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1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,173
Ugh.
2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,550
I can't see crap.
3
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,802
I don't know how the
Biebs gets anything done.
4
00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:13,681
Try having a wallet chain that weighs
five times your body weight, bro.
5
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:18,144
- It looks sick though, right?
- Hell yeah. Let's go be emo AF.
6
00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:20,813
On their phones?
7
00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,483
No kiss?
8
00:00:24,842 --> 00:00:25,442
_
9
00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:28,738
[KLAUS] Where are all
the future teen moms?
10
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,825
- Damn, no one in town's boning.
- It's more than that, Klaus.
11
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:37,455
It's a total lack of intimacy,
and it wounds my emo soul.
12
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:42,001
Whoa, even Principal Lewis isn't
sniffing the volleyball team's hair
13
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,335
for good luck anymore.
14
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,755
He was spoken to, but still,
it's heartbreaking.
15
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:49,216
Luckily, I know just the person
to contact to save Langley.
16
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,010
Later, skater.
17
00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:55,431
Wait, so we're not going to the 7-Eleven
to steal beers in your big pants?
18
00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:59,685
Nothing says you mean business like
a letter written in your own blood.
19
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,986
To the winds!
20
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,946
Okay, time to relax.
21
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:13,991
[♪ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
22
00:01:18,637 --> 00:01:20,906
_
23
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:24,376
Come on, Mei Lan.
Don't shut Bao Bao out.
24
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:26,086
Look into her eyes.
25
00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:29,590
[BOTH GRUNT SOFTLY]
26
00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:32,009
[BOTH MOANING]
27
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,553
[ALL CHEERING]
28
00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:37,014
[ALL MOANING]
29
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Written in blood?
They must mean business.
30
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:47,191
[GASPS] Langley needs an intimacy coach.
Stay sexy, Beijing.
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00:01:48,818 --> 00:01:53,280
Darn tootin' I ride my Vespa sidesaddle.
I'm classy as shit.
32
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:02,122
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
33
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,751
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
34
00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:08,629
♪ The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face ♪
35
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:12,758
♪ And he's shining a salute
To the American race ♪
36
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:18,347
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
37
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:21,559
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
38
00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:26,814
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
39
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:30,901
Bonsoir, Langley.
Welcome to Lovers and Other Strangers.
40
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:34,905
I'm your host, intimacy coach
and grandma, Suzette Foufoune.
41
00:02:36,282 --> 00:02:37,658
Let's get right into it, shall we?
42
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,995
Most people don't know
how to practice intimacy,
43
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:45,916
which I like to spell "into me see,"
to remind you to let your partner in.
44
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:49,295
For instance, have you ever asked
your partner what temperature
45
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:50,796
of bath water they prefer?
46
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,549
I like mine the temperature of urine,
which is convenient
47
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,759
because I have chronic
bladder control issues.
48
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:56,760
_
49
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,305
And now a word from our sponsor,
50
00:02:59,305 --> 00:03:01,682
Gary's Wholesale Sausage Emporium.
51
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:05,144
Are retail hot dog prices
making you c-c-razy?
52
00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:08,731
Come on down to Gary's for
all your discount dog needs.
53
00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:12,234
- Was this really the best we could do?
- Blue Apron passed.
54
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:16,322
Okay, okay. Let's get vulnerable,
Langley. Let's get sexy.
55
00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:20,367
First caller gets 11 feet of
Gary's signature summer sausage.
56
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:23,537
Bonsoir, lover.
What's your question for Suzanne?
57
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:27,458
[MAN] I'm afraid to initiate
physical contact with my wife.
58
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:31,211
More of a statement than a question,
but we'll say you still get
59
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,796
five feet of sausage.
60
00:03:33,202 --> 00:03:35,970
_
61
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,719
Our next guest is known as
62
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,555
the "Get It On Granny."
63
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,557
She's taken Langley by storm.
64
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:48,312
Give it up for Suzette Foufoune!
65
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,564
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
66
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,400
Now, you've transformed Langley into
67
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,070
one of the sexiest cities in America,
68
00:03:56,070 --> 00:04:00,074
and did what no one else
could or wanted to.
69
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:03,619
You got Suze and her
ex Mike back together.
70
00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,663
The courts, her family,
71
00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:08,874
and his AA sponsor are all against it.
72
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,669
But with your help, they found a way.
73
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:14,004
[SUZE GRUNTS]
74
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:17,383
- Is that foreplay or foul play?
- [SUZE CONTINUES GRUNTING]
75
00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:19,843
After the break, we find out.
76
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,474
If it weren't for Roger's new persona,
77
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:28,644
I wouldn't have discovered how
much I love brushing your hair.
78
00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:33,023
I can't think of anything more
intimate we could do in this position.
79
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,141
- [GUNFIRE IN VIDEO GAME]
- [LAUGHS]
80
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,652
Getting intimate with my
bros has helped us dominate
81
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:38,529
the Vow of the Disciple raid.
82
00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:43,284
Now we alternate the leeching force
debuff while we kill the Glyphkeepers
83
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:44,744
in Rhulk's inner sanctum.
84
00:04:44,744 --> 00:04:46,203
Thanks to Suzette,
85
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:49,707
Snot and I took our
relationship to the next level.
86
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,751
[SNOT] We got matching tats.
87
00:04:51,751 --> 00:04:54,712
Oh, my God. Is nowhere safe?
88
00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:58,674
I just had to watch a couple Lady
and the Tramp a sub sandwich at work.
89
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,009
Babe, you're back.
90
00:05:00,009 --> 00:05:03,095
I had such a hectic day
waiting for you in bed.
91
00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:05,931
Jeff and I don't need any
of this intimacy crap.
92
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:10,144
- Our relationship is tight. Right, Jeff?
- Tight as a tiger.
93
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,395
[ROARS]
94
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,273
Sorry, that was a lion.
95
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:17,568
Sounds like someone is
afraid to get vulnerable.
96
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,111
Or get sexy.
97
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:22,782
[SCOFFS] Jeff and I are sexy as hell.
In fact...
98
00:05:22,782 --> 00:05:25,910
Let's go do it!
99
00:05:25,911 --> 00:05:26,911
_
100
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,791
- [WATER BUBBLING]
- [BLOWS]
101
00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:35,503
Peace, slut.
102
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:36,796
[SNORING]
103
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:42,635
♪ Scrubbin' up my undercarriage ♪
104
00:05:42,635 --> 00:05:46,055
♪ Mediocre sex is part of marriage ♪
105
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:53,312
[FRANCINE] Keep meeting my needs!
106
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:56,315
[STAN] I'm meeting the shit
out of your needs right now.
107
00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:59,068
Needs! Needs!
108
00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:03,656
"Need. A requirement,
109
00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:06,742
"either physiological
110
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:11,288
"or puh-sy-cho-lo-gi-cal."
111
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,998
Whoo! A lot of big words.
112
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:17,336
Good thing I have this dic-tee-on-ary.
113
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:23,551
O-M-G, I have needs.
But how can I get Hayley to be intimate?
114
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:26,178
She just wants to hit it and quit it.
115
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:28,472
It feels like your heart's
not in this, Rogu.
116
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:32,393
If I wanted someone to lightly slap my
back with a dead fish, I have a guy.
117
00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:36,355
Bonsoir, you're live with Suzette.
What's your name, lover?
118
00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:37,481
Jeff Fischer.
119
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:40,901
Oh, I mean, spelled G-E-O-F-F.
120
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,028
Jeff, just come up to the attic,
for God's sake.
121
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:45,865
I'm going off air. Bring lotion.
122
00:06:45,865 --> 00:06:48,117
[GRUNTS] Now that's
what I'm talking about.
123
00:06:48,117 --> 00:06:50,327
It should feel like you almost hate me.
124
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,704
You were saying?
125
00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:54,290
I want intimacy,
but I'm worried Hayley doesn't.
126
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:59,003
With a resistant partner, you have
to be crystal clear about your needs.
127
00:06:59,003 --> 00:07:00,421
Can you focus on my glutes?
128
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:03,340
And when I say glutes,
I obviously mean my butthole.
129
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:10,764
Gentlemen, have any of you heard
of something called Netflix?
130
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,474
- Why sure, I have.
- [ALL AGREEING]
131
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,560
It's a "streamer."
132
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,938
Last night, I "streamed" a program about
133
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:21,817
a spunky little gal called Marie Kondo.
134
00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:25,237
Marie is all about letting
go of unnecessary crap.
135
00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:29,491
It made me realize the
CIA is in dire need
136
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,076
of a good decluttering.
137
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:34,371
Does this mean you'll be
inspecting our personal workspaces?
138
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:36,081
Damn skippy, Weitzman.
139
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:39,835
Unless it sparks joy for me personally,
140
00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:42,838
say sayonara, sweetheart.
141
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:46,258
Ring, ring, ring.
I'm getting a call on my spy phone.
142
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:51,263
- Hello, Mr. President.
- Sounds important.
143
00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:53,515
[DR. WEITZMAN WHISTLING]
144
00:08:01,357 --> 00:08:03,317
Champers? Noice.
145
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,111
[GULPING]
146
00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:09,573
I realized if I want my needs met,
147
00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:12,242
it's important to be crystal clear.
148
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:15,204
- So I need you to...
- Can't hear you when you're naked.
149
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:18,165
Now bend over. Mama wants.
150
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:19,791
_
151
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:23,837
[BLOWS]
152
00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:26,382
Peace, slut.
153
00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:27,675
[SNORING]
154
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:32,304
What are you doing up?
155
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,639
- It's your nap time.
- No.
156
00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:36,767
- It's "we need to talk" time, Hayley.
- Hayley?
157
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:40,437
- Someone needs a nap.
- What I need is intimacy.
158
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,272
And you're not meeting my needs.
159
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,797
Uh, our sex life is fire, dude.
160
00:08:44,832 --> 00:08:48,070
I haven't finished from sex
with you in over a year.
161
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:49,863
[SCOFFS] Please.
162
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,200
Everyone knows it's physically
impossible for guys to fake orgasms.
163
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,369
Sex. Sex.
164
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,372
Sex!
165
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:01,792
Oh, my God. You have been faking.
166
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,460
I don't want to pretend anymore.
167
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:08,132
That's why I bought us tickets
to Suzette's Intimacy Intensive
168
00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:09,758
in Old Upper Lanceton.
169
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:12,553
That weird old lady Roger
persona everyone's obsessed with?
170
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:13,762
No way.
171
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,223
It starts tonight and
I'm gonna be there.
172
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,475
I hope you will be too.
173
00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:21,854
- [DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
- Oh, my God.
174
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,732
When did Jeff get a suitcase?
175
00:09:25,615 --> 00:09:27,410
_
176
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:31,363
How did I beat you here?
You left two hours before me.
177
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:34,074
I had to return my suitcase.
It was a rental.
178
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,411
- You came!
- Yeah, and I'm not happy about it.
179
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:40,330
- It smells weird in here.
- [ROGER AS SUZETTE] That's the vulnerability.
180
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:43,125
It has an aroma like a soft cheese
181
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:46,045
left to ripen gently in the Tuscan sun.
182
00:09:46,045 --> 00:09:48,672
This psycho's gonna help us?
[SCOFFS] Right.
183
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:52,051
Our first exercise. Let's start easy.
184
00:09:52,051 --> 00:09:55,054
Dip our toes into the "into-me-sea."
185
00:09:55,054 --> 00:09:57,389
This time it's "sea" like the ocean.
186
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,224
Let's all share with the group.
187
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,310
Question. What's your favorite cereal?
188
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,729
- Fruity Pebbles.
- Fruity Pebbles.
189
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:06,815
- Bran Flakes.
- Grape-Nuts.
190
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,692
Count Chocula.
191
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,989
Babe, what's yours?
192
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:16,325
Shredded Wheat.
193
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:18,035
[EXHALES]
194
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:20,329
- Frosted or plain?
- Stop interrogating me!
195
00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:23,540
My favorite cereal is
my own private business!
196
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:29,379
That bitch is crazy.
There's a door right there.
197
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:34,134
Sorry, Jeff, we only have two rules.
No singles and no refunds.
198
00:10:39,098 --> 00:10:41,266
The truth about who killed JFK?
199
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:45,354
[GROANS] I prefer living in the dark.
Shred it.
200
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:48,732
This picture of you and
Captain Picard at Comic-Con?
201
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,734
[CHUCKLES] That handsome devil.
202
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:54,988
But he got a little handsy. Trash it.
203
00:10:56,031 --> 00:11:00,077
- Some funky old rollerblades?
- My beloved.
204
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,497
[♪ DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
205
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:10,587
[BULLOCK] Believe it or not,
I was a real rink rat.
206
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:14,508
I even won the Disco Diva skate-off.
207
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,094
I was riding high that day,
208
00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:20,556
as were my gold lame shorts.
209
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,392
[CRYING]
210
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:27,813
These roller skates are
my new standard for joy.
211
00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:31,150
An original Van Gogh,
stolen during World War II,
212
00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:33,777
recovered by Green Berets
in a midnight raid
213
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,654
that cost two men their lives,
214
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:37,281
one of whom was your father.
215
00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:39,032
Barf! Burn it!
216
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:44,037
Stop chasing me, Jeff!
Give me some space, stalker!
217
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,666
But Jeff always follows me.
218
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,626
[DISTANT HOWLING]
219
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:52,004
Oof, I do not need another wolf bite.
220
00:11:59,294 --> 00:12:03,340
I'm very sensitive to people's
energy and yours sucks ass.
221
00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:06,676
Mi poppers es su poppers.
What's your deal, dawg?
222
00:12:06,676 --> 00:12:11,348
My wife jumped out a window because
I don't want sex without intimacy.
223
00:12:11,348 --> 00:12:14,601
[COUGHS] What? Intimacy is overrated.
224
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:17,521
And you can orgasm
like a pig without it.
225
00:12:17,521 --> 00:12:19,815
Why would I want to orgasm like a pig?
226
00:12:19,815 --> 00:12:23,693
Because pigs have orgasms
that last up to 90 minutes.
227
00:12:23,693 --> 00:12:27,489
Maybe that's why bacon
tastes so delicious.
228
00:12:27,489 --> 00:12:32,119
Listen, I built a machine capable
of giving a pig's orgasm to humans.
229
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:36,498
And the best part is, once you have one,
your brain changes forever.
230
00:12:36,498 --> 00:12:40,293
- You'll never need intimacy again.
- Awesome!
231
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:43,880
If neither of us needs it,
me and Babe will get along so great.
232
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,799
Yeah. It's like they say,
233
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:49,469
once you're squealing,
there's no need for feelings.
234
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,891
Where's Jeff?
235
00:12:54,891 --> 00:12:57,018
Kind of hard to do trust
falls without a partner.
236
00:12:57,018 --> 00:13:00,522
Probably across the street at Applebee's,
that's where most of my dropouts end up.
237
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,735
Whoopsie!
238
00:13:06,278 --> 00:13:07,654
I'm Craig Robinson!
239
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,867
Have you seen my husband?
Cute butt, wears a hat.
240
00:13:11,867 --> 00:13:16,079
Yeah, he left with some bald
pervert in a lab coat who was trying
241
00:13:16,079 --> 00:13:18,582
to hook people up to
a pig orgasm machine.
242
00:13:18,582 --> 00:13:19,916
Weitzman.
243
00:13:23,044 --> 00:13:25,755
- F-15?
- No joy.
244
00:13:25,755 --> 00:13:26,882
Goodwill!
245
00:13:29,968 --> 00:13:31,887
New mission just came in. Drug bust.
246
00:13:31,887 --> 00:13:34,556
All we need is two Black Hawks
and a rocket launcher.
247
00:13:36,141 --> 00:13:37,476
What have I done?
248
00:13:37,476 --> 00:13:41,730
I've gotten rid of everything
except my golden skates.
249
00:13:43,106 --> 00:13:47,527
This disco diva has a
few tricks in him yet.
250
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:52,240
I'll take it from here, gentlemen.
Off I go!
251
00:13:52,949 --> 00:13:54,451
[GRUNTING]
252
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,663
Smith, can I get a push?
253
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,629
Behold, the Porkgasm 5000!
254
00:14:07,339 --> 00:14:09,966
Cool. But why did you build this again?
255
00:14:09,966 --> 00:14:13,178
I believe if humans were as
sexually satisfied as pigs,
256
00:14:13,178 --> 00:14:16,306
- world peace would be imminent.
- Sure.
257
00:14:16,306 --> 00:14:17,807
So how does it work?
258
00:14:17,807 --> 00:14:21,686
The Porkgasm 5000 bypasses
your prefrontal cortex
259
00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:25,524
and connects directly to your spank
bank, accessing your turn-ons,
260
00:14:25,524 --> 00:14:28,652
and amplifying them 5,000 times
261
00:14:28,652 --> 00:14:31,780
to give you your most
bestest orgasm ever.
262
00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:33,823
Sounds super scientific.
263
00:14:33,823 --> 00:14:37,744
But if it's going to save my marriage,
I'll try anything.
264
00:14:40,038 --> 00:14:45,001
All right, Mr. Doctor.
Which nose hole do I put my wiener in?
265
00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:46,962
The helmet goes on your head.
266
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:56,596
There. All ready to get piggy with it.
267
00:14:58,390 --> 00:14:59,891
[WOMAN MOANING]
268
00:15:01,657 --> 00:15:02,962
_
269
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:10,068
- Ugh-ugh, baby.
- Let's play doctor.
270
00:15:10,068 --> 00:15:13,905
- Want to do it gorilla-style?
- You can leave your hat on.
271
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:16,658
Can we talk first?
272
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:19,202
Any of you want to share your feelings?
273
00:15:19,202 --> 00:15:23,456
I share feelings. Good feelings.
274
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:27,294
- This is... not boding well for me.
- [MOANING]
275
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:31,673
You should be in hog heaven
by now, buddy.
276
00:15:34,884 --> 00:15:36,553
Hmm. No response.
277
00:15:36,553 --> 00:15:38,847
Maybe the oink factor's too low.
278
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,058
Paper towels! Paper towels!
279
00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:43,977
[YELPS]
280
00:15:48,565 --> 00:15:49,774
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
281
00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:52,193
[GASPS] Two visitors in one day?
282
00:15:52,193 --> 00:15:53,820
Ha! Best day ever.
283
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:57,240
- What have you done with my husband?
- Jeff's your husband?
284
00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,160
Oh! You're the one
who won't meet his needs.
285
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,579
I can totally see that.
286
00:16:02,579 --> 00:16:05,165
Cut the crap, Weitzman. Is Jeff okay?
287
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,626
Oh, right. He's being electrocuted.
288
00:16:07,626 --> 00:16:08,918
[GRUNTING]
289
00:16:09,419 --> 00:16:11,421
[SCREAMING]
290
00:16:12,922 --> 00:16:15,091
Ooh. Shake it, honey.
291
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,011
Hey, girl. What's up?
292
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:26,144
Mama wants.
293
00:16:26,144 --> 00:16:27,771
[SCREAMING]
294
00:16:31,483 --> 00:16:32,776
Oh, my God! Jeff!
295
00:16:33,318 --> 00:16:34,527
Oh, my God!
296
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,530
- Porky!
- What did you do to him, you monster?
297
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,199
Technically, you did this to him.
298
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:42,494
He wanted to remove his need
for intimacy to make you happy.
299
00:16:42,494 --> 00:16:45,372
You want to see a monster?
Look in the mirror, honey.
300
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,539
[CRIES]
301
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,583
- Just unplug it!
- Can't!
302
00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:50,877
If Jeff doesn't orgasm in the machine,
303
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,922
he'll never orgasm again in real life.
304
00:16:53,922 --> 00:16:56,716
It's a small design flaw
I don't like to dwell on.
305
00:17:00,428 --> 00:17:02,722
I'm going in. I'm his wife,
306
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:07,185
and if anyone can make him
orgasm like a pig, it's me.
307
00:17:08,478 --> 00:17:09,688
[MACHINE SNORTS]
308
00:17:11,147 --> 00:17:12,565
[SLURPS]
309
00:17:14,984 --> 00:17:17,237
Babe, is that real you?
310
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:19,906
Jeff, I've got to make you climax,
311
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,783
or we're never getting out of here.
312
00:17:21,783 --> 00:17:25,537
But I need intimacy to do that,
and you don't want it.
313
00:17:25,537 --> 00:17:26,996
I do want it.
314
00:17:26,996 --> 00:17:31,167
It's just,
there's things I'm ashamed of.
315
00:17:31,167 --> 00:17:33,545
[GRUNTS] Quit it. Like what, babe?
316
00:17:33,545 --> 00:17:38,591
My first sexual experience.
It's so embarrassing.
317
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:42,095
- I'm afraid you'll judge me.
- I could never judge you.
318
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,514
This is a safe space.
319
00:17:44,514 --> 00:17:47,267
[OBJECT THUDDING]
320
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,352
- Oh, no.
- Is that a basketball?
321
00:17:49,352 --> 00:17:53,940
Wait, did you lose your
virginity to a basketball player?
322
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:58,111
Was it Shaq? LeBron?
The great James Naismith?
323
00:18:00,488 --> 00:18:01,698
I'm confused.
324
00:18:01,698 --> 00:18:04,868
I was at the park one day,
minding my business.
325
00:18:08,872 --> 00:18:09,873
A little help?
326
00:18:17,213 --> 00:18:22,677
After a while, I got tired of standing,
so I sat on a basketball.
327
00:18:22,677 --> 00:18:27,932
And suddenly, for the first time,
I felt feelings...
328
00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:29,058
down there.
329
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:33,855
Thank you for being intimate with me,
babe!
330
00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:36,483
- I've never felt closer to you!
- Stop!
331
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,902
Don't you dare stick him down there!
332
00:18:38,902 --> 00:18:42,322
- Use this instead!
- Basketball?
333
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,073
Mama want!
334
00:18:49,078 --> 00:18:50,330
[MOANING]
335
00:18:52,874 --> 00:18:57,670
So, a basketball
was my first sexual partner.
336
00:18:57,670 --> 00:19:00,423
- You don't think I'm a big weirdo?
- Of course I do.
337
00:19:00,423 --> 00:19:02,342
But I love you anyway.
338
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:05,011
- And I'm really turned on.
- You are?
339
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:08,348
- Wait, I am too.
- Quick, tell me another secret.
340
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:11,684
Okay. Um, my adult teeth never came in.
341
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:15,230
These are my baby teeth.
Luckily, they're freakishly large.
342
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:17,232
I pee in the shower sometimes.
343
00:19:17,232 --> 00:19:19,609
I pee in the shower every time.
344
00:19:19,609 --> 00:19:21,361
[BOTH MOANING]
345
00:19:22,779 --> 00:19:23,780
Sex!
346
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:27,033
Sex! Sex!
347
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:28,910
[MOANS]
348
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:33,456
Here we go!
349
00:19:33,456 --> 00:19:38,837
What? They're porkgasming from intimacy?
Ugh, this is bullshit!
350
00:19:38,838 --> 00:19:40,038
_
351
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,633
[SIGHS] I need a third helmet.
352
00:19:48,263 --> 00:19:53,351
In the name of the CIA and these skates,
surrender to justice!
353
00:19:54,602 --> 00:19:56,020
Put down your weapons.
354
00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:00,066
"Boogie Woogie" Bullock?
355
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:02,026
Randy "Good Times"?
356
00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:06,948
- I haven't seen you since...
- You beat me in the Disco Diva skate-off,
357
00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:10,743
and I turned to a life of crime
instead of having good times.
358
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:13,913
I'll tell you what, Boogie Woogie.
I want a do-over.
359
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:18,334
- And if you win, you can bust my drugs.
- And if you win?
360
00:20:18,334 --> 00:20:23,298
- I get those fabulous golden skates.
- You're on, Good Times.
361
00:20:23,298 --> 00:20:24,716
[♪ DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
362
00:20:24,716 --> 00:20:26,676
[YELLS] My hip!
363
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,763
I've had mine replaced.
364
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,974
[HAYLEY AND JEFF MOANING]
365
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:36,895
[BOTH SIGH]
366
00:20:36,895 --> 00:20:41,024
Sometimes after sex, I like
to fantasize about Medieval Times.
367
00:20:41,024 --> 00:20:43,902
The dinner and tournament,
not the historical period.
368
00:20:43,902 --> 00:20:46,821
Babe, when you're intimate like that,
369
00:20:46,821 --> 00:20:51,951
you turn "after sex"
into "right before" sex.
370
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,745
[BOTH MOANING]
371
00:20:54,537 --> 00:20:56,039
Ew, get a room.
372
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,096
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
373
00:21:00,306 --> 00:21:02,143
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