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1
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_
2
00:00:22,748 --> 00:00:27,146
You should go and talk to someone.
3
00:00:27,149 --> 00:00:31,746
Are you sleeping?
4
00:00:31,748 --> 00:00:35,106
There's like, uh, like a service.
5
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It's free. You might as well.
6
00:00:43,988 --> 00:00:47,027
Connell?
7
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Would you like to come with me?
8
00:00:54,029 --> 00:00:58,546
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
9
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five, four, three, two, one.
10
00:01:02,349 --> 00:01:05,186
Happy New Year!
11
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- Happy New Year!
- Happy New Year.
12
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Happy New Year, you.
13
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Who is it?
14
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:44,709
Uh, it's just an old school friend.
15
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You okay?
16
00:01:50,668 --> 00:01:54,106
Uh, yeah. It's just a
Happy New Year thing.
17
00:01:54,109 --> 00:01:57,667
Happy New Year!
18
00:02:00,828 --> 00:02:02,826
What do you mean?
19
00:02:02,828 --> 00:02:04,867
Are you on your own?
20
00:02:04,868 --> 00:02:08,426
No, I'm with Helen.
What do you mean, a body?
21
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:09,627
Whose body, what?
22
00:02:09,628 --> 00:02:11,706
Rob Hegarty, sweetheart.
23
00:02:11,709 --> 00:02:15,709
They pulled a body out of
the river this morning.
24
00:02:31,228 --> 00:02:35,228
Okay, why don't we talk
about how you're feeling.
25
00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:42,908
Uh, yeah, not great.
26
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:49,387
I'm sorry to hear that.
27
00:02:49,389 --> 00:02:52,387
When did you start feeling this way?
28
00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:54,266
Uh...
29
00:02:54,269 --> 00:02:56,866
a couple of months ago.
30
00:02:56,868 --> 00:02:58,787
January, I suppose.
31
00:02:58,788 --> 00:03:02,667
Okay.
32
00:03:02,669 --> 00:03:04,754
Did something happen
then, or did it just
33
00:03:04,757 --> 00:03:07,586
come out of nowhere, do you feel?
34
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:11,588
A friend of mine killed
himself in January.
35
00:03:12,788 --> 00:03:16,788
A friend from school.
36
00:03:17,669 --> 00:03:20,306
I'm very sorry to hear that, Connell.
37
00:03:20,308 --> 00:03:23,146
We, we hadn't really kept up
with each other after college.
38
00:03:23,149 --> 00:03:25,387
'Cause he was, uh...
39
00:03:25,389 --> 00:03:26,706
He was just back in Sligo
40
00:03:26,709 --> 00:03:30,709
and I was up here and
everything, and, um...
41
00:03:31,868 --> 00:03:36,146
I guess I just feel guilty that
I wasn't in touch with him more.
42
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:38,387
I can understand that.
43
00:03:38,389 --> 00:03:40,643
But however you might be
feeling about your friend,
44
00:03:40,645 --> 00:03:44,266
what happened to him is not your fault.
45
00:03:44,269 --> 00:03:47,787
You are not responsible
for the decisions he made.
46
00:03:47,788 --> 00:03:51,788
I never even replied to
the last message he sent me.
47
00:03:53,868 --> 00:03:56,347
When you lose someone to suicide,
48
00:03:56,348 --> 00:03:59,115
it can be natural to wonder if there's
any more you could have done
49
00:03:59,117 --> 00:04:02,667
in order to help this person.
50
00:04:02,669 --> 00:04:04,990
I'm sure everyone in your friend's life
51
00:04:04,992 --> 00:04:07,174
is asking themselves
the same questions now.
52
00:04:07,175 --> 00:04:11,175
Yeah, but at least other
people tried to help him.
53
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,853
He'd, uh, been drinking a fair bit.
54
00:04:20,855 --> 00:04:24,855
He seemed a bit, um... you
know, out of sorts, I guess.
55
00:04:25,815 --> 00:04:27,973
Right.
56
00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:30,814
Never wanted to go home, you know?
57
00:04:30,815 --> 00:04:34,213
He always wanted one more.
58
00:04:34,216 --> 00:04:36,973
Got into a few scraps.
59
00:04:36,975 --> 00:04:41,574
Nothing serious, just...
thought it was a laugh.
60
00:04:41,576 --> 00:04:45,494
I tried talking to him, but...
61
00:05:05,896 --> 00:05:09,896
You look handsome.
62
00:05:32,136 --> 00:05:36,136
Ready, sweetheart?
63
00:05:49,776 --> 00:05:53,093
Marianne.
64
00:06:29,815 --> 00:06:31,293
Thank you.
65
00:06:35,415 --> 00:06:37,134
- I'm so sorry.
- Thanks for the colors.
66
00:06:37,136 --> 00:06:39,254
You look great.
67
00:06:39,255 --> 00:06:41,053
Thank you.
68
00:06:41,055 --> 00:06:43,134
I'm so sorry.
69
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:47,136
Thanks, love. Thanks for coming.
70
00:06:51,415 --> 00:06:55,439
Connell. Good man, good man.
71
00:06:55,441 --> 00:06:59,093
I hear you're doing great
things above in Trinity.
72
00:06:59,096 --> 00:07:02,934
- So sorry.
- Good man.
73
00:07:02,935 --> 00:07:06,959
Thanks for coming.
74
00:07:06,961 --> 00:07:09,853
Thank you.
75
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,798
How are things?
76
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,317
- Who's this?
- Uh...
77
00:07:43,319 --> 00:07:47,038
Helen. Uh, this is Eric.
78
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,317
- Girlfriend, is it?
- Yeah.
79
00:07:50,319 --> 00:07:52,399
Must be your fault this fella
never comes home anymore.
80
00:07:52,401 --> 00:07:55,918
No, it's not her fault. It's my fault.
81
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:59,920
I'm just messing.
82
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,821
Good of Marianne to come.
83
00:08:05,822 --> 00:08:07,798
I thought she was off
in Sweden or someplace.
84
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,918
Yeah, she was. She's
back for the funeral.
85
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:14,942
She's gone very thin, hasn't she?
86
00:08:14,944 --> 00:08:17,005
Here's herself.
87
00:08:17,007 --> 00:08:19,478
Very good to have come all
the way from Sweden, Marianne.
88
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:23,480
It's nice to see you.
89
00:08:26,399 --> 00:08:29,637
Do you know Helen here?
90
00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:32,837
Course I do. We were
in college together.
91
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,638
Hello, Helen.
92
00:08:35,639 --> 00:08:38,477
It's all friendly, I hope.
93
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,158
No rivalry, I mean.
94
00:08:40,159 --> 00:08:44,159
Behave yourself now.
95
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,840
Why didn't you introduce
me to any of your friends?
96
00:08:58,919 --> 00:09:01,118
I introduced you to Eric, didn't I?
97
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,278
Only after he asked.
98
00:09:03,279 --> 00:09:07,279
To be honest, you didn't seem like
you really wanted him to meet me.
99
00:09:11,879 --> 00:09:15,903
If you didn't want me to come,
you shouldn't have asked me.
100
00:09:15,904 --> 00:09:19,918
Okay, I'm sorry I asked you, then.
101
00:09:19,919 --> 00:09:22,238
What does that mean?
102
00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,158
- You're sorry I was there?
- No.
103
00:09:24,159 --> 00:09:25,837
I'm saying if you got
the wrong impression
104
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:30,197
of what it was gonna
be like, then I'm sorry.
105
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,437
You didn't want me
there at all, did you?
106
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:36,398
I didn't want to be there
myself, to be honest.
107
00:09:36,399 --> 00:09:37,985
Look, I'm sorry you
didn't have a good time.
108
00:09:37,988 --> 00:09:39,249
But like, it was a funeral.
109
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:43,250
Don't really know what you expected.
110
00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:50,957
Well, you weren't ignoring Marianne.
111
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,798
I wasn't ignoring anyone.
112
00:09:52,799 --> 00:09:54,918
But you just seemed
particularly happy to see her.
113
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:56,986
- For fuck's sake, Helen.
- What?
114
00:09:56,989 --> 00:10:01,011
I mean, does every argument
have to come back to this?
115
00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:03,717
Our friend just killed himself,
and now, you want to start
116
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:08,437
going at me about
Marianne. Like, seriously?
117
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,557
And yeah.
118
00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:14,559
I was happy to see her.
Does that make me a monster?
119
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,158
I've been very sympathetic
about Rob and you know that.
120
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,957
But what do you expect me to
do? Just pretend I don't notice
121
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,518
you're staring at another
woman in front of me.
122
00:10:22,519 --> 00:10:25,437
- No, I was not staring at her.
- You were, in the church.
123
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:29,440
It wasn't intentional.
124
00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:35,878
Why do you have to act
so weird around her?
125
00:10:35,879 --> 00:10:39,278
How I act with her is
my normal personality.
126
00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:43,279
I'm... maybe I'm just a weird person.
127
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,398
Most of you will, I hope,
128
00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:15,238
have picked up on the fact that...
129
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,837
This dismantling of the
family trope is fairly radical.
130
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,317
The constitution itself quite
literally defined the Irish...
131
00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:19,518
Like I want to be there for you
132
00:12:19,519 --> 00:12:23,519
but you just won't let me.
133
00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:27,518
I have tried.
134
00:12:27,519 --> 00:12:31,278
And I feel like I'm
holding on to other, like,
135
00:12:31,279 --> 00:12:35,758
frankly legitimate worries or whatever
136
00:12:35,759 --> 00:12:38,998
that existed before all this.
137
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,717
Before you felt like this.
138
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,957
And I can't sit on them
'cause you're feeling so low.
139
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:48,798
That's just not fair.
140
00:12:48,799 --> 00:12:51,518
I really care about you.
141
00:12:51,519 --> 00:12:55,038
I hate seeing you like this.
142
00:12:55,039 --> 00:12:59,187
But I don't think this
is working anymore.
143
00:12:59,190 --> 00:13:03,190
I don't know if this was all the
way working before, and now...
144
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:08,717
all this is just like...
145
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:12,743
exacerbated it, and...
146
00:13:12,745 --> 00:13:16,745
Okay.
147
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:22,799
I'm sorry.
148
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:28,480
I'm sorry too.
149
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,837
Do you have friends here in Dublin?
150
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,278
Anyone you're close with
151
00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:44,279
that you might talk to
about how you're feeling.
152
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,597
Um...
153
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,518
Niall, maybe.
154
00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:55,197
He's the one who told me about this.
155
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,798
Well, that's good.
156
00:13:57,799 --> 00:14:00,918
He's looking out for you.
157
00:14:00,919 --> 00:14:03,118
Niall.
158
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:06,357
Okay.
159
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:10,238
I have another friend that I'm
pretty close with but, um...
160
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:14,240
she's on Erasmus this year.
161
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:20,105
I'm sorry. That sounds awful.
162
00:14:20,107 --> 00:14:22,889
- I liked Helen.
- Hmm.
163
00:14:22,890 --> 00:14:26,711
I did. I genuinely did.
164
00:14:26,713 --> 00:14:30,615
I know she wasn't entirely
fond of me, but...
165
00:14:30,616 --> 00:14:32,998
it's hard to ignore
that she made you happy.
166
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,620
I, I don't know.
167
00:14:35,623 --> 00:14:38,443
I don't feel anything.
168
00:14:38,446 --> 00:14:41,506
Then I...
169
00:14:41,509 --> 00:14:44,758
I find myself crying
or having a panic attack
170
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:47,918
so presumably, I do feel it. Just, uh...
171
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:53,000
It just doesn't connect.
172
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:58,398
I understand.
173
00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:02,399
I know you do.
174
00:15:03,759 --> 00:15:07,357
I'm really tired.
175
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,518
You want to sleep?
176
00:15:10,519 --> 00:15:14,998
We can keep Skype on.
177
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:19,000
Carry me over to your bed.
178
00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:12,077
Is she a friend from college?
179
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,998
We were in school together.
180
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:18,000
But, uh, she's in Trinity
as well. It's Marianne.
181
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,197
She knew Rob, our friend who died.
182
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,317
But, um...
183
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:29,320
she's away this year, like I said.
184
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:57,903
You're awake.
185
00:16:57,904 --> 00:17:01,904
Morning.
186
00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:16,077
Is she someone you might talk
with about how you're feeling?
187
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:19,478
She's been supportive about it.
188
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:23,480
And she's, um...
189
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,718
She's hard to describe,
if you don't know her.
190
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,597
She's, um...
191
00:17:29,599 --> 00:17:32,677
she's really smart.
192
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:36,998
She's a lot smarter than me.
193
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:41,000
We, we see the world in
a similar way. And, uh...
194
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,877
we've lived our life in the same place.
195
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,903
So obviously, it's, um...
196
00:17:48,904 --> 00:17:52,904
It's a bit different
being away from her.
197
00:17:54,279 --> 00:17:58,877
- It sounds difficult.
- Mm-hmm.
198
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,917
I don't really click
with a lot of people.
199
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,920
I, I struggle with that, actually.
200
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,117
Do you think that's a new problem?
201
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:15,597
Or is it familiar to you?
202
00:18:15,599 --> 00:18:18,397
Mm.
203
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,317
It's, uh, familiar.
204
00:18:21,319 --> 00:18:25,478
I would say, um...
205
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,678
in school, I definitely felt that
206
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,680
feeling of isolation
or whatever. But, um...
207
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:39,160
People seem to like
me. Everything, and...
208
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:44,640
here, I don't think that, uh...
209
00:18:47,599 --> 00:18:51,599
people like me that much.
210
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:58,357
Uh, like Rob, my friend who, uh...
211
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,238
um, I wouldn't say that we clicked
212
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,597
on a very deep level or anything.
213
00:19:04,599 --> 00:19:08,599
But, um, we were friends.
214
00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:12,117
And, uh...
215
00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:13,563
I wouldn't say that
we had a lot in common
216
00:19:13,565 --> 00:19:17,157
in terms of interests
or anything like that.
217
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,038
Definitely not politically,
218
00:19:19,039 --> 00:19:23,039
if we ever really
examined that. But, um...
219
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:30,157
That stuff didn't
really matter in school.
220
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,238
'Cause we were, we were in the same
221
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,438
group of friends, so, you know?
222
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,837
I understand that.
223
00:19:37,839 --> 00:19:41,839
And, uh, he... he did
some stuff that I, uh...
224
00:19:43,279 --> 00:19:46,278
I wouldn't have been a fan of,
in terms of, like with girls.
225
00:19:46,279 --> 00:19:50,279
But, uh...
226
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:56,357
We were 18, you know. We just, uh...
227
00:19:56,359 --> 00:20:00,359
we acted like idiots, and, uh...
228
00:20:01,799 --> 00:20:03,718
I think...
229
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,720
I felt a bit alienated with that stuff.
230
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,920
And, uh...
231
00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:18,198
I think... I think I thought if I...
232
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,117
moved here...
233
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,877
I'd fit in better.
234
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:27,903
I thought, um...
235
00:20:27,904 --> 00:20:31,928
I'd meet more like-minded
people but that just hasn't...
236
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:35,930
um...
237
00:20:45,519 --> 00:20:50,420
I left Carricklea thinking I
could have a different life.
238
00:20:55,079 --> 00:20:59,079
But I... I hate it here and...
239
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:05,383
I can never go back.
240
00:21:05,384 --> 00:21:09,384
Because those friendships
are gone, and...
241
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,400
and Rob is gone and I,
I can't see him again.
242
00:21:20,319 --> 00:21:22,998
I can't get that life back.
243
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,877
I'm sorry.
244
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,637
You don't need to apologize.
245
00:22:28,599 --> 00:22:31,397
She sounds nice.
246
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,917
- Yeah.
- Sounds good.
247
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,077
Yeah.
248
00:22:37,079 --> 00:22:38,718
Well done, Niall.
249
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,518
How do you feel now?
250
00:22:45,519 --> 00:22:48,238
Uh, okay.
251
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,397
Just, um...
252
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,357
Flat, I guess.
253
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,758
Mm.
254
00:22:56,759 --> 00:23:00,759
What?
255
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,278
Do you ever feel...
256
00:23:04,279 --> 00:23:06,397
I don't know.
257
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,157
Angry?
258
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,557
Uh, about?
259
00:23:11,559 --> 00:23:13,718
About Rob.
260
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:17,758
After the funeral, did you feel angry?
261
00:23:17,759 --> 00:23:20,718
- With him?
- No.
262
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,798
No, geez, no.
263
00:23:22,799 --> 00:23:26,799
I know that's... that people
feel that when someone...
264
00:23:29,839 --> 00:23:33,798
I couldn't get off Facebook.
265
00:23:33,799 --> 00:23:36,637
Everyone kept commenting on his wall.
266
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,518
- Yeah.
- Like, it made me furious.
267
00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:41,758
Like, what do they mean?
268
00:23:41,759 --> 00:23:45,478
All these people, like
advertising their loss like that.
269
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:49,677
And who's it for? Not Rob, obviously.
270
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,404
And, like, what's the etiquette there?
271
00:23:51,406 --> 00:23:53,877
Should I be liking every
comment on his wall?
272
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,518
Well, it sounds like you've
worked through that anger.
273
00:23:57,569 --> 00:23:59,958
No.
274
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:03,960
Of course, people can
grieve how they want.
275
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,557
- Sorry.
- I get it.
276
00:24:09,559 --> 00:24:11,877
It feels a bit pointless.
277
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,557
Yeah, I think that's it.
278
00:24:15,559 --> 00:24:19,877
And everyone kept talking about...
279
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,877
what a great person he was.
280
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:26,480
How full of life, what a
devoted son, and I get it.
281
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,200
But what, was that him?
282
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,438
No.
283
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:39,758
He was insecure.
284
00:24:39,759 --> 00:24:42,117
Obsessed with being liked.
285
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:46,119
I mean, I know I can talk. But...
286
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:57,837
I miss you.
287
00:24:57,839 --> 00:25:01,839
I miss you, too, Connell.
288
00:26:06,663 --> 00:26:09,663
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
20134
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