Original subtitles

Sir? Hold still, mamacita.

May I remind you that I am not your mamacita, sir.

With that face you have no hope.

What do you want? You have visitors, sir.

Miss Cortón and her father.

Miss... I don't know either of them.

Miss? No Miss Cortón.

She's your fiancée, sir.

Miss Julieta and her father Abraham.

This one, sir. What? I have a girlfriend? Yes, you do, sir.

Oh, chiqueta. To my Mario with all my love.

Julieta. Tell the lady to go upstairs and the father to stay downstairs.

Forgive me, sir, but you're not presentable.

Forgive me, but I'm always presentable.

I mean you're not dressed, sir.

You're quite right. Remind me to raise your salary to its fullest extent.

Thank you. Get out the green suit, green shirt and green tie to wear the green Rolls Royce.

Sir, may I remind you that he crashed it into you two days ago.

He did? Yes, sir. Yes, sir, he did.

Get out the blue one? No, he crashed that one last night, when the gentleman's drinks were overdone.

The one at night? No wonder I don't remember anything.

Then take out the black suit, I'm going to use the black car.

The black one, sir? May I inform you that I crashed it, sir.

Don't drink anymore, buy yourself some clothes.

What kind of life do you lead? What's that? Do you spend 500 pesos a week on peanuts? No way.

Always the red eye as a stop light.

The alcoholic breath.

You talk to someone and you burn their eyelashes.

What will become of your life? Where will you stop? Can't you lead a clean, straight and decent life like me? Me, who never drinks.

Oh... Oh... Remind me to cut your salary to the bare minimum.

Thank you, sir.

Careful, sir.

So, which car do I have left? The one you're going to play tennis in, sir.

The white one? Yes, sir.

How did the day dawn? Cloudy, with isolated showers.

Then I can't go and play? I'm afraid not, sir.

In that case, I'll have to stay in the house and call one of the girls I met last week a second time.

A proposed, where is the vedette? She is as she wants to be.

How do you know she is as she wants? Well, that's for anyone to see, sir.

She was extremely upset this morning when she left.

You were very drunk, sir.

Well, so what? Anyway, it's a cinch I made her claws.

Chalk. Chalk. I'm afraid not, sir.

I'm sure you didn't.

May I remind the gentleman that his girlfriend and her father, Mr. Cortón, are waiting for him.

Yes, well, give them a little cut.

Tell them, for example, that I'm sick.

Sick? What's wrong with you, Mario? What's wrong? Aches and pains.

Pains everywhere.

Pains of different kinds.

Pains I have. But I'm feeling better since I saw you.

Let's see, make me like this.

They're just in time for breakfast.

Breakfast for three, Carlos Críspulo.

Caviar and champagne for...

you know. Breakfast at this hour? It's 4:00 in the afternoon.

00, Carlos Crispulo? Why did you wake me up so early? You look bad, Mario, very bad.

You do? You look very haggard, very pale.

I think we should call a good doctor, don't you? We know a very good one.

And change Fader? No way.

We're childhood classmates.

We studied together. Well, studying is a destiny that I inherited a great fortune back then.

And he did, he continued studying and graduated, and now he is a great doctor, my family doctor.

He has saved my life several times with wonderful surgeries.

No, I wouldn't trade Faber for anything.

He is the best doctor in the world.

Doctor, these bills need to be paid.

How much money do we have in the bank, miss? 35 pesos, doctor.

You can't capitalize by just giving injections.

How many patients do we have today? The usual two, Gonzalez and Cadena.

It can't be, if the retiring room is full of people.

Yes, doctor, but the others are the lawyers who come to try to collect those bills.

Alas, the only thing one can get out of this profession is a third party burial.

Gonzalez and Cadena are out there? Those two patients who are really sick? Those who only pay 50 pesos per consultation? Exactly, doctor, but they are the most constant because you have never been able to cure them.

Miss, they could die at any moment.

And what do I tell the lawyers? Tell them to come back tomorrow.

And you prepare the operating room.

Are you going to operate again? Sure, it's the only way to get out of poverty.

Mr. Mario again? Don Mario again? He's the only sure client we have.

Poor Don Mario.

Poor? He's a multimillionaire.

Taking 50,000 pesos for an operation is like taking a hair off a cat's head.

What does Mario have that's good enough to operate on him? He's got everything good.

Yes, he's quite healthy.

Otherwise he wouldn't have resisted the treatment.

What haven't we operated on him yet? Everything.

He's already had his appendix out three times.

Three times the appendix? The kidney, the kidney.

We'll charge him 50,000 pesos for the kidney, and then a fortune for the transplant.

My name is Lili.

And I go for a walk Through the streets of this nice neighborhood And everyone sees me And they say I'm The prettiest little dog in this neighborhood I like to go out To flirt with the toughest Don Juan in the neighborhood But he's never wanted to pay attention to me And I'm always very sad.

To be happy I'd like to have the caresses of Don Juan my beloved.

To be able to kiss him and be very sensual when he's with me here by my side.

To have the kind of love that men give to women and to be the happiest dog in the world.

next to my Don Juan.

What's the matter? Did you make a mistake? No, it's just that that man brings me dead.

Which one? The one with the coffee he's eating in his lapel? No, no, the one in the box.

What do you think? He looks like a guy from the Arabian Nights to me.

Only he's 27 times bigger.

Hey, but you're not even looking.

His scoundrel. With me he would give more.

Only I don't even suffer for Omar Sherif anymore.

You know what? What? Tonight I'm going out with him.

With Omar Cherin? No, with him, man.

Tonight? After the show.

I'm going to tear her to pieces.

How lucky is this palm tree, Suareti! Suareti? Palm tree? Is she Italian? Her name is Encarnación Suárez and she's from Aguascalientes.

And the Palmera? That must be because of Austín Lara, sun-drunk.

To be happy I would like to have the caresses of Don Juan, my beloved.

To be able to kiss him and be very sensual.

I destroy these girls.

Look how thick and look how I want it, look.

To have a love of those that you see.

That men give to women.

And to be the happiest dog in the world.

next to my Don Juan.

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Look how I applaud him, look how I applaud him.

You're a cock-sucker, Ian! Well, well!

Oh, baby girl. I got you a little present.

You again! I told you I never want to see you again.

Take your stuff! It's okay, baby.

I just want you to tell me one thing.

I'll do it. As long as you don't cry.

I promise.

And what do you want? Tell me, honey.

Nothing's happened between you and your neighbor? No? Nothing has happened that I wanted to happen.

In fact, I'm going out with him tonight.

Besides, you know what? I feel such platonic love.

And for your further information, I'm going to take him back to my apartment to make him mine.

Totally mine.

Weight? No, you're a feather.

Adela, close the door and I'll get a bottle of champagne.

Yes, Miss.

Wait for me, I'll make myself comfortable.

Not in those glasses.

In the lower ones, better.

In those glasses.

What's your name? Adela, sir.

At your service. You know you're very pretty? No, sir.

You didn't know that? Look, I'll show you.

Come here.

Look what pretty eyes, what a pretty nose, what a pretty mouth, what pretty earrings.

You've been kissed a lot, haven't you? Never, sir.

No one. Really? Poor thing.

Well, surely Sissy has been kissed.

No, sir. You haven't been kissed like this? Maybe like this.

Like this, yes, or no? Not like that either.

Neither? Let's see, like this.

And like this? No, sir.

And you liked it? Yes, sir.

Let's see, you kiss me, just out of curiosity.

Kiss me.

Mamacita. Did you like it, sir? Well, no, I didn't notice it very well.

Let's see another one.

Ouch.

Oh, my life, my darling, my heart, my king! Did someone hurt you? Hurt you? It even looks like he killed him! You shut up and don't stand there! Go get his friend the doctor! Oh, and where? Upstairs, in his apartment, Dr. Faber.

Faber! Well, now, now, now, now! Ready, Mario? What's the injection? Horchata or cocolito? Yes.

Very good. And very expensive? No, no, if it's expensive it must be good.

Turn around. Does it hurt? Tell me it doesn't hurt.

Doesn't it hurt? No, it shouldn't hurt.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I was singing! I'm ready.

Can you tell me what the blow to the head has to do with it? Nothing, nothing, but it will make you stronger.

And take care, old man, take care.

One of these women is going to kill you.

And what do you want me to do if they can't live without me? Well, because of a barrier between you and them.

Barrier? If I'm on the other side, they'll jump them, you don't know them.

What kind of barrier? Marriage.

Get married, Mario, and then you'll have a wife without danger.

Marriage is the one that's only with one woman? Just one, but only for you.

Not these others? You're not going to tell me they're unfaithful.

Where are they going to find something like this? They're drinking the wind out of their sails.

Yes, they sure are.

And above all, how they bite the carpets, according to you.

But anyway, take my advice, Mario, get married.

And lose my freedom? Have your horns, doctor.

Well, so far it hasn't done you much good, how come there are so many sweet affairs? Sweet? Do I remind you of one? Lupe, the one in Jalisco.

Don't remind me of that cool filly she was.

Remember? What's that? Girl, what's this girl's name? This one...

What day is it today? Lupe.

Oh, Mario, my darling, let me sleep.

A horse. It's my brother.

The horse? He was supposed to arrive Saturday morning, but he came back early.

How nice, he did come back, didn't he? Hey, he doesn't realize I'm here, does he? Of course he does, I'm used to saying good night.

No, you don't want to say good night to me too.

I hadn't thought of that.

But don't worry, it all works out.

How? By getting married. How? By getting married.

I'll be right back and I'm going to pick my nose.

Mario! My life! Marry me! Or I'll give you a bad one.

Or several. It depends on how many it takes for you to die.

No, it doesn't.

It doesn't take any.

Me, I'm sure I'll marry you.

I'm just going to talk to him because, you know, I like to do things catholically.

I'm going to ask him for your hand and I'll be back.

Where is he? Well, didn't you see him? He told me he was going to ask for my hand.

With this one, that's four orchids that have escaped us.

You'll never hunt like that, orchard girl.

Oh, come on, with so much noise, what are you doing? Why don't you want me to leave? Did you hear? Your rook left

at a gallop. Or else the chauffeur will be around the corner waiting for me with the cart.

The brother chases you on horseback, lassoes you and hangs you.

How did I run? I think he set a track record.

My poor feet! I spent 15 days picking pebbles and thorns out of your feet.

Well, that's all over now.

Today I have a date with the one and only.

The only one? That's what I call her because she's too jealous.

But she's the only one because she's the only one available for Matines.

I bring her in headfirst.

How many women have you brought here? None.

You swear to me? I swear it, my only one.

I adore you, my king.

And I adore you, my only one.

I am your slave.

No, my love, you are my queen.

No, I am your slave.

A jealous slave.

You are? Terribly. Horribly, frantically jealous.

What? What? What? What?

Did he ever find out there's another woman in your life? What, what, my love? You know what? What? I'll kill you.

What does my king want? Shall I wash your feet? Shall I dance for you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

All he wants is a drink.

I'll get it for you.

Full or empty? And if it's full, what shall I fill it with? Cognac.

I want a glass of cognac and you take a condition.

I never drink.

But if you insist, I obey on my knees.

I'm your slave, remember that.

And I'm willing to do it all my life.

Do with me what you want.

Destroy it, if that's your wish.

All I want is a little glass of cognac.

Give me a kiss.

My love, all I want is a little glass...

All I want is a glass of cognac! Oh, oh! That hurt! Let's go to the bedroom.

No, no, to the bedroom.

Me, me, all I want is a glass of cognac.

Honey, I've been waiting for you for four hours.

Oh, no, I was the only one! My sweetheart is my secretary, she's the factory uniform.

What happened is that I called her to take dictation.

Oh, so you'll remember! What's up! What's up! What's up! What's up! What's up! Doing this to a poor defenseless woman like me!

I'm going to my mother's!

I just wanted a small glass, like this, of cognac.

Like this, just like this. Would you like a glass of cognac?

Yes, but rubbed.

Ready, Mario?

What's that shot? Horchata with cocolito.

Ah, is it the same as last time? No, the other time it was cocolito with horchata.

It's a double dosage.

And is this one expensive? Very expensive, double dosage, it's worth at least triple.

Ah, then it must be very good.

Slowly, I just wanted a drink.

Slowly, so it doesn't hurt.

It won't hurt.

Oh, how cruel uncertainty is! I'm ready.

And do you want to explain to me what the coconut has to do with the blows they gave me? This is to calm you down, more than anything.

They were blunt blows.

At least this time you won't have to undergo surgery.

Oh, it's been a long time since you've operated on me.

I don't think you love me anymore.

Does that mean I'm fine? Well, yes, but you've had too many things in a row, you know? Yes, it's an occupational hazard.

Mario, no kidding.

Promise me one thing.

That you'll spend tonight in bed.

I promise you that tonight I'll get into bed and I'll sleep like a dormouse.

Susana! Susana! Open up, Susana!

And what, what, what? What's that? What's this? What, what, what? What's wrong? Otilio.

Otilio, who's Otilio? Who's Otilio? Oh, he's a brute.

He's a brute, he can kill you.

Oh, yeah? So, what, what do I do? Please, hide.

No, no, no! I'm coming, honey, I'm coming! No, no closet, no nothing, no window.

And we are... Open the door to the dream! Where, where? Under the bed.

And then how do I get out? Oh, Otilio, as soon as he puts his head on the pillow, he falls asleep like a log.

I'm in a barbaric sleep.

It's the first time a man sleeps all night on top of me.

The beast was gone until dawn.

Good thing the mattress protected me a little, otherwise the cuckold would crush me.

And the worst thing is that this Lotirio was not even her husband.

That kind of women are very dangerous, sir.

There's no such thing as a romantic woman.

You're right. I have a date.

A date with the Romanian, with the Romanian pepisa.

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, remind me to lower your salary until you need to beg.

Thank you. How can you talk like that about Romanian women? And she's so sweet, so pretty, so soft, so calm, so serene, so peaceful.

She is an angel.

There's only one thing left.

What, my love? To die, to die together.

But with pleasure, my darling.

Let's throw ourselves! How could we not? I'd love to.

You say we jump this way? Yes.

And I'd love to, look, but you go first, I'll catch up with you now because I have...

...I have to do something that you can't do because of my return, I'll be right back.

And how did it go with the chastity to the gentleman? Don't mention it to me.

He almost killed me.

He wanted us to die together.

That's the way it is.

Faber's racking his brains trying to save my life, and she's racking her brains trying to take my life.

Excuse me, sir, but I think they're knocking.

Well, go and open up.

Are you presentable, sir? Don't you see? Remind me, sir, to remind you to lower my wages, sir.

Excuse me. Am I bad? Am I bad, Críspulo? Críspulo!

Good morning, Doctor.

Come in. Good morning, doctor.

Hello, hello. Good morning to you.

I don't know what's so good about them.

How are you? How are you doing? What are you doing? What about? Everything, man, everything.

Ah, I'm fine with everything, otherwise I feel bad.

Doctor... I need you to vitaminize me.

Give me tonics.

Give me injections.

Do whatever you need to do.

Why? Do you know who I'm going out with tonight? No? With Belém.

Velen the Cuban? Are you crazy, Mario? You're in the middle of your recovery period.

You have to get stronger, you're in convalescence.

Don't worry, I haven't born the woman who can handle me.

I think so. But what a great thing, gentleman.

What's going on here? Mario! Mayito! No, Aunt, no, Aunt, no, no, Aunt!

Can you explain to me what the pillows are for? Oh, I get excited, Dad.

Good thing you don't use bottles.

Hey, are you going to drop me now? This was getting good.

Please, my love, let me sleep.

I just fell asleep.

What the... You've been asleep for half an hour, Mayito.

Oh, I've been asleep for half an hour? Ah, that's a lot, isn't it? Yes.

Hey, Pipo, I see there's warmth in the air.

~ He's here! ~ Oh! I don't even...

I have feathers here! What happened? Look, what's this? My love, it looks like we're in Vietnam.

Oh, you look beautiful! We've got 48 hours locked up, let me sleep.

So what? Does it take long? No, it doesn't.

Listen, sweetheart, it's true that I don't like to waste time.

Look, I think you can't stand anything, pipo.

What, what, what, what, what do you suggest? What, what should we do? Well, stay eight more days and then pick up your streamer, your carnival is over.

Eight days? It's eight days, sweetheart.

My minimum wage.

Oh, how nice, papasita! Right now I'm just coming, I'm going here to...

To what? To waste time! Come on! No way! You're staying here! Sweetheart, my life, come to...! Ready, Mario? Ready? What are they from? Seafood...

seafood. Yes? Yes, they're very expensive.

They come from the Bay of Biscay.

Ah, then they must be good.

Turn around. Won't it hurt? No, no, no, no.

Oh, Mayito, Mayito, you're not up to this sort of thing anymore.

Each outing with Belén costs you three days of your life.

To me? Nothing's wrong with me, man.

She, poor thing, I can imagine how she must be.

What a butchery! I did to that poor girl.

And that was her face when I asked her if she wanted to stay ten or twenty more days.

She didn't want to, so...

I told her, well look, then pick up your streamers because it's already carnival time.

Poor girl must be in a wheelchair right now.

How rude I am to these women! But that's how it is, women cost, doctor.

Wives never cost, wives are an investment.

A long-term investment.

Yes, that's right.

Hey, by the way, how long are you going to keep poor Juliet waiting? Don't you think it's already many years? How long are you going to keep this poor girl in seed? She's cool, isn't she? She sure is.

You know, doctor? I think you've convinced me.

I'm getting married.

Oh, that's good. I've had enough of this life I've been leading...

tearing the opposite sex to shreds.

Oh, how many women have passed through my life! Of all ages, of all sizes, of all religions, of all nationalities.

And look what a coincidence.

I started with a woman from Tamaulipas, when I was a boy.

Then I went on to English women, American women, and I ended up with a Tamaulipeca, because this girl is the Tamaulipeca, I tell her.

To Julieta? I'm going to marry her.

That very night I'm going to go to her house and ask her for them.

What? The two things I want so much from her.

What? - Her hand and her forgiveness.

I'm going to behave like an angel.

Oh, my love.

You flee from me. You flee from me as the pigeon flees from the hawk's deadly talon.

But I love you.

And loving you, what do I care if the kisses I receive are stolen from a shadow and in my imagination? What do you think? How beautiful! How romantic! Here, take it to him.

Let's see if you'll partly remedy the harm you did me, won't you? Oh, miss.

Again you're throwing me in my face.

It's my fault.

Let's see, what would you do in my place? Go away.

Either you bring me the answer or you bring him to me.

Don't worry, miss.

I'll do everything I know to bring it to you.

Almera. It's okay, you can go.

You can go? I can't! The young lady has had such dreadful days, she has cried as if to row a boat.

And she's cursed her luck in Italian, in French, and in English.

And she has lost 10 pounds in Spanish.

And what can I do? Go and see her.

No way, there's no chance, I'm absolutely against it.

She blamed me for her misfortune.

You know it wasn't my fault, it was yours.

Please come with me.

I will only compensate the way you want.

I have some bad news for you.

No. I'm marrying you tomorrow.

How do you see her? No.

How cruel of me! Let's see.

If I lift this top, the rest is easy.

Ah!

And this? Where do I put this? Put it there.

This shouldn't be heavy, it should float.

Thank you, thank you. The lady told me to bring it any way I could.

Excuse me, please. Okay, I'm here.

Oh, Mario.

I love you, Mario.

I've loved you from the first moment.

Palmera, you come to me too late.

I've already run too much of the world.

I've been around more than an usherette in a neighborhood movie theater.

I'm tired, fatigued...

...of all those loves that are born in a palace, develop in a Pullman...

...and die in a gondola in Venice...

...or under the skins of a sleigh pulled by a Ukrainian troika.

Well, my love, it all depends on who you go with, doesn't it? No, happiness consists in stillness.

A post, a tree, a table can be happy.

But a letter carrier, or a subway car, or the praying Jew can never be happy.

Well, I can give you a quiet love inside a city, inside a house, inside a mayor.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It would be like putting two jet planes in the same hangar and letting them both fly together.

No, no, no, no.

Well, honey, but neither you nor I are airplanes, are we? No, we're not, are we? Besides, look, we could fight each other with things that won't hurt us, couldn't we? We could fight each other with rubber plates, for example.

Or furniture bolted to the floor like this.

Or if not, lots of feather cushions, my love, yes.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This... No, no, no, no.

Even if it were so, even if we had those carpets where one sinks to one's knees, with your temper you would scratch me.

No, my love, I promise never to take off my gloves.

Then you would bite me.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, it can't be.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Almera. What? I'm getting married.

To who? To an uncomplicated girl.

She'll give me a happy, quiet life.

I'll spend my evenings in my slippers, watching TV.

And the only trips I plan to take will be in the elevator.

That's nice, isn't it? You'll get a double chin, and your belly will grow, and your hair will fall out.

But, my life, how awful.

How quiet. Hey...

And what is it about that girl that has made you change like that, right? She has a...

a little mole and she has tiny ears like this.

I have small ears too.

Besides, I have a lot of moles, look.

But you don't have...

Besides, you promised me a night of love.

It's not ruined, Adelita, remember? I didn't promise you anything.

I don't owe you anything, and I don't pay you anything, because you charged you dearly for it.

Oh, yes. No, I was saved by a miracle.

And you've been very serious? That blow was my salvation.

Palmera, it can't be.

You're a fascinating woman.

You're frighteningly beautiful and...

...to call you just one night would be to love you forever.

Do you understand what I'm saying? Follow him.

I love what you're saying.

Yes, I want to go on, but...

...I have to go.

I have a bachelor party and I'm already late.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Mario! Mario! Mario! Mario! Cheers! Cheers! Dear Mario, on this day, or rather, on this night, when we celebrate the loss of your freedom, or perhaps, the liberation from your debauchery, and since we all know that tomorrow you'll start a new life as a useful man in society, your friends wanted to say goodbye to you with a great tribute.

And knowing that you are a gourmet of love, what better farewell than an exquisite morsel? A big cake!

It's the size of my mouth.

My wife! Pancho! No, Pancho, no! Stop it, Pancho! Pancho, stop! Open up! Pancho, open up! No, no, not us.

Not us. It's ladies'.

He was a very unsympathetic man.

What's his wife doing with a man who can't stand anything? You're witnesses.

He pulled the gun and you took it away in self-defense.

Very well done, my love.

Protect me! With pleasure, my darling.

Don't worry, boys.

It was nothing.

He fainted with fright.

That's all there was to it.

The party can go on.

Good! Julio, Julio.

Do me a favor.

Bring me the briefcase I have in the car.

Do you want it? Sure.

I'd be happy to.

You're sure it's okay, right? I'm fine.

It's okay, right? Sure.

Well, before we continue the party.

I want us to drink to your bad luck and now I'll tell you why.

Good riddance to my bad luck.

Cheers. Who advised me to get married? Me, me, of course, why? Because Juliet's father has given me other advice, indeed, he has demanded it.

So early and already with demands? He wants me to change my will.

But how? Have you already made a will? Of course I had.

Really? And I named you as universal heir.

And what could be more logical than for you to be my childhood friend? My dearest brother.

You're the only thing I've ever had in my life.

Forgive me, please repeat that.

I was naming you universal heir.

Of course, I didn't have much left, I had about...

twelve or thirteen million.

In pesos? No, dollars.

Dollars? And now Julieta's father wants me to change my will and put it in her favor.

Oh, sure, very natural.

Of course, of course. Hey, but...

but you already did it, you already changed it.

No way, I two or three days after the wedding, if not, what if they give me against what I do? Come with us, Mario.

I'm going to console this poor girl.

You see she's helpless in life.

Come on, defective. Defective.

Ten. 12 or 13 million dollars and I advised her to get married.

How awful! Here it is, doctor.

What is it? The briefcase.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hey, go have fun.

It's all right, don't worry, man.

Go have fun at the party.

Run! Oh, I've always got stuff on hand, except...

Here it is. Just one vial and the pharmacies are closed at this hour.

But... I might be able to get the dose.

Mario, I didn't come out of the cake right.

There hasn't been a mortal born, man or woman, whatever it is, who came out of a cake better than you.

Then, why did Pancho get angry? You see how Pancho is, Pancho has always been the same.

Maybe he thought you should have come out of a chocolate cake instead of a vanilla cake.

You see how fixed Mexicans are.

Mario, Mario, I've come so we can continue to toast to my bad luck.

May my bad luck die! May it die! Cheers! And tonight you and I are going to drink all the champagne in the world.

All of it. Let's drink a toast, the five of us.

Which five? Oh, sorry, the three of us.

I don't know what two other things I was thinking about.

Cheers.

Oh, miss! Do you think it's worth waiting?

Yes! Bachelor's license! We'll see! Look, it's already dawn and he's still not here.

Hey, what if he didn't show up for three days? That's better.

So you don't get married.

And anyway, I have to do something so he doesn't get married.

Here he comes!

He's coming! Goodbye, boys! Goodbye, boys! Companions of my life.

Dear bar. Doctor.

What's happened to you? You don't love me anymore.

Why not, Mario? It's been a long time since you operated on me.

Ah, no, no.

But I'm going to give you the really good injections.

Oh, very expensive. Good, of what, of what? Cocolito.

Cocolito with horchata? No, no, for you the horchata is suppressed.

You're not going to replace cocolito with horchata? Yes, it's much more expensive.

You're not going to give me horchata? Give me a hug, I ask you.

Because, you know what? It's the one that hurt me.

Not the one with cocolito, not the one with horchata.

Don't shout.

Hey, you can get to your room, right?

Where do I live?

There it is! Where am I right now?

In your house! No, no! In what country? I can do it myself, you let me.

Well, listen, but if you feel bad, let me know.

Well, my friend...

Goodbye, my friend! I'm going to take the horchata from the cucolito.

My name is Lala, my name is Lili, my name is Lala...

Oh, my love Lili.

Oh, Lili's coming.

Oh, Lili's coming.

Oh, Lili's coming.

That's my song!,he remembers me!

Did you hurt yourself a lot, my love?

Did you hurt yourself, dear? I didn't fall, it was a little drunkard who hangs around here.

It's always the same.

I fall, I break my knees.

No, no, don't tell me anything else.

Palmer! Palmer of the eternal coconuts! I'm thirsty.

Which one's the orange juice? Here it comes, baby! Here it comes! Ah, okay!

Sir! Which one are you? Now with two?

Now what, what, what, what? Don't talk nonsense and help me!

Of course, I'm not four!

My name is Lili! Come!

Whoa, whoa! Come!

Carry me between the four of you! My name is Lili! Whoa, whoa!

Leave me alone with him! Let's leave them alone, asshole!

Come with me, my love! Instead of coming up to my hands,

I come up to my shoes! Yes, my love! Look how nice is the armchair! Look! Ouch!

My name is Lili.

Oh, aren't you going to get married, my darling? Answer me, my love, I am your palm tree.

And in your dark circles you can see the sun-drunk palm trees.

Is my kiss having an effect?

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

What?

Oh, my stomach! It's nothing, my life! I'm burning inside!

My kisses! My kisses are like fire, my love!

Call me! Call me a doctor! Please! I'm burning inside! But my life!

Tell me something.

No, no, tell me something else.

Don't tell me anything anymore.

Mario, you're a strong man, aren't you? Strong.

Tough. Strong. Vigorous.

Vigorous. Able to resist the truth.

Able. Terrible as it is...

How terrible is what you're about to tell me? How old was your father when he died? Like, like...

about 50.

And your mother? At 3 months.

How is your mother going to die at 3 months? Three months after my father died, at 50 years old.

Why? And some of them...

died of... Of what? Cirrhosis.

Where? Where? Where do I have cirrhosis? Where? Where? In the liver.

Of course! Where am I going to get it? Cirrhosis! I mean...

I'm going to die? It's hopeless.

That's what you mean, isn't it? No, if it's curable, it's cured, right? Cirrhosis is already cured, isn't it? It can't be cured with anything.

What an outrage! Then...

Then there's nothing left to do but die.

Ah, but what are you worried about?

Death, after all, is nothing more than a flash of lightning between two endless nights.

Who said that, Napoleon? La Malinche? Your grandmother said that!

Anyway... If I must die...

I'll die in peace.

Bah, don't worry.

Many important people have died of cirrhosis.

For example, speaking of Napoleon, a cousin of his.

Yes, but he was Napoleon's cousin.

Well, what good did it do him? Well, it must be nice to be Napoleon's cousin once in a while.

Life is like bad women.

It makes us sick. She wants to leave us, but we love her and cling to her.

That's the way it is. The only terrible thing in this case is that the agony is dreadful.

The pain is unbearable.

Oh, you're still giving me some cheers.

Well, but the pains can be cured with cocolitos, can't they?

Nor with horchata, Mario.

Nor with horchata.

It must be tremendous, then.

But I won't stand those pains.

I'll kill myself. Very well, then.

Before or after you get married? I don't have the liver to get married anymore.

Bravo! Perfectly well answered.

Carlos Crispulo, don't you hear the bell? Of course I do, sir.

I'm not deaf.

Why don't you open the door? It might be one of my old ladies.

Because I don't think she looks presentable, sir.

Remind me to lower your salary.

Thank you, sir. But I see you're glowing.

Remind me to raise your salary.

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. They're knocking, I'll get it.

Is the master at home? Are you talking to him? I mean the master! I don't know, I'll see if he's in.

Wait! Miss! Hello! Hello!

On your knees and at your feet.

Do you know what time it is?

My dear Juliet, to know the time is the exclusive duty of the clocks.

And do you know what time it is today?

You won't answer me that it's also the duty of the clocks?

No, rather of calendars.

It is 11:00 a.m. on March 7.

So? What do you mean, so? You're not going to tell me that you forgot that today, March 7th, at 9:00 a.m., you were supposed to marry me? Carlos Crispulo.

Yes, sir. The lady's bason has had an accident.

Bring her a new one.

Immediately. Don't change the conversation.

I confess that you forgot that you were supposed to marry me today.

What? Do you think I'm capable of forgetting such a date?

What do you mean? I didn't show up at the church because...

because I can't get married because...

I have a deadly disease.

Sick? That's for your grandmother to believe.

Hey, why are you getting mad? You should be pleased.

You just broke your own record.

You're the first woman...

...to be stood up in the same church...

five times in a row.

Yeah, but notice that none of them...

none of them have lived to tell the tale.

Excuse me, sir.

Will this one do? No, thank you very much.

This will do.

No, no, not that one.

Not that one! That's a pity.

How bad is the wound? No, I mean Vase.

You say it was from Baccarat.

Ah, yes, it was a family heirloom.

You sure are lucky with women.

Well, it's logical, isn't it? You won't deny me, I'm good-looking, talkative, talkative and handsome.

Oh, and you're still thinking of killing yourself, aren't you? Of course I am.

But I don't want to die a wreck.

As soon as I finish healing...

Zlim! I'll kill myself.

That's perfect, that's why I got you this little present. That's why I got you this little present.

You'll see, it's cute.

See? Ready. Loaded.

Just pull the trigger.

My friend!

To you strong spirit that is going to take the bad time of raising me inert,

my own hand warns you that with it I kill myself,

and may there be health and luck, since there is no abinestatum.

Abinestato? Abinestatus.

Who is here?

This is harder to handle than a computer.

I'm going to try another form of suicide.

The car is safer than the gun.

And a materialistic truck is a cinch.

Now get out of the way! Get out of the way, blind man!

He's a doctor, asshole! Get out of the way, man!

Then they'll kill you! Get out of the way, you idiot!

Get out of the way, you idiot, asshole! Crazy! Get out of the way, man!

What a brute, man! Then because they kill you! Come back, you cowards, and you don't even look like roulette drivers.

It smells like gas.

It smells so bad! No, not with gas, I'll be a very ugly dead man.

I don't even like gas in mineral water.

Wow, it's really hard to kill yourself.

Look at the lightning! It's going to rain!

I cut myself! I forgot I'm a hematophobe.

I can't stand the sight of blood.

I always faint.

I'm going to faint.

Will you do me a favor and leave? Is the bridge yours? No, but for what I want it for, I need to be alone.

And what do you want it for? To kill myself.

Me too. Such a pretty woman? But look at this portrait.

I loved him so much.

I was very happy with him.

But one day it occurred to him to die.

No, I suffered from remorse because I cheated on him.

And that's why he committed suicide? No, I don't.

I killed myself because...

I suddenly discovered that he was cheating on me and I couldn't forgive him for that.

How disgusting, sir! Right? Well, then you'll decide whether I'll kill myself first or you kill yourself.

Ladies first, do me a favor.

But how? At this hour and with so much traffic.

No, it wouldn't be fair.

Besides, I'm hungry.

Aren't you hungry? I hadn't thought of that, but yes, you are hungry.

Why don't you invite me to lunch, yes? With great pleasure, but won't it hurt us to eat before we kill ourselves? I don't think so.

It's all the same. Shall we? Let's go.

All in all, one more roll, one less roll.

What an outrage, it's already very late and it's time to kill ourselves! But I always like to sleep for a while after eating.

So do I.

But won't it hurt before killing us? I don't think so.

Forgive me, Pe, but it's time.

Time for what? To kill ourselves? Oh, no, how lazy.

No, no, let's leave it for tomorrow, don't you think? As you like.

If you'll excuse me.

Excuse me, what's your nickname? Mimi Bazar, at your service.

And yours? Mario Esparciés, at your feet.

How do you do? Pleased to meet you.

Excuse me.

Good evening. Good evening. See you tomorrow, God willing.

What's up, my doctor?

And who's that clown? He's a good friend of mine who wants one of these gentlemen to do a little job for him.

Shut up, all of you! Quiet! They are all experts in the trade.

And so there won't be any fights, the job will be raffled off as usual.

What acquaintances you have.

I know them professionally.

Whenever they get together they get hurt.

Many times they even kill each other.

Yes, because they never agree, they end up killing each other.

But they do the job very well.

Without pain. Yes, without pain.

That's why it was such a good idea, since you didn't have the courage to commit suicide, to choose one of these gentlemen to liquidate you.

Liquide sounds very ugly, it sounds like something liquid, it sounds ugly.

Yes, yes, but uglier are the liver pains.

Oh, you can't imagine.

If you want, come with me to the sanatorium.

There I have a friend of mine with a liver.

No, no, no, no, that's not necessary.

Previously I had a pain and tears came out of my eyes.

Call, call. You're better now.

You took the painkillers.

Someone nearby has done it to me.

What a challenge everyone.

Legality first and foremost.

He for those worlds must understand with the client.

And no one interferes. That's the way it's going to be, grandpa.

Hold it, hold it, matador.

Hey, what can I serve you? No, no, not for me, here for the gentleman.

No, I don't want anything.

No, I'm leaving now, Mayito.

No, I'm going with you, I'll be glad to.

You're in good hands.

Excuse me, with pleasure.

Sit, here?, sit here!! Ok I will!

If I don't reach into the well and get a hard-on, they're capable of chewing my gizzard.

Do you understand me? Capable of what? To suck my gizzard.

And what else? That means that those people are dangerous.

That if I don't reach into my pocket and take out my knife, they're capable of cutting my throat.

Who am I going to dry?

How? Who got wet?

Who am I going to kill, sir?

Because I'm sure that the wave is to be in debt by the tie.

Who is the Yulá? Oh, it's short, hurry.

No, I'll be brief, I don't want you to make me hurry.

Look, right now I am going here to the academy so they can translate for me, because I don't understand anything,

and I will come back with pleasure, Yes, I understand.

Go ahead. Endiñar por la corbí means to stab in the back.

Who is the victim?

Is he a man or a woman, young or old, old?

How's the vibe? He's young and chirpy and handsome.

Then he'll have to shake off half his coat.

But what don't I bring wet? Five thousand from the eagle, sir.

And don't think it's a lot.

Although the Yulay...

Yulay may have told you in six languages that you won't defend yourself.

But if he realizes it, he'll try to get up early and herd me when the time comes.

He is already old.

The 22 times that I've been in the carabinieri,

for chorear, for borear, or simply to stop the anger, the barbolete came out to me to escamón.

And I was revolted by calling the buffers to serve me.

And to avoid the cubes, I had to go out falando, or encalombarme, as a full house in poker.

When the consort goes on the rampage, chavo.

And that was dangerous, of course.

Well, I think that if the fulfernio del crustún came through the tatacha,

then it would be better if it fell through the...

I don't understand anything.

Well, neither do I, I do it so that you realize that I don't understand anything, and how ugly it feels...

Excuse me, excuse me. It's just that I'm really sorry.

I speak with my tongue.

What I want to tell you is that your client will want to defend himself like other victims, and it's dangerous.

Yes, that's true, but in this case I don't think that's going to happen.

Because the victim...

Who is the victim? Who is the victim? The victim is me.

Too bad it's you I have to dry.

Why? Do you wet me? Such a blabbermouth? If you get me wet, what's so scary? So nice and so perfumed.

Son, and so handsome.

Oh, please.

Well, I was starting to have a lot of faith in you.

But business is business.

Yes, business is business.

How do you want me to kill him? Stab him? No, no, no, no, no.

Bladed weapons scare me.

From a bullet in the temple? No, because that one hurt me.

From a punch in the right side?

No, because it looked like a stone that I make for the choir.

Is that that gray gun? A big truck, and I run the four tires over the spine.

No, because it's hard afterwards.

How are we at jigsaw puzzles? No, puzzles are for kids.

What about poisons? No, no, not poison, because I feel like...

I know what you want, I know what you want.

I'm going to like it a lot.

A bomb under the bed.

How am I going to like that? The neighbors are getting up.

How difficult you are, man! Oh, I've just come up with a great, great idea! Which one? Which one? What's that?

And what was with this? They used to do this to the Christians in the catacombs...

...and it gave the nero a nervous breakdown.

What about you? Take a good look, take a good look.

You're walking in the dark night.

I follow you, I follow you.

You go into your house, you open the door to your room...

...and I lock it, I keep the SOA key, to the mouse that's snoring...

I make a little hole in the wall, I put a few things in, I close the hole and you know what I put in? What? What? Twenty-four rattlesnakes! No! No! Snakes give me...

I'm superstitious! Twenty-five vipers! Twenty-five vipers! Twenty-five vipers! Twenty-five vipers! Twenty-five vipers! Well, you're very difficult, man.

You don't let them work at ease.

Let's do something.

Which one? Which one? Come on, come on.

Between now and Thursday, you kill me as you please.

As long as you don't warn me in advance, because I'm from a cowardly family.

I prefer not to know.

Jazz Bar. What? Jazz Bar.

No, we don't dance.

Jazz Bar, you're coming.

You're coming, Jazz Bar.

You're coming, Jazz Bar.

No, old man, you're going, that's all.

That's right. Yeah, okay, I like that, I like that idea.

And you know what? I'm not going to give you...

I'm going to give you a thousand dollars for the job.

A thousand bucks. And when do I get my bullion? Excuse me? My bullion, me.

Ah, yes. Well, the doctor who is good enough to accompany me will be in charge of getting the money,

who will try at a given time to solve all your financial problems for a more or less solvent freedom.

I do not understand anything.

That Dr. Faber gives you the tata! Did you get it? You're a bar stool! Come on, then.

So that it costs you, who is there?

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Hahaha!

A bomb with a clockwork device.

One of those bombs with which the bosses explode the workers at fixed hours.

No, no, no, no!

Is something wrong? Who are you? Give me the sign and password.

Who are you? Your neighbor's cook.

Yes? What are you doing here? I'm bringing what the gentleman ordered.

Which gentleman? Which gentleman am I? Mr. Carlos Críspulo.

Excuse me, sir, but this is my business.

Who is she? Is she from your ranching or mine? Sir, here the only one of yours is the robe.

She's one of mine.

Well, she'd be one of mine.

She helps me, sir.

I sent her out to buy groceries.

You did? Yes. What did she buy?

Mushrooms! Mushrooms! Mushrooms! They're trying to poison me!

You too, you gray puluz! What a pig you are! They're trying to poison me! But sir!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Mario! Oh, I give up! Is that you? They want to kill me! They want to kill me! But what's going on? Open up!

My life, my heaven, my heart, my king! What's wrong with you? What's wrong? What's wrong with you?

They want to kill me, they want to kill me! He, by those worlds alias El Roa, wants to kill me.

I paid him to kill me.

But why? Because...

because... because I have cirrhosis.

And change is a death that can only be for certain death?

I hadn't thought of that.

Right now you're going to see him right now and pay him not to kill you.

Oh, come on. Yes, yes.

But I can't go because he's only there at night.

Well, at night.

In Vicente's cellar.

Listen to me, gentlemen, listen to me.

You are all charged with killing Mario Esparciés.

Whoever succeeds will get 20,000 dollars.

And 10,000 to the boss for arranging the maneuver.

Charro, charro, charro, charro, charro.

The lucky guy in the draw was me.

He promised me $20, and you have to kill me.

Okay, if you kill him, you'll get 21,000 dollars.

Okay? Okay! Ah, boss, here you go...

$2,000 on account for the expenses as they come up.

That's the spirit, my doctor.

Well, that's all, and thank you very much.

See you later, my doctor!

Doctor, I'm glad I found you.

I've come to look for Roald in these parts.

Is he there? Yes, there he is.

You go in quietly, without fear.

No, come with me. No, I can not.

I have an urgent operation at the sanatorium.

Expensive? No, it's charity, very cheap.

But it's just that...

Good evening, gentlemen.

I would like to express my ingratitude for the presence in this place...

...of this boy who works as an assassin.

Aha, Julás! Freeze, killer! I'm already killed in my business! Freeze! Better to make 30,000 than 10,000.

I mean, I'll kill him.

Ando! If you move, I'll run you through! I'll kill this guy myself.

Yes, I made him drive a motorcycle!

After six months of consecutive success, the sensational Palmera Suareti, with her number Guau, Guau! premieres tonight her great creation entitled ¡Miau, Miau!

My name is Lili and I go for a walk through the streets of this nice neighborhood.

And everyone sees me and says I'm the prettiest kitty in this neighborhood.

I like to go out to flirt with the bravest Don Juan in the neighborhood.

But he's never wanted to pay attention to me and I'm always very sad.

To be happy I would like to have the caresses of Don Juan, my beloved.

To be able to kiss me and be very sensual when he is with me here by my side.

To have the kind of love that men give to women and to be the happiest kitten in the world.

I want to be the happiest kitten in the world.

My love! Say something that happened.

Are you hurt? You went to Vicente's bodega.

He attacked you.

Everyone wants to kill me, everyone.

But, darling, why, why, why? I don't understand.

Love, you must go far away, abroad, the farther the better.

Will you come and join me? My life, I can no longer live without you.

But where? Far, far away.

Siberia. Next month, in the middle of the month, on the 15th.

On the 15th what? I'll wait for you in Siberia, my life.

In Siberia! In Siberia?

Shall we warm up? We'd better go into the igloo.

The good thing is that the night here lasts six months, right? Six months? I'll do my best.

Wait for me in Siberia, my life!

Oh, I'll be safe and quiet here! Silence is the most beautiful thing in the world.

Man is never right, even if he reasons.

A woman, on the other hand, always wants to be right, even if she has nothing to reason with.

Stupid fool.

Mindless. What? No, I'm saying...

that we've been like this for two years.

Ah, well, be careful, because an irritated woman is capable of cheating you even with the cook.

How? - With the cook.

Mind. Nothing, I'm counting.

Mind, mind five, mind six, mind seven...

Oh, Palmera, Palmera, Sileria.

We'll be happy there.

Talking to yourself? That's the power women have.

They leave us talking to ourselves.

When they're in love.

Or when we just have a passion of the senses.

What's the difference? None, because both love and passion are meaningless.

Right. I fell in love at first sight with the cook.

So soon? Yes, he told me, madam, I'm ugly and I don't know if I'm allowed.

I answered him, the only thing ugly people are not allowed to do is to be handsome.

And he kissed my mouth in an inexplicable way.

What? Maybe it was like that? No, not like that.

So it was like that? I don't remember.

No? Then it must have been like that?

It must have been like that? No, not like that either.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Then it must have been like that.

Oh, look at him! He's jealous! Who's jealous? The cook! It's him, it's him! He wants to kill me, it's him!

What a pity! If I could swim, I'm sure I'd catch him.

How nice! To travel the world pursued by ruthless assassins.

To be summoned to Siberia with a beautiful woman to rest in her arms.

Oh, there's only one thing more beautiful! What is it? Making love at sea.

What better idea, to come here?

What better idea, coming here? The sea is only for fish.

I feel like a fish in water here.

You do?

Ah, yeah!

I'll try to catch the plane leaving for Paris this afternoon to throw you off the scent.

I beg you to send this telegram as soon as possible.

Don't worry, I'll put it in.

And I will never forget you.

What's more, instead of painting boars on rocks, I will paint your portrait.

How to thank you? Like this.

Take us to that sailboat that's anchored.

Hurry up!

Where is it? Look for it!

Palm tree, Suareti. On my way to Siberia, my life.

I'll be in Paris, Hotel Cangur Palace, for a while.

Kisses, Mario.

There he goes! Come on, don't let him escape! Follow him! Catch up! More on him!

Slow down! We'll see you! They're stuck!

Killers, 13. Minus 3, 10.

Plus a nosy boatman, 11.

Minus nosy boatman, 10.

Yes, my love.

I adore you, sweetheart.

Luckily I ran into a cousin of mine in a village.

Yes. No, she lent me money.

I'm leaving immediately for Paris.

I'll wait for you at the Kangour Palace Hotel.

I'll meet you there.

What time does the plane leave? Tomorrow at six.

So we'll be together all night, you and me.

They haven't done anything.

He won't get away this time.

Read. Willing to share reward with artifact specialist.

Cangur Palace Hotel, Paris.

Do you like it? I don't understand anything.

Two specialists. El Troncho and El Presumirín.

I flew them in.

They must be at work by now.

In Paris.

Under his bed is the best place.

Yeah. What time do you have? Ten o'clock.

Well, two minutes to go.

It shouldn't take long.

So squishy. Sit down, sit down.

Yes, yes, thank you.

These rich ones! Okay, let's go.

Hey, what time did you set the ? Ten o'clock.

What time do you have? 10 o'clock! at the Cangur Palace.

Murderers! Balance ten.

Minus two, eight.

Eight left? Oh, how awful! That's why I must flee immediately.

But my darling, we've only been together for a few minutes!

Do you want me dead or alive? My life, I want to go with you!

Do you want to put yourself in danger? No! Yes! Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No! No!

Who is it? Who is it?

You'd think we couldn't have been together for even a little while.

We're not together now.

Oh, you don't understand me.

Yes, as soon as we get past the black forest.

How

ugly in there.

We're coming in.

They're following us! Speed up, speed up!

When they close in on us, we'll pick them off!

Murderers, there were eight of them.

Minus four, four left.

Only four left? The danger is the same even if there's only one left.

They're all inept.

I'm not liking this at all! Well, even if you don't like it, it's already cost me a lot of money and for nothing.

No, my nurse will be angry with me.

After a while I'll explain to him how the wave went.

I have no use for your explanations.

Charro, charro. And don't stare at me like that, stupid.

Me, stupid? Stupid and imbecile.

Me, stupid? Stupid, imbecile and animal.

Stupid me? Stupid, asshole, animal and fat.

Wait, Handidoch. What did you do, you idiot? Now who's going to pay us the reward? Did Fatso tell me? Shall we help him, boss? Whoever comes near me, I'll smash his head in.

One little hand, perfumed.

Don't come near me.

Calm down, calm down. There's no more danger.

This idiot killed Dr.

Faber. There's no one to give $20,000 for you anymore.

Yes. Dr. Faber?

Faber? His universal heir, don't you remember? Come on, Gordo, let's work hard and fast.

Coste, you contacted me to work with you, Coste.

And if I failed you, it was because of your cirrhosis.

My cirrhosis? I no longer remembered my cirrhosis.

Since I haven't seen Pavel again, I don't feel pain anymore, I don't need cocolitos or horchata.

I never had cirrhosis! I never had cirrhosis! I never had cirrhosis! Your nautilus is ready.

Let's go! Let's go! Thank you, guys.

Thank you very much. Come on, let's go.

Have some dollars! Lots of dollars!

Dollars, money! Let go of me! Let go of me!

And I found you kissing Adelita. How?

Today you'll be mine for the first time, after so long.

Mine, mine, a thousand times mine.

Come here, my love, let's go now.

Come on, let's go. Come on, let's go.

I hope I didn't fail.

Come on, my darling, I'll catch up with you, come on.

Mario!

You know something, Miguel? You're too handsome.

You don't look like a chauffeur.