Original subtitles

Are you international superstar Barbara Windsor?

Get stuffed.

What are you doing on the floor?

The four poster was taken.

I've got a couple of hours between the matinee and the evening,

thought I'd get some kip.

Have you eaten?

You need to take better care of yourself.

I'm alright.

Do you want me to get you something before you go back on?

Yeah.

What d'you fancy?

A nice steak. Medium rare, side salad, new potatoes. And a glass of champagne.

How about I go and see if they've fixed the car, then grab fish and chips on the way back?

Perfect.

It'll be okay...

everything will be alright.

Bet the press can't believe their luck,

another divorce,

end of the pier one nighters,

new no'; WY"...

Let 'em think what they like.

You and me is all that matters...

You be okay 'til I get back?

Course.

Made a right old mess of things haven't you love?

Not exactly the West End is it.

Not funny though dad, look at me.

Knocking sixty.

Another marriage down the toilet.

Skim.

Sitting here talking to myself.

When you got yourself into trouble when you were little?

What did I tell you?

Take some time... Think through what happened,

go back over everything... Work out what you did wrong.

And don't do it again.

Take a deep breath and you will be crossing over to...

the sunny side of the street... job done.

Sometimes it's not that easy Dad.

Hey, that's your Mother talking...

Barbara Deeks.

Grab your coat and get your hat,

Leave your worry on the doorstep.

Just direct your feet. to the sunny side of the street.

I used to walk in the shade with those blues on parade.

But I'm not afraid, because I'm a Rover crossed over.

If I never have a cent

I'd be rich as Rockefeller.

Gold dust at my feet, on the sunny side of the street.

Was I alright?

Why did you do a cartwheel?

I thought it was fun.

Was it your Father's idea?

Come on.

What did I tell you?

Take some time... Think through what happened,

go back over everything... Work out what you did wrong.

And don't do it again.

Bye!

Bye darling.

Will Daddy know where I am?

I'll write and tell him.

Now,

remember what I told you,

speak nicely to the people you stay with.

I will.

Broke my heart sending you away.

That dirty old man touched me.

Yeah... You didn't ought to send her off like that.

We got her moved to the Norths as soon as we found out, they were lovely...

You still had no right sending her away.

How would you know what I should have done or not done, you weren't there!

No, I was fighting a war wasn't I!

And they were dropping bombs on us.

Didn't hit you though.

You should have kept her with you!

Stop it.

They evacuated all the children.

Not all of 'em. I did what I thought was best john.

What's best for you, you mean!

Stop it! Both of you!

What you doin' love?

Don't know...

just working things out.

Trying to make sense of it.

And you need me to do that?

I always needed you.

We both loved you...

just had different ways of showing it that's all...

Not my fault she was a miserable cow.

That's better.

Sometimes a song would come on the radio

and you'd scoop me up,

twirl me round the room,

singing and dancing...

I'd see Mum watching us...

all the worries of the world on her shoulders,

Like she had two kids to take care of instead of one...

She didn't have to be so serious all the time, going on at you...

She didn't want you doing all your singing and dancing.

She wanted what was best for me is all.

There was that talent scout bloke,

Brian Mickey...

He said...

She's really got something Mrs Deeks.

I have no intention of putting my daughter on the stage thank you very much,

she's won a scholarship, with the highest marks in North London.

She's going to be a foreign language telephonist.

First I'd heard of it! See?

She changed her mind though!

Wonder why that was?

She talks about nothing else...

Do you remember Aida Foster, head of my first drama school?

Should do. Cost me enough.

Well Mrs Deeks... Your daughter isn't the usual little lady we have coming through our doors.

She's different. But we all think she's got something...

Here we go again...

We don't know what it is, but she definitely has.. Something.

Mary keep those arms up.

They all said that...

But whatever it was, it got me a lot of work.

And up and smile and up.

Next!

Next!

Next!

Next!

She's got... Something?

You had something else.

You had my name!

Look at this, you've got this from your Father...

Nine hairs and a nit... It's too thin to do anything with.

Sorry Mum.

Don't be sorry... Not your fault.

I just wish you had my hair that's all...

Truth is I'm not sure your Father has got anything worth passing on.

I've got his laugh too.

Don't remind me.

Talking of things you've inherited from your Father...

This play Mrs Foster wants you to do.

Love PW“ MY!

Well you'll be travelling all round the country, it will be your first big part.

I know.

And Mrs Foster doesn't think Barbara Deeks is a very good stage name.

Why not?

It just isn't.

She says Barbara is alright, it's just Deeks you'll have to change.

Change my name? Lots of people do it.

But what would Daddy say?

Do you want to be on the stage or not?

Yes.

Then the money we're paying this Mrs Foster, don't you think we should listen to her?

I suppose.

It'd just be like your professional name is all.

Like Veronica Lake.

Isn't that her name then?

No, she was born Constance Ockelman,

I read it in a magazine, only last week.

So it'd only be like a professional name?

That should be all right, shouldn't it?

Daddy wouldn't mind that?

It's up to him what he minds and what he doesn't.

This is about what's best for you.

So,

what should I change it to?

I thought,

about Ellis... my maiden name.

Ellis...

Either that or with it being Coronation year, you could use Aunt Dolly's married name.

Windsor.

Barbara Windsor.

She hated you having my laugh,

having my hair.

Anything that reminded her of me...

Couldn't do much about any of them, could she?

It was Mrs Foster's idea.

Course it was.

I was still your little girl...

Walking away again Dad?

Hello!

Did Mrs Foster get you a return ticket?

In my pocket. Well make sure you don't lose it!

The judge will ask you some questions about your Father

and we need you to answer them as honestly as you are able.

Can you do that?

I'll try.

Good girl.

Can someone find something for Barbara Ann to stand on,

I think it's much better if we can see her.

That's better.

Are you alright Barbara Ann?

Yes thank you.

Now I'm going to ask you some questions.

No-one is going to get into any trouble, we're just trying to work out what's best for you and your parents,

Barbara.

Have you ever seen your parents arguing?

Yes.

And have you ever heard your Father swearing?

Yes.

Do you remember what words he used?

You don't have to say them out loud, you can write them down.

Did you ever see your Father lose his temper?

Sometimes.

With you? No.

With your Mother?

Yes.

Can you tell me the kind of thing he'd do when he lost his temper?

If you want to go for a walk, go for a walk with your coat in the gutter!

How are we going to put food on the table?

And did you ever see your Father hit your Mother?

Yes.

Well done girls!

There's other things too...

It's alright Barbara Ann, you've told us what we needed to know.

Well done.

Well done Barbara.

Is that it?

Ye?“.

It's all over. Daddy and I aren't together any more,

but the judge said you can live with me.

Just you?

Yes,

but you can still see him once a week and he'll pay for your keep.

But I didn't tell them everything.

You told them just what you needed to.

Here's Daddy!

Don't worry about your Father, you know what he's like.

He wouldn't even look at me.

It will all be for the best.

Now, chin up,

you've got a show to do.

Come on, or you'll miss it...

They said I had to tell the truth.

I thought they'd ask me about Mum as well,

but they didn't.

I know she put you up to it. Oh and none of it was your fault?

It wasn't you who did all those things?

Daddy!

I'm sorry.

I was angry.

You know what I'm like.

There was only one place in the world where people seemed happy to see me.

People to tell me I was doing alright...

Thousands of 'em.

Every night.

But never you.

Grab your coat and get your hat... Leave your worries on the doorstep...

I saw you once...

You didn't ought to have done that Daddy...

Work so hard to make me your little girl. Not if you were going.

Leaving a ruddy big hole I'd spend the rest of my life trying to fill.

Big shoes eh love?

Playing the clown, trying to drown all of my woes,

You know they will all turn out alright,

If I keep painting the clouds

with sunshine.

Painting all the clouds with sunshine.

Hello again. You obviously like my number, you watch it every night.

I think it's wonderful Mr Brandon.

Well that's very sweet of you.

Think he was my first crush.

He was queer as a nine bob note.

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it dear.

You grew into a pretty little thing...

Boys must've been like bees round a honey pot.

People did keep telling me I had 'something'

As I got older boys clearly thought so too cos they always seemed to be fumbling around looking for it.

It was them boobs of yours, gawd knows where you got them from.

Wasn't your Mother.

Well I must have got 'em from somewhere.

Barbara Windsor!

The Director says your tits are too big!

He wants 'em strapped up, put this on.

The good thing was, that once I worked out what boys wanted, it came in very handy.

'Specially between acting jobs.

Well you haven't exactly got many qualifications have you?

Well I've been working as an actress.

Then why do you want to work in a shoe shop?

I'm in-between parts... I'll work really hard.

You'll have to memorize all the shoes, learn about sizes.

Oh I'm used to learning lines.

And have you done any selling?

Oh yes... Loads'.!

Liar.

Would you like to try them on? Ta.

I think you should get them love. You sure? They're really dear.

Oh, I'm sure he can afford it... Can't you darlin'...?

I wasn't a flirt,

not really, I just learnt that most men are so full of 'emselves, they think you fancy them anyway...

I just didn't tell 'em any different...

Trouble with blokes is, you let 'em think they can and they won't leave you alone.

Voice of experience Dad?

I'm Peter Noble, you're very cute in this show,

I'm producing a film, I could write you in it.

Course you could.

My name is Monsieur Vincent, I am from Paris.

Course he is. Course you are.

You have a beautiful singing voice, I wish for you to sing in my revue.

I'm Peter Charlesworth, I'm a song plugger but I'm setting up as an agent.

I'd like to handle you. I bet he would.

I bet you would.

I'm Ronnie Scott. 'Course you are. No I am. Really.

I need a new singer for my club... And you... Little one. You've got... Something.

I've never wanted wealth untold,

My life as one design.

A simple little band of gold,

to prove that you are mine.

Don't want the world to have and hold,

for fame is not my line.

Just want a little band of gold,

to prove that you are mine.

Some sail away

to Araby

and other lands of mystery,

but all the wonders that they see

will never tempt me.

Their memories will soon grow cold,

but till the end of time.

There'll be a little band of gold,

to prove that you are mine.

Bloody musicians.

Oh, I loved Ronnie.

He used to take me to a little flat above a salt beef shop.

Like I said... bloody musicians.

I'm fed up with you wasting your time and your talent Barbara darling... Singing at all these clubs...

But I like singing Peter.

Magician's assistant!

I really liked that job.

Everyone could see you. What?

In the box. You were supposed to disappear. Everyone could see your bum.

And your foot was sticking out the bottom.

Well they didn't train me properly.

You were bloody awful and do you know why?

Why?

Because you're not a magician's assistant.. You're an actress!

Then get me an acting job. I have.

I have. You start in The Gimmick with Bernard Braden and Barbara Kelly, two months on tour then straight into the west end.

Big stars they were.

It was a big break.

You're sacked. Eh?

Reviews are in. Barbara number two, out acts Barbara number one!

Hi,

I'm Slim Cattan, I'm a film producer.

'Course he is. 'Course you are.

There's a great little part for you.

You'll have to talk to my agent.

I'll do that.

All these blokes wanting something.

I didn't know who to trust.

And that was all my fault was it? No...

Well maybe a bit.

When I was little you always made me feel safe

I suppose part of me was looking for someone else to do that, that's all.

You did a lot of looking.

Oi. There wasn't that many blokes. There wasn't!

That's not funny.

Sorry.

Did you go and ask about that job I told you about darlin'?

I was busy.

I put in a word for you, all you had to do was turn up.

He was bad news.

Maybe... But not all of 'em were.

Alright Neil? Yeah mate.

Aren't you going to introduce me to this pretty lady?

Who you calling pretty? You.

You must want your eyes testing, I ain't got any make up on.

You're still pretty. Watch him Babs, he's after something.

Ain't they all? I am after something as it goes.

What? Your number.

I'll think about it.

Ronnie.

She said she'll be home by eleven, you can call her then.

Ronnie. Stan. How's jenny and the kids?

Eating me out of house and home. Give Jen my best eh?

Alright Ron. Billy.

Mr Knight. Frank.

You've got a lot of friends.

I'm a very friendly fella.

Remind you of anyone?

Thank you, I had a lovely evening. Me too.

Can we do it again? I'd like that.

WW...

WW...

You know he's married?

What?

With a daughter

and a baby on the way!

I just want to talk to her. She doesn't want to see you.

I need to explain. Shouldn't you be explaining to your wife?

It's not what you think. Oh it's exactly what I think.

Now out you go! Out!

Barb,

just let me talk to you!

The least I could do was give him a chance to explain.

Your life.

I met June when we were at school,

she got pregnant so I married her...

Ain't much of a marriage. We live separate lives...

I was gonna tell you I swear I was...

I'll get a divorce, prove it to you.

I don't want you doing that, what about your kids?

I'll see they're alright.

I don't know Ronnie...

Look,

I'm with you or not, I'm still not gonna be with her.

It's over between us.

I wanna be with you.

Well don't look at me.

Can I trust you?

I'll never let you down, I promise.

You're not hiding anything else? Nothing.

No more surprises? No.

I swear to God.

Don't tell me you didn't see that coming love. I didn't.

He swore he was innocent.

I'm innocent Barb,

I swear it.

Fifteen months.

Wait for me!

Come along! Yeah, alright!

Slim Cattan, film producer.

We met a month or so back.

I said I was making a movie and there was a great little part for you and you said I should speak to your agent.

Oh, that's right.

Well I did. And if you're still interested...

Well I've sort of got a job, I'm singing in a club.

I'm sure we can work round that... The movie is called Too Hot to Handle

starring Jayne Mansfield.

The Jayne Mansfield? That's right. So,

are you interested? She's interested.

Great. I'll be in touch.

Can I ask you something? Sure.

This part. Why me?

You've just got...

Something.

Jayne Mansfield!

Is there anything else Miss Mansfield?

I want flowers in my dressing room. Flowers.

Orchids. Orchids. Right.

And a bottle of champagne on ice for guests. I always have guests.

Orchids. Champagne.

And in the chorus line, I want all the tall girls with big chests moved to the back.

Tall girls with boobs at the back...

Who's this?

This is Miss Barbara Windsor Miss Mansfield, she's playing Ponytail.

She's blonde.

Is that a problem?

Have it colored. Light brown. Sorry,

you can't do that only I've got another job singing at a nightclub you see

and if I'm not blonde tonight I'll get the sack.

And do something about those too.

Stuck up cow.

You alright love?

You've gone white as a sheet. I feel a bit sick.

He's in Hans Crescent, a bit more expensive but you're up and about quicker.

He shoves Amyl nitrates up your hooter then gets rid.

Don't sound very nice.

You could always keep it.

I needed you then.

Only coz your bloke was still in the nick.

And your Mum was off playing happy families with her new bloke.

I needed you.

Does it matter why?

I was pregnant.

Is it mine?

Who else': Would it be?

Wait. You said "was". "Was pregnant".

I got rid of it.

Oh.

Are you okay?

You still at the club?

Yeah...

And I've got a bit part in a film. Yeah?

Loads of blokes in it is there?

No.

So you're still waiting for me then?

'Course I am Ronnie.

I'm sorry...

What for?

All this.

You know..

Me too.

You know I love ya, don't ya?

Waste of space he was.

Don't say that. True wasn't it?

He was good to me

and I loved him.

You deserved better.

You spent too much time with him,

got yourself in a mess.

Oh and your life was perfect was it?

You're the one in an empty theater talking to yourself.

I'm thinking.

Drowning more like.

Wyndham Theater, Charing Cross road, tomorrow morning.

What is it? Ten sharp.

What is it? Ten sharp.

Morning. What you after?

I've come for the auditions at ten. It's only quarter to.

I know, I'm always early.

Mind your feet...

So what part you up for then?

Dunno, I'm only here coz my agent told me to be.

Don't you wanna be here then?

They said it's a musical at Stratford East... I'd rather be in the west end.

See your name up there in lights can you?

I ain't being grand, my Nan': A cleaner at the Pimms factory in Shoreditch.

It's just that I was born in the east end and Mum worked really hard to get us away from there,

wouldn't be much point if I ended up back where we started.

Well aren't you a cute little thing.

Go on in, there's a kettle in the green room. Ta.

Hello?

Who are you? Barbara Windsor.

Oh hello Babs, it's Lionel. Lionel Bart.

Hello Li'... This one of yours? Yer.

I couldn't see you there.

You still at the Winston club with Danny La Rue? Yeah, you'll have to come down.

I will. Are you ready?

Yeah, I've had a cup of tea, the cleaner let me in early.

Do you know what part you're up for?

Not really.

It's the part of Rosie, an Irish prostitute. Can you do an Irish accent?

No. Sorry.

So where are you from? Shoreditch.

Do they have prostitutes in Shoreditch?

A few. Then give me an East End Rosie.

When you're ready.

'Ello, short time, mister?

Five bob for a J' Arthur, ten bob for a plate

and it's a quid for the full card trick.

That was very good.

Thank you. Can you sing?

Yes.

Have you got something prepared? Where's the piano?

If you can sing, you don't need one.

Go on love, give it to 'em!

Grab your coat and get your hat,

leave your worry on the doorstep.

Just direct your feet,

to the sunny side of the street.

Can't you hear a pitter-pat?

And the happy tune is your step.

Life can be so sweet,

on the sunny side of the street.

I used to walk in the shade,

with those blues on parade

but I'm not afraid,

because I'm a Rover, erasing over.

If I never have a cent

I'd be rich as Rockefeller.

Gold dust at my feet,

on the sunny side of the street.

Where have you been all my life?

You're a wonderful little bird, well not quite a bird, not yen...

More an egg.

You're the cleaner!

This is Joan Littlewood Babs.

And you, little birds egg, got the job at the stage door.

Alright everyone, "Fings Ain't What they used T'be".

Get yourselves in a circle, let's do a first read through of the script.

But I want you all to read each others parts. Barbara I want you to play Tosher the ponce.

You said I'm playing Rosie!

Yes, but for now I want you to play Tosher, find out what his character's about, what his problems are.

Who he is!

But he's a bloke.

See! You're learning already, birds egg.

Costumes.

Here, grab a hat, I want you to improvise.

Now, switch genders, I want you to fully inhabit each others roles.

Now, get into character.

Push his masculinity little bird.

Yes, very good.

Now, switch characters.

This is a trust exercise back to back,

Up and down, now work together.

Think about the underbelly of the city.

Bigger, stronger, more liquid, smooth like you are moving through oil.

Now, stab, stab! Very good!

Really kill!

Now look at the model box, comes down here like that...

Stripped back.

Nothing for you to hide behind.

Back to the script.

Right, let's do it again, everyone switch characters

and this time don't sing the songs, speak them!

I don't get it... We've read it backwards, sideways, read other peoples parts, pulled the story apart,

then put it back together again.

You've changed the lines, the songs, who was doing what,

then changed it all back again.

Why can't we just all learn our parts, learn the songs and just get on with it?

You're not really enjoying yourself are you birds egg?

No I'm not.

Too much like hard work? No.

What then? You don't like new things? Doing things differently?

I'm just asking why we can't just rehearse it normally.

Because I'm trying to find something else, to make it better than it has a right to be.

But I hate it. So why don't you piss off then?

What? You heard me. Piss off to the west end if that's where you'd rather be.

Alright then I will!

That's it girl, you tell her.

That was terrible I think you should do it all again.

We just spoken to the Wyndham. They've got some flamin' cheek.

Joan Littlewood is the most innovative theater director this country's ever seen and you've just walked out on her.

She told me to piss off.

That didn't mean you had to actually... piss off!

Well I did.

Do you know how many actors, with ten times the experience you've got would give their right arm to work with Joan Littlewood?

Well let 'em then... Barbara, please don't do this...

You've worked really hard to get an opportunity like this,

don't waste it.

Stubborn.

Just like your Father! Oi oi!

More articulate!

More dynamic!

Hello Birds egg,

Carry on everyone don't stop.

Had a nice time up west? See your name up in lights did you?

It was very nice thank you.

Can I play Rosie now?

Someone give her a script.

Here y'are Bar. What's this?

Joan asked me to write a song for you.

She really thinks you've got something.

Do you wanna give it a go?

Just sing it... Properly?

Sit her on a box. What?

Center stage. On a box.

Now sit on your hands birds egg.

Me hands? Yes your hands.

Otherwise you'll go all west end on us,

waving your arms about like you're Judy Hamin' Garland.

Where do little birds go to?

In the wintertime.

They'll be blizzard: And snow too, in the wintertime.

And the thought of it horrifies me so...

Where do? Where do? Where do? little birds go?

Where do? Where do? Where do? little birds go.

You got a minute Bar? I've got some good friends in, they'd love to meet you. 'Course darlin', bring 'em in.

Bar, these are the Kray twins, Ronnie and Reggie and their brother Charlie.

Hello boys, come on in. Very nice to meet you.

You too. We really enjoyed the show.

You were fantastic. Thank you.

Can I get you all a drink?

No thank you. We don't want to take up any more of your time,

We've got a club on the Mile End road, the Kentucky. You should try and drop in.

Chuck knows where it is.

I might just do that.

Come on then, let's leave the lady in peace.

Oh, alright. Well it was very lovely to meet you boys.

That drink you offered? Thought I might take you up on it.

Tomorrow night. Maybe have a bit of dinner first.

Blimey, you're not shy are you?

That a yes?

We'll see.

Thanks Bar. That's alright darlin'...

They seem like nice boys. Yeah.

You've been doing alright for yourself Barb.

I work hard.

Been dreaming about you doing me a fry up. Yeah well don't get your hopes up, I ain't much of a cook.

You missed me then? Course I have.

You've been in the papers a lot.

Like I said, I've been working hard.

Things are going really well.

Good.

Well we can enjoy it together now can't we?

Yeah.

So you ready for this?

Not half.

Hardly your style was it darlin'?

Housewife.

Just had a call, actually I've had lots of calls, how d'you fancy doing some telly?

Not really. Good,

I'll tell them you'll be there. Hang on,

you haven't told me what it is yet.

It's a new comedy set in a dress factory, called The Rag Trade.

They love you, it's a hit... The Tony Hancock people want to see you.

And there's a film part called "Sparrows Can't Sing",

the director wants you but the producers don't, so we'll have to see how that plays out.

Who's the Director?

Either birds egg does it, or you can all piss off.

I've just heard, you've got the part.

So you're married to jimmy Booth who goes off to sea, comes back and you've buggered off

We'll be shooting it in Stepney, so you'll feel right at home birds egg.

I've got a scene at the end in a night club, do you know anywhere we could use?

We don't normally allow shooting in our club Miss Littlewood,

but on this occasion, as you're a friend of Barbara's, it would be a pleasure.

Well we're very grateful.

Do you mind if we get a picture? Course not darlin'.

Smile.

Thank you. You're very welcome.

The bloody hyenas are gathering, birds egg. Eh?

The press are outside. Apparently your boyfriend's been arrested again.

It was a fit up Barb. It always is.

They can't prove nothing, they're just trying it on, my brief reckons she'll get me off.

You can't keep doing this Ronnie, I'm in the west end now, I'm doing a new film, the papers are all over me,

you have to tell me the truth! I'm the one stuck out here trying to deal with it all!

Shouldn't you be worrying about me? Not yourself? Or are you getting too grand for me now you're a big star?

No. I am worried about you.

Then act like it.

Sorry.

Hey wait a minute! Who's that?

Look Charlie I've made up me mind, I ain't coming back I don't ever wanna meet you again.

You've already met me haven't you? Yeah, well...

Anyway I'm going home. I'm coming with ya. Shut up!

Can't think when you look at me.

Miss Barbara Windsor's latest film role in "Sparrows Can't Sing" has proved a success on both sides of the Atlantic

with Miss Windsor nominated for a Bafta award, cementing her place at the very top of her profession.

In other news, Miss Windsor's beau, Ronnie Knight has been found not guilty of theft from a Chelsea power station.

What did I tell ya?

What do you want?

I was talking with my client if its all the same.

It's work, Ronnie. You go on home, I'll be home later, cook you a nice meal.

You don't know him like I do, no one does.

Well be that as it may, it seems that in typical Windsor fashion,

you seem to have two tigers by the tail... Eh?

Ronnie Knight and your career. The offers are flooding in,

the best of which seems to be from a producer called Peter Rogers,

he wants you for his next film.

That's amazing! What is it?

A comedy. Oh... It'll be good for you.

To do something funny after Sparrows.

What's it called? Carry on Spying.

Oh I nearly forgot, June's agreed to a divorce... So I was thinking.

What?

Well everywhere I go these days people are calling me Mr Windsor... So I thought.

Ronnie don't do this. Do what?

You're gonna propose. Don't you wanna marry me then?

I just like things the way they are.

Good, then they'll be exactly the way they are.

Only we'll be married.

Ronnie... I mean it Barb,

either you marry me or I'm off... You don't mean that.

Bu“ I?

Would it really be so bad? being my wife?

No.

Alright then. Good girl.

You not going down on one knee or nothin'?

Nah.

Alright everyone settle down,

this is Barbara, she'll be playing Daphne Honeybutt.

Don't worry Babs, they're a good lot.

Right! Arrival at the restaurant.

Alright Babs? Yes ta.

Watch out for Kenny, he can be difficult and doesn't really like new people.

I've heard he's a pain in the bum. Watch he doesn't hear you.

Don't care if he does. Didn't he fall outwith Fenella Fielding?

It's Kenny Babs, he's fallen out with everyone.

Alright, let's make a start please.

Hi'ya!

And... turn over.

117, take one.

Amen'.!

You can come in now... Hello, good evening... My cloak, thank you.

May I have your hat sir?

Thank you very much. Thank you sir.

Oh well, never mind... Hair today, gone tomorrow.

What do we do now sir?

Yes, well now we'd better split up, you two go in together... But from now on you don't know me and I don't know you... Understood.

Yes of course sir. We don't know you.

Cut!

Babs, the line is "Yes of course sir, we don't know who you are..."

Sorry everyone! My fault.

Oooh... Dah-ling, do please get it right.

Don't you talk to me like that with Fenella Fielding': Minge hair stuck round your chops

coz I won't bloody stand for it!

Haaaa! Isn't she WONDERFUL! I love her!

I'm Kenny!

I'm Barbara. Lovely to meet you, you are funny...

Hey, how did you know about all that...

From now on, you don't know me and I don't know you. Yes of course sir, we don't know who you are.

That's right, mums the word.

Hello birds egg. Hiya.

I've been asked to do 'Oh What a Lovely War' on Broadway, do you fancy it?

Oh I dunno, I'm not sure it's my cup of tea.

Why? Well it's a company piece isn't it, nothing really for me to get my teeth into.

Too grand for it now are you? Now you're a movie star? No.

No. I just like what I'm doing that's all. Carry on Spying?

Now who's being bleedin' grand?

Did I mention it was bleedin' Broadway?

I know... And I'd love to do that one day, but with the right play, I'm just not sure this is it.

If you're not careful you'll end up playing this sexy little blonde for the rest of your life.

Spread your wings little bird.

Can I let you know? I'll have to talk to Ronnie.

Quick as you can birds egg.

If that's what you wanna do babe, then do it.

It's for a few months.

I got fifteen months remember, we lived through that.

He said I could go.

Good girl. See you in New York.

Oh, oh, oh, it's a lovely war.

Who wouldn't be a soldier, eh? Oh it's a shame to take the pay.

As soon as reveille is gone, we feel just as heavy as lead.

But we never get up till the sergeant brings us breakfast up to bed.

Oh, oh, oh, it's a lovely war.

What do we want with eggs and ham? when we've got plum and apple jam?

Forms four, right turn, how shall we spend the money we earn?

Oh, oh, oh, it's a lovely war.

Think we might have another hit. You think so?

You're the toast of Broadway Babs, enjoy it.

Come on... Someone wants to meet you. Who?

You'll see...

Warren.

Here she is!

Hi.

Oh hello.

I just wanted to say I saw the show and I thought you were terrific.

And congratulations on your Tony nomination.

Thank you. Sorry, have we met? Only you look really familiar.

I'm Warren Beatty.

Yes you are. Yes I am.

Well I'm glad we cleared that up.

Maybe we could have a drink while you're in New York? Tea at Sardi's Maybe?

Oh that sounds nice.

I'll give you a call.

He's got the hots for you. Me? Don't be stupid, of course he hasn't.

It's Warren Beatty, he's got the hots for everyone.

For you...

Wasn't all work though was it?

Shepard Coleman?

Don't Dad.

I thought that's why we're here... You trying to make sense of things.

I am. Then you shouldn't miss things out,

might be important.

I was a long way from home...

I'd never met anyone quite like him before.

It wasn't about sex,

we spent most of our time talking... Til three or four in the morning sometimes.

The most conversation I'd ever had with Ronnie was how many eggs he wanted with his fry up.

I didn't know it could be like that.

Being with Shep in New York made me realise marrying Ronnie was a mistake.

He wanted me to stay.

But we both knew I couldn't.

See;

Better to talk about it.

Yeah, you're right.

Shall we talk about when I got back?

Are you Barbara Deeks?

I was.

Do I know you?

I'm married to your Father.

That was a nice surprise, wasn't it?

So I remarried, no big deal.

And didn't you want me as a bridesmaid? You weren't a part of my life then.

You were always a part of mine.

I'd had a heart attack.

Come in.

Daddy?

Hello love.

How are you? Julie said you've been ill.

You need to look after yourself better.

Stop fussing.

Well...

Been making quite a name for yourself I see.

Wasn't sure you knew.

Made me very proud.

Should be proud of yourself too.

Doing so well.

Every audition I went to

sung 'Sunny Side of the Street', just like you showed me.

And every time I got the job.

You always were Daddy's little girl weren't you?

I still will be...

If you'll let me.

Not been much of a Dad have I?

Don't say that.

It wasn't easy,

I know that.

But all this time...

whatever I was doing.

Part of me was hoping you were watching,

that maybe you'd even come and see me.

Nearly did.

A hundred times.

You're here now though eh?

Yeah.

It was like I was 5 years old again.

Grab your coat and get your hat, Leave your worry on the doorstep.

Just direct your feet. to the sunny side of the street.

I think that's enough now, he's getting tired.

But I've only just got here. She's alright.

Doctor said you weren't to get over excited. He needs peace and quiet.

Oh okay... Maybe I could come back again.

Or you could come to dinner?

When you're up to it.

I'd like that.

I'll show you out.

He will be okay, won't he? Yeah.

I'll look after him. Just as I have been doing.

But I'm here now, I can help.

If I need anything, I'll be sure to let you know.

After I came to see you, I kept calling, writing you letters.

Why didn't I ever hear from you.

We weren't expecting you. Well, we thought with it being Christmas.

You should have phoned first. I have been trying.

I want to see my Dad. Who is it?

Merry Christmas Daddy.

I don't want nothing off you.

Hold on Mr D, what are you doing?

You can stay out of it an' all,

She's your daughter.

Not any more she ain't, you ain't been to see me for months!

Well now I don't have time for you!

I tried to see you Dad, I called. Ask her!

I said get out!

You know what john, if you weren't an old man, so help me.

Get out!

You heard him.

We want you to leave.

Daddy please don't do this!

Come on.

How could you have done that?

She didn't tell me you'd been calling. I thought you'd just forgotten me.

You could have asked me. I saw red.

Like you did that day in court? Oh that's right, drag all that up again.

It's not dragging things up it's my life!

All I ever did was love you,

think the best of you.

All you ever did was push me away.

Didn't seem to do you much harm.

Made you stand on your own two feet.

Toughened you up. You really believe that don't you?

True innit?

And you're always right, aren't you Dad? I was right about that bloke of yours.

Barb wait!

So while the police were kicking down your front door and questioning you all night,

he was off shagging someone else.

Alright! I know! I'm a bad judge of men, story of my bleedin' life.

And you know why Dad? Because I believe them.

I believe 'em when they say everything will be alright,

that I'm the only girl they've ever really loved

and that we'll live happily ever after.

Just like I believed you when you said it!

You want to go back to work? Yes please.

They want you for another Carry On film. Carry on Doctor. Don't tell me, I'm a sexy little blonde nurse?

How did you guess? Who else is in it?

Usual crowd, they're trying to get Sid James back. He's been ill, but said he'd do it as long as he can stay in bed.

Go on then, I just want to be busy.

You're a proper actress little bird,

if you do this, it's all you'll ever be... The sexy little blonde.

You always was daddy's little girl weren't you?

I'll never let you down.

You are a wonderful little bird...

Barbara number 2 out acts Barbara number I...

Can't turn the clock back, can we?

No...

What you doing here love?

Phone's not ringing like it did Dad. You'll always get work.

Not much call for fifty year old sexy blondes.

You're more than that. And all this... It's just a blip.

You wait and see, any time now, you'll be crossing over.

Grab your coat and grab your hat... My whole life!

I've never been able to find it.

The sunny side of the street.

You know why Dad? Coz there was always your shadow across it.

Always making me think I'd done something wrong,

that I'd let you down somehow.

So I could never quite see the sun.

It left me trying to make it better all the time,

to please you.

To make you happy with me again.

To make you pick me up and twirl me round again.

But you weren't bloody there were you?

I don't need this.

So I tried to make everybody else happy instead.

Hoping just one of them would make me feel the way that you did.

And that's all I've ever been doing.

Since the day you walked past me in that court room like I didn't exist.

A little girl trying to make her Dad happy with her again.

How could I have kids when I was still a kid myself?

And how could I love anyone else?

I can't do it anymore Daddy.

I need to be happy.

It's my time now.

Ta da!

The car's done, but it was two hundred quid.

They reckoned if we hadn't stopped when we did or it would have been a new engine. So at least we don't have to go to Wimbledon on the bus.

That'd be something wouldn't it?

You turning up on the bus...?

What?

Ain't you lovely?

Yes I am.

So what's brought this on? just had a walk round,

cleared my head... Good,

you'll need a clear head munchkin, coz we're gonna get you out of these one nighters

and get you a proper acting job. Show everyone what you can do.

You reckon?

No-one knows who I am any more. Don't be daft, you're Barbara bleedin' Windsor.

Here maybe we should change the posters... "One night only" -

Miss Barbara Bleeding Windsor.

It'll do, until they make you a dame.

We're gonna be alright aren't we darlin'?

Me and you?

'Course we are.

Grab your coat and get your hat, Leave your worry on the doorstep.

Life can we so sweet, on the sunny side of the street.

Can't you hear a pitter-pat? and the happy tune is your step.

Life can we so sweet, on the sunny side of the street.

I used to walk in the shade, with those blues on parade

but I'm not afraid, because I'm a Rover, crossing over.

If I never have a cent I'd be rich as Rockefeller.

Gold dust at my feet...

On the sunny side of the street.