Original subtitles

I cannot believe Our parents are getting married.

When they stand up and say,

"Till death do us part,"

They're talking about us, too. I know.

Which means that you'll forever Be standing in my blonde shadow,

Never victorious, always Overlooked and underappreciated.

I'll go open the gate.

[screams]

[crash]

[dialing]

[ringing]

Yeah. Nicole julian's house Of booze? Sam mcpherson calling.

I'd like to order A couple dozen wine coolers.

What do ya mean You can't deliver it?

What do ya mean you need My sister to approve it?

[buzzing]

Fine. Hold on. I'll put her on.

[buzzing]

Yes? This is brooke mcqueen.

[buzzing]

Yes, please. Send the booze over

For my irresponsible Failure of a sister.

[buzzing]

Thank you so much.

[buzzing]

[screams]

All right! All right Already, miss brooke mcqueen!

Miss homecoming queen!

I know you want your dinner, Miss high-and-mighty!

[tv off]

[gasps] There was No need for that.

Shut up.

Eat your dinner Before it gets cold.

Sam...

There's something I need To talk with you about.

Sam...

We're... We're going To have to sell the house.

Really, brooke? Why is that?

Our investments. They've gone...

Oh, you're a liar, brooke. You've always been a liar.

You think anything happens in This house I don't know about?

You're trying To sell this house

So you can put me In a home.

Sam, there are many Nice nursing homes

For failed Teenage journalists.

Oh!

I call the shots Around here, brooke.

It's not like It was in high school.

You wouldn't be able To treat me this way

If I wasn't in this chair!

But ya are In that chair, brooke!

Ya are in that chair!

By the way,

We've got rats In the cellar.

Enjoy your dinner.

[squeaking]

[squeaking]

[gasps]

[gasps]

Okay.

Look, we have really Gotta talk here, brooke.

I watched this crazy Old movie last night,

Then I had this nightmare About driving this old cadillac.

I ran you over. I had the same dream.

Look, I think We're at a point,

Subconsciously, Where our safety is at stake.

We can't get to a point where We're gonna kill each other.

We have to stop this wedding.

I've been thinking, and I've Come across an interesting plot.

Spill.

♪ think it over once or twice ♪

♪ what lasts the longest in this life ♪

♪ character or rock-hard thighs ♪

♪ in the end do you believe ♪

♪ that beauty lies in what you see ♪

♪ 'cause if you do, then, baby ♪

♪ you've been deceived ♪

♪ well, me and b ♪

♪ we hate supermodels ♪

♪ it's just that I'm tired of being compared ♪

[harrison] This is such A relief. I no longer feel

Like my best pal's The lead singer for bow wow wow.

Is that real? Ow.

Of course. Mary cherry's Wigmaker only uses human hair.

You see how nice lunch can be When we all get along and share?

I don't know why you are makin' A big deal about this wedding.

Why stop it, anyway? Can you Even qualify your reasons?

[both] Well, it's...

Brooke and spam cannot be Officially bonded as stepsisters

As it would upset The natural order.

As ringleaders of both the Popular and the unloved groups,

A merging would muddy the lines, Causing both girls to wonder,

"Who am I? Where do I fit in?"

In short,

"We are family" is a disco tune We ain't gonna be singin', kids.

Got it?

Sid, nancy, good day. How's it shakin'?

Nicole, please.

We can't go on like this. We're scaring small children.

Give us our wigs.

Oh, god.

Pretty, aren't they?

So lifelike.

Know what I mean?

We need that hair.

You and mary cherry Said you pitied us.

We will buy Those wigs from you.

- you gave sam hers. - well, yes.

That's because spam Graciously agreed to give me

My own style column In the zapruder reporter.

- traitor. - sorry, guys. I needed hair.

Nicole, why don't you Just accept the fact

That the feud between These two groups is over

Once the wedding between Brooke and sam's parents occurs?

Just get over it! Brooke And sam have gotten over it!

Think again, Madeline mohawk.

They want this wedding stopped Almost as much as I do.

Sid, nancy, good day.

Bye.

Look, nic, I don't want this Marriage to happen either,

But that was harsh.

Come on, satan. Give 'em their wigs.

Let me be clear. In our society, With parents who barely

Have time to raise us, our Friends become our family.

That's true.

I don't want lily and carmen To be my sisters,

Just as you don't Want spam to be yours.

Simple as that.

[both] Yeah.

I'm warning you Right now, y'all.

Don't mess with this lady bull, 'cause I'll gore ya in the ass!

Somethin' horrible has Happened today, and I'm p.O.'d!

Did they run out of minks To anally electrocute?

Worse! Mama cherry's Marrying erik estrada.

- the actor from chips? - yes, joe.

Cherry cherry's become blinded By his hollywood starshine.

Do you think erik estrada Would sign my ponch doll?

Every time my mama remarries, I see her two days a year.

He'll steal her away.

This is insane. It'll be okay.

How did your mother Even meet erik estrada?

My horror began one month ago

When my mother began seein' This city's best psychiatrist,

Dr. Joe pudmerkin.

she had been experiencin' horrible dreams,

tormentin' flashbacks of her police brutality.

The doctor saved my mama's Mental health by forcin' her

To confront the copper.

this, he said, would bring closure.

Wait. I'm confused here. Let me get this straight.

A police officer Who looks like me

Roughed you up?

Yes. That's correct, Mr. Erik estrada.

I asked ms. Cherry To find someone

Who looked like her abuser For her to reenact the abuse.

She, of course, wanted The original perpetrator,

But, fortunately for him, He returned to miami

And is now underground.

So, she wants me to play him?

All right already. Enough talkin'.

I'm paying you $100,000 So I can be free from torment.

Are you game, erik estrada,

Or is my money Not green enough?

What do I do here? Ms. Cherry will tell you.

She needs to be in charge For her to take back her power.

Now, what the erik estrada Copper look-alike did

After I slugged him, Was grab my arm.

Maybe I got the wrong actor.

Are you erik estrada, Macho latin star of chips,

Or one of those wussy white Gals from sex and the city?

Mmm.

[josh] Wow. Amazing.

Good one, mary cherry. I almost bought it.

Mary cherry.

♪♪ [theme from chips]

Your mother asked Me to pick you up

So you can get Your vaccinations.

I cleared it With principal hall.

Can I have your autograph?

Sure, kid.

You put that pen Away, erik estrada.

You listen up, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once.

There's only one star in this Family, and it's me. Got it?

I will not be corrupted By your icon status.

Okay, sweetheart. I'll see you at 3:00.

Check out my website.

Okay. We're on. I told her to come home early.

There was a family crisis Of paramount importance.

You get the panties? Yep.

And the slut bomb lipstick. Okay. Cool.

I'm in a hateful mood.

I gotta let off some steam Or I'm gonna explode!

Ow.

I know just the thing To perk us up.

Saint brooky said that We have to at least give

Carmen and lily a chance To earn their wigs.

So I say we put an appropriate Spin on said request.

Genius.

Division-causin' wig-torture is Just the mood pick-me-up I need!

Oh, what evil act of agony Should we order up?

[scoffs]

This blue cheese Smells so disgusting,

I think I'm gonna barf.

Just... Focus on wigs.

Focus on... Wigs.

Wigs.

Sid, nancy.

Good work. You know, Sometimes a girl

Gets a hankerin' for a stale Blue-cheese grape. Mm-hmm.

Oh, you are loving this, Aren't you?

Where are the wigs? Give us some motivation.

It's interesting to see what People will do to be accepted.

Here, let me Take that for you.

Oh, my.

Carmen, lily, there seems To be a misunderstanding.

Oh, why, yes, indeedy. There does.

We specifically asked For peeled grapes

Stuffed with stale blue cheese.

What? No. That's not what you said.

Uh-huh. Yes, we did.

[toilet flushes]

Do them all over again.

I found these...

This morning in the hamper.

Sam, you want to say Something, then say it.

I think mike has A girlfriend on the side

Who wears black lace.

Okay, uh... Why, then, would Her panties end up in my hamper?

Well, men will often collect Trophies of their conquests.

That's a fact. Brooke,

This is between my mom and me.

It would be like you To implicate my father

In one of your hideously Filthy, muckraking exposés.

Wouldn't it, sammie? You know what?

I hate your guts!

I hate your guts more!

How 'bout that? Hey, wait. Uh...

What on earth... What are you doin'?

Oh, just some laundry. Daddy Wanted me to do his shirts.

[brooke] See? He's so dirty.

Mom, what is that?

It's a hotel reservation. Noon confirmation

For some place called The sweet sin palace.

Brooke, do you know Anything about this?

I-I-I don't get involved In my father's affairs.

Business, I mean.

See, mom? You're marrying a ho.

Let's get this Out on the table.

Michael mcqueen, Are you cheating on me?

Are you having an affair?

Because, if you are, This wedding is off.

Nope.

Great. Moving on. Pass the peas, honey.

Sure.

Thank you.

Okay. We made it up.

Brooke made me do it. Did not.

Yes. I wanted to implicate mike In a grand-theft-auto scheme.

You said that would Be unbelievable.

All right. That's it! That is not funny.

This is not some Reverse parent trap

Where you two get clever points For trying to break us up.

Now, what you did was immature And nasty... And very wrong.

And it was Very disrespectful.

We have had it with you.

You both need a forum that Is constructive to talk about

These merging families And about the adoptions.

What?

W-what did you just say?

Adoptions?

Yes. Sam, I would like to Legally become your father

As jane legally becomes my wife.

- and, brooke... - no. I get it.

And I don't want it.

That's something we will talk About in family counseling.

That, we will begin tomorrow.

[buzzing]

Stop ringin' That friggin' buzzer.

You're givin' me headaches!

[crash]

Brooke,

I think we should Go to family therapy.

We've been locked at The hip now for 20 years,

Thanks to our parents' marriage, And we're not getting along.

Yeah, miss brainiac, And we never will.

You know why?

'cause you're Stuck in that chair,

And I gotta take care of you.

I could've been somethin'.

Professional cheerleader.

Counselin' won't Fix that, will it?

Brooke, you should pursue A more intelligent career...

Oh, what's the use?

I'll just get compared to you,

Miss high-and-mighty Smarty journalist.

And I'm sick of it!

Just forget The family counseling.

I'm takin' that money and I'm Spendin' it on a boob job.

Hmm.

Enjoy your dinner.

[squeaking]

[moaning]

[gasps]

[screams]

God! Stalk much?

Another nightmare?

Yeah.

Me, too. [sighs]

We're gonna have to be strong During family counseling today.

We're gonna have To put up a united front,

Or else this nightmare Will be a lifelong one.

Why are we Doing this, carmen?

Why don't we Just buy wigs?

Oh, good luck, li'l lily.

You'll never find Anything that compares

To the luxurious quality Of my human-hair wigs.

Then why don't We just wear hats?

If we see you wearing A hat to hide your shame,

We'll torch those human-hair Wigs, thus condemning you

To acrylic wig status for the Rest of your high school career.

Oh! Well, look. Fans of nic's style column.

[carmen] What are They doing here?

Don't blow those elbows, because When you're done polishing us,

You're scrubbin' Down the whole school.

Mmm.

Hi.

Hi.

These bridal magazines are A little bit overwhelming.

Look at this. What a joke.

Dresses for second-time brides, Practically nonexistent.

You're either... Swimming Like a virgin in white satin

Or you're dressed Like a matron in eggplant.

Oh, look at...

Look at this. Look at this.

Where's the waist?

Uh, my first wedding I didn't even wear a dress.

I wore these red... These red leather pants.

Looked like pat benatar. It was really...

It was horrible.

You loved... Sam's dad very much,

Didn't you?

Yes. Yes, I did.

The way you love my dad?

[sighs] Well, um...

Love is always Different, but...

What I feel for mike Is just as powerful.

You know, Just because I haven't...

Always been 100% supportive,

It doesn't mean that...

I-I just...

I want you to know that I think that you're a really...

Good person.

I think...

You would look... Really pretty in this.

I don't know.

Well, you know, even if I got the dress, there's...

There's all the planning, All the drama...

I think that maybe you Should hire a wedding planner.

Yeah, or double up On my therapy.

Thank you for doubling Up on your therapy.

Coming two times a day, I think, Will prove to be helpful.

Why is she Hitting me?

Mary cherry is threatened

By the presence of a new parent And is acting out her rage.

Making a new family Is a delicate art,

Much like sculpting In sandstone.

Cut the crap, pudmerkin.

Just give my daughter here A prescription for some lithium.

Mr. Erik estrada,

Are you sure you want To marry into this family?

Oh, yes, doctor.

We're deeply in love.

Please, doc, tell me What I have to do

For mary cherry To accept me as her father.

Mama, ain't I Enough for ya?

No. You know I've Always wanted to beat

Elizabeth taylor's Marriage record.

Plus, you act like I'm runnin' Off with tom wopat or somethin'.

Give me that.

Now, I've had enough.

Mary cherry, you come over here And give your steppoppy a hug.

Do it!

I will never hug him.

I will never accept him.

I cannot be bought.

Well, then I guess This is useless.

I have saved This authentic

chips crew jacket for A moment such as this--

To give to the daughter I've Always wanted but never had.

This radiates with Authentic '70s allure.

Nic couldn't even buy one Of these. They're collectibles.

Got anything else I could use for show-and-tell?

Yes.

A hunk of wood from The desk I sat behind

During my first appearance On hollywood squares.

Also, an interview Request for my stepdaughter

To appear on the e! hollywood true story They're doing on me.

I'm gonna be on e! And be famous?

Well, the whole school'll Just be pea green with envy.

Give it to me!

Give me a hug first.

There you go.

Circle gets the square. [whimpers]

Sorry. I forgot my keys.

Mr. Vincent.

Miss mcpherson. Miss mcqueen.

Hi. Oh, dad, jane, this is mr. Vincent. He used to teach drama

Until he had to resign For psychiatric help.

Which dr. Pudmerkin has So wonderfully provided.

Wait. Mr. Vincent, Are you still teaching?

Oh, god, no.

I moved on to a fresher, Much more glamorous vista.

I'm a wedding planner now.

You were on the love boat six times?

Well, bust my lord taylor. That beats charles's record.

[door opens]

I'm ready for you now.

Uh, why did she Just hit me?

Shouldn't brooke's teen rage Be directed against me?

Yes. One would think.

Brooke's act of aggression Is interesting, though.

Do you know what it tells me?

That maybe...

Sam is the lone dissenter To this union of two households.

Sam. True or false.

False, dr. Pudmerkin.

Brooke and I feel We don't want to be adopted

And be sisters.

We just wanted to be a family,

And we wanted... I wanted you to have a father.

I already have a father. Or did you already forget him?

If you hadn't noticed, you Already have a daughter, too.

Sam, adoption is not about Erasing memories. It's about...

It's about caring for you. It's showing you and brooke

That we love you enough To provide for you legally

In case something should Happen to your mother or myself.

It's not meant To be a threat.

Brooke, will you wake up And defend me here?

Tell them we do not want this And we will not cooperate.

Right. Dad, mom...

"Mom"?

W-w-wait. She Is not your mom.

You don't want that.

Actually, sam,

I think I kind of do.

What?

Sam, look,

I keep thinking about What harrison asked us.

What did he ask you?

He asked us To make a case

For why we shouldn't Be sisters, and we couldn't.

The truth is, sam, the biggest Stumbling block we have...

Is that we're a lot alike.

That's the thing that we hate The most and won't admit.

Isn't it?

Fine. Fine. Whatever.

We are still neglecting A big point here.

We are old enough to have a say In what our family is.

I am not five. If I'm gonna be adopted,

I want a say, and I say I don't want that.

Well, I do want that. I've really come to love jane.

She's sort of filled a hole that I've always had in my heart.

I don't think of this Wedding or adoption

As getting a mother Forced on me,

Because I think that She's become one naturally,

Just by being who she is.

So, jane...

I would like very much For you to be my mother.

I would love that, brooke.

[scoffs] Great.

Thank you, brooke.

You're welcome, daddy.

Oh, thank you, brooke.

Oh, this means So much to me.

[gasps] Oh! Sam!

[mike] Brooke.

Ow!

Sam. Sam. Brooke. Brooke.

Time-out.

Just breathe. Breathe And just... Time-out.

Shut up!

Honey, no. Not the doc. No, brooke.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

No. Stop. Oh!

Let me at her! Stop. Stop. Stop.

Aren't you hungry, josh?

Uh, no. Lookin' at these two Make my stomach all acidy.

All I have to say is, how.

How could you let this go on So long? Have you no shame?

Don't you think we're trying? We're working our butts off.

Stuffing grapes, scrubbing Asses. Who knows what's next?

I don't think we're ever Gonna get back our hair.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

You scrubbed their asses?

Okay.

Where are you going?

This is stupid. We are savvy, powerful women.

We are smart enough To find a way outta this mess.

What if we can't? What if These mohawks condemn us

To a life of loneliness Without acceptance or love?

Hey, hot mamas. No worries, 'cause we're the love you seek.

Um, we don't know you.

Most of the time We just skate

Or hang out at the local 7-eleven bummin' smokes.

I think they like us.

Join us in the aryan nation.

Let's make hot love All night long

And plot to overtake The government.

Um, no. That's not right.

Oh. Okay.

Wanna buy a kitten So we can afford smokes?

[meows]

He's got worms.

[squealing]

Buy our wormy kitten Or we'll kill you bitches!

We had a plan. We were on the same page

With breaking our Parents up once and for all.

But I guess That was yesterday. Huh?

I never should Have trusted you.

You're just jealous. Jealous?

You're trying to steal My mother. You're jealous.

I'm not freaking out about My father wanting to adopt you.

That's because I won't let him adopt me.

As I keep pointing out, brooke,

I already have a father, Thank you very much.

And you have a mother, So leave mine alone.

Your father...

Didn't walk out on you, sam.

I am sorry that he died.

But, god, at least You know that he loved you.

How would you feel...

If just one day, Your mom was gone?

If she just left

Without even Saying good-bye,

And you woke up to find out That you were no longer loved,

That maybe she Never loved you.

That's me, sam.

And you're wrong.

I really don't have a mother.

Why, yes, emme. Like I was tellin' you,

When I first spotted Erik estrada, I said to my mama,

"Mama, now there's a man that Would make a perfect stepdaddy."

And, yes, emme, It was me who told him,

"Erik, go for the chips reunion. Reunions are in."

Okay. One last Question, mary cherry.

Do you have any plans To sleep with erik estrada?

Nic, that's sick!

E!'s not gonna ask me that.

Why not? He's hot. It happens.

And if you do,

You'll also be interviewed On e!'s mysteries and scandals.

That is two e! Interviews in One year, and that's popularity.

Point taken. Mm-hmm.

Let's practice lip-looks for My imminent celebrity explosion.

[phone ringing]

Maybe that's e! Confirming our interview.

[ringing]

Mary cherry here.

Mary cherry, the wedding's off. Also, drop ten pounds.

[sobbing]

Mary cherry, what happened?

Did e! Bump you for somebody More famous like marilu henner?

There's not gonna be An e! Interview, nic.

The wedding's off!

Let me guess. Sam's in a bad mood.

That must mean... Not getting along with sister?

It's that obvious?

[sighs] I feel like I'm at the end of my rope

And the box has been Kicked out from under me.

I can't take it anymore. I Can't take this school anymore.

Sammie, everybody Feels that way.

Do you think I'm in danger Of becoming a bitch?

Yep.

I know.

If brooke's mom hadn't been such A freak and left her at eight,

This whole thing Wouldn't be happening.

There's gotta be a way To stop this marriage.

Why are you so afraid Of that actually happening?

Are you kidding?

I've already lost a father.

Now I've gotta Lose a mother, too?

You're seeing this all wrong. You're not losing anything.

We used to be this great team.

You know? It was us.

Us against the world, Even when my dad died.

She never cried once During that whole time,

Even at the funeral.

You know why she never cried?

Why?

'cause she said I was her rock.

We used to spend time Together, and now we don't.

Now she's always With mike or brooke.

I feel like I lost my best Friend, and I want her back.

Sam, look. It's not like

Your mom's gonna let herself Be stolen away by brooke.

She will.

She already has.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such a drag.

Just... Can't help The way I feel,

Even if I am overreacting.

[jane] Hmm.

Go ahead. Try it on.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

[giggles]

Oh, you are going to be A beautiful bride one day.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, look.

[both giggle]

Look.

[giggles] Beautiful.

[squealing] Oh, I love it.

I need to talk to you.

Please, spam. Like I'd ever Be seen in public with you.

Even in private, You'd have to pay me

To endure your noxious Halitosis breath.

Do you want it in 10s or 20s?

What's up? Spit it out. I haven't got all year.

I need your help...

To stop the mcqueens And mcphersons from fusing.

Brooky doesn't want the merger To take place, so it won't.

You're wrong. She's into it.

She wants my mom To adopt her. She said so.

Oh, I get it.

You're trying to turn brooky And me back into sworn enemies.

Well, listen up, bald hilda. Brooky and I are soul sisters

And we will never Be divided again.

You won't be sisters If she becomes mine, nicole.

Have you seen Your precious brooke,

A.K.A. The source Of your power, today?

No. You haven't.

She's been hanging with her New best friend, my mother.

With a full-fledged family To occupy her time,

She'll see you less and less.

And the less time You spend... With brooke,

The lower your rep goes.

I know my mother Doesn't like you.

She thinks you're A bad influence.

And I'm sure brooke will soon

Be turned around To that school of thought.

So, why come to me?

Because you're evil.

Flattery'll get You everywhere. Go on.

There is so much to do And not much time.

That's why we hired A wedding planner.

Mr. Vincent is an idea man. He Doesn't take care of everything.

Oh. Honey, what's left?

Well, there's The church and the band.

Brooke is taking care of The flowers and the invitations.

Can you drop off this check To the church after school?

I have to meet the caterers From 2:00 to 5:00,

And then we've got Mr. Vincent at 5:30.

I'm with the florist From 3:00 to 5:00.

I can help.

You volunteered to drop off The deposit check at the church?

God. You are so stupid, spam.

I told you. You volunteer To book the priest.

The day before, I would seduce Him while you took pictures.

He'd be defrocked, And they'd have to cancel.

I'm sorry. I thought this would work.

Can we still screw it up?

You're workin' with a pro here. Give me the check.

Oh, hons. Come out, Come out, wherever you are.

It's time to tidy up The bushies.

Give us back our wigs!

Fine! Wax me!

I would rather Die, mary cherry.

This is your last chance. Where is our friggin' hair?

In my locker behind The titanium lock!

What's the combination?

I'd rather go bald Than tell you!

Fine.

No!

No!

Stop it! No!

Please! No!

Oh, my god! No!

Take a look now, Sideshow freak!

[screams]

So what?

Even though Famous passed me by,

I'm still popular enough At this school

To take this hideous look And turn it into a teen trend.

One last time, cherry.

[buzzing]

The combination To the locker.

Okay! Please.

My combo's My dream measurements:

34-8-34.

[meows]

His name's wormy.

Good news! The wedding's back on.

Why, mother, how could this be?

Don't be stupid, stupid.

I was just bluffin' till Erik estrada signed the prenup.

What the hell happened to you?

You look like A make-a-wish kid.

I knew you were gonna bring Shame on this new family.

It figures you'd Make yourself over into some

Skateboard chick on the only Day e! Could interview ya.

E!, she's in here!

What? No.

Hi, e!

[vincent] Who says That second-time brides And their teen helpers

Need to look like typical Suburban nightmares?

Witness these elegant Couture creations.

Thank you, clementine.

Kayla is wearing a bridesmaid's Dress by new belgian designer

Oliver mcvessins.

My, some tawny legs

Stunningly showcased By sunshine apricot satin

Makes this daring Ensemble a must

For the chic High school bridesmaid.

Lights, please. Thank you.

Well, ladies, You've seen over 50 choices.

Name your poison. Jane.

Uh...

Well, um...

Actually, wayne, They were all... A delight.

Really.

Thank you.

Mr. Vincent, my mom Is tryin' to say

That all these Dresses sucked.

Oh, sam.

Ladies, disperse.

Okay. Okay. They didn't Suck, but they're...

I think what sam is trying To say is that, perhaps,

They're a little... Too new york.

There's no such thing.

Um, mr. Vincent, maybe...

Maybe what would Be really cool

Is if we all could Just design our own dresses.

Sam. Sam, That's a great idea.

Yeah. A real pip.

Not at all nightmarishly Time-consuming for one

Who's still shaky and takes Up to 14 pills a day like me.

Sam, how sweet You're being.

How quaintly Cooperative.

Little do they know About the petulant bad girl

Lurking behind The judas grin.

You're just Buttering them up

To make the betrayal More satisfying.

Nicole, what are You talking about?

Do you wanna tell Your mother about

Your little backstabbing Scheme, or should I?

Okay. Then I'll Take the floor.

Ms. Mcpherson, Sam came to me

And asked me to help her stop The ceremony at any cost.

Sam?

I agreed to help screw up The securing of the church.

Or that's what I told her.

We went together And dropped off the check

To father bob At st. Mary's,

Where sam made a point Of securing the church

For may 18, 2002.

But we want the church For this year in two weeks.

I know. That's why I went back And undid sam's hatchet job.

Brooky, jane, Don't worry.

Thanks to me, the wedding Will happen on time.

Well, I... I don't believe you.

I don't think that Sam would do that.

[beeping] hello?

Hi. Father bob, It nicole julian.

Yeah. Hold on.

Tension, tension, Tension, tension!

Miss mcqueen, water. Water.

I need my pills. [jane] Hello.

Seems I can't trust Anyone these days, huh?

Yeah. Especially somebody who's Waited all year to get payback.

Have fun in The time-out chair.

Looks like you're gonna Be in there for months.

Ms. Mcpherson, I hope that This proves once and for all

I'm not a bad Influence on brooky.

I just want what's best For her and her family.

How could you do this to me?

To this family?

This isn't my family.

My family is you and me.

At least it used to be.

[yawns]

"To mike, mom, and brooke.

"I'm very sorry For the church debacle,

"And I hope everyone Can forgive me.

"Still, I cannot Participate in something

"I know in my heart Is the wrong choice.

Have a nice wedding and have A nice life. Good-bye."

Sam?

♪ to bend and not to break ♪

♪ chin up, try not to quake ♪

♪ I'm grinning on the outside ♪

♪ but I'm a wreck internally ♪

♪ ooh, la la la la ♪

♪ ooh, la la la la ♪