Original subtitles

This way.

[man] Hey! Let's go!

I'm gettin' outta here!

Yeah! What about us?

Get us outta here!

[door clanks]

Come with me.

How's the other guy look, Lieutenant?

Major!

She doesn't look as bad as hedoes.

She? It's a long story, ma'am.

It better be a good one. And what's yourexcuse?

Well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Bud, you're getting married in a few hours.

I really appreciate you coming down here, Major.

I owe you one.

One? You two owe me a million.

You have any idea what the Admiral's going to say

when he hears about this?

Oh...

I think he'll understand.

[narrator] Following in his father's footsteps as a naval aviator,

Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb Jr.

Suffered a crash while landing his Tomcat

on a storm-tossed carrier at sea.

Diagnosed with night blindness,

Harm transferred to the Navy's Judge Advocate General Corps

which investigates, defends and prosecutes the law of the sea.

There, with fellow JAG lawyer Major Sarah MacKenzie,

he now fights in and out of the courtroom

with the same daring and tenacity

that made him a top gun in the air.

[MacKenzie] I can't believe they detained you, Admiral.

-That makes two of us. -Have you seen Harriet, ma'am?

I really need to explain to her what happened.

I'd skip the explanation, Bud,

and throw myself on the mercy of the court.

-What exactly happened? -I have no idea.

I think it started a couple of days ago,

when Rabb made the headlines.

Believe me, Admiral, it wasn't me!

[Chegwidden] "A naval aviator ran amok

"at Washington's ultra hip club Vertigo last night,

"bringing new meaning to the old song

"'what do you do with a drunken sailor?'

"The dashing top gun

"was last seen mooning police officers

before disappearing into the night in full afterburner."

What are you guys looking at mefor?

You're the only Lieutenant Commander I know

with wings and a JAG insignia

on the shoulder boards.

Does kind of look like you, Harm.

What do you think, Carolyn?

Ooh, guilty as charged.

[both laughing]

It wasn't me, Admiral.

For one thing, I was here with the Lieutenant

until 2230 last night

working on the Holbart case.

He was, sir.

And I don't even

have my dress whites at the moment.

They're at the cleaners.

Harm Rabb.

R-A-B-B.

I don't see

your name, Ham.

Harm.

Ham!

I've been bringing my uniforms here

for three years, Mr. Marvel.

Then you should be in the computer.

Maybe they're under your wife's name.

I'm not married.

Neela!

This handsome young man

who's very single

has lost his uniform.

[speaking Hindi]

No, I didn't lose

my uniform.

Youlost my uniform, sir.

Do you have a ticket?

No. Why do you think

we give you a ticket?

It's "Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb."

Service dress white naval uniform.

My daughter works too hard.

I keep saying she should go out more.

She's young.

She should have some more fun!

What do you think, Ham?

I think that you should find my uniform, sir.

I have a wedding on Saturday.

$9.65. Next time bring your ticket.

This is not my uniform.

Oh, yes, it is.

Naval dress white uniform.

These are Ensign bars.

This is not my uniform.

Look.

What's wrong with this picture?

I do alterations.

[giggles]

[sighs]

Bud, you ready to go over that Crothers file?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

Is this part of the Crothers file?

Uh, no, no.

That's a, uh... personal file

I'm just going to get rid of.

Are you okay, Bud?

I'm-I'm fine, ma'am.

I'm just a little nervous...

You know, first case and all.

Of course it couldn't have anything to do

with the fact that you're getting married

in three days, two hours and 36 minutes?

May I?

Is this you?

Yeah. I, uh, wanted to be a cowboy

when I grew up.

What is all this?

It's just my "future" file...

Pictures of stuff that I wanted to do in life.

You wanted to be a rabbi?

I wanted to go to the Holy Land.

And cruise across America.

[chuckling]

I guess I don't need that,

now that I have Harriet.

So, uh, why are you throwing it all away?

I'm... probably not going to get a chance

to do any of it, now that I'm getting married.

Why not? Marriage isn't about

losing your freedom, Bud,

despite what you may have been told

by JAG's bachelor brigade.

Being married is about having someone

to share your dreams with.

I know Harriet loves to travel.

And I bet she'd look pretty hot on the back of a motorcycle.

[chuckling]

Yeah.

Thanks, Major.

You're welcome.

Oh, but... you might have to give up the swimsuit model.

Right.

[woman] You've been blessed

with the Beaumont cleavage.

It's a crime to hide it!

Mother, I want something old-fashioned.

This is a wedding, Harriet,

not an antique show.

Now turn around, darling.

It's herwedding

and she knows what she wants.

She has since she was six.

And look where it's got her.

Mother...

I liked the one

you tried on first, honey.

Why do you always agree with Harriet?

Just once, I would like for you to agree with me.

I agree with you, Lydia... When you're right.

Thank you, Dad.

I am just trying to keep her

from making any more mistakes.

And what was my first mistake, Mother?

Never marry a man named after a dog.

Dad!

[Roberts] InRoth v. Higgins

it defines the elements for desertion.

I think it really gives us something to go on.

Have you considered going for the lesser charge?

Unauthorized absence? Yes!

Major, I have an ironclad case.

The penalties are almost the same, Bud,

-and it's easier to prove. -You don't think I can do it.

Bud, Harm and I told the Admiral you were ready to be trial counsel.

Maybe you were just being nice.

Okay, let's so for desertion.

What have you got?

I have...

all the elements to prove

intent to shirk important service.

Seaman Crothers was assigned to garbage duty

when he absented himself without authority.

Well, it's my intent to argue

that all service is important service,

no matter how trivial.

-Ah. Sir, did you find your uniform? -No.

Sir, the wedding's in three days!

I know, Bud.

And you're my best man.

Bud...

Sir, it's a military ceremony.

If you're not wearing your dress whites,

I don't even know if you can go.

Lieutenant! Relax.

I'll have my dress whites.

Everything will run like clockwork.

-It's all going to be fine. -I'm sorry, sir.

-I'm not acting like I usually do. -Yeah, you are.

Bud, it's natural for the groom to be nervous.

But you've got nothing to be worried about.

Harriet's got this wedding planned better

than Desert Storm.

What could go wrong?

Buddy!

[laughing]

Dad! Please!

Hey, son! Huh?

-Hey, Buddy. -Hey, Mikey.

Look at you.

You've grown, little brother.

Well, you, too. Look at you!

Hey, hey, hey, you going to introduce your father

or do I have to do it?

Lieutenant Commander Rabb,

Major MacKenzie, this is...

Buddy's old man.

[chuckling]

Master Chief Roberts.

U.S.N.

Retired.

Well, it's nice to meet you, sir.

I've heard a lot about you, Commander.

And you, too, Major.

Too bad about your guy getting shot, but...

the world's gone all to hell.

Nice to meet you, Master Chief.

Hey, let's not stand on formality.

My friends call me Bud.

BigBud.

And this is my brother, Mikey.

Sir, ma'am.

Shake hands...

-While you can. -Sorry, sir.

You won't be able to once you enlist.

Ma'am.

So, uh...

Where's, uh... Henrietta?

Harriet. She's getting her wedding dress altered.

Oh. Taken in or...

Taken out? [laughing]

Hey, this isn't a shotgun wedding, is it?

No!

I just wondered

if you took after your old man, son.

[laughing]

[Big Bud laughing]

I'm kidding.

It's not funny, Dad.

So, Mikey, your brother

tells us you're going to art school.

Well, I hope to, sir.

The Navy taught me

all I ever needed to know

and it'll do the same for you.

Bud, we have

a witness to interview.

Bud's trying his first case tomorrow.

I'm prosecuting.

You're no lawyer.

Any commissioned officer's qualified

to prosecute in a special court-martial,

-Master Chief. -Especially since Bud passed

his mid-year law finals with honors.

Well, I guess it's, uh...

prosecuting's a lot easier than defending.

I guess we better get going, Major.

Mikey, it was great seeing you.

-Will I see you later? -Absolutely.

Maybe you will, maybe you won't. I'm taking Mikey down to Norfolk

to show him what the real Navy is like.

In fact, I may enlist him.

No, you won't, Dad.

Yeah? Why not?

Because I'm in the wedding, right, Bud?

Right.

Nice to meet you, Master Chief.

[laughing]

It's what they all say, Major.

That reminds me.

Friday night I'm throwing

this little bon voyage party for Buddy.

Couple of my ex-shipmates will be there

and I'd like to invite you and Admiral Chug-a-waggen.

Chegwidden.

I'd be delighted to come.

I'm sure the Admiral would, too.

It's going to be one of those old-fashioned, uh,

crossing-the-line type ceremonies.

You know?

You have crossed

the line, haven't you, Commander?

Only the equator, sir.

[laughing]

[Rabb] This is not my uniform.

One-forty-seven.

One-forty-seven.

This is your uniform.

This is a police uniform.

Mine are Navy dress whites.

I'm a JAG lawyer.

My brother-in-law

is the Johnnie Cochran of Calcutta.

So don't threaten me, Ham.

I'm not threatening you, Mr. Marvel.

I just want my uniform.

Look, this belongs to Joe Garvey

I'm sure he probably has my uniform.

You have an address on this guy?

Yeah. He's a good customer.

He's in the computer.

Give me his address.

Can't do that.

[speaking Hindi]

[laughs]

Okay, Ham, for you I'll make an exception.

-Thank you. -Don't thank me.

Thank my daughter when you take her

out to dinner.

Are you ready, Lieutenant Roberts?

Yes, sir, I am.

You may call your first witness.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Government calls Edward Grainger to the stand.

-Mr. Grainger, you own Metro Fuel? -Yes.

-And you hired Robert Crothers as a mechanic? -Yes.

When Robert Crothers filled out his employment application

did he tell you he was a seaman in the United States Navy?

No.

Thank you, sir.

That will be all.

Robby's a good worker.

Your Honor...

The government has no further questions.

I don't think it's fair you don't let me tell the whole story.

I'm going to give you that chance, sir.

Mr. Grainger, you say that Mr. Crothers was a good worker...

-Ensign. -Yes, sir. Could I speak to you for one second, sir?

-Speak away. -Uh, classified, sir.

Classified?

Operation Clove-hitch.

Clove-hitch?

Tying the knot, sir.

Oh.

That'll be all, Tiner.

Aye, sir.

Ensign.

Ma'am, do you own an apartment building at 56 Seventh Street?

-Yes. -And is Robert Crothers a tenant at that address?

Yes, he is.

For how long?

Nine years.

And about how far away from this apartment building

is Andrews Air Force Base?

Oh, about six minutes by car.

Thank you, ma'am. No further questions.

That's all?

Yes, ma'am.

Robby is my best tenant.

Ma'am, thank you. That will be all.

Your Honor, the government has no further questions.

-[intercom buzzes] -Yes?

Undersecretary Jakowski's on line one, Admiral.

Uh, take a message.

He says it's about the Russel hearing, sir.

Tell him I'll call him back in 15 minutes, Tiner.

I'm right in the middle of something.

Mmm.

I'd go with the salmon, the avocado and the pate.

What about the caviar, sir?

Too ostentatious.

Ensign, nobody really likes fish eggs.

Oh.

Now get this away from me before I eat

the whole thing.

-No. -Thank you, sir.

You don't know how much this means to me.

Glad I could help.

If you ever get tired of the Navy,

you could make a fortune as a wedding planner.

Don't spread that around.

I'd hate to have to kill you.

[nervous laughter]

And that's when you pulled Seaman Crothers over?

Yes.

And...

before...

uh... before you wrote Seaman Crothers a ticket

for driving without a taillight,

what did you do?

I ran his name through the database

to see if there were any warrants out.

That is standard procedure.

What did you find?

That there was an outstanding government warrant

-for the seaman's arrest. -[Roberts] Then what did you do?

I placed him under arrest and advised him of his rights.

Now, at any time, did Seaman Crothers inform you

that he was an unauthorized absentee from the Navy

or that he was even a member of the United States Navy?

No, he did not.

Thank you, sir. That will be all.

During the ten years that he was absent,

Seaman Crothers did not attempt to turn himself in,

even though he lived six minutes away

from a military facility.

He did not reveal that he was in the service

on his employment application.

The only reason Seaman Crothers came forward now

was that he was arrested.

Seaman Crothers is guilty of desertion under Article 85

of the uniform code of military justice.

[man] All rise.

Please be seated.

Is the defense ready for judgment?

We are, Your Honor.

In the case

of United States v. Seaman Robert Crothers,

United States Navy,we find

the accused guilty of the charge

and specification

of desertion.

Congratulations, counselor.

[whistling]

Mr. Roberts.

Sir.

The sentencing phase

of the court-martial will begin tomorrow at 0900.

And please leave your cheering section at home, Lieutenant.

This is a courtroom, not American Gladiators.

Yes, Your Honor.

Sorry, sir.

Looked like Bud did a good job in there.

He had a good teacher and he probably got a few pointers from you, too.

-Ha, ha. -Nothing changes.

I never met an officer with a sense of humor.

I thought you were taking Mikey over to Norfolk.

And miss you playing Matlock?

You did a good job, Bud.

Mom would have been proud.

[Big Bud] Proud of what?

Screwing up some poor guy's life

who isn't hurting anybody?

[Mike] Don't listen to him, Bud.

Watch it.

So, uh, when are we going to meet this girl of yours?

We're having dinner with her tonight.

-How's my hair? -You got your mother's hair,

but the Navy's going to take care of all of that.

Cut it all off in Boot.

Hair looks great, Mikey.

See you later.

[Big Bud] First time I told Bud

about the birds and the bees, he cried.

Thank God he was going into the Navy the next day

-and I didn't have to listen to him. -He's just kidding.

Buddy's never had much luck with the opposite sex.

And do you think Harriet has?

Hey, I think

he did a pretty good job.

Thank you, Mikey.

You're okay in my book.

So, uh, Rollo, I hear you have

a yacht.

Well, a small yacht.

It's not that small, Roland.

Big enough for Mikey and me

to take a little shakedown cruise?

Ah, Dad...

Anytime.

I'm going to take you

up on that, Roland.

So what are your plans for the future, Michael?

Well, my dad wants me to go into the Navy.

Well, the Navy has always been very good for your family.

[Roland] What do you want to do, Mikey?

Oh.

You want to draw

on the back of menus?

I want to be a cartoonist.

[Big Bud] Can you beat that? Cartoons.

Can you make a living doing that?

Charles Schulz, Scott Adam and Gary Larson do.

You need something steady to fall back on

like, like welding.

I think Mike should do what he wants to do.

Hmm. Follow his bliss.

[woman] His bliss?

[Big Bud] I'll give him bliss.

I'll blister his behind if he doesn't go

into the Navy.

-No, you're not, Dad. -Oh, yeah?

What are you going to do about it... sue me?

[laughing]

He just might.

I understand you won your first case today.

Congratulations.

Thank you, sir.

-I'm sorry. -No. I am sorry.

My mother is completely out of control.

At least your dad isn't throwing you

a bachelor party at a strip club.

-Eww. -I know.

Will you still marry me?

If you back out on me now, I'm going to kill you.

Dad, you've had too much to drink.

What, are you telling me how to drive?

I'm just saying you've had a lot to drink and you should let me drive.

Yeah, well, I think you should shut up

and get in the car, or you can walk.

[Rabb] It was nice to meet

your brother and your dad today.

The Master Chief's a real colorful guy.

[chuckles]

He's colorful, all right.

Spend enough time with him, you end up black and blue.

He's abusive?

Let's just put it this way... His idea of tough love

is bouncing your head against a wall.

Wow.

If you feel this way about him, Bud,

why did you invite him to your wedding?

He's my dad.

You know how it is.

Harriet thought

he should be here.

Does Harriet know he's abusive?

No.No. You can't tell

something like that to your fiancee.

I think you might be wrong about that one, Bud.

Abused kids become abusive parents.

I'm afraid that she'll think that

I'll want to hit our children.

I think Harriet knows you a little better than that.

You try talking to him about it?

He only talks about three things:

The Navy, baseball and women.

I'm worried about Mikey.

Well, maybe it's time to take some action on this.

Bring it out in the open.

I spent a whole lifetime trying to get away from all of that.

I don't know if I could go through it again.

[Judge] Seaman Crothers, you have the right

to submit evidence on your behalf

in extenuation and mitigation.

Your Honor, I'd just like to apologize to the Navy

and to my unit members for what I did.

I was young, stupid, when I went U.A., and...

I didn't know how to fix it.

Thank you, sir.

Mr. Roberts, do you have any argument to make on sentencing?

Your Honor, given Seaman Crothers's conviction

of this offense, desertion for ten years,

as well as the manner

in which his absence was terminated,

the government submits

that his military service was not honorable

and requests a bad conduct discharge.

The government further recognizes

that since Seaman Crothers committed that offense

he's been an upstanding citizen, an excellent employee

and a good provider for his young family.

It is not the government's desire nor intent

to cause his family to suffer

for Seaman Crothers's youthful folly.

Therefore, the government requests

that there be no forfeiture of pay or confinement.

Your Honor, I concur with Mr. Roberts' statement.

I find it both just and compassionate.

Would the defendant please rise.

Seaman Robert Crothers, I hereby

sentence you with a bad conduct discharge

and no further punishment.

This court-martial is adjourned.

[gavel raps]

Had a change of heart?

I think you were right, Major.

I shouldn't have gone for desertion.

This is a lot more than a law school exercise.

I'm impressed, Bud.

Come on. I'll buy you a celebratory cappuccino.

You mind if I take a rain check?

I just want to sit here for a minute.

Sure.

[Rabb] Hi. I'm looking for Joe Garvey.

Why?

Uh, there was

a mix-up at the dry cleaners.

I, uh, wound up with his uniform

and I think that he has mine.

He, uh, doesn't live here anymore.

Are you a pilot?

Sometimes.

What airline?

The United States Navy.

I hear they're good.

You wouldn't happen to know

where I might find Joe, would you?

Well, if he still has a job

he'll be working 9:00 to midnight

at the Rocketmen.

It's an alley club off Bedford.

Okay.

By chance, did he leave a set of dress whites here?

I hope not.

I gave all of his stuff to the Salvation Army.

I don't care what my mother ordered! I don't want a mermaid!

I want a swan! No, no, no, you listen to me.

Listen. No! No. I am getting married in less than 24 hours,

so don't tell me about pressure, okay?!

I'm about this close to going bridal!

Now, if I don't see an ice swan on my buffet table tomorrow,

somebody's going to find you floating facedown

in a bouillabaisse!

Are you okay, Ensign?

Just peachy, Major.

I think that you need to try to relax

and enjoy this, Harriet.

Look, why don't you let me take you out tonight.

We can have dinner, maybe a few laughs.

That'd be fun, but my mom's planning

that stupid girls'-night-out thing.

Oh, right.

Could it get any worse than that?

You are still coming with me, aren't you?

I mean, I know it's a lot to ask and everything but...

I am your Maid of Honor, Harriet.

I'm also a Marine. I think I can

handle your mother.

[groans nervously]

[dance music playing]

Sure you want to go through with this, Admiral?

[Chegwidden] No.

Admiral, Commander.

Sorry. I had no idea it was going to be like this.

-Don't worry about it. -Sir, thank you for coming. It really means a lot to me.

It's the least we could do, Bud.

Every condemned man needs his last hurrah.

You're joking, right, sir?

I mean, about the condemned part?

Course we are, Bud.

Marriage is the greatest institution

on earth.

We're envious of you.

Well, then, sir...

Sir? Sir?

Why are you both still single, then?

Envious, not stupid.

-[Mike] No, thanks. -[Big Bud] Take it.

I don't like beer, Dad.

What do you mean you don't like beer?

You want a pineapple with an umbrella in it?

I've got a soda.

Hey, it's time you became a man.

Now, you either take this beer...

Hey!

He said he didn't want the beer.

[chuckles]

Lucky for you, Buddy,

this is your bachelor party,

'cause I'm gonna cut you some slack.

Come on, Mikey.

You don't have to follow him.

It's better that I do, Bud.

Bud.

I got to disappear for a while.

I got to talk to a guy about my uniform.

You still don't have your dress whites?

Sir, the wedding is tomorrow! You're my best man!

You don't have your dress whites,

I don't even know if you can come!

Admiral, will you order the Lieutenant to relax?

Relax, Lieutenant.

Aye, aye, sir.

[sighs]

Hey, any of you guys Joe Garvey?

He's onstage.

Hey, this area's off-limits.

The uniform belongs to me, Buddy.

I just want the uniform.

-Wrong answer. -Hey, pal, look.

I don't want any trouble, all right?

I got a wedding in the morning.

I need the uniform.

Look, I'm warning you right now,

I'm a black belt.

Don't make me hurt you.

And I'm warning you right now.

I'm a lawyer.

Don't make me sue you.

Really?

Yeah.

You ever handle

any sexual harassment suits?

What?!

The owner here's got a bad habit

of pinching me every time I walk past.

It's kind of humiliating.

Thanks.

[Big Bud] Commander!

Hey!

[laughing]

Commander, I thought you'd abandoned ship on us.

Oh, oh, oh. Hey, girls!

Come over and meet Commander Rabb!

Hey. Where's Bud?!

Last time I saw him,

he was moving towards the head

with one of the gals.

I didn't think he had it in him myself.

I'll go get him.

Excuse me, ladies.

[chuckling]

Say, ladies...

you're not going to charge me extra for this, are you?

Oh... well, what the hell.

Commander, where have you been?!

This party's getting out of control!

I'll say.

You seen the Admiral, Bud?

They denied my dad's credit card.

The Admiral's talking to the club manager.

Wow. What's wrong with her?

I think she needs a doctor, sir.

Well, how much did she have to drink?

Nothing.

I think it's morning sickness.

You're kidding, right?

No. I have a pregnancy test in my purse.

I was going to do it this afternoon

but I had a tort final and I just ran out of time.

You're in law school?!

My third year at George Mason.

No way.

I'm in my second year.

Do you know Professor Wilton?

I hate to interrupt

this campus chat, but I'd like to find

the Admiral.

Where's the manager's office?

Around the corner to the left.

Pardon?

Around the corner

to the left!

Thanks.

So, this is yourbachelor party?

Yeah. I'm getting married tomorrow.

So, who's the lucky lady?

Mother!

[giggling]

[announcer] Show him what you think of him, ladies.

[Harriet] No. No, thank you.

No, thank you!

Mother, we're going home right now.

Darling, I still have 60 bucks left.

How do you think your father would look

in an outfit like that?

Mother, don't even go there!

Come on!

Come on.

Go.

Major, you have to do me a humungous favor

and please take my mother back to her hotel.

I really need to see Bud right now.

Sure.

Thank you.

-Where's she going? -To see Bud.

Well, why on earth would she do that?

Because she loves him.

Oh.

Admiral.

Just gave that man all my cash

-and my watch as collateral. -[man] $300... $320...

Well, I take it you're ready to leave, then, sir.

Very.

Hi. I'm Big Bud.

You want to hear something funny?

Why don't we rescue the Lieutenant

on the way out, sir?

Dad, leave her alone.

[grunts]

[grunts]

Come on!

No, we got to help Bud.

It's every man for himself in a bar fight. Move!

Whoa!

Whoa... whoa!

[Big Bud] Three, two, one, go!

My name is Admiral

A.J. Chegwidden.

-Yeah, I know. -Remember me?

United States Navy v. Seaman Moska?

-Did I defend you? -Prosecuted.

Those handcuffs aren't too tight, are they, sir?

Bud, what's going on?

Harriet! What are you doing here?

Buddy, I'm pregnant!

[Mrs. Sims] Harriet, you have got to get a grip.

You are getting married in less than half an hour.

No, Mother, I'm not.

It is not like a Beaumont to quit.

I am not a Beaumont.

I'm an Ensign in the United States Navy.

I am sick as a dog

and my fiance got beat up

by a pregnant stripper last night.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Uh, just a minute.

It's your future husband.

I have no idea who that might be.

She's still getting dressed, Bud.

I'll have her call you when she's ready.

Okay.

Harriet's going to call off the wedding.

She said that?

No, but...

she won't come to the phone.

Bud, she's probably getting ready.

You know how long it takes a woman to get ready

just to go to the store to buy milk?

This is her wedding day.

I'm sure she probably started getting ready yesterday.

Yeah, you're probably right.

[knocking]

I got it.

Mikey.

Hey, Commander.

Hey, come on in.

Where's your dad?

I don't know, sir.

I went to the motel from the club.

Never came home.

Come here, Mike.

Hey, Buddy.

You know, I'm sorry I ran out on you last night.

What are you talking about?

You would have never left me alone

in the middle of a fight.

Hey, come here.

Okay, look, we've got 15 minutes to get the chapel,

so let's get these Hollywood sunglasses off of you and...

It was an accident.

The hell it was.

Okay, look, after Harriet and I get married,

you're going to come live with us, all right?

You'll go to school here.

No, Dad wants me to go into the Navy.

The hell with what Dad wants.

Hey, your brother's right, Mike.

You have talent, man.

You should pursue it.

You're both in the Navy.

Doing what we want to do.

Your father was a naval aviator, right, Commander?

Yeah.

Isn't that why you became one?

Probably...

My dad's a sailor.

Why couldn't I have had a son?

I don't know why she gets like this.

She was a nice little girl. Always so well-behaved.

Mother, why don't you take a walk?

Don't talk to me like that, young lady.

It's just nerves, Mrs. Sims.

Give her a minute to collect herself.

I don't know why you can't be more like Major MacKenzie.

[sighs]

You're going to be okay, Harriet.

I feel like I'm going to puke.

Oh, nonsense.

You're just scared.

I have every reason to be.

All my parents do are fight and bicker.

I don't want my marriage to end up like that.

Harriet, everyone fights.

It's part of being human.

Yeah, but I want it to be really great.

I probably sound like a sap.

Guess I'd have to agree with that assessment, Ensign.

You are a sap.

You have got the greatest guy who wants to make you his wife

and you're afraid to get up off the couch.

Do you really think we're going to be happy?

I think that you and Bud are going to be as happy

as two people have a right to be.

Now, get in your dress.

That's an order.

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you, Major.

You know, if I had a sister,

-I'd want her to be just like you. -Thank you, Harriet.

I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Well, dear, I'm glad to see

you've come to your senses.

-Mother, will you do me a favor? -Anything, darling.

Don't talk to me for the next 24 minutes.

Pardon me?

Mother, this is my day.

This is the husband that I want.

This is the life that I want.

So you can either enjoy the day

and you can share in my happiness

or you can sashay your southern belle butt right back home.

And there is no middle ground.

[sighs]

Okay, so how do I look?

Like you went ten rounds

with Mike Tyson.

[knocking]

Come in.

Wow.

Spoken like a true Roberts.

All right, Mikey, let me have a look at that shiner.

Don't worry, a little cover-up makeup

will hide a multitude of sins.

I'm going to ruin the wedding pictures.

Not once I'm done with you.

Looking good, Major.

It's okay?

There.

Let me see.

You look very handsome, Mikey.

How's my hair?

[laughing]

Well, well, well.

I... better check on Harriet.

You hit him last night.

You tell him that?

[Bud] He didn't have to.

[Big Bud] He was getting lippy.

[Bud] That doesn't give you the right to hit him.

It does in my book. I'm trying to make him tough.

Like you?

There's a difference between being strong and being a bully.

It was for your own good.

Nobody ever picked on you, did they?

Just guys like you.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm

no Mr. Father Knows Best.

But they don't teach child rearing in the Navy.

You made me hate you.

You guys...

you always had food to eat, you had clean clothes

and you had a roof over your head.

We could have gotten that in an orphanage.

Yeah, well, I don't need to take this from you,

Mr. Big Shot Lieutenant lawyer.

-Dad, don't. -Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?

-Stop it. -Yeah? Make me.

-Dad, don't. -You shut up

and keep out of this

or I'll close your other eye.

Don't you ever raise your fist

against Mikey or me again!

Come on, Mikey.

We're getting out of here.

It's Bud's wedding, Dad.

Yeah, well, you have an appointment with a Navy recruiter.

It's not your life. It's his.

Don't do it, Mikey.

Sorry, Bud.

You won't be seeing us

any time soon.

Mikey...

You'll always be welcome in my life...

but I never want to see youagain.

[snorts]

[sobbing softly]

Dearly beloved, we have come together in the presence of God

to witness and bless the joining together

of this man and this woman

in holy matrimony.

Marriage is not intended

to be entered into unadvisedly

or lightly...

but reverently, deliberately,

and in accordance to the purposes

[whispers] Bud. for which it is instituted by God.

I, Bud J. Roberts Junior, take you,

Harriet Beaumont Sims, to be my wife,

to have and to hold

from this day forward, for better, for worse

for richer, for poorer,

through sickness and in health

to love and to cherish until separated by death.

This is my solemn vow to you.

I, Harriet Beaumont Sims,

take you, Bud J. Roberts Junior,

to be my husband.

To have and to hold

from this day forward,

for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,

for richer or for poorer,

to love and to cherish

until we are parted by death.

This is my solemn vow to you.

This ring is a symbol of my vow

with all that I am, and all that I have.

I pronounce that you are husband and wife.

[applause]

Hey! Hey!

Officers, draw...

swords.

Arch swords.

Blades to the wind.

Presenting, for the first time in public,

Lieutenant J.G. and Mrs. Bud J. Roberts Junior.

Go, Navy.

[Rabb] Return...

swords.

Officers...

dismissed.

[cheering and applause]

I've been waiting a long time for this.

Ooh, so have I.

Wow!

Well, since everybody's kissing the bride,

I guess I'll kiss the groom.

Red light, Commander.

-[chuckles] -So, uh...

Do I get to kiss the bride, Buddy?

I think you better, little brother.

See you later.

Thanks, Mikey.

Excuse me, sir.

Hey, who's your friend?

[speaking Hindi]

Yes?

[chuckles]

Don't ask.