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1
00:00:10,487 --> 00:00:13,285
# You must remember this
2
00:00:13,327 --> 00:00:15,795
# A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:15,847 --> 00:00:18,759
# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:21,447 --> 00:00:25,156
# The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:25,207 --> 00:00:29,246
# As time goes by #
6
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Damn and blast.
7
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- Damn and blast!
- Do you want a hand, Lionel?
8
00:00:41,487 --> 00:00:44,001
- I can manage, thank you.
- Fine.
9
00:00:44,047 --> 00:00:47,198
- Will you come out?
- Is she the sister?
10
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:50,239
No, she can't be.
The sister went to Australia.
11
00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:52,005
Well, she looks like her.
12
00:00:52,047 --> 00:00:54,800
Unless there's a third sister
we don't know about.
13
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,759
- That's not very likely, is it?
- None of it's likely.
14
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,958
Look, I know you're in there.
Will you come out?
15
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,439
I've just got comfortable.
16
00:01:05,367 --> 00:01:08,916
- What's the matter, Lionel?
- Who said anything was the matter?
17
00:01:08,967 --> 00:01:10,639
Fair enough.
18
00:01:11,647 --> 00:01:14,923
- She could have come back.
- She only went last week.
19
00:01:14,967 --> 00:01:17,481
All right, it's this stupid printer.
20
00:01:17,527 --> 00:01:20,166
Oh, what's the matter with the printer?
21
00:01:20,207 --> 00:01:23,438
It won't print.
It keeps saying it's not connected.
22
00:01:23,487 --> 00:01:25,284
A bit like you at the moment.
23
00:01:25,327 --> 00:01:29,161
- You've got to click onto the print icon.
- Where's that?
24
00:01:29,207 --> 00:01:31,198
Oh, come here!
25
00:01:32,887 --> 00:01:35,321
There you go.
26
00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:38,598
- Nothing's happening.
- Well, give it a minute.
27
00:01:38,647 --> 00:01:40,478
- It is the sister.
- How do you know?
28
00:01:40,527 --> 00:01:42,722
She's denying it. A dead giveaway.
29
00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:44,246
It's working!
30
00:01:44,287 --> 00:01:49,361
Why is she standing in the shadows?
You can't see her face clearly at all.
31
00:01:49,407 --> 00:01:52,479
- She's had plastic surgery.
- In a week?
32
00:01:52,527 --> 00:01:53,801
It's working!
33
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:59,080
Of course it's working. You really must
come to grips with modern technology.
34
00:01:59,127 --> 00:02:03,006
I used to be able to strip a Bren gun
in 45 seconds, you know.
35
00:02:03,047 --> 00:02:04,799
That's not really relevant, is it?
36
00:02:04,847 --> 00:02:07,077
Absolute rubbish!
37
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,997
- Good, though.
- Yeah, it was.
38
00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:15,796
Almost as good as watching Lionel
wrestle with modern technology.
39
00:02:15,847 --> 00:02:17,758
Well, we didn't have to in my day.
40
00:02:17,807 --> 00:02:20,719
- Of course you did.
- Well, it didn't seem so modern then.
41
00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,837
Why are you wrestling with technology?
42
00:02:22,887 --> 00:02:25,355
I'm just putting down some figures.
43
00:02:25,407 --> 00:02:28,797
You could have saved the apoplexy
and just jotted them down.
44
00:02:28,847 --> 00:02:32,840
But printed figures always look
more formal, more definite somehow.
45
00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:36,118
- I'm going up to bed.
- Where's Sandy, by the way?
46
00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:39,125
Oh, Alistair's taken her to some glitzy do.
47
00:02:39,967 --> 00:02:43,642
Sandy needs a bit of pampering.
Alistair is the arch pamperer.
48
00:02:43,687 --> 00:02:46,520
It's all fine by me. Good night, Mum.
49
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,558
Good night, Judy.
50
00:02:50,527 --> 00:02:53,644
- Night, Lionel, you old Bren gunner!
- Night.
51
00:02:54,447 --> 00:02:57,564
- I'm about ready for bed myself.
- Yes, me too.
52
00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:00,159
Is it all right?
53
00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:03,404
What, us sleeping together?
Yes, we are married.
54
00:03:04,127 --> 00:03:07,358
This business of Sandy
going out with Alistair.
55
00:03:07,407 --> 00:03:10,205
I know Judy keeps saying it's fine.
56
00:03:10,247 --> 00:03:15,321
Or is saying it's fine really a way
of saying, "I'm saying it isn't fine at all"?
57
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:19,645
I'm much too tired
to work out what that sentence means.
58
00:03:19,687 --> 00:03:23,043
- Well, they're funny things, women.
- Yes, aren't they?
59
00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:31,125
I wouldn't want you
to feel uncomfortable about staying.
60
00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:34,000
I'm not. We had an awful lot to drink.
61
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,878
These guild dinners are like that.
62
00:03:35,927 --> 00:03:39,044
- They were vintners.
- You should see the haberdashers!
63
00:03:39,087 --> 00:03:42,716
Last time I went to their do,
I ended up in Arbroath.
64
00:03:42,767 --> 00:03:45,884
It was a nice evening. Thanks, Alistair.
65
00:03:45,927 --> 00:03:50,762
Thank you. I mean, you in that dress.
Talk about vintners' corks popping!
66
00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:53,763
Oh, I should have hung it up.
67
00:03:55,767 --> 00:03:58,759
I could say, "Go ahead".
68
00:03:59,647 --> 00:04:02,605
But basically
I'm one of the white hat guys.
69
00:04:05,367 --> 00:04:08,803
- Can't I lend you a pair of pyjamas?
- No, I'm fine.
70
00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:12,760
I'm surprised you don't have
a wardrobe full of guest nighties.
71
00:04:13,647 --> 00:04:16,241
Since when did guests of mine
need nighties?
72
00:04:16,287 --> 00:04:19,279
You've just offered to lend me
a pair of pyjamas.
73
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,363
Ah, that's different. You're Sandy.
74
00:04:21,407 --> 00:04:24,479
Oh. Does that make me
a pyjama sort of girl?
75
00:04:24,527 --> 00:04:28,600
Absolutely not. You could drive
a guy wild wearing a dustbin liner.
76
00:04:28,647 --> 00:04:31,559
I trust you mean a designer dustbin liner.
77
00:04:31,607 --> 00:04:33,802
Naturally.
78
00:04:33,847 --> 00:04:36,122
- So...
- So?
79
00:04:36,807 --> 00:04:38,445
Are you tired?
80
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:40,796
- Fairly.
- Right. OK.
81
00:04:41,487 --> 00:04:43,603
Point taken. Understood.
82
00:04:45,207 --> 00:04:48,404
- Sleep tight.
- Night, Alistair.
83
00:04:53,887 --> 00:04:56,924
- Just one thing.
- What is it?
84
00:04:56,967 --> 00:04:59,117
Tea or coffee in the morning?
85
00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:00,839
Oh, coffee, please.
86
00:05:00,887 --> 00:05:04,118
- Coffee it is, then. Good night.
- Night.
87
00:05:08,047 --> 00:05:10,038
Hmm.
88
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:21,235
You're not abusing that machine again,
are you?
89
00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:25,246
I'm just checking my figures again.
I'm hardly earning anything.
90
00:05:25,287 --> 00:05:29,166
This is about everyone in the world
but you having a pension plan, isn't it?
91
00:05:29,207 --> 00:05:33,644
Lionel, we've been through this.
It doesn't matter. We're all right.
92
00:05:33,687 --> 00:05:36,997
- Has Sandy gone out?
- She hasn't come in yet.
93
00:05:37,847 --> 00:05:38,836
Oh?
94
00:05:38,887 --> 00:05:41,162
She probably spent the night
with friends.
95
00:05:45,647 --> 00:05:48,002
That won't work if you don't switch it on.
96
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:51,437
I don't want it to work.
I'm just looking at some figures.
97
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:56,678
Lionel, what is this sudden obsession
with money?
98
00:05:56,727 --> 00:05:59,924
- Who mentioned money?
- We do talk, you know.
99
00:05:59,967 --> 00:06:02,401
I'm not just some woman
over the garden fence.
100
00:06:02,447 --> 00:06:04,677
- We're family.
- Come and have your coffee.
101
00:06:06,487 --> 00:06:11,720
If I'd stayed in Kenya, planting coffee,
we'd be quite well off.
102
00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:14,201
I didn't even know you were in Kenya.
103
00:06:14,247 --> 00:06:15,919
Oh, no.
104
00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:18,765
I just wish you'd stop going on about it.
105
00:06:19,687 --> 00:06:22,076
I'll be a kept man in a couple of years.
106
00:06:22,127 --> 00:06:26,120
You can do all the housework
if it makes you feel any better.
107
00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:29,125
- Is there any more coffee in the pot?
- Yes, plenty.
108
00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:31,925
You don't like me doing housework.
109
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:36,563
The mood you're in, I'd sooner you
were doing it in someone else's house!
110
00:06:41,327 --> 00:06:43,716
- Good morning.
- Oh, hello, Judy.
111
00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:47,043
- Hey, hey.
- Erm... I'd better get changed.
112
00:06:47,087 --> 00:06:49,317
If you need any help with zips...
113
00:06:51,607 --> 00:06:53,086
It's just something I say.
114
00:06:53,127 --> 00:06:55,004
Yes, I know.
115
00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:57,641
- How's Harry?
- Harry?
116
00:06:57,687 --> 00:07:00,076
Sandy said he took you to the pictures.
117
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:02,925
- Oh, yeah, yeah, he did.
- So, how is he?
118
00:07:02,967 --> 00:07:06,642
Are you enquiring about his health
or if I've been out with him again?
119
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:10,646
- Which do you think?
- He's very well, thank you.
120
00:07:12,407 --> 00:07:13,840
Sandy's home.
121
00:07:13,887 --> 00:07:16,162
Am I being hauled
before the head honchos?
122
00:07:16,207 --> 00:07:18,038
We are grown-ups here, Alistair.
123
00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:20,157
And isn't that a wonderful thing?
124
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:23,358
- Do you want coffee?
- No, thanks. I've got to go to Athens.
125
00:07:23,407 --> 00:07:26,365
- Athens?
- I'm hoping to meet Nana Mouskouri,
126
00:07:26,407 --> 00:07:29,285
to talk about a new book
called Boys Do Make Passes.
127
00:07:29,327 --> 00:07:34,481
But, erm... while I'm here,
Li, could I have a word?
128
00:07:34,527 --> 00:07:36,916
Fine. Go on.
129
00:07:38,047 --> 00:07:40,356
- Ah.
- Is that it?
130
00:07:42,887 --> 00:07:46,516
- How do I say this... diplomatically?
- Oh, "Clear off"?
131
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,639
Is this what we discussed
when Penny and Stephen were here?
132
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:51,996
If so, it's in the public domain now.
133
00:07:52,047 --> 00:07:55,403
This is the conversation
with the CD in it, right?
134
00:07:55,447 --> 00:07:56,926
That was part of it.
135
00:07:56,967 --> 00:08:00,676
I asked Alistair if he had any bright ideas
about me earning some money.
136
00:08:00,727 --> 00:08:03,116
- Where does the CD come in?
- That's not important.
137
00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:05,317
- Alistair...
- It's not important.
138
00:08:06,047 --> 00:08:11,201
I had this wild idea that Lionel should
do a CD entitled The Songs Of Kenya.
139
00:08:16,407 --> 00:08:18,477
With Lionel singing the songs?
140
00:08:20,327 --> 00:08:23,364
- I said it was a wild idea.
- An insane idea.
141
00:08:23,407 --> 00:08:27,685
Mind you, if you want
to make the video as well...
142
00:08:30,327 --> 00:08:31,646
What's going on?
143
00:08:31,687 --> 00:08:35,396
Lionel's going to make a CD
called Songs Of Kenya.
144
00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:38,200
I am not, I am not.
145
00:08:38,247 --> 00:08:40,397
- Why say you are, then?
- I didn't.
146
00:08:40,447 --> 00:08:45,475
It cropped up in a conversation I'd like to
renew, if you three would stop giggling.
147
00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:49,796
Yes, come on, shh! Behave yourselves.
148
00:08:50,607 --> 00:08:53,246
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
149
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:57,885
Alistair, I know it seems a long time ago
now, but what were you saying?
150
00:08:57,927 --> 00:09:00,236
The old bull silences the herd, eh?
151
00:09:00,287 --> 00:09:03,962
- We are not the herd!
- Can we please stick to the subject?
152
00:09:04,007 --> 00:09:05,122
Yes, Li.
153
00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:10,366
Now, you figure you need a cash backup
in your... I'm not saying declining years.
154
00:09:10,407 --> 00:09:15,276
- Just get on with it.
- The means is staring you in the face.
155
00:09:15,327 --> 00:09:18,080
The house in Hampshire. Sell it.
156
00:09:22,247 --> 00:09:26,923
- I am open to hugs of congratulation.
- This needs talking about.
157
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,117
Not by me. This is none of my business.
158
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,158
No, nor mine.
159
00:09:32,847 --> 00:09:35,486
Oh, and hey, I've got to get to Athens.
160
00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:40,361
Think about it, Li. Yiasou.
161
00:09:40,407 --> 00:09:42,398
Bye, Alistair.
162
00:09:42,447 --> 00:09:44,597
Well, that's one way to clear a room.
163
00:09:44,647 --> 00:09:49,721
- Yes. I've got some washing to do.
- Oh, not you, as well?
164
00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:52,679
At least stay and tell me what you think.
165
00:09:52,727 --> 00:09:54,922
Use me as a sounding board,
166
00:09:54,967 --> 00:09:57,686
but don't expect me to jump in
with a quick opinion.
167
00:09:57,727 --> 00:10:00,116
Fair enough. Well...
168
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,317
It's a practical idea, isn't it?
169
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:06,360
A big house in the country
that we keep up for 365 days a year.
170
00:10:06,407 --> 00:10:09,524
How often do we use it?
30 or 40 days at the most.
171
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:12,684
Economically, that doesn't make sense.
Sell it.
172
00:10:12,727 --> 00:10:16,037
I'm glad you didn't jump in
with a quick opinion.
173
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:20,365
I still don't know
why you need the money.
174
00:10:20,407 --> 00:10:22,875
Because I need to be
part of our economy.
175
00:10:22,927 --> 00:10:25,316
You, the girls, the tiles on the roof.
176
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,676
What's wrong with the tiles on the roof?
177
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:30,799
Nothing, it's just an example.
But I need to be part of it.
178
00:10:31,687 --> 00:10:34,155
You are an old bull, aren't you?
179
00:10:34,207 --> 00:10:37,165
I'm not saying I go along with
the herd bit, but you are.
180
00:10:37,207 --> 00:10:39,767
- Call me old-fashioned.
- I do, frequently.
181
00:10:41,047 --> 00:10:43,925
Do you know,
I can't touch my toes any more?
182
00:10:44,807 --> 00:10:47,275
No. I just pretend I can, but never try.
183
00:10:47,327 --> 00:10:49,557
I think you've got the right idea.
184
00:10:50,487 --> 00:10:54,162
- Well, don't try it now.
- No, I'm going to do that washing.
185
00:10:55,127 --> 00:10:58,483
- Oh, dear!
- Run out of soap powder again?
186
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:02,122
- Selling the house!
- Now, we've just agreed on that.
187
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,805
Yes, I know, and it's fine.
188
00:11:03,847 --> 00:11:07,886
But you're going to have to tell Mrs Bale
and Lol Ferris that they're out of a job.
189
00:11:12,007 --> 00:11:14,316
- Lionel, come on!
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
190
00:11:14,927 --> 00:11:17,157
- There you are.
- Thanks, Judy.
191
00:11:17,207 --> 00:11:19,277
Are you sure you don't want to come?
192
00:11:19,327 --> 00:11:22,558
Don't look so innocent. No, I don't.
You do your own dirty work.
193
00:11:22,607 --> 00:11:24,837
- Sandy...
- I'm not a hired gun.
194
00:11:24,887 --> 00:11:28,880
Ready! Oh, for goodness' sake,
we're not taking more stuff down there?
195
00:11:28,927 --> 00:11:31,999
They're empty.
We should start bringing stuff back.
196
00:11:32,047 --> 00:11:35,244
- Oh.
- You're wearing the wrong clothes.
197
00:11:35,287 --> 00:11:40,156
Breeches and crop. That's what the
squire wears to dismiss the peasants.
198
00:11:40,207 --> 00:11:41,640
Not funny.
199
00:11:41,687 --> 00:11:44,155
Stand with your back to the fireplace.
They do that.
200
00:11:44,207 --> 00:11:46,402
This isn't going to be easy for Lionel.
201
00:11:46,447 --> 00:11:49,086
He'll have you there.
Take some of the flak.
202
00:11:49,127 --> 00:11:52,483
- Shall we go?
- Bye, Mum. Good hunting!
203
00:11:52,527 --> 00:11:55,121
Don't forget to throw in
a bit of bodice ripping.
204
00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:58,523
I hope you both
have a thoroughly unpleasant day.
205
00:12:01,127 --> 00:12:04,005
It's a wonderful idea, Mr Hardcastle.
206
00:12:04,047 --> 00:12:06,322
Revive the old Christmas!
207
00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:09,643
I ought to have suggested it
to the boy before.
208
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:14,203
Too many traditions going out of the
window in this country, if you ask me.
209
00:12:14,247 --> 00:12:16,238
Like hanging.
210
00:12:17,767 --> 00:12:20,281
Not exactly what I had in mind, Lol.
211
00:12:20,327 --> 00:12:22,761
Beheading, then.
212
00:12:22,807 --> 00:12:26,004
I was thinking of Christmas traditions.
213
00:12:26,047 --> 00:12:28,925
Yes, like proper carol singing.
214
00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:31,083
Three full verses they used to give you.
215
00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:34,119
Now it's a couple of lines
and they're rattling tins.
216
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:36,806
How many people
did we used to cram in here?
217
00:12:36,847 --> 00:12:40,044
I think 227 was the record.
218
00:12:40,087 --> 00:12:42,726
Good Christmases then!
219
00:12:42,767 --> 00:12:45,804
I may be speaking out of turn,
Mr Hardcastle,
220
00:12:45,847 --> 00:12:48,839
but I still regret the day you left.
221
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:51,398
Tosh, you silly old bat!
222
00:12:51,447 --> 00:12:54,200
Here they are now. I'll lend a hand.
223
00:12:55,367 --> 00:12:56,880
We can manage.
224
00:12:56,927 --> 00:12:59,805
Let's hope they're in receptive mood.
225
00:13:05,607 --> 00:13:08,485
- Is this the lot, then?
- Yes, thanks, Lol.
226
00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:12,361
- Apart from a few boxes.
- Boxes?
227
00:13:17,847 --> 00:13:23,080
When am I going to convince you
that you need not bring supplies?
228
00:13:23,127 --> 00:13:26,039
This is not a log cabin
in the Canadian Rockies.
229
00:13:26,087 --> 00:13:28,157
It's all right, Mrs Bale. They're empty.
230
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:31,563
Why should you bring
empty cardboard boxes?
231
00:13:32,287 --> 00:13:33,845
Well, because...
232
00:13:36,527 --> 00:13:40,679
You can never have too many empty
cardboard boxes for storage, can you?
233
00:13:49,687 --> 00:13:53,202
- No Madge?
- No, she sent her apologies.
234
00:13:53,247 --> 00:13:58,526
She... She's wrestling with the local
operatic society at the moment.
235
00:13:58,567 --> 00:14:01,001
Why is she wrestling
with the operatic society?
236
00:14:01,047 --> 00:14:04,403
They're planning a production
of Irma La Douce.
237
00:14:04,447 --> 00:14:06,597
I'd have thought Madge would approve.
238
00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:10,606
Oh, she does.
The trouble is, she wants to play Irma.
239
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,679
- This could be a long wrestle.
- Yes.
240
00:14:14,727 --> 00:14:17,161
- I'll make a fresh pot.
- I'll give you a hand.
241
00:14:17,207 --> 00:14:23,203
- I can manage. Please, sit down.
- I'll be going. I don't feel right.
242
00:14:23,247 --> 00:14:27,160
- You're not ill, are you, Lol?
- No. I don't really belong indoors.
243
00:14:27,207 --> 00:14:31,723
- Stuff and nonsense, man!
- Besides, you are part of the task force.
244
00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:36,318
Task force? We retook the Falklands
some time ago, Mrs Bale.
245
00:14:36,367 --> 00:14:38,927
The persuasion force, then.
246
00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:40,764
Who's persuading who to do what?
247
00:14:40,807 --> 00:14:44,641
Well, we want you, my boy, and you,
Jean Pargetter,
248
00:14:44,687 --> 00:14:48,123
to revive the old Christmases
we used to have here.
249
00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:52,763
They really were wonderful times,
the house alive with people!
250
00:14:52,807 --> 00:14:55,719
I dragged a great tree
up from the woods.
251
00:14:55,767 --> 00:14:59,840
- I've kept the decorations.
- And one of Mrs Bale's banquets!
252
00:14:59,887 --> 00:15:03,004
My God, you couldn't move
for two days afterwards!
253
00:15:03,047 --> 00:15:05,845
- What about that punch?
- Dynamite!
254
00:15:05,887 --> 00:15:10,244
I can still see those torches
bobbing up and down in the darkness,
255
00:15:10,287 --> 00:15:13,199
as people made their way
up from the village to the house.
256
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:15,397
Lucky it were downhill all the way home!
257
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,915
- Special times!
- Wonderful times.
258
00:15:19,847 --> 00:15:23,522
Come on, what do you say? It's
your house now, so it's your decision.
259
00:15:25,487 --> 00:15:28,081
Well, I...
260
00:15:29,247 --> 00:15:30,919
- Well...
- Spit it out.
261
00:15:33,047 --> 00:15:34,605
Well...
262
00:15:34,647 --> 00:15:39,277
Quick decisions were never your strong
point. We'll give you time to think it over.
263
00:15:39,327 --> 00:15:40,601
Thank you.
264
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:44,845
You have your tea,
and I'll pop back this evening.
265
00:15:44,887 --> 00:15:48,562
Lol, there are one or two things
I want to talk about...
266
00:15:50,687 --> 00:15:54,521
- I feel like Scrooge.
- They couldn't have known, could they?
267
00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:58,037
- Known what?
- You were intending to sell the house.
268
00:15:58,087 --> 00:16:01,204
Not unless they've got our house
bugged. Why do you ask?
269
00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:04,284
We walk in, ready to tell them
you're selling the house...
270
00:16:04,327 --> 00:16:05,680
We're selling.
271
00:16:05,727 --> 00:16:10,562
Within seconds, they're asking us to
keep up the old Christmas. It's not fair.
272
00:16:10,607 --> 00:16:12,598
When was anything ever fair?
273
00:16:13,727 --> 00:16:16,685
We could put the house up for sale
after Christmas.
274
00:16:16,727 --> 00:16:19,685
- What, soften the blow, you mean?
- Something like that.
275
00:16:19,727 --> 00:16:24,801
Swoop when they're still digesting their
pudding and say, "You're out of a job"?
276
00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:29,837
- Not in so many words.
- No, it's not on.
277
00:16:30,847 --> 00:16:35,398
If they want their merry Christmas, fine.
But they've got to be told now.
278
00:16:35,447 --> 00:16:37,756
- Go on, then.
- I didn't mean this minute.
279
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,837
What are you going to say?
280
00:16:48,487 --> 00:16:50,762
I haven't the faintest idea.
281
00:16:50,807 --> 00:16:52,798
Poor old squire.
282
00:16:53,727 --> 00:16:58,926
After we've broken the news, we could
always set fire to a few cottages.
283
00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:01,037
Drive off some cattle while we're at it.
284
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:04,397
- You said "we".
- What's strange about that? We are we.
285
00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:06,915
Not when it comes to breaking the news.
It's "you".
286
00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:10,004
- Well, it's your house.
- Our house. Our house.
287
00:17:10,047 --> 00:17:12,356
Don't worry.
I won't leave you to do it alone.
288
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:16,958
That way, if they rush us,
we won't be so badly outnumbered.
289
00:17:17,007 --> 00:17:19,601
- What did you do in the army?
- You know what I did.
290
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:22,957
I served in Korea
and got kicked by a mule.
291
00:17:23,927 --> 00:17:27,363
- You had to sack someone?
- You don't sack people in the army.
292
00:17:27,407 --> 00:17:29,477
Well, when you had to break bad news?
293
00:17:29,527 --> 00:17:34,157
Well, the only bad news I ever had
to break was that we were advancing.
294
00:17:34,927 --> 00:17:39,398
But as I was advancing with them,
I didn't really feel that guilty.
295
00:17:40,847 --> 00:17:42,838
So, what are you going to say?
296
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:46,605
- I still haven't the faintest idea.
- Don't be long.
297
00:17:46,647 --> 00:17:49,878
- I'm not going anywhere.
- No, long-winded, I mean.
298
00:17:49,927 --> 00:17:51,758
Keep it short. It's quicker.
299
00:17:51,807 --> 00:17:53,479
Obviously.
300
00:17:53,527 --> 00:17:55,279
Ohh!
301
00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:59,962
- What are you doing?
- Well, I'm having a nap.
302
00:18:00,527 --> 00:18:04,076
Having a nap isn't going to solve
anything. It delays the inevitable.
303
00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,687
- I know.
- Shift over.
304
00:18:12,727 --> 00:18:14,479
Where's Lol, Mrs Bale?
305
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,245
Burning leaves. Do you want him?
306
00:18:16,287 --> 00:18:18,847
Yes. Lionel and I
have something to say to you both.
307
00:18:18,887 --> 00:18:21,959
No need to look for him.
I'll get him on his mobile.
308
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:27,403
- Lol has a mobile?
- Oh, we move with the times.
309
00:18:28,247 --> 00:18:31,842
Ah, Lol. This is Mrs Bale. Over.
310
00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:35,956
Yes, I know who you are.
311
00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:39,841
Mr and Mrs Hardcastle
wish to speak to us. Over.
312
00:18:41,127 --> 00:18:44,085
Very well. Goodbye. Over and out.
313
00:18:45,007 --> 00:18:46,918
Lol will be here directly.
314
00:18:46,967 --> 00:18:49,959
- Why do you say "Over"?
- We thought you were supposed to.
315
00:18:50,007 --> 00:18:51,998
Oh.
316
00:18:53,207 --> 00:18:55,562
- Lol's on his way.
- Oh, jolly good.
317
00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:59,279
- I think so, don't you?
- Definitely.
318
00:18:59,327 --> 00:19:01,477
Excuse me.
319
00:19:03,127 --> 00:19:06,642
- Hello?
- Oh, this is Mrs Bale speaking.
320
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,678
Oh, hello, Lol. Over.
321
00:19:10,447 --> 00:19:13,245
Yes, I see. Over.
322
00:19:14,207 --> 00:19:17,802
Then we'll see you in a minute.
Over and out.
323
00:19:17,847 --> 00:19:19,838
Over and out.
324
00:19:23,527 --> 00:19:27,759
I'm trying to persuade my mother to get
one but she's got a fear of blowing up.
325
00:19:27,807 --> 00:19:31,117
- Sit down, Lol.
- No, no, no. I... erm...
326
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:32,885
Sit down, Lol.
327
00:19:32,927 --> 00:19:34,918
Oh.
328
00:19:37,047 --> 00:19:40,357
- I thought we could use a drink.
- Isn't it a little early?
329
00:19:40,407 --> 00:19:42,762
Think of it as moving with the times.
330
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:48,086
Not too much for me. I'm all right with
stout but wine makes me go peculiar.
331
00:19:50,687 --> 00:19:53,997
- Well... Cheers.
- Chin chin.
332
00:19:54,047 --> 00:19:56,720
- Good health!
- Cheers.
333
00:20:00,687 --> 00:20:02,837
I'll make this brief and to the point.
334
00:20:02,887 --> 00:20:06,766
You've reached a decision
about restoring the Christmas party?
335
00:20:06,807 --> 00:20:09,162
- What?
- You were going to think about it.
336
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:11,038
- Was I?
- We did say.
337
00:20:11,087 --> 00:20:13,203
Oh, yes, so we did.
338
00:20:13,247 --> 00:20:16,603
Yes, We will go ahead
with this year's Christmas party.
339
00:20:16,647 --> 00:20:22,040
- Oh, what a very kind thing to do!
- Well, that's wonderful!
340
00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,885
I'd better book Mother
in early at the hairdressers.
341
00:20:24,927 --> 00:20:27,282
They'll be jam packed
when word gets out.
342
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:30,842
I'll cook for 150, to be on the safe side.
343
00:20:30,887 --> 00:20:32,798
- 150?
- Oh, why not?
344
00:20:32,847 --> 00:20:37,318
I hope your daughter and her friend
watch my brothers under the mistletoe.
345
00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:40,119
- I'll warn them.
- You'd better.
346
00:20:40,167 --> 00:20:45,366
If a girl's standing under the mistletoe,
looking for a kiss, they'll get one!
347
00:20:47,727 --> 00:20:52,118
- They're a bit forward, aren't they?
- Everyone is, after a glass of punch.
348
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,876
- Why, last time, Mrs Bale herself...
- Please, don't!
349
00:20:55,927 --> 00:21:00,876
Don't concern yourself with the catering.
I'll order everything locally.
350
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,487
It'd take a lorry to get it from London.
351
00:21:03,527 --> 00:21:05,518
Anyway, the party apart...
352
00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:08,035
- Wine on the table!
- Oh, Father.
353
00:21:08,087 --> 00:21:13,286
- I've... come to a decision.
- I can see that. Well, let's drink to it.
354
00:21:13,327 --> 00:21:15,761
To my boy, Lionel,
and his child bride, Jean.
355
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:20,881
They may be townies, but they have
good hearts and a sense of tradition.
356
00:21:20,927 --> 00:21:23,043
To Lionel and Jean.
357
00:21:23,087 --> 00:21:25,965
- To Mr and Mrs Hardcastle.
- Junior.
358
00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:30,043
Thank you.
359
00:21:30,087 --> 00:21:31,156
Erm...
360
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:35,359
No need for a speech, Lionel.
Your speeches tend to go on a bit.
361
00:21:36,367 --> 00:21:38,756
Well, this one won't, I promise.
362
00:21:38,807 --> 00:21:40,604
I've decided to sell the house.
363
00:21:45,527 --> 00:21:47,882
I think we're right not to stay the night.
364
00:21:47,927 --> 00:21:49,758
We could have got a poisoned breakfast.
365
00:21:49,807 --> 00:21:53,402
That's the trouble.
Mrs Bale and Lol took it so well.
366
00:21:53,447 --> 00:21:56,883
I wish he hadn't kept sniffing
into that big, red handkerchief.
367
00:21:56,927 --> 00:22:00,283
There's something touching
about a man with a big handkerchief.
368
00:22:00,327 --> 00:22:03,399
I didn't realise Mrs Bale
had been here so long.
369
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:06,598
And she still only admits
to being just over 40.
370
00:22:06,647 --> 00:22:08,956
Lol's father worked here before him.
371
00:22:09,007 --> 00:22:11,726
It's not as if you're throwing them
onto the streets.
372
00:22:11,767 --> 00:22:14,156
No, not exactly.
373
00:22:14,207 --> 00:22:16,243
Father went very quiet.
374
00:22:16,287 --> 00:22:18,676
Yes, and that takes some doing.
375
00:22:18,727 --> 00:22:23,926
But look, Rocky said it. "It's your house,
my boy. Yours to do as you think fit."
376
00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:28,597
- That's a killer, that is.
- No, he's an honest man. He meant it.
377
00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:30,956
And Lol says, "Well, life goes on."
378
00:22:31,007 --> 00:22:33,396
Blowing on his big, red hanky
as he said it.
379
00:22:33,447 --> 00:22:34,960
I wish he hadn't.
380
00:22:35,007 --> 00:22:39,558
Mrs Bale didn't mention the shipping
forecast once, and that's not natural.
381
00:22:39,607 --> 00:22:41,438
She did say, "Que sera will be."
382
00:22:43,167 --> 00:22:45,635
Why didn't she say, "Que sera sera"?
383
00:22:45,687 --> 00:22:48,997
What, a whole sentence
in a foreign tongue? I don't think so.
384
00:22:49,047 --> 00:22:53,598
What does it all mean? Que sera will be,
life goes on. It's all platitudes.
385
00:22:53,647 --> 00:22:57,481
No, it isn't. It's decent people
coping with bad news.
386
00:22:57,527 --> 00:23:01,156
- So... what do you think?
- About what?
387
00:23:01,207 --> 00:23:04,882
- Oh, come on.
- Well, you're a kind man, Lionel.
388
00:23:05,847 --> 00:23:09,681
Whatever you say, there's space
in your life for other people.
389
00:23:09,727 --> 00:23:13,322
But at the end of the day, you don't owe
Mrs Bale and Lol a living.
390
00:23:13,367 --> 00:23:16,006
You don't owe anybody
outside your family a living.
391
00:23:16,047 --> 00:23:19,437
You have a perfect right to do
what you want with your own house.
392
00:23:19,487 --> 00:23:21,955
- Our house.
- Our house, then.
393
00:23:23,367 --> 00:23:26,279
- Come on. We're ready.
- Yes.
394
00:23:27,047 --> 00:23:29,766
Why do I feel like making a run for it?
395
00:23:30,967 --> 00:23:34,482
A dark past is all I can come up with.
Come on.
396
00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:44,962
Are you watching this?
397
00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:48,761
Not really. Carpentry
has a very limited appeal for me.
398
00:23:52,527 --> 00:23:54,165
About last night.
399
00:23:54,207 --> 00:23:57,722
Oh, Sandy.
Look, I'm getting tired of saying this.
400
00:23:57,767 --> 00:24:00,998
You and Alistair are your business,
not mine.
401
00:24:01,047 --> 00:24:03,117
I'm not asking you for any explanations.
402
00:24:03,167 --> 00:24:07,001
I'm not offering an explanation.
I'm asking a question.
403
00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:10,005
Oh. go on, then.
404
00:24:10,047 --> 00:24:11,844
Is Alistair gay?
405
00:24:13,967 --> 00:24:16,003
Gay?
406
00:24:16,047 --> 00:24:18,163
- No.
- Are you sure?
407
00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:20,767
- Sandy!
- Sorry.
408
00:24:20,807 --> 00:24:22,957
Why on earth would you ask if he was?
409
00:24:23,007 --> 00:24:26,079
Well, it's just, the other night...
410
00:24:26,127 --> 00:24:29,324
I'd had a little too much to drink
and it was late.
411
00:24:29,367 --> 00:24:32,359
So not coming home
seemed a good idea.
412
00:24:32,407 --> 00:24:35,922
- And?
- He slept in the spare bedroom.
413
00:24:35,967 --> 00:24:38,925
- To start with.
- No.
414
00:24:38,967 --> 00:24:43,597
The most seductive question he asked
was tea or coffee in the morning.
415
00:24:43,647 --> 00:24:46,002
He even offered to lend me
a pair of pyjamas.
416
00:24:46,047 --> 00:24:48,880
We are talking about
Alistair "Hey Hey" Deacon?
417
00:24:48,927 --> 00:24:53,478
- Yeah.
- Well, perhaps he... Perhaps...
418
00:24:54,367 --> 00:24:57,279
No, not Alistair.
Are you sure? Not a move?
419
00:24:57,327 --> 00:24:58,601
Not a move.
420
00:24:58,647 --> 00:25:00,638
But not that I wanted him to.
421
00:25:00,687 --> 00:25:04,282
But pride dictates that you should get
the chance of turning one down.
422
00:25:04,327 --> 00:25:05,885
Well, yes.
423
00:25:05,927 --> 00:25:10,398
You see, that's why I wondered
whether all that talk was just a cover.
424
00:25:10,447 --> 00:25:13,120
- It's weird.
- Mm.
425
00:25:14,167 --> 00:25:16,886
- Why are you looking at me like that?
- Nothing.
426
00:25:18,607 --> 00:25:21,997
They said they weren't coming back
till tomorrow.
427
00:25:22,047 --> 00:25:25,437
- Look out, it's the wicked squire!
- Boo! Sss!
428
00:25:25,487 --> 00:25:27,125
Bad timing.
429
00:25:28,207 --> 00:25:32,120
- You actually went through with it?
- That's what wicked squires do.
430
00:25:32,167 --> 00:25:34,886
I never thought you'd do something so...
431
00:25:34,927 --> 00:25:36,724
Despicable?
432
00:25:36,767 --> 00:25:40,043
No. So... economically sound.
433
00:25:40,087 --> 00:25:43,523
Look, it had to be done,
and Lionel was man enough to do it.
434
00:25:43,567 --> 00:25:47,196
- How did Mrs Bale and Lol take it?
- Stoically.
435
00:25:47,247 --> 00:25:50,557
- Oh, dear.
- Have you two had anything to eat?
436
00:25:50,607 --> 00:25:53,883
How could we eat
with Mrs Bale saying things like,
437
00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:57,363
"One can't expect things
to stay the same forever"?
438
00:25:57,407 --> 00:25:59,602
And Lol sniffing into a big, red hanky.
439
00:25:59,647 --> 00:26:02,115
Oh, not a big, red hanky?
440
00:26:02,167 --> 00:26:05,876
I didn't realise they had
such a profound effect on women.
441
00:26:05,927 --> 00:26:09,761
- I'm gonna make you something to eat.
- I'll give you a hand.
442
00:26:09,807 --> 00:26:13,117
- Here, I think you need this.
- Thanks.
443
00:26:14,247 --> 00:26:18,399
Well, at least I know what to give you
for Christmas. A box of big, red hankies.
444
00:26:18,447 --> 00:26:20,563
Would you get that?
445
00:26:20,607 --> 00:26:24,964
Yes. Probably the first abusive
phone call from the village.
446
00:26:25,567 --> 00:26:28,559
Hello? Oh, hello, Father.
447
00:26:31,447 --> 00:26:34,086
How can you possibly
have arranged that so quickly?
448
00:26:34,127 --> 00:26:37,278
- What's he done?
- He's found a buyer for the house.
449
00:26:37,327 --> 00:26:38,680
How?
450
00:26:38,727 --> 00:26:41,036
Jean says "How?"
451
00:26:41,087 --> 00:26:43,078
Yes.
452
00:26:44,167 --> 00:26:49,560
Well, yes, you're right, of course.
It was staring us in the face all the time.
453
00:26:49,607 --> 00:26:51,962
Well, that's wonderful.
454
00:26:52,007 --> 00:26:56,876
All right, I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Thanks, bye.
455
00:26:57,687 --> 00:27:00,645
- Who's buying the house?
- He is.
456
00:27:00,687 --> 00:27:03,884
Oh, that's perfect.
He and Madge belong there.
457
00:27:03,927 --> 00:27:07,522
So do Mrs Bale and Lol. I don't know
why they left it in the first place.
458
00:27:07,567 --> 00:27:10,604
- Oh, my God!
- What?
459
00:27:10,647 --> 00:27:15,243
He gave me the house. Now the
old fool's trying to buy it back from me.
460
00:27:15,287 --> 00:27:19,200
I'm rounding off a wonderful day
by robbing my own father.
461
00:27:27,687 --> 00:27:30,520
# You must remember this
462
00:27:30,567 --> 00:27:32,956
# A kiss is still a kiss
463
00:27:33,007 --> 00:27:36,795
# A sigh is just a sigh
464
00:27:38,647 --> 00:27:42,276
# The fundamental things apply
465
00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:47,196
# As time goes by
466
00:27:49,407 --> 00:27:52,205
# And when two lovers woo
467
00:27:52,247 --> 00:27:54,841
# They still say I love you
468
00:27:54,887 --> 00:27:58,004
# On that you can rely
469
00:28:00,487 --> 00:28:04,844
# The world will always welcome lovers
470
00:28:06,127 --> 00:28:14,922
# As time goes by #
38816
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