Original subtitles

Today, you'd better settle this once and for all...

C'mon, Akiho Kosaka!

Heh, heh, heh...

So. You've come, Haruka Shinozaki.

Allow me to show you my finishing move... for you to take to the grave!

One taste of this, and your hidden desires will come to light!

What's this? "Hidden desires"?!

Prepare yourself! For I shall now expose...

MY MOST PRIVATE PARTS!

Hey, there! So, mind if I ASS you a question?

Talking butt cheeks?! This must be the Aristocracy of the Ass: the Ass-ristocracy!

At long last, I've-!

And THIS is your desire?

"Ass-ristocrazy," you say? How juvenile.

Y-you heard me?!

Still, I'd like to get up in that Ass-ristocrazy...

Then just go already.

Man, this sure is fun! Right, Kana-chan?

In this commentary, we can say whatever we want!

Yup! It's, like, we're totally voice actresses now!

I'm home... Are you two up to something weird again?

Ah! Welcome back, Brother!

There he is, the Ass-ristocracy's biggest fan!

That's just not true!

Okay, Kana-chan! Let's make Haru and Aki-chan say more weird stuff!

Roger that!

Just don't overdo it, okay?

I want it... I want to be part of that Ass-ristocracy! I wonder if anyone's willing to go that way...

Fine, I'm just gonna ask!

I want it that badly, do 1?

Um, excuse me... Huh?

What's this paper here?

Some photos of phat, fine asses?!

Don't be ridiculous.

Hey, girl! You dropped something!

Heh, heh, heh...

That is a map of the Ass-ristocracy!

Wait, this story just did a complete 180!

So, hey! You wanna do some lambada on the way home?

Sounds good. Let's do it!

Isn't the lambada a bit dated?

And... There.

I sure took some great selfies today...

I never do that, okay?

And yet, I still can't solve the mystery of the Ass-ristocracy map, even after 10 years.

It's been THAT long?!

We meet again!

I have confirmed the extent of your desires...

Your appreciation of the ass is genuine.

I'm sorry for doubting you.

No, you flatter me...

Still, I would do anything for the sake of dat ass. Trust me!

That's nothing to go around declaring.

Anyway, um... I mean, well...

Basically...

PI...

Please tell me! Where can I find the Ass-ristocracy?!

For me, the ass is essential!

That's just ridiculous.

There's no more need for secrecy...

I will tell you how to get... how to get to the Ass-ristocracy!

That bastion of booty is...

So near, and yet so far.

And yet, it's so far while being so near.

I don't understand that at all!

It makes no sense, and isn't this being drawn out a little much?

The Ass-ristocracy...

lies within us all!

It lies... within us all?!

That's a pretty common trope, huh?

So, how do I get there?

Well, it's inside our hearts.

And how do I penetrate those hearts?

Um, well... Oh, I get it! Haruka Shinozaki, you're an idiot, aren't you?

Yeah, I get that a lot...

That's enough out of you!

That Ass-ristocracy storyline sure was fun!

Right?

It is my greatest masterpiece, my magnum opus!

THAT thing is?!

Kana-chan! We can still keep going even after the opening sequence is finished!

Haru, you wanna join in?

No thanks. I'm fine just watching.

By the way, Shi-chan... I mean, Big Bro...

Yeah?

In that scene before,

what did you mean by the "48 basic positions"?

Huh?!

Uh, well, that is... Gah!

It's from sumo! They're sumo finishing moves!

I was saying how I'd remember them for Haru!

Huh...? Have you always been a sumo fan, Brother?

Yup, sure have! Sumo's pretty much my only hobby!

"Thanks for the food, lady!"

That's right! Haru likes to watch AND practice sumo!

Flesh pounding against flesh... sweat flying off of bodies...

his limbs intertwined with mine!

You're going too far again...

I can't help it, can 1?!

Okay! I'll learn these 48 positions as well.

That way, I can wrap my limbs around you, too!

You'd like that, right, Big brother?

This is bad. Right, Haru?

And whose fault is that?!

I'm completely lost... Smartphone to the rescue!

Okay! If I've got a map, then I can make it home!

Waah!

Waah, waah! Waah!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! WHOA! My phone!

And who the heck are you?

Note: A spirit that can take the form of an old man or a crying baby. When picked up by a passerby it becomes a heavy stone that crushes the victim to death. I'm Konaki-jiji!

Isn't Konaki-jiji a spirit?

Oh, I've got your spirit...

Get it?

That was corny! WAY too corny! Somebody, help!

Yeah, that was tragically lame.

Ta-daah!

Legs!

More legs!

Boobies!

And, finally, ears!

Cat Girl, the Champion of Justice, has arrived!

My, my. If Konaki and Cat Girl teamed up, who knows what could happen?

Okay, you know where we're taking you, right?

It's a super famous spot!

Famous, famous!

Here's a hint: It has to do with "Taro."

You mean "GeGeI[xx xx xx]taro?"

No, it's someplace you might want to take some taro root.

That's a different "taro!"

Just one more hour and the statute of limitations runs out on my crime, huh?

It's been seven years since I've stolen some panties... that's a long time.

Hey, I don't do that!

You're Haruka Shinozaki, aren't you?

Who are you?! I'm busy right now...

The name's Kosaka. I'm a detective for the prefectural police.

A detective?! Wh-wh-what do you want?

I haven't stolen any panties! Nope, not at all!

That was totally a confession just now...

I have evidence. This pen was found at the scene of the crime.

That's my pen! I thought I'd lost it.

I knew it. Seven years ago...

my panties were stolen.

That's why I became a detective, to catch the culprit.

Put simply, since that day, I have worn no panties!

This setup is just absurd.

Uh, I made a mistake. It turns out that pen isn't mine after-

No more games, Shinozaki! Slip out of those panties right now!

You've been wearing them for the past seven years, haven't you? Well?!

I'm sorry! I'll take them off right away!

A panty thief, huh?

How heinous!

S-still! Can I wear them a little longer, until my case is dismissed?

They just feel so nice...

Huh?

Well, fine.

Starting tomorrow, my days will be panty-free, eh?

And I was so close to getting away with it...

Well, that finishes up the prep work for the smuggled contraband...

Hey, Kosaka. Take this to the harbor warehouse.

Yes, Boss.

I'm counting on you.

Hup!

Hey, there, Bro! She sure relies on you, huh?

She just seems like a grunt, if you ask me...

Allow me to help!

No. You need not concern yourself with this chore.

WHAAAAAT?!

No way! Come on, please let me!

Well, when you put it like that, it would be wrong of me to say no...

Okay.

You may help meeeee!

Here. Take this.

Bro, your face doesn't match what you're saying!

Well, that's part of the game, isn't it?

I'm sorry, Shinozaki. This is putting you in harm's way...

No problem! I'd do anything for you, Bro!

Still, I wonder what this contraband could be...

I bet they're a Dragon Quest Ill Tamagotchi.

I mean, they're trendy and sold out everywhere.

Bro, your knowledge of what's "trendy" is 20 or 30 years old...

Well, that settles that, Bro!

Yeah. But once again, I've made you an accomplice to a crime...

Also, when I do something bad, my lower back goes crooked like this.

What kind of story is this?!

Say, Shinozaki...

You think you could fix my back... with that special chant of yours?

Right! Backsy-wacksy, upsy-daisy!

That was easy!

You've been a big help, Shinozaki.

You sure are cool, Bro!

But... Now I've got a cramp in my leg.

So it comes with a side-effect, huh?

Incredible. With these headphones... I can hear things.

What's so impressive about that?

Hey, you're that newbie singer Akiho-kun, right?

I'm popular and super in-demand music producer Haruka Shinozaki.

Good morning, Popular and Super In-demand... uh, whatever.

I was just doing some solo practice to prep for my debut.

Oh? What were you listening to?

Here.

It's "Suzufuri" by Shinshou.

Rakugo? You're not a singer?!

So, do you like this hotel?

Yes. The night view is very beautiful.

It just looks like a plain old roof though...

Say, Akiho-kun, you can spare a little of that, can't you!

I-1 can't, Popular and Super In-demand, um...

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to take some.

It's just...

This fruit assortment is a sample for my side business.

If you really want it, I can sell it to you.

So this was all about fruit?!

Akiho-kun, I'm sure your family is suited for the entertainment world as well.

Do you have any siblings interested in breaking into the business?

If so, you should introduce them to me!

Actually, I have a grandmother in her 60s who's quite interested in this...

Your grandmother?! A grandma is a little, uh... Is there anyone else?

I see. Well, then... How about this person?

There. I sent you a pic.

Let's have a look...

Huh?!

That's my 85-year old great-grandfather.

His hobby is playing with condensed milk.

That's one weird hobby!

You're choosing the wrong thing to heckle!

I am a door-to-door salesman.

Now to find some customers... WHAT?!

At this rate, my company will go bankrupt!

Is there nothing we can do?!

Yup! Let's just give up, Boss!

It's times like these that you should buy a good-luck vase!

Act now, and it can be yours for just 120 million yen!

There's no way I'd have that kind of money!

Well, you can pay in 6,000 easy installments...

Just leave already!

Another missed sale...

What should I do?

Looks like Kosaka couldn't land a contract today, either.

She's just no good at the hard sell.

She should just get them to sign without saying how much the jar costs.

Yeah, that's a problem all right.

I wonder if there are any easy targets around here.

Someone who'd fork over their cash with a little womanly charm...

Yes!

Wait, what is this? Could this person be...?

But...

If something's bothering you, feel free to tell me all about it.

This is gonna work!

U-um... Well...

Please...

buy a vase.

A vase? Um, well, okay.

You can pay in 6,000 installments. Thanks.

That was way too easy.

Episode 1

It sure was fun doing random voiceovers!

We really got into it, huh?

Wait, what about the second half of the episode?

Yeah, well, we got kinda bored.

Hey, Kana-chan, wanna go get some ice cream?

Count me in!

My friend works part time at a parlor, so let's go see her!

You can come too if you want, Big Bro!

Well, maybe I'll invite a friend...

Hooray!

Score! Haru, you're gonna pay, right?

Huh?! Why the heck should 1?

You just have to. Right?

You. Just. Have. To!

Kanata is a given, but why you too, Sis? Jeez...

Kana's gotten hungry all of a sudden!

Let's go eat!

The End

Cast Haruka Shinozaki: Mitsuhiro Ichiki Shizuku Ariyama: Larissa Tago Takeda Kanata Shinozaki: Yuki Yagi