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'Are you sitting comfortably?
2
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'Good. Then we'll begin.'
3
00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:09,439
I don't remember asking for your
fucking opinion, sweetheart.
4
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:11,239
Get away from my wife!
5
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:14,920
I'll know if it's loaded,
you stupid wanker.
6
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,559
Run. Ah!
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Run!
8
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:26,959
He's coming. He's coming. Put it in first.
Put it in first! Hurry, he's coming.
9
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,440
- I'm trying! I'm trying!
- Hurry!
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'So, how did a nice normal couple from
Auckland end up in such a sticky situation?
11
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,199
'Well, it all started
rather deliciously
12
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,200
'with a can of beans.'
13
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:53,074
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contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
14
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,680
www.able.co.nz
copyright able 2019.
15
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,640
Um...
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00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:19,879
What we're looking for here, Gary,
is a positive outcome for us both.
17
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,160
You're a mate, Wade.
Don't bullshit me.
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00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:30,440
It's a bit of a shitstorm upstairs.
Why didn't you just tell someone?
19
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,759
He's worked for the
company for 20 years -
20
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,759
never made a mistake.
It was an accident.
21
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:40,039
15 days of productivity lost,
irreparable damage to the brand.
22
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,679
Someone has to pay.
23
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:46,239
Don't be such a pussy, yeah.
It's your job to fire people.
24
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,519
Why don't we just own it?
It was a safety issue.
25
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,960
We need a scapegoat.
26
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:12,239
At the end of the day, it's the most extreme moments
of our lives that bring us closer together,
27
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,120
closer to the ones we love.
28
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,239
Babe. Hey. I packed your bag.
And, uh...
29
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:27,520
I've got your good suit, but can you grab that
coffee machine? That thing weighs a tonne.
30
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,639
Shit.
31
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:44,520
At a stretch, we'll miss out
on that thing at the beginning.
32
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:50,239
I know. It's just it's the day before their big day.
I don't want us to add to their stress. It's...
33
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:54,839
I suppose we could make up a story. Maybe
we could fudge the truth a little bit.
34
00:02:54,840 --> 00:03:00,479
I mean, you got held up at work's
not lying, is it?
35
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,759
What are you doing?
36
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,960
Wade?
37
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,919
I quit today.
38
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:19,800
Again?
39
00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:23,279
I should've talked it through with you.
It was a spur of the moment thing.
40
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:24,800
It was a matter of principle.
41
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:29,639
I can't stand here and be a part
of this. You know what? I quit.
42
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:35,440
No. No. No. No, you can't do that. Hey.
What are we gonna do without you?
43
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:43,799
You did the right thing. You stood up for what
you believed in, and that's why I love you.
44
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,240
Has it occurred to you that we
spend a lot of time doing things
45
00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,480
we don't wanna do for
people we really don't like?
46
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:06,559
I mean... Jolene and Felix, they're technically
Facebook friends, and here we are driving
47
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:11,559
all this way to their wedding with this giant,
expensive gift that we really can't afford.
48
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,400
Do you think that we're...
49
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,519
too nice? No.
50
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,600
No, I'd say...
51
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,040
We're average. Average?
52
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,800
I think I wanna try one of the
best ice creams in New Zealand.
53
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:41,040
What about the wedding?
Stuff the wedding.
54
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,679
Stuff the wedding? Stuff the wedding!
Stuff the wedding.
55
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,960
Hi. BOY: Hi.
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00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:04,719
This place is so cute. It's got
such a charm to it, doesn't it? Mm.
57
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,159
Fuckin' arsehole. BOY: Yeah, fuck off.
I'll fuckin' kill you, fag.
58
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,080
Oh, look. Those kids don't need
an iPad to have fun. I know.
59
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:15,279
And this tastes real good, and it only cost
two bucks. Mm. Well, you should try mine.
60
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,319
Mm, OK.
61
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,199
Is it gone? Mm-hm.
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00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,959
Mm-mm.
63
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:30,799
And there it was - a place where Mr and Mrs
Whitebread could totally be themselves -
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00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,800
no Auckland mortgage, no pressure.
65
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I'll fuckin' stab you!
66
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,920
Here? HAPPILY: Yeah.
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00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:53,720
Yeah, and I reckon the rug maybe in the...
lounge. Yeah.
68
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,800
Uh. Awesome.
69
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,040
Wait. Yeah?
70
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,839
Look!
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00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,840
Oh my goodness.
72
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,639
It's still warm. Look at that.
73
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:14,319
24 hours in the country,
and we have livestock.
74
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,999
We need to find it. I can get one of those, um,
house things. Oh, I'll have a look on Trade Me.
75
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,480
We can have
our own eggs every day.
76
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,800
What?
77
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,439
Did you ever think about what happened to
the man who got everything he ever wanted?
78
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:32,519
He lived happily ever after,
but what did he do after that? Oh.
79
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:36,439
Well, you completely skipped
over the best part. What?
80
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,440
The happy ending.
81
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:40,360
Oh.
82
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,639
There's nobody around for
miles and miles and miles.
83
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,640
Hello! Cooee!
84
00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,240
Is anyone home? Yep!
85
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:07,319
Elsbeth Brady. Uh.
Is this a good time?
86
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:13,999
I didn't realise it, Mrs Brady, but I
hated my job; My job hated me. Oh dear.
87
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,639
Penny and I are nice people, and we
wanted to live near other nice people.
88
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,679
I'm sure.
89
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,480
Excuse me. I must sound like
a crazy person.
90
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:29,040
Well, as long as you're not more of those dirty
chinks moving in, that's all I care about.
91
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,319
Excuse me?
92
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,840
Mrs Brady? Mrs Brady?
93
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,919
Wh-Wh-? I dunno.
94
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,240
Hello? Hello?
95
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,930
One minute we were chatting away,
the next she was dead.
96
00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:50,130
OK.
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00:07:59,930 --> 00:08:05,930
I thought while I was here, I'd kill
two birds with one stone - so to speak.
98
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,249
On behalf of Alberton Rotary,
I'd like to present you
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00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:15,649
with this basket full of
goodies from our local businesses.
100
00:08:15,650 --> 00:08:20,809
A voucher from Alice's Dairy in there.
Best ice cream in New Zealand.
101
00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:23,249
Come on, Norm, give us a hand, eh?
102
00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:30,129
Jesus, what the fuck
is blocking her?
103
00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:34,689
It's traditional in situations like
this to offer the guest a cup of tea.
104
00:08:54,890 --> 00:08:56,970
There's a...
105
00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:02,010
Yeah. Delicious.
106
00:09:05,770 --> 00:09:09,809
- Oh, hello.
- There you are.
107
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:12,929
I've been
wondering when you'd show up.
108
00:09:12,930 --> 00:09:18,449
We found its nest inside. Do you know
the eggs were still warm?
109
00:09:18,450 --> 00:09:22,530
You're not gonna get a lot
of eggs out of that bird.
110
00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:25,290
It's a cock.
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00:09:28,370 --> 00:09:29,809
Trying to quit.
112
00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:33,930
So, uh, what are you going to do
around here? Early retirement, is it?
113
00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:38,889
Oh, no, no. No, I just, sort of,
help out on books, so I can work from home.
114
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,209
Ah. Books.
115
00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:44,769
Not just helping out. Penny is a book
editor. You ever heard of Cutter Anderson?
116
00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:48,369
Yeah. I love his stuff. Mm.
117
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:51,930
Yeah. So what's he like,
you know, in real life?
118
00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:55,730
What do you mean 'moving'?
119
00:09:55,850 --> 00:09:59,609
To Alberton. It's a really
lovely town just outs-
120
00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:03,330
Where is not relevant!
Your work is here.
121
00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:10,729
The fact that you are moving implies you no longer
require it. He's put you up to this, hasn't he?
122
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:16,490
Oh. Lost another job, has he? Well, I
imagine life's going to be rather difficult
123
00:10:16,970 --> 00:10:20,009
for the pair of you with
neither of you working.
124
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:22,010
Cutter, please.
125
00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:26,209
I assure you that this will not
affect the quality of my work.
126
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:30,490
I promise you I-I won't let you down.
You better not!
127
00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:36,409
You know, he is a great boss.
128
00:10:36,410 --> 00:10:41,010
Wait till I tell folks we've
got a celebrity in town. Hm.
129
00:10:41,810 --> 00:10:44,210
So, um, you work in books too?
130
00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:48,929
In between jobs at the moment.
Uh, get the sack, did you?
131
00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:55,329
I can't stand here and be a part
of this. You know what?! I quit.
132
00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:59,569
Oh no. You can't do that.
What are we gonna do without you?
133
00:10:59,570 --> 00:11:02,209
Yeah, it works for me.
Resignation accepted.
134
00:11:02,210 --> 00:11:07,409
Wade is a really talented gardener. You should've
seen what he did at our old place. That's kinda...
135
00:11:07,410 --> 00:11:10,410
That's kinda his thing.
136
00:11:19,610 --> 00:11:25,369
I see you've inherited the beast. Oh,
the ute? Yeah, it's a... It's a real bonus.
137
00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:27,370
Nah, that thing.
138
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:34,089
Oh, the pony. Yeah, I know.
I mean, we don't even know his name.
139
00:11:34,090 --> 00:11:36,090
Black Cyril.
140
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:38,969
I'd give it a wide berth
if I were you.
141
00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:40,970
Why? Is he a bit shy?
142
00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:45,890
Used to belong to a
breeder named Monty.
143
00:11:46,090 --> 00:11:49,369
Had a champion thoroughbred
called Stargazer.
144
00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:52,050
Beautiful creature but lonely.
145
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:55,050
Got Black Cyril in to
keep him company. Oh.
146
00:11:55,490 --> 00:12:00,849
Little Bastard bit the shit out of Gazer - so
bad they had to put him down. It was a tragedy.
147
00:12:01,691 --> 00:12:05,129
Monty was so furious, he hit
Cyril with a sledgehammer.
148
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:09,449
The pony didn't even blink.
149
00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:13,490
Just went on eating grass.
150
00:12:15,650 --> 00:12:18,330
So, let's check out that ute, eh?
151
00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:24,850
Just put your foot down
on the clutch.
152
00:12:24,930 --> 00:12:29,210
Yeah, that's the brake.
The other one's the clutch.
153
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:34,089
Neutral, first, second, third,
fourth, reverse. Got it?
154
00:12:34,090 --> 00:12:39,969
Right. Better shoot through. If you have
any other problems, just give us a call.
155
00:12:39,970 --> 00:12:41,970
My private number.
156
00:12:42,130 --> 00:12:44,130
Hooroo.
157
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:52,849
OK. Oh my gosh, look at these. Oh. This is the
good stuff. Compliments of the Telegraph Pub.
158
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:57,289
We'll save that for a special occasion.
And a free haircut courtesy of Tina -
159
00:12:57,290 --> 00:13:04,489
home of the Brazilian. I find that hard to believe.
I mean, unless Tina actually is Brazilian.
160
00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:06,849
'It's called conflict
resolution, Wade.
161
00:13:06,850 --> 00:13:10,889
'You see, your problem is that you
got into HR because you like people.'
162
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:15,009
Yeah, and most vets get into their job because
they like animals, but what they don't realise
163
00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:21,610
is that 80% of their job is putting fluffy
little fur babies out of their misery.
164
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,250
Dude, you need to sack up.
165
00:13:25,730 --> 00:13:29,809
You need to sack up.
You need to sack up. You need to sack up.
166
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,810
Babe.
167
00:13:32,810 --> 00:13:35,010
Don't do that to yourself.
168
00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:37,050
'You need to sack up.'
169
00:13:37,290 --> 00:13:40,770
Frumpy stuff. Just...
What are you doing?
170
00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:43,450
Follow me.
171
00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:52,490
Did I mention this is deeply weird?
We're burying the past,
172
00:13:57,050 --> 00:14:02,850
building a beautiful new life in
this beautiful place. Oh.
173
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:04,370
Mwah.
174
00:14:04,371 --> 00:14:06,129
'Oh, what a softcock.'
175
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,650
Well, he cried because
I smashed over his car.
176
00:14:15,010 --> 00:14:19,010
What a pussy.
177
00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:22,489
Yeah, he was lucky it
was just his car, eh?
178
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:25,249
Hubcaps are easier to
replace than kneecaps.
179
00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:30,050
Yeah.
180
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:34,970
Braden, go see what your
dad wants on his toasties.
181
00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:38,929
Will you do it now or you'll get a hiding!
182
00:14:40,970 --> 00:14:42,569
Yeah, right.
183
00:14:42,570 --> 00:14:44,570
Hey, Braden-Stop it!
184
00:15:07,330 --> 00:15:09,330
Dad.
185
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,010
Dad.
186
00:15:15,490 --> 00:15:17,490
It's clear.
187
00:15:20,810 --> 00:15:23,889
You know you shouldn't be disturbing
Daddy when he's at work.
188
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:28,169
I know, but Mum wants to know what
you want on your toastie. Oh, right.
189
00:15:28,170 --> 00:15:30,170
Cheese, ham.
190
00:15:30,570 --> 00:15:32,570
No pineapple.
191
00:15:48,810 --> 00:15:53,290
You wake up, all right?
Yeah. We haven't finished yet.
192
00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:14,249
That one goes over there.
193
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:16,609
There's heaps of people coming, ladies,
so we'll probably need more sausages.
194
00:16:16,610 --> 00:16:19,409
We'll need a whole lot more after
that. They're looking great. Oh.
195
00:16:21,890 --> 00:16:23,890
Hello.
196
00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:30,289
They're-They're home-made.
197
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:33,889
Desiree does the sausage rolls,
that's all.
198
00:16:33,890 --> 00:16:37,770
Still... always good to
have some in reserve.
199
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,849
OK, ladies, let's get going.
Elsbeth would want us to make
200
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:44,330
a really, really good show
of this, wouldn't she?
201
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:48,369
Did you see what she was bringing?
202
00:16:48,370 --> 00:16:49,409
Honestly.
203
00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:54,290
There was a lot of wisdom behind
her. Had a lot of wise words.
204
00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:56,090
Oh.
205
00:16:56,091 --> 00:17:00,770
Wade and Penny, this is Chalky.
Tonks - local vet, but...
206
00:17:01,810 --> 00:17:03,649
But what?
207
00:17:03,650 --> 00:17:05,650
But nothing.
208
00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:12,809
You're the vet. You wouldn't happen to know
where we could buy a chicken hutch, would you?
209
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:19,010
Oh. Wade and Penny, this is Ken - Mrs
Brady's brother and mayor of Alberton.
210
00:17:19,050 --> 00:17:21,009
Aren't you Kenny? Mm.
211
00:17:21,010 --> 00:17:23,010
So sorry for your loss.
212
00:17:24,770 --> 00:17:29,409
So did she offer anything to
you before she passed? Scones.
213
00:17:29,410 --> 00:17:31,410
No, Wayne.
214
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,730
What were her last words?
215
00:17:33,930 --> 00:17:36,569
'As long as you're not more of
those dirty chinks.
216
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:40,009
Dirty chinks, dirty chinks,
dirty chinks, dirty chinks, dirty chinks.'
217
00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:42,010
Can't remember. Mm.
218
00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:42,930
Can't remember?
219
00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:47,849
'Dirty chinks. Chinks,
chinks, chinks, chinks, chinks.'
220
00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:52,490
Come with me, guys. Oh boy.
221
00:17:55,970 --> 00:17:58,770
Uh, here's some other newcomers.
222
00:17:59,930 --> 00:18:02,010
Might be more your speed.
223
00:18:03,210 --> 00:18:08,129
Hi. I'm Penny. This is Wade.
Oh, yeah. We know who you are. Oh.
224
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:11,489
You killed Mrs Brady.
Oh, we didn't kill her.
225
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:15,489
No, this was a good thing. It means
that we're not the stinky kids any more.
226
00:18:17,690 --> 00:18:18,969
You are.
227
00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:22,689
I mean, pity you're not Muslims.
God, that would've been the jackpot. Mm.
228
00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:25,329
Uh, we're from Auckland too.
Justin and Luck Chang. Oh.
229
00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:27,330
Hi, Luck. Hi.
230
00:18:27,530 --> 00:18:29,049
Hey. Hey.
Oh, so nice to meet you.
231
00:18:29,050 --> 00:18:32,449
Oh, and these people, yeah,
they're all as bad as they seem. Mm.
232
00:18:32,450 --> 00:18:37,169
But they're just way fun to mess with. I mean,
none of them think I can speak English.
233
00:18:39,930 --> 00:18:43,530
Well, I'll see you guys later.
See you. Bye.
234
00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,690
El...
235
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:53,730
Elsbeth Brady
236
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:58,530
will be greatly missed
by her brother Ken,
237
00:18:58,850 --> 00:19:01,730
her two daughters, Pearl and Jill,
238
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:06,890
her six grandchildren and
her great-granddaughter
239
00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:09,249
and-
240
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:11,250
But it's easy to forget
241
00:19:12,090 --> 00:19:15,610
she was also a loving
wife to Howard.
242
00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:19,289
And when Howard-
243
00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:22,570
this man hollowed by cancer -
244
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,049
a shell -
245
00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:28,209
Elsbeth-
246
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:32,090
was right there by his side.
247
00:19:37,490 --> 00:19:39,049
I'm sorry. Sorry.
248
00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:42,129
I'm really-I'm so-I'm so sorry.
I'm so-We're really. I'm-Fuck me.
249
00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:46,730
Really sorry.-
250
00:19:48,690 --> 00:19:50,970
The thing about Elsbeth...
251
00:19:51,730 --> 00:19:57,569
They must think that we're monsters. While
she was talking about the husband's cancer.
252
00:19:57,570 --> 00:20:01,009
We're just gonna have to front
up and apologise. No. No. No.
253
00:20:01,010 --> 00:20:06,890
We'll wait for the dust to settle,
and then we'll figure it out. Really?
254
00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:08,649
OK.
255
00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:13,450
Oh God.
They've come to run us out of town.
256
00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:36,729
Great. Just-Just here. Very generous
of you. You know, especially after -
257
00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:42,130
What?! I'm not giving it to you.
I'm not a charity, bud. Oh, right.
258
00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:44,730
Four hundy.
259
00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:50,210
That is very reasonable of you,
Mr Chalky. Thanks.
260
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:55,250
Bugger me. Is that little
black bastard still alive?
261
00:20:58,370 --> 00:20:59,849
Oh, look.
262
00:20:59,850 --> 00:21:02,570
Hello. It's your new home.
263
00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:06,609
Oh, this is so exciting.
Wait. We could sell the eggs.
264
00:21:06,610 --> 00:21:12,289
'Fresh Eggs', that's what
we call you lifestyle blockers.
265
00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:14,969
The first thing you
do is put out a sign -
266
00:21:14,970 --> 00:21:19,849
'Fresh eggs' or 'artisan honey'
or bloody 'home-made chutney'.
267
00:21:19,850 --> 00:21:26,450
If you start trying to sell fresh eggs,
you'd be a laughing stock, bud.
268
00:21:26,730 --> 00:21:30,169
Well, I guess that is just more
eggs for us, then.
269
00:21:30,170 --> 00:21:33,970
I'll just go get some water
for the little guy.
270
00:21:35,010 --> 00:21:40,970
I'll give youse a heads up. Out here, this,
it's not country living. It's country working.
271
00:21:41,090 --> 00:21:47,569
This is where the real work is done - the meat,
the milk, the wool. This is where it comes from.
272
00:21:47,570 --> 00:21:51,769
It might look like green fields,
but it's a bloody factory.
273
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:53,889
I give you three months.
274
00:22:17,290 --> 00:22:21,249
'Yes, well, of course,
that is a wonderful question.'
275
00:22:21,250 --> 00:22:27,209
One never knows when an idea is going to
turn up fully dressed at your front door
276
00:22:27,210 --> 00:22:31,809
and ask the question,
'Do you want to dance?'
277
00:22:34,330 --> 00:22:37,610
Yes. But, listen,
I could not possibly-
278
00:22:39,090 --> 00:22:47,090
possibly end this interview without thanking the
unsung hero without whom my books could not exist.
279
00:22:48,770 --> 00:22:54,089
And that is you, you gentle readers,
you wonderful people.
280
00:22:54,090 --> 00:22:56,770
Without you, I would be nothing.
281
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:02,770
Yes.
282
00:23:03,010 --> 00:23:05,850
Why, thank you so much.
283
00:24:03,850 --> 00:24:06,449
Hey there, fella. Just be cool.
284
00:24:07,770 --> 00:24:09,049
Just be real cool.
285
00:24:11,170 --> 00:24:12,170
That's not cool.
286
00:24:13,450 --> 00:24:17,010
That's not cool. That's not cool.
That's not cool! That's not cool!
287
00:24:57,330 --> 00:24:59,330
Fucking hell.
288
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,240
Ahoy-hoy, Greg speaking.
289
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,160
Penny, gidday, what's up?
290
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:34,200
You're joking. In the back paddock?
That's insane.
291
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:41,239
Uh... Look, I'm just going out. I'm off to bingo.
So, I'll come around in the morning, eh?
292
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,239
The morning? Um...
293
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,559
Shouldn't you come now? Wade's
already contaminated the crime scene.
294
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:51,759
'You're not writing one of your stories now,
love. Just don't contaminate anything else.'
295
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:57,679
Here's what I want you to do - I want you to go
to the fridge, take out a beer and enjoy it.
296
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,480
And I'll see you in the AM, OK?
Right-oh, then.
297
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,600
Uh.
298
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,280
What did he say?
299
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,159
He said to have a beer, that
he'd come around in the morning.
300
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:14,039
There's a dope plantation under
our field. I nearly got killed.
301
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:18,719
I know. He said he was going to
bingo. Maybe he didn't believe me.
302
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,720
Aucklanders.
303
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,800
Bit of an anticlimax, really.
304
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,440
I'm just glad it's not a murder.
305
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,160
I'm so tense.
306
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,680
Did I finish whipping the pie stuff?
307
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,640
What was that?
308
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:00,680
Hm?
309
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:04,600
Oh. I don't remember
it being this strong.
310
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:07,879
The pie? No. This.
311
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,880
Oh. Mm.
312
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,200
Mm-mm. Oh.
313
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:18,520
Mm. That is because it's
straight from the source.
314
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:23,479
I mean, this is not like that cabbage
crap that we used to smoke in uni.
315
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:30,039
And they say that THC potency is much,
much higher when it's grown hydroponically.
316
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,040
Whoa.
317
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:37,800
All my... My legs and arms are
really warm. What are you feeling?
318
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,159
Mm.
319
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,160
Oh.
320
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,280
You're feeling that?
321
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,799
I think I'm feeling that.
322
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,400
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
323
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,160
Oh. Hello.
324
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,040
Oh. Oh. Oh.
325
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,880
Mmm, mmm, mmm. Mmm, mmm.
326
00:28:09,401 --> 00:28:11,400
Shit! What?! Whoa.
327
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,960
Don't let me stop you. Huh?!
328
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,159
We need you to get out
of our property.
329
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,840
Your property? Your property?!
330
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:24,319
Funny, cos that's exactly what
I want to talk to you about. Oh.
331
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:26,320
Sit down.
332
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,480
I said sit down!
333
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:35,479
Smells like someone's getting
high off my supply in here.
334
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:40,039
I have to warn you; I have
called the police. Sergeant Ross.
335
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:45,599
Nothing drags him away from bingo
on a Tuesday night. No one's coming.
336
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,280
The only one coming for you is me.
337
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,640
Now, let me outline
the situation to you.
338
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:58,280
You are a little fat
teenager with soft skin,
339
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:05,919
and you're currently sharing a cell with a big
bad man who hasn't seen a woman in 10 years.
340
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,320
You are, for all
intents and purposes...
341
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,200
Hey.
342
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:14,960
My bitch.
343
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,760
'It's called conflict
resolution, Wade.'
344
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:27,240
What we want right now is
a positive outcome for us both.
345
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:31,639
Uh, so I need to ask you,
what does success look like for you?
346
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:36,440
You're a small businessman, so maybe
I can make you a proposition.
347
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:38,919
I'm listening.
348
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:46,400
OK. So, we have some savings, so maybe we can
pay you to take your operation somewhere else.
349
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:49,960
Interesting.
350
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:52,720
Here's my counterpoint.
351
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,600
Ugh.
352
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:59,720
I've been told I'm not
very good at negotiation.
353
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,159
Please, don't you hurt my husband.
354
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,839
I don't remember asking for
your fucking opinion, sweetheart.
355
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,999
Hey, get away from my wife!
356
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,320
Penny, come here.
357
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:18,319
OK, uh, stop right there.
I-I-I will shoot you.
358
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:22,479
Here's a word of advice - if you're gonna
shoot someone, let the gun do the talking.
359
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,239
OK. Stop there. I will-I will-!
360
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:25,839
Halt!
361
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:30,320
It's my gun. I know it's
not loaded, you stupid wanker.
362
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:31,799
Wade! Wade!
363
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,160
Now you really pissed me off.
364
00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:36,239
Wade, run!
365
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,240
Wade! Run!
366
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,319
He's coming. He's coming. Put it in first!
Put it in first! Hurry, he's coming.
367
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:52,120
I'm trying! I'm trying!
368
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,520
Drive! Drive! Go! Move!
369
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,719
Motherfuck-
370
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:02,039
He's under the front wheel.
It's OK. I'll back off him.
371
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:05,240
No. No. No. Wade!
372
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:22,880
I think you killed him. Oh.
373
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,640
Oh.
374
00:31:44,081 --> 00:31:47,239
Come on, duck. Come on, son.
375
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,720
Shit it out there. Shit it out.
376
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,080
Yes. Yes, come on. Come on.
377
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,319
Yay!
378
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,800
Finally. There you go.
379
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:04,920
Ross.
380
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:07,639
Wade?
381
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:13,159
Yeah, no, look, I told Penny I'd
be over in the morning, yeah.
382
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,160
What?
383
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,720
I can't tell if that's
a nose or a... or a toe.
384
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,400
You really made a dog's breakfast
of him.
385
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:34,719
So you say he came
at you with a knife, yeah?
386
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:39,400
Not a knife. Uh, one of the big
knife-y ones, the big ones.
387
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,200
Are you smoking dope?
388
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:51,319
When you run a man down with a car,
that can be considered an accident.
389
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:55,520
But when you reverse back over him,
that's brutal.
390
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,520
And you're bloody high on drugs.
391
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:07,439
I don't suppose you've got any
real cigarettes on you, have you?
392
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,639
Let's go in the house and talk
this through. We'll need a beer.
393
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:13,640
Thanks.
394
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:21,080
I'm going to prison, aren't I?
It doesn't look good for you.
395
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:27,000
This is my grandfather's
old service revolver -
396
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,520
killed a couple of Nazis with this.
397
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,320
There will be repercussions.
398
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:40,239
If you thought that ugly bastard out there
was bad, you wait till you meet his missus.
399
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:48,120
Sorry. Sorry. I don't understand. Wake up, Wade.
Who do you think called Pig in the first place?
400
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:56,240
You're in on this?!
That plot out there is my retirement fund,
401
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,160
my little KiwiSaver.
402
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,400
But there are options.
403
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:05,639
Option A -
404
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:11,360
I take this gun, and I put a bullet
in your pretty little wife's head.
405
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:15,440
- What's Option B?
- I put one in yours.
406
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:30,160
What did you just do? He was gonna
shoot you. He was negotiating.
407
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:32,959
That other guy said that if
you're gonna shoot someone...
408
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:35,360
'Let the gun do the talking.'
409
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,119
So now you take advice from a guy
who's got the word 'Pig' tattooed
410
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:42,200
on the back of his neck,
who is also dead?!
411
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:48,719
I'm calling the police. We did call the
police, Wade, and look what happened.
412
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,040
Pen, what have we done?
413
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,479
You ran over a man.
That was an accident.
414
00:34:56,480 --> 00:35:00,839
You ran over him twice. That doesn't look like an
accident. And remember what he said - he said...
415
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:02,759
'There will be repercussions.'
416
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:08,440
Yeah, and you just shot him. You
shot a police officer. Jesus Christ.
417
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:15,800
We're both murderers.
We're going to prison.
418
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:23,119
'Dude, you need to sack up.'
419
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,119
You need to sack up.
You need to sack up.'
420
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:29,479
We need to get rid of the bodies.
Can we get some acid or something?
421
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:36,360
We don't have any acid, hon. Not enough to
dissolve a whole body. We burn them, then.
422
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:40,479
Burning a body requires a huge
amount of heat. Are you sure?
423
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,679
When Cutter wrote Ashes of the Dead,
I did a lot of research into immolation.
424
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,520
Any dead bodies?
425
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:51,319
Actually, I might have an idea.
Yeah?
426
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,400
Cutter's new book -
The Hungry Grave.
427
00:35:55,400 --> 00:36:02,680
The murderer hides the body in the last place
that anybody would suspect - a fresh grave.
428
00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:05,240
Mrs Brady.
429
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,200
Penny. I know. I know. I know.
430
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:13,200
I know it's not ideal,
but it's all we've got.
431
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:20,399
First, we wrap up the bodies and
then we clean up the crime scene.
432
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,800
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Aargh.
433
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,960
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. OK.
434
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:32,680
Yeah. Oh.
435
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,159
Go, go, go, go, go.
436
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,159
Ah! Uh!
437
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,160
Put this over.
438
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:05,120
We get the bodies into the ute,
and then you follow me,
439
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:09,160
while I drive Sergeant Ross' car
back to the pub.
440
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:13,280
Pen, I can't let you drive it in.
It's too risky.
441
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,080
I'll drive it in, and you follow.
442
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:24,279
OK. Why is this happening to us?
We're really nice people.
443
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:29,479
Yes. Yes. Exactly. We are. And that
is exactly why this is gonna work,
444
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:35,080
cos we're just a nice, gormless
couple from the city, and nobody...
445
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:39,480
nobody will ever suspect us.
446
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:08,040
Fuck you. Bullshit. What's your
problem, though? Every single time.
447
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:13,000
They fuckin' know;
They can smell it on you.
448
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:18,959
This is hilarious. You - the man who spent his entire
life avoiding conflict is now a double-murderer.
449
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:22,199
I mean, if you'd shown
some of this killer instinct at work,
450
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:26,280
you'd probably still have a job.
Shut the fuck up.
451
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:31,160
What's taking so long?
What are you doing? Can we go?
452
00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:34,240
Let's go. Yeah, yeah.
453
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:51,720
Go. Turn around. Turn around. Just turn
around. I don't think he's seen us.
454
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:04,760
Hey. Justin, you're a cop.
Well, you guys are out late.
455
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,640
Shopping.
456
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:13,559
We-We forgot that we don't live in Auckland
any more and everything's shut.
457
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,360
You haven't got the munchies, eh?
458
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,560
Wow. Paranoid.
It must be the good stuff.
459
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:28,160
Uh, BTW, uh, Luck wants you to come around
for dinner. Think you can bring some weed?
460
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:33,960
Well, sharing's caring.
How are you placed tomorrow?
461
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:39,040
Great. Great. Oh, great.
Luck will call you.
462
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,360
Guess we better do this. Hm.
463
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,879
Name and address, please.
464
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:51,280
Uh, Wade McCarthy. Rose Cottage,
North Road - 22.
465
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:56,479
Mm. Not a drop. Look, don't worry, I'm not
going to bust our only friends in town.
466
00:39:56,480 --> 00:40:02,239
Just don't go blazing and driving
again, OK? All right. Move along, sir.
467
00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:06,719
Safer communities together.
468
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:36,319
'At the end of the day, it's the most extreme
moments of our lives that bring us closer together,
469
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,720
'closer to the ones we love.'
470
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:49,840
Oh. Oh.
471
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,160
Oh. Oh.
472
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:17,239
What are you doing? Come on, babe.
I'm so sorry, Pen. What?
473
00:41:17,240 --> 00:41:19,640
This is a frickin' disaster.
474
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,480
Hon, come on. No, it's not.
No. It's not.
475
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:30,080
Because we... We're gonna figure
this out, and we're gonna be OK.
476
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:32,760
OK?
477
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:38,640
I love you so much.
Oh, I love you too.
478
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:48,520
Captions by Kristin Williams.
Edited by Antony Vlug.
479
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:53,439
Captions were made with
the support of NZ On Air.
480
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:56,520
www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2019
480
00:41:57,305 --> 00:42:03,864
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