're done.

So let me get this correct.

He says he thinks that my husband thinks

that I had had an affair with him?

He was like, Brett thinks that we had sex in Jamaica

because she was wearing my clothes

and I was like, was making fun.

- Right. - I don't know, Shep.

You have to help me too.

I was like, I'm a pretty intuitive guy.

I was like I don't understand what you're talking about.

Well, he will be the bitch when I'm done with him.

How about that?

I said Madison's gonna kill you.

- Let's tag team him. - Yeah, let's do it.

- He'll be sorry. - And get the canes.

How unhinged is this character?

- I know. - I [bleep] told you so.

Do I feel this beautiful sense of vindication?

You are damn right I do.

And no one knows what a piece of [bleep] that you are,

like, don't hide behind the fact

that you just called yourself a gentleman 38 times

and you think that that means that you're a gentleman.

Like, we know who you are.

The amount of times that I can't wait to say

I told you so is uncountable.

Hey guys, we're going to prepare to dinner.

- Dinner is ready? Okay. - I'm starving.

Me too.

Yeah, let me drink

two more of these and I'll show JT.

Drink some bourbon.

It's the best thing to get mad about.

Yeah, can I get an old fashioned, please?

Let's all say a prayer for JT

because I'm gonna [bleep] him up.

Dear God.

Look how pretty.

Patricia, I love it.

Oh, this is so beautiful.

Here I am.

Oh, I love the plates.

We're having Easter fare.

Ham, crispy macaroni and cheese.

Green beans.

Good. Thank you so much.

This looks amazing.

So will someone please lead us off on a toast or?

- I will. - Shep, please.

I'd like to talk about why we're here and that is Easter.

And Jesus was a guy

who was just trying to do nice things.

He was crucified.

It's [bleep] and let that be a lesson to some of us.

You're punished for your kindnesses.

But actually that's a bad message for Easter.

But Pontius Pilate,

I don't even know who that was, but that's a name I know.

- He was a betrayer. - He was the betrayer.

- He was an asshole. - Judas.

He had a lot of betrayers.

He was similar to Judas.

And I think we should never betray each other.

Thank you, Shep. That was very eloquent.

The fact you know Pontius Pilate is impressive though.

- Right? - Yeah, yeah.

It is a miracle.

Mm, the sweet potatoes. They're good.

I don't like sweet potatoes but these are great.

- Unbelievable. - All right.

I can't eat all this stuff.

I'm trying to be good.

I've lost 15 pounds.

I've lost 15 pounds but I got another 20 to go.

- No. - Yeah.

I gained 45 pounds like a year and a half ago.

Why?

I have hormone problems.

So I fluctuate every couple years anyway.

But then I'm also on a medicine

that causes like binge eating, so I just kinda-

- The opposite of Ozempic. - Literally.

That was delicious.

- This is good. Thank you. - And we're having dessert.

- This looks really good. - Beautiful little cupcake.

Patricia, have you ever seen this

where you take off the top and you make a sandwich?

Oh wait, wait. I was about to.

Sorry, sucker.

I was gonna be so cool.

- You snooze, you lose. - Oh, you do this

so you don't get icing all over in your nose.

- It's like a sandwich? - You know? Uh-huh.

- that. - Wow.

Eat it like a cupcake sandwich.

It is.

Hey, you know what, Molly?

That's the last thing you need.

Whitney!

He's calling me fat.

I'm not calling you fat.

- No the [bleep] you did not. - How dare you.

Shame on you.

He said this is the last thing I need.

I've known this girl for 10 years.

I can say these things.

Can you though?

What the hell, Whitney?

You know that I like,

have not the best relationship with food.

So it's like don't be a dick.

You're eating it like a Big Mac.

Whitney, I will beat you up.

It was a joke.

Is that okay, Patricia?

Do you allow it?

See she's giving me the green light.

I've given up.

As far as grandkids are concerned,

I think I'm gonna get a kitten.

Next time on "Southern Charm."

Are you [bleep] blind?

Have you seen my husband?

Do you really think I would have an affair with you?

- Who else is gonna be here? - Molly has to bring Sally.

- Hi, I'm Sally. - Tyler.

She hooked up with Shep

and then she and Gaston used to hook up.

- Nice to meet you. - You too.

I've heard so much about you.

Hopefully good things.

Were they good?

Mostly.