Original subtitles

Take some notes here, son. I'm falling about like the devil's ball. I'm a

stranger born in the middle of the gate in a strange hotel.

And let me tell you that man with a trench coat and he'll take you downtown.

Nasty and in the corner street. He's an animal and I'm a bag of blood.

And do you, John Granger, take Natalie Albright to be your lawful wedded wife

have and to hold?

To cherish in sickness and in health and... Sickness?

Yeah, that's right.

Coughs and colds, that kind of thing?

Any kind.

It's all types of sickness, all kinds of ailments, any illness or disease.

AIDS?

Yes.

We talked about this during the counselling.

Through our engagement.

All right, all right. I just don't remember anything about sickness, that's

I love you.

What if she's in a wheelchair? John.

Yes.

A quadro.

What if she can't... I've just got to push her around? Yeah, even quad.

Now, if you want, we can stop this. No, no, no.

All right.

Thank you. Let's go.

For richer or for poorer... Oh, fucking hell. Hey, really?

Sir, we're in a house of God.

She's got a job.

Are you good? Yeah.

Until death do you... Oh, too far. Come on.

Death?

Are you listening to yourself?

Why can't we just cut to the reception, like...

You should like to do the kiss.

I'll kiss her.

All right.

All right.

Well, do you?

I do.

And do you, Natalie Albright, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?

You don't have to.

I do.

Sure? Yes.

Good. Thank you. I now pronounce you man and wife.

We may now kiss the bride.

Ooh.

Is that a carousel?

Fuck Movember.

And behold.

The Lord hath given unto me two stone tablets, written by the hand of God

himself, proclaiming unto all believers the ten commandments of the covenant.

Ten? More like eleven.

No, the Lord was very clear about the numbers. There's definitely ten.

Sorry, Matty, there's eleven.

Yeah, there's definitely eleven. Have a look. What are you talking about?

Moses is a fag.

Fucking trolls.

Well, I'm a bit bloody puzzled, Frank.

Because I was under the impression that this was the best horse Golden Master

has ever...

I know, Steve. I know.

You said he had the build of a champion. He does. No wins in 15 starts. Doesn't

seem like a bloody champion to me. It's getting embarrassing. I've taken half a

mil off my share portfolio to invest in this nag.

Oh, not imagine that. 15 grand every month.

Money down the sink.

He's a good horse, right? He's a three -year -old. He'll come good. You just

have to stick with me.

I know I've said this before, but maybe we should think about getting a new

jockey. No, look, Jimmy, he is the best that there is. He's highly regarded, all

right? We've gone over this. A jockey's not the problem. We've got to try

something. Look, look, all right, let's talk to him.

Jimmy? Yeah.

Well, he knows the horse better than anyone.

All right, righto, Frank, whatever you think. Bring him in.

Great idea.

Jimmy.

It's the trainer. Come here for a second, mate, will you?

Are you going?

Yeah, Jimmy.

Hey, Jimmy. Hiya, Jimmy.

Jimmy, we're just discussing why Calypso Gold isn't performing the way he

should.

Beats me.

Look, I'm no expert, but it seems to me he's just getting tired. I mean, he just

walks over the line.

That's a core field when he laid down for a rest 200 from the post. Listen,

Jimmy, mate, I don't mean to be rude, but has anybody considered the

that it could be...

What are you saying?

Black and gold.

It's an unlucky combination of colours, mate.

That's ridiculous.

You're right.

I hate to say it, but I think the glue factory might be the best option.

I think you might be right.

Yep, that's it. Let's cut our losses.

You guys finished with these?

Yeah. Help yourself, Jimmy. Cheers,

Jimmy.

C -minus 14 minutes till landing on lunar surface.

Copy that, thank you.

Wow.

I can't believe we're going to walk on the moon.

First three guys to walk on the moon.

Three.

Yeah.

You haven't. I thought you might. No.

What?

Listen, Mikey, obviously one of us has to stay in the command module while the

other two are on the surface of the moon. I mean, that's a given.

Yeah. Oh.

I'll rock that.

Well, that's simple.

You see, we all took a vote at the meeting. What meeting? The meeting.

You were at the meeting, weren't you? No.

Really? No.

Sure.

That's weird.

Anyway, we took a vote at the meeting and... Are you telling me I'm not

on the moon?

Well, next time you can.

Oh, get fucked!

Come on, it's going to be same, same. It's going to be like a big grey beach.

Yeah, just totally lame.

Oh, come all this way!

Hey, hey, hey, watch that tone there, Michael. No, Buzz, this is really

annoying. Listen, it's not going to be that big a deal. No.

Walking on the moon.

Not that big a deal.

No. I've told all my friends and family. I'm going to look like an idiot when I

get back home. Listen, no one's going to watch this. It's not even going to

rate. This is all science nerdy. No one cares. Hey, listen. When this baby goes

around the dark side of the moon, you're going to become the most isolated human

being in human history.

Wow. How about that? Totally jealous.

That's shit.

And scary. That's cool.

Yeah. Yeah, cool if you like shit.

God, that looks so boring.

God made atheists to piss himself off.

Dear Anne, I've just received some disturbing news from Hampton Court.

The king has ordered your...

The king...

The King... What's going on?

What? Did you block my carry pigeon?

Yes, I did. Why?

Because, quite frankly, I'm sick of them.

Look at this.

32 pigeon messages.

And that's just today.

Yes.

And? The problem is I'm trying to do work and I keep getting interrupted by

bloody pigeons.

I mean, look at some of these messages.

High tea with Lord Morrow, dot, dot, dot.

Boring. It was.

And then this one.

Had two eggs for breakfast.

Yum. And then two minutes later, grapefruit is really sour.

It is.

Yeah, but I don't care, do I? You're just threatened because you don't know

to use a carrier pigeon.

That's ridiculous. I'm just busy. You're threatened by technology.

I write letters.

You can't embrace change.

You're a technophobe. The world is changing.

And if you don't keep up, you're going to be left behind and out of touch.

I'd appreciate if you stopped sending your pigeons.

All right, fine.

I'll take you off my list. But don't blame me if you're out of touch.

I really like these ones.

Yeah, I know.

But at least you get the news in person.

Who doubt? That's what I'd want.

All right, where are you?

Ew.

You want me to do this one?

Oh, would you? That'd be great.

I'm actually feeling a little bit light -headed.

Why did you skip breakfast again?

I'll need to stop skipping breakfast.

Yep, Mum.

Claire Watson?

Yeah, is there a problem?

Ma 'am, I'm afraid your husband has been involved in an accident.

Oh, my God. Rodney, is he OK?

I'm very sorry to tell you that he died at the scene. Oh, God, no.

No, no, no, Ronnie.

We're very sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry, but why is she eating a banana?

Oh, my blood sugar was low. She skipped breakfast.

We realise this is a very difficult time for you.

Okay, so show some respect and stop eating bananas.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, oh, wait, oh, oh,

hey.

Okay? Okay.

This is Watson.

For starters, it's just the one banana.

And number two, I realise you're going through some stuff right now.

But a lot of blood sugar is a very serious thing, particularly if you're a

diabetic. Sorry.

It's okay.

I'm not a diabetic.

Well, not yet.

You don't know what the future brings, as this lady just found out.

I need you both to leave now.

Here is my card.

We'll need you to come and identify the body when you... Just take your bananas

and fuck off. Yes, we will leave.

Just the one banana that I pointed out earlier.

We'll need the results as they were.

The attitude.

And lift

and down and lift and down.

And lift and hold and hold and hold.

Feel the burn.

Hey, Neil, take my picture. Take my picture. Okay, okay, pose, pose.

Yeah, you got it. Oh, you look hot.

How awesome is this? Incredible.

This is the greatest feeling ever.

Okay, watch this jump. Ready? One, two, three, go.

Oh, see that air.

Get some air. Oh, you get some air. Hey, Buzz, do you want to play golf?

Bye -bye, Frogsy.

Frogsy and Teddy McGiggle will see you tomorrow.

Bye -bye.

Cut.

That's great. Cut. That's a wrap.

Everyone can go home. George?

Yeah, can I have you here for one second? I still don't quite understand

Sorry I'm late.

All right.

Just glad you're here.

I asked for two menus ages ago. They haven't even offered me a wine list.

As if I'm invisible.

Did you say this place had a hat and a good food guide?

I see you managed to get yourself a scotch.

What does that mean?

Is that your first?

Don't start. I had a tough day at work.

Teddy McGiggle had a tough day at work, did he?

Did some kids send him some challenging macaroni out for you and Frogsy to

judge? Well, you weren't even able to make it to our entree. Come and spend a

-hour shift in casualty, and then we can talk about who has a tough time at

work. Why are you doing this?

I asked for these 20 minutes ago!

Sorry, sir.

Can I offer you something to start? I'm fine.

Why don't you get him another scotch?

I can't do this. What? This.

I can't be in this relationship any longer.

Because I don't want kids.

I don't want them either. You know that.

My drinking.

Is it the affair?

I told you a million times I'm forgiving you for that. It's not that.

Well, what else could it possibly be?

Your voice.

Excuse me?

It's your voice.

listen to it any longer every time you open your mouth it's like nails scraping

down a chalkboard everywhere we go people stare at us i can't help it if

recognize me from television jennifer people aren't looking at you because

you're on tv people are looking at you because you

I can't take it any longer.

Let's go talk to that girl.

You're not the boss of me.

Excuse me. I need to change seats.

I'm sorry, sir. Our economy is completely full.

Well, something up the front there.

Is there a problem?

I am not allowed to sit next to children.

Sorry? Minus.

I shouldn't technically be within close proximity.

So you're saying that you're a... Oh, very much so.

I'm one of them.

So I think it's in their best interest that I be moved.

Really?

Yes.

So you find that child... A big child. Right.

Just... And I can't be trusted. I just... I can't help myself.

Well, you don't look like one of them. Well, I am.

See? That's totally inappropriate.

And I'm very aroused now.

No.

No, you're not. Yes, I am.

He is hot.

He's faking. He just wants an upgrade.

Yeah, I thought so.

You know what?

People like you disgust me.

Oh, I disgust you? Well, this is outrageous what you're letting take

All right, fine, leave me here.

Fantastic.

I've hit the jackpot. Woo -hoo! Oh, we're going to have a great flight,

Is that what you want?

How can you live with yourself?

Hey, Dad, can you get my iPad down?

Yes.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much. Thank you.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for my next trick, can I please have a

from the audience?

Ah, young lady, please, thank you. A round of applause.

Come up here, young lady.

Come up here. Thank you, darling. Thank you. What's your name?

Emma. Emma. And Emma, is this your boyfriend?

Yes. No.

This is Al from States.

Oh, right.

Good. Well, um, I'll try not to hurt her.

And now, Emma, can I please invite you to step into this box?

As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, this is just an ordinary box.

But before your very eyes, my assistant and I are going to saw

the lovely Emma in half.

Second one.

Will you believe it's true?

Energised, Al?

Yes.

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we're unable to save your legs.

You mean that they're still in there? Yes, I'm afraid they're gone.

Do we still have that dinner reservation for 8 o 'clock?

Yep.

Better get a wriggle on.

Predators enjoy tasty meals, so evolution favours the less delicious

I can't tell you how angry that makes me.

All right, well, I thought we'd go through the Christmas rosters for

just make sure we're all on the same page.

Now, Father Riley, Father Caldwell.

And Father Beecham and Bishop Dunn, you're all rostered on for the morning

services on Christmas Day.

You're kidding me. Look, I've tried to be fair about this. You know why I

Christmas Day off. I put my leave for many months ago. Well, I appreciate

However... I've booked my flights and everything.

Bullshit.

I've worked the last five Christmas days and you've never heard me complain

about it. There's got to be a little bit of give and take.

Yeah, yeah. You had us all working through the Christmas period last year

the year before that and the year before that. And plus, I haven't had an Easter

off since JP2. Well, these are all pinnacle days in our faith. I thought

Christmas was supposed to be about family. I haven't spent Christmas Day

family for 12 years, thanks to your roster.

All right.

Well, why don't you swap with Father Dawson and do midnight mass instead?

No. I've got plans.

Carol's by candlelight.

Well, you'll be done by 12.

After party?

Mate, I ran a prior.

Hey, I'm that.

When's our word Christmas party anyway? Uh, well, um... No, no, no way. No

bloody way. No, you can't show afters on that. It's Christmas.

Well, things have been a little bit tight this year.

All right, now, you're more than welcome to finish what's left of the communion

wine and the wafers at the end.

Don't forget your calling.

Christmas is a time of giving.

A time of selflessness.

A time to put the needs of others ahead of your own.

Bishop Kelly.

It would be my absolute honor to work on Christmas Day in the service of the

Lord. Put me down for all services.

Thank you, Father Dawson.

Hey, buddy.

God, you didn't miss much.

Nah. It's all the same same, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was okay, I guess. Just after a while, just, you know, a bit boring.

Yeah.

Really?

So what, the moon was crap, was it? Is that what you're telling me?

It was okay.

Yeah, it was okay.

But, um, meh.

I'm more of a beach resort kind of guy myself.

It was cold, wasn't it? Oh, brr.

Much better here.

Ooh, yeah.

You were down there for a while?

Yeah. Yeah, we just had to do some stuff. You know, we planted a flag.

Just work stuff.

Said a couple of things to the guys back home.

You messed that up. What was that? That man, mankind thing. Came out all wrong.

I can remember.

When's it say?

I said, you know what? I've forgotten already.

It was just I improvised some kind of little thing. It doesn't matter.

Go on.

Got any pics?

A few.

Now, one of you playing golf was pretty good. Oh, yeah, that was pretty

terrific. And the hopping one.

You get some here. What we done? You get some here. What we done? You get some

here. What we done?

What's up?

Nothing, it's just a thing.

Hey,

listen, we got you a rock.

Yeah.

Eh? Awesome.

That was one of the best ones they had. Easily. Oh, was it? Which is telling you

something about the place.

It's a moon rock.

Christ.

Will you get some air? What's with that? Will you get some air? What's with

that?

Fuckhead. Yes.

That dude ain't right.

That man is an animal.

That motherfucker ain't right.

That man is a...

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