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1
00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:03,821
I'm not saying I definitely
don't want to go back to the salon
2
00:00:03,821 --> 00:00:06,501
but I have been dabbling with
better-paid other employment.
3
00:00:06,501 --> 00:00:08,981
- Dabbling?
- I have applied
for 30 jobs.
4
00:00:08,981 --> 00:00:11,621
Surely you want to arrive
in your dad's classic car.
5
00:00:11,621 --> 00:00:14,461
- It was his pride and joy.
- I can't.
6
00:00:14,461 --> 00:00:16,861
If I drive it, it means
he's really dead, doesn't it?
7
00:00:16,861 --> 00:00:20,261
Oh! I'm going to have
a baby with Gary.
8
00:00:20,261 --> 00:00:22,421
- Catkins!
- Oh!
9
00:00:22,421 --> 00:00:23,981
Where's Cat?
10
00:00:23,981 --> 00:00:25,541
No!
GASPS
11
00:00:25,541 --> 00:00:27,301
Run, my goddess! I'll find you!
12
00:00:27,301 --> 00:00:28,661
Love you, Gaz-bear.
13
00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:30,701
- Tommy Moscrip?
- Jackie's son.
14
00:00:30,701 --> 00:00:32,581
Dad, you've got a brother!
15
00:00:32,581 --> 00:00:33,861
Me.
16
00:00:40,581 --> 00:00:42,261
Cuddly squid?
17
00:00:42,261 --> 00:00:44,101
Um, do one-year-olds like squid?
18
00:00:44,101 --> 00:00:46,141
Well, Sadie's going to have to
get used to squid, mate.
19
00:00:46,141 --> 00:00:47,941
It's not going to be long before
she's having to fight them off
20
00:00:47,941 --> 00:00:49,461
in a post-nuclear wasteland.
21
00:00:50,541 --> 00:00:52,581
This present needs to be perfect.
22
00:00:52,581 --> 00:00:54,701
I read online that
your first birthday present
23
00:00:54,701 --> 00:00:56,861
- can set the course for the rest
of your life.
- No.
24
00:00:56,861 --> 00:00:58,061
Total bullshit.
25
00:00:58,061 --> 00:01:00,261
Just get her some fluffy bricks
or something.
26
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:03,181
So, I'm still pretty livid
you didn't tell me
27
00:01:03,181 --> 00:01:04,341
you had a secret brother.
28
00:01:04,341 --> 00:01:06,901
Well, I didn't tell anyone, did I?
That's why it was secret.
29
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:09,661
Hmm. So, what's Tommy's deal?
What does he want?
30
00:01:09,661 --> 00:01:12,461
Well, he...he just messaged me
out of the blue a few years ago,
31
00:01:12,461 --> 00:01:15,141
you know, said he was Dad's son
and that they were living together
32
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:17,581
- in Spain.
- Oh, suspicious. Continue.
33
00:01:17,581 --> 00:01:20,461
He'd found some photos of me
and Dad and was asking awkward
34
00:01:20,461 --> 00:01:23,341
questions, but my dad told him
I was an old work colleague
35
00:01:23,341 --> 00:01:24,381
and I had a brain injury,
36
00:01:24,381 --> 00:01:26,541
so don't trust anything I said,
you know.
37
00:01:26,541 --> 00:01:28,901
So, Tommy knew about you
and your sister,
38
00:01:28,901 --> 00:01:30,101
and you knew about Tommy,
39
00:01:30,101 --> 00:01:31,821
but your wife and kids
didn't know anything,
40
00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:34,381
and your dad didn't know you knew,
or that you'd been in contact
41
00:01:34,381 --> 00:01:37,101
with Tommy. But also, you didn't ask
your dad about Tommy, even though
42
00:01:37,101 --> 00:01:40,021
he'd been living here for two months
before he carked it.
43
00:01:42,381 --> 00:01:45,701
- Yeah.
- Jesus! Malcolm, do you think
this is why your family are
44
00:01:45,701 --> 00:01:48,741
- so fucked up?
- Eh, we just don't
discuss those sort of things.
45
00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:51,381
What sort of thing -
having blood relatives?!
46
00:01:51,381 --> 00:01:52,701
Oh, my God, this is it!
47
00:01:52,701 --> 00:01:54,181
Look at that. It's perfect.
48
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:55,741
That's Sadie's present.
49
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:59,461
MUFFLED GROANS
50
00:01:59,461 --> 00:02:02,461
Oh, Malcolm! Help me!
51
00:02:02,461 --> 00:02:04,781
It's spunking its eggs
down my throat.
52
00:02:04,781 --> 00:02:05,861
FEIGNS GAGGING
53
00:02:10,381 --> 00:02:11,981
Hiya, baby!
54
00:02:14,781 --> 00:02:16,781
- I spoke to the police again.
- Oh, yeah?
55
00:02:16,781 --> 00:02:20,621
- Still nothing.
- Oh, it's been over a week now.
56
00:02:20,621 --> 00:02:22,861
I thought they had CCTV everywhere.
57
00:02:22,861 --> 00:02:26,021
They do, but apparently they don't
have the manpower to look at it.
58
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,181
Cat will be fine, you know, Dad.
59
00:02:29,181 --> 00:02:31,141
She's kind of a badass...
60
00:02:31,141 --> 00:02:32,701
..in a lazy way.
61
00:02:32,701 --> 00:02:35,261
Good morrow, fellow Moscrips.
Good morrow.
62
00:02:35,261 --> 00:02:36,621
Hey, Tommy.
63
00:02:36,621 --> 00:02:38,221
- Brother from another mother.
- Yeah.
64
00:02:38,221 --> 00:02:39,861
Niece from another piece.
65
00:02:39,861 --> 00:02:42,461
Uncle from another...spunkle.
66
00:02:42,461 --> 00:02:43,741
- Oh.
- That's not...
67
00:02:43,741 --> 00:02:45,421
So, how are you finding
Grandad's, then?
68
00:02:45,421 --> 00:02:47,261
It's a bloody palace, Gemma.
69
00:02:47,261 --> 00:02:49,981
Sure, the shower runs cold
and the oven doesn't work, but
70
00:02:49,981 --> 00:02:53,501
I'm more of a "micro-wah-vay"
kind of guy anyway.
71
00:02:53,501 --> 00:02:54,741
And IS there a microwave?
72
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,101
Nah.
73
00:02:57,141 --> 00:02:59,661
- OK, got to go.
- Bye.
- Bye.
74
00:02:59,661 --> 00:03:03,381
Your skin looks incredible, Malcolm.
Do you wild swim?
75
00:03:03,381 --> 00:03:04,741
No.
76
00:03:04,741 --> 00:03:07,341
I sometimes shower
with the window open.
77
00:03:07,341 --> 00:03:08,741
A squirrel got in once.
78
00:03:12,741 --> 00:03:15,781
- Gemma! I've got a surprise
for you. Come on.
- OK.
79
00:03:17,661 --> 00:03:21,381
Ta-da! Sadie's creche,
for when you come back to work.
80
00:03:21,381 --> 00:03:22,661
Only a week to go!
81
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:25,781
Rita, you know Dad's gone
part-time to help look after Sadie.
82
00:03:25,781 --> 00:03:27,581
Yeah, but he might want
a day off now and then
83
00:03:27,581 --> 00:03:29,901
to explore romantic avenues.
84
00:03:29,901 --> 00:03:32,221
- Why are orphans so sexy?
- I don't know.
85
00:03:33,501 --> 00:03:36,061
So, I've put a load of bathmats
down, so she doesn't hurt herself,
86
00:03:36,061 --> 00:03:38,181
and some toys from Crisis.
87
00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:42,421
An uncooked bowl of rice?
88
00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:43,861
Exactly. Yeah.
89
00:03:43,861 --> 00:03:47,101
To attract a rat for her
to play with?
90
00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:48,661
It's a treasure hunt!
91
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:52,061
You know, you bury things in
the bowl and Sadie digs them out.
92
00:03:52,061 --> 00:03:53,981
- It's fun!
- OK.
93
00:03:55,181 --> 00:03:56,821
Spanner and a Biro?
94
00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:58,821
I don't know what
babies like, Gemma.
95
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,141
- I'm not Mr bloody Tumble.
- Of course.
96
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,141
This is lovely, Rita. Thank you.
97
00:04:03,141 --> 00:04:05,061
Treasure hunt.
98
00:04:05,061 --> 00:04:06,461
Oh.
99
00:04:06,461 --> 00:04:07,941
Oh, my God. What is that?
100
00:04:07,941 --> 00:04:09,421
Oh, it's not anything weird.
101
00:04:09,421 --> 00:04:12,141
It's just one of Winnie's
semi-dried figs. Keep Sadie regular.
102
00:04:12,141 --> 00:04:14,861
- Can I have it back now, Rita?
- Right, last one.
103
00:04:14,861 --> 00:04:16,541
I don't want you shitting
yourself again.
104
00:04:16,541 --> 00:04:18,141
I am not mopping you out
of this salon.
105
00:04:18,141 --> 00:04:19,541
Oh, that was an accident.
106
00:04:19,541 --> 00:04:21,621
That grouting has never been
the same since.
107
00:04:21,621 --> 00:04:25,501
I can still smell it.
I've still got it right up here.
108
00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:27,981
SADIE BABBLES
- Hi!
- Hi.
109
00:04:27,981 --> 00:04:30,461
Um, do you have any balloons that
say "happy first birthday"
110
00:04:30,461 --> 00:04:33,021
but also "happy 56th birthday"?
111
00:04:33,021 --> 00:04:34,701
She's having a joint do
with her grandad.
112
00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:36,101
Er, well, these balloons
are very popular.
113
00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:38,541
They keep their tumescence
for up to six months.
114
00:04:38,541 --> 00:04:40,021
Why?
115
00:04:40,021 --> 00:04:42,941
- I think we'll just take
a 1, a 5 and a 6.
- Okey dokey.
116
00:04:44,341 --> 00:04:46,581
Oh, you're so cute!
117
00:04:46,581 --> 00:04:51,141
- So, I can't do that pre-party
lunch on Friday any more.
- Oh.
118
00:04:51,141 --> 00:04:52,661
Are you getting your nails done?
119
00:04:52,661 --> 00:04:54,101
Do NOT go to my lady.
120
00:04:54,101 --> 00:04:55,821
They were so sharp last time,
I could have climbed a tree.
121
00:04:55,821 --> 00:04:57,981
It's not that.
122
00:04:57,981 --> 00:04:59,421
I actually have a job interview.
123
00:04:59,421 --> 00:05:02,421
Oh, my God, babe!
About...time!
124
00:05:02,421 --> 00:05:04,021
Well, go on, then. Tell me.
125
00:05:04,021 --> 00:05:05,341
It's marketing.
126
00:05:05,341 --> 00:05:07,541
It's well paid. It's flexible.
127
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,741
It's family friendly.
They have a creche!
128
00:05:09,741 --> 00:05:12,981
A normal one -
not one with bathmats and rice.
129
00:05:12,981 --> 00:05:14,901
Yeah. I mean, I probably won't
get it, but...
130
00:05:14,901 --> 00:05:17,301
Yeah, you will. We'll manifest it!
131
00:05:17,301 --> 00:05:19,381
Give Gemma the job!
Give Gemma the job!
132
00:05:19,381 --> 00:05:20,581
Give Gemma the job!
133
00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:23,381
- I actually really, really
do hope I get it.
- Aw.
134
00:05:23,381 --> 00:05:25,061
But how am I going to tell Rita?
135
00:05:25,061 --> 00:05:26,541
She'll understand.
136
00:05:26,541 --> 00:05:28,901
Like you said, the only way
to get promoted at the salon
137
00:05:28,901 --> 00:05:31,381
is by stabbing her in the neck
with a pair of barbering scissors.
138
00:05:32,581 --> 00:05:34,341
Did I say that?!
139
00:05:34,341 --> 00:05:36,421
I've been dealing with my rage
towards Lance by watching
140
00:05:36,421 --> 00:05:38,021
a lot of true-crime documentaries.
141
00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:39,901
Um, do you want curls
on your balloons?
142
00:05:39,901 --> 00:05:42,181
- Keep those away from me.
- Keep those away from her.
143
00:05:48,501 --> 00:05:52,901
Oh! He looks well there, doesn't he?
144
00:05:52,901 --> 00:05:55,301
Malaga's a wonderful place, Malcolm.
145
00:05:55,301 --> 00:05:57,101
You and Gem should visit.
146
00:05:57,101 --> 00:06:00,301
And Jess. I can't wait
to finally meet her.
147
00:06:00,301 --> 00:06:01,621
She's got a hot tub.
148
00:06:01,621 --> 00:06:04,861
Did you know that Malaga
is known as Europe's hot tub?
149
00:06:04,861 --> 00:06:07,221
- No.
- Yeah.
150
00:06:07,221 --> 00:06:09,861
So, you know, me and Dad
lived together
151
00:06:09,861 --> 00:06:12,581
until we had a massive bust-up
a few months ago.
152
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:16,021
- Did you often fall out?
- Loads. Yeah.
153
00:06:16,021 --> 00:06:20,101
- He was a difficult sausage,
wasn't he?
- Yeah.
154
00:06:20,101 --> 00:06:22,301
Did he ever use words like...
155
00:06:22,301 --> 00:06:26,261
..pathetic and disappointment? Like,
"You're a pathetic disappointment."
156
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:30,061
All the time, Malc!
Yeah, all the time.
157
00:06:30,061 --> 00:06:34,901
You know, Dad got me to guarantee
some business loan.
158
00:06:34,901 --> 00:06:37,621
And I paid the rent.
And all his medical bills.
159
00:06:37,621 --> 00:06:39,381
Not that I mind, of course.
160
00:06:39,381 --> 00:06:41,541
You don't when it's family,
do you, Malc?
161
00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:44,021
I half hoped there'd be
something here to cover it all!
162
00:06:44,021 --> 00:06:46,621
TOMMY LAUGHS
163
00:06:46,621 --> 00:06:48,861
You haven't taken it out
of the boxes, have you?
164
00:06:48,861 --> 00:06:50,621
No!
165
00:06:50,621 --> 00:06:54,821
Seems like the only thing
to his name was...that Jag.
166
00:06:56,061 --> 00:06:58,381
Of course, he never let me drive it.
167
00:06:58,381 --> 00:07:00,341
Lucky old you, eh?
168
00:07:00,341 --> 00:07:02,781
I've not been able to sit in it
169
00:07:02,781 --> 00:07:05,141
- since he passed, you know?
- Right.
170
00:07:06,221 --> 00:07:08,621
- Oh.
- I don't know why I'm upset.
171
00:07:08,621 --> 00:07:09,941
He was horrible.
172
00:07:09,941 --> 00:07:11,821
Yeah, but he was our dad,
wasn't he?
173
00:07:11,821 --> 00:07:13,701
SOBBING
174
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,141
He was.
175
00:07:17,981 --> 00:07:20,621
- I thought he'd have something
sexy lying around!
- Hey?
176
00:07:20,621 --> 00:07:21,821
Oh.
177
00:07:25,301 --> 00:07:27,541
It's what he would've wanted.
178
00:07:27,541 --> 00:07:30,341
There you go. All right.
179
00:07:31,981 --> 00:07:34,861
It's...It's probably not a lot.
180
00:07:34,861 --> 00:07:36,061
CHUCKLES SOFTLY
181
00:07:37,181 --> 00:07:38,221
POURING
182
00:07:39,901 --> 00:07:43,141
To John Richard Moscrip.
183
00:07:43,141 --> 00:07:44,981
A complicated old tosser.
184
00:07:46,941 --> 00:07:49,341
To Jackie.
185
00:07:49,341 --> 00:07:51,821
MALCOLM COUGHS
186
00:07:51,821 --> 00:07:53,101
Yummy!
187
00:07:53,101 --> 00:07:56,741
- Oh, God.
- Oh. Another late one
with Tommy?
188
00:07:56,741 --> 00:07:59,861
Yeah. We had a really nice chat,
though.
189
00:07:59,861 --> 00:08:01,061
Good.
190
00:08:01,061 --> 00:08:03,861
And then we watched
John Wick 4 on his phone.
191
00:08:03,861 --> 00:08:06,781
You know, it's so good to know
that it wasn't just me
192
00:08:06,781 --> 00:08:08,581
who had a rough time with me dad.
193
00:08:08,581 --> 00:08:10,581
Oh, no, he was
an arsehole to Tommy, too?
194
00:08:10,581 --> 00:08:12,621
Yeah. He was awful!
195
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:17,301
- Happy Birthday, Dad!
- Oh! Ha-ha!
196
00:08:17,301 --> 00:08:18,861
This is from Sadie.
197
00:08:18,861 --> 00:08:21,381
- You'll get mine later at the party.
- Thank you, darling!
198
00:08:21,381 --> 00:08:22,821
She painted it herself!
199
00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:25,221
I did the writing.
Her penmanship is abysmal.
200
00:08:25,221 --> 00:08:26,941
Let's have a look, shall we?
What have you...?
201
00:08:28,301 --> 00:08:30,341
Oh, God, I love it.
202
00:08:30,341 --> 00:08:31,781
He loves it, Sades.
203
00:08:31,781 --> 00:08:33,701
- Look, it's got my name on it.
- Yeah.
204
00:08:33,701 --> 00:08:36,301
That's great. Oh, look,
and this is for you.
205
00:08:36,301 --> 00:08:37,461
Happy birthday, little one.
206
00:08:37,461 --> 00:08:39,781
GEMMA GASPS
What have we got, Sades?
207
00:08:43,061 --> 00:08:44,661
Oh, my God.
208
00:08:45,861 --> 00:08:47,421
"Sadie Martha Moscrip."
209
00:08:47,421 --> 00:08:49,061
Oh, Dad, I love that!
210
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:50,621
Solid gold as well.
211
00:08:50,621 --> 00:08:52,181
Oh, and, er, got you this.
212
00:08:52,181 --> 00:08:54,781
DOOR BUZZES
- OK.
- Hang on.
213
00:08:54,781 --> 00:08:57,381
Isn't that gorgeous, Sades?
214
00:08:57,381 --> 00:08:58,661
What's this?
215
00:08:58,661 --> 00:09:01,101
Tommy? Yeah, I'll buzz you in.
216
00:09:05,061 --> 00:09:06,261
Dad?
217
00:09:06,261 --> 00:09:08,541
Yeah, it's...it's 300 quid.
218
00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:11,021
I want to open up a
saving account in Sadie's name,
219
00:09:11,021 --> 00:09:13,261
you know, and I thought
that could be the first deposit.
220
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:16,021
Feliz cumpleanos!
221
00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:18,101
That's Spanish for happy birthday.
222
00:09:18,101 --> 00:09:20,141
TOMMY LAUGHS
223
00:09:20,141 --> 00:09:22,781
Delighted to spend the day
with my best-ever brother.
224
00:09:22,781 --> 00:09:24,701
Los dos hermanos.
225
00:09:24,701 --> 00:09:26,301
The two Hermans.
226
00:09:27,581 --> 00:09:30,141
- You look fabulous, Gemma.
Doesn't she, Malc?
- Mm.
227
00:09:30,141 --> 00:09:31,381
Could have given us a heads-up
228
00:09:31,381 --> 00:09:32,741
that the party was formal dress.
229
00:09:32,741 --> 00:09:35,781
- Oh, no.
- No, no, no, no, Gemma's got
a job interview this afternoon.
230
00:09:35,781 --> 00:09:37,261
Oh, yeah? What is it?
231
00:09:37,261 --> 00:09:39,981
Well, a nice man or lady will ask me
questions and, if they like
232
00:09:39,981 --> 00:09:43,861
my answers, they'll give me money
in exchange for my time and soul.
233
00:09:43,861 --> 00:09:45,981
Could change me and Sadie's life,
if I get it.
234
00:09:45,981 --> 00:09:48,421
- You'll get it.
- Yeah, 'course you will, babe.
235
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,341
- Do you want my advice?
- Oh, yep. Be yourself.
236
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,141
Christ, no. Lie through your teeth.
237
00:09:54,141 --> 00:09:56,781
- They've got a problem
and you're the solution.
- Yeah.
238
00:09:56,781 --> 00:09:59,421
And maybe rub yourself with
freshly baked bread.
239
00:09:59,421 --> 00:10:02,461
- People love the smell.
- Isn't that a tip for selling houses?
240
00:10:02,461 --> 00:10:04,101
Can't hurt.
241
00:10:04,101 --> 00:10:06,621
- Right. OK.
- Good suggestion, Malcolm.
Good suggestion.
242
00:10:06,621 --> 00:10:08,981
- I've left the bag in for you.
- Lovely cup of tea.
243
00:10:18,101 --> 00:10:20,261
Would you like some
branded tap water?
244
00:10:20,261 --> 00:10:21,581
No, thanks.
245
00:10:23,621 --> 00:10:25,581
ALERT CHIMES
Oh.
246
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:27,101
Dustin'll see you now.
247
00:10:27,101 --> 00:10:29,021
- Third floor, office five.
- OK.
248
00:10:31,141 --> 00:10:32,621
It's a bit quiet, isn't it?
249
00:10:32,621 --> 00:10:35,061
Yeah. Most people work from home
on a Friday.
250
00:10:35,061 --> 00:10:37,101
Not me, though.
251
00:10:37,101 --> 00:10:39,461
- Never me.
- Oh.
252
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:50,221
Did somebody order face paints?
253
00:10:50,221 --> 00:10:51,741
I can do tigers or zebras,
254
00:10:51,741 --> 00:10:54,221
but if anyone wants a unicorn,
they can F off.
255
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,341
I'm not drawing a load of knobs
on children's heads.
256
00:10:56,341 --> 00:10:57,941
It's not right.
257
00:10:57,941 --> 00:10:59,541
Hello, birthday boy.
258
00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:02,421
You can come over and paint
my face later, if you like.
259
00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:04,861
DOOR OPENS
Hello, Sadie, love!
260
00:11:04,861 --> 00:11:06,101
Here we go.
261
00:11:06,101 --> 00:11:07,661
Happy birthday, King.
262
00:11:07,661 --> 00:11:10,661
And before you ask, yes, I have got
you a super-awesome pressie
263
00:11:10,661 --> 00:11:13,341
and, no, it is not another fucking
novel about old ladies
264
00:11:13,341 --> 00:11:14,901
- who solve crime.
- Oh, I love them!
265
00:11:14,901 --> 00:11:16,661
No, you don't, Malcolm!
266
00:11:16,661 --> 00:11:20,341
Derek, I'm thinking about giving
Tommy the Jag.
267
00:11:20,341 --> 00:11:22,741
Are you absolutely fucking insane?
268
00:11:22,741 --> 00:11:24,901
No, look, my dad left him
with loads of debts
269
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:27,021
and he always paid for everything,
so I just thought it'd be nice.
270
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:28,821
Malcolm, have you got any actual
proof he's even your brother?
271
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:32,541
Well, his email is
tommymoscriplovesnachos@hotmail.com.
272
00:11:32,541 --> 00:11:33,741
So fucking what?
273
00:11:33,741 --> 00:11:35,861
Oh and I've seen his
driving licence.
274
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:39,141
Yeah, cos those are
so impossible to fake.
275
00:11:39,141 --> 00:11:41,101
Check this out.
276
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:46,021
Meet Randy Mondozo,
Jebediah Fountain,
277
00:11:46,021 --> 00:11:47,781
Laertes McKenzie-Reid.
278
00:11:47,781 --> 00:11:49,781
Is that, like, made-up names?
279
00:11:49,781 --> 00:11:51,861
Well, do you want to say that
to Jebediah's face?
280
00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:54,741
Cos he will
fucking slap you down, mate.
281
00:11:54,741 --> 00:11:56,301
He's from France.
282
00:11:56,301 --> 00:11:58,861
Look, you have to think about
these things, big dog. OK?
283
00:11:58,861 --> 00:12:03,021
I bet I can internet-detective
Tommy's arse in under three seconds.
284
00:12:03,021 --> 00:12:05,181
Aha! There you go. See?
"Tommy Moscrip,
285
00:12:05,181 --> 00:12:07,781
"pictured with father Jackie outside
famed Malaga bar..."
286
00:12:07,781 --> 00:12:09,141
Oh, that looks real, actually.
287
00:12:09,141 --> 00:12:11,141
DOOR OPENS
There he is!
288
00:12:14,381 --> 00:12:17,181
Blimey, Malcolm, you smell amazing.
289
00:12:17,181 --> 00:12:19,541
I swear he's ageing backwards.
290
00:12:19,541 --> 00:12:20,861
Have you lost weight?
291
00:12:20,861 --> 00:12:23,381
Well, I just didn't have
any breakfast.
292
00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:24,781
I'll take those for you.
293
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:30,021
OK, if he is your brother,
something is up,
294
00:12:30,021 --> 00:12:32,901
cos there is no fucking way
he likes you that much.
295
00:12:34,141 --> 00:12:36,461
- Where are the car keys?
- In me pocket.
296
00:12:36,461 --> 00:12:38,261
If you give him that Jag, Malcolm,
297
00:12:38,261 --> 00:12:39,541
I will disavow you.
298
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:42,581
- Don't make me disavow you
on your birthday.
- OK.
299
00:12:44,141 --> 00:12:48,261
- What does disavow mean?
- Don't know.
I heard it on a film.
- Oh.
300
00:12:59,621 --> 00:13:02,061
WHEEZING
301
00:13:03,501 --> 00:13:06,781
Um, is this part of the interview?
302
00:13:06,781 --> 00:13:08,381
Oh, my God. Help!
303
00:13:08,381 --> 00:13:10,541
Help! Oh, my God.
304
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:12,301
I don't know how to use this!
305
00:13:12,301 --> 00:13:15,101
"EpiPen, pull off blue safety cap,
306
00:13:15,101 --> 00:13:17,061
"hold orange tip,
inject into thigh."
307
00:13:17,061 --> 00:13:19,141
Trousers on or off?
308
00:13:19,141 --> 00:13:21,221
Trousers on or off?
309
00:13:21,221 --> 00:13:23,541
Right. Lie down.
310
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:25,581
I don't...want to touch him...
311
00:13:25,581 --> 00:13:27,101
..or it.
312
00:13:27,101 --> 00:13:29,821
Er...
HE CONTINUES WHEEZING
313
00:13:29,821 --> 00:13:32,581
OK. Inject into thigh.
314
00:13:32,581 --> 00:13:35,461
HE GASPS
315
00:13:42,941 --> 00:13:44,421
Thanks.
316
00:13:44,421 --> 00:13:46,261
I sat on a bee.
317
00:13:46,261 --> 00:13:49,141
I'm Gemma, by the way. I'm here
for the marketing interview.
318
00:13:50,661 --> 00:13:52,861
You didn't need to
take my trousers off.
319
00:13:52,861 --> 00:13:54,941
Well, I didn't know
if it would work without...
320
00:13:54,941 --> 00:13:57,021
It does say on the label.
321
00:13:57,021 --> 00:13:59,341
It's quite small writing -
I was in a bit of a hurry.
322
00:13:59,341 --> 00:14:02,021
- Yeah. Just for future reference.
- Trousers...
323
00:14:02,021 --> 00:14:04,621
- Stay on.
- Yeah.
- Great.
324
00:14:05,541 --> 00:14:07,901
- Do you want that back?
- Thank you.
325
00:14:07,901 --> 00:14:10,341
Um...
326
00:14:10,341 --> 00:14:12,661
..my husband's away...
327
00:14:12,661 --> 00:14:14,861
..so the laundry's not been done...
328
00:14:14,861 --> 00:14:16,741
- ..hence the trunks.
- Oh.
329
00:14:18,741 --> 00:14:20,701
This the right place
for the birthday party?
330
00:14:20,701 --> 00:14:22,141
Oh, yeah.
331
00:14:22,141 --> 00:14:26,381
Jebediah Fountain booked
the superhero show for, erm...
332
00:14:26,381 --> 00:14:27,861
..little Malcolm Moscrip?
333
00:14:27,861 --> 00:14:30,181
Yep, yep, yep. Thank you.
Changing room's over there.
334
00:14:30,181 --> 00:14:31,701
Thanks. Cheers, mate. Off you go.
335
00:14:31,701 --> 00:14:33,141
- Isn't that...?
- Yeah.
336
00:14:33,141 --> 00:14:34,861
That's my pressie to you.
Correct.
337
00:14:34,861 --> 00:14:37,541
- What, a superhero show?
- It's much more than that, Malcolm.
338
00:14:37,541 --> 00:14:38,581
Much more.
339
00:14:39,861 --> 00:14:43,781
Go and play with Sadie. And behave!
340
00:14:43,781 --> 00:14:46,301
Happy birthday!
341
00:14:46,301 --> 00:14:48,341
The blue one's for you.
I know - so cliche.
342
00:14:48,341 --> 00:14:49,661
- You'll never guess what it is.
- Um...
343
00:14:49,661 --> 00:14:53,341
- It's lip balm!
- Oh.
- Yeah.
CHILDREN SHOUT
344
00:14:53,341 --> 00:14:55,261
How much of the play equipment's
bolted to the floor?
345
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:57,261
- None of it, I don't think.
- Fuck.
346
00:14:57,261 --> 00:14:59,381
Don't tip it over!
Don't tip it over!
347
00:14:59,381 --> 00:15:01,021
Oh, Winnie!
348
00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:02,381
Coats are over there.
349
00:15:02,381 --> 00:15:04,261
Pressies are on the side.
350
00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:06,141
- Ooh, squash!
- Sorry, you are?
351
00:15:06,141 --> 00:15:08,021
I'm Dr Rush. I'm Gemma's GP.
352
00:15:08,021 --> 00:15:10,901
Oh. Do you know anybody else here?
353
00:15:10,901 --> 00:15:12,421
Er, no.
354
00:15:12,421 --> 00:15:15,701
But, thankfully, I'm a hoot
once the sambuca starts flowing.
355
00:15:15,701 --> 00:15:17,861
Nope. Nope. Go on, shoo.
356
00:15:17,861 --> 00:15:19,501
Er, there's squash on the side.
357
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:21,501
Yeah, she'll find it, Malcolm.
358
00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:23,221
So...
359
00:15:23,221 --> 00:15:25,981
..do you have any
marketing experience, Gemma?
360
00:15:25,981 --> 00:15:29,501
Just cos it says here
that your current role is...
361
00:15:29,501 --> 00:15:30,941
..sweeping up hair.
362
00:15:30,941 --> 00:15:33,341
Well, actually,
I'm on maternity leave.
363
00:15:33,341 --> 00:15:35,261
But, yeah, when I'm back,
364
00:15:35,261 --> 00:15:37,181
me and the broom, we're like this.
365
00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:38,781
SHE CHUCKLES
366
00:15:38,781 --> 00:15:40,541
There's been an admin error.
367
00:15:40,541 --> 00:15:42,781
I don't know how you've
slipped through the net,
368
00:15:42,781 --> 00:15:45,101
but this position's not for you.
369
00:15:45,101 --> 00:15:46,461
Please.
370
00:15:48,341 --> 00:15:50,181
Why do you even want this job?
371
00:15:51,301 --> 00:15:52,901
Because I love marketing.
372
00:15:52,901 --> 00:15:54,861
Nobody loves marketing.
373
00:15:54,861 --> 00:15:55,941
OK.
374
00:15:58,101 --> 00:16:00,581
I didn't really want
a proper career.
375
00:16:00,581 --> 00:16:02,181
Yeah.
376
00:16:02,181 --> 00:16:04,141
But then I had a baby
377
00:16:04,141 --> 00:16:07,621
and, all of a sudden,
there's this helpless creature
378
00:16:07,621 --> 00:16:09,141
who needs me to look after her
379
00:16:09,141 --> 00:16:10,741
and, you know, that's all on me.
380
00:16:10,741 --> 00:16:12,101
Ambulance, please.
381
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:13,381
Are you OK?
382
00:16:13,381 --> 00:16:15,021
EpiPens wear off, unfortunately.
383
00:16:15,021 --> 00:16:16,861
- But please do carry on.
- Right.
384
00:16:18,181 --> 00:16:21,381
So, yeah, there's this fire
inside me now...
385
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:24,421
Jackson House, Stockport,
Whitfield & Hitchins Marketing.
386
00:16:24,421 --> 00:16:26,461
- Uh-huh.
- ..and I just...
387
00:16:26,461 --> 00:16:29,701
..I want to provide a better
life for my baby...
388
00:16:29,701 --> 00:16:31,221
..and for me...
389
00:16:31,221 --> 00:16:34,381
..and this job, it would be
the first step.
390
00:16:34,381 --> 00:16:37,621
Anaphylaxis. EpiPen administered,
but the effects are starting
391
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,461
to wear off. Thank you.
392
00:16:39,461 --> 00:16:42,581
And I really would give
everything I've got to you
393
00:16:42,581 --> 00:16:44,621
and this company.
394
00:16:44,621 --> 00:16:47,221
I just need someone
to take a chance on me.
395
00:16:47,221 --> 00:16:49,021
It's a great pitch.
396
00:16:49,021 --> 00:16:52,181
It's exactly the sort of spirit
we're looking for, actually.
397
00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:55,141
Unfortunately, you are still
underqualified for the job.
398
00:16:56,341 --> 00:17:01,061
But, look, there is a junior
position in our Glasgow office.
399
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:03,381
I think you'd be perfect for it.
400
00:17:03,381 --> 00:17:04,781
Glasgow?
401
00:17:04,781 --> 00:17:06,301
Yeah. Do you want it?
402
00:17:09,101 --> 00:17:12,421
Yeah, I do. I really want it.
403
00:17:12,421 --> 00:17:14,061
Oh, well, congratulations, Gemma.
404
00:17:14,061 --> 00:17:15,781
You've just joined the rat race.
405
00:17:15,781 --> 00:17:18,581
I'm going to get in
the recovery position now.
406
00:17:18,581 --> 00:17:21,301
Um, if you could just wait
in reception for the ambulance
407
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:23,901
and let them know I'm up here,
please.
408
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:29,181
So, I did get the job?
409
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,421
Affirmative.
410
00:17:39,381 --> 00:17:40,861
She's like Gemma.
411
00:17:40,861 --> 00:17:43,701
Don't you think? It's her eyes.
Yeah.
412
00:17:43,701 --> 00:17:47,141
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Happy birthday, baby girl!
413
00:17:47,141 --> 00:17:50,341
Hey. How did it go?
How was the interview?
414
00:17:50,341 --> 00:17:52,421
Yeah. I got offered a job.
415
00:17:52,421 --> 00:17:55,581
Oh, great! Congratulations!
416
00:17:55,581 --> 00:17:57,021
Yeah, it's in Glasgow...
417
00:17:58,421 --> 00:17:59,701
Right.
418
00:18:02,341 --> 00:18:04,461
..which is why I turned it down.
419
00:18:04,461 --> 00:18:06,341
What do you mean, you turned it
down?!
420
00:18:06,341 --> 00:18:08,301
Yeah, well, I accepted it
at first, but then
421
00:18:08,301 --> 00:18:10,621
called them back on the drive here.
422
00:18:10,621 --> 00:18:12,101
I can't leave you lot.
423
00:18:12,101 --> 00:18:14,461
- Gem!
- Er, excuse me!
424
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:17,421
A little bird told me that you were
looking for a job with
425
00:18:17,421 --> 00:18:19,301
"career prospects".
426
00:18:19,301 --> 00:18:20,941
You should have said!
427
00:18:20,941 --> 00:18:24,501
Let ME train you up. I can get
a grant to send you to college.
428
00:18:24,501 --> 00:18:26,381
You could be the next
Nicky Campbell.
429
00:18:26,381 --> 00:18:27,861
Nicky Clarke?
430
00:18:27,861 --> 00:18:29,421
Hmm. Even better.
431
00:18:29,421 --> 00:18:32,021
- BOMBASTIC MUSIC
- Oh! Here you are. They're coming.
432
00:18:32,021 --> 00:18:34,701
Here you are! Come on.
433
00:18:34,701 --> 00:18:36,621
Come on.
434
00:18:36,621 --> 00:18:38,381
All right, boys and girls!
435
00:18:38,381 --> 00:18:40,141
Who likes superheroes?
436
00:18:40,141 --> 00:18:41,581
Malcolm does!
437
00:18:41,581 --> 00:18:44,901
- No, he doesn't.
- I do, I do.
I do, Derek! I love 'em.
438
00:18:44,901 --> 00:18:49,101
OK. I am the legally distinct
American Captain.
439
00:18:49,101 --> 00:18:50,341
Dilf Rogers.
440
00:18:50,341 --> 00:18:53,421
But it's not just me today.
You won't like him.
441
00:18:53,421 --> 00:18:55,821
Please welcome The Honk!
442
00:18:55,821 --> 00:18:57,621
Rarrrrr!
443
00:18:57,621 --> 00:19:00,221
Rarrrr! Honk punch!
444
00:19:00,221 --> 00:19:01,941
Punch Honk. Punch Honk.
445
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,621
Little Honk, punch. Honk, punch.
446
00:19:03,621 --> 00:19:05,221
Honk, elbow, punch.
447
00:19:05,221 --> 00:19:06,981
That's also working for me.
448
00:19:06,981 --> 00:19:09,021
Why? Why is it working for me?
449
00:19:09,021 --> 00:19:11,221
Jesus, do I know you at all?!
450
00:19:11,221 --> 00:19:13,101
Er, Gemma, can you be quiet, please?
451
00:19:13,101 --> 00:19:14,621
Have you no respect for the arts?
452
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,221
Cherry.
453
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,821
No.
454
00:19:17,821 --> 00:19:19,701
Our story begins...
455
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,501
..in space!
456
00:19:21,501 --> 00:19:25,141
Once upon a time in a planet
not so far from this one...
457
00:19:26,781 --> 00:19:29,181
CHILDREN GIGGLE
458
00:19:38,101 --> 00:19:39,381
Wait, where's the cake?
459
00:19:39,381 --> 00:19:41,901
- What?
- Well, you did get one, then?
460
00:19:41,901 --> 00:19:43,701
I thought you were being all modern.
461
00:19:43,701 --> 00:19:45,861
No. It was on the side
in the kitchen.
462
00:19:45,861 --> 00:19:47,621
Is it a woke flavour?
463
00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:50,661
Oh, my God, what would be a
woke-flavoured birthday cake?
464
00:19:50,661 --> 00:19:52,261
Red velvet.
465
00:19:52,261 --> 00:19:56,021
- Fuck sake!
- Look, I'll...I'll go and
get it. Just you enjoy the party,
466
00:19:56,021 --> 00:19:58,141
all right?
467
00:19:58,141 --> 00:20:00,101
Rita, stop it.
468
00:20:01,141 --> 00:20:03,821
CLATTERING
469
00:20:12,501 --> 00:20:16,381
CLATTERING CONTINUES
470
00:20:47,341 --> 00:20:49,021
What's going on, Tommy?
471
00:20:49,021 --> 00:20:50,501
Malc!
472
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:51,821
What are you doing?
473
00:20:55,701 --> 00:20:58,541
You know I deserve that fucking
car more than you do.
474
00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:00,781
I put up with Dad's shit for years.
475
00:21:00,781 --> 00:21:02,501
So, you thought you'd steal from us?
476
00:21:02,501 --> 00:21:04,101
Well, from Sadie?!
477
00:21:04,101 --> 00:21:06,421
Where are the car keys, Malcolm?
478
00:21:06,421 --> 00:21:07,621
I've got a flight to catch
479
00:21:07,621 --> 00:21:09,421
and a dealer waiting to take it
off my hands.
480
00:21:09,421 --> 00:21:11,181
Derek's got them.
481
00:21:11,181 --> 00:21:13,501
So I-I could call him
and then he'd come round, eh?
482
00:21:13,501 --> 00:21:15,101
So, what do you think about that?
483
00:21:15,101 --> 00:21:16,301
Yeah.
484
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:21,181
You're just like our dad,
aren't you?
485
00:21:21,181 --> 00:21:22,301
Yeah.
486
00:21:22,301 --> 00:21:24,501
We're both cursed with that one,
Malcolm.
487
00:21:24,501 --> 00:21:27,981
- What do you mean?
- You heard Gemma.
She turned that job down
488
00:21:27,981 --> 00:21:31,741
because of you. Could have been
a ticket to a better life.
489
00:21:31,741 --> 00:21:34,421
But, no, she's stuck here
with her sad old man.
490
00:21:34,421 --> 00:21:35,781
No, that's not what's happening.
491
00:21:35,781 --> 00:21:38,661
I spent 20 fucking years
with our dad!
492
00:21:38,661 --> 00:21:40,261
I hated him towards the end.
493
00:21:40,261 --> 00:21:42,301
Yeah, well, I won't let you
steal off Sadie!
494
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,581
- No, you don't.
- Argh!
495
00:21:44,581 --> 00:21:46,181
Don't! Argh! Tommy!
496
00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:47,221
Don't.
497
00:21:49,421 --> 00:21:52,661
You have no idea what a gift
he gave you.
498
00:21:52,661 --> 00:21:54,381
He got out your fucking way.
499
00:21:59,141 --> 00:22:00,901
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
500
00:22:05,421 --> 00:22:07,301
That's what he did.
501
00:22:29,101 --> 00:22:32,941
# And there is nowhere
left for your head to turn
502
00:22:32,941 --> 00:22:36,141
# Yeah, there's nowhere left
for your head to turn
503
00:22:36,141 --> 00:22:39,381
# History repeating
504
00:22:39,381 --> 00:22:42,341
# But without the learning
505
00:22:42,341 --> 00:22:45,701
# And yet they spend their energy
506
00:22:45,701 --> 00:22:51,181
# Coming for anybody who doesn't
get it right
507
00:22:51,181 --> 00:22:54,821
# Who really gets it right?
508
00:22:54,821 --> 00:22:56,821
# And I'm a ghost
509
00:22:56,821 --> 00:22:58,541
# It's a machine
510
00:22:58,541 --> 00:23:01,101
# And now they're following
where I've been
511
00:23:01,101 --> 00:23:04,021
# What are you looking for?
512
00:23:04,021 --> 00:23:08,021
# I'm just like you, but boring
513
00:23:08,021 --> 00:23:11,021
# And in the end, I'm coming clean
514
00:23:11,021 --> 00:23:14,101
# I've spent my whole life lying
515
00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:16,781
# About the things I want
516
00:23:16,781 --> 00:23:21,621
# About the things
I should have done... #
517
00:23:29,061 --> 00:23:31,661
Why is birthday boy taking so long?
518
00:23:42,941 --> 00:23:44,301
ENGINE STARTS
519
00:23:58,821 --> 00:24:00,701
Dad...
520
00:24:00,701 --> 00:24:02,181
..what are you doing?
521
00:24:04,341 --> 00:24:06,701
You'd have taken that job
if it hadn't have been for me,
522
00:24:06,701 --> 00:24:08,341
wouldn't you? I'm holding you back.
523
00:24:08,341 --> 00:24:10,021
Don't be stupid!
524
00:24:10,021 --> 00:24:13,101
You said it would've
changed your life.
525
00:24:13,101 --> 00:24:16,061
Yeah, but I
don't want to change it.
526
00:24:16,061 --> 00:24:19,021
I want to grow it, here, with you.
527
00:24:19,021 --> 00:24:20,621
You're just saying that, aren't you?
528
00:24:20,621 --> 00:24:22,021
Oh, God!
529
00:24:22,021 --> 00:24:24,581
Now I wish I'd got you therapy
for your birthday instead of
530
00:24:24,581 --> 00:24:27,381
that very lovely jumper
that's waiting for you inside.
531
00:24:28,941 --> 00:24:30,701
I can't do this without you, Dad.
532
00:24:32,221 --> 00:24:33,781
I need you.
533
00:24:36,381 --> 00:24:38,181
You know I love you?
534
00:24:38,181 --> 00:24:39,501
I know.
535
00:24:40,661 --> 00:24:42,101
We love you.
536
00:24:44,021 --> 00:24:45,701
And I love you too.
537
00:24:48,261 --> 00:24:50,461
- Shall we go back into the party?
- Yeah.
538
00:24:52,021 --> 00:24:54,581
Rita wants me to paint her face.
539
00:24:54,581 --> 00:24:56,541
I'll bet she does.
540
00:24:56,541 --> 00:24:58,981
GROANING
Oh, my God!
541
00:24:58,981 --> 00:25:01,021
Can you lot keep the noise down?!
542
00:25:03,621 --> 00:25:05,421
Oh, you all right, Brenda?
39696
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