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The legendary Van Wilderwas my mentor.
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00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:51,748
He enabled me to become the king of coolat Coolidge College.
3
00:00:51,853 --> 00:00:55,118
Thanks to his many insightful life lessons,like, "Two's company,
4
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:58,056
"and three is only goodif there's no class the next day."
5
00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,721
I'm now going to England to take the pathof another great man, my father,
6
00:01:01,830 --> 00:01:05,357
and continue my academic studiesat Camford University.
7
00:01:06,164 --> 00:01:10,092
After pursuing my degree in history,
I'll go ahead
8
00:01:10,194 --> 00:01:13,960
and get a minor in major muff-munching.
9
00:01:14,065 --> 00:01:16,901
You're not listening to anything
I'm saying, are you?
10
00:01:17,002 --> 00:01:22,481
Not a word,
Mr. Minor-in-Major-Muff-Munching.
11
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:26,554
- Chicken or fish?
- Yes, I'll have the chicken, please.
12
00:01:26,918 --> 00:01:28,493
Enjoy your meal.
13
00:01:29,626 --> 00:01:32,195
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
14
00:01:32,402 --> 00:01:33,686
All right.
15
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,797
- Chicken or fish?
- Chicken.
16
00:01:37,295 --> 00:01:38,745
- Excuse me.
- Yes?
17
00:01:38,846 --> 00:01:41,552
Is that Madame Mandira's Homemade
Bombay Hot Sauce?
18
00:01:41,921 --> 00:01:43,069
No way, you know it?
19
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,703
Habanero and cayenne peppers mixed
with lime juice, vinegar, onions and salt.
20
00:01:46,811 --> 00:01:48,557
From the great Calcutta Salt Lake?
21
00:01:49,289 --> 00:01:50,303
Would you like some?
22
00:01:53,123 --> 00:01:54,306
Sorry. I'm so clumsy.
23
00:02:03,104 --> 00:02:06,933
Sorry. I have this thing for spices.
24
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,670
You have "a thing"?
25
00:02:12,057 --> 00:02:13,108
Well...
26
00:02:19,793 --> 00:02:22,731
You want some of this, don't you,
you dirty little whore?
27
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:28,877
Come and get it.
28
00:02:40,821 --> 00:02:41,747
Don't stop.
29
00:02:43,582 --> 00:02:44,679
Don't stop.
30
00:02:46,313 --> 00:02:49,330
- I said, "Don't stop."
- Okay, okay.
31
00:02:50,725 --> 00:02:54,635
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
You like hot sauce on your kebabs, cookie?
32
00:02:56,366 --> 00:02:58,779
Oh, that's hot. Oh, that's hot.
33
00:02:59,383 --> 00:03:01,171
Oh, that's actually...
34
00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:48,133
Smell that, Balzac?
35
00:03:49,155 --> 00:03:52,029
That is the aroma of higher education.
36
00:03:52,455 --> 00:03:57,391
The aroma of young minds
absorbing knowledge. The aromas...
37
00:03:57,823 --> 00:03:58,843
Yes.
38
00:03:59,523 --> 00:04:01,246
The aroma of that, too.
39
00:04:02,302 --> 00:04:04,714
Let us make haste, my friend,
40
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:07,857
to the fraternal house
where my family name became legend.
41
00:04:08,366 --> 00:04:09,162
Come on.
42
00:04:30,964 --> 00:04:32,931
"May driving on the wrong side
of the road,
43
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,802
"lead you down the right path.
44
00:04:35,097 --> 00:04:36,886
"Write that down. Van."
45
00:05:05,821 --> 00:05:07,264
Well, well, well. What do we have here?
46
00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:09,126
- Percy?
- 2:30...
47
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:11,505
Taj Mahal
48
00:05:13,756 --> 00:05:15,334
Badalandabad.
49
00:05:16,415 --> 00:05:17,154
Wow.
50
00:05:18,459 --> 00:05:21,105
It's even more magnificent
than I imagined it.
51
00:05:23,262 --> 00:05:26,306
- Welcome to the house of Fox and Hounds.
- Welcome to the house of Fox and Hounds.
52
00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:47,975
Good afternoon.
53
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,983
Pip Everett, Earl of Grey. How do you do?
54
00:05:51,472 --> 00:05:53,082
I do very well, thank you.
55
00:05:53,572 --> 00:05:55,855
Splendid. How may we help you?
56
00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:59,630
My name is Taj Mahal Badalandabad,
your newest and proudest member.
57
00:05:59,838 --> 00:06:01,496
Fantastic. Fantastic.
58
00:06:02,055 --> 00:06:03,890
- Come and meet the guys.
- Sure.
59
00:06:05,456 --> 00:06:06,576
This is incredible.
60
00:06:06,795 --> 00:06:09,662
The oldest and finest fraternal guild
in all of England.
61
00:06:10,396 --> 00:06:12,405
You know, I've been dreaming of this day
since I was a boy.
62
00:06:12,653 --> 00:06:13,728
- Champagne?
- Thank you.
63
00:06:13,952 --> 00:06:16,922
Since my father, Dilip,
who was known by his fellow Hounds
64
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,451
as the Womb Broom Badalandabad,
65
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,575
would tell me stories about his time here
during the swinging '60s.
66
00:06:32,417 --> 00:06:35,967
Quiet. Quiet, quiet, please.
67
00:06:36,184 --> 00:06:38,729
Now, it has been enjoyable
68
00:06:39,544 --> 00:06:41,331
shagging all of you groovy chicks.
69
00:06:41,845 --> 00:06:45,700
But the further spreading
of my baby gravy
70
00:06:46,344 --> 00:06:47,644
will have to wait.
71
00:06:49,566 --> 00:06:50,927
Good show. Good show.
72
00:06:51,273 --> 00:06:52,775
And we're equally excited
to have you as one of our members.
73
00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:54,289
Welcome.
74
00:06:54,345 --> 00:06:55,622
Ladies, perhaps you could show
75
00:06:55,820 --> 00:06:58,714
Sir Womb Broom the Second
to his new room.
76
00:06:58,974 --> 00:07:00,012
- Our pleasure.
- Our pleasure.
77
00:07:00,385 --> 00:07:01,692
Thank you, ladies.
78
00:07:03,959 --> 00:07:08,233
You know,
something about you reminds me of you.
79
00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:09,457
Why?
80
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,334
- Mr. Badalandabad?
- Yes?
81
00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:14,427
- Might I see your acceptance letter?
- Sure.
82
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:18,784
Thank you.
83
00:07:20,141 --> 00:07:22,211
Usually put them
in the scrapbook or something?
84
00:07:23,279 --> 00:07:24,070
No. Not usually.
85
00:07:25,392 --> 00:07:26,610
- Oh, dear.
- What's wrong?
86
00:07:27,010 --> 00:07:28,197
This is very awkward.
87
00:07:28,874 --> 00:07:30,380
There seems to have been
a terrible mistake.
88
00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,323
Typographical, you see.
89
00:07:33,632 --> 00:07:36,484
This letter's supposed to say
that you've not been accepted.
90
00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:39,107
- What?
- I'm very sorry.
91
00:07:39,583 --> 00:07:41,632
But please do pop in any time
and say hello.
92
00:07:41,902 --> 00:07:43,798
But my father went here. I'm a legacy.
93
00:07:44,308 --> 00:07:45,654
Where else would you expect me to go?
94
00:07:45,862 --> 00:07:47,633
Well, I do see your quandary, old boy.
95
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:51,771
I do know of one opportunity,
but it's only eligible for dongs.
96
00:07:52,149 --> 00:07:53,641
Perhaps they'll consider a Taj.
97
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:57,503
Dongs are what you Americans
so eloquently call teaching assistants.
98
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,845
Yes. Well, I am a teaching assistant.
99
00:08:00,137 --> 00:08:01,790
Yes. Here it is.
100
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:04,445
- What is it?
- You'd be a head of house of sorts,
101
00:08:04,642 --> 00:08:07,903
for a very elite group of students
in a dwelling called the Barn.
102
00:08:08,116 --> 00:08:09,727
- The Barn?
- An architectural wonder.
103
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:11,714
- The Barn?
- One of the oldest buildings on campus.
104
00:08:11,898 --> 00:08:12,441
- Is it red?
- No.
105
00:08:12,676 --> 00:08:14,372
- Then it's not a barn.
- Yes, but it's steeped in history.
106
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,277
Good luck, then.
107
00:08:19,264 --> 00:08:20,859
You, too.
108
00:08:21,894 --> 00:08:24,616
Come on, Balzac. Ándale.
109
00:08:31,342 --> 00:08:32,841
Christ, he's got monkey nuts.
110
00:08:33,582 --> 00:08:35,519
- Did you see his face?
- The Barn?
111
00:08:35,731 --> 00:08:37,239
I do believe that was the best one yet.
112
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,657
- You were wonderful.
- That was a classic, Pip.
113
00:08:39,883 --> 00:08:41,875
- Brilliant.
- Don't you boys ever get tired
114
00:08:42,158 --> 00:08:44,431
of playing that same
crass, demeaning joke?
115
00:08:44,903 --> 00:08:46,777
- No.
- No.
116
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:51,998
Another jolly good show.
I must say, it is so much fun being me.
117
00:08:52,891 --> 00:08:53,891
Is that...
118
00:08:55,832 --> 00:08:57,758
Could someone please get me
some Tidy Wipes?
119
00:09:46,104 --> 00:09:49,136
Well, Balzac, as Mr. Van Wilder would say,
120
00:09:49,368 --> 00:09:51,936
it's not the building that matters,
it's the people inside.
121
00:09:54,649 --> 00:09:55,762
Come on.
122
00:10:11,147 --> 00:10:14,924
Excuse me.
I'm looking for the Barn residence hall.
123
00:10:15,311 --> 00:10:16,906
- The Barn.
- Piss off.
124
00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:19,451
Pin-headed squirrelly-looking bastard.
125
00:10:19,823 --> 00:10:24,003
Sorry for the intrusion, you hairy-arsed
dipso Paddy headbanger.
126
00:10:25,182 --> 00:10:27,779
Hey, you're speaking the local lingo
right and proper.
127
00:10:30,237 --> 00:10:32,372
- Hi.
- Hi, you look funny.
128
00:10:32,891 --> 00:10:34,840
- I'm Gethin.
- Hi, Gethin, I'm Taj,
129
00:10:35,026 --> 00:10:36,325
your new resident advisor.
130
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:41,764
Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
The house is such a mess.
131
00:10:41,973 --> 00:10:42,766
I feel so ashamed.
132
00:10:43,278 --> 00:10:45,679
Please stop.
Don't call me sir and don't be formal.
133
00:10:45,901 --> 00:10:48,184
This is a very informal setting
and, Gethin, stand up straight.
134
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,271
A man always looks more confident
when he's erect.
135
00:10:51,421 --> 00:10:52,221
Now, what's all this?
136
00:10:53,715 --> 00:10:55,556
I'm a dual major.
137
00:10:55,979 --> 00:10:57,424
Maths/quantum physics.
138
00:10:58,237 --> 00:11:00,266
Following the tradition of
the great Stephen Hawking, huh?
139
00:11:01,572 --> 00:11:05,239
Not exactly. Numbers geeks
don't have the hottest social life,
140
00:11:05,501 --> 00:11:09,516
so I did a sexual statistics compatibility
survey with all the colleges in England.
141
00:11:10,116 --> 00:11:14,079
Camford came up with the highest
nerd-per-willing-chick probability ratio.
142
00:11:14,676 --> 00:11:16,221
The pursuit of the pink taco.
143
00:11:17,249 --> 00:11:20,668
Gethin, I think you and I are kindred spirits
in the search for the vertical smile.
144
00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:23,207
- The what, sir?
- The vertical smile.
145
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:26,257
You know,
the scrambled eggs between the legs...
146
00:11:26,390 --> 00:11:27,079
I don't know what that is.
147
00:11:27,260 --> 00:11:28,143
...the sunny-side-up
on the way to the butt.
148
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,313
Say again?
149
00:11:31,689 --> 00:11:33,086
Hello. What's your name?
150
00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:37,721
- Hello?
- Simon doesn't like to talk.
151
00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:40,127
Simon?
152
00:11:40,558 --> 00:11:41,751
It's a pleasure to meet you regardless,
153
00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:43,013
and I look forward to hearing from you
154
00:11:43,232 --> 00:11:44,757
when you have something
that you would like to say.
155
00:11:46,828 --> 00:11:48,356
How about you, Balzac?
156
00:11:48,812 --> 00:11:50,511
Hey, buddy. Did you meet everybody?
157
00:11:50,941 --> 00:11:52,596
Hey, what's up with the mutt?
158
00:11:52,855 --> 00:11:54,673
Looks like it's dragging
a pair of soccer balls.
159
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,735
He's a purebred English bulldog.
160
00:11:57,581 --> 00:12:00,258
It's English, is it?
That's why it's such an ugly little bastard.
161
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,394
- He can hear you.
- I don't care.
162
00:12:03,902 --> 00:12:05,278
Why do you have
all that pent-up aggression?
163
00:12:05,499 --> 00:12:07,735
I'm Irish and the English
have been giving us the shaft
164
00:12:07,954 --> 00:12:09,242
for over 500 years and counting.
165
00:12:09,454 --> 00:12:11,172
Well, time out for a second. I'm Indian.
166
00:12:12,207 --> 00:12:14,385
And England invaded India in the 1700s,
167
00:12:14,613 --> 00:12:16,624
and didn't leave
until less than 60 years ago.
168
00:12:17,139 --> 00:12:20,925
Until then, we were just another one of its
colonies, not unlike your Northern Ireland.
169
00:12:21,692 --> 00:12:22,160
- Really?
- Yeah.
170
00:12:22,786 --> 00:12:23,876
That makes us brothers.
171
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,758
I'm dead.
172
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:34,806
So I assume those are real.
173
00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:38,706
You all right?
174
00:12:42,712 --> 00:12:44,511
I'm sorry I lobbed you in the face, mate.
175
00:12:44,885 --> 00:12:45,985
Fancy a sneaky quick one?
176
00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:49,462
No. No, no, I think you've given me enough
sneaky quick ones for the day.
177
00:12:49,653 --> 00:12:50,482
Thank you, Seamus.
178
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:53,971
Sadie, this is Taj Badalandabad,
our new head of house.
179
00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:56,561
All right, me old mucker. Have a shake,
then, I ain't got the clap or nothing.
180
00:12:57,363 --> 00:12:58,981
- What?
- She means handshake.
181
00:12:59,262 --> 00:13:00,887
Right. Of course. Of course, hi.
182
00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:02,182
Sadie is a cockney.
183
00:13:02,385 --> 00:13:04,899
Takes time to understand her.
Words fit in her mouth funny.
184
00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:06,904
Lucky words.
185
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:08,932
You enjoying your time at Camford, Sadie?
186
00:13:09,521 --> 00:13:11,979
Yeah, it's all right.
Blokes are a bit stuffy here, though.
187
00:13:12,321 --> 00:13:13,765
I mean, I never thought
it would be so hard
188
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,879
to find someone worth
slurping the old panhandle.
189
00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:18,556
You know, giving a blow job.
190
00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:20,677
Nothing like getting your tongue
around a nice fat one.
191
00:13:20,953 --> 00:13:22,122
Sliding it in and out.
192
00:13:22,357 --> 00:13:25,366
In and out. In and out. In and out.
193
00:13:25,781 --> 00:13:28,350
Milking it like a cow until it explodes
into the back of your mouth.
194
00:13:29,730 --> 00:13:31,289
I must have an amazing ear for dialects.
195
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,056
I understood
everything that she said perfectly.
196
00:13:33,478 --> 00:13:36,735
So, how long will you be staying with us
before you move to a better house, then,
197
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,731
Mr. Badalandabad?
198
00:13:39,627 --> 00:13:41,354
- I don't follow.
- It's all right, sir.
199
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,576
We all know we're losers.
200
00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:46,198
Well, round here in this campus
201
00:13:46,530 --> 00:13:48,967
we're like crusty brown sheep dung
off an old work boot.
202
00:13:49,178 --> 00:13:50,983
That's painting too pretty a picture,
if you ask me.
203
00:13:51,315 --> 00:13:53,327
Hey, time out, guys.
204
00:13:54,192 --> 00:13:56,503
You know, a few years ago,
I was exactly where you guys were.
205
00:13:57,884 --> 00:13:59,072
Almost.
206
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:01,178
Not really at all, actually.
207
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:03,736
But look, the point is
that there's potential, okay?
208
00:14:04,029 --> 00:14:05,562
There's potential here. That's what I see.
209
00:14:06,321 --> 00:14:10,129
You know, sometimes it just takes a while
to cultivate one's own personal greatness.
210
00:14:10,687 --> 00:14:13,180
- It's okay, sir.
- People always say nice things.
211
00:14:13,368 --> 00:14:15,090
And then they leave.
212
00:14:21,349 --> 00:14:25,101
Balzac, I don't think I will succeed
as the sultan of snatch in this place.
213
00:14:26,787 --> 00:14:31,062
All I wanted to do was spread a little
Badalandabad butter on an English muffin.
214
00:14:32,683 --> 00:14:35,386
Well, Van, what would you do?
215
00:15:05,416 --> 00:15:06,241
Yeah.
216
00:15:07,104 --> 00:15:09,586
You like that long one, don't you,
Miss Nude America?
217
00:15:09,972 --> 00:15:10,551
Yeah, you do.
218
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,948
Miss Nevada likes it hard.
219
00:15:14,603 --> 00:15:15,552
Yeah, scream a bit louder
for more points.
220
00:15:15,824 --> 00:15:17,450
Crazy room.
Will you take a look at this place?
221
00:15:17,656 --> 00:15:18,736
Hey, good morning, guys.
222
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,733
Bloody hell. This must have cost a fortune.
223
00:15:21,258 --> 00:15:22,260
It's an investment.
224
00:15:22,754 --> 00:15:25,394
The coolest, most confident kids
on campus are living here.
225
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,676
- Who's moving in?
- The new you, Gethin.
226
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:29,767
The new all of you.
227
00:15:29,964 --> 00:15:34,838
And to celebrate, I got us an invitation
to the campus-wide inaugural ball tonight.
228
00:15:35,489 --> 00:15:37,410
Black tie only. When should we leave? Oi!
229
00:15:38,506 --> 00:15:39,398
Where are you going?
230
00:15:39,649 --> 00:15:43,287
It's being tossed by that royal chutney
ferret and his chorus of nancy boys.
231
00:15:43,487 --> 00:15:44,579
Yeah, translation?
232
00:15:45,205 --> 00:15:48,843
Pip Everett is the Earl of Grey,
14 spots removed from the Queen herself.
233
00:15:49,275 --> 00:15:50,838
He also happens to be head
of the Fox and Hounds,
234
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,214
who are sponsoring the ball.
235
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,455
Yes, I've met Pip
and I really wouldn't be concerned.
236
00:15:55,645 --> 00:15:57,893
No, sir. You don't understand.
237
00:15:58,973 --> 00:16:01,700
Each one of us were invited
into the Fox and Hounds,
238
00:16:01,936 --> 00:16:04,529
only to be told when we arrived
that there had been some sort of
239
00:16:05,010 --> 00:16:07,109
"typographical error"
in our acceptance letters.
240
00:16:07,503 --> 00:16:09,961
Bloody right.
Supposedly the bastards do it every year.
241
00:16:10,166 --> 00:16:12,535
- Just for their jollies.
- This happened to all of you?
242
00:16:14,980 --> 00:16:16,666
Well, you guys must be livid.
243
00:16:16,958 --> 00:16:19,367
No. It's pretty much the story of our lives.
244
00:16:19,817 --> 00:16:22,737
The story of...
I don't believe what I'm hearing.
245
00:16:23,476 --> 00:16:26,160
Those Fox and Hounds douche bags.
246
00:16:26,373 --> 00:16:30,699
Those pubic-hair tooth flossers
have no right to tell us what to do.
247
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,781
We're going to show them... No.
248
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,883
We're going show ourselves
that we can go wherever we want,
249
00:16:37,461 --> 00:16:39,241
whenever we want.
250
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:42,385
Now, we're going to this party
and we're going to look hot.
251
00:17:05,137 --> 00:17:07,640
So they're rich, powerful and beautiful.
252
00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:11,275
Take away their good looks,
their money and their superior attitudes,
253
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,345
- and what do you have?
- Us?
254
00:17:15,032 --> 00:17:18,889
My point, Gethin,
is that they're no better than us.
255
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:20,790
Have some courage, guys.
256
00:17:21,661 --> 00:17:25,432
There's an old saying. "Jumping off a cliff
only hurts if you forget how to fly."
257
00:17:25,848 --> 00:17:27,548
Excuse me, sir.
I think the actual saying is that...
258
00:17:27,767 --> 00:17:30,605
Well, it doesn't matter
what the actual saying is, Gethin.
259
00:17:30,793 --> 00:17:31,830
It's the intent.
260
00:17:32,076 --> 00:17:33,455
Stand up straight.
261
00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:34,980
Now, where is Simon?
262
00:17:35,502 --> 00:17:37,766
He said he'd be here when he was done
fussing with his bow tie.
263
00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:42,549
All right. Well, go, guys. Have fun.
Go, my little sparrows.
264
00:18:15,222 --> 00:18:17,312
Would you like to dance?
Would you like to dance?
265
00:18:17,829 --> 00:18:19,944
Would you like to dance?
Do you like to dance?
266
00:18:20,336 --> 00:18:24,029
I'd love to dance with you.
267
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,105
So lean, so strong.
268
00:18:28,349 --> 00:18:30,652
So virile.
269
00:18:34,624 --> 00:18:37,979
Do you know I'm not wearing any...
270
00:18:39,135 --> 00:18:42,546
Lady Mulgrove, I believe Lord Mulgrove
was looking for you over there.
271
00:18:44,745 --> 00:18:45,910
Pity.
272
00:18:48,156 --> 00:18:50,419
Lady Mulgrove loves her sherry, I'm afraid.
273
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,855
Well, you know, I've never been checked
for a hernia on the dance floor before.
274
00:18:54,325 --> 00:18:56,920
I have to say, the old lady's tremor
was actually mildly erotic.
275
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,017
Would you like to dance?
276
00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:05,584
Well, actually I have a...
277
00:19:05,786 --> 00:19:07,649
A younger sister you could
hook me up with instead?
278
00:19:07,844 --> 00:19:08,329
Why did I say that?
279
00:19:08,586 --> 00:19:10,815
I'm gonna go slit my wrists
in the corner painfully now.
280
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:12,233
- Thank you. Bye.
- Wait. Wait.
281
00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:13,260
Yes.
282
00:19:14,751 --> 00:19:18,260
- Why not?
- Great.
283
00:19:24,377 --> 00:19:26,559
- So, I've not seen you on campus before.
- Yes, I'm nude.
284
00:19:26,984 --> 00:19:29,106
New, I'm a new graduate student.
285
00:19:30,579 --> 00:19:32,530
- And how are you finding it?
- Great, actually.
286
00:19:32,822 --> 00:19:34,475
It's fantastic. Everyone's really nice,
287
00:19:34,759 --> 00:19:37,306
except for this royal jackass named Pip.
288
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:39,852
- Pip?
- Yes. Pip Everett,
289
00:19:40,151 --> 00:19:43,608
the Earl of Grey, is a world-class jerk.
290
00:19:44,246 --> 00:19:46,284
- You didn't get on with him?
- No.
291
00:19:46,538 --> 00:19:47,240
You would detest him as well.
292
00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:49,448
I would imagine that
only another bubble-headed snob
293
00:19:49,675 --> 00:19:52,794
could stand to be in his company for
longer than it takes to suck on a Tic Tac.
294
00:19:53,013 --> 00:19:56,209
Charlie, there you are.
Oh, I see you've met Haj.
295
00:19:57,423 --> 00:19:58,458
Charlie?
296
00:19:58,993 --> 00:20:01,279
Or you can just call me
the bubble-headed snob.
297
00:20:03,174 --> 00:20:04,744
So, how are things working out
at the Barn?
298
00:20:05,217 --> 00:20:08,311
Very well, actually.
The residents are very special people.
299
00:20:09,412 --> 00:20:10,380
Special, indeed.
300
00:20:10,579 --> 00:20:12,312
Take it back! Say you like Irish whiskey.
301
00:20:12,964 --> 00:20:13,818
Excuse me.
302
00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:20,928
Oh, go on. A little heavy snoggin' with
your husband's all you've been wanting.
303
00:20:21,703 --> 00:20:22,969
I beg your pardon?
304
00:20:23,175 --> 00:20:26,622
You know what we ladies need, sweetie?
A good poke in the low whiskers.
305
00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:29,340
Yes, the lower whiskers,
right next to the Scottish Highlands,
306
00:20:29,637 --> 00:20:31,293
a favorite vacation spot. Excuse us.
307
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,645
- No, Taj. I was talking about her vagina.
- Yes.
308
00:20:38,564 --> 00:20:42,189
I would like to welcome everyone
to the official opening
309
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:45,876
of the competition for the Hastings Cup.
310
00:20:46,605 --> 00:20:49,899
Why do they call it a competition
when we always win?
311
00:20:50,441 --> 00:20:53,498
The Hastings Cup represents
all that is best in a university.
312
00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:57,881
Camford's most gifted
have competed for 600 years.
313
00:20:58,351 --> 00:21:00,667
And now it gives me great pleasure
314
00:21:01,295 --> 00:21:04,683
to introduce the winners
of last year's competition,
315
00:21:05,157 --> 00:21:08,758
the Foxes and the Hounds.
316
00:21:13,869 --> 00:21:15,007
Thank you, sir.
317
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,182
On behalf of my fellow members,
318
00:21:17,414 --> 00:21:19,489
I'd like to wish the other houses
the best of luck
319
00:21:19,963 --> 00:21:23,490
on this year's competition.
May the best lads win.
320
00:21:32,172 --> 00:21:34,585
Don't let that little Indian fellow
put you down, Charlie.
321
00:21:34,915 --> 00:21:36,821
He's hardly worth putting a frown
on your beautiful face.
322
00:21:38,648 --> 00:21:39,900
Why was he upset with you?
323
00:21:40,912 --> 00:21:43,037
I think he was rejected
from the Fox and Hounds the other day.
324
00:21:43,753 --> 00:21:45,417
Poor bloke was devastated.
325
00:21:46,318 --> 00:21:49,387
You know, perhaps I'll have a word.
Cheer him up.
326
00:21:50,591 --> 00:21:52,468
You're sweet.
327
00:21:53,793 --> 00:21:55,496
It's all part of being an earl, my dear.
328
00:21:55,908 --> 00:21:57,103
Constructive criticism.
329
00:21:57,340 --> 00:21:59,375
Seamus, we need to work
on your anger management skills.
330
00:21:59,624 --> 00:22:00,426
Sadie, close your legs.
331
00:22:00,622 --> 00:22:02,350
We just need to figure out
exactly how much you can drink.
332
00:22:02,547 --> 00:22:03,590
And, Gethin...
333
00:22:06,381 --> 00:22:07,494
Oh, Gethin, sit up straight...
334
00:22:07,847 --> 00:22:08,849
Excuse me, Raji.
335
00:22:09,099 --> 00:22:10,324
- My name is Taj.
- I don't care.
336
00:22:10,810 --> 00:22:12,395
I just wanted to share
a little tidbit with you.
337
00:22:13,047 --> 00:22:15,465
When my great-great-grandfather,
Rupert Everett the Third,
338
00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,584
became the first governor
of the Indian colony,
339
00:22:18,213 --> 00:22:19,977
he also took on a band of pet monkeys.
340
00:22:20,633 --> 00:22:22,850
But he used to keep his outside.
There's the door.
341
00:22:23,444 --> 00:22:25,357
Please make sure it hits all of you
on the way out.
342
00:22:26,230 --> 00:22:27,422
- Oh, Poop?
- It's Pip.
343
00:22:27,711 --> 00:22:31,937
I know. A friend of mine used to say
that if you can't join them, beat them.
344
00:22:32,549 --> 00:22:34,074
You might want to write that down.
345
00:22:56,987 --> 00:23:01,115
Hi, ladies and gentlemen.
I am Taj Mahal Badalandabad
346
00:23:01,315 --> 00:23:02,630
- What the hell is he doing?
- ...and I have an important
347
00:23:02,868 --> 00:23:04,353
- Holy crap. He's gone bleeding mad.
- ...announcement.
348
00:23:04,548 --> 00:23:06,515
And in the spirit of the inaugural ball,
349
00:23:06,853 --> 00:23:10,842
I would like to announce the formation of
a new fraternal house, commencing now.
350
00:23:11,830 --> 00:23:16,086
Ladies and gentlemen, please get
your first look at the smart, the sexy,
351
00:23:17,452 --> 00:23:21,629
the very literal-minded,
wearing black tie only,
352
00:23:22,282 --> 00:23:24,605
Cock and Bulls.
353
00:23:38,267 --> 00:23:40,048
We'll never be able to show
our faces again.
354
00:23:40,772 --> 00:23:42,456
We're the laughingstock
of the whole bloody school.
355
00:23:42,833 --> 00:23:43,624
To hell with the lot of them.
356
00:23:43,851 --> 00:23:45,246
What is with the lack of self-image?
357
00:23:46,867 --> 00:23:49,246
You know, we have the potential
to be the best house on this campus.
358
00:23:49,677 --> 00:23:50,785
And I would go so far as to say
359
00:23:51,102 --> 00:23:52,830
that we could even win
the Hastings Cup this year.
360
00:23:53,042 --> 00:23:54,727
How the hell could we win the cup?
361
00:23:54,906 --> 00:23:57,479
Seamus, winning the cup
is based on accumulating points
362
00:23:57,695 --> 00:23:59,612
in academics, athletics and social services.
363
00:24:00,189 --> 00:24:02,483
- Now, Gethin here excels...
- Hold on, hold on, hold on.
364
00:24:02,785 --> 00:24:03,775
I'm a banged-up rugby player,
365
00:24:04,391 --> 00:24:06,296
she's a sausage jockey
for the price of a pint
366
00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:07,549
Oi! And dinner.
367
00:24:07,932 --> 00:24:10,012
...and he's got the bleeding personality
of a toaster oven.
368
00:24:10,975 --> 00:24:14,392
So, you've decided to accept defeat
before you've even tried, huh?
369
00:24:15,010 --> 00:24:18,417
What if Columbus had done that
just because of a bout with seasickness?
370
00:24:18,847 --> 00:24:21,993
Or if Babe Ruth had decided to walk off
after his first rookie season
371
00:24:22,269 --> 00:24:23,634
just because of a little syphilis?
372
00:24:24,338 --> 00:24:26,819
Or what if Ravi Shankar had decided
to give up the sitar
373
00:24:27,245 --> 00:24:30,717
just because he knew he'd be able get
a lot more chooch playing the guitar?
374
00:24:31,908 --> 00:24:37,062
You guys, society has always stifled
those with great minds.
375
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,033
I believe in you.
376
00:24:41,277 --> 00:24:42,853
And you should too.
377
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:44,739
Now,
378
00:24:46,518 --> 00:24:48,858
to the Cock and Bulls.
379
00:24:50,214 --> 00:24:52,621
I said, to the Cock and Bulls.
380
00:24:54,157 --> 00:24:57,333
- To the Cock and Bulls.
- To the Cock and Bulls.
381
00:24:57,562 --> 00:24:59,754
- To the Cock and Bulls.
- To the Cock and Bulls.
382
00:25:00,070 --> 00:25:01,594
To the Cock and Bulls!
383
00:25:01,782 --> 00:25:04,411
Why do you insist
on manipulating the table like that
384
00:25:04,612 --> 00:25:06,126
with the fist, coming down?
385
00:25:09,914 --> 00:25:11,845
- Morning.
- Morning.
386
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:13,677
You know,
387
00:25:15,247 --> 00:25:17,203
I was rather wonderful last night, wasn't I?
388
00:25:17,642 --> 00:25:18,725
I was here, too, you know.
389
00:25:19,998 --> 00:25:23,091
No, not the sex, silly. I was talking
about our dinner with Lord Wrightwood.
390
00:25:23,556 --> 00:25:24,694
How do you think it went?
391
00:25:24,987 --> 00:25:27,316
Well, you fawned over his every word.
392
00:25:27,557 --> 00:25:30,364
I half expected you to get up
from the table and kiss his ass.
393
00:25:30,752 --> 00:25:31,927
I thought it went well, too.
394
00:25:32,211 --> 00:25:34,524
And after graduation,
I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige me
395
00:25:34,755 --> 00:25:36,501
with a recommendation
for a diplomatic position.
396
00:25:37,422 --> 00:25:40,322
Pip, class isn't for an hour.
Come back to bed for a bit.
397
00:25:40,975 --> 00:25:42,835
But I haven't done my exercises yet.
398
00:25:43,146 --> 00:25:46,070
- And I have to exfoliate.
- I can put a glow on your cheeks.
399
00:25:46,264 --> 00:25:48,530
Charlie, hello. We did it last night.
400
00:25:49,659 --> 00:25:53,356
Wednesday. Our night.
401
00:25:55,946 --> 00:25:58,288
I don't understand
why we have to have a night.
402
00:25:58,895 --> 00:26:00,861
Why can't we just do it
whenever we feel like it?
403
00:26:01,178 --> 00:26:02,825
Because we're British
and we control ourselves.
404
00:26:03,062 --> 00:26:04,340
Charlie, I have a busy schedule.
405
00:26:04,690 --> 00:26:06,592
And I'd rather not tell people
I have no energy
406
00:26:06,834 --> 00:26:08,442
because I was off fornicating all night.
407
00:26:08,957 --> 00:26:11,110
Now, which shirt do you like better?
408
00:26:12,127 --> 00:26:14,959
Mauve or turbot? I like the mauve.
409
00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:16,984
But it is difficult with my jaw line.
410
00:26:20,722 --> 00:26:22,872
"We have this day given order
411
00:26:23,698 --> 00:26:28,361
"to our Chancellor of the United Kingdom
and our Chancellor of Ireland,
412
00:26:29,278 --> 00:26:31,645
"that they do respectively
upon notice here
413
00:26:31,850 --> 00:26:35,819
"of forewith issues of writ
effective immediately
414
00:26:36,056 --> 00:26:39,142
"that pigs and chickens
will no longer be tolerated
415
00:26:39,377 --> 00:26:41,171
"in the House of Commons."
416
00:26:41,452 --> 00:26:45,243
Would anyone like to comment
on the House of the Lords journal
417
00:26:45,464 --> 00:26:49,483
volume 64, August 1832?
418
00:26:51,999 --> 00:26:53,648
Yeah. Me, neither.
419
00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,121
God, this is boring.
420
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:03,809
Everybody rip out page 32.
421
00:27:05,198 --> 00:27:06,505
- Sir?
- You heard me.
422
00:27:06,969 --> 00:27:09,185
Everybody rip out page 32.
423
00:27:09,896 --> 00:27:12,298
You've seen Dead Poets Society.
Rip out page 32.
424
00:27:13,473 --> 00:27:16,600
Come on, if you don't rip out page 32,
I'll fail all of you.
425
00:27:17,162 --> 00:27:18,197
Yes!
426
00:27:22,032 --> 00:27:24,257
God, these things are so old,
they're petrified.
427
00:27:24,489 --> 00:27:26,633
You know what, just throw
the whole damn thing out the window.
428
00:27:29,466 --> 00:27:30,840
I think he's plumb sauced, he is.
429
00:27:31,025 --> 00:27:33,140
Sir, I don't think throwing books out
is such a good idea.
430
00:27:35,016 --> 00:27:36,334
Yes, there you go, Seamus.
431
00:27:36,578 --> 00:27:37,679
See, everybody do that,
432
00:27:37,874 --> 00:27:40,386
and send these books back to the 1800s
where they belong.
433
00:27:51,260 --> 00:27:53,266
- Come on, Gethin.
- No, I can't.
434
00:27:54,296 --> 00:27:56,534
Haven't you ever heard of the expression
"in with the old, out with the new"?
435
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,649
Yes, sir.
But I think the actual expression is...
436
00:27:58,952 --> 00:28:01,307
Oh, it doesn't matter
what the actual expression is, Gethin.
437
00:28:02,069 --> 00:28:04,265
Why are you thinking
when you should be throwing?
438
00:28:04,662 --> 00:28:05,933
Ejaculate your book.
439
00:28:06,107 --> 00:28:08,032
Yeah, go on, Gethie. Get over it.
440
00:28:08,243 --> 00:28:09,569
Give it a throw, limey.
441
00:28:10,324 --> 00:28:14,086
Come on, Gethin. Expunge 20 years
of oppression out the window.
442
00:28:25,445 --> 00:28:29,177
Mr. Badalandabad,
might I see you out in the hall?
443
00:28:29,785 --> 00:28:31,122
Certainly.
444
00:28:33,161 --> 00:28:34,537
Excuse me, class.
445
00:28:34,820 --> 00:28:36,966
Why don't you all read chapter two
while I'm gone?
446
00:28:39,803 --> 00:28:41,234
But we haven't got any books.
447
00:28:43,896 --> 00:28:45,970
Have you gone
completely and utterly mad?
448
00:28:46,748 --> 00:28:48,575
I don't know how you did things
at Coolidge College.
449
00:28:48,833 --> 00:28:51,318
- You've been checking on me.
- Yes. And, frankly, I'm concerned.
450
00:28:51,609 --> 00:28:54,012
And as your supervisor,
it's my job to make sure that there's...
451
00:28:54,193 --> 00:28:55,914
Wait, wait, wait. You're my supervisor?
452
00:28:57,466 --> 00:29:01,485
Well, I... Let me just say then that
I am so enthused to be under you.
453
00:29:03,305 --> 00:29:05,087
What I mean is that I'm extremely hard.
454
00:29:06,252 --> 00:29:08,520
Hard-pressed to...
455
00:29:08,769 --> 00:29:10,557
Mr. Badalandabad,
it really doesn't even matter
456
00:29:10,755 --> 00:29:12,171
what you think of me or of the textbooks.
457
00:29:12,917 --> 00:29:15,064
Because if you wish to receive
your doctorate from this university,
458
00:29:15,263 --> 00:29:17,271
you'll have to follow the rules
set forth by...
459
00:29:17,501 --> 00:29:18,701
By men who what?
460
00:29:18,882 --> 00:29:23,246
Who wore funny boxer shorts
and garter belts and died decades ago?
461
00:29:23,852 --> 00:29:28,138
Who never saw a man walk on the moon
or listened to Lil' Kim on an MP3 player
462
00:29:28,384 --> 00:29:30,470
or watched muff-to-muff
triple-penetration cooch-munching
463
00:29:30,677 --> 00:29:32,210
- on the internet?
- What does that have to do with anything?
464
00:29:32,460 --> 00:29:34,082
Okay. Maybe, that was a bit much.
I'm sorry.
465
00:29:34,529 --> 00:29:35,977
But my point, Miss Higginson,
466
00:29:36,178 --> 00:29:38,574
is that there is more than one way
to skin a mongoose.
467
00:29:39,795 --> 00:29:43,624
History can be about so much more
than random dates and ancient artifacts.
468
00:29:43,822 --> 00:29:45,562
It can teach us about ourselves.
469
00:29:45,811 --> 00:29:48,601
About our flaws, our hopes,
even our dreams.
470
00:29:48,819 --> 00:29:51,044
And all I'm saying, Mr. Badalandabad,
471
00:29:51,893 --> 00:29:55,691
is that at this university,
there's only one way to skin a mongoose.
472
00:29:55,962 --> 00:29:57,517
And it's my way.
473
00:29:58,606 --> 00:30:00,007
Good day.
474
00:30:08,642 --> 00:30:09,841
Ladies and gentlemen,
475
00:30:10,372 --> 00:30:13,626
welcome to the opening event
of seven competitions
476
00:30:14,136 --> 00:30:18,049
between our five fraternal houses
for the Hastings Cup.
477
00:30:20,590 --> 00:30:22,070
They're bleeding huge.
478
00:30:22,890 --> 00:30:26,084
Guys, come on, it's badminton.
The game is played with a limp wrist.
479
00:30:26,446 --> 00:30:27,501
How hard could it be?
480
00:30:33,765 --> 00:30:34,882
Simon.
481
00:30:35,405 --> 00:30:36,305
You were saying?
482
00:31:06,052 --> 00:31:09,403
Okay. It is probably safe to assume
483
00:31:09,633 --> 00:31:12,715
that we will probably not
emerge victorious from this match.
484
00:31:13,181 --> 00:31:17,009
However, it's very important
that we maintain our dignities.
485
00:31:17,713 --> 00:31:19,445
Gethin, just get the serve in.
486
00:31:19,545 --> 00:31:21,445
- Fine.
- I have an idea.
487
00:31:21,664 --> 00:31:22,926
Sadie...
488
00:31:42,034 --> 00:31:43,672
Simon, it's yours!
489
00:31:49,167 --> 00:31:51,433
Game, Fox and Hounds.
490
00:31:51,654 --> 00:31:53,071
It was not so bad.
491
00:31:54,868 --> 00:31:58,345
Okay, it was so bad, but why are you
refusing to look on the bright side?
492
00:31:58,533 --> 00:32:00,364
Oh, we're going to bleed to death
of internal injuries?
493
00:32:00,577 --> 00:32:02,867
No, we have made an impression.
494
00:32:03,312 --> 00:32:05,716
I mean, would you rather be
miserable and known,
495
00:32:06,352 --> 00:32:07,332
or miserable and anonymous?
496
00:32:07,542 --> 00:32:08,510
- Anonymous.
- Anonymous.
497
00:32:08,716 --> 00:32:10,013
Sir, I think we were fooling ourselves
498
00:32:10,190 --> 00:32:12,500
to believe we had
even the tiniest chance of winning this.
499
00:32:12,701 --> 00:32:14,400
We're on the board.
We're actually on the board.
500
00:32:14,986 --> 00:32:16,429
Yeah, but it doesn't
mean anything.
501
00:32:17,013 --> 00:32:20,116
Everybody gets a point for entering.
We're still 499 points away.
502
00:32:20,463 --> 00:32:23,976
Okay, Captain Optimistic, you are wrong.
This is a beginning.
503
00:32:25,642 --> 00:32:26,576
Oh, by the by,
504
00:32:27,195 --> 00:32:29,175
just because you're making
a spectacle of yourselves,
505
00:32:29,889 --> 00:32:32,141
it doesn't mean you're not still invisible
to the rest of us.
506
00:32:32,333 --> 00:32:33,623
That's great, Pip,
507
00:32:34,144 --> 00:32:37,346
because it's very difficult
to beat something that you cannot see.
508
00:32:37,951 --> 00:32:41,399
Beat you? You and your sorry lot
aren't even worth spitting on.
509
00:32:42,264 --> 00:32:43,370
Diarrhea face.
510
00:32:43,602 --> 00:32:44,452
- Sorry, what did you just call me?
- What?
511
00:32:44,917 --> 00:32:46,786
- No, no, no, you definitely said something.
- No, I didn't say anything.
512
00:32:46,985 --> 00:32:47,838
- What was it?
- No, I didn't...
513
00:32:48,015 --> 00:32:49,659
- You called me diarrhea face.
- Really, did I?
514
00:32:54,392 --> 00:32:56,737
Samus there's a time and a place
to hit people.
515
00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,041
Yesterday was the wrong time
and today is the right place
516
00:33:00,238 --> 00:33:02,941
and here you can win points
towards the Hastings Cup.
517
00:33:04,677 --> 00:33:06,955
Hey, Coach, you need another player?
518
00:33:07,382 --> 00:33:08,897
This guy? No way.
519
00:33:09,340 --> 00:33:10,036
Oh, really?
520
00:33:13,169 --> 00:33:14,380
That's one way to do it.
521
00:33:15,690 --> 00:33:16,684
Welcome.
522
00:33:17,550 --> 00:33:18,698
Ladies and gentlemen,
523
00:33:18,901 --> 00:33:22,113
I'm sure our palates were titillated
from the last selection,
524
00:33:22,637 --> 00:33:24,956
but I have an even finer vintage
to present to you now.
525
00:33:25,394 --> 00:33:29,598
I must hand it to you, Charlotte.
You've done an excellent job with the TAs.
526
00:33:30,835 --> 00:33:31,847
Thank you, Provost.
527
00:33:32,492 --> 00:33:33,752
It's always been my theory
528
00:33:33,959 --> 00:33:35,881
that as long as you're clear
with your rules and expectations,
529
00:33:36,606 --> 00:33:38,196
people generally will fall in...
530
00:33:43,335 --> 00:33:44,757
Excuse me one moment. Sorry.
531
00:33:45,540 --> 00:33:48,584
The next cognac you'll be tasting is from
a 1793 bottle from the Loire region...
532
00:33:52,725 --> 00:33:53,346
Of France.
533
00:33:54,311 --> 00:33:56,384
Of France. A fine vintage, as I was saying.
534
00:33:58,391 --> 00:33:59,430
So, despite all of their money,
535
00:33:59,648 --> 00:34:01,554
all those statues
are actually completely worthless.
536
00:34:01,764 --> 00:34:02,836
What is going on?
537
00:34:03,212 --> 00:34:06,470
Field trip. We're observing
the double-breasted, blue-blooded snot.
538
00:34:07,071 --> 00:34:08,178
You're bird watching?
539
00:34:08,442 --> 00:34:11,316
No, no, no, we're observing
the behavior of British aristocracy.
540
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:12,959
Now.
541
00:34:13,913 --> 00:34:15,157
BRB.
542
00:34:15,908 --> 00:34:18,064
I told you to stick
to the assigned curriculum.
543
00:34:18,307 --> 00:34:20,520
Yes, and as I explained to you,
the assigned curriculum was...
544
00:34:20,735 --> 00:34:22,135
Was something I felt very strongly about.
545
00:34:22,501 --> 00:34:23,627
Which is why I propose a challenge.
546
00:34:24,704 --> 00:34:25,998
- Pardon me?
- A challenge.
547
00:34:26,590 --> 00:34:27,587
You see, I believe
548
00:34:27,799 --> 00:34:30,352
that my students' academic achievements
are better enhanced
549
00:34:30,679 --> 00:34:31,944
through a series of field trips.
550
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:33,250
Oh, you do, do you?
551
00:34:33,444 --> 00:34:34,818
Yes, and given the fact
552
00:34:35,022 --> 00:34:37,279
that we have a philosophical difference
in our teaching methods,
553
00:34:38,055 --> 00:34:41,579
I suggest that we settle our disputes
through a challenge of some sort.
554
00:34:42,292 --> 00:34:44,179
That way, if I win,
I can continue as planned, and if...
555
00:34:44,375 --> 00:34:47,060
No! There will be no challenges.
556
00:34:47,692 --> 00:34:50,121
This isn't a grade school playground,
Mr. Badalandabad.
557
00:34:51,214 --> 00:34:53,487
If you wish to receive your doctorate
from this university,
558
00:34:54,122 --> 00:34:56,859
you'll have to follow
the assigned curriculum. Good night.
559
00:34:58,507 --> 00:34:59,916
I figured you might be scared.
560
00:35:01,357 --> 00:35:04,353
The last thing I am in this world
is scared of you.
561
00:35:05,206 --> 00:35:08,868
I accept your challenge,
which means I get to choose the weapons.
562
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,021
Great. The weapons?
563
00:35:15,972 --> 00:35:17,982
Charlotte, is it just me,
or do these absurd paintings
564
00:35:18,154 --> 00:35:20,524
bear a striking resemblance
to your absurd boyfriend?
565
00:35:21,274 --> 00:35:22,487
We are in Everett Hall.
566
00:35:23,087 --> 00:35:24,129
Everett Hall.
567
00:35:27,184 --> 00:35:30,184
Oh, please tell me it's Earl of Grey tea
contained in this.
568
00:35:30,431 --> 00:35:33,075
The ashes of six generations of Everetts
are contained here.
569
00:35:33,603 --> 00:35:35,794
Well, when it's Pip's turn,
they're going to have to build a new hall
570
00:35:36,048 --> 00:35:37,169
just to contain his ego.
571
00:35:37,782 --> 00:35:39,254
Shall we begin?
572
00:35:40,704 --> 00:35:42,687
Begin? Yes, let's begin.
573
00:35:48,378 --> 00:35:50,939
Not bad, Miss Higginson,
but you should know
574
00:35:51,430 --> 00:35:54,069
that I extensively studied fencing
at the university.
575
00:35:59,434 --> 00:36:01,926
University fencing champion.
Twice in a row.
576
00:36:02,463 --> 00:36:04,333
I was planning on showing you
some mercy, but...
577
00:36:19,481 --> 00:36:20,705
What the hell was that?
578
00:36:21,412 --> 00:36:24,165
It's the Rathbone.
My fencing teacher taught it to me.
579
00:36:24,678 --> 00:36:25,842
He's quite a good swordsman.
580
00:36:26,025 --> 00:36:28,955
Ah, yes.
I've had a few ladies tell me that myself.
581
00:36:29,724 --> 00:36:32,619
Miss Higginson,
have you ever seen the movie Zorro?
582
00:36:34,672 --> 00:36:35,926
I have.
583
00:36:37,331 --> 00:36:38,617
Six times.
584
00:36:45,564 --> 00:36:47,103
Nine times.
585
00:37:01,346 --> 00:37:03,787
Count yourself lucky
the only thing you lost were your pants.
586
00:37:07,195 --> 00:37:09,748
It's a shame, Miss Higginson.
You would have enjoyed the trip.
587
00:37:10,613 --> 00:37:12,709
- I'll be on that field trip.
- Will you?
588
00:37:13,233 --> 00:37:17,455
That way, when I have you replaced,
I'll be able to explain my reasons.
589
00:37:18,427 --> 00:37:19,512
Good night.
590
00:37:28,557 --> 00:37:31,241
On the right
is the famous Tower of London,
591
00:37:31,462 --> 00:37:37,293
where Queen Elizabeth I imprisoned
her explorer boyfriend, Sir Walter Raleigh,
592
00:37:37,704 --> 00:37:40,229
after he was found doing the freaky-deaky
593
00:37:40,515 --> 00:37:41,804
with one of her ladies-in-waiting.
594
00:37:42,420 --> 00:37:45,474
Presently people line up outside
the tower to see the crown jewels,
595
00:37:46,092 --> 00:37:49,730
which were stolen during
the brutal British occupation of India.
596
00:37:50,216 --> 00:37:51,813
The crown jewels are actually
quite magnificent.
597
00:37:52,867 --> 00:37:55,907
I don't think anyone's ever waited
an hour and a half online to see mine.
598
00:37:56,751 --> 00:37:58,946
Actually, there was that one time
at Coolidge.
599
00:38:08,895 --> 00:38:10,094
Now, this is the area
600
00:38:10,390 --> 00:38:15,127
where Charles Dickens used to observe
the injustices of London's class system.
601
00:38:15,994 --> 00:38:18,550
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times."
602
00:38:19,021 --> 00:38:20,116
Write that down.
603
00:38:21,572 --> 00:38:24,874
Come on, guys, let's go.
Don't stop to stare, it's just an old church.
604
00:38:38,009 --> 00:38:42,426
On the left, in Trafalgar Square,
is a statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson,
605
00:38:42,784 --> 00:38:44,216
Britain's most famous war hero.
606
00:38:44,794 --> 00:38:50,068
Nelson lost an arm, an eye, an ear
and a leg in various battles.
607
00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,106
Towards the end, the poor guy
was nothing more
608
00:38:52,311 --> 00:38:54,659
than a broomstick
with a cute little admiral's hat on.
609
00:39:02,998 --> 00:39:03,922
Oh, God.
610
00:39:04,739 --> 00:39:06,682
That four-eyed geek's staring at us.
611
00:39:07,262 --> 00:39:08,784
No, I believe he's staring at me.
612
00:39:12,330 --> 00:39:13,786
Hi, is this seat taken?
613
00:39:15,114 --> 00:39:16,138
What do I do?
614
00:39:16,487 --> 00:39:18,679
Open your cakehole, you bleeding idiot,
and tell her how you feel.
615
00:39:22,824 --> 00:39:26,275
You are the most beautiful woman
I've ever seen in my life
616
00:39:27,041 --> 00:39:29,648
and I'd give two years' tuition
to sleep with you.
617
00:39:30,148 --> 00:39:31,383
That's being a bit too honest, mate.
618
00:39:32,301 --> 00:39:35,029
You're sweet.
You're like a horny little Care Bear.
619
00:39:36,085 --> 00:39:37,748
Okay, I think.
620
00:39:50,401 --> 00:39:52,068
What's so special about this place?
621
00:39:52,409 --> 00:39:54,884
The best fish and chips in all of London.
Come on.
622
00:39:55,728 --> 00:39:59,995
And then, Winnie looked up,
gazed at me over his glasses and said,
623
00:40:01,260 --> 00:40:04,050
"I see you're adept at running numbers,
624
00:40:05,153 --> 00:40:07,894
"but how good are you at cracking code?"
625
00:40:09,366 --> 00:40:12,885
And that, children, is how I saved England.
626
00:40:13,616 --> 00:40:18,487
Wait a minute. Winnie? You?
You knew Winston Churchill?
627
00:40:18,908 --> 00:40:24,190
Well, I'm not talking
about Winnie the bleeding Pooh, am I?
628
00:40:25,708 --> 00:40:29,286
- Jackie, where's that pint?
- Coming right up.
629
00:40:29,526 --> 00:40:30,681
I owe you an apology.
630
00:40:31,146 --> 00:40:33,865
I completely underestimated you.
You're a wonderful teacher.
631
00:40:34,381 --> 00:40:35,196
Thank you.
632
00:40:35,817 --> 00:40:36,927
So, I take it you had fun today.
633
00:40:37,173 --> 00:40:38,867
Are you kidding me? I had a ball.
634
00:40:40,051 --> 00:40:42,441
Oh, my God, the ball.
635
00:40:44,124 --> 00:40:45,546
The House of Lords is still debating
636
00:40:45,794 --> 00:40:47,803
the proposal
on the West End theater project,
637
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:49,894
but I think
that we have to come together on this
638
00:40:50,092 --> 00:40:52,316
to find a viable way and move forward.
639
00:40:52,669 --> 00:40:54,151
Bloody bastard!
640
00:40:56,022 --> 00:40:57,801
Okay, just one man's opinion.
641
00:40:59,539 --> 00:41:02,441
Oh, not you, Lord Wrightwood.
My apologies.
642
00:41:03,931 --> 00:41:05,244
Please excuse me.
643
00:41:07,816 --> 00:41:09,465
What the hell is he doing here?
644
00:41:10,393 --> 00:41:12,528
Taj is a friend and guest, Pip.
645
00:41:13,595 --> 00:41:15,968
And I'd appreciate you making him feel
part of this evening.
646
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,533
You know, Charlotte, you're right.
I didn't mean to be rude.
647
00:41:21,444 --> 00:41:22,808
Thanks, Pip.
648
00:41:23,659 --> 00:41:26,813
"And the fire that breaks from thee then,
649
00:41:27,065 --> 00:41:28,982
"a billion times lovelier,
650
00:41:29,990 --> 00:41:31,429
"more dangerous,
651
00:41:32,167 --> 00:41:34,846
"O, my chevalier!
652
00:41:35,793 --> 00:41:41,035
"No wonder of it.
Shine, and blue-bleak embers, my dear,
653
00:41:43,498 --> 00:41:46,614
"Fall, gall themselves,
654
00:41:47,056 --> 00:41:50,571
"and gash gold-vermillion."
655
00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:59,233
Thank you, Sir Wilfred,
that was a real treat.
656
00:42:01,642 --> 00:42:04,905
Now, as is tradition in the literary ball,
657
00:42:05,247 --> 00:42:07,604
I'd like to call on
a member of our visiting faculty
658
00:42:08,139 --> 00:42:12,167
to share with us his favorite British poet.
659
00:42:13,182 --> 00:42:15,387
Taj Badalandabad.
660
00:42:17,168 --> 00:42:19,574
To the podium, please.
661
00:42:26,217 --> 00:42:28,508
Pip, this certainly comes as a surprise.
662
00:42:28,911 --> 00:42:33,397
I think that it's important a visiting
foreign instructor like Mr. Badalandabad
663
00:42:33,863 --> 00:42:37,466
have an appreciation for the heritage
and culture with which he hopes to teach.
664
00:42:38,516 --> 00:42:40,297
- Have fun, Raji.
- Thank you.
665
00:42:52,691 --> 00:42:54,004
"There's a lady,
666
00:42:55,442 --> 00:43:00,006
"who is sure that all that glitters is gold,
667
00:43:01,518 --> 00:43:04,921
"because she's buying
a stairway in Hampstead."
668
00:43:08,148 --> 00:43:12,486
Now, she can't get no satisfaction.
669
00:43:13,092 --> 00:43:16,526
No. No, no, no. No, she can't get
no satisfaction, none at all,
670
00:43:17,420 --> 00:43:21,749
even when she's driving in her smart car
671
00:43:22,201 --> 00:43:24,689
or listening on the radio.
672
00:43:25,845 --> 00:43:29,652
Or even when she's pleading with Roxanne
to turn on the red light.
673
00:43:30,291 --> 00:43:32,536
Damn it, Roxanne, turn on that red light,
674
00:43:32,810 --> 00:43:36,413
or Maxwell's Silver Hammer will come
smashing down upon your head.
675
00:43:36,968 --> 00:43:39,893
Turn on that red light, you bitch, Roxanne,
676
00:43:40,167 --> 00:43:43,461
or we'll all end up in a big white house
with black curtains at the station.
677
00:43:45,135 --> 00:43:47,860
Or would you rather live
along the watchtower? No.
678
00:43:48,912 --> 00:43:50,879
Then turn on the red light, Roxanne,
679
00:43:51,168 --> 00:43:53,900
or I'll have my 19th nervous breakdown
for real.
680
00:43:54,869 --> 00:43:56,160
It's the real thing.
681
00:43:57,174 --> 00:43:58,757
It's even better than the real thing.
682
00:44:00,668 --> 00:44:03,774
I really want you all to want me.
683
00:44:04,291 --> 00:44:09,331
I really want to take all of you higher,
trust me.
684
00:44:11,016 --> 00:44:13,989
Do I look like an American idiot to you?
685
00:44:16,420 --> 00:44:17,764
No.
686
00:44:18,904 --> 00:44:24,582
Which is why I wish you all
the time of your life.
687
00:44:36,312 --> 00:44:37,614
Thanks.
688
00:44:39,681 --> 00:44:41,238
Jolly good show.
689
00:44:42,521 --> 00:44:44,070
- You liked it?
- Absolutely.
690
00:44:44,547 --> 00:44:45,748
That young man's presentation
691
00:44:46,005 --> 00:44:48,595
strung together the words
of the poets of the street.
692
00:44:49,009 --> 00:44:51,862
Not unlike the American rapper, Eminem,
whom I rather dig.
693
00:44:58,094 --> 00:44:59,814
You know,
I love the British limerick as well.
694
00:45:00,315 --> 00:45:02,405
In fact, I read one at Kensington station
just last week.
695
00:45:02,662 --> 00:45:03,366
Tell me if you know it.
696
00:45:04,082 --> 00:45:05,885
"There once was a woman from Heath,
697
00:45:06,390 --> 00:45:08,036
"who circumcised men with her teeth."
698
00:45:08,928 --> 00:45:10,081
Taj.
699
00:45:11,404 --> 00:45:14,536
I'd like you to meet my parents,
Martha and Richard.
700
00:45:15,036 --> 00:45:16,477
And of course you know Sir Wilfred.
701
00:45:16,937 --> 00:45:18,526
Hello, it's a pleasure to meet both of you.
702
00:45:18,820 --> 00:45:20,594
I can certainly see
where Charlotte gets her
703
00:45:22,982 --> 00:45:24,241
sense of seriousness from.
704
00:45:27,756 --> 00:45:30,008
You put on a very impressive exhibition
tonight, young man.
705
00:45:30,249 --> 00:45:30,896
You should be congratulated.
706
00:45:31,313 --> 00:45:34,189
Thank you very much. I actually owe it all
to my good friend Pip here,
707
00:45:34,393 --> 00:45:37,687
who encouraged when others
would have discouraged. Thanks, Pip.
708
00:45:38,214 --> 00:45:41,336
Young man, I want you
to have a drink with me.
709
00:45:41,821 --> 00:45:43,277
Sure. Excuse me.
710
00:45:45,531 --> 00:45:47,073
He's quite clever, isn't he?
711
00:45:47,579 --> 00:45:50,357
I think I need a drink myself.
Martha, would you care to join me?
712
00:45:50,813 --> 00:45:51,984
Yes.
713
00:45:53,898 --> 00:45:55,401
This Raj fellow...
714
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:57,427
Taj, his name is Taj.
715
00:45:57,711 --> 00:45:58,634
Right, Taj, then.
716
00:45:59,216 --> 00:46:02,277
I believe he's been creating
quite a scuttlebutt at school as well.
717
00:46:02,765 --> 00:46:05,504
Oh, he just has an original way
of doing things.
718
00:46:05,993 --> 00:46:08,094
Charles, you're more than old enough
to make your own friends,
719
00:46:08,334 --> 00:46:11,406
but it would be a pity
to jeopardize your relationship with Pip.
720
00:46:12,011 --> 00:46:14,249
The Everetts are a very important family.
721
00:46:14,586 --> 00:46:18,596
Yes, I know, Daddy.
Pip's reminded me many times.
722
00:46:18,910 --> 00:46:19,726
All I'm saying is,
723
00:46:20,496 --> 00:46:24,180
it's not every girl that gets the opportunity
to become the wife of an earl.
724
00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:26,236
I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
725
00:46:41,733 --> 00:46:43,316
Sir, are you sure we get points for this?
726
00:46:43,655 --> 00:46:45,749
Seventy-five, Gethin. Winner take all.
727
00:46:55,922 --> 00:46:56,802
I've run a few numbers, sir.
728
00:46:57,010 --> 00:46:59,409
Their beer gut intake
is almost incalculably large.
729
00:47:00,916 --> 00:47:03,505
Have some faith, Gethin.
There are forces of nature at work here.
730
00:47:08,799 --> 00:47:11,014
Stop staring at her tits, they're fake.
731
00:47:23,269 --> 00:47:24,901
They've actually moved up
in the standings.
732
00:47:25,265 --> 00:47:26,495
Do you think that's cause for concern?
733
00:47:26,959 --> 00:47:27,858
With that lot?
734
00:47:28,547 --> 00:47:29,814
The only things we've got to worry about
735
00:47:30,003 --> 00:47:32,516
are communicable diseases
and fashion faux pas.
736
00:47:32,950 --> 00:47:34,119
I mean, really.
737
00:47:35,005 --> 00:47:38,412
In his dashing exploits
at the Battle of Cape St. Vincent
738
00:47:38,933 --> 00:47:40,745
and in his brilliant victory
at the Battle of Trafalgar,
739
00:47:40,977 --> 00:47:44,851
Lord Nelson clearly proved himself
to be Britain's greatest naval hero.
740
00:47:45,626 --> 00:47:47,184
He wrote to Lady Emma Hamilton,
741
00:47:47,858 --> 00:47:52,180
"I have always been 15 minutes ahead
of my time and it has made a man of me."
742
00:47:53,604 --> 00:47:58,060
Now, who here thinks that Lord Nelson
was a bit reckless during the Battle of...
743
00:47:59,909 --> 00:48:01,742
Cock and Bulls got so much soul!
744
00:48:02,243 --> 00:48:03,983
Cock and Bulls is in the house!
745
00:48:04,308 --> 00:48:05,020
- We rock!
- What?
746
00:48:05,273 --> 00:48:06,128
- We roll!
- What?
747
00:48:06,623 --> 00:48:08,480
Cock and Bulls got so much soul.
748
00:48:08,941 --> 00:48:10,631
Cock and Bulls is in the house.
749
00:48:11,922 --> 00:48:14,269
As I was saying, who here thinks
that Nelson took too many chances with...
750
00:48:16,103 --> 00:48:19,763
We hereby challenge you to a reenactment
of the Battle of Agincourt.
751
00:48:19,970 --> 00:48:21,676
We, naturally, will be the English,
752
00:48:21,870 --> 00:48:24,800
whereas you mangy vermin
will be the French.
753
00:48:25,500 --> 00:48:26,894
What say you?
754
00:48:28,553 --> 00:48:31,802
Mr. Badalandabad, if you will insist
on bursting into my class unannounced,
755
00:48:31,970 --> 00:48:34,660
- then I think you should prepare to...
- No, we just wanted to have some fun.
756
00:48:34,857 --> 00:48:40,070
I really think you should prepare
to get your ass kicked.
757
00:49:15,218 --> 00:49:16,003
Over there.
758
00:49:21,712 --> 00:49:23,428
Wait. Don't shoot.
759
00:49:23,887 --> 00:49:25,665
You big, strapping blokes
760
00:49:25,848 --> 00:49:28,217
wouldn't help me find my gun
under this muck, would you?
761
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:33,244
Oh, look, here it is.
762
00:49:47,035 --> 00:49:48,627
So long, misfit.
763
00:49:50,083 --> 00:49:52,362
Penny, I just bought these.
764
00:49:52,826 --> 00:49:54,859
Sorry, Lexie, finger must have slipped.
765
00:50:03,172 --> 00:50:04,130
Hey!
766
00:50:32,976 --> 00:50:34,975
You know, I'm sorry
about Pip's behavior last night.
767
00:50:35,776 --> 00:50:38,175
He doesn't mean anything by it.
He just doesn't know any better.
768
00:50:38,778 --> 00:50:41,230
Either that or he does know better
and he just doesn't care.
769
00:50:41,756 --> 00:50:43,254
No, Taj, you don't understand.
770
00:50:44,238 --> 00:50:48,000
Pip comes from a very important family,
one of the most powerful in England
771
00:50:48,180 --> 00:50:49,746
and sometimes
you just have to overlook the...
772
00:50:51,682 --> 00:50:52,757
Do you know what?
773
00:50:53,811 --> 00:50:55,256
I sound just like my father.
774
00:50:56,635 --> 00:50:57,896
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
775
00:50:58,767 --> 00:51:02,767
Look, aside from forgiving
all of Pip's awful faults,
776
00:51:03,214 --> 00:51:06,421
what exactly would you like to do
for the rest of your life?
777
00:51:07,340 --> 00:51:07,658
Oh, you'd laugh.
778
00:51:08,159 --> 00:51:09,005
No, I won't.
779
00:51:09,834 --> 00:51:11,131
It's absurd, really.
780
00:51:12,038 --> 00:51:14,031
I'd be one of the world's
foremost archeologists,
781
00:51:15,211 --> 00:51:17,783
traveling the world
in search of ancient antiquities.
782
00:51:19,797 --> 00:51:21,447
That sounds fascinating.
783
00:51:23,089 --> 00:51:24,513
It's not that easy.
784
00:51:24,983 --> 00:51:26,973
My parents have
certain expectations of me
785
00:51:27,168 --> 00:51:28,964
and archeology
certainly isn't one of them.
786
00:51:29,208 --> 00:51:30,146
As my mother says,
787
00:51:30,409 --> 00:51:33,480
"The future wife of an earl doesn't get
on her hands and knees."
788
00:51:33,975 --> 00:51:35,317
Not with her rings on, anyway.
789
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:37,744
How about you?
790
00:51:38,585 --> 00:51:40,753
What else would you like to do
with your life?
791
00:51:42,677 --> 00:51:44,375
I want to be right here.
792
00:51:46,949 --> 00:51:49,156
The university is all the better
for having you,
793
00:51:49,965 --> 00:51:52,703
- and your students absolutely love you.
- No, I don't mean the university.
794
00:51:55,431 --> 00:51:58,816
I mean, just be here.
795
00:52:01,727 --> 00:52:05,176
What I'm trying to say is that I feel...
796
00:52:05,813 --> 00:52:07,769
I feel...
797
00:52:10,434 --> 00:52:11,589
My balls.
798
00:52:25,060 --> 00:52:26,406
Pip.
799
00:52:26,567 --> 00:52:28,032
What in God's name have you been doing?
800
00:52:28,276 --> 00:52:30,675
We've been reenacting
the Battle of Agincourt. It was fantastic.
801
00:52:30,933 --> 00:52:31,766
You did what?
802
00:52:32,691 --> 00:52:35,415
I can't talk now. I'll call you later.
803
00:52:37,019 --> 00:52:38,668
Hey, wait up.
804
00:52:39,220 --> 00:52:41,395
They've been spending
an awful lot of time together.
805
00:52:41,704 --> 00:52:43,911
You don't suppose that she and he are...
806
00:52:44,793 --> 00:52:46,902
Oh, God, no. Not my Charlie.
807
00:52:47,648 --> 00:52:50,286
No, I'm afraid the poor old dear
has a soft spot
808
00:52:50,855 --> 00:52:52,253
for that curry-breathing cretin
809
00:52:52,470 --> 00:52:54,821
and his band of mutants,
micks and whores.
810
00:52:55,142 --> 00:52:56,453
You always see the best in people.
811
00:52:56,718 --> 00:52:59,038
You know what they say.
Lords have mercy.
812
00:53:00,432 --> 00:53:03,495
Welcome everyone
to the Mastermind Challenge.
813
00:53:08,050 --> 00:53:11,082
The team that wins the challenge
gets 50 points towards the Hastings Cup.
814
00:53:11,733 --> 00:53:14,196
Please wait until the question
has been completed.
815
00:53:14,424 --> 00:53:15,893
Percy stole the answers.
816
00:53:16,841 --> 00:53:18,453
But don't make it too obvious.
817
00:53:18,674 --> 00:53:21,627
Question number one.
Please finish the following Churchill quote.
818
00:53:21,834 --> 00:53:23,893
"Let it roll. Let it roll on full flood..."
819
00:53:24,402 --> 00:53:25,120
That would be...
820
00:53:25,626 --> 00:53:29,640
"...inexorable, irresistible, benignant,
to broader lands and better days."
821
00:53:29,847 --> 00:53:31,582
Point, Cock and Bulls.
822
00:53:34,227 --> 00:53:36,936
How many members of the Beatles
have been knighted by the Queen?
823
00:53:37,114 --> 00:53:38,913
- I think that would be...
- Only one, Sir Paul McCartney.
824
00:53:39,159 --> 00:53:40,670
Point, Cock and Bulls.
825
00:53:43,042 --> 00:53:44,416
Never mind, make it obvious.
826
00:53:45,061 --> 00:53:46,880
Who is the inventor of the device
known as the microscope?
827
00:53:47,048 --> 00:53:48,184
Anton van Leeuwenhoek.
828
00:53:48,373 --> 00:53:50,413
Point, Cock and Bulls.
829
00:53:52,731 --> 00:53:54,839
Who is the captain of the last English team
to win the World Cup?
830
00:53:55,055 --> 00:53:57,648
- Bobby Moore.
- Point, Cock and Bulls.
831
00:53:58,718 --> 00:54:00,673
In what Shakespearean plays
do ghosts appear?
832
00:54:00,851 --> 00:54:02,818
Julius Caesar, Richard III,
Hamlet and Macbeth.
833
00:54:03,047 --> 00:54:04,688
In what year
was the Suez Canal inaugurated?
834
00:54:04,887 --> 00:54:05,974
1869.
835
00:54:06,161 --> 00:54:06,813
Point, Cock and Bulls.
836
00:54:07,154 --> 00:54:09,346
- What was the name of the island where...
- The Galápagos Islands.
837
00:54:09,591 --> 00:54:11,001
- What is the scientific name for...
- Sodium chloride.
838
00:54:11,216 --> 00:54:12,519
- What is the...
- The flux capacitor.
839
00:54:12,986 --> 00:54:14,376
Would you say something? Just anything.
840
00:54:14,570 --> 00:54:14,929
- How many of the...
- Fifteen.
841
00:54:15,107 --> 00:54:16,703
- Seventeen.
- Point, Cock and Bulls.
842
00:54:17,008 --> 00:54:18,289
- What, in biology...
- A gerbil.
843
00:54:18,493 --> 00:54:19,368
- Which...
- Gonorrhea.
844
00:54:19,623 --> 00:54:20,181
- Who...
- William Shatner.
845
00:54:20,452 --> 00:54:21,912
Nicolae Ceausescu.
846
00:54:22,214 --> 00:54:23,247
- Tell me...
- George Lazenby.
847
00:54:23,432 --> 00:54:24,334
Point, Cock and Bulls.
848
00:54:24,522 --> 00:54:25,643
- Large dog.
- Point, Cock and Bulls.
849
00:54:25,877 --> 00:54:27,511
- Modus operandi.
- Point, Cock and Bulls.
850
00:54:27,691 --> 00:54:28,604
You know, this guy is very good.
851
00:54:28,810 --> 00:54:30,102
The Battle of Trafalgar.
852
00:54:30,306 --> 00:54:31,644
Pocket rocket. Fats Domino.
853
00:54:32,111 --> 00:54:33,520
More commonly known as diarrhea.
854
00:54:33,970 --> 00:54:35,851
Point, Cock and Bulls.
855
00:54:40,380 --> 00:54:44,203
The Cock and Bulls win
the Mastermind Challenge.
856
00:55:10,410 --> 00:55:12,567
"In a stunning upset
on the rugby field yesterday,
857
00:55:12,905 --> 00:55:15,138
"the Cock and Bulls
defeated Hampshire House
858
00:55:17,723 --> 00:55:19,542
"to win the match
in final seconds of the game,
859
00:55:19,991 --> 00:55:23,360
"thanks to a stellar athletic performance
by Seamus O'Toole."
860
00:55:23,788 --> 00:55:26,266
Don't worry, ladies, I still have
another stellar athletic performance,
861
00:55:26,699 --> 00:55:28,205
or two, still left in me.
862
00:55:28,659 --> 00:55:30,604
I have just met
the most spectacular bloke.
863
00:55:31,171 --> 00:55:32,550
He didn't look at my tits once.
864
00:55:36,540 --> 00:55:39,272
Maybe he's a trouser pilot.
What if he don't fancy gals?
865
00:55:39,602 --> 00:55:41,526
Bet you a fiver he wishes you had a cock.
866
00:55:42,008 --> 00:55:43,124
Oh, piss off, bush mill.
867
00:55:43,740 --> 00:55:46,898
Taji, I'm nervous.
You know, I like this bloke.
868
00:55:47,123 --> 00:55:50,140
He's classy, the kind of guy
who'd be going out with a proper lady.
869
00:55:50,977 --> 00:55:52,842
I just don't think it'll work
between me and him.
870
00:55:53,114 --> 00:55:55,472
Sadie, if you think that this is a guy
who's worth getting to know,
871
00:55:55,722 --> 00:55:57,026
then by all means, get to know him.
872
00:55:57,961 --> 00:56:01,434
Money and position make no difference
when it comes to matters of the heart.
873
00:56:03,439 --> 00:56:04,401
Do you guys really believe that?
874
00:56:04,796 --> 00:56:05,828
- Absolutely.
- Yeah.
875
00:56:06,936 --> 00:56:08,071
Yeah.
876
00:56:12,915 --> 00:56:16,078
Pip, the Cock and Bulls did very well
on the rugby field the other day.
877
00:56:16,888 --> 00:56:19,372
If they win the dog show on Saturday,
we could be in real trouble.
878
00:56:19,912 --> 00:56:20,937
Roger,
879
00:56:21,150 --> 00:56:23,140
sometimes the Almighty,
in his infinite wisdom,
880
00:56:23,447 --> 00:56:26,589
likes to give a sliver of hope
to the downtrodden and underprivileged
881
00:56:26,948 --> 00:56:28,899
to make up for their inferior haircuts
882
00:56:29,194 --> 00:56:32,017
and the fact they have to winter
and summer in the same place.
883
00:56:33,479 --> 00:56:35,371
The Cock and Bulls are entering
a mongrel beast
884
00:56:36,253 --> 00:56:39,172
and we're entering
Chauncey Avalon Renaissance,
885
00:56:39,620 --> 00:56:43,162
a direct bloodline to the legendary
Zurich von Edelweiss.
886
00:56:43,607 --> 00:56:45,087
You're right. We can't lose.
887
00:56:45,706 --> 00:56:47,109
No, we can't.
888
00:56:47,612 --> 00:56:50,229
Particularly since I've prepared
some extra insurance.
889
00:56:50,953 --> 00:56:52,682
- Ding dong.
- Ding dong.
890
00:56:57,097 --> 00:56:59,429
My ancestors did not create
the Hastings Cup
891
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:02,558
so that rejects like the Cock and Bulls
could make a mockery out of it.
892
00:57:03,162 --> 00:57:06,171
Bon appétit, Balzac,
and bon voyage, losers.
893
00:57:06,603 --> 00:57:07,608
Maxirod.
894
00:57:07,811 --> 00:57:11,038
Enlargen, Manhammer?
Where did you get this stuff?
895
00:57:12,785 --> 00:57:14,794
Oh, I accidentally took it
from my father's traveling kit.
896
00:57:15,168 --> 00:57:17,032
But it says Pip Everett, Jr.
on the prescriptions.
897
00:57:17,375 --> 00:57:18,106
- A typo.
- On all three bottles.
898
00:57:18,329 --> 00:57:19,337
Look, shut up.
899
00:57:57,368 --> 00:57:59,862
How many times have I told you
never to take food from strangers?
900
00:58:03,163 --> 00:58:06,427
Lads, tomorrow's dog show will go down
as one for the ages.
901
00:58:08,813 --> 00:58:12,094
To victory tomorrow
and the Hastings Cup.
902
00:58:13,886 --> 00:58:14,871
Hey, Chauncey.
903
00:58:15,388 --> 00:58:16,838
- Cheers.
- Here you go.
904
00:58:17,224 --> 00:58:18,748
Sorry, buddy.
905
00:58:38,678 --> 00:58:39,856
Chauncey!
906
00:58:41,356 --> 00:58:41,995
Bravo!
907
00:58:42,324 --> 00:58:43,624
Bravo, Chauncey.
908
00:58:58,790 --> 00:59:00,893
How're you doing, buddy, huh?
909
00:59:01,248 --> 00:59:05,785
You ready to go? You doing all right?
Yeah? You ready to kick some tail?
910
00:59:06,770 --> 00:59:08,116
Yeah, I think you are.
911
00:59:08,342 --> 00:59:09,307
Good luck today.
912
00:59:10,161 --> 00:59:12,190
Oh, thank you. Have a good show.
913
00:59:12,408 --> 00:59:17,832
Oh, we shall. I'm looking forward
to some stiff competition out there.
914
00:59:18,092 --> 00:59:19,474
I'm sure you are, Poop.
Pip.
915
00:59:19,816 --> 00:59:21,756
Honest mistake, diarrhea face.
916
00:59:23,024 --> 00:59:26,171
What? What did I just say?
What did I just say, buddy?
917
00:59:26,597 --> 00:59:29,945
Bijou Caronta and his dachshund, Fritz.
918
00:59:40,525 --> 00:59:44,781
Strong jaw line, extended chest,
good firm buttocks.
919
00:59:45,851 --> 00:59:47,461
Reminds me of a young Susan Sarandon.
920
00:59:48,624 --> 00:59:50,474
Taj Badla...
921
00:59:52,547 --> 00:59:53,798
Showtime.
922
00:59:56,565 --> 00:59:57,585
Badalandabad.
923
00:59:57,961 --> 01:00:00,237
And his bulldog, Balzac.
924
01:00:20,693 --> 01:00:21,574
That's strange.
925
01:00:22,988 --> 01:00:24,084
Doesn't seem to be working.
926
01:00:24,302 --> 01:00:25,393
Maybe the pills went bad.
927
01:00:25,621 --> 01:00:26,705
Well, they worked fine last Saturday.
928
01:00:27,998 --> 01:00:29,303
My father happened to mention.
929
01:00:35,092 --> 01:00:39,517
My God, this animal is magnificent.
930
01:00:47,185 --> 01:00:48,652
It was a piece of cake.
931
01:00:49,179 --> 01:00:53,820
Oh, I really hope it isn't too "hard-on" you.
932
01:00:56,257 --> 01:01:01,325
Pip Everett, the Earl of Grey,
and his Great Dane, Chauncey.
933
01:01:22,274 --> 01:01:24,577
Chauncey! Halt!
934
01:01:33,658 --> 01:01:35,616
Chauncey!
935
01:01:36,500 --> 01:01:38,649
Chauncey!
936
01:01:43,963 --> 01:01:44,937
Chauncey.
937
01:01:47,047 --> 01:01:48,256
Chauncey!
938
01:01:50,291 --> 01:01:51,129
Come.
939
01:01:53,682 --> 01:01:55,396
Chauncey, come.
940
01:01:56,261 --> 01:01:57,666
Chauncey.
941
01:01:58,299 --> 01:01:58,728
Chauncey!
942
01:01:58,969 --> 01:02:00,670
- What are you doing?
- Trust me.
943
01:02:01,219 --> 01:02:03,159
Chauncey, I said come!
944
01:02:09,523 --> 01:02:11,312
Could someone please get her
a Tidy Wipe?
945
01:02:13,002 --> 01:02:17,517
How dare that Third-World, cow-loving
social reject humiliate me?
946
01:02:17,977 --> 01:02:20,500
And how could Charlie be
so endlessly amused by him?
947
01:02:20,714 --> 01:02:23,927
Your sister. Your sister, carrying on
with that repugnant troll friend of his.
948
01:02:24,277 --> 01:02:25,196
The world's gone mad, I tell you.
949
01:02:25,548 --> 01:02:29,567
Our very way of life is being threatened,
and I, for one, will not allow it to continue.
950
01:02:30,752 --> 01:02:35,156
Pip, perhaps we could find a better usage
for your sword.
951
01:02:36,119 --> 01:02:39,250
Alexandra, you're quite sure your sister
isn't joining the Cock and Bulls party.
952
01:02:39,475 --> 01:02:41,990
Yes, Penelope ran to Mum and Dad's
for the night.
953
01:02:42,540 --> 01:02:44,395
And you and Penelope
are an identical match?
954
01:02:44,612 --> 01:02:48,680
Well, one of us has a birthmark.
Would you like to see it?
955
01:02:48,954 --> 01:02:52,281
If the rabble insist on being crushed
into oblivion, so be it.
956
01:02:52,762 --> 01:02:54,258
Alexandra, I'm going to need your help.
957
01:02:55,756 --> 01:02:59,195
Chauncey, do shut up.
The pills will wear off soon enough.
958
01:03:00,050 --> 01:03:01,385
Alexandra, why are you just sitting there?
959
01:03:01,622 --> 01:03:03,262
I thought you said you wanted to play
with my sword.
960
01:03:03,490 --> 01:03:04,196
Oh, right, yeah.
961
01:03:18,487 --> 01:03:19,764
Let's party!
962
01:03:47,339 --> 01:03:48,149
Can I have everyone's
963
01:03:48,355 --> 01:03:50,366
Attention, please. Can I have...
964
01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:57,737
I'd like to thank everyone
for coming tonight.
965
01:03:58,158 --> 01:03:59,996
Thanks to Balzac's performance,
966
01:04:00,696 --> 01:04:04,106
the Cock and Bulls are now only 20 points
behind the Fox and the Hounds,
967
01:04:04,473 --> 01:04:08,903
which means whoever wins the next event
will win the Hastings Cup.
968
01:04:10,545 --> 01:04:13,179
So now, let's just get inebriated.
969
01:04:15,948 --> 01:04:17,059
What's up, Gethin?
970
01:04:17,243 --> 01:04:18,847
Where is Balzac, anyway?
971
01:04:19,096 --> 01:04:21,977
I think he is otherwise engaged.
972
01:04:47,657 --> 01:04:50,101
- Taji.
- Sadie, how was your date?
973
01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:52,925
Taji, you were right.
He was the perfect gentleman.
974
01:04:53,148 --> 01:04:56,914
We had tea and then a candlelit dinner
and then a beautiful carriage ride.
975
01:04:57,118 --> 01:04:58,678
- That's wonderful.
- Then we got scrambled,
976
01:04:58,876 --> 01:05:01,202
he yanked off me scanties
and we shagged all night on the tiles.
977
01:05:01,886 --> 01:05:03,305
- All right.
- Let's party.
978
01:05:04,179 --> 01:05:05,591
Sir, there's a problem with Simon.
979
01:05:06,465 --> 01:05:08,080
Excuse me. What?
980
01:05:09,375 --> 01:05:10,373
Simon?
981
01:05:11,477 --> 01:05:12,974
I have...
982
01:05:14,806 --> 01:05:16,297
I have a problem.
983
01:05:16,550 --> 01:05:18,109
Oh, my God, he's talking.
984
01:05:18,859 --> 01:05:22,981
Well, Simon, whatever your problem is,
we're your friends, you can tell us.
985
01:05:23,508 --> 01:05:26,562
Well, you see,
it's to do with the size of my piddler.
986
01:05:27,082 --> 01:05:28,478
Your...
987
01:05:31,508 --> 01:05:34,760
Well, you know, it's an understood fact
988
01:05:35,173 --> 01:05:38,996
that a man's piddler is...
989
01:05:40,615 --> 01:05:44,394
Appears smaller to himself
than it is in real life.
990
01:05:45,338 --> 01:05:46,770
Well, you see, that's what I'm afraid of.
991
01:05:47,096 --> 01:05:50,367
'Cause according to me
it has some 11 inches.
992
01:05:50,775 --> 01:05:52,495
Come again? Figuratively.
993
01:05:53,342 --> 01:05:56,757
You see, the problem is
that every time I get aroused,
994
01:05:56,955 --> 01:06:00,469
all the blood rushes from my head
to my... head.
995
01:06:01,164 --> 01:06:03,444
And I can't talk.
996
01:06:03,669 --> 01:06:05,169
But do you think it's gonna be...
997
01:06:05,836 --> 01:06:06,045
- It's...
- It's...
998
01:06:06,617 --> 01:06:08,370
- Yes.
- Yes, I think you'll be fine.
999
01:06:08,858 --> 01:06:09,635
It works.
1000
01:06:14,270 --> 01:06:17,254
I'm sorry to interrupt you boys
tossing off your tally-whackers,
1001
01:06:17,448 --> 01:06:21,045
but, Taji, there's a beautiful young lady
waiting for you outside.
1002
01:06:23,856 --> 01:06:25,624
I'm surprised you don't get out more.
1003
01:06:29,752 --> 01:06:31,007
- Hello.
- Smile.
1004
01:06:33,375 --> 01:06:35,967
Sorry, I just had to have a picture
of the wickedest party of the year.
1005
01:06:36,461 --> 01:06:38,467
Well, then, why don't you come on in,
grab a drink?
1006
01:06:38,662 --> 01:06:41,365
Wait. I have a surprise for you first.
Let's take a walk in the woods.
1007
01:06:41,556 --> 01:06:43,037
A surprise in the woods?
1008
01:06:43,222 --> 01:06:45,854
Well, can you give me a second?
Let me go repack my wallet real quick.
1009
01:06:46,126 --> 01:06:47,281
Come on.
1010
01:06:59,058 --> 01:07:00,078
Amazing.
1011
01:07:01,030 --> 01:07:02,343
Fantastic.
1012
01:07:02,827 --> 01:07:05,647
The Persephone comet hasn't been seen
in the English skies since...
1013
01:07:07,890 --> 01:07:11,641
- Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo.
- Yes.
1014
01:07:14,534 --> 01:07:16,031
Come on.
1015
01:07:20,786 --> 01:07:22,767
- I have one more surprise for you.
- Yeah?
1016
01:07:24,190 --> 01:07:25,587
Is this one scenery, too?
1017
01:07:53,894 --> 01:07:58,583
Hey, man, what are you looking at?
1018
01:08:34,615 --> 01:08:35,346
Hi.
1019
01:08:36,447 --> 01:08:41,038
Seamus was just telling me a story
about you. A very long one.
1020
01:09:06,261 --> 01:09:09,247
Penelope?
I thought you were gone for the weekend.
1021
01:09:09,765 --> 01:09:15,358
Yes. I was,
but I just couldn't stop thinking of you.
1022
01:09:15,887 --> 01:09:17,304
- You couldn't?
- No.
1023
01:09:18,598 --> 01:09:19,569
That's fantastic.
1024
01:09:19,992 --> 01:09:22,710
- Take me, Gavin.
- Gethin.
1025
01:09:22,962 --> 01:09:24,875
Whatever.
1026
01:09:27,672 --> 01:09:30,292
Wow. You seem so different.
1027
01:09:30,479 --> 01:09:32,594
Have you always had that birth mark
on your neck?
1028
01:09:32,837 --> 01:09:35,486
It matches this one.
1029
01:09:35,990 --> 01:09:38,328
- Any more dumb questions?
- No, I'm good.
1030
01:09:38,533 --> 01:09:39,701
Good.
1031
01:09:42,026 --> 01:09:44,753
There's nothing to be nervous about.
1032
01:09:45,331 --> 01:09:47,092
Just take off your clothes.
1033
01:09:51,595 --> 01:09:53,012
Okay.
1034
01:10:26,656 --> 01:10:27,897
Nice.
1035
01:10:33,168 --> 01:10:34,904
Take your bloody hands off me.
1036
01:10:35,088 --> 01:10:37,623
You whiskey-swilling Irish blockhead.
1037
01:10:39,759 --> 01:10:41,488
Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
1038
01:10:41,905 --> 01:10:45,529
No. Dilip, Kami and Alita.
We are the Badalandabads.
1039
01:10:45,811 --> 01:10:48,560
We have come to surprise our son,
Taj Mahal.
1040
01:10:49,402 --> 01:10:50,844
He's upstairs.
1041
01:10:51,029 --> 01:10:54,074
If you'll excuse me, I think I'm in love.
1042
01:11:17,662 --> 01:11:18,641
Excuse me.
1043
01:11:21,467 --> 01:11:23,294
Bad doggie.
1044
01:11:30,368 --> 01:11:31,045
Oops.
1045
01:11:33,968 --> 01:11:35,012
Oops.
1046
01:11:35,193 --> 01:11:37,741
I'm ready for you,
my little Yorkshire pudding.
1047
01:11:39,737 --> 01:11:40,650
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
1048
01:11:40,835 --> 01:11:42,354
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
1049
01:11:42,539 --> 01:11:43,248
Oh, my God!
1050
01:11:43,532 --> 01:11:45,625
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
1051
01:11:46,863 --> 01:11:48,747
Go! Go! Oh, my God.
1052
01:11:53,842 --> 01:11:54,799
I don't care.
1053
01:12:00,001 --> 01:12:03,561
So... have a nice flight?
1054
01:12:05,485 --> 01:12:06,671
I warn you, Provost.
1055
01:12:06,883 --> 01:12:09,734
Prepare to be appalled
beyond your imagination.
1056
01:12:09,937 --> 01:12:11,049
Excuse me. Excuse me.
1057
01:12:11,280 --> 01:12:13,355
- Good Lord!
- Disgusting, isn't it, Provost?
1058
01:12:15,102 --> 01:12:17,653
- Coming through.
- Hi, gorgeous.
1059
01:12:19,638 --> 01:12:20,675
Provost?
1060
01:12:22,359 --> 01:12:23,343
Provost?
1061
01:12:25,082 --> 01:12:26,291
Right this way, Provost.
1062
01:12:29,988 --> 01:12:31,618
Are you okay?
1063
01:12:38,202 --> 01:12:41,866
Provost, he has knocked that woman out
with his schlong.
1064
01:12:54,424 --> 01:12:56,419
Arey, don't worry, beta.
1065
01:12:56,674 --> 01:12:57,704
They will get over it.
1066
01:12:58,157 --> 01:13:00,846
It's not like your family
has never seen you naked before.
1067
01:13:01,849 --> 01:13:04,748
Okay, maybe not quite as hairy...
1068
01:13:05,275 --> 01:13:06,242
- Dad.
- But still.
1069
01:13:07,851 --> 01:13:12,198
So, is there someone special,
or were you just...
1070
01:13:13,837 --> 01:13:15,169
No! Yes!
1071
01:13:15,345 --> 01:13:17,524
No, I mean... Yes, there was somebody.
1072
01:13:17,910 --> 01:13:18,984
Really?
1073
01:13:19,627 --> 01:13:22,695
And how schlong... long
have you been seeing her?
1074
01:13:23,301 --> 01:13:26,882
Well, tonight was actually
our first night together.
1075
01:13:27,366 --> 01:13:28,664
And already in your bedroom.
1076
01:13:28,933 --> 01:13:32,105
Shabaash, beta. My son is a hound doggie!
1077
01:13:32,891 --> 01:13:34,602
A chip off the old Badalandabads.
1078
01:13:35,091 --> 01:13:39,064
You got the old Camford
chick-a-day calendar, huh, beta?
1079
01:13:39,564 --> 01:13:40,951
- Beta?
- Something like that.
1080
01:13:41,634 --> 01:13:43,460
Penelope?
1081
01:13:44,329 --> 01:13:45,629
My little vixen, I'm ready.
1082
01:13:46,839 --> 01:13:48,745
Honey bunny? I'm ready.
1083
01:13:51,199 --> 01:13:53,509
Penelope, I'm not quite sure
how this works.
1084
01:13:54,383 --> 01:13:56,079
Do I get disciplined now?
1085
01:13:58,027 --> 01:14:01,587
- Absolutely.
- Are you enjoying the party, sir?
1086
01:14:04,271 --> 01:14:06,567
You know, beta, I envy you.
1087
01:14:07,142 --> 01:14:08,851
You are just like I was.
1088
01:14:09,171 --> 01:14:11,412
A chip off the old Badalandabads.
1089
01:14:12,660 --> 01:14:17,530
Attending the big bad bone dance,
morning, noon and night.
1090
01:14:17,966 --> 01:14:22,154
The pink taco stand
delivering 24 hours a day,
1091
01:14:22,427 --> 01:14:23,464
free of charge.
1092
01:14:25,885 --> 01:14:27,705
Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad, listen.
1093
01:14:28,589 --> 01:14:29,857
No dishum.
1094
01:14:30,119 --> 01:14:31,231
- No dishum.
- No.
1095
01:14:31,602 --> 01:14:35,630
I am not a chip off the old Badalandabad
and I'm not a hound doggie. I'm sorry.
1096
01:14:36,196 --> 01:14:38,263
I tried to live up to your legacy.
I really did.
1097
01:14:38,458 --> 01:14:40,212
But I'm afraid I disappointed you.
1098
01:14:40,678 --> 01:14:45,280
You see, I really have fallen for someone,
and it's just one girl.
1099
01:14:45,890 --> 01:14:47,108
Just one girl?
1100
01:14:48,686 --> 01:14:50,094
Just one.
1101
01:14:54,278 --> 01:14:55,770
I see.
1102
01:14:56,613 --> 01:15:01,464
So, this one girl is feeling the same
as you are?
1103
01:15:03,155 --> 01:15:04,715
I believe so.
1104
01:15:08,341 --> 01:15:11,481
Well, I guess we are not all cut out
to be hound doggies.
1105
01:15:15,272 --> 01:15:16,660
You're not disappointed?
1106
01:15:17,772 --> 01:15:20,929
How can I be disappointed? You're my son.
1107
01:15:21,805 --> 01:15:23,420
It is watching you
come into your own as a man
1108
01:15:23,955 --> 01:15:26,400
that makes me feel so proud of you, beta.
1109
01:15:26,923 --> 01:15:30,319
Come, give your father a big squashy.
1110
01:15:33,969 --> 01:15:36,207
- No, no, Dad, I need another hug.
- Oh, beta.
1111
01:15:36,733 --> 01:15:38,015
- Oh, beta, I love you.
- It's okay.
1112
01:15:38,246 --> 01:15:40,698
Beta, I can't breathe.
I can't breathe, my beta.
1113
01:15:41,092 --> 01:15:42,736
Beta, I can't breathe.
1114
01:15:42,931 --> 01:15:44,677
Oh, I love you, too. I love you.
My testicles!
1115
01:15:44,861 --> 01:15:46,239
Bye.
1116
01:15:46,678 --> 01:15:48,215
Sorry, did I ruin a moment?
1117
01:15:49,292 --> 01:15:50,369
What the hell are you doing here?
1118
01:15:50,583 --> 01:15:52,932
Provost and I made some
interesting discoveries this evening.
1119
01:15:54,192 --> 01:15:58,324
Stolen copies of next week's history test
in your students' rooms.
1120
01:15:59,803 --> 01:16:01,316
My students would never cheat.
1121
01:16:01,883 --> 01:16:04,960
Yes. Well, you can tell your story
to the disciplinary committee
1122
01:16:05,179 --> 01:16:06,923
first thing in the morning.
1123
01:16:08,787 --> 01:16:10,800
You know, it's funny
how things work out, isn't it?
1124
01:16:11,959 --> 01:16:16,276
I suggest you start packing, Paki.
1125
01:16:18,325 --> 01:16:20,031
Restraint, my boy. Restraint.
1126
01:16:20,729 --> 01:16:23,841
- He's mine.
- Dad!
1127
01:16:25,477 --> 01:16:30,625
Camford University is the greatest
institution of higher learning in the world.
1128
01:16:30,837 --> 01:16:33,819
We take transgressions most seriously.
1129
01:16:34,128 --> 01:16:39,745
So it is I must inform you
that you're all expelled.
1130
01:16:41,103 --> 01:16:42,430
I stole the exam.
1131
01:16:42,659 --> 01:16:45,205
- Sir, that's ridiculous.
- Quiet, Gethin, this is how it must be.
1132
01:16:47,780 --> 01:16:50,304
I don't know the first thing
about English history,
1133
01:16:50,566 --> 01:16:52,566
so how could I have expected my students
to pass an exam.
1134
01:16:53,428 --> 01:16:57,454
I admit it was a weak moment.
But it was my weak moment, not theirs.
1135
01:16:57,657 --> 01:17:02,434
Well, you understand that this would
mean your immediate expulsion.
1136
01:17:02,807 --> 01:17:03,404
Yes.
1137
01:17:04,697 --> 01:17:07,432
I only ask that you not penalize
my students for something
1138
01:17:07,651 --> 01:17:09,061
for which I'm clearly to blame.
1139
01:17:09,270 --> 01:17:11,768
They all have to be expelled.
They've already seen the exam.
1140
01:17:12,367 --> 01:17:15,594
I don't see why the entire house
should be penalized
1141
01:17:16,095 --> 01:17:18,077
for Mr. Ba...
1142
01:17:18,384 --> 01:17:19,581
Badalandabad!
1143
01:17:19,788 --> 01:17:20,860
- Thank you.
- Oh, yes.
1144
01:17:21,554 --> 01:17:22,906
Well, for his transgressions.
1145
01:17:23,117 --> 01:17:26,229
We'll give them an oral exam.
1146
01:17:26,725 --> 01:17:31,467
If they pass, they're back in.
If not, well, they're out.
1147
01:17:31,925 --> 01:17:32,812
Fine.
1148
01:17:33,033 --> 01:17:36,836
But meanwhile, Mr. Badalandabad,
we accept your expulsion.
1149
01:17:43,462 --> 01:17:45,020
Wait. Charlotte, let me explain.
1150
01:17:45,241 --> 01:17:46,748
I've heard more than enough, thank you.
1151
01:17:47,247 --> 01:17:49,874
I cannot believe we bought in
to all of your nonsense.
1152
01:17:50,095 --> 02:35:41,765
But...
1153
01:17:51,318 --> 01:17:53,913
Those kids idolized you. I admired you.
1154
01:17:55,075 --> 01:17:57,875
But the joke's on all of us, isn't it?
Because you're nothing but a cheat.
1155
01:17:58,076 --> 01:17:59,671
Look, I didn't mean to hurt anybody, okay?
1156
01:17:59,887 --> 01:18:00,933
- If you would just let me explain...
- No.
1157
01:18:01,143 --> 01:18:04,122
The road to hell is paved
with good intentions, isn't it?
1158
01:18:05,177 --> 01:18:08,114
Good day, Mr. Badalandabad.
1159
01:19:14,450 --> 01:19:15,565
We all know why we're here.
1160
01:19:16,881 --> 01:19:18,347
Let's begin.
1161
01:19:32,141 --> 01:19:34,370
Come on, baby. Come on.
1162
01:19:34,797 --> 01:19:38,038
Daddy's leaving soon.
Oh, you wanna give it to me, don't you?
1163
01:19:38,662 --> 01:19:40,519
Come on.
I'm trying a different tactic here, baby.
1164
01:19:40,731 --> 01:19:42,578
I'm trying to be nice to you.
1165
01:19:43,267 --> 01:19:45,468
You don't like it nice, do you,
you little whore?
1166
01:19:45,831 --> 01:19:47,597
- Hey, guys. How did it go?
- Oh, baby.
1167
01:19:52,259 --> 01:19:54,847
Well, look, the important thing
is that you tried, all right? It...
1168
01:19:57,371 --> 01:19:58,150
You passed?
1169
01:19:58,542 --> 01:20:00,564
- Oh, you passed.
- Yeah!
1170
01:20:04,738 --> 01:20:05,989
What's wrong, Gethin?
1171
01:20:07,008 --> 01:20:08,931
Oh, well, this is all thanks to you, sir.
1172
01:20:09,308 --> 01:20:10,298
And as soon as you leave tomorrow,
1173
01:20:10,517 --> 01:20:12,386
we're going to get slaughtered
in the Hastings Cup.
1174
01:20:12,957 --> 01:20:15,528
Oh, please, Gethin.
That's absolutely ridiculous.
1175
01:20:15,768 --> 01:20:17,075
This is all thanks to you guys.
1176
01:20:17,305 --> 01:20:19,705
You know, I had a feeling
that you guys would pass,
1177
01:20:19,994 --> 01:20:24,425
so I prepared some libations.
1178
01:20:24,637 --> 01:20:26,851
Now, you guys were outcasts
when you got here,
1179
01:20:27,111 --> 01:20:31,818
and you showed those privileged
snotbags that you were their better.
1180
01:20:33,615 --> 01:20:34,980
And because of your hard work,
1181
01:20:35,451 --> 01:20:39,957
Camford, one of the finest institutions
in the world, is now yours.
1182
01:20:41,498 --> 01:20:45,300
And it's time you get out there,
and kick some Fox and Hounds ass,
1183
01:20:45,547 --> 01:20:47,221
and win the Hastings Cup.
1184
01:20:48,394 --> 01:20:51,447
- To the Cock and Bulls.
- To the Cock and Bulls.
1185
01:20:51,647 --> 01:20:52,575
Oh, come on, this again.
1186
01:20:53,027 --> 01:20:56,628
- To the Cock and Bulls!
- To the Cock and Bulls!
1187
01:21:35,866 --> 01:21:37,703
Taj Mahal, beta, cheer up a little.
1188
01:21:37,940 --> 01:21:39,741
You will find another school
which will make you happy.
1189
01:21:43,246 --> 01:21:46,541
Dad, I'm really, really sorry
that I disappointed you.
1190
01:21:46,721 --> 01:21:49,023
I just wanted to follow in
your legendary footsteps.
1191
01:21:52,156 --> 01:21:54,479
Did I not tell you about your stories,
Dilip, huh?
1192
01:21:55,313 --> 01:21:56,558
Tell him.
1193
01:21:58,833 --> 01:22:04,091
Taj, I may have told you
a slight stretching of the truth.
1194
01:22:05,635 --> 01:22:08,876
I'm afraid I was never a member
of the Foxes and Hounds.
1195
01:22:09,518 --> 01:22:10,634
What?
1196
01:22:11,796 --> 01:22:13,499
But all those stories?
1197
01:22:15,033 --> 01:22:18,269
Wait. The ones about being the
sultan of snatch are true, though, right?
1198
01:22:19,910 --> 01:22:22,527
That would be a fine thing.
He's lucky to even find it.
1199
01:22:23,293 --> 01:22:25,578
More like the sultan of splat.
1200
01:22:25,799 --> 01:22:29,100
One must admit, it can be somewhat
difficult to locate at times.
1201
01:22:29,291 --> 01:22:30,207
Hang on. Hang on.
1202
01:22:30,381 --> 01:22:32,042
Why were you not in
the Foxes and Hounds?
1203
01:22:32,921 --> 01:22:34,484
I thought I was accepted.
1204
01:22:34,680 --> 01:22:38,109
But when I arrived,
there had been some sort of mistake.
1205
01:22:38,748 --> 01:22:40,900
A typographical error, they said.
1206
01:22:41,581 --> 01:22:42,599
You're kidding.
1207
01:22:43,175 --> 01:22:44,381
It's okay, beta.
1208
01:22:44,634 --> 01:22:47,786
Maybe this university is not the place
for us Badalandabads.
1209
01:22:48,716 --> 01:22:50,956
Come. Let's go home.
1210
01:22:54,420 --> 01:22:57,255
Can you guys please give me
a few minutes alone?
1211
01:22:58,041 --> 01:23:01,784
Haan, beta. Of course. Chalo.
We will wait outside.
1212
01:23:11,040 --> 01:23:13,436
Guess I won't be needing
that golf cart, Van.
1213
01:23:13,800 --> 01:23:17,334
- How fast does that golf cart go?
- What are you doing here?
1214
01:23:17,694 --> 01:23:20,619
There's no time. I'll explain on the way.
1215
01:23:22,194 --> 01:23:27,452
Welcome everybody to
the final competition for the Hastings Cup.
1216
01:23:35,924 --> 01:23:39,333
Now, only two teams
have accrued enough points
1217
01:23:39,786 --> 01:23:42,617
to compete in the final event.
1218
01:23:42,905 --> 01:23:44,482
The Fox and Hounds,
1219
01:23:44,691 --> 01:23:46,604
and the Cock and Bulls.
1220
01:23:47,443 --> 01:23:50,296
Fox and Hounds, who will represent you?
1221
01:23:50,808 --> 01:23:51,921
I will.
1222
01:23:52,403 --> 01:23:55,167
Cock and Bulls, who will represent you?
1223
01:23:57,166 --> 01:23:58,768
I will.
1224
01:24:04,606 --> 01:24:07,672
What are you doing here?
You've been expelled.
1225
01:24:07,861 --> 01:24:11,744
I'm afraid Mr. Everett's correct.
Only current students are...
1226
01:24:12,059 --> 01:24:13,969
Provost Cunningham, I think
you'll find a reinstatement is in order.
1227
01:24:14,188 --> 01:24:16,661
- Charlie, have you lost your senses?
- Quite the opposite.
1228
01:24:17,688 --> 01:24:19,401
If you look closely at this photo,
1229
01:24:19,574 --> 01:24:21,928
you'll see that a woman
is holding the stolen exam papers.
1230
01:24:22,443 --> 01:24:25,835
Which means it couldn't have been Taj.
He was just helping his friends.
1231
01:24:28,299 --> 01:24:32,616
Don't just stand there, young man.
You've got a competition to compete in.
1232
01:24:36,914 --> 01:24:38,205
Cheers.
1233
01:24:41,310 --> 01:24:44,356
Cock and Bulls!
1234
01:24:44,876 --> 01:24:46,272
En garde.
1235
01:24:50,589 --> 01:24:53,799
Point, Fox and Hounds.
1236
01:24:57,332 --> 01:24:59,654
- Okay, he is good.
- You're not concentrating.
1237
01:24:59,826 --> 01:25:02,088
Every time, he attacks from his left
and exposes his chest,
1238
01:25:02,517 --> 01:25:03,447
that's when you attack.
1239
01:25:03,636 --> 01:25:04,460
Hello. I'm trying.
1240
01:25:04,655 --> 01:25:06,748
But his lightning-fast blows
make it a little bit difficult.
1241
01:25:07,252 --> 01:25:09,702
- Oh, our first fight.
- Just go.
1242
01:25:19,901 --> 01:25:21,595
Point, Cock and Bulls.
1243
01:25:28,234 --> 01:25:30,647
- That was great. Got any more advice?
- Yeah.
1244
01:25:35,565 --> 01:25:37,342
Note taken.
1245
01:25:37,682 --> 01:25:39,166
You know, I think
I'm finally starting to scare him.
1246
01:25:42,383 --> 01:25:44,749
Somebody has some anger issues.
1247
01:25:47,724 --> 01:25:50,302
Let's settle this like my ancestors did,
shall we?
1248
01:25:50,490 --> 01:25:52,503
- You want to exploit me economically?
- No.
1249
01:25:54,041 --> 01:25:55,862
- First blood.
- First blood?
1250
01:25:57,703 --> 01:26:00,066
Come on, Paki, it's your chance to stick it
to the British aristocracy.
1251
01:26:03,124 --> 01:26:04,866
Pip, stop it.
1252
01:26:08,687 --> 01:26:09,454
Pip, I hate to pry,
1253
01:26:09,907 --> 01:26:11,665
but do you think
your sword obsession is over...
1254
01:26:12,243 --> 01:26:14,234
Overcompensation for your shortcomings!
1255
01:26:19,322 --> 01:26:23,249
Violence doesn't solve anything, bitch.
1256
01:26:26,496 --> 01:26:28,127
I'm sorry!
1257
01:26:28,377 --> 01:26:29,395
No, I'm not.
1258
01:26:30,932 --> 01:26:32,157
Gethin.
1259
01:26:33,136 --> 01:26:33,991
Thank you.
1260
01:26:35,137 --> 01:26:36,166
Oh, shit.
1261
01:26:36,738 --> 01:26:38,648
I don't think you get it, Raji.
We don't want you here.
1262
01:26:52,844 --> 01:26:55,891
If we weren't here, who would tend to
your fossil gardens and serve you tea
1263
01:26:56,112 --> 01:26:57,911
while you pretend to be important,
you goron?
1264
01:26:59,814 --> 01:27:03,306
I'm sure I'd survive, Raji.
Can't say the same about you.
1265
01:27:12,790 --> 01:27:14,709
You are pompous,
you're racist, you're sexist
1266
01:27:14,968 --> 01:27:18,709
and dress like a dance instructor
on a cruise ship.
1267
01:27:23,296 --> 01:27:25,604
Looks like it's curtains for you, Raji.
1268
01:27:26,165 --> 01:27:27,626
Good idea, Pip.
1269
01:27:37,403 --> 01:27:39,940
Up and over.
1270
01:27:40,564 --> 01:27:43,147
Oh, my God. Pip, that was fantastic.
How did you do that?
1271
01:27:43,343 --> 01:27:45,537
Well, I work out, I train.
You got to eat right...
1272
01:27:50,854 --> 01:27:52,769
This is becoming rather tiresome.
1273
01:27:59,322 --> 01:28:01,172
Go for the Rathbone.
1274
01:28:03,870 --> 01:28:06,342
The Rathbone. Very impressive.
1275
01:28:07,677 --> 01:28:10,547
But bad news. I taught it to her.
1276
01:28:12,909 --> 01:28:14,674
Time to meet your ancestors, Haji.
1277
01:28:14,950 --> 01:28:17,704
Oh, yeah?
Perhaps you'd like to meet yours.
1278
01:28:22,349 --> 01:28:24,656
No!
1279
01:28:24,946 --> 01:28:26,546
Father!
1280
01:28:40,503 --> 01:28:42,352
And the name is Taj.
1281
01:28:42,570 --> 01:28:44,386
Point and match, Mr. Ba...
1282
01:28:47,715 --> 01:28:49,493
Badalandabad!
1283
01:28:52,491 --> 01:28:54,356
Somebody please get me a Tidy Wipe.
1284
01:28:55,250 --> 01:28:57,742
Congratulations, young man.
Congratulations.
1285
01:29:06,604 --> 01:29:09,354
Ladies and gentlemen,
1286
01:29:10,433 --> 01:29:14,813
I give you this year's winners,
the Cock and Bulls,
1287
01:29:15,321 --> 01:29:18,657
winners of this year's Hastings Cup.
1288
01:29:22,058 --> 01:29:23,949
Hooray!
1289
01:29:24,547 --> 01:29:26,286
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
1290
01:29:28,000 --> 01:29:31,500
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
1291
01:29:31,797 --> 01:29:35,428
My father donates millions of pounds
to this university.
1292
01:29:35,886 --> 01:29:38,465
Consider repercussions
of what you're about to do.
1293
01:29:41,554 --> 01:29:44,307
- Tell him.
- All right. All right.
1294
01:29:44,728 --> 01:29:50,134
Pip stole the exam papers
and he got me to put them in their rooms.
1295
01:29:52,920 --> 01:29:58,266
Well, perhaps you should consider the
repercussions of what you've done, Pip.
1296
01:29:58,457 --> 01:30:00,976
Yes, he's right. You're expelled.
1297
01:30:07,805 --> 01:30:10,499
Good, I couldn't stand that little snotbag.
1298
01:30:13,417 --> 01:30:14,249
Sammy!
1299
01:30:17,309 --> 01:30:19,279
Sammy!
1300
01:30:22,846 --> 01:30:24,687
Lord Wrightwood?
1301
01:30:25,640 --> 01:30:26,612
Yes.
1302
01:30:27,112 --> 01:30:30,489
Pip Everett. Earl of Grey.
1303
01:30:31,061 --> 01:30:34,447
Mr. Everett, I am... I didn't recognize you.
1304
01:30:34,828 --> 01:30:36,010
Oh, that's nothing. No.
1305
01:30:36,246 --> 01:30:39,215
I just wanted to say,
I received your letter of commendation,
1306
01:30:39,320 --> 01:30:40,929
and wanted to say thank you
for everything.
1307
01:30:41,038 --> 01:30:45,624
Yes. About that,
it seems there has been a mistake.
1308
01:30:46,457 --> 01:30:49,299
- Mistake?
- Typographical, I'm afraid.
1309
01:30:49,400 --> 01:30:52,000
It was meant to say that
you had not got the position.
1310
01:30:52,107 --> 01:30:53,584
Sorry, old boy.
1311
01:30:54,257 --> 01:30:56,349
Typographical.
1312
01:30:56,350 --> 01:30:58,978
What he's trying to say is piss off, Pip.
1313
01:30:59,797 --> 01:31:04,476
No, okay. Yeah, okay. Sure. Quite.
Oh, okay.
1314
01:31:05,320 --> 01:31:08,762
Are you sure typographical was...
Clear enough. Thank you. Great.
1315
01:31:09,236 --> 01:31:12,241
Beta, beta, beta, beta, beta.
1316
01:31:12,440 --> 01:31:15,314
I've never been more proud of you
than I am at this moment.
1317
01:31:15,496 --> 01:31:16,301
Thanks, Dad.
1318
01:31:16,502 --> 01:31:18,838
You know, your son is
the biggest hound doggie on campus.
1319
01:31:19,030 --> 01:31:21,866
My son, a hound doggie?
1320
01:31:22,083 --> 01:31:24,125
It's practically raining
women's undergarments
1321
01:31:24,230 --> 01:31:25,378
when he walks down the street.
1322
01:31:25,487 --> 01:31:28,820
I always knew it that my son
would follow in my footsteps
1323
01:31:28,922 --> 01:31:30,803
in the pursuit of the pink taco.
1324
01:31:31,631 --> 01:31:35,722
Being a hound doggie
is in the Badalandabad genes.
1325
01:31:35,828 --> 01:31:37,506
Well, it may be in his genes, dear,
1326
01:31:37,612 --> 01:31:40,848
but I certainly never found anything
special, when I looked in yours.
1327
01:31:41,676 --> 01:31:44,517
Are you saying that I'm firing blanks?
I have fathered three children.
1328
01:31:44,618 --> 01:31:46,996
So, what? If our mattress
could have gotten pregnant,
1329
01:31:47,098 --> 01:31:48,347
you would have fathered six.
1330
01:31:48,451 --> 01:31:49,928
I am warning you, woman.
1331
01:31:50,038 --> 01:31:51,548
I am shaking in my sari.
1332
01:31:51,657 --> 01:31:52,805
I don't need this aggravation.
1333
01:31:52,912 --> 01:31:54,233
Thanks for dealing with my dad.
1334
01:31:54,335 --> 01:31:57,500
- They don't live here, do they?
- Oh, no, no. Milwaukee.
1335
01:31:57,605 --> 01:31:58,821
My pleasure, then.
1336
01:32:00,349 --> 01:32:03,119
You know, Charlotte,
you should know I'm not a rich guy.
1337
01:32:03,222 --> 01:32:05,467
I don't own a house or anything.
I'm not an earl.
1338
01:32:05,868 --> 01:32:08,899
In fact, the only title I hold
is to an '86 Toyota Corolla.
1339
01:32:09,007 --> 01:32:11,543
Oh, come now, Mr. Badalandabad.
1340
01:32:11,652 --> 01:32:14,028
You're forgetting
what an excellent swordsman you are.
1341
01:32:14,459 --> 01:32:17,793
Hardly, I almost died up there.
I mean I got a couple of good...
1342
01:32:20,110 --> 01:32:23,019
- Were you calling me a hound doggie?
- Maybe.
1343
01:32:24,207 --> 01:32:25,525
Well.
1344
01:32:30,456 --> 01:32:32,097
I can fence much better than you, though.
1345
01:32:32,202 --> 01:32:33,163
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
1346
01:32:33,263 --> 01:32:34,412
- Let's go.
- You want a rematch?
1347
01:32:34,518 --> 01:32:35,476
Let's go, yes.
1348
01:32:38,477 --> 01:32:44,426
Edited and Timed by
S A D E L A N W A R
sadel_anwar@yahoo.com
100994
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