Original subtitles

Mr. Buchanan! Mr. Buchanan!

Hello, George. I'm taking my breakfast on the run this morning.

I've got it!

- You've got what? - Your "veterinary record."

Oh, good.

Well, this one's got your article in it, hasn't it?

You know, on foreign wildlife.

Oh, you're right. It probably has.

You said it'd be last week or this,

- And it weren't in last, were it? - No, it wasn't.

Let's have a look.

Oh, mr. Buchanan, in black and white.

May I have a look, if you don't mind?

Keep it if you like. We each get our own copy in the surgery,

- So I'll borrow one of the others. - Nay, you can't mean that.

I do. Here you are.

Right. Sorry, George. I must dash.

There's a calf due up at Margadale.

I'll see you later, eh?

"'north american wild animals,'

By Calum Buchanan."

- Morning. - Hello, James.

Oh, is Calum's article in it?

Well, is it?

Good heavens. Look at his name. Huge print, isn't it?

- Is it, James? I honestly didn't notice. - Almost the whole page.

Well, I only had time to skim through it.

Extremely well written, Siegfried.

He'll be a household name in every practice in great britain, won't he?

- Yes, it is very good, James. - Mm!

But don't you find it the slightest bit galling

That a veterinary assistant should have an entire article published,

Whereas you and I have never even had the slightest mention

In that blessed publication?

Siegfried, have you ever submitted an article to this "blessed publication"?

No, I haven't, but--

I think it reflects very well on the whole practice.

Of course it does. That goes without saying.

I'm extremely proud of him. It's just that--

It's just what?

Oh, you've read it, then?

Well, tell me, what do you think?

Good god, Calum, do you think we've got nothing better to do with our time

Than to read every line of the "record"?

Oh.

Well, I've only just got in, myself.

Haven't even had time to read the, uh, "beano."

Oh, I see.

( phone ringing )

I suppose it falls to the less literary members of this practice

To attend to such menial tasks as the telephone.

Thank you, James.

Don't worry, Calum. We'll get around to it.

- Darrowby-385. - I'm sure it's a very fine piece of work.

- I hope you'll think so. - Do our best. Bye, mrs. Bond.

I'm sure we'll get a chance to glance through it during the next couple of days.

Well now, Calum, if you've had your fill

Of otters and lemmings and god alone knows what,

Perhaps it's time you turned your attention

To animalis domesticus britannicus.

Pardon?

I suppose even shakespeare had little latin and less greek.

The british domestic animal-- in this case,

- The cat. - Of course. Mrs. Bond.

Who's mrs. Bond?

She's a magnificent woman, Calum.

Absolutely.

Femina magnificat…

Et Felix insanus.

Mm. She is also inordinately fond

Of cats of all descriptions.

- And temperaments. - Uh, yes, thank you, James.

It's precisely because of your inability to handle things solo in the past

That I'm requesting Calum to accompany me this morning.

Mrs. Bond has made it abundantly clear that she requires

The physical reassurance of two vets before she's prepared to let

The practice loose again on her beloved menagerie.

Yes, of course. Did she say how Boris was?

James, how many times do I have to tell you? Boris is dead.

Oh! I keep forgetting.

- Who's Boris? - James: Oh, her monster of a Tom.

Mrs. Bond has two types of cats, you see:

The tamer indoor ones and the wilder outdoor ones.

And Boris… He was the wildest.

He looked more like a panther.

Almost had Siegfried's eye out on several occasions.

I don't think there's much point in going into that, James.

- Calum, are you ready? - Festinamus ad periculum instanta.

One more thing, Calum.

When you go in, take a very deep breath.

The aroma, you see: Boiling tripe

Mingled with the spray of unneutered toms… It's intoxicating.

Thank you, James.

( humming )

- Calum: What a spectacular place. - Siegfried: Isn't it?

Pity its inhabitants don't live up to it.

Don't take any notice of what James says.

It's just that he's had one or two unfortunate experiences here.

I've always found that if you treat both client and patient with courtesy,

Success will undoubtedly follow.

( bell ringing )

Oh. There you are, at last.

I was expecting you sooner than this.

Good day to you, mrs. Bond.

- And this charming little creature is-- - ( snarls )

Mrs. Bond, may I introduce my colleague, Calum Buchanan?

How do you do, mrs. Bond?

That rather remains to be seen, young man.

I can't stand here talking all day. You'd better come in.

- ( man talking on radio ) - ( cats meowing )

Siegfried: Good morning, mr. Bond. A nice soft morning.

- This is Calum Buchanan. - Calum: Hello.

Right, mrs. Bond. Where's the patient?

Here he is, mr. Farnon.

Felix is one of my outside boys.

He will get into these fights.

- Let's have a look. - ( snarls )

Oh, it's a torn ear.

- Is that it? - Yes.

Well, we'll soon see to that, mrs. Bond.

- Um… - They're over there.

( cat yowling )

Thank you, mrs. Bond.

Excuse me, pussycat.

Now then, Calum, I know that wrapping up cats

With external injuries to stop them struggling,

Leaving the affected part uncovered for treatment

Is a very old method, but I do rather pride myself

That it's a method which I've brought

To a degree of perfection.

All right then, Felix.

Good fellow.

I call this my winding sheet.

( singing quietly )

( Felix growling )

( hisses, struggling )

It works very well.

James: There you are, Janet. He'll be fine now.

- Thank you. - It's a pleasure. Bye.

- Morning. - Morning.

- Like to go through? - Thank you.

- Well, what a smashing dog. - He is, isn't he?

- Mm. - Name of Shep. And I'm Barbara Hazlitt.

And I'm James Herriot. Pleased to meet you.

So what's wrong with you, old boy, eh?

There's nothing wrong with him. It's me. I want your advice.

Oh. I'll get you a chair.

There we are.

Sit. Thank you.

Well, how can I help you, mrs. Hazlitt?

Ah. My ring.

My husband was killed in a car crash

18 months ago.

He bought Shep just before he died,

And Shep helped me through a bad time.

Didn't you?

The worst I've ever known.

We were living in Brawton, which wasn't Shep's style at all.

He was always trying to round up pedestrians,

Cyclists, even cars.

What he needed was sheep.

So I put the house on the market

And bought a small farm with a few acres on the other side of Darrowby.

- Feathercombe farm. - Right, first time.

Shep and I only moved in last week.

And you've done all this for Shep's sake?

At the beginning, yes.

But I'm beginning to realize

It's exactly right for me too, making a complete break with the past.

Hmm.

Right. How can I advise you?

Well, of course, Shep's got to have his sheep.

Just a few.

But before I buy them, I want to find out

If he's a properly-trained sheepdog.

If he is, then I want to learn the signals myself.

Do you know anyone who could teach me?

Well, I'll, uh… I'll have a think, mrs. Hazlitt.

- ( meowing ) - quite a deep scratch, mrs. Bond.

But it should mend perfectly all right.

Tell you what, if you keep him in the house, I'll take another look at him in a week's time.

All right? Now, I'm…

I'm going to release him.

( purring )

Did the nasty man hurt you, then?

- Good grief. - Calum: What is it, Siegfried?

Boris!

My god, he's enormous.

But I thought you said he was dead.

He is, he is. Mrs. Bond,

He died last year, and I buried him.

Of course you did, mr. Farnon.

That's not Boris. That's son of Boris.

Far worse than his father. He is a real tyrant.

And I trust he's in excellent health

At the moment, mrs. Bond, is he?

Oh, yes. Fit as a fiddle.

( softly ) well, thank god for that.

Helen: What sort of wedding did you have in mind?

Deirdre: I really wanted the actual wedding to be

A small, quiet affair, but I've got a sneaking suspicion

That Calum is secretly hankering after a big event

With dozens of people and lots of bubbly.

That's a slight reversal of the usual roles.

If he is, why not go along with it?

I probably will.

After you're married, how do you see your future?

I'm not with you.

Calum's a very special kind of person, isn't he?

I mean, will he still want to stay on in the practice?

Goodness, yes. We love it here.

You know how fond we are of all of you, and he loves the work.

Well, that is, unless Siegfried wants us out.

I think that's highly unlikely. Where's Calum now?

He's gone fishing. When I told him we were going to plan the wedding,

He asked very sweetly if he had to come. When I said no,

He got his rods out and disappeared before I could change my mind.

Very good. Right. Let's get down to business.

- Now, when's the date? - Well, I thought may.

- It's a beautiful month to get married in. - Good.

- Gives us two months. - Mm.

I'll talk to the vicar. How about the reception?

Oh, anywhere but the drovers.

Well, there's the grand.

That would be great. It's what Calum has in mind anyway.

All right, I'll book it. Now, bridesmaids?

No, Helen, I really want the actual wedding to be quiet.

With dad dying, I'm not sure mom's gonna be strong enough--

No, I understand. Of course.

Oh, I am so glad that you and Calum will be staying in Darrowby.

It means… It means that we can have lots of vets' wives' talks.

We do already.

Oh, you poor wee thing.

Where's your mother, eh?

( animal keening )

Don't worry. I'll soon have you right.

Good Lord.

Now, where on earth…

James, I'm in the most awful rush.

You haven't seen that--

Chloroform muzzle anywhere, have you?

What in the name of god is that?

Nothing to do with me, Siegfried.

I've only just got here.

It must be that damn boy! I thought we'd cured him!

Not content with wild animals on paper,

He's now bringing his specimens into the surgery.

Ah, you're a genius. Thank you, James.

- I don't even know what it is. - It's obvious, James, isn't it?

Is it? Well, it's obvious it's dead.

Yes, I've managed to ascertain that, James.

It's… It's… What do you call it? It's a polecat kitten?

Oh. Yes.

As our wildlife expert will undoubtedly verify.

Calum!

- Calum! - It is his day off, you know?

That entitles him not only to scour the countryside for dead specimens,

But to leave them in surgery until he returns at god knows what hour?

He'll be back soon, I expect.

I look forward to discussing the finer points of conservation with him then.

Goodbye, James.

- ( whimpering ) - right, my beauty.

Just put you in this,

Take you back to the surgery. You'll be all right there.

( door opens )

Oh, thanks, James.

- What is it? - Just a minute. Her supper.

Supper? Calum--

What the hell's going on?

Now, look here, Calum! What in god's--

Oh, Siegfried, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left it in your way.

In my way?!

Good gracious, Calum, whatever gave you the slightest inkling

That I might wish to enter this room?

It's obviously ceased to be a surgery and turned overnight

Into an aquarium. Perhaps I should telephone the editor of "the record."

Doubtless he'll wish to run an entire series of articles

On the precedence of predators over domestic animals in the north riding.

- Siegfried-- - just what is in that crate, Calum?

- His mother, of course. - His mother.

- Not the polecat? - No, the otter.

Ah, of course! It's an otter cub!

- And we thought it was a polecat kitten. - Whatever gave you that idea?

- Siegfried, actually. - Well, Siegfried,

They are very difficult to tell apart,

But if you look at the feet, you see they're webbed.

Anybody can see that they're webbed. But polecats or otters,

Webbed or padded has nothing to do with the point at issue,

Which is, what are they doing in the surgery?

- Well-- - I don't wish to hear any explanation!

I just want them out of here pronto,

Or you'll be searching the pages of "the record"

For a wild-animal job in north america!

- He didn't mean it. - Well, maybe not, but…

That article's really bothered him, hasn't it?

Yes, he was a bit miffed, wasn't he?

What's the matter with her?

Well, my guess is she's aborted that cub early

And there's another dead one still inside her.

She's in considerable pain.

- Would you help me examine her, James? - Absolutely.

( squealing )

There you go, lass.

Go on, go on.

That's right.

In you go.

So when's the great day?

11th of may. We only decided last night.

Do I hear wedding bells?

- Yes. - Oh, splendid!

I hope it's gonna be a big occasion!

Oh, I don't think Calum will settle for anything less.

Good for him. I utterly enjoy weddings.

Good. Because I'd like to ask you to do me a favor, Siegfried.

- Anything, anything. - Will you give me away?

Oh my dear dear Deirdre.

I'm not only flattered but enchanted.

It's only fair, James. After all, I do regard myself

As the father figure of this little alliance.

Yes, very properly. Siegfried, one other item on the agenda.

- What's that, James? - Calum misses old tris quite a lot,

I thought he could be best man.

Tristan? Well, he's in Ireland.

Well, he could pop over for a couple of days.

Oh, I think that's a wonderful idea. You must be missing him too.

Well, I… I suppose

We might get used to each other again.

- What a lovely old place. - Yes, it is, isn't it?

- He does know we're coming. - It's all arranged.

He'll be here presently. We're just a bit early, mrs. Hazlitt, that's all.

- Please, call me Barbara. - All right, Barbara. You call me James.

I'm beginning to feel quite nervous, James.

For yourself or for Shep?

- Both, I suppose. - Well, there's no need to.

I've explained everything.

Either Shep can do it or he can't. We have to wait and see.

- What's mr. Skipton like? - He's a living legend, really.

Pushing 70. Tough as old boots.

He started off as an uneducated laborer, and now he's a very rich landowner.

Mind you, you'd never know to look at him.

They say his poorest workers live better than he does.

- Morning, mr. Herriot. - This is mrs. Hazlitt.

Oh, how do, young lady?

Now then, you're a lively looking young beggar.

- Shep. - Shep, is it?

Well, Shep, I've got some sheep in t'back meadow for thee,

And you've me to guide you--

That's if you've learned your business.

Come on, Shep. Here we are. Come on, boy.

Come on, boy. Come on.

( whistles )

( whistling )

( whistling continues throughout )

Shep! Shep, I knew you could do it! Good boy!

By god, she's gotten a champion there. Knows it all.

- Mr. Skipton, I can't thank you enough. - Oh.

- I want to ask you the most tremendous favor. - Aye?

Will you teach me those signals?

Well, uh…

Has thou got a whistle, lass?

( whistles loudly )

Oh. Well, that'll do for starters.

- James. - Yes. Hello, Calum.

- I've just been talking to Tristan. - Tristan?

- Uh-huh. - Damn. I'd have liked a word with him.

You know, I even persuaded Deirdre to honeymoon in Ireland

So we could clap eyes on the old rogue as soon as possible?

I thought you might be able to tolerate him in Yorkshire

For a couple of days-- say, around may 11th?

- Do you mean he's coming to the wedding? - Mm-hmm.

Wonderful. It'd be great to see him again.

I even dared suggest you might find it in your heart

To bestow a significant role upon him.

- As best man. - Well…

- What did he say? - He was tickled pink.

- Well done, James. - Oh, this came for you.

- There it is. - Thank you.

I don't believe it! I simply don't believe it!

What is it?

- James, you know that article? - Could I ever forget it?

Well, on the strength of it, the canadian government

Have offered me a job in Nova Scotia. Look.

It's a straight offer.

"no other candidates being considered.

Veterinary surgeon at a wild animal reservation."

Calum, just think of it--

Beaver, moose, fox, otter.

Only two conditions: One, you have to present yourself

At the canadian high commission at your convenience.

That's presumably to make sure you're not a confirmed alcoholic.

And providing you accept,

You can take up the appointment by April 15th.

Well, it's an opportunity too good to miss.

You can't possibly turn it down.

Well, there's Deidre to consider.

Oh, come on. She would follow you to the ends of the earth.

Aye, that's just it-- she would.

But what with her mother recently widowed

And not at all well, and…

Well, Nova Scotia's an awful long way from Scotland.

There are things called airplanes these days, you know?

Calum, all you've got to do is talk to Deidre

And get things sorted out, right?

Right. Not a word to Siegfried yet.

All right.

Nova Scotia.

"new Scotland"?

I've, uh… I've never been to Canada.

Neither have I. It would be a great adventure.

Oh, Calum, there are other things.

- Your mother. - She's one of them. I'm very concerned about her.

- We could take her with us. - Och, no.

She'd never leave Scotland.

It would mean you couldn't have a big wedding.

But that wouldn't matter. We'd have the whole

Of new Scotland at our feet!

Calum, Nova Scotia's very different

From Scotland, old or new.

It's got to be wherever you feel happiest.

It's not where, it's who with. You know that.

Let's go out and celebrate this wonderful offer anyway.

- Right. - Calum,

I just need some time to think it through.

All the time in the world, my darling.

Well, a couple of weeks, anyway.

All right.

- Calum: Where should we go? - Somewhere special.

It's my treat.

Now, mrs. Galloway,

One of those every night for a week, I'm sure he'll be fine.

- Thanks very much. - It's a pleasure.

Bye bye.

- James? - Yes.

James, I swear to you that I was not eavesdropping.

I simply happened to overhear what they said to each other.

- Who? - Calum and Deirdre.

He's thinking of applying for a job in Nova Scotia.

Oh, yes, that. Mm.

You know about it? You've known all this time, and you've not said anything?

- It's only just happened. He wanted to tell you himself. - Yes, but James,

You don't see it. It's entirely my fault.

- I've driven him to it. - I'm not quite with you.

It's that blasted otter! I know I've got a quick temper on occasions,

And sometimes it's quite unjustified.

In this particular instance, I simply blew up.

Well, why not? He does take things for granted sometimes, doesn't he?

- I must have wounded him to the quick. - Calum?

He's taken me at my word, and he's applied

For this wretched job in Nova Scotia.

- Siegfried! - I'll never forgive myself, James.

Such a good-hearted boy. Such a fine, young vet.

- For heaven's sake! - Ah, quick-tempered I may be,

But I hope I also have some manners.

I shall apologize.

I shall make him reconsider.

( door opens, closes )

Next, please.

It's fabulous. Absolutely fabulous.

If ever a job was invented for a man, that was invented for Calum.

- Yes, but there's you and James and Siegfried-- - ah, no buts about it.

Come on.

I know how much you and Calum like it here,

And we will hate to see you go.

But you mustn't let anything stand in his way.

It's a giant stride forward for him.

- There's mother. - Yes, I know.

I know you're worried about her.

Hasn't she got any friends?

Oh, yes. Lots of them.

And they're all good, kind, caring folk.

Well, there you are, then.

Parents have to learn to accept being parted from their children, you know?

You don't see much of her these days anyway.

No, that's true. But she's always been within reach.

Yes, I know.

Deirdre, I think you should go to Scotland,

Break the news to her yourself.

She'll understand.

You're right, Helen. I'll go first thing tomorrow.

Siegfried: Ah, Calum.

Uh, the other day… That otter…

What about that otter?

I have to apologize, Calum.

I was unreasonably cross.

Oh, not unreasonably, given the circumstances.

Oh yes, I was, Calum.

- I said some very hurtful things to you. - No, you didn't.

Yes, I did!

I-I-- what I'm really trying to say is that…

I value your services very highly, and there was absolutely no need

For you to rush off and apply for some

Totally unsuitable job in Nova Scotia.

I, uh, think I'm beginning to understand.

Has somebody been speaking out of turn?

No no, they haven't. It's not like that at all.

No, it isn't, Siegfried.

You see, I haven't applied for any other job anywhere.

You haven't? Are you certain?

I'm positive. But there is a job,

A plum job, and it's been offered to me on a plate

By the canadian government.

Now, whether I take it or not depends entirely upon Deidre,

And I shan't know until she gets back from Edinburgh.

Oh, Siegfried, I owe you a great deal,

And I would never dream of doing anything behind your back,

But I just wanted to bide my time

Until I was certain how things stood.

( phone ringing )

Hello, Darrowby-385.

I'm afraid mr. Farnon's out at the moment.

This is Calum Buchanan. We met the other day.

Mr. Buchanan, I want you here immediately.

Well, um, what seems to be the trouble?

One of my cats has got the most dreadful abscess on his front paw.

He really is in great distress.

An abscess?

Well, I think I can just about manage that.

Can you give me half an hour?

Right. I'll come over then. Oh, hold on, mrs. Bond.

Can you find me an old piece of sheeting to wrap him in?

- Yes. - Excellent.

Goodbye.

( bell ringing )

Well, come in, come in.

Thanks.

( cats meowing )

- Everything's ready. - Marvelous.

Good morning, mr. Bond.

( radio blaring )

Right. Let's have a look at this abscess.

It's this wee chappy here, is it?

Oh, no.

Don't just stand there. Put yours on.

- ( cat snarling ) - ( objects clattering )

Don't… Don't do that!

Son of, uh, Boris?

Yes, of course it is!

You can't imagine the struggle I had catching him.

He is very very angry!

Very angry.

- ( clattering ) - ( mrs. Bond exclaiming )

Now, you just keep a good tight hold

On him, please, mrs. Bond.

And if you bring him over to the table,

I'll have a look at that paw.

- Oh! - Don't let go yet.

Got it!

Put him on the table.

( low growling )

Oh yes, that's really very nasty.

No wonder he was in a bad mood.

( hissing, snarling )

Poor old Boris. Oh!

Don't worry. We'll soon put you to rights, laddie.

Don't let go yet.

I'll just grab the scruff of the neck.

Let go… Now!

( yowling )

Winding sheet.

Aah!

I'm sorry, mrs. Bond. I'm terribly sorry.

Boris? Boris! Come here!

Boris?

Boris?

Boris, come here!

- ( clattering ) - ( cat meowing )

- ( mrs. Bond exclaiming ) - you're a good man.

- You're a savior. - Don't do it!

Boris?

Don't worry, mrs. Bond.

I'll get mr. Farnon to do it.

No need, mr. Buchanan.

He burst the abscess himself in the struggle.

There's pus all over the sheet.

You were heroic,

Mr. Buchanan.

Heroic!

- Deidre: Calum. - Oh!

- Oh, it's so good to see you! - Oh, it's good to see you too.

- How'd it go? - Fine.

It was just fine.

- How's your mom? - Oh, she's fine.

She's getting a bit better, actually.

Mm-hmm. What did she say?

- Do you want to know? - Yes.

Right, I'll tell you, then.

She said, Calum Buchanan,

That if you don't take up the post then she'd disown you, and the same goes for me.

And now all I can think about is setting up home in Nova Scotia.

Deidre, you are wonderful.

- I know. So we can get married on the 20th, then? - Fine.

You see, the timing is perfect if we're sailing to new york.

- Sailing? - Yes.

I thought it out all rather beautifully when I was in Edinburgh.

You see, the queen Elizabeth leaves southampton two days later,

And we are going to be on her.

We can have out honeymoon crossing the atlantic.

Now, wait a minute. How do you know all this about dates of sailing?

Oh, it's very difficult. I just walked into a travel agent,

And I asked.

First class! Why, these must've cost a fortune!

They did, an arm and a leg.

It's mother's wedding present to us.

( gasps ) oh, the old darling.

( humming )

You sound very cheerful, Siegfried.

Well, it's a beautiful morning, James!

And I'm so happy for those two.

Can you imagine it? The queen Elizabeth

To new york then Nova Scotia?

- I mean to say-- - look, Siegfried, I'm happy for them too,

But have you thought about us?

- Us? - Well, not long ago we were four,

And very soon we're gonna be two.

I see what you mean. It'll be just like old times.

The practice has doubled since then.

So I should hope. We're damn fine vets.

Don't you worry, James. We'll be able to handle it.

It'll mean longer hours, harder work,

But it'll also mean more money for both of us.

You must look on the positive side of these things, James.

Ah, Deidre, my dear, good morning to you.

I must say I admire your style.

Well, thank you. And now all we've got to worry about

Are the arrangements for the wedding.

- Isn't it exciting? - It is, it is.

Now this is where you must allow me to intervene.

When do you go to London for your interview?

- Two days' time. - Oh, that fits very well.

Deirdre, Calum has never been exactly noted

For his sartorial elegance, has he?

So I'm going to telephone my tailors in sackfield street.

- What are you talking about? - My dear boy,

I'm not gonna have you letting the side down

Either in Nova Scotia or on the queen Elizabeth.

You're gonna need the morning suit to be married in--

A good formal suit, one decent tweed suit,

And a dinner jacket.

- A dinner jacket? - You'll probably be invited to dine on the captain's table.

- Siegfried! - And then you will have to go to jermyn street

And pick up a dozen decent shirts and some wearable ties.

Now, wait a wee minute. If you think I'm going overboard--

No, Calum, not overboard. You are simply embarking on a new life.

That's all very well, but have you any notion how much these things cost?

Yes, Calum, I have indeed--

A very great deal.

And they are my wedding present to a damn good vet.

( gasps ) Siegfried--

It's indelicate.

We can all put up with a little indelicacy from time to time, can't we?

Absolutely. Well, I'm not gonna be left out of this.

I'm gonna buy you both thermal underwear.

- Pardon? - Mm, lots of longjohns.

And by golly, you're gonna need 'em where you're going.

- Thank you, James. - Oh, you are both darling.

- ( doorbell ringing ) - oh, excuse me.

That is a wonderful idea…

- Tris! - Good morning to ya, sir.

- Is this where the happy event will be? - You're an old idiot.

I didn't think you'd be here, with the date brought forward.

- I wouldn't let that stop me. I'm not gonna miss the fun. - How's Ireland?

Apart from the job and the weather, fantastic.

I mean, lovely people, beautiful colleens,

Lashings of cheap booze, and you can eat steak till it's coming out of your ears.

You look marvelous. And speaking of booze, um, drovers, quick pint?

- Thought you'd never ask. Let's go. - Hang on a minute, tris.

- Siegfried? - Yes, James?

I'm just slipping down to the drovers. Is that all right?

A moment ago you were complaining about being shorthanded.

Now you're sloughing off to the pu--

Tristan! My dear boy. I thought you couldn't get here!

- Hello, Siegfried. - I see.

30 seconds in the house, and you're in need of alcoholic refreshment.

Perhaps you'd like to join us.

I can't leave the surgery entirely unattended.

- Tristan! Oh, Tristan! - Deirdre!

- Tris! It's grand to see you! - Nice to see both of you.

I'll take surgery, Siegfried. Off you go.

Oh, maybe I could…

Allow myself five minutes.

Nice to see nothing's changed. If we've only got five minutes, we'd better get a move on.

Right, little brother. Lead on!

Come on.

This is not exactly a council of war.

It's more what might be called, I suppose,

A marriage council, tomorrow being the great day.

Now then Deirdre, James, is spending the night with you,

Helen having very sweetly said she'll help her dress for the wedding.

I will collect her at 11:45 sharp and take her to the church, right?

- Uh-huh. - You, Tristan, as best man, will precede us,

Making sure you bring the bridegroom with you.

- Is all clear so far? - Yes.

The reception's here. We've plenty of room. We aren't all that numerous.

I think I've dealt with all the points with the caterers.

Now then, as for Calum…

Oh, my dear boy. Look at that transformation!

My goodness me, it's the latest edwardian trend.

Will you look? Cuffs, turn-ups,

- ( boisterous laughter ) - waistcoat with lapels.

They really have done you proud.

You look absolutely splendid. We were just talking of you.

- Really? - Well, yes, of course. You are the man of the moment.

Tonight is your last night of freedom.

So tonight will be your stag night.

Ah ah ah. I don't really think that's a very good idea.

Rubbish, old chap. You've got to go along with tradition.

- Besides, you can't let your friends down. - Yes, and I'll have

My friends to thank for the great big hangover

On the very day I can't afford it.

Oh, don't worry, Calum. You see, I shall support you up the aisle,

- And Deirdre can support you down again. - Oh, Tristan!

- ( all laughing ) - Siegfried: Come on, Calum!

Now then, through here.

That's it. Put if over there, if you'd be kind enough.

Champagne and glasses this end,

Food we'll keep all the way down there.

You all right and happy? Good morning, James.

How are you this morning?

Exactly as one might expect, Siegfried.

- You look all right. - I am, James, I am.

But then of course, I always did have the stamina.

- That's one good thing. - What is that, James?

I don't look as bad as Tristan.

- Well, Tristan? - Not very, if you want to know.

- Nor is the bridegroom. - ( chuckles )

This'll soon set you all to rights.

There's nothing like champagne with a drop of brandy in it

For getting the adrenaline going.

You shouldn't have done it to me.

You shouldn't have done it.

Nonsense, Calum. Get this inside you.

You'll soon be as right as rain. There you are, little brother.

Could I not have a wee whiskey instead?

Certainly not, Calum. This is the medicine for you.

Good morning, everybody.

- Mm! - Oh!

I'm not saying it tastes bad.

I'm very glad to hear that. Where-- where's your buttonhole?

- My what? - Oh, my dear boy, I have to do everything for you.

Luckily, here we are.

Now then, Tristan, something sweet to wake you up.

Come on there, Calum.

Try and make you look as smart as you should on this important day.

Right, you two. Time you were off.

- Time for another quick one? - Certainly not, Tristan. Off!

James, you and I have, I think, have a little time on our hands.

Away!

( wedding music playing )

Hey! Now!

( all hum "the wedding March" )

( chattering, singing )

Here you are, my darlings. Take one.

Now, everybody, quickly, quickly. A toast.

Hold on just one minute.

Just before everybody else arrives…

This is no time to be looking something up, Calum.

You're gonna have to divide your time a little better

Between work and home, you know, now that you're married.

I think this may be of interest to you, Siegfried.

- Lord alive, not another article. - Not exactly, no.

Come on, James, let's humor the boy.

- Yes, Siegfried. - Read it out.

"to messrs. Farnon and Herriot, of Darrowby, north riding,

Partners of the finest practice in England,

Thank you, my mentors and friends,

For the best three years of my life.

Calum Buchanan."

Our names in print at last, Siegfried. ( chuckles )

Well, my dear boy, I don't know what to say.

Hush, Siegfried. Just drink to us, eh?

To Calum and Deirdre.

All: Calum and Deirdre.

( horn sounding )

( theme music playing )