Original subtitles

( music playing )

( indistinct chatter )

- Yeah, - Oh, yeah, yeah.

16? Shit.

Mate, it's a cracker of a part, isn't it?

Oh yeah, bloody scorcher, eh.

And if you were the peggy paddypops, tiggity boo.

Oh mate, none the nasty. Sure is the willy wagtow.

Mm-hmm.

Wait a minute, Wray Nerely?

Yeah.

- London to a brick, it's him. - Man, it's Cash.

Dude, "Spectrum" was huge back home down under.

Thank you. Thank you.

Except we called it "spacey plane shoot-'em-up."

- (imitates space guns shooting) - ( chuckles )

- You know the one? - Man, what happened to you, mate?

Oh! This is, um...

I'm in character, for the audition.

Oh.

Wait a minute, they're making the Wray Nerely audition?

Right?

I mean, that's-- I agree.

A pro like you shouldn't have to wait out here.

- Here, you're next. - Oh, no way-- thank you.

- Thanks a lot, man, I appreciate that. - No worries.

- Thank you. Thank you. - Yep, yep, yep.

Honestly, I shouldn't even bother going in.

There's no way I'm going to get the part of Doctor Trimmings

over Wray freaking Nerely.

- Eh? - Yeah, jeez.

You're auditioning for Doctor Dick Trimmings?

I kinda-- I saw you guys as sort of leading man types.

Oh, no, no, they went to names on that one. Yeah.

Plus, you gotta be, like, balls handsome for that role, eh?

- Yeah. - I mean, we're more like

- the loveable everyman type. - Yeah.

Does every man in Australia look like...

( laughter )

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- Wray. - Hmm?

I like what you're doing with all the...

yeah, character work.

- Thanks man. - Yeah.

- Bit of advice though? - Yeah.

I'd save it for the room,

because you just look a bit weird, you know, mate?

Bit like a plackybub babywhip.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Exactly like a plackybub babywhip.

Yeah, mate, it's hard to look at.

Well, woof! That certainly did not go your way.

Yikes.

Hey everyone, so it's a little bit of a cold room in there.

Don't expect much of a response and don't let that throw you

like the last guy, 'cause damn.

I'm still here.

And you'll get 'em next time, Reg.

Yeah.

Okay, maybe we should just take our lunch break.

Oh my God, but is that the time?

Okay, you know what? Let's just squeeze one more in.

( muttering )

Number five?

- I think you, um... - Five?

I think I'm five...

- Yep, okay, come on. - Go get 'em.

So good to see you, Wray.

Everybody, this is Wray Nerely.

- Wray, this is the team. - Hello.

Head of marketing, advertising associate,

and brand ambassador.

Is it, uh, Bring Your Kid To Work Day?

Oh, that's the social media team. We answer to them.

No shit.

Where's Diego?

Oh, the director went to lunch early,

but just think of him as being right here.

Boob.

Because I'll be live-streaming this session to him, yeah.

Oh, oh.

Hi, it's Wray.

Tits good to-- It's good to see you.

The connection is not great and there's a delay,

but he can see you and hear you.

It's Wray, tits good to-- it's good to see you.

Hola, Ray.

And any character questions can be directed to head of marketing.

Can I just wait till Diego comes back?

Read now or don't, but do not waste our time.

Okay.

And you got this.

( keys clacking )

Nobody-- nobody's looking at me.

The modern audience is distracted, so that's how we're running the auditions.

You gotta cut through the noise, Wray.

Diego: Hi, Wray. Yes, I am doing very well.

Thank you for asking.

I-- do-- ( voice cutting in and out )

Cindy, I'm looking at his resume and I'm seeing a lot of sci-fi.

Hold on, hold on, I-- Who were you in "The Swollen"?

I was the Swollen.

I mean, I was-- really I was the Swelling,

because they did stop-motion for the last bit

once he was fully swole.

Yeah, I only saw the fully swole part. It was 2:00 a.m.

You know, that movie actually did quite well with 18- to 23-year-olds.

- Oh. - Yeah, but that was 5 years ago,

so they're 23 to 29 now.

Lots of college debts, it's terrible.

Um, "Star Countess," I saw that poster. It was good, you were on it.

Yeah, I was on the poster.

You played some sort of gay vampire.

No, not gay, British.

It says here you were nominated for a GLAAD award.

Well, it's an honor just to be nominated.

It is.

Wray, you'll be reading with Sarah, here.

Hi, Wray. I'm a big fan.

I will see you in Hell!

Aw, shit.

- ( laughs ) - Wait, what's that from?

He played Cash on "Spectrum."

It was a big hit.

Why haven't I heard of it?

- It's a cult hit. - Uch. Uch.

So Wray, we're just going to read that first scene.

At the bank? I only have a couple of lines in that one.

Yep, and go.

( clears throat )

Drop the gun. Drop the gun!

Trimmings hasn't entered the scene.

Just stay.

Sorry, Sarah.

Drop the gun.

Drop the damn gun!

Go to hell, Slater!

You don't want to do this.

I know you're scared.

You don't know nothing, Slater!

I know you're hurting.

You think you lost your son, but you didn't.

Not yet.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that I can still save him if you put down the gun.

He's going into antiphallic shock, but there's still time.

Antiphallic shock? Sounds like more of your bullshit, Slater.

I'm telling the truth.

No, you're not. Yes, I am.

My partner, Trimmings, is in the other room with an Epi-pen.

Don't shoot, okay?

Trimmings!

Listen, Ronnie, I can save him. I just need a little space.

- ( grunts ) - ( gasps )

( coughs, wheezes )

Kyler! You're okay, buddy. You're okay.

- ( chuckles ) - Believe me now, Ronnie?

Trimmings, get that kid to the ICU.

Both: Let's get you to--

Oh, sorry, that's your line.

Let's get this kid to the hospital.

And, scene.

Okay, really great. I have a few notes.

- Okay. - Okay.

( loud gum chewing )

Okay, awesome. Oh, yeah, yeah.

- ( clicking ) - ( crunching )

Right, okay.

- ( scratching ) - ( keys clacking )

( dinging )

- Thank you! - ( giggling )

( chewing, dinging )

( loud pop )

Could you please stop with the gum?

Whoa.

Man, I drove all the way to the valley for this,

for this guy over here browsing Reddit on his phone.

Yeah, I see you.

He's not even embarrassed!

Jeez. ( nervous laugh )

Jeez? You know what?

I wasn't even gonna get into this,

but it's "anaphylactic shock."

"Anaphylactic," not "antiphallic."

"Antiphallic" is anti-penis.

It's opposed to dick, which I wish you were

because I'm seeing your Grindr over there

and it's dick, dick, dick, dick, dick,

and balls and no pubic hair.

Where does that-- I mean, when did that start happ-

Listen, it's "anaphylactic shock."

I'm sorry we need to get this-- ( static ) I see you!

( static ) ...it's "anaphylactic shock"!

Mm-hmm, that's pretty good doctoring, Wray.

I'm out.

Except I've gotta say to you, where were you?

Where were you when she stepped on one of my only two lines in the whole thing?

May I have some room here to create?

Or should I just be thankful that she didn't steal the first one as well?

Uh...

For the love of God, drop the goddamn gum!

Look, I have very few precious shots at things I like.

I come in here all fired up to do a good job.

I just need some back up.

Where were you-- ( static ) on May of the first--

For the love of God, drop the goddamn gum!

Shot-- fire-- I need some backup.

Come on, Wray!

We are on the same sinking ship, people.

That's right, I'm on her, you're on her,

you're on her, you're on her, you're on her,

you three in the back, you're on her.

How are you drinking coffee? You've gotta be like, what, six?

Oh, oh. Big man.

Girl.

Where are your parents?

It is an injustice and I object

and it's your behavior

that makes me the asshole.

Come on, Wray, you can do it.

You're on her...( static ) look, an asshole.

Well...

two out of three's not bad.

Get out.

I'm out.

Wow.

( phone ringing )

Hello.

Wait, are you sure?

No, of course, absolutely.

Wray, wait, don't go anywhere.

Diego wants you to read for another part.

What part?

( both muttering )

Come on, buddy. Just--

- Okay. - Just calm down, stay right here.

I just wanna start this out with an apology.

I'm so sorry.

( clapping )

Amazing job in there.

Thank you for opening our eyes, you know?

I didn't know they were closed.

You have got my vote.

Oh, oh, um, got my vote.

( chuckles )

Wow.

Thorry, I couldn't resitht. It's thuch a good thcript.

Yeah.

Aah!

- There. - Ah, ha, ha!

Thanks, Wray.

( elephant trumpet )

Man: Aw, go!

He's a silly little elephant.

- ( trumpets ) - Oh, yeah?

( music playing )

Lou Ferrigno, he's doing a stage adaptation

of John Steinbeck's "Of Mice and Men."

This is "Of Mice and Men: The Musical."

- You're Lenny. - I'm the hulking man,

who you don't want to make angry. He's the size of a grizzly bear.

Yep.

Put everything you have left into the stinger.

- You won't get lift. - Just do it.

Who wants to watch that clip a fifth time?

( audience boos )

I need my medicine.

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