Original subtitles

"Blart!"

"What the devil are you doing"

"on that confounded computer tablet device?"

"Hawk tuah, man!"

"Mmm, boy."

After 487 seasons, they've still got it.

Glep and I are going to AnimeCon.

Oh, that sounds fun.

I am dressed up.

Yeah, I... I can see.

Nice.

Thank you.

-Goodbye. -Okay, see you guys.

Hello?

Hey, Pim.

Hey, can you tell the boss I can't come into work today?

I feel pretty sick, man.

Charlie, are you actually sick, or do you want

to just play that new game that just came out?

Wh-- What-- I don't know what game you're--

What game are you talking about? Oh, man.

Oh, man, sorry. I gotta-- I gotta get out of here.

I'll talk to you later.

Okay, well, rest up.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so that's the job.

Okay, sounds good.

-Wait! -What?

Where's the fat one?

Oh, Charlie's sick today, so it's just me.

Hmm, normally it wouldn't matter,

but this job is a domestic dispute.

It's got to be a two-person job just in case it gets nasty.

Oh, well, Allan-- Allan and Glep aren't here either,

so who should I go with?

You know what, Pim?

I think there's someone I can call

to come out of retirement.

Wassup!

Pim, meet Squim,

the first Smiling Friend I ever hired.

Oh, hello there. My name is Squim,

and I retired all the way back in 2001.

I'm so happy the boss called me back

to do one more job.

Hello, my name's Pim.

Oh, Squim to meet ya, Pim.

-Squim to meet ya. -Nice-- Nice to meet you too.

God damn, that's beautiful.

Now get on out of here.

I got to do some important boss stuff.

Oh, man, that kebab hit the spot.

I don't know why it was spicy.

I thought I ordered non-spicy,

but, hey, I'll take it. I'll take it.

"Hey, yellowman95, why do you have troops"

"around my border, man?"

Don't worry about it, man. Just chill out, okay?

Just chill for a second, dude.

"No! Hey! No!"

"Don't! Don't! Stop what you're doing!"

I'll be taking some of your oil there.

I'll take some of your... What is that?

It's gold. Thank you. Oh, hey, I'll have it all.

Thank you very much.

Shit.

Hi. Hello?

Hey, Charlie.

What are you up to?

Hey.

Hey, I'm actually home, uh, sick right now, in bed.

Pim told you that, right?

Yeah, he did, he did.

The only problem is I can see you

on Steam right now playing "Grand Strategy IV",

you fucking liar, you fucking piece of shit,

little fucking rat.

What? No, no, no. I don't know what you're talking about--

Charlie, I'm going to make this really simple for you, dude.

If you don't get into work by noon, you're fired.

You hear me? Fired! Get in here!

Now where was I?

Man, I cannot lose my job right now.

I'm still paying off that painting I bought.

Oh, my stomach.

Oh, God, man.

Going on a job! Going on a job!

Going on a beep-bop-boop-bop-bop!

Going on a job! Going on a job!

Going on a hip-hop-bop-bop-bop job!

I love that.

Hey, I've always wondered,

what was Smiling Friends like back in the beginning?

Uh, we were Squim-tastic.

Back in the early days, it was a small little business

about yay big. It was just me back then.

Yeah, it was tough times,

but I learned the most valuable life lesson.

Oh, what's that?

That positivity is the key to life,

no matter what the situation.

Wow, I've always felt that too,

but other people tell me that's naive.

-Pim, hey, listen. Hey, Pim. -Oh!

-Uh, yep. -Listen to me. Lis-- Stop. Look at me.

-Okay. -Hold my hands.

-Like this? Uh-- -Put your feet in front of mine.

Never, and I mean never, let anyone ever tell you

that you should not be positive

because it's the only mode you should be in!

Oh wow, okay, thank you.

Oh hey look, I think we're here!

What are you gonna do, are you gonna lay your hands

on me again, huh?

Oh, finally, there they are.

This is clearly my garbage,

and this filthy maggot can't wrap his tiny brain

around that simple fact.

No, no, no, it is my garbage.

-And you know that's true. -I'll rat you rat off.

Rat me? Rat you? I spit on you.

Don't you ever spit on my trash!

Hey, hey, wait.

Instead of screaming, why don't we--

"Be positive, Be positive Be, be, be, be, be positive"

He's right.

Let's make up and be best friends again.

I agree.

Rat and Maggot, the iconic duo, back together yet again.

What about that? Who woulda guessed that, folks?

Come on, get over here, man. I love you.

Oh, that feels good.

The garbage is for both of us.

-I know. -The garbage is for both of us.

-I know. -I know. It's for both of us.

-I'm sorry. -It's for both of us.

The garbage is for both of us.

Successful mission!

That was awesome.

You're great at this, Squim. I love how positive you are.

Pim, it was because of you too. We did it as a team.

Yeah.

You know, usually this job would have taken

a lot longer. What do you want to do now?

Hey, I have an idea. Let's go get ice cream.

Ooh, that sounds yummy!

Oh, God.

God damn!

Get back here, Goddamn it.

Someone grab him.

Hey, I don't want to freak nobody out

or nothing like that, man,

but I see the bus driver has devil horns, man.

We gotta get off this bus, man.

The devil can't drive the bus. The bus is gonna crash, man!

Excuse me? Do you know what the next stop is?

"I love waiting in line"

"It is my favorite time"

Oh, golly, it's so refreshing

to have someone else positive to go back and forth with.

Isn't this what your other partner's like?

I mean, isn't he positive?

I mean, not really.

Charlie's my best friend in the whole world,

don't get me wrong, but he's not positive like you.

Maybe we can do more jobs in the future,

like you and me as well.

Oh, I would love that, Pim. Would Charlie come too?

Oh, I mean, yeah, sure, if he shows up.

Well, well, well...

How you doing, Pim?

-Who's your new friend? -Hi, Mr. Ice Cream.

This is Squim.

He's taking over for Charlie today.

Pleased to meet you, Squim.

Oh, Squim to meet you too.

I love this ice cream place!

It's so cool and smells so good.

Thank you, man.

Me and my wife started it 30 years ago.

Phyllis really was one of the kindest souls I ever met.

I miss her more and more every day.

Oh, your wife is dead? Oh, that's not positive.

Oh, you gotta be positive. You gotta do the Squim dance.

"Do a little Squim Make a little love"

"Get down tonight, da-da-da-da Get down tonight..."

Uh, Squim. I don't think that's really appropriate.

"Da, da, da, da, da, da"

Why are you doing this?

All right, Squim, we get it.

That's enough, Squim. Ah!

All right, that's enough, Squim! Squim, stop! Stop!

Hello? Please come quickly!

There's a crazed man terrorizing everyone!

I think he has a bomb on him and...

Hey, excuse me. Do you know what street we're on?

I really need to get to work.

Oh, I can see the office. Oh, I'm almost there.

I'm almost there.

"I told you, man, the devil"

"Devil, man"

"Devil"

"Devil, man"

"Devil"

"Devil, man"

"Devil"

"Devil, man"

"Squibbidy-doo Squibbidy-dee"

"Squibbidy-hipbbidy Hipbiddy-squi"

All right, I think it's time we go back to the office.

"I love everything, I love life I love everything, I love life"

Okay, stop, Squim, please. It's kind of annoying now.

"And hello Pim And I am Squim!"

Squim, being positive is good, but there's a time and a place.

You behaved pretty bad with Mr. Ice cream back there.

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just...

you know, I'm just saying.

Oh, I see. I... I get it, Pim. I get it.

I wasn't being positive enough!

I'm gonna help this couple!

I'm gonna help this wheelchair guy!

I'm gonna help this homeless thing!

Squim, calm down!

Oh, I gotta help those police

over there with whatever they're doing!

Squim, get back here!

Sir, get on the fucking ground!

-Ah, help! -Get on the ground, man!

Get on the ground!

I just need to get to the office!

-Sir, we have you surrounded! -Oh my gosh, Charlie!

"Squim dance! Squim dance! Everybody do the Squim dance!"

He's doing the Squim dance! Shoot him!

Stop! Stop shooting. Shots fired. Shots fired.

"Do a little Squim Make a little love"

"Get down tonight"

Yeah, so I don't know what you ate exactly,

uh, but it had a parasite apparently.

A really, really bad one.

Uh, this is the worst parasite we've ever seen, unfortunately.

Man, that's the last time I ever eat a parasite kebab.

Okay, let me just say that much.

Do you want to take it home with you as like a trophy?

-No. -All right.

Dibs. Mine then.

You are so fucked.

You have no idea how fucked you are.

You are so fucked.

Oh, Charlie, you actually were sick

and I didn't believe you.

I'm so sorry.

No, I'm the one that should be sorry, man.

You know, I wasn't really sick earlier.

I played hooky, but then I did get sick.

Uh, I guess that's like karmic justice.

And anyways, now there's like a tube inside my penis.

So no, I won't be doing that again.

Yeah, and even though you're a lying rat,

you really proved your loyalty to me, Charlie.

Everything ended up working out in the end.

Except for Squim.

I feel terrible about what happened to him.

What do you mean?

Squim's soul just went through a 14-hour surgery.

He's gonna live!

Hello there.

I'm sorry, who-- who is this?

He was, like, the first Smiling Friend I ever hired.

He used to be, like, really wacky and stuff.

-Pim could back me up. -Yeah, he was, yeah.

Yeah, if you saw him before, it'd make more sense.

Oh.

Okay.

Uh, excuse me. Can I get a picture with you?

No.

I love you.

-Okay. -I love you.

-Can you leave us alone? -No, no, you don't understand.

I love you. No, you don't get it.

-Please. Stop. -I love you. No, please.

-You don't understand. I love you. -Please, sir. Stop!

-I really, really love you! -Stop! Stop it!

I need you. I love you! I need you!