All language subtitles for (1989)TheExperts.ING

* Take the heat

* Take it

* Ahh

* Come on

* You say that life
Makes you crazy *

* That nothing
Ever goes your way *

* You say you want,
You say you need *

* But you don't
Know how to play *

* Oh, oh

* Come over here,
Get the message *

* Just take it
One step at a time *

* Can you take
The step *

* Nobody told you
Life was fair *

* If you can't
Take the heat *

* It's not
The place to be *

* If you can't
Take the heat *

* Then you don't need
To be with me *

* If you can't
Take the heat *

* Then what are
You doing here *

* Oh, don't you get it

* Get serious,
Stop pretending *

* You know it's time
To face the truth *

* What you want,
What you need *

* Is a change
Of attitude *

* You better change it

* Uh-huh

* Let's turn it up

* Feel the pressure

* This time we're gonna
Take it all the way *

* So no more
Playin' cool *

* Ya know ya

* You can't stop,
You can't stop *

* Wah wah oh

* If you can't
Take the heat *

* This is not
The place to be *

* If you can't
Take the heat *

* Then you don't need
To be with me *

* If you can't
Take the heat *

* Then what are you
Doin' here *

* Oh oh oh oh oh

* Oh oh oh oh oh

* Did you get it

* Take the heat

* Take it

* When the temperature
Gets too hot, don't stop *

* You gotta turn it up

* Have you got the stuff
To be tough enough *

* You gotta live it up

* Come on, live it

* Up

* If you can't take,
Take, take the heat **

(sizzling noise)

Your resume's quite
extraordinary, Miss Grant.

Thanks. I know
I can be an asset

to Vetrocon Aerospace.

Since you were
a UCLA cheerleader,

you were probably
a Trojans fan.

The Trojans
are USC's team.

I'm a Bruins fan.

Of course.
I got it confused.

And I imagine that, uh,
with your good looks,

you were quite
popular in school.

Don't judge me
by my looks,

but by my skills.

I'm a Phi Beta Kappa
in electrical engineering.

Very well, Miss Grant.

Your father, was he
in the engineering field?

You could say that.

He was a
mechanic at Sears.

Very good, Miss Grant.

I have no further
questions. I think that...

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

I have a few
more questions.

This isn't part of the
interview process, Mr. Smith.

I'm sure
she doesn't mind.

Do you?

Of course not.

Fine.

Now, then, Miss Grant,

I'm going on a
business trip to California.

Could you recommend
a good sushi bar?

I've been so busy
with my studies,

I haven't had time
to go to bars.

And I don't drink.

At sushi bars, you eat
raw fish, Miss Grant.

Raw fish, Mr. Smith?

Have you ever heard
of heavy metal?

Of course.

It's a catalyst
for plutonium bombs.

Not quite.

We're talking about
rock 'n' roll here, Miss Grant.

You know...
Punk rock, new wave.

Have you ever
been aerobicized?

Slam danced?

Do you listen to
a ghetto blaster, watch MTV?

Give me five.

I don't understand.

Of course you don't!

You'd better have
a good reason for this.

The FBI will ask more
and tougher questions.

(Speaking russian)

Miss Grant.

You have broken
the first principle

of our training.

Always, always,
speak English.

No matter what.

Play dumb
if you have to,

but don't drop
your cover, ever!

I hope you've
been listening.

All of you have
trained for years,

but one slip-up...
It's all wasted.

Thank you, Mr. Smith,

for your mysterious
demonstration.

I'll take over
from here.

Beyond the doors
of this classroom,

there's an exact replica
of an American town.

It's perfect
in every detail,

except it's
in the Soviet Union.

There are residents who
have lived as Americans

since this town
was built.

See how they live.
Study them.

You all have your living
assignment and job placements,

so go get moved in.

I know about that.

I'm making a point
about the town.

All right,
Comrade Smith.

What do you suggest?

I'm going to bring in
experts on American culture

and give this town
the facelift it needs.

Take your glasnost
back to Moscow

where it's so popular.

I absolutely forbid it.

Jones,
you don't understand.

Comrade Smith
is in charge now.

Look, Jones,

I've been to America.

America isn't
like this anymore.

Where's your MTV?

Your punk rockers?

Your Rolling Stone
Magazine?

Fuel-efficient cars?

My job was secrecy,

not dressing this place up
with the latest trends.

If you know so much
about modern America,

you teach them.

We're Russians.

We don't think
like Americans.

We don't have
the American attitude.

Regardless,

when these agents
complete their training,

I'll return and
evaluate this town.

If it hasn't been
updated to my satisfaction,

my orders are E.N.D.

Evacuate and destroy.

Good luck, comrades.

I've been doing this
for a long time.

And unlike you,
I know what I'm doing.

I'd rather see
this town destroyed

than turn it over to you.

It would be better
if we worked together.

You don't need me.

Go out and find
your experts.

You've got a problem,
talk to me.

Don't be ashamed.

This is New York.

People get in my cab,
they open up.

They let me know
what's going on.

I took you to
the China Club,

the Red Parrot,
and the Palladium.

Shut up and stop
the cab.

* Stand up, Stand up

* Walk proudly
And don't creep up *

* Walk tall with
Your head held high *

* Believe in yourself
Till the day you die *

* Positive is how
You should live *

* Be willin' to take,
But not illin' to give *

* A bad attitude
Don't get gratitude *

* You ain't
That bad, dude *

* Quit actin' rude

* Yo, everyone
Should just get along *

* Havin' fun while they
Sing our songs... **

What are you
looking for?

None of your business.

I'll know
when I see it.

So, does this buy me
a table inside

right now?

I don't hear so good.

Yeah? Well, maybe this will
improve your hearing.

Nah, it's still fuzzy.

Yeah? How about this?

Loud and clear.

You asked for it.

Best table
in the house.

What is this shit?

Idiot!

Don't be a tough guy.

Settle down. Lighten up.

Theme night didn't stop
that other place

from going belly-up.

They should have
done it more.

It's probably
why it failed.

I'm tired of being
a dishwasher.

You think I like
cleaning up puke?

That's exactly my point.

Let's quit,
find real jobs,

and forget about
opening a club.

You know what your problem is?
You're still P.O.'d

that I blew your
dad's money on the club.

For the record,
you mentioned it.

Fine.

Not fine.

Not fine at all.

Is that how you
handle everything?

What's going on?

Denise?

Denise?

What the hell is go...

We've been robbed.

Look on
the bright side.

None of the stuff in this
apartment was yours anyway.

What's that?

It's, uh, from Denise.

Give it.

I'll buy you
a cup of coffee.

You know
what bothers me

more than her
leaving me,

taking the furniture,
or anything?

She wrote it
on toilet paper.

That says
something else entirely.

Travis, Denise was
always a narcissistic,

manipulative,
emotional terrorist.

Back off, Wendell.

Look,
I still love her.

I don't appreciate
that kind of talk.

Let me explain
how it works.

You like her,
I like her.

You don't,
I don't, either.

Just tell me
how you're feeling,

and I'll play along.

You're all right,
Wendell.

I'll tell you that
right now.

You'll never meet
another girl like Denise.

She was everything
a man could want.

Now that
she's available,

could I have
her phone number?

I've been attracted
to her for a while.

I don't want
to seem paranoid,

but this cab's
been following us

since we left
your apartment.

Yeah?
Hey, come here!

Come on!

Okay, pal, what's up?

Hello, fellas.

My name's Bob Smith.

I'm opening a club,
and I'm interested in you.

For what?

To manage my club.

Eat me.

Go.

Daryl's trying
to bust us.

I told him I wanted
my own club.

This guy's a phony.

Daryl's bright enough
for this?

Let's play with him.

Oh, yeah? A club
sounds great!

You sound sincere
about this.

Could you tell us
about it?

I understand your
being skeptical,

but just
hear me out.

Shall we?

I have nothing
better to do.

Cool.

So, tell us.

That's just
the start-up money.

The salary is
$1,000 a week.

Each?
Each.

Room and board
is free.

What about wheels?

Uh, well, you'll both
be big wheels.

You'll run the place.

No, a car!
Transportation!

Oh, wheels!

Oh, wheels.
Yes, of course.

Yes, yes,
you'll have wheels.

The last thing
is simply that

you need
to leave by plane

before dawn.

Wait. Leave by...

this place
isn't in New York?

Try it for a week.

If you don't like it,
you can come back.

Where is this club?

The idea is to bring
New York-style clubs

to the Midwest.

The first one's opening
in a small town...

Indian Springs,
Nebraska.

Cool.

Fine. Thank you.

Corporate jet, man.

This how we should
be treated.

I've never seen this
much caviar in my life.

Maybe this guy's
legitimate.

Did you bring
the music?

It's in my suitcase.

(Speaking russian)

(speaking russian)

Hello, boys.

How do you
like the champagne?

The Dom outdid himself
on this batch, huh?

To the future.

Yeah.

To the future.

(Dream music begins)

(speaking russian)

What are we doing

in Wally and
the Beav's bedroom?

Weenie wear!

Shit.
Shit.

Did we die, Travis?

Did our plane go down?

We can't be dead.
We just got up.

Well, then where are we, huh?

Mr. Know-Everything-
About-The-Afterlife.

Who put us
in these clothes?

I didn't dress myself
in these pajamas.

Somebody put me in them.

Maybe it was a chick.

You probably got laid
and didn't know it.

What are you
talking about?

It was just
the big zonk combo...

Altitude, alcohol.

Total brain shutdown.

Then we couldn't get up.

They limoed us
to this house.

Then they
bedded us down.

I remember this.

Paint by numbers.

Yeah, well, look.

I'm going to get dressed

and get out of here.

This room's
giving me the creeps.

What's shaking?

Aah!

Well, Betty,

it looks like we'll need
some more breakfast.

Need a hand?

No, I'm fine.

We don't need
any breakfast.

A cup of bean juice
is all we can handle.

Coffee?

Oh.

Wendell and Travis,
this is my wife Betty.

How you doing, Betty?

These are our two children
Billy and Kathy.

Don't worry, kids,

I'm only here
to drain the blood

from your
parents' bodies,

then I'll return
to Transylvania.

I'll bet
you're wondering

how you got here.

We figured it out.

What's with this town?

What?

What makes it ready
for a hot night club?

Be nice.

Well,
I think I know

what this town
is ready for.

Everyone
works for dad.

He's the president
of Vetrocon Aerospace.

So you're into that
star wars thing.

Is that what you're looking for,
a futuro theme?

That's up to you.

It's an open ball park.

What's that?

What?

This?

It's a Walkman.

You've never heard
of a Walkman?

Mr. Smith,
you got to

get these kids
out to the city.

That's very good.

Well, I'm off to work.

I'll meet you
at the courthouse

right after lunch.

Then we'll see the club.

Where's
the courthouse?

It's by
the clock tower.

Clock tower?

By the courthouse.

Bye-bye.

Here, kid. Blast off.

(Rock music plays)

Let's check out
the town.

Mrs. Smith?
Yes?

Enjoy the kids.

They grow up
awfully fast.

Thanks. Bye.
Bye.

(Humming)

Well, thank you.

Pleasure, Thelma.

What do we have here?

I don't know.

* Just another little
Speck on the map *

* But folks
Who come from here *

* Know where it's at

* A stop on
The greyhound line *

* The stores
Are closing *

* When the sun
Goes down *

* The horizon ends
At the edge of town *

* And that suits us
Just fine *

* Oh, we like it
That way *

* In hometown, USA

* Ain't no big-city
Thrills *

* And no city fear

* You don't need it

* If you can't
Get it here *

* Even if you
Leave us behind *

* Your heart will stay

* In hometown, USA *

Who's winning, guys?

The checkers,
I think.

You look
like you know

what goes on here.

What do you do
for action?

I'm painting the porch
this weekend.

That's something
to look forward to.

Got to sand first.

Well, don't overdo it.

Where can you get
a good burger here?

Beef Burger Boy is
the best in town.

Well, where is it?

Okay.

Now...

you'll go this way...

uh, you see that
picket fence down there?

Yeah.

You go down
that picket fence...

oh, ignore
the picket fence.

Put it out
of your mind.

Go on beyond there,
and you go, oh...

about a block...

Okay.

Maybe a block
and a half.

Right there
you turn right.

No!

You turn left.

Go straight.

Well, you go
straight ahead, then,

and, uh...

it's, uh, well...

it's over in there.

You can't miss it.

You can't miss it.

You can't
miss it.

Thanks a lot, guys.

Okay. See you later.

Should be
easy to find.

Yeah, straight,
left, right, whatever.

Americans!

Here in the most secret
KGB complex in the world!

You're insane!
Jones, relax.

They don't know
where they are.

What do you think?

I feel like I'm trapped
inside my television,

and the dial's between Happy
Days and The Twilight Zone.

I know, I know.
It's the kind of place

I should have grown up in.

Well, that's exactly
my point.

30 years ago,
you could have grown up here.

I just got off a plane from
New York where it's almost 1990.

Here it's the 1950s.

So?

So maybe
this is what

the rest of America's
really like,

and it's not ready
for a hot night club.

Look at this place.
Where are the video stores?

How come
nobody's jogging?

What about
our trainees?

What will
they think?

They'll think
they're special agents

sent here to test them.

I'll only
keep them here

until graduation,

then I'll send
them back

the same way they came.

They're not
particularly bright.

They'll have no idea
where they've been.

What if they
do find out?

Then they will
be terminated.

Good day, colonel.

We should report this
to Moscow.

No. Let's give him
enough rope to hang himself.

Think this is it?

Subtle.

Closed?

Sorry. Closed.

For lunch?

Lunch break.

You don't
serve lunch?

We're closed.
We open at 3:00.

That's lame.

Sorry.

What are you eating?

Can we have some?

We're starving!

Forget it.

What's that?

What?

In your hand.

What, this?
It's nothing.

I saw it.

It's a pack of sugar.

Let me have it.

We'll share.

Oh!

That's good.

That's good!

Let's get
a cup of coffee.

Well, fellas...

this is it.

It's been closed
for some time now,

but with a little
spit and polish...

It's good.

We check out
the competition,

and then we see
the real club.

There's money
for remodeling.

Any money for
a live fish?

Wait a minute.

Is this
the real club?

Yes, it is.

I love it.

You know what it is?

It's... it's... okay...

it's Hawaii,
and it's the Jetsons.

Look, look, look.

Here's the Jetsons,

and there's Hawaii.

I think Smitty's right.

With some spit and polish,

I think
we can fix it up.

Look. Look at this
old thing, Wendell.

Tie a Yellow Ribbon.

I haven't heard
that in years.

God.

(Tie a yellow ribbon round
the old oak tree plays)

Fellas, this may not be
what you expected.

You can remodel
however you like.

Oh, we can?

Oh, Mr. Smith,
thank you. That's terrific.

I know.

Let's get a nice
big outrigger.

And, uh...

and we'll get
about 50 savages.

That will be nice, huh?

We can have a pig roast
on the beach!

Look. Moonwalking.

(Music stops)

What? What?

I'm out of here.

I should have never
let you eat that sugar.

Mr. Smith, don't worry
about him,

and us.

I'll see you at dinner.

All right.

Oh, Travis.

I almost forgot.

Our deal was 1,000
a week for yourself?

1,000 big ones for me,

and 1,000 for Wendell.

2,000 big ones.

Aw, come on, buddy.

We'll fix this place,

get a new sound system,

redesign the place.

There's a lot of stuff
we could do,

but nobody will come.

This Smith guy's
obviously out of his mind.

Consider this a day trip
to the other side

and go home.

Wendell,
we're staying.

You stay. I'm going
back to New York.

Go back
to that little room

over your
father's garage.

Travis, go to hell.

Screw you!

Drop dead!

Fine!

Fine!

Operator.
May I help you?

Collect call
to New York.

New York?

New York city.

Number please.

212-555-4736.

He's placing a call
to New York.

Route it through
one of our satellites.

Of course I'll
accept the charges.

Mom, it's me.

(Voice in russian)

what's that funny foreign
language on the line?

I don't
hear anything.

Mom, look,

I've decided
to come back,

but I'm short on cash.

(Father's voice)
What happened, Wendell?
You screwed up again?

You'd better find a job.

Look, I didn't
call you.

Take off that
goddamn earring!

Oh!

Why don't you watch
where you're going?

Why don't you
lighten up?

You walked into me.

* Why do birds

* Suddenly appear

* Every time
You are near *

* Just like me

* They long to be
Close to you... **

You're back.

Yes. I am back.

You want to know
what happened?

What happened?

My best friend,
he deserted me.

What?

Went back to New York.

That's brutal.

I know.

Want to know
what else happened?

No.

No?

What's that?

Lunch.

What is it?

This?

It's pigs' feet.

Mmm.

Mmm.

You having one?

They look tasty,
don't they?

Mmm.

Bon appetit.

Ugh!

Ugh!

Travis.

Travis, listen.

I took a little walk.

I took another look
around this town.

It's not all bad.

I think I'm going to stay.

You're staying?

All right.
Deal's on.

There you go.

A thousand big ones.

Why?

Well...

I believe in this,
Travis,

and I believe in us.

And I met a girl.

You met a girl?

Yeah. I did.

She's a hathead,
but she's real cute.

See? Stick with me.

Wendell,
I am really sorry

about blowing your dad's
money on that bar.

I'll make it
up to you.

You better.

Travis, we're going to
transform this nightmare.

This could be
the biggest,

baddest club opening ever.

Mick Jagger
gonna be there.

David Lee Roth
gonna be there!

Princess Stephanie
gonna be there.

Andy Warhol...

he ain't
gonna be there.

I found one great song.

Remember this?

(Jet roars)

* Flew in
From Miami Beach BOAC *

* Didn't get
To bed last night *

* On my way

* The paper bag
Was on my knee *

* Man, I had
A dreadful flight *

* I'm back
In the USSR *

* You don't know
How lucky you are, boys *

* Back in the USSR

* Been away so long

* I hardly
Knew the place *

* Gee, it's good
To be back home *

* Leave it till tomorrow
To unpack my case *

* Honey,
Disconnect the phone *

* I'm back
In the USSR *

* You don't know
How lucky you are, boys *

* Back in the US

* Back in the US

* Back in the USSR

* The Ukraine girls
Really knock me out *

* And leave
The west behind *

* And Moscow girls
Make me sing and shout *

* But Georgia's always

* On my
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind *

* Yeah-eah

* On my mind

* Whoo

* Whoo-oo

* Yeah

* On my mind

* Yeah, I'm back
In the USSR *

* You don't know
How lucky you are, boys *

* Back in the USSR *

Thanks for coming by,

and we'll
talk to you later.

Next.

Excuse me.

I believe
I was next.

Hear you're
looking for people.

I'd like you
to hire me.

I like your outfit.

Put that together
myself.

No?

Get out of town.

Next.
Next.

Hold it.

You guys don't get it.

I really want
to work here.

But...

you're a reverend,
reverend.

Why would you want
to work in this place?

Because, brothers,

the sinners
are everywhere.

Ohh.

Well, that's basically
what we were counting on.

Next!

Hold it.
Wait a minute.

I was here first,

and I demand
consideration!

Look, first of all,

you were not
here first.

Second, we did
consider you,

and we consider you
to be too intense.

Okay? Next.

Oh.

Oh, I'm too intense.

Thank you
for dropping by.

No wonder why so many
are leaving the church.

A brother.
All right.

I'm here to apply

for the bartending
position.

Blood!

Ab-positive.

Nathan Cole.

Your middle name wouldn't be
King by any chance?

Oh, I get it.

You mean
Nat King Cole.

Mona Lisa.

Lazy Hazy
Crazy Days of Summer.

I'm not him.

Well, do you have
experience bartending?

No, but I have
a degree in chemistry,

so I'm familiar
with mixing things.

Well, Travis?

You're hired.

You guys
aren't hiring me

just because I'm black,
are you?

Yes.

Great.

If you
work for us,

it's a little
different

than your other job.

We'll want you
to actually be helpful.

Why do you
want this job?

Well, I've been
the grill man

at Beef Burger Boy
for 12 years.

I'm in a career slump.

I'm looking
for something...

a little more
my interests.

Are you drunk
right now?

Now?

Yeah.

Yeah. A little.

You see,
it's my birthday again,

and the guys decided

to take me out
for a couple of beers.

He's honest.

I don't want to see
any more people.

I'm tired, too.

Okay, Gil.
You got it.

Notoriously
beer-oriented.

You got the job!

Really?
Yes!

That's great.

Thank you.

Thank you
very much.

These chairs are
really uncomfortable.

They were a mistake.
I'm sorry.

It's like sitting
on a three-legged dog.

People will be dancing,
not sitting.

Hello, boys.

How are we doing?

Is there anything
you need,

anything
I can do for you?

Yeah. Find a 2 x 4
and bat these people

into the latter half
of the 20th century.

He's right.
It's depressing.

They don't know
what VCR's are,

compact discs,
or music videos.

These people are
so hopelessly out of date,

that it's
downright un-American.

Tell me something.

If we had these things,
would that help?

The key
to modern America

is Japanese products.

I think it would help.

We should bring
that stuff into this town.

We could open various shops
with different Japanese...

I'll think about it,
Travis,

but for right now,

let's just concentrate
on the club.

So long, fellas.

Have a seat,
Miss Grant.

I have an assignment

that is your chance
to remain in this program.

I will do
whatever is necessary.

Good.

Hi.

I'm looking for
Travis and Wendell.

Uh-huh.
Well, that's us.

Oh. Well,
I'm Thelma Lewis,

but you can
call me Aunt Thelma.

Everybody in town does.

I hope
you will, too.

Some of us ladies
did some baking

to help
get your business

off to a good start.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

It's lots of food.

This is just
the first batch.

We got lots more.

Well, good luck
with your opening.

The place looks...
nice.

Let's go, ladies.

Bye.

Pies?

Who eats pie
in a nightclub?

This pie's
really good.

It sure beats
Polynesian food.

(Disco music playing)

Putting all
this food out here

was a terrible idea.

What could I do,

tell them to stuff
their cakes and pies?

Nobody's dancing.

This place
is a bust.

We're open
two minutes,

and already
it's a bust?

This thing's turning
into a church social.

You are so negative.

What...

The sheriff.

I'll get the kids.

Mrs. Smith, sorry.
The kids got to go.

Why?

The sheriff's here,
and we don't serve minors.

Oh. Okay.

Okay, kids,
let's go.

They don't
have to leave.

Sheriff, you don't
mind the kids?

Not if they
save some pie.

Maybe it's
a music problem.

Put on some music
they can dance to.

Come on, everybody.

Yeow!

Come on.
Let's dance.

Come on.

* Get up,
Get up *

* Get up,
Get up *

Come on.
Let's go.

* Shake it up,
Everybody *

* Party down

* You don't have to know
The name of the song *

* Just get up

* Move your body

* Party down

* Move around

* Circulate

* Imitate your partner,
Feel the beat *

* Can't defeat the groove

* Party down

* You gotta
take it closer *

* To the heart
You'd like to meet *

* Make your body move

* You can do it

* You can dance

* You can do it

* I know you can

* You can do it

* Here's your chance

* You can do it

* You don't have to know
The name of the song *

* Just get up,
Everybody *

* Party down

* You don't have to know
The name of the song... *

Okay, that's...

Nathan.

It's on the house.

I'd rather
pay for it myself.

No, no. I insist.

So do I.

Please.

No.

Look, it's my club.

If you don't let me
buy you a drink,

you'll insult me.

I said I didn't
want you to.

* Everybody

* Party down

* You don't have to know
The name of the song **

Is this a joke?

Does anybody here
know how to dance?

I know how to dance.

* Pump it up

* Pump it up

* Pump it up,
Homeboy *

* Just like that

* Lean on me

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* Just like that

* Pump it up

* Pump it up

* Pump it up,
Homeboy *

* Just like that

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* Pump it up,
Homeboy *

* Just like that

* Oh, baby

* Pump it up

* Pump it up

* Pump it up,
Homeboy *

* Just like that

* Early
In the mornin', babe *

* Pump it up

* Or you can
Do it at night *

* Call me
In the evening time *

* Pump it up

* Pump it up

* Pump it up,
Homeboy *

* Just like that

* Whoa-o, early
In the mornin', babe *

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* Just like that

* You can lean on me

* You you you you
Can lean on me, babe *

* You can
Lean on me, babe *

* You can
Lean on me, babe *

* You can lean on me

* Pump it up,
Homeboy *

* Just like that

* Pump it up

* Pump it up

* Pump it up,
Homeboy *

* Just like that

* Pump it up

* Pump it up

* Pump it up,
Homeboy *

* Just like that

* Yeah, you can
Lean on me, baby *

* Hey, hey

* Go south

* Pump it up

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* First thing
in the mornin' *

* At night

* In the evening, baby

* Just about
Any time of day now *

* I'll be waiting
By my phone *

* Call me up

* Call me up

* But call me up
In the mornin'

* Ohh-oh,
Call me up *

* Call me back
In my apartment *

* I'll tell you
That I love you *

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me
Early in the mornin' *

* I don't believe
That you heard me, babe *

* Pump it up

* Pump it up

* Pump it up,
Homeboy *

* Just like that

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* You can lean on me

* Just like that... *

what's your name?

Bonnie. And yours?

I forgot.

It was nice
meeting you.

Wend... uh...

Wendell,
put on that, uh,

put on
the house music.

No, no, no.
Billy, Billy.

You don't catch the ball
with your face.

You catch it
with your hands.

You ever seen a
football game on TV?

Um... I think so.

It's no wonder his
parents don't dance.

Can I talk to you?

You guys go practice
for a while, okay?

I thought about what you said...
About the... goods.

Let's bring some in.
Can you make a list?

Aw, gee, a list.
I don't know.

I don't know.

Wendell?

We'll have one
tomorrow night.

Perfect.

Oh, Smitty!

Your boy's quite
an athlete.

Yes, he is.

You see those kids?

No.

Can we have
the ball?

(Horn honks)

Bonnie!

All right!

Yeah.

You're so tastefully
underdressed.

I was hoping we could
spend time together.

Really? You want
to play football?

Give me five.

All right.

Now, shirts
and skins.

You're skins. You
got less to take off.

All right?

You know there's tackling
involved, okay?

Then we exchange
body parts.

I'll make
the passes.

You're the
wide receiver.

I hope I'm good.

Trust me.

Picked you
some flowers.

Really?

Aren't the guys usually
supposed to do that?

* Sherry

* Sherry baby

* Sherry

* Sherry baby

* Sherry

* Baby

* Sherry baby

* Sherry

* Can you
Come out tonight *

* Come, come

* Come out tonight

* Sherry

* Baby

* Sherry baby

* Sherry

* Can you
Come out tonight *

* Come, come

* Come out tonight *

(speaking russian)

Bob Smith.

We speak
English here, captain.

How do you do,
Bob Smith?

What is this place?

This is your new home.

Ha ha. My home?

You flew into
restricted air space.

I did as ordered.

I brought cases
of medical products.

I don't want to hear
about this no more.

I get on my plane
and I get out of here.

It's too late, captain.

You flew in,
but you can't fly out.

Was it because I stole?

Sorry?

Here. Take these back.

Please.

What's this?

Why, condoms,
of course.

Ribbed.

The girls, they...

they think
I'm quite a guy.

Fine.

Take him away.

Bob, I did
nothing wrong.

I did what
I was ordered to do.

I bring you
these things.

No, no, no! Don't...

Those boxes
go in that truck!

Travis looks on me
as a guru.

Closing time.

Yeah. We're
out of here.

This has been
the greatest little

coffee klatch
of my life.

I like you.

And, um...

I was wondering
if you wanted to...

Um...

Well, you know...

If you don't want to...

How about
tomorrow night?

How about for
the rest of my life?

H-hey,
we're over here!

Oh, boy,
you missed me.

Ha ha ha ha!

I'll get you.

Ha ha ha ha!

Good morning,
Travis.

How you doing?

Good.

What's with the TV?

How come you only
get one station?

You either get old
movies or cartoons.

No commercials.

Don't you have
any networks?

Actually,
no, we don't.

But I've got
some good news.

The goods are here.

Great.

They should be in
town sometime today.

Betty?

Where's my wife?

She's supposed
to make me breakfast.

Smitty, let me talk
to you about your wife.

When was the last time

you really had a decent
conversation with her,

one where she could
express herself?

Excuse me?

You see, I think
women like change,

especially
married women.

If you don't watch it,

they start to watch
Oprah Winfrey,

and, phshew...
they leave home,

out on an adventure,

all by themselves,
without you.

Trust me.

I've been there.

I'm not sure
I follow you.

I guess it's this
born-to-be-wild syndrome.

That's, maybe,
what I'm really trying to say.

Every woman
has a part of her

that's born to be wild.

Hmm.

WENDELL:
Ta-da!

Miss Betty Smith.

You like it?

You look
fantastic.

I do feel
different.

See? It's that
born-to-be-wild deal.

You like my hair?

I just...

You do?

I left something at the
library. We should get it.

Come on, Travis.

Don't be a peeping tom.

I like to watch.

Come on.

"Unified remote,

"one year,
four-event timer,

random access
tuning..."

Cool.

God, I've always
wanted one of these.

I don't
need you anymore.

I can play this myself.

Go ahead and
play with yourself.

What's this for?

Well, it's a massage.

It's a popcorn popper!

I want
this and that.

Honey, don't be greedy.

I, I want this.

Smitty!

Hey, Smitty!

Are you
giving this away?

Yeah.

Travis! Travis!

It's a promotion,
Travis.

We're doing this
to promote the club.

It's what you wanted.

Let me give you
a lesson on promotion.

You sell a $600 VCR.

You give away a $5.00
nightclub ticket.

You dig?
You dig!

All right. Look.

Let's talk about this
entrepreneur thing.

I thought the whole purpose
of this town was to defeat

the materialistic,
capitalist lifestyle

that Smith's experts are now
infecting the town with.

So what's your point?

Well, no point.
Just an observation.

Keep your
observations to yourself.

* Once I see what I want

* I can't wait
For invitations *

* If you run,
That's half the fun *

* I trace your footsteps
One by one *

* 'Cause

* I like to get

* What's hard to get

* I like the ones

* That don't know love

Travis,
you know something?

What?

It's working.

Hey, Mr. Negative
took a holiday.

I know it's working.

Look at my girlfriend.

She is so hot.

Oh, what?
Mine's not?

* The farther
You run away *

* The more I want you

* I want you
Here with me *

* Yeah.

Hey, Nathan.

You dance good.

You mean dance well.

Well, pretty good.

Try this.

Where did you
learn that?

I was a regular
on Soul Train.

Get it?

Soul Train.

I thought
it was funny.

* I like to dance *

(laughing)

That club
was popping tonight.

Ooh.

You were so great
the way...

you danced
with me tonight.

Really?

I guess I was,
wasn't I?

What are you doing?

You know
what I'm doing.

Oh, that.

Ooh.

You like to take control,
don't you?

Ooh! Hoo!

Is this girl
terrific or what?

Nice driving,
Travis.

Yeah, buddies.

What's
the big celebration?

Did Sparks die?

The 4th of July.

We have speeches
by town leaders,

and our annual picnic,
and our annual concert,

and the annual
fireworks display.

What kind
of concert?

Marching band.

They're not bad
if they're sitting.

That's a blast.

They could play
76 Trombones,

and we
could twist.

No, they'll be
playing Sousa.

For the twist,
you need Chubby Checker.

Yeah, Nathan,
is there a lake or someplace

we might actually
have a good time?

We have a lake.
It's off-limits.

Private property?

Forget it,
we'll crash it.

(Horns honking)

Hey, Gil,
come on.

Hey!

Hey, everybody!

Let's have some fun!

Hey, come on!

* The day is over

* Your work is through

* You sit at home

* Wondering what
You're gonna do *

* Do the couch potato

* And watch MTV

* Get your rest,
Count some z's *

* Tell me,
What's it gonna be *

* When your
Tinglin' toes *

* Tell you what
You want to know *

* Try to get ready

* As your feet
Begin to shake *

* 'Cause it happens
Every time *

* That feeling races
Up your spine *

* You have
Made up your mind *

* To party big time

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Party big time

* Before you step out
Into the night *

* Ah, you gotta be sure
That you're doin' it right *

* Party big time,
There's just one trick *

* You gotta
Look hot, yeah *

* You gotta be slick

* Grab your darkest shades
And your favorite hat *

* 'Cause you know
What it means *

* To party big time

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Party big time

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Party big time

* Yeah, big time

* Say it again,
Come on now *

* Big time

* Everybody
party big time **

You told them not to
go to the lake. They went.

They broke
the town's perimeter.

They've been there
six hours.

They're partying,
they're having a great time,

and they're making
fun of us.

When will we
do something?

Tonight.

What are we going to do
about them?

Get rid of them.

Tonight?

Okay, I'll handle it.

Oh, they like
fireworks?

We'll show them
fireworks.

All right,
give me the bomb.

The bomb.

A bunch of dynamite
taped together.

A clock, some wires.

Anybody got anything
like that on them?

I want it
done right... aah!

Ow! Oh, the bomb.

The bomb.
Oh, it's okay.

Oh, ow.

Right on the temple.

We're out of beer.
Should I run to the club?

No, I'll go.
You take over.

Yeah,
I'll go with you.

What do you do?

You're doing fine.
That's great.

Hey, this
is fun.

Watch this.
This is great.

They're having fun.

I think we're doing
something good.

But why does it take them so
long to learn something?

It's weird.

I've never spent
so much time

teaching someone
to throw a Frisbee.

I don't know anyone who
pees as much as you do.

You're like a little kid.

"Stop the car.
I gotta go."

Get off my case.
You're peeing, too.

I'm only because
you're peeing.

There's your 4th
of July barbecue.

Holy shit,
what happened?

It blew up.

Why?

I don't know.

Well, now
what do we do?

I guess we walk.

Wendell, we can
walk the same way.

Okay.

Come on.

You and your
astrology.

We've been lost
for two hours.

First of all,
it's not astrology,

all right?
It's... never mind.

I don't understand this.

The town is north of here,

and I'm following the
north star. At least,

I thought it was
the north star.

(Voices)

Shh, shh.

It's a car.

(Woman speaking russian)

Doesn't that strike
you as odd?

She's speaking
in Russian.

That ain't Russian.

That's what
Bonnie did

when I popped
her hood.

Some sort of kinky
Nebraska thing.

Popped her hood?

Yeah.

There's a fence. There
must be a farm nearby.

Which means
there's a phone.

(Speaking russian)

What is this place?

Look at those signs.
They're in Russian.

Those are Russian
Army uniforms.

It's probably
the Salvation Army.

Does that look
like English?

Do those look like
Salvation Army uniforms?

They're putting
an English sign on.

That's even worse.
Don't you get it?

(Speaking russian)

Smith.

God.

We got Russians
in Nebraska,

and Smitty's
one of them.

He duped us.
Damn!

What are you doing?

What does it
look like?

I'm sitting down.
I'm tired.

I'm taking a rest.

Is this a joke?

No.

It's not funny,
Wendell.

There's Russians here.
We got to tell people.

We can't tell anybody.

What do you mean?

Indian Springs
is in Russia.

What?

These people
don't know anything

about modern America.

There's no
network television.

They didn't know how
to use Frisbees.

You got us sent to
the Soviet Union,

you stupid shit.

Don't call me
a stupid shit.

Who else would give two
idiots a night club?

Oh, now I'm an idiot.

It's no time
to get sensitive.

We're behind
the Iron Curtain,

you mindless pinhead.

Wait a minute,
what did you call me?

I don't know, Travis.

What did you say?

It doesn't matter, okay?
We're in trouble.

Pinhead! You
called me a pinhead!

Bingo, pinhead.

You fuck,
I can't believe

I let you ruin my life.

Bring up your
daddy's money.

You brought it up.
It's you.

You can't even fight.

You fight
like a girl.

Let me lead.

Why are we laughing?

Because we're trying
to kill each other

and we probably won't
get out alive anyway.

That's not funny.

No shit.

That's why
I'm taking charge.

You're taking charge?

You bet.

Okay, Mr. In-charge,

what do we do now?

Huh?

Well, um...

go to town?

Okay.

All right, come on.

This is the plan.

We'll go to Bonnie's
for a car.

Let's get a limo.

Cool idea.

Travis,
we need a map.

She knows the way.

You think she won't
turn us in?

What we have
is real.

Look, Mr. Bond,

I don't want to
insult your masculinity.

(Car drives by)

I don't want
to insult your manhood,

but maybe
she was faking.

No way.

Go see Bonnie.
I'll get Jill.

Can you trust Jill?

Shh!

Can you trust Jill?

There's a look
a woman gives a man

when she really
loves him.

She gave it to you?

Yeah.

Let's see.

What?

Let's see the look.

No.

Was it like this?
Was it like this?

I'll meet you here
in 15 minutes,

or in prison
in Siberia.

Yeah, right.

Oh, Bonnie.

You're not going
to believe this.

You are not going
to believe this.

Are you
sitting down?

I don't know how
to tell you this,

but we ain't
in Nebraska.

We're in Russia.

Mr. Smith conned us.
This is a fake.

This town is fake.

We've got to
get back home.

We don't have
much time, either.

Get ready. Come on.
Come on.

Wendell and I saw
this big camp

with all
these Russian sold...

We could shoot
our way out, but...

I am required
to terminate you.

Bonnie, look,
it's no time for sex games.

The gun, it's an
exciting touch,

but there's no time.

I am a KGB operative.

I was assigned
to be your girlfriend.

I'm now assigned
to blow your brains out.

No shit?

No shit.

That was a surveillance
camera. We were monitored.

Even when we...

Yes.

Can we get tapes?

If I see you again,
I'll shoot to kill.

Deal.

Wait a minute.

You love me.

I may have been
an assignment,

but you love me.

Don't you?

Yes, I do love you.

You mean you really
are American?

Uh-huh.

I can't believe
Jill turned us in.

I thought
we had something.

And she gave you
that look.

How could I be
so stupid?

Wendell, I've been
thinking about something.

Now, we've had
a good life, you know?

So what if it ends
in a Soviet prison?

I mean, you know,
it could be worse.

It could really be worse.
Just think about it.

I'm just going to try
and go to sleep.

And when I wake up,

I'll be back
in New York

at my parents' house.

And this will all
have been one long,

psychotic dream.

(Pounding noise)

Great,
now we've got rats.

Big ones.

(Speaking russian)

Come in.

It ain't much,
but we'll share.

You're Americanyas.

We used to be.

We're guests of
the Soviet Union now.

At least
you got a window.

You should see
the hole I was in.

Call our
travel agent.

Yes, we
requested that.

You Russian?

Latishe.

Captain Yuri Kuznets,
Latvian Air Guard.

Wendell Atwill,
class of '81.

Wendell.

Oh. Travis. Dropout.

So what are you in for?

Stealing condoms.

What sort of monsters
would incarcerate a man

for stealing a rubber?

You know,

I've had many days
to think about this.

I have a theory

that this place
is some top-secret

military infestation,

or perhaps underground,

where people are bored

and need American-style
recreational devices.

You're wrong.

This is
a spy school.

Wait.
What sort of devices?

Stereos, TZ's,
compact dicks,

naked women, movies,
you know...

the life of luxury.

Listen, I delivered
a planeload

of these goods
into this place.

Don't.

What is this, piss?

Did you deliver those
goods to a Mr. Smith?

Bob Smith.
Yes, that's him.

And my reward is getting thrown
into this stinking hole.

(Speaking russian)

Gesundheit.

You must be a pilot.

Da.

Know where we are?

61 degrees north,
130 degrees east,

near Yakutsk.

Is that near anyplace
we've heard of?

Hmm... 80 miles
from Sea of Japan.

Japan?

Sushi.

Geishas. Is that where
you got your haircut?

Nyet.

This town, this entire class
of trainees is ruined,

spoiled by American
materialism.

What are you doing?
This is my house.

Hey, that's my water pik.

Oh!

We shall send
the trainees

back to Moscow
for retraining.

This town will be
evacuated and destroyed.

What the hell
are you doing?

That's ours!

That's my tape,
and that's my robot.

Another KGB mess
we have to straighten out.

General,
wait, please.

I know this
is my fault.

You can't
destroy this town.

I'm not worried
about the trainees.

The residents,
this is their home.

They can't just adjust
back to the Soviet Union.

Please, wait. Just
give me a chance.

I know a way
to remove

the influence
of the experts.

Comrades.

You may not
know this,

but Travis and Wendell
are real Americans.

They were brought into
the program on my authority,

and now they have
something to say.

Wendell and I have a little
announcement to make.

After serious thought...

and consideration,

we've come
to a decision.

We are both
defecting to Russia.

Yes, um...

we're, um...

capitalist pigs,

and up until a few
moments ago,

bent on dworld
dwomination.

World domination.

What did I say?

You said dworld
dwomination.

Look...

America is screwed up.

It's, it's, um...

it stinks.

It's pollution.

It's pollution.

I can't. I can't.

Think about the
alternative for a second.

Okay.

How about giving us
a hand here, folks?

Uh...

thank you.

We're supposed to be
betraying our country.

It's a deal we made
with these guys.

If we convince you
that we hate America,

we get to live,

maybe start a
club in the gulag.

Get them out.

We're dead anyway,
so I'm going to say something.

We do not hate
America, okay?

Actually, we love it.

You won't understand,
because you're Russians

pretending to be Americans.

So why should you understand

or even care about us?

But we trusted you.

Not as Russians or Americans,
but as people.

They didn't know
you were Americans.

They thought you were KGB
testing them.

That's enough.

You're right.

There's something
I want to say.

Sit down. Shut up.

No, you shut up.

Yeah!
Yeah!

Go ahead, Gil.

Okay.

I was born
in this town.

I drive a Chevy
and watch The Honeymooners.

I don't know if I'm
American, Russian, or what,

but I'm not watching
my friends get shot.

That's
two of us.

You people seem
to be operating

under the illusion
that you are in America.

You are in
the Soviet Union.

It's about time
that Russians

begin acting
like Russians.

We've been pretending
we are Americans

for over 30 years.

We don't want
to return

to a collective
in Minsk

or Ironworks
number 129.

We like it here.
We really do.

I don't know
about everyone,

but I want my stuff.

Sit down, or
you'll be shot.

Jones,
don't be stupid.

Why shoot them?

They haven't done
anything wrong.

Neither have
Travis and Wendell.

Up until yesterday,
they thought

they were in Nebraska.

I brought them here,

if anybody should be shot,
it should be me.

I couldn't agree more.

You fool!

Hey,
that's mine!

It's okay.

It's okay.

Z.Z. Top.

A hell of a way

to deflect
a 9mm slug, huh?

All right.
Travis, Wendell,

I'm going to need
your help.

We've got to get out

and cut off communication
to Soviet Air Command.

How do we
get out?

We've got a pilot
and a plane.

Get the pilot out
of jail.

He's got
a flat hair thing.

Come on.

Let's go.

(Speaking russian)

Gate!
Open the gate!

Open the gate!
Aah!

Okay, we've overthrown
our leaders

and put them in jail.

(Gunshots)

Wait a second.

Where are we going?

The airport.

Where's that?

Let's find Yuri.

Give me this gun.

This is
a man's job!

Travis! Travis!
Give me that.

Try this.
It's easier to control.

Nice shooting,
cowboy.

Get these people
on a bus

and get them
to the airport.

This will hold
till the airport.

What about the guards?

No sweat.
It's in the bag.

Okay.

Wendell, come on.

This isn't going
to work, Yuri.

I'm just much
too masculine.

I don't look
like a woman.

You need
to be well hung,

like Russian woman.

How's this?

Nyet, nyet.
Too small.

Great.

How about now?

Oh, that's good.

Thanks.

That's enough, Yuri.

Okay, now. Get ready.
Be cold.

(Speaking russian)

I say put Mr. Jones
back in charge.

Obviously, I'd be
second in command.

This Smith guy
has no idea

what's going on.

Shut up.
To the airport.

Let's stop them.

Great. I break you out
of jail... wait!

(Speaking russian)

(speaking russian)

(speaking russian)

What is that
going to do?

It's antifreeze.

All right, move it.
Move it.

Wendell, why are you
wearing a dress?

It's a new thing
for me.

Take it easy.
Watch that bottom step.

Come on, hurry.

I'm so excited.

We'll be in America.

We'll find an apartment,
and we'll get married,

and we'll make
lots of babies.

Travis?

What are you doing?
We're leaving.

I've got to move
the fuel truck.

Yuri! Wait!

Okay, here we go!

Travis!

Wendell!

Yuri!

Yuri,
stop the plane!

Oh, shit!

Yuri! Wait!

Come on!

Come on!

Hurry,
grab the ladder!

Grab my hand,
Wendell.

Let's go!

Hey, boxhead,

thanks for waiting.

You told me to go.

Stink!
We got problems.

What's the matter?

Take over.
I must go outside.

I can't fly.

Just steer. I'll
be back in a minute.

I do this
all the time.

Excuse me.

Jesus Christ,
he jumped out of the plane.

Shoot that man.

Time to help out.

I suppose you've flown
one before.

Yeah, sure.

Take over.

It wasn't exactly
a plane.

It was a spaceship.

What?

Remember
that video game?

That's great,
Travis.

Aah!
Aah!

(Yelling russian)

Uh-oh.

We're almost out
of runway.

Nyet!

I can't steer
this thing!

Let's put
this puppy in park

till Yuri gets back.

Aah!

We're in the air,
you jerk!

Aah!

Don't touch anything!

What you call me?

I called you
a jerk you moron!

What's happening
in there?

Nothing.

Sit back down,
Travis!

No. You apologize.

Okay, I'm sorry
I called you a moron,

you brainless pinhead!

Pull it back!

Ouch.

Travis...

this is it.

Aah!
Aah!

Thanks.

This will not
look good

on your record,
Jones.

My record?

I'm not going to take
the blame for this.

Someone must answer
for it.

Thanks. Thanks
for stopping for me.

I could have
been killed.

Great, you've
let them go.

The Kremlin's
going to have

somebody's head
for this.

Five minutes to
international airspace.

What will we do
with them?

They can't stay
at my place.

* Come on.

Well, Travis,

everybody's certainly
getting adjusted.

The state department's
being very cooperative.

So you're coming over
to this side, huh?

Let me put it
this way,

there's a time
to talk,

and there's
a time to dance.

Cheers, old sport.

Hey, okay.

Travis, Travis,

thank you
for allowing me

to meet my future
wife, Bridget.

What happened
to the old one?

Oh, this?
I wore this

to keep
the chicks away.

A guy's got
to sleep, you know?

Travis.

Nathan?

What it is.
Ladies?

Come on and dance,
Travis.

Nah...

* Get serious,
Stop pretending *

* You know it's time
To face the truth... **

Travis, what
are you doing?

I was just getting
some fresh air, that's all.

Hey,
what's the matter?

I've been worried
about our new friends.

You know,
they're immigrants.

I don't think they're going to
survive in this town.

Just about everybody
in America is an immigrant

or was at some time.

I think they're
better off here

than some airport
in Russia.

They're not used to it.

I don't think they'll
be happy here.

How can you say that?

Do you think that
there's a town here

that's like the one
in Russia?

Well, Travis,
what do you think?

I don't know.

Hey, kid.

Keep it.

Thanks!

We're here.

All right, everybody.
Let's go.

* Just another
Little speck on the map *

* But folks who come
From here *

* Know where it's at

* A stop
On the greyhound line *

* The stores are closing
When the sun goes down *

* The horizon ends
At the edge of town *

* And that suits us
Just fine *

* Oh, we like it
That way *

* In hometown, USA

* Ain't no big city thrills
And no city fears *

* And you don't need it

* If you can't
Get it here *

* Even if you
Leave us behind *

* Your heart will stay
in hometown, USA *

* You might go away

* But your heart
Will stay *

* And you'll find yourself
Headin' back someday *

* To hometown, USA

* Big-hearted people
With small town ways *

* Everybody here
Was born and raised *

* Livin'
In central time *

* Our hearts will stay
In hometown, USA *

* Ain't no
Big city thrills *

* And no city fear

* And you don't need it

* If you can't
Get it here *

* Even if you
Leave us behind *

* Your heart will stay
In hometown, USA *

* You might go away

* But your heart
Will stay *

* And you'll find yourself
Headin' back someday *

* To hometown, USA

* Big-hearted people
With small town ways *

* Everybody here
Was born and raised *

* Livin'
In central time *

* Our hearts will stay
In hometown, USA *

* Oh, our hearts will stay
In hometown, USA *

(humming)

* Ain't no fear

* You're going
To like it here *

* Hometown, USA... *