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1
00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:32,291
I can't believe we get
to finally see a real prom.
2
00:00:32,708 --> 00:00:33,708
{\an8}You ready?
3
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,958
{\an8}Holy shit.
4
00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:40,958
Let's promise each other
prom will be our night.
5
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,166
{\an8}You'll be there
with the love of your life,
6
00:00:43,166 --> 00:00:45,375
{\an8}and the most popular girl in school,
the prom queen,
7
00:00:45,375 --> 00:00:46,625
{\an8}that'll be me,
8
00:00:46,625 --> 00:00:47,916
{\an8}no matter what it takes.
9
00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:55,125
Prom pact.
10
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:57,208
Prom pact.
11
00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,458
{\an8}- Oh. Oh!
- Oh, my God.
12
00:00:59,458 --> 00:01:01,291
{\an8}- What do I do?!
- Uh, just calm down.
13
00:01:01,291 --> 00:01:04,083
{\an8}- It's gonna be fine.
- I don't know how to calm down!
14
00:01:04,458 --> 00:01:06,666
It's okay! You're okay!
I'm okay.
15
00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:07,916
{\an8}- I'm okay!
16
00:01:07,916 --> 00:01:09,000
I'm okay.
17
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,666
{\an8}♪ Tip-toeing in the street like ballet ♪
18
00:01:14,666 --> 00:01:16,875
{\an8}♪ Pulled up, moped to the valet ♪
19
00:01:16,875 --> 00:01:19,041
{\an8}♪ Whitewalls on the wheels
like mayonnaise ♪
20
00:01:19,041 --> 00:01:21,083
{\an8}♪ Dope, my crew is ill ♪
21
00:01:21,083 --> 00:01:23,125
{\an8}♪ And all we need is two good wheels ♪
22
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:25,333
{\an8}♪ Got gas in the tank, cash in the bank ♪
23
00:01:25,333 --> 00:01:27,458
{\an8}♪ And a bad little mama
with her ass in my face ♪
24
00:01:27,458 --> 00:01:28,541
{\an8}♪ I'ma dope! ♪
25
00:01:28,541 --> 00:01:30,208
I can't believe
the dress that I ordered
26
00:01:30,208 --> 00:01:31,333
{\an8}four months ago never came.
27
00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:34,041
Do you think it's 'cause we made
your delivery name Dick Shartioli?
28
00:01:34,041 --> 00:01:37,791
Maybe, but that was the only dress
Luca thinks I look like a prom queen in.
29
00:01:37,791 --> 00:01:39,125
{\an8}Okay, are you ready?
30
00:01:39,125 --> 00:01:40,250
{\an8}I mean, I guess.
31
00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:41,583
{\an8}Oh!
32
00:01:41,583 --> 00:01:43,250
{\an8}- Holy shit!
33
00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:45,583
{\an8}Oh, Jess, you literally look like a penis.
34
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:48,041
Well, you look like a period.
- You're welcome.
35
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,000
{\an8}Why do they even make dresses like this?
36
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,625
{\an8}It's not like anyone looks good in them.
37
00:01:58,333 --> 00:01:59,333
{\an8}That's fucked up.
38
00:02:00,625 --> 00:02:02,916
{\an8}So do you wanna do sushi or pizza...?
39
00:02:02,916 --> 00:02:05,666
{\an8}Oh, I forgot to tell you,
Luca actually invited me to lunch.
40
00:02:05,666 --> 00:02:08,291
{\an8}- We can drop you off though.
41
00:02:08,291 --> 00:02:10,500
{\an8}I would rather get in a Lyft
with Thelma and Louise.
42
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:11,625
{\an8}Don't be an asshole.
43
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,791
{\an8}♪ Oooooh, Luca ♪
44
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,166
{\an8}Hey, Hanky.
45
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:22,583
{\an8}I'd offer you a lift, but the Beemer's
built for speed, not comfort.
46
00:02:22,583 --> 00:02:23,833
{\an8}Doubt you'd fit.
47
00:02:23,833 --> 00:02:26,333
{\an8}- Save me a seat at assembly.
48
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:28,041
{\an8}See ya!
49
00:02:29,458 --> 00:02:31,583
{\an8}Yeah. Hope his dick falls off!
50
00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:33,875
Fuck you, asshole!
51
00:02:33,875 --> 00:02:37,000
{\an8}
52
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,708
Just wanted to maximize
53
00:02:57,750 --> 00:02:58,916
our alone time together.
54
00:02:59,791 --> 00:03:00,916
Oh.
55
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,000
[chuckles] Okay.
56
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,791
- I, um...
57
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:09,708
I-- Oh, oh.
58
00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:12,041
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
59
00:03:12,041 --> 00:03:14,250
Um, I just--
60
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,541
- What are you doing?
- I just don't want our first time
61
00:03:18,541 --> 00:03:20,125
to be at 11:00 a.m.
62
00:03:20,708 --> 00:03:21,875
in a parking lot.
63
00:03:23,833 --> 00:03:25,125
Just wait till tomorrow night.
64
00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:27,791
We'll have a whole hotel room
to ourselves after prom.
65
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,000
- It'll be worth the wait.
- I'm not trying
66
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,208
to force myself
onto you or whatever.
67
00:03:32,208 --> 00:03:33,583
- Mm!
- I just...
68
00:03:34,541 --> 00:03:35,750
I want to be close to you.
69
00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:37,416
I want to be close to you, too.
70
00:03:38,166 --> 00:03:40,125
- So?
- No, I'm sorry.
71
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:46,958
So what do you want to do for lunch?
72
00:03:46,958 --> 00:03:49,541
Eh, I gotta go pick up
the keg for the pre-prom, so...
73
00:03:49,541 --> 00:03:51,916
Well, you wanna hang out tonight instead?
74
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,125
Can't, FFF. Friday family fondue.
75
00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:57,166
Right.
76
00:03:58,041 --> 00:04:01,041
Well, if you change your mind,
I'd love to finally meet your parents.
77
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,166
Hmm.
78
00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:04,958
I can take you back to school if you want.
79
00:04:06,125 --> 00:04:07,958
Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks.
80
00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:09,041
Alright.
81
00:04:30,208 --> 00:04:33,333
♪ Same place, different love ♪
82
00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:36,833
♪ Only call you up when I'm feeling low ♪
83
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:40,500
♪ Champagne feels better
than the real thing ♪
84
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:46,041
♪ Gimme the cash,
gimme the bag, gimme the loot ♪
85
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:49,708
♪ I want it all, gimme the love,
gimme your heart too ♪
86
00:04:49,708 --> 00:04:52,583
♪ No one to blame, catching the flame,
just me and you ♪
87
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:54,291
- Hey.
88
00:04:56,416 --> 00:04:59,333
Um, I just wanted to say thanks
for sending me the trig homework.
89
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,083
Kinda just needed to hand something in.
90
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:02,833
Didn't get a chance
to finish it because of my gig.
91
00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:05,666
- Jesus, are you okay?
92
00:05:05,666 --> 00:05:07,416
Just choking.
93
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:12,708
- Did you just fart?
- Nope.
94
00:05:12,708 --> 00:05:14,083
Thought I heard a fart.
95
00:05:14,083 --> 00:05:15,958
You didn't.
96
00:05:15,958 --> 00:05:19,541
Okay, uh, well, I'll catch you later.
97
00:05:29,625 --> 00:05:30,625
Yo.
Yo!
98
00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:31,875
There you are.
99
00:05:34,958 --> 00:05:35,958
What'd Angie want?
100
00:05:35,958 --> 00:05:38,333
Uh, just...
just talking about trig homework.
101
00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:41,125
Gross.
102
00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:45,208
Oh fuck! That sucks for her.
103
00:05:45,625 --> 00:05:47,166
- Where's Greg?
104
00:05:47,166 --> 00:05:48,791
I don't know,
he said he had some, like,
105
00:05:48,791 --> 00:05:49,958
student council thing.
106
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:51,666
Alright. Come on, folks,
let's settle down.
107
00:05:51,666 --> 00:05:55,083
Alright, seniors. I know that some
of you are planning to take things
108
00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:57,708
to the next level
tomorrow night, sexually.
109
00:05:57,708 --> 00:05:59,708
- That's a word that we can use here.
110
00:05:59,708 --> 00:06:01,583
We're all adults, or almost.
111
00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:05,250
And so I've prepared
a little demo to have you watch
112
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,166
before you do something on your prom night
113
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:08,625
that you can't take back.
114
00:06:08,625 --> 00:06:10,125
Eat a dick!
115
00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:11,250
Hey, shut up!
116
00:06:11,958 --> 00:06:14,125
- Shut your holes!
117
00:06:14,125 --> 00:06:17,375
Teen pregnancy is not a joke!
118
00:06:19,541 --> 00:06:21,666
Unless it happens to somebody funny.
119
00:06:23,833 --> 00:06:26,375
Protection is the key.
120
00:06:26,375 --> 00:06:29,083
I'm gonna show every Johnson
in this room...
121
00:06:30,666 --> 00:06:34,333
...that condoms really are
one size fits all.
122
00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:36,125
Observe.
123
00:06:36,541 --> 00:06:38,958
Now imagine I am the thing in question.
124
00:06:43,250 --> 00:06:45,750
- Oh, my God.
125
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:48,125
Yeah, they should've just handed out
free condoms and called it a day.
126
00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:50,458
Mm! Spoken like a true sexual expert.
127
00:06:50,458 --> 00:06:52,958
I've only done it once.
That's more than me.
128
00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:56,083
God, I still cannot believe I greened out
129
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:59,333
and missed you meeting Johan,
the dreamy exchange student.
130
00:07:00,583 --> 00:07:01,791
Yeah.
131
00:07:01,791 --> 00:07:04,750
Yeah, it's crazy that he had to go back
to Germany, like, immediately.
132
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:07,083
Like, the very next day. Sucks.
133
00:07:07,083 --> 00:07:09,166
We have one final announcement.
134
00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:10,583
Have a good time at prom.
135
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,375
And for heaven's sakes, use a condom!
136
00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:21,125
Hey, I wanted to ask you,
would you be okay
137
00:07:21,125 --> 00:07:23,958
with doing pre-prom
at Luca's instead of yours?
138
00:07:23,958 --> 00:07:25,666
The soccer team, they just,
they decided to throw
139
00:07:25,666 --> 00:07:28,458
a big party last minute,
and Luca's the captain, so--
140
00:07:28,458 --> 00:07:29,708
Seriously?
141
00:07:29,708 --> 00:07:31,875
My mom planned, like,
a whole thing for us.
142
00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:33,000
I know,
143
00:07:33,375 --> 00:07:35,250
- but he's so excited.
- Ugh!
144
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,458
Fine.
145
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,208
As long as we're still
getting ready at mine.
146
00:07:41,208 --> 00:07:42,791
Of course. Yes.
147
00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:46,041
Yeah, well, nothing
could be worse than that.
148
00:07:52,208 --> 00:07:53,958
- Is that...
- Greg.
149
00:07:54,458 --> 00:07:57,708
♪ Night-oh, night-oh ♪
150
00:07:57,708 --> 00:08:01,291
♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
151
00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:04,541
♪ Night-oh, night-oh ♪
152
00:08:04,541 --> 00:08:07,833
♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
153
00:08:12,416 --> 00:08:15,375
- Is he prom-posing right now?
- Oh, my God.
154
00:08:15,375 --> 00:08:17,000
Please, no.
155
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:23,625
♪ Please come to prom
with me, my Hannah Banana ♪
156
00:08:23,625 --> 00:08:27,000
♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
157
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,083
♪ Please come to prom... ♪
158
00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:29,541
Oh, my God, he's getting closer.
159
00:08:30,916 --> 00:08:33,750
♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
160
00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:37,333
♪ Night, is a night,
is a night, is a night ♪
161
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:40,708
♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
162
00:08:40,708 --> 00:08:44,208
♪ Night, is a night,
is a night, is a night ♪
163
00:08:44,208 --> 00:08:47,125
♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
164
00:08:47,125 --> 00:08:49,291
They're putting a harness on him.
165
00:08:49,291 --> 00:08:50,666
My, God.
166
00:08:51,041 --> 00:08:54,458
♪ One foot, two foot, three foot, dance ♪
167
00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:57,583
♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
168
00:08:57,583 --> 00:09:01,291
♪ Six foot, seven foot,
eight foot, dance ♪
169
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,458
♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
170
00:09:04,458 --> 00:09:05,541
Oh, God.
171
00:09:05,541 --> 00:09:09,541
Hannah, will you please go
to prom with me?
172
00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:12,291
Yeah! Yes, just fucking stop!
173
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:15,083
She said yes!
174
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,375
It's always big public displays
of affection with him.
175
00:09:30,375 --> 00:09:32,041
I told him not to do that.
176
00:09:32,041 --> 00:09:34,000
He choreographed bananas for you.
177
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,208
Clearly, it came from a place of love.
178
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:38,583
I've been dating Luca for four months,
and I still can't even get him
179
00:09:38,583 --> 00:09:39,875
to introduce me to his parents.
180
00:09:39,875 --> 00:09:41,291
Consider yourself lucky.
181
00:09:41,291 --> 00:09:43,500
Can't believe you two are going
to different colleges.
182
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,583
Do you remember when you
found out that he was sleeping
183
00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:46,916
with a lock of your hair?
184
00:09:47,416 --> 00:09:48,416
Dateline vibes.
185
00:09:48,416 --> 00:09:51,416
Yeah. I think some space
will be a good thing.
186
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:53,875
No one had their phones out.
187
00:09:53,875 --> 00:09:55,541
You literally had your phone out.
188
00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:57,750
You wanna hang out tonight?
Vodka Heather's throwing a party.
189
00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:00,083
Oh, God, I hope I'm the only Hannah
in my program.
190
00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:02,083
I do not want to be saddled
with a nickname like that
191
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:03,416
my first year of college.
192
00:10:03,416 --> 00:10:04,916
Are you kidding me? She loves it.
193
00:10:05,333 --> 00:10:07,416
That's actually surprisingly well done.
194
00:10:07,416 --> 00:10:09,125
She's got a really smooth lower back.
195
00:10:09,125 --> 00:10:10,333
Mm-hmm.
196
00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:12,208
As much as I would love
to see that in person,
197
00:10:12,208 --> 00:10:15,333
Greg told me to come over
tonight for a "surprise."
198
00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:17,583
I'm guessing it's a shared burial plot.
199
00:10:17,833 --> 00:10:19,166
We can give you a ride home, though.
200
00:10:20,791 --> 00:10:22,083
Why's your brother here?
201
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:26,625
♪ Don't you know
you make me crazy ♪
202
00:10:28,416 --> 00:10:29,875
♪ Pull my hair... ♪
203
00:10:29,875 --> 00:10:31,666
I can't believe
this is happening right now.
204
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,958
I know. I've known you
since we were, like, five.
205
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,791
Are you thinking about five-year-old me
while I'm inside of you right now?
206
00:10:38,791 --> 00:10:40,500
- That's fucked up. That's--
207
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,750
You're sick.
208
00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:44,458
- Does sex always have this much talking?
- Yeah.
209
00:10:44,458 --> 00:10:47,125
Yeah, it does when you're nervous
because you like someone.
210
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:49,583
We can't tell Hannah.
211
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:51,666
Oh, my God, no. Mum's the word.
212
00:10:51,666 --> 00:10:53,791
Oh, great, now I'm thinking
about your mom.
213
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,833
No, but imagine
I came when you said that.
214
00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:01,250
That would be so weird.
That would be really fucked up.
215
00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:02,916
I know.
That would be worse than,
216
00:11:02,916 --> 00:11:04,708
like, you thinking about five-year-old me.
217
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,041
- Hi.
218
00:11:10,041 --> 00:11:11,125
Hi.
219
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:13,916
Think your aux cord is busted.
220
00:11:13,916 --> 00:11:16,291
Oh, uh, there's some CDs
in the glove box if you want.
221
00:11:16,291 --> 00:11:17,500
Eh, whatever.
222
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:20,583
Your music taste is all women
who sound like sad ghosts anyways.
223
00:11:20,583 --> 00:11:22,791
That's... fair.
224
00:11:23,375 --> 00:11:25,875
- So when did you get back?
- Uh, yesterday.
225
00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:28,625
Yeah, I, uh, actually,
I got a job at the Italian place
226
00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,541
near our house,
so I'll be here till August.
227
00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,750
- Oh.
- Felt like the right fit
228
00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:35,291
because I would literally kill Hannah
for a free chicken parm.
229
00:11:35,291 --> 00:11:36,708
Same.
230
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:40,041
Hey, um, do you guys
wanna go to a show tonight?
231
00:11:40,041 --> 00:11:42,791
There's this great band that's playing
a warehouse near Rutgers Campus.
232
00:11:42,791 --> 00:11:44,083
Should be pretty cool.
233
00:11:44,083 --> 00:11:46,375
- Uh, I--
- I can't, I'm hanging with Greg.
234
00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:49,416
And Jess is probably busy
jerking it to a pic of Luca.
235
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:52,291
- Who's Luca?
- Her chodey boyfriend.
236
00:11:53,416 --> 00:11:55,500
- Oh.
237
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,166
Get your feet down.
238
00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:00,083
You were adopted.
239
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:01,708
Yeah, I know.
240
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,625
Love you.
241
00:12:15,625 --> 00:12:16,708
Love you.
242
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:18,583
Get home safe!
243
00:12:19,958 --> 00:12:21,166
My door's right there.
244
00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:22,875
Yeah, but you could trip.
245
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:25,500
Let's go! I gotta rock a fat piss.
246
00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:28,000
- Why didn't you go at the school?
- I did.
247
00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:30,333
- What?
- Gotta go again.
248
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,916
What is the matter with you?
249
00:12:44,166 --> 00:12:46,041
Hi, Hannah. Come in, come in.
250
00:12:47,041 --> 00:12:49,250
I'm just teaching Lucy a new trick.
251
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:50,916
Come on, you don't wanna miss this.
252
00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:54,416
Lucy, what would you like for dinner?
253
00:12:54,416 --> 00:12:57,291
Duck. Rice. Please.
254
00:12:57,291 --> 00:12:59,416
Wow, she's hitting
all her food groups.
255
00:12:59,416 --> 00:13:00,666
She's so advanced.
256
00:13:00,666 --> 00:13:01,833
I'd send her to university,
257
00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:03,875
but I'm so scared
of the fraternity parties.
258
00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:06,416
She's so smart,
she doesn't even need a treat.
259
00:13:06,416 --> 00:13:09,708
Her reward is communicating with Mommy.
260
00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:11,916
Awesome.
261
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,916
I'm gonna check on dinner.
I'm cooking Ethiopian food tonight.
262
00:13:15,291 --> 00:13:17,125
- Greg should be down in a second.
- Okay.
263
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:19,625
Duck. Rice. Please.
264
00:13:19,625 --> 00:13:22,666
Please. Kill. Me.
265
00:13:22,666 --> 00:13:25,250
Why would they even give you
those buttons as an option?
266
00:13:26,750 --> 00:13:28,541
There's my Hannie Bananie.
267
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,958
Come upstairs, I have something
I wanna show you.
268
00:13:31,291 --> 00:13:34,375
Please. Kill. Mommy.
269
00:13:34,916 --> 00:13:36,250
Kill. Mommy.
270
00:13:36,625 --> 00:13:38,250
Kill. Please.
271
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:40,083
Please. Please. Please.
272
00:13:47,291 --> 00:13:48,958
Hey, everyone,
welcome back to my channel.
273
00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:50,083
- So today...
274
00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:53,291
...I have a super exciting
makeup tutorial--
275
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:04,041
♪ Hands outstretched,
now I don't even know ♪
276
00:14:04,041 --> 00:14:07,416
{\an8}♪ If I'm working, dying for who and what ♪
277
00:14:07,416 --> 00:14:09,833
{\an8}♪ Hands outstretched,
now I don't even know ♪
278
00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:11,916
♪ If I'm sleeping, living for who and... ♪
279
00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:16,583
So, what musical did you wanna watch?
280
00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:18,875
And before you say it,
I know we can't watch Phantom
281
00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,208
'cause it's "too scary."
282
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,583
You're not gonna propose, are you?
283
00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:28,041
- What if I did?
- You're not.
284
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:29,833
No! N-no.
285
00:14:30,625 --> 00:14:32,583
I wanted to take a smaller step first.
286
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:44,916
This is from Penn State.
287
00:14:44,916 --> 00:14:46,208
Yes.
288
00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:48,458
So why's it addressed to you?
You're going to Stanford.
289
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,125
You transferred.
290
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:55,708
I transferred!
291
00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:59,750
Now we don't have to worry
about expensive flights
292
00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:02,000
or missing birthdays or anything.
293
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,250
I even weaseled my way
into the same dorm,
294
00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:05,958
so we never have to be apart.
295
00:15:06,375 --> 00:15:10,166
Isn't it so great?
We're gonna be together forever.
296
00:15:11,291 --> 00:15:13,416
Together forever.
297
00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:15,666
Forever.
298
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:17,875
Forever.
299
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:20,333
I have to go.
300
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:21,416
What?
301
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:22,750
Hannah!
302
00:15:24,375 --> 00:15:25,708
Hannah!
303
00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:31,916
Lucy!
304
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:42,375
♪ I wanna stay here
and be really okay on my own ♪
305
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,416
♪ Really okay on my own,
don't wanna be alone ♪
306
00:15:45,416 --> 00:15:47,750
Okay. You can do this.
307
00:15:48,166 --> 00:15:49,291
They're gonna love you.
308
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,041
♪ Don't wanna be-- ♪
309
00:16:03,958 --> 00:16:05,875
- Luca?
Jess?!
310
00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:07,541
- Jesus!
311
00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:10,166
I thought you had a family dinner?
312
00:16:10,166 --> 00:16:12,375
I do! I mean, I did.
313
00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:15,208
I yelled at my mom for buying ham
instead of prosciutto,
314
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,833
so my parents went out without me.
315
00:16:16,833 --> 00:16:18,250
How could you do this to me?
316
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,708
Look, it's not what it looks like.
I barely know this girl.
317
00:16:20,708 --> 00:16:22,041
Uh, you texted me.
318
00:16:22,041 --> 00:16:23,416
Janine, I swear to God.
319
00:16:26,708 --> 00:16:29,416
I'm so sorry,
I didn't know he was with someone.
320
00:16:29,416 --> 00:16:32,416
Siri, pause "Sexy Time" playlist.
321
00:16:32,416 --> 00:16:33,666
Your text was a lie?
322
00:16:33,666 --> 00:16:34,833
Not fully.
323
00:16:34,833 --> 00:16:36,833
I bet my mom would think
that you have great taste
324
00:16:36,833 --> 00:16:38,291
if she knew who you were.
325
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,083
You're an asshole.
326
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,250
Jess.
327
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:44,041
Come on, Jess!
328
00:16:45,458 --> 00:16:47,166
Yo, Janine, [scoffs] are you still here?
329
00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:49,250
Could we DoorDash some 'scuitto?
330
00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:52,791
Luca cheated on me!
331
00:16:52,791 --> 00:16:55,375
No. Greg transferred to Penn State.
332
00:16:55,375 --> 00:16:56,583
What?!
333
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:57,875
Meet at my house now!
334
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,208
How could he fucking do this to me?
335
00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:02,125
There goes my chance at being prom queen.
336
00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:04,250
He couldn't wait one night
to get his dick wet?
337
00:17:04,250 --> 00:17:06,166
I bought handcuffs, Hannah. Handcuffs!
338
00:17:06,166 --> 00:17:07,916
And yeah, I bought them
from the Halloween store
339
00:17:07,916 --> 00:17:10,583
because the sex store kinda scares me,
but I was gonna Google how to use them
340
00:17:10,583 --> 00:17:11,791
and blow his fucking mind.
341
00:17:11,791 --> 00:17:13,291
Like, I was gonna use them on my ankles.
342
00:17:13,291 --> 00:17:14,500
That's crazy.
343
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,041
Ugh! You know what my
name is in his phone?
344
00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:17,625
It's "Jess Harrison Lee High."
345
00:17:17,625 --> 00:17:19,583
We go to the same fucking school.
346
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:21,250
Yeah, that's crazy.
347
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:23,458
Hannah, you've said
the same thing, like, five times.
348
00:17:25,125 --> 00:17:27,125
Look, I know that Greg's transferring
was a shock,
349
00:17:27,125 --> 00:17:28,625
but isn't it a good thing?
350
00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:30,458
Especially considering the alternative?
351
00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:31,875
I'm a lesbian.
352
00:17:32,458 --> 00:17:33,833
I've wanted to tell you forever,
353
00:17:33,833 --> 00:17:35,375
but I could never get you
at the right time,
354
00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:37,166
and I wasn't entirely sure
355
00:17:37,166 --> 00:17:39,833
'cause I hadn't kissed a girl before,
so how could I know?
356
00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:42,000
But then two weeks into dating,
357
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,875
Greg went down on me
for the first time,
358
00:17:43,875 --> 00:17:46,958
and I had to think of Rachel Weisz
in The Mummy to cum.
359
00:17:46,958 --> 00:17:50,291
And then it was obvious,
but I wasn't ready for my whole life
360
00:17:50,291 --> 00:17:52,000
to be turned upside down,
361
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,541
so I figured I'd go to college
and get a septum ring,
362
00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:57,625
and it'd sort of sort itself out,
363
00:17:57,625 --> 00:18:01,291
but then Greg wanted
to wear my skin as a coat,
364
00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:04,750
and now I can't live
one more second pretending
365
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,875
that I'm not obsessed with girls.
366
00:18:08,625 --> 00:18:09,708
Hannah.
367
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:14,083
Hannah, I know you're gay.
368
00:18:14,083 --> 00:18:16,250
- What?
- I'm your best friend.
369
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:19,291
And also, it's not exactly hard to tell.
370
00:18:19,291 --> 00:18:20,375
What the...?
371
00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:23,708
In fourth grade, you bought
Mrs. Workowski a bottle of perfume
372
00:18:23,708 --> 00:18:25,333
and then when her husband
came for Career Day,
373
00:18:25,333 --> 00:18:26,458
you called him a little bitch.
374
00:18:26,458 --> 00:18:27,958
He was a little bitch.
375
00:18:27,958 --> 00:18:31,041
- He was a firefighter.
- He was a bitchy firefighter.
376
00:18:32,416 --> 00:18:34,666
How come you didn't say anything?
377
00:18:35,125 --> 00:18:36,541
It wasn't my place.
378
00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:38,458
I figured you'd tell me
when you were ready.
379
00:18:38,458 --> 00:18:40,916
Just like I didn't tell you
I was Black until I was eight.
380
00:18:40,916 --> 00:18:43,583
And also, when you started dating Greg,
I thought maybe you were bi.
381
00:18:43,583 --> 00:18:44,875
No.
382
00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:46,416
I was just scared.
383
00:18:47,166 --> 00:18:50,541
So scared, I wasted 10 months
of my life giving hand jobs
384
00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:52,750
to a guy with a Glee bumper sticker.
385
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:53,833
Oh, my God.
386
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,041
I just ran out.
387
00:18:56,708 --> 00:18:59,583
How the fuck am I gonna look him
in the eye tomorrow?
388
00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:02,541
Tomorrow.
389
00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:04,666
Fuck! Tomorrow is prom
and we don't have dates!
390
00:19:04,666 --> 00:19:07,333
Dope! The perfect excuse not to go!
391
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:09,458
Uh, we are absolutely going.
392
00:19:09,458 --> 00:19:12,916
Do you know how much of my college fund
I spent on two dresses?
393
00:19:12,916 --> 00:19:14,291
Lashes? Shoes?
394
00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:16,416
I got a Brazilian, Hannah.
I don't even know what that is.
395
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:17,958
Did you know you have hair
on your asshole?
396
00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:19,750
It is fucked up down there! Okay?
397
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:21,916
We are going to prom,
and we're getting new dates tonight.
398
00:19:21,916 --> 00:19:24,083
It is 9:00 p.m., Jessica.
399
00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:26,083
- Prom pact.
- Stop.
400
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:27,958
Prom pact.
401
00:19:28,541 --> 00:19:30,541
Oh, you wanna compare scars?
402
00:19:30,541 --> 00:19:34,333
'Cause this landed me
in 10 months of therapy
403
00:19:34,333 --> 00:19:37,166
after my mom thought I tried
to publicly commit suicide.
404
00:19:37,166 --> 00:19:41,000
We promised that no matter what,
this would be our night.
405
00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:44,208
I can't wait to go to prom
with my boyfriend.
406
00:19:44,208 --> 00:19:46,333
If I'm not dating someone by senior year,
407
00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:48,500
I'm gonna drink bleach
and blast social media
408
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,875
so I can get a date with Taylor Lautner.
409
00:19:50,875 --> 00:19:53,291
Fuck, I wish I thought of that.
410
00:19:53,291 --> 00:19:56,208
That's just one part
of the perfect prom night.
411
00:19:56,666 --> 00:19:59,666
We only have one shot at senior prom.
One. And we are this close.
412
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,666
I mean, are you really
gonna let some douchebag
413
00:20:01,666 --> 00:20:03,625
who sprays fucking Paco Rabanne
on his balls
414
00:20:03,625 --> 00:20:05,083
screw up my moment in the spotlight?
415
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:06,500
I don't know what you want me to do.
416
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,125
I don't even know
what I would say to Greg.
417
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,166
You are going to prom
with the love of your life.
418
00:20:10,166 --> 00:20:12,500
Or as close as we can get.
We're gonna find you a girl.
419
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,625
I've never even flirted with a girl.
420
00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:16,166
I'm just supposed to ask one to prom?
421
00:20:16,166 --> 00:20:18,208
I get why prom with a dude
doesn't seem so exciting.
422
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:20,416
But what about prom
with the girl of your dreams
423
00:20:20,416 --> 00:20:22,583
who you get to maybe finger
in the limo later?
424
00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:28,291
That's your finger.
425
00:20:29,041 --> 00:20:30,708
I do want to finger
the girl of my dreams.
426
00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:34,500
He has to be hot.
Or at least hotter than Luca.
427
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,416
Anything less is proof I'm ugly.
428
00:20:36,416 --> 00:20:40,416
Oh, my God,
what about Eric Stevens?
429
00:20:40,416 --> 00:20:41,958
Who?
- That kid who brought a can
430
00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:43,375
of Whiskas for lunch in ninth grade.
431
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:45,125
You mean Cat Stevens?
432
00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:46,916
Oh, my God! Amar.
433
00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:49,291
His parents have a private jet,
and just broke up with Lisa.
434
00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,583
Okay, yes. Calling him now.
435
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:52,750
Genius.
436
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,750
I can't believe they used
the one where I sneezed.
437
00:20:56,750 --> 00:21:00,041
Amar. I just was wondering
who you're going to prom with.
438
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:02,583
Yeah, no, that's great. I totally get it.
439
00:21:02,583 --> 00:21:05,125
I'm so glad you two worked it out
because I heard that--
440
00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:06,916
I-I heard a rumor
that she's cheating on you.
441
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:09,375
No, you didn't.
442
00:21:09,375 --> 00:21:11,208
- I did.
- Yeah, you fucking did.
443
00:21:13,416 --> 00:21:15,416
Okay. Ooh! Angie Adams.
444
00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:17,083
- She's perfect.
Are you kidding me?
445
00:21:17,083 --> 00:21:19,291
I would die to come out at prom
with someone as cool as her.
446
00:21:19,291 --> 00:21:22,458
Look, I might as well DM Sarah Paulson
and ask her to prom.
447
00:21:22,458 --> 00:21:24,666
- Hannah.
- It would never happen.
448
00:21:24,666 --> 00:21:25,916
Fine.
449
00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:33,583
Take this away from me.
450
00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:35,458
Time to text Melissa Kelly.
451
00:21:35,458 --> 00:21:36,875
- Okay, give it back.
- Mm.
452
00:21:40,458 --> 00:21:41,916
"Hey.
453
00:21:41,916 --> 00:21:46,125
"Do you wanna go to prom?
454
00:21:46,541 --> 00:21:48,333
With me?"
455
00:21:49,791 --> 00:21:50,833
- Mm, mm!
- What? What?
456
00:21:50,833 --> 00:21:52,041
She's typing.
457
00:21:54,083 --> 00:21:55,291
Come on!
No!
458
00:21:55,291 --> 00:21:56,666
That is a lie!
459
00:21:56,666 --> 00:21:59,291
She hit, like, 42 home runs this year.
460
00:21:59,291 --> 00:22:00,666
God.
461
00:22:01,666 --> 00:22:02,750
- Bitch.
462
00:22:03,041 --> 00:22:04,916
- Hey.
463
00:22:11,375 --> 00:22:14,000
If we can't find anyone in high school,
let's go to college.
464
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,875
Scarlet Knights forever!
I'm never gonna die! Woo!
465
00:22:35,125 --> 00:22:36,291
Thank you!
466
00:22:45,708 --> 00:22:48,166
We get in,
we ask someone, we get out.
467
00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:49,541
I'm having second thoughts.
468
00:22:49,541 --> 00:22:50,958
Maybe we should just go home.
469
00:22:50,958 --> 00:22:52,458
- I kinda want to go home.
- It's too late.
470
00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:54,000
- Okay.
471
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:56,958
Vodka Heather!
472
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:58,041
Jess.
473
00:22:58,041 --> 00:23:00,375
- What the fuck is up?
474
00:23:00,375 --> 00:23:02,458
Damn, I haven't seen you
since summer camp.
475
00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:03,875
I didn't know you were hot now.
476
00:23:03,875 --> 00:23:06,125
Oh, thank you.
477
00:23:06,125 --> 00:23:07,666
Um, yeah, no, anyway,
478
00:23:07,666 --> 00:23:10,083
thanks, uh-- thank you for sending
the address by the way.
479
00:23:10,083 --> 00:23:12,375
We've had kind of, like, a crazy night
480
00:23:12,375 --> 00:23:13,708
- like you wouldn't believe.
- Crazy.
481
00:23:13,708 --> 00:23:15,125
Yeah, whatever. Take these.
482
00:23:15,125 --> 00:23:16,208
Oh.
483
00:23:16,708 --> 00:23:18,125
In it goes, yeah. Bottoms up.
484
00:23:18,125 --> 00:23:19,583
Mm-hmm!
- And get in here,
485
00:23:19,583 --> 00:23:21,916
the cops are already on my ass
for pissing on the neighbor's lawn.
486
00:23:23,791 --> 00:23:26,541
Serve and protect this ass,
you fucking cunts!
487
00:23:30,375 --> 00:23:34,000
So, um, are there any single...
guys?
488
00:23:34,666 --> 00:23:35,666
Let's just leave.
489
00:23:35,666 --> 00:23:37,250
Hey, Hannah!
490
00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:39,333
- I don't know what to do, Jess.
- Relax.
491
00:23:39,333 --> 00:23:41,333
How do you even flirt with a lesbian?
492
00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:43,625
Uh, well, how would you want someone
to flirt with you?
493
00:23:43,625 --> 00:23:45,541
I don't know, by, like, uh,
494
00:23:45,541 --> 00:23:48,833
giving me a-a bunch of different flowers
and they all, like,
495
00:23:48,833 --> 00:23:51,000
represent the different qualities
about me.
496
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,291
Wow, you are gay.
497
00:23:53,291 --> 00:23:55,125
- You're not helping.
- Okay, okay.
498
00:23:55,125 --> 00:23:56,958
Just, just tell them
that they smell nice.
499
00:23:56,958 --> 00:23:59,208
- Everyone wants to hear that.
- Okay, yeah. Good call.
500
00:23:59,208 --> 00:24:00,291
- Yeah?
- Okay.
501
00:24:00,291 --> 00:24:01,375
Okay.
502
00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:04,791
I am gonna go hit
on Timothée Chalamet.
503
00:24:04,791 --> 00:24:07,750
You are gonna find a hot lesbian
and sweep her off her feet.
504
00:24:07,750 --> 00:24:09,208
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
- Yeah? Okay?
505
00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:10,375
- Yep.
- Alright. You ready?
506
00:24:10,375 --> 00:24:11,458
I guess.
507
00:24:11,458 --> 00:24:13,000
- Meet you on the other side.
- Okay.
508
00:24:13,291 --> 00:24:14,375
Okay.
509
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,000
How do I know who's gay?
510
00:24:44,708 --> 00:24:46,208
- Hi, Mommy.
- Did you find her?
511
00:24:47,083 --> 00:24:49,541
No, she wo--
she won't pick up her phone.
512
00:24:49,541 --> 00:24:51,166
I'm talking about Lucy!
513
00:24:51,166 --> 00:24:53,333
I'm worried sick! That's your sister!
514
00:24:53,333 --> 00:24:55,000
I don't care about the damn dog!
515
00:24:55,583 --> 00:24:57,250
I'm chasing the love of my life.
516
00:24:58,625 --> 00:25:00,666
- Oh, God.
517
00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:03,083
Hannah, please.
518
00:25:03,416 --> 00:25:04,875
I know I come on strong,
519
00:25:04,875 --> 00:25:07,875
but it's just because of the amount
of love I have in my heart.
520
00:25:07,875 --> 00:25:09,708
Hey, she's not here.
521
00:25:09,708 --> 00:25:11,583
Last I heard, she was with you. I--
522
00:25:14,708 --> 00:25:16,208
- Okay.
- She's-She's not with me.
523
00:25:16,208 --> 00:25:18,250
- She's not.
Are you okay?
524
00:25:18,250 --> 00:25:19,833
I don't know.
525
00:25:20,333 --> 00:25:22,833
I'm probably
pretty dehydrated because...
526
00:25:23,625 --> 00:25:25,166
I've been crying a lot.
527
00:25:25,708 --> 00:25:27,125
- A lot.
- Okay, okay, okay.
528
00:25:27,125 --> 00:25:29,750
Um, you stay here, okay?
529
00:25:29,750 --> 00:25:31,125
I'm gonna get you some water. Okay?
530
00:25:31,125 --> 00:25:32,291
- Okay.
- Okay.
531
00:25:32,291 --> 00:25:34,041
- You gonna be okay?
532
00:25:34,041 --> 00:25:35,333
- Uh, yeah.
- You sure?
533
00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:36,541
- Yeah.
- Okay.
534
00:25:37,666 --> 00:25:39,125
Think happy thoughts.
535
00:25:39,125 --> 00:25:41,333
No!
536
00:25:47,791 --> 00:25:49,541
♪ Like a Wall Street widow ♪
537
00:25:50,916 --> 00:25:52,000
That's a good one.
538
00:25:52,416 --> 00:25:53,708
You an Angel Olsen fan?
539
00:25:54,458 --> 00:25:55,458
What?
540
00:25:56,166 --> 00:25:58,083
Are you an Angel Olsen fan?
541
00:25:58,208 --> 00:26:00,000
Sorry, I don't speak English.
542
00:26:00,416 --> 00:26:01,458
Oh.
543
00:26:01,458 --> 00:26:04,416
Oh, oh, oh, oh, si, si. Um...
544
00:26:04,416 --> 00:26:07,458
I speak a little Italian.
545
00:26:08,125 --> 00:26:12,250
I've seen the Lizzie McGuire
movie like a hundred times.
546
00:26:12,708 --> 00:26:15,833
- Hmm.
- Um, so, yeah, so I know some basics.
547
00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:17,875
My name is Giancarlo.
548
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,333
Giancarlo.
549
00:26:19,333 --> 00:26:21,125
I like that.
550
00:26:21,125 --> 00:26:22,208
My name is Jess.
551
00:26:22,583 --> 00:26:25,583
I'm surprised your animal instincts
didn't tell you to flee.
552
00:26:26,375 --> 00:26:30,708
The evil I hold within me is
palpable to most people.
553
00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:32,500
Totally.
554
00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:34,500
Hey, do you want to get a drink?
555
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:38,375
♪ Find myself in a taxi ride ♪
556
00:26:38,375 --> 00:26:41,750
I got this. I got this.
557
00:26:41,750 --> 00:26:43,791
♪ Forget my apartment ♪
558
00:26:43,791 --> 00:26:44,875
Hey.
559
00:26:46,208 --> 00:26:47,375
What's up?
560
00:26:48,333 --> 00:26:51,583
♪ I take no shit from no one,
robbed two banks in Puerto Rico ♪
561
00:26:51,583 --> 00:26:52,791
Oh.
562
00:26:54,250 --> 00:26:56,958
After you. After you.
563
00:26:56,958 --> 00:26:58,125
After me.
564
00:27:00,916 --> 00:27:03,500
Awesome party, you guys. Really killer.
565
00:27:04,166 --> 00:27:05,416
Hi. Hi.
566
00:27:09,333 --> 00:27:10,750
Hey. How's it--
567
00:27:10,750 --> 00:27:12,833
♪ Yes, sir, been misbehaving ♪
568
00:27:12,833 --> 00:27:15,333
- Dammit.
- ♪ It's the law ♪
569
00:27:18,291 --> 00:27:21,583
♪ Oh, when the day's been calling ♪
570
00:27:21,583 --> 00:27:24,583
- ♪ Find myself in a taxi ride ♪
- Um...
571
00:27:24,583 --> 00:27:26,458
Uh, you smell really good.
572
00:27:27,750 --> 00:27:30,000
Oh, sweetheart.
I'm a twink.
573
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,250
- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- Don't worry about it.
574
00:27:32,250 --> 00:27:34,875
- Oh, my God.
- Now I know I look good.
575
00:27:36,541 --> 00:27:37,791
I'm so sorry.
576
00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:44,291
♪ Waking in an old cellblock ♪
577
00:27:44,291 --> 00:27:46,208
♪ Forget my apartment ♪
578
00:27:46,208 --> 00:27:50,500
♪ You won't find me ♪
579
00:27:53,208 --> 00:27:54,458
Oh, I'm sorry.
580
00:27:54,458 --> 00:27:56,083
- Get in here.
- No, no, no, it's okay.
581
00:27:56,083 --> 00:27:58,166
- I really don't--
- Get the fuck in here.
582
00:27:59,083 --> 00:28:00,291
Move.
583
00:28:04,583 --> 00:28:05,750
Mm.
584
00:28:06,166 --> 00:28:08,250
You look stressed. You want some molly?
585
00:28:08,250 --> 00:28:11,333
Actually, I'm trying to cut back.
But thank you.
586
00:28:13,958 --> 00:28:15,166
I'm gonna go find Jess.
587
00:28:15,166 --> 00:28:17,000
- You need to get high.
588
00:28:17,625 --> 00:28:18,875
- What?
- Here.
589
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,083
You know,
I used to be just like you.
590
00:28:26,666 --> 00:28:30,000
Sad, no confidence,
wetting the bed all the time.
591
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,166
I don't wet the bed.
592
00:28:31,166 --> 00:28:32,375
Until I became Vodka Heather.
593
00:28:32,791 --> 00:28:34,291
Vodka Heather can do anything.
594
00:28:34,541 --> 00:28:35,541
Watch this.
595
00:28:35,541 --> 00:28:37,791
- Whoa! Don't do that!
596
00:28:38,291 --> 00:28:39,583
Kiss each other.
597
00:28:41,166 --> 00:28:43,666
- See?
- Yeah, I don't think I want what you have.
598
00:28:43,666 --> 00:28:45,625
You do. It's all about confidence.
599
00:28:45,625 --> 00:28:48,166
Substance-induced confidence.
600
00:28:48,166 --> 00:28:51,458
Don't you think talking to girls would be
a lot easier if you were confident?
601
00:28:55,083 --> 00:28:56,208
- Fuck it.
602
00:28:56,208 --> 00:28:58,500
That's the spirit. Gimme your keys.
603
00:29:06,291 --> 00:29:07,958
- Get down here. Come on.
604
00:29:12,791 --> 00:29:14,291
Open wide.
605
00:29:18,583 --> 00:29:20,583
So? How do you feel?
606
00:29:21,875 --> 00:29:23,291
Gay as hell.
607
00:29:23,291 --> 00:29:25,208
So, do you study film with Heather?
608
00:29:25,208 --> 00:29:26,833
No, I'm not a student.
609
00:29:26,833 --> 00:29:27,916
Mm.
610
00:29:27,916 --> 00:29:30,833
After tiring of torturing
my neighbor's pets
611
00:29:31,291 --> 00:29:33,791
I began attending classes to
search for larger game.
612
00:29:33,791 --> 00:29:35,125
Yeah, same.
613
00:29:36,541 --> 00:29:37,708
If I am honest
614
00:29:38,041 --> 00:29:41,291
my true desire is to consume the flesh
of someone pure and innocent.
615
00:29:42,250 --> 00:29:43,833
Perhaps in this way I will be cleansed
616
00:29:44,125 --> 00:29:45,958
and when I die, I will be welcomed into
617
00:29:45,958 --> 00:29:49,333
the kingdom of heaven
despite my many sins.
618
00:29:49,333 --> 00:29:50,416
Yeah.
619
00:29:50,916 --> 00:29:53,708
Yeah. Hey, do you wanna go
somewhere else to talk?
620
00:29:54,625 --> 00:29:56,000
- Absolutely.
- Okay.
621
00:29:56,833 --> 00:29:59,000
It's time. Go get 'em, tiger.
622
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,291
Wait, how do I know who's gay?
623
00:30:01,708 --> 00:30:04,416
Uh, it's a first-year college party.
624
00:30:04,833 --> 00:30:06,041
Everyone's gay.
625
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,000
Okay.
626
00:30:10,333 --> 00:30:13,625
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
- ♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪
627
00:30:13,625 --> 00:30:14,875
♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪
628
00:30:14,875 --> 00:30:17,333
♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪
629
00:30:17,333 --> 00:30:18,416
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
630
00:30:18,416 --> 00:30:21,000
♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ♪
631
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:26,208
♪ Oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh ♪
632
00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:31,375
♪ Oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh ♪
633
00:30:31,375 --> 00:30:32,666
♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪
634
00:30:32,666 --> 00:30:36,250
♪ Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh ♪
635
00:30:36,250 --> 00:30:39,958
♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪
636
00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:50,208
♪ Ah ah ah ah ah, ah ah ♪
637
00:30:50,208 --> 00:30:54,250
♪ Oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh, ah ah ♪
638
00:30:54,250 --> 00:30:55,708
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
639
00:30:58,333 --> 00:30:59,541
You here alone?
640
00:31:00,291 --> 00:31:01,291
Yeah.
641
00:31:03,458 --> 00:31:04,791
Not anymore.
642
00:31:06,458 --> 00:31:08,208
Oh. Ooh.
643
00:31:08,208 --> 00:31:10,791
Interesting.
644
00:31:10,791 --> 00:31:13,583
- Um, yeah, no, u-uh, sorry.
645
00:31:13,583 --> 00:31:15,041
I-I'm sorry if I was too forward,
646
00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:16,708
I just, I just wanted
to ask you a question
647
00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:21,125
Thank you for sacrificing yourself
to ensure my salvation.
648
00:31:21,583 --> 00:31:23,041
Okay.
649
00:31:23,916 --> 00:31:25,291
Yeah, no, I was wondering
650
00:31:25,291 --> 00:31:27,875
if maybe you're free tomorrow to--
651
00:31:27,875 --> 00:31:28,958
Oh, okay.
652
00:31:28,958 --> 00:31:31,791
Yeah, do a little more of that. Um...
653
00:31:31,916 --> 00:31:34,125
My God, I am so hungry.
654
00:31:38,375 --> 00:31:39,875
Thank you.
655
00:31:52,041 --> 00:31:53,166
Oh, hell yeah.
656
00:31:53,958 --> 00:31:55,125
Okay, my turn.
657
00:31:58,625 --> 00:31:59,625
Cool fanny pack.
658
00:32:00,875 --> 00:32:02,625
- Hot.
- Yeah, it's whatever.
659
00:32:05,583 --> 00:32:06,666
Fuck.
660
00:32:07,083 --> 00:32:09,250
You know, actually, I prefer
to do it with them on.
661
00:32:10,416 --> 00:32:12,125
Who are you?
662
00:32:12,625 --> 00:32:14,583
I'm Hannah motherfuckin' Shapiro.
663
00:32:15,291 --> 00:32:17,583
Wait. My last name's Shapiro.
664
00:32:17,583 --> 00:32:19,958
It's a pretty common
last name. Where are you from?
665
00:32:20,708 --> 00:32:22,708
Seattle.
666
00:32:23,083 --> 00:32:24,625
Wait. What's your dad's name?
667
00:32:25,208 --> 00:32:26,208
Nate.
668
00:32:27,041 --> 00:32:28,208
With the restaurant?
669
00:32:29,708 --> 00:32:31,750
- Yes.
- We're second cousins.
670
00:32:34,083 --> 00:32:35,083
No, we can't--
671
00:32:36,375 --> 00:32:38,166
Wait, was your
bat mitzvah theme Twilight?
672
00:32:38,166 --> 00:32:39,416
Oh, my God, yeah.
673
00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:41,166
I guess this is why people have
family reunions.
674
00:32:41,166 --> 00:32:43,291
Oh, my God. Thank God.
675
00:32:43,291 --> 00:32:44,875
- Holy shit.
- You wanna just, uh, pretend
676
00:32:44,875 --> 00:32:46,250
- this never happened?
- Hundred percent.
677
00:32:46,250 --> 00:32:47,333
Yeah.
678
00:32:47,333 --> 00:32:49,041
Hey, did you know Aunt Marsha died?
679
00:32:49,041 --> 00:32:50,500
Jesus. Bad time.
680
00:32:52,958 --> 00:32:56,500
We got a complaint that this house
was blasting Charli XCX,
681
00:32:56,500 --> 00:32:58,625
so I know somebody's
snorting drugs in here.
682
00:32:59,166 --> 00:33:00,375
Let's dance.
683
00:33:01,041 --> 00:33:02,125
Shit!
684
00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:06,041
Finally, Christ, you pay
so much for data,
685
00:33:06,041 --> 00:33:07,708
you'd think Google Translate would work.
686
00:33:08,541 --> 00:33:10,291
Okay, um...
687
00:33:10,291 --> 00:33:11,375
Uh...
688
00:33:11,375 --> 00:33:13,708
Will you go to the dance with me?
689
00:33:13,958 --> 00:33:15,666
- Oh, shit! Sorry.
- Oh, my God!
690
00:33:15,666 --> 00:33:17,708
- Hannah!
- The cops are here! We gotta go!
691
00:33:18,250 --> 00:33:19,250
They have found me
692
00:33:19,750 --> 00:33:21,750
and just before my first human sacrifice.
693
00:33:22,333 --> 00:33:24,375
Perhaps tonight I will face
my final judgement.
694
00:33:25,250 --> 00:33:26,708
But not without a chase.
695
00:33:30,291 --> 00:33:31,541
Was that guy trying to kill you?
696
00:33:31,541 --> 00:33:33,416
Look, it was either that
or intense sexual chemistry,
697
00:33:33,416 --> 00:33:34,541
and I was willing to find out.
698
00:33:34,541 --> 00:33:35,708
- Oh, come on.
699
00:33:35,708 --> 00:33:36,916
Eat glass, pigs.
700
00:33:37,250 --> 00:33:38,833
- Run!
701
00:33:38,833 --> 00:33:39,916
Great party!
702
00:33:47,791 --> 00:33:48,791
No, wait. Come on.
703
00:33:52,750 --> 00:33:54,708
Shit, shit, shit. What do we do?
704
00:33:54,708 --> 00:33:56,000
I snorted a bunch of drugs.
705
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,125
If they test me,
I'm going to jail for sure.
706
00:33:58,125 --> 00:33:59,625
What do you think they're gonna do to me?
707
00:33:59,625 --> 00:34:01,250
I'm a Black teenager
who broke a minor law,
708
00:34:01,250 --> 00:34:02,583
I'm their wet fuckin' dream.
709
00:34:03,666 --> 00:34:05,041
- We gotta go over.
Oh, fuck.
710
00:34:05,041 --> 00:34:06,750
If we double bounce,
we can get enough air
711
00:34:06,750 --> 00:34:07,833
to clear the fence.
712
00:34:09,791 --> 00:34:11,083
- I got you.
- Okay, okay, thanks.
713
00:34:11,083 --> 00:34:12,458
Okay.
714
00:34:13,458 --> 00:34:15,041
Ready?
Ninja kick over the fence.
715
00:34:15,041 --> 00:34:16,916
- Hiya!
- Yeah, like that, like that. Yeah.
716
00:34:16,916 --> 00:34:18,041
- Hiya!
- Ya!
717
00:34:18,041 --> 00:34:19,166
Oh, this is fun!
718
00:34:19,166 --> 00:34:20,583
- Hey, shut up!
719
00:34:20,583 --> 00:34:22,541
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
I think I'm still pretty high.
720
00:34:22,541 --> 00:34:24,750
Give me your hands.
Okay, we hop two, turn,
721
00:34:24,750 --> 00:34:26,375
- and count, okay?
- Okay. Ah!
722
00:34:26,791 --> 00:34:29,166
One, two, three!
723
00:34:37,291 --> 00:34:39,375
Holy shit. Oh, my God.
724
00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:41,625
We fucking did it!
725
00:34:41,625 --> 00:34:42,750
You're a genius!
726
00:34:42,750 --> 00:34:44,166
I never should have doubted you.
727
00:34:48,541 --> 00:34:49,541
Are you...
728
00:34:52,250 --> 00:34:53,458
girls?
729
00:34:54,333 --> 00:34:55,666
Yes.
730
00:35:05,666 --> 00:35:07,166
Alright, pace yourself.
731
00:35:08,708 --> 00:35:10,583
- Thanks, Jacob.
- Yeah.
732
00:35:10,583 --> 00:35:12,041
You have a really calming presence.
733
00:35:12,041 --> 00:35:15,041
I think it's 'cause
you remind me of, of...
734
00:35:15,041 --> 00:35:17,458
O-Okay, okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey,
it's okay, it's okay.
735
00:35:17,458 --> 00:35:20,916
Look, I-I'm-I'm sure everything is,
is gonna work out
736
00:35:20,916 --> 00:35:23,291
exactly how it's supposed to, you know?
737
00:35:23,291 --> 00:35:25,333
And ma-maybe Hannah just needs
some time to think.
738
00:35:25,333 --> 00:35:27,458
You know, hav-haven't you ever
needed time away from her
739
00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:29,458
- to-to-to process or just--
- No.
740
00:35:30,083 --> 00:35:31,666
I would live in her pocket if I could.
741
00:35:32,666 --> 00:35:34,750
Okay. Okay.
742
00:35:34,750 --> 00:35:37,000
I'm-I'm sorry, Jacob.
It's just...
743
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,583
- No, no. It's--
- I don't mean to be a burden.
744
00:35:38,583 --> 00:35:41,333
I just, I-I can't be alone right now.
745
00:35:42,375 --> 00:35:43,500
I just can't.
746
00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:46,375
Hey, um, I was gonna go
to a concert tonight.
747
00:35:46,708 --> 00:35:48,166
Do you want to come with me to that?
748
00:35:48,166 --> 00:35:49,750
- Thank you!
- Oh!
749
00:35:49,750 --> 00:35:51,333
Oh, please.
750
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:54,375
- Okay.
- Can we hold hands in the car?
751
00:35:57,916 --> 00:36:00,083
Oh, your hair's straight again. Cool.
752
00:36:01,083 --> 00:36:03,416
Uh... thanks.
753
00:36:04,375 --> 00:36:06,875
Sorry we had to crash your party.
We kind of had no choice.
754
00:36:06,875 --> 00:36:09,708
But, you know, without you guys,
we probably would be arrested right now.
755
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,625
Actually, I'd say us somersaulting
756
00:36:11,625 --> 00:36:13,625
through the air is what saved us,
but, you know...
757
00:36:14,375 --> 00:36:16,041
Yeah, thank you so much.
758
00:36:16,041 --> 00:36:18,958
Are you kidding? You babes are
the ones helping us out.
759
00:36:18,958 --> 00:36:21,208
This was supposed to be
our frat's big end of year kegger,
760
00:36:21,208 --> 00:36:24,250
but, [burps] none of the sororities
we invited showed up, so...
761
00:36:24,625 --> 00:36:26,416
One, two, three.
762
00:36:27,500 --> 00:36:29,041
For the boys!
763
00:36:29,041 --> 00:36:30,416
You're not coming tonight?
764
00:36:30,833 --> 00:36:34,166
Okay, looks like I took
that mandatory consent course for nothing.
765
00:36:36,916 --> 00:36:38,041
Wonder why.
766
00:36:38,541 --> 00:36:41,166
- I'm Jess by the way.
- Reggie.
767
00:36:41,541 --> 00:36:43,791
So, do you ladies want me
to get you some drinks?
768
00:36:43,791 --> 00:36:45,166
Um, we should really be going.
769
00:36:45,166 --> 00:36:48,041
And our parents know our exact locations,
770
00:36:48,041 --> 00:36:49,958
so they'd be able to find us
771
00:36:49,958 --> 00:36:52,541
if for some reason
we were blocked from leaving.
772
00:36:53,791 --> 00:36:57,333
- Huh.
She's just--
773
00:36:57,333 --> 00:36:59,041
She's just kidding.
774
00:36:59,041 --> 00:37:01,791
Hannah, Hannah, can I,
can I talk to you over there for a sec?
775
00:37:09,166 --> 00:37:11,250
- I think we should stay.
- Are you serious?
776
00:37:11,250 --> 00:37:14,333
Frat bros are, like,
the most rapey subgroup of men.
777
00:37:14,916 --> 00:37:17,250
I don't get that vibe from Reggie.
He seems honest.
778
00:37:17,625 --> 00:37:19,833
God, you have horrible taste in men.
779
00:37:19,833 --> 00:37:21,541
I promise I'll be quick, okay?
780
00:37:21,541 --> 00:37:23,958
I'm ju-- I'll-I'll just feel him out
and then ask him right away.
781
00:37:23,958 --> 00:37:28,125
And then we can find
the gayest, queerest co-op
782
00:37:28,125 --> 00:37:31,166
slash poetry slam slash vegan restaurant
you can imagine.
783
00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:33,500
Come on, he's a hot college guy.
784
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:36,000
Everyone would freak
if I brought him to prom.
785
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,208
Please, Hans.
786
00:37:37,375 --> 00:37:38,375
Fine.
787
00:37:38,750 --> 00:37:40,500
- You're the best.
- I know.
788
00:37:41,208 --> 00:37:42,375
Hey, wanna play beer pong?
789
00:37:42,375 --> 00:37:44,166
Rock 'n' roll. Table's this way.
790
00:37:44,750 --> 00:37:46,125
Okay, you know what?
791
00:37:46,125 --> 00:37:48,500
Keep your location on, just in case.
792
00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:49,750
Yes, Mommy.
793
00:37:55,875 --> 00:37:57,750
Hey, so I was
wondering if maybe--
794
00:37:57,750 --> 00:38:00,125
- I'm gay.
- Coolio. Cool.
795
00:38:00,833 --> 00:38:01,916
Gay is good.
796
00:38:02,666 --> 00:38:05,000
- In-- So you're into sports, then?
- I'm gonna go inside.
797
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,333
Yeah. Right on.
798
00:38:12,291 --> 00:38:13,958
The childhood nursery rhyme
799
00:38:13,958 --> 00:38:18,333
"Lemur Lemur, Femur Femur"
has long delighted fans
800
00:38:18,333 --> 00:38:23,166
of these petite, wide-eyed,
sharply snouted coconut enthusiasts.
801
00:38:23,166 --> 00:38:26,083
While some lemurs
are active during the day,
802
00:38:26,083 --> 00:38:28,208
some can be quite active at night...
803
00:38:41,500 --> 00:38:42,500
Ugh.
804
00:39:05,541 --> 00:39:07,458
Oh, fuck.
805
00:39:26,916 --> 00:39:28,208
Ugh!
806
00:39:30,958 --> 00:39:33,166
- Damn, you're pretty good at this.
What can I say?
807
00:39:33,166 --> 00:39:36,166
When I know what I want,
nothing stops me from getting it.
808
00:39:36,166 --> 00:39:38,875
Same. You know, I actually
didn't get into college,
809
00:39:38,875 --> 00:39:40,875
so I just started showing up
to the classes.
810
00:39:40,875 --> 00:39:42,375
Now they have to give me a degree.
811
00:39:42,375 --> 00:39:45,291
Mm. You wanna play another round?
812
00:39:45,291 --> 00:39:46,625
Let's do it.
813
00:39:46,625 --> 00:39:48,750
The stripper's here!
814
00:39:51,416 --> 00:39:54,375
Uh, wanna go up to my room instead?
815
00:39:54,375 --> 00:39:55,958
Yeah. Uh, sure.
816
00:39:55,958 --> 00:39:57,166
Alright, cool.
817
00:39:58,375 --> 00:40:01,250
Alright, Jess, it's time to get freaky.
Time to get freaky for a prom date.
818
00:40:02,416 --> 00:40:03,958
I feel like a woman in STEM right now.
819
00:40:03,958 --> 00:40:05,916
Fucking sisters doin' it for themselves.
820
00:40:06,416 --> 00:40:07,416
Okay.
821
00:40:25,125 --> 00:40:26,333
Jesus.
822
00:40:26,333 --> 00:40:28,291
Uh, s-sorry. Guess I'll just--
823
00:40:28,291 --> 00:40:32,000
Um, can I-- Can--
824
00:40:32,791 --> 00:40:33,791
Fuck.
825
00:40:36,791 --> 00:40:38,833
Alright, listen up, boys!
826
00:40:38,833 --> 00:40:40,041
This is Lexi.
827
00:40:40,041 --> 00:40:41,125
Hi.
828
00:40:41,125 --> 00:40:43,791
Uh, tip well and be respectful
'cause she's a dancer
829
00:40:43,791 --> 00:40:46,208
from the only company
that hasn't blacklisted our frat yet.
830
00:40:48,583 --> 00:40:49,708
Oh, thanks.
831
00:40:56,416 --> 00:40:57,833
Oh, sh-- Okay.
832
00:40:57,833 --> 00:40:59,000
Oh, my God. Um...
833
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:00,083
♪ Baby, I'm hot ♪
834
00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:02,500
♪ Y'all need to set your watch
after my clock ♪
835
00:41:02,500 --> 00:41:04,375
♪ So what, baby I'm hot ♪
836
00:41:04,375 --> 00:41:06,916
♪ Y'all need to set your watch
after my clock ♪
837
00:41:06,916 --> 00:41:08,291
♪ Clock, tick tock... ♪
838
00:41:08,291 --> 00:41:09,500
Wow.
839
00:41:10,791 --> 00:41:12,000
You're quite the athlete.
840
00:41:12,333 --> 00:41:13,416
Thanks.
841
00:41:13,416 --> 00:41:15,250
I know, my coach says
one more concussion
842
00:41:15,250 --> 00:41:16,541
and I'll have to learn to read again.
843
00:41:16,541 --> 00:41:18,000
Oh, that's awful.
844
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,125
I know.
845
00:41:19,875 --> 00:41:21,000
It was so hard the first time.
846
00:41:22,833 --> 00:41:24,375
Wanna come sit?
847
00:41:24,375 --> 00:41:27,000
I actually need a little help
with something.
848
00:41:27,958 --> 00:41:29,041
Yes.
849
00:41:29,458 --> 00:41:31,250
- Just sitting on your bed.
850
00:41:32,333 --> 00:41:34,125
- Okay. Uh...
851
00:41:41,166 --> 00:41:43,541
Sorry, they're here somewhere.
852
00:41:43,541 --> 00:41:46,208
Oh, no, take your time.
Protection is key.
853
00:41:48,666 --> 00:41:49,833
♪ What you want? ♪
854
00:41:49,833 --> 00:41:51,291
♪ He can speak, but you know... ♪
855
00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:54,083
Um, my bubbe gave me this
hundred dollars for graduating. Just--
856
00:41:54,500 --> 00:41:56,041
Aren't you generous?
857
00:41:56,041 --> 00:41:58,208
Boobies! Boobies!
858
00:41:58,208 --> 00:42:01,166
Boobies! Boobies! Boobies!
859
00:42:01,166 --> 00:42:03,500
Boobies! Boobies!
860
00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:07,708
Boobies! Boobies!
Boobies! Boobies!
861
00:42:07,708 --> 00:42:10,083
There they are.
862
00:42:10,750 --> 00:42:12,500
- Let's go.
- I'm ready.
863
00:42:13,583 --> 00:42:14,583
What?
864
00:42:15,166 --> 00:42:17,500
I wanted your help
to write an email to my mom.
865
00:42:18,166 --> 00:42:19,583
- What?
- All the concussions make me
866
00:42:19,583 --> 00:42:21,125
super sensitive to light.
867
00:42:21,125 --> 00:42:22,208
Did I say that already?
868
00:42:22,208 --> 00:42:24,833
I-I can't look at a screen
for more than 10 minutes.
869
00:42:24,833 --> 00:42:27,416
Oh. Yeah, no. Uh...
870
00:42:27,416 --> 00:42:29,791
That's--
I, I just thought...
871
00:42:29,791 --> 00:42:31,625
Uh, I mean...
872
00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:34,583
...we can do it if you want.
873
00:42:35,166 --> 00:42:37,916
Um, actually, uh, I-I was just,
I was gonna see
874
00:42:37,916 --> 00:42:39,333
if you wanted to go to prom?
875
00:42:39,333 --> 00:42:42,000
Wait, you want to go to prom
with me? I'd love to.
876
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,625
Boobies! Boobies!
877
00:42:43,625 --> 00:42:45,625
Boobies! Boobies!
878
00:42:45,625 --> 00:42:46,875
Will you go to prom with me?
879
00:42:46,875 --> 00:42:48,375
What was that, sweetheart?
880
00:42:48,375 --> 00:42:49,958
Boobies! Boobies!
881
00:42:49,958 --> 00:42:51,583
Boobies! Boobies!
882
00:42:51,583 --> 00:42:53,375
- Boobies! Boobies!
883
00:42:53,375 --> 00:42:54,458
Are you serious?
884
00:42:54,458 --> 00:42:56,791
Yeah. We'll have
the best night of our lives.
885
00:42:59,541 --> 00:43:00,541
Reggie?
886
00:43:00,541 --> 00:43:02,125
Boobies! Boobies!
887
00:43:02,125 --> 00:43:05,333
I get the feeling that you boys want me
888
00:43:05,333 --> 00:43:06,416
to take my top off.
889
00:43:06,416 --> 00:43:08,458
Yeah!
890
00:43:08,458 --> 00:43:10,916
No, no, no, no, no. That's okay.
You really don't have to do that.
891
00:43:21,333 --> 00:43:22,583
♪ Clock, ding dong ♪
892
00:43:22,583 --> 00:43:25,458
♪ Y'all need to set your watch
after my clock ♪
893
00:43:53,791 --> 00:43:56,541
I don't feel so good.
894
00:44:00,250 --> 00:44:01,708
[echoing] What?
895
00:44:02,541 --> 00:44:04,375
[echoing] I said...
896
00:44:05,333 --> 00:44:09,291
I don't feel so...
897
00:44:09,791 --> 00:44:11,291
Oh!
898
00:44:11,666 --> 00:44:12,666
Reggie?
899
00:44:14,041 --> 00:44:16,416
Help! Help!
900
00:44:17,833 --> 00:44:19,541
♪ But you know I'm hangin' up the phone ♪
901
00:44:19,541 --> 00:44:21,750
♪ And if I really gotta do it on my own ♪
902
00:44:21,750 --> 00:44:24,583
♪ I tell him so what,
I'm better off alone ♪
903
00:44:24,583 --> 00:44:26,250
♪ So what, baby I'm hot ♪
904
00:44:26,250 --> 00:44:27,666
Are you okay, sweetie?
905
00:44:28,791 --> 00:44:30,375
Oh!
906
00:44:30,375 --> 00:44:31,750
♪ Baby, I'm hot ♪
907
00:44:31,750 --> 00:44:34,125
♪ Y'all need to set your watch
after my clock ♪
908
00:44:34,125 --> 00:44:35,416
Oh, my God.
909
00:44:42,666 --> 00:44:45,166
No. No, no, no. No.
910
00:44:45,583 --> 00:44:47,708
You're gonna get us blacklisted.
911
00:44:49,791 --> 00:44:52,583
Oh!
- I'm so sorry.
912
00:44:58,291 --> 00:45:00,250
- Jess?
[muffled] Help!
913
00:45:00,250 --> 00:45:01,416
- Jess?
Hannah!
914
00:45:01,416 --> 00:45:02,833
Jess! I hear you!
915
00:45:02,833 --> 00:45:04,333
- Jess?
- Hannah, I'm over here!
916
00:45:05,916 --> 00:45:07,041
- Oh, my God.
917
00:45:07,041 --> 00:45:08,208
Oh, I thought you were dead.
918
00:45:09,333 --> 00:45:10,833
- What happened?
919
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,500
- Oh, my God!
Hannah!
920
00:45:13,500 --> 00:45:14,875
Get off my best friend, you creep!
921
00:45:16,708 --> 00:45:17,750
I saved you.
922
00:45:17,750 --> 00:45:20,500
No, you idiot, he was gonna go
to prom with me!
923
00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:22,083
Why were you screaming for help?
924
00:45:22,083 --> 00:45:23,916
- Are you bleeding?
- Yes! We need to leave.
925
00:45:23,916 --> 00:45:25,125
- Like, now!
- Okay, okay, okay.
926
00:45:25,125 --> 00:45:26,416
- Just get him off of me.
- Okay!
927
00:45:28,375 --> 00:45:29,791
Pardon me.
928
00:45:29,791 --> 00:45:30,875
- Oh, my foot, my foot.
- Okay.
929
00:45:30,875 --> 00:45:32,000
No, I got you. I got you.
930
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:33,083
- Come here.
- Okay.
931
00:45:33,083 --> 00:45:34,458
- Yep. Pull, just pull.
Ah!
932
00:45:34,458 --> 00:45:35,791
My God!
933
00:45:35,791 --> 00:45:37,000
You don't need to scream.
934
00:45:37,416 --> 00:45:38,875
- Okay, let's go. Come on.
- Okay.
935
00:45:38,875 --> 00:45:40,291
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
936
00:45:40,875 --> 00:45:41,916
One second.
937
00:45:45,500 --> 00:45:47,541
- Hey, can you get a landscape of us--
938
00:45:47,541 --> 00:45:49,416
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Okay, okay, okay, okay!
939
00:45:50,500 --> 00:45:52,833
Oh, my God, I was so close.
940
00:45:52,833 --> 00:45:54,083
What happened back there?
941
00:45:54,708 --> 00:45:55,833
Well, let me think.
942
00:45:55,833 --> 00:46:00,375
Um, you ditched me for a man
with the IQ of a ham sandwich,
943
00:46:00,375 --> 00:46:04,208
and then I sneezed blood
all over a beautiful woman, so...
944
00:46:04,208 --> 00:46:05,291
Fuck.
945
00:46:05,833 --> 00:46:07,083
You know what, I'm just--
946
00:46:08,791 --> 00:46:11,708
This night is over, and I'm just,
I'm gonna go home.
947
00:46:14,333 --> 00:46:15,708
Where are my keys?
948
00:46:17,666 --> 00:46:19,250
Where the fuck are my--
949
00:46:19,250 --> 00:46:20,333
Fuck!
950
00:46:20,916 --> 00:46:23,375
Oh, my God, I left them
at Heather's after doing that bump.
951
00:46:23,375 --> 00:46:24,666
- Hannah. It's okay.
952
00:46:24,666 --> 00:46:26,416
We're just gonna find
another party really quick,
953
00:46:26,416 --> 00:46:28,416
I'm gonna grab a date,
and then boom, we're out of there.
954
00:46:28,416 --> 00:46:29,958
What the fuck are you talking about?
955
00:46:29,958 --> 00:46:33,500
I fucked my face, Jess. It's over.
956
00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:35,083
- Hannah, come on, let's just--
- No, no.
957
00:46:35,083 --> 00:46:36,750
We're meeting up with Jacob
to grab his keys.
958
00:46:36,750 --> 00:46:39,708
And then you can do
whatever you want, okay?
959
00:46:39,708 --> 00:46:41,625
Wait. Wait, you're calling Jacob?
960
00:46:45,041 --> 00:46:46,791
♪ You had your chance, now set me free ♪
961
00:46:46,791 --> 00:46:49,750
♪ There's nothing left,
I've got to leave ♪
962
00:46:49,750 --> 00:46:52,416
♪ And now when you reach out, you'll see ♪
963
00:46:52,416 --> 00:46:56,166
- ♪ I won't be by your side ♪
[chanting] Chug! Chug! Chug!
964
00:46:56,166 --> 00:46:57,875
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
965
00:46:57,875 --> 00:47:00,916
- ♪ I can't be by your side ♪
966
00:47:00,916 --> 00:47:03,125
That's something that you
gotta learn as a young person.
967
00:47:03,125 --> 00:47:05,125
But they told me that
my cartilage is too weak
968
00:47:05,125 --> 00:47:06,500
to handle a punch.
969
00:47:06,500 --> 00:47:09,458
Oh, speaking of fighting,
I actually asked Mr. Sanchez
970
00:47:09,458 --> 00:47:12,166
to pair me and Hannah up
in the self-defense class.
971
00:47:12,166 --> 00:47:14,500
Little did I know
she has a mean right hook.
972
00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:16,375
Knocked me clean out. Concussed.
973
00:47:16,375 --> 00:47:17,541
Never been the same.
974
00:47:17,541 --> 00:47:20,375
But she actually carried me
to the nurse's office,
975
00:47:20,375 --> 00:47:21,541
and that was that.
976
00:47:21,541 --> 00:47:24,416
That's when I knew she was the one for me.
977
00:47:24,416 --> 00:47:27,375
I actually still have that gym shirt
with the blood on it.
978
00:47:27,375 --> 00:47:29,333
- Yeah, I never washed it.
- Wow.
979
00:47:29,333 --> 00:47:30,875
Never will wash it, actually.
980
00:47:30,875 --> 00:47:33,250
- Yeah.
- Wow, that-that is crazy.
981
00:47:33,791 --> 00:47:37,666
Hey, um, why don't you go grab us
some drinks from the bar?
982
00:47:37,666 --> 00:47:40,083
- Huh?
- Oh, no problemo, Jakey.
983
00:47:40,541 --> 00:47:44,375
You know, it's bonkers that it's taken us
this long to hang out one on one.
984
00:47:44,375 --> 00:47:46,666
We have such great chemistry.
985
00:47:47,375 --> 00:47:48,375
Okay.
986
00:47:48,375 --> 00:47:50,208
- ♪ By your side! ♪
987
00:47:50,208 --> 00:47:52,208
- Hannah.
- Yo. Where are you on campus?
988
00:47:52,208 --> 00:47:53,500
I need to borrow your keys.
989
00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:55,041
Hannah, let's just,
like, ring the doorbell
990
00:47:55,041 --> 00:47:56,125
until your parents wake up.
991
00:47:56,125 --> 00:47:57,666
Richardson and Wyckoff. Okay.
992
00:47:57,666 --> 00:47:59,750
Yeah, we're, like,
10 minutes' walk from there.
993
00:48:00,708 --> 00:48:02,000
Okay.
994
00:48:02,625 --> 00:48:04,208
Yeah, I'm with her right now. Why?
995
00:48:04,666 --> 00:48:06,041
- What the fuck?
996
00:48:06,500 --> 00:48:07,541
Hello?
997
00:48:08,333 --> 00:48:09,458
Hannah, can--
998
00:48:11,250 --> 00:48:12,333
Okay.
999
00:48:12,333 --> 00:48:13,416
I'm sorry.
1000
00:48:13,416 --> 00:48:16,291
If that was some ploy to try and get me
1001
00:48:16,291 --> 00:48:17,708
- to stay out with you...
- No.
1002
00:48:17,708 --> 00:48:19,958
...know it extremely isn't working!
1003
00:48:19,958 --> 00:48:21,833
I'm sorry, I thought
he was gonna say something.
1004
00:48:21,833 --> 00:48:23,166
What are you talking about?
1005
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:26,375
I had sex with Jacob.
1006
00:48:28,500 --> 00:48:29,541
When?
1007
00:48:30,041 --> 00:48:31,666
When we visited him in January.
1008
00:48:31,666 --> 00:48:34,916
No, that's when you had
your one-night stand with Johan.
1009
00:48:35,625 --> 00:48:36,625
S--
1010
00:48:37,750 --> 00:48:39,916
- Johan is Jacob?
- I--
1011
00:48:39,916 --> 00:48:42,541
Thanks for making
our two-year anniversary so special.
1012
00:48:42,541 --> 00:48:43,625
- Boo-boo.
1013
00:48:43,625 --> 00:48:45,416
No, you didn't.
- The night's not over yet.
1014
00:48:45,416 --> 00:48:47,333
Yes, I did. Hannah.
- Why don't you make a wish?
1015
00:48:48,875 --> 00:48:51,083
- Okay, I'll make a wish. Okay.
- Throw it in there.
1016
00:48:51,083 --> 00:48:53,208
- Oh, my God!
1017
00:48:53,208 --> 00:48:54,708
I-I didn't know what else to do.
1018
00:48:54,708 --> 00:48:58,208
I didn't wanna lie to my best friend
about doing it for the first time,
1019
00:48:58,208 --> 00:48:59,958
but then I knew I couldn't
tell you it was Jacob
1020
00:48:59,958 --> 00:49:01,125
'cause then you'd get upset.
1021
00:49:01,125 --> 00:49:03,041
Yeah? Well, 'cause we, you know,
1022
00:49:03,041 --> 00:49:05,000
talked in graphic detail about that night.
1023
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:08,125
And I literally hyped you up
about riding the D.
1024
00:49:08,125 --> 00:49:13,000
And now you're telling me
the D you rode was my-- Uh.
1025
00:49:17,416 --> 00:49:19,291
- Oh, God.
I think I-I might have
1026
00:49:19,291 --> 00:49:20,666
genuine feelings for--
1027
00:49:20,666 --> 00:49:23,083
I kissed my cousin 'cause of you,
1028
00:49:23,083 --> 00:49:25,416
you fucking brother fucker!
1029
00:49:25,416 --> 00:49:27,041
- You kissed your what?
1030
00:49:27,041 --> 00:49:28,458
She kissed her cousin?
1031
00:49:28,458 --> 00:49:30,166
- I saw a show about this.
1032
00:49:31,458 --> 00:49:32,583
Oh, God.
1033
00:49:32,583 --> 00:49:34,375
Oh, God. Let's just find
a different fountain.
1034
00:49:34,375 --> 00:49:36,208
That was my last quarter.
Oh!
1035
00:49:36,208 --> 00:49:37,625
Oh, God. No, no.
1036
00:49:37,625 --> 00:49:39,083
Oh, my God.
1037
00:49:39,833 --> 00:49:41,875
You're a horrible friend.
1038
00:49:41,875 --> 00:49:44,250
This whole shitty night only happened
1039
00:49:44,250 --> 00:49:46,750
'cause you're obsessed
with having the perfect prom night.
1040
00:49:46,750 --> 00:49:49,666
- You wanted to find a date too.
- Okay.
1041
00:49:49,666 --> 00:49:51,625
If it was that bad,
you could have just left.
1042
00:49:51,625 --> 00:49:53,500
And abandoned you in a frat house?
1043
00:49:53,500 --> 00:49:56,000
When have I ever left your side?
1044
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:58,708
I cannot believe I let you drag me out
1045
00:49:58,708 --> 00:50:00,625
for the gay prom of my dreams.
1046
00:50:00,625 --> 00:50:03,291
Of course, this was always about you.
1047
00:50:03,291 --> 00:50:05,000
- Okay.
- Do you realize everything is
1048
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,208
always about you?
1049
00:50:06,208 --> 00:50:07,666
If I hadn't convinced you to come,
1050
00:50:07,666 --> 00:50:09,333
you would've been crawling
right back to Greg
1051
00:50:09,333 --> 00:50:11,458
and you would have acted
like nothing happened,
1052
00:50:11,458 --> 00:50:14,541
that everything was okay,
like you always do.
1053
00:50:14,541 --> 00:50:17,500
I'm, actually-- I'm being
a super-ally right now.
1054
00:50:17,500 --> 00:50:18,875
Do not act like you understand
1055
00:50:18,875 --> 00:50:21,041
the pressures of coming out
'cause you really don't!
1056
00:50:21,041 --> 00:50:23,708
Oh, so sorry, would you mind
keeping it down a little?
1057
00:50:23,708 --> 00:50:26,166
We support whatever's going on
between the two of you, but we're trying--
1058
00:50:26,166 --> 00:50:27,583
- I'll fucking kill you!
- Don't you fucking
1059
00:50:27,583 --> 00:50:28,666
interrupt my best friend!
1060
00:50:28,666 --> 00:50:29,750
- Okay, Jesus Christ.
- Okay.
1061
00:50:29,750 --> 00:50:32,750
Really romantic to have a moment
at a fucking fountain at a college!
1062
00:50:32,750 --> 00:50:34,250
- Okay, have a good night. Thank you.
- Wow!
1063
00:50:34,250 --> 00:50:35,416
- Wow!
Wow.
1064
00:50:35,416 --> 00:50:36,583
- Wow!
- Wow!
1065
00:50:36,583 --> 00:50:37,875
- Hon. Hon!
- Wow!
1066
00:50:39,166 --> 00:50:40,833
Hope your wish
doesn't come true!
1067
00:50:40,833 --> 00:50:43,583
Well, it did come true!
It was to have your face fucked up!
1068
00:50:43,916 --> 00:50:44,958
Hannah
1069
00:50:48,250 --> 00:50:50,083
There is no way
you're taking that phone call
1070
00:50:50,083 --> 00:50:51,458
instead of finishing this with me.
1071
00:50:53,083 --> 00:50:55,458
I won't have a shot
at prom queen without him.
1072
00:50:55,458 --> 00:50:56,541
Are you serious?
1073
00:50:59,291 --> 00:51:00,375
Hannah!
1074
00:51:00,875 --> 00:51:02,916
- Fucking--
1075
00:51:09,541 --> 00:51:10,541
What do you want?
1076
00:51:10,541 --> 00:51:13,250
[over phone] So, who's the cool guy
in the picture that you posted?
1077
00:51:13,250 --> 00:51:14,333
Why do you care?
1078
00:51:14,333 --> 00:51:17,125
You seemed to have your
hands pretty full when I came by earlier.
1079
00:51:17,125 --> 00:51:19,000
Jess, I'm sorry. Come on.
1080
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,041
I made a mistake.
She doesn't mean anything to me.
1081
00:51:21,041 --> 00:51:23,666
And FYI, she tried to get me
to take her to prom
1082
00:51:23,666 --> 00:51:24,833
and I said no.
1083
00:51:25,250 --> 00:51:27,333
- You are the one I want to go with.
1084
00:51:27,791 --> 00:51:29,416
Yeah, well, Hannah and I, we're actually
1085
00:51:29,416 --> 00:51:31,333
at this really cool
warehouse show at Rutgers,
1086
00:51:31,333 --> 00:51:32,583
so I got to go.
1087
00:51:38,833 --> 00:51:42,083
Alright, your Shirley Temple
and virgin screwdriver.
1088
00:51:42,583 --> 00:51:44,125
Thank you kindly, bartender.
1089
00:51:44,125 --> 00:51:46,000
And-And might I add, I am very surprised
1090
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,375
that your guys don't ask
for ID at this establishment.
1091
00:51:48,916 --> 00:51:50,125
I'm 16.
1092
00:52:02,041 --> 00:52:03,041
Whiskey ginger ale.
1093
00:52:03,041 --> 00:52:04,791
I don't serve minors.
1094
00:52:06,416 --> 00:52:07,583
Can I just sit here?
1095
00:52:08,416 --> 00:52:11,041
Alright, for this next song,
1096
00:52:11,041 --> 00:52:13,291
we got a very special guest.
1097
00:52:13,291 --> 00:52:16,583
Give it up for Angie Adams!
1098
00:52:21,291 --> 00:52:23,000
One, two, three, four!
1099
00:52:28,791 --> 00:52:29,833
Hannah?
1100
00:52:34,291 --> 00:52:35,916
Watch it!
1101
00:52:36,333 --> 00:52:38,708
- Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I--
- No, no, no, it's no problem.
1102
00:52:39,250 --> 00:52:40,916
- Hi.
- Hi.
1103
00:52:41,333 --> 00:52:44,083
Uh, have you,
have you seen Hannah?
1104
00:52:44,083 --> 00:52:45,875
No. Why? Is everything okay?
1105
00:52:45,875 --> 00:52:49,791
Yeah, no, I just, uh,
I told her that we did it.
1106
00:52:51,416 --> 00:52:53,541
Shit. Um, okay.
1107
00:52:53,541 --> 00:52:54,666
How did she take it?
1108
00:52:55,083 --> 00:52:58,583
She... she threw up in a fountain
and then she ran away.
1109
00:52:59,375 --> 00:53:00,375
Better than I expected.
1110
00:53:00,375 --> 00:53:02,416
- Hey, I'm really sorry,
1111
00:53:02,416 --> 00:53:03,958
that car ride was super awkward.
1112
00:53:03,958 --> 00:53:05,375
I'm sure that your boyfriend is great
1113
00:53:05,375 --> 00:53:07,416
and I hope that you guys
are really happy together.
1114
00:53:07,416 --> 00:53:09,666
- Truly, I--
- Uh, actually, he cheated on me.
1115
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,083
That fucker. We should kill him.
1116
00:53:13,083 --> 00:53:14,333
- Right?
1117
00:53:15,708 --> 00:53:18,291
Uh, hey, do you maybe wanna go sit
and talk for a minute?
1118
00:53:19,041 --> 00:53:20,625
Uh, yeah.
1119
00:53:20,625 --> 00:53:22,041
- Okay.
- Okay.
1120
00:53:22,583 --> 00:53:24,958
♪ You tear it down, whoa-oh ♪
1121
00:53:24,958 --> 00:53:26,208
♪ And I'll ♪
1122
00:53:26,208 --> 00:53:27,291
Jacob?
1123
00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:28,958
♪ Never make a sound ♪
1124
00:53:42,541 --> 00:53:43,541
Hannah?
1125
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:45,666
A-Angie.
1126
00:53:47,583 --> 00:53:48,833
What are you doing here?
1127
00:53:48,833 --> 00:53:51,166
My sister's crashing here.
She invited me to play a little bit.
1128
00:53:51,166 --> 00:53:52,750
What are-- what are you doing here?
1129
00:53:52,750 --> 00:53:54,916
I came to grab house keys
from my brother.
1130
00:53:54,916 --> 00:53:58,166
I've... I've had kind of a rough night.
1131
00:53:58,166 --> 00:54:00,833
Yeah, I can see that. What happened?
1132
00:54:01,166 --> 00:54:04,333
I had the good fortune of seeing
someone's boobs for the first time...
1133
00:54:05,416 --> 00:54:07,625
...and then I promptly
sneezed blood on them.
1134
00:54:07,625 --> 00:54:09,541
Are you serious?
1135
00:54:10,416 --> 00:54:11,833
That's incredible.
1136
00:54:12,583 --> 00:54:14,500
Start at the beginning.
I need to know everything.
1137
00:54:17,375 --> 00:54:19,500
I'm actually kind of impressed
that you managed
1138
00:54:19,500 --> 00:54:21,833
to drop the ball
on two potential prom dates.
1139
00:54:21,833 --> 00:54:23,125
That's...
1140
00:54:23,125 --> 00:54:26,000
Yeah, okay, well,
your sister smashing a glass
1141
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:27,708
over the head of one of them didn't help.
1142
00:54:28,083 --> 00:54:32,041
Yeah. Yeah, taking down frat bros:
the lesbian agenda.
1143
00:54:33,291 --> 00:54:35,875
What? What are you talking about?
1144
00:54:35,875 --> 00:54:37,791
Oh, my God, Jess, come on.
She's my sister.
1145
00:54:37,791 --> 00:54:39,416
You think I don't know she's gay?
1146
00:54:40,041 --> 00:54:43,083
I've caught her trying to leave the house
in my jorts, like, 30 times.
1147
00:54:45,791 --> 00:54:46,833
Can I ask you something?
1148
00:54:47,833 --> 00:54:50,958
Why do you care so much
about finding a prom date?
1149
00:54:53,125 --> 00:54:55,916
I guess, uh...
1150
00:54:56,541 --> 00:54:59,250
going alone is kind of like admitting
1151
00:54:59,250 --> 00:55:00,916
that no one wanted to go with you.
1152
00:55:00,916 --> 00:55:05,041
But going with someone popular
means I've made it.
1153
00:55:05,458 --> 00:55:06,833
Oh, there you are.
1154
00:55:06,833 --> 00:55:09,000
You can't leave me like that, Dad--
I mean, Jake.
1155
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,041
You know I have abandon--
1156
00:55:11,458 --> 00:55:12,791
Oh, my God!
1157
00:55:12,791 --> 00:55:13,875
If you're here...
1158
00:55:13,875 --> 00:55:15,250
No.
- ...I gotta go get my girl.
1159
00:55:15,250 --> 00:55:16,333
Wait.
No, no, no.
1160
00:55:16,333 --> 00:55:18,291
Um, I'm gonna go grab him.
Go find Hannah.
1161
00:55:18,291 --> 00:55:20,125
Okay.
- Hannah? Excuse me, sorry.
1162
00:55:20,125 --> 00:55:21,875
Hannah! Sorry, guys.
1163
00:55:21,875 --> 00:55:23,041
Hannah, where--
1164
00:55:23,041 --> 00:55:24,458
- Hannah!
- Jess.
1165
00:55:24,458 --> 00:55:25,750
Luca.
1166
00:55:31,833 --> 00:55:34,708
[singing] ♪ Takin' all the
places where you've been... ♪
1167
00:55:34,708 --> 00:55:37,000
So your first time seeing boobs
1168
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,125
was in front of 25 frat bros?
1169
00:55:39,125 --> 00:55:40,625
That's not how it goes for everyone?
1170
00:55:40,625 --> 00:55:41,875
Well, I mean...
1171
00:55:41,875 --> 00:55:42,958
Um, I just, I--
1172
00:55:42,958 --> 00:55:44,750
I don't know, I feel like
you've never done anything
1173
00:55:44,750 --> 00:55:45,833
half as embarrassing.
1174
00:55:45,833 --> 00:55:47,833
Hey, don't let my fat ass
1175
00:55:47,833 --> 00:55:49,291
and perfect personality fool you.
1176
00:55:49,291 --> 00:55:52,041
I went to circus camp until I was 15.
1177
00:55:52,041 --> 00:55:53,458
You're lying.
1178
00:55:55,125 --> 00:55:56,333
Whoa!
1179
00:55:58,166 --> 00:55:59,666
- Yeah.
- I have a feeling you use
1180
00:55:59,666 --> 00:56:01,333
that trick on all the girls.
1181
00:56:01,333 --> 00:56:04,416
Not on all the girls.
Just the ones I'm trying to kiss.
1182
00:56:08,750 --> 00:56:09,750
Okay, I gotta ask.
1183
00:56:09,750 --> 00:56:12,333
Where is the student council kid
you're always with?
1184
00:56:12,833 --> 00:56:13,833
Greg?
1185
00:56:13,833 --> 00:56:15,250
Oh, I broke up with him.
1186
00:56:15,833 --> 00:56:16,916
Yeah, I'm a lesbian.
1187
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:21,583
Well, I can't imagine
those clothes are really comfortable.
1188
00:56:21,583 --> 00:56:23,291
Should we go up to my sister's room
1189
00:56:23,291 --> 00:56:25,041
to find you something else?
1190
00:56:25,916 --> 00:56:26,916
Yeah, sure.
1191
00:56:29,416 --> 00:56:32,958
♪ You're faking all the friends
that you made ♪
1192
00:56:33,333 --> 00:56:36,083
♪ Simply filling an empty place... ♪
1193
00:56:36,583 --> 00:56:39,125
Please, please, please?
1194
00:56:39,125 --> 00:56:42,208
Has anyone seen a girl named Hannah?
1195
00:56:42,208 --> 00:56:47,083
She's 5'5" and the most perfect angel
in the world! Please!
1196
00:56:47,500 --> 00:56:49,666
- I don't have time for this.
- Oh, Jess, I fucked up one time.
1197
00:56:49,666 --> 00:56:51,666
It's really over because
I made one mistake?
1198
00:56:51,666 --> 00:56:53,708
You never treated me properly, Luca.
1199
00:56:53,708 --> 00:56:55,250
I did a lot of things wrong.
1200
00:56:55,250 --> 00:56:56,750
I should have introduced you
to my parents.
1201
00:56:56,750 --> 00:56:58,416
I was confused. But I'm not anymore.
1202
00:56:58,416 --> 00:57:00,791
- It's too late.
- Come on. I swear I can make things right.
1203
00:57:01,166 --> 00:57:02,333
I want to go to prom together.
1204
00:57:02,916 --> 00:57:04,333
Like together-together.
1205
00:57:04,333 --> 00:57:07,083
Prom king and prom queen.
1206
00:57:15,583 --> 00:57:17,791
So, you can, um,
1207
00:57:18,166 --> 00:57:21,416
- put... this on?
Amazing.
1208
00:57:21,416 --> 00:57:23,708
Or we can both take our shirts off.
1209
00:57:24,833 --> 00:57:26,333
I would like to do that.
1210
00:57:26,333 --> 00:57:27,416
Yeah.
1211
00:57:45,125 --> 00:57:47,000
Um... wait, sorry.
1212
00:57:47,541 --> 00:57:50,250
Not to be, like, so deeply corny,
1213
00:57:50,250 --> 00:57:53,708
but will you go to prom with me?
1214
00:57:53,708 --> 00:57:56,208
Yeah.
1215
00:58:00,166 --> 00:58:02,083
- Is it okay if I undo your--
- Yeah, yeah, of course.
1216
00:58:04,916 --> 00:58:05,916
Wait, wait.
1217
00:58:06,541 --> 00:58:08,750
Your real last name is Adams, right?
1218
00:58:08,750 --> 00:58:10,083
Yeah, why?
1219
00:58:10,083 --> 00:58:12,666
Yeah, no, no, nothing,
just... just keep going.
1220
00:58:12,666 --> 00:58:13,750
Okay.
1221
00:58:23,625 --> 00:58:25,333
This is the best night of my life.
1222
00:58:30,166 --> 00:58:31,916
- Hannah?
- Greg!
1223
00:58:32,458 --> 00:58:34,916
What are you doing?
I've been looking for you all night.
1224
00:58:35,250 --> 00:58:37,166
- I thought you guys broke up?
- We did break up.
1225
00:58:37,166 --> 00:58:40,833
No, I told you I changed colleges for you,
and then you ran out of my house.
1226
00:58:40,833 --> 00:58:42,625
Yeah, that's a breakup.
1227
00:58:43,166 --> 00:58:44,291
What?
1228
00:58:44,291 --> 00:58:46,375
Hannah, how-how could you do this to me?
1229
00:58:46,375 --> 00:58:47,625
I'm in love with you.
1230
00:58:47,625 --> 00:58:49,666
Because I'm gay, Greg!
1231
00:58:49,666 --> 00:58:51,291
And I've always been gay.
1232
00:58:51,291 --> 00:58:54,166
And I, I was too afraid to say it before,
1233
00:58:54,166 --> 00:58:56,541
but I'm not afraid now.
1234
00:58:56,541 --> 00:58:59,791
So I'm sorry, but it's over.
1235
00:59:01,208 --> 00:59:03,375
So our relationship was a lie?
1236
00:59:10,291 --> 00:59:12,000
Ugh, gross.
1237
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,458
No, Angie. No, uh, I can explain!
1238
00:59:14,958 --> 00:59:16,416
I want you to be my girlfriend.
1239
00:59:16,708 --> 00:59:19,208
Dude, she doesn't want you here.
Okay? Why don't you just go home?
1240
00:59:19,208 --> 00:59:20,791
Who the fuck are you, tall boy?
1241
00:59:20,791 --> 00:59:22,291
Guys, please.
- I'm average height.
1242
00:59:22,291 --> 00:59:24,250
- What are you talking about?
- Geez, look at this sweater.
1243
00:59:24,250 --> 00:59:26,416
- You get this at a garage sale?
- What are you, a Formula 1 racer?
1244
00:59:26,416 --> 00:59:27,500
What are you talking about?
1245
00:59:27,500 --> 00:59:29,041
- What the fuck?
- Judging me what I'm wearing?
1246
00:59:29,041 --> 00:59:30,250
Guys.
- Eat fist, bitch!
1247
00:59:30,250 --> 00:59:31,750
- Get the fuck off of him!
1248
00:59:31,750 --> 00:59:34,208
Hannah! Hannah, stop,
you're gonna make things worse!
1249
00:59:34,208 --> 00:59:35,375
Yeah, you tell her, babe!
1250
00:59:35,791 --> 00:59:36,916
I'm not afraid to hit a girl.
1251
00:59:36,916 --> 00:59:38,083
You just fucking punched him.
1252
00:59:38,083 --> 00:59:39,791
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1253
00:59:39,791 --> 00:59:41,500
I don't do drama.
1254
00:59:42,500 --> 00:59:43,708
I'll wait for you in the car.
1255
00:59:46,833 --> 00:59:48,291
- Oh, my God.
1256
00:59:48,291 --> 00:59:49,500
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
1257
00:59:49,500 --> 00:59:51,083
Yeah. No, it's fine. It's--
1258
00:59:51,083 --> 00:59:52,208
It's just my face.
1259
00:59:52,208 --> 00:59:53,958
Oh, so now you give a shit?
1260
00:59:53,958 --> 00:59:55,833
Take it easy, alright?
She was telling him to leave.
1261
00:59:55,833 --> 00:59:56,958
They're-They're not together.
1262
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,000
Right?
1263
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:01,666
I-I just need him for prom.
1264
01:00:01,666 --> 01:00:02,750
Are you serious?
1265
01:00:03,416 --> 01:00:04,625
- Jacob.
- No, it's, it's...
1266
01:00:06,750 --> 01:00:08,375
Don't fucking start, Hannah.
1267
01:00:08,375 --> 01:00:12,125
Oh, no, it's just,
it's-it's so predictable!
1268
01:00:12,125 --> 01:00:14,000
Of course you were gonna
get back together with him.
1269
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:16,291
- Of course!
- Well, I'm not gonna apologize
1270
01:00:16,291 --> 01:00:18,041
for having the confidence
to go after what I want.
1271
01:00:18,041 --> 01:00:19,500
You know, I hate
to break it to you, Jess,
1272
01:00:19,500 --> 01:00:22,666
but it's not confidence, it's desperation.
1273
01:00:22,666 --> 01:00:25,541
Desperation? You wanna talk
about desperation?
1274
01:00:25,541 --> 01:00:27,916
You're a lesbian who dated
a fucking dude for a year.
1275
01:00:27,916 --> 01:00:29,208
Yeah, Jess.
1276
01:00:29,208 --> 01:00:31,833
But at least I didn't treat you
like dog shit in the process!
1277
01:00:31,833 --> 01:00:33,333
No. I guess just Greg.
1278
01:00:33,833 --> 01:00:35,958
Babe, wrap it up
so I can get Taco Bell!
1279
01:00:35,958 --> 01:00:37,458
I'm about to hit my fasting window.
1280
01:00:37,875 --> 01:00:40,125
Tacos and some lovin'!
1281
01:00:40,375 --> 01:00:42,125
You're really gonna let him talk
to you like that?
1282
01:00:42,666 --> 01:00:45,291
Just so you have a fucking date tomorrow?
1283
01:00:46,125 --> 01:00:47,166
You're pathetic.
1284
01:00:47,708 --> 01:00:49,500
And you know, the really sad part is that
1285
01:00:49,500 --> 01:00:51,291
you know he doesn't care about you.
1286
01:00:51,291 --> 01:00:53,583
And you still choose him.
1287
01:00:53,583 --> 01:00:56,500
'Cause you're so fucking insecure,
1288
01:00:56,500 --> 01:00:59,708
you'd do anything to make people like you!
1289
01:00:59,708 --> 01:01:01,833
Well, sorry that I'd rather have
one perfect night
1290
01:01:01,833 --> 01:01:04,541
than stay an unfuckable reject like you!
1291
01:01:10,166 --> 01:01:11,166
You know what?
1292
01:01:12,750 --> 01:01:14,250
I'm...
1293
01:01:14,875 --> 01:01:18,166
I'm tired of you assuming
1294
01:01:18,166 --> 01:01:21,791
you can just treat me however you want
1295
01:01:22,375 --> 01:01:24,333
'cause you know
I'll always be there for you.
1296
01:01:25,375 --> 01:01:26,833
Have fun at prom with Luca.
1297
01:01:27,458 --> 01:01:28,708
I'm done.
1298
01:01:30,291 --> 01:01:31,291
Hannah!
1299
01:01:59,833 --> 01:02:01,500
Last night was fucked. I--
1300
01:02:24,625 --> 01:02:25,625
Holy shit.
1301
01:02:26,750 --> 01:02:27,958
Good afternoon, Hannah.
1302
01:02:27,958 --> 01:02:29,291
How'd you get in here?
1303
01:02:29,291 --> 01:02:30,458
Your mom let us in.
1304
01:02:31,583 --> 01:02:32,583
She gave me a cookie.
1305
01:02:33,166 --> 01:02:34,958
The last cookie she'll ever give me.
1306
01:02:35,833 --> 01:02:36,833
"Us"?
1307
01:02:38,208 --> 01:02:39,208
'Sup?
1308
01:02:39,625 --> 01:02:42,375
I assume you know my date Melissa,
from the softball team?
1309
01:02:42,750 --> 01:02:43,750
Hi.
1310
01:02:43,750 --> 01:02:45,958
Melissa and I have been having
a wonderful time so far.
1311
01:02:45,958 --> 01:02:48,375
She helped me get my frisbee
from the top of the garage.
1312
01:02:48,833 --> 01:02:51,125
She helped me dunk my first basketball.
1313
01:02:51,125 --> 01:02:52,333
Lifted me up by the shoulders.
1314
01:02:52,333 --> 01:02:53,541
Uh-huh.
- Put it right in there.
1315
01:02:53,541 --> 01:02:55,125
- Felt like Shaq.
Uh-huh.
1316
01:02:55,125 --> 01:02:58,791
I just can't seem to remember
you doing anything like that.
1317
01:02:59,333 --> 01:03:03,333
Okay. Um, can I talk to you alone
for a minute, please?
1318
01:03:09,666 --> 01:03:14,625
Um... when you told my mom
we broke up, you didn't, like,
1319
01:03:15,458 --> 01:03:17,041
tell her I was gay, right?
1320
01:03:18,333 --> 01:03:19,583
Of course not.
1321
01:03:20,041 --> 01:03:22,791
- Hannah, I'm heartbroken,
1322
01:03:22,791 --> 01:03:23,916
I'm not a monster.
1323
01:03:24,291 --> 01:03:26,583
I just came to pick up my car.
1324
01:03:26,875 --> 01:03:28,958
I left it here last night
when I went looking for you.
1325
01:03:28,958 --> 01:03:33,750
I'm really sorry, Greg.
1326
01:03:33,750 --> 01:03:36,958
Did you know the whole time
we were dating?
1327
01:03:38,500 --> 01:03:39,708
Yeah, pretty much.
1328
01:03:42,291 --> 01:03:43,833
I just can't believe it.
1329
01:03:43,833 --> 01:03:46,000
All those weekends watching
Rachel and Finn sing
1330
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:48,083
their hearts out meant nothing to you.
1331
01:03:48,708 --> 01:03:50,333
You're super fun to hang out with,
1332
01:03:50,333 --> 01:03:53,750
but, like, I can't change who I am.
1333
01:03:54,375 --> 01:03:56,333
You think I'm upset that you're gay?
1334
01:03:57,166 --> 01:03:58,166
Yes?
1335
01:03:58,166 --> 01:04:00,833
Hannah, I'm upset because you pretended
1336
01:04:00,833 --> 01:04:02,083
to be in love with me.
1337
01:04:03,291 --> 01:04:05,833
My entire senior year revolved
around you,
1338
01:04:06,291 --> 01:04:10,250
a-and you were just... using me.
1339
01:04:12,250 --> 01:04:13,625
If you had just told me,
1340
01:04:13,625 --> 01:04:16,166
I would have pretended
to be your boyfriend.
1341
01:04:16,166 --> 01:04:18,875
Or if you didn't have the guts to do that,
1342
01:04:19,916 --> 01:04:21,166
you should've dumped me.
1343
01:04:21,791 --> 01:04:23,916
But you could have
at least been a decent friend.
1344
01:04:24,958 --> 01:04:28,083
Just so you know, I, uh,
I transferred back to Stanford.
1345
01:04:28,083 --> 01:04:32,958
So... you don't have to worry
about me bothering you anymore.
1346
01:05:04,958 --> 01:05:07,041
Woo!
1347
01:05:07,500 --> 01:05:10,041
...55, 56, 57,
1348
01:05:10,041 --> 01:05:13,416
58, 59, 60!
1349
01:05:15,583 --> 01:05:18,625
Oh, that's a full minute, baby!
That's a new record!
1350
01:05:18,625 --> 01:05:20,458
Let's go! Woo!
1351
01:05:20,458 --> 01:05:22,000
That's it! That's it!
1352
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:23,291
All right, dude. You're next.
1353
01:05:23,291 --> 01:05:24,500
Yeah, thank you, thank you.
1354
01:05:24,500 --> 01:05:26,125
Uh, thanks for coming. Thanks for coming.
1355
01:05:27,166 --> 01:05:28,458
- Congrats, bro.
- What's up, man?
1356
01:05:28,458 --> 01:05:30,833
- Lemme get a picture real quick.
- Yeah, let's do it, let's do it.
1357
01:05:31,666 --> 01:05:33,041
- Alright.
Let's go.
1358
01:05:33,041 --> 01:05:34,875
♪ That sparkle ♪
1359
01:05:34,875 --> 01:05:38,625
♪ It goes away and then you know ♪
1360
01:05:40,250 --> 01:05:45,250
♪ Excuses start to weigh more than gold ♪
1361
01:05:47,083 --> 01:05:50,041
♪ Ohh, ohh ♪
1362
01:05:50,791 --> 01:05:52,291
♪ Ohh, ohh ♪
1363
01:05:52,291 --> 01:05:54,916
What's up, sourpuss? Want some bubbly?
1364
01:05:54,916 --> 01:05:56,208
No.
1365
01:05:56,208 --> 01:05:57,625
Okay. More for me.
1366
01:05:58,125 --> 01:06:00,208
You know, I kinda wish
we were going straight
1367
01:06:00,208 --> 01:06:03,625
to the after party,
if ya know what I mean.
1368
01:06:06,583 --> 01:06:11,333
♪ I used a condom with Janine,
so we don't have to ♪
1369
01:06:13,041 --> 01:06:14,166
What?
1370
01:06:14,625 --> 01:06:17,291
You should be amped,
it smells great down there.
1371
01:06:17,291 --> 01:06:19,375
- Okay.
- Ooh, I know.
1372
01:06:19,375 --> 01:06:21,666
Do you wanna meet my parents?
1373
01:06:23,708 --> 01:06:24,791
Yeah.
1374
01:06:25,458 --> 01:06:27,708
Alright, let me go find my mom.
1375
01:06:29,416 --> 01:06:32,000
Mom! Come meet Jess, you slut!
1376
01:06:33,458 --> 01:06:36,125
Hey, sorry to bother you,
would you mind taking a picture of us?
1377
01:06:36,125 --> 01:06:37,875
Keara's absolutely beefing the self-timer.
1378
01:06:37,875 --> 01:06:40,625
It's not me, you bitch,
it's Jordan's janky Android.
1379
01:06:40,625 --> 01:06:41,791
Just use yours.
1380
01:06:41,791 --> 01:06:43,916
Please, no. I share
an iCloud account with my parents,
1381
01:06:43,916 --> 01:06:46,083
and I know one of you is gonna flash tit.
1382
01:06:46,083 --> 01:06:48,083
I can just take it
on my phone and AirDrop it.
1383
01:06:48,083 --> 01:06:49,250
Perfect. Yeah.
1384
01:06:54,791 --> 01:06:57,416
Guess Anne and Carm are missing out
on my nips again this year.
1385
01:07:07,583 --> 01:07:09,500
- I got it.
Ugh, you're an angel.
1386
01:07:09,500 --> 01:07:11,458
Come take a picture with us.
Hannah too, obviously.
1387
01:07:11,458 --> 01:07:12,625
Oh, yeah, go get her.
1388
01:07:12,625 --> 01:07:16,958
Um... no, yeah, actually,
I'm gonna go pick her up.
1389
01:07:16,958 --> 01:07:19,750
But we'll meet you guys at prom.
A-And you look really cute by the way.
1390
01:07:19,750 --> 01:07:21,375
You too!
See you there!
1391
01:07:24,666 --> 01:07:26,500
Time to meet my slam piece.
1392
01:07:26,500 --> 01:07:28,583
Jess?
1393
01:07:34,083 --> 01:07:36,708
[on phone] The number
you've dialed is not in service.
1394
01:07:36,708 --> 01:07:39,083
Ugh. Fucking fountain phone!
1395
01:07:41,708 --> 01:07:43,083
Twenty-seven minutes?
1396
01:08:14,166 --> 01:08:16,000
- Home?
1397
01:08:23,250 --> 01:08:26,166
Hannah! I'm a fucking idiot, okay?
1398
01:08:26,166 --> 01:08:28,875
You were right,
I was putting dudes ahead of you,
1399
01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:30,583
which literally makes no sense
1400
01:08:30,583 --> 01:08:32,958
because nothing could compare
to our friendship!
1401
01:08:33,458 --> 01:08:35,375
I won't go to prom without you!
1402
01:08:36,458 --> 01:08:37,541
Hey.
1403
01:08:38,625 --> 01:08:39,666
She's not here.
1404
01:08:39,666 --> 01:08:41,083
Jacob.
1405
01:08:52,833 --> 01:08:53,958
It's all you, doggie.
1406
01:08:58,291 --> 01:08:59,625
Lucy.
1407
01:09:01,750 --> 01:09:03,041
Ah!
1408
01:09:03,041 --> 01:09:04,708
Oh, Lucy!
1409
01:09:04,708 --> 01:09:06,000
Oh, hi.
1410
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:07,875
Oh, yes, you're home!
1411
01:09:07,875 --> 01:09:08,958
Where were you?
1412
01:09:08,958 --> 01:09:10,916
Where was my baby?
1413
01:09:10,916 --> 01:09:13,708
Oh, yes, yes!
1414
01:09:13,708 --> 01:09:17,208
I love you! I was so worried
about my baby!
1415
01:09:17,208 --> 01:09:19,083
You're my little baby!
1416
01:09:19,083 --> 01:09:22,208
- Oh, yes. Oh.
1417
01:09:22,958 --> 01:09:25,250
- Like, it looks bad, but--
- Does it hurt?
1418
01:09:25,791 --> 01:09:29,041
Uh, yeah, I mean, probably about as much
as a trophy to the head.
1419
01:09:29,750 --> 01:09:30,958
I'm so sorry.
1420
01:09:30,958 --> 01:09:32,666
- Ah.
- For everything.
1421
01:09:33,833 --> 01:09:36,083
You've been so great,
and I just keep fucking it up.
1422
01:09:37,625 --> 01:09:39,458
Well, this might be
my head injury talking,
1423
01:09:39,458 --> 01:09:41,833
but I still like you.
1424
01:09:42,916 --> 01:09:43,958
I like you, too.
1425
01:09:46,500 --> 01:09:48,541
But we probably shouldn't
do this right now.
1426
01:09:48,958 --> 01:09:52,375
Right, yeah. No, you-you gotta figure
things out with Hannah first.
1427
01:09:52,833 --> 01:09:55,500
Yeah, and I, um...
1428
01:09:56,666 --> 01:09:59,625
I should really just focus
on myself for a bit,
1429
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:01,916
make sure I'm dating
for the right reasons.
1430
01:10:02,166 --> 01:10:04,916
Self-awareness. Gross.
1431
01:10:08,958 --> 01:10:11,625
Look, I don't expect you
to wait for me or anything.
1432
01:10:12,250 --> 01:10:14,625
But when I'm ready,
you'll be the first person I call.
1433
01:10:15,916 --> 01:10:16,916
Deal.
1434
01:10:27,500 --> 01:10:30,041
It's probably for the best
that we don't start dating now.
1435
01:10:30,791 --> 01:10:32,291
I lent Hannah my tux for prom,
1436
01:10:32,291 --> 01:10:35,041
so if you had asked me,
it would have just been this.
1437
01:10:35,041 --> 01:10:36,625
Wait. Hannah went to prom?
1438
01:10:36,625 --> 01:10:38,958
Eh, she said something about
meeting up with the drama club.
1439
01:10:39,291 --> 01:10:40,291
What...?
1440
01:10:41,375 --> 01:10:42,583
Did you steal Luca's car?
1441
01:10:43,125 --> 01:10:44,208
Yes, I did.
1442
01:10:45,083 --> 01:10:46,166
God, that's hot.
1443
01:10:58,166 --> 01:11:01,541
♪ Walked in the room,
I couldn't look away ♪
1444
01:11:02,583 --> 01:11:05,458
♪ Stop me dead with that electric gaze ♪
1445
01:11:06,541 --> 01:11:10,666
♪ Something so comforting
about your face ♪
1446
01:11:10,666 --> 01:11:13,916
♪ I don't know how,
but we might be the same ♪
1447
01:11:14,958 --> 01:11:18,000
♪ Never expected I would feel this way ♪
1448
01:11:19,083 --> 01:11:22,208
♪ I keep my head down,
take it day by day ♪
1449
01:11:23,291 --> 01:11:25,833
♪ I turned those feelings off
so long ago ♪
1450
01:11:25,833 --> 01:11:27,458
Oh, my God, hurry up. We're so late.
1451
01:11:27,458 --> 01:11:31,333
♪ I always thought
it'd be impossible, but ♪
1452
01:11:31,333 --> 01:11:33,208
- ♪ You could kiss me right now ♪
- Hey.
1453
01:11:34,041 --> 01:11:35,625
Hey! Where's Jess?
1454
01:11:36,333 --> 01:11:37,666
How should I know, Hanky?
1455
01:11:37,916 --> 01:11:39,875
♪ I’ve been dreaming 'bout it... ♪
1456
01:11:39,875 --> 01:11:41,708
We're all set up backstage. Ready?
1457
01:11:41,708 --> 01:11:43,125
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, Grace.
1458
01:11:45,791 --> 01:11:48,250
♪ Mm-hmm, yeah ♪
1459
01:11:48,250 --> 01:11:49,916
♪ You could kiss me right now ♪
1460
01:11:50,791 --> 01:11:53,750
- ♪ I don't understand it, no ♪
1461
01:11:54,666 --> 01:11:56,416
♪ But I'm not gonna fight it... ♪
1462
01:11:56,416 --> 01:11:58,208
- Hey, ho, everybody, hold up.
1463
01:11:58,208 --> 01:11:59,833
One second, hold up, stop dancing.
1464
01:11:59,833 --> 01:12:02,416
Alright, we're gonna take
a quick break from the tunes
1465
01:12:02,416 --> 01:12:04,416
because the student fire marshal
is here to give us
1466
01:12:04,416 --> 01:12:06,500
a brief safety announcement, okay?
1467
01:12:06,500 --> 01:12:07,583
It's very important.
1468
01:12:07,583 --> 01:12:09,916
And then after that,
you can believe
1469
01:12:09,916 --> 01:12:12,708
that DJ Tony Turnpike
is gonna be back
1470
01:12:12,708 --> 01:12:14,416
with the noise.
1471
01:12:14,416 --> 01:12:17,541
The noise and the boys. You understand?
1472
01:12:17,541 --> 01:12:18,833
That's all slang for--
1473
01:12:19,333 --> 01:12:20,833
I actually don't know what it's for.
1474
01:12:20,833 --> 01:12:23,125
- Here you go, Hannah. You go ahead.
- Okay. Thanks.
1475
01:12:23,833 --> 01:12:25,875
- I'll leave you with this.
1476
01:12:25,875 --> 01:12:27,166
Bush did 9/11.
1477
01:12:27,166 --> 01:12:28,666
♪ Oh, Lord ♪
1478
01:12:28,666 --> 01:12:29,875
Check that out.
1479
01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:40,625
Hello, everybody in my grade.
1480
01:12:41,041 --> 01:12:44,916
I'm sorry to say that I am not up here
to provide safety information,
1481
01:12:44,916 --> 01:12:49,458
as the title "student fire marshal"
is completely made up.
1482
01:12:50,708 --> 01:12:52,333
Student fire marshal's not real?
1483
01:12:53,833 --> 01:12:55,250
I was the student fire marshal.
1484
01:12:55,250 --> 01:12:56,666
Okay. Thank you.
1485
01:12:57,541 --> 01:12:59,708
I'm actually up here tonight because
1486
01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:02,125
I owe someone an apology.
1487
01:13:03,416 --> 01:13:05,625
This person is never
anything less than himself
1488
01:13:06,416 --> 01:13:08,333
and taught me that I shouldn't be either.
1489
01:13:09,916 --> 01:13:10,916
So...
1490
01:13:13,250 --> 01:13:14,833
I have something I need to say.
1491
01:13:18,583 --> 01:13:19,791
I'm a lesbian.
1492
01:13:21,333 --> 01:13:26,291
And even though it's, like,
really scary to admit,
1493
01:13:26,291 --> 01:13:29,125
it feels way better than continuing
1494
01:13:29,125 --> 01:13:31,708
to pretend I'm something I'm not.
1495
01:13:32,791 --> 01:13:34,083
Woo!
1496
01:13:43,166 --> 01:13:44,833
- Why are we clapping?
Shh!
1497
01:13:44,833 --> 01:13:47,375
Now, I'm not as good
a performer as he is,
1498
01:13:47,375 --> 01:13:51,708
but his love language
is grand gestures, so...
1499
01:13:54,625 --> 01:13:58,041
Greg, our relationship might be over,
1500
01:13:58,541 --> 01:14:00,625
but I hope we can stay friends forever.
1501
01:14:01,333 --> 01:14:02,541
I love ya, buddy.
1502
01:14:04,625 --> 01:14:10,041
♪ G is for a guy
who loves his Glee ♪
1503
01:14:10,833 --> 01:14:15,958
♪ R is 'cause a ray of sun is he ♪
1504
01:14:15,958 --> 01:14:18,666
Guys, I'm Greg! She's singing about me!
1505
01:14:18,666 --> 01:14:23,125
♪ ...is very, very extraordinary ♪
1506
01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:25,291
- ♪ G-- ♪
Gay!
1507
01:14:25,291 --> 01:14:29,416
♪ Even more of that special Greg
that we adore ♪
1508
01:14:30,500 --> 01:14:32,250
Hey. Shut the fuck up.
1509
01:14:32,250 --> 01:14:33,541
Hey. Where have you been?
1510
01:14:33,541 --> 01:14:35,208
What Hannah's doing
is braver than anything
1511
01:14:35,208 --> 01:14:36,916
you've ever done in your entire life.
1512
01:14:36,916 --> 01:14:38,625
Okay, chill. I was just kidding.
1513
01:14:38,625 --> 01:14:40,791
I didn't think that you two
were friends anymore anyway.
1514
01:14:40,791 --> 01:14:42,916
Yeah, well, you were wrong.
She's my best friend.
1515
01:14:42,916 --> 01:14:45,916
I'm just gonna be honest. You're kinda
being a super mega bitch right now.
1516
01:14:47,833 --> 01:14:49,333
- We're done.
1517
01:14:49,958 --> 01:14:52,166
So you're gonna spend prom alone?
1518
01:14:52,166 --> 01:14:54,208
- ♪ Greg ♪
- I'm not alone. I have her.
1519
01:14:54,208 --> 01:14:57,500
♪ Is a real friend when you're in need ♪
1520
01:14:57,500 --> 01:15:00,458
Alright, swag. Have fun with Dykey D.
1521
01:15:00,458 --> 01:15:03,666
♪ Greg has always been
right there for me ♪
1522
01:15:03,666 --> 01:15:05,000
It's true.
1523
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:06,125
- ♪ Greg's... ♪
1524
01:15:12,500 --> 01:15:15,125
- Uh, thank you, fire marshal.
1525
01:15:15,125 --> 01:15:16,375
Thank you so much.
1526
01:15:16,375 --> 01:15:18,375
Uh, very, uh, interesting announcement.
1527
01:15:18,375 --> 01:15:21,000
That got a little bit weird,
folks, uh, in here,
1528
01:15:21,000 --> 01:15:23,000
so let's move right on to the love
1529
01:15:23,000 --> 01:15:25,750
with the first slow dance of the evening.
1530
01:15:25,750 --> 01:15:28,500
If you touch anything that seems
to be changing size,
1531
01:15:28,500 --> 01:15:30,500
just take your hand right off it, okay?
1532
01:15:32,333 --> 01:15:35,791
The most important part
about the pact is that this is our night.
1533
01:15:37,500 --> 01:15:39,291
It would be nothing without you.
1534
01:15:40,041 --> 01:15:43,541
- I love you.
- Oh. I love you too.
1535
01:15:46,791 --> 01:15:48,083
May I have this dance?
1536
01:15:48,083 --> 01:15:50,291
Oh, I'd love nothing more.
1537
01:15:56,333 --> 01:15:57,750
I'm sorry for what I said.
1538
01:15:58,541 --> 01:16:00,708
I was projecting,
and it was wrong.
1539
01:16:01,333 --> 01:16:02,375
It's okay.
1540
01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:05,500
I probably shouldn't have freaked out
about you and Jacob.
1541
01:16:07,083 --> 01:16:09,125
If you guys really like each other,
1542
01:16:09,666 --> 01:16:11,041
I'm nothing but happy for you.
1543
01:16:11,500 --> 01:16:15,250
Thanks, Hans,
but I, I am gonna take a break
1544
01:16:15,250 --> 01:16:16,958
from serious relationships right now.
1545
01:16:16,958 --> 01:16:18,833
Does that mean
you're breaking up with me?
1546
01:16:18,833 --> 01:16:21,750
Oh, no, we are more than serious, bitch.
1547
01:16:21,750 --> 01:16:23,958
We are terminal.
You are never getting rid of me.
1548
01:16:23,958 --> 01:16:26,041
- Ever.
1549
01:16:26,041 --> 01:16:27,666
Good.
1550
01:16:28,375 --> 01:16:32,416
♪ I won't fight it, I won't ♪
1551
01:16:32,416 --> 01:16:33,916
I'm gonna go get a drink.
1552
01:16:35,291 --> 01:16:36,916
Wait, did you...?
1553
01:16:37,291 --> 01:16:38,333
- Maybe.
1554
01:16:38,333 --> 01:16:39,708
- Hannah!
- Yeah.
1555
01:16:39,708 --> 01:16:41,833
Yeah. Unfuckable reject, who?
1556
01:16:41,833 --> 01:16:43,000
Oh, God. Yeah, okay.
1557
01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:45,666
Um... sorry, again.
1558
01:16:45,666 --> 01:16:47,791
Yeah, it was actually
the greatest thing to ever happen.
1559
01:16:47,791 --> 01:16:51,416
Like, she came on to me.
1560
01:16:51,416 --> 01:16:53,625
- As well she should.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1561
01:16:53,625 --> 01:16:56,541
Okay. Alright, well, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna get out of your way.
1562
01:16:56,541 --> 01:16:57,625
Mm-hmm.
1563
01:16:59,541 --> 01:17:01,208
♪ A sharp tongue ♪
1564
01:17:01,208 --> 01:17:02,750
- Love you.
- I love you.
1565
01:17:02,750 --> 01:17:04,958
♪ It’s obvious ♪
1566
01:17:05,291 --> 01:17:06,583
- Okay.
1567
01:17:06,583 --> 01:17:10,083
♪ There’s a room in a hospital
where your body is ♪
1568
01:17:12,000 --> 01:17:14,291
♪ The B-bridge... ♪
1569
01:17:14,291 --> 01:17:15,375
Quite a show.
1570
01:17:15,375 --> 01:17:16,666
Thank you.
1571
01:17:16,666 --> 01:17:19,625
Yeah, if you don't watch your back,
I'm gonna start stealing your gigs.
1572
01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:26,750
I'm... I'm really sorry
I dragged you into my shit.
1573
01:17:27,625 --> 01:17:28,833
It wasn't right.
1574
01:17:30,041 --> 01:17:34,250
But I wasn't lying when I said hanging out
with you was the best night of my life.
1575
01:17:34,250 --> 01:17:37,458
So, now that everything's just,
1576
01:17:38,291 --> 01:17:39,500
phew, out in the open,
1577
01:17:39,500 --> 01:17:42,875
I just, I feel like
there's one thing left to ask.
1578
01:17:45,041 --> 01:17:46,250
Will you be my girlfriend?
1579
01:17:46,916 --> 01:17:49,916
Uh, I... I don't think so.
1580
01:17:49,916 --> 01:17:52,541
- Huh?
- Uh, we, like, hooked up once.
1581
01:17:52,958 --> 01:17:54,208
Yeah, no, I just, I'm...
1582
01:17:54,625 --> 01:17:56,500
We-we were so connected. I--
1583
01:17:56,500 --> 01:17:57,916
Yeah. Uh,
1584
01:17:58,291 --> 01:17:59,916
I mean, look, I-I think you're great,
1585
01:17:59,916 --> 01:18:02,041
and obviously I'm attracted to you,
1586
01:18:02,041 --> 01:18:05,000
but it's, like, you just came out.
1587
01:18:05,875 --> 01:18:08,291
To, like, the whole school
in a musical number?
1588
01:18:08,291 --> 01:18:09,583
Mm.
1589
01:18:09,583 --> 01:18:13,041
Just feel like you have a few things
to sort out identity-wise.
1590
01:18:13,041 --> 01:18:16,916
Yeah. Yeah, no, that, that,
that, like, fully makes sense.
1591
01:18:16,916 --> 01:18:18,166
Yeah, for sure.
1592
01:18:18,166 --> 01:18:19,500
Do you have any queer friends?
1593
01:18:20,833 --> 01:18:24,583
Well, if it's not too awkward,
I'd love to be your first.
1594
01:18:27,333 --> 01:18:28,333
Yeah, sure.
1595
01:18:29,750 --> 01:18:33,208
Is it normal for lesbians to be friends
with the people they've hooked up with?
1596
01:18:34,500 --> 01:18:36,625
You have so much to learn.
1597
01:18:39,291 --> 01:18:41,333
- I know.
1598
01:18:42,958 --> 01:18:45,458
Softball's harder than baseball,
that's what you're saying?
1599
01:18:46,375 --> 01:18:47,750
Do you mind if I cut in?
1600
01:18:49,000 --> 01:18:50,125
Nah, it's cool.
1601
01:18:51,708 --> 01:18:53,791
Grace. Um, great moves up there.
1602
01:18:53,791 --> 01:18:55,541
- How's your night going?
1603
01:18:55,541 --> 01:18:56,708
Really good.
1604
01:18:57,333 --> 01:19:00,541
Um, but, Greg, I actually have
something to tell you.
1605
01:19:02,166 --> 01:19:04,375
I only helped with your promposal
1606
01:19:04,375 --> 01:19:06,166
because I wanted to spend time with you.
1607
01:19:06,416 --> 01:19:09,208
And when I learned your top choice
for college was Stanford,
1608
01:19:09,208 --> 01:19:10,791
that's the only place I applied.
1609
01:19:11,458 --> 01:19:13,708
One time after gym class,
1610
01:19:13,708 --> 01:19:15,708
I even snuck into the shower you used
1611
01:19:15,708 --> 01:19:17,208
and collected some of your hair.
1612
01:19:17,625 --> 01:19:19,958
I keep it in my locket,
and every so often,
1613
01:19:19,958 --> 01:19:21,541
I sniff it for good luck.
1614
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:27,250
I'm in love with you, Greg.
1615
01:19:28,041 --> 01:19:29,458
You were the best banana.
1616
01:19:30,458 --> 01:19:32,875
I love you, too. I think.
1617
01:19:41,166 --> 01:19:42,500
Damn!
1618
01:19:43,458 --> 01:19:44,958
- Okay.
- Okay, Greg.
1619
01:19:44,958 --> 01:19:46,083
Wow!
1620
01:19:46,083 --> 01:19:47,666
- That's happening right now.
- Wow.
1621
01:19:47,666 --> 01:19:50,708
- Awesome for them.
- I'm so scared.
1622
01:19:50,708 --> 01:19:53,083
Hey, h-how did it go with Angie?
1623
01:19:53,083 --> 01:19:54,166
It's pretty bad.
1624
01:19:54,583 --> 01:19:56,041
Oh, no, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
1625
01:19:56,041 --> 01:19:57,125
Yeah.
1626
01:19:57,750 --> 01:19:58,833
We're gonna be friends.
1627
01:19:59,166 --> 01:20:00,166
That's good.
1628
01:20:03,500 --> 01:20:05,625
- Prom kinda--
- Sucks, right?
1629
01:20:05,625 --> 01:20:06,750
Yeah, exactly.
1630
01:20:06,750 --> 01:20:08,791
Yeah. Um, wanna get out of here?
1631
01:20:09,458 --> 01:20:10,583
Fuck yeah.
1632
01:20:11,958 --> 01:20:14,625
What are you thinking,
Maps? Say It Ain't So?
1633
01:20:14,625 --> 01:20:15,708
Mm.
1634
01:20:17,333 --> 01:20:20,083
Definitely both classics,
but I want something harder.
1635
01:20:20,500 --> 01:20:21,500
- Mm.
- Fuck.
1636
01:20:21,500 --> 01:20:22,708
What?
1637
01:20:22,708 --> 01:20:24,166
We didn't take prom pics.
1638
01:20:24,875 --> 01:20:25,958
Give me your phone.
1639
01:20:26,708 --> 01:20:27,708
Come on.
1640
01:20:33,750 --> 01:20:34,875
Done.
1641
01:20:38,666 --> 01:20:40,291
Mm! Bitch, pay attention.
1642
01:20:40,291 --> 01:20:41,416
- It's starting.
- Mm!
1643
01:20:41,416 --> 01:20:42,958
- Okay. Are you ready?
- Fuck yeah.
1644
01:20:42,958 --> 01:20:45,625
Alright. One, two, one, two, three!
1645
01:21:01,041 --> 01:21:04,666
{\an8}♪ You sit there in your heartache ♪
1646
01:21:05,083 --> 01:21:08,541
{\an8}♪ Waiting on some beautiful boy to ♪
1647
01:21:08,541 --> 01:21:12,208
{\an8}♪ To save you from your old ways ♪
1648
01:21:12,208 --> 01:21:13,625
{\an8}♪ You play forgiveness ♪
1649
01:21:13,625 --> 01:21:15,458
{\an8}♪ Watch it now, here he comes ♪
1650
01:21:15,458 --> 01:21:18,833
{\an8}♪ He doesn't look a thing like Jesus ♪
1651
01:21:18,833 --> 01:21:21,416
{\an8}♪ But he talks like a gentleman ♪
1652
01:21:21,416 --> 01:21:26,541
{\an8}♪ Like you imagined when you were young ♪
1653
01:21:30,625 --> 01:21:34,291
{\an8}♪ Can we climb this mountain,
I don't know ♪
1654
01:21:34,291 --> 01:21:37,375
{\an8}♪ Higher now than ever before ♪
1655
01:21:37,375 --> 01:21:41,583
{\an8}♪ I know we can make it
if we take it slow ♪
1656
01:21:41,583 --> 01:21:43,125
{\an8}♪ Let's take it easy ♪
1657
01:21:43,125 --> 01:21:44,958
{\an8}♪ Easy now, watch it go ♪
1658
01:21:44,958 --> 01:21:48,500
{\an8}♪ We're burning down the highway skyline ♪
1659
01:21:48,500 --> 01:21:50,875
{\an8}♪ On the back of a hurricane ♪
1660
01:21:50,875 --> 01:21:56,041
{\an8}♪ That started turning
when you were young ♪
1661
01:21:59,375 --> 01:22:04,166
{\an8}♪ When you were young ♪
1662
01:22:06,708 --> 01:22:09,541
{\an8}♪ And sometimes you close your eyes ♪
1663
01:22:09,541 --> 01:22:13,291
{\an8}♪ And see the place
where you used to live ♪
1664
01:22:14,083 --> 01:22:17,416
{\an8}♪ When you were young ♪
1665
01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:42,041
{\an8}♪ They say the devil's water,
it ain't so sweet ♪
1666
01:22:42,458 --> 01:22:45,500
{\an8}♪ You don't have to drink right now ♪
1667
01:22:46,625 --> 01:22:49,208
{\an8}♪ But you can dip your feet ♪
1668
01:22:50,583 --> 01:22:55,041
{\an8}♪ Every once in a little while ♪
1669
01:23:16,208 --> 01:23:19,583
{\an8}♪ You sit there in your heartache ♪
1670
01:23:20,041 --> 01:23:23,458
{\an8}♪ Waiting on some beautiful boy to ♪
1671
01:23:23,458 --> 01:23:27,041
{\an8}♪ To save you from your old ways ♪
1672
01:23:27,041 --> 01:23:28,500
{\an8}♪ You play forgiveness ♪
1673
01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:30,250
{\an8}♪ Watch it now, here he comes ♪
1674
01:23:30,250 --> 01:23:33,916
{\an8}♪ He doesn't look a thing like Jesus ♪
1675
01:23:33,916 --> 01:23:36,250
{\an8}♪ But he talks like a gentleman ♪
1676
01:23:36,250 --> 01:23:41,333
{\an8}♪ Like you imagined when you were young ♪
1677
01:23:41,916 --> 01:23:43,750
{\an8}♪ Talks like a gentleman ♪
1678
01:23:43,750 --> 01:23:49,666
{\an8}♪ Like you imagined
when you were young ♪
1679
01:23:52,291 --> 01:23:56,541
{\an8}♪ I said he doesn't look
a thing like Jesus ♪
1680
01:24:00,083 --> 01:24:04,708
{\an8}♪ He doesn't look a thing like Jesus ♪
1681
01:24:06,375 --> 01:24:09,250
{\an8}♪ But more than you'll ever know ♪
1682
01:24:16,375 --> 01:24:17,750
{\an8}♪ Night-oh ♪
1683
01:24:18,250 --> 01:24:19,708
{\an8}♪ Night-oh ♪
1684
01:24:19,708 --> 01:24:23,125
{\an8}♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
1685
01:24:23,125 --> 01:24:26,583
{\an8}♪ Night-oh, night-oh ♪
1686
01:24:26,583 --> 01:24:30,000
{\an8}♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
1687
01:24:36,958 --> 01:24:40,375
{\an8}♪ Please come to prom with me,
my Hannah Banana ♪
1688
01:24:40,375 --> 01:24:43,708
{\an8}♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
1689
01:24:43,708 --> 01:24:47,208
{\an8}♪ Night, is a night,
is a night, is a night ♪
1690
01:24:47,208 --> 01:24:50,541
{\an8}♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
1691
01:24:50,541 --> 01:24:54,041
{\an8}♪ Night, is a night,
is a night, is a night ♪
1692
01:24:54,041 --> 01:24:57,416
{\an8}♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
1693
01:24:57,416 --> 01:25:00,875
{\an8}♪ One foot, two foot,
three foot, dance ♪
1694
01:25:00,875 --> 01:25:04,166
{\an8}♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
1695
01:25:04,166 --> 01:25:07,583
{\an8}♪ Six foot, seven foot,
eight foot, dance ♪
1696
01:25:07,583 --> 01:25:10,958
{\an8}♪ Prom night come
and me no wanna go alone ♪
124811
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