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1
00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:05,434
Stuart:
* she'll be comin' 'round
The mountain when she comes *
2
00:00:05,467 --> 00:00:07,267
* she'll be comin' 'round
The mountain when she comes *
3
00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:09,501
* yee-ha,
She'll be ridin' Stuart Bondek *
4
00:00:09,534 --> 00:00:11,167
* she'll be ridin'
Stuart Bondek *
5
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:12,734
* she'll be ridin'
Stuart Bondek when she -- *
6
00:00:12,767 --> 00:00:14,400
Carter!
We're out of towels!
7
00:00:14,434 --> 00:00:16,934
It was your turn
to wash 'em.
8
00:00:16,968 --> 00:00:18,501
Throw me a dirty one!
9
00:00:18,534 --> 00:00:21,734
I can't. Caitlin's coming
to pick me up for the theater,
10
00:00:21,767 --> 00:00:22,968
and I�m not ready.
11
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,367
[ growls ]
12
00:00:26,367 --> 00:00:27,834
Aaah!
13
00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:30,834
I just had rags de-flead!
14
00:00:30,868 --> 00:00:33,334
You can't go out
with Caitlin tonight.
15
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,634
It's our movie night.
16
00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:37,167
I'm not gonna have
a swayze-fest by myself.
17
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,801
Carter, we're gonna be --
18
00:00:40,033 --> 00:00:41,834
That's weird.
19
00:00:41,868 --> 00:00:45,234
Yeah. I look different
without my glasses.
20
00:00:45,267 --> 00:00:49,000
Caitlin,
let's get outta here.
21
00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:51,767
You should really get that
checked out.
22
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:59,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
23
00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:20,133
Hey.
Caitlin, hi.
24
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,601
I liked your press release
25
00:01:21,634 --> 00:01:24,133
for the mayor's
"get out and vote" campaign,
26
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,434
Although I found the title
a bit racy.
27
00:01:26,467 --> 00:01:27,667
What's racy about it?
28
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:30,434
"Mayor Winston looks forward
to a huge election."
29
00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:34,200
You might want to proofread
more closely next time.
30
00:01:34,234 --> 00:01:38,234
"Mayor Winston looks forward
to a huge" -- oh, my god.
31
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,067
There's no "r"
in "election."
32
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,167
This is a typo.
33
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,701
I assume that.
34
00:01:44,734 --> 00:01:47,000
Otherwise I�d like to know
how you check.
35
00:01:47,033 --> 00:01:49,767
We're about to walk
into a press conference.
36
00:01:49,801 --> 00:01:51,601
Tell them you made a mistake.
37
00:01:51,634 --> 00:01:53,167
Who cares
what the press thinks?
38
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,968
It's taken me years
to build my reputation.
39
00:01:56,000 --> 00:02:01,100
It took me one weekend
in Amsterdam to build mine.
40
00:02:01,133 --> 00:02:03,067
Caitlin!
Caitlin!
Caitlin!
Caitlin!
41
00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:04,901
Can you tell us
who's responsible
42
00:02:04,934 --> 00:02:06,434
For the mayor's
press release?
43
00:02:06,467 --> 00:02:09,767
It's hard to pinpoint
the exact source.
44
00:02:09,801 --> 00:02:11,868
but I will form
a fact-finding committee
45
00:02:11,901 --> 00:02:13,200
to get to the bottom of --
46
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,501
It was me.
47
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:17,434
I drafted the press release.
48
00:02:18,734 --> 00:02:21,501
Though it was a mistake,
I am in no way implying
49
00:02:21,534 --> 00:02:24,634
that the mayor is incapable
Of achieving a huge erection.
50
00:02:26,534 --> 00:02:28,067
Thank you.
51
00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:32,634
Hey, Carter.
You ready for lunch?
52
00:02:32,667 --> 00:02:34,434
Oh, oh, I have to cancel.
53
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:36,434
But it's tex-mex Monday.
54
00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:39,200
Sorry. Caitlin and I are taking
Rags to the hair salon.
55
00:02:39,234 --> 00:02:40,767
He, uh --
[ clears throat ]
56
00:02:40,801 --> 00:02:44,267
He had a bad reaction
to the Grecian formula.
57
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,901
All right --
First movie night, now lunch.
58
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:50,534
Next you'll be backing out of
the police auction this weekend.
59
00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:52,000
I never said I�d go to that.
60
00:02:52,033 --> 00:02:56,300
Fine -- more seized goods
and vehicles for me!
61
00:02:56,334 --> 00:02:59,667
Hey, Stuart.
How was your weekend?
62
00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:02,467
Look, I didn't have a towel,
so I used a dog.
63
00:03:02,501 --> 00:03:03,901
Can we please drop it?!
64
00:03:06,634 --> 00:03:08,334
How about you, Angie?
Good weekend?
65
00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:10,934
I worked at my dad's restaurant
so I can make the rent.
66
00:03:10,968 --> 00:03:12,868
Oh, you crazy kids.
67
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,834
We'll pick this up later.
68
00:03:14,868 --> 00:03:17,567
Hey, Paul.
69
00:03:17,601 --> 00:03:20,334
Lately it feels like
something's missing around here.
70
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,167
You know
what this office needs?
71
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,801
A meat cone?
72
00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:26,901
A little chitchat --
Casual conversation.
73
00:03:26,934 --> 00:03:28,901
You mean water-cooler talk?
74
00:03:28,934 --> 00:03:31,767
Exactly. This office needs
more water-cooler talk.
75
00:03:31,801 --> 00:03:35,133
And what better way to do that
than to bring in a meat cone?
76
00:03:35,167 --> 00:03:38,400
Charlie, I was just telling
the mayor --
77
00:03:38,434 --> 00:03:40,033
No meat cone, Paul.
78
00:03:42,033 --> 00:03:44,167
Man: translatethe following sentence --
79
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,701
I like chicken.
80
00:03:45,734 --> 00:03:51,100
if you said, "me gusta pollo,"
good job.
81
00:03:51,133 --> 00:03:53,200
[ tape rewinds ]
82
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,501
Man: translatethe following sentence --
83
00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:57,234
I like chicken.
84
00:03:57,267 --> 00:04:00,367
me gusta pollo.
85
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,767
if you said, "me gusta pollo,"
good job.
86
00:04:03,801 --> 00:04:05,934
Yes!
87
00:04:05,968 --> 00:04:07,634
Charlie,
I want to thank you
88
00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:10,634
For covering for me
at the press conference.
89
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:11,834
No problem.
90
00:04:11,868 --> 00:04:13,567
I'm in the middle of something.
91
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,133
Oh. Okay.
92
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:16,834
I...like...beef.
93
00:04:19,234 --> 00:04:20,400
What?
94
00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:22,467
You heard me.
95
00:04:22,501 --> 00:04:24,467
I...like...beef.
96
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:27,801
"intro to spanish"?
97
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,634
Why are you studying Spanish?
98
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:31,567
Next time I wake up
in Mexico,
99
00:04:31,601 --> 00:04:33,767
I want to find out
how I got there.
100
00:04:33,801 --> 00:04:35,067
I know what you're doing.
101
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,300
You're learning Spanish
so you can help the mayor
102
00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:39,000
Connect
with the Latin community.
103
00:04:39,033 --> 00:04:40,367
Exactly.
104
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,300
Fantastic! We should leak
this to the press.
105
00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:45,100
I'd appreciate it
if you didn't tell.
106
00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:47,834
Whatever you want.
Your secret is safe with me.
107
00:04:49,968 --> 00:04:52,100
You told her
you were taking Spanish
108
00:04:52,133 --> 00:04:53,667
To get your college degree?
109
00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:56,434
What, are you nuts?
She can't keep a secret.
110
00:04:56,467 --> 00:04:58,934
What's the big deal?
It's just one credit.
111
00:04:58,968 --> 00:05:00,868
If the press finds out
I didn't graduate,
112
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,701
It could be a problem
for the mayor.
113
00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:04,934
but that doesn't mean
you can't tell Caitlin.
114
00:05:04,968 --> 00:05:07,167
I know she can keep a secret.
115
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,501
Then how do I know
you once had a sex dream
116
00:05:09,534 --> 00:05:11,067
about Paul and Vincent Price?
117
00:05:11,868 --> 00:05:13,968
Caitlin!
118
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,801
What's it gonna be for rags --
Feathered or bangs?
119
00:05:29,834 --> 00:05:31,334
Surprise me.
120
00:05:31,367 --> 00:05:34,367
I'm gonna make you look
10 years younger.
121
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,634
That's 70 for you!
122
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:38,300
Charlie's taking
Spanish classes.
123
00:05:38,334 --> 00:05:40,133
He wants to help the mayor
124
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:42,901
get in touch
with the Latin community.
125
00:05:42,934 --> 00:05:45,601
I'd like to get in touch
with Enrique Iglesias --
126
00:05:45,634 --> 00:05:47,834
muy caliente.
127
00:05:47,868 --> 00:05:50,968
The weird thing is, he
doesn't want me to tell anyone.
128
00:05:51,033 --> 00:05:52,400
You just told me.
129
00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:54,033
I know.
Don't tell anyone.
130
00:05:54,067 --> 00:05:56,667
You'd think he'd want to get
some good press out of this.
131
00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:58,100
Would.
132
00:05:58,133 --> 00:06:01,000
Maybe Charlie doesn't care
what the press thinks about him.
133
00:06:01,033 --> 00:06:02,300
Oh, he cares.
134
00:06:02,334 --> 00:06:05,467
I bet he's plagued
with sleepless nights --
135
00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:07,267
Just like all of us.
136
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,234
Rags is all shampooed,
137
00:06:09,267 --> 00:06:13,801
And the stylist will be with you
in a couple minutes.
138
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:14,968
Ahhh. Oooh.
139
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:19,267
Citrusy.
140
00:06:21,734 --> 00:06:23,534
Ow!
141
00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:27,667
The lengths you women go to
for beauty -- ha!
142
00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:44,834
In a moment we're gonna be
in the middle
143
00:06:44,868 --> 00:06:47,067
Of some real office chitchat.
144
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:49,534
Huh? You want
water-cooler talk...
145
00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:51,167
You get a water cooler.
146
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:56,133
Well, let's give this baby
a test-drive.
147
00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:59,033
So, tell me, Paul --
You like sports?
148
00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:04,033
Sports -- oh, yeah.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
149
00:07:04,067 --> 00:07:06,801
I could talk endlessly
about sports.
150
00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:08,801
I feel the same way.
151
00:07:08,834 --> 00:07:11,834
Sports!
152
00:07:11,868 --> 00:07:14,300
Stuart, rags was swept out
into the street
153
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:16,467
And accidentally taken
to the pound.
154
00:07:16,501 --> 00:07:19,133
He was found without a leash,
and he committed a g & b.
155
00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:21,968
What's a g & b?
Growl and bite.
156
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,000
Come on.
You're in charge of this.
157
00:07:24,033 --> 00:07:25,834
Make a call.
Get him released.
158
00:07:25,868 --> 00:07:28,234
If I let rags go,
then I�d have to release
159
00:07:28,267 --> 00:07:30,400
the poodle we nabbed
for a d & r --
160
00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:33,701
Dump and run.
161
00:07:33,734 --> 00:07:36,634
Sorry. My hands are tied.
162
00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:39,000
This is outrageous!
163
00:07:42,067 --> 00:07:46,501
Ah! Ah!
You thirsty, Charlie?
164
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:47,667
Sure.
165
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,734
There we go.
166
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,534
What's wrong
with this thing?
167
00:08:01,534 --> 00:08:04,801
Can anyone tell me how to say
"what a beautiful day"?
168
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:06,033
Lewis.
169
00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:07,133
qu� lindo d�a.
170
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:08,234
Very good.
171
00:08:08,267 --> 00:08:09,934
How about "what time is lunch?"
172
00:08:09,968 --> 00:08:11,801
Lewis.
173
00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:14,367
�a qu� hora es el almuerzo?
174
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,033
Excellent.
175
00:08:16,067 --> 00:08:17,934
Now, who can say
"I have a flat tire,
176
00:08:17,968 --> 00:08:20,200
And I need a ride
to the nearest gas station"?
177
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:23,000
Charlie.
178
00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:27,334
Wildcat football rules!
179
00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:29,133
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
180
00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:31,934
Why don't we take
a 10-minute break?
181
00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:38,567
What are you doing here?
182
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,634
Don't get mad, but I brought
a reporter to do a story on you.
183
00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:45,133
George Brandle
with the New York Journal.
184
00:08:45,167 --> 00:08:48,133
You can thank me later.
185
00:08:48,167 --> 00:08:50,300
After Caitlin called me,
I did some digging.
186
00:08:50,334 --> 00:08:52,667
Is it true you never graduated
from college?
187
00:08:52,701 --> 00:08:55,400
[ camera shutter clicks ]
188
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:56,934
Thank you!
189
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,601
Caitlin, I�m glad
you're here.
190
00:09:06,634 --> 00:09:08,033
I had this terrible dream
191
00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:10,300
that my picture
was on the front page,
192
00:09:10,334 --> 00:09:12,701
right below a caption
calling me stupid.
193
00:09:13,934 --> 00:09:18,133
Oh, wait a minute --
That wasn't a dream!
194
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:19,601
How was I supposed to know?
195
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:22,434
Why didn't you graduate
from college in the first place?
196
00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:24,367
It's a long story.
197
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,901
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
198
00:09:25,934 --> 00:09:28,534
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug!
199
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:30,033
I can't believe
you graduated.
200
00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:32,334
That Spanish final
was so freakin' hard,
201
00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:34,534
I didn't think
we were gonna make it.
202
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,968
What Spanish final?
203
00:09:41,334 --> 00:09:42,701
I'm gonna fix this,
204
00:09:42,734 --> 00:09:45,701
And the press is gonna think
you're a Rhodes scholar.
205
00:09:45,734 --> 00:09:47,701
Don't try to fix this.
Don't do anything.
206
00:09:47,734 --> 00:09:49,868
They're calling you stupid.
I don't care.
207
00:09:49,901 --> 00:09:52,801
How can you not care?
Because I�m not stupid.
208
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:54,701
Before you helped me,
209
00:09:54,734 --> 00:09:56,734
I was gonna cruise
through this class.
210
00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:59,234
The whole city is watching.
I have to get an "a."
211
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:00,567
What did you plan
on getting?
212
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:01,968
A "c" --
213
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,434
Nice and average,
nothin' crazy.
214
00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:08,868
And how far
did that attitude get you?
215
00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:13,534
Hi. Professor Ryan
asked me to tutor you
216
00:10:13,567 --> 00:10:15,501
Because you have
a "c" average.
217
00:10:18,934 --> 00:10:21,534
Second base.
218
00:10:25,901 --> 00:10:29,000
The water cooler
isn't working, is it?
219
00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:30,667
I'm afraid not, sir.
220
00:10:30,701 --> 00:10:33,868
Maybe we should give
the meat cone a shot.
221
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,667
People aren't having
conversations
222
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:38,167
because we haven't given them
a conversation piece.
223
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,868
What did you have
in mind, sir?
224
00:10:39,901 --> 00:10:41,834
Wrap your brain around this.
225
00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:50,968
Very provocative, sir.
226
00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:53,968
Pretty hard not to have
an opinion about this!
227
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,534
It's as if god exists,
228
00:10:56,567 --> 00:11:00,334
Because there's
the word "god,"
229
00:11:00,367 --> 00:11:03,901
But then you see
the question mark,
230
00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:06,667
and you wonder --
Does he?
231
00:11:06,701 --> 00:11:09,534
How you doin', Carter?
232
00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:11,033
Terrible.
233
00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,434
I couldn't sleep
234
00:11:12,467 --> 00:11:15,501
because some jerk wouldn't let
Rags out of the pound.
235
00:11:15,534 --> 00:11:17,901
He shouldn't have been
at the salon.
236
00:11:17,934 --> 00:11:20,767
That pampered mutt
doesn't need a hairstylist
237
00:11:20,801 --> 00:11:23,267
Any more than he needed
his teeth bleached --
238
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,567
Or the doggy liposuction.
239
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,501
I can't help you.
I'm just doing my job.
240
00:11:27,534 --> 00:11:30,634
Enforcing the leash laws?
Ha! That's a joke!
241
00:11:30,667 --> 00:11:33,133
Enforcing the leash laws,
a joke?
242
00:11:33,167 --> 00:11:36,234
Excuse me! I don't mock you
when you're helping the sick
243
00:11:36,267 --> 00:11:37,634
Or feeding the homeless!
244
00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:39,601
I think what Carter's
trying to say
245
00:11:39,634 --> 00:11:42,267
Is maybe you can make
an exception this once.
246
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,968
Oh, is that what Carter's
tryin' to say?
247
00:11:46,434 --> 00:11:49,467
You know, I think I know Carter
a lot more than you do.
248
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:52,200
I'm just saying
I haven't seen Carter this upset
249
00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:54,234
Since his sister moved
to London.
250
00:11:54,267 --> 00:11:55,400
You have a sister?!
251
00:11:55,434 --> 00:11:57,601
I'm staying out of this.
252
00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:04,701
She's trying to help me
because she is my friend.
253
00:12:04,734 --> 00:12:05,834
Well, so am I.
254
00:12:05,868 --> 00:12:07,734
Yeah, well,
I don't know anymore.
255
00:12:10,701 --> 00:12:14,200
You just bought your dog
another day in lockup!
256
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,868
Hey, Paul...
257
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:19,767
What's "dog"
spelled backwards?
258
00:12:19,801 --> 00:12:24,434
Sir, you just blew my mind.
259
00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:28,801
Charlie, excellent job
on your homework --
260
00:12:28,834 --> 00:12:30,734
Check-plus-plus.
261
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:33,033
How the hell did I get
a check-plus-plus?
262
00:12:33,067 --> 00:12:35,434
I forgot to tell you --
Extra-credit essay.
263
00:12:35,467 --> 00:12:38,434
That is so like me.
264
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:41,868
Charlie, loved your essay
on your summer in Spain.
265
00:12:41,901 --> 00:12:44,701
Which part of Barcelona
did you live in?
266
00:12:44,734 --> 00:12:47,934
Lower east side.
267
00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:50,601
When am I gonna get my beer?
268
00:12:50,634 --> 00:12:52,434
It's being delivered
at 9:00.
269
00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:53,868
You should stop by.
270
00:12:53,901 --> 00:12:56,400
We're having a mixer
with theta delta zeta.
271
00:12:56,434 --> 00:13:00,434
Theta delts, huh?
They're pretty hot.
272
00:13:00,467 --> 00:13:02,534
I'll try to make it.
273
00:13:02,567 --> 00:13:03,901
Hi. I'm Caitlin Moore.
274
00:13:03,934 --> 00:13:06,033
I'm a friend
of Charlie Crawford�s.
275
00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:07,434
How can I help you?
276
00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:10,167
Well, we both know Charlie's
not much of an academic,
277
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,534
and since the whole city's
watching him,
278
00:13:12,567 --> 00:13:15,567
I was wondering if you
could give him some extra help.
279
00:13:15,601 --> 00:13:17,534
Extra help?
He's doing extremely well.
280
00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:20,067
In fact, he and Lewis are tied
for top of the class.
281
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,467
Really?
282
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,968
It's amazing, considering
he spends half the time
283
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,968
either sleeping
or reading magazines.
284
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,434
Is there any way you could get
him into the advanced class?
285
00:13:30,467 --> 00:13:32,567
Are you sure he'd want that?
Definitely.
286
00:13:32,601 --> 00:13:35,934
All the bad press has really
been a blow to his self-esteem,
287
00:13:35,968 --> 00:13:39,501
and once the reporters find out
that he's in the advanced class,
288
00:13:39,534 --> 00:13:42,167
He'll go from "el dunce-o"
to "el genius...o."
289
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,100
Charlie is lucky to have
a good friend like you.
290
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:47,434
Isn't he?
291
00:13:47,467 --> 00:13:51,000
[ speaking Spanish ]
292
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:57,367
Charlie?
293
00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:10,734
Excuse me.
I'm here to see rags.
294
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:13,501
He's been scarin'
all the other dogs.
295
00:14:13,534 --> 00:14:15,100
What's he doing?
296
00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:17,300
Just sittin' there.
297
00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:18,868
Did he get my care package?
298
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:21,000
I sent him smoked salmon
and brie.
299
00:14:21,033 --> 00:14:25,033
Oh, yeah.
He loved it.
300
00:14:25,067 --> 00:14:27,901
I'd like to take him
home now.
301
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:31,267
Sorry. I can't allow that
per Mr. Bondek's instructions.
302
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,701
Obviously the instructions
were unclear.
303
00:14:33,734 --> 00:14:37,300
"Don't give rags
To Carter Heywood."
304
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:40,434
There you go.
I'm not Carter Heywood.
305
00:14:40,467 --> 00:14:42,601
My name is Dexter st. John.
306
00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:45,300
"Carter Heywood
is a 6'2" bald black man
307
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:48,400
Who sometimes uses the alias
'Dexter st. John.'"
308
00:14:49,501 --> 00:14:52,067
If you'll excuse me,
I'm on my break.
309
00:14:54,968 --> 00:14:58,501
How 'bout that giants game?
310
00:15:05,534 --> 00:15:08,868
[ dog barks ]
311
00:15:08,901 --> 00:15:11,501
Come on, rags.
Let's get outta here.
312
00:15:11,534 --> 00:15:13,701
[ gasps ]
313
00:15:13,734 --> 00:15:16,734
[ dogs barking ]
314
00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:19,067
You may catch me,
but you'll never catch Rags!
315
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:22,133
Run, Rags!
Run like the wind!
316
00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:31,000
Hi, Charlie.
317
00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,801
What are you doing?
318
00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:35,133
Studying. I'm still not sure
what happened.
319
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:39,701
Somehow I got bumped
into the advanced Spanish class.
320
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:42,667
You're welcome.
321
00:15:42,701 --> 00:15:44,100
For what?
322
00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:47,200
After I found out how well
you were doing, Mr. Humble,
323
00:15:47,234 --> 00:15:50,267
I convinced the teacher
to put you in a higher class.
324
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:53,000
Now the press is gonna think
you're brilliant!
325
00:15:53,033 --> 00:15:55,501
How happy are you?
326
00:15:55,534 --> 00:15:59,000
Okay, we're gonna have to work
on your "happy" face.
327
00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:01,834
Caitlin, someone else
was doing my homework for me.
328
00:16:01,868 --> 00:16:03,767
I can't speak a word
of Spanish.
329
00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:06,033
You don't belong
in the advanced class.
330
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:08,667
Not only do I have to pull
an all-nighter,
331
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,901
But I�m missing a kick-ass mixer
with the theta delts.
332
00:16:11,934 --> 00:16:14,601
Sorry. I was just trying
to help improve your image.
333
00:16:14,634 --> 00:16:17,767
Not everyone is obsessed
with what people think of them.
334
00:16:17,801 --> 00:16:19,501
If you're implying
that I�m obsessed
335
00:16:19,534 --> 00:16:21,501
With what people think of me,
you're wrong.
336
00:16:21,534 --> 00:16:23,634
If that's the thanks I get
for trying to help,
337
00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:24,934
I will leave you alone.
338
00:16:24,968 --> 00:16:26,834
Good, because I�ve got
one night
339
00:16:26,868 --> 00:16:29,834
To translate "unbearable
likeness of being" into Spanish.
340
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:38,901
I am not obsessed
with what people think of me!
341
00:16:38,934 --> 00:16:40,601
Fine. You're not.
342
00:16:40,634 --> 00:16:42,367
No. I want an example.
343
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,367
Who tried to sue
the New York Times
344
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,400
For printing that picture
of you blinking?
345
00:16:46,434 --> 00:16:49,267
I am not getting into that.
Because it's true!
346
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:52,501
No, because I can't comment
on pending litigation.
347
00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:01,167
[ sobbing ]
You're right.
348
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,501
I am completely consumed
by what people think of me.
349
00:17:04,534 --> 00:17:07,167
I've always been that way.
I am hopeless!
350
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,734
I wish I could be
more like you.
351
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:11,734
You're so self-confident,
so self-assured --
352
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:14,334
With so little reason
to be that way.
353
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,701
That's very kind of you.
354
00:17:18,634 --> 00:17:19,601
How's this --
355
00:17:19,634 --> 00:17:21,067
I'm a little embarrassed
356
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,267
About not graduating
from college.
357
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:25,067
I don't believe you.
No, it's true.
358
00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:26,434
I didn't want people to know
359
00:17:26,467 --> 00:17:28,634
Because I was afraid
they'd think less of me.
360
00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:31,334
You're just saying that.
361
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:32,501
No, I�m not.
362
00:17:32,534 --> 00:17:35,901
Deep down I�m not confident.
I'm insecure.
363
00:17:39,901 --> 00:17:42,167
I knew it.
364
00:17:50,801 --> 00:17:54,434
I am never speaking to you
again.
365
00:17:55,934 --> 00:17:59,367
I was locked up
in that pound for three hours.
366
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,767
You're overreacting.
367
00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:03,067
They threatened
to have me fixed!
368
00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:06,934
Over the years,
I've taken a lot from you.
369
00:18:06,968 --> 00:18:09,033
The time I came home
from my vacation
370
00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:11,267
And found you in my bed
with two women,
371
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,734
I just smiled.
372
00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:15,567
That made four of us.
373
00:18:15,601 --> 00:18:16,868
I applauded your creativity
374
00:18:16,901 --> 00:18:18,801
When you changed
all my business cards
375
00:18:18,834 --> 00:18:21,033
From "Carter Heywood"
To "Carter loves wood."
376
00:18:23,367 --> 00:18:25,501
But you know how much
Rags means to me.
377
00:18:25,534 --> 00:18:27,400
This time
you have crossed the line.
378
00:18:27,434 --> 00:18:28,868
None of this
would have happened
379
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:30,434
If you'd paid
Rags more attention
380
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:31,934
And spent less time
on Caitlin.
381
00:18:31,968 --> 00:18:34,133
What does Caitlin have to do
with this?
382
00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:37,033
Since you two
have been hanging out so much,
383
00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:39,367
you barely even see rags
anymore.
384
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,367
You used to play with Rags
in the park.
385
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,234
You used to take him
on long walks.
386
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:48,701
You used to treat him
like he mattered.
387
00:18:48,734 --> 00:18:50,901
Oh, my god.
388
00:18:50,934 --> 00:18:54,567
I finally see
what this is all about.
389
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:58,400
Stuart...you're Rags.
390
00:18:58,434 --> 00:19:00,234
Get outta here.
391
00:19:00,267 --> 00:19:05,434
Don't lock up your feelings
the way you locked up Rags.
392
00:19:05,467 --> 00:19:07,767
Admit it -- you miss me.
393
00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:10,868
Oh, take it
out of "hyper-gay."
394
00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:12,834
I don't miss you.
395
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,834
I just feel a little...
Bored, lonely, and wistful
396
00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:19,567
When you're not around.
397
00:19:19,601 --> 00:19:23,801
I had no idea.
398
00:19:23,834 --> 00:19:27,133
If I�ve been taking
our friendship for granted,
399
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,234
I'm sorry.
400
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,000
How about I, uh,
401
00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:32,567
Make it up to you
with a nice, home-cooked meal?
402
00:19:32,601 --> 00:19:34,300
Huh, huh, huh?
Huh, huh, huh?
403
00:19:34,334 --> 00:19:36,667
If you think that you
can just smooth this over
404
00:19:36,701 --> 00:19:39,133
with a roast chicken...
And some baby carrots...
405
00:19:40,634 --> 00:19:43,300
...and some of those garlic
mashed potatoes you make
406
00:19:43,334 --> 00:19:44,601
with the skins still on,
407
00:19:44,634 --> 00:19:46,100
You are sadly mistaken!
408
00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:48,968
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go get Rags.
409
00:19:51,501 --> 00:19:53,033
And don't even think
about making
410
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,234
your famous cobbler!
411
00:19:54,267 --> 00:19:56,234
With or without whipped cream?
412
00:19:56,267 --> 00:19:57,501
With!!
413
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,267
Congratulations.
You're a graduate.
414
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:08,234
Yes!
415
00:20:08,267 --> 00:20:11,501
Barely.
Yes!
416
00:20:11,534 --> 00:20:13,033
What are you gonna do now?
417
00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:16,100
Take the summer off...
Caddy a little bit...
418
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:20,767
...hang out at the reservoir
with my buds.
419
00:20:21,868 --> 00:20:24,234
This is great.
420
00:20:24,267 --> 00:20:27,033
Yeah, it is.
I'm glad I did this.
421
00:20:27,067 --> 00:20:30,067
You may think
this is just a degree,
422
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,400
But it's gonna change
the way people look at you.
423
00:20:32,434 --> 00:20:34,367
They're gonna see you
as a little wiser
424
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,501
and, more importantly,
a little more mature.
425
00:20:36,534 --> 00:20:40,067
You're absolutely right,
Caitlin.
426
00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:41,234
Where are you going?
427
00:20:41,267 --> 00:20:43,634
The theta delta formal.
428
00:20:49,767 --> 00:20:53,501
Wildcat football rules!
429
00:20:58,067 --> 00:21:00,400
What happened
to the water cooler?
430
00:21:00,434 --> 00:21:01,734
It wasn't working.
431
00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:04,701
Say, you hear they discovered
water on mars?
432
00:21:04,734 --> 00:21:07,100
They say oceans
may have existed there.
433
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,834
Well, what do you know?
434
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:12,567
Don't look now, sir,
but this is water-cooler talk.
435
00:21:12,601 --> 00:21:15,634
I'll be damned. It is.
Carter, continue!
436
00:21:15,667 --> 00:21:18,234
If water
was discovered there,
437
00:21:18,267 --> 00:21:20,367
Some form of life
may have existed.
438
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,968
Primordial seas
may have spawned
439
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,434
Single-celled organisms.
440
00:21:23,467 --> 00:21:25,234
Boring!
441
00:21:25,267 --> 00:21:27,868
Come on, Paul --
Meat-cone time!
442
00:21:27,901 --> 00:21:29,601
You just read my mind.
443
00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:32,100
- [man] sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
- [ubu barks]
444
00:21:33,305 --> 00:21:39,732
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