Original subtitles

Feeling better now that we're through.

Feeling better cause I'm over you.

I learned my lesson and left the scars.

Now I see how you really are. You're no good, you're no good, you're

no good.

Baby, you're no good.

Is that the lyric?

I think so. Or it should be whatever you said I loved.

You know, I actually always thought I'd be an excellent songwriter. You would.

You really would. I mean...

Sorry, I keep having to pee.

I have a really small bladder.

I mean, I think. I guess I don't know.

No, it's fine.

I love these big rest stops. It's my favorite part of being on the road.

Yes!

Oh, this is great.

Oh, oh, do you want some unsalted sunflower seeds?

No. Do you?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. These are high in protein, rich in vitamin B1, and the

only thing in these kind of places is it isn't lard or sugar.

No, um, I'm cool. I'm cool. Yeah, I'm just gonna go to I'm gonna head I'm

find me. Um, you know, I'm gonna Yeah, I'll be back

Hello,

hey, so that whole plan about me staying away from Deborah the opposite is

happening We left Vegas last night and now I'm trapped in a car with her and

she's being nice nice Jesus that is fucking terrifying All right, look, I

finally got Janet Stone to call me back, and she's agreed to have lunch

tomorrow. So I'm going to do everything in my power to make your stupid email go

away, okay?

Just sit tight. Okay. When you have an update, call me.

Hi.

I'm Daniel.

Hi, Daniel.

Hello.

You're famous, right?

Apparently not.

Yeah, you know, you're the funny lady.

Oh, my God.

Deborah Vance. Yes. Hi.

I'm your biggest fan.

What the heck are you doing here?

Well, actually, I'm doing a drop -in set at the main in Flagstaff tonight.

Are you coming to see us? Oh, no. I'm headed the other direction. I'm going to

help my brother inseminate his horses.

Sounds like fun.

Can I get a picture?

Absolutely. Okay.

Here we go.

Oh, God, not down there. What are you, a satyr?

Here we go. Oh, okay.

Gas station sunglasses?

Don't be a snob.

It's not about the label, it's about the fit.

You know, like, I have a classic heart -shaped face. Perfect.

So I want to mimic that with glasses that are kind of wider at the top and a

little bit narrower at the bottom, like, um... Hmm, big.

Okay, wow, yeah. Now you, on the other hand, have a more oval face.

Kind of like a Jordan almond.

So you need to contrast that with something more angular.

Like, um... Oh, here, try these.

Wow. Huh? Very cute.

Keep them. They're yours. My treat. Oh, that's nice. You don't have to do that.

They're $4 .99.

Okay. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Classic.

You bought a reusable cup?

Yeah. Well, you know what? Off with my private jet.

Morning. Morning.

Well,

lucky you.

Last two assistants got promoted off this desk.

Big whoop, who cared?

Kayla, I think this is good for both of us, you know?

You're giving me a migraine.

What? I mean, latitude.

Have a good day.

I won't.

Good morning, Silas. Good morning, Mr. Luce. Oh, you can call me Jimmy.

Okay.

Perfect.

Good.

So, I got you a table for your lunch with Janet Stone at Superba.

I read in the Hollywood Reporter's Power lunch list that she loves their Little

Jim's Caesar salad.

Kayla said they were fully booked. They are. But I bartered with Michael's

assistant to get a standing reservation.

I have to cover his desk for a couple days next month, but it's no problem.

Thank you so much. Also, I heard a ding on your end when we were on the phone

this morning. And so I called Audi, and they think it's the check engine

indicator light. So I've arranged for them to come pick it up here tomorrow

morning, and it'll be done by EOD.

They can send a loaner, or I'd be happy to drive you to your lunch. You heard a

ding? Yes.

And then you called Audi? Yes. You preemptively called Audi for me? Yes.

know what?

I would love a ride. I look forward to it.

Jimmy?

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Your own sister.

Sleeping with your husband.

Someone so close to you.

And when you trust, betrayal is the worst feeling in the world.

And I've woken up during a colonoscopy.

We bust our asses for 10%. We should get 90 and give the clients 10.

Totally, totally.

So, like I was saying before, that email being used for the show would be very

bad for both my clients.

Come on.

You know how these things work.

It'll be months before that show comes out, and even then, Debra would have to

see it and think it's about her.

Don't worry. I think she thinks most things are about her.

Look, I really wouldn't ask if it wasn't really, really important to me and my

mental and physical health.

Yum.

Jimmy, I like you.

I'll talk to Daisy and Jesse, scare them with some libel law shit.

I'll make sure that it's not at all traceable to Debra or the kid. Ah, thank

so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I really, I owe you big time.

My pleasure.

Oh, I just have water. It's bad luck.

Come on.

Cheers. Cheers.

I don't usually drink at lunch, but I finally closed on my house

this morning. Oh, that's great.

I mean, the housing market is insane in LA.

I've been looking forever, actually.

I made one offer, but the house turned out to be a nightmare, so I had to bail.

Oh. Where was it? The Oaks.

I'm in the Oaks.

Oh, yeah?

Wow.

What street?

Oh, shoot. You know what? There are so many streets up there, right? So many

Oaks. So crissy -crossy. Are you Ethics Trust?

Nope. How's your salad? Mine is good. Mine is really good. Oh, my God. You're

the fucking mold guy who pulled out at the 11th hour. Hold on. Let me just

explain. I had to disclose that fucking inspection to every buyer. You made my

house toxic.

Well, technically it was because of the black mold.

I lost half a million dollars on the house because of you being a little mold

bitch. Well, if I want to have a family, it wouldn't be safe for the baby. Think

about the baby. Think about it from the baby's perspective.

You're not even married, you freak.

I could do it on my own.

You know what?

I'm going to make sure that they use every single detail from that email. No,

please, no. Actually, why wait? I'm sure the TMZ would love to get their hands

on it today. Okay, look, I apologize.

I didn't know it was you.

You gotta get back to the office.

I got some calls to make.

No, no, no. You don't need to make any calls.

Janet, I'll buy it. I'll buy it. I'll buy it for 500 over. Whatever the

is now, I'll be the backup offer. Please, Janet, I'm so sorry. Janet?

That, that...

You

want to get a coffee? Try to fix that free -range chicken joke? I mean, it did

okay last night, but... No, no, we're going to see my psychic.

That's the whole reason we're in Sedona.

Wait, the one who stole from you?

Oh, Zephyr? No, God no, that son of a bitch.

Joke's on him that we drowned.

How is that a joke?

I'm laughing.

I cannot believe you walked in here today.

Look at this. Look at this.

Look.

I just told my Cisco doc today, and now you're here? Is that wild or is that

wild?

By the way, my return, 258%. Yeah. Thank God you told me to buy it. I'm sorry.

Me too.

So, what do you think of crypto?

I like to say fad -free in my portfolio.

Are you into renewables?

Renewables. Look, I gotta write this shit down. Here.

Come on, come on. Come in. Uh, don't trip over the expansion cord.

Insider training?

No.

Would you have seen me do that before?

Not great, Jimmy Jr.

Not great. I know.

I tried to handle it myself, obviously, and I hate to bother you with this. It's

just... I don't know. I don't know what else to do.

You know, Janet... has been all over me to attach one of my directors to her

client's movie.

Oh, yeah?

If he does, it's a guaranteed green light. Do you think you could use that?

Come on.

This entire business is built on quid pro quo.

If Janet wants my client, believe me, she does, then she will have to make

email just disappear.

Michael, that would be incredible.

It would.

You know what else?

Is quid pro quo, Jimmy?

Marriage.

Sure. My wife, she's a worrier.

And she's worried sick about Kayla.

See, our little girl hasn't been the same since she was moved off your desk.

And my wife loves her daughter.

She has been nothing but an angel since the day she was born. Really?

Sweet. Cool.

Cool person. See, here's the issue.

My wife and I have a trip planned to Mallorca. Oh.

But worrying about Kayla is affecting my wife's mood.

And the timing of that is bad.

Jimmy, I want a blowjob at Mallorca.

Oh. Yeah. That sounds like a great setting for that.

Yeah.

But that's not happening if Kayla's upset.

So. I help you make an email disappear.

You help me get my balls drained.

Well, ball.

You know I'm a survivor.

Mm -hmm.

What do you say, Jimmy?

Jimmy Lusak, J .D.'s office.

I'm back.

Oh, you know how he is. He's sensitive.

I love him, though.

All right.

All right, girlfriend. I'll send you through.

Jimmy, your mom's on.

Jimmy!

Hey, Mom.

Um... I'm having a bad day.

No, Mom, no.

I don't really want to talk about it. How are you?

Death card. My God.

Oh, it could mean death, but it doesn't literally just mean death. It could mean

rebirth, a transformation for the better.

That make sense?

I mean, the show is totally new to me.

Whoop, there it is.

Okay.

Ah, the ace of pentacles.

Financial prosperity, baby.

I see.

A new success on the QVC.

I doubt it. I mean, I'm kind of pulling back from that. I'm not launching

anything new this year.

I'm just telling you what I see.

The tower.

What? This one is worse than the death card?

It's a cosmic wrecking ball.

Deborah.

A truth that's about to be revealed to you.

And it is disastrous.

Well, you could be wrong, though, right? Because, you know, you were wrong about

the QVC thing, so... Cards don't lie.

Seems like how could you know, though? Did you shuffle good?

Would you stop it? It's fine. It's better to know.

This way I can, you know, be on the lookout.

Okay, Red.

You ready for a reading?

Me? No. Me? No.

Me? No.

I'm good. I'm a science girl, so... I'm cool. Come on.

At least let me snap a pic of your aura real quick.

On the house?

Thank you. Not interested.

Oh, come on.

Have a little fun, would you?

Wow.

Pure blue.

Means you're honest and have clarity in communication.

That's true. This girl's honest to a fault.

She's always trying to get me to be more honest, which honestly is exhausting.

This morning she told me that she was a four on the Bristol stool chart.

And trust me, I didn't ask.

Ah, I killed it before.

I have trouble.

Enjoy it while you're young.

Here you go. A little Miss Honesty.

Let me see.

Wow.

It's a good aura.

So, if you're in renewable, does that mean you're out on oil?

Oh, God, no. I'm always in oil.

These are pretty.

Good stocking stuffers.

Oh.

It says, give to a loving friend.

Gonna get me one?

Deborah,

I have to tell you something.

Oh, please. If it's more about the Bristol stool chart, I've heard enough.

What I'm about to say might upset you, but I... I think it's better for our

relationship if I tell you.

Okay. What is it?

After our fight, I got drunk and took Xanax, and I sent a very stupid email to

those showrunners that I met with in L .A.

I said some unkind things about you that I don't even believe because

I was hurt and angry.

I'm sorry.

You did what?

I said some pretty revealing stuff about you that you probably wouldn't want

made public, and I'm trying to get them to not use it in their show, but I think

that they are, because they told me they are. But it might not even go to

series.

Who's starring in it?

Um, Helen Mirren.

So, I am officially the manager of the century.

I took one for the team, and the email's taken care of. She's never going to

find out.

I just told her.

I'm sorry.

It sounded like you said you just told her.

I did.

Oh, my God, Ava.

Why? Why?

I know. But even if I had known, I had to be honest.

I hope you didn't go through too much trouble.

Jimmy, can I go? I got to go buy towels, because I need a new set.

I definitely did.

And I know she's going to fire me, and you'll have to drop me. And I'm really

sorry for this and everything I put you through.

God.

Well, listen, you know, I just got to say.

Jimmy, I got to call you back.

Hungry? I have good news, actually.

That email is not going to be used in their new show. Jimmy took care of it.

Can I get you gals anything else?

Just the bill, please.

Separate check.

Sure.

Read it to me.

No, no, please don't. I'm telling you to read it to me.

The entire thing.

Hey, y 'all.

Parentheses. Trying not to use the gendered term you guys anymore, even

it honestly sounds neutral to me.

End parentheses.

First of all, I'm so sorry about how our meeting ended the other day. I fucking

suck at first impressions.

LOL.

I just wanted to follow up on our convo.

I actually think Debra Vance is the perfect comp for your horrible boss

character in Bitch.

There are shows about a prime minister who is a bitch.

Yeah, got that.

Anyway, here are some stories you could probably use about someone who treats

people like shit and has no remorse about it at all.

She once asked me to perjure myself for her in traffic court.

Most days, the first words out of her mouth when she sees me are, not

flattering. Once, when I was having an asthma attack, she said, do you have to

do that in here?

She once refused an employee maternity leave because she thought the baby was

ugly and said, why would she want to be at home with that thing?

She has a terrible relationship with her junkie daughter, who sells photos of

Deborah to the tabloids.

looking like shit because they sell better if she looks like she's dying.

What's even sicker is that Debra knows about it unless it happens.

Their relationship could be repaired if Debra would just tell her she's proud of

her, but she won't even do that, even though she's clearly the reason she's so

fucked up in the first place.

Please don't make me keep reading this.

The truth is, Deborah Vance is a bully.

And the worst kind.

One who thinks she's the victim.

Every person in her life is on her payroll and would never be around her if

their livelihoods didn't depend on it.

Myself included.

It's her own fault she's so lonely.

Though she's too selfish to ever admit it.

I think that's why she needs her adoring fans.

Because no one in her life actually loves her.

Deborah, that's not true.

I don't believe... Have a great night.

You can pay for mine.

You know, you're good at writing for me.

And I thought it was because you understood me.

But it's because you just like me.

You're as selfish and cruel as I am.

Hey, Barbara.

So I have some horrific news.

Kayla is back on my desk.

I really appreciate the idea, but we can just drop that whole anger management

thing. Oof, I can't do that. It's already in your file, and once it's in

file, it's in your file.

You can't take it out of the file?

Physically, I can't take it out of your file, and if I tried to, then that would

go in my file.

Okay, but I don't have anger issues.

It's only a 52 -week course.

52 weeks?

That's a whole year, Barbara.

It's actually a little bit longer because they don't meet the weeks of

and Hanukkah and Halloween. They don't meet the week of Halloween?

Yeah, Joyce, the woman who runs it, is really into Halloween, and she throws a

great party every year, but you have to come in costume.

Hold on. Are you friends with this person?

Not anymore, because I came one year not in costume and she got really mad at

me.

So the anger management course woman got mad?

Well, you know, it's like those who can't do teach.

This sounds like a 52 -week fucking scam, Barbara.

Okay, calm down.

You know, I actually think this course might be good for you.

Wow.

If I were you, I would go to that Halloween party, though.

She goes all out.

Just make sure you go in costume and take it from me. Cat ears don't count.

Hi, can I get a cab to the Safari Inn?

What, are you going to get in the car or are you going to just stand there

staring?

Cancel that, actually. Sorry.

Oh, I got you a coffee.

Thanks.

It's not poisoned.

Look, I slept on it, and I'm just going to move on. Let it go.

Really? Yes.

I mean, you're a good writer, and I need you on this tour. If I held a grudge

against every person who ever wronged me, I'd have gray hair.

Thank you so much.

And again, I'm so sorry.

I'm going to be better. I'm going to stop doing shit that makes me impulsive,

like drinking and taking pills. And I'm going to get a dumb phone so I can't

even use social media or email anyone.

And I'm going to get one of those giant water bottles and only consume water.

I promise I'm going to be better, Debra. Whatever you need to do.

Okay, great.

I think you should take it. Oh, okay.

Hey, Jimmy. Hey there. So, I regret to inform you that Debra is suing you for

violating your NDA.

Wait, what?

You're suing me? Oh, I can't discuss details of the case.

Is this real?

Yeah.

Thick document.

Real big.

What?

Haven't you ever been in litigation before?

That'll be a good learning experience for you.

Expensive one, too.

It's the way.

I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, oh, the bitch is bad.