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Grim: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
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Mandy: DON'T MAKE ME TURN.
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THIS CARTOON AROUND.
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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
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[ CRASH ]
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WELL, THIS AIN'T
FANNY'S CAFETERIA.
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40 YEARS, I'VE BEEN
HUNTING YOU, DRACULA.
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40 YEARS OF CHASING SHADOWS AND
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RUMORS, OF LIVING IN...
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GET THAT LIGHT OFF DRACULA EYES.
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BET YOU NEVER THOUGHT
YOU'D SEE ME AGAIN.
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WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
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I AM LIONEL VAN HELSING,
YOUR MORTAL ENEMY.
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HMM... NOPE. DON'T RING A BELL.
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MAYBE THIS WILL HELP... A
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WOODEN STAKE THROUGH THE HEART!
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NO, DRACULA DON'T THINK THAT
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GONNA HELP MUCH.
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AAH!
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GET YOUR BIG BUTT OFF DRACULA!
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DIE, VAMPIRE!
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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
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Grim: NO, DON'T HURT HIM!
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WHAT'D YOU SAY?
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DON'T LISTEN TO SKELETON MAN.
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HE NOTHING BUT A BIG DUMMY.
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Grim: DRACULA, HUSH!
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I'M TRYING TO SAVE YOU.
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DRACULA DON'T NEED NO SAVING.
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DRACULA CAN SAVE HIS SELF.
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[ GRUNTING, MOANING ]
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DRACULA HIP MUST'VE GONE OUT.
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JUST GIVE DRACULA A SECOND TO
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CATCH HIS BREATH.
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Grim: LOOK, CALM DOWN AND.
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DROP THE WOODEN STAKE.
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DROP THE STAKE?
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DROP YOUR HEAD
IS WHAT I SHOULD DO!
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DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS MONSTER IS?
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Grim: HE'S DRACULA, KING OF.
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THE VAMPIRES... AND
MY CHILDHOOD HERO.
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YOU ARE A SICK, LITTLE MAN.
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HERO? I DON'T SEE A HERO.
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I SEE A BLOODSUCKING DEMON.
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NO, NO, NO, THAT'S A MYTH.
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DRACULA DON'T SUCK.
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YOU GIVE ME A REASON WHY I
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SHOULDN'T END HIS REIGN OF
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TERROR RIGHT NOW!
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DRACULA THINK... QUIET, YOU!
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Grim: UH... UM...
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H-HE'S AN EXCELLENT DANCER?
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SHAKE HIS BOOTY.
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Grim: DRACULA HAS BEEN
LIKE A FATHER TO ME.
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WHY, JUST THE OTHER NIGHT, WE
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WERE HANGING OUT...
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DRACULA LOVE MINIATURE GOLF.
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Grim: ONE ADULT AND ONE.
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SENIOR CITIZEN, PLEASE.
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SENIOR CITIZEN?
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YOU CALLING DRACULA OLD?!
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Grim: DRACULA, COME ON.
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YOU LIVE IN A RETIREMENT HOME.
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AND, BESIDES, THE SENIOR-CITIZEN
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DISCOUNT SAVES YOU FIVE BUCKS.
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DRACULA AIN'T NO SENIOR CITIZEN.
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Grim: FINE!
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00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:06,292
THEN YOU PAY FOR
YOUR OWN TICKET.
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00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:10,018
FINE! DRACULA WILL.
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DRACULA GONNA NEED
TO BORROW FIVE BUCKS.
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MY EYE!
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Grim: WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?
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THAT'S CALLED DRACULA PUTTING
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A FUNK IN THE GAME.
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Grim: YOU CAN'T
HIT IT THAT HARD.
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GOLF.
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YOU CAN'T TELL
DRACULA HOW TO PLAY.
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MY BABY!
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Grim: GIVE ME THAT.
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YOU'RE GONNA HURT SOMEBODY.
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OF DRACULA.
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FOR YOU.
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UH, GENTLEMEN, UH, I'M GONNA
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HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.
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YOU CAN'T TELL
DRACULA WHAT TO DO!
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LOOK, OLD TIMER,
YOU'RE CAUSING...
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OLD TIMER?!
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DRACULA SHOW YOU
WHO'S AN OLD TIMER!
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GET BACK HERE!
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DRACULA GONNA BEAT YOUR BUTT!
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Grim: MAYBE THAT WASN'T THE.
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MOST HELPFUL STORY.
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DRACULA TOLD YOU HE WAS A DUMMY.
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00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:04,750
Grim: HEY, WEREN'T YOU TWO ON.
95
00:04:04,833 --> 00:04:06,333
THE GROUND BEFORE THE FLASHBACK?
96
00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:08,000
THE CONCRETE HURT MY KNEES
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00:04:08,083 --> 00:04:09,000
SOMETHING FIERCE.
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00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,167
AND DRACULA NEEDED
MORE LUMBAR SUPPORT.
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00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:12,583
Grim: EH. MAKES SENSE.
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00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:13,875
NOW, GIVE ME A SECOND.
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00:04:13,958 --> 00:04:15,118
I'M SURE I CAN COME UP WITH A
102
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MUCH BETTER REASON
WHY DRACULA SHOULD LIVE.
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00:04:18,542 --> 00:04:20,042
SEE, ONE TIME HE...
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00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:23,833
NO, HE CAUGHT
THAT PLACE ON FIRE.
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00:04:23,917 --> 00:04:26,958
OH, THERE WAS A
GUY WHO... OH, WAIT.
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HE NEEDED STITCHES.
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AND THERAPY.
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ANYTHING?
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Grim: UM... MAYBE.
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NO, HE WAS ARRESTED THAT TIME.
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MUCH.
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Billy: PLEASE, SIR, DON'T
HURT MR. DRACULA.
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IF YOU WOULD JUST TAKE A MOMENT
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AND LOOK AT HIM THROUGH THE
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INNOCENT EYES OF A CHILD, YOU
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WOULD SEE THAT HE'S NOT JUST A
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BIG, STINKY MONSTER.
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HE'S A BIG, STINKY MONSTER WHO
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BITES THINGS.
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ONE DAY, HE CAME TO MY SCHOOL TO
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SHARE HIS WEALTH
OF LIFE LESSONS.
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BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,
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BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
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AND THAT IS HOW DRACULA DO THE
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SCRAPE-AND-LICK.
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NOW DRACULA GONNA SEPARATE YOU
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INTO TWO GROUPS. UGLY AND DUMMY.
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YOU UGLY, YOU UGLY, YOU UGLY.
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YOU A DUMMY. YOU UGLY.
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YOU A DUMMY, AND YOU UGLY.
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YOU IN BOTH.
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Mandy: WHAT PURPOSE
DOES THIS SERVE?
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DRACULA DIDN'T ASK FOR NO LIP!
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DRACULA TRYING TO
BRING YOU AN EDUCATION.
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NOW, DUMMIES, STAND OVER THERE
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AND FACE THAT WAY.
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AND, UGLIES, STAND OVER THERE,
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FACING THAT WAY.
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Billy: NOW WHAT?
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DRACULA DIDN'T TELL YOU TO
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LOOK OVER HERE, DUMMY!
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YOU KEEP FACING THE WALL!
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Billy: YES, SIR.
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SO, BABY, YOU WANT
TO SEE DRACULA DANCE?
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[ FUNKY SOUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
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MMM, YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT?
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OH, YEAH!
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DRACULA BRINGING THE HEAT NOW.
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Billy: AND HE NEVER
GOT INVITED BACK.
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THE END.
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DRACULA WANT CALL HIS LAWYER.
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Mandy: LOOK, I'll ADMIT.
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DRACULA IS NO SAINT, BUT WHY DO
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00:06:04,417 --> 00:06:05,583
YOU HATE HIM SO MUCH?
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HE'S HARMLESS. HARMLESS?!
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00:06:07,208 --> 00:06:09,042
IS IT HARMLESS TO
WRECK A MAN'S LIFE?
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DRACULA GONNA WRECK YOUR FACE
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WHEN HE GET OUT OF HERE.
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Grim: YOU'RE NOT HELPING.
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SEE THIS?
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Billy: A FIST?
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IT LOOKS MIGHTY!
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NO, IT'S A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET.
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Grim: OKAY, SO, YOU ACCESSORIZE?
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NO!
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LOOK!
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Billy: IT'S THE SAME BRACELET.
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Grim: THEN THAT MEANS... YES.
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DRACULA AND I ARE...
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[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
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BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.
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Billy: BFFs?
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Grim: THEN WHY KILL HIM?
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IT WAS HOT THAT
SUMMER IN ENDSVILLE.
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DRACULA AND I WERE TRYING TO
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COOL THINGS DOWN
WITH OUR BEST STRUT.
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LOOKING GOOD, BABY!
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DRACULA, MY MAN, YOU KNOW
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WHAT I LOVE MOST
ABOUT THE SUMMER?
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SUMMER DRESSES.
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RIGHT ON!
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[ BOTH SLURPING ]
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00:07:00,083 --> 00:07:02,102
HEY, DRACULA, MY MAN, YOU KNOW
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00:07:02,126 --> 00:07:04,708
WHAT FLAVOR
POPSICLE I LIKE BEST?
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FUDGE.
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RIGHT ON!
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DRACULA, MY MAN, YOU KNOW WHICH
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FOOT IS MY FAVORITE?
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THE RIGHT FOOT.
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RIGHT ON!
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YOU WOULDN'T HAVE FOUND TWO
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TIGHTER FRIENDS THAN
US IN THE WHOLE CITY.
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WE SPENT OUR NIGHTS OUT DANCING
194
00:07:29,875 --> 00:07:31,708
AND EATING PEPPERONI PIZZA, AND
195
00:07:31,792 --> 00:07:33,708
WE SPENT OUR DAYS WORKING AT THE
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00:07:33,792 --> 00:07:35,500
LOCAL FACTORY AS CUSTOM TEDDY
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00:07:35,583 --> 00:07:36,625
BEAR DESIGNERS.
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00:07:36,708 --> 00:07:37,625
WHAT YOU THINK, MAN... LITTLE
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00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,500
PURPLE HAT OR LITTLE ORANGE HAT?
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00:07:39,583 --> 00:07:40,958
DRACULA DIGGING ON THE
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GROOVINESS OF PURPLE.
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WHATEVER, MAN.
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00:07:43,292 --> 00:07:44,292
"WHATEVER, MAN"?
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SOMETHING WRONG.
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00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,583
DRACULA AIN'T NEVER HEARD
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00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,125
VAN HELSING NOT CARE WHAT HE PUT
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00:07:48,208 --> 00:07:49,042
ON A TEDDY BEAR.
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00:07:49,125 --> 00:07:51,083
DRACULA, YOU EVER THINK
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THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN
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DESIGNING TEDDY BEARS, DANCING,
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00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,875
AND EATING PEPPERONI PIZZA?
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00:07:56,958 --> 00:07:59,250
WHAT... YOU MEAN,
LIKE, SAUSAGE PIZZA?
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00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,333
NEVER MIND, MAN.
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00:08:00,375 --> 00:08:01,542
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
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00:08:01,625 --> 00:08:03,208
CANADIAN-BACON PIZZA, RIGHT?
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00:08:03,292 --> 00:08:05,018
I GOT TO GO GET SOME AIR.
217
00:08:05,042 --> 00:08:06,083
VEGETARIAN PIZZA?
218
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:08,542
DRACULA CAN BE
DOWN WITH VEGETABLES.
219
00:08:08,625 --> 00:08:09,333
EXCEPT GARLIC.
220
00:08:09,417 --> 00:08:11,875
DRACULA DON'T
TOUCH NONE OF THAT.
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00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,833
I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I
222
00:08:13,917 --> 00:08:15,042
WAS LOOKING FOR.
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00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:16,458
OF COURSE, I DIDN'T KNOW A LOT
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00:08:16,542 --> 00:08:17,958
OF THINGS BACK THEN, LIKE A
225
00:08:18,042 --> 00:08:19,750
GIRAFFE HAS ONLY
SEVEN VERTEBRAE.
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00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:20,500
THAT'S CRAZY.
227
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:23,125
YOU'D THINK WITH
SUCH A LONG NECK...
228
00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:24,708
BACK OFF, JACK.
229
00:08:24,792 --> 00:08:26,018
I KNOW KARATE.
230
00:08:26,042 --> 00:08:27,333
I'M SORRY.
231
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:29,750
I WASN'T PAYING ATTEN...
232
00:08:33,583 --> 00:08:35,375
GIRL, I WASN'T
TRYING TO HURT YOU.
233
00:08:35,708 --> 00:08:37,042
I'VE HEARD THAT LINE BEFORE.
234
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:39,083
WHO WAS THIS WOMAN
IN FRONT OF ME?
235
00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:41,917
SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL,
STRONG, AND ANGRY.
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00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,500
AND THEN SUDDENLY IT HIT ME.
237
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,958
AS I LOST CONSCIOUSNESS, A WARM
238
00:08:47,042 --> 00:08:48,167
THOUGHT ROSE UP.
239
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:52,125
I HAD FOUND WHAT
I WAS LOOKING FOR.
240
00:08:52,208 --> 00:08:53,958
HEY! HEY!
241
00:08:54,042 --> 00:08:54,792
ARE YOU OKAY?
242
00:08:54,875 --> 00:08:56,125
SORRY I WHUPPED YOUR BUTT.
243
00:08:56,208 --> 00:08:58,583
YOUR FRIEND DRACULA
EXPLAINED EVERYTHING.
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00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:00,125
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIGURE OUT WHAT
245
00:09:00,208 --> 00:09:01,917
KIND OF PIZZA YOU WANT SOMEDAY.
246
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,250
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
247
00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:04,250
TANYA.
248
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,167
WELL, TANYA, PERHAPS SOMETIME
249
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:08,542
YOU'D LIKE TO... HEY, FOXY LADY!
250
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:13,125
WANT TO SEE DRACULA DANCE?
251
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:15,500
I KNEW IT WAS OVER FOR ME THEN.
252
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:19,750
NO WOMAN COULD
RESIST DRACULA'S DANCE.
253
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,083
LET'S GET MARRIED!
254
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,333
OUT OF SIGHT!
255
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,583
I LISTENED TO MY BROKEN HEART
256
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:40,792
FOR A SIGN OF WHAT TO DO NEXT.
257
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:44,833
BUT IT WAS SILENT,
LIKE A SILENT FART.
258
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,583
AND AS YOU KNOW, IT'S THE SILENT
259
00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:49,083
FARTS THAT ARE THE MOST DEADLY.
260
00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:51,917
SO I DECIDED I WOULD USE MY PAIN
261
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,458
TO BECOME A SILENT
FART OF VENGEANCE!
262
00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:57,083
AND I WOULD KILL DRACULA!
263
00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:58,976
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
264
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,792
THAT DUMB STORY GONNA MAKE
265
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:01,958
DRACULA THROW UP.
266
00:10:02,042 --> 00:10:03,917
I PROMISED MYSELF I'D KEEP
267
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,042
WEARING THIS BRACELET UNTIL THE
268
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,625
DAY I HAD MY REVENGE.
269
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:09,792
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
270
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,125
GONNA TALK DRACULA TO DEATH.
271
00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:12,542
THAT'S WHAT YOU GONNA DO.
272
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:14,625
Billy: I DIDN'T KNOW
DRACULA WAS MARRIED.
273
00:10:14,708 --> 00:10:15,333
Mandy: YEAH.
274
00:10:15,417 --> 00:10:17,583
I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.
275
00:10:21,125 --> 00:10:23,208
WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER YOURSELF?
276
00:10:23,292 --> 00:10:26,061
Grim: IRWIN'S GRANDMAMA
IS DRACULA'S WIFE?!
277
00:10:26,085 --> 00:10:27,085
HEY, BABY.
278
00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:30,000
DON'T YOU "HEY,
BABY" ME, DRACULA.
279
00:10:30,083 --> 00:10:30,875
TANYA?
280
00:10:30,958 --> 00:10:33,061
YOU CAN'T KILL DRACULA, LIONEL.
281
00:10:33,085 --> 00:10:35,667
HE'S MY BABY'S DADDY.
282
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,083
[ CAR DOOR OPENS ]
283
00:10:37,167 --> 00:10:38,542
DRACULA IS MY DAD?
284
00:10:38,625 --> 00:10:39,745
DUDE! Irwin: THEN THAT MEANS.
285
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,125
DRACULA IS MY GRANDPAPA, YO.
286
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,208
DUDE! YO!
287
00:10:43,708 --> 00:10:44,708
DUDE! YO!
288
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,000
DUDE! YO!
289
00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:49,125
Billy: DUDE, IRWIN IS HALF.
290
00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:51,083
MUMMY, HALF VAMPIRE?
291
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:52,500
Mandy: IT WOULD APPEAR SO.
292
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:53,917
Irwin: WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?
293
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,458
DOES THAT MEAN I'M COOL ENOUGH
294
00:10:55,542 --> 00:10:57,125
TO DATE YOU NOW, MANDY?
295
00:10:57,208 --> 00:11:00,083
[ SMOOCHING ]
296
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:02,083
A-A-A-A-AH!
297
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,167
IT BURNS, YO! [ SOBBING ]
298
00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:05,875
Billy: WHAT WAS THAT... MACE?
299
00:11:05,958 --> 00:11:07,625
Mandy: NO, GARLIC BUTTER.
300
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,458
HE'S DEFINITELY PART VAMPIRE.
301
00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:11,250
Irwin: A-A-A-A-AH!
302
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:13,417
Irwin: WHY, WOMAN, WHY?!
303
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:14,708
A-A-A-A-AH!
304
00:11:14,792 --> 00:11:16,000
BUT YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME MY DAD
305
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:18,061
WAS A NAVIGATOR
ON A SPICE FREIGHTER.
306
00:11:18,085 --> 00:11:19,667
WHY'D YOU
HIDDITY-HIDE THE TRUTH?
307
00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:20,976
'CAUSE IT WOULD'VE BROKE MY
308
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,458
LITTLE BABY'S HEART IF HE KNEW
309
00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:24,083
YOUR DADDY DISAPPEARED ON US.
310
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:25,500
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
311
00:11:25,583 --> 00:11:27,042
DON'T YOU LAY IT ON DRACULA.
312
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:28,976
SEE, HERE WHAT HAPPENED.
313
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,750
DRACULA WAS OUT MOWING THE LAWN.
314
00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:33,102
HMM. DRACULA THIRSTY.
315
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,583
BABY, BRING DRACULA SOME
316
00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:35,958
REFRESHING LEMONADE!
317
00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:37,042
GET IT YOURSELF!
318
00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:38,625
I'M BUSY WITH THE BABY!
319
00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:41,167
[ SIGHS ]
320
00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:48,542
BABY, WE AIN'T GOT
NO... [ SCREAMS ] A BAT!
321
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,792
[ MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY ]
322
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:55,458
AAH!
323
00:11:55,542 --> 00:11:56,250
[ GROANS ]
324
00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:58,125
PLEASE, BABY, PLEASE CALL AN
325
00:11:58,208 --> 00:11:59,333
AMBUL... NO, BABY, NO!
326
00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:01,125
NOT ON DRACULA'S FACE!
327
00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:03,167
OW!
328
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:10,208
CRAZY WOMAN TRY TO KILL DRACULA.
329
00:12:10,292 --> 00:12:12,292
DRACULA GONNA GET
THE HECK OUT OF HERE.
330
00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:14,458
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
COULD TURN INTO A BAT.
331
00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:16,000
WOMAN, EVERYBODY KNOW DRACULA
332
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:16,833
TURN INTO A BAT.
333
00:12:16,917 --> 00:12:18,125
THAT'S WHAT DRACULA DO.
334
00:12:18,208 --> 00:12:19,833
I'M SORRY, HONEY, BABY.
335
00:12:19,917 --> 00:12:22,000
DRACULA SORRY, TOO.
336
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:24,292
SORRY YOU SO OLD AND UGLY NOW!
337
00:12:24,375 --> 00:12:26,958
I GUESS WE BOTH
GOT BEAT UP BY TANYA.
338
00:12:27,042 --> 00:12:28,708
Grim: SO, YOU STILL FEEL THE.
339
00:12:28,792 --> 00:12:30,292
NEED TO GET REVENGE?
340
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,375
DAD! AAH!
341
00:12:32,167 --> 00:12:34,500
DRACULA FAMILY A BUNCH OF NERDS!
342
00:12:34,583 --> 00:12:38,667
NO, WHAT I FEEL
THE NEED TO DO IS...
343
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,125
STRUT!
344
00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:42,500
[ FUNKY SOUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
345
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,125
NO!
346
00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:48,833
YOU GET BACK HERE, PUT DRACULA
347
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:49,917
OUT HIS MISERY! COME ON!
348
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:53,750
[ SOBS ]
349
00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:56,542
LOOK... OH, THEY SO UGLY!
350
00:12:59,875 --> 00:13:01,042
DRACULA THINK THESE POTATOES
351
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:02,125
NEED MORE SALT.
352
00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:03,375
NO, HONEY, THE DOCTOR SAID
353
00:13:03,458 --> 00:13:04,500
YOU GOTS TO CUT BACK.
354
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,083
YOU CAN'T TELL DRACULA WHAT
355
00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:07,185
HE CAN AND CAN'T EAT!
356
00:13:07,209 --> 00:13:08,917
GRANDMAMA CAN, DRACULA!
357
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,583
GRANDMAMA CAN.
358
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,542
YES, BABY.
359
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,542
DUDE.
360
00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:28,208
Billy: I CAN'T BELIEVE WE.
361
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:30,708
HAVE TO DO A
REPORT ON TALL TALES.
362
00:13:30,792 --> 00:13:31,708
Grim: HEY!
363
00:13:31,792 --> 00:13:33,167
I WAS AROUND WHEN SOME OF THE
364
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:34,792
BIG NAMES IN TALL TALES WERE
365
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,042
STILL IN THE SCENE...
366
00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:39,708
PECOS BILL, PAUL
BUNYAN, JOHN HENRY.
367
00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:40,958
Mandy: NAME-DROPPER.
368
00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:42,708
Grim: TALL TALES ARE IMPORTANT.
369
00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:44,083
THEY'RE WHAT MADE THIS COUNTRY
370
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:45,000
WHAT IT IS TODAY.
371
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:46,542
Mandy: YOU MEAN A BLOATED,
372
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:47,976
DIRECTIONLESS, OMNI-CORPORATION
373
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,417
FIXATED ON TAWDRY GOSSIP AND
374
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,875
REALITY TELEVISION?
375
00:13:50,958 --> 00:13:52,083
Grim: YEP.
376
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:54,167
Irwin: YOU SHOULD SHARE
YOUR STORIES, GRIM.
377
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,625
Grim: PECOS BILL WAS THE.
378
00:13:55,708 --> 00:13:57,667
ROOTIN'EST, TOOTIN'EST,
SIX-SHOOTIN'EST,
379
00:13:57,750 --> 00:13:59,083
POOP-SCOOPIN'EST COWPOKE EVER TO
380
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,708
POKE A COW IN THE EYE.
381
00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:01,708
Billy: [ LAUGHS STUPIDLY ]
382
00:14:01,792 --> 00:14:04,292
HE SAID... Grim: DON'T SAY IT.
383
00:14:04,375 --> 00:14:06,061
Mandy: HE'LL EXPLODE, GRIM.
384
00:14:06,085 --> 00:14:07,750
Irwin: IT'S NOT NATURAL TO.
385
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:09,375
SUPPRESS BODILY FUNCTIONS, YO!
386
00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:12,583
HE'S GONNA BLOW!
387
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,667
[ FARTS, SQUEAKS ]
388
00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,208
NO NEED TO THANK ME FOR SAVING
389
00:14:16,292 --> 00:14:17,958
YOUR LIFE, YO.
390
00:14:18,042 --> 00:14:19,184
Mandy: START THE STORY, GRIM,
391
00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:21,000
BEFORE BILLY SPEAKS AGAIN.
392
00:14:21,083 --> 00:14:23,917
Billy: HEY... Grim: IT
WAS WAY BACK WHEN.
393
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,083
THE AMERICAN WEST WAS FULL OF
394
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:28,167
GOLD AND TRAILERS... INSTEAD OF
395
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:29,875
JUST TRAILERS.
396
00:14:29,958 --> 00:14:31,250
I WAS DOING A LITTLE BIT OF
397
00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:33,042
WORK, WAITING FOR THE 6:30
398
00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:35,125
TWISTER TO COME THROUGH.
399
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,458
[ WIND HOWLING ]
400
00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:43,417
[ COWS MOOING ]
401
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:44,417
[ BABY CRYING LOUDLY ]
402
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,125
Gladys: AH! IT'S A TWISTER!
403
00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:48,125
SOMEONE SAVE US!
404
00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:50,708
Grim: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
405
00:14:50,792 --> 00:14:52,792
SORRY, LADY, NOBODY CAN STOP A
406
00:14:52,875 --> 00:14:54,102
TWISTER THAT SIZE.
407
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:55,417
YOU'RE ALL DOOMED!
408
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:59,708
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
409
00:14:59,792 --> 00:15:01,833
Billy: NOT SO FAST, TWISTER.
410
00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:04,792
DO NOT FEAR, CITIZENS
OF THE TRAILER PARK.
411
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:07,208
I, PECOS BILLY, AND MY TRUSTY
412
00:15:07,292 --> 00:15:11,750
STEED, WIDOWMAKER,
WILL TAME THIS TWISTER.
413
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:14,583
Mandy: "PECOS BILLY"?
414
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:16,061
Grim: I SWEAR. IT'S TRUE.
415
00:15:16,085 --> 00:15:17,750
HE CALLED HIMSELF PECOS BILL AND
416
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,018
PECOS BILLY BECAUSE OF THE
417
00:15:19,042 --> 00:15:20,083
SOMETIMES- "Y" RULE.
418
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:21,750
Mandy: ALL RIGHT. WHATEVER.
419
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:22,333
MOVE ON.
420
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:23,708
Grim: [ CLEARS THROAT ]
421
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:24,417
WHERE WAS I?
422
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,125
AH, YES.
423
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:27,917
PECOS BILLY WAS ALL SET TO DO
424
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,042
BATTLE WITH THE TWISTER.
425
00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:30,268
Billy: DO NOT FEAR, CITIZENS.
426
00:15:30,292 --> 00:15:31,125
OF THE TRAILER PARK.
427
00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:32,667
I, PECOS BILLY, AND MY TRUSTY
428
00:15:32,750 --> 00:15:36,042
STEED, WIDOWMAKER,
WILL TAME THIS TWISTER.
429
00:15:36,125 --> 00:15:38,417
[ CHEERING ]
430
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,061
Grim: LIKE I WAS TELLING THAT.
431
00:15:40,085 --> 00:15:42,292
LADY, NOBODY CAN
STOP A TWISTER THAT SIZE.
432
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,417
HEY, BUT IT'S YOUR FUNERAL!
433
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,750
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
434
00:15:46,833 --> 00:15:48,792
[ WIND HOWLING ]
435
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:55,542
Billy: [ GRUNTING ]
436
00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:08,667
THAT ALL YOU GOT,
YOU DIRTY TWISTER?!
437
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:09,667
OW!
438
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:13,833
THAT ALL YOU GOT,
YOU. [ TORNADO GROWLS ]
439
00:16:13,917 --> 00:16:17,500
A-A-A-A-AH!
440
00:16:17,583 --> 00:16:25,250
[ TORNADO ROARS ]
441
00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:29,625
YEE-HAW!
442
00:16:29,708 --> 00:16:31,000
Grim: ALL RIGHT, KID, LET'S.
443
00:16:31,083 --> 00:16:33,042
BLOW THIS THING AND GO HOME!
444
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:42,917
[ CHEERING ]
445
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,250
Gladys: LEFT BUTT, RED.
446
00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:47,625
Grim: AND THAT'S HOW.
447
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:50,125
PECOS BILLY SAVED THE
ARIZONA TRAILER PARK.
448
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,375
Mandy: THAT'S THE MOST.
449
00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:53,583
RIDICULOUS STORY
I HAVE EVER HEARD.
450
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,583
Grim: YOU AIN'T
SEEN NOTHING YET.
451
00:16:55,958 --> 00:16:57,333
IF THAT TALE WASN'T TALL ENOUGH
452
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,061
FOR YOU, LET ME TELL YOU THE
453
00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:01,125
TALE OF THE TALLEST TALL TALE OF
454
00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:03,125
ALL... PAULA BUNYAN!
455
00:17:03,208 --> 00:17:05,292
Mandy: UM, "PAULA" BUNYAN?
456
00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:06,958
ISN'T IT SUPPOSED TO BE PAUL?
457
00:17:07,042 --> 00:17:10,417
A LITTLE-KNOWN
SOMETIMES- "A" RULE.
458
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:14,708
ANYWAY... [ OLD-TIMEY
PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ]
459
00:17:14,792 --> 00:17:16,542
A-A-A-A-AH!
460
00:17:16,625 --> 00:17:18,125
YOU MUST PAY THE RENT!
461
00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:19,708
BUT IF YOU SAW ME IN HALF,
462
00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:22,000
HOW CAN I PAY THE RENT, LOSER?
463
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,375
GEE, I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT.
464
00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:26,292
I SUPPOSE YOU CAN PAY ME HALF AT
465
00:17:26,375 --> 00:17:27,917
THE BEGINNING OF THE MONTH AND
466
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,292
HALF... IN THE MIDDLE!
467
00:17:30,375 --> 00:17:32,792
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
468
00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:34,000
Grim: CAN YOU HURRY THIS.
469
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:35,250
SAWMILL THING UP ALREADY?
470
00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,061
I'VE GOT OTHER APPOINTMENTS.
471
00:17:37,085 --> 00:17:39,000
LOOK, THIS IS MY LAND, BUDDY.
472
00:17:39,083 --> 00:17:41,875
NOBODY TELLS ME
WHAT TO DO ON MY LAND.
473
00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:45,976
[ THUMPING, RUMBLING ]
474
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:46,976
[ SHRIEKS ]
475
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,042
THIS IS MY LAND, YOU BIG LUMMOX!
476
00:17:49,125 --> 00:17:51,208
YOU'RE RUINING MY... SOD.
477
00:17:51,292 --> 00:17:53,208
Mandy: IT'S GONNA
BE A COLD WINTER.
478
00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:56,333
I'll NEED THIS WOOD.
479
00:18:02,292 --> 00:18:05,250
WOOD.
480
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,333
AAH! HELP!
481
00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:17,333
THIS HEAT IS GIVING
ME SPLIT ENDS!
482
00:18:17,417 --> 00:18:18,917
Grim: WELL, THIS IS JUST AS.
483
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,000
GOOD AS A SAW, I SUPPOSE.
484
00:18:21,083 --> 00:18:24,625
YOU GIANT, MELON-HEADED,
APE CREATURE!
485
00:18:24,708 --> 00:18:26,208
YOU'VE RUINED MY LAND AND TAKEN
486
00:18:26,292 --> 00:18:27,500
MY DAMSEL IN DISTRESS.
487
00:18:27,583 --> 00:18:29,125
YOU SET THINGS RIGHT THIS VERY
488
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,125
INSTANT, OR, SO HELP ME, I'll.
489
00:18:31,208 --> 00:18:32,917
SUE YOU SO HARD, YOUR BANK
490
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,167
ACCOUNT WON'T KNOW ITS FEES FROM
491
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:36,375
ITS ASSETS!
492
00:18:36,458 --> 00:18:37,375
Mandy: FINE.
493
00:18:37,458 --> 00:18:40,000
TALK TO MY LAWYER... BABE.
494
00:18:40,083 --> 00:18:41,083
HEY, BABE?
495
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:44,375
[ SULTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
496
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:46,042
I'VE GOT A GUY OUT HERE WHO
497
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,458
WANTS TO SUE ME.
498
00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:50,125
[ SHRIEKS ]
499
00:18:50,208 --> 00:18:52,375
[ SHRIEKING ]
500
00:18:58,750 --> 00:18:59,976
Grim: 2-FOR-1!
501
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,958
THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME.
502
00:19:02,042 --> 00:19:06,750
I'M STILL ALIVE.
503
00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:08,750
Grim: SO, MANDY, THAT'S HOW.
504
00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:10,125
THE GRAND CANYON WAS BORN.
505
00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:11,542
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR ANOTHER
506
00:19:11,625 --> 00:19:14,292
TRUE TALL TA...
507
00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:16,875
WELL, I SAVED THE
BEST TALL TALE FOR LAST.
508
00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:19,061
I KNOW YOU CAN'T
WAIT TO HEAR IT.
509
00:19:19,085 --> 00:19:20,750
THIS ONE'S A DOOZY, THE BEE'S
510
00:19:20,833 --> 00:19:21,958
KNEES, I TELL YOU.
511
00:19:22,042 --> 00:19:25,875
A TALE OF LOVE AND TRAGEDY.
512
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:32,061
THIS IS THE BEST TALL TALE OF
513
00:19:32,085 --> 00:19:35,083
THEM ALL, SO YOU'D
BETTER LISTEN TO IT!
514
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:36,000
Irwin: YES, SIR, YO.
515
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,125
Billy: OH, MY GOSH.
516
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:38,083
I PEED MYSELF.
517
00:19:38,167 --> 00:19:40,208
Grim: THE TALE OF JOHN HENRY.
518
00:19:40,292 --> 00:19:43,625
IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT.
519
00:19:46,458 --> 00:19:48,500
Billy: HEY, NONNY-NONNY!
520
00:19:48,583 --> 00:19:49,743
CHUG-A-CHUG-A, CHUG-A-CHUG-A!
521
00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:51,292
WHO-O-O-O-O!
522
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:52,708
ALL RIGHTY, THEN.
523
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,208
ON THIS, THE FOURTH
DAY OF JUNE IN THE YEAR
524
00:19:55,292 --> 00:19:58,000
ONE-AUGHT-NEENER-NEENER, WE BEAR
525
00:19:58,083 --> 00:19:59,458
WITNESS TO ONE OF THE SINGLE
526
00:19:59,542 --> 00:20:02,250
GREATEST SHOWDOWNS OF OUR AGE...
527
00:20:02,333 --> 00:20:04,125
MAN VERSUS MACHINE!
528
00:20:04,208 --> 00:20:07,125
WHO WILL DIG THROUGH
THE MOUNTAIN FASTER?
529
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:09,333
WH-O-O-O WILL SURVIVE?
530
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,958
Grim: I'VE GOT 10
BUCKS ON THE MACHINE.
531
00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:13,333
Irwin: I'll WIN THIS CONTEST.
532
00:20:13,417 --> 00:20:18,000
AND THE HAND OF
MY LADY LOVE, YO.
533
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:23,583
Billy: AND... THEY'RE OFF!
534
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,333
Sperg: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
535
00:20:25,417 --> 00:20:31,125
Irwin: I'M DOING IT
ALL FOR YOU, BABY!
536
00:20:31,208 --> 00:20:33,792
A-A-A-A-AH!
537
00:20:33,875 --> 00:20:34,583
Grim: DRAT!
538
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,042
HE'S KEEPING PACE.
539
00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:37,750
I CAN'T LET THIS GUY WIN.
540
00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:39,792
I NEED THAT 10 BUCKS FOR GAS.
541
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:53,083
[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
542
00:20:53,167 --> 00:20:55,125
Irwin: THIS AIN'T FAIR, YO.
543
00:20:55,208 --> 00:20:59,083
THAT THING'S ON 'ROIDS!
544
00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:01,000
OH, NO!
545
00:21:01,083 --> 00:21:02,708
HYAH!
546
00:21:09,042 --> 00:21:11,250
Billy: AND THE WINNER IS WHO?
547
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:13,542
THE MACHINE!
548
00:21:13,625 --> 00:21:14,750
YOU RAPSCALLION.
549
00:21:14,833 --> 00:21:16,625
Mandy: SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO.
550
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:17,542
WHAT'S-HIS-FACE?
551
00:21:17,625 --> 00:21:18,625
Grim: JOHN HENRY?
552
00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:20,042
OH, I SUSPECT THAT HE WAS
553
00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:21,375
DIGGING SO FAST THAT HE BROKE
554
00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:23,144
THE LAWS OF PHYSICS AND ROCKETED
555
00:21:23,168 --> 00:21:25,625
INTO THE EIGHTH DIMENSION.
556
00:21:25,708 --> 00:21:28,167
WE ARE SMUCKTROIDS
OF THE EIGHTH DIMENSION.
557
00:21:28,250 --> 00:21:30,125
YOU WILL LIVE HERE NOW AND ENJOY
558
00:21:30,208 --> 00:21:32,500
OUR CULTURE AND MARRY
ONE OF OUR DAUGHTERS.
559
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,042
Irwin: MARRY AN ALIEN?
560
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:36,125
THAT'S EVERY BOY'S DREAM!
561
00:21:36,208 --> 00:21:39,125
[ ROARS ]
562
00:21:39,208 --> 00:21:40,417
[ SLURPING ]
563
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,000
Irwin: I'M GONNA GO HOME AND.
564
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:43,102
WRITE MY REPORT.
565
00:21:43,126 --> 00:21:44,625
Billy: OOH, I LIKE THE ONE.
566
00:21:44,708 --> 00:21:45,750
ABOUT THE PLATYPUS.
567
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,125
THAT'S THE ONE I'll WRITE ABOUT.
568
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:48,226
Mandy: IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T.
569
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:49,458
FIGURED IT OUT, HE'S TRYING TO
570
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,375
GET YOU ALL F's.
571
00:21:52,458 --> 00:21:53,792
Billy: I CAN GET AN "F" ALL.
572
00:21:53,875 --> 00:21:56,250
BY MYSELF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
573
00:21:56,333 --> 00:21:59,917
Irwin: MANDY, WAIT UP, GIRL!
574
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,292
Billy: SABOTAGE!
575
00:22:01,375 --> 00:22:02,250
Grim: HMPH!
576
00:22:02,333 --> 00:22:04,102
WAS MY PLAN THAT TRANSPARENT?
577
00:22:04,126 --> 00:22:05,875
STILL, IN EVERY TALL TALE, NO
578
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:07,708
MATTER HOW TALL, THERE'S ALWAYS
579
00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:08,792
A BIT OF TRUTH.
580
00:22:08,833 --> 00:22:09,583
[ GASPS ]
581
00:22:09,667 --> 00:22:12,042
Billy: YEE-HAW!
582
00:22:12,125 --> 00:22:14,583
Grim: [ GROANS, WHIMPERS ]
37508
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