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Brothers and sisters.

We gather here today to mourn the loss of.

Yet another sacrificial lamb,

who was slaughtered out there in the evil streets of Satan.

The Lord has spoken to me.

And he has said that the key to your salvation is your money!

To save this city and your soul from corruption and

dare I say, unholy damnation.

Heed my words and give freely of your earnings.

Sister Carly, with the all foreseeing eyes of God upon you,

is there a dollar bill all of your redemption is worth?

Now is not the time for short arms and deep pockets brothers and sisters.

For if you just give a little of what you have.

That is what you're gonna get from God.

I can't believe Omer, he was my homey.

I loved this fool like a brother.

Damn, I've never seen it coming.

The worst thing about it was it was all over some money.

Why's always gotta be about some bitch ass money?

Should've known.

You got my money, mother fucker?

This is Big Baby Sweets, the baddest mother fucker ever to live.

This mother fucker had the entire city of New York in his back pocket.

Every illegal way there is to make cheddar,

you best believe Big Baby Sweets had something to do with it.

Yeah, bitch.

You got his motherfucking money.

Don't make me bust that bitch ass.

Yeah, bitch.

Don't make me bust that bitch ass.

This is Lil' Poot one of Sweets' right hand little bitches.

This is his brother Big Stank, Sweet's other bitch.

Both these motherfuckers came from the weakest richest suburbs.

Neither one could hurt a flea with a shotgun.

But some how, some way, something went wrong.

And they became ghetto hard street thugs.

Look here, you've got 24 mother fucking hours to come up with my money.

You don't come up with my money, I'm gonna smoke that ass.

24 hours. You don't come up with his mother

fucking money, I'm gonna smoke that ass.

Yeah, bitch.

24 mother fucking hours.

I promise you Mr. Big Baby,

all I need is just a little more time.

I'm gonna make everything right.

I promise, I'm gonna get you all your money.

Well then what you need to do right about now is raise the fuck up out

of here!

And don't come back without my motha fucking money!

And.

Tell Daddy I said hi.

Miss Sweets, my momma said to say, hi and she gonna see you in church on Sunday.

Now get the fuck out of here and

don't come back without his mother fucking money.

That's right,

you need to bring back his money.

Bring back his money.

Bring back his money.

Bring back his money.

Shut up. Look here boys.

Profits is up, arrests is down and

I think this be a reason to celebrate.

Word?

Oh, shit.

Is that premium Detroit shit right here?

This is my sample.

Here's what we do, then me then him.

Yeah, there was some ruthless motherfuckers.

I knew I could take them but I didn't know if I could do it alone.

I didn't know what kind of help I could expect when I got to the Big Apple but

I soon found out.

Oh, look at that fucking ass, get it, get it.

Oh, that's a fucking ass, oh.

Pick up Pork, when you're not stuffing your face,

there's someone here to see your fat ass.

Shut your mouth your silly bitch, who the fuck is it?

He's a new lieutenant.

They transferred him here from Frisco.

He said he's supposed to start work here this afternoon.

Frisco?

Is that fruity ass Melbourne?

No.

It's that ass licker Jackson isn't it?

Wrong again, fat ass.

Come on, you silly bird who the fuck is it?

The name is Sugar Bear.

And I'm sweet and fuzzy like a pear.

Now, I'm supposed to be starting work here this week.

Looks like you got a little jelly doughnut shit up on your cheek.

So you're Sugar Bear.

As in the Sugar Bear.

That's my name, and don't wear it out.

You wanna go ahead and wipe that nasty jelly shit off your fat fucking mouth?

I thought you were dead.

I heard you took on the entire Frisco cartel single handedly.

I heard you were shot 12 times,

blown to fucking pieces, stabbed in the balls, ass and face.

Even poison, yet you live to get the fuckers who did it to you.

I also heard how your plane went down when you went to capture that fugitive frick in

the swamplands of Kendoslavia.

You still managed to get in and get him.

You carried him all the way back to Frisco on your shoulders, even though you were

balls naked with nothing but a little pair of sandals on your feet.

I also heard you swallowed a live grenade to save a bunch of refugees.

Fuck what you heard and lay it to rest.

Big Sugar's here now in living flesh.

You been needing my help and needing it nifty.

Cuz shit on your force is a little bit shifty.

See you got a few pigs here that don't fly straight.

So they brought Big Sugar in to regulate.

Damn straight, Sugar.

My entire force is a hot, steaming pile of shit.

Can't trust any of these fucking punks.

Yeah, none of us.

The rookies, the sergeants,

they're all taking payoffs from Big Baby Sweets and his squeaky ball pricks.

They got everything.

They got the dope, the hookers,

the piss [INAUDIBLE], the ass necks, booty tapes, cds, they got all that shit.

It's like the whole damn city's at the mercy of Sweets and his gang.

And the entire force knows it.

Sounds like your problems ain't the streets.

Sounds like your problems is that motherfucker Big Baby.

Sweets.

That's right there sugar nuts.

Sweets and his shit faced gang, they may as well be the governor, the mayor,

and the God damn police chief of this city.

Relax chief, you hear what I'm saying?

When it comes to the pair, there will be no delaying.

Now, I'm a little new in this town, don't know my way around,

but there's at least one good cop you got that's still down?

I was afraid you were going to ask me that, Sugar.

There is one good cop in this town you can trust.

Thing is, he's a rookie, and I think the only reason Sweets and his gang haven't

got up to him is cause he's as useless as pricks on a fucking bolt.

Hey, you fat fucking barrel assed sow.

Right now.

Are you stuck in that God damned chair again?

Get Cox in here.

Got it, Chief.

You want it in your ass or in your mouth?

Get Cox, I said, you fuck.

Officer Harry Cox now.

Yes sir?

God dammit, Cox.

I tell you to take that stupid fucking hat off when you come in my office, you freak.

Get up you fucker.

Get up, get up.

Get up you fuck.

Sorry chief, I wasn't thinking like a true officer of the law.

I was day dreaming about your

yeasty esophagus, chief.

Get out, get out that fucking door.

Come in like like a gentleman without that stupid fucking hat.

Yes, chief.

Come in.

Hey how are you, cock?

What the hell are you doing out there, you dopey fuck you.

Come in here.

There's somebody I want you to meet.

The one, the only Sugar Bear.

You're gonna be showing him around town for a while.

Mr. Bear, it's an extreme pleasure, sir, to make your acquaintance.

I've heard a lot of great things about you, sir,

and I look forward to fighting crime on the streets with you.

Whoa Jack, I ain't looking for no partner.

I just want you to show me around town for starters.

Call me Sugar cause that be the name or

Parker Brothers cause I'm on my mother fucking game.

Now Cox, this is your only, and I mean only, fucking responsibility.

I want you show this man around town.

You show him everything he needs to know about this fucking city.

Show him uptown, downtown, sideways, this way, that way.

Clean up the town.

Clean everything up, clean each other up, I don't give a fuck.

But, I'll tell you something Cox, don't fuck this up, you little asshole.

No, sir.

I always do a good job for you and your dirty, stinky, crusty, calamari ring.

Harry Cox is all over this, sir.

Harry Cox.

9120505.

Mr. Bear, I think the chief would appreciate it if we took the standard

Police type cruiser unit.

Whoa, relax.

I make the rules, regulations and deals.

Rule number one, we're taking my wheels.

Yes Mr. Bear, of course, sir.

But I think maybe since we have the traditional cruiser here,

that maybe we should think about, taking it to the chief.

I don't know why the son of a bitch didn't work.

I must have [UNKNOWN] her a thousand times.

You gotta plug it in next time you stupid fuck.

Look,

there's a lot of places your going to need to know about here in the city.

First, and most important is right here, The Doughnut Hut.

It's where me and most of my fellow officers of law spend our nights,

days whatever.

Can you blame us?

Look over there, french crullers, cinnamon twirl, fallopian fruit flippers.

Look at that shit.

Fucking coconut sprinkled assholes.

Chinese wonder puffs.

Look cat.

How you planning on cleaning up these streets when all's you concerned about

are these God damn eats.

No, I just meant on our lunch break and things like that.

While we're fight crime and doing that stuff.

Ooh!

I saw a donut ghost.

Ooh!

I'm a donut cyclops.

I've got one eye.

What am I, winking at you or blinking.

You'll never know.

Look, I'm a donut gentleman from London.

Hello there son.

Would you like me to rub a crumpet all over your bobbly little bottom.

They ain't gonna do with donuts in the wee hours of the night.

Oh my goodness, I'm a donut owl, hoo hoo.

I hope you're not a mouse.

Yo, everybody freeze in this mother fucker.

I want some shit.

I'm in an ape suit, that means I don't give a fuck.

I want a mother donut!

I want a mother bagel,

a mother mango rootbeer float mother I'll pee in your cap.

Everybody else, wait, come here mother [UNKNOWN] Put it in the bag!

Put the money in the bag!

While I'm gettin paid, everybody sit there and shut the up or

I'll [UNKNOWN] caps like tomatoes, mother I don't give a if you [UNKNOWN] ice tea,

you better run your ass to the market!

Sweet Christmas crumble cake.

Jake boy, that's one of Big Baby Sweet's dogs.

How are we gonna get out of here?

Lookie here. You can split if you wanna run, or

you can stay here and watch me take out this piece of shit bum.

No.

Hey, boy.

Oh shit!

This could taste a whole lot better if you ain't getting riled for your cheddar.

I was just about to help,

Sugar when suddenly I noticed this nice little shiny 1972 quarter on the floor.

What do we do with this guy here?

You cook him.

And I'll book him.

Ladies and gentlemen, accompanied to

the meeting by Big Stunt and Little Poop,

welcome the notorious Big Baby Sweets.

Shut up.

What's up you all.

As usual, this meeting is of most importance.

This meeting is about money, my money.

And if you fuck with my money, your fucking with your life.

You all understand that?

Yes, big baby.

Anybody wanna fuck with my money?

No, big baby.

Man, if anyone of you all weasel face lives,

is trying to put your claws on his mother fucking money, I'm gonna fuck you up.

Show you right.

One of you mother fuckers will get straight fucked up.

Straight.

Now, I hope you all remember my personal security ninja.

Heck Benjamin watches over the money.

Whose money mister Big Baby?

My money, mother fucker.

Now, hopefully all you all bitches are familiar with each other.

But in case you're not, allow me to introduce each one of you.

Because after all, you each play an equal role in this establishment.

You all got to bring Big Baby his money.

Bring big baby his money.

Bring Big Baby, bring Big Baby, bring Big Baby his money.

Shut up.

You are the city's deadliest motherfuckers.

The deadliest con artists, players, hustlers, pimps, hoes, suckers.

And that's why you're so important, because you all deliver me the cheddar.

Starting with Green Willy,

Green Willy here sells fake gold stamped 24K.

He sells fake bracelets, watches, teeth.

Green Willy, being the man of artificial flavor

provides profits of outstanding measurements.

That's right Big Baby, that's right.

Yeah, that's right.

You got my money mother fucker?

Now, let's take a look at his eye.

Now, here's the mother fucker you've seen on TV,

if you've got one every night for the past seven years, Infomercial.

This is a business man, a shifty,

beady eyed, snaky, evil, ruthless, heartless,

scandalous son of a bitch bastard devil himself.

No, no, perhaps you've mistaken me for somebody else, Big Baby.

I work very hard with the sweat from my brow and

I've come up with my first product.

This super high tech fruit juicer.

And anybody here, including you Big Baby can get half off price.

We can talk later.

I don't give a fuck about what the producers of this film say.

Would you please put the number on the screen?

It's area code 734-480-39-

I don't give a fuck.

What's up on my money mother fuckoo?

Here.

Please accept this personal check of mine.

Man, fuck that.

He just told you, no mother fucking checks or money orders bitch.

That's right, bitch.

Come correct, son.

Cash money motherfucker.

I'm sorry.

I did not mean to offend you, my friend.

Don't worry, I've brought plenty of cash for you.

Here you go.

Now, let's holler at Miss Fat Titty Kitty.

That titty kitty got some big luscious bags of silicone.

They glisten in the moon.

They shine in the sun.

They wriggle and jiggle and bounce and.

No!

Get off me.

Fat Titty Kitty employs 991 hoes.

Hoes with no toes.

Hoes with afros.

Some of these bitches, I can tell you all about them bitches.

Shut up!

You'd be surprised what an old man will spend when he's got a fat set of jelly

bags slapping him in his wrinkled face.

Or a young one for that son.

That's right.

Each one of my girls has premium fat titties, just like these.

They sure do.

Yeah, them some titties.

Now you got my money, you fat fake titty bitch?

Why don't you show us them big fat titties you fake fat titty bitch.

Show you right.

See how I hooked you all up?

I ain't even have to do that.

So you right.

Our movie's the shit.

Moving right along let's holler at rerun.

Hey, hey.

Let's holler at Bootleg Greg.

This motherfucker bootlegs everything from Adidas shirts,

motherfucker Master Pee hats, yeah he got all types of shit.

But we really looking forward to his line of Poo coming out next month.

Yes.

And that spells P-U-B-O-O, as in-

Puboo.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to one of them sweaters with the swag p on the back.

Oh, shit.

That's right, that shit is phat.

That's the bomb right there.

Shut up.

You got my money motherfucker?

What the fuck?

I don't know.

Oh!

On his shit.

Anyway, let's move along to a personal favorite of mine.

Father Duckett, owns and operates and

whatever he does to 45 churches across New York.

Amen, sucker.

Father Ducky, I believe in you.

God bless you, my son.

I believe you gonna give me my mother fucking money!

Now lastly there's eight boy.

This rowdy,

crazy gorilla motherfucker likes to make his money the old fashioned way.

Car jackings.

High jackings.

Jacking jackings.

Ape in here dog.

Yo, Lane, look.

Where is this rowdy gorilla mother fucker with my mother fucking money,

mother fucker's?

I don't know.

Why you tripping?

You know you ain't suppose to be late with my money.

Man, give me that mother fucking tape.

I was just seeing if it was my cartoons, man, take it.

Always grabbing shit.

Put that shit in man.

See, man, Hat always gotta answer while y'all mother fuckers don't know shit.

Man, play that motherfucker, man.

While I'm getting paid, everybody sit there, and shut the fuck up or

I'm popping caps like bananas, motherfuckers!

See, there go eight boy getting paid.

That's what I'm talk.

This could taste a whole lot better.

If you ain't getting rye for your cheddar.

Who the fuck is this mother fucker fucking with my mother fucking money?

It's that mother fucker they call Sugar Bear.

Man, cut that shit off.

Bitch, who the fuck is this Sugar Bear?

He's a cop from Frisco.

He's the baddest cop on the force.

I heard he took the entire Frisco cartel on by himself.

I heard that motherfucker swallowed a hand grenade to save a bunch of

refugees and shit.

He's one bad motherfucker.

Now there's an Oscar waiting to happen.

Bitch, how do you know more so much about this-

Now hold on sweets,

I ain't gonna beat too many more bitches.

So much talent, such a waste.

It's a damn lie.

As I was saying, This mother fucker's gonna roll into my city and

arrest one of my men, making me look like a little bitch?

He made you look like a little bitch.

Yup.

I mean, he made me look like a little bitch.

What are we gonna have to do?

Is we have to send him a message.

Oh, you right.

Send the poor ass a message.

Yeah.

We gonna take to the streets.

And

we gonna let these people know that we pissed.

Amen, amen.

More than that, we gonna let them know exactly why we pissed.

Why we pissed?

Bitch you better recognize why the fuck we pissed!

Hey, why we pissed dog?

Because somebody been fucking with my motherfucking money.

Hey, girly, come on.

Come on, toots.

Come on, step on it there.

Shake it.

Come on, shake and bake.

Take it all off there.

What you think you are, [UNKNOWN] girl?

Come on.

Let me see them family meatballs there.

Go baby, go baby.

Wow, look at that.

Look at the pair on that.

That pair beats a full house.

Come on, give me a heart attack!

I want one bad.

Ooh.

There she was.

At first look she took my breath away.

I've never seen so much woman.

Sweet, subtle, soft and big.

I had to make her mine.

With a woman like that, there's enough to last me a lifetime.

Every man's fantasy, every man's dream girl right before my eyes.

I had to make my move.

Hey there pretty lady,

the man down at the end of the bar would like to buy you a slice.

Yeah, so, when you was up there dancing, I was down here [INAUDIBLE].

And I need to know you luscious mama, you come here often?

Yes.

I work here.

Oh, well, I'm fresh from Frisco.

You know, new to this city.

But I gotta know, you tantalizing tenderoni.

You got a name to go with them titties?

Of course.

My name is Missy.

Missy?

We sit around here bullshitting with all this chit-chat.

We could slide out to your pad and

you could let me hit that.

What's my name? What's my name?

Sugar.

Yeah.

Come on

let's go.

Aah!

Oh, give it to me Super Balls,

give it to me!

Sugar Bear.

Sugar Bear.

Sugar, come in, this is Harry Cox.

Sugar, come in, this is Harry Cox.

Yeah, what man?

Sugar?

That's right.

Sugar, where have you been?

This whole town's gone to hell.

The whole place has been ripped apart in the last 24 hours.

Look here brother, I've been in love.

Now what's this bullshit you speaking of?

Remember when we arrested Eight Boy in the donut house?

Well I think we really pissed off Big Baby Sweets and his gang of thugs and freaks.

I think he's sending us a message.

He's taking it out on the whole city tearing the place to hell.

Well there's no need to stress because a bear's on the case,

I'm about to get loud and up in his face.

You don't want to mess with this guy.

He's dangerous, he's mean, he's bad, he steps on dew worms in the rain man.

I'm gonna pick those fools up and take them downtown.

See what they say when I slap them around.

What, pick them up?

Take him downtown?

What are you, crazy?

You can't touch these guys.

We don't even have them on anything.

You've got to get them on something real.

Is that right?

Well look here, cocks.

I'm butt bully naked except for my socks.

I'm going to get on over there as soon as I put on my drawers.

Never big on sweets and even the scores.

No, no, no. Sugar.

No, no don't do it.

There's got to be a better way.

There's got to be a more law abiding way.

He's going to do something horrible.

Sugar!

Thanks for the nutting and the titties and all but, got to go bitch, duty calls.

You can't do that, he's going to get you.

You're in trouble.

No, no, no, don't do that!

I should have told him I loved him.

I should have cared.

[INAUDIBLE] Honk if you love sugar!

[UNKNOWN] I'm sorry, Sugar, I love.

Honk for Sugar.

You over there, honk for Sugar, you little fucker.

Honk.

Fucking, Sugar.

Give me a chip.

Give me another chip.

Freeze mother fuckers.

Don't even breathe.

Put your god damned hands where my eyes can see them.

I got the baby oil, who's [INAUDIBLE].

Motherfucker, shut up.

[INAUDIBLE]

All I'm saying chief is I hope Sugar Bear.

He knows what he's doing, because these guys are very very very dangerous.

Well maybe if you weren't shitting your pants every two seconds,

you pigeon-faced fuck, you wouldn't be so goddamn scared all the time.

Now wait a minute, Chief.

I do the very best to ensure the safety of myself.

And my fellow officers of the law.

And, if that means I have to approach things with a little more caution,

then that's what I'm gonna do, you funny glazed whore.

Look, you horny son-of-a-bitch, you never question Sugar's tactics.

Do you understand me?

You do what you do best.

And, that's play with that fucking meat-bag of yours.

You got me punk?

Oh, Sugar.

Great job on getting those dirt-bag bastards down here.

Beautiful job baby.

Now chief, wait a second,

the law clearly states that we can't hold these guys for more an hour.

I mean technically we don't really have them on anything.

Woo.

Woo, hoo.

Wow.

All right, chief.

I dig you cops.

I know these mother fuckers are tougher than wax.

I'm a talk to Sweets about all his riches, and chief,

you question those other two bitches.

Yeah, what do you want me to do, lemon meringue pie ass?

All right, cop, listen up.

This is big. I want you to get out, patrol the streets.

You find me the biggest, fattest ass you can find me and

then you plug it up, you son of a bitch.

I got work to do here, you fat fuck.

The key here man.

I see you got the gold and all them rings.

Spill it man!

Where you getting all them things?

Who me?

Mother fuckers is it a crime to have some

motherfucking money in this country,

you bitch ass wack motherfucker.

What about them jewels we found?

Them bitches must have been worth at least a million a pound.

Oh, the jewels?

The jewels?

All right, shut the fuck up.

I know you two

sons of bitches

had something to do with that supermarket blowing up in fucking flames last night.

It was big baby.

We didn't want to do it, he made us!

Sure did, man.

[INAUDIBLE] he's gonna kill us both, man.

Yup, he'll kill me too.

Yeah, what about them dead bodies we found in your yard?

Oh yeah, mother fucker, we found them up all in your car.

You found the bodies?

You found the bodies in the yard?

And the two of you boys are just gonna sit here and

deny that you had anything to do with it.

What about that preschool drive-by kidnapping spree you fuckers.

It was Lil' Poot.

[UNKNOWN] man, [UNKNOWN] He said if I don't, he's gonna kill us both, man.

I was scared as hell, man.

Damn it.

Here I got these two fuckers aren't anything.

I'm gonna break you fool.

Oh, I got you, sucker.

Now tell me where you stashed that gun at, you punk ass mother fucker.

Sure?

All right, what about the fucking dog?

What about that shit?

Do you know about the gold tooth?

Of course, I know about the gold.

Look at his fucking mouth.

These ain't real man.

Who you like better?

New Benny or old Benny?

Motherfucker.

Where was you in that train car?

Where the fuck was you in that little cripple kid hospital [UNKNOWN]

Mother fucker!

I didn't told you.

You ain't got shit on me.

Shit that is except for

my mother fucking money.

No more questions, please.

[INAUDIBLE] back to sleep.

Big Baby Tweeted if you all do it I'm gonna kill both of you all.

Big Baby sweets,

Big Baby sweets shut the fuck up with that shit.

Shut the fuck up,

will you stop your crying you fucking pussies!

Shut up, I can't hear myself think, god-dammit.

I'm already [INAUDIBLE] you move an inch in here, I'll come back,

I'll beat your fucking heads around the room you cock suckers.

[INAUDIBLE] it's all right Bear.

It's all right.

[UNKNOWN]

Hey there, jelly buns.

Were you able to get anything out of them, or.

Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing.

Not a god damned fucking thing.

Those little turtle pricks are tougher than I thought.

Hey, hey Sugar.

Were you able to make them talk?

No hands, no clues, no leads, no trace.

I'm getting sick of all three of their god damned faces.

Damn it.

I guess we got no choice but to let them walk.

God damn it!

Well, let's hope they don't wanna retaliate and

get revenge by taking more innocent community lives.

Who!

Who, come the fuck out!

What's up?

You straight.

I'm straight.

The reason for this emergency meeting, you all,

is we didn't quite get the message clear last time.

Sugar Bear's still out there.

Fucking with my plans!

Fucking with my schemes!

His motherfucking schemes!

Fucking with my tactics!

Your tactics.

And most of all, he's fucking with my money!

And we don't play that bullshit.

Cry, big baby.

I need you to show some tender loving.

Show you respect.

Man, rub his butt.

What I need you all to do is dig to the bottom of your stomachs and

pull out the most wickedest, ruthless,

diabolical shit you can think of.

Seriously [INAUDIBLE] kick they mother fucking ass!

So which one of you all is going to do that for me?

Which one of y'all is gonna find this sugar bear and fuck that kid up?

Which one of y'all is gonna come to?

Man, y'all some suckers.

None of y'all?

Nobody, huh?

Well, then, fuck y'all.

Yo, you right.

Fuck y'all.

Bottom line is this.

You can take this mother fucker, and

fuck him in the ass with a cactus, I wouldn't give a fuck.

Yeah.

You can take big stank's ball bag, and

slap that bitch with a nine iron, I wouldn't give a fuck.

You get that mother fucker.

You get [INAUDIBLE] in your phone.

You gots to die.

Woo.

[INAUDIBLE]

[INAUDIBLE]

Wait wait wait wait.

Let me say a prayer first.

Go ahead, father.

Our father, who art in heaven.

Boom.

Calm down.

There's only one thing left to do.

What's that sir?

What's that?

We must summon the magic ninjas.

Hell yeah.

Magic magic ninjas, what.

All right y'all, this is it right here.

All we need to do is, get off me!

Three kilometers to the left, two kilometers to the right,

a little bit of Sergio Valente's over.

Get off me.

There is a two [UNKNOWN], and one clitoris.

All right, I got you.

Yeah, get ready, son, come on!

In the house!

Hell yeah.

Welcome magic ninja one and two.

You mysterious fucking ninja mother fuckers.

You have been summoned for a reason.

We need some of this kung fu ninjitsu shit.

There's a cop named Sugar Balls that's been running around the city fucking up my

business.

Fucking up my plans.

And most of all he been fucking with my money.

Hell ya, he been fucking with our money.

I mean, Big Baby money.

I would send you two ninjas out to do what you normally do, and

that's just kill that motherfucker, right?

Yes, Master!

That sounds about right.

Not today, motherfucker.

If you kill him the movie's over, so then I had a plan.

We have to use your 2 BD ninja brains and we must take them away.

Think of a plan that will get Sugar Bear there right where it hurts cuz I hate

that mother fucker.

Damn.

That's messy.

That's Suga's girl.

How you know who this fat bitch is?

Been seeing her at the wing spot.

Yeah, she fat as hell.

She is fat.

Well, ninjas one and two, it would appear Mr.

Hack Benjamin has come up with a solution to our problem.

You will kill this fat bitch.

Give her some of that kung fu shit.

Yeah one of them.

One of them.

And two of them.

Go ahead and leave that shit out.

Oh okay.

That's a nipple?

Now look!

Once you find this fat bitch and you eliminate her presence.

The entire city will belong to Big Baby Sweets and his gang of thugs.

And once again, we will own all of Detroit, New York.

Whoop, whoop.

This city's tough turf was really starting to get to me.

The ghetto curbs were starting to bring me down.

These evil streets were rough.

Ain't no one we can trust.

These streets were cold, ruthless and savage.

I don't know how much more of this ghetto brutality I could take.

I felt I needed another break from this inner city hell.

I needed something.

I needed something.

I needed some ass.

I felt, I felt I needed a big misses loving.

Hello.

Hey there, cellulite bubble butt.

This the bear calling out.

I'm about to stop by there and tag your [UNKNOWN] out.

Okay sugar.

I'll be waiting butterballs.

Well I'll bring the Faygo and little Taco Bell and

I'll let you eat a little extra if you promise not to tell.

I'll see you soon sugar.

Better take off, Jack.

My boyfriend's on his way over right now.

Shit.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Hey, hey

hey hey

man.

Hurry up and go before I bust you in your head with this goddamn Faygo.

Damn ninjas.

That was it, I'd lost it.

My battle with Big Baby Sweets was finally over.

Oh shit man, my battle against crime was over.

It was time for me to hang it up.

When I lost Missy, that's when I lost it all.

I should've listened to Cox when he warned me.

No, no, don't do it!

There's gotta be a better way, there's gotta be a better law-abiding way!

You're gonna do something horrible!

And then again, I should have listened to the chief when he warned me, too.

They got their piss plant.

No, no, that other shit.

It's like the whole damn city's completely at the mercy of Spritz and

his gang of punks, and the entire force knows it.

It's like they've all given up.

I was at the end of my rope,

I should've stayed in Frisco where I was a hero, here in New York I'm just a nobody.

Man I don't even deserve to wear this badge.

Fuck it, I quit.

Sugar, it's me, the Chief.

Go away!

Look, you prick, if you don't open this fucking door,

I'm gonna kick the god damn thing down.

I gotta talk to you, Sugar.

The hell?

Look at you, you wacky prick.

What the hell you gone and done with yourself?

You were once the mighty Sugar Bear.

Look at this shit.

Look man, just leave me alone.

Lost my will to go on, man.

You hear that? You see that shit?

You don't even fucking rhyme anymore.

You're nothing but a dirty, sorry, crack headed fucking sorry set of tits.

You once swallowed a live grenade, you prick you.

And you saved a fucking bunch of refugees.

Oh yeah, well I lied about that.

What do you mean?

Well it was more like a firecracker anyways.

And I never swallowed, I just stomped it out with my foot.

And there wasn't no refugees either man.

It was the Fujis.

Fuji.

I used to work the barricade for their concerts.

Oh, fuck all that shit.

It doesn't matter.

What about the Frisco cartel?

You took all those fuckers out single-handedly.

Yeah, I sure did.

But that was only a video game.

Look, you scrubby sonofabitch, snap out of it.

You're the best goddamn cop to ever walk the beat.

I need you on the force.

Besides, the only other clean cop I got is

that fucking squeaky bald little fucking asshole, Cox.

Sweets and his gang they got him last week.

Hold on, wait!

What'd you say about Cox?

I said he's a fucking asshole.

No, no, no. After that.

Oh, yeah, Sweets and his gang.

They got him.

He's out on his little morning jog around the fucking park.

Sweets and his gang got him, now the fucking prick's got himself held hostage.

Damn.

Well, what's with you.

What do you got sweet feelings for this guy?

I mean, what the hell were you doing when you were out there?

What, were you feeling up each other's meat whistles?

What.

Man, shut the fuck up before I kick your fat fucking ass.

Sit down, tough guy.

Relax.

And who the fuck you calling fat, you fat prick?

Son of a bitch.

But this only proves what I said was true all along.

Yeah, and what's that?

You ain't nothing but a sad, sorry ass Dolemite wannabe, you jerky little prick.

You better shape the fuck up.

Get yourself together here, pal.

Tell me about my fat ass.

You wish you had this fucking ass.

Get the fuck out of here!

You know he's right.

You really ain't nothing but another jive turkey motherfucker!

Riding on the head of my dick, trying to imitate the great, and

you're about 20 years too late, motherfucker.

Who's that?

Who said that?

I did.

You business blind, insecure, bow legged,

cross eyed, pigeon toed, dilapidated mother fucker.

Who the fuck are you?

I can't believe. I can't believe that you don't

recognize me.

I am the ghost of Dolomite.

Ghost of Dolomite.

And I ain't lying either.

Shit, Dolomite ain't dead.

He lives over in Las Vegas.

Man, what the fuck you talking about?

Motherfucker, I know god damn well I ain't dead.

I don't write the shit, I'm paid to perform it.

If you want to know, ask this motherfucker what's going on.

Guys, will you please just stick to the script.

Cut.

Well that's all good, but

what is the ghost of Dolomite doing here in my apartment then?

Man, if you was hanging onto my dick any harder you'd be my nutsack.

Suck.

You know, I don't mind you doing my shift, but baby, you gotta do it right.

Like [UNKNOWN], you know what I'm saying?

The way you doing it, you making me look like an ass.

Hey, man, you don't know what I've been through with big baby sweets and his gang.

And frankly speaking, I couldn't give a good god damn.

You?

There's a million juggalos watching this shit and

I know they don't like you doing my shit and copping out like a bitch.

If you don't get the shit together,

I'm gonna put my foot up your ass, mother fucker.

Right, Dolemite.

Shit, there's millions of kids out there watching this, man.

What about the kids?

Damn the kids, brother.

What about all them fine bitches just watching your shit?

I know you got a lot of bitches jammin to your shit.

All right, fella.

All right, fellas.

Get yourself together and give the bitches some.

Give them what they want.

Give them what they want.

Give the bitches more than what they want.

Give it to them.

You're right. I'm gonna stand up and be man.

That's right.

I'm gonna go rescue officer Cox and get big baby sweets and

his gang at the same time.

Dolomite, listen.

Now I'll be honest.

If you help lead me in my crusade against crime, and

help me take these dirty motherfuckers out.

What about it, man?

Will you do it?

Hell no. Not for free.

You're going to have to pay me.

This ain't exactly no Star Wars motherfucker.

But if you can afford me.

We can get it on, but it won't be easy.

Tomorrow I will help you on your comeback as the bad, bad, bad, bad sugar bear.

Can you dig it?

Put some weight on it.

Put some weight on it.

Put some weight on it.

Right there, right there, right there.

Shit, man, you ain't doing shit.

Raise that thing higher, up higher, put your weight on it, put your weight on it.

Darn your soul, if you raise that mother fucker higher,

you even may get a doughnut hole.

Can you dig?

Pretty, good bear,

but I want you to

listen and watch me.

I'm going to show you how to whoop a motherfucker's ass.

First thing you gotta do you got to hypnotize that motherfucker.

Use a snake on that son of a bitch.

Do like me, Dolemite.

Dolemite is my name and fucking up motherfuckers is my game.

Now watch.

That's what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

Give me that shit.

Listen up, Sugar.

Cops is being held here.

Somewhere in the eastern section of this warehouse.

The place is crawling with Sweets' men.

Now we're gonna be somewhere outside over here in this area,

but as soon as you give the word, we're busting in.

Now, luckily the budget for this movie's almost out, so

you don't have to worry about all the big Hollywood bullshit, all the explosions,

the fire bombs, all that crap, all right?

None the less, it's a dangerous mission and I want you to watch your ass.

Look here Chief, you can spare me all this grief.

I'm going in there strictly to knock out some mother fucking teeth.

If Cox is in here, I'm sure I'll find him.

Oh yeah, shit in his pants and a puddle of piss behind him.

All right, never mind that shit, there's somebody I want you to meet.

Officer Bayer.

Very good to meet you.

Just call me Sugar, cuz I'm sweet to the end.

What's shaking my beard faced friend?

Sugar, this is Dr. Dinglenut.

He's our weapons invention specialist.

He's been following you around in various disguises studying your strengths and

weaknesses.

He's got some really wacky shit here he wants you to take a look at far out stuff.

Sugar.

I'm going to show you a gun.

This is a very special gun.

This is the ninja detector gun.

When you arrive at the warehouse,

we are quite sure that both of those magic ninjas will indeed be on the premises.

We were able to find some hair samples of theirs at the crime scene in Missy's

apartment.

And those we've combined with a special

bullet guidance system which I developed here at the lab.

When you pull the trigger the first time, the first bullet will fly out.

Wherever the magic ninja is within the warehouse, it will destroy him.

When you pull the trigger a second time, the second bullet will fly out and

destroy the second magic ninja, thus we call this The Ninja Detector Gun.

Your next stop, [UNKNOWN], is going to be the man that they call Hack Benjamin.

We have been studying this Benjamin character for many years now.

We have finally determined that he does have one weakness, and that is his ears.

Thus, I have developed for you this weapon.

The man is completely deaf.

He cannot hear a sound.

When you blow on the whistle, it will send the sound waves from the whistle

directly through his inner ear canal and into his brain.

If he does not immediately flee the scene, he will be destroyed.

Is that it Doc?

I'm on the clock.

The final obstacle or perhaps I should say obstacles.

Are those two sensitive thugs, Big Stank and Little Pooh.

Two little pussies.

Once you have reached the compound and have spotted them,

simply aim this device and press this red button.

All right.

Tell them what the fuck it does you nutty looking prick.

It will trigger a robotic mechanism that will remove the two suburban hoodlums

from your life.

We have no time now to explain how it works.

Simply trust me, it will do the job.

With or without all this high tech stuff, I'm going there to fight and

I'm gonna bring it to them rough.

Don't forget to bring back that little needle dick prick Cox with you.

All right, get Dolomite.

Let's go.

I'm gonna smoke that Big Baby ho.

What?

Forget about Dolomite.

The budget on the flick ran out for Dolomite.

He took off running.

What you think he's gonna do this shit for free?

Looks like you're on your own on this one pal.

Sorry, buddy.

Good luck, Sugar Bear.

Remember, it all rides on you.

I know you can do it.

Magic man.

We both know the game.

Wait a minute.

She all about hip-hop every day.

Seven's my point, bitch.

Seven ain't no point, that's some crap asshole.

Man, shut up.

They used to call you asshole, now they call you fat yo!

That's my dollar though right there.

Then you roll, bitch.

Give me the money and you roll.

You ain't shit.

Man give me my shit.

Oh.

Easy.

Now what the fuck was that?

Hey yo Smack.

What's up?

What the fuck was that?

Oh, that was me killing your homies mind brain.

Remember me you sap ass mother fuckers?

Sugar Bear's the name.

I come for Cox and to take you all to jail.

Shut down your game?

Fuck you.

Might as well.

Oh, sugar.

I knew you'd come for me.

Shut up, fool.

Man, fuck that.

You ain't got shit on me.

You ain't got shit, sucker!

Hell no.

It's true, you're right, I ain't got nothing.

But let's see what happens when I push on this button.

Elliot Thornton Longwood.

Spaulden Thirsten Longwood?

What is the meaning of this?

Hanging around this riff raff when you should be home mowing the lawn.

I knew you were up to something.

When Mr. Perkins called and said, you both missed your violin lesson.

Do you have any idea how long we've been looking for you today?

And you know it's family fun night at the roller rink.

Spalding, what is that in your mouth?

His gold tooth.

Is this what you've been saving your allowance for?

You said, you were waiting to buy a microscope!

What have we done wrong?

I don't know but I know this, it ends here, it ends now.

Misters, you are grounded.

Don't desert.

[INAUDIBLE]

Hey, great job Sugar.

You're one hell of a good cop I'll say that right fricking now sunshine.

Get off my dick, I still gotta get Sweets.

I'd take you with me but you're too fucking weak.

Hey wait a minute, maybe I can help you take Big Baby Sweets and his gang out.

I know I act like a little baby bitch butterfly sometimes.

But I don't mean to be a feeble little scared guy who's afraid of guns and.

I know you've saved my life a million times, and

I'm just not really what a real cop is all about, am I?

But I gotta be good for something.

Take your shirt off.

Let me rub your shoulders like a Norwegian bath house attendant.

Come on, let me get in there.

Man, the chief was right.

You a bitch.

Man, get up and go.

Little bitch.

Just a couple of tattoos.

I've been waiting for you.

All you had to do was let me be.

Just leave me and my mother-fucking money alone.

But you couldn't do it.

You had to come and fuck with my money.

But now you gotta die for it.

Get your bitch ass ready to battle.

The man that will teach you to never ever fuck with my motherfucking money!

Meet your doom.

Prepare to have your ass ripped in half by Cactus Sack.

[INAUDIBLE] I'm gonna tear you up

because your ass is grass and Cactus Sack got the [UNKNOWN].

No, that's too cliche.

But you will be mine.

Mine.

All mine.

[INAUDIBLE]

Have a nice day.

[INAUDIBLE] That's not my line anymore.

[INAUDIBLE] Oh, here's one more for you, sugar!

I'm not through with you yet.

Take that.

[INAUDIBLE]

Oh.

Have mercy!

God damn it, that's not it either.

Come on.

Oh yeah.

Let's see what Mr. Socko has to say about this.

What the fuck is this thing?

Come on.

Oh.

Bang bang.

That's the line.

Bang bang.

Bang bang.

Bang bang.

Bang bang.

Did somebody order a steak out there?

You got a steak and

I asked [INAUDIBLE]

[INAUDIBLE]

Please.

This is going to hurt.

Would you like some squash with that steak?

Bang bang!

A stake through the heart.

That's the second time this week.

That was good.

But you can definitely tell this is a movie.

Cuz had it been real life, he fucked you up.

None the less, that was,

that was very impressive.

Now you've been down a long road, Sugar Bear.

Sugar Bear.

Who the fuck keeps playing that music every time I say Sugar Bear?

That'd be me.

Who the fuck are you.

Mike Clark.

Mikey Clark.

I produce you music.

Oh Mike, you pro.

As I was saying sugar bear,

[UNKNOWN] bear, [UNKNOWN] bear.

As I was saying, Sugar Bear, you've come down a long way,

but you've reached your mother fucking dead end,

because you should have known one thing all along.

Oh yeah, man?

And what's that?

What's that?

That is nothing,

nothing comes between me and

my mother fucking money.

Who's playing?

Stop playing.

Stop playing.

Yeah.

I'm gonna go ahead and.

Sorry I'm late.

But I told you I'd make everything right, you broke bitch ass mother fucker.

Well Sugar Bear.

You did it.

I don't know how the fuck you pulled it off, but you did it.

You are one hell of a super cop,

you French tickling son of a fucking whore's ass.

Yes my friend, I wish that the entire police force could learn

from the fire that burns within your heart.

Oh yeah. The city's back and it's all good.

Hold on one second, if you could.

No wait a minute, wait a minute.

Joker, you're not,

before they drop this cat in his casket,

let's reveal the dirty rat bastard.

Gee, I don't fucking believe it.

Why, why this is quite clearly impossible.

It was that dirty little cock sucking little prick Cox the whole fucking time.

I don't believe it.

I could punch that fucking.

Sugar, that means that the whole time,

you're the only clean cop in the goddamned city.

Christ.

Who would have ever guessed, my homie, my lope,

Harry Cox was nothing more than a two

bit mafia drug lord robbing his own city of everything it's got.

And that brings us to the end of the sermon, brothers and sisters.

If you have no holy cash on hand, then unemployment checks, food stamps,

or credit cards are all ordained of God, brothers and sisters.

What was his motive?

I'll give you his motive.

Money.

It was all over some bitch ass money.

Big Baby Cox was nothing more than a big money hustler.

So, it's like, according to Isaiah and shit, you know what I'm saying?

A star came from like, Nazareth, which ain't

too far from like right around the corner from like Little Mo's Hot Wings and shit.

And it's like it brought the Holy Ghost to like congregation and shit, you know what

I'm saying, and it conclusioned to that, you know what I mean?

Just like we, hurry up in this bitch, y'all.

And we ain't playing neither.

It's like Judas Priest up in this bitch, yo.

You know what I'm saying?

We here to preach to you all sinners.

You staring at me, bro?

That need to get you all shit together, you know?

You got something to say?

If they had of nailed me to a cross, I'd of been like,

just wait till I get down, I'm a fuck me somebody up.

You know what I'm saying?

Sure, you're right.

Sure, you're right.

So what we like to do right here right now at this time

is pay homage to the motherfucking messiah.

The savior.

The king of motherfucking paper.

The one.

The only.

Big Baby Sweets.

The wicked clowns will never die, mother fucker.

Whew.

Oh my God.

Die motherfucker die!

Yeah, bitch.

Aah!

Yeah. Yeah.

[INAUDIBLE]

Run motherfucker.

Back motherfucker.

Fucker.

What am I on TV?

[INAUDIBLE] Years ago I used to sing and dance.

Aah!

Won't you be my melancholy baby?

Bambino

sweets.

Big baby sweets.

I'll be happy to eat.

Man, y'all silly suckers smell like shrimp butt.

These goggles lets you to see through an ultraviolet spectrum.

You can then go ahead and take the worm out of the ground just like the chicken do

before the chicken pluck it, though if you are a sick bastard, you can eat the worm.

The choice is 100% yours.

Hello.

Back in the old days I used to

Chief,

I want you to know that I do things to the best ability of myself and

my sister's cock.

Well, what do you want me to do, Cluster Crack?

And what do you want me to do, Lasagna Ass?

Well, what do you want me to do?

Thunder fingers?

All right, Cox.

Listen to me, this is big.

This is huge.

I want you to get out there, patrol the streets, find me the biggest,

fattest ass you can find, and go plug it, you son of a bitch.

I got shit to do here, you fat bastard.

Our movie's the shit.

Cut

The magic ninjas

Hell yeah

Go ninja go. Go ninja go

Oh, oh.

Right!

Take your shirt off, maybe I could oil you up with some virgin olive oil and

rub your shoulders like a Norwegian, Swedish, whale skinner.

What did you say mother fucker?

Cut, cut, fire!

Good luck, Sugar Bear.

That's it?

Where my Oscar? Ooh, woo!