Original subtitles

Goodbye, Mrs Stubbs. Thank you, Mr Stubbs. It'll keep us going.

There, Mr Dowson. Seems to be coming through now.

That's wonderful, Mr Herriot. Marvellous.

- I don't know how you do it. - It's pretty straightforward. Standard job.

Fairly standard to you, perhaps, Mr Herriot.

- Nothing short of miraculous to me. - Thank you.

I were telling the lads t'other day about that cow you cured.

- Oh? What cow was that, then? - Don't tell me you don't remember.

- The one that had that calcium deficiency. - Oh, that one.

Well, there she lay on the grass, just like a dead 'un.

In fact, it looked like a job for the knacker's yard.

I've never seen owt like it in my life.

You stuck that bottle in her vein, looked me in the eye, looked at your watch,

- and then what did you say? - I don't know.

You said, "In exactly 12 minutes 30 seconds, Mr Dowson,

this beast of yours will be up on her legs."

- Did I? - You did that. And guess what.

You can believe me or believe me not.

The second the hand on this watch were crossing the 12-minute 30-second mark,

up she gets and off she trots.

- Good Lord. Really? - Aye. But then, all in a day's work, really.

Or summat like that, eh? To a man like you.

Well, I don't know about that, Mr Dowson.

Of course you don't. And that's the other thing, you see.

The way you're always so modest about it.

There'd be just no living with some folks I know

if they had the headpiece you have.

No. Well, I must be getting off, Mr Dowson.

Course you had. I mean, there's more than just me, eh?

In dire need of your valuable services.

- Bye, Mr Dowson. - Goodbye, Mr Herriot.

Thank you for all you've done.

I don't understand you, James. I really don't.

I mean, here we are, beset with farmers who choke on the very word "thank you",

to whom the merest grunt of appreciation is an admission of defeat,

and here you are complaining

that one of them has the gall not only to appreciate your efforts on his behalf,

but to go round proclaiming it.

I was embarrassed, that's all. God knows how he'd react to something really clever.

My advice is to enjoy it, bask in it, cos be assured of this: for every one Dowson,

there are half a hundred Grimsdales and Bigginses waiting to cut you down to size.

- I know. Nevertheless… - (phone rings)

- Telephone, James. - Thank you.

- Perhaps it's Dowson. - (chuckles)

- Darrowby 385. - Strong here.

- Hello. - Something's wrong with my rabbit.

- What exactly is wrong with your rabbit? - That's for thee to tell me when tha come.

The thing is, we're a bit thin on the ground with Mr Buchanan being in Nova Scotia.

And as it's Mr Farnon who usually looks at your rabbits,

- and he is taking surgery this morning… - So?

So you could bring the rabbit in to show him.

How the heck can I do that? I haven't got transport.

Look, are you coming out here or not?

- I'm going to have to go out again. - Oh, no. Are you?

Mr Strong. Why didn't he call me while I was at Dowson's? He lives opposite.

- Oh, Strong of the rabbits. - Yes. He wants to see you, really.

- Oh, you'll enjoy it, James. - You'll enjoy it more. He's your client.

No, no, no. I'd like you to go.

- He's such a cranky old devil, isn't he? - Bark worse than bite, James.

Right. You'll defer any other calls, will you?

- A case of needs must. - We are going to need more help.

Help's already on the way. In fact, it's even now here in our midst.

What?

Don't tell me you failed to notice the conveyance parked in the hall.

(chuckles)

- Hello, James. - Hello, Willie.

- How are you, then? - I'm fine.

How are you? You're looking very well.

- Fresh air and exercise is what does it. - Oh, I'm sure.

In fact, I've been reading Townley's Manual forPhysical Fitness.

- Really? - Fascinating book, James.

Could put years on your life. I must lend it to you.

Gosh, thanks. Look, what are you doing here?

I heard that you were a bit hard-pressed, so I thought the very least I could do

was volunteer to leap up on the old steed and gallop over and give you a hand.

That's very good of you.

Between you and me, my motives weren't entirely selfless, you know.

- Oh? - No. I do happen to have a girlfriend here.

Of course you do. It's that lovely girl from the chemist, with the chesty budgerigar.

Oh!

Good Lord, no, James. She's old news.

- No, this one's a model, actually. - What does she model?

- Swimwear. - Yes, of course.

Gorgeous-looking girl. What old thingy who wrote Brave New World…

- Huxley. - What he'd call "decidedly pneumatic".

I do sometimes wonder what it is they see in me. Still, as long as they continue to.

Oh, right.

Right. So, I'll see you when I've unpacked, then.

Right.

Right.

Willie Bannister. How long's he going to be with us?

Really, as long as we can hold on to him. He's a good lad to be able to fall back on.

Certainly is. And extremely well-read.

Right.

We can assume he's off everything worth eating and drinking.

And imagine what else besides, too. It's been almost a twelvemonth.

Just conceive how many cautionary tomes a lad like that can have got through.

It hardly bears thinking about.

It's worth remembering that although our teetotal Willie

may be something of a social disaster,

he is the ideal chap to mind the shop for us, isn't he?

- Especially around opening time. - So, how about lunch at the Drovers?

Ah. Lots of beer, thick beef sandwiches.

Liberally sprinkled with salt.

- Willie! - Right. Back as soon as I can.

- Ah. Mr Strong? - That's right.

- I've come about the rabbit. - Oh?

- This is Stone Walls Cottage, isn't it? - Aye.

Well, I understand you have a rabbit that isn't very well.

I haven't got any rabbits.

I say, it's me tha wants.

Oh. Sorry. So sorry.

- Round the back. - Right.

Odd, your neighbour having the same name.

- He's no neighbour. - Oh?

- Brother. - Ah.

- Heavenly twins, they call us. - I see.

Do you?

In there.

Over there.

- Mr Strong, this rabbit is dead. - I'm not going to pay a vet to tell me that.

What I want to know is why. Why? And how?

You brought me to find cause of death.

I brought thee out to tell me what has happened to that rabbit.

- Where'd you find it? - His hutch, this morning.

- What about the other rabbits? - Oh, they're all right.

- You haven't been overfeeding it? - I've been raising rabbits for generations.

Of course. It's just that all the signs point to enteritis.

So what does that mean in plain English? Has that rabbit been poisoned or not?

Well, poison could be a cause of this condition, yes.

- Right. - Are you telling me he was poisoned?

- Aye, that's exactly what I'm telling thee. - You don't mean deliberately?

- Don't I? - Well, do you or don't you?

- See here, rabbit pellets. Right? - Right.

- Right. Come here. - Right.

- Slug pellets, right? - Right.

Rabbit pellets. Not a lot between them to look at them,

but that's rabbit food, that's rabbit poison.

And you're suggesting that got mixed up with the rabbit food?

Look, all I want you to tell me is… is that what killed my rabbit?

- Where do you keep this rabbit of yours? - In his hutch.

- Well, may I see it, please? - Aye, suit thy sen.

- There's no sign of slug pellets in here. - There wouldn't be.

- How do you mean? - Not if that daft bugger ate them all.

Why would anybody want to poison a rabbit?

Why would anybody want to do anything?

There's a lot of rum folk in this world, that's why.

Mr Strong, if I'm going to do an autopsy, I'll need the body.

Here's something else tha'll need, too.

Thank you.

So he's seriously suggesting it was his twin brother who poisoned it?

- That was the general implication, yes. - So now you know, James.

- What? - Why they're called the heavenly twins.

- Yes. Thanks a lot. - You're entirely welcome.

I merely thought that an undiluted dose of the Strong brothers

might make you appreciate clients like Dowson a touch more.

It's not that unusual for brothers not to talk.

But this silence has been going on for nearly half a century.

- Really? - Yes.

- Why? - I can't really remember.

Helen, your father would've been the one to know every detail,

but as far as I do remember, it all started because of a dispute over giant onions.

- Giant onions? - Yes. Yes, you're right.

In those dim and distant days, both Roland and Oliver

prided themselves on the size of the onions they grew.

No, the rivalry was quite cutthroat.

They both harboured ambitions to win first prize at the Darrowby Show that year.

Unfortunately, though, with giant onions,

as with everything else, there can only be one winner.

I can't remember who did win in the end,

but harsh words ensued, not to mention a spot of fisticuffs.

Yes, indeed, James. There was blood-letting.

- Since then, not one word between them. - It's all true.

- (doorbell rings) - I'll go.

- They live in the same house! - Well, yes.

That was their late mother, Mrs Strong's idea.

- Not, perhaps, one of her best. - Oh?

Well, her will left it quite clearly

that the cottage was to be divided equally between the two of them.

Her idea being that they'd be bound to make up sooner or later.

I suppose so. Of course, what hadn't occurred to Mrs Strong

was that old saw about a house divided against itself,

because that's how it's stayed ever since.

- You must have noticed the two doors. - Yes.

Well, that situation obtains throughout the entire cottage.

Really?

So if, next week, James, when your lab report comes through,

the finger of suspicion points at old Roland Strong,

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Siegfried, Mr Hartley for you.

- For me? - So he says.

Goodness.

- Now then, Mr Hartley. - Ah, Mr Farnon. Just the man.

- Really? - Could we have a word, do you think?

- I don't see why not. Come on in here. - Thank you.

- Mr Herriot. - How are you, Mr Hartley?

Oh, fair to Middleton, you know. (laughs)

Now then, Mr Hartley, what can we do for you?

Well, quite a lot, I think. Only, you haven't forgotten, I hope, what you said, like?

- What I said, Mr Hartley? - In the Drovers about a fortnight ago.

About what a good idea it would be if us farmers got together

and reformed our local discussion group, like.

Oh, that! No, no, of course. Certainly I haven't forgotten.

It's like this. What you said made a deep impression. A very deep impression.

Oh, did it, Mr Hartley? Really?

Aye. So much so that we've decided to take your advice.

Oh, well, that's splendid, Mr Hartley.

And while we're at it, take you up on your little offer.

- My offer? - Aye.

That if we ever did get round to doing summat,

you'd be only too happy to kick things off for us by being our first speaker.

- I also said that, did I? - You did that, Mr Farnon.

Mind you, we'd had one or two by then,

so if you were to tell me it was the ale talking, I would understand.

Certainly not.

Er…

I'd be delighted to kick things off for you, Mr Hartley. In fact, I'd be honoured.

Grand. So how are you fixed, then, this coming Monday night?

Ah. Oh.

Monday night. I'll have to look at the diary, but I've a nasty feeling…

Monday night, Siegfried? Absolutely clear at the moment.

Thank you, James. In that case, I shall be delighted to join you, Mr Hartley.

- Grand. So is 7:30 all right for you, then? - Absolutely fine.

There will be a bite laid on to eat for us, and perhaps the odd glass of summat, eh?

Right. That sounds good sport.

Now then…

Oh, dear. Poor old Siegfried.

He's not quite as fast as he was. He'd have sidestepped that without breaking stride.

- It's only a farmers' discussion group. - Only?

Remember when it was a regular occurrence and I addressed one?

They practically lynched me.

Well, I must say, James, it's really rather nice

to find that not all the seed one scatters falls on stony ground.

- Right. - Having said which, James,

are you absolutely sure that Monday night is clear?

- Because I… - Positive, Siegfried. Look. Positive.

Er…

- Right. - Right.

I'll be off, then.

Bye.

- How's your sandwich? - Mmmm.

Nothing like a nice, crisp salad sandwich.

Ah-ah-ah!

- Very bad for you, salt. - Oh. Sorry.

Uh-uh. Even worse.

I wouldn't mind a packet of crisps.

I promise not to use the little blue bag.

Glenys, have you any idea how much fat there is in crisps?

Sorry.

How does he do it, James? He only has to stick his head in here

to have some lovely local odalisque climbing all over him.

Well, he's probably got a book about it.

That's a book I wouldn't mind a sight of.

- Mr Herriot! - Oh, good God.

- Mr Herriot! - Mr Dowson.

Were your ears burning then? Only I were just talking about you.

I was just standing telling Norm here about that pony you sorted out for me.

- Which pony, Mr Dowson? - The one with that very bad stoppage.

- Oh, yes. That one. - He were right bunged up, I can tell you.

Groaning with it. I'd given him all sorts to get his bowels going.

Could we get owt through him? Could we heck as like!

Well, two whole days passed and nothing moved through that animal.

Not a thing. And along came Mr Herriot here, right?

And he soon put him right for you, did he?

What? I've never seen owt like it in my life, Mr Farnon.

- First, he gave him this injection, right? - Right.

Then he looked me straight in the eye. "Now, Mr Dowson," he says.

- Looking at his watch, you know? - Yes, I know.

"At two o'clock this afternoon, this animal's bowels will be moved."

- Good Lord. And were they? - Well, of course they were.

Just wait a minute. That's nothing. Wait till you've heard this. That weren't all he said.

- It wasn't? - It weren't that.

"Now then," he says, "first of all, all he'll pass will be an handful."

- "No more than that much." - Ah.

And, as God's my judge, that's all he did. Just that much.

"But", he said - this was still that same morning -

"at half past two this afternoon, he'll pass some more,

only this time, a shovelful."

- And he did? - You can believe me or believe me not.

But at half past two that afternoon, on the dot,

that is what that pony passed - one complete shovelful.

- But even that weren't the end of it. - Do you mean there was more?

"Now, at three o'clock," he says - this still being that same morning, like -

"At three o'clock, he'll have a right good clear-out." Right, Mr Herriot?

- If you say so, Mr Dowson. - And he did?

At exactly three o'clock that afternoon, to within a minute,

that pony of mine cocked up that tail of his and the heavens opened.

We got the lot.

Good Lord, James. You've never told me anything about all this, you know.

- Didn't l, Siegfried? - Well, he wouldn't, would he?

Cos like I told him t'other day, it's all in a day's work to a chap like him, isn't it?

Anyway, nice talking to you, Mr Herriot. See you again soon, now.

- I hope so, Mr Dowson. - Good night, Mr Dowson.

- Well, hello, Willie. - Siegfried. James.

- Hello. Not often we see you in here. - I just called in for a sandwich.

Same again, please, bartender.

- Two more glasses of water, right? - That's right.

- No ice. - Good Lord, no.

That's her, is it? The latest one?

- Yes, that's her, James. Glenys Truscott. - Oh.

- (Siegfried) She's a beautiful girl. - (Willie) I think so.

The truly marvellous thing, though, is the way we have so much in common.

(stammers) Always very important, that.

- Two glasses of water. - Thank you.

- You're welcome. - Excuse me.

Shame we've not got more like him, you know.

Then we could shut up shop altogether and just have a tap outside.

No, I don't, thank you.

Oh.

- You don't mind if I do? - If you must.

What I mean is, I do have every sympathy with your addiction.

What? Look, if you'd rather I didn't smoke, you do only have to say so, you know.

It's a free country. We have to make our own minds up about these things.

- Just so long as you realise, that's all. - What?

That with every lungful, you are almost certainly cutting your life expectancy.

- You do say the funniest things, Willie. - You thought that was funny, did you?

Look, it's just a cigarette. I can't believe one cigarette's going to do me any harm.

- Obviously. - Oh, don't be so stuffy about it, Willie.

- Was I being? - I think you were. Just a bit.

- Oh, well. Better to be stuffy than silly. - Who's being silly, then?

Well, erm… you are, as a matter of fact. If you don't mind me saying so.

- What if I do mind you saying so? - Now you really are being silly.

- I'm not. - You are.

- No, I'm not, Willie. - Of course you are. Just a little teeny bit?

No, Willie. Not even just a little teeny bit.

- Oh, well, if you say so. - But you don't really think so, right?

I'm not going to argue. That in itself would be silly.

If anybody's being silly here, you are.

- Me? - Yes.

I do, of course, realise you find the idea astonishing. But all these things of yours -

not smoking, not drinking, not eating salt, not eating pepper…

I mean, what do you do, for God's sake? Apart from telling people not to do things.

That is probably the silliest thing you have said all evening.

Oh, is it? ls it really?

Well, now. If you want to see something really silly, how about this?

Aha.

- Well, that theory's out. - What theory?

Oliver Strong's, that slug pellets killed the rabbit.

There wasn't a sign of metaldehyde poisoning.

- So? - So I'm going to go out and tell him. Bye.

Bye-bye.

Hello, Mr Strong. I was looking for your brother, actually.

I've had the report back from the labs - about that rabbit of his, you see?

Would you mind telling him I called?

Aye.

I would mind.

(knock at door)

By heck.

I wish I could sit round all day reading books.

- Mr Biggins. - Who'd you think it was? Tom Mix?

- Tom who? - Tom… You heard.

- Something I can do for you, Mr Biggins? - I shouldn't think so.

I've come to see the gaffer.

- Siegfried? - Yes, James.

- Mr Biggins for you. - Biggins for me? Can't you deal with him?

Biggins is usually regarded in this practice as yourcross to bear.

Not this time. He wants to talk to you.

Me?

All right, James. I'll deal with him.

(Siegfried clears his throat)

- Now then, Mr Biggins. - Mr Farnon.

- You wanted a word with me? - That's right.

- So how can I help you? - I just wondered if it were right, that's all.

What?

Well, that you're going to be talking to us at this discussion group.

Oh, I see. That. Are you a member of the group?

Oh, aye. I enjoy a good argument meself.

- Yes, so I've heard. - So it is right, then?

It most certainly is, Mr Biggins.

And you'll be answering questions after?

Well, I believe that's the usual form on these occasions, yes.

- Is it going to cost us owt? - Certainly not.

Well, that'll make a pleasant change.

For once, we'll be getting something for nowt out of you.

I see. A free and lively exchange of views and opinions.

That's the object of the exercise.

Oh, it'll be lively, all right.

You don't have to fret yourself on that score.

Allow me, Mr Biggins.

I'll see thee there, then.

Right, Mr Biggins. Thank you for bothering to come.

- Ah, Mr Strong. I tried to get hold of you. - I know.

I got the results back from the lab. Negative.

What does that mean? That it was not poisoned?

Well, not necessarily. But it does tell us that it wasn't the slug pellets.

- What was it, then? - We don't know yet. Sorry.

What about the lab? Do they know?

Let me explain how the system works. When we send a sample to the lab,

we don't ask, "Was this animal poisoned?" or, "What poisoned it?"

The question is, "Was it metaldehyde poisoning?"

- Or whatever. - And if it isn't, that's it?

Yes. Unless we can come up with an idea of what may have caused it.

- And I get billed for that? - It was you who asked for an autopsy.

I wanted to know what poisoned my rabbit, not what didn't poison it.

There certainly is some swelling there, Mr Grimsdale,

but no cause for alarm, I wouldn't have thought.

I'll give her a jab and then, I think, in a couple of days, that swelling will be down.

- You're sure, are you? - Sure of what?

That all that's necessary.

If it wasn't necessary, rest assured that I wouldn't have thought of suggesting it.

Only it's a bit pricey, isn't it, that stuff?

Well, yes and no, really.

Eh?

Yes, of course, it is true that drugs are expensive.

But then again, not really when you consider

that this particular treatment that I'm recommending,

without it, I wouldn't be half so sanguine about your sow's chances.

There's a school of thought that reckons them things are an easy way out for vets.

- Is that a fact, Mr Grimsdale? - It is, aye.

Of course, there are all sorts of conflicting schools of thought about these days.

There's even one that still subscribes to the theory

that the world upon which we live is flat,

and if we wander too far afield, we shall tumble off the edge.

So let me put this to you.

If you have any deep-rooted objection to the treatment that I am recommending,

then there still remains to us the more traditional alternative.

- Oh, aye? What might that be? - A swift telephone call to the knacker's.

So which is it to be, Mr Grimsdale? Do I inject your sow or do I not?

Well, you've loaded up now, haven't you?

I suppose you're going to charge me anyroad.

Right, Mr Grimsdale.

That's it, then.

- Next Monday night, then. - What's that?

This talk you're giving.

Oh, yes, yes.

We've all been notified, you know. All us farmers.

Have you, now?

I wouldn't really have thought it was your idea of an evening out, you know.

- A farmers' discussion group. - Neither would I.

All that lot sitting on their backsides, gassing about nowt that matters.

I wasn't going to bother. Now, though, I think I'll come after all.

It's not every day you get the veterinary in your sights, is it?

- That's how you see it, is it? - What other way is there?

Well…

Till Monday, then.

I'll say.

- Are you all right? - What, James?

- You seem a bit preoccupied. - No, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, yes, I suppose I am a bit.

You see, I can't stop thinking… wondering, really,

- whether I haven't been a bit selfish lately. - Selfish?

I do seem, perhaps, rather to have been keeping all the juiciest perks to myself.

- Well, such as? - This business on Monday evening.

- The farmers' discussion group? - Mm, that's it. Exactly.

It's hardly a perk, fielding questions from a bunch of farmers.

- If that's all it was, James. - You mean it isn't?

My dear James, this isn't just a run-of-the-mill meeting.

It's their inaugural one, you see. In fact, it isn't really a meeting at all.

All one's asked to do is trot down the road and put together a few well-chosen words,

after which I have a firm impression that a splendid evening will be had by all.

Oh, I see. I see.

And you see, James, the question I can't help asking myself is this:

James, am I being a bit selfish in grabbing this one for myself

just simply because I'm the senior partner in the practice?

Is this one occasion when I ought, for once,

to do the honourable thing and let you do this?

Oh, that is thoughtful of you, Siegfried. That's very thoughtful.

- This coming Monday, isn't it? - 7:30.

You'll enjoy every minute of it, James. I'm sure of that.

I'm sure I would. But I can't do this Monday.

- You can't? - No.

I'm talking to the Wl. It's been booked for months.

Helen would never forgive me if I pulled out at this late stage, would she?

- I'm sorry. - No, that's absolutely fine.

Just so long as you don't feel secretly aggrieved

that I'm snapping up all the jollies.

Perish the thought.

So, how much longer are we going to be able to hang on to you, Willie, eh?

Well, I can certainly stay on until the end of next week.

- That's excellent news. Isn't it, James? - Absolutely.

- James, telephone for you. It's the lab. - Ah. Right.

Oh, the lab, eh?

And you're not finding time hangs heavy on your hands here?

- Good Lord, no, Siegfried. - Not even in the evenings?

Well, I must admit, it is a bit quiet sometimes.

I mean, since Glenys and I came to the more or less simultaneous conclusion

that perhaps we weren't meant for one another after all.

But it gives me a chance to catch up on my reading.

Of course. Even so, I feel we ought to be making more efforts

to find you things to do of an evening

instead of leaving you to your own devices.

- I really don't mind, Siegfried. - That's very good of you, but I mind.

I tell you that. I mind a very great deal.

But, as a matter of fact, there is something coming up next week

which I could put your way, which you'd enjoy.

- Next week? - Yes. Monday night.

Well, well, well.

- More news of Oliver's rabbit? - I'll say.

That's wonderful, Willie!

Lab report on the rabbit - urea poisoning.

Oh. Sort of thing he could've picked up in the garden, you know.

Yes, that's right. Right. I'll get out there.

- I say, would you mind if I came along? - What?

Only it was something of a specialism of mine at college - poisons.

- I've read tons of books about it. - Oh. Come on, then.

- That's all right with you, Siegfried? - Yes, of course it is, my dear man!

And you'll let me have the details later, of this thing next Monday night?

Oh, yes.

Monday night?

Siegfried's asked me to represent you at the new farmers' discussion group.

Jolly decent of him, eh?

- Er… - Come on, Willie.

Hey!

What are you doing?

- We were hoping to talk to your brother. - Well, tha'll not find him down there.

No, quite right.

It's about his rabbit. It seems it was poisoned.

- Oh, aye? - Possibly by some plant or other.

Oh, aye?

And we were wondering if something had got in amongst the vegetables.

Oh, aye?

- Will your brother be long, Mr Strong? - I've no idea.

And I'll thank thee to get off my land.

- We're just waiting for him, you see. - Then tha waits on his land.

Mr Herriot. I thought I recognised your car.

Mr Dowson. Everything all right?

It's this calf of mine. I was wondering if you'd have a look.

Yes, of course.

I'll take the car in, Mr Dowson, thanks.

Thank you.

- He looks perfectly fit to me, Mr Dowson. - Aye, fit as a flea and lively with it.

Just you watch this, though.

- See that? - He does that every time, does he?

Every time, without fail. And it's a damned nuisance.

- Not to mention a waste of good milk. - It must be.

I don't quite see what I can do about it. It's obviously a psychological problem.

He has an aversion to buckets.

Couldn't you simply hold the bucket for him?

Well, I could, but it's all time, isn't it?

And even then, he still keeps bashing the bucket with his head.

Isn't there some sort of injection you can give him, Mr Herriot?

Well…

- Actually, there is something I could try. - Really?

Thiamine.

Didn't I tell you, though, eh?

- Thiamine, James? - Vitamin B, Willie.

Standard treatment for avitaminosis.

Yes, yes, I know. But that calf hasn't got a vitamin deficiency.

- I do realise that, Willie. - Then what good is thiamine going to do?

None, I wouldn't have thought. Still, it won't do any harm.

It could do wonders for Mr Dowson.

And me. Come on.

I have to say, I don't see this doing much good.

Get away with you, Mr Herriot. That's what you always say.

- What time do you think, then, Mr Herriot? - Time?

He'll get better. Six o'clock? Seven o'clock? What?

Ah. I would say, Mr Dowson, that at seven o'clock tomorrow morning,

this injection will have done the trick.

- Right. One of these days, though, eh? - One of these days?

I'm going to come up with summat that'll have even you stumped.

Yes, right.

Hardly ethical, James, administering a placebo to the owners.

- There's method in my madness. - Oh?

It gets very wearing, Dowson thinking I'm totally infallible.

Oh, I see. So you reckon that, one way or another, this'll kill it forever, do you?

Well, it's bound to, isn't it? lsn't it?

Mr Dowson.

- This one's on the house. - Oh, thanks very much, Mr Herriot.

(James) The Strongs. They're good neighbours, are they?

You what? They don't even speak to each other, never mind anybody else.

In fact, between you and me, Mr Herriot, ten pence to the shilling, I'd say, that pair.

Him and his blessed rabbits and t'other with his precious cabbages.

Why does he keep his cabbages locked up?

- Not much chance of their being stolen. - Protection, Mr Herriot, against sabotage.

- Sabotage? - From other cabbage growers.

Take no prisoners, you know, cabbage growers.

- They sabotage other people's cabbages? - Oh, aye.

Especially in old Roly's case, seeing as he usually wins the cabbage class.

And he isn't what you might call the show's most gracious winner.

A bit special, then, are they?

- Just as long as you don't try eating 'em. - Oh?

Not with the stuff he pumps into 'em to get 'em up to size.

Strictly for show are Roly Strong's cabbages.

Anyway, thanks again, Mr Herriot.

It's a pleasure, Mr Dowson.

Willie…

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Almost certainly, I would've thought.

Why not?

James…

This is the watering can he was using just now.

Pwah!

He's never been putting that on cabbages.

He has, you know.

- Urine, James? - (phone rings)

Roland's magic ingredient for his mixture for growing prizewinning cabbages.

- Hardly bears thinking about. - Not if you're going to eat them, no.

However, he has won more prizes with cabbages than anyone else,

so who are we to argue?

Willie, it's your mother.

My mother? Excuse me.

Well, that's one mystery solved anyway, James.

The rabbit got in among the cabbages and that killed it.

It certainly seems to point that way.

- Have you told Oliver? - Yes.

And?

He's going to talk to the police and make a formal complaint.

- Against his own brother? - Mm-hm.

Incredible, isn't it? Nothing changes. Kith and kin, makes no diff…

- Hello, Willie. Everything all right? - Yes.

Well, it's just a bit inconvenient, that's all.

- My brother Raymond. - Oh, yes?

I did tell you, didn't I? He's off to Africa to become a missionary.

- I don't believe you did, no. - Yes. He's due to leave next month.

We've planned a huge family farewell party for him.

- Or rather, we had. - Oh?

My mother now tells me the whole thing's been brought forward,

which means, of course, that the family party has also had to be brought forward.

To next Monday evening, in fact.

I'm terribly sorry, Siegfried, but I really will have to attend, I'm afraid.

I see. Next Monday evening.

If you'd any idea how disappointed I am - missing that farmers' thing.

Yes. Shame.

- All set? - I think so, James.

- Decent attendance, is it? - Jammed to the rafters, Siegfried.

You didn't happen to notice if Grimsdale was there, did you?

Yes, he is. And Mallaby, Biggins,

and Roland Strong, for some extraordinary reason.

- Oh, really? - Mm.

I thought you were addressing the Women's lnstitute tonight, James.

Yes. Cancelled, Siegfried. Very last minute.

- Oh, really? - Mm.

Well, I suppose I'd better be getting over there and get it over with.

- In case things get a bit sticky in there… - Yes?

So, to sum up, I suppose it is inevitable that, from time to time,

differences of opinion will arise between us -

between those of us who actually farm the animals

and those of us who try our best to keep them fit and well.

But on the rare occasions when these differences do occur,

I think the thing that we all ought to remember

is… is that, erm…

after all, we are all on the same side, dammit.

And that really is where a group like this comes into its own,

because tonight, gentlemen, I would urge you

to regard these meetings not just as occasions

to air your gripes and grievances,

but as opportunities -

glittering opportunities -

to indulge in that most fruitful of civilised activities,

the frank and free exchange of views,

of knowledge

and, indeed, of experience.

- Thank you very much. - Thank you, Mr Farnon.

Well, gentlemen, I think you'll all agree, that was very interesting. Very interesting.

Now then, do we have any questions for the veterinary?

Yes, Mr Grimsdale? What's your question?

What I want to ask the veterinary is this.

It seems to me his charges go up and up year after year,

and now I'm paying twice I was five years ago,

and for the same service.

Shall I answer that, Mr Hartley?

It's a sad fact of nature, Mr Grimsdale,

that vets are as subject to the ravages of inflation as the next man.

- (derision) - And while it is true

that some of the new medicines becoming available have proved themselves,

it also has to be admitted that one or two of them are just that bit more expensive.

Aye. But are they all necessary, eh?

We think they are, Mr Biggins, yes.

Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

I mean, what about that cow of mine?

Which cow would that be, Mr Biggins?

The one that I got your pal Herriot to come out and look at

a year ago.

Dislocated hip, he said.

Oh, it'd need a lot of men brought in to put it right, he said.

Half a dozen at least.

All at my expense.

And then,

along comes this slip of a girl

and just pokes the damn thing in the ribs,

and the next thing is, my beast gets up on her feet

and she's as right as rain.

I still got billed for it, though.

- I do think Mr Biggins has a point there. - Do you?

- How's it going out there, Norman? - Put it this way, Mr Herriot:

I'd say he's just about standing his corner. But rather him than me.

And they've not even warmed up properly yet.

You said you were answering questions.

Well, yes, but obviously they've got to be general questions.

If you want me to come out and see your horse tomorrow, I'd be happy to do so.

And charge me, I suppose.

There would be, of course, an ordinary charge for visiting, yes.

- I thought so. - Well, I told you that, didn't I? Eh? Eh?

It was only a matter of time before greed reared its ugly head.

You're as hard as flint, Farnon. Hard as flint, and always have been.

Aye. And what about my prize cabbages, eh?

- I'm sorry? - So tha should be.

Thee and that blinking partner of thine, mucking about with my cold frames.

Just you try and prove it were me that poisoned that danged rabbit, that's all.

Trespass, that were. And tha'll be hearing from me and my solicitor.

(farmers mutter)

(Norman whispers)

- At once? - Afraid so, Mr Farnon.

Oh, Lord.

- (farmers mutter) - (Siegfried whispers)

Shh. Shh. Shh.

- Can I have your attention, gentlemen? - Order, order.

I'm sorry, but Mr Farnon's just had an urgent message,

something he has to attend to at once.

- Oh, aye. Just an excuse. - (murmurs ofagreement)

Well, gentlemen, you understand my disappointment, but when duty calls…

A vet, as you very well realise, is on call 24 hours a day.

And very often, of course, at no extra charge to the client.

And so, if you'll forgive me, Mr Chairman…

- Certainly, Mr Farnon. - Gentlemen.

(farmers mutterand complain)

Oh, James…

Thank you. And thank you, Norman.

- Get me a large… - Nay. I'd get out fast if I were you.

They'll be packing it in now, you know.

- Right. James? - Right, Siegfried. Bye, Norman.

Oh, hell's bells.

Mr Herriot!

Hello. Good morning, Mr Dowson. How are you?

Now then, Mr Farnon. What an amazing partner you've got, eh?

Have I really? Have you been amazing again, James?

- You'll never guess what he's done now. - I probably shan't. You'd better tell me.

You remember that little calf of mine I brought you to?

What was the trouble with that little calf, James?

- It had an aversion to buckets, actually. - Oh, I see.

Dang me if you didn't go and do it again, that's all.

- You mean it worked? - You can believe me or believe me not.

Since you gave him that injection, the little devil hasn't butted a bucket since.

- Good Lord. - Hasn't butted a bucket, James!

How does he do it? That's what I want to know.

I don't know. I really don't know. How do you do it, James?

- Just one thing, though, Mr Herriot. - Yes?

You said he'd stop doing it at seven o'clock on the dot, right?

- Yes. - It were at least a quarter to eight.

Oh, James.

You see? Even I am only human, Mr Dowson.

Oh, give over. 'Ey…

You wouldn't mind dropping me at the shop, would you?