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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,487 --> 00:00:13,285 # You must remember this 2 00:00:13,327 --> 00:00:15,795 # A kiss is still a kiss 3 00:00:15,847 --> 00:00:18,759 # A sigh is just a sigh 4 00:00:21,447 --> 00:00:25,156 # The fundamental things apply 5 00:00:25,207 --> 00:00:29,246 # As time goes by # 6 00:00:35,087 --> 00:00:36,839 Damn and blast. 7 00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:41,439 - Damn and blast! - Do you want a hand, Lionel? 8 00:00:41,487 --> 00:00:44,001 - I can manage, thank you. - Fine. 9 00:00:44,047 --> 00:00:47,198 - Will you come out? - Is she the sister? 10 00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:50,239 No, she can't be. The sister went to Australia. 11 00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:52,005 Well, she looks like her. 12 00:00:52,047 --> 00:00:54,800 Unless there's a third sister we don't know about. 13 00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,759 - That's not very likely, is it? - None of it's likely. 14 00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,958 Look, I know you're in there. Will you come out? 15 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,439 I've just got comfortable. 16 00:01:05,367 --> 00:01:08,916 - What's the matter, Lionel? - Who said anything was the matter? 17 00:01:08,967 --> 00:01:10,639 Fair enough. 18 00:01:11,647 --> 00:01:14,923 - She could have come back. - She only went last week. 19 00:01:14,967 --> 00:01:17,481 All right, it's this stupid printer. 20 00:01:17,527 --> 00:01:20,166 Oh, what's the matter with the printer? 21 00:01:20,207 --> 00:01:23,438 It won't print. It keeps saying it's not connected. 22 00:01:23,487 --> 00:01:25,284 A bit like you at the moment. 23 00:01:25,327 --> 00:01:29,161 - You've got to click onto the print icon. - Where's that? 24 00:01:29,207 --> 00:01:31,198 Oh, come here! 25 00:01:32,887 --> 00:01:35,321 There you go. 26 00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:38,598 - Nothing's happening. - Well, give it a minute. 27 00:01:38,647 --> 00:01:40,478 - It is the sister. - How do you know? 28 00:01:40,527 --> 00:01:42,722 She's denying it. A dead giveaway. 29 00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:44,246 It's working! 30 00:01:44,287 --> 00:01:49,361 Why is she standing in the shadows? You can't see her face clearly at all. 31 00:01:49,407 --> 00:01:52,479 - She's had plastic surgery. - In a week? 32 00:01:52,527 --> 00:01:53,801 It's working! 33 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:59,080 Of course it's working. You really must come to grips with modern technology. 34 00:01:59,127 --> 00:02:03,006 I used to be able to strip a Bren gun in 45 seconds, you know. 35 00:02:03,047 --> 00:02:04,799 That's not really relevant, is it? 36 00:02:04,847 --> 00:02:07,077 Absolute rubbish! 37 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,997 - Good, though. - Yeah, it was. 38 00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:15,796 Almost as good as watching Lionel wrestle with modern technology. 39 00:02:15,847 --> 00:02:17,758 Well, we didn't have to in my day. 40 00:02:17,807 --> 00:02:20,719 - Of course you did. - Well, it didn't seem so modern then. 41 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,837 Why are you wrestling with technology? 42 00:02:22,887 --> 00:02:25,355 I'm just putting down some figures. 43 00:02:25,407 --> 00:02:28,797 You could have saved the apoplexy and just jotted them down. 44 00:02:28,847 --> 00:02:32,840 But printed figures always look more formal, more definite somehow. 45 00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:36,118 - I'm going up to bed. - Where's Sandy, by the way? 46 00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:39,125 Oh, Alistair's taken her to some glitzy do. 47 00:02:39,967 --> 00:02:43,642 Sandy needs a bit of pampering. Alistair is the arch pamperer. 48 00:02:43,687 --> 00:02:46,520 It's all fine by me. Good night, Mum. 49 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,558 Good night, Judy. 50 00:02:50,527 --> 00:02:53,644 - Night, Lionel, you old Bren gunner! - Night. 51 00:02:54,447 --> 00:02:57,564 - I'm about ready for bed myself. - Yes, me too. 52 00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:00,159 Is it all right? 53 00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:03,404 What, us sleeping together? Yes, we are married. 54 00:03:04,127 --> 00:03:07,358 This business of Sandy going out with Alistair. 55 00:03:07,407 --> 00:03:10,205 I know Judy keeps saying it's fine. 56 00:03:10,247 --> 00:03:15,321 Or is saying it's fine really a way of saying, "I'm saying it isn't fine at all"? 57 00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:19,645 I'm much too tired to work out what that sentence means. 58 00:03:19,687 --> 00:03:23,043 - Well, they're funny things, women. - Yes, aren't they? 59 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:31,125 I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable about staying. 60 00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:34,000 I'm not. We had an awful lot to drink. 61 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,878 These guild dinners are like that. 62 00:03:35,927 --> 00:03:39,044 - They were vintners. - You should see the haberdashers! 63 00:03:39,087 --> 00:03:42,716 Last time I went to their do, I ended up in Arbroath. 64 00:03:42,767 --> 00:03:45,884 It was a nice evening. Thanks, Alistair. 65 00:03:45,927 --> 00:03:50,762 Thank you. I mean, you in that dress. Talk about vintners' corks popping! 66 00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:53,763 Oh, I should have hung it up. 67 00:03:55,767 --> 00:03:58,759 I could say, "Go ahead". 68 00:03:59,647 --> 00:04:02,605 But basically I'm one of the white hat guys. 69 00:04:05,367 --> 00:04:08,803 - Can't I lend you a pair of pyjamas? - No, I'm fine. 70 00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:12,760 I'm surprised you don't have a wardrobe full of guest nighties. 71 00:04:13,647 --> 00:04:16,241 Since when did guests of mine need nighties? 72 00:04:16,287 --> 00:04:19,279 You've just offered to lend me a pair of pyjamas. 73 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,363 Ah, that's different. You're Sandy. 74 00:04:21,407 --> 00:04:24,479 Oh. Does that make me a pyjama sort of girl? 75 00:04:24,527 --> 00:04:28,600 Absolutely not. You could drive a guy wild wearing a dustbin liner. 76 00:04:28,647 --> 00:04:31,559 I trust you mean a designer dustbin liner. 77 00:04:31,607 --> 00:04:33,802 Naturally. 78 00:04:33,847 --> 00:04:36,122 - So... - So? 79 00:04:36,807 --> 00:04:38,445 Are you tired? 80 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:40,796 - Fairly. - Right. OK. 81 00:04:41,487 --> 00:04:43,603 Point taken. Understood. 82 00:04:45,207 --> 00:04:48,404 - Sleep tight. - Night, Alistair. 83 00:04:53,887 --> 00:04:56,924 - Just one thing. - What is it? 84 00:04:56,967 --> 00:04:59,117 Tea or coffee in the morning? 85 00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:00,839 Oh, coffee, please. 86 00:05:00,887 --> 00:05:04,118 - Coffee it is, then. Good night. - Night. 87 00:05:08,047 --> 00:05:10,038 Hmm. 88 00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:21,235 You're not abusing that machine again, are you? 89 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:25,246 I'm just checking my figures again. I'm hardly earning anything. 90 00:05:25,287 --> 00:05:29,166 This is about everyone in the world but you having a pension plan, isn't it? 91 00:05:29,207 --> 00:05:33,644 Lionel, we've been through this. It doesn't matter. We're all right. 92 00:05:33,687 --> 00:05:36,997 - Has Sandy gone out? - She hasn't come in yet. 93 00:05:37,847 --> 00:05:38,836 Oh? 94 00:05:38,887 --> 00:05:41,162 She probably spent the night with friends. 95 00:05:45,647 --> 00:05:48,002 That won't work if you don't switch it on. 96 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:51,437 I don't want it to work. I'm just looking at some figures. 97 00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:56,678 Lionel, what is this sudden obsession with money? 98 00:05:56,727 --> 00:05:59,924 - Who mentioned money? - We do talk, you know. 99 00:05:59,967 --> 00:06:02,401 I'm not just some woman over the garden fence. 100 00:06:02,447 --> 00:06:04,677 - We're family. - Come and have your coffee. 101 00:06:06,487 --> 00:06:11,720 If I'd stayed in Kenya, planting coffee, we'd be quite well off. 102 00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:14,201 I didn't even know you were in Kenya. 103 00:06:14,247 --> 00:06:15,919 Oh, no. 104 00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:18,765 I just wish you'd stop going on about it. 105 00:06:19,687 --> 00:06:22,076 I'll be a kept man in a couple of years. 106 00:06:22,127 --> 00:06:26,120 You can do all the housework if it makes you feel any better. 107 00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:29,125 - Is there any more coffee in the pot? - Yes, plenty. 108 00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:31,925 You don't like me doing housework. 109 00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:36,563 The mood you're in, I'd sooner you were doing it in someone else's house! 110 00:06:41,327 --> 00:06:43,716 - Good morning. - Oh, hello, Judy. 111 00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:47,043 - Hey, hey. - Erm... I'd better get changed. 112 00:06:47,087 --> 00:06:49,317 If you need any help with zips... 113 00:06:51,607 --> 00:06:53,086 It's just something I say. 114 00:06:53,127 --> 00:06:55,004 Yes, I know. 115 00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:57,641 - How's Harry? - Harry? 116 00:06:57,687 --> 00:07:00,076 Sandy said he took you to the pictures. 117 00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:02,925 - Oh, yeah, yeah, he did. - So, how is he? 118 00:07:02,967 --> 00:07:06,642 Are you enquiring about his health or if I've been out with him again? 119 00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:10,646 - Which do you think? - He's very well, thank you. 120 00:07:12,407 --> 00:07:13,840 Sandy's home. 121 00:07:13,887 --> 00:07:16,162 Am I being hauled before the head honchos? 122 00:07:16,207 --> 00:07:18,038 We are grown-ups here, Alistair. 123 00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:20,157 And isn't that a wonderful thing? 124 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:23,358 - Do you want coffee? - No, thanks. I've got to go to Athens. 125 00:07:23,407 --> 00:07:26,365 - Athens? - I'm hoping to meet Nana Mouskouri, 126 00:07:26,407 --> 00:07:29,285 to talk about a new book called Boys Do Make Passes. 127 00:07:29,327 --> 00:07:34,481 But, erm... while I'm here, Li, could I have a word? 128 00:07:34,527 --> 00:07:36,916 Fine. Go on. 129 00:07:38,047 --> 00:07:40,356 - Ah. - Is that it? 130 00:07:42,887 --> 00:07:46,516 - How do I say this... diplomatically? - Oh, "Clear off"? 131 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,639 Is this what we discussed when Penny and Stephen were here? 132 00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:51,996 If so, it's in the public domain now. 133 00:07:52,047 --> 00:07:55,403 This is the conversation with the CD in it, right? 134 00:07:55,447 --> 00:07:56,926 That was part of it. 135 00:07:56,967 --> 00:08:00,676 I asked Alistair if he had any bright ideas about me earning some money. 136 00:08:00,727 --> 00:08:03,116 - Where does the CD come in? - That's not important. 137 00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:05,317 - Alistair... - It's not important. 138 00:08:06,047 --> 00:08:11,201 I had this wild idea that Lionel should do a CD entitled The Songs Of Kenya. 139 00:08:16,407 --> 00:08:18,477 With Lionel singing the songs? 140 00:08:20,327 --> 00:08:23,364 - I said it was a wild idea. - An insane idea. 141 00:08:23,407 --> 00:08:27,685 Mind you, if you want to make the video as well... 142 00:08:30,327 --> 00:08:31,646 What's going on? 143 00:08:31,687 --> 00:08:35,396 Lionel's going to make a CD called Songs Of Kenya. 144 00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:38,200 I am not, I am not. 145 00:08:38,247 --> 00:08:40,397 - Why say you are, then? - I didn't. 146 00:08:40,447 --> 00:08:45,475 It cropped up in a conversation I'd like to renew, if you three would stop giggling. 147 00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:49,796 Yes, come on, shh! Behave yourselves. 148 00:08:50,607 --> 00:08:53,246 - Sorry. - Thank you. 149 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:57,885 Alistair, I know it seems a long time ago now, but what were you saying? 150 00:08:57,927 --> 00:09:00,236 The old bull silences the herd, eh? 151 00:09:00,287 --> 00:09:03,962 - We are not the herd! - Can we please stick to the subject? 152 00:09:04,007 --> 00:09:05,122 Yes, Li. 153 00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:10,366 Now, you figure you need a cash backup in your... I'm not saying declining years. 154 00:09:10,407 --> 00:09:15,276 - Just get on with it. - The means is staring you in the face. 155 00:09:15,327 --> 00:09:18,080 The house in Hampshire. Sell it. 156 00:09:22,247 --> 00:09:26,923 - I am open to hugs of congratulation. - This needs talking about. 157 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,117 Not by me. This is none of my business. 158 00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,158 No, nor mine. 159 00:09:32,847 --> 00:09:35,486 Oh, and hey, I've got to get to Athens. 160 00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:40,361 Think about it, Li. Yiasou. 161 00:09:40,407 --> 00:09:42,398 Bye, Alistair. 162 00:09:42,447 --> 00:09:44,597 Well, that's one way to clear a room. 163 00:09:44,647 --> 00:09:49,721 - Yes. I've got some washing to do. - Oh, not you, as well? 164 00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:52,679 At least stay and tell me what you think. 165 00:09:52,727 --> 00:09:54,922 Use me as a sounding board, 166 00:09:54,967 --> 00:09:57,686 but don't expect me to jump in with a quick opinion. 167 00:09:57,727 --> 00:10:00,116 Fair enough. Well... 168 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,317 It's a practical idea, isn't it? 169 00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:06,360 A big house in the country that we keep up for 365 days a year. 170 00:10:06,407 --> 00:10:09,524 How often do we use it? 30 or 40 days at the most. 171 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:12,684 Economically, that doesn't make sense. Sell it. 172 00:10:12,727 --> 00:10:16,037 I'm glad you didn't jump in with a quick opinion. 173 00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:20,365 I still don't know why you need the money. 174 00:10:20,407 --> 00:10:22,875 Because I need to be part of our economy. 175 00:10:22,927 --> 00:10:25,316 You, the girls, the tiles on the roof. 176 00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,676 What's wrong with the tiles on the roof? 177 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:30,799 Nothing, it's just an example. But I need to be part of it. 178 00:10:31,687 --> 00:10:34,155 You are an old bull, aren't you? 179 00:10:34,207 --> 00:10:37,165 I'm not saying I go along with the herd bit, but you are. 180 00:10:37,207 --> 00:10:39,767 - Call me old-fashioned. - I do, frequently. 181 00:10:41,047 --> 00:10:43,925 Do you know, I can't touch my toes any more? 182 00:10:44,807 --> 00:10:47,275 No. I just pretend I can, but never try. 183 00:10:47,327 --> 00:10:49,557 I think you've got the right idea. 184 00:10:50,487 --> 00:10:54,162 - Well, don't try it now. - No, I'm going to do that washing. 185 00:10:55,127 --> 00:10:58,483 - Oh, dear! - Run out of soap powder again? 186 00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:02,122 - Selling the house! - Now, we've just agreed on that. 187 00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,805 Yes, I know, and it's fine. 188 00:11:03,847 --> 00:11:07,886 But you're going to have to tell Mrs Bale and Lol Ferris that they're out of a job. 189 00:11:12,007 --> 00:11:14,316 - Lionel, come on! - I'm coming, I'm coming. 190 00:11:14,927 --> 00:11:17,157 - There you are. - Thanks, Judy. 191 00:11:17,207 --> 00:11:19,277 Are you sure you don't want to come? 192 00:11:19,327 --> 00:11:22,558 Don't look so innocent. No, I don't. You do your own dirty work. 193 00:11:22,607 --> 00:11:24,837 - Sandy... - I'm not a hired gun. 194 00:11:24,887 --> 00:11:28,880 Ready! Oh, for goodness' sake, we're not taking more stuff down there? 195 00:11:28,927 --> 00:11:31,999 They're empty. We should start bringing stuff back. 196 00:11:32,047 --> 00:11:35,244 - Oh. - You're wearing the wrong clothes. 197 00:11:35,287 --> 00:11:40,156 Breeches and crop. That's what the squire wears to dismiss the peasants. 198 00:11:40,207 --> 00:11:41,640 Not funny. 199 00:11:41,687 --> 00:11:44,155 Stand with your back to the fireplace. They do that. 200 00:11:44,207 --> 00:11:46,402 This isn't going to be easy for Lionel. 201 00:11:46,447 --> 00:11:49,086 He'll have you there. Take some of the flak. 202 00:11:49,127 --> 00:11:52,483 - Shall we go? - Bye, Mum. Good hunting! 203 00:11:52,527 --> 00:11:55,121 Don't forget to throw in a bit of bodice ripping. 204 00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:58,523 I hope you both have a thoroughly unpleasant day. 205 00:12:01,127 --> 00:12:04,005 It's a wonderful idea, Mr Hardcastle. 206 00:12:04,047 --> 00:12:06,322 Revive the old Christmas! 207 00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:09,643 I ought to have suggested it to the boy before. 208 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:14,203 Too many traditions going out of the window in this country, if you ask me. 209 00:12:14,247 --> 00:12:16,238 Like hanging. 210 00:12:17,767 --> 00:12:20,281 Not exactly what I had in mind, Lol. 211 00:12:20,327 --> 00:12:22,761 Beheading, then. 212 00:12:22,807 --> 00:12:26,004 I was thinking of Christmas traditions. 213 00:12:26,047 --> 00:12:28,925 Yes, like proper carol singing. 214 00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:31,083 Three full verses they used to give you. 215 00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:34,119 Now it's a couple of lines and they're rattling tins. 216 00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:36,806 How many people did we used to cram in here? 217 00:12:36,847 --> 00:12:40,044 I think 227 was the record. 218 00:12:40,087 --> 00:12:42,726 Good Christmases then! 219 00:12:42,767 --> 00:12:45,804 I may be speaking out of turn, Mr Hardcastle, 220 00:12:45,847 --> 00:12:48,839 but I still regret the day you left. 221 00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:51,398 Tosh, you silly old bat! 222 00:12:51,447 --> 00:12:54,200 Here they are now. I'll lend a hand. 223 00:12:55,367 --> 00:12:56,880 We can manage. 224 00:12:56,927 --> 00:12:59,805 Let's hope they're in receptive mood. 225 00:13:05,607 --> 00:13:08,485 - Is this the lot, then? - Yes, thanks, Lol. 226 00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:12,361 - Apart from a few boxes. - Boxes? 227 00:13:17,847 --> 00:13:23,080 When am I going to convince you that you need not bring supplies? 228 00:13:23,127 --> 00:13:26,039 This is not a log cabin in the Canadian Rockies. 229 00:13:26,087 --> 00:13:28,157 It's all right, Mrs Bale. They're empty. 230 00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:31,563 Why should you bring empty cardboard boxes? 231 00:13:32,287 --> 00:13:33,845 Well, because... 232 00:13:36,527 --> 00:13:40,679 You can never have too many empty cardboard boxes for storage, can you? 233 00:13:49,687 --> 00:13:53,202 - No Madge? - No, she sent her apologies. 234 00:13:53,247 --> 00:13:58,526 She... She's wrestling with the local operatic society at the moment. 235 00:13:58,567 --> 00:14:01,001 Why is she wrestling with the operatic society? 236 00:14:01,047 --> 00:14:04,403 They're planning a production of Irma La Douce. 237 00:14:04,447 --> 00:14:06,597 I'd have thought Madge would approve. 238 00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:10,606 Oh, she does. The trouble is, she wants to play Irma. 239 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,679 - This could be a long wrestle. - Yes. 240 00:14:14,727 --> 00:14:17,161 - I'll make a fresh pot. - I'll give you a hand. 241 00:14:17,207 --> 00:14:23,203 - I can manage. Please, sit down. - I'll be going. I don't feel right. 242 00:14:23,247 --> 00:14:27,160 - You're not ill, are you, Lol? - No. I don't really belong indoors. 243 00:14:27,207 --> 00:14:31,723 - Stuff and nonsense, man! - Besides, you are part of the task force. 244 00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:36,318 Task force? We retook the Falklands some time ago, Mrs Bale. 245 00:14:36,367 --> 00:14:38,927 The persuasion force, then. 246 00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:40,764 Who's persuading who to do what? 247 00:14:40,807 --> 00:14:44,641 Well, we want you, my boy, and you, Jean Pargetter, 248 00:14:44,687 --> 00:14:48,123 to revive the old Christmases we used to have here. 249 00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:52,763 They really were wonderful times, the house alive with people! 250 00:14:52,807 --> 00:14:55,719 I dragged a great tree up from the woods. 251 00:14:55,767 --> 00:14:59,840 - I've kept the decorations. - And one of Mrs Bale's banquets! 252 00:14:59,887 --> 00:15:03,004 My God, you couldn't move for two days afterwards! 253 00:15:03,047 --> 00:15:05,845 - What about that punch? - Dynamite! 254 00:15:05,887 --> 00:15:10,244 I can still see those torches bobbing up and down in the darkness, 255 00:15:10,287 --> 00:15:13,199 as people made their way up from the village to the house. 256 00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:15,397 Lucky it were downhill all the way home! 257 00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,915 - Special times! - Wonderful times. 258 00:15:19,847 --> 00:15:23,522 Come on, what do you say? It's your house now, so it's your decision. 259 00:15:25,487 --> 00:15:28,081 Well, I... 260 00:15:29,247 --> 00:15:30,919 - Well... - Spit it out. 261 00:15:33,047 --> 00:15:34,605 Well... 262 00:15:34,647 --> 00:15:39,277 Quick decisions were never your strong point. We'll give you time to think it over. 263 00:15:39,327 --> 00:15:40,601 Thank you. 264 00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:44,845 You have your tea, and I'll pop back this evening. 265 00:15:44,887 --> 00:15:48,562 Lol, there are one or two things I want to talk about... 266 00:15:50,687 --> 00:15:54,521 - I feel like Scrooge. - They couldn't have known, could they? 267 00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:58,037 - Known what? - You were intending to sell the house. 268 00:15:58,087 --> 00:16:01,204 Not unless they've got our house bugged. Why do you ask? 269 00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:04,284 We walk in, ready to tell them you're selling the house... 270 00:16:04,327 --> 00:16:05,680 We're selling. 271 00:16:05,727 --> 00:16:10,562 Within seconds, they're asking us to keep up the old Christmas. It's not fair. 272 00:16:10,607 --> 00:16:12,598 When was anything ever fair? 273 00:16:13,727 --> 00:16:16,685 We could put the house up for sale after Christmas. 274 00:16:16,727 --> 00:16:19,685 - What, soften the blow, you mean? - Something like that. 275 00:16:19,727 --> 00:16:24,801 Swoop when they're still digesting their pudding and say, "You're out of a job"? 276 00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:29,837 - Not in so many words. - No, it's not on. 277 00:16:30,847 --> 00:16:35,398 If they want their merry Christmas, fine. But they've got to be told now. 278 00:16:35,447 --> 00:16:37,756 - Go on, then. - I didn't mean this minute. 279 00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,837 What are you going to say? 280 00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:50,762 I haven't the faintest idea. 281 00:16:50,807 --> 00:16:52,798 Poor old squire. 282 00:16:53,727 --> 00:16:58,926 After we've broken the news, we could always set fire to a few cottages. 283 00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:01,037 Drive off some cattle while we're at it. 284 00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:04,397 - You said "we". - What's strange about that? We are we. 285 00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:06,915 Not when it comes to breaking the news. It's "you". 286 00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:10,004 - Well, it's your house. - Our house. Our house. 287 00:17:10,047 --> 00:17:12,356 Don't worry. I won't leave you to do it alone. 288 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:16,958 That way, if they rush us, we won't be so badly outnumbered. 289 00:17:17,007 --> 00:17:19,601 - What did you do in the army? - You know what I did. 290 00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:22,957 I served in Korea and got kicked by a mule. 291 00:17:23,927 --> 00:17:27,363 - You had to sack someone? - You don't sack people in the army. 292 00:17:27,407 --> 00:17:29,477 Well, when you had to break bad news? 293 00:17:29,527 --> 00:17:34,157 Well, the only bad news I ever had to break was that we were advancing. 294 00:17:34,927 --> 00:17:39,398 But as I was advancing with them, I didn't really feel that guilty. 295 00:17:40,847 --> 00:17:42,838 So, what are you going to say? 296 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:46,605 - I still haven't the faintest idea. - Don't be long. 297 00:17:46,647 --> 00:17:49,878 - I'm not going anywhere. - No, long-winded, I mean. 298 00:17:49,927 --> 00:17:51,758 Keep it short. It's quicker. 299 00:17:51,807 --> 00:17:53,479 Obviously. 300 00:17:53,527 --> 00:17:55,279 Ohh! 301 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:59,962 - What are you doing? - Well, I'm having a nap. 302 00:18:00,527 --> 00:18:04,076 Having a nap isn't going to solve anything. It delays the inevitable. 303 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,687 - I know. - Shift over. 304 00:18:12,727 --> 00:18:14,479 Where's Lol, Mrs Bale? 305 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,245 Burning leaves. Do you want him? 306 00:18:16,287 --> 00:18:18,847 Yes. Lionel and I have something to say to you both. 307 00:18:18,887 --> 00:18:21,959 No need to look for him. I'll get him on his mobile. 308 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:27,403 - Lol has a mobile? - Oh, we move with the times. 309 00:18:28,247 --> 00:18:31,842 Ah, Lol. This is Mrs Bale. Over. 310 00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:35,956 Yes, I know who you are. 311 00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:39,841 Mr and Mrs Hardcastle wish to speak to us. Over. 312 00:18:41,127 --> 00:18:44,085 Very well. Goodbye. Over and out. 313 00:18:45,007 --> 00:18:46,918 Lol will be here directly. 314 00:18:46,967 --> 00:18:49,959 - Why do you say "Over"? - We thought you were supposed to. 315 00:18:50,007 --> 00:18:51,998 Oh. 316 00:18:53,207 --> 00:18:55,562 - Lol's on his way. - Oh, jolly good. 317 00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:59,279 - I think so, don't you? - Definitely. 318 00:18:59,327 --> 00:19:01,477 Excuse me. 319 00:19:03,127 --> 00:19:06,642 - Hello? - Oh, this is Mrs Bale speaking. 320 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,678 Oh, hello, Lol. Over. 321 00:19:10,447 --> 00:19:13,245 Yes, I see. Over. 322 00:19:14,207 --> 00:19:17,802 Then we'll see you in a minute. Over and out. 323 00:19:17,847 --> 00:19:19,838 Over and out. 324 00:19:23,527 --> 00:19:27,759 I'm trying to persuade my mother to get one but she's got a fear of blowing up. 325 00:19:27,807 --> 00:19:31,117 - Sit down, Lol. - No, no, no. I... erm... 326 00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:32,885 Sit down, Lol. 327 00:19:32,927 --> 00:19:34,918 Oh. 328 00:19:37,047 --> 00:19:40,357 - I thought we could use a drink. - Isn't it a little early? 329 00:19:40,407 --> 00:19:42,762 Think of it as moving with the times. 330 00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:48,086 Not too much for me. I'm all right with stout but wine makes me go peculiar. 331 00:19:50,687 --> 00:19:53,997 - Well... Cheers. - Chin chin. 332 00:19:54,047 --> 00:19:56,720 - Good health! - Cheers. 333 00:20:00,687 --> 00:20:02,837 I'll make this brief and to the point. 334 00:20:02,887 --> 00:20:06,766 You've reached a decision about restoring the Christmas party? 335 00:20:06,807 --> 00:20:09,162 - What? - You were going to think about it. 336 00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:11,038 - Was I? - We did say. 337 00:20:11,087 --> 00:20:13,203 Oh, yes, so we did. 338 00:20:13,247 --> 00:20:16,603 Yes, We will go ahead with this year's Christmas party. 339 00:20:16,647 --> 00:20:22,040 - Oh, what a very kind thing to do! - Well, that's wonderful! 340 00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,885 I'd better book Mother in early at the hairdressers. 341 00:20:24,927 --> 00:20:27,282 They'll be jam packed when word gets out. 342 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:30,842 I'll cook for 150, to be on the safe side. 343 00:20:30,887 --> 00:20:32,798 - 150? - Oh, why not? 344 00:20:32,847 --> 00:20:37,318 I hope your daughter and her friend watch my brothers under the mistletoe. 345 00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:40,119 - I'll warn them. - You'd better. 346 00:20:40,167 --> 00:20:45,366 If a girl's standing under the mistletoe, looking for a kiss, they'll get one! 347 00:20:47,727 --> 00:20:52,118 - They're a bit forward, aren't they? - Everyone is, after a glass of punch. 348 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,876 - Why, last time, Mrs Bale herself... - Please, don't! 349 00:20:55,927 --> 00:21:00,876 Don't concern yourself with the catering. I'll order everything locally. 350 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,487 It'd take a lorry to get it from London. 351 00:21:03,527 --> 00:21:05,518 Anyway, the party apart... 352 00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:08,035 - Wine on the table! - Oh, Father. 353 00:21:08,087 --> 00:21:13,286 - I've... come to a decision. - I can see that. Well, let's drink to it. 354 00:21:13,327 --> 00:21:15,761 To my boy, Lionel, and his child bride, Jean. 355 00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:20,881 They may be townies, but they have good hearts and a sense of tradition. 356 00:21:20,927 --> 00:21:23,043 To Lionel and Jean. 357 00:21:23,087 --> 00:21:25,965 - To Mr and Mrs Hardcastle. - Junior. 358 00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:30,043 Thank you. 359 00:21:30,087 --> 00:21:31,156 Erm... 360 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:35,359 No need for a speech, Lionel. Your speeches tend to go on a bit. 361 00:21:36,367 --> 00:21:38,756 Well, this one won't, I promise. 362 00:21:38,807 --> 00:21:40,604 I've decided to sell the house. 363 00:21:45,527 --> 00:21:47,882 I think we're right not to stay the night. 364 00:21:47,927 --> 00:21:49,758 We could have got a poisoned breakfast. 365 00:21:49,807 --> 00:21:53,402 That's the trouble. Mrs Bale and Lol took it so well. 366 00:21:53,447 --> 00:21:56,883 I wish he hadn't kept sniffing into that big, red handkerchief. 367 00:21:56,927 --> 00:22:00,283 There's something touching about a man with a big handkerchief. 368 00:22:00,327 --> 00:22:03,399 I didn't realise Mrs Bale had been here so long. 369 00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:06,598 And she still only admits to being just over 40. 370 00:22:06,647 --> 00:22:08,956 Lol's father worked here before him. 371 00:22:09,007 --> 00:22:11,726 It's not as if you're throwing them onto the streets. 372 00:22:11,767 --> 00:22:14,156 No, not exactly. 373 00:22:14,207 --> 00:22:16,243 Father went very quiet. 374 00:22:16,287 --> 00:22:18,676 Yes, and that takes some doing. 375 00:22:18,727 --> 00:22:23,926 But look, Rocky said it. "It's your house, my boy. Yours to do as you think fit." 376 00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:28,597 - That's a killer, that is. - No, he's an honest man. He meant it. 377 00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:30,956 And Lol says, "Well, life goes on." 378 00:22:31,007 --> 00:22:33,396 Blowing on his big, red hanky as he said it. 379 00:22:33,447 --> 00:22:34,960 I wish he hadn't. 380 00:22:35,007 --> 00:22:39,558 Mrs Bale didn't mention the shipping forecast once, and that's not natural. 381 00:22:39,607 --> 00:22:41,438 She did say, "Que sera will be." 382 00:22:43,167 --> 00:22:45,635 Why didn't she say, "Que sera sera"? 383 00:22:45,687 --> 00:22:48,997 What, a whole sentence in a foreign tongue? I don't think so. 384 00:22:49,047 --> 00:22:53,598 What does it all mean? Que sera will be, life goes on. It's all platitudes. 385 00:22:53,647 --> 00:22:57,481 No, it isn't. It's decent people coping with bad news. 386 00:22:57,527 --> 00:23:01,156 - So... what do you think? - About what? 387 00:23:01,207 --> 00:23:04,882 - Oh, come on. - Well, you're a kind man, Lionel. 388 00:23:05,847 --> 00:23:09,681 Whatever you say, there's space in your life for other people. 389 00:23:09,727 --> 00:23:13,322 But at the end of the day, you don't owe Mrs Bale and Lol a living. 390 00:23:13,367 --> 00:23:16,006 You don't owe anybody outside your family a living. 391 00:23:16,047 --> 00:23:19,437 You have a perfect right to do what you want with your own house. 392 00:23:19,487 --> 00:23:21,955 - Our house. - Our house, then. 393 00:23:23,367 --> 00:23:26,279 - Come on. We're ready. - Yes. 394 00:23:27,047 --> 00:23:29,766 Why do I feel like making a run for it? 395 00:23:30,967 --> 00:23:34,482 A dark past is all I can come up with. Come on. 396 00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:44,962 Are you watching this? 397 00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:48,761 Not really. Carpentry has a very limited appeal for me. 398 00:23:52,527 --> 00:23:54,165 About last night. 399 00:23:54,207 --> 00:23:57,722 Oh, Sandy. Look, I'm getting tired of saying this. 400 00:23:57,767 --> 00:24:00,998 You and Alistair are your business, not mine. 401 00:24:01,047 --> 00:24:03,117 I'm not asking you for any explanations. 402 00:24:03,167 --> 00:24:07,001 I'm not offering an explanation. I'm asking a question. 403 00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:10,005 Oh. go on, then. 404 00:24:10,047 --> 00:24:11,844 Is Alistair gay? 405 00:24:13,967 --> 00:24:16,003 Gay? 406 00:24:16,047 --> 00:24:18,163 - No. - Are you sure? 407 00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:20,767 - Sandy! - Sorry. 408 00:24:20,807 --> 00:24:22,957 Why on earth would you ask if he was? 409 00:24:23,007 --> 00:24:26,079 Well, it's just, the other night... 410 00:24:26,127 --> 00:24:29,324 I'd had a little too much to drink and it was late. 411 00:24:29,367 --> 00:24:32,359 So not coming home seemed a good idea. 412 00:24:32,407 --> 00:24:35,922 - And? - He slept in the spare bedroom. 413 00:24:35,967 --> 00:24:38,925 - To start with. - No. 414 00:24:38,967 --> 00:24:43,597 The most seductive question he asked was tea or coffee in the morning. 415 00:24:43,647 --> 00:24:46,002 He even offered to lend me a pair of pyjamas. 416 00:24:46,047 --> 00:24:48,880 We are talking about Alistair "Hey Hey" Deacon? 417 00:24:48,927 --> 00:24:53,478 - Yeah. - Well, perhaps he... Perhaps... 418 00:24:54,367 --> 00:24:57,279 No, not Alistair. Are you sure? Not a move? 419 00:24:57,327 --> 00:24:58,601 Not a move. 420 00:24:58,647 --> 00:25:00,638 But not that I wanted him to. 421 00:25:00,687 --> 00:25:04,282 But pride dictates that you should get the chance of turning one down. 422 00:25:04,327 --> 00:25:05,885 Well, yes. 423 00:25:05,927 --> 00:25:10,398 You see, that's why I wondered whether all that talk was just a cover. 424 00:25:10,447 --> 00:25:13,120 - It's weird. - Mm. 425 00:25:14,167 --> 00:25:16,886 - Why are you looking at me like that? - Nothing. 426 00:25:18,607 --> 00:25:21,997 They said they weren't coming back till tomorrow. 427 00:25:22,047 --> 00:25:25,437 - Look out, it's the wicked squire! - Boo! Sss! 428 00:25:25,487 --> 00:25:27,125 Bad timing. 429 00:25:28,207 --> 00:25:32,120 - You actually went through with it? - That's what wicked squires do. 430 00:25:32,167 --> 00:25:34,886 I never thought you'd do something so... 431 00:25:34,927 --> 00:25:36,724 Despicable? 432 00:25:36,767 --> 00:25:40,043 No. So... economically sound. 433 00:25:40,087 --> 00:25:43,523 Look, it had to be done, and Lionel was man enough to do it. 434 00:25:43,567 --> 00:25:47,196 - How did Mrs Bale and Lol take it? - Stoically. 435 00:25:47,247 --> 00:25:50,557 - Oh, dear. - Have you two had anything to eat? 436 00:25:50,607 --> 00:25:53,883 How could we eat with Mrs Bale saying things like, 437 00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:57,363 "One can't expect things to stay the same forever"? 438 00:25:57,407 --> 00:25:59,602 And Lol sniffing into a big, red hanky. 439 00:25:59,647 --> 00:26:02,115 Oh, not a big, red hanky? 440 00:26:02,167 --> 00:26:05,876 I didn't realise they had such a profound effect on women. 441 00:26:05,927 --> 00:26:09,761 - I'm gonna make you something to eat. - I'll give you a hand. 442 00:26:09,807 --> 00:26:13,117 - Here, I think you need this. - Thanks. 443 00:26:14,247 --> 00:26:18,399 Well, at least I know what to give you for Christmas. A box of big, red hankies. 444 00:26:18,447 --> 00:26:20,563 Would you get that? 445 00:26:20,607 --> 00:26:24,964 Yes. Probably the first abusive phone call from the village. 446 00:26:25,567 --> 00:26:28,559 Hello? Oh, hello, Father. 447 00:26:31,447 --> 00:26:34,086 How can you possibly have arranged that so quickly? 448 00:26:34,127 --> 00:26:37,278 - What's he done? - He's found a buyer for the house. 449 00:26:37,327 --> 00:26:38,680 How? 450 00:26:38,727 --> 00:26:41,036 Jean says "How?" 451 00:26:41,087 --> 00:26:43,078 Yes. 452 00:26:44,167 --> 00:26:49,560 Well, yes, you're right, of course. It was staring us in the face all the time. 453 00:26:49,607 --> 00:26:51,962 Well, that's wonderful. 454 00:26:52,007 --> 00:26:56,876 All right, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks, bye. 455 00:26:57,687 --> 00:27:00,645 - Who's buying the house? - He is. 456 00:27:00,687 --> 00:27:03,884 Oh, that's perfect. He and Madge belong there. 457 00:27:03,927 --> 00:27:07,522 So do Mrs Bale and Lol. I don't know why they left it in the first place. 458 00:27:07,567 --> 00:27:10,604 - Oh, my God! - What? 459 00:27:10,647 --> 00:27:15,243 He gave me the house. Now the old fool's trying to buy it back from me. 460 00:27:15,287 --> 00:27:19,200 I'm rounding off a wonderful day by robbing my own father. 461 00:27:27,687 --> 00:27:30,520 # You must remember this 462 00:27:30,567 --> 00:27:32,956 # A kiss is still a kiss 463 00:27:33,007 --> 00:27:36,795 # A sigh is just a sigh 464 00:27:38,647 --> 00:27:42,276 # The fundamental things apply 465 00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:47,196 # As time goes by 466 00:27:49,407 --> 00:27:52,205 # And when two lovers woo 467 00:27:52,247 --> 00:27:54,841 # They still say I love you 468 00:27:54,887 --> 00:27:58,004 # On that you can rely 469 00:28:00,487 --> 00:28:04,844 # The world will always welcome lovers 470 00:28:06,127 --> 00:28:14,922 # As time goes by # 38816

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