Original subtitles

Do you know what you get when you hire a Party Down catering team?

At Party Down, we have a simple motto. It's your party. You deserve to enjoy

But how are you going to enjoy the party if you're worried about whether the

shrimp cocktail's been sitting out too long, or is there enough ice, or do the

guests think the party is lame, or are they stealing stuff, or are they going

through the medicine cabinet because they're nosy, or because they think they

might find something that'll give them a rockin' buzz?

I used to do that last thing.

Not anymore.

Clean and sober.

Um, wow, that, that, that is quite a motto, Mr.

Donald. Ron Donald.

Hey,

okay, no, no, no. Why do they do these so tight, you know?

Okay. No, no, no, look at this.

Clean stick.

There'll be no frowns today.

Okay, leave the frowning to us. Hey, that should be part of our motto. What

you think?

Mr. Donald, you are efficient.

It seems like you've got your client feedback card already written.

Okay, people, eyes forward. We got a lot to cover.

Chill, buzzkill.

You ain't my mom's. Oh, they're going to rip you a new one, T. Okay, people,

eyes forward.

Think I am privy to that info?

Preview. People, eyes. Preview that info?

Eyes. That's why they call it the Palisades, bro.

Okay, Kyle, you really have to commit to that moment. Okay. You know what Gene

Hackman said to me when we were shooting Lucky Lady? He said you should be

committed. Constance!

He got a call back from the Palisades, Ron. We're running the scene. Oh, hey,

well, instead of running the scene, how about we run some bruschetta?

Is that... Okay, next thing. Oh, racial sensitivity seminar. I took it. You guys

should take it. I learned things there that blew my mind. Yeah, like what?

Mexican? Not offensive.

Constance, what do you... What did I say?

It's their cheese, not our cheese. Right, so guest runs out of cheese.

How are you going to feel about that?

Terrible.

Right. So spit it out.

Last thing.

Guys, you're going to love this. Poster said that we can put out the tip, Joe,

tonight. Oh, come on. I know what you're going to say. Yeah, let's just take the

guaranteed 20. Or why don't we bet on ourselves?

Bet on success.

Because we always lose. And maybe we should try harder. How about that? Try

harder. Hey!

There he is!

Henry Pollard, everybody, huh?

Okay, come on.

Yeah,

Henry and I used to sling derbs back in the day. Remember that, huh? Before he

left to become a big star, but now he's back.

Where's your shirt?

I'm sorry?

Your shirt. Where's your shirt?

Yeah, yeah, they said a white shirt. Yeah, so a crisp white shirt.

Crisp. Crisp. It looks like you were sleeping in this thing.

In the forest.

Sorry. No, I'll tell you what. Okay.

No worries.

I got a backup in the van. Wow.

Team leader, huh, Ron?

Yeah, a lot can happen in eight years, my man.

Yeah.

a little rusty oh yeah probably no it'll come back to you

good lord you haven't changed oh no unfortunately you though you you look

different yeah i know all right right it's neuron yeah yeah the boozing and

the drinking and the getting the high in the van i'm done with that you know how

you were going to be an actor hey you hey you had a dream uh vaguely yeah well

now i have a dream I'm going to run a super crackers franchise.

What, the all -you -can -eat salad place?

And soup. They're known for their soup.

They have salads, but they're known for their soup. Oh.

I was talking to Alan, Mr. Duck, about it, owner of Party Down, and he said if

show that I'm a good team leader...

that he'll go partners with me. God, you're just destroying the limes. Don't

touch anything.

Watch it, pro. Okay, here we go. Move over. Really? Yeah.

All right.

All right, you see this?

You see the grain?

The, uh... I wasn't aware a lime had a grain, Ron, but... You have much to

learn, young Jedi.

Yeah, the, uh... Lime's green.

Runs north -south.

Nipple to nipple. The way you were doing it, it was like, hack, hack, hack,

hack.

I told you three times that I was at improv. That is why.

Hey, you know what that is?

I will call you back.

Personal business on company time.

Which is what?

Heartily encouraged.

Forbidden. And you're late.

For the second time. So, that's your final warning.

Who's this? What happened to Sage?

Oh, uh, Sage was caught doing that thing, so we had to let him go.

This is Henry Pollard, our new team member. So I just want to be clear.

Sage was given five warnings for masturbating in closets. And I'm on

warning already, even though I've only been late two times.

Hi, I'm Casey Klein. Hello. Hi.

Ah, you're going for your own look. Yeah, yeah, I thought I'd go for the

gay pirate kind of thing. You don't look helpful.

Actually, I learned this at the sensitivity seminar that we do not use

word, okay? I mean, I'm not, but we don't know who.

Maybe... A pirate?

Helpful.

Gay.

Those little fried chickens.

Gordon, you aren't wearing that.

What? You look like a homeless person.

What about those nice pleated shorts I got you?

Any money on shaving?

The guests are going to be here any minute.

I am with you on the shorts. Like the motto says, it's your party and you

deserve to have a good time. Yes, excellent.

Oh, excellent. I like that word. Use that word for the feedback card.

And we'll be having video.

Yep, getting it.

Voila. Hey, look, you're a star.

Oh.

Who's the hostess with the mostest?

I think we're looking at her, huh?

We're dancing with the stars.

We're dancing with the stars.

We're all good.

We're good friends and we're dancing with the stars, huh?

That's good fun.

Okay, we're going to stop.

We're stars.

Stop.

Grab some cheese. Oh, okay, I can? Yes.

Go for it, dude. I'm sure she's going to see the creep work in her parents'

party with the techno CDs and return to Gorm.

Realize you guys are soulmates.

Oh, into me.

Hey, you look a little out of place. Hey, no kidding.

You ever seen Iva?

No.

Oh, sorry.

My bad.

I got it.

Constance, will you get this man some fried chicken?

Some appetizers that are not shrimp?

Hi,

Liddy. Super party.

So it'll be a Chipoodle or a Labradoodle or a Golden Retroodle. I like working

with hybrids because they surprise you. Every day is like having a different

dog.

Hey.

Hear me.

Take it you're regular.

I don't know who those people are.

Killing my buzz.

You look familiar to me.

You an actor?

It's one of those faces.

Ordinary fucking people, right?

You're Henry, right?

Yeah.

Roman. Hey, man. What's up?

Can I get a sparkling water?

Nice pleated shorts, right?

Punch on the clock at Omnicorp to pay the mortgage on this joint.

Maybe one day buy a ski -do.

I'd rather shoot myself.

Yeah, well, it might be nice to own a house.

It's dope.

Ordinary fucking people.

You know?

Oh. Um... Repo Man? Nice.

Me and you are probably the only two people here that would get that.

Chardonnay and a G &T. Get what?

Oh, shit. Ordinary fucking people.

Yeah, I know that movie. The guy's brother drowns. You idiot.

That's ordinary people.

Yeah.

Watch this guy. He thinks because he's a writer, he's the only one who knows

anything.

That's why they call it the Palisades, bro.

That's why you can't fill a decent script.

Because everyone's completely stupid.

No one knows Repo Man, but they'll hire this idiot for a show about defensive

walls. Well, good thing it's not about walls. That's what Palisades means.

Okay, well, maybe it's not as cool as your script about worms.

Wormholes. Have you ever heard of physics?

A tear in the fabric of time. Roman. Wormholes.

What am I not hearing?

I don't know, a squid?

There are other options. Music, pronto.

Oh, hey, Ron, you want me to haul this trash out to the street? No, they have a

compactor in their kitchen. They'll have one of their Mexicans take it out in

the morning.

White wine, please.

Coming right up.

Hey, I know you.

You look so familiar to me.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

That kind of face.

Interesting.

No faction.

Nice. Only perk of the job right there. Yeah?

If music is the food of love, play it.

I'm way into Shakespeare.

Yeah? Yeah, I'm an actor.

You ever heard of Karma Rocket?

No. It's my band.

Ah. And, you know, I do some modeling and stuff, too, so that's pretty cool.

you're like in the overall handsome business.

Yeah. All right. You an actor?

Around the city like a star or something?

No, no, no, not really.

Who's your agent?

State Farm.

Awesome. They give you some good auditions and stuff?

I don't really act anymore.

That's cool.

So, like, what are you doing now?

Bartending.

Dude, nice.

Yeah. Where?

Here.

What am I going to do in Burlington? Stand -up comedy traffic school?

Look, I have to go, okay? Because you know that I can't talk to you at work.

Mike, Mike, no.

Do not come here.

Damn it.

So I know that I don't know you at all, but could you maybe help me out with

something?

Boyfriend trouble?

Husband. trouble it's like a bunch of stupid drama that you really you don't

want to know about but he might come here and i just can't have him causing

big huge scene because like ron's totally on my ass so if you see like a

pissed off 30ish guy with brown hair i will give a heads up it'll give me a

sense of purpose which i could use great i appreciate it new

guy i totally forgot your name it's funny because people usually remember it

is that?

It's Scrotum Phillips.

Ha.

Henry. Right. And you're not even the new guy, because you worked with Ron.

Eight years ago, yeah. Thank you for reminding me.

Wow.

So do you act?

Well, I look familiar.

You do.

Mm -hmm.

And you smoke Parliament.

Mm -hmm. I dabbled. Are you a... I'm a professional waiter. I'm not. Oh. No,

I'm a comedian.

Yeah,

I figured that my natural hilariousness would have tipped you off by now.

Wait a minute.

Were you that guy?

Yes, I was. You were. You were totally that guy. That is bananas.

I remember that.

Yeah. I remember you. Yeah.

What are you doing working here?

Well, you remember me from anything else?

And the award for the best Christmas decorations goes to... The

Wisemen. The Wisemen.

Love.

Juice.

Hey, congratulations.

She's so little. Put her in my pocket. So the award for best mailbox goes to...

I would like to thank my agent, my real estate agent.

That's Sherry. Right there.

Hilarious. She wants to thank a real estate agent. And I just wanted to say

thank you. The overall improvement in the quality of the mailboxes has made

a difference throughout the neighborhood.

And I think we're all winners. I'm honored, truly. Thank you.

Kyle, Jim Tower from the Palisades.

We loved your audition. We thought it was amazing.

But I just wanted to call and make you aware that we've made an interesting

choice for the character. We've chosen to take him down an interesting avenue.

I'll call you back. I gotta go.

Okay, wonderful.

Which hand is it in? Huh? Which hand? Right? Left?

Here's a Ron Donald spin.

North -south.

Reverse north -south. East -west.

Hey, all right. Okay.

Behind the back, north, south.

Who did that?

You're not impressed.

A little higher, maybe?

Okay.

I totally

could be on Idol.

I know. I mean, you're awesome.

Mm -hmm.

I mean, this whole suburb trip.

Yeah, I wrote a song about it. It's called You Stained Me.

Or Mind Jail. I've only decided, yeah.

Really? Oh, my God. Can I hear it?

I gave you my soul.

Treat it like poison.

Gave you my soul.

just rubbing something out. Are you crazy?

Huh? No.

No. Look, hey, I was using my stick on your mom this morning. She thought it

amazing. Mom!

No, listen to me, little girl. I have too much stick here.

If you tell your mom, I will just destroy you.

Simple as that.

And you, we are party professionals.

Party professionals.

We make the fun.

We having fun yet?

Oh, yeah!

I bet you this is a laugh to you.

Actually, it looks pretty appealing.

Yeah, I kind of wish I was you right now. Come on.

You did the right thing being an actor. You went for it. You're someone. You're

not someone who does the same shit day in, day out, wearing pleated shorts.

I wasn't always like this.

It could have been you.

I was in a band, living crazy.

You know the last time I did anything unexpected?

Cancun.

Okay, but, you know... You have a house.

Yeah, you have a family. You have a life. You know what I'd give for that?

Okay, well then, how about we switch?

Do you know anything about estate law?

Nope.

It's a bummer.

Yeah. Hey, are we having fun yet?

Dude, that's why I know you. You're that guy.

Hey, are we having fun yet? Right? From those beer commercials. That is awesome.

Are we having fun yet? Remember?

That's actually the guy. See?

I knew you were someone. All right, come on. Let's hear it. Hey.

I'd rather not.

Are we having fun?

The hostess specifically requested no double. One jigger only. What? I don't

want you serving them two jiggers.

Come on.

Ron. What?

I believe the preferred term is a jig rose.

Kyle, can you watch the bar, please? Yeah.

Hey, Matt.

Hey, can I help you?

No, I'm just looking for... Never mind.

Your husband. Hey, her boss has really been riding her today. How about you

go out front and wait, and I'll send her out to meet you. Who are you?

Me? I'm nobody. I'm just trying to do a good deed today, you know?

Okay, well, can you at least be quiet?

What do you mean, give me a break? Am I not at work right now?

I am. I'm the asshole?

I'm the asshole.

Oh, I get it. I'm the asshole here, huh?

Put your clothes on, Gordon.

No one wants to see your penis.

No one.

Well, why? Maybe I'll win an award for best cock.

I'd rather have an award for best cock on my mantle than tidiest lawn.

Christmas lights.

They better not blink.

No blinking lights, neighbors.

No blinky blinky.

Ordinary fucking people.

Repo man.

You're already dead.

You're already dead.

Yeah, fucking dead.

All the more pool for me, fuckos.

That was Jim Tower.

He's so powerful.

it wouldn't take me to network on the palisades you walk into that room and

seduce them and you have a secret but no they rewrote the character a little bit

so i gotta i gotta rethink so you're not the vulnerable bad boy who's new in

town no no he's still that but um now he has nut cancer and he's doing chemo

dude you know what you gotta do i mean if you want it to be real

real is what i'm about i'll lose your hair

Everywhere. Sure you aren't, man.

Everywhere. Head, eyebrows, pubes, soup to nuts.

Are we

having

fun yet?

Would you prefer we not do that?

No, I love that. You do?

Look, I'm sorry about that. I tried to stop him. No.

Maybe Ron was distracted by the spectacle of my humiliation. He was not.

He was not. No, he fired me.

Really? But then I said that I'd sue him, so I'm totally back on final

Welcome back. Thanks.

Thanks for trying, though.

I, oh God, I totally forgot your name again. I'm sorry.

Henry. Henry, Henry, Henry.

He got a job in Vermont.

Really? Mm -hmm. Oh.

Yeah.

So you don't need this job.

Well, it was nice knowing you.

Well, I mean, I'm going to keep the job.

For now, I'm going to keep it, so.

Jesus, Kyle, Roman left the message.

What?

Hey there.

Hey.

I knew I knew you.

Sign here and here.

And here.

Wait, wait.

I thought I was supposed to fill out the feedback card.

Uh, to get a new card.

They're all the way out in the van.

I'll get a new card.

Dude, you totally fucked me in the ass!

Hey, so you shaved off your eyebrow.

It's just an eyebrow.

Listen, I remember when I was up in one of the jumpsuit babes in Cannonball 2.

Right after my audition, I was hit by a car.

Yeah, I was disappointed.

But while I was in the hospital, I finally got the chance to read Zen and

Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. And that shit rocked my world.

So what I'm saying is God never closes a door without opening a

window.

$14.

$14. $14.

$14.

$13. And...

76 cents.

Welcome back, Henry.

Come on, please.

Just once.

Please.

Please.

Are we having fun yet?

Yay.

What happened?

T -R -E -E, tree.