All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 05x07 - Not Another Monday

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪

Rose, what are you doing?

I'm diapering a turkey.

It's been so long
since I changed a diaper,

I figured I'd practice
before the baby gets here.

Ma! Hello, Martha.
Where were you?

I'll give you a hint.

The guest of honor
had lipstick on her teeth

and didn't give a damn.

Who died?

My best friend, Lydia.
I'm so sorry.

She suffered so. It was
a blessing in disguise.

I always wondered why
blessings wore disguises.

If I were a blessing,
I'd run around naked.

(doorbell)

Oh, that must be the baby.

There's a baby coming?

A couple from my church
are going camping

over the weekend, and we get
to take care of the baby.

Good. Maybe now you'll get
some food I can chew.

How about a cup of tea, Martha?

A little. I made a pig
of myself at the funeral.

It was nice.
Everybody had a good time.

I'm going to miss her so much.

I know.
But you said yourself,

the last few weeks
were so hard on her.

At least now
she's resting peacefully.

I feel so bad.

Hey, I'm the one
who should feel bad.

Lydia and I were wearing
the same dress.

Honey, can we go now?

I've been planning this for months
- a weekend alone in the woods.

It's going to be perfect.

It sounds romantic.
Maybe you'll have another baby.

I'd better make sure
we packed everything.

Well, thanks again.

Goodbye, Francis.
You be good now.

Now, don't you worry
about a thing.

What a beautiful little thing.

Yes. What is it, Rose?
A boy or a girl?

Of course!

I mean, is it Frances
as in Francie,

or Francis as in Frank?

I don't know.
It's wearing yellow.

We could find out, Rose.
How?

Put on the Dolphins game
and see if it watches.

By looking, Rose!

We could change its diaper,
and see if it has a winky.

A "winky"?

That's the scientific term
for it, when it's little.

But the baby isn't wet.

We'll change it anyway.
Here you go.

Here I go?

The best time
to change a diaper

is when there's nothing in it.

I'll do it.
You can help me.

OK. Ready?

One, two, three...

(all) Frank.

May I help you, madame?

How d'you know
I'm not a mademoiselle?

Because what man
in his right mind

would leave you
to languish on the vine?

If this was Sicily, you
wouldn't have any lips left.

Take me to my friend
Martha Lamont's table,

and try not to fall in love.

Miss Lamont is waiting
for you at the bar.

Oh, good. With luck, she found
somebody who'll pay for dinner.

Martha!
You look terrific.

Are those new knee-highs?

It's a new attitude -
eat, drink and be merry.

Hey, Jacques.

Gimme a hand, and watch
where you put it.

That was better
than I thought it would be.

Now I can't wait to get down.

Hi. Can I get
you ladies drinks?

I'll have a Manhattan.
And don't slip me any of the cheap stuff.

I'll have another
Harvey Wallbanger.

You've seen quite a bit
of Mr. Wallbanger tonight.

I'm celebrating,

because I've just had an idea
that will change my life.

Order anything you like.

I'm going to have
the shrimp cocktail,

the cream of mushroom soup,

asparagus
with hollandaise sauce,

and the filet mignon.

I like cholesterol
as much as the next guy,

but you're never gonna get
blood to your feet again.

I'd like to drink a toast.

To Sophia, whom I hope
I can count on.

For what?

Get your lips off Harvey
and tell me what you want!

Since you mentioned it, I want
you to do something for me.

I want you to come over
to my place tomorrow night.

What, is it your birthday?

Sophia, there aren't going
to be any more birthdays.

What are you telling me?

I have so many things
wrong with me -

arthritis, high blood pressure,

angina, just to mention a few.

Who doesn't? You can't
get into a canasta game

unless you have at least
two debilitating diseases.

Your table is ready, mesdames.

I don't know, for me
it was better the first time.

What do you think?

Right this way, please.

So why do you want me to be
at your house tomorrow?

I want you to be there
when I kill myself.

(Francis crying)
What is it, Blanche?

I can't quite make it out.
I think my eyes are tired.

Your eyes are old.

Blanche, when are you gonna
admit you need glasses?

I do not need glasses.

My mother didn't need glasses
till the day she died.

And then it seemed silly.

What is his temperature,
Blanche?

I do not know, Dorothy.

Even with perfect eyesight, nobody
can read one of these things.

Oh, my God. It's 103.2!

The poor baby!

We'd better contact
his parents.

They're out in the woods
somewh-

We'd better call Harry.

We're very lucky we have a
pediatrician right down the street.

No, that's a bad idea.
Why?

Because by the time I get my
hair done and my face on,

that baby could be
in serious trouble.

Let's call his real
pediatrician.

OK. Pediatrician. Pe...

Here it is.
Dr. Harry Weston.

Oh, God! Oh, come on,
Blanche, he's a doctor.

He's used to seeing people
at their worst.

And if you comb your hair, you
can be right in that ball park.

Harry? Dorothy.

Listen, I'm so sorry I have
to call you at home,

but we're taking care
of the Lillistrand baby,

and he's running
a very high fever.

Could you come over right away?

No, this is not Blanche
playing a joke.

Thanks, Harry.
Thanks very much.

He's coming?
Right away.

I'd better freshen up.

Blanche, he is not
coming over to look at you.

He's coming over to look
at the baby.

I will be holding the baby,
next to my bosom.

What a magnificent picture.

God, I wish that thing
didn't look so sickly.

(crying continues)

I don't care if you are
paying for dinner.

What you wanna do is crazy.

It's time to go, Sophia.

I don't want to see
another Monday.

I don't want to wait,
and end up going like Lydia.

I'm going to decide
when it's over.

I always thought somebody
named God did that.

You don't understand.

I'm afraid of the pain,
of the hurting.

I'm afraid of being alone,
of dying alone.

I can take the pills myself,

but I want you to be there
and hold my hand.

You're right,
I don't understand.

I'd do anything to stay alive.
If my heart stopped beating,

I'd want every doctor in town
jumping up and down on my chest.

You say that now,

but I don't have
the courage to die by inches.

I'm going to do it,
whether you're there or not.

I don't want to die alone.
Please, help me.

(Francis crying)

Dorothy, do you think this looks
alluring and yet nurselike?

I don't know, Blanche.

Maybe the earrings
put it over the top.

Oh, no, I did that
for the baby -

they love shiny things.

Listen, maybe you two
oughtta wait

in the kitchen with the kid.

(doorbell)

Oh, I'll get it. Freeze!
Don't go near that door.

Gimme that thing.

Hello, Frank, darling.
(coos)

How do I look?

It's all wrong, Blanche.
The baby doesn't match your shoes.

Hello, ladies! (Dorothy) Oh,
Harry, thanks so much for coming over.

Frank! Frank, talk to me.
What's going on here?

He isn't feeling very well,

so we thought we'd have you
over for a drink.

Hey, why don't we just forget
the baby and go dancing?

Oh!

Blanche, that is some outfit!

What do you call that?

A negligee.

Brings back fond memories.

My mother used to have one
just like it.

Here, take him -
he's wet.

Well, somebody better
change him,

or he'll get a rash
on his winky.

We're sorry we had
to disturb you, Harry,

but he's running
a fever of 103.

What do you think it is?

He could be teething,
it could be the flu.

Maybe he's just
a hypochondriac.

Really?

Well, let's take a look.

So, you've been keeping these
ladies busy, have you?

Oh, I didn't mind.

I have such a highly
developed maternal instinct.

Uh, I was talking
to the baby, Blanche.

Any other symptoms?
Rash or...?

No, he was fine one minute,
and running a fever the next.

Is it the usual? Huh?

Yeah. Frank tends to get ear
infections from time to time.

Is he gonna be all right? He'll be fine.
We'll keep a close watch on him.

Give him four drops
of this right now,

and then once every two hours.

Give him plenty of fluids
so he doesn't get dehydrated.

And I'll check
back on you tomorrow.

When are we supposed to sleep?

Not that I mind.
I was born to heal.

Heel, Blanche!

Welcome back
to motherhood, ladies.

I'm sure you were good mothers
and you remember what to do.

Blanche, watch the others.
You look like you pick up things quickly.

Gotta go.

Bye.

(Francis crying)

What is wrong with this baby?

Honey, darling, please
shut up for Aunt Blanche!

You know, back in St. Olaf,

we had a surefire method
for getting babies to sleep.

If herring, elk,
or anyone named Sven

figures in this,
I don't wanna hear it.

OK, I've got another one.

Whenever my kids couldn't sleep,
we always sang to them.

A lullaby?
Sort of. "Mr. Sandman."

Oh, I don't know, Rose...

Dorothy, come on.
It's worth a try.

It's either we sing
or he sings.

Oh, all right.

♪ Boom

♪ Boom

Well?
Well what?

After my "boom" comes your
"boom," and then yours -

until we're all "boom"ing.

How complicated
is that herring thing?

♪ Boom ♪ Boom, boom, boom

♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ Boom ♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ Boom ♪ Boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ Boom ♪ Boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom

♪ Mr. Sandman

♪ Bring me a dream
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ Make him the cutest
that I've ever seen

♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ Give him two lips
like roses and clover

♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom

♪ Then tell him that
his lonesome nights are over

(silence)

(crying)

(resume song)

♪ Mr. Sandman
(deep) ♪ Yes?

♪ Bring me a dream

♪ Make him the cutest
that I've ever seen

♪ Give him the word
that I'm not a rover

♪ Then tell him that
his lonesome nights are over

♪ Mr. Sandman

♪ I'm so alone...

Boy, you guys really stink.

We were just singing
the baby to sleep.

It was waking me up.

Maybe we ought to go
out in the kitchen.

So we can talk.

So we can eat.
Better.

Ma, we're sorry
our singing woke you.

It wasn't you.
I had a horrible nightmare.

I dreamt my Uncle Giuseppe
came down from heaven

and was pointing
a finger at me.

I think it was a finger.

And he was warning me - if I did a certain
thing, I wouldn't get into heaven.

What thing?
Try murder.

It was just a dream, Sophia.

It's not just a dream for me.

Martha wants to commit suicide,

and she wants me
to be there with her.

And what did you say?

I said I'd think about it.

You can't say no to somebody
who pops for a $75 dinner.

Tell them, Blanche.

Ma, I can't believe that
you're seriously considering

getting involved in this!

Martha's a sick woman.
And she doesn't wanna get any sicker.

She's gonna do it anyway,
so why should she die alone?

This is wrong, Sophia.

Forget about whether
this is right or wrong.

Ma, I'm worried about you!

When Martha takes
those pills or whatever

and the life drains out of her,

you're gonna be
in that room, alone.

What are you gonna do, Ma?
How are you gonna feel?

I don't know,
but I'll deal with it.

When my time comes,
I sure want somebody

to put me out of my misery
if something tragic happens -

like I get a fatal illness,
or I've lost my looks.

Tell us when, Blanche.

Ma, I forbid you to do this.

Sometimes you forget -
I'm the mother here.

That has nothing
to do with this.

It has everything
to do with this.

In the 25 years I have on you,
I've learned something.

I just wish I could
remember what it is.

Oh, yeah, I got it.

It's not whether you agree
or disagree with somebody.

It's whether you can be there for
that person when they need you.

Sophia, I can't believe
you're doing this.

You know, this reminds me
of the story

of Gunilla Ulf's daughter,

St. Olaf's very own
angel of death.

Tell it, Rose. Tell it.

Really?
All the way through?

All the way through.
But please try to make the end

come as close to the
beginning as possible.

Well, Gunilla Ulf's
daughter was a nurse

at Cedars
of St. Olaf Hospital.

One night she was taking care
of Sven Bjornsson,

and he asked her
if she would get him

some more mouth moisteners
and then kill him.

Gunilla brought the mouth
moisteners right away,

but the killing thing

seemed to go against
everything she'd been taught.

You're doing beautifully, Rose.

He begged and he begged,

and by her coffee break, she
couldn't stand it anymore,

so she pulled
the plug and he died.

Well, she was racked
with guilt that night.

Not only had she parked
her car in a doctor's spot,

but she was never sure
whether Sven's pleading

was the pain talking,
or the medication talking,

or the guy
in the next bed talking!

You see, the guy in the next
bed was Ingmar von Bergen,

St. Olaf's meanest
ventriloquist.

Rose, we are going somewhere
with this, aren't we?

I mean, if not, I'm gonna
cut out your tongue.

Yes!

Sven came back
to haunt Gunilla -

since then,
every Tuesday night at ten.

Nine, Central time.
Oh!

She hears noises.

Some say it's the wind, but...

some say it's Sven's voice

whispering back
from the other side,

saying, "Turn around quick -
his lips are moving."

You see that, Ma?

You kill someone,

you end up being a Rose story.

Is this what you want?

Dorothy, I'll worry
about me later.

I gotta do this.

Goodnight, pussycat.

(gasps)

You came.

I said I would.

Come in.
Come in and sit down.

I have something to show you.

Look, ten carats,
and not a flaw.

I bought it today, on time.
(chuckles)

Very nice.

Look, I was thinking,

maybe you shouldn't
go through with this...

No, I have to go.

I've never felt so happy.

Do you like the ring?

Reminds me of a doorknob
I had back in Brooklyn.

What are you doing?

Just my way
of saying thank you.

Well, I think I've
taken care of everything.

Now, you'll see to it that they
don't put lipstick on my teeth.

Don't worry. I'll take them out
and check them personally.

Well...

I guess...

it's time to go.

You will hold my hand?

Sure I will.

I'm so glad
I don't have to go alone.

Uh... d'you remember
how we met?

Yes. About eight years ago.

We shared a room
in the hospital.

You had the heart scare,
I was the gall bladder.

They gave you my sponge bath
by mistake.

You ate my Jell-O.
It was a horrible little room.

We couldn't wait
to get out of it.

Because we wanted to live.
Yes. I remember.

Remember better.
Remember life.

I don't have much of one.

I'm not like you.

You live with friends
and family,

holidays and warmth.

I hear the silence.

We'll talk. We'll talk
all the time.

You can come over Thanksgiving,

Christmas, every Friday night.

I may not be there, but you
could always talk to Rose.

No, I want to go.
Lydia looked so peaceful.

We're not in this life
for peace!

You're crying!

No, I'm not. I don't cry.
I can see your tears.

I can see yours.
Know what that tells me?

What? You're not as ready to
die as you think you are.

You still wanna live, kid.

Some kid!

I don't know what to do.

That's the point.
If you're not sure,

you can't change
your mind tomorrow.

You wanted me to be here
for your death.

How about letting me
be here for your life?

Like a friend?

Like a best friend.

Dorothy, honey, sit down.
Pacing isn't gonna help.

I just can't stop
thinking about Ma.

Look at that!
Perfect - 98.6.

Yeah, that's what
it looks like to me.

Thank God! That means
he's better.

Here. I'm pooped.

I guess there must be a reason

why women have babies when
they're 20ish instead of 40ish.

Blanche, the only thing
in this room

that's 40ish is your hairdo.

Ma.

It's OK.
She changed her mind.

Oh, Ma, Thank God!
I know, Dorothy. I know.

(doorbell rings) That
must be the Lillistrands.

Frank, we love you,
but you are out of here.

Gimme a minute.

Sure.

Listen, you.
You're just starting out.

You're in for the long haul.

Keep your seat belt on -

there are lots of twists
and turns.

(crying)

Stop that, or they're gonna
come in here and sing again!