Original subtitles

Get your yearbooks.

Embrace the kennedy high spirit And cling to the memories Of the beautiful people.

You owe me 20 more bucks, Or I'm gonna rip those braids Out of your scalp.

Nic, speaking of memories, I'm getting nostalgic.

I can't believe It's the last day Of our sophomore year.

I might cry.

I love The merry month of may.

The only thing I don't like about it

Are those ridiculous sweep Cliffhanger stunts

That they always pull On my favorite teen dramas.

There's always A wedding or somebody Gets pregnant or dies.

Or there's a terrifying Natural disaster,

Or an appearance By a cheesy boy band,

Or exploitative nudie shots Of pretty boy asses.

Or how about those horrific "When pets attack" stunts?

Or those hideous gratuitous Musical numbers?

I'm for reality when one Can bask in the thrill Of sophomore skip day

And say good-bye To dear friends.

Or enemies.

This is an outrage, And I want my money back!

This is not a yearbook! It's a glamazon scrapbook.

You bitches only included Candid photos of yourselves In this thing.

Li'l lily, if you would Stop trembling like A death-row pal pooch

And turn to page 47,

You would see that we Actually did include you.

Ooh! You know what?

Maybe you should skip Sophomore skip day

And go get that Lazy eye fixed.

Ahh!

[both] Whoo!

Okay, there is not a shot Of you in this thing.

So why are you Grinning like an idiot?

Just saying silent praise To yahweh.

This is a year I would rather forget.

I've come to a realization. Life is about two things.

Endings and beginnings. Deaths and births.

Births?

What do you mean, births?

The end of school, Tomorrow's long-dreaded wedding.

I decided I could look At both as doors closing,

Or as windows opening To new opportunities.

I've decided to accentuate The positive, that's all.

[sighs]

[nicole's voice] dearest harrison, rot in hell, you zit-faced homo.

love, nicole.

[harrison's voice] nicole, hope you cure all your stds over the summer.

whore. Love, harrison.

No fun and frivolous Yearbook signing

In my class,

Until I can have a crack At a tone poem.

May I?

And, uh, mr. John, Will you sign my book?

Say something. We have one minute left In this class,

And we need to get Our final grades To skip off to skip day

At magic mountain. Right.

Um, miss glass?

Sir, could we get Our final grades? Now?

Oh, certainly.

Miss mcqueen, Of course, you get an a+.

As for the rest of you, D's all around!

What? You can't do that.

That is not fair, miss glass. You can't give us a grade

Without handing back Our final test.

I didn't grade your tests.

I was too busy cursing Your individual images

As they appeared to me In a fever dream.

You see, generation "Why me,"

You have been My most disobedient, Unfocused class ever!

Because canings are allowed In singapore and not here In the good old u.S. Of a.,

I've decided nonetheless To smack your butts.

Glass-style!

Miss glass, why aren't any of Our pictures in your yearbook?

Thanks for asking, harrison.

I've cut out your faces And made a composite I.D. Sheet,

Which I've sent to the head Of security at magic mountain.

If any of you skip school And show up there,

You'll be immediately Arrested for truancy.

So what, you fossil hag?

There's 150 other Restaurants and hangouts We could skip off to.

According to My zagat's guide 155,

All of these places, Along with the l.A.P.D.,

Have also been faxed Your pinched little faces.

In short, you skip school today Anywhere in this city,

And you will be arrested And accordingly be Held back a grade.

[bell rings] Have a great summer!

Somebody ought to kill That miss glass.

For once, mary cherry,

I agree with you.

♪ think it over once or twice ♪

♪ what lasts the longest In this life ♪

♪ character or Rock-hard thighs ♪

♪ in the end do you believe ♪

♪ that beauty lies In what you see ♪

♪ 'cause if you do, Then, baby ♪

♪ you've been deceived

♪ well, me and b ♪

♪ we hate supermodels ♪

♪ it's just that I'm tired Of being compared ♪

Yo, I can't believe we got Skip day privileges pulled.

Bobbi glass sucks!

Yo, scrub.

What's wrong? You look all white.

Did you see bio glass Naked or something?

Shh! Sugar, I think That just might be my fate.

I think... I think She desires me.

Check out what she wrote In my yearbook. I am freaked.

"Dear harrison,

The sight of you Makes my thighs sweaty."

Ugh! "I can't hold you back A year, but next year I can

"And will hold you In my tender sexual embrace.

Enjoy your summer. Love, bio glass."

Harrison.

I'd like my pen back.

Is that what I see hiding under That filmy, sexy tea towel?

Holy mother of god, You're a goner!

I am so ashamed.

Hey, sug.

What up, baby?

I need your advice.

Look, being the last day Of school and all,

Yeah?

I really think I've grown up this year.

But something's Incomplete.

Your boo, brooke?

Yeah. I mean, I really miss her, sug.

I want to bring life back To a dead romance.

Do you have any ideas That might win her back?

Look at bio glass And harrison.

They prove that courtship Begins not between the sheets

But between the pages Of a yearbook.

Really?

A woman looks at what You write at the year end

As a culmination Of your feelings.

You write a good yearbook Inscription to boo,

She's gonna sleep with you As fast as her parents Go on a honeymoon.

I guarantee it! Yeah!

If miss glass hadn't Pulled the skip day rug Out from under you,

You wouldn't have come up With such a good menu For the rehearsal dinner.

Thanks, brooke.

Let's make a pact.

We make this dinner A perfect night to remember,

With no glitches And no problems.

A perfect launch For their new life together.

Hi, brooke.

Oh, hey, What's up?

I would love To sign your yearbook.

Can I return it When I'm done?

I want what I write To be, you know, right.

Okay, sure.

I mean, we have been Through a lot this year.

Thanks.

Shut up.

You guys are hilarious.

You're like one of those Typical tv show couples

That breaks up, gets Back together, breaks up,

Then gets back together One last time

On the last show strictly For commercial sweeps purposes.

I know!

Then what happened when You ruined their skip day

And turned them Into laughingstocks?

I told them to have A great summer.

You should have seen The look on their faces.

I can't believe this. We're the only people...

Left in the whole school!

That hideous miss glass Has ruined...

All our skip day fun. We're...

Laughingstocks.

You just know she's Sitting somewhere right now Reveling in our torment.

Is that aramis you're wearing, Vice principal calvin krupps?

No, no, that's My natural body musk.

Can I pour you A glass of remy martin

Before we do Our morning announcements?

But it's noon, miss glass.

There's ten kids left In this friggin' school. You're principal now, stud.

They're on your time.

[chuckles] Yes.

Hit it.

[dinging]

Good morning,

kennedy high students.

this is your acting principal, calvin krupps, and I am happy to say...

Bon voyage.

Oh, what a year It has been.

A year of both traumatic lows And awe-inspiring highs.

Looking back, We've seen it all, Haven't we, kids?

we watched as two of our girls from different walks of life

put their petty differences aside

and learned at long last to be sisters.

their journey was so drawn out and laborious

that many of us wondered, "Hey, what about my story?

when am I getting some screen time?"

as we move on,

the beginnings that await us will hopefully prove to be exciting.

maybe some of us will dabble with bisexuality,

like our gay parents have.

maybe one of us will learn it's what's inside that matters,

and maybe over the summer that person will date

and cherish exquisite woo.

maybe one of us will get back with our golden girl girlfriend

despite dark, flirtatious thoughts of quitting school and becoming a porn star,

and maybe one of us will grow up to become a hustler centerfold

or an axe murderer.

needless to say, kids, the future is yours.

think of this last day of school

as a fresh start.

just whatever you do, don't bring a bastard child into this world.

on a final note, please remember to pray for may tuna

Sorry. who, thanks to a bacterial infection

brought on by dirt eating, now suffers a faulty heart valve

and is actively looking for a heart donor.

godspeed, may. and godspeed, everyone

Here at kennedy high.

♪ skip day is ruined ♪

♪ the knives are out ♪

♪ I mean no harm ♪

♪ or no need to alarm ♪

♪ but that bitch bobbi glass Has got to pay ♪

♪ retribution would be a ball ♪

♪ bobbi glass has really Got some gall ♪

♪ a little prank would Truly hit the spot ♪

♪ and I'm sure that It would mean a lot ♪

♪ to all of us here To drink some payback juice ♪

♪ bobbi glass is a skank ♪

♪ who deserves a prank ♪

♪ a little teasing 'cause she stood in our way ♪

♪ all year long She's really hit us low ♪

♪ causing suffering For all and joe ♪

♪ and I think it's quite clear ♪

♪ it's our turn to play ♪

♪ a dangerous liaison To settle the score ♪

♪ but the wedding is tomorrow ♪

♪ a fresh beginning ♪

♪ we cannot risk a blot ♪

♪ besides, these things Never work ♪

♪ with any aplomb ♪

♪ case in point, teaching mrs. Tingle ♪

♪ a huge, stinking bomb ♪

♪ I agree with fair brooky ♪

♪ time for peace here, Time for light ♪

♪ and I know If the prank goes awry ♪

♪ I'll be blamed ♪

♪ people already think ♪

♪ I'm a psycho untamed ♪

♪ don't be quitters You make me sick ♪

♪ I for one Would agree with nic ♪

♪ there's no need for alarm ♪

♪ we'll cause No real harm ♪

♪ we give her A case of diarrhea ♪

You keep vials of e coli Poisoning in your purse?

A girl never knows When she'll need to lose The odd 50 pounds.

♪ eye for an eyeball ♪

♪ a prank for a skank Named miss glass ♪

♪ an eye for an eyeball ♪

♪ a scheme for the bitter ♪

♪ e coli would knock her On her ass ♪

♪ all these kids with their Privilege and clear skin ♪

♪ they make me quite sick ♪

♪ I barely make minimum wage ♪

♪ and I've never been licked ♪

♪ but I've got dreams And I'm ruthless ♪

♪ my vengeance Isn't toothless ♪

♪ they all get d's ♪

♪ and no sophomore skip day ♪

Aha!

♪ an eye for an eyeball ♪

♪ miss glass Will rue the day ♪

♪ a scheme for these students ♪

♪ a payback we shall make ♪

♪ then again, I got an "A" ♪

♪ all year long Miss glass's pet ♪

♪ to give her e coli ♪

♪ could jeopardize that ♪

♪ then the wedding, Peace and quiet ♪

♪ how I've earned it, How I yearn ♪

♪ for no disasters, No hardships ♪

♪ just quiet grace ♪

♪ don't think I'm not like you ♪

♪ I long for quiet, too ♪

♪ this is how We're gonna get it ♪

♪ joe will simply Distract the beast ♪

♪ from her lunchtime Shake-munching ♪

♪ and be done with it ♪

♪ don't give up ♪

♪ we need to be united ♪

♪ please help me from being ♪

♪ bobbi glass's Defenseless sexual plaything ♪

♪ count us in ♪

♪ but we can't be Very long ♪

♪ we have to go Grocery shopping ♪

♪ an eye for an eyeball ♪

♪ a prank for a skank Named miss glass ♪

♪ an eye for an eyeball ♪

♪ a scheme for the bitter ♪

♪ e coli would knock her On her ass ♪

Miss glass!

We have a present for you.

What do you kids Take me for? A sucker?

You think you're being Clever here, don't you?

Original.

Think again.

Every year one of my classes Presents me with a gag shake.

Last year, third period

Gifted me with my fave Banana smoothie

Literally crawling With the ebola virus.

But I'm too smart for that! I knew you were coming.

That's why I took The liberty of changing, In advance, your grades...

To solid f's!

Huh? What?

If you flunk us, we'll have To repeat sophomore year.

Yes, and you'll have me For nine solid months of hell!

Cyanide. Anybody want any?

Get one thing straight.

Nothing can stop or kill me.

After a nuclear apocalypse, I'll be the only thing left

Other than The cockroaches and cher.

[thinking] ah, what can I write

to make brooke fall hopelessly in love with me again?

Ah. "Dear brooke..."

"Dear brooke..."

Move, move, move!

All right, I need Ten cc's of epi!

Stat!

Clear.

Oh, my god! She's not breathing!

What are you doing, You psycho?

Giving her an emergency Tracheotomy.

Duh!

There are no signs Of life here,

So somebody needs to Give her mouth-to-mouth.

Let's draw straws. Okay, here.

Oh, man!

Do it!

[all] Eww!

Eww! You guys,

I think she's dead. I...

How can that be? She didn't drink the shake.

And even if she did, It would've caused The runs, not death!

Calm down. This is fixable. I know what to do.

We frame spam and Have her arrested for murder!

Why do I have To take the fall?

Do you guys realize What this means?

The wedding tomorrow's Gonna be ruined.

We could have figured sam Would've done something To screw it up.

Anybody have Any pickles?

Oh, my god, you guys. Look at this.

"Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't do, teach.

Those who can't do, teach."

Maybe miss glass had A stroke or something.

Obviously she was under A lot of stress.

Teachers are so underpaid And underappreciated In our culture.

God, this must be Her journal.

All of her secret dreams And haiku hopes locked away

Like her potential.

I suddenly feel Horrible about this.

You should!

You killed my sister.

Nurse jessi,

Sam did it.

I did not! I think you did.

All of you.

[sniffs]

Is this e coli I smell?

[all] Mm-mmm.

Okay, yes, But she didn't drink it.

Listen, kids, I can Understand why you'd do this.

She's always been a bitch.

I won't expose you if We all take a vow of silence.

But we didn't do anything.

Yes, you did! Let's just keep This little tragedy quiet.

Otherwise, this little wedding I've been hearing so much about,

Yet haven't been invited to, Won't be happening.

Because you'll all be Otherwise engaged. In jail!

"Dear brooke..."

God.

Wait.

"Dear brooke,

"I guess it was plotting The death...

"Of miss glass

That made me feel So close to you again."

If we go to jail, This wedding will be canceled, And that can't happen.

We did nothing, And I am not taking the fall.

We did do something. We were responsible For her stress

And her resulting stroke.

Damn you all to hell!

Just stick with the plan. Frame spam! No!

- I have to be at the wedding! - shut up, everybody!

Sweet mother of god! Shut up!

Look, I am freaked By bobbi glass

And her inappropriate Carnal lust for me.

But I feel weird about Her just being carted away.

Shouldn't we at least call The hospital or the police?

We can't call the police, You moron.

The l.A.P.D. Already has Miss glass's insane I.D. Composite sheet.

We already look suspicious.

Did anybody but me find it odd That nurse jessi accused us

And then almost Immediately said,

"Watch the body while I pull The pinto around"?

Yeah. What's up with that?

F.Y.I., kids, I wouldn't call The police or a hospital If I were you.

Authorities ask A lot of questions,

And I'm afraid that e coli shake Is very damaging evidence Against you.

Have a great summer!

Okay.

It's done.

Let's just have The rehearsal dinner and...

And tomorrow We'll have the wedding, And everybody will be calm

And quiet about What happened, right?

Alone, in A cold teacher sea.

Students, my life rafts. No space for me.

Sad.

"'what my sister thinks of me.'

Another haiku By miss bobbi glass."

Ground glass In my cereal.

She wants me dead.

Jealousy, Green like snot.

Why do I have to share a bed With one who despises me?

Sad.

I think nurse jessi Killed her.

I think she let us off Scot-free only to frame us For murder later.

We need to recover the body And order an autopsy before The evidence is destroyed,

Or we are gonna spend Our summer vacation in juvie!

This is sick!

Oh, my god.

What do you think nurse jessi's Doing with the body?

In case you're wondering, This is cat nip.

Oh, sis of mine, I've got plans for you.

Big plans.

I know you can hear me, zombie.

I can hear you. why can't I speak?

You can't speak Because I've dosed you.

Dosed you with exotic herbs from New guinea to slow your body's Metabolic rate down.

To the world, you're dead.

But I know you're alive.

You can feel everything, Can't you?

yes, particularly this pen jutting out of my throat.

I've loathed you since birth.

I want a new beginning!

And when I frame Those kids for murder,

I'll get it!

The best things About killing you?

Sleeping in our twin bed alone

And giving my beloved pussies The best damn meal Of their nine lives.

Ooh!

what? I'm gonna be eaten alive?

That's right. You heard me. I've starved those cats For two weeks.

When I return from Running on the treadmill At my linda evans gym,

I better find Nothing here but bones.

booger face! Rot in hell!

Wow!

[meowing]

this isn't so bad.

oh, watch the fingers, puss-puss.

[crunching] Oh!

no!

You know, it's funny.

I feel like something Happened when you were away.

Like you met or talked To someone who had A big effect on you.

You were so opposed To this merging of families All year long,

And now suddenly You're so into it.

Nope. I didn't meet anybody.

Guess I'm just Growing up, that's all.

[gasping]

Brooke, thanks for letting me Come to your rehearsal dinner.

I hope I am not in your way As you prepare for the feast.

May, I'm a little confused here.

My make-dreams-come-true wish Is very clear and simple.

As an unfortunate child, I'm allowed one dream request.

And your dream-come-true Request was to spend it with me

And be involved in our family's Wedding festivities?

Yes.

Before my time is up, I just...

I just want to know What it's like to be popular.

Brooke!

Mary cherry, Put her finger in the fridge.

Bring me a diet coke. No!

What are you doing here?

Nurse jessi killed her. She's gonna pin The dirty deed on us.

Take her out of here. She's gonna ruin The rehearsal dinner,

And I'm gonna be blamed For everything!

Mm-hmm.

[rumbling]

It sounds like a freight train.

That's the sound That happens right before...

Oh, my god, y'all! We're gonna die!

Earthquake!

[mike] Is everybody all right?

My god, may. You're bleeding profusely.

Call an ambulance. We should Get may to the hospital.

No! I want to stay here With brooke.

I want to see what it feels like To be popular. Back off!

Why is your teacher here? I thought you hated her.

We do.

But I'm trying to be More positive, and I Wanted to include her.

Why is she in A hannibal lecter gurney?

She's very tired.

You know, I'd like To make a toast.

I'd like to thank brooke And sam for throwing This rehearsal dinner.

Making a family is never easy.

In fact, it's pretty hard. But thanks to Their efforts tonight,

Both as a team And as individuals,

A family is what We have become.

All of us.

A toast...

To brooke... And to sam

And to my beautiful Wife-to-be.

[glasses shatter]

Dig in, everybody. The gas is out, and we Cannot reheat this food.

Aren't you hungry, miss glass?

[passes gas]

Um, miss glass, Is there a problem?

dear god, help me. I shouldn't have had that burrito.

Yes, there is a problem.

As you can hear from My sister's gastric rumbling,

She has a terrible Digestive disorder.

I'm here to take her To the hospital for tests.

Have a nice wedding.

Enjoy the fresh air and Sunshine while you can, kids.

What a strange thing to say.

It almost sounds like she's Threatening you with prison.

[knocking]

Okay, you guys, Think fast.

Nurse jessi killed bio glass, But if we say anything, she's Gonna frame us for murder!

Why didn't she just Frame us immediately?

Maybe she wanted to Torture bobbi glass first?

You can't torture A dead body.

Wait. Can a dead body Pass gas?

Joe's right.

Oh, my god. I just Remembered something.

The pieces of the puzzle Are coming together.

I don't think Miss glass is dead.

I think nurse jessi...

She put some kind of Voodoo curse on her.

You know, santeria.

That's nuts. What makes you think that?

Unless it was my imagination,

I saw somebody when we were At the house moving the body

Who looked shockingly Suspicious.

If that's true,

If santeria was invoked, We have to get the body back

Before nurse jessi Really kills her.

Brooke, can I have more time With your yearbook?

Okay, joshie.

[cats meowing]

[beeping]

The body's not here.

Maybe the witch doctor Knows where she took her.

How do you know Miss glass's phone number?

We crank-call her Every night, wannabe.

[phone ringing]

This is fruitless.

Let's just face it.

The wedding is off, And we're going to jail.

Wait, wait!

hi. You've reached the glass sisters' residence.

remember your flu shot and make sure you eat five helpings of fruits and veggies

every day to avoid colon rectal cancer.

bobbi no longer lives here.

I'm at the los feliz crematorium

at vermont and franklin.

leave a message.

[beeps]

[harrison] It's over. [sugar] She's only ashes now.

Yes, but she's never Been thinner.

[lily] Garbage collectors Make more than teachers.

Did you guys know that?

This wedding Is ruined.

Maybe not. It's nine people's word Against one.

Maybe this will blow over And we won't have to spend Junior year in juvie,

If nobody confesses To the madness we've seen.

Rest in peace, Miss bobbi glass.

[man's voice] beautiful flowers.

beautiful girls.

putting on shoes.

zipping up zippers.

touching up lips.

all for a wedding where someone will die.

starting over only to perish.

You guys, We look hot.

Maybe our prayers Will be answered and This wedding will go smoothly.

Nurse jessi hasn't Filed charges yet.

Maybe she just wanted Her sister dead so She could start over.

I can't believe this thing Might go off without a hitch.

The only hitch being so far That mary cherry's an hour late.

Hey, hons!

Here comes the bride!

So, what do we do again?

It's very simple.

All you do is ask Bride or groom's side,

And then seat The guests accordingly.

Didn't you used to work At mr. Cluck's

And try and sell us into The white slavery trade?

I worked at many sinful jobs Before I found god

And went to the seminary.

Don't screw up this wedding!

It's my first. I need it to go right.

I'm aiming for sainthood. Got it?

Um, bride or groom's side?

Brooke's side.

I want to be near brooke.

That's the make-a-dream- Come-true deal!

[gasps]

[throat clears]

Uh, bride or...

Where's my sister?

We told you, we don't Have your sister's body.

It was burned At the crematorium.

That's a lie!

I dropped her off and went To retrieve her ashes later.

And they said she'd been Shipped elsewhere.

Look, lizzie borden, We know you're behind this. We didn't take her.

Then who did?

[beeping]

Ah! Good news.

The hospital called.

They just got A donor heart.

My sister was An organ donor.

She kept an organ donor card On her at all times.

Wait. Where's carmen?

We don't have time to look.

They're probably cutting into Bobbi glass this minute. Come on!

You may begin, my child.

Forgive me, father, For I have sinned.

[clears throat]

My last confession was in '86.

And these are my sins.

Actually, only one In particular.

Yes, my child. What is it?

I can't keep this A secret any longer.

I have a confession to make.

I...

I...

How do I look?

Come here. Let me see.

Honey, you look Like a billion.

Can you believe We're doing this again?

Oh, second time's a charm.

Second? Try tenth.

I can't believe I'm marrying The hollywood legend, Erik estrada,

At the ripe old age of 25.

Dreams do come true. Well,

Let's review the stupid but Necessary bridal traditions.

Something old, something new.

Something borrowed, Something blue.

Damn, I forgot Something borrowed.

Hey, could you lend me Your diaphragm?

Man, I haven't felt This jittery

Since I was on the people's choice awards in '77.

Are you nervous?

Me? Honestly, yeah. The feet are a bit cold.

Yeah, me, too.

I feel like there's an arm Reaching into my guts

Pulling out my Internal organs, one by one.

aah! Okay, here's the liver.

Good thing she's dead.

This is gonna hurt Like a mother.

oh! Oh!

oh!

ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Kidneys.

ow, ow, ow!

My god.

This is a medical first.

This person Doesn't have a heart.

what?

May, have you Seen bio glass?

Since they cut her open And sent her away?

No.

Where is the doctor?

Calling ripley's believe it or not. why?

Great. Where's miss glass?

She's been taken care of.

Or should I say, disposed of?

In less than an hour, My sister will fulfill A childhood dream of mine

And be buried... Alive!

And then it's real quick Off to six flags for A little r and r, and then...

On with my life.

What's gonna happen To us now?

Well, you'll be Framed for murder

And then spend Your junior year in juvie.

You won't get away With this, nurse jessi. You don't have the proof.

Oh, I think I do, stud.

Some of us should be A little more careful when Signing our practice yearbooks.

"Dear brooke, I guess it was Plotting the death of miss glass

That made me feel So close to you again."

How could you write that? It's not romantic.

It was my practice Book, brooke.

This isn't over. We're gonna find that body.

We're gonna get the evidence We need and make a scene.

Oh, I think not, sparky.

I've sent that body to a place

That you wouldn't dare disrupt.

♪♪ ["Wedding march"]

♪♪ [somber]

kill me.

somebody, please just kill me.

[popping]

Okay, look, we've been sitting In silence for an hour.

This is a church, Not a yoga center.

I know the lord probably Never used this phrase,

But your time is up, my child.

Wait. But I sinned. Badly.

Okay. Tell me Where the body is,

I'll give you three hail marys, And you'll be on your way.

What makes you think I killed someone?

You're a bored suburban Teenager. They listen To metallica. You do the math.

Look,

My sin...

Is of a more personal nature.

I'm sorry.

God, what am I gonna Tell my parents, you know?

What are you ashamed of?

I'm pregnant.

God!

Would understand.

We all mess up.

Are you sure?

I have been throwing up For two weeks.

I think I'm pregnant, And I don't know what to do.

Who's the father?

♪♪ [organ] Oh, sorry. Scheduling conflict.

Gotta boogie.

Hey. Hey.

Okay, so I finished.

It took me awhile,

But it sums up what We've been through this year And our future.

"Dear brooke,

"See you next fall.

Love, josh."

Let's get back Together, brooke.

Even if it means being Pen pals after we're Sent to prison for murder.

I'd love that.

I am so nervous.

Hey, you look amazing.

Okay? You're gonna be fine.

I love you, honey.

I love you, too, mom.

I didn't want to sleep With her, but I didn't want Her to be killed off, either.

At least I have this Inscription in my yearbook To remember her by.

Buck up, geek. I wrote that.

Oh, man.

Okay, we've got A problem.

Bobbi glass's casket Is parked out front. What?

If I go to jail, my dreams Of being a supermodel Will be dashed!

Dashed all to hell!

There is a solution. An anti-santeria solution To be exact.

Of course.

I knew that spring break trip To mardi gras last year Would pay off.

But how are we gonna get this In bobbi glass's body?

I don't know, but we've got One minute to figure it out,

Or someone's going to die.

♪ so will you marry me, My dear ♪

♪ let me chase away Your pain and your fear ♪

♪ say that you'll always Be right here ♪

This better work.

How long's it take The antidote to kick in?

I have no idea.

♪ my dear ♪

♪♪ [vocalizing]

♪ yeah ♪

♪ no one could Ever love you more ♪

♪ than the way That I do, you know ♪

♪ I've told you A thousand times ♪

♪ before ♪

♪ that I'll forever ♪ Wow.

♪ be yours ♪

♪ and all I've ever wanted ♪

♪ was you in my life ♪

♪ life ♪

♪ oh, whoa ♪

so pretty. So pretty like a fairy-tale princess.

♪ let me chase away Your pain and your fear ♪

♪ say that you'll always Be right here ♪

♪ will you marry me ♪

You may be seated.

I now pronounce you Husbands and wives.

You may kiss your brides.

[murmuring]

I'm sorry. I'm new at this.

Okay, does anybody here know

Why these couples should not Be united in holy matrimony?

[woman] I do.

I'm sorry. Is there a problem?

Actually, yes.

Mike mcqueen and I Are not divorced.

Mom?

[beeping]

♪ to bend and not to break ♪

♪ chin up, try not to quake ♪

♪ I'm grinning on the outside ♪

♪ but I'm a wreck internally ♪

♪ ooh, la la la la ♪

♪ ooh, la la la la ♪

♪ I'm the greatest star who ever lived ♪