Original subtitles

Take some notes here, son. I'm falling about like the devil's boss. I'm a

stranger boss in the middle of the day in a strange hotel.

And let me tell you that man with a trench coat and he'll take you downtown.

Nasty and in the forest street. He's an animal and I'm a bag of blood.

Ooh.

Okay.

1 ,001 movies you must see before you die. You love movies.

I do.

I also have terminal cancer.

Yeah. Which is why you need to watch those movies.

I need to watch 1 ,001 movies.

Before you die.

But you do know you're going to die.

I know I'm going to die. So why are we arguing?

I don't want to spend my last month watching 1 ,001 movies.

You must.

Must.

die before watching those movies?

What?

Who cares?

Honey, look.

I'm not going to give you other presents now.

Michael's been having problems since the program started.

Well, just tell him to reboot the entire system and start from scratch.

All right, I'll let him know.

Hey, Tony, how's it going?

Well, the retrograde thrust is wide alive under the simulation.

Yeah, well, don't you worry about that.

After all, it's not rocket science.

It's not rocket science. That's funny, isn't it?

Hey.

Dick, I was just saying to Barney, he was having problems with the thrusters,

and I said, don't worry, it's not rocket science.

That is funny, though. That's too much.

Hey, Neil.

Hey, Neil. I'm not sure if you... Yep, that's my name, Doug. Wear it out. Can I

have a word, please? Oh, yes, sir.

Just the one. What word were you thinking?

In my office, please. Ah, yes.

Yes.

Ah.

What are you doing, Neil?

It's not rocket science.

No, take a seat.

Where shall I take it?

So how's work going?

You know, it's good. It's good.

It's not exactly rocket science.

It gets funnier the more you say it, though.

It is funny that you say that because that's why I brought you here. Yep.

The thing is, it is rocket science.

Isn't it? I mean, that's what we do here at the Southern Cross Aerospace and

Research Facility.

It is quite literally rocket science. Yes, that's kind of a joke. But it's not

very funny one, is it? Well, Tony... I mean, not when you've been saying it for

four long years now. Four hilarious years. Well, we're sick of it.

Everyone is sick of it. I've just had the head of the Russian space agency on

the line.

Yes, I know you've learnt it in Russian, but it is the only thing you've learnt

in Russian and you keep calling them and saying it completely out of context.

It's confusing.

Lost in translation.

I'm going to have to let you go.

Oh, no, come on.

Come on.

The Titan rocket probe, it's been working on that for six years now. You

it's near completion.

I love my job. I admit your work on that project has been exceptional.

Thank you.

You know, but it's not exactly rocket science.

It gets funnier the more you say it.

Uh,

Houston, we have a problem.

Jesus Christ. Well, no, it's just a cleaner. Okay.

I'm sorry.

Oh, you scared me. I thought you were going to eat my brain. No, no, no. I'm

just here to change the bin. Wow.

Wow. It's going to be cleaner, huh?

Well, yes, yes.

Actually, I only do this part -time.

What do you normally do? Well, I'm an actor.

No way. A zombie actor slash cleaner. Yeah, well, more and more an actor.

You're cleaning now. Well, yes. What have you been in? Well, I mainly do

theatre.

I actually just played Eugene in Chekhov's Ivanov.

I do some short films as well. Actually, I've written a screenplay. Hey, were

you on The Walking Dead?

Yeah, I love that show.

I remember the beginning of the second season, under the tanker. You're the guy

eating the dead guy, right? No. No, that wasn't me.

You sure?

I'm pretty sure I look just like you.

I'm quite positive.

Ah.

Right. Well, you know, keep up the acting. Maybe one day you can be in a

like that. I love it.

Actually, I don't go for those types of roles.

What do you mean?

Well, you know, shows that depict zombies as mindless idiots just lurching

around eating human brains.

You know what really irritates me about those shows?

What? It's lazy script writing. I mean, here's a perfectly good opportunity for

some bold, truthful storytelling about what it's like to really be a zombie in

the modern world, and they just opt for the obvious clichés.

That's excellent. That's really good.

It is offensive.

It's just a TV show. It is narrow -minded stereotyping, and it is

disrespectful to our entire culture.

Yeah, maybe, but it's a great show. Yes, but know this.

As long as fools like you continue to watch, they will continue to make this

rubbish. Good day.

Hey, wait.

Yes?

Oh, you didn't do my pin, so...

Sorry, sir.

Hey,

Dad. Can I talk to you about something?

What is it?

You know Amy?

No.

The girl from school.

This morning?

No, I don't know her.

Well, anyway.

I really like her.

Gay. And, um...

That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

About this girl?

Yeah, and all that kind of stuff.

Hang on.

Are you trying to talk about sex?

Well, yeah, I guess so. Gross.

I'm your father, Alex. Don't be disgusting.

I know you're my father. I just want some advice.

You want some sex advice from me, your own father?

What is wrong with you?

Nothing. What, do you want me to talk through my sexual conquests?

I think I've got some tapes of some old girlfriends in there. Maybe we can go

and watch them together.

Or better yet, why don't you go have sex with your mother and you can watch

that? Is that what you want? Of course not.

Do you have any idea what my face looks like during sex?

This.

Is this what you want to see?

Thrusting away on top of your own mother?

The mother whose body you came out of?

Your middle -aged, three -children -bodied mother? Is that what you want?

No, I'm just asking for some advice.

The birds and the bees. I never got that. The birds and the bees?

What are we, some kind of 1980s coming -of -age American teen dramedy? No.

Are we being filmed right now? Is John Hughes directing?

No. No, he's not, because he's dead.

And the rest of us live in the real world, where nobody gets that talk.

I didn't get it, my friends didn't get it, and your friends aren't getting it

either. It only happens in the movies. Why?

Because it's awkward and gross.

Plus you brought up the death of a very famous director and now I'm upset. Just

go, please.

I need a shower.

Oh, God of sarcasm. Thanks for everything.

Monitor?

Command,

you want to see me?

Captain Sutherland, may I start by saying your country, and indeed the

planet, owes you an enormous debt of gratitude.

Thank you, Commander.

It has been trying at times, but one must put one's isolation aside in the

of such matters.

There is one thing that I...

would like to discuss with you. Yes.

I'm afraid it's a little delicate.

The station logs have been brought to my attention and there seems to be a few

irregularities regarding the data consumption on the lower deck inboard

computer.

Irregularities? Yes. It seems the terminal has been used to access a

called kitchensluts .com. That is irregular.

Yes, and I'm afraid there has been some pretty heavy downloading.

Right, so you can monitor that down there.

Yes. Well, leave it with me and I will get to the bottom of it. Thank you for

calling. I'm sorry, you're what?

I will find out who is responsible and report back.

Roger out.

Well, you're the only one that's actually been living there for the past

years. So it would stand to reason that... What?

That it was me?

No, I'm married.

Yes, well, look, there's nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, you have been up

there a very long time. Not ashamed, because it's not me.

I'm a highly decorated astronaut. I would not degrade myself in such a

And besides, it's a one piece.

I couldn't even if I wanted to. It's all contained.

Captain Silver, may I call you Eric?

Yes. Eric.

We know it was you.

It's lonely.

I'm all by myself.

He's admitted it.

Captain Sutherland, you're disgusting.

No internet for six months.

Um, can you not tell my wife?

Can you please not tell my wife, please?

These last few months have been amazing. I know.

I don't think I've ever... I know.

Me too.

I wake up most mornings just... I just can't believe how happy I am.

Ditto.

I love you.

There is...

Something that I actually want to tell you. I probably should have told you

already by now, but... Uh -oh.

Don't tell me, let me guess.

You're secretly gay.

No. You know what? I wouldn't even care if you were.

That's how much I love you.

No, that's not it.

Okay, then.

You're adopted, and we're actually brother and sister.

Again, I wouldn't care if you were.

And I would continue to sleep with you, even if I just discovered you were

actually my biological sister.

That's how much I love you.

No, it's not that. Or you were adopted, and you're actually my birth mum. If you

told me right now that you were some amazingly preserved 65 -year -old woman

was actually my birth mother, I wouldn't be upset.

No. Or even dad, same scenario as before, but you were born a man, and

had me, and then you had a sex change later in life.

I would still take you home tonight and make love to you with the lights on.

That's... So sweet.

No, what I wanted to tell you was... I have a child.

You have a child?

Yeah.

It's right here.

This is your baby?

Yeah,

I know, I know. I should have told you by now, but I just... I thought you

have noticed.

Noted?

Uh, no. Sorry I'm not a super sleuth detective who solves crimes by detecting

minuscule details.

All right, I'm really sorry. I can't believe this.

I'm done.

Can't we just talk it through?

Honestly?

I don't know.

You're always talking about how much you want to have children. I do, but to

raise someone else's kid, it would have to be really, really...

Good looking, like off the scale, adorable, cute, like in a calendar dress

pumpkin cute.

And I'm sorry, this child is not that attractive.

I don't see it.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

But what did you expect?

It's ugly.

No.

Did you just recently do that dog food commercial, Ed?

Yes, I did.

Well spotted.

Okay, Patrick and Trevor, right? No, I'm Trevor. I'm Patrick.

Sorry, you just look quite similar.

This, as I'm sure you know, is Scarlet. Ah, yes, hello. Hi. Hi, nice to meet

you. Lovely work.

Now, the scene today is that Abigail has failed to seduce Proctor, so she's

alone in the woods and... and two zombies enter, a bit of moaning and

mums moving, you guys know what you're doing. Any questions? No? Good, okay.

Yeah, actually, yes, I do have a question.

I was wondering if I might read for the part of Proctor.

What?

John Proctor.

I've prepared a monologue.

Proctor is a down -to -earth forthright farmer.

Yes. And you're a zombie.

I'm an actor.

Sorry, I don't... Please, it'll only take a minute. Can we just do this? I've

got a reading at three.

Yeah, let's just get into it, shall we?

No, I'm afraid I've prepared a monologue. Hey, buddy, you're a zombie,

right? Just stop wasting everyone's time.

Oh, wasting everyone's time, am I? Can I just ask you something, friend? Aren't

you just a little bit ashamed about this, huh? Can't you see the kind of

that this kind of stereotyping is doing to our cause?

perpetrating the idea that all zombies are just mindless idiots just lurching

around eating human brains.

Aren't you just a little bit embarrassed about it? No, I'm an entertainer, okay?

An entertainer. Yeah.

Performing the same roles in every production, just staggering around,

human flesh. Oh, it's more staggering. And then wacko acts at the back of the

head dead.

Brilliant. I'm sure your Oscar's just around the corner. Fuck off.

There's nuance in my performance, all right? There's light and shade. There's

subtle variation.

Light and shade. What, is it that?

There's a shady bit. There's light.

It's called acting, mate. Something you wouldn't know anything about.

Oh, and such an accurate portrayal of our lives, isn't it? Afterwards, maybe

and I should go to the coffee shop and later we're going to just tear some

infant apart and eat its bowels right in front of its mother. No one's forcing

you to be here, mate. If you don't want to be part of the industry, get out.

I love this industry. I just want to tell our stories. I mean, my wife and I,

can't have kids, okay? We're forced to adopt. Now, why isn't there a film about

that? No one wants to see a film about your dead sperm.

But it is real life.

Don't you touch me.

Have you ever had a single line of dialogue in any on -screen work? Mate,

been in 13 feature films. Yeah, 13 films of...

You're not an entertainer, mate. You're a walking fucking cliche.

Okay, that's enough. Get out. Okay, yeah, I'll go.

I'll go. But know this.

Liberty died in this room today. The rights of my brethren have been set back

100 years by your actions.

I hope you're all very proud of yourself.

Good day.

Wait!

Do you think you can bring that kind of passion to Proctor?

Oh, I do.

Then show me.

Because it is my name.

Because I cannot have another in my life.

Stop. That was terrible.

Do you think I might be able to... You want to audition for the role of the

zombie? Yeah.

Okay, good. All right, guys, let's do this.

And action.

He's unstoppable at the moment.

He's 60 out. He thinks he can.

I'm Adam Heim.

Hey, Darren.

Yeah? Could you come here a sec, mate?

Can it wait?

Uh, not really, mate, no.

Yeah?

Something you want to tell me?

No?

You sure about that?

Yeah?

There's nothing you want to tell me?

No, look, what's all this about?

Come here.

Come here!

Feel that.

Feel it.

Yeah, what about it?

How does that feel to you?

Feels good.

Does it?

Yeah.

Doesn't feel... different?

No.

Doesn't feel... lighter?

Lighter. Yeah.

You know, like it's... anything, something.

Feels just the same to me.

Does it?

You don't know?

Well, look at it. What does it look like?

Looks like a feather. It does, doesn't it?

What kind of feather?

A cushion feather. Sorry, mate, I didn't hear you.

A cushion feather. A cushion feather.

Yes, I agree.

What do you think this cushion feather found its way to the ground?

You don't know?

Well...

You don't think it got there by itself, do you?

You don't think it just jumped out of the cushion, all on its own, do you?

Probably not. Probably not.

Probably had some assistance, wouldn't you think?

Yeah.

Probably.

You've got 20 minutes to pack your shit and get out.

Hey, wow, Rory, you're looking great.

Thanks. I've been working out and getting lots of rest.

And that... that's all you've had done?

Yeah. Why?

Nothing. I... nothing.

You look great, man.

You've totally had work done. I know.

It's so obvious.

Hamish, we're not here for you, okay?

Hey, Dad.

Hi, guys.

Hi, darling.

Why don't you take a seat?

I, um... I guess you know why we're all here.

We're having dinner, are we?

It's about your drinking, Dad.

What is this?

Is this one of these bloody interventions?

Yeah, Dad, it is.

Look, this is very nice, but I haven't touched a drop for two years.

That's the problem.

You're sober all the time now.

AA has made me stronger.

Do you think it's easy? I used to drink a bottle a day. At least.

Yeah, you did.

And now all we hear about is AA this and my life is better than ever that. And I

am really, really sick of it.

I thought it was what you wanted.

The doctor said if I didn't stop drinking... The doctor doesn't have to

with you, does he? Bec, eat up.

We didn't realise how crack you'd become, Dad.

You used to be fun. You were crack and joke.

You used to fall over and we'd split your head on the table.

Touching people in inappropriate places.

Guys...

I don't remember any of this. No, you don't. But we do.

It was freaking awesome.

I have moved to a higher state.

Yesterday was history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today is a weird... What

hell is that? It's a mantra. Nobody wants mantras, Dad.

They're creepy and weird.

Look, I feel like I never see you anymore.

You're always at those self -help meetings, working all the time.

I feel like I barely know you.

Marianne.

What about the inappropriate behaviour at parties? Do you eye -charge it? I

never asked you to become a saint.

What about the money? I saved thousands of dollars. Don't you make this about

money, don't you bloody...

the way through this, do you?

I'm housing you all by being sober.

Do I know you?

No. No, no, no. Hold on.

You're in The Walking Dead.

You're in The Walking Dead.

You're with the...

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