All language subtitles for American Dad - 19x11 - Killer Mimosa.AMZN.WEB-DL-FLUX

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,398 --> 00:00:03,358 - [♪ THEME MUSIC PLAYING] - [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 2 00:00:06,027 --> 00:00:08,280 - [BLOWING KISSES] - [LAUGHING] Hi! 3 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:12,117 I'm Trish. This is my partner-in-crime, Suze. 4 00:00:12,117 --> 00:00:14,286 [GRUNTS] And I'm Suze. 5 00:00:14,286 --> 00:00:17,289 And this is Morning Mimosa! 6 00:00:17,289 --> 00:00:19,207 [CHEERING] 7 00:00:19,207 --> 00:00:22,377 We've got a hell of a show planned for you today. 8 00:00:22,377 --> 00:00:27,007 Mayor Garfield will be on later for a game of Suck and Blow. 9 00:00:27,007 --> 00:00:28,717 [AUDIENCE] Ooh! 10 00:00:28,717 --> 00:00:31,386 As well as the world's youngest blackbelt. 11 00:00:31,386 --> 00:00:32,971 [AUDIENCE] Aw! 12 00:00:32,971 --> 00:00:36,850 And get this, she knows all the state capitals by heart. 13 00:00:36,850 --> 00:00:39,644 What a remarkable little dork, right? 14 00:00:39,644 --> 00:00:43,982 And lastly, your favorite and ours, Todd Fox will be joining us again 15 00:00:43,982 --> 00:00:48,153 with his collection of exotic animals. 16 00:00:48,153 --> 00:00:50,655 [AUDIENCE HOWLING] 17 00:00:50,655 --> 00:00:55,327 Speaking of, we want to take a minute up front to issue a public apology. 18 00:00:55,327 --> 00:00:57,037 Uh-oh. 19 00:00:57,037 --> 00:01:01,500 We got a lot of letters from animal rights watchdogs last week, 20 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:05,337 and Suze would like to say a deep-down sorry 21 00:01:05,337 --> 00:01:07,339 for eating that rare butterfly. 22 00:01:07,339 --> 00:01:09,007 Thought it was a hummingbird. 23 00:01:09,007 --> 00:01:11,551 Okay, on with the show! 24 00:01:11,551 --> 00:01:13,929 Producer Charlie, please pull up the map. 25 00:01:13,929 --> 00:01:17,182 Let's get an early bird look at today's... 26 00:01:17,182 --> 00:01:22,020 [AUDIENCE, TRISH AND SUZE] D-U-I Checkpoints! 27 00:01:22,020 --> 00:01:25,524 Hi. Charlie Greenfield. That's you, not me. 28 00:01:25,524 --> 00:01:27,025 Hayley Smith is me. 29 00:01:27,025 --> 00:01:29,361 - Intern, starting today. - Intern? 30 00:01:29,361 --> 00:01:31,279 For my Journalism class at Groff. 31 00:01:31,279 --> 00:01:34,699 Listen, we don't really do journalism here. 32 00:01:34,699 --> 00:01:39,412 News is dark and dreary. Boo. No fun first thing in the morning. 33 00:01:39,412 --> 00:01:42,707 What we do is this. 34 00:01:42,707 --> 00:01:44,709 You voted and we listened. 35 00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:49,798 All week, Trish will be doing the show from a papasan! 36 00:01:49,798 --> 00:01:52,300 Whee! I'm spilling! 37 00:01:53,176 --> 00:01:55,178 [♪ THEME SONG PLAYING] 38 00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:58,890 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 39 00:01:58,890 --> 00:02:02,477 ♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 40 00:02:02,477 --> 00:02:05,480 ♪ The sun in the sky Has a smile on his face ♪ 41 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:09,067 ♪ And he's shining a salute To the American race ♪ 42 00:02:11,987 --> 00:02:15,115 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 43 00:02:15,115 --> 00:02:17,409 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 44 00:02:17,409 --> 00:02:18,493 [ROGER] Ah! 45 00:02:20,036 --> 00:02:23,331 [CHORUS] ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 46 00:02:23,331 --> 00:02:25,959 [TRISH ON TV] Whee! I'm spilling! 47 00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:30,463 [STEVE] Oh, my God, I want to die. Why am I throwing up tar? 48 00:02:30,463 --> 00:02:33,508 It's food poisoning. We all caught it. 49 00:02:33,508 --> 00:02:35,844 [KLAUS] It's hard to pin down exactly what caused it, 50 00:02:35,844 --> 00:02:41,141 but I'm leaning toward the giant wok of squid ink paella we made last night. 51 00:02:41,141 --> 00:02:42,475 [KLAUS RETCHING] 52 00:02:42,475 --> 00:02:45,353 Okay, did a quick inventory of our rations 53 00:02:45,353 --> 00:02:49,107 and we've got zero sports drinks, ginger ale, or saltines. 54 00:02:49,107 --> 00:02:53,486 What we do have are 62 Tupperware containers of squid ink paella. 55 00:02:53,486 --> 00:02:55,697 I threw out everything else to make room. 56 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:58,867 You gotta remember, at the time, we loved the paella. 57 00:02:59,367 --> 00:03:01,286 [GRUNTING] 58 00:03:01,286 --> 00:03:04,623 I don't want to sound dramatic, but if we don't get some electrolytes soon, 59 00:03:04,623 --> 00:03:06,708 things could get pretty dire around here. 60 00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:10,045 [WHISTLING] 61 00:03:10,045 --> 00:03:14,507 Jeff, did you eat the paella last night? 62 00:03:14,507 --> 00:03:18,303 Nope. Hayley and I went out to dinner to celebrate her new internship. 63 00:03:18,303 --> 00:03:19,512 We're saved! 64 00:03:19,512 --> 00:03:21,640 I did have some for breakfast. 65 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:24,351 Did you guys know it's the only food in the kitchen? 66 00:03:24,351 --> 00:03:26,311 Jeff, run! 67 00:03:26,311 --> 00:03:29,981 You have ten, maybe 12 minutes before you turn. 68 00:03:29,981 --> 00:03:34,152 You need to buy as much Gatorade as you can carry. 69 00:03:34,152 --> 00:03:35,820 You're our only hope! 70 00:03:35,820 --> 00:03:38,114 You can count on me, Mrs. S! 71 00:03:41,076 --> 00:03:44,537 - [DOG BARKING] - Whoa! New dog in the neighborhood! 72 00:03:44,537 --> 00:03:45,997 [JEFF CHUCKLING] 73 00:03:45,997 --> 00:03:48,208 You're a friendly guy, aren't you? 74 00:03:48,208 --> 00:03:51,002 You're kinda small for a Basset Hound. 75 00:03:51,002 --> 00:03:53,171 You got a little Chihuahua in you too? 76 00:03:53,171 --> 00:03:54,923 - Jeff! - [KLAUS] You [BLEEP]! 77 00:03:57,968 --> 00:04:01,012 Don't mean to interrupt. Just wanted to meet my coworkers. 78 00:04:01,012 --> 00:04:02,681 Hayley Smith, intern. 79 00:04:02,681 --> 00:04:05,016 I heard you're having Mayor Garfield on later. 80 00:04:05,016 --> 00:04:07,018 Seems like maybe a good opportunity 81 00:04:07,018 --> 00:04:10,772 to ask him about the sorry state of basketball courts in our public parks. 82 00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:13,149 Charlie, this one's talking to me! 83 00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:18,530 Did you see that? It looked me right in the face! 84 00:04:18,530 --> 00:04:20,031 What are you doing? 85 00:04:20,031 --> 00:04:22,075 You don't talk to the talent. What did you say to them? 86 00:04:22,075 --> 00:04:25,036 I mentioned Mayor Garfield hasn't been keeping his campaign promise. 87 00:04:25,036 --> 00:04:28,707 No, no, no, no, no, no! I said no journalism. 88 00:04:28,707 --> 00:04:30,875 Well, surely, a little journalism can't hurt. 89 00:04:30,875 --> 00:04:34,713 [GROWLS] This show. It's light, it's bubbly. 90 00:04:34,713 --> 00:04:37,424 It goes down smooth, like a mimosa! 91 00:04:37,424 --> 00:04:41,636 And right now, you, you're like a wasp hovering around that mimosa. 92 00:04:41,636 --> 00:04:45,890 You're annoying, and you don't understand that this is our picnic! 93 00:04:45,890 --> 00:04:48,393 I just want to try and do some good while I'm here. 94 00:04:48,393 --> 00:04:51,146 Good, then I have the perfect job for you. 95 00:04:52,689 --> 00:04:55,567 Now I understand you love clowns. 96 00:04:55,567 --> 00:05:00,321 No. Towns. State capitals. I hate clowns. 97 00:05:00,321 --> 00:05:02,615 "Clowns"? That's my cue! 98 00:05:02,615 --> 00:05:08,747 [EXCLAIMS] Cheyenne! Lincoln! Dover! Olympia! 99 00:05:08,747 --> 00:05:11,082 - What are you in for? - Attacked by a small child. 100 00:05:11,082 --> 00:05:12,333 Small monkey. 101 00:05:12,333 --> 00:05:14,919 - I'm Todd Fox. - I know. I'm a massive fan... 102 00:05:14,919 --> 00:05:17,005 - Why, thank you. - ...of your octopus, Kristoff. 103 00:05:17,005 --> 00:05:18,465 Oh. Well... 104 00:05:18,465 --> 00:05:20,925 - You can meet him if you like. - Are you serious? 105 00:05:20,925 --> 00:05:23,720 Of course. He goes everywhere with me. Kristoff! 106 00:05:25,013 --> 00:05:26,848 Kristoff, say hello. 107 00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:30,810 [KRISTOFF THROUGH COMPUTER] Hello, lady. Nice lady sad. 108 00:05:30,810 --> 00:05:34,856 - Kristoff. - No, it's okay. I am feeling a little down. 109 00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:37,650 - What's the trouble? - I came here thinking it was a chance 110 00:05:37,650 --> 00:05:41,362 to get my foot in the door, but now I realize how stupid that was. 111 00:05:41,362 --> 00:05:44,949 Well, that's extremely vague, but my advice, 112 00:05:44,949 --> 00:05:46,618 if you find yourself tied to something 113 00:05:46,618 --> 00:05:49,496 that makes you unhappy, cut it loose and walk away. 114 00:05:49,496 --> 00:05:52,290 Huh. Well, thank you, Mr. Fox. 115 00:05:52,290 --> 00:05:54,209 Please, call me Todd Fox. 116 00:05:54,209 --> 00:05:56,127 Intern! There you are. 117 00:05:56,127 --> 00:05:59,172 We need to get you out of that sling and into your tortilla chip costume. 118 00:05:59,172 --> 00:06:02,300 We're five minutes away from the piping hot queso high dive. 119 00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:05,011 Medical team on standby? 120 00:06:05,011 --> 00:06:07,722 Nope. Can't do it. Todd Fox is right. 121 00:06:07,722 --> 00:06:09,974 Gotta cut this loose and walk away. 122 00:06:09,974 --> 00:06:13,144 I can just take the journalism class again next year. 123 00:06:13,144 --> 00:06:14,646 What's this? 124 00:06:14,646 --> 00:06:18,233 "Todd Fox's first wife was murdered. 125 00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:19,901 Follow the money, Hayley." 126 00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:23,071 [GASPS] I'm Hayley! Oh, my God! 127 00:06:23,571 --> 00:06:25,406 Journalism. 128 00:06:27,992 --> 00:06:29,327 Out of the way! 129 00:06:29,327 --> 00:06:30,829 Bombshell coming through! 130 00:06:30,829 --> 00:06:34,415 She's overselling herself. She's a six on a good day. 131 00:06:34,415 --> 00:06:36,668 Okay, look, I know you guys don't do news, 132 00:06:36,668 --> 00:06:40,171 but Todd Fox might have murdered his first wife. 133 00:06:40,171 --> 00:06:42,549 You have to dig into this before he's on the show. 134 00:06:42,549 --> 00:06:45,385 We don't have to do anything. I'm not touching that. 135 00:06:45,385 --> 00:06:47,345 How do we know you didn't write it? 136 00:06:47,345 --> 00:06:51,599 [HICCUPS] Yeah. How do we know it wasn't you who got murdered? 137 00:06:51,599 --> 00:06:54,352 - What? - [CHARLIE] Intern? 138 00:06:54,352 --> 00:06:57,272 I thought I told you to stop pestering the stars. 139 00:06:57,272 --> 00:06:58,523 And what is this? 140 00:06:58,523 --> 00:07:01,693 A-ha! Just as I suspected. 141 00:07:01,693 --> 00:07:02,861 A scoop. 142 00:07:02,861 --> 00:07:04,863 If it's true, it's huge news. 143 00:07:04,863 --> 00:07:06,197 Wait, really? 144 00:07:06,197 --> 00:07:08,533 Well, in that case, call the freakin' Gazette 145 00:07:08,533 --> 00:07:10,410 because that's not what we do here! 146 00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:12,579 Drop it or you're fired, 147 00:07:12,579 --> 00:07:16,791 and I'll see to it that you never work in brunch-time television again. 148 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:18,877 Okay. 149 00:07:18,877 --> 00:07:22,213 Besides, you really think these two are even capable 150 00:07:22,213 --> 00:07:24,716 of handling your alleged "bombshell"? 151 00:07:24,716 --> 00:07:26,384 Look at them. 152 00:07:26,384 --> 00:07:31,139 All this is making me want a churro bad. Bring in the Churrodillo! 153 00:07:31,139 --> 00:07:32,891 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 154 00:07:32,891 --> 00:07:35,894 ♪ I'm too sexy for my shirt ♪ 155 00:07:35,894 --> 00:07:39,731 [SUZE ON TV] Yeah, work it, Churrodillo. Work it! 156 00:07:39,731 --> 00:07:44,235 The kitchen is off-limits forever now, and I don't want to talk about why. 157 00:07:44,235 --> 00:07:46,988 [KLAUS] Could I at least sneak in quickly and change out my water? 158 00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:49,073 The kitchen is gone, Klaus! 159 00:07:49,073 --> 00:07:52,994 [KLAUS] Well, I'm sure Jeff will be home any minute and we'll all be saved. 160 00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:55,455 Jeff is dead in a ditch somewhere covered in ink. 161 00:07:55,455 --> 00:07:57,332 I feel it in my bones. 162 00:07:57,332 --> 00:08:02,003 It's time to accept the fact that none of us are coming back from this. 163 00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:04,005 [BELL JINGLING IN DISTANCE] 164 00:08:06,257 --> 00:08:08,468 [STEVE] Snack cart! He's got drinks! 165 00:08:08,468 --> 00:08:09,677 We're saved! 166 00:08:09,677 --> 00:08:12,680 Steve, you have to signal him! 167 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,515 [KLAUS] Don't let him get away! 168 00:08:16,351 --> 00:08:18,353 Wha... Ahh! Whoa! 169 00:08:22,732 --> 00:08:24,567 [ROGER] Did he see you, Steve? 170 00:08:29,364 --> 00:08:30,949 [HAYLEY] This is such good journalism. 171 00:08:30,949 --> 00:08:33,368 I am doing the shit out of this journalism. 172 00:08:33,368 --> 00:08:35,954 Is that my microfiche reader? 173 00:08:35,954 --> 00:08:38,790 You're still researching Todd Fox, aren't you? 174 00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:41,542 Jesus, are those my sour Twizzlers too? 175 00:08:41,542 --> 00:08:44,170 Those were in my car, my locked car. 176 00:08:44,170 --> 00:08:45,797 [SUCKS AND GULPS] 177 00:08:45,797 --> 00:08:47,298 [CHUCKLES] 178 00:08:47,298 --> 00:08:50,969 You got big ovaries, kid. I'll give you that. 179 00:08:50,969 --> 00:08:55,139 You know, I did too once. God, it seems like another lifetime now. 180 00:08:55,139 --> 00:08:57,725 I'll tell you about it after I nuke this toilet. 181 00:08:58,309 --> 00:09:00,311 [GRUNTS AND SIGHS] 182 00:09:00,311 --> 00:09:01,688 Done. 183 00:09:01,688 --> 00:09:04,190 The year was 17. For me. 184 00:09:04,190 --> 00:09:06,484 For some others, it was likely a different age. 185 00:09:06,484 --> 00:09:11,155 Trish and I were paired up at random by our broadcast journalism teacher. 186 00:09:11,155 --> 00:09:13,533 We were a great team from the start. 187 00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:17,161 Our first expose blew the lid off local corruption, 188 00:09:17,161 --> 00:09:19,664 earning us a B plus in the class. 189 00:09:19,664 --> 00:09:21,874 It was one of those teachers who doesn't give 'A's 190 00:09:21,874 --> 00:09:23,584 based on some misguided principle. 191 00:09:23,584 --> 00:09:27,422 No, I don't give 'A's. Because of my misguided principles. 192 00:09:27,422 --> 00:09:30,842 [SUZE] After our first big scoop, we were hooked. 193 00:09:30,842 --> 00:09:33,052 Just two more kids in America 194 00:09:33,052 --> 00:09:36,347 falling recklessly in love with the news! 195 00:09:36,347 --> 00:09:39,851 Early reports indicate thousands injured or missing. 196 00:09:39,851 --> 00:09:41,894 We're not finished doing the news! 197 00:09:41,894 --> 00:09:43,688 [SOLDIERS SCREAMING] 198 00:09:43,688 --> 00:09:47,275 Eventually, we landed our own TV news hour. 199 00:09:47,275 --> 00:09:51,195 But we were young and didn't know the dark side of the industry yet. 200 00:09:51,195 --> 00:09:54,782 Hi, Suze. I also had to use the bathroom, so I can help with this story, too. 201 00:09:54,782 --> 00:09:57,702 Test groups find the two of you intimidating. 202 00:09:57,702 --> 00:10:01,372 I was thinking maybe we cash in those dusty old pantsuits 203 00:10:01,372 --> 00:10:03,708 for something that shows a little more leg. 204 00:10:03,708 --> 00:10:08,421 And, Trish, lose the glasses. No one likes chicks who can see good. 205 00:10:08,421 --> 00:10:12,050 I just think we could get more eyeballs if we added a simple game. 206 00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:14,886 I promise it won't compromise your credibility. 207 00:10:14,886 --> 00:10:17,638 I'm not asking you to play Twister with Gore Vidal. 208 00:10:17,638 --> 00:10:20,892 Just something to loosen everyone up. Think casual. 209 00:10:20,892 --> 00:10:23,853 And maybe a drink in your hand to grease the wheels? [SNAPS FINGERS] 210 00:10:28,983 --> 00:10:32,111 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 211 00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:33,821 [TRISH LAUGHING] 212 00:10:35,031 --> 00:10:36,574 And now, we're here. 213 00:10:36,574 --> 00:10:38,910 Wow. I had no idea. 214 00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:42,580 That is so, so perfect. 215 00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:46,125 It is? Maybe I told it wrong. 216 00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:47,627 Don't you see? 217 00:10:47,627 --> 00:10:50,797 You two aren't just aging, cookie-cutter, empty calorie, 218 00:10:50,797 --> 00:10:52,423 talentless, mid-tier beauties. 219 00:10:52,423 --> 00:10:53,925 - Ouch! - Jesus! 220 00:10:53,925 --> 00:10:55,927 You've got chops! 221 00:10:55,927 --> 00:10:59,430 You were a real deal journalists once, and you can be that again. Right now. 222 00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:02,100 [INHALES SHARPLY] I don't know. 223 00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:05,520 Just listen to this juice I dug up on Todd Fox. 224 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,522 His wife was a wealthy heiress, 225 00:11:07,522 --> 00:11:09,524 and they married after only two months. 226 00:11:09,524 --> 00:11:12,151 Then she died under mysterious circumstances 227 00:11:12,151 --> 00:11:15,196 when her zip-lining harness "gave out" on their honeymoon. 228 00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:18,366 Boom! Todd Fox inherited her whole fortune 229 00:11:18,366 --> 00:11:23,121 and has been slowly draining it to buy more exotic animals and build his brand. 230 00:11:23,121 --> 00:11:26,290 The note was right. It really looks like he murdered her. 231 00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:29,710 You know what else? He hooked up with me after the Christmas party last year, 232 00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:32,672 even though he saw me throw up twice. 233 00:11:32,672 --> 00:11:35,633 And I actually threw up five times. 234 00:11:35,633 --> 00:11:38,719 You two have a real chance to blindside him today. 235 00:11:38,719 --> 00:11:41,556 He won't see it coming. Not on Morning Mimosa! 236 00:11:41,556 --> 00:11:43,015 And not from you. 237 00:11:43,015 --> 00:11:46,394 Please, journalism was your dream, and now it's mine. 238 00:11:46,394 --> 00:11:48,855 Do it for all the kids like me watching at home. 239 00:11:48,855 --> 00:11:51,149 Wait. How old are you? 240 00:11:51,149 --> 00:11:53,317 Because you look like you're 35. 241 00:11:53,317 --> 00:11:56,821 No, we can't. Todd Fox is beloved. It's career suicide. 242 00:11:56,821 --> 00:11:59,073 I'm sorry, intern. I never actually learned your name. 243 00:11:59,073 --> 00:12:02,243 Charlie is right about us. We can't do news anymore. 244 00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,411 We changed. 245 00:12:03,411 --> 00:12:06,414 And you will too when you grow up. More. 246 00:12:06,414 --> 00:12:08,708 Okay, we should really get back. 247 00:12:08,708 --> 00:12:11,836 I think it's been about eight minutes of dead air out there. 248 00:12:11,836 --> 00:12:14,589 Lionfish! Bike tire! Rabbit! 249 00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:18,050 Fanny pack! Seal! 250 00:12:18,050 --> 00:12:21,512 [LAUGHS] Shut up! That's the one I meant! 251 00:12:21,512 --> 00:12:25,224 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 252 00:12:25,224 --> 00:12:29,937 [CHARLIE] Cash in those dusty old pantsuits for something that shows a little more leg. 253 00:12:31,606 --> 00:12:34,233 And maybe a drink in your hand to grease the wheels? 254 00:12:34,233 --> 00:12:35,860 [HEART POUNDING] 255 00:12:40,448 --> 00:12:43,868 Todd Fox, I'm dying to know, 256 00:12:43,868 --> 00:12:47,413 do any of your animals mate for life? 257 00:12:47,413 --> 00:12:49,707 Oh, sure. My shingleback lizards are a prime... 258 00:12:49,707 --> 00:12:52,293 And where do you stand on that philosophy? 259 00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:54,754 - I'm sorry? - "Till death do you part." 260 00:12:54,754 --> 00:12:56,547 What's your take on that? 261 00:12:56,547 --> 00:12:59,884 Well, I'd say those shingleback lizards never met my last wife. 262 00:12:59,884 --> 00:13:01,385 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 263 00:13:01,385 --> 00:13:03,554 And what about your first wife? 264 00:13:06,516 --> 00:13:08,726 Oh, my God. 265 00:13:08,726 --> 00:13:10,811 [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] What are you doing? 266 00:13:10,811 --> 00:13:13,147 I made it clear to your producer I don't talk about her. 267 00:13:13,147 --> 00:13:14,732 Oh, come on! 268 00:13:14,732 --> 00:13:17,068 The first woman to land Todd Fox. 269 00:13:17,068 --> 00:13:20,446 I bet our audience would love to know her secret. 270 00:13:20,446 --> 00:13:22,740 [AUDIENCE HOWLING] 271 00:13:22,740 --> 00:13:24,575 [SIGHS] She was the love of my life. 272 00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaking of love, I brought two lovely little squirrel monkeys today 273 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,289 and one of them can actually read and write! 274 00:13:30,289 --> 00:13:32,625 The other one, well, he just isn't getting it. 275 00:13:32,625 --> 00:13:34,293 So it wasn't her money? 276 00:13:34,293 --> 00:13:37,088 Hey, come on. Are we here to talk about dead relationships 277 00:13:37,088 --> 00:13:39,924 or see a squirrel monkey get tangled up in Trish's hair? 278 00:13:39,924 --> 00:13:42,927 Fascinating choice of words. 279 00:13:42,927 --> 00:13:45,221 "Dead relationships." 280 00:13:46,013 --> 00:13:47,139 Please don't do this. 281 00:13:47,139 --> 00:13:49,684 Bring up the newspaper, please. 282 00:13:50,685 --> 00:13:53,437 Is that her, Todd? She's gorgeous. 283 00:13:53,437 --> 00:13:56,315 Oh, God, I've never even seen these. 284 00:13:56,315 --> 00:13:57,775 Is that "the" moment? 285 00:13:57,775 --> 00:14:00,444 You tell us. It was your honeymoon. 286 00:14:00,444 --> 00:14:02,613 An heiress! Wow! 287 00:14:02,613 --> 00:14:05,366 What happened to her money after that? 288 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,451 I took over the estate. 289 00:14:07,451 --> 00:14:10,830 And how much do bald eagles cost? 290 00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:13,374 All your animals must have been a small fortune. 291 00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:15,293 I don't think I like what you're implying. 292 00:14:15,293 --> 00:14:17,795 Then I'll stop implying and ask. 293 00:14:17,795 --> 00:14:20,923 Todd Fox, did you murder your wife? 294 00:14:23,050 --> 00:14:24,969 I didn't kill my wife! 295 00:14:24,969 --> 00:14:27,972 Do you notice anything missing from those pictures? It's me! 296 00:14:27,972 --> 00:14:29,682 I didn't even make it to Costa Rica 297 00:14:29,682 --> 00:14:32,977 because I got such severe food poisoning on the layover, 298 00:14:32,977 --> 00:14:34,645 I had to be hospitalized. 299 00:14:34,645 --> 00:14:37,565 I slipped in and out of a diarrhea coma for weeks. 300 00:14:37,565 --> 00:14:40,359 I have the hospital records. I'd never kill her. 301 00:14:40,359 --> 00:14:42,069 I loved her. [SOBBING] 302 00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:47,033 This has Hayley written all over it. 303 00:14:47,033 --> 00:14:50,494 - Oh, no. - [AUDIENCE] Boo! 304 00:14:50,494 --> 00:14:52,246 Commercial! Throw to commercial! 305 00:14:52,371 --> 00:14:53,748 [AUDIENCE] Boo! 306 00:14:53,748 --> 00:14:55,666 - [GLASS BREAKING] - Well, that's our careers. 307 00:14:55,666 --> 00:14:57,668 Good run, ladies. I hope it was worth it. 308 00:14:57,668 --> 00:14:59,712 Sir, please! It was all my fault. 309 00:14:59,712 --> 00:15:02,173 Oh, it's your fault? Oh, fantastic! 310 00:15:02,173 --> 00:15:04,842 I'll just go tell the network that it wasn't Trish and Suze 311 00:15:04,842 --> 00:15:08,679 who accused a national treasure of murder on live TV! 312 00:15:08,679 --> 00:15:11,349 It was you with your hand up their asses! 313 00:15:11,349 --> 00:15:13,559 It's not that bad, Charlie. 314 00:15:13,559 --> 00:15:15,895 We can fix it after the break. 315 00:15:15,895 --> 00:15:18,272 You think I'm letting you go back out there? 316 00:15:18,272 --> 00:15:21,192 You're done! I'm running MacGyver the rest of the day. 317 00:15:21,192 --> 00:15:23,194 Come on, did you guys give up 318 00:15:23,194 --> 00:15:27,031 when Suze electrocuted Ryan Reynolds with a car battery? 319 00:15:27,031 --> 00:15:29,867 Did you call it quits when Suze tricked Michelle Obama 320 00:15:29,867 --> 00:15:32,203 into eating peanuts to see if her allergy was fake? 321 00:15:32,203 --> 00:15:34,747 It is always you, isn't it? 322 00:15:34,747 --> 00:15:36,916 All we need is the fluffiest, 323 00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:40,378 sweetest, bubbliest apology segment you've ever done. 324 00:15:40,378 --> 00:15:43,089 I've learned my lesson. Screw journalism! 325 00:15:43,089 --> 00:15:45,883 Put me in a bikini! Give me a mimosa! 326 00:15:45,883 --> 00:15:49,387 [SIGHS] Oh, God, that's actually really nice. 327 00:15:49,387 --> 00:15:53,057 If we can get Todd Fox back out there, she might be right. 328 00:15:53,057 --> 00:15:55,434 But I'm warning you, stick to the cards! 329 00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:57,937 Anything different, and you'll be hosting another 330 00:15:57,937 --> 00:16:02,066 Trish and Suze booze cruise from Port Lewes to Santa Cruz. 331 00:16:02,066 --> 00:16:03,609 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 332 00:16:03,609 --> 00:16:07,405 Welcome back. If you were around for our last segment, 333 00:16:07,405 --> 00:16:10,408 you might assume we're cooking up some crow. 334 00:16:11,909 --> 00:16:13,077 Nope, Trish. 335 00:16:13,077 --> 00:16:15,079 Today, we're going to teach everyone at home 336 00:16:15,079 --> 00:16:19,250 how to make apology sugar cookies for our dear friend, Todd Fox. 337 00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:20,918 But things could get interesting 338 00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:26,424 because we'll be trying to do it in sumo suits! 339 00:16:26,424 --> 00:16:29,427 - [MAN COUGHS] - Can we at least take those down? 340 00:16:29,427 --> 00:16:31,804 [SUZE] Of course. So sorry, Todd Fox. 341 00:16:31,804 --> 00:16:35,933 Okay, now nothing says "I'm sorry" better than butter... 342 00:16:35,933 --> 00:16:38,102 Hang on. Put it back up. 343 00:16:38,102 --> 00:16:39,770 [AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS] 344 00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,691 I know that fanny pack. 345 00:16:47,361 --> 00:16:49,363 Holy [BLEEP]! It's Kristoff! 346 00:16:49,363 --> 00:16:51,157 Back to commercial! 347 00:16:51,157 --> 00:16:53,617 So the octopus was the fanny pack, right? 348 00:16:53,617 --> 00:16:57,872 And in the photo where she falls, the fanny pack is gone! Look! 349 00:16:57,872 --> 00:16:59,999 [♪ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 350 00:16:59,999 --> 00:17:02,460 So what are we saying? That Kristoff killed her? 351 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:05,796 The only way to prove it is to force a confession. 352 00:17:05,796 --> 00:17:08,966 We've gotta grill the octopus. 353 00:17:08,966 --> 00:17:10,551 Are you sure you want to do this? 354 00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:11,969 You could just back out now. 355 00:17:11,969 --> 00:17:13,304 Go back to how things were. 356 00:17:13,304 --> 00:17:16,348 - I honestly don't think I can. - Me neither. 357 00:17:16,348 --> 00:17:20,352 If we're gonna blow up our career, it should be for something we're proud of. 358 00:17:20,352 --> 00:17:22,855 Charlie, how long until we're back? 359 00:17:22,855 --> 00:17:24,482 We're not going back on. 360 00:17:24,482 --> 00:17:27,902 I'm not letting you hurt America's sweetheart anymore. 361 00:17:27,902 --> 00:17:31,071 Where's the one where MacGyver blows up a plane? That's a good one. 362 00:17:31,071 --> 00:17:32,531 [HAYLEY] We're back in ten! 363 00:17:32,531 --> 00:17:34,325 I knocked out the board operator! 364 00:17:34,325 --> 00:17:36,660 He was helping us! 365 00:17:36,660 --> 00:17:40,664 Oh. Well, he's... Okay, he's bleeding pretty bad. 366 00:17:40,664 --> 00:17:42,500 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 367 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:46,921 Kristoff, how long have you known Todd Fox? 368 00:17:46,921 --> 00:17:48,881 [KRISTOFF] Kristoff's whole life, 369 00:17:48,881 --> 00:17:52,843 but heart feels it has known him longer. 370 00:17:52,843 --> 00:17:54,512 - [WOMAN IN AUDIENCE] Aw! - Shh! 371 00:17:54,512 --> 00:17:56,931 You'd do anything for him, wouldn't you? 372 00:17:56,931 --> 00:17:58,224 Even kill? 373 00:17:58,224 --> 00:17:59,517 What the hell? 374 00:17:59,517 --> 00:18:01,101 Hayley, pull it up! 375 00:18:03,437 --> 00:18:07,733 - That looks a lot like you, Kristoff. - It really does. 376 00:18:07,733 --> 00:18:09,193 But that's impossible. 377 00:18:09,193 --> 00:18:11,862 You would have been by Todd Fox's bedside. 378 00:18:11,862 --> 00:18:15,533 Unless you had a more important reason to follow Lisa. 379 00:18:15,533 --> 00:18:18,035 Like motive. 380 00:18:18,035 --> 00:18:19,703 - [KRISTOFF] I... - Come on, Suze. 381 00:18:19,703 --> 00:18:21,372 What are you suggesting? 382 00:18:21,372 --> 00:18:24,917 That a dumb little octopus can plan that far ahead? 383 00:18:24,917 --> 00:18:29,046 [KRISTOFF] Dumb? Is smuggling myself into a foreign country 384 00:18:29,046 --> 00:18:32,216 to commit the perfect murder in the name of love dumb? 385 00:18:32,216 --> 00:18:34,218 - [AUDIENCE GASPS] - Kristoff? 386 00:18:34,218 --> 00:18:35,886 [KRISTOFF] Oh, come on, Todd. 387 00:18:35,886 --> 00:18:40,224 You must have felt the energy between us. We are electric together. 388 00:18:40,224 --> 00:18:44,061 Lisa felt it. She wanted to separate us! 389 00:18:44,061 --> 00:18:47,731 - It was her or me. - I can't believe this. 390 00:18:47,731 --> 00:18:50,818 You killed my wife, deceived me all these years... 391 00:18:50,818 --> 00:18:53,612 [KRISTOFF] The masks are off, my darling. 392 00:18:53,612 --> 00:18:56,073 We can finally be together. 393 00:18:56,073 --> 00:18:59,410 [IMITATES BUZZER] You're going to jail. The zoo? 394 00:18:59,410 --> 00:19:01,745 Are all animals in the zoo criminals? 395 00:19:01,745 --> 00:19:02,955 Look out! 396 00:19:02,955 --> 00:19:04,498 [TRISH SCREAMS] 397 00:19:07,710 --> 00:19:10,087 - [SUZE GASPS] - [AUDIENCE GASPS] 398 00:19:10,087 --> 00:19:12,798 I don't know which one is which! 399 00:19:12,798 --> 00:19:15,509 - Why do you have a gun? - I always have a gun! 400 00:19:15,509 --> 00:19:17,094 Shoot us both! 401 00:19:17,094 --> 00:19:19,096 What? Why shoot either of them? 402 00:19:24,393 --> 00:19:25,644 That's my partner. 403 00:19:25,644 --> 00:19:27,438 - [GUNSHOT] - Ahh! 404 00:19:27,438 --> 00:19:30,149 Sorry, Trish. That was a whoopsie bullet. 405 00:19:30,149 --> 00:19:32,443 Well, that's our time. 406 00:19:32,443 --> 00:19:37,197 Join us tomorrow when we'll play Flip-Cup Charades with Dame Helen Mirren. 407 00:19:37,197 --> 00:19:38,616 See you tomorrow, America! 408 00:19:38,616 --> 00:19:39,700 - [GUNSHOT] - Ooh! 409 00:19:41,035 --> 00:19:43,162 Seems like we're all over the hump with this bug. 410 00:19:43,162 --> 00:19:45,497 - I'm even a little hungry. - Me too. 411 00:19:45,497 --> 00:19:48,792 Too bad the only thing we have to eat is that bad paella. 412 00:19:48,792 --> 00:19:51,503 Eh, what the hell! I'll take another swing with the paella. 413 00:19:51,503 --> 00:19:53,464 - It'd be a shame to waste it. - Me, too. 414 00:19:53,464 --> 00:19:55,382 And besides, maybe I'm misremembering it 415 00:19:55,382 --> 00:19:58,302 because it's been a minute, but I don't even think we got that sick. 416 00:19:59,637 --> 00:20:02,014 It's the paella! [GROANS] 417 00:20:02,014 --> 00:20:03,891 Somebody dump out those Gatorades, 418 00:20:03,891 --> 00:20:06,644 so we can use the bottles for on-the-go paella. 419 00:20:07,978 --> 00:20:11,482 To a great damn show. 420 00:20:11,482 --> 00:20:14,276 You know what I still can't figure out? Who wrote that note? 421 00:20:21,909 --> 00:20:24,495 It was the monkey. The monkey that can write did it. 422 00:20:24,495 --> 00:20:26,038 That makes sense. 423 00:20:26,038 --> 00:20:28,832 Wow, you really figured everything out, Hayley Smith. 424 00:20:28,832 --> 00:20:31,335 Yeah, Hayley, you've got a job here anytime. 425 00:20:31,335 --> 00:20:33,504 In fact, I have a feeling a lot of things 426 00:20:33,504 --> 00:20:35,255 are going to be changing around here. 427 00:20:37,299 --> 00:20:39,176 Morning, ladies. How're we feeling? 428 00:20:39,176 --> 00:20:40,678 It's talking to me! 429 00:20:40,678 --> 00:20:42,930 Gross, it looked you right in the face! 430 00:20:42,930 --> 00:20:44,890 - But yesterday, you... - We what? 431 00:20:44,890 --> 00:20:48,352 Got blackout drunk, had a great show, and forgot everything that happened? 432 00:20:48,352 --> 00:20:50,354 That's Morning Mimosa!, kid! 433 00:20:50,354 --> 00:20:53,357 No way she's a kid. She looks 35. 434 00:20:53,357 --> 00:20:55,651 Get out of here, old kid! 435 00:20:56,402 --> 00:20:57,875 Have a great night! 436 00:21:00,281 --> 00:21:02,242 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 34774

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