Original subtitles

Take some notes here, son. I'm falling about like a devil's ball. I'm a

ball in the middle of the day in a strange hotel.

And let me tell you that. And he'll take you downtown.

Tom?

Debra! Hi!

Oh my god!

Good to see you, Tom!

Good to see you. Oh, Deborah Simons. Oh, my God. It's unbelievable.

I know.

It's so weird running into you like this. I was literally just thinking

you the other day. Oh, really?

Yes. Yeah, I read that article on your work at the gallery. Oh, you saw that?

Yeah. Yeah. Was it the Herald or the Telegraph? The Telegraph. The Telegraph,

yes. My wife was reading it over breakfast.

I glanced over. I see a picture, and it's like, ah, ah, ah.

Wow.

Halfway through the article, my wife turns the page. She doesn't realize I'm

reading it, you see. And I say, hang on a minute.

I say, that's a girl that I went to school with. And she says, well, you can

have the paper in a minute when I'm finished. I'm like, no, just come on,

read it now. Let me take me like, what, 30 seconds.

She's like, look, I'm reading at the moment. When I'm finished with it, you

have it. And I'm like, come on, I just want to read it now. I have to get off

work. And she says, don't you raise your voice at me. And I'm like, hey, I

wasn't raising my voice at you.

And I wasn't. And she's like, well, if you want to read it, then just fucking

have it. And she throws it in my face, like hard.

And I'm like.

What is your problem, Karen?

She's like, who's Karen?

Oh, my God, no one.

She's like, well, Tom, obviously it isn't just no one. And I'm like, look,

for Christ's sake, just calm down. She's like, don't you tell me to calm down.

Who is she? And I'm like, she's just a girl that I work with. Are you sleeping

with her?

No. Are you sleeping with her? No.

Don't you lie to me. Are you having sex with her? Linda,

I'm not having sex with Karen.

And anyway, she packed her bags, and I haven't seen her for about two months.

And I wasn't having sex with Karen.

I got a handjob off her at the Christmas party, but that's... Wow!

Deborah Simons!

But... For fuck's sake.

And this one's also part of the deal. It's got a pillow surfer top, which is

good. You know, it's got the same base as the others, but it gives you a little

bit more spring.

Great.

Do you mind if we, um, if we just get a feel for him?

No, sure. Please.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Well, I'm ovulating at the moment, so we've only got a really small window of

opportunity here.

I'm really tired.

I thought you wanted to have kids.

I do, I just... Just what?

What, Keith? What?

I don't know.

I thought I'd be somewhere else at 35, that's all. What is that supposed to

mean? Nothing.

Do you want to be somewhere else, or would you rather be with someone else? I

don't want to have this conversation right now. Oh, you never want to have

conversation. Stop it, Julie. Stop it.

Stop it. Remember what we talked about. You're making me do this. You know what

the doctor said. Please, Julie, stop it.

I want to have a baby.

We love it.

Is this a post -traumatic?

Yeah.

It's very comfortable.

Hello?

Ah, hello. Is that Mr. Jones?

Ah, yes, it is.

your son, Jason, and another boy from Jason's class,

Davy Smithston.

And I must stress, it was purely accidental.

Sorry, Davy who?

Smithston. It seems that we're having pretend sword fights in cooking class

a carving night. Sorry, did you say Smithston or Smithston?

Smithston.

Smithston. Yeah, that's it, Davy Smithston.

Smithston.

Funny name, isn't it?

Smith... Smith... Smith... Smith... Smith... Smith...

Smith... Smith... Smithston.

Smithston.

Davey Smithston.

Well, I guess you'll be wanting to head off to the hospital then. Davey

Smithston. I've never heard Jason mention that name.

I mean, I can understand if it were Smithton or Smithson.

They roll off the tongue at least, but... I find that incredibly hard to

Can you say it again?

One more time?

It seems easier for you for some reason.

I'm having real trouble with it.

Mr.

Jones, you're really sure to head off to the hospital?

Yes.

Yes, yes, of course. Thank you.

Mayday?

Ladies

and

gentlemen, the following announcement may alarm some, but I do implore you, do

not panic.

Has anyone here ever flown a plane?

What? Oh, my God, are we going to die?

Is anyone here a pilot?

What happened to your pilot?

Ma 'am, I think I may be of assistance.

You two pilots? No, ma 'am.

I'm an actor.

What? Yes, but I have flown a plane on screen before.

In a movie? Yes, ma 'am.

Telemovie. Well, it's still film. It was a two -part.

It's still... They shoot it on film. It's on TV, though.

In a movie? Are you trained? Yes, ma 'am. NIDA for you. Oh, great.

Okay, so what's NIDA?

It's... Oh, you've been trained to fly? No. But my friend Carl was with the

Flying Doctors.

Okay, so light aircraft is a little bit different to a Boeing 747, but... No,

no, no. He means the TV show, The Flying Doctors. Yeah. I played Dr. Lewis.

Good life. No.

Hey, Barbs, when are you going to come fly with me? You remember that? It was

very popular.

Your credit card? Yeah, it was like a spin -off series. You don't recognise

It works for a while. You don't recognise it? Oh, my God.

I didn't pay attention to the safety thing. Well, maybe next time you should

take a head -fucking bow to your selfish prick.

All right, look, if we don't get in there and give it a shot, then we don't

a hope.

Sure, we're actors. But we're bloody good ones. Yeah. Right, if that doesn't

count for anything, then I don't want a marquee name, which is so typical of the

show. Shut up.

Get in there. I'll try to keep everyone calm.

That's right.

We should have taken the cruise.

I said it was too expensive.

There was a guy on the cruise. Would you like a drink? Okay, how do you want to

play this? Well, I think there's some obvious tension between us. Some sort of

unresolved issue. Yeah, but I think I've got a big heart. Sure. But I carry a

dark secret, so what if I slept with your wife years ago before you were

married? Perfect.

Yeah, go back.

Let it go, let it go.

Let it go.

Good to go.

Ah, whiskey, tango, bravo, bravo, this is Delta 2.

You have to keep setting autopilot to that speed.

What? Well, I can't adjust the navigation compass quickly enough. It's

to do that. Calm down. What is with you today? You're a fool.

How do you just accept that Linda and I slept together years ago? We're

childhood sweethearts. You bastard.

You idiot, I've got to fly this plane.

You maniac.

Oh, my God, what are you doing?

And that's the moment impact occurred.

They're really good.

I think they'd be great for the role of the brothers. Yeah.

All right, well, yeah, let's call their agents and see if they're still alive

and then bring them in for a read.

How are you doing, mate?

Tired. Yeah, I'll bet you are.

I thought I might have lost you.

I thought I might have lost my little mate.

Yeah.

You've probably forgotten how all this happened, have you? Do you remember how

all this happened?

Playing sword fights with Davy.

That was silly, wasn't it?

And who's this Davy chap?

Davy Smithston.

Ah, Davy Smithston.

Never heard you talk about him before.

He's a mate of yours, is he?

Dad, I'm tired.

Yeah, I bet you are.

Smithston.

Sure it's not Davy Smith?

No.

And it's not Smithston?

No.

And it's not Smithston?

Yes, of course it is.

It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it?

Well, you don't seem to have any trouble with it.

And you've supposedly got a brain injury.

Will I see out of my eye again?

Probably not, mate.

God, it's hard, isn't it?

I don't know why I struggle with it so much.

Smith, Smith, Smith, like it doesn't want to come out. Smith, Smith, Smith,

Smith, Smith, Smith.

Can I sleep now?

Oh, can't you talk to Dad a little bit longer?

But I'm so tired.

Everyone's tired, Jason.

Dad, please. Oh, sleep, Dad, you've been sleeping all week, so do nothing but

sleep.

Smith, Smith, Smith, Smith, Smith, Smith, Smith, Smith, Smith.

Blood stains.

We'll never get these out.

Yay.

Drop your index finger.

Drop it.

Snap the wrist on the volley.

But snap it.

Start that turn earlier. Hip and then shoulder.

Okay.

Like five.

Good. Good, we're getting there.

Are we?

Yeah.

You've got to counter -clock that grip on the backhand volley.

Right rotation there and you're good to go.

Hey, Dad, Aunty Barbara called again.

Did she?

Yeah. She said that job's still available at the shoe store if I want

Yeah, open.

Yeah, you know, maybe I could just go part -time or something and come back on

the train.

Let me ask you, son.

Does Roger Federer sell shoes?

No. Well, sort of with endorsements. Does Novak mix training with occasional

shifts in a shoe shop?

No. Is Andy Murray fitting orthopaedics for old women and Aunt Barbara's casual

shoes? No, sir. If I go down in the morning, will Andy serve me?

No, he will not.

Because he will be... Training.

Correct. So how do you expect to beat these guys if you're not training as

as they are?

I won't.

Precisely. You can tell Aunty Barbara to stick a job and mind her own business.

Sorry, Dad. I thought I might like it.

Like it?

You'd be up and down all day.

Your knees and back.

You haven't got the body for it.

Maybe something different, maybe.

I eat something with animals. I like animals.

You're a tennis player, Lenny.

You always will be.

Ever since that day when you were three years old and you came up to me and you

looked up and you said... Help me win Wimbledon, Dad.

Help me win Wimbledon, Dad.

Seriously, Dad, I don't remember saying that.

You know, I do.

Clear as day.

It looked right into my eye.

It was chilling.

And now you want to throw it all away.

You know, 35 years of training, just give up.

When I was a kid, I never even had a tennis racket.

And you know why?

Because I had no interest in tennis at all. None.

Because my parents never brought it to my attention.

Didn't think their son could win a major.

I vowed I would never make that. mistake with my son.

I would give him every opportunity that I never had.

One day, he could win Wimbledon.

But, I guess I was wrong.

Wait, Dad.

I can do it.

Do what?

Win Wimbledon.

I can't hear you.

I can Win Wimbledon. I can't hear you. I can Win Wimbledon.

Yeah!

Ah, that's cool, Dad. It's very inspiring.

Yeah, it better be.

They're not cheap.

Okay, back to training.

Who's got the gets?

Come on, don't be shy. Who's is this?

Now they're awkward.

Can you see it? Can you see it?

Can you all see it?

No one owns this cave.

Well, it's not mine. Mine has a key.

Key ring, come on.

Wow.

Cold.

Really cold. I thought when we agreed to do this thing, there wasn't going to be

any of this.

Who wants to fuck Keithy, is that it?

I'm too disgusting for you, is that it? No, Keith, I think... Oh, yeah, Lynette.

Oh, what is it? What is it? A gallery owner can't have sex with an accountant.

Is that it?

Yeah, an art wanker can't have sex with a chinless number cruncher. Is that your

thing? Are you comfortable up there on your high horse?

Is it comfortable?

Screw you, Lynette.

It was you, Nina.

You're too good to go home with Keith, are you?

No, I... Yeah, well, newsflash, Nina. I wouldn't fuck you with Max's dick. And I

know for a fact you have weird nipples, because Xavier showed me. And I sent

that photo all around the office. You know our nickname for your work is

Fuckhead? Even though we know you have weird nipples, it'll be so easy to make

your nickname something to do with that. But we don't. We just call you

Fuckhead. All right, that's enough.

Oh, yeah. The lady does pretend too much, me thinks. Looks familiar.

Miss Double Flush. What?

Yeah, Double Flush.

Because that's what I had to do tonight after I went to the bathroom after you.

I wasn't going to say anything, but since you decided Keith's too disgusting

have sex with, after you're dropping those lead nuggets into the bowl... Hey,

just sit here. Oh, yeah, I'm getting the picture now. It's one of you homophobic

Mr Homophobe over here.

I thought we agreed we were all going to swing both ways tonight. Let's let fate

decide our sexuality tonight, you said.

Yeah, sure.

Great, if you get pretty boy Max's key.

Yeah, he's halfway there already, but when Keith is holding your key... Oh,

no, time to stay quiet. Stay in the closet, faggot.

You know what? You don't know what you're missing out on, because I would

given you the blowjob of your life. Fucking deep throat shit. All right,

I think that's enough. I think you should just go home. Oh, what? Why? So

can have the key party you always wanted to have?

Lynette, so you can have the key party where Keith isn't making everyone feel

sick?

Well, you know what?

Fuck you. Even if you had owned up to this key, I would have chucked it back

the bowl. Because I would rather fuck a dead pig than take you home, Lynette.

You know what? Let's clear the air anyway, just so we can be sure what's

on. You stuck -up bitch.

Yes. Yes, it falls off.

It's embarrassing.

But let's not ruin the night. Let's redraw.

Redraw, am I right?

What's it going to be?

Lynette?

Redraw. Yep, I've got all the modcoms. 8C.

Lumber support, seat warmers. And it's got a really big boot as well. Yes, I

love this car. I've got one. Ah, great.

Do you mind if we take a second just to get a feel for it? Do you want to take

it for a test drive?

No, no, no. Not like that.

Okay.

Left. It's not left. It's left.

It's not left. Left would take us to the mountain. No, left is going to take us

to the beach.

Shit!

Shit! That's great. We just missed the exit.

Totally. Yes, I know we missed the exit, all right?

I know we missed the exit. We wouldn't have missed the exit if you hadn't been

banging on in my ear. Oh, I'm so sorry for trying to help you with directions.

You're not helping me with directions. I mean, I don't even know why we bother.

Neither do I.

Are you yelling at me? No, I'm not yelling at you, no. Are you yelling at

Are you yelling at me?

I'm not yelling at you. Stop raising your voice at me. Oh, what is wrong with

you? What is wrong?

I want a divorce.

All right? I want a divorce.

I want a divorce.

Yeah!

We love

it. Do you have it in silver?

Yeah.

Awesome.

It's luxurious.

Music lessons?

Boring. I learned piano by digging up Rachmaninoff.

and eating his brain.

Firstly, Mr Jones, if I can offer you my condolences for your terrible loss, I

can't imagine what you must be going through.

We were just worried about Jason losing an eye. We never thought we'd lose him

altogether.

Davy's parents had something they wanted to say to you.

Our whole family are devastated.

We know it was a horrible accident, but also we don't ever want to forget Jason.

That's why we'd like to fund a memorial to him here at the school.

Something to remember him by and something that perhaps will redeem

the name of Smithton.

Yeah, I'm fine. No, I just, um... Yeah, go on.

So, on behalf of, not just Davey, but all Smiths... Ah!

There it is again.

Sorry, I just, uh... Smith... Smithster. Smithster. I just find it very hard to

get my mouth around that name.

How do you say it?

Smithster.

How do you say it?

Smithster.

And you?

Anyway, sorry, you were saying?

Oh, yeah, just that we're all truly devastated and hopefully the memorial

in some way help you. Can't get my head around it.

I'm sorry. I just... Smithston, Smithston, Smithston, Smithston. You

a few weeks ago, I'd never heard that name, ever.

I could probably just shut up about it, but I can't. I can't. It's just...

I'm haunted by it. Smithston, Smithston, Smithston, Smithston, Smithston,

Smithston, Smithston, Smithston, Smithston, Smithston, Smithston,

Smithston, Smithston, Smithston, Smithston, Smithston, Smithston. I just

Smithston, Smithston, Smithston. Why is it so hard to say? Why is it even a

name?

So, what sort of memorial are you thinking of? Probably something with

on it.

I suppose somewhere on the plaque would be the name Smith. Smith, of course.

So did you have any ideas about the style of the thing you were

thinking? I suppose the obvious thing would be some kind of plaque or statue.

Something that represents him.

A bike. Dave, he said you love riding bikes. I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

I can't even ride it.

Perhaps we should adjourn this to another time.

I'm terribly sorry about all this, Mr. Smith.

Call me Tom.

Come down. He's a seven. I'm an 11 and I'm taking him out to land on my landing

strip. My swinging big fist. Like I'm dragging those things. Like a live jack.

Man is an animal.

That dude ain't right.

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