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1
00:00:00,420 --> 00:00:03,620
2
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:08,170
Hustle a lot, hustle a lot,
I'm all I got
3
00:00:08,170 --> 00:00:10,040
Zoey: After a recent
string of setbacks,
4
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,880
things were finally starting
to look up for young Zo-Zo.
5
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,420
Snitches get stitches,
money get...
6
00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:17,000
I'd successfully held down
a job at the bookstore
7
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,080
for two weeks
and only called in sick twice.
8
00:00:20,830 --> 00:00:23,380
Shout-out to my work ethic!
9
00:00:23,380 --> 00:00:27,250
And I'd even complied
with their basic-ass
khakis dress code.
10
00:00:27,250 --> 00:00:30,540
I was officially on my way
to financial freedom.
11
00:00:30,540 --> 00:00:32,540
[ Ding! ]
I'm tired and hungry
12
00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:34,880
Well, not exactly freedom.
13
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,790
[ Ding! ]
Hustlin', hustlin',
hustlin', hustlin'
14
00:00:37,790 --> 00:00:41,040
But at least like
a halfway house situation.
15
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,210
But that wasn't all.
16
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,620
My academics had also improved.
17
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,040
[ Ding! ]
Eating on steak and shrimp
18
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,540
Hustle a lot, hustle a lot
19
00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:50,580
After all the hard work it took
to get my life back on track,
20
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:53,120
not to mention getting
my car back from Dad,
21
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,210
I decided it was time
to reward myself
22
00:00:56,210 --> 00:00:59,250
with a weekend devoted
to self-care.
23
00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:03,750
And as much as I deserved it,
my girls needed it even more.
24
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:06,170
With Ana having her
Aaron problems,
25
00:01:06,170 --> 00:01:09,250
and Nomi's situation
with Professor Hewson,
26
00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:11,250
I decided to take
the MLK weekend...
27
00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:14,170
[ Horn honks ]
...and get out of town for
a girls' self-care retreat.
28
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Whoo!
29
00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:17,080
Send you straight
to meetcha maker
30
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,620
And where better to do that
31
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,250
than at my parents'
empty house.
32
00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:23,330
[ Sighs ] Ladies...
welcome to serenity.
33
00:01:23,330 --> 00:01:25,580
Junior: Psh.
34
00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:27,790
More like paradise.
35
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,080
M'lady.
36
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37
00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:35,250
M'nightmare.
38
00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:38,920
Watch out, world,
I'm grown now
39
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,580
I'm grown
40
00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:43,080
Learn something new
every day
41
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,710
I don't know,
so I'm-a feel my way
42
00:01:45,710 --> 00:01:48,210
Got the weight of the world
on me
43
00:01:48,210 --> 00:01:51,290
But no regrets,
this is what I say
44
00:01:51,290 --> 00:01:55,170
Watch out, world,
I'm grown now
45
00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:56,670
I'm grown
You can tell me
46
00:01:56,670 --> 00:02:01,710
My heart beating so loud
47
00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:05,790
Mama, look, I'm grown now
48
00:02:05,790 --> 00:02:08,500
I'm grown
49
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,540
What are you
doing here?!
50
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,210
And why in the world
did you not go skiing
51
00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:14,880
with the rest
of the family?
52
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:18,170
You may not realize it, Zoey,
but it is exhausting
53
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:20,460
being our baby brother's
primary caregiver.
54
00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:22,830
Sometimes, I need
a break from skin-to-skin,
55
00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:24,330
and so does Devante.
56
00:02:24,330 --> 00:02:27,210
Whatever. Please just do not
bother us this weekend.
57
00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:29,170
Okay, Zoey!
I see you!
58
00:02:29,170 --> 00:02:30,210
Come through,
Johnsons!
59
00:02:30,210 --> 00:02:31,580
You know, I'm almost
not mad at you
60
00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,330
for making us miss
the Martin Luther King Parade
61
00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:34,710
for the first time
in our lives.
62
00:02:34,710 --> 00:02:36,380
-Mm-hmm.
-Zo, I thought that you said
63
00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:39,670
you grew up wealthy, but I mean,
are these floors even heated?
64
00:02:39,670 --> 00:02:40,830
[ Scoffs ]
65
00:02:40,830 --> 00:02:43,250
Ladies! Welcome!
66
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,920
Please, make yourselves at home.
67
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,420
There are plenty of beds
for everyone.
68
00:02:48,420 --> 00:02:51,500
I mean, obviously, you are
welcome to crash with me,
69
00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:54,750
assuming that you're not
allergic to spider silk.
70
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:59,170
Um...can I actually talk to you
alone for a second?
71
00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:05,000
72
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,170
Night...mare.
73
00:03:07,170 --> 00:03:10,120
Junior.
Sweet, sweet Junior.
74
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,250
How do I
say this gently?
75
00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:17,210
You know, me and you,
we shared one drunken,
76
00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:19,880
sweaty night on the dance floor,
and you made it rain on me,
77
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,710
but, uh, that's pretty much
where it ends.
78
00:03:22,710 --> 00:03:25,380
You know, you're my girl's
brother, and I --
79
00:03:25,380 --> 00:03:29,460
I just don't want this
to become a -- a "thing."
80
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:32,580
Say no more.
I can read between the lines.
81
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,620
Okay.
You're afraid
I'll hurt you.
82
00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:37,710
Plus dating a single parent
isn't for everyone.
83
00:03:37,710 --> 00:03:40,380
Zoey: You are not
Devante's father!
84
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:41,540
[ Snaps fingers ]
85
00:03:41,540 --> 00:03:43,420
[ Whispers ]
Spider silk.
86
00:03:45,210 --> 00:03:47,620
I'm disturbed.
87
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:50,620
[ Sighs ] Okay. Yeah.
88
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:51,830
It's all taken care of.
89
00:03:51,830 --> 00:03:54,830
Great!
Well, in that case...
90
00:03:54,830 --> 00:03:56,750
we are here this weekend
91
00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,580
to cleanse our
mind, body, and soul.
92
00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:02,420
Excuse me. I know Jesus.
My soul stays clean.
93
00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:04,920
Okay, well,
that means no phones
94
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,330
or social media,
95
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:11,290
and definitely no alcohol,
drugs, or junk food.
96
00:04:11,290 --> 00:04:12,790
[ Crunches ]
97
00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:14,460
[ Muffled ] Well, I'm sorry,
but I'm not going through
98
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:17,250
this breakup without carbs.
99
00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:19,420
Do you have spaghetti
that I can dip this in?
100
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,500
Honey, it wasn't, like,
really a breakup.
101
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,460
-Yeah.
-You're right.
102
00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:25,460
-[ Scoffs ]
-I don't even get the dignity
103
00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:27,170
of a breakup title
because I didn't even
104
00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:28,460
get the relationship!
105
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:31,380
Uh, well, this --
this here is exactly why
106
00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:33,460
this weekend
is so important.
107
00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:36,620
We need to heal ourselves
because no one else will.
108
00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:39,380
Right. So how exactly does
the healing happen?
109
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,120
-Mm-hmm.
-Good question.
110
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,790
By treating ourselves well,
clearing our heads,
111
00:04:43,790 --> 00:04:46,330
and relaxing,
which actually brings me
112
00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:49,380
to our first
self-care activity.
113
00:04:49,380 --> 00:04:51,380
[ Giggles ]
114
00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:53,830
Ooh!
115
00:04:53,830 --> 00:04:55,880
Adult coloring books.
116
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,120
Ugh,
white-people shit.
117
00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:00,040
[ Scoffs ]
And on MLK weekend.
118
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,210
Mnh-mnh.
119
00:05:02,210 --> 00:05:04,460
Hi, it's me, Aaron.
120
00:05:04,460 --> 00:05:06,540
I'm a part of
the Hawkins Brotherhood.
121
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:10,500
While we here at Cal U enjoy
beautiful, well-kept facilities,
122
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:13,170
our surrounding community
isn't so fortunate.
123
00:05:13,170 --> 00:05:14,540
There's no net here.
124
00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:17,540
How do you know if you
make it or not, you know? So...
125
00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:21,080
But we want to give these kids
the park they deserve.
126
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:26,000
Uh, so, let's clean up
this park and pass...
127
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,670
a long-lasting legacy.
128
00:05:27,670 --> 00:05:29,040
[Bleep]
129
00:05:31,380 --> 00:05:32,920
[ Chuckles ]
130
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,420
[ Scattered applause ]
There you have it.
131
00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:35,920
There you have it.
You guys feel that?
132
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,670
That is why we are here.
133
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,920
We have four regulation
basketball courts
134
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,670
here in these privileged walls
of Cal U,
135
00:05:41,670 --> 00:05:44,750
but the kids on the next block
don't even have a net...
136
00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:46,000
to put on their hoop.
137
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,380
So, I want us to dig deep,
138
00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:50,040
and let's show these kids
that Titans care!
139
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,000
We're taking donations
right here.
140
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,330
So, uh, yeah.
141
00:05:53,330 --> 00:05:55,540
We Titans care!
All right, whoo!
142
00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:57,540
[ Scattered applause ]
All right.
143
00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:59,880
Play the music, play the music.
Thank you. Enjoy yourselves.
144
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,380
[ Clears throat ]
145
00:06:01,380 --> 00:06:02,750
What do you guys
think?
146
00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:04,250
Call the cops, man!
We murdered that video.
147
00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:06,290
Don't call anyone yet.
We didn't murder anything, okay?
148
00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:07,380
We still need donations.
149
00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:09,380
What are we looking like
on that?
150
00:06:09,380 --> 00:06:10,750
$50...$50.
151
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:13,460
Are you kidding me?
That's it?! Guys --
152
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:16,210
Bro, yo, give it
some time, playboy.
153
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,580
Yo, this joint's
just getting started.
154
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:19,380
Doug, I need you
circulating,
155
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,580
getting this
conversation started.
156
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:21,710
We need donations.
157
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:24,580
Vivek, this music --
What is it? Wrong.
158
00:06:24,580 --> 00:06:26,210
We need something that makes
people want to give.
159
00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:28,540
Like, uh, Gucci Mane or,
um...Michael McDonald.
160
00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:30,040
Gotcha.
All right.
161
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,540
As for me,
it's go time.
162
00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:33,540
Ma'am!
163
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:39,580
Oh, isn't
this so soothing?
164
00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:41,500
No, it's whack.
165
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:45,500
I did not miss the MLK parade
to color dumbass mermaids.
166
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:48,000
We need some drinks.
[ Chuckles ]
167
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,750
[ Singsong voice ]
Look what I brought!
168
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,750
Yes! Let's celebrate
these civil rights.
169
00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:55,670
What? N-No! Guys, this
weekend is not about
celebrating civil rights.
170
00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:57,170
Huh?
171
00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:59,500
And that sounded rough.
Um, it is.
172
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,920
But it is also about
celebrating us.
173
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,250
What kind of dry and dusty
celebration is this?
174
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,580
I am bored as hell.
175
00:07:06,580 --> 00:07:07,620
-Yeah.
-Yes!
176
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:08,620
-Excuse me.
-I will get the cups!
177
00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:12,580
Aw, y'all, we're gonna do
the ASMR videos next.
178
00:07:12,580 --> 00:07:15,500
Nomi: [ Clears throat ]
"Dear Diary, Steve Newcomb
179
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:18,540
is def the Lupe Fiasco
of our middle school.
180
00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:21,790
His Vines are
like so on fleek!"
181
00:07:21,790 --> 00:07:23,830
Oh, my God.
Where did you get that?
182
00:07:23,830 --> 00:07:25,830
I don't know,
some random, sealed box
183
00:07:25,830 --> 00:07:28,620
that had your name on it
and said "do not open."
184
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,790
No. Well, guess what.
Hmm?
185
00:07:30,790 --> 00:07:32,710
My diary is not for
public consumption.
186
00:07:32,710 --> 00:07:33,960
Respect my privacy.
187
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,710
Oh, come on!
188
00:07:35,710 --> 00:07:38,000
You have us locked up
in this bougie subdivision
189
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,670
with no phones, no TV,
and no [bleep]
190
00:07:40,670 --> 00:07:42,120
Let us have some fun.
191
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,790
#self-care.
192
00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:45,120
-Fine.
-Yes.
193
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,460
But I...will be
doing the reading.
194
00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:48,540
-Okay.
-Yes!
195
00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:49,960
Oh, my God, this one.
196
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,540
"Dear Diary, I can't
believe my mom came
197
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,540
to the roller rink
where Steve Newcomb and I
198
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,040
were couple skating.
199
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,540
O.M.G., tonight my life
literally ended."
200
00:07:59,540 --> 00:08:00,830
So what happened?
201
00:08:00,830 --> 00:08:03,170
Well, okay, all I did
was borrow a jacket
202
00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:06,000
she already told me I couldn't,
but I mean, it was so dope --
203
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,040
like, big, white collar,
striped, couture, you know?
204
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,830
Okay, that's baby bullshit
compared to what happened
205
00:08:11,830 --> 00:08:14,750
with Sky when she wrote
down about her first
206
00:08:14,750 --> 00:08:16,670
oral sex experience
in her diary.
207
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:18,540
-Wait, how old were you?!
-Okay, hold on.
208
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,830
[ Ding! ]
209
00:08:21,830 --> 00:08:25,670
Okay, I thought it meant just
talking about sex, okay?
210
00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:26,830
[ Laughter ]
211
00:08:26,830 --> 00:08:28,540
So one day,
ashy-backed Gerald...
212
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:30,540
[ Ding! ]
213
00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:33,670
...decided to tell the whole
class a sex story during recess,
214
00:08:33,670 --> 00:08:35,710
and then I went home
and wrote in my diary
215
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:38,250
that I'd had oral sex
with ashy-backed Gerald...
216
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:39,920
Wait for it.
217
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,040
...and then
our dad read it.
218
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,210
-Ohh!
-Oh, my gosh.
219
00:08:43,210 --> 00:08:44,540
That's so embarrassing!
-Are you serious?
220
00:08:44,540 --> 00:08:46,420
-Whoa!
-[ Clears throat ]
221
00:08:46,420 --> 00:08:50,380
Sorry for the interruption,
ladies, but I just worked out.
222
00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:52,580
Please try not to stare.
You might hurt your eyes.
223
00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:54,120
[ Laughter ]
224
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,080
Ignore him.
225
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,250
Um, oh, wait, guys.
Listen to this.
226
00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:01,710
This one is hilarious.
Um...
227
00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:05,920
"Dear Diary, Hailey
thinks she is so friggin' cool
228
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,080
with her rose gold
iPod Touch..."
229
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,750
[ Chuckles ]
"...but I don't even care
230
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,540
because while she's making
Harlem Shake videos,
231
00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:15,540
I'm over here setting goals."
[ Chuckles ]
232
00:09:15,540 --> 00:09:17,750
"By the time I'm 20,
I'll have my own blog..."
233
00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:20,620
Well, I had a makeup vlog in,
like, high school,
234
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:21,750
so chiggity check!
235
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:24,000
-Okay.
-Okay.
236
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,920
"...I'll start my own
fashion label..."
237
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,750
You didn't do that.
238
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:30,500
"...which Frank Ocean
will wear in one of his videos
239
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,290
for like his fifth album..."
240
00:09:32,290 --> 00:09:34,000
[ Scoffs ] That definitely
didn't happen.
241
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,750
"I cannot wait to leave L.A.
the moment I turn 18
242
00:09:37,750 --> 00:09:41,580
and take the world by storm.
243
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:45,250
I know it'll be difficult
juggling being a college student
244
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:50,670
and having a fashion career,
but I know I can do it."
245
00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:54,080
Oh, Zoey, you know
what else you didn't do?
246
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,920
Hmm?
Any of that! [ Laughs ]
247
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,580
Sorry, Diary.
But you did eventually get
248
00:09:58,580 --> 00:10:02,330
an iPod Touch...
that I broke, so...
249
00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:05,460
250
00:10:08,670 --> 00:10:11,460
Zoey: Reading "Young Zoey's"
dreams and realizing
251
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:14,330
how short "College Zoey" had
fallen of accomplishing them,
252
00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:18,120
it became clear I didn't
deserve to be rewarded at all.
253
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,790
What are you doing, Zo?
You okay?
254
00:10:20,790 --> 00:10:22,790
Yeah, I don't know.
255
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:25,670
Look at all this stuff --
ribbons and good grades
256
00:10:25,670 --> 00:10:29,460
and birthday cards from my dad
to his favorite child.
257
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:32,040
This was me less than three
years ago, and I --
258
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:35,880
I just --
I just feel embarrassed.
259
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,460
Like, how did I get
so far off track?
260
00:10:38,460 --> 00:10:41,290
Okay, Zoey,
step away from the box.
261
00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:43,790
Sit down. It's okay.
262
00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:46,830
Embarrassment is being
dumped on your own balcony
263
00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:49,500
by a guy you're not even
in a relationship with.
264
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,500
I would've jumped.
Or pushed his ass.
265
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:54,170
Either way, somebody would've
wound up on that street.
Yeah.
266
00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:56,170
Okay, but I'm working
at a bookstore.
267
00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:59,500
That has nothing -- zero --
to do with fashion.
268
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,830
I totally get starting at
the bottom -- it's necessary --
269
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,880
but this isn't even
the right bottom.
270
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,830
Like, I should be
so much further ahead.
271
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:09,080
I get it.
I thought I'd be some
272
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,920
Olympic gold medalist
by now.
273
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,750
And Sky would
at least be bronze.
274
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:14,250
Your mama's bronze.
275
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:15,920
All right, you guys,
we need to relax here.
276
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,880
We're 19, okay?
We have plenty of time
277
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,250
to establish our careers
and our love lives.
278
00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:24,920
Well...you can say that, Nomi,
because you're good.
279
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,170
You have straight A's.
280
00:11:26,170 --> 00:11:27,500
No financial pressures.
281
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,290
No relationship drama.
282
00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:31,250
Oh, my God, come on.
You guys are acting like
283
00:11:31,250 --> 00:11:33,080
I live this
charmed life with, like,
284
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,040
heated floors
and organic applesauce.
285
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,460
Okay, I have -- I have things
that I'm dealing with.
286
00:11:38,460 --> 00:11:41,040
Like what?!
Name one. Just one.
287
00:11:43,540 --> 00:11:45,710
Like I'm dating
Professor Hewson.
288
00:11:45,710 --> 00:11:46,750
-What?!
-Huh?
289
00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:48,920
-Huh?
-Hold on. What?!
290
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:49,750
Who?
291
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:52,880
292
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,540
How's it looking?
293
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:56,710
Horrible. Got it.
294
00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:58,120
Uh, excuse me, fellas.
295
00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,920
Hey, not to interrupt, uh --
I don't know if you saw me.
296
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,210
I'm Aaron, the dude
from the video earlier --
297
00:12:02,210 --> 00:12:04,620
well-directed, well-acted --
and I was just asking, uh,
298
00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:06,880
if you'd be willing to
donate to these kids
in our community, man.
299
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,880
It would help out a lot,
and I see your kicks,
300
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,420
so I know you got it.
All right?
301
00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:12,580
Yeah, I'm wit' it.
Love what you're doing.
302
00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:15,420
Really? Thank you.
That means a lot, bro.
303
00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:17,170
Guys, you see what
I'm talking about?
304
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,620
This man, um...
305
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:20,750
Mauricio.
...Mau-- Mauricio
306
00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:22,500
is stepping up
and being the change
307
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:23,960
that he wants to see
in the world.
308
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,920
Now, Mauricio just
generously donated to us...
309
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:27,920
$5.
310
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:28,830
$5?
311
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:31,080
What are these kids supposed
to do with $5?
312
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,290
Um, I said "be the change,"
not "give me change."
313
00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:34,920
Do you wanna up this --
Bro, relax.
314
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,420
On top of that $5,
I paid $10 to get in.
315
00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:38,790
Fall back.
316
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:40,170
Fall back.
317
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:41,580
How about you fall back
on my drinks?
318
00:12:41,580 --> 00:12:43,960
I've seen you drink
at least $30 worth of Cuban rum,
319
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,250
but all you can give
these kids is $5?
320
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:47,500
That's the type of man
you are?
321
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,170
Man [bleep] you
and them kids.
322
00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:50,580
-Who you talking to?
-Chill.
323
00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,210
Y'all better get your boy!
No, who you talking to?!
324
00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:53,830
He don't know 'Ricio.
Like, for real, for real.
325
00:12:53,830 --> 00:12:55,290
No, you know what?
All y'all drinking and eating
326
00:12:55,290 --> 00:12:58,620
for free, you don't give
a damn about the community!
327
00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:01,290
Is Professor Hewson the one
who called you a misogynist?
328
00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:03,170
You called
me a misogynist.
329
00:13:03,170 --> 00:13:04,960
-Yeah.
-Hold up, is that how you got
330
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,960
an "A" in that class
while I've been busy
331
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,670
busting my ass over this
boring feminism propaganda?
332
00:13:09,670 --> 00:13:12,210
No. I got an "A" because
I'm an "A" student.
333
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:13,500
And we didn't
even start dating
334
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,000
until the semester
was over...ish.
335
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,000
Even so, she's
still the professor,
336
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,790
and you're the student.
337
00:13:20,790 --> 00:13:23,330
You don't think that's
a messed-up power dynamic?
338
00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:25,960
Is it? They're
two consenting adults.
339
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,330
Yeah.
With a 20-year age difference!
340
00:13:28,330 --> 00:13:30,290
So what?
It works out for Sarah Paulson
341
00:13:30,290 --> 00:13:31,960
and whatever old lady
she's dating.
342
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,330
And can you imagine
how wrong it would feel
343
00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:37,380
if she was
a 40-year-old male professor?
344
00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:40,750
But she's not,
and a lot of things
345
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:43,330
would be different if
the genders were reversed.
346
00:13:43,330 --> 00:13:46,000
Guys, I honestly
think it's fine.
347
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,540
Well, how do you feel?
348
00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:49,500
You've just been sitting here
quiet the whole time.
349
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:52,040
I mean, I'm sure you have
something to say.
350
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,920
Mm-hmm.
351
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,330
I already know
how Zoey feels.
352
00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:57,330
-Yeah.
-How?
353
00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,880
What?
Wait, you told her?
354
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,830
[ Gasping ]
355
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:03,540
-Not exactly.
-Sort of.
356
00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:09,670
357
00:14:09,670 --> 00:14:13,000
Wow! We are the most
secret-keeping group of bitches
358
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,670
I have ever met.
359
00:14:14,670 --> 00:14:15,790
[ Exhales sharply ]
360
00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:17,120
I'm proud of us.
361
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,710
Okay, fine, you know what?
I-I think...
362
00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:24,210
I think that Nomi
is an amazing human being,
363
00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:27,210
and I honestly trust
whatever she chooses
364
00:14:27,210 --> 00:14:28,620
is right for her.
365
00:14:28,620 --> 00:14:31,380
And that's
Professor Hewson.
366
00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:33,040
-Wow.
-Yeah.
367
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,380
Thank you, Zoey.
368
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,460
Of course.
369
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:36,880
But I still think
that telling
370
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:37,920
the both of you
was a big mistake.
371
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,710
You guys are honestly
being harsher
372
00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:41,750
than Paige even
predicted you would be.
373
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:45,210
Okay, you know, no judgment,
Nomi, just pure curiosity.
374
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:49,040
Like, what led you to smashing
our gross old-lady professor?
375
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,620
Okay, you're gross,
first of all,
376
00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:52,290
and Paige is amazing,
okay?
377
00:14:52,290 --> 00:14:54,710
And we have
a real connection.
378
00:14:54,710 --> 00:14:57,420
She's smart,
and she's interesting,
379
00:14:57,420 --> 00:15:00,120
and she's given me
so much great life advice.
380
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,080
I mean, she's the reason
why I was honest
381
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,170
and finally came out
to my parents, okay?
382
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,960
-Mm-hmm.
-I'm really happy for you.
383
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,120
Thank you.
384
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,580
I'ma pray for you.
385
00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:13,120
Yeah, you know what?
This is exactly why Paige
386
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,420
told me not to say
anything, because people
387
00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:16,580
are narrow-minded.
Okay, fine.
388
00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:18,080
I'ma pray for Paige's
old ass, too.
389
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,960
Mm-hmm.
God is good.
390
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,080
I need to smoke.
391
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,620
I need a drink.
I need spaghetti.
392
00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:23,750
Are you serious?
393
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:25,290
[ Sighs ]
Okay.
394
00:15:25,290 --> 00:15:28,580
395
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:38,790
396
00:15:38,790 --> 00:15:42,170
We're just six hours into
my self-care weekend,
397
00:15:42,170 --> 00:15:45,040
and it's already a total bust.
398
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,330
Per usual, yet another one
of my well-intentioned goals
399
00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:50,290
just dies a-a painful...
400
00:15:50,290 --> 00:15:52,620
[ Jazz screams ]
Oh, my God!
401
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,380
Uh!
402
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,540
Oh, my God!
What happened?
403
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,790
[ All gasp ]
404
00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:01,210
Excuse you!
What?!
405
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,000
I thought we were
practicing self-care.
406
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,670
Hmm.
407
00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:06,880
[ Gagging ]
408
00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:08,620
Don't worry about them.
409
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:10,500
Okay.
410
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,960
Wow.
411
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,120
Wow.
412
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,710
Wow!
413
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:23,080
[ Inhales sharply ] I'm not
gonna lie, I'm pretty happy that
414
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,170
the heat about inappropriate
relationships is off me.
415
00:16:26,170 --> 00:16:27,500
Oh.
416
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,000
What?
417
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,040
She's the one who brought up
self-care at me,
418
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,830
and I was just trying
to stay on theme.
419
00:16:34,830 --> 00:16:37,040
[ Laughter ]
420
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,250
Wha--
421
00:16:38,250 --> 00:16:40,830
It is not funny, guys!
422
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:42,170
I'm sorry.
It's kinda funny.
423
00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:43,380
I do not know
424
00:16:43,380 --> 00:16:46,330
what the hell is
so amusing about all this!
425
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:48,210
I mean, I just watched
my little brother
426
00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:50,040
and one of my best friends
in the tub
427
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,040
doing God knows what
to your feet!
428
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,040
Oh, I can tell you.
429
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,920
Together: No!
430
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:56,920
Ugh!
You know what?
431
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,710
Self-care weekend
is officially over,
432
00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:01,830
so y'all can do whatever you
wanna do because I have failed.
433
00:17:01,830 --> 00:17:03,880
Nomi: Listen, okay,
you made a valiant effort,
434
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:05,880
but you can't just carve out
a weekend and then suddenly
435
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,120
expect everything
to be solved.
Mm-hmm.
436
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:11,380
Yeah, Zoey, it's like how
you are with your curls.
437
00:17:11,380 --> 00:17:12,710
It just doesn't happen
overnight.
438
00:17:12,710 --> 00:17:14,250
It's a process.
-Mm-hmm.
439
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:16,710
First you start off
by trimming off the dead ends,
440
00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:18,290
then you gotta find
the right products,
441
00:17:18,290 --> 00:17:20,210
then you pineapple it
at night,
442
00:17:20,210 --> 00:17:22,120
and then you plunk it
in the morning.
443
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,460
It's about maintenance.
Just like self-care.
444
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:27,210
Yeah, you practice
a little bit of it every day.
445
00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:29,710
And, you know, you can't
get curl and life goals
446
00:17:29,710 --> 00:17:31,960
in one weekend.
447
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,540
Wow, you're right.
448
00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:35,540
Well, you know what? I just wish
you would've told me that
449
00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:38,540
before I spent my last check
on those coloring books.
450
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:40,460
[ Laughter ]
I said
I wanted spaghetti!
451
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:41,790
Jazz: Yes.
452
00:17:41,790 --> 00:17:43,670
Should we have, um,
spaghetti and wine?
453
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:45,920
-I would really love that.
-Spaghetti and wine!
454
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,580
Spaghetti and wine!
455
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:49,250
Spaghetti and wine!
456
00:17:49,250 --> 00:17:52,790
Yo, bro, you need to
calm that down, man.
457
00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:54,960
Real talk, you don't want
problems with 'Ricio.
458
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,250
This can't just be about
Mauricio and that dumb donation.
459
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:58,830
No, it's not
just that, okay?
460
00:17:58,830 --> 00:18:01,250
It's the fact that I --
I've been busy being an R.A.,
461
00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:04,250
I've been busy partying, and
this whole Zoey and Ana thing.
462
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,120
You know?
This is the first time this year
463
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,250
that I've done a fundraiser,
and I couldn't even get a stack
464
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:10,080
to help
clean up a park, you know?
465
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,420
I've -- I just feel
like I've lost focus.
466
00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:15,580
Hey, come on, man.
467
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,000
Don't be so hard
on yourself, man.
468
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,250
Look.
469
00:18:21,250 --> 00:18:23,580
I think if you take
a look at this total,
470
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:27,210
you'll see you
surpassed your goal.
471
00:18:27,210 --> 00:18:29,000
Are you serious?
You -- You did this?
472
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,120
Yeah, man!
You inspired me!
473
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,170
Yeah, I see you out here doing
your little activism thing,
474
00:18:33,170 --> 00:18:34,330
and I admire that.
475
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:37,790
And plus, I'm a very successful
drug dealer, you know.
476
00:18:37,790 --> 00:18:40,290
I am genuinely touched, man.
Thank you.
477
00:18:40,290 --> 00:18:43,170
All right, cute,
but y'all wanna wrap this up?
478
00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:44,960
We're sitting ducks
out here.
479
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,290
Big 'Ricio
never forgets, man.
480
00:18:47,290 --> 00:18:48,170
Man, will you chill,
please?
481
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,120
Nobody's worried
about Big 'Ricio.
482
00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:52,120
Hold up.
What?
483
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,670
Why does that Jetta
not have his headlights on?
484
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,710
[ Tires squeal ]
485
00:18:56,710 --> 00:18:58,880
Go, go, go,
go, go, go!
486
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,790
So, in some weird way,
the self-care weekend
487
00:19:01,790 --> 00:19:04,290
had actually turned out
to be a success.
488
00:19:04,290 --> 00:19:08,380
We didn't need all the coloring
books, tea, or clean eating.
489
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:10,920
Apparently, we just
needed some quality time
490
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,170
to purge some of our secrets.
491
00:19:13,170 --> 00:19:15,250
[ Cheering ]
And a good laugh
at my brother's expense.
492
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:16,540
There we go!
493
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:23,210
"Dear Diary, if I had to pick
one thing to do
494
00:19:23,210 --> 00:19:25,880
for my 14th birthday party,
it would be to raid
495
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,330
my mother's closet
and do a fashion show
496
00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:29,420
with my best friends."
497
00:19:29,420 --> 00:19:33,920
[ Gasps ] Here it is --
the infamous jacket.
498
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,420
This woman throws nothing away.
-Oh, my God.
499
00:19:35,420 --> 00:19:38,000
Oh, my gosh.
Dude, your mom's clothes
500
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,330
are so sick.
501
00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:41,540
I know. I mean,
this jacket was almost worth
502
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:43,380
the roller-rink humiliation.
503
00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:44,710
[ Chuckling ]
Oh, yeah.
504
00:19:44,710 --> 00:19:46,830
[ Gasps ]
Huh?
505
00:19:46,830 --> 00:19:49,040
Wh--
You guys...
506
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,880
You know
what we should do?
507
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,040
[ Gasps ]
508
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,210
[ Gasps ]
509
00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:54,250
Yes, please.
510
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,880
[ Cheering ]
Mirror, mirror on the wall
511
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,460
Don't say it
'cause I know I'm cute
512
00:19:58,460 --> 00:19:59,460
Ooh, baby
513
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:00,880
Louis down to my drawers
514
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,620
LV all on my shoes
515
00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:04,790
Ooh, baby
I be drippin' so much sauce
516
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:06,790
Gotta been lookin' like...
517
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,880
Ooh, baby
Lit up like a crystal ball
518
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,420
That's cool, baby, so is you
519
00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:11,790
That's how I roll
520
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:14,460
If I'm shiny,
everybody gonna shine
521
00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:15,790
Yeah, I'm goals
522
00:20:15,790 --> 00:20:18,250
I was born like this,
don't even gotta try
523
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:19,620
Now you know
524
00:20:19,620 --> 00:20:22,460
I like Chardonnay,
get better over time
525
00:20:22,460 --> 00:20:24,250
So you know,
it ain't my fault
526
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:26,420
That I'm out here
gettin' loose
527
00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:28,420
Gotta blame it on the...
528
00:20:28,420 --> 00:20:30,380
Gotta blame it on my juice
529
00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:32,420
Ya-ya-ee
530
00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:34,500
Ya-ya-ee, ya-ya-ee
531
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:35,500
Ya-ya-ee
532
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:36,670
Blame it on my juice
533
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,500
Blame it,
blame it on my juice
534
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,000
Ya-ya-ee
535
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,000
Ya-ya-ee
536
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,420
Ya-ya-ee, ya-ya-ee
537
00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:43,420
Ya-ya-ee
538
00:20:43,420 --> 00:20:44,790
Blame it on my juice
539
00:20:44,790 --> 00:20:47,420
Blame it,
blame it on my juice
540
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:48,500
[ Laughter ]
39524
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