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1
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Previously on
"American Princess"...
2
00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:05,614
Tell me it's not over.I really don't know.
3
00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:07,311
What if we brought in
more money here?
4
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:11,446
There are zip lines,
water orbs, petting zoos.
5
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:13,796
No.Why don't we have a vote?
6
00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:15,363
The people have spoken.
7
00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:16,886
I will plague.
8
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:18,018
Them.
9
00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:20,846
All!
10
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:23,023
There's so many letters.
11
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,589
What if she's in, like,
real-world trouble?
12
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:25,764
I have to help her.
13
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,331
Helen: Amanda Klein!
14
00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:30,378
You owe me
a million dollars.
15
00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:32,075
Amanda:
Eat bench, you lunatic!
16
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,772
-Oh!
-Whoa!
17
00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:35,513
I cut off my ear lobe.
18
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,862
You.
19
00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:40,779
When will it be enough
for you, huh?
20
00:00:40,823 --> 00:00:43,086
It's too late to stop anything
after all you started.
21
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,435
Maggie, I --
22
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,002
And now I'm just
an evil old queen
23
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,526
with nothing
to show for it.
24
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,093
Good thing Lil Boy
25
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,877
wasn't here
to interrupt us this time.
26
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,357
Lil Boy!
27
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:55,403
My parents want custody
of Lil Boy.
28
00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:57,274
But I'm so scared.
29
00:00:57,318 --> 00:00:59,929
I think I know somebody
who can help.
30
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:01,583
Brett?
31
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:03,150
It's me.
32
00:01:06,936 --> 00:01:09,199
[ Melissa Manchester's
"Don't Cry Out Loud" playing ]
33
00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:19,818
34
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:23,822
Baby cried the day
the circus came to town
35
00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:26,042
36
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:32,353
'Cause she didn't want parades
just passin' by her
37
00:01:32,396 --> 00:01:38,663
So she painted on a smile
and took up with some clown
38
00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:45,148
While she danced
without a net upon the wire
39
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:51,459
I know a lot about 'er
'cause, you see
40
00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:56,072
Baby is an awful lot like me
41
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,161
42
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:03,035
Don't cry out loud
43
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:06,430
Just keep it inside
44
00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:10,695
And learn how to hide
your feelings
45
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:15,831
Fly high and proud
46
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:18,573
And if you should fall
47
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:20,705
Your mime work is astonishing. Remember you almost
48
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:24,361
Do you do quinceaƱeras, too? Had it all
49
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,015
You don't feel
a smidge better
50
00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:29,540
after body-slamming Amanda
in the mud?
51
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:32,369
Are you really going
to give nothing?
52
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:35,416
I've given everything.
53
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:37,505
It's time
I put myself first.
54
00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:46,253
I'm spent.
You're up.
55
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:50,518
[ Clears throat ]
56
00:02:50,561 --> 00:02:52,084
Look what I have.
57
00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:53,956
Oh, show me, show me.
58
00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:56,828
Here I have
a pilot's thumb,
59
00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:59,875
wreck'd as homeward
he did come.
60
00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,489
[ Growls ]
61
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:08,710
I'm a witch.
62
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:16,979
63
00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,937
[ Lisping ]
I'm a monster.
64
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:24,421
65
00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:29,905
66
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:47,009
67
00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:54,886
68
00:03:54,930 --> 00:04:02,807
69
00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:05,070
Oh, oh. And this'll be good
for your shoulder.
70
00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,681
It's like Icy Hot,
but not.
71
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,117
And these are
for the pain.
72
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,510
I was gonna take 'em
for my ear,
73
00:04:09,553 --> 00:04:10,946
but I ate some weed gummies
this morning,
74
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:12,252
and they seem
to be doing the trick.
75
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,731
What is wrong with you?
76
00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:16,168
You attacked me with
a melon baller yesterday.
77
00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:18,562
Well, technically,
I didn't attack you.
78
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:20,347
-I only tried to.
-Keep talking.
79
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:22,174
This'll be great
for the restraining order.
80
00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:24,481
Amanda, I'm sorry.
For everything.
81
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,048
I know this seems
out of the blue,
82
00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:29,443
but when I saw my ear
profusely bleeding,
83
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:33,273
I had an epiphany that I should
make better life choices.
84
00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:34,665
[ Gasps ]
You think?
85
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,928
I said
we were square before.
86
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,103
This time, I mean it.
87
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:39,496
Swell.
88
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,933
Well, go be square
over there.
89
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:44,893
Okay.
90
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:47,374
Aah!
A little warning, please.
91
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:48,592
What's this?
92
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,246
Message from Lee.
93
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,381
Open it.
94
00:04:54,424 --> 00:05:03,390
95
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:12,355
96
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:21,495
97
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:23,932
[ Indistinct conversations ]
98
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:29,372
99
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:34,856
100
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:36,684
Hi.
101
00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:38,381
Hi.
102
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:42,951
103
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,518
I didn't realize
you were coming up.
104
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,694
Delilah and I could have
met you at the courthouse.
105
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,609
I prefer to meet my clients
beforehand.
106
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,132
And I always liked
driving up here
107
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,177
when we were planning our we--
Sorry.
108
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:53,875
Accidental bringing up
of awkward memory.
109
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:56,747
My therapist says to acknowledge
stupid things I say
110
00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,749
so that they'll feel heard
and then leave my head.
111
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,708
"Hi, stupid thing. Bye, stupid
thing. I hate you forever."
112
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:04,494
Yes, I'd love for you
to show me around.
113
00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:09,020
114
00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:11,414
That's Bonnie.
People say she takes a soul
115
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:13,634
for every item she sells,
which is hilarious.
116
00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:15,287
She's so nice.
117
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,681
-That's Stick.
-Stick.
118
00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:20,075
-He only says "stick."
-Stick!
119
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:22,817
He can talk. But he doesn't.
It's a whole thing.
120
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:25,646
So open up those purses
and wallets, folks!
121
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:28,997
That's our last show of the day,
so don't give us the shaft!
122
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,086
[ Gasps ]
Unless it's his.
123
00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:32,696
[ Laughs ]
124
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,046
My place is right
around the corner.
125
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:38,006
Yeah, you can enter through
the front door or the back!
126
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,790
She seems fun.
127
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:43,011
Are you kidding?
Delilah's the best person here.
128
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:44,752
That's Delilah?
129
00:06:44,795 --> 00:06:47,755
Hi!
Is this my Gloria Allred?
130
00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,321
-Nice to meet you.
-You, too.
131
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,454
-Great show.
-Thank you!
132
00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:53,456
You missed this one part where
I nuzzled this old lady's neck.
133
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:56,241
I think her sunscreen
got me high.
134
00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:58,330
Awesome.
135
00:06:58,374 --> 00:07:03,074
-We should go talk.
-Mm-hmm.
136
00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:09,080
O0 C1I'm not gwas a bad move.ignoring
It makes you look irresponsible.
137
00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:11,518
I didn't think my parents
would take it this far.
138
00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:13,607
My dad has a metal hip.
My mom plays bingo
139
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,739
twice a day, every day.
140
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:17,741
Why on earth would they want
to raise another child?
141
00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:20,440
I understand.
142
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,442
Why don't we talk
character references?
143
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,618
We need people
who can vouch for you.Oh!
144
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,447
Well, people who have known you
for a long time.
145
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:29,797
There's Lulu, obviously,
146
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,016
and, um, the guys --
147
00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,278
David, Stick, and Shart.
148
00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:34,932
Shart?
149
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,891
Like a shit and a fart?
150
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:40,416
Yes. He was christened
back in 1565.
151
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,941
He -- He went to break wind,
and then...
152
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:45,987
something else
happened instead.
153
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:48,816
We all have a back story.
154
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,252
Stick it is.
155
00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:52,994
And who's David?
156
00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:55,910
He's a guy,
who...works here.
157
00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:57,912
We know tons of guys
that work here,
158
00:07:57,955 --> 00:08:00,523
because there -- there are g--
Guys work here.
159
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,264
Look.
There's another one now.
160
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,222
Oh, Brian!
He'd be good, too.
161
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,529
We've known each other
since, what?
162
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,096
I don't like
to date myself,
163
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:11,316
so let's say yesterday.
What is this for?
164
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,581
My lawyer would like me to have
character witnesses in court.
165
00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:17,453
No. My parents went through
an ugly divorce,
166
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,978
so courtrooms
are terrifying.
167
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:23,546
Just the name
"Mariska Har-Hargitay"
168
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,767
makes me break out into hives.
[ Breathes shakily ]
169
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:30,379
But I will help in
any other conceivable way.
170
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,642
Great. We need to keep Lil Boy
close to the courthouse
171
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,949
in case the judge
wants to talk to him.
172
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:36,559
You can watch him.
173
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:37,734
You mean babysit?
174
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:39,519
Please, Brian?
175
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,085
We need all the help
we can get.
176
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,783
[ Door opens ]
177
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:45,437
178
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:46,569
Brett, Helen.
179
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:49,920
Helen, Brett.
180
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,356
Ohh, sorry.
181
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,184
Sometimes
I forget things.
182
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:57,188
183
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,668
Oh, I just got it, too.
184
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,931
Great! Now that
we're all caught up,
185
00:09:00,975 --> 00:09:02,716
Helen, do you mind?
186
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:05,240
I came for chips. I'm not here
to start drama anymore.
187
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:06,894
I told you.
I turned over a new leaf.
188
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,853
[ Clears throat ]
Helen,
189
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,289
if you want to lend
your assistance...
190
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:12,900
-She doesn't.
-...it seems like Brian
191
00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:14,118
could use
an extra set of hands.
192
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:15,511
He couldn't.
193
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,252
Please?
194
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,863
The court is giving me a chance
to prove myself.
195
00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:21,778
She deserves one, too.
196
00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:24,476
Besides, you said yourself
we need all the help we can get.
197
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:25,782
And having more
of my people there
198
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,654
will make me feel
less nervous.
199
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,525
Lil Boy, too.
200
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,659
So I'm babysitting a feral child
and a feral woman.
201
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:35,226
-Fantastic.
-I'm really good with kids.
202
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:36,793
Before my niece
burned down her house,
203
00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:40,623
we were always together.
I basically raised her.
204
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,191
Oh, I-I should
get going, too.
205
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:47,412
I'll meet you early on Thursday
to go over the final details.
206
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,676
Thank you.
207
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,460
My pleasure.
208
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:54,724
A-And not that
I don't love...this,
209
00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:58,815
But you should probably dress
in something less...this.
210
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:01,992
And drier.
And maybe wear a bra?
211
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,864
Yeah.
212
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,169
Can I borrow one of yours?
213
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:09,130
214
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:10,566
Thanks again for coming.
215
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,655
I know this place
is a little much.
216
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,091
Eh, I kind of get it.
217
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:16,267
There's trees, beer on tap.
218
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:19,488
This mask I got from Bonnie
was totally worth my soul,
219
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:22,970
which, let's be honest,
needed replacing anyway.
220
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:25,407
[ Chuckles ]
221
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:27,627
-Delilah needs to win.
-I know.
222
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,933
No, I'm serious.
When I came here,
223
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:32,153
she was the one
who scraped me off the floor.
224
00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:34,634
I owe her everything.
We have to help her.
225
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:37,201
Don't worry. I'm gonna lawyer
the shit out of this one.
226
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:45,470
227
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:48,648
-Hey.
-Hey!
228
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:50,301
That is Delilah's lawyer.
229
00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:52,564
He came here
because he's her lawyer.
230
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:54,044
Uh, okay.
231
00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:55,959
How and what
are you doing?
232
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,961
Checking on you. Haven't
seen you since last night.
233
00:10:58,005 --> 00:10:59,702
Kind of left me hanging
in the shower.
234
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,965
I know. I'm so sorry.
I ran back to the loft,
235
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,272
and I found Delilah, and
she told me all about Lil Boy.
236
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:06,491
Oh, Lil Boy. Yeah, I heard.
They all right?
237
00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:09,190
He's gonna be. The lawyer --
He's a friend from the city.
238
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:11,409
We barely talk anymore --
239
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:14,325
He's gonna take care of it.
240
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:16,197
Oh. Cool.
241
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,328
Cool.
242
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:18,852
The good news about showers
243
00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:21,289
is that we can start
another one at any time.
244
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,986
We don't want
to waste water.
245
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:25,467
It's insensitive
to the people in Laos.
246
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:28,513
[ Chuckles ]
What's going on with you?
247
00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:30,080
I think
that we should cool it.
248
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:34,563
Why?
249
00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:37,218
Because you have
a girlfriend. Callie.
250
00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:39,394
Who's thin and naps
on tree branches.
251
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:41,309
Right.
I'm -- I'm familiar.
252
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,398
I don't want to be
the other woman.
253
00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:44,834
I know the kind of pain
that causes,
254
00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:46,531
-some days more than others.
-I get it.
255
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:48,316
Uh, you don't
have to explain.
256
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:51,449
I don't want to be
a jerk, either.
257
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,495
Cool.
258
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,540
Cool.
259
00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:58,543
See you in court.
260
00:11:58,587 --> 00:11:59,893
Uh-huh.
261
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:03,461
262
00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:05,594
I'm a disaster today.
263
00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:07,378
[ Car horns honking, blaring ]
264
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,210
[ Sighs ]
Okay.
265
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:15,691
Um, excuse me, uh...
Dimitry.
266
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,519
C-- Uh, can you
change a fifty?
267
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,130
You no pay with card?
268
00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:22,219
Oh! [ Laughs ]
Of course!
269
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:24,004
[ Sighs ]
270
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,835
I haven't been in the city
in a long time.
271
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:34,231
[ Upbeat Russian
pop music playing ]
272
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:35,929
Right. Okay. Bye.
273
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:49,551
274
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:59,300
275
00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:00,736
Good afternoon.
276
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,477
I'm here
to see Myron Shapiro.
277
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,131
Great.
Do you have an appointment?
278
00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:06,089
-No.
-Ah, it doesn't matter.
279
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:07,830
-He's dead.
-[ Gasps ]
280
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:10,224
No!
No, no, no.
281
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,965
Poor Myron.
282
00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:14,750
Oh.
Was it...cocaine?
283
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,013
No. It was time.
He was 92.
284
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:20,190
Oh.
Oh, and his...lover?
285
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:21,844
Wife.
She's dead, too.
286
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,019
Who are you?
287
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:24,455
Maggie Chainey.
[ Chuckles ]
288
00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:28,155
I was one of his clients
in the late '80s.
289
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:30,070
It appears I may have misjudged
his personal life.
290
00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,768
But things were crazy then.
[ Chuckles ]
291
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:33,856
Uh, who are you?
292
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,293
Ah.
Sanjeep Farooqui-McMahon.
293
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:37,512
Pleased to meet you.
294
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:38,992
I was his assistant.
295
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,689
After he passed,
we kept waiting
296
00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:42,691
for someone
to claim the business,
297
00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:45,259
but his family
actively pushed it on me,
298
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:47,435
-so here I am.
-Oh.
299
00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:48,784
So what have you been doing
this whole time?
300
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,917
Oh, this, that.
301
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,703
Some Shakespeare
at the...park.
302
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,052
Well, hey, if you want
back on the roster,
303
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:57,488
I can find you something.
304
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,229
I have access to all
the breakdowns for today.
305
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,753
Oh, no. Don't do that.
I-I shouldn't have even come by.
306
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:04,539
Oh, why not?
I need people like you.
307
00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:07,803
All my girls are either
super ethnic or very young,
308
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,936
and you are neither
of those things.
309
00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:13,069
Um...thank you.
310
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:16,899
Aha. A musical based
on the show "Hoarders."
311
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,815
It's called
"Hoarders: The Musical."
312
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,819
Oh. Well, that does
sound layered.
313
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,603
Come on, Maggie Chainey.
314
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:28,345
I know we just met,
but you got to believe
315
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:30,826
you came here for a reason.
316
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,784
[ Fanfare plays on cellphone]
317
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,357
-I'm in.
-That's the spirit!
318
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:43,534
I might have some sex appeal
left in my bag of tricks.
319
00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:46,146
You know, I was once called
"the next Tawny Kitaen."
320
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,017
I have no idea who that is.
321
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,453
But the part
you're going out for
322
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:53,805
is "Sad Woman
Trapped Behind Wall."
323
00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:58,941
Great.
324
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,686
O0 C1the odds of being killed
asby falling debrise,
325
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:07,776
are actually 1 in 5 billion.
326
00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:09,821
So it's probably
not gonna happen.
327
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,649
Although, if it does,
it's just proof
328
00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:13,651
that you're really special.
329
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:16,611
Oh, David! Can you run this
over to Delilah?
330
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:19,527
-Mm, what is it?
-Beauty stuff.
331
00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:22,051
Oh, and tell her the curling
iron needs to be set to "6,"
332
00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:23,531
or it'll burn her scalp,
333
00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:25,402
unless she uses
the pearler wand extension
334
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:26,664
and holds down the clamp,
335
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:28,362
in which case,
it can go up to "9."
336
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:30,581
I'm not qualified
to relay this information.
337
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,844
Fine. Then, uh, just
watch the class for me.
338
00:15:32,888 --> 00:15:35,978
Okay, everyone,
behave for Mr. David.
339
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,327
-Thank you. Thanks so much.
-No. No, no, no, no, no.
340
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,286
-You got it.
-Uh, kids are --
341
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:44,378
David: So...
342
00:15:44,421 --> 00:15:46,467
We were talking
about astronomy.
343
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,251
Oh, okay.
Well, Scorpios are bad.
344
00:15:48,295 --> 00:15:49,470
They'll key your car.
345
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,428
Leos are meh.
346
00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:53,126
Cancers are what they
sound like --
347
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:54,605
That's astrology.
348
00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,999
I know.
They're related.
349
00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:59,871
Uh, planets and stars
350
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:02,787
and, uh, how people behave
351
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:06,530
in relationships that may
or may not last forever.
352
00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:09,011
-Are you drunk?
-He's high.
353
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:12,101
No, that looks like
pills to me.
354
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:13,755
No, kids.
I'm not rolling.
355
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,017
I'm distracted, all right?
356
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:17,019
Astrology was sort of --
357
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,282
issort of
my girlfriend's thing.
358
00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:20,936
I mean, I say "girlfriend"
'cause it's not like
359
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,373
we're gonna be eloping
to Jamaica any time soon.
360
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:24,809
I wouldn't go there, actually.
361
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:26,289
They're not very friendly
to gay people.
362
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,900
Not that I am,
but I have friends who are,
363
00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:32,687
uh, and my girlfriend does,
too -- Or not my girlfriend,
364
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:34,950
'cause, I mean, who says
that we're gonna make it past,
365
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:38,388
say, tomorrow even?
366
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,564
I smell drama.
367
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,305
Spill it.
368
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:46,570
369
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,137
It says here that you do
370
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:51,706
a "washer wench" show
at the faire.
371
00:16:51,749 --> 00:16:53,012
What does that mean?
372
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:55,057
Ah, that's simple,
Your Honor.
373
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:57,016
Me and my gal
get the crowd sopping wet,
374
00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:58,800
then we give everyone
a happy ending...
375
00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:02,630
[Chuckles]
especially the married folks.
376
00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:04,806
"My scene partner and I
put on a play
377
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:06,286
based on
Elizabethan culture
378
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,157
that's not only
entertaining
379
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:10,159
but family-friendly,
as well."
380
00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:11,552
Ooh.
381
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,075
I should write that
on my hand.
382
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,512
My turn.
[ Clears throat ]
383
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:18,776
Um, your son
is home-schooled.
384
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:20,343
What sort of things
does he learn?
385
00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:22,345
Life skills,
like how to swing an ax
386
00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:24,086
or how to make soup
from ketchup packets.
387
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:27,046
Oh -- and he can identify
counterfeit money
388
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,612
on smell alone.
389
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:35,706
Come on and strike ya pose
390
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,144
Slut. Ohh oh ohh
391
00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:39,406
Okay.
392
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:40,798
Go head and strike ya pose
393
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:43,062
We love it, though.
394
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,325
Ohh oh ohh
395
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,022
Clown. Sing along
396
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:50,112
I got my hair str8 done
and my nails done 2
397
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,462
Witch. Got that fly fit on
398
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,334
Y'all know what I came 2 do
399
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:58,120
Strike my pose,
I'm so red carpet
400
00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:00,122
Strike my pose,
I'm so red carpet
401
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:02,124
I look like a villain
on "The View!"
402
00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:04,822
Look at my toes,
I'm so red carpet
403
00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:07,477
It's the one.
It feels good.
404
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:08,870
I forgot
my steamer at home.
405
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:10,828
So I'm just gonna
do it in the closet,
406
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:12,700
-get a sauna going.
-Ah!
407
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,789
Oh.
408
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:17,183
-Lulu, thank you.
-I love ya, honey.
409
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:18,314
Bye.
410
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,191
Hey.
411
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:27,454
Thank you for doing this.
412
00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:29,412
I know calling Brett
wasn't easy for you.
413
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,110
I'm fine.
Yeah.
414
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:34,243
Yeah, no, no, no.
I'm focusing on you.
415
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:36,506
Besides, seeing Brett,
like, in person
416
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:40,162
was, like,
not even a big deal.
417
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,685
You're blinking
like a junkie.
418
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:45,124
I'm falling apart!
419
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,864
I'm hiding David from Brett
and Brett from David,
420
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:48,344
and I don't know why.
421
00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:49,954
Oh.
422
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:52,392
You're confused, honey.
423
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:54,176
Because you have feelings
for both of them.
424
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,309
I do not have feelings
for Brett.
425
00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:58,311
[ Laughs ]
426
00:18:58,354 --> 00:18:59,486
Fine.
427
00:18:59,529 --> 00:19:01,314
But for the record,
428
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:03,185
he's not all that bad.
I mean,
429
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:04,621
the way you were talking about
him, I thought he would come in
430
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,580
with gnashing teeth
and his penis-a-swingin'.
431
00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:08,712
He has a lot
of great qualities, obviously.
432
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:10,410
I was gonna marry him.
433
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:12,586
But he cheated.
434
00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:15,284
I don't think
I could ever forgive that.
435
00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:17,808
Or at least
I'm not supposed to.
436
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:19,767
If you did everything
you were supposed to do,
437
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:21,551
you would never
have come here.
438
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:24,424
And I would never have come here
if he hadn't have cheated.
439
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,121
I'm not pushing you
in any sort of direction.
440
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,211
But if I was, I'd be pushing
in the direction towards David.
441
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,518
-Yes, David.
-Mm.
442
00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:35,348
Mysterious, charming,
everybody-loves-David.
443
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:36,827
You like him.
444
00:19:36,871 --> 00:19:41,354
I also like bagels
and candles, too.
445
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:44,661
Okay, fine.
I like him a...lot.
446
00:19:44,705 --> 00:19:46,141
[ Laughs ]
447
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,925
But my mind shuts down
pretty quickly
448
00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,145
because he has
a girlfriend.
449
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,886
David:
If you want to call her that.
450
00:19:51,929 --> 00:19:54,323
We're only together
the 10 weeks of this faire.
451
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,325
Never met
each other's families.
452
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:59,328
Then again, those 10 weeks
are pretty great.
453
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:02,113
We respect each other.
We get along.
454
00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:04,594
Of course you do.
She 5'10" and ready to mingle.
455
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:05,682
-Ew.
-Ew.
456
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,031
She's not a bad person.
457
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:09,120
-She's just --
-Not Amanda.
458
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:12,472
Maybe I want more.
459
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:14,300
Like a certain
pint-sized Jewess?
460
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:15,605
Amanda's normal-sized.
461
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,477
So it isAmanda.
462
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,783
I mean, yeah.
463
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,785
It's Amanda.
464
00:20:21,829 --> 00:20:24,092
She's come a long way.
When she got here,
465
00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:25,963
she was this precious
Manhattanite
466
00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:28,227
who couldn't complete a task
without the help of an app.
467
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,011
Now she's out there
promoting the faire.
468
00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:31,578
She's getting her hands dirty.
469
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:33,275
I think we can all agree,
470
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:35,930
you need
to break up with Callie
471
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:39,194
and clear the way for Amanda,
who has many positive qualities
472
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,152
that are probably
compatible with yours.
473
00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:43,677
-Mm-hmm.
-I'm gonna do it!
474
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,026
Thanks, guys.
475
00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:47,289
This was so
embarrassing.
476
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:50,292
Mm. Great. Let us know
how it goes. And bring tissues.
477
00:20:50,336 --> 00:20:52,251
Oh, Callie doesn't emote.
There will be no tears.
478
00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:54,601
Oh, there's gonna
be something.
479
00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,080
You can't
break up with a girl
480
00:20:56,124 --> 00:20:58,648
and expect there
to be no reaction.
481
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:03,305
In fact, it's even scarier
if she doesn'tcry.
482
00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:05,438
It's the quiet ones who kill.
483
00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:14,142
O0 C1[ Indistinct conversations ]
484
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:23,412
Oh.
[ Clears throat ]
485
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:25,066
I'm here.
486
00:21:29,026 --> 00:21:30,593
Listen up, people!
487
00:21:30,637 --> 00:21:32,552
I got a roast in the oven
and a twink in my bed.
488
00:21:32,595 --> 00:21:34,989
I do not have time for mistakes
or questions.
489
00:21:35,032 --> 00:21:37,600
Does anyone have any questions?
490
00:21:37,644 --> 00:21:39,123
We're learning already.
491
00:21:39,167 --> 00:21:41,822
Group one, up.
492
00:21:41,865 --> 00:21:43,345
My name is Azul.
493
00:21:43,389 --> 00:21:45,304
I am the creative director
of this show.
494
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:47,001
This is the dancing round.
495
00:21:47,044 --> 00:21:48,872
If you make it past today,
you come back tomorrow
496
00:21:48,916 --> 00:21:51,048
for singing and acting.
497
00:21:51,092 --> 00:21:53,573
If you don't make it,
I'm sorry,
498
00:21:53,616 --> 00:21:55,096
you'll never be
a triple threat.
499
00:21:55,139 --> 00:21:56,967
Just real quick, uh,
is there any idea
500
00:21:57,011 --> 00:21:58,665
when we'd start tomorrow?
I have tickets
501
00:21:58,708 --> 00:22:00,319
to the Breast Exhibit
at the Whitney,
502
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:02,538
and I'd really hate to miss it
if I don't --
503
00:22:09,545 --> 00:22:10,807
Who are you?
504
00:22:10,851 --> 00:22:12,156
Maggie.
505
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,375
Chainey.
506
00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:16,204
From here?
507
00:22:16,247 --> 00:22:17,858
Oklahoma.
508
00:22:17,901 --> 00:22:19,076
Muskogee.
509
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:20,948
Maggie from Muskogee,
510
00:22:20,991 --> 00:22:22,428
it's awfully presumptuous of you
511
00:22:22,471 --> 00:22:24,734
to assume you'll be
coming back tomorrow.
512
00:22:24,778 --> 00:22:27,433
So many things could happen --
a knee could buckle.
513
00:22:27,476 --> 00:22:31,350
One of these girls could slip
a banana peel under your hoof.
514
00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:32,568
I'm not worried.
515
00:22:32,612 --> 00:22:34,527
I plan on dazzling you.
516
00:22:34,570 --> 00:22:38,139
Good. Because your question
that I asked you not to ask
517
00:22:38,182 --> 00:22:40,359
is making me itch
to cut you.
518
00:22:40,402 --> 00:22:43,579
But I'm sure you'll do fine.
Have fun!
519
00:22:43,623 --> 00:22:46,669
Here's the routine.
I would do the steps myself,
520
00:22:46,713 --> 00:22:49,759
but, uh, I tore my meniscus
at a foam party.
521
00:22:49,803 --> 00:22:51,631
Go.
522
00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:54,242
A-five, 6, 7, 8.
523
00:22:54,285 --> 00:22:57,941
Grab on, what I got is fire
524
00:22:57,985 --> 00:23:01,510
Right here, I got more
than enough to go round
525
00:23:01,554 --> 00:23:04,948
Don't fight,
head over desire
526
00:23:04,992 --> 00:23:07,647
Can I tell you a secret? You gone get it, baby,
if you want it tonight
527
00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:10,867
You're awful. Bye. Knockin' on my backdoor
beggin' for more
528
00:23:10,911 --> 00:23:14,131
Oh, love you. I can make it rain,
do you want it to pour?
529
00:23:14,175 --> 00:23:18,135
Ugh. Hate your teeth. Ugh. Tell me what you like,
I'll settle the score
530
00:23:18,179 --> 00:23:22,401
Can you handle it?
Can you handle it?
531
00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:26,143
Knockin' on my backdoor
beggin' for more
532
00:23:26,187 --> 00:23:29,712
I can make it rain,
do you want it to pour?
533
00:23:29,756 --> 00:23:33,063
Tell me what you like,
I'll settle the score
534
00:23:33,107 --> 00:23:34,804
Consider me dazzled. Can you handle it?
535
00:23:34,848 --> 00:23:38,068
Baby, can you handle it?
536
00:23:38,112 --> 00:23:41,594
You can see me in the back
if you want it
537
00:23:41,637 --> 00:23:42,986
[ Indistinct conversations ]
538
00:23:43,030 --> 00:23:48,470
539
00:23:48,514 --> 00:23:54,041
540
00:23:54,084 --> 00:23:55,738
Callie, we need to talk.
541
00:23:55,782 --> 00:23:58,001
Um, I haven't showered,
but okay.
542
00:23:58,045 --> 00:23:59,960
No, no, no, no!
I-I mean with sentences.
543
00:24:00,003 --> 00:24:02,484
Um...
544
00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:06,009
Callie, you and I
have had a lot of fun.
545
00:24:06,053 --> 00:24:07,620
But as my dad used to say
546
00:24:07,663 --> 00:24:09,752
when he dragged us out
of Six Flags three hours early
547
00:24:09,796 --> 00:24:13,190
so that we could beat
the traffic, "Fun ends."
548
00:24:13,234 --> 00:24:15,497
Um...
549
00:24:15,541 --> 00:24:17,717
I want to break up.
550
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,197
Oh, I didn't realize
we were together.
551
00:24:20,241 --> 00:24:22,243
What?
552
00:24:22,286 --> 00:24:25,768
Like, I didn't realize
we were together.
553
00:24:25,812 --> 00:24:27,727
No, no, no. I mean,
I heard you the first time.
554
00:24:27,770 --> 00:24:31,034
But -- But what? Uh, you're
my 10-week girlfriend.
555
00:24:31,078 --> 00:24:33,646
-We're open.
-Yeah, after the faire.
556
00:24:33,689 --> 00:24:35,256
Duringthe faire.
557
00:24:35,299 --> 00:24:36,692
Does that mean you've been,
like, sleeping
558
00:24:36,736 --> 00:24:38,302
with other people
this whole time?
559
00:24:38,346 --> 00:24:39,826
No!
[ Chuckles ]
560
00:24:39,869 --> 00:24:41,305
On Tuesdays, I rest.
561
00:24:41,349 --> 00:24:44,700
Bu-- Who?
562
00:24:44,744 --> 00:24:48,965
Um, Cyril,
Stephen, Areola.
563
00:24:49,009 --> 00:24:50,750
Ooh, the guy who fixed
your sink last week.
564
00:24:50,793 --> 00:24:52,273
Dino...
Dennis...
565
00:24:52,316 --> 00:24:54,057
-DeAndre?
-DeAndre.
566
00:24:54,101 --> 00:24:55,232
And his assistant.
567
00:24:55,276 --> 00:24:56,582
I tipped them both.
568
00:24:56,625 --> 00:24:58,758
They earned it.
569
00:24:58,801 --> 00:25:00,542
Oh, I'm sorry, David.
570
00:25:00,586 --> 00:25:02,849
I thought we had
an understanding.
571
00:25:02,892 --> 00:25:04,981
But I want you to know
that I hear you.
572
00:25:05,025 --> 00:25:08,028
We are no longer
in a relationship.
573
00:25:08,071 --> 00:25:11,858
I'll come by later
and get my thongs.
574
00:25:11,901 --> 00:25:14,774
I tipped them both.
575
00:25:14,817 --> 00:25:17,559
"I know this is garbage,
but don't call it trash.
576
00:25:17,603 --> 00:25:19,474
It's a dryer sheet.
577
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:21,868
It means something to me."
578
00:25:21,911 --> 00:25:24,348
[ Muttering ] Dryer sheet.
It means something.
579
00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:29,223
[ Siren wailing in distance ]
580
00:25:31,399 --> 00:25:33,488
[ Piano music playing ]
581
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:36,230
582
00:25:36,273 --> 00:25:41,365
Here's a lid without a pot
that I'm sure must be around
583
00:25:41,409 --> 00:25:44,020
Here's a doll with one leg
584
00:25:44,064 --> 00:25:47,197
That used to make
a crying sound
585
00:25:47,241 --> 00:25:50,461
Here's a map of Des Moines
586
00:25:50,505 --> 00:25:54,291
I might go to Iowa
587
00:25:54,335 --> 00:25:56,816
Here's a cap and a coin
and a ball and a bra
588
00:25:56,859 --> 00:26:01,777
And a plant and a pig
and a sock and a saw
589
00:26:01,821 --> 00:26:03,692
590
00:26:03,736 --> 00:26:07,696
I might need this
591
00:26:07,740 --> 00:26:11,439
I might need this
592
00:26:11,482 --> 00:26:16,531
I might need this
593
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:21,971
I might need this
594
00:26:22,015 --> 00:26:24,104
Man: [ Muffled ]
Please, shut up!
595
00:26:24,147 --> 00:26:27,324
That is not lint.
596
00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:28,848
Oh, God.
597
00:26:33,243 --> 00:26:35,724
598
00:26:35,768 --> 00:26:37,944
[ Indistinct conversations ]
599
00:26:37,987 --> 00:26:41,208
600
00:26:41,251 --> 00:26:44,298
Okay.
601
00:26:44,341 --> 00:26:47,301
The next time you see me,
our problems will be behind us.
602
00:26:47,344 --> 00:26:49,042
-Promise?
-Cross my heart
603
00:26:49,085 --> 00:26:51,261
and hope to ascend to the moon
with the goddess Hecate.
604
00:26:51,305 --> 00:26:53,350
605
00:26:53,394 --> 00:26:54,482
Listen to Brian and Helen!
606
00:26:54,525 --> 00:26:56,179
I will.
607
00:26:56,223 --> 00:27:03,665
608
00:27:03,709 --> 00:27:07,408
Lil Boy, get back here!
609
00:27:07,451 --> 00:27:09,758
I hope this playground
has a bar.
610
00:27:09,802 --> 00:27:12,805
Brian and Helen
will take great care of him.I don't know.
611
00:27:12,848 --> 00:27:14,676
Wow.
Nice upgrade.
612
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:18,027
You look...awesome.
613
00:27:18,071 --> 00:27:20,029
-[ Chuckles ]
-You, too.
614
00:27:23,076 --> 00:27:25,034
Nice to see you
again, Delilah.
615
00:27:25,078 --> 00:27:26,949
You look like a harlot.
616
00:27:26,993 --> 00:27:28,908
And you look like a doily
made love to a grape.
617
00:27:28,951 --> 00:27:30,561
That's no way to talk
to your mother.
618
00:27:30,605 --> 00:27:32,346
-[ Scoffs ]
-It didn't have to come to this.
619
00:27:32,389 --> 00:27:34,130
You took it here, Daddy.
620
00:27:34,174 --> 00:27:36,480
[ Scoffs ]
I hope you prayed.
621
00:27:36,524 --> 00:27:37,699
Of course we did.
622
00:27:37,743 --> 00:27:38,961
So what is she --
623
00:27:39,005 --> 00:27:40,049
Sit down.
624
00:27:40,093 --> 00:27:41,921
Helen:
Okay, okay, okay.
625
00:27:41,964 --> 00:27:43,226
W-Watch.
626
00:27:43,270 --> 00:27:44,750
No, no. Little slower.
627
00:27:44,793 --> 00:27:46,882
Okay.
[ Stammering ]
628
00:27:46,926 --> 00:27:48,710
Take it -- Take -- Oh, God!
629
00:27:48,754 --> 00:27:50,146
Watch how you land!
You'll bite your tongue,
630
00:27:50,190 --> 00:27:53,584
and it will hurt.
Trust me.
631
00:27:53,628 --> 00:27:55,238
A little help here?
632
00:27:55,282 --> 00:27:57,284
He's fine.
He's 8.
633
00:27:57,327 --> 00:27:59,155
His bones
are still rubbery.
634
00:27:59,199 --> 00:28:02,202
He needs positive reinforcement,
especially at this critical age
635
00:28:02,245 --> 00:28:04,770
where he's lacking
a strong male role model.
636
00:28:04,813 --> 00:28:06,467
Where is all this
coming from?
637
00:28:06,510 --> 00:28:09,252
Are you still trying to be
your best self?
638
00:28:09,296 --> 00:28:11,907
Yes!
Nobody believes me.
639
00:28:11,951 --> 00:28:14,388
Helen, we're babysitting.
It's not that big of a deal.
640
00:28:14,431 --> 00:28:16,520
So you're just gonna sit there
and do nothing?
641
00:28:16,564 --> 00:28:19,393
If by "nothing" you mean dive
into chapter five and experience
642
00:28:19,436 --> 00:28:22,396
the wonder that is
this woman's career, then yes.
643
00:28:22,439 --> 00:28:23,919
Kelly: I don't know
if Peyton should do jazz.
644
00:28:23,963 --> 00:28:26,052
It cuts into her soccer
and ukulele.
645
00:28:26,095 --> 00:28:28,881
Same with Miles.
He wants to do tennis, but how?
646
00:28:28,924 --> 00:28:31,492
Is he going to give up
gardening? Calligraphy?
647
00:28:31,535 --> 00:28:32,711
If you hold a carrot
in your teeth,
648
00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:35,365
Lil Boy can slice it
with a whip.
649
00:28:35,409 --> 00:28:41,632
650
00:28:41,676 --> 00:28:45,245
Uh, Maggie Chainey?
651
00:28:45,288 --> 00:28:46,812
Okay.
652
00:28:46,855 --> 00:28:51,817
653
00:28:51,860 --> 00:28:54,602
Azul: Maggie from Muskogee,
we meet again.
654
00:28:54,645 --> 00:28:55,951
Nice to see you.
655
00:28:55,995 --> 00:28:58,040
All of you.
656
00:28:58,084 --> 00:29:00,434
We're going to start
with the dead-cat monologue
657
00:29:00,477 --> 00:29:02,392
and then move on
to "I Might Need This."
658
00:29:02,436 --> 00:29:04,003
Any questions?
659
00:29:10,487 --> 00:29:12,359
"The first time
I saved a pizza box,
660
00:29:12,402 --> 00:29:15,884
I knew something was wrong.
661
00:29:15,928 --> 00:29:18,060
I told myself that
it looked nice on the table,
662
00:29:18,104 --> 00:29:21,803
as a sort of
shabby-chic centerpiece.
663
00:29:21,847 --> 00:29:23,674
But when 1 box became 2
664
00:29:23,718 --> 00:29:27,156
and 2 became 10,
665
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,073
they started to block
the view outside my window.
666
00:29:31,117 --> 00:29:34,729
I could no longer see
the mailbox or the neighbors,
667
00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:38,689
not even the top
of my magnolia tree.
668
00:29:38,733 --> 00:29:41,736
And I realized that I was
669
00:29:41,780 --> 00:29:45,044
suddenly, completely
fine with that.
670
00:29:45,087 --> 00:29:48,047
671
00:29:48,090 --> 00:29:49,918
As several days passed,
I realized
672
00:29:49,962 --> 00:29:52,834
I hadn't seen Snowball anywhere,
so I started looking and --"
673
00:29:52,878 --> 00:29:54,531
Thank you.
674
00:29:57,491 --> 00:29:58,971
Charlie:
Tamara Duffy?
675
00:30:11,026 --> 00:30:15,465
Thank you.
676
00:30:18,425 --> 00:30:19,861
O0 C1that you have professional
Ms. Qurepresentationto see
677
00:30:19,905 --> 00:30:21,950
with Shumer, Stoecker & Denber,
ah, no less.
678
00:30:21,994 --> 00:30:23,082
Counselor?
679
00:30:23,125 --> 00:30:24,735
Yes, Your Honor.
680
00:30:24,779 --> 00:30:26,563
As you can see from
the psychological evaluation,
681
00:30:26,607 --> 00:30:29,044
the therapist deemed Lil --
uh, the child --
682
00:30:29,088 --> 00:30:31,090
as healthy and happy.
683
00:30:31,133 --> 00:30:34,310
The faire, while unconventional,
provides a natural environment
684
00:30:34,354 --> 00:30:37,531
that fosters outdoor play,
creativity, and, frankly,
685
00:30:37,574 --> 00:30:38,837
an escape from the addictive
686
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,795
technological trappings
of the world.
687
00:30:40,839 --> 00:30:42,841
Oh, you don't have to tell me,
counselor.
688
00:30:42,884 --> 00:30:44,755
My nephew shoots hookers
on a video game
689
00:30:44,799 --> 00:30:46,670
and texts me acronyms
I don't understand.
690
00:30:46,714 --> 00:30:49,935
I am all for
kids climbing in trees.
691
00:30:49,978 --> 00:30:51,937
Okay, let's get this show
on the road.
692
00:30:51,980 --> 00:30:54,896
I got a wedge salad
waiting for me.
693
00:30:54,940 --> 00:30:57,029
Okay.
694
00:30:57,072 --> 00:30:59,640
Everyone in the faire
looks out for each other,
695
00:30:59,683 --> 00:31:02,512
so the bonds
are a lot like family.
696
00:31:02,556 --> 00:31:04,514
Are you married,
Mr. Poland?
697
00:31:04,558 --> 00:31:06,865
No. A-And I'm not
in a relationship.
698
00:31:06,908 --> 00:31:08,475
I'm free
to do whatever I want
699
00:31:08,518 --> 00:31:12,740
with whoeverI want.
700
00:31:12,783 --> 00:31:14,263
Does that mean
you're a gigolo?
701
00:31:14,307 --> 00:31:15,569
What?!
702
00:31:15,612 --> 00:31:19,486
[ Laughing ]
703
00:31:19,529 --> 00:31:21,880
You -- Oh.
Th-That was a question.
704
00:31:21,923 --> 00:31:23,794
Um...
705
00:31:23,838 --> 00:31:25,579
No.
706
00:31:25,622 --> 00:31:28,190
-It's our turn now.
-And you're doing it wrong.
707
00:31:28,234 --> 00:31:30,671
He's thinking
outside the box.
708
00:31:30,714 --> 00:31:33,108
What's wrong
with your mouth?
709
00:31:33,152 --> 00:31:35,502
God punished me
for eating kids.
710
00:31:35,545 --> 00:31:37,504
[ Slurping ][ Kids shrieking ]
711
00:31:37,547 --> 00:31:40,550
[ Chuckles ]
712
00:31:40,594 --> 00:31:42,030
As a person with diabetes,
713
00:31:42,074 --> 00:31:44,293
I-I feel very safe
on the faire circuit.
714
00:31:44,337 --> 00:31:45,816
There's almost always
a public clinic nearby,
715
00:31:45,860 --> 00:31:47,514
and the wait times
aren't that long.
716
00:31:47,557 --> 00:31:50,386
I'm on a first-tier
insurance plan.
717
00:31:50,430 --> 00:31:52,606
Our students are very well-read.
718
00:31:52,649 --> 00:31:53,912
Plus, they share a computer,
719
00:31:53,955 --> 00:31:56,697
so they're
technically proficient.
720
00:31:56,740 --> 00:31:58,003
Our school has a lab.
721
00:31:58,046 --> 00:31:59,308
30 computers.
722
00:31:59,352 --> 00:32:02,659
And none of them get porn.
723
00:32:02,703 --> 00:32:05,314
So "Lil Boy" is his name?
724
00:32:05,358 --> 00:32:08,709
Like my lawyer said,
the faire is a creative place.
725
00:32:08,752 --> 00:32:10,580
He'll choose his name
when he's ready.
726
00:32:10,624 --> 00:32:12,104
Your Honor, if I may.
727
00:32:12,147 --> 00:32:14,628
Of course, Mr. Carpet.
Please proceed.
728
00:32:14,671 --> 00:32:17,936
The child wasgiven a name,
at birth,
729
00:32:17,979 --> 00:32:20,155
by someone who deeply cared.
730
00:32:20,199 --> 00:32:21,591
[ Doors open ]
731
00:32:21,635 --> 00:32:24,246
This is Zeb Abner,
732
00:32:24,290 --> 00:32:27,249
Zeb Jr.'s father.
733
00:32:27,293 --> 00:32:28,598
That is not his name!
734
00:32:28,642 --> 00:32:30,470
-Objection!
-Order. And overruled.
735
00:32:30,513 --> 00:32:32,820
This stunt better have a point,
Mr. Carpet.
736
00:32:32,863 --> 00:32:35,997
Zeb has maintained a
relationship with Art and Alma,
737
00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:38,869
so that he would be present
in the child's life.
738
00:32:38,913 --> 00:32:40,871
He also has
a two-bedroom apartment,
739
00:32:40,915 --> 00:32:44,049
a vehicle, and a job
with benefits.
740
00:32:44,092 --> 00:32:46,921
I'm a manager
at Pizza Palace.
741
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:49,010
They let me place
the sauce orders, so...
742
00:32:49,054 --> 00:32:51,317
[ Whispering ]
Great.
743
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:55,495
744
00:32:55,538 --> 00:32:57,801
That toilet was nice.
745
00:32:57,845 --> 00:32:59,281
It flushed by itself.
746
00:32:59,325 --> 00:33:00,935
My niece says that's
how they are in prison.
747
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:03,242
Excuse me,
did you tell my Peyton
748
00:33:03,285 --> 00:33:04,591
that you were
going to eat her?
749
00:33:04,634 --> 00:33:07,637
-No.
-She did. She's lying.
750
00:33:07,681 --> 00:33:09,813
What's going on?We don't want to cause
any trouble,
751
00:33:09,857 --> 00:33:12,077
but you need
to control your wife.
752
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,035
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, honey,
753
00:33:14,079 --> 00:33:16,690
you of all people
should know -- No.
754
00:33:16,733 --> 00:33:18,344
We're friends.
He's not even our kid.
755
00:33:18,387 --> 00:33:21,477
Whatever. I think
it would be best if you left.
756
00:33:21,521 --> 00:33:24,176
You're scaring the children, and
your lisp is giving me spittle.
757
00:33:24,219 --> 00:33:26,091
Let's go, Helen.
They're not worth it.
758
00:33:26,134 --> 00:33:28,876
No. I told Delilah I was gonna
watch Lil Boy in this park,
759
00:33:28,919 --> 00:33:30,704
and I am not leaving
until she comes out.
760
00:33:30,747 --> 00:33:32,227
Then I will be forced
to call a policeman
761
00:33:32,271 --> 00:33:34,099
and tell him
that you threatened my child.
762
00:33:34,142 --> 00:33:36,318
-I didn't.
-Who's he gonna believe --
763
00:33:36,362 --> 00:33:38,364
the PTA Treasurer...
764
00:33:38,407 --> 00:33:40,018
or a freak?
765
00:33:43,543 --> 00:33:45,153
Come on, Lil Boy.
766
00:33:49,592 --> 00:33:51,072
Her name is Helen.
767
00:33:51,116 --> 00:33:53,683
She's working on herself.
768
00:33:53,727 --> 00:33:55,511
Which is more
than I can say for you.
769
00:33:55,555 --> 00:33:56,773
You don't know us.
770
00:33:56,817 --> 00:33:58,514
Oh, but I do.
771
00:33:58,558 --> 00:34:00,690
In the words of Henry IV,
772
00:34:00,734 --> 00:34:04,390
"I wish I had enough breath to
tell you all the things you are.
773
00:34:04,433 --> 00:34:06,087
You elfskin,
774
00:34:06,131 --> 00:34:07,915
you bull's pizzle,
775
00:34:07,958 --> 00:34:09,569
you stockfish,
776
00:34:09,612 --> 00:34:12,311
you tailor's-yard,
you sheath,
777
00:34:12,354 --> 00:34:14,922
you bowcase..."
778
00:34:14,965 --> 00:34:16,663
You bitch.
779
00:34:16,706 --> 00:34:21,320
780
00:34:21,363 --> 00:34:23,800
"Bowcase."
781
00:34:23,844 --> 00:34:24,845
[ Chuckling ]
Nice.
782
00:34:27,935 --> 00:34:29,763
Counselor, if that's
all you have...
783
00:34:34,942 --> 00:34:37,118
Then I'll issue
my ruling.
784
00:34:37,162 --> 00:34:38,685
[ Whispering ]
Brett.
785
00:34:42,254 --> 00:34:44,082
Wait.
786
00:34:44,125 --> 00:34:46,693
I'd like to speak.
787
00:34:46,736 --> 00:34:50,653
I've only known Delilah --
Ms. Quaid -- for six weeks,
788
00:34:50,697 --> 00:34:53,047
but as the only person here
that lives with her,
789
00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:54,918
I can provide insight
into her relationship
790
00:34:54,962 --> 00:34:56,616
with her child,
Your Honor.
791
00:34:56,659 --> 00:34:58,748
Spit it out, Marcia Clark.
792
00:35:02,056 --> 00:35:06,234
Hi. Uh,
my name is Amanda Klein.
793
00:35:06,278 --> 00:35:09,977
Um, I'm a single bartender
with no children.
794
00:35:10,020 --> 00:35:11,544
I left the comfort
of a Manhattan loft
795
00:35:11,587 --> 00:35:13,241
to live with this woman
and her son
796
00:35:13,285 --> 00:35:15,809
and a possum named Rat Cat,
who is a terrible listener
797
00:35:15,852 --> 00:35:17,550
and not much of
a cuddle bug.
798
00:35:20,248 --> 00:35:22,076
So...
799
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,079
However...
800
00:35:25,123 --> 00:35:27,299
I wouldn't trade a single
rickety slat in our floor
801
00:35:27,342 --> 00:35:30,519
to step foot on the marble tile
that I used to,
802
00:35:30,563 --> 00:35:32,086
because living with her
has taught me
803
00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:34,349
what unconditional love means,
804
00:35:34,393 --> 00:35:36,960
whether it's
towards strangers -- me --
805
00:35:37,004 --> 00:35:40,616
her friends -- them --
or her son,
806
00:35:40,660 --> 00:35:43,445
who is the happiest,
sweetest little boy
807
00:35:43,489 --> 00:35:45,882
I've ever met.
808
00:35:45,926 --> 00:35:47,710
Yes, his name is Lil Boy.
809
00:35:47,754 --> 00:35:50,583
810
00:35:50,626 --> 00:35:52,802
We know what the world thinks
of us rennies.
811
00:35:52,846 --> 00:35:55,544
[ Indistinct conversations ]
812
00:35:55,588 --> 00:35:57,590
That we're weirdos.
813
00:35:57,633 --> 00:35:59,287
Freaks.
814
00:35:59,331 --> 00:36:02,247
815
00:36:02,290 --> 00:36:03,726
That we're all
running from the past
816
00:36:03,770 --> 00:36:05,075
while trying to escape
the present
817
00:36:05,119 --> 00:36:07,382
that we see in the mirror.
818
00:36:07,426 --> 00:36:09,993
And maybe that's true.
819
00:36:10,037 --> 00:36:11,908
And if so,
isn't it better to face that
820
00:36:11,952 --> 00:36:14,955
with a community
of people who care,
821
00:36:14,998 --> 00:36:16,652
who would give you the shirt
off their back,
822
00:36:16,696 --> 00:36:19,046
especially if it's a size
too small?
823
00:36:19,089 --> 00:36:20,743
[ All chuckle ]
824
00:36:20,787 --> 00:36:24,269
825
00:36:24,312 --> 00:36:27,272
Delilah Quaid is not
a great person.
826
00:36:27,315 --> 00:36:29,448
She's an exceptional one.
827
00:36:29,491 --> 00:36:31,798
And in six weeks,
she's shown me more humanity
828
00:36:31,841 --> 00:36:34,366
than people I've known
my whole life.
829
00:36:34,409 --> 00:36:36,716
830
00:36:36,759 --> 00:36:38,283
Thank you.
831
00:36:45,290 --> 00:36:47,770
All right, it's been a long day,
so I'll make this brief,
832
00:36:47,814 --> 00:36:49,729
unlike you, Ms. Klein.
You talked so long,
833
00:36:49,772 --> 00:36:52,862
I saw my afterlife
flash before my eyes.
834
00:36:52,906 --> 00:36:55,125
However,
835
00:36:55,169 --> 00:36:59,391
I was overwhelmed by the content
of your testimony.
836
00:36:59,434 --> 00:37:01,567
You showed me a rich tapestry
of people
837
00:37:01,610 --> 00:37:03,351
who add value to your life
838
00:37:03,395 --> 00:37:05,527
and to your child's life,
as well.
839
00:37:05,571 --> 00:37:07,616
Unfortunately,
children need stable,
840
00:37:07,660 --> 00:37:10,271
comfortable environments
where they can thrive.
841
00:37:10,315 --> 00:37:13,274
On the other hand, you can't
just walk into a kid's life
842
00:37:13,318 --> 00:37:16,625
and expect a relationship
out of the blue.
843
00:37:16,669 --> 00:37:19,846
Therefore, I am awarding
sole legal custody
844
00:37:19,889 --> 00:37:21,108
to Delilah Quaid...
845
00:37:21,151 --> 00:37:22,892
-Ahh!
-Yes!
846
00:37:22,936 --> 00:37:24,503
...with joint physical custody
847
00:37:24,546 --> 00:37:27,375
to be shared
with Art and Alma Quaid,
848
00:37:27,419 --> 00:37:31,379
the schedule to be determined
by a mediator at a later date.
849
00:37:31,423 --> 00:37:33,947
Good luck and get out.
850
00:37:33,990 --> 00:37:35,078
[ Indistinct conversations ]
851
00:37:35,122 --> 00:37:37,255
Why?!
[ Sobbing ]
852
00:37:37,298 --> 00:37:40,388
Delilah, You won.
853
00:37:40,432 --> 00:37:42,782
-I did?
-[ Laughing ] Yes!
854
00:37:42,825 --> 00:37:45,654
You just have to sort out a few
visitations here and there.
855
00:37:45,698 --> 00:37:49,005
856
00:37:49,049 --> 00:37:50,877
Thank you for having my back.
857
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,053
It was better
than me murdering them.
858
00:37:53,096 --> 00:37:55,882
Like Delilah said,
you deserve a second chance.
859
00:37:55,925 --> 00:37:57,797
And for the record,
860
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,190
I wanted to kill
all those people, too.
861
00:38:00,234 --> 00:38:02,758
I have a knife
in my backpack.
862
00:38:02,802 --> 00:38:05,848
I'm glad you're working
on yourself, dear.
863
00:38:05,892 --> 00:38:09,287
Ahh! We won!
[ Laughing ]
864
00:38:09,330 --> 00:38:11,898
For hopefully most weekends
out of the year!
865
00:38:11,941 --> 00:38:13,943
-I'm confused.
-So is she, honey.
866
00:38:13,987 --> 00:38:16,163
[ Crying ]
867
00:38:16,206 --> 00:38:17,817
I can't believe
that happened.
868
00:38:17,860 --> 00:38:20,950
Neither can I.
We owe that judge a wedge salad.
869
00:38:20,994 --> 00:38:22,561
Thank you.
870
00:38:25,215 --> 00:38:27,348
Thank you.
I got to see your face
871
00:38:27,392 --> 00:38:29,524
and understand why you stayed
at the faire.
872
00:38:29,568 --> 00:38:31,570
You got these people
in exchange for us assholes.
873
00:38:31,613 --> 00:38:34,399
I would have done
the same thing.
874
00:38:34,442 --> 00:38:36,357
-Brett, it's okay, I --
-No.
875
00:38:36,401 --> 00:38:38,141
What I did is not okay.
876
00:38:38,185 --> 00:38:41,580
And for the rest of my life,
I'll live with that.
877
00:38:41,623 --> 00:38:45,410
You don't have to
anymore.
878
00:38:45,453 --> 00:38:48,413
I-If you ever
do come back --
879
00:38:48,456 --> 00:38:52,199
for a weekend, for good --
880
00:38:52,242 --> 00:38:54,636
I'm there. Always.
881
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:56,638
Yeah, Lil Boy's
my best friend now.
882
00:38:56,682 --> 00:38:58,553
Can't believe Small Balls
pulled it off.
883
00:38:58,597 --> 00:39:01,077
-Who?
-Small Balls.
884
00:39:01,121 --> 00:39:03,602
You know, Amanda's ex. I mean,
how else could Delilah get him?
885
00:39:03,645 --> 00:39:10,391
886
00:39:10,435 --> 00:39:12,741
[ Sighs ]
887
00:39:12,785 --> 00:39:14,656
888
00:39:14,700 --> 00:39:15,962
We did it!
889
00:39:16,005 --> 00:39:19,922
[ Women shriek, laugh ]
890
00:39:19,966 --> 00:39:21,533
-Love your aunties.
-Okay.
891
00:39:27,060 --> 00:39:29,584
O0 C1I've never appreciated
your foyer.
892
00:39:29,628 --> 00:39:31,456
Trespasser.
893
00:39:31,499 --> 00:39:32,413
Where were you?
894
00:39:32,457 --> 00:39:34,067
Uh, funeral.
895
00:39:34,110 --> 00:39:36,461
Uncle Myron.
896
00:39:36,504 --> 00:39:38,245
My condolences.
How was it?
897
00:39:38,288 --> 00:39:39,768
Beautiful.
898
00:39:39,812 --> 00:39:42,249
I sang "Ave Maria."
899
00:39:42,292 --> 00:39:43,903
Aunt Candy wept.
900
00:39:46,209 --> 00:39:48,429
Okay, I'm lying.
901
00:39:48,473 --> 00:39:49,865
It's not your forte.
902
00:39:49,909 --> 00:39:51,519
I went to the city.
903
00:39:51,563 --> 00:39:53,129
Auditioned for a musical.
904
00:39:53,173 --> 00:39:54,348
Save your gasp.
905
00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:56,437
I didn't get it.
906
00:39:56,481 --> 00:39:57,960
Oh.
907
00:39:58,004 --> 00:39:59,092
Screw them.
908
00:39:59,135 --> 00:40:00,572
No.
909
00:40:00,615 --> 00:40:02,487
It is what it is.
910
00:40:02,530 --> 00:40:04,140
It's why we're here.
911
00:40:04,184 --> 00:40:06,491
-Where?
-The faire.
912
00:40:06,534 --> 00:40:08,101
You think you'd be here
if you had gotten that role
913
00:40:08,144 --> 00:40:09,929
on "Law and Order, SUV"?
914
00:40:09,972 --> 00:40:11,583
I was an exquisite
murder victim.
915
00:40:11,626 --> 00:40:14,890
I blame Mariska Hargitay.
[ Grunts ]
916
00:40:14,934 --> 00:40:16,544
Well, whatever the reason,
you didn't book it.
917
00:40:16,588 --> 00:40:18,894
And you didn't forge
a stage career in London.
918
00:40:18,938 --> 00:40:21,636
You came here.
919
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,116
So did I.
920
00:40:23,159 --> 00:40:25,510
You could go out there
again, Maggie.
921
00:40:25,553 --> 00:40:27,163
No.
922
00:40:27,207 --> 00:40:30,079
I don't have the heart
for the rejection.
923
00:40:30,123 --> 00:40:33,474
Maybe in my earlier days,
but...
924
00:40:33,518 --> 00:40:35,389
I'll be okay.
925
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:37,130
I'd rather be the big fish
in a small pond
926
00:40:37,173 --> 00:40:39,132
than a small fish
in the Arctic Sea.
927
00:40:39,175 --> 00:40:40,742
It's rising, you know.
928
00:40:40,786 --> 00:40:42,352
Climate change
is terrible.
929
00:40:42,396 --> 00:40:44,442
Oh, awful.
930
00:40:44,485 --> 00:40:47,140
[ Sighs ]
931
00:40:47,183 --> 00:40:50,230
I'm glad you're back.
932
00:40:50,273 --> 00:40:51,753
What did I miss?
933
00:40:51,797 --> 00:40:53,538
A lot.
934
00:40:53,581 --> 00:40:56,715
First of all,
Amanda's ex is cute,
935
00:40:56,758 --> 00:40:58,673
in a shirtless selfie
sort of way.
936
00:40:58,717 --> 00:41:00,022
That makes sense.
937
00:41:00,066 --> 00:41:02,024
Did she claw
his eyes out?
938
00:41:02,068 --> 00:41:04,331
-They hugged.
-Oh, God.
939
00:41:04,374 --> 00:41:05,724
Give me something better.
940
00:41:05,767 --> 00:41:09,031
Mm, Delilah's parents
are tacky hicks,
941
00:41:09,075 --> 00:41:11,860
Helen is sort of a person now...Mm.
942
00:41:11,904 --> 00:41:14,297
...and David broke up
with Callie.
943
00:41:14,341 --> 00:41:17,431
Oh, I didn't realize
they were together.
944
00:41:17,475 --> 00:41:19,172
Yeah. Actually,
neither did I.
945
00:41:19,215 --> 00:41:20,260
-Mm.
-Huh.
946
00:41:20,303 --> 00:41:21,348
-Ha-ha!
-Mm.
947
00:41:21,391 --> 00:41:22,958
Jinx.
Buy me a Coke.
948
00:41:23,002 --> 00:41:24,699
Did you know
you could pay your cabbie
949
00:41:24,743 --> 00:41:26,527
-with a credit card?
-What?
950
00:41:26,571 --> 00:41:28,442
-Yes.
-You have a credit card?
951
00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:30,052
I have two of them.
You just swipe it down the back.
952
00:41:33,273 --> 00:41:35,884
O0 Here's a cap and a coin
and a ball and a bra
953
00:41:35,928 --> 00:41:42,587
And a plant and a pig
and a sock and a saw
954
00:41:42,630 --> 00:41:46,547
I might need this
955
00:41:46,591 --> 00:41:50,290
I might need this
956
00:41:50,333 --> 00:41:55,469
I might need this
66466
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